#I wanted to include the phrase ‘there’s often more pleasure in the plateau’ somewhere but it wouldn’t fit (rip)

[evangelust]

Endlessly fascinated by the ways HRT and transsexuality play with arousal, both mentally and physically. I haven’t done any kind of formative research on this, although it’s on my list of rabbit holes to go down eventually (hole joke lol). Just, bear in mind everything I’m saying is derived from personal and second-hand experience.

To begin with, it’s so fucking cool how hormones change the feeling of your orgasms. The testosterone orgasm is described as a very condensed, high-intensity physical release; the word “expulsion” comes to mind when trying to describe it. Conversely, the estrogen orgasm is famously more nuanced; the rising action determines the state of climax, which often manifests as a panoramic experience of pleasure felt in the whole body.

Before staring testosterone, I never had a particularly strong relationship with orgasms. It was never the big climatic event that it was made out to be, instead it was just the point when I felt like I’d had enough. Frankly, looking back, I’m not even sure I ever had an orgasm before hormones.

The first six months of HRT were really interesting because I could distinguish the new physical sensations from what I’d felt before. It was cool to see the in-between stages of that particular aspect of transition. Now, after two years on testosterone, I get the distinct physical finish that comes with it, but I haven’t lost all the nuance that comes with estrogen either.

That’s the other point I set out to make when I started writing this: hormones affect the way you experience arousal in all facets. My partner and I have joked about the “dick-horny vs girl-horny dichotomy,” names we made up to distinguish between physical and mental arousal. There’s so much room for depth and subtlety even in the most carnal, animal needs you have.

Coming back to my personal experience, as testosterone changed my physical experience, it also added to my mental arousal. The overwhelming physical need for sensation and release was something I never experienced until I’d started hormones. You don’t just forget what it’s like to be girl-horny though, and my desire for emotional and psychological play was only augmented by the new physical drive.

Reminding you once again that I’m aimlessly writing all this as a way to reflect on personal experience and procrastinate the food sovereignty op-ed I have due next week. That being said, I do actually wonder if there’s some merit to what I’ve been saying here. Is this the reason t4t sex is like that? Not every trans person is a freak, but even then, a community of people who experience sex and gender in all their complexity have surely put in the legwork to transcend the normative experience of arousal.