#(?kind of? it has attachment issues and is mistaking a different person entirely for someone it had Some Kinda Relationship with)

[secret-bug-pain-blog]

@febuwhump Day 4 - Obedience

World's Most Dysfunctional Vessel Gets Ass Kicked By A God(?), Deals With It Extremely Normally And Functionally, More At 5.

The Hollow Knight was not made to have a mind.

Of Void, Root, and King, it was crafted. To serve, to protect, to seal the Old Light. With its sacrifice, the kingdom would be made safe. With its death, the Light would be fully extinguished.

A duty it has already failed.

Its body is broken and pock-pitted with the effort of containing Her wrath. It has faced its purpose, and it has failed- and even the merciful princess of Hallownest, as kind as she has been, cannot fully repair it.

And then she had left, and left it to decay and ponder on its own shortcomings.

It was made to obey its Father- to obey the King, the Ruler of Hallownest- and yet, it cannot even serve to fulfil a purpose that is all that it has.

Hallownest is fallen. Its inhabitants are gone. Its father is dead. The Old Light is gone from its captivity, the cage at the back of its mind gone empty. It is alone, or so close to alone that it is indistinguishable from true loneliness.

It does not feel lonely, no matter how much the idea might cross a lesser bug's mind.

It has no thought. It has no voice. It was made for its purpose, never to stray, never to deviate. It was crafted with no mind and no soul, divine purpose bestowed upon it for a reason- and now, that purpose is gone, and only the husk of a divine beast remains.

It is a failure. The only question that remains is who will repurpose its body, once it has spent all that it is.

It sits. It waits. It remains obedient.

Its sister, gods-knows-how-long ago, had ordered it to guard Hallownest in her stead. It had obeyed best it can, but it was difficult even then - its body was worn and decayed from its time in the Black Egg, and had only rotted further since, the strain taking a toll on its slowly-breaking shell.

Being of void granted it durability. Far beyond that of a normal bug, yes, beyond even that of most demigods - but not an unlimited amount.

It had bowed at the claws of the Old Light. It had nearly broken at the claws of the many intruders, warded by its scarred muzzle. Now, it threatens to shatter in the face of the wear of time.

It is aging. It is tired. Its shell is worn and splintered, threatening to break at the mere touch of an intruder. It struggles to stand straight-backed, weight of its horns dragging it right back down again. It is so, so, very exhausted, and all it wishes to do is rest.

It is not so tired as to disobey the Princess's last orders. But it is worn enough to fear it will break, should it stand for much longer.

Or that it will break, should it dare stand against this visitor.

The moth standing before it is familiar. A pale cream color, shot through with gleaming goldenrod where Her fur is shortest. The shade of Her fluff strikes a familiar bell, the look of disdain She levels towards it even more so. The wasteland beast at Her side is unfamiliar, but it supposes it would be foolish to assume She would not garner new followers, once unleashed.

It should have known She did not die.

When it proved resilient against Her, it should have only been common sense to realize that She would have been much the same. If it had not suffocated Her light, then an impure Vessel taking a child's form would have no chance.

The moth levels a glare at it and barks something sharp, clapping Her hands - it does not know the language, but it knows a command when it hears it.

She is expecting to be obeyed, no doubt. Expecting it to bow to Her, as it did during their imprisonment. It should disobey.

It... is not certain it can disobey.

It should not listen, it knows, not to her, but it is tired, it is worn, it is-It wants, so very badly, to finally have some drive more than to guard, set to this eternal post until its body finally gives out.

She turns to address Her companion, disdain and dismissal clear on Her face. The wasteland beast tilts its head at the Hollow Knight, clearly inquisitive. It does not understand what it is that it is looking at.

It is listening. Even if it does not understand.

She turns to address Her companion, and it begins the slow, painful process of dragging itself to its feet. Its claws scrape on the stone, aggravating pains it did not know it had. Its shoulders burn with the exertion as it pulls itself up by the nail, its claws straining on the hilt as it forces itself to stand. Injuries nearly forgotten make themselves known, burning across its shoulders, its arms, its claws. It leans on the blade far more than it would want, putting weight on its still-broken tip as it struggles to straighten its back under the weight of its own body, of the broken metal that remains from its bonds, of the many battles it has fought since being instated as guardian.

It stands at attention, no more than a single second before gravity gets the better of it. The Moth's conversation with Her attention stalls for a single second as She watches it rise, her claw frozen mid-gesture.

This new body of Hers is so terribly small, compared to it. It wonders, for a brief moment, if it could overpower Her - but it has tasted Her dream-blades before, and it knows all too well how deadly the residents of the Waste have proven, bug and beast alike.

It knows it will lose, if it moves against Her. It know it will die, if it is to lose a fight.

It raises its blade.

It will make an effort. It will prove that it tried. Perhaps then, it may hope to claim some greater dignity than that of a fallen husk.

Her new incarnation is not as hasty to use magic as it expects. It has fought a thousand battles with Her over the course of Her imprisonment, and this form of Her follows nothing it is used to- it has grown presumptuous, battling the same handful of bodies, and this one takes it by surprise.

Her diminutive size conceals strength far beyond its expectations. It makes its first blunder when it attempts to get close enough to force Her on the defensive, and She simply allows its blade to sink into Her ruff, kicking it in the chest with enough force that it feels its shell waver when it overbalances in surprise.

This form, it seems, is a physical fighter. It is too late to correct its mistake when it realizes the blunder. The wastelands beast makes up for Her lack of range, fluttering around its attacks with ease and sticking daggers through any gap in its guard that it can find as She punishes its attempts to disengage, weaponizing Her cries into an ear-rattling pitch that would surely tear the auditory membranes of a mortal bug and threatens to rattle apart its Void with no regard for structure of shell.

It lasts longer than it had expected. But it cannot stand against a god.

It collapses with a wheeze, the frail shell over its Void threatening to split apart. She kicks it a last time, a heavy impact in the middle of its thorax, staring down on its broken body as she sneers. The language she speaks down to it in is incoherent, but it still understands the idea of what she says.

It has lost.

Her tone turns sickly sweet as she addresses it, beckoning it away from its post. Her claws hook, hook in the back of its mind, entirely too persuasive for what it knows her to be.

It knows it should not obey. It knows it should guard its kingdom.

…it has been ever so long since it has seen anyone that it could not fight, and Hornet has been away so long it fears she will never return.

It moves its head to Her hand, baring its throat for Her to take Her tribute. It has failed again. She will take Her right of conquest, and it will die, as it already should have when She broke her prison. It knows it should not think, but something of it thinks it would be happy with that ending, were it a thing with emotions.

The expected blade does not come.

Her hand cups around its face, pulling its head up ever so softly. Her voice grows more insistent, Her demands repeated over as She looks it in the ink-black eyes of its mask. She pets along its mandibles, clucking Her tongue as She attempts to pull it away from its post.

It doesn't understand.

The wasteland beast curls around Her shoulder, speaking something in that unknown tongue, and She brushes it off, continuing to coo to it as if it is a stray pet.

It doesn't understand.

Why would She keep it alive? Why would She not kill it on the spot - it is the prison that contained Her for years, the thing that She voiced her malcontent and tested her blades against for centuries - why would She spare it now, after however long trapped together? Why would She wish to keep it around?

She beckons it away from its post again, and it leans where She guides, this time. She cooes as if it were a hunting-beast praised for bringing back Mosscreep, stroking its splintered horns and beckoning again.

It obeys. It realizes, perhaps too late, that it has allowed Her passage, moving its bulk from the path She was trying to access. Perhaps this is only more evidence of its impurity. Perhaps She simply wished to see it bend to Her one more time, before killing it.

But She does not strike again. She does not unsheathe claws to carve into its softened underbelly, She does not call Light to pierce through its fragile void-shell, She does not command her waste-beast companion rip it asunder. She simply pets it on the horns, her head turning off into the ruins of Hallownest as if it does not even warrant her gaze.

It...

Perhaps She simply wishes to humiliate it. Perhaps this is all that it was ever worth to Her - a momentary battle, a step along her road, an inconvenience soon to be dealt with.

A pained wheeze escapes its throat, air whistling through broken anatomy. The wasteland beast stares at it as if it is a beast in a zoo, as if its body is something wholly alien to it. To a wasteland beast, it supposes, it would be.

It says something to the Moth, and She pauses, if momentarily, in Her attentions to it, speaking to Her beast without regard for the Knight dying in her claws, one hand absently cupped about where its mandibles connect to its muzzle, and it sits, silent as it is meant to be, as She converses with Her creature.

Finally, she stops. She beckons it upwards, heedless of its pain. It takes several long moments for it to garner the energy to raise its head, even when it is commanded.

She gestures to the Wastes. To the long way out of Hallownest. And it...

It knows it should not be obeying. It knows that it should not be listening to the Old Light.

But it is not worthy for the duty that it has been set to. Not anymore.

It is Her right of conquest, it reasons to itself. And it is not the place of a vessel to question what a god would ask of it.

A trickle of Void flows from its failing body as it drags itself to its feet once more, nearly every part of itself straining in a threat to fall apart. It holds itself together through will and nothing more, receiving an approving coo from Her. The wasteland beast moves to support it as She gestures it towards the exit - out of Hallownest, out into the mind-killing wastes.

It is so tired. It wants to rest.

She guides it towards the wastes, just the slightest bit more insistent this time, and it moves, regardless.

The Hollow Knight was not made to have a mind. It will not attempt to fight against the choices of its betters.

[weebsinstash]

Ya know, I've made posts about the yandere Batfamily before, and I've been thinking lately about one person in particular, and I think I've decided that Alfred is probably the most dangerous and formidable person in that entire house and have been brainstorming what a formidable platonic yandere guardian sorta figure he would be

For one, he's the man that canonically kept THE Batman from going over the edge, basically THE sole reason Bruce Wayne grew into the man he is. Literally, in alternate universes where Bruce never had Alfred, he literally 9 times out of 10 becomes a murdering sociopath. Alfred doesn't just have intelligence, he has EMOTIONAL intelligence

We're talking about the tenured elderly man who is former MI6 and doesn't give a fuck about murder, has killed, and will kill again. Bruce finds someone attacking you, he'll beat them up and cart them off to jail to be arrested and rehabilitated. Alfred will pull a pistol on a robber and shoot him dead before he allows you to get even a single scratch on you, just puts the guy down, "oh dear, I suppose I'll be late making dinner tonight, it seems I'll have to give testimony to Mr Gordon again"

I've seen fics where the sidekicks kidnap Reader or disable them for Bruce's sake, but don't you think Bruce himself would cross that line for Alfred? This man cooks, cleans, does everything for him, is practically a second father and his greatest friend, really kind of RAISED HIM. I just picture Alfred getting attached to Reader like you're practically his grandchild and then you return to your normal life, move out after staying them for a period of time or whatever, and Bruce can tell Alfred is... out of sorts, a little sad frown on his old withered face as he absent-mindedly sweeps the same corner of the same room for an hour, sighing, thinking about how he wanted to teach you all sorts of things, but, you're just gone now. Siiiiiiiiigh. And Bruce can't stand seeing Alfred like, actually depressed, even making mistakes he doesn't usually make, dropping things, lacking his usual playful sarcastic wit, just kind of a shell of his former self. You don't think you'd be getting an extra super special Uber ride in the Batmobile from the Dark Knight himself after that?

But I also think Alfred would be capable of really putting his foot down. He once told a disrespectful Damian he should be thankful Alfred wasn't his father in a very "because I'd actually discipline you" coded sort of way, and, say Reader grew up without a dad, or any parents and maybe has some traumas and potential behavioral issues from that. I could see Alfred being the kindest, sweetest, most patient grandpa, teaching you how to bake, keeping you company in the library, teaching you all kinds of things, and then the second you do things like start getting drunk, acting out, THROWING things, then he's putting his foot down, "now you listen HERE! Your behavior is absolutely unacceptable and you will not be allowed to degrade yourself within the walls of this home!" and manages to simultaneously scold you without putting you down, leaving you in ashamed embarrassed tears over your behavior that you're standing there crying, and he pulls you to take a seat in a nice chair and starts combing your hair and telling you he just wants best for you while you're bawling for his forgiveness, and he tells you he's already forgiven you and that he can run you a nice bath before bed

I can see a captive Reader scenario where you manage to break out of the house while everyone else is gone and you think, oh, you're home free! Batman and everyone else is busy! Lost in your own hubris as if Alfred doesn't have perfect knowledge of everything in the Batcave including the equipment and vehicles. You're in an alley cornered by a bunch of drunks who just want to beat the shit out of someone and suddenly, is that Batman? Wait, the costume is different, and the height, and, the body shape, and, and, and it doesn't even matter because Alfred can still lay all of them flat, blood on his knuckles as he wearily regards you, "you're not going to make a tired old man have to carry you to the car, are you?" and after what you just saw, you know better than to put up resistance

But like I can't get over the idea of, Reader staying at the Wayne residence for a limited period of time, you're injured and Bruce is offering you safe harbor, you're being targeted by a specific criminal group and need protection until the thugs are caught, something along those lines, and, one day, when everything is better, you just. Leave unexpectedly. They had already offered you a permanant place in the house but you still seem to be falling into a depression until one day you're straight up gone, only leaving a note that Alfred is the one to find, only 3 word, "Thank you. Sorry." and hr suddenly??? Can't think straight??? You're gone??? Why??? Why didn't you tell them?? Are you hurt?? Did they do something wrong??? How is he supposed to know if you're sad or if you're hungry or if you're in DANGER if he doesn't know where you are and what you're doing at all possible hours?

Just visualizing the idea of Bruce coming home one day and you're suddenly in the house again and you're seeming very much distressed but Alfred is looking fit as a fiddle again and it is very extremely incredibly obvious to Bruce that Alfred straight up brought you back against your will. But. He doesn't care because he agrees with Alfred that OBVIOUSLY since you're a member of the FAMILY NOW that OF COURSE you have to stay in the house

Can you imagine yandere Alfred but Bruce and everyone else is just, totally normal and just hardcore mega coping with Alfred's sudden change in behavior and occasional questionable actions. One day Alfred is dusting and without turning around, "Master Bruce, would you care to fetch my granddaughter for me while i finish this room?" and Bruce is just like "granddaughter????" And Alfred looks to him like he just said something BEYOND stupid, "Yes, my granddaughter, about ye high, awfully broody much like yourself, currently housed in the spare second floor bedroom at the end of the hall on the right? You act as if she didnt help bake that casserole you and the boys absolutely devoured last night"

Nightwing going down into the Batcave for like actual mission stuff and Alfred is already using the Batcomputer to monitor all your online internet use. What's that, some young man is trying to slide into your DMs? O-oh no, there was, uh, suddenly a glitch and he received a threatening message with no traceable source that told him to stay the bloody hell away from you! Whoops!

You're just his captive little grandchild who he helps teach recipes to and teaching you anything you're curious about. You make an offhanded comment one day that you would've loved to learn to play piano "but I'm too old now/it's too late now/I probably wouldn't be any good at it" and later on, after Alfred has brought you back after trying to live alone again (you being drugged if need be), and when you wake up he's all smiles, telling you about all the new structure he's about to introduce to your life, and, of course, you have to pick a day of the week for your new (now mandatory) piano lessons :) on Mondays you'll go for walks and have tea in the garden, Tuesdays you'll read in the library, on Wednesdays you'll learn piano, on Thursday he'll teach you a new recipe every week, Friday--- this old man is gonna force you to be productive and happy is all I'm gonna say

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

i think im gonna start a series called "Kaiden-Shenandoah's random life tips" bc there's just some odd things i do that make my life easier/more enjoyable. that. like. i dont think make me special?? but most of my loved ones i babble to, when i mention them, will look surprised and be all "damn, that's clever. that's an issue i never thought about, but yeah, i can see how thatd help others/myself. ill have to remember that"

so. this post is all JUST IN CASE it helps someone, even just one person, then the effort will have been entirely worth it. bc sometimes living life is hard and sometimes you just need to hear someone say "oh, what about this possible solution?" to help you out by applying such to your routines or use that suggestion as foundational inspiration for something more customized to your own life or whatever else— just to make living life that little bit easier. and if me sepcifically needing a lot of "oddball" solutions and pre-cautions helps others??? that makes me feel awesome (and less alone), so hell yeah, ill do my best to remember as many tips as i have and be consistent about posting them within this thread. just in case and all that jazz ✌️

(and, even tho this likely DOES NOT need to be said out loud, ill say it anyway as my own proverbial "Bill of Rights" style just-have-it-written-down-in-case-the-worst-happens-in-the-future (but hope for the best) PSA: if these dont apply to you?? or if you think "wtf, people need help with this?? our generation/the next generation is doomed"??? maYHAPS THIS POST ISN'T FOR YOU. this is applicable only to people with lifestyles and/or brains that are similar to me and my loved ones. if you arent of that lifestyle or brain-typage, then thats that lol of course you cant relate. it's an "apples and oranges" thing, y'know. not better/worse or special/normal; just different. it's not something you need, and that's super okay. just don't be rude about the difference. if youd like to be kind and reblog anyway in case any followers or loved ones of yours could be helped by any of this?? that's so fantastic. some of this stuff has some really bad internalized shame about it, or else people have been conditioned to just "keep that to themself; don't talk about it", and either way some of these topics (not all, but still) have people who are hiding their struggle from others as best they can. you don't know what you don't know; and you don't know what people don't tell you. so it's very generous of you, as someone who cant relate to some/all of this stuff, to reblog just in case one of those silent strugglers follow you and/or are a part of your inner-circle. thank you so much for sympathizing with struggles you know your life as is doesn't share and thank you for being kind ♡)

i dont expect this to be helpful to EVERYBODY, and def feel free to just screenshot what is valuable to you and abandon this actual post (just pls dont crop my name out, esp if you end up re-posting your copy to your own blog or on different social-media elsewhere. bc credit is nice lol) bc i assume this will become a long/repetitive post as i update on/off. and most people dont like long posts lmao rip so you dont gotta reblog it if you hate long/repetitive posts or are worried about your followers disliking any long/repetitive post (besides: ill sometimes make one-offs not attached to this post, probably. esp since im forgetful and tumblr is broken/i lose things easily. but ill try to reblog this one for most of them, since thats easier organization for my brain 🫶 lmao)

(but yeah i only have three ideas i wanna do today, but ill come back to this whenever i remember another one ive done thats been helpful to me and/or that i created alongside a loved one that helped them lol)

also pls note that i am dyslexic and do not plan on editing any of this too seriously. so forgive me for mispellings, for forgetting an entire word, and so on. this is me being very casual, so ill inevitably miss some mistakes i make and whatnot

hugs and kisses xoxo best wishes see you later babe

[doctormoveau]

6 Factors That Contribute to Stressful Home Moving

A removalist Canberra has seen it all. A person fearing for their belongings to get damaged, packing old and new supplies for the new home, office mates fighting over who gets a new seat at the new office, you name it. Moving to a new place can be stressful and exhausting, but sometimes, you gotta do it and finish it. And once you are done with all the tiring processes, you will see the fruit of all the hardship. If you are planning to move to a new home, here are some factors that contribute to the stressful process to help you prepare:

Financial Concerns

Moving to a new home always sounds exciting, but the process of getting into that situation can be brutal, especially if there are financial concerns. Many people face it at the beginning of the moving planning, making them delay some things before getting into it. But once they recover from the financial difficulties, going to their new home is not an issue. There are many mistakes when looking for a house, and it is best to be wise and prevent experiencing the same fate.

Finding the Right Home

When you see a house, there are moments when you can say that it is for you. Even if it is not yours, your dream house is founded and planned according to the one you have in mind. You will know that the house is for you when you are in this situation, and all you need to do is to achieve it. Finding the right place is challenging because of the many options and financial limitations, but planning and being smart will help you get through it.

Packing and Unpacking

Packing can be easy because it is you putting your belongings in boxes and securing them. The only challenge here is the battle of your mind and heart if you will keep some of them or not. If it boggles your mind, a donation is always an option. You do not need to worry about your things going into the trash because someone will make use and take care of it.

However, with unpacking your things, the real challenge begins. Since you are already tired of the entire moving process, putting your things outside the boxes can drain your energy. Do not worry because there is still tomorrow and it is free for you to do the important things lining up in your new home. Make the time worth it and put on some music to lessen the overwhelming task.

Selling Your Old Home

Selling your old home can also be challenging if no one inquires about it. You might feel like no one is interested in the place, making you doubt your decision. However, you do not need to be discouraged because you might not have maximised all the things you can and need to do yet. The internet has been helping many people sell their homes, and you can use that same platform to showcase yours. Social media is a powerful thing, and positing your home there with the details needed is easy. Some people hire agents and professionals, and it is also one of the many things you can do.

Emotional Attachment

The place you will leave might have given you many wonderful memories with family and friends. With this, it is understandable that there is some emotional attachment. Just remember that you may leave the place, but you will carry the good memories with you for life. You can always create new memories with the same people in a different place, and you will make it more exciting for you and everyone you love.

Neighbourhood Research

When moving to a new home, you cannot pick the neighbours you have. And with that, being kind to them is what you can do. Introduce yourself and be true to them to also know who they are. There might be awkward and shy moments during the first days, but you can get through it if you are consistent with your good intentions with your neighbours.

Moving to a new home can be physically and emotionally tiring. But with the help of professional removalists, you can lessen your burden. They are always available to assist and help you with anything you need to do, even packing. Get all the support you need to give you a new and fresh start. Happy moving!

[wonda-cat]

Dream SMP Characters’ Worldview & Philosophies

I’ve been thinking about the differences between the way certain characters view the world and themselves, so I’ve created a meta for those who are interested.

(Note: These are extremely oversimplified and condensed for the sake of reading consumption and brevity.)

This post includes only Major Characters (Involved in 3+ Arcs). Some will have more or less points depending on how vocal or unique their perspectives are. Points are mentioned regardless of if the character has changed or shifted their worldview in later story arcs. 

Characters who share the same philosophies with others will have their names in (parentheses) beside each point. Worldviews that are entirely unique or not shared will be bolded.

Wilbur:

Loyalty should always lie with your nation. (Tubbo, Quackity)

Fight with your words, not your weapons. (Tubbo, Fundy)

Power is only gained through bloodshed. (Quackity, Technoblade)

Authority is meant to be challenged. (Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity, Technoblade, Fundy)

Revenge is a cycle that only ends when one side falls. (Ranboo, Fundy)

Personal identity and public identity should be interchangeable.

It is always better to suffer alone, than be hurt through vulnerability. (Ranboo, Technoblade)

Forgiveness is essential to peace. (Tubbo, Sam)

Identity is entirely defined by your title.

Sometimes breaking something beyond repair is better than fixing it.

Violence is always a last resort. (Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo)

If you fail yourself, you have failed everyone.

The ends justify the means. (Quackity, Dream, Technoblade, Sam)

Trust no one. (Quackity, Dream, Technoblade, Fundy)

Speak precisely or do not speak at all. (Technoblade)

Control is imperative for survival. (Quackity)

Most Shared Worldviews: Technoblade +6  / Quackity +6 Least Shared Worldviews: TommyInnit +2

TommyInnit:

Loyalty should always lie with your friends/allies. (Ranboo, Sam)

Human attachment is a strength. (Ranboo)

Change is meant to be resisted.

Win fairly, or don’t win at all.

Authority is meant to be challenged. (Wilbur, Tubbo, Quackity, Technoblade, Fundy)

Never give up, even in the face of death. (Quackity, Dream, Technoblade)

Suffer yourself, so no one else has to. (Sam)

Never abandon someone you love, even if they hurt you.

Always intervene before a conflict grows worse. (Fundy)

Violence is always a last resort. (Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo)

The purpose of living is to have fun. (Dream, Fundy)

Nothing that is broken is beyond repair. (Tubbo, Quackity)

Life is meaningless without someone to share it with.

All suffering is the result of your own mistakes. (Tubbo, Quackity)

Always try to see the good in others. (Quackity)

Stealing is essential to survival.

Most Shared Worldviews: Quackity +5 Least Shared Worldviews: Wilbur +2  / Techno +2  / Dream +2 / Sam +2

Tubbo:

Loyalty should always lie with your nation. (Wilbur, Quackity)

Do what others ask, so that you may please them. (Ranboo)

Emotion is a weakness. (Quackity, Dream, Sam)

Speak only when spoken to.

Authority is meant to be challenged. (Wilbur, Tommy, Quackity, Technoblade, Fundy)

Fight with your words, not your weapons. (Wilbur, Fundy)

Preservation of history is essential.

Always have a means of defending yourself.

Nothing that is broken is beyond repair. (Tommy, Quackity)

Violence is always a last resort. (Wilbur, Tommy, Ranboo)

It is better to sacrifice one for the sake of many.

Trust all who treat you in kind.

Forgiveness is essential to peace. (Wilbur, Sam)

Be prepared for the worst-case scenario. (Dream)

Be useful or be silent.

All suffering is the result of your own mistakes. (Tommy, Quackity)

If your loved ones are hurt, it is because you have failed them. (Ranboo, Sam)

Community is imperative to survival.

Most Shared Worldviews: Wilbur +5  / Quackity +5 Least Shared Worldviews: Technoblade +1

Ranboo:

Loyalty should always lie with your friends/allies. (Tommy, Sam)

Choose people, not sides. (Fundy)

Do what others ask, so that you may please them. (Tubbo)

Violence is always a last resort. (Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo)

Turning a blind eye to conflict will always deescalate it.

If something is a lost cause, let it go. (Sam, Fundy)

Letting others hurt you is better than causing issues by confronting them.

Revenge is a cycle that only ends when one side falls. (Wilbur, Fundy)

The purpose of living is to find peace.

Repay all who treat you in kind. (Quackity, Technoblade)

Recognize your flaws, even if you do not change them.

If your loved ones are hurt, it is because you have failed them. (Tubbo, Sam)

It is always better to suffer alone, than be hurt through vulnerability. (Wilbur, Technoblade)

Human attachment is a strength. (Tommy)

Be grateful for what you have.

Most Shared Worldviews: Wilbur +3  / Tommy +3  / Tubbo +3  / Sam +3  / Fundy +3 Least Shared Worldviews: Dream +0

Quackity:

Loyalty should always lie with your nation. (Wilbur, Tubbo)

Emotion is a weakness. (Tubbo, Dream, Sam)

The struggle for control sometimes outweighs the pursuit of morality. (Dream)

Power is only gained through bloodshed. (Wilbur, Technoblade)

Revenge is a necessary evil. (Dream, Technoblade)

Authority is meant to be challenged. (Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Technoblade, Fundy)

Self-worth is dependent on your level of control in life.

Trust no one. (Dream, Technoblade, Fundy)

The ends justify the means. (Wilbur, Dream, Technoblade, Sam)

Pursue morality and justice always, even if you lose sight of them. (Sam)

Nothing that is broken is beyond repair. (Tommy, Tubbo)

Cut those you love from your life, so they will not be hurt. (Sam)

All suffering is the result of your own mistakes. (Tommy, Tubbo)

The purpose of living is to find where you belong.

Repay all who treat you in kind. (Ranboo, Technoblade)

Never give up, even in the face of death. (Tommy, Dream, Technoblade)

Always try to see the good in others. (Tommy)

Control is imperative to survival. (Wilbur)

Most Shared Worldviews: Technoblade +7  Least Shared Worldviews: Ranboo +1

Dream:

Loyalty should always lie with your ideals. (Technoblade, Fundy)

Human attachment is a weakness.

Those who oppose your authority learn their lesson. (Technoblade, Sam)

Be prepared for the worst-case scenario. (Tubbo)

Revenge is a necessary evil. (Quackity, Technoblade)

People exist to be used.

Authority is meant to be followed. (Sam)

The struggle for control always outweighs the pursuit of morality. (Quackity)

The only universal language is violence. (Technoblade)

Emotion is a weakness. (Tubbo, Quackity, Sam)

The purpose of living is to have fun. (Tommy, Fundy)

Always be ruthless in pursuit of your goals.

The ends justify the means. (Wilbur, Quackity, Technoblade, Sam)

Destroy all who oppose you. (Technoblade)

The flaws in others are made to be exploited.

Trust no one. (Wilbur, Quackity, Technoblade, Fundy)

Honesty is a death sentence.

Never give up, even in the face of death. (Tommy, Quackity, Technoblade)

Intelligence is essential to survival.

Most Shared Worldviews: Technoblade +8 Least Shared Worldviews: Ranboo +0

Technoblade:

Loyalty should always lie with your ideals. (Dream, Fundy)

The only universal language is violence. (Dream)

Those who disagree are your enemy.

Revenge is a necessary evil. (Quackity, Dream)

Never forget and never forgive. (Fundy)

Emotion is a strength.

Trust no one. (Wilbur, Quackity, Dream, Fundy)

Those who oppose your authority learn their lesson. (Dream, Sam)

Authority is meant to be challenged. (Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy)

Never give up, even in the face of death. (Tommy, Quackity, Dream)

The ends justify the means. (Wilbur, Quackity, Dream, Sam)

Repay all who treat you in kind. (Ranboo, Quackity)

Power is only gained through bloodshed. (Wilbur, Quackity)

The purpose of living is to be free.

It is always better to suffer alone, than be hurt through vulnerability. (Wilbur, Ranboo)

Destroy all who oppose you. (Dream)

Speak precisely or do not speak at all. (Wilbur)

Individuality is essential to survival. (Fundy)

Most Shared Worldviews: Dream +8 Least Shared Worldviews: Tubbo +1  / Sam +1

Sam:

Loyalty should always lie with your friends/allies. (Tommy, Ranboo)

Emotion is a weakness. (Tubbo, Quackity, Dream)

Those who oppose your authority learn their lesson. (Dream, Technoblade)

Forgiveness is essential to peace. (Wilbur, Tubbo)

Cut those you love from your life, so they will not be hurt. (Quackity)

Suffer yourself, so no one else has to. (Tommy)

If your loved ones are hurt, it is because you have failed them. (Tubbo, Ranboo)

The ends justify the means. (Wilbur, Quackity, Dream, Technoblade)

Be responsible for the sake of others.

If something is a lost cause, let it go. (Ranboo, Fundy)

Help those who are in need.

Authority is meant to be followed. (Dream)

Pursue morality and justice always, even if you lose sight of them. (Quackity)

Following the rules is imperative to survival.

Most Shared Worldviews: Quackity +4  / Dream +4 Least Shared Worldviews: Fundy +1

Fundy:

Loyalty should always lie with your ideals. (Dream, Technoblade)

Never forget and never forgive. (Technoblade)

Family is something you make, not something you are born with.

The purpose of living is to have fun. (Tommy, Dream)

If something is a lost cause, let it go. (Ranboo, Sam)

Trust no one. (Wilbur, Quackity, Dream, Technoblade)

Choose people, not sides. (Ranboo)

Fight with your words, not your weapons. (Wilbur, Tubbo)

Treat yourself as if you are worthy of love.

Revenge is a cycle that only ends when one side falls. (Wilbur, Ranboo)

Authority is meant to be challenged. (Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity, Technoblade)

Forgive yourself, if others refuse to.

Always intervene before a conflict grows worse. (Tommy)

Individuality is essential to survival. (Technoblade)

Most Shared Worldviews: Technoblade +5 Least Shared Worldviews: Sam +1

Bonus Stats:

Most Common Shared Perspective(s): Technoblade +36  / Quackity + 36 

Least Common Shared Perspective: Ranboo +18

Most Unique Worldview: Tubbo (7 Unshared Perspectives)

Least Unique Worldview: Quackity (2 Unshared Perspectives)

2 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With Wilbur.

1 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With TommyInnit.

1 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With Tubbo.

0 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With Ranboo.

4 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With Quackity.

2 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With Dream.

4 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With Technoblade.

1 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With Sam.

1 / 9 Characters Share The Most Perspectives With Fundy.

[theheraldsrest]

“Companions (+Scout Harding and Varric) when they realized they were in love? Thank you, have a good day!”

Heehee, hooho, I’m very tired. We both work with schools and sometimes it gets hectic. Had one kid who knew what Dragon Age was and went on an entire rant about how wrong the Qun is. I’m so proud of him.

-LordLex

Cullen

-Kept brushing it off, could only see it as admiration. How you held yourself through different obstacles, being made the Herald, having to fight off waves of enemies and looking to help the people, it was truly a sight to see

-But then you started coming by to see him more often, even if you just spoke. Why did he keep stuttering? And he couldn’t stop himself from glancing over at you. Were you looking at him, just now, as well?

-Tried to keep up his professionalism but couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face when he saw you approaching him or when your voice came out of nowhere.

-And after helping him with his personnel quest, Maker help this man. He can’t help but to look for you whenever he leaves his study, listening for your voice or laughter. Love is complicated and Cullen sure as hell knows nothing about it.

Josephine

-She had lost all hope after the attack on Haven, thinking that all that you did was for nothing and it only ended up with you getting killed. But you saved so many lives and-there you were, alive. Injured but alive.

-Compared to most of the people she meets, you were very well mannered, not trying to gain favor, but honestly cared for her when you asked her if she wanted to talk for a second. Josey didn’t think much of it but started to enjoy the time spent with you, the conversations you’d have.

-At some point, she started to take mental notes about such small things: your favorite food, where you came from, what makes your nose wrinkle and what makes your lips turn up into that wonderful smile.

-She felt horrible about getting you involved in her family business but, when it came down to it, she wouldn’t have any regrets, thinking you two had grown closer through this experience

Solas

-You caught his eye and it wasn’t just because of the mark. You were...different. That’s the closest word he could connect you to. You were strong and powerful but also kind and gentle. Working with those around and yet you’d also be by yourself with a thoughtful look.

- He fell in love when you started asking for his advice Kidding, but he does get very excited when you start questioning about magical studies and the fade and the history behind certain artifacts

-He tries to distance himself from everyo1ne but you always seem to pull him back, pull him into conversations, going out of your way to spend time with him, even when you didn’t even seem to understand what he was saying

-With his personnel quest, he’s completely taken by you. You do so much for others, for him, when you really should care for yourself. He doesn’t want to feel this way, he doesn’t want anything to do with mortals. But you...you’re a different story.

Cassandra

-It’s been a hell of a ride for Cassandra on the rollercoaster of emotions. First she despises you, then gives you an inkling of doubt, then suddenly she values you as a friend. And now...flirting?! How dare you

-When you started to change your tactics and be more direct, she continued to try and brush them off as nothing more than friendliness. Sometimes would humor the idea, but you had more important matters to deal with

-Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast does not fall in love, there’s too much to do and too much to take care of. And with the Inquisitor no less! Preposterous! She could lie to herself but that didn’t change how she’d drop whatever she was doing to talk to you

-Even with her personal quest out of the way, she has more emotions to sort through, including what she thought was admiration for you

The Iron Bull

-Bull doesn’t ‘fall in love’, it’s always just someone curious or someone wanting some company or something new. Never ‘in love’ and he didn’t think that would ever be something he’d have. He’s a soldier, meant to be used

-Started out as admiration. Was impressed with how you handled yourself and the inquisition. It’s not easy being a leader when you’re thrown head-first into war with a darkspawn

-Starts to question his feelings a bit after helping him during his quest. There’s still admiration, but with every touch, with every word, there was something else. Maybe he just appreciated you more?

-And then you brought him the other half of a dragon tooth. He had spoken about it so off-handedly, not expecting anything further from it and yet here you were, wishing to commit yourself to him. It was that moment that he truly fell in love with his boss.

Dorian

-Doesn’t seem like it, but he’s a romantic. He used to picture the perfect life with someone he truly loves, but since the issues with his family, he had basically given up on that life. Until you

-Most of his partners so far were just flings, so you can bet that he thinks he’s sick when he starts feelings butterflies in his stomach around you or looking to you to lend an ear

-He’s not used to someone caring for what he has to say or actually treating him more than that ‘evil magister from tevinter’, he likes it but is so confused

-He wants to accept these feelings but he’s so unsure of himself, so unsure if this is more than just another one of his flings. Gods, he hopes it is

Sera

-She doesn’t much care for relationships or ‘caring’ or ‘feelings’. If someone’s fun, she’s gonna hang around them more often. Nothing more to it

-Except it’s more than that with you. You’re big and important, nobles talk about you like you’re one of them and lower class praise you like Andraste gave birth to you, but you don’t hold yourself like any of that. You’re not a prick, you’re a goof and you actually enjoy Sera’s company

-She’s so excited when she sees you coming, when you look to her, you’re so easy to read and it’s easy to make you smile and laugh and- Sera’s falling for you

-She’s so inexperienced with these things, she doesn’t know what to do and she doesn’t want to screw up what you two already have. So, for now, she’ll lay low, admiring from a distance

Blackwall

-Blackwall respects the person you are. A fierce warrior but at the same time a kind leader. And he knows you respect him as well, as a person and as one of your companions

-He didn’t know he had more feelings than that till you started to flirt with him. He would have never considered it, not because he didn’t like you, but because he didn’t think he’d ever have that kind of chance with someone

-He pushes them down, trying to convince himself that he didn’t deserve it. You don’t want him, you’d be making a mistake. He could hurt you, he could hurt who you are. But sometimes he’d slip up, let something show

-After his quest, he fully believes that now you’ll truly see he doesn’t deserve you, but he’d forever love you

(Bonus!)

Varric

-Love is a touchy subject. Sure, he knew how to write it and a lot of his readers lapped it up, but that was only from witnessing it and experiencing the worst of it

-Who’d have thunk that he’d become rather attached to the Inquisitor, seeing them as the person they were before the mark, treating them as if they were anyone else, but always offering a shoulder if needed

-He’d worry for you, watch over you, making sure you were ok and not pushing yourself. It wasn’t until he saw you come back from the fade that he realized he cared for you, more than he ever cared for Bianca. Even Hawke would ask if he’s crazy

-Also tries to convince himself that he doesn’t deserve these feelings. You can be so close to someone without them knowing how you feel and it hurts. He had to go through it once, he doesn’t know if he can do it again

(Scout) Lace Harding

-Honestly, she hadn’t planned for you. How could she? She joined the inquisition to help and was made as one of the main scouts for the Inquisitor. She hadn’t planned on the Inquisitor having pleasant conversations with her on the few times they meet, even some playful banter

-She also didn’t plan on seeing you more often when the inquisition was moved to Skyhold. Before now, she had one of the most well-spoken attitude, but with you around she’d stumble over her own words, hitting herself for saying anything embarrassing

-She both hoped she was and wasn’t imagining the flirting, it gave her some hope that maybe you felt the same but also that maybe it was some sort of game.

-She did enjoy your company and, when given the chance, the drinks you two would share. If only you could do this more often, but then she’d be completely smitten with you

[magic-study]

All Possible House Placements

All of this information has been copy/pasted from http://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com I’m simply putting it here so I can see the different combinations compiled.

:readmore:

Asc Aries

**1st - Aries **If your Ascendant is set in the sign of Aries, no matter if it falls on its first or last degree, it makes you an Arian. This position speaks of the importance of knowing one’s limits, your basic instinctive energy, and animalistic nature that needs to be guided, used, and sometimes contained. The main challenge of this position lies in the inability to see other people as equals, have tact, care for others or accept being cared for. It will challenge one’s commitment to relationships, marriage or their ability to find compassion for their own emotional needs, let alone needs of other people. On an individual level, these people are represented by planet Mars. 2nd - Taurus The second house cusp in Taurus is the most natural position for this house. People born with it have the ability to recognize value of all things, relationships, other people, and experiences in life. In some cases, this speaks of an accented challenge in which a person is supposed to learn about their own value through series of demeaning experiences. However, this is rarely the case, and has to be confirmed through a challenging position of Venus in one’s natal chart. This is someone who has a talent to earn money, for as long as their sense of the material world isn’t tainted with other people’s convictions and opinions. If they give in to guilt of any kind, the quality of their relationships will suddenly drop and they could have a hard time recovering from taking too much responsibility. These individuals were born to enjoy our material reality and should always remind themselves to do just that. 3rd - Gemini The position of the third house in Gemini is the most natural of all positions. It is a blessing in itself, and a person always has a smart approach, clarity in their choice of words, and the same clarity in their mind. In a practical sense, it often speaks of one’s attachment to their sibling, and points out that communication is an important part of a person’s life. Depending on the position and the dignity of Mercury, we can see how challenging or positive their mental world actually is. What people with third house in Gemini often lack is compassion, as well as reason when it comes to practical material issues. More often than not, these individuals need a healthy routine and to build respect for time and their own body in order to truly be satisfied and learn to get in sync with, and speak from their heart. 4th - Cancer Each fourth house set in Cancer speaks of the connection one has to their family. It is a house of inheritance in its core, and the sign of Cancer here gives an emphasis on family matters that came into one’s life only to be resolved. This is a position of gratitude, incredible opportunity, and all challenges left in one’s genes. Emotional issues will be truly important and the heart often won’t go where it is supposed to, simply out of subconscious need to find what was left by other people, grandmothers and grandfathers who lost something, have been closed up, or were gone before their time. The most important thing a person has to find with this position is the love for oneself and the ability to be gentle, slow enough, and filled with compassion for their own needs. It speaks of closeness with the parent of opposite sex, but also speaks of the lack of it in a challenging setting, and the way it affected all close relationships one is able to build in their adult life. 5th - Leo The fifth house in the sign of Leo represents a natural rule that strongly emphasizes one’s personality. The masculine, productive energy of Leo has to be used, and the worst thing these individuals can do is try to adapt to opinions of people around them, and end up in a strict routine with no room for their fiery expression. This is someone whose Sun sign is truly remarkable and important, on a mission to express through it and find happiness inside it, no matter the power of the Sun, its dignity, or the aspects it makes. It is good thing that these individuals are fully aware that happiness is a goal they CAN reach, and with a certain ease they will search for their center of gravity and learn to express in a way that makes them feel important. In general, this position means that the expectations of their father have to be overcome in some way, and a person has to find their own identity to build a strong character and reach personal satisfaction. 6th - Virgo The sixth house finds its natural position to be the one in Virgo. The connection between them is incredibly strong and grounding found through this link is truly an imperative in one’s life. When this is the case, answers to almost every physical issue are hidden here, and you can see that a person has the ability to heal and materialize anything at all, for as long as their energy is focused in the right direction. When we speak of modesty, it is extreme here, and takes some of the joy and color out of a person’s life if they don’t choose a career path they truly love and deeply care about. Work has to be loved and Venus respected more than in other natal positions, so that health can be maintained and one’s routine enjoyable and healthy at the same time. 7th - Libra This is a natural position of the seventh house, leading to a natural approach to relationships, marriage and an ability to be tactful and diplomatic towards others, no matter if they are our friends or enemies. People born with the seventh house in Libra have a natural ability to choose those who mirror their core personality. However, the sign of Libra carries its challenges in relation to the Sun and always presents a test when it comes to holding on to our personality as we get intimately involved with others. The good thing coming with this position is in the ability to separate social from personal life, but a rational approach can be damaging for the heart, and emotions need to be cherished and respected at all times. The institution of marriage often becomes important over time and these individuals tend to grow from confident solitary lovers to married, faithful partners for better or worse. 8th - Scorpio This is a position that easily collects all trash into one place. There is a deeply seeded knowledge of endings and beginnings of all things in life, while these individuals accept the whole cycle of life and death different than some other people in their lives. Fears they carry within go to extremes, from panic to absolute bravery, and it is not easy to catch them in a certain state for too long. While at one hand extremely ready to face any challenge that comes their way, they will give in to mass hysteria in a minute, and you won’t have any idea how this connects to the same person they were just a while ago. If Mars and Pluto give strong support, we will see that these people have an almost magical ability to face danger, stay calm in the most challenging situations, as if their whole energetic body is always prepared for anything. Depending on the position of the Moon their waters will be clean and their emotional state easy. 9th - Sagittarius The ninth house in the sign of Sagittarius speaks of a higher mind, in a way, and shows one’s need to travel, learn, and widen their horizons as much as possible. The trouble with this position is held in the inability to go deep enough to actually ground ideas and entire mental belief systems. Even though these people can be incredible teachers, attorneys, gurus, or motivational speakers, they will often have trouble accepting change as a necessary tool for improvement. Sticking to their moral convictions without a doubt in their mind, they will forget that change is the only thing that will truly help them regenerate. Aiming high, they don’t have a clear idea of everything going on at planet Earth’s surface and need a reality check from time to time, just to remember that distances are there to be crossed, not just to be observed. 10th - Capricorn When the tenth house begins in Capricorn ambition isn’t a problem and things tend to be as clear as day. The problem will arise once the person realizes that their lack of energy led to some bad choices, pushing them into unnecessary feelings of guilt. A mistake has been made while they formed plans in their previous lifetimes, and now they have a debt to repay being responsible, serious, and committed to causes that might not give results. Progress will be hard to make but when properly approached, high positions will be reached. Success will come only through hard work and correct actions that might even seem annoying to some people around them who always have an easier way out. This is a good practical position though, for there seems to be a deep understanding of reality and everything it might bring, giving one a strong sense of right and wrong as they grab responsibility for their life. **11th - Aquarius **The eleventh house in Aquarius speaks of liberation a person needs. Slaves to our unhealthy routines, choices, habits and relationships, these people will have a clear wish to be free and expressed as exactly themselves in their society. While humane and righteous in their approach, they will rarely be brave enough to endure in their chases, unless if the Sun is extremely well set in a personal chart. This is a position that gives as many friends as we need, to be there for us, wake us up, and help us find our connection to the Universal thought. If the positioning is extremely difficult, they become aware of the direct link they have to the skies above and wish to go there before their time. In most cases, however, this is a position that allows individual growth through the group and gives the opportunity to truly become enlightened and free.

**12th - Pisces ** If the twelfth house is set in the sign of Pisces, all secrets will be sunk even deeper than in other cases. This practically means that all digging through subconscious matter will have to be thorough and results will seem more distant than those others tend to dig up. Usually, these individuals tend to look forwards, fully unaware of their dependencies and ties to the mysteries of their distant past. They will live their lives unaware of their own inner faith, needing healthy sleeping routine in order to stay in a calm and peaceful state. In many cases, these people will sleep every day for eight hours, avoiding late nights out or losing sleep over any burning issues at hand. They understand that the night is not to be messed with and hide from their own family in plain daylight. With true faith in the background, it would be good to raise awareness about their talents and their true life within, however scary that might seem.

Asc Taurus

1st - Taurus If a personal chart begins in Taurus, we see a person of earthly pleasures, in search for love, hedonism and satisfaction. Depending on the level of challenges this sign, house or Venus have, it can be a very fine position that allows us to enjoy life in full color and using all of our senses. This speaks of an individual well-built, strong and static, and also a bit passive. With an Ascendant in Taurus you might be prone to gain weight or chase too many pleasures through self-destructive behavior. The greatest challenge for a Taurus is to accept the necessity and the beauty of change. Once recognized, it can liberate these individuals to show initiative, vigor, and when needed – fight for their satisfaction. This is someone represented by Venus. ** 2nd - Gemini** If the second house is set in the sign of Gemini, we can instantly presume that a person will make money in quick, freelance activities, rather than have a serious job that will bring a lot of deep, stable satisfaction. This is someone who can profit from writing, journalism, constant movement, oratory talents, or good trading skills. If there is a challenge to be faced through planets set in this house or Mercury, we can see that superficial approaches to value of things lead to disharmony and make a person nervous and edgy, while unable to create anything stable or big enough to meet their needs. This can also represent a “trickster position” and speak of someone who makes money from shady activities, especially if Mercury is retrograde, or set in the sign of Pisces. 3rd - Cancer The third house in Cancer speaks of inherited intelligence, for better or for worse. If one is born into a family of well-educated individuals with a wide dictionary, we can safely presume that theirs will be similar and deeply rooted with their ancestry. However, problems with any sort of reasoning especially when it comes to division of rational from emotional issues, has the root in the same place too – their parents. They need to build a strong personality and care for their individuality in order to release some pressure from their mind. The main challenge of each Cancer thinking individual is in expressing their emotions in a practical and acceptable way, and they will often fight the battle of reason vs. emotion even though they should be accepting both rolled into one.

** 4th - Leo** With the fourth house beginning in the sign of Leo, we see a line of proud and brave ancestors that led to the birth of this individual. This can be wonderful or challenging for there is obviously an emotional push into one’s world of character, confidence and self-recognition. The Sun has to be extremely strong in its dignity and aspects in order for this position to provide one with the sense of gratitude, confidence and satisfaction. This is a position that pulls with its gravity towards personal issues, fiery emotions, and a certain battle for personal satisfaction that is deeply rooted in one’s home and their relationship with a dominant parent that maybe didn’t give them enough space to develop entirely healthy emotions. In its best light, this can be a place of warmth, joy, laughter and openness, giving one the sense of personal bravery to engage in any emotional challenge with ease and clarity. 5th - Virgo With the fifth house in Virgo, the main challenge is to avoid self-criticism on a way to happiness. Joy is found in details, in things well-done, and everything that needs fixing and additional attention. This is the fifth house of practical issues and it is a bit hard to satisfy, but extremely rewarding when it comes to writing and expression through specific words and manual work. The problem, however, hides in the fact that a person simply loves damaged things, people who are in a way broken, sad, or chooses partners that need to be “fixed”, changed or accepted as not-perfect, whatever the specifics. This will be a lot easier if Venus is well set and one has a tool to reach personal satisfaction through relationships in general, especially in connection to the seventh house of the horoscope. If not, Mercury’s positivity will define their ability to find perfection in the most common of things and daily pleasures. 6th - Libra With the sixth house in Libra the key to one’s health lies in balance, as in all things connected to Libra. With enough information these individuals get to eat healthy, taking responsibility for their state and easily adapting to new working environments. The problem will arise in the field of relationships, for Libra wants marriage and official vows, while the sixth house takes away their potential perfection and turns them into fixable, changeable bonds that always have to be worked on. Since the sixth house is the house of work and our tendency to clean, fix, and make things functional, these individuals will usually choose partners that need to be approached in this manner, damaged, fixable, or unclean in some way. Even though a lot of intelligence is hidden in their relationships, there is always a lack of satisfaction and choices that seem to accent one’s inability to understand that they deserve to love and be loved in return. 7th - Scorpio With the seventh house set in the sign of Scorpio, ultimate intimacy is needed in order for the person to find satisfaction. This is a position very hard to please and the nature of the first house already shows the ability to create tender intimacy and closeness, usually dismissed and diminished by others. The trick to finding happiness with the position such as this one hides in the Moon’s pool of emotion, love for Self and the ability to forgive, forget, and make changes when the right time for them comes. Once this person sets deserved satisfaction on the top of their priority ladder, things will become easier and ties to other people will fade while a healthy relationship with their own life, decisions, and choices becomes imperative. Until then, jealousy and possessive relationships are inevitable, while happiness becomes this distant light seen from the underground ruled by Scorpio. 8th - Sagittarius When the eighth house is set in Sagittarius there is something strange about the convictions this person has. Everything that they anticipate will work – won’t, and vice versa, as if the entire Universe is there to teach them about the relativity of all things. While they are protected from danger with something as beneficent as the sign ruled by Jupiter, they will also have trouble with accepting all Jupiter related matters, teachings, and philosophical approaches. For as long as they feel their entire life has great purpose they will be fine, but this is a state that runs off pretty quickly and pushes them to new activities, choices, and changes in their life path that happen too often for the rest of the world to understand why. All negative things that happen will be a blessing in disguise and all positive quite the opposite. To understand that their whole life is turned upside-down, they will have to separate from common people and realize how different they are. If they lose faith, all can be lost in an instant. 9th - Capricorn If one’s ninth house is set in the sign of Capricorn, their beliefs can be annoyingly stiff. It will be very hard for them to make a change in pace or direction once they set out to do something. Their main problem is hidden in the real purpose of all things in their lives. This is why they sometimes have to exchange their practicality and common sense for a dream or two. The main objective with this position is to achieve a state of acceptance that allows these individuals not to push their convictions on everyone around them. There will be an ease in learning about ancient teachings, history, substance, and mathematics if their Saturn is well set in a sign that gives it dignity. However, responsibility they need to take seems to be too distant for them to reach its understanding. Once they do, they will finally have a chance to create a solid foundation for their future endeavors. 10th - Aquarius If the tenth house is in Aquarius, a person is almost always eccentric, different, dressed in colors you don’t see every day, or in another way strange to the outer world. An outcast and someone who is born to develop their mind, this is a person who wants to be your friend and knows that they have the ability to find enlightenment but don’t yet have the body to reach it. They need to take care of their daily routine in order to ground all of this lightning energy and power. We could say that in case of a good position of Saturn and Uranus these individuals become true children of the Universe, open to things larger than our human race and aware of the network that connects us all. With enough bravery and initiative, there isn’t anything these people aren’t able to create. **11th - Pisces **When the eleventh house is in the sign of Pisces, friendships are hazy and unclear. This is a person who has a task to find faith in others and it will always come with challenges and difficulties in their way. If they believe enough to spread love without many expectations, they could find those several soulmates that were deserved through previous lifetimes. Purity is the key to solid relationships, and with Pisces everything is prone to change and endings. Many friendships will begin only to end, pushing this person in the right direction. Others will be kept at a certain distance and lack intimacy. What these people need to do is sink in, and give in to every relationship that feels good without fear of betrayal or loss. If their friends are supposed to end up at sea, on another continent, or in their dreamland, this is fine for as long as they share an emotional bond wherever they are.

** 12th - Aries **When the twelfth house is set in the sign of Aries, it is almost always a sign that problems with healthy boundaries will be present in a person’s life. Others will intrude in their world as if they had no membranes to recognize and defend themselves from those who steal their energy. In time, they will have to “remember” what it was like to follow the passion within, fight for their rights , yell at others if that is what the moments asks for, and be true about everything that is on their mind. While Aries would like to have a certain goal and aim all its energy towards it, this energy seems to get bended here only to end up in a strange subconscious state where it is neither manifested nor used. This is a position that speaks of a past life that ended in aggression, in the army or from fire weapons, sharp objects, and most often “before one’s time.”

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Asc Gemini

1st - Gemini If one is to start their life in the body of a Gemini, they have to always stay on the move. This is a sign of spoken word, intelligence, quick experiences, change of character, and movement of all sorts. People born with this rising sign are often fast, thin, movable, unstable, and sometimes superficial. They need to stay well-informed, infiltrated in their social environment, and always have a reason to communicate or brainstorm on issues that surround them daily. Their greatest challenge is to focus on one goal, a point in space and time that gives their life purpose. They need to find synthesis, one thing to cover all of their information, and form a well-educated opinion only after learning their inner truth. They are represented by Mercury. ** 2nd - Cancer** If the second house begins in the sign of Cancer, this is a strong sign that a person will have a chance to earn from a family business or a private company of their own. This is someone capable to work from home, or someone who goes with the flow and relies on destiny to bring them their wealth. In general, this might not be such a strong position if the Moon isn’t very strong, but gives the ability to find incredible joy in food, cooking, and family gatherings. This is a position that accents one’s inner search for gratitude and love, and it will often speak of genetic predispositions as a potential for personal gain. It can also be a position that speaks of inheritance they have been spending since the day they were born, as opposed to inheritance matters of the eighth house in which someone has to die or give up on something in order for gain to come. 3rd - Leo When the third house cusp is set in the sign of Leo, thoughts are mostly focused on one’s Self. Even though this can be troubling to many friendships and tricky relationships in their lives, these individuals have a task to build up their personality and character with clearly set boundaries towards the outer world. This is a strong position that brings a lot of ego challenges, unless one is truly enlightened and fully aware of their infinite abilities, including the one in which they understand that there is no thing that should be taken personally. In a way, these people can become the happiest of all individuals once they learn to accept and nurture their child within, clear on their own desires and goals in life, and aware of their responsibility. Only then will they express their core personality with easy and shine a light on everyone around them. 4th - Virgo The fourth house cusp in Virgo points out to the lack of something in their primary home. Whether it is love or approval, there always seems to be something that needs to be fixed, changed, or nurtured in their soul, as if it was a bit damaged from the start. This isn’t a position that necessarily speaks of emotional hurt, as much as it speaks of emotional lacking, and one’s inability to reach the point of perfection in their emotional world that will finally allow them to be truly satisfied. Very often, this comes as a consequence of a deeply cold relationship with the parent of opposite sex, or a rational bond that leaves too much room for personal improvement, leaving one never satisfied with their own accomplishments. The greatest thing this position brings through genes is incredible intellectual strength and strong mental powers that one will be able to use, probably until their dying day. 5th - Libra When the fifth house is set in the sign of Libra, we see a strong signal that happiness is reached through other people. This is somewhat challenging for independence needs to be nurtured in order for any personality to reach healthy development, but it is also necessary to manifest oneself through other people and pay attention to everyone that make one happy along the way. This is not the easiest of positions, but it does speak of one’s ability to recognize true, creative love, and give it a serious glow, turning it into long-term romance and marriage for all the right reasons. In here, the love we find for ourselves is what truly inspires us, and it is imperative that a person stays in a good relationship with their own inner Self in order for all of outer relationships to blossom. 6th - Scorpio If the sixth house is set in the sign of Scorpio, self-destructive behavior is the greatest enemy to one’s physiology and psychological state. Challenges that hide in this position are not at all easy to handle, for their core rests in emotional dissatisfaction, forgiveness and change. If there is denial, dismissal, and resistance towards change, Scorpio will not make one happy and a lot of anger will accumulate here. This is a position of prejudice and the breaking of sexual taboos, often speaking of the importance of sex in a person’s life. Not only will it speak of repression, but also of unused nuclear energy located beneath our feet, giving practicality a special essence, and sometimes leading to obsessive compulsive disorders and in general, obsessive behavior. Once deepest emotions are accepted, a Scorpio-set sixth house becomes a pool of endless energy and everything gains sense and becomes as easy as a breeze. 7th - Sagittarius If the seventh house is set in Sagittarius, the mutable nature of it interferes with one’s ability to form lasting relationships. There is always something unreachable set in this distant sign, and the inability to materialize desires often leads to long-distance relationships, or simply bonds with people who aren’t stable, close, intimate, or those who are already taken. With Sagittarius, there is always a philosophy that leads to certain events and this position will simply materialize convictions. In the practical sense, we can understand this best through an example of a person who lives convinced that all people of opposite sex are not to be trusted. This specific conviction will lead to relationships that will prove them right, and one will be disappointed again and again, proving the image projected to the outer world in cycles. To move from repetitive choices, the person needs to learn and widen their perspective until they realize what sort of inner change can lead to a more satisfying environment. 8th - Capricorn If the eighth house is set in Capricorn, responsibility is something that doesn’t seem to have value to the individual. This can lead to all sorts of difficult circumstances in case Saturn is challenged and there is not enough rest and calm experiences in their life. The pressure caused by Saturn is always there to push us towards evolution, but with this position this pressure can sometimes be overwhelming and liberation is desired more than anything else. The main problem hides in the fact that this is held at an unconscious level and a person simply sees hard circumstances that create pressure while failing to see their part in avoiding them. There is always a side to their family tree that is hard to understand, while they lack structure and a healthy routine, especially in sleeping patterns and rest. If this position is approached in a tender and understanding way, with confidence and strength of will, there is no reason not to find a way out of endless loops family problems tend to create. 9th - Aquarius With the ninth house in Aquarius, one’s strivings and desires are never ordinary. Learning through symbols will be as easy as it gets, which makes these people turned to astrology, mathematics and programming. The problem will arise when a person with this ninth house doesn’t feel the need to accept responsibility for their own life. A truly disappointing thing here hides in the fact that their routine is shattered enough to make them too tired to learn everything that interests them. This great mind will be truly disturbed by the lack of substance, seriousness to their approach, and a sort of superficial Air-like nature that won’t allow them to sink deep enough to create a strong foundation for their ideas to land. If they take matters in their own hands and make a plan they will stick to at all times, they will feel their energy rise. Finally, this will result in their creativity leading them to incredible innovative moments they have been wishing for since they were born. 10th - Pisces When the tenth house is in Pisces, there is no saying how long their career choices will last. This is often frustrating as the purpose of each job slowly fades making room for obligations and responsibility a person is not ready to sink into. There is a talent somewhere in the horoscope of these individuals that needs to be discovered and used in order to spread their message into the world. Many musicians and painters have this tenth house position to shine like a lighthouse taking them home. The ties created through the sign of Pisces are strong and they will often speak of dependencies of all sorts. This means that one might have one goal in life – to shake off self-destructive habits and dependencies, no matter if they are in relation to narcotics, alcohol, or ex partners who made the world of this person toxic in any way. **11th - Aries ** When the eleventh house begins in Aries, things are never peaceful in this person’s social life. There are always new acquaintances waiting down the road, and this can make their approach a bit superficial because of the certainty life will always bring someone new our way. It will be easy to make friends but a little hard to hold on to them for very long. Boundaries need to be set and respected, as well as the dedication that flows both ways in order for their relationships to last. As if their God spoke through energy of Aries, these individuals often see life as a battlefield or a game that needs to be won. Once they open up to the Universal thought, they will realize where their energy lies and how to use it, show initiative, and move forwards just as they wish to.

12th - Taurus If the twelfth house is in the sign of Taurus, the mystery of the material world can remain a hidden for years, as well as hedonism and the chase for satisfaction in this material world. This is a position typical for those who have never felt real pleasure, and everyone with secret sexual encounters, or at least those who have the need to eat hidden from everyone else. Spirituality and real talents fall into the sign ruled by Venus, meaning creativity and inspiration come as a given, but only once they are discovered and approached studiously. True intimacy is found in secret bonds, and warmth will have to be built in solitude, realizing at first just how much we are worth and only later starting to search for someone who will recognize this. If one wants to make their dreams come true, this position is perfect, for it brings the Earth into our personal dreamland, making everything we imagine possible.

Asc Cancer

1st - Cancer When the first house begins in the sign of Cancer, it is often said to be the sign of home, family and emotion. What we often fail to understand is the sensitivity of this sign and its effect on our physical body. The ascendant represents our physical strength and this isn’t the best possible position to feel strong and confident, or to exercise, or train. Cancer-individuals are often pale, strongly influenced by the movements of the Moon, have a tendency to look like the food they eat, and always have a strong genetic influence on their overall health and appearance. Their greatest challenge is hidden in strong plans, unmovable will, a healthy routine, and responsibility they have to take for the direction their own life is moving in. This is a sign ruled by the Moon. ** 2nd - Leo** If a person’s second house cusp is set in the sign of Leo, we can see the ability to pose for money and this is often seen in models, actors, and people who have to be theatrical in order to get something for themselves. Depending on the dignity of its ruler, this is the second house position that speaks of strong confidence when it comes to material issues, but it can also make a person vulnerable to other people’s opinions when it comes to their own value. With a close correlation to one’s ego, this is a tricky place for the second house, for the outcome of every situation links not only to self-worth, but also to self-respect. This can be challenging if a person isn’t brave or strong enough to face all obstacles that could manifest through other people and the society. 3rd - Virgo If the third house is set in Virgo, this is a strange position that is as often weakening as much as it is empowering. While the sign of Virgo exalts Mercury and speaks of intelligence and incredible mental abilities and clarity, it is also a point of practical issues, matters of physiology and routine, and health issues that don’t need to be discussed as much as they like to. In many cases, people born with this position get burdened with their health, turn to the role of a victim, and some even end up in a state of mild or severe hypochondria, simply because they lack emotional satisfaction and search for faults in everything, especially in themselves. They have to develop strong faith and always leave room for love, inspiration and creativity, without digging for rational explanations for every single thing throughout their lifetime. 4th - Libra If the fourth is set in Libra, we see someone who carries a strong basis of their parents’ relationship in their deepest core. Since the fourth house represents our home, we instantly understand that this is a person whose home was balanced and seemingly happy, but the main problem of Libra is the inconsistency of the image shown to the outside world and the true joy hidden behind it. This can be someone taught throughout their upbringing to always compare themselves to other people, and feel to be superior or inferior depending on their success in life. The good thing here often comes from the fact that one of the parents was calm and tactful, able to teach responsibility and basic manners that a person will be able to use to make progress in various fields of life. In case of a good positioning of Venus and the Moon, this is a fourth house that gives one the image of what their own marriage will be like, as well as the ability to sink into closest of relationships without fear or holding back. 5th - Scorpio The fifth house set in the sign of Scorpio speaks of the love for deep emotional challenges. To understand someone who carries this position in their natal chart, we have to understand the necessity of change, pain, addiction, fear, and ultimately death. While the sign of Scorpio speaks of some pretty dark issues, it is also incredibly sensitive, emotional, deep and mystical, almost always speaking of talents that are supposed to be used, and strong past life experiences that have to be resolved. This is someone who loves their ancestors, even those that weren’t loved by the rest of the family. As a strong magnetic pull, the fifth house in Scorpio will ask to be manifested in strangest of ways, but on an everyday level mostly through constructive change. This is someone who cannot settle or be happy with little things in life. Grandiose and strangely addicted to the idea of happiness, they will often be unhappy simply because of their inability to instantly reach absolute peace. 6th - Sagittarius The sixth house in Sagittarius is in its basis a protective force for someone’s health. This is a position held by people with large pets, big goals, and dreams that can be brought down to Earth by a simple set of convictions. The entire organization of life mostly depends on a person’s focus and the ability to find the right calling and the right direction. For as long as things done have a strong purpose, health will be strong, as well as all that happens in their daily routine. Although this position can lead to weight issues, it won’t present a permanent problem or lead to chronic conditions for as long as there is something to look forward to tomorrow. The main problem with Jupiter is the uncontrolled growth of things, and this can manifest through large cists, benign changes, and pressing internal problems that sometimes have to be resolved by drastic measures. 7th - Capricorn Even though the seventh house in Capricorn often speaks of restrictions and characters that are hard to combine with one’s core personality, it gives a certain sense of responsibility and patience towards other people. With enough rest and solitude, this is someone who can predict other people’s behavior and approach them in a way that makes everyone feel protected and safe. The main challenge here is in breaking all walls around the heart of the chart’s owner and people in their life. Every hurt will reflect in the inability to form a close relationship, and memories tend to distract a person from building a future they wish for. If there is guilt involved and they think they have made too many mistakes, these individuals could even give up on love, thinking they don’t deserve it or they are unworthy of those who’d make them truly happy. Each lesson learned here has to be deep and complete, while one has to always make progress overcoming the static need to stand in one place, tied to those who don’t make them smile. 8th - Aquarius We are all aware of positive sides to the sign of Aquarius, especially those of us who love Astrology or commit out existence to it. People with their eighth house set in Aquarius tend to see only negative sides to this sign, and can’t handle the stress, changes, the movement of civilization, and fast conversations that don’t seem to have their grounding. This position speaks of the inability to open up for progress and new things, and even though the value of memories is incredibly important, letting them go can be even more satisfying for someone with this setting. Once they realize the value of solitude and freedom, there won’t be so many unrealistic expectations from other people, and mental pressure they create for themselves will slowly fade. Friendships have to be nurtured but also allowed to change, grow and bring all the challenges of interpersonal relationships with them.** 9th - Pisces** If someone’s ninth house is set in the sign of Pisces, there is definitely a mission they should follow in this lifetime. In case they haven’t found their right calling, these people will be dreamers, prone to stressful experiences that could have been avoided if they gave everyone in their life enough freedom. They cannot be tied down and shouldn’t ever try to bond too strongly to other people. When they give freedom they will get freedom to grow and find their right direction in life before they start feeling like its whole meaning is lost. The sign of Pisces creates magic, but also rules all poisonous and unexplored areas of life. This will lead to education in chemistry, pharmacy, psychology or sailing. For as long as these individuals are not asleep but wide awake and pursuing their passion, they will have a chance to truly leave a mark in this world. 10th - Aries If the tenth house is set in the sign of Aries, there is a natural need of a person to focus their energy on career goals and the material future they can build. This is the position connected to innovators and those who started something new, becoming widely known because of their initiative and their ability to lead the way. On the other hand, this is a signal that some anger, neurosis or hurt was linked to the beginning of the pregnancy that brought us to this world. This can lead to the tendency to manifest masochism, thinking of ourselves as unworthy or unfit to achieve something great, mostly triggered by the relationships Mars has with Venus and Saturn. To reach the point of personal and professional fulfillment, these individuals have to be brave enough to aim high, and start something new when the time is right.** 11th - Taurus **The eleventh house in Taurus speaks of the importance of social life for a person’s material satisfaction. This doesn’t mean their relationships with friends have anything to do with money, although they easily could, but rather that the satisfactions of the Earth are recognized through them. They will learn about their senses through social contacts and often have many stable, loving and tender relationships that last a lifetime. This is a typical position for individuals who truly know how to nurture people they love, without unrealistic expectations, holding on to practical values and morals. There are no false pretenses here, for they wouldn’t last, and natural approach is the one that is easiest to incorporate into their life. Their deep desire for love, peace and emotional stability is so strong that it often doesn’t allow them to change in a proper time or the right way. If they remain flexible, this is a promise of joy and financial security at old age.

** 12th - Gemini **The twelfth house in Gemini isn’t very easy because of its Piscean nature and everything it has to do with emotion as an entity entirely apart from rational thought. Speech can be impaired, while those with lower self-esteem easily turn to gossip and matters that aren’t theirs to discuss to begin with. This is also a position that could give a wonderful talent for languages, words and writing. It is a shame to use it on other people and spend too much time thinking of their business, abilities and weaknesses. Those born with the twelfth house in Gemini must have ended their past life with a vast desire to speak their mind, share their inner truth, and express their personality in some way. Ties that get created here will manifest through strange friendships and their relationships with children, but most of the time, they will manifest through difficulties in their mind they cannot fully explain.

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Asc Leo

1st - Leo With your first house set in the sign of Leo, there is always an ego battle that has to be recognized. This is a fiery sign that gives these people bravery and the ability to show themselves in the best possible light in the most challenging of situations. They are turned to themselves, with a strong physique but little ambition to spend too much time working. Warm and cuddly, those born with the rising sign of Leo can be incredibly “soft around the edges”, with large, round ears, handsome, and dressed in new and branded clothes. Their greatest challenge is to set free of the image they create out of vanity. They need to recognize their individuality and feel free to stand out, be different, become a rebel and think about the wellbeing of humankind. Their ruler is the King of the skies – the Sun. ** 2nd - Virgo** If the second house begins in the sign of Virgo, it is safe to presume that this is someone who has a thing or two to learn about satisfaction. This is a sign that brings Venus to its fall, and since Venus is a natural ruler for maters of the second house, we can see that the challenge here is to actually value one’s actions and successes, instead of searching for faults in everything they do. In case when strong Mercury colors this position, we can see someone rational and capable to fix anything that comes their way. However, it is still rare to find a person with this setting who is actually satisfied with what they own. Money comes from hard work, dedication, and attention to detail, and this is carried by someone who will rarely gain anything quickly or earn something they didn’t well deserve.** 3rd - Libra** When the third house is set in the sign of Libra, we can see someone who thinks and speaks of other people way too often. As much as this position can be good for one’s love life, speaking of childhood sweethearts, handsome neighbors, and the ability to see “the other side of each story”, it is also a challenge to turn to their own inner core unless they are properly built through their upbringing. This is someone who has to have a strong personality, always aware of their own judgment and attitudes, before talking to anyone else about them. Once they learn to incorporate their own opinions into the society, they become great thinkers and orators, with the ability to touch others and raise their confidence, awareness and clarity. If they become too judgmental, it is usually time for them to make an inner change and build a more satisfying personal life.

4th - Scorpio With the fourth house in Scorpio, we can see the strongest ties to family that often aren’t healthy or emotionally supportive. Scorpio is a sign that brings the Moon to its fall, and as such isn’t in the best relationship to matters of family, parenting, upbringing and closeness. The challenge of this position hides in the darkest, deepest emotions, ones we all try to dismiss, demean and avoid. A person with this fourth house position has to find a way to forgive, forget, and turn to the future instead of staying tied to the past, or to negative emotions that have to be let go. This is one of the strongest and most challenging positions we can have in our chart, and speaks of the search for true unconditional love one must find within in order to be truly happy. Once they find a constant reason to smile, these people become the root of strongest emotional connections imaginable. Until then, they are easily manipulated, held too close to home and dissatisfied, while unaware of the reason for their negative feelings. 5th - Sagittarius When the fifth house is set in Sagittarius, we see that a person has a great love for philosophy, travel, teaching, and education. In most cases, this is a good sign that will allow one to develop and stay open for wide teachings and all sorts of perspectives changed on their path to happiness. Childish and enthusiastic, there is hardly anything that can hold these individuals back once they find their true calling and realize what their main direction in life should be. Love and creativity are a blessing here, and this is someone who understands this part of life genuinely and deeply, while often expecting miracles from their loved ones. They need to keep their feet on the ground so they can manage to find connection to planet Earth, bring their philosophy to life, and truly follow their mission and their hearts. 6th - Capricorn With the sixth house in Capricorn, rest and a repetitive routine are the only things that can help one regain energy and feel confident and strong. Career seems to be dependent on outer circumstances, authorities that are hard to accept, and this is extremely challenging if the Sun has any sort of trouble with Uranus, Aquarius, or the eleventh house ruler. Capricorn will make this person take too much or too little responsibility, bringing matters of competence and abilities to focus, even though strength and endurance are usually not a problem. What a person always lacks with this position is rest, and the problem gets really serious if one starts to search for substitutes for it instead of actually establishing a healthy sleeping routine. More often than not, these individuals need more sleep than standard norms would state, and time needs to be made for peace and serenity in order for the body to properly function. 7th - Aquarius Aquarius is a sign that speaks of divorce and separation, as well as all oppositions that are combined in perfect harmony in nature around us. When the system is balanced and a person has an equal perception of their Self and others, this is a liberating sign that will bring a lot of excitement, joy, and constant surprises, while emotions tend to spark every now and then, creating fireworks in their love life. Still, Aquarius comes after Capricorn and its basis is cold and generic, while the mental nature of Aquarius doesn’t help emotional closeness. This is much less a challenge of honesty towards others, but rather a challenge of honesty towards oneself. We need to understand that partners show as unstable simply because of this person’s inner need to reflect in people who are different and on the move. Closeness has to come from the deepest core of the heart, and with a strongly set Moon, this is the seventh house that fills everyone around this person with excitement and beauty. 8th - Pisces When the eighth house begins in the sign of Pisces, dreamland is the most distant place for a person. This can mean either that they are too rational in their everyday circumstances to give value to their dreams, or that all their efforts to materialize their desires fail. Fear of failure and betrayal is strong with this setting, and they will be strongly judgmental and opinionated on lies coming from other people. It is typical for these individuals to breakup some relationships due to mistrust or disappointment, as their faith fades and even stronger fears kick in. They have to take good care of their boundaries and keep their membrane to the outer world intact and nurtured. When they accept their mission and get in touch with their real talents, all things around them will fall into place and they will reach the state of happiness and faith they wish for. 9th - Aries When the ninth house is in the sign of Aries, a person can be too passionate about their beliefs, not allowing others to express their system of convictions. Fighters for religion, ethical approach, college, or their own progress of any kind are seen here. In general, this is a strong position that finds energy in the future and draws a person towards positive change. However, any ties to the past will make their dreamland vivid and blur the direction they are supposed to follow. Once they feel they are on the right path, with a mission to accomplish and deep beliefs leading forward, these are the exact people who will learn about boundaries, conflict, and fiercely achieve any goal they set out to reach. They tend to find purpose only in things they are truly passionate about and wither in any circumstances that don’t invigorate them and make them feel alive. They need their talents put to use and the fire in their stomach constantly burning in order to live a long, creative and healthy existence. 10th - Taurus With the tenth house in Taurus, a person’s goal in life seems to be physical, sensual satisfaction. The position of Venus will tell us of the area of life this applies to, but it will always be connected to the search for sexual pleasure and the right, healthy routine. These people have to eat what they want to, make as much money as they want to, and enjoy themselves as much as they want to. Although this position primarily leads to a career in financial waters and banking, it will always be a simple sign that the love of one’s job has to be strong in order for the job to get done. All of the energy these individuals focus on activities that don’t make them happy, tend to take too much of their energy, making them tired and seemingly lazy. No matter if their calling is art, cooking, or finances, they have to find joy in it so the inertia of love will drive ambition to actually pull them anywhere from a standing point. **11th - Gemini **With the eleventh house in Gemini, we see someone who wishes to communicate has something to express and always finds several persons to listen. Friendships are fast, exciting and adventurous. There is always a lot to discuss and think about, while brainstorming is the most satisfying activity in their social encounters. On the downside, they can become too superficial out of their need to remain free of solid bonds, and while they would want to have enlightening encounters, they become less satisfying as they shut off their emotional side. The important thing to remember with this position is the importance of self-expression and our brothers and sisters, no matter if we have any from the same parents, or we have cosmic ones in our surroundings. For as long as ambition doesn’t make these individuals too static and committed to work, they should find the time to enjoy the benefits of this airy eleventh house.

** 12th - Cancer **With the twelfth house in the sign of Cancer, you can see a family secret instantly, as well as the tendency to idealize one or both of the parents. This is a burden of an entire family tree and a mark that debts were left in spheres of the emotional and the fragile within. Strange matters are hiding in the twelfth house and when Cancer is here, you can see these strange matters in one’s home and intimate relationships. Depending on a very personal position of the Moon, we will see how well incorporated this can be in their everyday life and if disappointment is their family story or not. The emphasis on sensitive emotion is also seen here, and we will come to find that the twelfth house cusp in any Water sign gives one the ability to feel what others feel, often being unable to recognize where one person ends and their emotional body begins.

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Asc Virgo

1st - Virgo If your ascendant fell in the sign of Virgo, this could easily be a signal that you were born to help others. Even though this is the sign in which Mercury is exalted, it doesn’t give much strength to one’s physical constitution and speaks of all sorts of health issues that might surface. It is a sign that shows a fine physique, someone who looks like a library type, with glasses, thin hear and a strong belief system when it comes to all matters of healing. On the plus side, it will speak of intelligence and mental clarity. The biggest challenge of these individuals is to see the bigger picture, separate from dull details and have some faith in the greater order of things. This leads to their problems with trust and makes them vulnerable to all sorts of deception. Their ruler is Mercury. 2nd - Libra When the second house is set in the sign of Libra, this gives an individual a sense of self-worth through relationships with other people. In a way, this can be problematic and lead to envy and all sorts of assessments that the Soul is not ready for, while at the same time providing one with a lot of material blessings through partnerships or a chosen spouse. In a poorly set position, this can make a person see their partner thought their possessions, vain and turned to belongings of other people. Luckily, this is not very often, but it is still challenging to value oneself with all the influences they get from the outer world. This is a predisposition to make money working with other people, in a team or through relationships, partnerships, law, or the chase for justice. 3rd - Scorpio When the third house starts in Scorpio, it is never easily handled. This is a strong, deep mind, often enriched with a sense for dark humor, and thoughts and words that are difficult to remain pure and free of dissatisfaction. This position is a strong one for science, research, and occult matters, but brings challenges in areas of the heart and emotional contacts with the closest people. Darkness of Scorpio is best seen through one’s mind and a person needs deep emotional clarity and enough laughter and easiness in life to accept it with grace and beauty. The best practice for such strong personalities is to imagine beauty daily and choose a creative line of work. If they manage to recognize the good in all things, it will clear up the fog and help them discover incredible treasures within. 4th - Sagittarius With the fourth house in Sagittarius, it is not exactly easy to feel at home, wherever one tries to settle. This is one of predicaments leading to a life abroad, often because there was distance and space in their upbringing that makes it impossible to incorporate their beliefs into the country they were born in. Satisfaction is found through education and traveling, and a person with the fourth house here has to remain true to moral and emotional imperatives in order to be happy. This is almost always a beneficent, strong starting position, with enough wealth and width to support one’s emotional growth. However, it can detach their heart from true emotional satisfaction and turn them to philosophical and mental issues instead of giving them the ability to find their place. Whatever the case, this is a strong guiding point to discover the entire world is our home, not just the couch we choose to sit on. 5th - Capricorn When the fifth house is in the sign of Capricorn, the difficulties of fear, panic, spasm, and an obvious lack of rest, seem to reside here. It is never easy to have the fifth house here, as it drains a lot of energy from an individual and speaks of the inability to enjoy, have fun, and share carefree and light activities with other people. These individuals are strict towards themselves and others, especially their children, and plan too much while forgetting that spontaneity is the key to true happiness. Great joy can be found in archaeological, spiritual, or historical issues, and their life path should definitely be evolving around matters of time, serious commitments and responsibility. The best cure for any chronic condition they develop in life lies in rest, meditation, and the building of a strong connection with God, however they might recognize God in this lifetime. 6th - Aquarius When the sign of Aquarius is at the sixth house cusp, it is always a signal that a routine found in the primary family isn’t healthy or supporting for the physiology of the person. Changes are necessary and fast food, light sleep, and mental preoccupation won’t help the stress or problems with nerves. With a strong foundation and a lot of physical exercise, this is a position that allows one to get in touch with the infinite intelligence of their body, making it easy for a person to ground ideas through a simple train of thought and this is when materialization becomes incredibly easy. With enough jobs changed, these individuals usually find their group of people, their cosmic brothers and sisters, only to end up in circumstances stranger than imaginable to any of their ancestors. If they remain open for change and find acceptance for all circumstances with as little stress as possible, they can become true innovators, able to ground any idea that comes to their mind. 7th - Pisces When the seventh house begins in Pisces, matters of trust are of outmost importance for any healthy relationships a person might have. Beliefs will create destiny, while there is often some sort of mission one has to fulfill in order to find satisfaction and happiness. In many cases this is a position that speaks of betrayal and strange partners, intimate bonds with people who are talented and artistic but also unstable, lost, far away, psychologically challenged or turned to substance abuse of some kind. Dependencies are almost inevitable here until one learns about ways to believe in their own abilities and believe in others in the right way and with clearly set boundaries. There is a lot of emotion and romance here and for as long as the minds of these individuals don’t meddle in matters of the heart they will advance towards more and more fulfilling relationships through life. There is magic to this position and the greatest potential for a fairytale ending is hidden here, if only there is enough faith and devotion to reach this destination. 8th - Aries With the eighth house in Aries the main challenge of life is to accept the constructive force of anger and conflict. If Mars isn’t extremely well positioned, this speaks of one’s tendency to waste their energy on irrelevant issues, these seen primarily through challenging aspects of Mars. Change will come pretty much naturally, but with a lot of fire and fuss and never easy. Instinct needs to be nurtured and most often this is the position of those born with an ascendant in Virgo, meaning they tend to overthink things and shove their instincts and gut feelings aside. The most damaging thing a person can do with this setting is to approach life reasonably instead of instinctively. This is also a setting that accents the fact that all problems with young men full of energy, leadership, police, or army, have to be mended and brought to a level of emotional acceptance and understanding. 9th - Taurus If the ninth house is set in Taurus, the purpose of a person’s life is always found somewhere in the material world. Experience needs to be built in the real world, through financial and physical matters, and this is the exact reason why these individuals turn to education in fields of finance, agriculture, cooking, or real estate. For as long as they don’t lack initiative and primal energy, they can truly be fantastic in practical issues, but also tend to close up for new experiences if they get hurt or disappointed. This is a tricky position for as much as the beneficent sign of Taurus can be mellow it can also be lazy, static, or stiff to accept change and the beauty of constant movement. There is a special joy these people find in tradition if their Venus is beneficently set, and they will strive to reach family values and practical pleasures as much as they can in this lifetime. 10th - Gemini If the tenth house is set in Gemini, we can instantly presume that a person likes to talk and be seen talking. Just as the seventh house Gemini likes to share their opinions with the world, this is someone who not only shares, but also lets information define them in the society. This position often leads to strange circumstances in which gossip, nicknames, and empty stories surround one, until they find the right words to show their true selves. People with the tenth house in Gemini have to learn to be carefree and deep at the same time, quick enough to take action and human enough to make mistakes. If they build up a beautiful image of their personality within, they will have no trouble manifesting it on the outside, creating incredible social contacts and opportunities for everyone around them. **11th - Cancer If the eleventh house begins in Cancer, everyone in this person’s family will feel like friends. This is a strange position as the eleventh house should be there to free us from our emotional ties, but this is not the case here. These individuals have strong feelings for those they socialize with, have heightened senses around other people and treat others with empathy. However rational they might seem to be, there is something warm in their approach. The desire of the eleventh house in Cancer is in emotional awareness, acceptance and peace. In order to find it, they will have to embrace their emotional depths, however flawed they might seem. The truth is they deserve a calm, serene place in their hearts and minds, but their genetic inheritance stands in the way too often. If they haven’t been told they are beautiful, smart and special often enough when they were children, they should make self-affirmation a regular part of their daily routine. 12th - Leo **When the twelfth house begins in Leo, the personality itself seems to be strange, sensitive, and unknown. These individuals will have to learn about their power and their inner truth, while they remain in the blurry waters hidden from plain sight. This is often a signal that previous life carried a story of success, and image that was maintained and remained important to the person until they died. It can be extremely rewarding if unconscious memories of it are pleasant and bring confidence and peace. However, if there was any dishonesty in their approach once upon a time, this will be the life to rectify it, accept the flaws in others, those we don’t want to see and don’t want to show, and find brothers and sisters in crime finally set free from self-criticism. Since the clear image of one’s Self is blurry, overall good of the mankind will be important to these people, as well as humanitarian efforts they often turn to at some point in their lives.

** **

Asc Libra

1st - Libra If your first house cusp is set in the sign of Libra, it is like your whole horoscope is turned upside down. While one should be able to drain the energy out of Self, people born with this Ascendant have to find it in people they are surrounded with, always in search for balance, and finding ways to mend relationships to the point in which the don’t trigger exhaustion. This will create a person that needs to be well-dressed and well-behaved at all times, often failing to turn to physical activities and personal boundaries in relation to others. The greatest challenge a Libra first house has to overcome is the acceptance of anger and constructive conflict. They are represented by Venus.

** 2nd - Scorpio** If the second house has a cusp in the sign of Scorpio, this speaks of finances left to us by our ancestors. Depending on our genetic predispositions, this can be a blessing or a curse, since it greatly depends on those that were here before we came to this world. It might seem like we have little influence on our own wellbeing when this setting takes over. In order to find joy in the material world, this is a position that challenges a person to find it in change and accept that the energy has to flow and circle at all times. In the practical sense, this means that one has to give in order to receive and there will never come a reward without it being earned through all sorts of deeds, life choices and ancestry. This is also a position that can speak of a debt that has to be repaid, and isn’t always easy to comprehend or enjoy. 3rd - Sagittarius With the third house in Sagittarius, we instantly see someone who talks a lot. This is a position for philosophical thinkers and people of wide perspectives, opinions that always shift to more positive views, and the ability to use their beliefs in the scope of their practical existence. It can also speak of solutions that always seem distant, in case lack of direction in life is accented and one has no knowledge on their own true path and destination. In a positive setting, these people are optimists, travelers and teachers, blessed by a giving nature and a mind that is always ready to learn. In a negative one, they get lost, talk excessively, while thinking and talking rather than actually acting in their own best interest. Scattered opinions and expressions will easily take over when they are tired and lost in their path through life. 4th - Capricorn There is no reason to make it prettier than it is – the fourth house in Capricorn is never easy. In the best possible scenario, this is a position that gives one the ultimate faith in the Universe, and a strong connection to God. With a deeply seeded need to take responsibility, this is an individual who often takes too much of it, usually grabbing some for every mistake made by their parents. This is a typical position that gives one the sense of guilt for wrongness they suffered at home, and creates a lot of pressure and coldness in one’s emotional world. Dissatisfaction and the strict regime at their primal home can give a strong foundation for the tenderness and love in the family they create, and this is the most beneficent use of such a position, however hard or challenging it might get. 5th - Aquarius The fifth house cusp in Aquarius speaks of strange priorities and people who dare to dream big. Aquarius is a sign of innovations, higher communications, and the network we are all unconsciously wired to, so this is often a signal that someone has a strong impulse to create something extraordinary, different, new, and incredible, if they only find a way to express their true inner personality. Love has to be real in order to last, or it will just be a series of failures, casual flings, and relationships that burst into flames as soon as some time goes by. With so much change, it is not easy to hold on to clear priorities, but friends will help greatly and the love for the divine will definitely pull the person out of any trouble ahead. This is a position for gamblers, good and bad, depending on planetary positions, and speaks of the ability to test luck with bravery and a “silly” but obviously productive attitude that everything will be alright in the end. 6th - Pisces With the sixth house in Pisces, there is something shady about the approach to a healthy lifestyle. Energy can get really low and reality can start seeming faded and lost, as if it was impossible to keep both feet on the ground however hard one might try. This is a position that speaks of psychosomatic problems and as such, always gives one the talent and the ability to heal, others as well as themselves. However, reaching the point in which the secrets beyond the sign of Pisces are entangled can be difficult, and unless a person already has a strong basis for medical or humanitarian work, it won’t always be easy to find a path that leads in the right direction. Faith and reality will intertwine, and one has to have infinite wisdom and patience, always ready to follow what seems like their mission in order to remain vital and strong. 7th - Aries With the seventh house set in the sign of Aries, tact is not seen very often in close relationships. There is always something hidden in the culture of conflict that needs to be learned, and the most typical scenario speaks of one’s tendency to dismiss the benefits of conflict, avoiding it even though it would be constructive and useful. This will represent a challenge in creating clear boundaries and in any case of repression, it will speak of anger and aggression linked to intimate bonds. In a very positive setting, this is a position that points to resourcefulness and vigor of a partner, and a strong attraction filled with rich sexual experiences in marriage and serious relationships that a person has. As soon as constructive conflict is accepted and strong boundaries set towards those who endanger one’s wellbeing, this becomes an energizing seventh house that gives strength and makes us feel alive. 8th - Taurus Taurus is a sign that celebrates life while the eighth house is the one to destroy it. One of the greatest oppositions of the zodiac is seen in this position and change will come as this slow, difficult interference with life that simply has to break at some point. There is something too different from what one’s primal nature would desire in this position, and to mend differences between personal and the collective might come as extremely hard for this person. Joy is found in bizarre choices, and changes are truly hard to accept. Transformation is slow and has to be enjoyed or it won’t happen at all. This leads to all sorts of problems in letting go of people, circumstances, career ventures and even physical waste. These are the people that have to throw used and broken things into trash and don’t want the energy of broken material treasures tainting their emotional world. 9th - Gemini The ninth house in Gemini leads to growth through communication. These individuals will learn new things quickly and with passion, while at the same time having trouble holding on to large chunks of knowledge or finding synthesis for everything they’ve learned. To mend the troubles found in overthinking, they need to also learn to stay concise and focused on one point at a time. If they have too many goals at once, they will rarely manage to reach any of them, and the most important thing the ninth house in Gemini has to teach, is how one should think and use their words. If they find true emotional intimacy, it will usually give them a strong basis to improve their approach and help them thrive in fields of oratory skills, public exposure, trade, and information technology. 10th - Cancer When the tenth house is in Cancer, we see that roles have been reversed, and the family this person wants to create resembles greatly of the family they came from. Emotional and professional are intertwined here, so it is quite typical for them to continue running a family business, or turn their lives towards children and the image of a perfect family. Many housewives will have this setting in their natal chart, but also those who feel at home when they are at work, sleep in the office, or start a new business venture with their parent. In the equal house system, Cancer on the tenth house cusp means that the ascendant is in the sign of Libra, the sign of Saturn’s exaltation. When we connect the dots we will see that these individuals have a task to learn something about compassion, forgiveness and love in this lifetime, even though a chase for a meaningful career might seem like their priority at first. However much they respect tradition, they should always hold on to their individuality and act on emotions to reach their destination. **11th - Leo **With the eleventh house in Leo, the image of friendships easily becomes more important than actual friends. On one hand, this is obviously a very important issue in a person’s life, and on the other, they tend to socialize only with people who make them look good. Self-recognition comes through other people and it can be difficult to steer clear of control and people who impose their will and show disrespect. The key to creating healthy relationships with this position is to put everyone’s individuality to focus. This doesn’t mean one should neglect their own inner being, but rather that each relationship formed should have a deep personal understanding and respect. Once they realize how each of their friends or siblings is special, without becoming envious or strangely tied to them as if they should become someone else, they will start to surround themselves by honest people with warm hearts. Desired respect can be hard to reach if they don’t have enough respect for themselves.

** 12th - Virgo **If the twelfth house is in Virgo, we can almost imagine the mechanism in a person’s mind making them seem stupid when they want to show how smart they are, and incredibly intelligent at the most unpredictable situations. They will rely on their brains while practical matters will keep some of their mystery at all times. Ties created here will have to do with old, used things, those that can or cannot be fixed. That halfway principle of Virgo can be quite difficult when we speak of someone’s twelfth house, for dreams tend to get crushed by reality, sensitivity by common sense, and vice versa. If a person with the twelfth house in Virgo wants to find happiness, they have to realize where their true talent lies, so they can use it and share it with the world. Very often their talents will be found in writing, detailed analysis or communication with the strangest of beings here on planet Earth.

** **

Asc Scorpio

1st - Scorpio To be born with an Ascendant in the sign of Scorpio, one has to have incredible connection to the material world. This is someone strong, fixed and determined, buy also deeply sensitive and emotional, however hard these individuals might try to resist this fact. This is a sign of dark makeup, people with strong, dark hair, large noses, and fierce attitude always sparkling from their deep eyes. Even if they are born blond, the look in their eyes will always show the power within, as if they had to overcome death even before they were born. The big challenge here is to accept the beauty of constant satisfaction, feel gratitude and forgive those who brought hurt or pain into their lives. Blame, possessive and obsessive behavior are just some of the signs that they have trouble realizing what keeps them healthy and alive. They are ruled by Mars and Pluto. 2nd - Sagittarius If the second house found its cusp in the sign of Sagittarius, it is hard to hold on to money or stick to beaten trails to earn it. Even though this is obviously someone who can profit from teaching, philosophy, or travel, the quantity earned won’t be easily contained and will be spent quickly. Although there is always a lot of luck where beneficent Sagittarius is, there are many unrealistic approaches and a tendency to overdo whatever the symbolism of the house involved. This is exactly why these people tend to eat too much, spend too much, as well as earn too much, or be in any way unrealistic about their own worth and the value of the things they do and their accomplishments. For as long as there is enough depth and common sense in their approach, here lies the seed for true satisfaction and earthly happiness. 3rd - Capricorn With the third house starting in Capricorn, we can see a pretty tough individual. Although Capricorn is the sign of depth and rational choices as well as practical use of all things in life, it is also a sign of karma, damaged things, mistakes and coldness of heart. To keep your third house in Capricorn balance, you cannot detach from your emotional core. Compassion followed by rest is the key to any challenge of this house, especially in cases where a sibling has constant, chronic problems, no matter if they are material, physical, or any other kind. At the same time, strong boundaries and the need for rest are accented, and one can easily give in to stress and discover that as soon as they’ve had enough sleep, their mind clears up and the future seems much brighter, or at least acceptable. If they learn to not take life too seriously, they can be incredible in-depth, practical mentors and a real inspiration for everyone around them. 4th - Aquarius With the fourth house in Aquarius, a person always seems to be in search for consistency. This is a signal there was a lot of moving and changes at a young age, or points out the importance of the divorce parents went through while they were still in the phase of emotional recognition with their child. The greatest satisfaction here is found through personal freedom, and it is not always easy to incorporate it in one’s relationships, dominant roles of their partners, managers, superiors of any kind, or any society they are trying to fit into. Emotional independence and clarity are unimaginably important, and without them, there is no basis for personal happiness and satisfaction. Keep in mind that this is someone who needs to find something constant and satisfying in changes, riots, ego battles, and their own differences, while the state of inner peace is reached through the most unusual methods. 5th - Pisces With the fifth house beginning in Pisces, a person definitely has a talent that needs to be discovered and used. Whatever they find love for will become their source of inspiration, and even though the sign of Pisces is mutable and not very stable as such, this is always a pointer to great love, one we’ve met in our past lives. Deeply seeded fears can damage a person with this setting, for their aura needs to be strong, their confidence intact and their love for themselves grand. In every other case, this can lead to all sorts of deceptions and disappointment, in the worst scenario turning them to the use of mind altering substances and self-destructive behavior. This is someone who should never lose faith in love, beauty and the goodness of mankind, if they want to find true happiness. 6th - Aries When the sixth house starts in the sign of Aries, we see someone whose energy is closely linked to their working routine. This is a position that puts an accent on one’s need to practice, start something new, exercise daily, and usually speaks of the energy rise that is triggered by changes to one’s routine. The sign of Aries gives initiative, and it is often “too modest” when related to the sixth house, giving a person the ability to work very hard, but stealing their ability to find joy in their achievements, always pushing forwards without stopping to see if they got something in return. The main problem of this position hides in Venus, wherever it might be located, for Aries is its detriment, and the sixth house represents its accidental fall. The important thing in this situation is to find personal value and avoid pro bono activities that other people might expect as a given. 7th - Taurus With the seventh house in Taurus, there is always a challenge of two sides of Venus in the field of relationships. Taurus is a sign of practical values and grounded, earthly beauty, sometimes too simple for “blue-blooded” individuals turned to fine, sensitive, outer beauty. The seventh house is corresponding to the sign of Libra, and as such speaks of outer beauty, makeup, pose and vanity in its challenges. When these two extremes coincide, envy will easily come to the surface and matters of balance will be emphasized, once again. Relationships can become vain and judgmental, typical for those who weren’t told often enough how pretty they are in all their glory. It is of outmost importance for outer and inner beauty to connect in one whole, so that all relationships in a person’s life can become truly enjoyable and filled with sensual physical contact and intimacy, which are provided by Taurus when matters of Venus are settled. 8th - Gemini With the eighth house in Gemini, changes always move through one’s mental plain and superficial approach is almost impossible to accept. This is a typical position for those born with their ascendant in Scorpio, and we will see that they have real trouble accepting anything carefree that lacks depth and deep instinct in its core. Individuals with their eighth house in Gemini will steer clear of small talk, often not realizing how necessary and helpful it can be. Dismissal of brotherly love or love with a sibling is almost always present, so it needs to be found in their heart and accepted for better or worse. Changes in life will be strangely casual when they are big and usually approached to with ease and vigor. This is the position that allows love of change and these dreamers will search for happiness in strangest of places. 9th - Cancer With the ninth house in Cancer, there is always a simple striving held in a person’s path – to find peace. This is not an easy mission for someone with their mind standing in the way, for our human nature often doesn’t allow enough silence and peace to reach that much needed state of clarity and peace. A strong purpose is always in connection with family issues that have to be resolved or gained through their own ability to form calm relationships with their partner and children. Very often, this position will point to the possibility of life abroad, in case it is confirmed with at least two more significations in the chart. Their greatest teachers are found in their own heart and they will come to see that only people they love can actually teach them anything at all. This will lead to some hurtful emotional experiences for the purpose of each feeling they have might be to teach, rather than last or provide them with that much needed peace.** 10th - Leo** With the tenth house in Leo, you get a typical manager. Even if this person isn’t talented to govern people and their Sun is weak, they will still try to show off and present themselves as dominant, strong, big, or as if they are the ones who rule. All beneficent positions that follow this one only improve one’s energetic state and provide the confidence to materialize goals. To come to any leading position with the tenth house in Leo, these individuals often have their family standing in the way. Either their parents will support them and give them all they need to lead, or they will burden them with difficult genetic debts that need to be repaid in order to blossom. Whatever the case, this position has a strong gravitational pull that won’t allow much weakness, let alone the feeling of powerlessness or the loss of colors in life. **11th - Virgo **When the eleventh house is set in the sign of Virgo, there is often something wrong with friends this person finds. While in the best possible light this could show friends who are healers, truly intelligent and incredibly dedicated to their cause, in most cases it also speaks of betrayal of some kind and people who aren’t adequate to fulfill a person’s needs. There is always a question of what is truly deserved here, and it is typical for them to consider themselves unworthy of honest social contacts who as similar to them as they should be. Usually, a lot of time will pass before they realize who they need to be around with, and this comes with age and experience if they don’t close their heart entirely because of several bad wounds. The greatest wish for those born with their eleventh house in Virgo is to be grounded, practical and caring. Lucky for them, this can be reached through inspiring relationships, healthy routine and everyday simplicities of life.

**12th - Libra **With the twelfth house in Libra it seems inevitable to lie or be lied to, and usually both. Still, if we put this aside, we can see the magical story of Libra in this mysterious house and realize that someone we once left behind is there for us to find them again in this life. Things that were lost in our twelfth house have a tendency to show themselves someday. This goes specifically for great loves, and with strongly set Venus, even greater loving relationships. If Venus is not that strong in this kind of horoscope, the obvious debt has to be repaid through emotional sacrifice of some kind. In most cases, this will develop through a romantic relationship in which the trust has been broken, finally liberating the person from unrealistic expectations. This is always someone talented to recognize beauty, often artistic and with a knack for drawing or music. However, they have to be very careful not to disrespect people around them in any way so that their personality has room to grow.

Asc Sagittarius

1st - Sagittarius Those born with the Ascendant in Sagittarius often get to be physically larger than other people in their family tree. If not, their perspective gets to be wider, their convictions strong and their mind extremely important. Philosophers and teachers, these individuals have the ability to see the bigger picture, but often have trouble staying realistic, while fighting with their need to see the world through pink goggles. Always looking forward, they are usually fun and a pleasure to be with. The challenge they have to face hides in their irrational approach. They have a task to recognize smart, realistic and practical sides to each thing in their life. This is a sign ruled by beneficent Jupiter. 2nd - Capricorn If one’s horoscope carries the second house cusp in the sign of Capricorn, this is often seen as a cross of destiny that cannot be changed. The greatest problem here lies in the guilt carried deep in one’s soul that leads to unfortunate circumstances and mistakes made in the field of finances or their eating habits. This is not a position that will forgive much, especially if one is not ready to take on all of the responsibility for their life and their financial or material belongings. A lesson that needs to be learned in Capricorn is always learnt best through rest, and one cannot see just how much they are worth unless they are well-rested. For as long as they are in a constant spasm, stuck in their inability to feel responsible for their own wellbeing, they won’t be able to see the healthy routine they need in order to become satisfied with what they have. 3rd - Aquarius When the third house belongs to the sign of Aquarius, we instantly see an incredible mind filled with brilliant ideas and a rich social life. This is a rebel that never relies on advice of others, and falls into the field of problems if they start feeding their ego through endless advice they tend to give. The important thing to acknowledge here is that everyone is smart in their own way, and nobody needs any advice given unless they specifically asked for it. With liberal expression and a mind turned to alternative ways of reasoning, these people make good astrologers, innovators, and friends, for as long as they don’t give in to stress and take good care of their body and their physical state. Without a strong physique, one’s incredible mind simply has no grounding to bring its sparkling existence down to planet Earth in a satisfying way. 4th - Pisces It is often said that the fourth house in Pisces speaks of family secrets and shady ancestors that have done who-knows-what. However, this can sometimes simply speak of the lack of clarity of emotion one receives in their primary environment. It is the image of a parent who wasn’t there while at the same time idealized, giving the person a constant feeling of not-belonging, abandonment and distracting, changeable emotions. Being lost is the least of their concerns in the case they have had to face addiction problems in their closest family, or passive aggression accompanied by emotional blackmail, that remains well-hidden from them even when obvious to other people around them. Of all emotional extremes, this is one of the strongest and comes very close to the fourth house in Scorpio, as all ancestors can be blended together into a mush that is truly difficult to understand, making a person feel detached, lost, lonely, or even depressed. 5th - Aries It is always invigorating and satisfying to have the fifth house set in a Fire sign. In addition, Aries is a sign that exalts the Sun and in connection to this house it speaks of one’s strong life force, confidence and initiative in pursuit for happiness. With this position, joy is almost always found in physical exercise and demanding activities, challenges and competitions. This is someone who loves to win and feels good as soon as they find the time to commit to an energizing activity. The love for Self is the most important thing with this position, and if individuals born with it want to find happiness, they always have to search for it within, with no regard to the outer world and other people. Depending on the positioning of Mars, we will see if they have the energy to do so or if this is something that should be worked on and brought to perfection through solitary activities. 6th - Taurus With the sixth house beginning in Taurus, we see a primal challenge of food, meaning it is imperative to find a good routine in this lifetime, eat healthy while also enjoying what’s on the table in the best possible way. Even though Taurus is a lot different from Libra, its ruler is still Venus and speaks of balance that needs to be found, in the field of material issues such as food, money, and physical activity. This is someone who should never become lazy, and needs to stop bouncing to and fro, up and down, when it comes to activity, weight, spending, or emotion. Since the element of Earth is an unconscious category, it is not always easy to approach matters set here through an Earth sign, and a lot of self-control is needed in order to balance out all of these things. A good start always hides in a healthy diet and an hourly routine that satisfies the stomach and the heart equally. ** 7th - Gemini** If the seventh house is set in Gemini, there is obviously a lot to talk about in this lifetime. This is a person who sees communication as a key to any situation at hand. Closeness is reached through conversations, people are met at social gatherings, and the image of a talkative friend is often too accented. This can lead to detachment and one’s inability to create true intimate contact, especially if the Moon is not strong enough to handle the mental capacity of a person. It is always important to work on the emotional state when this is the case, for only deep emotion, forgiveness and childish joy can make this Gemini partner as happy and light as it is supposed to be. In many cases, this is a position that speaks of multiple marriages, often as a consequence of overthinking combined with strange mental spontaneity, while not in sync with one’s heart. 8th - Cancer With the eighth house in Cancer, it is almost impossible to control inner fears left as inheritance by our elders. This is a typical position for those whose mothers were afraid of pregnancy, maybe feeling lost and lonely in their state of mind. It is a caring position that makes these individuals more sensitive than they might seem, and it is never easy to accept this deep emotional nature that hides within. People born with their eighth house in Cancer tend to dismiss emotions, pretending they are not as important as their rational mind, and will surround themselves with those who support this theory. This is dangerous simply because it could lead to overall fast downgrade of the level of satisfaction they want to achieve. Forgiveness and acceptance, joined with compassion and sensitivity, save these strong-willed individuals from breakdown. 9th - Leo When the ninth house is set in the sign of Leo, we see that someone has to clarify the image of self apart from their family, upbringing and values taught at home. If they are too proud to accept that truth is relative to all people, they can become pushy and force their opinions and convictions on everyone around them. The key to a healthy existence here is often hidden in their chase for emotional satisfaction and the Moon will speak of their ability to forgive, move forward, and accept their feelings instead of trying too hard to remain in a rational mode. Awareness will grow as soon as they realize how vulnerable they actually are, face the fact that they are human and that their emotional core gives them much more benefits than weaknesses. They will learn from dominant figures, their boss and their father, but rarely have enough respect for the feminine side within to achieve their incredible full potential. 10th - Virgo When the tenth house is in the sign of Virgo, a person seems to be born with a need to fix their own goals. They will rarely aim high enough or chase positions they might have been made for, as if they turn to self-judgment too easy to make any professional progress at all. This is a position that speaks of all those who end up buried in paperwork, accountants and worker bees of any kind. They will work for others, loyal and dedicated to the preservation of their practical benefits. Just as their other Mercury related “colleagues” with the tenth house in Gemini are turned to oratory fulfillment, these individuals will often have the need to write. Spoken word will be much more distant than the written one and their talents will pull them to journalism and writing of any kind. **11th - Libra **The eleventh house likes to be in Libra for its communication issues are focused on important relationships making it easy to form social contacts. However, the sign of Libra itself doesn’t exactly enjoy this position leading to too many changes in their emotional life, as well as breakups or divorce if they haven’t chose a partner who is both their friend and their lover combined. The search for balance these people need becomes clear in their relationships, emotional, social or professional. It is never easy to find it though, and they will jump from one serious social bond into another, in long time periods, as if they had no intention to settle for a friendship that isn’t perfect. The problem is - there is no such thing as a perfect person in this world, unless if you observe the entire humanity as a manifest of perfection. While these individuals reflect in their friends, they will never be happy this way if they don’t accept the imperfections in human nature.

** 12th - Scorpio **The twelfth house in Scorpio is an interesting place. Something as taboo and as hidden as Scorpio rarely finds an appropriate secretive hideout, but this position allows them to. The most unfortunate thing here lies in one’s ability to bury their own feelings, doings, or aspirations, finally ending up without any awareness of their true inner light. This is the sign that speaks of our shadows and everything we want to bury and dismiss along the way, and when it is set in such a secretive house, shoving things under the rug becomes a routine. This can make these people explode in numerous ways, ending up in strange circumstances, weird conversations, interventions, institutions or even jail. To see the magic in Scorpio this person has to be truly and deeply open-minded, fully willing to accept the most devastating, darkest and most dangerous emotions they carry within.

** **

Asc Capricorn

1st - Capricorn If someone’s Ascendant is set in the sign of Capricorn, they will be practical and turned to material issues and goals in life they feel they have to achieve. Depending on the positions of planets in this house and its ruler, they will be successful or challenged in their reach for a certain destination, defining whether or not they will be able to make a plan they can follow. This can be a sign that speaks of a heavy cross that needs to be carried, just as it can speak of a practical individual able to recognize the use in everything that happens in their life. Strong and stiff, these people often have a spasm to attend to, problems with their spine and bones, or their faith in God and their relation to religion. Their biggest challenge is to find understanding and compassion for those that are weak, overly sensitive or strongly emotional. Their ruler is Saturn. 2nd - Aquarius In cases where the second house begins in the sign of Aquarius, matters of value will constantly change. The only constant value the person will recognize will be seen in their friendships and common goals of the society, while it will be pretty hard to remain stable in one financial approach. This is a person that has a need to take great financial risks, just like they will take risks with their health and all the things their body can handle consuming fast and junk food way too often for their liver and heart to take in. In most cases, the first house of someone born with this second house position is set in Capricorn, adding a new dimension to the use of their energy when creating anything in the material world. Stable and with a strong plan, they seem to find liberation through money and this will often make them strangely irresponsible and full of surprises in all financial matters. 3rd - Pisces If the third house is set in Pisces, we have to keep in mind that this is a sign of Mercury’s fall. The greatest conflict of emotion and reason is seen here, and it can be confusing, strange, and deeply challenging for one’s ability to speak, write, or even think clearly. However, the sign of Pisces speaks of our talents too, and depending on the position of Mercury, Jupiter, and Neptune, we can see that one of these talents can be grounded through positive aspects and dignities of these celestial bodies. In order for the third house in Pisces to reach clarity, all mind-altering substances should be avoided, including alcohol, narcotics, medicaments and even nicotine. Purity within will allow purity of mind, resulting in purity of words and reasonable life choices. If they practice what they preach, they could discover that magic of life is there for the taking. 4th - Aries When someone has the fourth house cusp set in the sign of Aries, it often speaks of impatience of the parent of opposite sex when the chart’s owner was still a baby. In case of a perfect positioning, this is a sign of fiery emotional clarity, speed of decisions and the confidence one brought from their home and their upbringing. Each imbalance here speaks of pain and hurt, and even abuse or anger deeply seeded in one’s family tree. Aries is a sign of fiery nature, and often doesn’t give enough room for an individual to develop its emotional nature to the point of self-recognition, understanding, and enough compassion to reach the point of true satisfaction. This is someone raised in a loud home, with a lot of conflict, constructive or destructive, and gives as much energy to one’s soul as it can take it away. 5th - Taurus With the fifth house in the sign of Taurus, it is common to presume that one’s satisfaction lies in financial and material things. However, it is rather a story of Venus and we cannot say that it primarily speaks of money. This is someone who has to find joy in the material world, and such a position will often speak of the love for food and overeating as the means to cover dissatisfactions that lack of initiative prevents them from resolving. Taurus is a sign that speaks of creative artistic expression, and with a convenient link to the twelfth house, this is someone with a talent for singing and music, as well as any art that leaves its solid mark in the world. Their inner child needs rest, hedonistic choices, and emotional bonds accompanied by incredible intimacy and physical pleasures. 6th - Gemini The sixth house in Gemini speaks of one’s mental occupancy and the ability, or the inability, to separate from the world of imagination and thought, and come down to the real world where grounding in found. As Mercury rules the sign of Gemini, there is a link here to this two-faced magician, and it often helps the person to understand “the other role” they need to play to make their physique and their circumstances work for them. This is a chatty position with a tendency to draw one to gossip at a workplace, but also brings a talent for trade and small financial matters that cumulate to create wealth. For as long as mental problems don’t preoccupy a person, this is a practical position that allows multitasking and a realistic approach to daily matters and work. 7th - Cancer If the seventh house begins in the sign of Cancer, there is a lot left in the field of relationships from our ancestors and family. It is almost impossible to separate one’s personal goals and bonds formed with other people from those of parents and close family members that presented role models in the person’s upbringing. With this position, ego and personality have to be well defined, and the Sun needs to be nurtured through creative activities and a thorough approach to the child within. All this person needs is awareness of their true core and specifics of personality that set them apart from family members and values learned at home. When partners are chosen in accordance with one’s sensibility and character, relationships will be filled with tenderness, emotion and intimacy, leading to a healthy family life and functional marriages that last. 8th - Leo If the eighth house is in Leo, there is no easy way to accept authority. Not only will a person need a change of personal image and scenery, but they will also see all of ego related problems of their own, in other people. In case they won’t accept childish behavior and efforts of others, this simply means they are not on the right track. There is almost always something off with their perception of success. To truly evolve and transform into successful and strong individuals full of life, they have to build their level of respect for others and themselves to infinite heights. The challenge here lies in their ability to respect those who aren’t deep, practical and responsible as they think suitable. Once they see that a smile on their face is directly related to the respect they nurture for their own child within, their perception will change and they will be ready to manage, rule, and shine their warm light on other people. 9th - Virgo The ninth house in Virgo speaks of the focus on helping others, charity work, and matters of modesty and detail. Those who were born with this house position often have the need to learn how to heal and rationally understand the intelligence of their physiology and practical issues in the material world. However, their ego stands in their way and they will always have a challenge of their Sun to overcome to truly reach the state of wisdom and purpose. Something is always used and needs fixing in Virgo, and it is quite common for these individuals to have problems while traveling for choosing accommodation that is too cheap to be enjoyed, or overpaid for the one they get. They will have a flare for literature and many linguists and writers will have this position accented, if their tenth house supports strong materialization of everything they have learned. 10th - Libra If the tenth house is set in Libra, we instantly see that the center of one’s world is found in their relationships. Other people will define the destination this person will choose, and it will not be easy on their personality if the Sun isn’t very strong in its position and disposition through the planet ruling it. Tenth house in Libra speaks of one’s chase for marriage, search for a soulmate or someone to define their strivings in life. While they seek balance, they will find as much of it as their Venus allows, and in time build a strong basis for an equally manifested personal and professional life. Tact, diplomacy and dedication are the main traits a person with this position is trying to gain. This is why they will turn to professions in politics, law, marriage counseling, or simply point their life towards finding their one true love, putting every other segment of life aside. **11th - Scorpio **While many would think that the eleventh house in Scorpio is quite difficult and bonding, we shouldn’t forget that the sign of Scorpio is the sign of the exaltation of Uranus and speaks of the best friends we could find. Friendships in Scorpio represents our deep bonds for life, and they will be hard to achieve, build up, but extremely satisfying every step of the way. The depth these relationships are approached in is extreme and not always easy to comprehend. The preconditions for any true bond here are brutal honesty and the ability to turn to dark humor in the time of need. Individuals born with this position wish to reach emotional depth they don’t recognize within, and they are often not fully aware of this need. Their road in life will be based on reasonable choices and things they can cold-heartedly achieve, but their real goals will never be easy or at the palm of their hand if they don’t deal with family issues and emotional blockages they made along the way.

** 12th - Sagittarius **When the twelfth house is set in Sagittarius, we usually see someone who has no idea where they are going. Being lost seems to be the congenital disease in these people and they have no way of knowing where they want to end up. Ties were made to the most distant of places, and past life regression could help them discover where they have lived and what makes them lose their place and their hopes. Beliefs have to be examined, as well as their religion views. Blessings will come from the most unexpected people and places, and although there are a lot of secrets to be expected in lives of others, these individuals are able to sense anyone’s goodness of heart from miles away. This is a very strong position for spiritual work and meditation, but if they don’t get enough sleep, they risk their entire life passing them by.

** **

Asc Aquarius

1st - Aquarius With an Ascendant in Aquarius, no person can adapt to social norms and blend in. This is someone who looks strange, in any imaginable way, while at times eccentric, wildly liberal or rebellious. These individuals are often tall and etheric, or simply nervous and edgy most of the time. The greatest challenge of every Aquarius is to find their core and the center of their personality, filled with respect for their own needs and personalities of everyone around them. They will fail to see the purpose of authority, and have to understand that royalty, as well as organizing and managing, are necessary and useful in their life. They are ruled by Saturn and Uranus. 2nd - Pisces When the second house is positioned in the sign of Pisces, many belongings will get lost from time to time. This is seen in someone who doesn’t know where their keys are, just like they aren’t sure where or when they will be able to earn something on their own. The complicated thing here lies in the fact that delusions with Pisces tend to take over, and one can feel truly and deeply satisfied without having much, just like they could overestimate their abilities in certain fields, lost in their true mission and focus towards material goals. The main goal of a person in this case is to follow their true calling and a mission they are supposed to fulfill in this lifetime, for this is the only thing that can bring enough real satisfaction to their life.** 3rd - Aries** If the third house starts in the sign of Aries, we see an individual with a fast mind and an aggressive approach to communication. This is someone energized and filled with active ideas, whose mind never stops working. It is a blessing as much as it can be a curse, for the sign of Aries holds our unresolved anger issues just as much as it brings speed, intelligence and clear reasoning. When this position is accented, a person has to learn about consequences of their words, as well as words spoken by other people, and build up their patience for matters they obsessively think about. Stubborn communicators, they can be quite annoying when in a large group, at least until they realize what they need to do to become true leaders, giving respect to everyone around them. 4th - Taurus If the fourth house is set in Taurus, we see a natural position of care and physical devotion coming from one’s parents. Although it can point out to traditional or strict upbringing, it always provides one with a certain sense of comfort and joy that creates a strong, fixed basis for a satisfying life. Only in the case of truly challenging position of Venus and the Moon can we presume that the person in question has an emotional debt to repay, and has to deal with feelings of guilt and incompetence coming from their early environment. In most cases this is a very warm position, enabling one to find beauty and see the world in color, as well as provide them with the ability to enjoy material reality and engage in practical matters in a healthy way. 5th - Gemini In the case of the fifth house set in Gemini, we can see someone whose child within is truly childish and talkative. It is quite easy to relate to children with this position, and become aware of one’s true inspirations, motives and personality at a young age. Depending on the positioning of Mercury, this is a changeable position that can throw one from one extreme to the other. There are always two sides to the sign of Gemini, and the real challenge here is to find the golden middle and a place where one would satisfy both of their needs, the light and the dark one. This will be done through constant movement, communication, or a solid relationship with a sibling. The need for self-expression is extremely strong here as Gemini already point to our ability to show who we are through the art of conversation and thought. 6th - Cancer The sixth house in Cancer links one’s deep emotional roots to the house of work and health, and speaks of the unconscious tendencies that lead to certain conditions and practical circumstances. It is a strange connection of emotion with practicality and reason, giving a task to jump out of a family, inherited routine, to find the right one for our own body. A person with the sixth house in Cancer often approaches household chores as obligations, and the real question is hidden in the joy behind daily activities. Once they find true joy in cooking and cleaning, turning their heads to family matters and seeing them in all their glory with qualities that they often fail to see, they will find a way to be healthy. The motto “clean house makes a clean mind” is perfectly suited for these individuals and their routine needs to stay enjoyable and clear as much as possible in order for them to feel good. 7th - Leo With the seventh house in Leo, all relationships depend solely on a person’s ability to find middle ground and a point of agreement with others instead of compromising senselessly and going to extremes of doing and not doing what others want. The main challenge of Leo hides in oneness found in connection with the rest of the human race, and since this already puts an emphasis on an Ascendant in Aquarius, this is always hard to reach as an innovative, strange, and special individual. These people need confident partners who don’t take things too personally, and have to discover ways in which they can function as one with those who are less rational and far fierier than they seem to be. There is no authority in “we” and for as long as they realize that respect has to be unconditional and flowing both ways equally, they will form healthy bonds filled with warmth. 8th - Virgo The sign of Virgo rarely has some idea what hedonism is, and seems to have the need to go into detailed analysis of everything, taking out all colors out of creative things in life. The main problem is hidden in the fact that without detail, there wouldn’t be functionality, and to ground any grandiose idea, we have to be practical enough to commit to details. Resistance given to practical, daily matters with this natal position leads to all sorts of health related problems. A person has to realize that the only way to find satisfaction in the material world is through the material world, and it will be tossed aside as irrelevant comparing to their incredible mental dominance. True intelligence hides in out body, our routine, and our physiology. Mercury is exalted in the sign of Virgo and the element of Earth, so any mental effort must have its final goal in its manifestation in the real world. Everything else will look like a bundle of empty words if no substance is given through practicality and grounding. 9th - Libra If the ninth house is set in Libra, there is something strangely confusing in a person’s belief system, the main problem being the fact that their beliefs seem to be defined by other people. They will find many role models in this lifetime and need to overcome their self-criticism in order to truly reach their desired state of mind, physical state, or professional goals that they see as their calling. Hard work is needed for their plans to materialize and they will often be stuck in their dreamland, or when disappointed too many times, in their world of envy and feelings of incompetence. Relationships with quality will have to stand the test of time, and it is very often that these individuals remarry, sometimes only to find that marriage is too serious for them in the first place. When well supported, they will blossom in areas such as law, diplomacy, marriage counseling, and all activities done with a partner or someone they have an emotional bond with. 10th - Scorpio If someone’s tenth house begins in the sign of Scorpio, the main thing they are supposed to reach in this lifetime is emotional depth. This is a deep Water sign that allows no superficial feelings, and as such it is a strong basis for professional success. Obsessive chase for their goals makes them incredibly strong, motivated, as if they were magnetically attracted to their calling seen through Mars and Pluto. Still, it will also show how aggressive they can get in their approach. The best manifestations of this position hide in great sexual satisfaction they will achieve, as well as through roles of healers, scientists, psychologists, and all those incredible souls who aren’t afraid to dig for truth and show it to the world. From coroners to Bach practitioners, these individuals will have a calling that isn’t easy to understand and accept by many people in their world. **11th - Sagittarius **If the eleventh house is in the sign of Sagittarius, people who surround this person are benefactors, teachers, travelers, and open-minded friends who don’t mind differences in opinions, education or race. This is an inviting position as it speaks of all good men and women who have a lot to give, teach, and learn at the same time. Their friends can overdo the favors and the problem that appears in these souls will come from the inability to achieve anything alone. Once this person starts relying on others for help, they will wonder too far from their own character and burden those who wanted to show good faith. This is a wonderful position for all those special souls who came to this planet to reconnect with the Universe. God will speak to them as they breathe together with planet Earth, and find incredible joy in meditation and new techniques that will help them shape their future.

**12th - Capricorn **With the twelfth house in Capricorn, there is no knowing which responsibility falls under whose jurisdiction. The difficulty of this setting hides in the inability to see that a strong foundation makes all the work, and while good ideas can come a long way, they aren’t easily materialized if hard work isn’t put in. Even though it might not seem like it, this is one of the most demanding positions in the twelfth house, for it speaks of karmic ties and our strong, physical connection to past life experiences. Strange things will manifest as circumstances that are hard to avoid or overcome, with many obstacles standing in one’s way towards liberation. If Saturn is strong in a person’s chart, there will be a sense of security, wisdom and unconscious power in doing the right thing, and that will become a wind in their sails and open them up for real inner experience of faith.

**

**

Asc Pisces

**1st - Pisces **When the first house begins in the sign of Pisces, we have to understand that this is a person on a mission, born with a higher cause that needs to be recognized. This is someone fine, sensitive, emotional, with big eyes and a tender soul. Often, this is a sign that gives a troubled physique, especially affecting one’s mental state. In order to use the best the sign of Pisces has to offer, a person has to have enough faith, and a strong basis in upbringing and education to fulfill their incredibly large appetite for happiness. Each of these individuals has to accept paperwork, rational thought, and reality in its purest and most obvious form. They have to learn how to handle details and focus on specific small things in order to create a bigger picture with quality. Practice makes perfect, and this is something they should always remember. Their rulers are Jupiter and Neptune.

** 2nd - Aries **If the second house begins in the sign of Aries, we can see that this person follows their instincts to create something in the material world. This will be a strong hunger and often speaks of instinctive overeating, or undereating, strongly related to one’s fears. This is the position that speaks of quick gain, strongly pointed energy into matters of self-worth and the value of all things in life. This will also speak of one’s tendency to eat too fast, choose food rich in red meat, often too spicy for their stomach to handle. Aries on the second house cusp can speak of a person’s inability to enjoy things that are slow, homey, cozy, or tender. This can be a rough position that forms a rough personality, unless feminine planets and the Moon are strongly positioned in their horoscope.

** 3rd - Taurus **With the third house cusp in Taurus, thoughts are often slow, static, and turned to hedonistic or material matters. This is one of the most practical and constructive positions, although sometimes irritating for people with third house cusp in signs that belong to the element of Air. When a person born with this position discovers their talent to create, it is easily incorporated into their daily routine, with ease in taking responsibility and handling dull details that would turn others away. This will bring them a lot of satisfaction in the material world, shown through financial gain and everything it has to bring through beauty and a cozy way of life. The greatest challenge of such a mind hides in their lack of flexibility and the inability to accept change, as in all loving matters of the sign of Taurus.

** 4th - Gemini **With the fourth house cusp in Gemini, we can see the changeable and a bit unstable nature of one’s home. Very often, this comes as a root for a person’s feeling of inconsistency, seen through possible dishonesty of their same-sex parent, or the image of two fathers or two mothers, that they cannot mend into one. This can be a very rewarding position, especially in the case when Venus is involved in the fourth house story, but very often represents two entirely different angles that are hardly brought into one point, and the row of opposing feelings, changes, and inconsistencies in one’s emotional state. Since the sign of Gemini is the sign of communication, it carries a risk of a certain lack of compassion, coming from a parent who overly rationalizes person’s emotions, not giving them a chance to recognize and accept them as they are.

** 5th - Cancer **When one’s fifth house is set in the sign of Cancer, satisfaction is always found somewhere in the family tree. This can be as fulfilling as it can be challenging, for one’s personal expression and joy seem to depend greatly on their ancestors and their level of consciousness. The important thing to remember here is that responsibility taken gives us freedom from all other people, and the tenderness of Cancer always shows the importance of one’s emotional core in their personal path. This will show importance of family and parenthood in one’s chase for happiness, as well as a deep understanding that they don’t need exhilaration or too much excitement, just a calm, peaceful life that other people often take for granted. When the Moon is strong and in empowering aspects, we will see one’s ability to manifest their personality through all sorts of tender, caring activities, bringing love, compassion and creation into all aspects of their lives.

** 6th - Leo **With the sixth house set in Leo, childish joy needs to be found in a workplace. This is a position that emphasizes physical strength in some way, and its manifestation is mostly seen through the position of the Sun. If it is strong and vigorous, a person’s energy serves other people and creates an atmosphere in which advancements are possible and managing positions there for the taking. In case ego problems take over and one’s creativity and self-image is low, it can lead to problems with authority, all sorts of health related issues and even heart conditions triggered by a simple lack of energy and joy in one’s life. The best way to improve the energetic state hides in creative activities, for talents need to be employed daily and in the best possible way to truly feel the joy of Leo.

** 7th - Virgo **The seventh house set in the sign of Virgo speaks of humility and brings focus to matters of criticism, the ability to find satisfaction in the real world and form relationships that don’t have to be perfect in order to last. There is always something that needs to be fixed in the sign of Virgo and this position will make a person look for something impossible to reach in many cases, or make them settle for less than they deserve out of feelings of guilt, incompetence or a simple lack of self-worth. All unhealthy issues will tend to accumulate here so this is a house that needs a lot of cleansing, constructive efforts and changes in order to reach the state which satisfies that dreamy first house in Pisces. Matters of faith and disappointments greatly depend on the story of Venus, for one obviously needs to set reasonable expectations through dealing with other people.

** 8th - Libra **The eighth house in Libra is a truly strange position for this seems to be linked to people who want to be alone. Even though it is our natural need to have someone to love, reaching for perfect harmony, this obviously doesn’t apply to everyone in the zodiac. Even though these dreamy individuals might wish for their fairytale ending, their acceptance of togetherness will be flaky and unstable. They need to build a personal approach to partnership, marriage, and all things that are related to other people from scratch, as if their life is marked by inconsistent relationships and parents who weren’t as functional together as they were when apart. As those who lack tact and wish to be independent, they find themselves in strangely satisfying relationships before marriage while having trouble coping with the institution of marriage in the end. The key here obviously hides in their deep, intimate world and recognizing the difference between marriage and obligation.

** 9th - Scorpio **With the ninth house in Scorpio, we have to understand that a person will make choices that many would think of as strange. In the most positive manifestation, this will give one an incredible depth of mind, belief in the power of planet Earth, connection to endless pools of inner energy and a tendency to study science, psychology, or even occult teachings. Still, we have to keep in mind that practically speaking, these individuals have a belief system rooted somewhere in the river of their ancestors, highly unconscious and strange for many people around them. Their convictions will be powerful and obvious in their manifestations, while their need to learn about deep matters that others don’t want to deal with often sets them apart from their group at school, college, or at any family gathering. They have to find a way to satisfy their inner craving for deep understanding of the Universe and Unity, but they will find it only if they mend their broken relationships and realize that no man is born into this world to be alone.

** 10th - Sagittarius **With the tenth house in Sagittarius, it is evident that learning leads to progress as if life was a simple equation. However, this is the sign of all distances and it shows the tendency of a person to work abroad or chase their career goals somewhere far from the place they were born in. While they learn about their true calling and direction in life, they will easily scatter their energy on too many things at the same time, wasting their potential on a personal search for their mission. Overthinking will make them seem like incredible philosophers, but it will rarely give them the material results they wish for. In order to reach true satisfaction, they have to let these distances flow through their heart, realizing that we all share the same planet, the same Universe, and none of us is far from home at any point in time.

** 11th - Capricorn **When the eleventh house begins in Capricorn, friendships last, filled with patience and the sense of obligation. Without a strong basis, there is little that can be done to improve social life, and they need to be surrounded with those who come highly “recommended” by those they already trust. This is a closed circle of friends, as a loop that may last forever. Still, Capricorn doesn’t bring much joy into any house, and especially not in the eleventh. One will have to reach structure, have an organized schedule, and dedicate their life to finding the right balance that will keep them healthy and situated. Karmic friendships are typical here, and those a person is bound to form a strong bond with will feel familiar. Close friends met this person in the past, with their lives intertwined in a loop of karmic debt or reward.

** 12th - Aquarius The twelfth house in Aquarius speaks of a stressful death that happened in our past life. This is a place of stress and strange mental orientation, pulling strongly with its humane gravity and the unconscious need to set free, set apart from everyone else, and sink into all natural oppositions as if there was no other way. Mending the differences and finding middle ground seems distant and impossible to these individuals, as if they had a talent for true friendship, but lack of awareness for those who don’t fall into this category. They need to learn to be humane, so charity work will come in handy, especially if they are the secret benefactor nobody knows about. Their eccentricity will make them happy but in secret and in silence, with as little words said as possible. Even though they might be on the mission of solitude, they are often calmed by the peace of their marriage and relationships that represent a good basis for their personality rather than making them feel at home. **

[in-tua-deep]

Ok I totally want to hear more about this survivors au/Delores is real! How do the siblings handle having this different version of Five? Five may be better adjusted but he still has to heard his family around like a bunch of stray cats. What happens when Hazel and Cha Cha show up? How do they find out that Vanya causes the apocalypse and how does Five handle that revelation?!

here is the thing, i think the survivors au has the potential to be HILARIOUS

no one knows how to handle a well-adjusted five, and this absolutely includes the commission

So you mentioned Hazel and Cha-Cha?? Five in this au was not nearly as absolutely feral as he is in the show bc he knows how to interact with people - he was raised by a competent adult and a weird best friend and they occasionally saw other survivors as well

please picture old Five hanging around the water cooler and chatting with Hazel

the other funny thing is that Five is competent passing - he is well adjusted emotionally but functionally?? Hazel is out there complaining about dental being cut and office parties and budgets and Five is there sipping his drink having never filed taxes in his life. Five doesn't know what the fuck a dental plan is, he was a child soldier and then lived in an apocalypse.

So please picture for me Hazel being like "okay I know corporate wants us to keep what we're being paid to ourselves but fuck that, workers unite, what do you get paid as a legend old timer?"

and five is like "you're getting paid? i get to not get tossed back into the apocalypse, I think"

"but what about expense forms? what about medical care?"

"I'm like 80% sure i'm being experimented on, actually." Five says nonchalantly, "Don't get me wrong, my idea of medical care is fucked by being a child soldier but I'm pretty sure regular people don't have electrodes attached to their heads every time they get a checkup. Could be wrong though! My ex-dad used to monitor my brainwaves while I slept so like, my idea of appropriate shit is fucked, you know?"

This is a Five who was raised by Rick, he is polite to his coworkers. If Dot asked him if he wanted to grab lunch, Five would have gone and grabbed lunch with her or politely said that he couldn't.

Cha Cha only ever talks to Five when she wants to talk shop, so they've had a couple of conversations about weapons but not much else tbh, Hazel just tends to be more personable

So when they're sent after Five, Hazel is much more hesitant to kill who he perceives as a "work friend" and also is definitely thinking about all the times Five casually revealed a way the commission was being highkey shady about him, such as the potential experimentation, no pay, working under duress etc. He's much more easily turned against the commission because he's even more primed to say "fuck the commission" than he is in canon

Hazel out here like "how did Five break his contract when Five wasn't even being paid? I kind of want to read it."

Hazel out here like "I would unionize if I didn't think the commission was anti-union enough to send literal assassins after me if I suggested it :/"

meanwhile with the siblings

Five just. talks over them a lot and makes so much sense that it's actually really hard to argue with him, and he's weirdly considerate of his family's obligations

Like Diego is like "i have to go see Patch" then Five is like "that's great I'm proud of you buddy, it would actually be really handy to have some law enforcement read into the situation if you think she's up to the task. that goes for everyone by the way! If y'all have people you trust, more bodies would be super helpful I think"

the entire family, collectively, who have like zero trusted social links: uhhhhhhhh

Diego, with this weird permission, probably?? Does? Awkwardly attempt to read Patch into the situation? Patch is, obviously, like "what the fuck, Diego" but probably goes with him to the mansion (????????) because she's concerned and then meets his fucking whacko family with their superpowers and suddenly everything is 100% more realistic

Five is just like "yes hello I'm aware I look like a child, i'm actually in my late 50s or early 60s (apocalypse time amiright) because of time travel stuff. Yes I am Five Hargreeves who went missing in like 2002 or whatever. anyway it's lovely to meet you, i'm so glad diego has someone he trusts, and considering my sibling's shifty looks when i told them to invite anyone they trusted this genuinely makes me concerned that Diego is the most socially well-adjusted of them."

"That cannot be possible." Patch says, like someone who has met Diego Hargreeves.

"You haven't met the rest." Five says sympathetically, "In our defense we were raised in isolation as child soldiers."

"That... explains so much." Is all Patch can say to that, "But you seem..."

"I'm adopted." Five waves away.

"We're ALL adopted." Diego grits out, very aggrieved by this and also not sure if he likes the fact that Patch seems friendly with Five, or at least is listening to him?

"I'm double adopted."

However! With the recruitment of Patch, herding Diego becomes like 90% easier.

Honestly the worst to herd are probably Luther and Allison? Luther because he's Number One and resents Five taking charge and also resents Five's casual dismissal of Reginald and also suspects that Five (or at least the commission) has something to do with Reginald's death?

Allison because she is torn between following Luther and helping him and helping Five but also calling Patrick and Claire at every possible moment while ALSO trying to repair her relationship with Vanya. She's flighty - she'd bail on a Five-apocalypse-assignment if Vanya mentioned being hungry or if Luther called or anything like that

Vanya likes to be included and, if asked, would probably drop as many current obligations as she can. Like she would probably cancel her teaching if Five genuinely and sincerely asked her for her help, which he does because he's 100% sure Dolores would manifest in front of him and smack him if he dared even imply someone without powers wouldn't be helpful

Vanya is like "I'm not sure if i'll be helpful - I don't have powers ):" and Patch is like "wtf are you talking about - my superpowers are Gun, Backup, and Reading Comprehension and i am like the most useful member of this team right now"

Vanya gets a confidence boost just from hanging out with Patch honestly, I think they should be friends

Klaus is thrilled to be included are you kidding?? He says he does it for money but he's just happy to be there and also as one of the most emotionally intelligent siblings he is mildly concerned about the fact that Five looks like he's about to cry and also emotes

Five also gives Klaus positive reinforcement, hugs, and Five absolutely weaponizes the I'm not mad, but I believe that you can do better and I'm going to give you more chances because I love you and fully believe that next time you'll be amazing way that Rick used on him.

I feel like Five ends up saying something along the lines of "I understand that x is really important, and we're definitely going to look into it. Is it something that needs to be addressed right now, or is it something that can wait until after April 1st? If it can wait, I can write it down here on this list so we don't forget. If it can't wait then we can figure out a time to address it and help you" a lot

Like Grace malfunctioning and potentially killing Reginald?

"We don't have to make this decision right now." Five says patiently, "Because Grace is a robot, we have some options. Living with a robot who is potentially malfunctioning and homicidal is dangerous, but Luther saying that means admitting that Reginald might have made a mistake or error with Grace's programming or upkeep. I haven't been here for a long time, but I remember Reginald being very precise. Regardless, this isn't a choice between permanently shutting her off or not. We can shut her down temporarily until we can fully address the issue. We can ask and see if there is a 'system reboot' option or some sort of system check that Grace can undergo. We can try find and hire an expert to take a look at her programming to find the issue."

Five gives this speech while like, organizing the weaponry in the house on a table very nonchalantly

Five out here making buzzer noises at his siblings arguments like "yeah no that's a false dichotomy and a strawman's argument, want to try again?"

(Look apocalypse nights were long and they had games that were literally about arguing pointless shit like ranking types of chairs or the best way to break out of a prison without powers and things could get heated)

"Who died and made you boss?" Luther demands.

"Uh, the world? Were you not listening?" Five asks, looking very purposefully confused.

It gets even MORE delightful when Five reads Rick into the situation because a) he promised and b) his siblings really have like, no connections jeeze

Rick fully believes that this is his son from the future, like Five introduced himself, but Five skipped out on a few key details. Such as being adopted.

So Rick spends a solid chunk of time just staring at Five, who looks basically nothing like him, trying to think like, who is his mother ???? if we save the world will Five stop existing? why would I name my child 'Five'? Does everyone have powers in the future? was there like... a radioactive apocalypse? would radiation give future humans superpowers? when did my life turn into a comic book? am i even allowed to ask these questions? will knowledge of the future fuck things up?

and then when Five comes back and is like "what is up everyone this is my dad Rick who will be joining us, he doesn't have any memories of me thanks to time travel but if anyone is mean to him i WILL kneecap them"

"Your DAD?"

Five does kidney punch Klaus for saying that Rick is a DILF but otherwise everyone just is like, warily looking at this Normal Dad Man in confusion because?? This is the dude who raised Five, who they watched take out like an entire commission team by himself yesterday? He looks so. Normal.

Rick is very confused and like, wonders if he's supposed to be the team mascot? But Five keeps involving him and asking his opinion and in return Rick enforces snack breaks and makes everyone sandwiches and has gentle talks with everyone

Every time Five notices someone about to blow he just lovingly makes sure that that person is alone in a room with Rick

Luther ends up crying on the sofa with Rick gently patting his back as Rick calmly states that Luther seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into his family and making his father proud and that since Reginald isn't here to say it, Rick will have to be the one to say that he's proud and that they've been dropped into a difficult and stressful situation - so soon after Reginald's death when they're still grieving! - and he's doing so well

Luther, experiencing unconditional positive paternal regard for the first time in his life: i don't know why i'm crying so much

honestly this is just a comedy of juggling the gang, having impromptu therapy sessions and discussions, investigating the apocalypse and the eye, leonard trying to meet vanya continuously and failing because she's constantly surrounding by family or rick/patch, the commission trying their best to bust up the dream team/isolate Vanya/kill or remove Five, while Hazel lives out his romcom dreams with Agnes and also says "fuck the commission"

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

What's your opinion on Padmé falling in love with Anakin while knowing that he killed a bunch of tuskin people and how he technically can't be in a committed relationship? Do you think it makes her an immature person or just someone who made the wrong choice?

Different anon:

Aaaah, I have a bit of a complicated relationship with Padmé. I dislike her as a character - as in, I don't particularly enjoy seeing her onscreen - but I try not to let that affect my opinion on her moral character. (I mean, I absolutely adore Dooku but I'm aware that he's a piece of shit, and I'm not really into the OT but I am aware that Luke and Leia are objectively shining beacons of goodness even if I'm not really interested in them.)

So since I kinda dislike her - again, based purely on personal taste, and I do genuinely recognize and appreciate her bravery or kindness even though I skip the Padmé-centric eps/scenes given the choice - I don't really think about her, or talk about her, except in the context of Anidala. (And that's because it's often brought up when talking about the Jedi Order, the one thing I'm much more interested in.)

Hence, I have to honestly say that I don't entirely know how she was intended to be understood. I do think at least some of the issues with the discrepancy between her morals and her behavior can be attributed to clumsy writing. If I had to go and hazard a guess as to how we were meant to see her behavior, it'd be blinded by love ('her judgement clouded by her emotions,' to use the appropriate Star Wars term), and somewhat selfish - but I certainly don't think Lucas meant for her to be a self-centered oblivious monster.

Regarding her telling Anakin he's breaking her heart, I disagree with the interpretation that it was because he was advocating for fascism now, and that was worse than what he'd done. I think it's simply that she was in complete denial up to that point - she didn't believe that he had killed the younglings, because she couldn't believe it (and she could still lie to herself about it because Anakin wasn't admitting to anything up to this point, just saying vague stuff about his powers and saving her). But then he says "I have brought peace to the Republic," and she just can't deny the truth any longer, and that's what makes her back and way and change her mind. It's not that fascism is worse than slaughter, it's that Anakin spewing bs is what opens her eyes, and so it's fascism and slaughter hitting her in the face at the same time.

The issue of the Tuskens is a more complicated one - though believe me, I have ripped into her often enough about it. But what are we meant to understand? That she takes Anakin at his word and thinks the Tuskens are indeed animals? That she just refuses to delve too deeply into the implications of Anakin's actions because she cares about him and she doesn't want to see his life ruined, and so she purposely blinds herself to reality?

I honestly don't know.

I don't know what we were meant to take away. I don't know how Lucas and Co wanted her to be read.

But if you're asking me how I read her...

My understanding of her marrying Anakin despite the rules is that she doesn't get the Order's rules, and so both her and Anakin convince themselves that What They Are Feeling Isn't Wrong (which, true, their love in and of itself isn't wrong) - when it's not the issue with their marriage. I think it was terribly near-sighted of her to marry him (in regard to her own career + the issues it raised regarding the Jedi's neutrality) and disrespectful to the Order as well (which again, I don't think she really understands). As Senator, she has some degree of power over them - so her flouting their rules and marrying one of their apprentices (not even a Knight) really rubs me the wrong way. She could have - should have - asked him to leave the Order for her, instead of accepting to live in secret, and he probably would have done it if she'd been the one asking. (And yeah, "but how could she ask that of him?" - well, Satine couldn't ask that of Obi-Wan so the two of them didn't get together - conundrum solved.)

Also, not disclosing such a connection to anyone - in the middle of a war - was beyond irresponsible. Irl, a high-profile member of government marrying a general during a full scale conflict and not telling anyone would get their asses in SO. MUCH. TROUBLE, and justly so. (And Padmé and Anakin's relationship ended up being a huge liability in the war on multiple occasions).

Her attachment to Anakin blinds her to who he is, to her duty, and to everything that truly matters. She is willing to overlook things she should never have let happen - like the whole situation with Clovis. Can you imagine the political shitshow that would have caused? You have the Senator of the planet the Chancellor is from manipulating her ex - the head of the neutral Banking Clans - with her current Jedi love - a member of the politically neutral Order the Senate oversees - shadowing them both and eventually beating the crap out of said ex. What would that look like? Are the Jedi influencing her? Is the Chancellor using her connection to Clovis? Is she the one influencing both the Order and the Banking Clans to profit her planet, with the approval of the Chancellor? We know it's not what's happening, but it could have led to a complete catastrophe, and she did nothing to safeguard herself against that.

Or when she traded Anakin for Grievous without telling anyone. That was a political nightmare as well, not to mention highly unethical.

So all in all, I don't know how much we were meant to criticize her for all of it, and how much we were meant to empathize with her. Since I personally don't like her, I had a hard time feeling sorry for her most of the time - except for when Anakin scares her or physically hurts her - but that's my own bias. I don't think she's a bad person - or at least, I don't think the worst implications of the way she was written were intentional. (Like how she waited eight months to tell Anakin she was pregnant, since RotS happens over a week max.)

I don't agree with bashing her, or tearing her character down completely, since I don't think that's what we were supposed to take away, but again I don't really know. But to sum it up: to me, Anidala was a gigantic mistake on many different levels, for many more reasons than just Anakin being a Jedi.

[votederpycausemufins]

I said I had another chapter ready. so It's time to post that.

tagging @helleborusangel because they like my writing and @hermitcraftheadcanons since they and their community made the au.

now... with that out of the way, let's recap evo... wait shoot i mean hermitcraft.

“Pixlriffs! Turn on the tv!” Came a voice that followed a door being slammed open.

Pixlriffs turned around in confusion to see Zloy having barged in, panting with his goggles askew. “Zloy? What’s going on?”

“Just turn on the recap channel! Hurry!”

Even more confused, Pixl slowly turned to his tv and turned it on, switching to the channel that showed their recap show. “I thought you didn’t like watching our own shows. It’s not even a regular recap, it’s just going to be a clip show from the livestream. Why are you so-” But he cut himself off. Showing on screen was a countdown to the season eight day one recap. “What? But it hasn’t started. We haven’t recorded anything.”

“I know! I was with a friend and they turned it on and said they didn’t think it had started yet. When I saw the countdown, I ran all the way over here.”

“Do you think they just had a scheduling mistake? We might need to call the broadcasters and have them fix things up.” Pixl suggested, and Zloy shrugged.

“Let’s just make sure that’s the case and see which episode they’re actually showing. For all we know they mixed things up and this is just the season seven, day one.”

“I hope that’s the case.”

The two recapers watched the timer go down. Elsewhere, people were also turned into the episode. Some were pleasantly surprised by the supposed new episode. Others were confused thinking the schedule was wrong. Those who knew the hermits were confused, not having heard the new season was starting yet.

Then finally, the timer reached zero, and a familiar jingle started. And then a voice that was definitely not Pixlriffs spoke the phrase “This week, on Hermitcraft.”

“Wait, what am I doing in the nether? I just joined the world.”

Zloy and Pixl looked at each other at something they had never heard Keralis say. This was a new episode, but one they hadn’t made.

“A new adventure starts in season eight, new places and mobs to explore and see. And also Grumbot and Jrumbot are Hermits now. Welcome to the Hermitcraft recap! The show where no one is where they should be. My name is Toon Noah.”

“I’m Mysterious Goofball, and our writer is Pin Valentine. Today, we’re looking at everyone’s first day on the new season of Hermitcraft.”

The first person, Noah, spoke up again. “In this season, the hermits managed to update all the way to the second half of the caves and cliffs update even though that isn’t possible.” He explained what was going on in this season. “Everyone is scattered across the map and even in other dimensions. Monsters are tough, regen is off, and using chat is out of the question, so surviving is going to be tough.”

“At the very least, they can still respawn, so certain people have chances to escape. Escape what that is? Well, let’s look at what the Hermits have been up to.” Goofball said, sounding so nonchalant about what they were about to talk about.

“Starting with Xisuma, who’s started out in the deep dark. The admin’s helmet has been disabled other than necessary functions. His visor also gives him a little bit of light, so he’s not completely blind. Plus the fact that sculks are bioluminescent. But the warden is too, which has been able to find him a number of times.”

“Also in the caves in Jevin,-” Goofball spoke up again. “-who’s found himself in some lush caves. He’s got glowberries for light and food and the axolotls are pretty friendly. Plus, with enough searching, he was able to find a bit of wood for simple tools.”

“Speaking of wood. Some of the hermits have found themselves in the jungle.” Noah quickly commented before some audio from one of the hermits played along with its clip.

“Helloooo? Anyone around? Impulse? Tango? Hey is that Grian? Nope, just a parrot. Ugh, and here I am without any seeds.”

Goofball spoke up again when the audio finished. “Both Zedaph and Tango are in the same jungle, but the size of the biome as well as the amount of foliage means they haven’t found each other yet. Tango at the very least has started mining, and Zedaph managed to find a jungle temple and has already started on using the redstone from there for a melon farm.”

“How do you even make a farm out of that?”

“It’s Zedaph, what do you expect?”

“Well, as for the last of team ZIT, Impulse had found himself in the middle of a sea temple.” Noah spoke, as the video showed Impulse dealing with being underwater in such a place. “Between drowning and guardians, he hasn’t gotten that far away from his spawn.”

“In other aquatic news-” Goofball said, another clip from the hermits playing.

“If I never see coral again, it’ll be too- wait, is that False? False!”

“-Stress and False are also nearby to each other, both spawning in coral reefs. False was the first to escape, needing to just swim out of her spawn.”

“On the other hand, Stress was completely encased in coral and had to slowly chip herself out of the colorful prison. But by the evening, Stress was able to get to the surface and join False and an island, chopping down trees. They even started a wheat farm. But here’s hoping they don’t have to deal with drowned.”

“While she isn’t a drowned,” Goofball continued from Noah’s comment. “Zombie Cleo started out in a village. Normally, that would be pretty good, but being a zombie…”

“Leave me alone! I’m not going ta kill any villagers! I’m a zombie but I’m not that kind of zombie!”

“She’s been having an issue with the resident iron golem. With a bit of luck, she managed to hole herself up in a house which the golem isn’t going to destroy, but the villagers aren’t the happiest about it.”

Then Noah took over speaking. “From villagers to illagers, Mumbo Jumbo found himself alone in a woodland mansion, making himself the furthest hermit in the overworld.”

“Come on. Almost. Almost!” The video showed Mumbo running before he was killed by a vindicator. “Oh come on!”

After that, Noah continued. “He’s tried and failed many times to try and get out of the mansion, but eventually just started breaking the walls for tools.”

“The illagers aren’t really happy about it, but not like he’ll be going far, so I don’t think he’ll easily lose those tools.”

“Well at least he’s got supplies.” The video transitioned to a mountain top with three figures standing at the peak. “Grian, as well as new hermits Grum and Jrum are currently stuck on the top of a mountain, surrounded by powder snow. It’s pretty lucky that the three of them stuck together.”

“I’m not so sure of that.” Goofball spoke up, sounding a bit frustrated or annoyed. “While Grian tried to fly down for supplies to little success, other than fall damage, he hasn’t managed to die, using some sort of magic.”

“But it looks like the fall damage came in handy for Doc, who’s further down the mountain. He’s having a bit of trouble surrounded by goats, plenty of them being the screaming variety.”

Goofball spoke again, no longer sounding as annoyed. “Yeah, but while hanging out with them, he heard a different kind of scream and did something pretty smart.”

“Wait, what was- is someone close by? It sounded like someone just- wait! The death messages!” He pulled out his communicator and read the messages. “Grian died to fall damage! Grian’s up there!”

“I guess he is the scientist of the group.” Noah spoke, the grin he had on his face audible in his voice. “It makes sense he would be the one to figure things out. But even then, he still can’t easily get down the mountain himself with all the goats messing him up. My guess is he’s really regretting being the goat father last season.”

“Doc isn’t the only one getting familiar with the new wildlife though. Hypno has found himself in a large flower forest that has plenty of mooblooms. He hasn’t been able to kill any of them yet, and there’s only flowers and no grass for him to get seeds from, so while the place seems like it should be easy to survive in, it’s really the opposite.”

“The best idea he’s had so far is following some bees to find their nest and hopefully a tree attached to it. If only he knew he was actually really close to spawn, being the closest to it.”

Goofball took control of the conversation again “Well, that’s not entirely true as three hermits managed to appear at spawn, those three being Joe Hills, VintageBeef, and Etho.” And the three hermits were shown in what looked much more normal than everything else that had been shown so far. “The three of them pretty quickly figured out something was wrong and started to make spawn a safe place, also gathering supplies so they can eventually find the other hermits.”

“Except Etho got a bit ahead of himself.” Noah cut in. “He had a bad run in with some mobs and ended up dying, finding out his respawn is a bit different than others. But at the very least, he managed to find Ren.”

“Ren spawned on a cliff of a ravine. There’s no water at the bottom, and all the blocks in reach are stone, so it’s not the easiest to escape from. Still, with little else to do, Ren started slowly chipping away at the stone to escape the ravine, only to fall when Etho surprised him by suddenly respawning there.”

“Okay, I got through two more pieces of stone. At this rate, I can probably get to dirt before the sun is setting so- Etho- ooooooh!”

“At the very least Ren is respawning just fine,” Noah explained “So the two of them were able to help Ren escape the ravine, so he’s the third person to escape his spawn area.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true.” Goofball started to correct. “Before Etho helped Ren and even before Stress escaped her coral prison, Cub actually escaped the mesa mineshaft he spawned in. It was a little tricky with the cave spiders spawning, but he lucked out with the loot of a chest and was able to get a crafting table and pickaxe out of it.” Cub had found some iron, torches, a few seeds, some bread, and then used the wood of the mineshaft to get him on his feet in terms of survival. “With a few respawns, he took out the spiders and their spawner. He’s able to move around freely, but not wanting to respawn again, his hearts are a bit low, so he’s staying near the mineshaft for shelter.”

“Then, sort of nearby the mesa of course, is the desert, where the last two overworld hermits are.” Noah said, and there was the slightest ruffle of papers, like he was checking a script. “Both XB and Iskall are stuck in the same large desert, trying to find some source of food, water and wood. So far, the best they’ve found are the sticks from dead bushes. Out of the two, XB is doing a bit better since he’s found a cave for some sort of shelter, but Iskall’s much worse off,the sand messing with his one eye.”

“Between the heat, the sand, and my eye, I can’t even tell what’s real anymore. That cactus could be a tree or a town or- nope! It’s actually a creeper!”

And then Noah continued with a transition. “Getting even hotter now, let’s look at the nether. There’s only two hermits there right now, with different struggles to deal with.”

“Keralis is the first and lucked out a bit, landing himself in a warped forest right near a basalt delta, meaning he’s got up to stone tools. Plus, since nether gold ore can be mined with wood tools or better, he’s also got some gold boots to help with any piglins.”

“On the other hand, Welsknight is in a much worse situation. He spawned in a crimson forest and is having plenty of trouble with the hoglins.” And that was emphasized by a clip of Wels being killed by one of the mobs. “He hasn’t gotten too much wood before dying, but at the very least, he secured his spawn just enough he has some room to breathe. And hey, if he makes it out of there, he’s got a fortress nearby. But now to end this off, let’s head to the end.”

“TinfoilChef, or TFC is on the main end island, spawning on an obsidian platform just a few blocks from the edge of the island.” Goofball spoke. “It’s close enough for him to jump, but he still takes fall damage and has to deal with the ender dragon after that.”

“Not to mention the endermen too, which Scar is also having trouble with. He’s stuck on a smallish end island out in the further reaches of the end. There’s an end city nearby, but he doesn’t really have the means to get there. At the very least he’s got food from the chorus plants, but that won’t help too terribly much.”

“And lastly, there’s BdoubleO, who we’ve- who’s been lucky to not die so far being in a special situation.” Though they hadn’t been saying much, both Pixlriffs and Zloy noticed the slight slip up Goofball gave. “He’s currently looping in the end void, teleporting up to the top when he finally gets too low. There’s nothing in sight for him to know that though, so he thinks he’s just falling deeper and deeper. But hopefully he’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Well, that’s everyone, so that pretty much does it for this episode of Ev- Hermitcraft Recap. I was Toon Noah-”

“And I was Mysterious Goofball and our writer was Pin Valentine. If you’d like to see original content made by us, you can find us if you already know where to look.”

“Don’t forget to give this show a good rating and tune in next week for the next episode of Hermitcraft Recap. Thank you all so much for watching and good-Bye~!”

Finally, the screen turned black, signalling the end of the episode. The whole time, Pixl and Zloy had just sat there in shock, watching the episode and not saying anything. The thought of their show being taken over by some new people was scary enough, but the situations the Hermits were now in was so much worse.

Zloy was the first to move, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He had felt it going off during the episode, but had been too stunned to do anything. Apparently, he had missed multiple calls and texts about what had happened with the episode, who had been put in charge, what was with the hermits, and more related to the whole situation.

“We need to see someone about this.” Pixlriffs said, in a similar situation with looking at his phone. “Make sure people know we have no connection to this and hopefully also see if the studio knows who recorded this. I would also like to say that this is all fake, but…”

“Yeah, that footage looked way too real. I think the Hermits are actually in a lot of trouble right now.”

“Then let’s do something about it.”

[thiswasinevitableid]

Indruck 22 for the meet uglies?

Here you go! I went SFW on this one

you’re on a date with this awful, awful person who keeps getting under my skin because my friend and I have been eavesdropping all night and your date says something that makes me snap … I thought it was a first date, not a three year relationship

“...such a waste of money. I mean, why spend all that to get something tacky on your skin?”

Indrid rolls his eyes at Barclay from across the counter of the Amnesty Lodge coffee shop, the cooks arms and hands sporting a plethora of tattoos rivaled only by Indrid’s collection.

“I dunno, l like the one I got.” The other man--who seems to be on the worst first date of his life--shrugs.

“You honestly think you and Juno couldn’t have spent that money on something else in college?”

“I mean maybe but, uh, we were earnin our own cash, figured we got to decide what to spend it on.”

“Hmmmm” the first guy sips his coffee, “sounds like a typical excuse for someone who doesn’t want to admit a mistake.”

“C’mon, that ain’t fair-”

“Ugh, stop saying ain’t! I can’t take someone who talks like that to meet my family.” Before the target of his disdain can respond, he snaps his fingers, “hey, buddy, can I get a refill or what?”

“The station for black coffee refills is right there, sir.” Barclay indicates the very obvious corner of dispensers, his voice the kind of calm that Indrid knows means he’s memorizing this guys face to warn other staff about.

They earn a brief reprieve while The Asshole leaves the table. When he returns, he’s shaking his head.

“God, have you looked at the photos they’ve got up? Who the fuck wants to look at bones?”

Indrid quickly glances at his friend to be sure he’s permitted to start a fight. Barclay nods.

“Quite a lot of people.” Indrid spins on his stool. “I’ve sold a number of them just from the display here. So perhaps you could keep your rude, unclultured, close-minded, obnoxious mouth shut.”

The man balks, looks to his companion for help. He offers none, mouth trying to form words and only coming out with halves of ones (except for the “fucks” which are plentiful).

“Oh my fucking god, you agree with him! That’s it, I’m out.” The Asshole pushes back from the table and storms out. The remaining man leaps up, panicked.

“Fuck.”

“It’s okay man, shitty first dates happen to all of us.” Barclay offers from beside the bakery case.

“I mean yeah, they do, but that wasn’t one of ‘em. That was my boyfriend of three fuckin years.” He dashes out of the shop, sparing a final glare at Indrid as he does.

Indrid trades a sheepish look with his friend, “Oops.”

-------------------------------------------------

“I’m glad you finally get to meet Duck!” Aubrey grins over her shoulder as she and Indrid wind down the hall at the office Kepler magazine.

Founded by childhood friends, Kepler worked a combination of print and video content that saw its subscribers and revenue climb while other publications struggled to stay afloat. Aubrey was head of the video team, though she contributed content to the magazine in the form of interviews about environmental activists of color and sustainable gift guides.

Kepler has three sections: travel, science, and environmental writing. Indrid now has the honor of being one of their primary photographers. He started two weeks ago and is thoroughly enjoying his work and the company of the other staff. The only person he’s yet to meet is Duck Newton, one of the founders and main reporters, as he was off on an assignment.

Aubrey knocks, gets a friendly “come in” and ushers Indrid into the office.

Looking at him from behind the desk is The Asshole’s Boyfriend, whose face goes from open and friendly to confused, then to perturbed.

“You okay?”

“I, uh, fuck, n-ye.” Duck sighs, “remember how I told you Alex and I split after a shitty date in a coffee shop?” He points at Indrid, “this was the fella who, uh, expedited the process.”

“Ohhhh.” Aubrey frowns, then shrugs with a smile, “whelp, he’s our new photographer. We’ll see you around.” She hurries them outside once more, shutting the doors. As they head back the way they came, she whispers, “his ex was a huge fucking dick, so if word gets out everyone is gonna think you’re a fucking hero.”

“He didn’t seem to see it that way.”

“It was only a few weeks ago, so it’s still pretty fresh. He’ll heal from it okay, Duck’s a tough cookie. And I’m sure you guys’ll get along eventually.”

---------------------------------------

“Juno, please, you gotta come with me.”

“I would bud, except it’s April and I’s fifth wedding anniversary that weekend. And no, we already have plans, so we can’t just take over this assignment as part of the celebration.”

“Fuck” Duck leans back in his chair.

“...You really asked everyone?”

“Ye-no, fuck-”

“Duck.”

“I ain’t asked Indrid yet.”

“There it is.” Juno smirks, “you gotta ask; besides, we were gonna have him do illustrations for the feature, but photos would be even better. And we both know it ain’t his fault y’all broke up.”

Duck nods, promises to ask Indrid after lunch. He finds the photographer flipping through his files from his shoot for next issues cover. His silver hair is pulled back, red glasses sitting on the desk beside him so he can gauge color correctly.

Duck kind of wants to pull the silver locks just to see what happens. It’s not his fault Indrid looks like his Sophomore roommate who he had a raging crush on, only with more tattoos and a much more captivating face. Pity he helped fuck up Duck’s last chance at a stable relationship.

“Hey, Indrid, you got a minute?”

The photographer cocks his head.

“I, uh, so we got a feature on this whole chunk of places touting themselves as ‘sustainable romantic getaways. I booked a bunch of places, but a lot of ‘em will turn me away if I turn up solo. And the person I was supposed to go with ain’t an option any more. Neither is anyone else. You get my drift?”

Indrid pinches the bridge of his nose, “you realize this is a terrible idea, yes?”

“Hey, we been workin together just fine. Ain’t we? Wait, fuck, I ain’t been treatin you bad even when I’m tryin to be professional, am I?”

“No, you’ve been perfectly polite. But there’s a world of difference between being cordial in an office and going on what’s functionally a vacation together.”

Duck crosses his arms, “I ain’t about to lose eight hundred bucks in deposits.”

Indrid blinks, then chuckles, “Fair. What day do we leave?”

-------------------------------------------------

The temperature rises and the air dries as they speed south on Five. Indrid fiddles with games on his phone as cover for the list of “will this be a disaster or not” he’s mentally constructing. So far the signs are positive; Duck isn’t very chatty, but neither is Indrid. They have similar tastes in music, which makes much more sense when Duck explains he was a burn-out in high school. He also isn’t agitated by Indrid stimming, which makes it easier for the photographer to relax and enjoy the drive.

But they haven’t spoken about the elephant in the car, and Indrid resolves not to be the first to do so. No point in poking the sore spot if he doesn’t have to.

They stop at a Sinclair for gas. Duck reaches into his glovebox for something as Indrid climbs out, comes away with a photo instead. It’s one of those ones from a photobooth, faded but unmistakably him and his ex. His face falls for a second and Indrid scurries into the Dairy Queen attached to the convenience store.

As he waits in line, he turns one fact over in his mind like a picture he’s trying to make sense of; it would be easier to let their awkward first meeting go if he did not genuinely like the other man. He’s charming, in a quiet way, and very friendly. He’s built like the guys Indrid always got useless crushes on in college, usually third tier frat boys or--if he was lucky--a bear a few years older than him who liked his men on the odd side.

He doesn’t like seeing Duck sad. The sadness isn’t something he can fix. The stalemate between these two facts annoy the living hell out of him.

He’s next in line, glances up to confirm what he wants, and gets an idea. Last week, he overheard Duck talking with Aubrey about roadtrip snacks of their youth.

“One chocolate dipped cone, on me.” He holds the treat out to the other man.

“Oh. Uh, thanks. These are my favorite from when I was a kid.” Duck’s smile returns.

“I remembered. Or, ah, that is, I remembered you saying that.”

The smile changes, “you didn’t need to.”

“I wanted to. Shall we?”

“Yep. Uh, you gonna be able to drive and eat that at the same time?”

“Do not doubt my ability to consume ice cream under difficult circumstances, Duck Newton.”

They make it to their first stop unscathed. It’s what Duck refers to as, “eco-bespoke,” a fancy spa and hotel built in a former school, the kind that was made in an era of beautiful instead of grim educational architecture.

“Goats!” Indrid claps his hands, delighted, at the two animals stabled near the main building. One of it’s supposed sustainable elements is the small farm that helps feed the on-site restaurant. Duck smirks and Indrid suddenly feels the gulf in their upbringings, “Ah, I suppose they’re not exciting to someone who grew up in a rural town.”

“Nah, but they’re damn cute.” Duck checks the tag on their room keys, “okay, we’re in the green building, room 2B.”

Indrid snaps some photos as they cross the grounds, more to remind himself of things he wants to come back to later than anything else. He’s busy studying a strange mark on the wall by their door when Duck says, “I can sleep on the floor.”

“Why--oh” he stares at the single bed, “in retrospect, we should have seen this coming.”

“Yeah.” Duck drops his bag near the closet, slides the door to look for spare linens. Indrid summons his courage, finds it lacking, and so bolsters it with nonchalance.

“It’s a king, we could easily share.”

“You’d, uh, you’d be okay with that?”

“It is only narrow definitions of masculinity that mean something like sharing a bed is inherently sexual.”

He’s not entirely sure that made sense, but Duck nods, “You want the right side or left?”

“Right, please.”

“Great. And, uh, Indrid? Thanks for rollin with all this. I, uh, I know it’s fuckin weird but this is a huge feature for the magazine and we woulda been fucked if we had to pull it.”

Indrid gingerly sits on his side of the bed, “You’re welcome. And I don;t know about you, but” he smiles, catches Duck watching him intently in the mirror, “I’m enjoying myself so far.”

------------------------------------------------------

“Why has an activity that renders one incapable of using their thighs been deemed ‘romantic?” Indrid mumbles, face-down on the bed to offer his burning legs relief.

“Fuck if I know.” Duck groans as he sits next to him, “Kinda fun, but if I was doin this to get you in bed, I’d be fucked.”

“I am in bed” Indrid teases.

“And if I tried to put the moves of you you’d toss me outta it. Assumin I could even move myself that close.” Duck nudges him, then clears his throat, “uh, I mean, not like we’d be doin that-”

“Nono, point taken.” Indrid rolls over. The horseback ride was one of the “couples exclusives;” a trot out to a beautiful oasis for a gourmet picnic. Indrid got some excellent shots, including one of Duck with honeycomb dripping down his chin, which he will not be offering up to editors but may keep for himself. For it’s beautiful composition, of course.

Mercifully, their next stop is the pool. Indrid settles himself in the hot tub while Duck types some notes on his phone. Then his friend doffs his bathrobe and Indrid may as well be in a dream. In the steaming, echoing paradise of multi-colored tile and ecstatic shouts, Duck stands like one of the angelic fountains at its heart has come to life.

“You okay there, ‘Drid?”

“Yes.” He hopes his lack of glasses means Duck will mistake his blatant staring for trying to get his vision in focus.

“Then scoot your cu--uh, your butt over so I can sit down.”

Indrid gladly moves aside, finds he’s so comfortable with Duck pressed against him that he begins nodding off in the warm lull of the water. When the other man nudges him, saying it’s time to go, he finds a strong arm draped over his shoulder and Duck’s smile the most relaxed it’s been all trip.

Their last task at this location is to locate the speakeasy somewhere on the premises and order the “lovers delight” (only available to couples). To do so, they follow clues purple light bulbs, doors that lead to tiny, art-filled rooms, secret staircases, and a false supply closet to a dark wooded, dimly lit, incredibly pleasant bar looking out over the property. The drink turns out to be a massive goblet (more a bowl that someone stuck on a stem) of ginger syrup, prickly pear juice, and silver tequila.

It also turns out to be incredibly strong. So much so that when they get back to the room, Indrid loses his balance getting his shoes off, which makes Duck laugh, which results in both of them flopping onto the bed.

“S’fun. You’re, you’re real good at the clues. Should, should go to an escape room when we get home.”

“Wasn’t, hic, that hard. They, they want, hic, want you to find it.”

“Take the compliment, goofus” Duck pushes his shoulder.

“You’re, hic, the goofus.”

“Nuh uh.” Duck sticks his tongue out. Indrid does the same, then licks his cheek just to hear him laugh.

Duck rolls onto his back, giggles dying down to a contemplative sigh, “He woulda hated this.”

“Your ex?” Indrid crawls to stay close to him.

“Yeah. Everythin I like, or, or thought was fun, he thought it was a waste of time or just plain worthless. He, he wasn’t like that at the start. Dunno what changed. Probably me. Probably got borin. Got worse.”

Indrid is not so drunk that he believes he can fix this. But he’s just drunk enough to stroke Duck’s cheek and murmur, “No. Nono, hic, you’re th’best.”

He doesn’t remember falling asleep after that, but he must have, because his phone is beeping at them to get up and face the day. They do so with to-go coffees in one hand and their bags in the other, neither speaking of the night before until Indrid has turned the car into deeper desert.

“Sorry for gettin on a thing about Alex last night.”

“It was a three year relationship; goodness knows you’re allowed to have feelings about it.”

“Even relief?”

Indrid glances at him, “Of course.”

His friend leans back in his seat, sipping from his travel mug, “That’s half the reason I been in such a funk. I feel like I oughta be sad, then I feel guilty for the fact I’m relieved instead. But if I really was that unhappy in it, why did I hang around so long? Maybe that was the best I deserved, y’know?”

“I know the feeling, yes, but I can’t say I agree with your statement. You deserve someone who sees you for who you are and adores it, not someone who loved what you once were and became bitter when you grew.”

Duck looks at the console between them, at Indrid’s chipped black nails and the hand he hopes isn’t shaking. He squeezes it a moment longer than necessary, “Thanks, ‘Drid. It’s nice to hear that from someone who’s still gettin to know me. Juno and them, they’re my friends, I know they’re in my corner but, uh, sometimes I worry that anyone new is gonna find me dull or somethin like that.”

“I’m sure some people would, just as some take one look at me and decide I’m a weirdo who they don’t want to deal with. But I can say with certainty that I don’t find you that way.”

Duck grins all the way to their destination. It’s a quirky trailer park full of amenities and built mostly from salvaged materials, doing it’s best to run off the grid. It also gives each trailer a theme, and Indrid flaps his hands when he sees they’ve been booked in the “The Cramps” themed one.

“Hell yeah.” Duck mirrors his excitement as they open the door. Their haven from the desert sun is full of kitschy horror artifacts and a much smaller bed than the previous spot. There’s no debate this time; Indrid settles on the right, Duck on the left, and they settle in for a nap before venturing out to work.

They take in the bar, the arcade, the mini-golf course, and the “couples supply room” (“damn, didn’t know they made eggnog scented massage oil” “ooh, I like how that smells”), but Duck turns out to be most excited to rent a stargazing kit and guide Indrid out into the dark desert. They’re on their backs, shoulder to shoulder and munching chocolate covered fruit, when he discovers the source of his glee.

“There!” Duck points to a crackling streak of silver.

“A meteor” Indrid wiggles happily as a second one speeds through his view.

“It’s the Perseids, and this is a damn good place to watch ‘em. Look, there’s another one.” He’s breathless each time and Indrid’s heart threatens to beat hard enough to crack the earth at the sound.

“Did you ever wish on stars when you were little?”

“Yep. Never asked for much worth notin, though I’m pretty sure I wished once to just wake up and be a boy. Or, uh, guess for everyone to see me as one. What about you?”

“I wished...I wished for someone to do things like this with, some who’d kiss me and tell me that they didn’t need to wish because what they wanted was right here.. I love the world, I want to see so much of it, that’s half the reason I chose my profession.. But when I was young I thought I’d be with someone when I did. I thought it was easy to find that kind of love. To be worthy of it.”

“Hey now” Duck rolls onto his side. He’s backlit by the moon, meteors zipping behind him as if they, just like Indrid, are pulled to him, “what happened to all the stuff you said in the car about deservin someone who adores you?”

“It’s easy to apply such things to you, harder to believe them about myself.”

“How come?”

“Because you are everything a sensible person could want in a man and I am not.”

“That’s where you’re wrong” He sets a hand next to Indrid’s shoulder, “Can think of at least one sensible fella who wants to get to know you a whole hell of a lot.”

“He’ll get to know me plenty, we’re co-workers.”

“There are different kinds of gettin to know someone.” Duck dips down, brushes their noses together, “for instance, the last few days I’ve gotten to know you’re a damn good travel companion and that Ned was smart to hire you. But I’ve also gotten to know there’s some things about you I really wanna know.”

“Such as?” Indrid’s fingers find Duck’s sides.

“Such as whether you wanna go on a date with me when we get back. No assignment, just the two of us gettin some time together.”

“I want nothing more.” He leans up to kiss him, feels him shudder happily when their lips meet. Indrid wonders how long it’s been since someone kissed Duck like they meant it, and resolves to make up any deficits with an enthusiasm that would put horny eighteen year olds to shame.

Indrid nips Ducks ear, “you know, were it not for the threat of mosquitos and scorpions, I’d suggest we make good use of the non-food items in that basket.”

Ducks grin lights Indrid up like a comet, “Then howsabout we go test just how conducive our trailer is to romance?”

Indrid kisses him adoringly, “Lead on, sweetheart; I’ll follow you anywhere.”

[yellow-mapleleaves]

Realistic Personalities in Characters: Alice in Borderland

⚠ Spoilers ⚠

Short Summary

Alice in Borderland  今際の国のアリス  is a Netflix original series about a young boy called Alice (Arisu) and his two friends who happens to find themselves trapped in an abandoned version of Tokyo in which they must take part in many life threatening games to survive.

I wanted to do a review on this series because I noticed that there were some characters that possessed very accurate and realistic behaviours and others that didn’t convey any emotion the entire show. I found it interesting that the mix of very different levels of well-displayed people was able to add to the already amazing plot of the series.

Characters Present:

Alice, Karube, Chota, Usagi, Kuina, Chishiya, Niragi

Alice - Protagonist

The main protagonist of the series is not always the favourite in most tv shows, but from looking at different reviews and people’s comments about Yamazaki’s character Alice, I’ve noticed that he is actually rather popular in his own fictional world. He is honestly probably one of my favourite characters as well, and that’s based on how realistic his behaviours and emotions are conveyed.

Some aspects and scenes of Alice that makes him a more convincing and realistic personality:

Being a normal young boy with no incredibly amazing skills

Not having god-like survival abilities just from being able to play battle-royal videogames well

Having flaws

Having only two close friends rather than a huge friendship group

Not being incredibly attractive and well-groomed

Not having a close relationship with his brother (not all siblings get along)

Having a bad relationship with his father

Having the very human instinct of survival by becoming willing to kill his friends to save his own life out of panic

Reacting badly to watching someone being killed (vomiting, screaming, trauma etc)

Not being incredibly serious all the time; actually having a sense of humour

Showing respect towards Usagi’s privacy

Having a very average style of clothing

Being awkward around people he doesn’t know

Excelling in one area (puzzles) but being quite disadvantaged at the rest

Making mistakes E.g. during the distance game, he doesn’t realize the trick of the game until it ends

Not being able to defend himself physically due to lack of strength

Not moving on after his friends’ deaths immediately like as if it doesn’t happen (it takes him a few days to even develop the energy to get up off the floor)

I would say I personally believe that Alice’s character has a strong and realistic personality, as Yamazaki’s acting and Alice’s reactions to certain experiences creates a sympathetic response from the audience.

____

Karube - Deuteragonist

Let’s be honest, everyone loves a bad boy character. During the short time that Karube was present during the show, I think he conveys both strong and weak personality traits. At some points I think the producers were trying too hard to bring a “tough man” façade to him, when I think he could show more realistic emotions and reactions.

Some aspects and scenes of Karube that makes him a more convincing and realistic personality:

Having a fiery and defensive personality (although it can more than often come across as immature)

Having a sense of humour even in tough times

Having obvious advantage in strength related survival skills

Not being invincible to fear E.g. running from the tagger during the “Tag” game and not even trying to fight back at first

Dealing with work related issues

Actually having a realistic dream life rather than one that sounds almost impossible

Being flawed but not too flawed

Having a love interest that he is forbidden to love (she is with another man)

Conveying fear through anger when Alice tries to kill him to save himself

Not having the nicest of personalities (not everyone is friendly to everyone)

Not having a overly selfless personality

I think Karube should’ve been included in the series more than he is, because his character is very lovable and many fans of this show obviously show sympathy when he dies. His character has a big, extroverted and blunt personality, and I think it is conveyed very well during the time he is present.

____

Chota - Tertiary

Although Chota is one of the main three characters in the beginning of the series, I honestly never felt that sympathetic for him. His character comes across as rather more annoying than weak to me. I understand that the point of his character is to have a weak and smaller personality to match Karube and Alice’s loud energy, but I think this person is kind of just there. He doesn’t do much, considering he almost loses his leg in the first episode and having to use crutches for the rest of the time he is alive.

Some aspects and scenes of Chota that makes him less realistic:

Being friends with people who obviously have dodgy jobs or no jobs at all when he is a successful technician himself

Doesn’t seem to have much of a life outside work and his friends, what are his hobbies?

Not exactly having much of a purpose in the show

Constantly having his guard up and being anxious or worried

Having too many flaws

Following a very different religion to that of his mother

Generally being incredibly different to Alice and Karube (I believe if their personalities were actually friends in real life, they would have too many arguments).

During the short time on the show that Chota had, it was more the point that his personality felt incredibly unneeded. It didn’t exactly serve a huge purpose in the storyline. As well as, he was hard to sympathize for.

____

Usagi - Love Interest / Deuteragonist

Usagi definitely has my most favourite back story of the series. Although, when researching about her I noticed that she is actually one of the characters that get the least recognition by the viewers, despite being in basically every episode and always being beside Alice. I have mixed emotions about the realism in her character, so I made both a positive and negative list to state both sides.

Some aspects and scenes of Usagi that makes her a more convincing and realistic personality:

Having a tragic yet realistic backstory

Using her mountain climbing skills as a huge advantage during physically challenging games

Showing obvious signs of grief for her father, even during the time she was placed in the game

Being insecure of her body

Fighting back against Niragi even when it’s obvious she won’t win

Having good survival instincts from past experiences

Willing to help others out when they need it E.g. during the “Tag” game she went along with Alice’s plan for everyone to work together

Having a obvious more introverted personality

Being too trusting, which ends up getting her hurt

Some aspects and scenes of Usagi that makes her a more unrealistic and poorly convincing personality:

Having too serious of a personality, not seeming to lay back and laugh for even a second

Seeming to have an unrealistic bravery E.g. during the tagger game, she didn’t seemed frightened at all despite that the tagger had a machine gun

Doesn’t react to graphic violent sights that would be traumatizing to humans

Not knowing what “The Beach” was despite being in the game for god knows how long

Overall, I think she is the awesome strong female character that a lot of thriller genres have. Although, I would love if for once a strong yet bad ass character didn’t act so mysterious and quiet all the time. But regardless, she is a good character that shows very human qualities.

____

Kuina - Confidante

Kuina is one of the more popular characters in the show, which I honestly can understand. She has obvious very strong manipulation skills as well as physical strengths like martial arts. Although, I believe her backstory is what truly shapes her as a character and is the reason why the audience develops such an emotional connection with her.

Some aspects and scenes of Kuina that makes her a more convincing a realistic personality:

Having a trusting and good relationship with Chishiya

Having a personality that conveys carelessness

Both social butterfly and keeps to herself

Being a character part of the LGBTQ+ community

Having a realistic backstory

Although having a bad relationship with her Dad, she still respects what he taught her

Having a parent that accepts her rather than just being abandoned, which is what a lot of Transgender characters have been stereotyped as

Being able to defend herself incredibly well

Giving her a human flaw (smoking addiction)

Having a elaborate hairstyle

Showing that she is not mysterious, she just has a lot of walls up

Showing care for people she doesn’t know E.g. warning Alice and Usagi about the militants

I really like Kuina’s character for her strong personality and her ability to build good relationships with the members at the beach paradise. Although she is not featured a lot during season one, the times we have seen her have obviously been enough to make her character very loved by the audience.

____

Chishiya - Confidante

I honestly could not find a more loved character if I tried. This character is such a small part of the show and yet you’d think he was the protagonist. I honestly think anyone would love a sly fox character though, because that’s exactly what he is. Although his personality would probably become annoying if he was a real person, in a genre like this he fits perfectly. So personally, I have mixed emotions about him, because I honestly didn’t get that emotionally attached to him as other audiences may have.

Some aspects and scenes of Chishiya that makes him a more convincing and realistic personality:

Having a cocky attitude at times

Has a underdog appeal to him

Mimics that of a selfish manipulative personality

Showing obvious signs of high intelligence, yet doesn’t blab it around like it’s a trophy

Gives the audience some entertainment

Having a sassy remark, even when his life is on the line

Going out of his way to do things that only benefit him

Having a personality that everyone loves and hates at the same time

Having that personality in which you can’t tell if he’s a good guy or a bad guy

Having a trademark, his white hoodie

Having a caring relationship towards Kuina

Some aspects and scenes of Chishiya that makes him a more unrealistic and less convincing personality:

Attempting to kill Niragi with no hesitation after knowing him personally for so long (that would be difficult to do even if you hated the person)

Not showing human emotions such as fear, worry or anger

Sometimes his personality came across as too selfish to be realistic

Not showing any signs of fear E.g. when Niragi waved a machine gun in his face, he didn’t even flinch

Sometimes his fancy words became a bit annoying

Everyone trusts him, regardless of how manipulative they know he is

Overall, he is a very entertaining character. In my opinion he’s like the personality that throws a match into gasoline then walks away like he didn’t start it. Although his realism in character isn’t exactly good, he is definitely loved for his good looks and sly actions by the audience.

____

Niragi - Antagonist

As much as I dislike this guy as a person in general, when it comes to creating a interesting and great character, he hit the nail on the head. He has one of the most realistic evil character developments probably in the whole series. His personality is so complicated and psychotic, which is what makes him an amazing antagonist and probably the second most popular character among the audience.

Some aspects and scenes of Niragi that makes him a more convincing and realistic personality:

Has a tragic backstory, making the audience believe that’s why he’s so psychotic

Having the delusional mindset that human nature is violence

Makes the audience feel bad for him, despite being a horrible person

Being a hidden antagonist (didn’t expect him to cause all the trouble in the end)

Showing obvious signs of psychological trauma

Conveys positive (yet destructive) emotions and behaviour, which is always a good break when all the characters are serious 24/7

Hits a breaking point in his emotions and goes on a killing spree

Shows loyalty to Aguni

Being awful to everyone, probably due to the fact that everyone was awful to him when he was younger. It’s a way of revenge

Becoming embarrassed when someone challenges him

Scaring people into submission (tactic for some leaders)

Conveys no care for anyone, honestly just uses everyone for either his own entertainment or his own benefit

Has a trademark, his machine gun and checkered shirt

Being self-aware of how evil he is

As evil and bad as he is, he’s one  of the most endearing antagonists I’ve seen in a while. He is a very psychotic and emotionally wrecked personality to him, as if you know something traumatizing must have occurred in his life for him to be able to murder anyone without batting an eye.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 6.(Part 1)

The main female protagonist who, has been the “mother /psychiatrist/ fixer/curse-breaker” for 57 eps & 2 seasons, has finally had her own “I’m a real person with my own issues” ep !!!! YESS! So happy!!! also, so underwhelmed. Tohru has been painted to be this utterly selfless & altruistic character for long, that when she’s finally a balanced character it’s presented in half an episode? Don’t get me wrong, I like the ep, but there’s also the same feeling of bullet train that I felt in momiji’s ep! ugh!! I hated that feeling! Go away~ oh well.. I’ll quickly state what I didn’t like, before jumping into what I liked, in order to end with a happier note~

What I didn’t like:

Tohru’s monologue after leaving shigure & Isuzu felt more like a background exposition more than a true character’s thoughts. The reason is that It is quickly narrated with quick flashbacks from the past with intentional pieces missing from the flashback. Pieces like” how did Kyoko hurt tohru? She said to kyo, in se02, ep “ I feel like I’ve only caused her sadness” &  tohru’s flashbacks in se02 of her mother leaving/ closing a door. All these things not included in tohru’s 1st ever personal monologue made it seem like quick fill in for the audience more than tohru’s main struggle. Compare it to Yuki’s 3 ep monologue in se02, filled with all his own background info, hence, we as audience sit back & just feel. With tohru a little brain work is needed of putting things together in the puzzle is needed because NOTHING abt her trauma has ever been explained to us prior to her monologue . Also, compare this kyo. A character who ONLY have 2 eps dedicated to him in 57 eps, yet even without monologues & with hidden secrets for climax purposes, his emotions are clear cuz his background was explained early in se01, ep24 & se02, ep9. Compared to them both, her monologue felt a bit lacking.

What’s up with the following scene? Her crying & kyo comforting her mid-street. He saw her crying, asked what’s wrong & she couldn’t say & he gave her a comforting advice. All good. Kyo always give the most needed advice for tohru to be herself & feel comforted. Se01, “complain more, be selfish” Se02, somen table scene & asking her abt her future plans & the hiro incident. Kyo has tried to guess whats wrong first. Here he saw her cry in the middle of the street & just gave her an advice? couldn’t he at least guess wrongly if it is her granpa? school? anything? This scene is AMAZING but it feels off a little.

Kyo’s “ now I remember” EXCUSE ME?????? se01, ep14, valentine ep, he got a nightmare, then when shigure talked to him, we saw a quick flashback that we didn’t now what it is but now it IS kyoko. se02, the entirety of ep9 & the “ I won’t forgive you” & the flashback of young him with kyoko talking abt tohru. se02, ep 22 his fight with yuki & the clear face of kyoko telling him abt something regarding the hat. His entire shutdown of tohru IS abt kyoko NOT abt him being a monster cuz tohru accepted monster kyo in se01 ep 24! so.. REMEMBER WHAT????? the accident?? I feel like being hit with a rock. I mean, it makes sense that kyo will get PTSD after seeing the hat, cuz he remembers the bloody accident vividly. But it is the dialogue that IS weird. “ I remember” ?? it makes no sense? unless it is another hidden secret & will be revealed later. If so, then forget this point.

Kagura (more on her below). Now, let’s talk abt what I liked!

-Grief (the most difficult theme to express in literature): Excellent writing!

Grief is one of the most diverse human emotions. ppl who grief a loved one either erase everything abt them in order to cope with the pain of loss & live on, or drastically engrave everything, not want any memory to slip away, or hold the deceased on a pedestal, or hate them irrationally in order to forget abt them, some deny that the loved one is gone, others talk to them daily, some act & live normally for years & suddenly it hits them that this loved person is truly gone & they breakdown. Others, direct their disbelief of losing a precious one into the envy that other bad ppl are still living, why my precious one is dead?. Thats why, it is a difficulty emotion to understand by others. Ppl watching you will always think that comforting you is enough & that the longer you take, the more impatient they are with you. Tell me, watching tohru this ep, didn’t you feel that:

Come on. tohru, you can love your mom & kyo! who says only ONE person can be your precious?

Umm, why she cries for her mom NOW? 2 years after her death? Is she over it already?

Tohru~~ your mom aint going no where cuz you loved a guy? she’s in your heart, girl. Ugh!

Compared to yuki who was abused by his parents & kyo whose mom commit suicide in front of him, tohru’s trauma is meh~

Feeling this way abt tohru is exactly how many feel abt ppl struggling with grief. You are NOT a bad person if you felt this way. It means that thankfully you weren’t struck by grief to tohru’s extent or that your grief went about differently than tohru. Grief is a crippling feeling. It is valid, strong, overwhelming, paralyzing & above all very unique to the person themselves. Tohru feeling that her mom is slipping away from her memory is so realistic & utterly heartbreaking. Grief hurts & moving on from grief hurts more!!!! The more you go on & live your life, the more you feel like you betray your loved one.

Tohru’s entire existence is for her mother & so her mother LIVES inside her:

Finishing high school cuz it’s her mother’s request.

Getting a job to sustain herself cuz she has no one to support her financially.

Giving her mom’s wisdom & teachings abt life to others.

imitating her dad’s speaking style to prevent her mom from “leaving”.

Being the perfect girl in order to portray that her mom, who is a gangster & is hinted by the ugly relatives to be unfaithful to her husband due to tohru not taking after her dad, actually raised a respectful girl!

Talking to a dead cold lifeless picture as if it is a living human being & going into panic attacks when she looses such pictures.

Suppressing all her true “ ugly, negative” emotions & only giving the fake smiles & positive attitude.

She fears that ppl will leave her if she isn’t “comforting, happy”, hence, the whole facade of “ i’m okay, I’m okay”.

Immersing her self in ppl’s issues so she won’t face her own feelings of utter loneliness, fear of the future, & being left behind when everybody moves on with their lives.

Thinking that having selfish desires contradicts the “ hopeful, kind” girl images, hence, the fear to actually wants sth for herself. Everything HAS TO BE for the sake of the others.

Tohru is deeply traumatized & her complex, unhealthy but extremely realistic attachment to her mom must be broken. Tohru must learn to LET GO.

-Kagura’s character’s assassination. aka (violence heals y’all!)

The show wanted to express the emotion that kagura is still in love with kyo, but is learning to let go & accepting kyo/tohru love. I love that. Her speech with kazuma abt not being able to face tohru cuz her face will show her emotions is so relatable & it hit ME personally. Loved that. Then, she learns that tohru truly loves kyo & should confess to him not talk to Isuzu & I get that, it make sense that she lashes on thru & teach her the value of being open abt your feelings & dont loose him. all cool & understandable. BUT:

How dare you slap tohru like that? you don’t know what she’s going through? tohru is wearing funeral clothes for God’s sake! she just visited her dead mom, you insensitive woman! How dare you assume that all tohru is struggling with is love love, romance romance yay~ confess, kiss, be happy?

Tohru & kyo’s issues are deeper than typical, normal, shallow shojo love. It is related to child trauma & abuse. To their own individual identity & self-image! Their romantic love is meant to guide them towards better choices for the future, not magically heal everything. Their mutual love is NOT the answer to their issues.

How dare you slap someone to make them go back to their senses? this is such an anime move! ugh!~ it cheapens the emotional weight of character’s emotions.

“ I’m not apologizing to tohru. We communicate thro fists” excuse me?  you arent even communicating with kyo thro fists! he sees you & run! the only time he thanked you for, was when you didn’t “ communicate thro fists” & played with him as a child! Not only make her hit tohru but not apologize??

No one told her off? are you foreal?? Isuzu pouting lips is no match for Isuzu powerful emotions when she’s embarrassed, & kazuma! where you at? Happy at the “ open confrontation”? Why do you kill kagura’s character like that?

Side Notes:

I hate how this went by in half an ep like they did with machi!! tohru is THE main character for God’s sake! But it looks like the show is not so fond of the true tohru who wants stuff & screams & talks to herself, alas she isn’t the angelic, innocent girl that is saturating the heck out of all shojo amines. Oh well~ perhaps tohru’s issues will be visited again in the finale?

Kyo gets PTSD reaction in front of tohru. great. Now what’s next? I won’t ever forgive the anime if next ep, kyo & tohru are all normal or worse the episodic theme prevents the continuation & jumps elsewhere. Nearly all the eps that didn’t end with a happy note, started the next ep somewhere & totally forgot the cliff hanger. such as, Isuzu’s ep in se02, it ended with tohru’s nightmare & next ep started yuki’s issues with tohru all smiley & bright. Another example, the Cinderella play ended with kyo/tohru torn symbolism where each is awkward with the other, next ep machi !!!!!! & kyo/ tohru all normal in kazuma’s house. But this time, it will be an epic mistake to do the same. Kyo going full traumatic in front of tohru to the point of her screaming is not sth you skip & start over erasing. Don’t disappoint me show! you can’t screw that, can you?

I love the symbolism of kyoko disappearing from the picture & the crack of her framed pic at the end with it still continued in he ED. Good job.

They are building for a hug clashing scene between kyo & tohtu. it must hurt. It is designed to hurt. I wanted it to hurt. It is not abt romance. It is abt mental & emotional trauma. I’m excited. But I’m scared. After today’s ep, I can confidently say I don’t trust the director. I’m an anime-only, but tohru’s part in the story is the least touched upon, the quickest to get over with & has the wackiest animation. They just don’t know how to depict an emotional tohru~ sigh~

Tohru is written to be a unique protagonist in the sea of innocent, selfless & always happy shojo heroine & opposed to the badass, physically strong female protag in shonen. She is the most realistic, but so much of her potential is wasted so far~~

“ saving the sohma’s. breaking the curse for others is a lie, in reality I wanted to do it for kyo” This line is supposed to be liberating for tohru cuz for once she is putting herself FIRST! It is not abt kyo. It is abt herself! it is cuz SHE wants him. See the difference? See how this line gives tohru the biggest character development!! but still sth is missing. I duno..

I have lots to say abt tohru, kyo, shigure, the grandpa, kyoko, Isuzu & even kazuma! I’ll do that in part 2.

I still liked the ep tho. It is solid. I”ll like it MORE if they continued from here & didn’t cut it cold.

[ackermanshoe]

March comes in like a lion, it's Portrayal of toxic & healthy relationship and how to compares rivamika + Ereh

Que the longest title everr 😌✨

So before I start on the actual analysis, I recently started watching March comes in like a lion instead of doing my assignments and I half way through season 2. For those of you who haven't watched it, it might be a spoilers so beware of that.

In this analysis I'll be comparing the similarities I found between Rei, Hina and Kyoko.

So watching any anime after being do emotionally attached to rivamika it's only natural that I compare them to the characters with even the tiniest bit similarities in their dynamic but Rei and hina's relationship jump in episode 4 of season 2 really caught me off guard and I was like omg?? Rivamika?? How do I make this about them 😩

Anyway so a little background on Rei's relationship with both girls Kyoko and Hina ( Hinata ). Firstly, i subconsciously placed Rei has Mikasa, kyoko has Eren and Hina as Levi, why? You will know on a minute. Rei is a depressed kid who has known only one way of life and that's through shogi games and after his parents death ( cough cough ) he was taken in by a old friend ( I think ) of his dad's who was also obsessed with shogi. Kyoko is the biological daughter of this man who has "adopted" Rei and later on Rei was came to know Hina and her sisters, they were super supportive of him from the start and having lost family members themselves they related to him on a personal level.

So you see why Eren and mikasa's dynamic matches with Rei and Kyoko and not only as "step siblings" it's also the fact that Rei became somewhat obsessed with her through the time he had spent over at their house, it's toxic and it's been showcased that way ever since kyoko was introduced into the series. Rei thought of her when he heard the word "love" and he even admitted to the fact that having her around is toxic and yet he can't push her away. He said he does not want to stop hearing her voice even tho she , herself is in love with a much older man who is married. Everytime she showed up to his bedroom uninvited and slept next to him my mind went "he is in love with her and their relationship is so toxic why does the author keep bringing her into his life?" Or "girl get the fuck away from him".

Without even thinking too much deep into their physical connection I already knew I would be able to related this dynamic to Eren and Mikasa. Although this series gives us much more depth into the main characters views since it's narrated from his own perspective, and the fact that he metaphorically compared his feelings of being lost and sadness helps me as an audience to understand what's happening much much easier than attack on titan. I personally feel like this kind of series are usually short ( idk how long this is) because it feels like the author knows exactly what he is going for, everything is set in stone.

Going back to Rei's ( mikasa's) relationship with kyoko ( Eren ) it's much much clear how toxic it had become for him in more than just one way. And the show isn't denying Rei of his feelings towards Kyoko and it's not even attempting to distant him from her and yet you just knew there had to be someone better right? That's when they introduced Hina and Kyoko in the same episode, meeting each other and a sense of invisible rivalry gushed over them, especially Hina. She is a happy go lucky girl and extremely sensitive to things to the point it kinda annoys me everytime she bursts out crying ( but hey you can't hate a genuinely good character ).

That's where things get interesting for me maybe because I am on that Levi X Mikasa agenda all the time but just like rivamika their relationship has been portrayed as platonic for the longest time in the seaosns. If I didn't go out of way to search up who Rei falls in love with and it didn't say hina's name I probably wouldn't be making this comparison right now because who wants to have their heart broken for the 2nd time in the same fucking month 🙄.

Anyway so in this one episode Hina comes home crying because of bullying issue at school and as she runs off into the dark streets Rei chases her and eventually catching up to her takes her hand and being able to relate to her problems, comparing his younger self to her present Rei reaches out his hand and God fucking damn it he says "you saved my life..I promise I'll stay with you" ofc I'm making this post now you know the real reason 🤡.

The unseen build up that happen between them reminds me of rivamika, the Portrayal of healthy relationship is rivamika. Hina (in our case Levi ) to Rei is the voice of emotion, she speaks out the feelings that Rei has been surpassing all these years inside of him. Just like how we talked about Levi is the voice of reason, while Mikasa has the impulsive urge to act up. Just like how Levi became the perosn who reasonably always took mikasa's side, he gave her personal reasons to take Erens side everytime have an actual meaning towards the scouts / everyone , he then became someone Mikasa was able to object & voice out her opinion towards because she knew that he would response and guide her the right way and finally he became someone she was able to fully trust.

Much like Hina and Rei, when Hina cried out her heart and Rei couldn't help but go back to his past self and imagine Hina coming to him and giving him a hand, being his saviour. It's much like how Levi saw his past self in Mikasa present ( S1 ), Levi gave Mikasa the hand she needed when she didn't know she needed.

Hina despite being much younger than him, was able to make him realise that he too was shutting out his emotions and was able to let himself be free through Hina when she cried, expressing her frustrations and very human like emotions. In the forest of the giant trees when Mikasa and Levi saved Eren for the first time he told her " we got your precious friend, didn't we?" A slight wake up call he had given her for the very first time, an attack on Mikasa's ego and evoking a different emotions within her. Like telling her it's not only about Eren and getting revenge, risking your life so easily, Levi had lost his entire squad in order to protect Eren so now that he is safe they better leave now.

So the question is did Levi and Mikasa save each other?

What can I say that I haven't said already in here about these two?

"you saved my life" Rei says to Hina as he reached out her hand and the beauty of that scene was the fact that it was delicate and soft despite it not being anything romantic. Remind me of that panel of Mikasa touching Levi's shoulder. How ironic is the fact that I'm comparing Hina, a openly emotional character to Levi who is said to be the most emotional inside?

Levi physically saved Mikasa a lot of the time however emotionally Levi saved Mikasa from being selfish and from herself. What if I said and ignoring 139, that Levi was one of of the biggest reasons Mikasa took the initiative and decapitated Eren that day?

Wait why does it feel like I already said it before lol

Through Levi, Mikasa learnt to trust more, learnt that even though they gave difference not only in height, age and in how they treat Eren ( Levi with force and Mikasa with care ), Mikasa still came in terms with Levi and relied on him, shared her burden with him. I think that's the biggest character twist Mikasa had, the fact that she was ready to draw sword at anyone who treated Eren wrong and everyone was scared of her and then came the grumpy shorty who beat her beloved brother right in front of her but eventually he became the biggest form of support she had in the end. I just can not help but laugh at all the unseen development this ship has had and all the implication of Futher interaction after season 3 between them, it's really obvious they had something going on because imagine you don't talk to someone for like 3 years and suddenly when you engage in battle against , paired up with them suddenly you become the strongest duo known to humanity. +?)!#)# make it make sense.

Sooo now you see the that having toxic relationship with a partner is only natural and inevitable but growing from that, opening your eyes to those who actually care there for you is rather healthy. So moral of the story is guys make sure stick with those who tells you to stay with them, the end.

Omg guys this turned out so much longer than I intended, anyway hopefully y'all liked it. I know it's not the strongest comparison or analysis but I feel like I'm running out of words for what I want to say about rivamika it feels like I'm recycling my sentences from previous analysis over and over again because ✨ lack of content ✨ and my inability to think of something new.

Please ignore all my spelling mistakes I have decided to embrace my mistakes instead of fixing them simply because I'm too lazy 😉

💜💜💜

[shireness-says]

Seeking Shelter, Seeking Solace [1/3]

Summary: 1895. Emma Swan answers an ad in the paper from a man looking for a wife in order to flee Boston - only to arrive in rural Storybrooke, Minnesota and discover that her intended husband is dead. Left with no other options, Emma takes a position at the local tavern alongside the sullen, dark-haired barkeep with demons of his own. But what will she do when the forces she’s worked so hard to escape reappear in the new life she’s building, forcing her to turn to this unlikely savior for aid? ~8.6k. Rated M for suggestive content. Also on Ao3.

~~~~~

A/N: Every year, my mother insists we watch “Sarah, Plain and Tall” because she thinks it’s a great tradition and doesn’t quite understand that she’s the only one that loves it. So last time, I plotted this in my head instead of watching: CS fic inspired by that story. 

Thanks, as always, go to my wonderful beta, @snidgetsafan​. 

Tagging the interested parties (and let me know if you’re one of those!): @welllpthisishappening​, @thisonesatellite​, @let-it-raines​, @kmomof4​, @scientificapricot​, @ohmightydevviepuu​, @profdanglaisstuff​, @thejollyroger-writer​, @superchocovian​, @teamhook​, @optomisticgirl​, @winterbaby89​, @searchingwardrobes​, @katie-dub​, @snowbellewells​, @spartanguard​, @phiralovesloki​, @initiala​​, @revanmeetra87​​, @quirkykayleetam​​, @captain-emmajones​​, @hollyethecurious​​, @officerrogers​​, @lfh1226-linda, @jrob64, @therooksshiningknight.

Enjoy - and let me know what you think!

~~~~~

Emma can’t help but fidget in her seat as her train tears across the Midwestern landscape. Though this was her choice, she still can’t help but be nervous; after all, this is a very different world from Boston, the only home she’s ever known. She’s used to bustling streets and the lap of the waves against the docks at the harbor, not these miles after miles of plains and crop fields. It’s almost enough to make her second guess this whole thing.

It’s not a mistake though, she knows. She’d needed to get out of Boston, as quickly as possible, and this had been the best of a variety of bad options. Emma has never been particularly romantic, even as a little girl, but in the few imaginings she’d allowed herself of her future, answering a newspaper ad for a wife had never factored in. Then again, her fantasies had never anticipated the particular situation she’s trying to escape: a man who wouldn’t hear no, who was willing to pursue her relentlessly, from city to city, always a threat on her tail. The security of marriage, and of distance, had only made sense. And then again, she’s never been sentimental ; true love isn’t something she anticipated in a union, or even particularly believed in, for that matter. 

The man she’s travelling to meet seems kind, she consoles herself with knowing. Emma hadn’t been particularly picky in selecting a man from the handful of querants in the paper, but Graham Humbert seems to be a good one. He’s the sheriff of a small town in Minnesota, who found himself lonely and wanting companionship.

I can darn my own socks and cook my own dinner, though neither with any exemplary skill, he had written. I’m not looking for someone to look after me in that way, regardless of what my friends’ wives think; I’d hire a lady to do the cleaning if that was the issue. I’m searching for someone to speak with at the end of a long day, someone to listen and to laugh with. I don’t believe myself to be a sweeping romantic, but I will be happy to give and receive a kind of gentle affection. Maybe we can come to love each other in time; I would be happy with that too, though I am not counting on it. 

She’d liked that about him, that amiable practicality so evident even in his letters. It’s what had made her agree to travel to Minnesota with the intent to marry him, really - the feeling that they viewed a union in the same way. There will be a trial period, of course, a month during which to decide whether the two of them will suit each other before anything is formalized - but Emma is determined to make it work. What other choice does she have?

The train will be pulling into Storybrooke soon - a tiny dot on the map, where Emma doubts anyone else will be alighting. All of her belongings have been tightly packed into two measly carpetbags in order to, hopefully, start a new life. Maybe it’s foolish, but Emma had splurged on a new, sleek jacket before she’d left the city, a cheery blue to pair with her navy skirt and white blouse in an attempt to impress. Mostly, she wants to look neat more than anything else: a capable woman, one who won’t be afraid to adapt to a new life with a minimum of fuss, one who won’t make Sheriff Humbert’s life more difficult. Pretty is of secondary concern.

She sees the town coming long before the train pulls into the tiny station, roofs and chimneys rising above the flat landscape and copious corn fields. Somewhere in this state, she knows, are hundreds and thousands of lakes; however, they’re nowhere to be seen here. Storybrooke itself is a bare cluster of buildings seeming to group around a single main street, with homesteads and farm plots doubtlessly stretching out to the surrounding area. It’s a whole different world from what she’s used to, but that’s the entire point, really; no one will think to look for her here, in the rural midwest as the wife of a sheriff. 

When the train finally pulls into what passes for a station, a single cramped building with barely enough room for a ticket office and a luggage closet, a man is waiting on the platform, sheltered from the late-spring sun by an awning off the station roof. The star-shaped badge on his coat and the way he shifts nervously from foot to foot make Emma think this must be the anticipated Sheriff Humbert. His hair is rather more golden than the sandy blonde-brown color Mr. Humbert had tried to describe in his letters, but Emma supposes that’s to be expected. She likely didn’t give a perfect description of her appearance either. 

Quickly, she gathers her bags and alights to the station platform with the assistance of a young porter. The man waiting quickly doffs his hat, playing with the brim in another nervous gesture. “Miss Swan?”

Carefully, Emma arranges her face into something she hopes passes as an amiable smile. “Yes, that’s me. And you’ll be Sheriff Humbert, I presume?”

“I - well, no,” the man who isn’t Graham Humbert stutters out. “I’m David Nolan, actually. One of the deputies here.”

Unexpected - but there are countless excellent reasons that Deputy Nolan might be sent instead. Trouble can happen even in a small town, dozens of minor disputes that can somehow only be settled by the sheriff himself. “In that case, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Nolan. I must admit, I was expecting Mr. Humbert. Pardon my mistake.”

“About that —” Deputy Nolan cuts himself off, looking curiously uncomfortable. It sets Emma a bit on edge, but there’s no way to dance around it - not when she doesn’t have all the information.

“Yes?”

Deputy Nolan swallows heavily, visibly, his fingers tightening around the brim of his hat again before he drags his eyes to meet hers. “I’m sorry to tell you, Miss Swan, but Graham - Sheriff Humbert - died two days ago.”

Of all the things she thought he might say, all the ways she imagined this might go, that certainly wasn’t one of them. 

———

“It wasn’t anything violent, or related to his job,” Deputy - well, now Sheriff Nolan tells Emma once he’s led her to a seat in Storybrooke’s one and only bar, the Sherwood Tavern. Emma finds herself grateful for the glass of dark liquor the man behind the bar slides to her without asking; after this shock, she could certainly use it. “He just collapsed. Graham had been bothered by periodic chest pains for… as long as I can remember, really. We figure it just finally caught up to him.”

Emma nods at the words, not sure what to say. It’s all jarring, really, sad for the loss of who she believes had been a good man, but it’s hard to muster much emotion. She had only known him through letters, carefully crafted missives in which they had doubtlessly both tried to show the best sides of themselves; she doesn’t have the same attachment to the man as Nolan, and everyone else in town, understandably did. Her grief is for plans and possibilities never realized, for the idea of a man instead of the genuine article. 

“We know you came out here specifically with the intent of marrying Graham. There’s not much other reason to come to Storybrooke,” Sheriff Nolan comments with a laugh. “Graham’s savings and property are set to go to the town, but we’d be happy to buy you a ticket back to Boston. It’s the least we can do, when you turn out to have come all this way for nothing but disappointment.”

It’s a kind offer, really. There’s no reason for Emma to stay, after all, and Storybrooke doesn’t have much to offer. But even if Emma hadn’t needed to escape Boston… there’s nothing there to pull her back. No family, and only a single friend. She isn’t even attached to the city, though it’s all she’s ever known. Returning to Boston would be returning to a sparse boarding house room and a life spent looking over her shoulder. Here - well, there’s no promises, but Emma would be willing to bet it’s not any worse. 

“If you don’t mind,” she responds carefully, “I’d prefer to stay. There’s nothing for me back in Boston either, believe it or not. This may not be permanent, but… for the time being, I’d prefer to stay.”

“Then we’ll be happy to welcome you.”

———

And they are. Sheriff Nolan takes her down the street to the boarding house run by a Mrs. Lucas and her granddaughter over their family’s pharmacy, where both women welcome her with open arms. Ruby Lucas, the granddaughter, is tall and willowy, every inch of her full of personality, and her grandmother is a gruff old lady poorly hiding an enormous affection for her loud-spoken granddaughter. Emma can practically see the moment Mrs. Lucas - “That’s Granny to you, girl, only strangers and enemies call me Mrs. Lucas” - absorbs her into their little fold. The room they provide is small, but clean and bright; Emma is more than agreeable to the small fee she’ll owe to rent the room each month, especially knowing that breakfast and dinner are included in the rent. 

Storybrooke is exactly the quiet little town it appeared to be from the train. Besides the bar and the pharmacy and the sheriff’s station, there’s a general store and a post office, a bank and a rudimentary library. There are a handful of other buildings too - Emma’s been told that one houses the doctor’s office - but she hasn’t had cause or need to learn them. Perhaps in time, she’ll learn all the ins and outs of who belongs where in this little place. It seems inevitable; after all, that’s small town life, even when so many of the so-called residents live further out on isolated farmsteads. 

As much as Granny seems to immediately see Emma as her ward, Ruby Lucas seems to view it as her duty to introduce Emma to Storybrooke’s small social scene, and attacks the task with gusto. Even if it’s just a small circle - Mary Margaret Nolan, Sheriff Nolan’s wife; Belle Gold, the town librarian; and Elsa Jones, whose husband operates the general store - Emma finds herself somewhat overwhelmed by the attention. She’s never had this before, not really; there hadn’t been much of a chance to make friends, growing up in an orphanage. There’d only really been August, who she’s come to view more as a brother than anything else. It will take some getting used to, having this number of people eager for her company and opinion.

(There’s an argument to be made, Emma supposes, that Neal had been a friend, too - but he’d been a lover, more than that, and then he’d been gone. It’s hard to justify counting him, even in her pathetically brief list.)

“It’s so nice to have a new face about town,” Mrs. Nolan - Mary Margaret gushes as she leads Emma arm-in-arm down the street to the library. “Not that there’s anything wrong with the familiar faces of course - oh no, of course not! But it is so nice to hear new perspectives and meet new personalities, you know? Oh, I’m just so thrilled you’re here!”

It is exhausting and touching, all at once - and just another thing Emma will learn to expect in this little town, she’s sure. She’s determined.

———

When Emma decides to stay, Sheriff Nolan offers to put some of Sheriff Humbert’s assets towards paying her room and board, but Emma refuses. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate the offer; it’s a nice change to have someone else trying to look out for her, even if she gets the sense that David does this for everyone. However, she never even met Graham. They’d exchanged letters, had come to a rudimentary understanding, and that was all. She has no right to lay claim to any of his money on such a flimsy connection, no matter how obligated Sheriff Nolan feels to look out for her.

Emma resolves to get a job instead, to pay her own way, and only accept the help if she’s forced to. It’s not a particularly big deal; Emma has been working in one way or another since she was a teenager. She’s worked in factories, and shops, and more recently as a secretary in a bank and then a law office. Her favorite had been the stint as a companion to a wealthy invalid. Ms. Ingrid had had a sharp tongue and had loved to turn her quiet, yet cutting comments on passersby outside her townhome’s windows, often leaving Emma in fits of laughter and the older woman with a satisfied look on her face. She’d had a fondness for Emma, too; privately, one of Ms. Ingrid’s nieces had once told Emma she had lasted longer than any of the previous companions, a small compliment she couldn’t help but treasure. She’d ultimately left, shortly before the old lady died; one of Ms. Ingrid’s sister’s husbands had been making ever-more-insistent passes Emma had been struggling to dodge, and she hadn’t been needed much as Ingrid had slowly slipped away. 

(She thinks about Ms. Ingrid often, still, and the year she’d spent in that house; sometimes, Emma thinks it was one of the only times she’s ever been purely happy.)

Her opportunities for employment are limited. The general store doesn’t need additional help, and the library is barely big enough to justify one employee, let alone two. She’d played with the idea of helping out at the Sheriff’s station; with the way Sheriff Nolan seems desperate to be of assistance, for Graham’s memory if not her own sake, she’s certain he wouldn’t mind. But the fact of the matter is that this is a tiny town, with a tiny sheriff’s office to match. What would there be to do? It’s not like Boston, where there’s enough crime to produce enough paperwork to keep her busy. Sheriff Nolan himself had said that they didn’t deal with much more than petty disagreements and the occasional barfight. Even the local pickpocket had reformed and was working at the post office, running the telegraph machine. 

Instead, she turns to the Sherwood Tavern - the one place in town she’s certain gets enough business to need help. Making inquiries, she discovers that it’s owned and operated by a pair of friends: Robin Locksley, who spends most of his time just outside of town at the horse stables he runs with his wife, and Killian Jones, the sullen, dark haired man who’d been behind the bar that first afternoon when Emma had arrived. They’re an interesting pair; Mr. Locksley is all smiles and sunshine, even with that slightly roguish grin, and happy to talk about anything, while Mr. Jones barely talks at all and smiles even less. Still, it’s obvious that the two men are friends, watching the way they work around each other in the space behind the bar. Maybe that speaks well of Mr. Jones, or poorly of Mr. Locksley; Emma thinks it’s likely the former, just based on Sheriff Nolan’s own reaction to the two men. Somehow, she doesn’t think he’d allow her to take a position at an establishment run by men he didn’t trust. 

Mr. Locksley is immediately amenable to giving Emma a position as barmaid. It’s Mr. Jones who has more questions, and evidently more hesitance. Emma isn’t sure what to make of him; he’s an attractive man, objectively, with dark hair and piercing blue eyes, but his silence and moroseness are jarring, even if he seems to be a beloved member of this little town. There’s a story there, somewhere, maybe related to the scars that dominate the skin of his left hand.

“This isn’t a glamorous job, you know. It’s messy, sometimes even rowdy,” he says, studying Emma carefully where she stands in her neat skirt and shirtwaist. 

It only makes her draw up taller. “I know. I wasn’t expecting it to be. You run a bar, not a tea room.”

That gets her a faintly approving nod, at least. “Pay won’t be anything to write home about either.”

“Will it be enough to cover my room over at Granny’s?”

“Aye, it ought to be.”

“Then that’s good enough for me.”

When Jones finally gives his nod of approval, Locksley beams across at her. “Well, Ms. Swan, it looks like you have a job, and we have a barmaid. Welcome aboard.”

———

It is not remotely the life that Emma expected to find herself living, but it’s nice in its own way. There’s a pleasant routine to it all, of Granny fussing over her at mealtimes and Ruby dragging her out to socialize and keeping busy at the bar in the afternoons and evenings. It’s almost… cozy, she supposes the word is. The citizens of Storybrooke seem determined to absorb her into the fold and make her feel at home, and Emma even finds herself becoming fond of the regulars at the bar. There’s something constant and reassuring about Leroy’s complaints and the way Mr. Marco comes in for exactly one beer each night, no more than 30 minutes after sundown. Will Scarlet might be her favorite; he’s a mouthy bastard, a former thief who now inexplicably runs the post office and operates the telegraph line, but his particular brand of attitude amuses Emma and keeps her on her toes.

(It takes her approximately a week and one passing observation in the street for Emma to realize that he’s head over heels for Belle Gold, wife of the man who owns half the town, and most likely reformed his life for her. A brave man, too, then - or maybe just a fool. From what Emma understands, it’s a bad idea to get on the wrong side of Mr. Gold; he’s a manipulative man who always needs to be in control of everything and does not tolerate people standing up to him or encroaching upon his perceived territory. Emma imagines that Gold’s wife is very much included in that inventory.)

It’s usually just her and Jones and the other barkeep, Mr. Smee, working at the bar every day. Emma thinks Mr. Locksley - “Robin, please, I’m not the formal type” - might have been involved just as a favor to the other man; he’ll put in appearances every so often, especially when his business partner requests it, but he mostly seems happy to stay out at the horse farm he operates with his wife. There’s a story there, Emma’s sure - but she’s certain that she doesn’t yet have the right to ask. 

She doesn’t know what to make of Jones, really. He’s a meticulous man, and she thinks even a good one, based on the way he takes care of his establishment and is willing to patiently listen to various gripes from patrons at the bar as they work their problems out themselves. The sullen, quiet demeanor doesn’t seem like his natural state; sometimes, she catches his eyebrows twitching or the sides of his mouth trying to quirk up when one of the regulars says something suggestive, like it once would have been instinct to reach for innuendo or even jokes in the same way. She almost wonders if this is something of an emotional shield, an affectation he’s worn for so long that it’s become comfortable. Regardless, there must have been something in his past that led him here - something that’s emphasized by the careful way that Robin and Sheriff Nolan - David, now - treat him. 

Jones’ brother, Liam - who operates the general store and is Elsa’s husband - seems to be the only one that doesn’t indulge Killian’s reserved state. It intrigues Emma, and really reinforces her feeling that the younger man must not have always been like this. It’s somewhere between a matter of the elder Jones not having a tolerance of it, and trying to purposefully provoke the younger. 

“Is everything alright?” she dares to ask one afternoon after Liam Jones storms away from a discussion carried on in angry, hissed tones. 

“Fine. Liam’s just trying to control everything again.”

It’s probably a wonder she managed to get that much out of him. 

It’s hard, though, to be expected to spend so much time with a person and barely trading ten words in any given day. It makes the day longer, and the work harder. On a particularly slow day, when there’s barely a soul in the place and no longer even any cleaning left to do, Emma finds herself scrambling to break the silence, just to cut the boredom. 

It is a mistake. 

There’s a tattoo on his right forearm, usually covered by his shirt sleeve and just barely allowing hints of dark, swirling ink to peek through. Emma usually only sees the edges in flashes, when the sleeve of his shirt shifts just right as he reaches for something, but his sleeves are rolled nearly to his elbows tonight, revealing the whole work. It’s a detailed piece, one he must have gotten in Chicago or Minneapolis or some other city big enough to have an artist of talent. There’s certainly not a tattoo shop in Storybrooke, of all places. The swirls of black she’s caught glimpses of frame a heart with a jagged dagger through it, with a single word on a tattered scroll at the forefront.

“Who’s Milah?” she asks, instead of wiping down the tables for the twentieth time this evening. “On the tattoo.”

It’s like his whole body seizes - spine straightening, eyes shutting down, every inch of him infused with tension. It’s obvious she’s struck a nerve, one that affects his entire being.

“Someone from long ago,” he finally mutters, before stalking off to scrub imaginary grime off already-spotless tables.

It would be stupid to wonder what she did; that’s obvious to anyone with eyes. What she’s more confused about is why that particular question set him off. It’s obvious there’s a story there, one she doesn’t know but that must be central to the man he is. 

Robin is there that day, taking care of something in the small office at the back; without Emma even asking, he slides up next to Emma with an explanation.

“Milah was his fiancée,” he explains quietly. “She died, several years back, in a freak accident. He was driving her to town and the horse startled, flipping the whole wagon. It’s how he injured his hand, too.” Another question answered, then; Emma can see the way the scarred limb still pains him, seizing and spasming in ways that make him scowl deeper with irritation. 

“He wasn’t always like this,” Robin continues. “He used to be the most charming man you’d ever meet, always with a smile and some saucy comment. You’d have barely recognized him back then. It’s funny, and awful, what grief does to a man.”

And that explains a lot too - the way she sometimes sees his eyes flash or mouth pull like some half-forgotten instinct. That’s the look of a man who was broken, and who forced his pieces back together with the weakest glue, where things no longer fit together in the same way as they did before, even if all the fragments are there.

It is just another piece of the puzzle that is her silent coworker, but maybe the bit that makes it all make sense.

(Emma has never been much for guilt - but she can’t help but feel some small guilt for this.)

———

The thing about living in a small town, for better or worse, is that there are expectations. Despite its small size, there seem to be a million and five social functions in Storybrooke - church picnics and sewing circles and, tonight, a social and dance in Mr. Clark’s new barn. Emma could decline to attend, technically; it’s not as if she’s contractually obligated to make a showing. But Storybrooke is a tiny town, and Emma is the new face, and she’ll be thought of as unfriendly, even odd, if she doesn’t at least put in an appearance. Besides, everyone is going - and Ruby would never let her hear the end of it if she didn’t at least make an appearance. 

So she goes. She stands with Mary Margaret and David and lets Ruby pull her along and compliments Granny on her contributions to the potluck spread. She even takes a turn around the dance floor when asked, even dares to enjoy herself a little bit. 

That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t get to be too much, however. The residents of Storybrooke are all so welcoming and well-meaning, but Emma’s spent so much of her life alone, and suddenly being inundated with all this good cheer is a particular variety of overwhelming. It’s not their fault - it’s entirely hers - but Emma can’t resist slipping out the barn doors to creep around the side, seeking a quiet and solitary moment. 

It’s not to be found, however; as Emma rounds the corner, it is easy to see Jones in the light of the nearly-full moon, leaning against the wall with his head tipped back and clearly avoiding the festivities in the same way. There’s half a thought of just retreating, creeping around the other side instead, but he turns his head to meet her eyes before she has the chance.

“I’m so sorry,” she tries to apologize. “I’ll just leave you be —”

A brief smile without much feeling twitches across Jones’ face. “Hiding from the party?”

“Yes, but I can find somewhere else —”

“There’s no need. Stay.” 

Emma stays. What other choice does she have? She isn’t exactly eager to spend this time with Jones, but it would be blatantly rude to insist on leaving after he had made such a generous offer. Carefully, she props herself against the wooden wall, ignoring the way that stray splinters try to poke through her dress. 

She assumes they’ll just stand there in silence - they aren’t exactly friends, for all the time they spend together, and after the other day she’s sure he isn’t much fond of her - but Jones surprises her by breaking that silence after only a few minutes.

“I owe you an apology, Miss Swan,” he says softly, but clearly. “I’ve been less than welcoming these past weeks. I am sorry for that.”

It’s the last thing she expected him to say, and Emma has no idea how to respond. “Thank you,” she finally settles on. “I appreciate it.”

She thinks that’ll be it; that he’ll have said his piece, and they’ll go back to a more-or-less easy civility. It isn’t. “I suppose Robin, or one of the others, told you about… about Milah?” Emma nods. It’s clear this is difficult for him to speak about; she wonders a little why he’s bothering to tell her, of all people. “After she was - after she passed, I rather fell to pieces. She was gone, and the accident all but mangled my hand so it seemed like I couldn’t do much of anything with my life, and it was easier to fall into a bottle than to face my grief. Robin helped a lot, giving me something to do at the bar and eventually letting me buy into the place, but some days I still feel like all those pieces are still barely held together.”

“I understand,” Emma tells him softly, almost too softly to hear. And she does; she’d felt something of that despair when Neal had left, like she’d never find anyone or anything to compare again and there were a whole host of feelings and experiences she’d never reclaim, never experience without him. She can only imagine how much deeper that pain must run for him, when his fiancée had died and not just run away. 

“Thank you,” he says, but she can tell he doesn’t fully believe her. That’s alright; she hasn’t given him any reason to. “Anyhow. It’s been five years now, and I’m… acceptant, I suppose. I don’t anticipate being that same man I was ever again, or being able to truly move on and find someone else, but I’m not actively trying to drown all my feelings anymore, which most agree is a significant improvement.”

“Most?”

“Most,” he repeats. “I believe you’re acquainted with Mary Margaret Nolan?”

“Ah. Yes.”

“Exactly. Ah. Mrs. Nolan is a very kind woman, of course. She truly does mean well, and she and David are wonderful for each other. But she is… unbearably optimistic, if I’m being blunt. Mary Margaret is of the opinion that now that I have reached an acceptance of everything that happened with Milah - everything that I lost with Milah - that it’s time I move on, and find a new ‘happy ending.’ So when you came to town - a new face, lonely, needing help…”

Emma sees exactly where this is going. “You assumed she would immediately start trying to play matchmaker.”

“Precisely. Well, not quite assumed; I’ve known Mary Margaret long enough that it was more like knew.”

“And you decided to head it off before it even started.”

“Aye. Again, I do apologize for how it means I treated you. You didn’t deserve that kind of hostility. But I didn’t want her getting any ideas about fixing us up together.”

“Then I forgive you.”

Killian stares blankly at her for a moment, clearly not quite processing her words. “Just like that?”

“You forget - I’ve met Mary Margaret too.”

His lips twitch in that almost-smile again, and Emma could swear she hears him huff out the hint of a laugh. “She is nothing if not persistent. A second chance, then?”

And Emma finds herself surprisingly happy to agree.

———

They’re still not friends, exactly. Jones isn’t exuberant, and that doesn’t change just because they had a chance to reset things behind the barn. But they’re… friendly. Amiable. Companionable. A whole host of other almost-type words. She no longer feels like he resents her very presence in his place of business, and even makes sure to make her life better in little ways, like helping her wipe down glasses and handle more belligerent patrons. She appreciates it, truly; it makes her life easier, knowing he’ll back her up, and that’s more than enough. Despite the small town-big family feel of Storybrooke, she’s still a city girl at heart who’s fine not to make best friends with everyone. She’s more than satisfied to be his employee, and nothing more; in fact, it’s a welcome change after some of the jobs she’s had.

(That’s what landed her here in the first place, after all: a man who doesn’t much care about her many, many denials.)

Even if they’re not friends, she spends enough time around the man to recognize some of his reactions, the slight variations of “sullen” that still play across his face if you’re watching closely. And as soon as Belle Gold walks in with an older man Emma can only assume is her husband, Emma sees the way that Jones’ entire body tenses up. The tension in the air is palpable between the two; even Belle shifts uncomfortably as they approach the bar.

“Could I have a small glass of beer, please?” she asks Emma softly. It’s a relief to reach for the glass instead of just waiting for whatever this is to explode. “It’s so terribly warm out there today, I found myself needing a little something to cool down.”

Beside her, her husband hasn’t broken eye contact with Jones. Emma doubts he’s fully aware of what she and Belle are doing right next to him. “You’re still here then, Jones?” he asks in an icy, sinister voice. 

“Aye.” Jones’ face is just as stony when he responds. Emma can practically see the way he vibrates with suppressed rage.

“I suppose you don’t have anywhere else to go, do you, or anyone else to chase after. No one really wants to take on a man with only one functional hand.”

“Let’s go, Robert,” Belle urges. Her beer is barely touched, but her refreshment seems forgotten as the encounter turns increasingly hostile.

Carefully, Jones sets the glass he had been holding back on the bar as the rest of the room holds its breath. Emma can see the way he flexes his scarred left hand, though she doesn’t think anyone else is playing close enough attention. “That’s true,” he says in that deadly quiet voice, “but you’re stuck here too, Gold. And we both know you’re the one who trapped me in this town.”

“Strong words from a weak man —” Mr. Gold starts to say, but his target has already stalked away towards the door Emma knows hides a staircase. Jones keeps an apartment above the premises; doubtless he’s gone there to lick his wounds. 

Belle quickly ushers her husband out after that, leaving the barely touched glass on the counter. Emma takes a long drag, not one to waste the beverage; she can’t help but hold some bitterness towards Belle for this altercation, even though she knows the woman is otherwise lovely and kind and even something like a friend to Jones. She must have known this might happen, bringing her husband in here. The man has a reputation, one that makes it hard to believe that his wife is so kind - and married to him. Besides, the whole exchange reeked of an unknown history between the two men, of so many words and actions leading to today’s explosion. 

Behind the bar, Mr. Smee - a timid man by nature, a predilection not remotely helped by these dramatics - looks anxiously between the room half-full of patrons and the door through which Jones had disappeared. It only takes a moment to realize what needs to be done - and that Emma will have to be the one to do it.

With a nod toward the bar floor for Smee, Emma quickly climbs the stairs, a glass of rum in hand. She’s noticed Jones taking a shot of the stuff when some customer is drunk enough to buy a round for everyone. If there’s ever been a time when a drink of something biting would help - well, this is probably it.

It isn’t hard to find Jones. He hasn’t even made it into his apartment proper, instead sitting propped against the wall in the hallway with his head hung between his upright knees. He looks up at the sound of her boot heels clicking on the stairs, happy to accept the proffered spirits, only to hunch back over the glass once it’s in his hands. Emma waits patiently for the explanation she knows is coming; she’s long since grown used to silence sitting between the two of them.

“He killed her,” Jones finally says, draining the remains of his rum in one swallow. “Milah. My Milah. He wanted her, but she wanted nothing to do with him, and she chose me.” He smiles softly in remembrance, a foreign look on his face from what Emma has come to know. “I could never prove it, of course. But he hated that she chose me, hated me for supposedly stealing what was his by pursuing the woman who pursued me first. And that wagon… it never should have tipped. It was sturdy, not even a year old, and the road was even. But there was a shot, fired someplace close that I could never pinpoint, and the horse startled, and the axle was apparently so weak or damaged that it broke, and by the time it was all over…”

“She was gone,” Emma supplies softly. Somehow, in the middle of all this, she’s found herself on the floor next to him. It seems like what he needs right now. 

“It was quick, at least. She broke her neck and died instantly. I just… I could never prove it, but I always knew it was Gold. The sabotage of the wagon and the shot to set everything in motion.”

It makes horrifying sense; maybe Jones is wrong, but from everything Emma has heard and seen of Mr. Gold, she wouldn’t put it past him. “And now you’re forced to see him all the time.”

“We had plans, you know,” he tells her, staring into his glass like he can make it refill by will alone. “We were going to pack up, move to Duluth or Chicago - somewhere along the Great Lakes, where I could get a job on one of the ships. But she was - she was dead, and my hand was barely functional, and when Robin offered to let me buy into the bar instead of just doing my damndest to drink myself to death… I took it.”

“And you lived.”

He snorts. “Or close enough to it.” His head falls back against the wall heavily as he sighs. “He’s gone, I imagine. I’ll come back down in a moment, I just…”

“Take all the time you need.”

(Emma knows she didn’t do anything more than listen, but there’s still a satisfaction in seeing the way he has started to pull himself back together as she traipses back down to the bar.)

———

They’re still not friends, but knowing those bits of another’s soul bonds two people together in a way that’s hard to describe. Jones is still sullen and quiet, but it’s less off-putting when Emma knows it comes from a place of pain. What matters is that Emma feels comfortable and safe here in Storybrooke and at the tavern, in the midst of these kind - and yes, in some cases morose - people. 

That all changes when a telegram arrives unexpectedly, marked urgent and portending dangers Emma had hoped she had finally escaped. 

She opens it right away, of course; there’s only one person outside of this town who knows how to reach her, and August is too busy for needless correspondence. He hadn’t even responded when she’d wired him back in Boston that first day in Storybrooke just to let him know what had happened, and that she was still staying. Him sending a message can mean nothing good.

Emma sinks onto a barstool as she reads the stark letters. Even without a mirror, she can feel the blood draining from her face as her nightmares resurface. 

Be aware Oz sniffing around STOP Hired private detective STOP Be on alert and do what you must STOP Will keep apprised STOP

Emma doesn’t know how long she sits there, staring at the little slip of paper. Somewhere, the yellow envelope it was delivered in has dropped away; she hadn’t noticed. She only comes back to herself when a firm hand shakes her shoulder.

“Swan!” Jones all but barks, jerking her back to attention and to meet his eyes. It’s evident he’s been trying to get her attention for a while; thank god there are only a scant handful of people in the bar at this early hour, though she’d rather Will Scarlet hadn’t had to see this either. “What’s the matter?” he presses ahead. “Are you alright?”

What an absolutely absurd question to ask as she sits here, white as a sheet. As much as Emma would like to deny it, claim everything is fine, she can’t. “No,” she barely manages to gasp out. 

It’s like everything around her has become a blur, like her mind can’t focus on anything but impending doom. Jones and Will Scarlett must have corralled her into the little back office; she has no memory of how she came to be sitting in the padded chair. Jones crouches by her side, his shoes lost beneath the edge of her skirt, wearing a surprisingly tender look on his face.

“This is about what you’re running from, isn’t it?” he asks in as gentle a voice as Emma’s ever heard from him. It snaps her to alertness, eyes blown wide; it’s not remotely what she expected him to say. 

“How did you know that?” she demands. Emma hasn’t told anyone in town the underlying reason why she came to this little nowhere town, and yet here Jones is talking like it’s obvious to see. 

“I recognize the look of someone with demons to hide, and to hide from,” he says softly. “You’ve met mine, Swan.”

Faced with that kind of understanding, it’s like all the pride, the reticence, the fight seeps right out of her. What’s the point? He seems to see right through her front anyways, for some reason she can’t pinpoint. 

“Yes,” she says, carefully making sure that neither her voice nor her hands tremble at the admittance. “It’s about the things I ran from in Boston.”

“Tell us.”

And she does. As Will Scarlet stands by the door and Jones moves to lean against the desk, Emma lets the whole tale unravel: about the law office in New York she’d been a secretary in, about the junior partner, Walsh Oz, who’d taken a sudden interest in her, about the way she’d left that job when he wouldn’t stop pressing his attentions on her. About how he’d found out where she lived, and forced her to move three times. About how she’d finally packed up and moved to Boston, only for him to track her there as well, showing up in the department store she worked in. How she’d gotten more and more desperate, finally seizing upon the idea of answering one of the marriage ads in the paper.

“It seemed like the perfect solution,” Emma explains. Against her will, tears have begun pooling in her eyes, and she blinks furiously to dispel them. “It’d take me so far away from Boston and New York that Walsh Oz would never track me down - and besides, I’d have a husband. It didn’t matter that I probably wouldn’t love him, I’d be safe. He wouldn’t be able to bother me anymore if I was already tied to another man.”

As Emma has told the whole sorry story, Will Scarlet has become visibly more upset in his stance by the door, bordering on fury, but Jones has remained implacably, unshakably calm. Emma appreciates it, in an odd way; it’s something stable to focus on, to keep the panic from overcoming her again. “And then you got here, and there wasn’t a husband to marry,” he says softly.

Emma nods. “I thought it would still be enough - rural Minnesota is so far from New York or Boston, you know? But now…”

“But now.” There’s something horribly ominous about his agreement. 

“At least I have August to watch out for me - my friend, almost a brother. He works for a private detective agency.” Jones probably doesn’t much care about that, but talking and explaining keeps her in the moment. It only works for so long though, as the reality of the situation sets in. “If Oz comes here… where else can I go? What am I supposed to do?”

The silence sits for a moment, Emma trying not to cry, Scarlet and Jones looking at one another as if coming up with something. The question hovers in the room, threatening to suffocate them all.

“You came here because you thought a husband could protect you?” Jones finally asks.

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll marry you instead. If you like.”

It’s an absurd proposition, not least of all because Emma knows Jones may never get over his late fiancée. Beyond that… they barely know each other. They’ve worked together for two and a half months, and Emma has shared little bits of herself along the way and learned pieces of his own character, but that’s not enough to base a marriage on. But wasn’t that exactly what she was trying to do with Graham Humbert? To marry him, even though she barely knew him?

The difference, of course, is that Emma has worked alongside Jones for months, and knows this is not remotely what he’d ever planned for himself. It is much harder to go through with this when she knows that it isn’t something that both parties actively want.

“You don’t have to. I would never ask that of you,” she hurries to protest - but he’s already shaking his head.

“I know I don’t,” he tells her. “And if you don’t want to, that’s fine, and we’ll try to figure something else out. But I think it might be your best option.” Jones pauses, and his face softens. “Graham was a good man, and a good friend of mine,” he tells her quietly. “He waited a long time for me to be a better man, and do something with my life. Let me do this for him.”

And Emma agrees.

———

It is a small wedding - not that the occasion warranted anything different. They’re two people who barely aren’t strangers anymore, who hadn’t planned for this remotely or had even imagined such a possibility two days ago. 

(Technically, it’s the second time since Emma arrived in Storybrooke that two days have abruptly changed the course of her life. Maybe it’s an omen, of some sort; Emma doesn’t have the energy, or the opportunity, to pay heed to such a thought.)

They make as much of the occasion as they can when Mary Margaret and Ruby only have two days to fuss. Emma wears her nicest dress - a summery, pale blue confection that makes her look a lot more girlish and innocent than she actually is - and there are fresh flowers along the pews of the little church that match the small bouquet in her hands. Only a small number of people attend to witness - the Nolans, Jones’ brother and his wife, Robin and his wife, and Granny with Ruby - but that’s alright. Emma may not know what her soon-to-be husband’s favorite color is, or his favorite meal, or even his middle name, but she does know that they’re both somewhat solitary creatures. Neither needs a crowd, or would be comfortable with one.

There’s something oddly comforting about his presence at the end of the aisle, waiting for her in front of the reverend. He isn’t dressed particularly elaborately, but he’s taken the effort to put on a tie and coat and comb back his hair a bit, even if pieces keep popping up again. Most of all, Emma appreciates that his hands don’t tremble when they take hers. She’s terrified out of her wits about the foolishness they’ve both agreed to, but he manages to be so calm; so certain. It’s like he’s found an odd kind of purpose in doing her this favor beyond thanks, beyond reason. He’s calm when she meets him at the altar, and calm all through the short ceremony, and still calm when he slides the thin gold ring on her finger. It feels like some kind of blessing.

Before she knows it, the words are all said, and they’re moving to sign the paperwork and make this legally official. And that’s it: some of the most momentous minutes of her life are over and done, and Jones - Killian? - is leading her back down the aisle of the little church with her hand tucked into his arm, still that pillar of stability and reassurance. 

She’s married. 

———

Eventually, they find themselves back in the little apartment above the bar. Emma’s pretty flowers have been set aside, her hat carefully extricated from the pins holding it to her hair, and Killian has worked off his jacket and tie. Silence stretches between them as they sit, she in the armchair by the fire and him at the kitchen table, but it’s not yet comfortable. They don’t quite know each other enough for that. It’s like they’re in a holding pattern, both just waiting for something to give, for the other to break or break through. 

“I never expected to get married,” he finally says. Emma jerks her head to face him, but he carefully looks anywhere else, staring towards the opposite wall, fiddling with his fingers. “After Milah died… I expected I never would. That that would be it for me.”

It is not a good way to start a marriage - hearing that her new husband never wanted to get married in the first place. “I’m sorry, then. For trapping you in a marriage you never wanted.”

But he shakes his head at the words, finally meeting her eyes. “No, no, that’s not what I mean, Emma. I’m not trying to - I don’t want you to think I regret this. It is its own kind of honor, doing this for you and for Graham. Makes me feel like a better man than I’ve been in a long, long time. What I’m trying to say, I suppose, is…” He pauses, as if collecting his words. “I suppose I don’t have… expectations, so to speak, of our marriage. We get along. I think you’re a good woman, and I’ve appreciated the help in the bar. And that can be it. I’m not expecting anything more. I’m perfectly happy to have a paper marriage, companionship and nothing more, because that’s already more than I ever expected for the rest of my life.”

Ah. He’s alluding to sex. It’s kind of him to dance around this, but entirely unnecessary; delicacy has been out of the question for 8 years now, since she still thought Neal was her forever. It never really mattered for an orphan from the worst of Boston anyways. As kind as it may be, it’s unnecessary, and frankly too chivalrous for her purposes. In return, Emma chooses her words just as carefully as he did; at the beginning here, setting the stage for what may become the rest of their marriage, it seems important to do so. “Thank you, Mr. Jones —”

“Killian.”

“Killian.” He’s right; they’ve already traded vows, such as they were, after all. “Thank you, Killian - but the fact of the matter is that I need this to be a real marriage. If our marriage is to protect me the way I need it to… then I need there to be no reason for anyone to claim otherwise.”

———

They consummate their marriage that night.

It is not making love by any means, and it is not even particularly good - it’s been too long for either of them to be in practice, and too little feeling between the two of them - but there is no denying that it is a real marriage now. Emma can smell the shot of rum he drank for courage as Killian determinedly avoids her lips. His body is warm and firm above her, inside her, but there’s no feeling to it, except in the apology he mumbles against her ear when he finishes before she’s even close to satisfaction.

It is fine. It is no more than she expected.

But at least it is a union, in almost every sense of the word. 

———

(She had been anxious about this - the idea of giving her body to a man she barely knows, no matter how much she knows it to be necessary - but as mediocre as the act itself is, Emma can’t help but feel… connected, afterwards. Despite everything, he had been gentle with her, considerate. She doesn’t quite feel an affection for him - not yet, though she hopes she might one day, if this is to be the start of years to come - but it’s the first link in a bond that they’ll strengthen with time. Consummation had been a fraught decision for both of them, an emotional minefield in many ways, but they’re truly in this together now.

All things considered - she’s glad she’s in it with him.)

[soranihimawari]

Bella Donnas & Love

This is the final installment of the Hanahaki Disease AU featuring the Seijoh Four. This is a Mattsukawa Issei x Yin (YN/Reader) story.

Word Count: 4.3 K

Warnings: mentions of depression, suicidal attempts, mentions of burn out, and intrusive thoughts

Recommended Audience: 17+ (minors recommended to not read because of the warnings attached)

Pairing: Mattsukawa Issei x reader// MIA->MIF [Mattsukawa Issei angst to Mattsukawa Isei fluff]

Mattsukawa Issei is a simple man. He sees the world in copious amounts of black, white, and gray; it isn’t because he is colorblind either. It is because he knows his worth. Truthfully, his parental figures were always a bit worried about their son especially given the profession he has chosen to pursue. Being in the business of burning and or burying the dead, Mattsukawa Issei is a fan of the loneliest times in a lifetime: they say when we are brought into the world, we are alone, and when we pass on, we too exit the world alone. There is nothing wrong with finding a job in the business of death, but even angels have demons. And for Mattsukawa, you are an exquisite example of the dichotomy between his dark side and your eventual akin to the brighter side.

It is a known fact in Japan, the pressure to be perfect or to fit into the mold of society has been a fatal flaw throughout the years. This is the main reason why at exactly two fifty-five in the morning, Mattsukawa Issei notices a young person, hanging out on the edge of the skyscraper across his workplace. There was a late night arrival to the city morgue; he just needed to be there to sign the paperwork to turn over the embalming processes to his mentors. It was the deceased wishes to be buried in the mausoleum in the home town of their forefathers: the mountain side of Nagasaki.

You were having a rough day: you were told you by your employers that you’ve been slacking for too long getting numbers for the statistics presentation coming up with business partners across the South China Sea. Then your grandparent were strictly feeding toxic lies to your parent(s) about how you would never find a suitable partner to marry you. Quite frankly, because you put your career and studies first, you had no issues putting your family in their place. The intrusive thoughts, snide comments about your appearance, was enough for you to glance at the sleeping pills that were prescribed to you to assist in a normal pattern, to invade your subconscious. The events which led you to climb the fire escape up to the rooftop garden in your kitten heels made for a daring flirtation with death. There have been nights the last couple of months where your heart is heavy in your chest, your lungs are intoxicating you with the poisonous belladonna petals.

“What a time to find out I’m going to die a lot sooner than I thought,” you sighed into your palm. Your eyes scour the hazy city in the afterglow; after a tizzy of a day you had, you chose that perhaps this might be a sign of the universe you were better off dead. Either that or your soulmate would be in extreme pain and you didn’t want to disappoint their perception of your love. Then again, you wouldn’t know what love, honest, and kind would feel like even when you’re about to let it all go.

You are devoid of emotion as you bring yourself to your feet. A hand of yours drags across your face. The drop is high enough to entice little to severe damage like broken legs, or severe head trauma, but to be truly free, you wish to be put out of your misery as quickly as possible.

Mattsukawa sees the figure clad in a lighter powder blue and his eyes are wide with fear. The morgue worker and delivery driver had already gone off into the night to complete the rest of the deliveries of bodies to the funeral homes. As soon as he finished locking up and registering the corpses, Mattsukawa was determined to see your hair wind blowing on the rooftops. The blurred vision he sees makes the twenty-seven year old shiver. Even in his line of work, this was the second instance he wanted to save someone. He knew of you: the business woman who was suffering from a similar ailment to him. The belladonna hues from your rebellious highlights enticed him to notice how you seemed a bit off at the coffee house you frequent by the funeral parlour he had been working at.

“Excuse me,” you said, holding on to your mug. Your knuckles were white with tension, so Mattsukawa did something unexpected of himself: he gave you way, but instead of sitting on the opposite side of the restaurant cafe, he sat directly across from you. The crowd was getting to be a bit noisy, but you and him sat there staring off center, hyper fixating on the number of people sign in either direction.

“Why do you smell like belladonna?” You asked. You had a glance meet you with a harsh smile.

“It’s part of my line of work. I use it to bury the dead at the request for all nameless suiciders that wind up on my table,” Mattsukawa explains. The oils from his embalming course was enough to mimic actual belladonna, but has he noticed from her, it wasn’t coming from just his hands: it was coming from her hair. He asked a question about why you seemed so strung up lately and like a fool, you told him everything which was bothering you. If anything, this man was a silent confession box. He seemed like the genuine article, so when you check for the time, you realize it was time to leave and head back to the office to grab the final jump drive for the presentation. Things at work seemed to have gotten better since the next time you’d see your precious Mattsukawa would be in the next life. You never truly disclosed your name to him, so he made a note call you Bella or Donna (whichever you preferred really). His smile is flirtatiously coy and you felt your cheeks grow a bit warm from the moment he told you his name.

For whatever reason, perhaps Mattsukawa was feeling a bit lucky, he asked you to dinner the day before yesterday. He wanted to know you, truth and all, bruised and damaged as you were, the meds your doctor prescribed were starting to cushion the intrusive thoughts. However that changed the moment you give him a nod, he grabs your hand as you’re about to leave the cafe; gently he squeezes your fingers for reassurance.

“You’ll do great Miss. I believe in you,” Mattsukawa whispers in the last part. The cafe begins to echo again, so you couldn’t hear the last part, but you were sure it was an encouraging word. Mattsukawa was the first person in a long while to give you something so few in your battlefield mind would want (or need): hope.

“Goodbye Mattsukawa.”

With that said, you were gone from the cafe and headed back into the office where a different manager made your life hell because their normal assistant was very organized, but the constant comparison was enough to make your head explode.

Presently, you stand on the ledge, glancing down like a superhero vigilante, but just as you were about to take a dive, you feel a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around your waist. The hands are interlocked under your empire waist line and if it wasn’t for the fact your hair was probably in a ponytail prior to this predicament, you’re sure your band was lost to gravity and the wind. You thrashed about in your captor’s arms, not realizing this person was about to save you from an awful mistake.

You see, Mattsukawa Issei is a funeral employee; he dresses sharply like an agent of the Grim Reaper. He is suave and debonair; he loves watching the life cycles of the various flower arrangements in his mentors stores go throughout the seasons. His heart and soul is full of vibrancy you have yet to comprehend; Mattsukawa was always a strong individual and you could ask anyone of his friends in school what kind of person he was. So, what made you so different? Sure you were stressed out, anybody could see that, but Mattsukawa picked up on the depressive aura you emanated. Did he really want to sit in front of you that afternoon? Sure; it was mainly because he couldn’t shake this feeling ever since you were ahead of him in line to order that he was supposed to meet you here (even if you were at your lowest post appointments at the business office downtown).

You struggle to let go, but the owner of these hands does not wish to loosen their grip on you; you ask twice kindly to be left alone and the soft ortund tone of the stranger’s voice from the cafe stops you from thrashing about further.

He tumbles back and lands on his arse with you sitting on his lap, pressed against his broad chest. His sleeves from the black oxford shirt he wears is rolled up to his elbows, and his hands still are in an interlocked position. Mattsukawa has seen some pretty fucked up causes of death recently, yet this time, he wanted to save you, not bury you. He wants to see you tomorrow night at dinner in the diner close to his loft; he wants you to understand maybe death isn’t all that grand and if you struggle with your mind everyday, he wishes to someday be of importance to you. You’re in charge of your own autonomous decisions, yet Mattsukawa wants you to give him a chance to prove to you that love, hope, and for the very fortunate, miracles exist (even if you weren’t shown any).

“You’re sick,” he closes his eyes. Apparently, you pick up on the frown in his voice and somehow, you’re sixth sense of empathy decides not to fight his tonality, but rather when you subconsciously agree and call your mental state one of a landmine, he doesn’t make a fuss. It was a short exam and you realize may be life is worth living for a nano-second. You could have an entire relationship with this man from the cafe in a span of two hours, if that. The fates must have had a wicked sense of humor when pairing either of you to the other: one who works with and around death, the other has an affinity to try and cross into the next life every moment things in the sea turn too rough.

You slowly stop trying to fight him the moment you hear his voice toss in the wind. Instead, you move your hands to hover limply on his, leaning back and letting his breathing calm you. The smell of belladonna from your hair oil wafts through the air. “Suicide is not how I want your story to end.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about or-o-or,” you stammer on. “Perhaps I don’t want to be alive anymore because people keep interfering.”

This causes Mattsukawa’s heart to gain a solid crack. You toss your head back and land harshly against his sternum, causing him to grunt and inhale sharply.

It rips seamlessly to his soul. In the past six to eight years since he entered his chosen profession, he has seen corpses from all ages, the youngest being eight who suffered from a myriad of health issues including Hanahaki because the playground friend in their preschool years was going to be theirs when the time properly came. Mattsukawa, the night he was on duty for the wake, anonymously donated the flowers that would have made the child laugh on wishes. Sure, life does have it’s moments when it tests us, yet he couldn’t wrap his head around the burn out business person from earlier this week, who was now in his arms, safe.

Unintentionally landing on his back with you on top of his chest was not how he had pictured becoming a hero. Just for one night, Mattsukawa Issei, the stern and most silent of the volleyball players in high school, was a hero worthy of saving a life.

“Argh,” he groans.

He coughs quietly away from your face when his hands loosen their hold. You chose to not chastise him about not wearing a sweater in the middle of autumn. After all, this man was the only one who would be daft enough to try and stop you. You curl into him, hiding your face in the satin finish of his dress shirt; you promise to buy him a new one as long as you let him hide your eyes and you break down. You’re crying over the smallest inconvenience and on top of feeling like a burden to the man, you consistently apologize by saying it’s no one’s fault especially his when you catch yourself in your darkest moment.

Mattsukawa listens to your request: with one hand, he covers your left side of your face, the right is patting your hair down, reassuring you that he will console you until the sobs stop and the sniffles remain.

“You’re lucky I live and work not too far from here doll,” he whispers into your hair. You’re calming down as you hiccup the last couple of bubbles of air. You nod in understanding the words he was saying, but you still have your eyes closed to shield himself (and keep your pride intact) when he would peer into your bloodshot ones.

“Don’t worry about me tryin’ anything either. You’ve been through enough tonight. Just let me take care of you for the rest, ok?”

“Mmhm,” you agree. He sits up half way and you rise with him, your eyes ever looking westward until you see one of his handkerchiefs from his back pants pocket dangle in your line of sight. You stifle a laugh, utter a thanks, and begin to dry your face. Mattsukawa, when you were done, doesn’t hold your face anymore, even if it pains him to do so. Your free hand decides for both of you: your left reaches for his and you bring the calloused hand, opened palm, to your cheek. Your skin is soft and sticky from the tears, but if anyone were to ask Mattsukawa what it felt like to save a life, he would humbly point you out in a crowd and say ‘Ask ‘em yourself.’

“I lost sight of the things that brought me joy,” you say quietly. You’re breathing in his cologne and it smells like whiskey sours. The scent grounds you, as you recall your therapist giving you stress-relieving tricks such as naming five to ten things your senses pick up on. Your cheeks feel soft like mochi ice against Mattsukawa’s open palm; you see the neon lights hazily glow in the city below you; and finally, you hear his shirt ruffle against the shell of your ear when you finally calm down.

“Everyone does,” Mattsukawa agrees. “Can you do something for me?”

“Mattsukawa-san,” you said his name and he chuckles in surprise. You remembered his name? This was even better than before. He finds himself falling gently in like with you. The love between long lost friends is what keeps him afloat. Unwillingly, you find yourself amusedly smiling at his tanned skin glowing with a soft hues under his eyes. Was this man blushing?

“Call me Issei or Mattsun,” his voice says when his other hand loops around your waist. He buried his head on your right shoulder.

Tonight you learn that even strong and by your standards of “fine men” do in fact cry. You blink a couple more times and he just cries a mixture of tears he has no control over.

“Mattsun,” you say, voice soft like the breeze sending a boat to sail. “I’m sorry about all this.”

“You could have said you weren’t feeling well if you didn’t want to go out with me,” Mattsukawa jokes, turning his head to the side so you wouldn’t see his tear stricken face to the side. He asks you, if you felt comfortable enough, to just stay still for a moment.

The rooftop rendezvous was not what you had in mind when you came home from clocking out, but considering you were heavily contemplating ending your existence earlier, this one request was not too hard to fulfill. The belladonna in your bronchioles seemed to dislodge itself into your lungs. You stay as still as your companion had asked and you breathe in time together. His curls are soft to the touch and when he relaxes his shoulders when you run a hand through his hair, you feel him grin on the right of your shoulder blades.

Was this what it felt like to be you every hour before you both met at the cafe? This profound sadness doesn’t leave his heart nor does he quite shake the feeling of the leaves of the belladonna flowers taking root in his lungs. The flowers bloomed slowly since his twenty-third birthday were the same ones you dyed your hair for. You’ve been suffering with the hanahaki disease for quite some time, you confess back to him.

“Is that why you were here? Trying to jump?” Mattsukawa asks an innocent inquiry. He seemed like he was about to be scolded for the first time in seven years, yet you thought it was kind of adorable. And so you do something you haven’t done in a very long time: you scoff (although you were sure it was closer to a giggle.

“No,” you reply. “I was contemplating jumping because all my triggers hit at once, so I’ve been in a depressive episode for quite some time before we met.”

“Oh,” Mattsukawa acknowledges. “Do you want to stay the night?”

“…that’s awfully forward of you,” you say. Your pragmatic inner voice says to decline, but there is a mischievous side of his mannerisms, nonetheless you are curious. It is late into the evening already, so perhaps the offer is a better one. After all, you think the change of scenery would do you some good, so you humbly agree.

Roughly an hour later, you find yourself in Mattsukawa’s living room area. Offering his shower to you, you ask if there is something he can lend you. It is an old shirt with his high school cactus logo on it, but the shorts he tosses to you has a VBC and his old number stitched on the back pocket. Mattsukawa hands you a spare towel and tells you how to work the shower in his bathroom. Twenty minutes later, you sit close to the kotatsu even if it’s not too cold outside at the moment, you tend to sleep better underneath one.

Prior to your shower, Mattsukawa-san graciously gave you a small tour of his loft when you arrived. The walk wasn’t too far from the rooftop building and so you two walk side by side until the loft complex came into view. Mattsukawa says hi to the doorman who makes a joke or two about how he had almost pulled another overnight at the funeral home.

“Be careful with that one miss, he’d work himself to death! Ha! Work himself to death,” the doorman says, wiping a faux tear from his eye. You snickered covering your smile with the back of your hand. When you put it to the side of your body, Mattsukawa notices how dazzling your smile is. How would someone who smiles this much at a pun, hold so much carnage of self-doubt and depressive thoughts in their heart? Is that why your flowers and your scent are wrapped in poisonous belladonna? Mattsukawa shakes this thought to the furthest parts of his mind. You’re here now, in the next room, safe under the same roof.

The master bedroom door is opened just a crack once Mattsukawa is half-dressed in his pajama pants, parading around shirtless fetching a glass of water from the kitchen. You were already seated on the barstool peering out the sliding glass door of the patio outside. Jumping was not the way to die for you, you think. Perhaps if you died with love, perhaps you’d have a better chance of reincarnation than you thought. The ambient sounds of the refrigerator and the water spout being used brought you back to hold the gaze of your host for the evening. You made a conscientious decision to cash in on your PTO at your work location for the next two weeks via e-mail. You explain to the HR representative you were feeling burn out and your therapist was working with you to battle the depressive episodes you were going through. The automotive message came back saying someone from the office of internal affairs would look into the chain of command in your division. However, you could care less about work at the moment, since you were enjoying the company of the person who helped kept you tied to this world.

“You like what you see?” Mattsukawa says smoothly. The water glass is placed on the counter in front of you. After graduation from Aoba Josai, running and other kinesthetic stretches were included in his workout regiment. You froze, placing your phone face down to the extreme left of the counter space. The granite glowed in the soft lamp from behind you, casting shadows in the grooves of his muscular features.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” you tease. “But I do like the person who saved me from making a huge mistake.”

Mattsukawa nods as he leans forward to rest his chin in his hand.

“I’ll always come running to you Yin,” he gives you a nickname close to the currency your country uses. This causes you to roll your eyes, yet you reassure him it was filled with endearment.

“You sound like you’re going to love me until the day I properly die Mattsun.”

He wasn’t expecting you to climb halfway across the granite counter, stretching your back further parallel to the floor (your feet are balancing your lower half on the chair).

His hand finds its way to the small of your back and he says a quick, “pardon me.” The onyx eyes he owns close and crinkle upward like small crescent moons before you feel his pursed lips press against your forehead.

“You’re safe here,” you hear him say. His warmth is a welcomed blanket of comfort for you; his words are kinder than your own thoughts.

“Will you kiss me properly?” You ask.

“In the morning, first thing,” he answers. “But first, sleep.”

Mattsukawa walks around his counter to keep you from hanging in the balance thus lowering the risk of you falling knees first on the floor.

“Remember how you fell on top of me?” Mattsukawa’s voice is low. You swallow nervously; you affirm that you do. “Good. Now hold on to me sweetheart.”

He leans back against your left side of your suspended body and he wraps an arm around your mid-section and you push off with your elbows. The next thing you are aware of, you are being carried like a drowsy child to the living room where you sit on Mattsukawa’s lap like before. You raise a hand to his smooth face, your fingers tracing the highest points of his features; his eyes flutter close to the sensational spell you are casting; he is about to fall in the in-between of sleep and lucidity when he feels your lips press firmly against his. When you back down, he stops you with one word: “More. One more time.”

You turn your head at an angle the moment you feel his hands turn you around to straddle him more comfortably.

“Better,” you confirm. Your nose teases his own and he languidly looks at you before he pushes your back playfully and your lips meet his again.

You sigh against his lips when your knees come into contact with his cushion; his arms move away from your hips to your ribs. The callouses he earned over the years of playing volleyball in high school memorizes the map of your skin. Together, the aroma of belladonna almost dissipates the pain in your lungs the longer you are breathing in everything the young man in front of you is giving.

This was as brave as you wanted to be right now. You’d be more adventurous months into your new found relationship with your restaurant-cafe rendezvous man. Your hands trace his collar bones before they found their purchase on the sides of his neck.

“I like that,” you say when you are given a chance to catch your breath. Mattsukawa’s hands rest on your love handles again and he pushes you into a loose embrace. Your hair tickles his shoulder when you rest your head against his pectoral.

“I like this too,” he says, running his fingers lightly up and down your spine. “Close your eyes and rest for a while Yin. We can talk about this in the morning, ok?”

You stifle a yawn, agreeing.

A few minutes later, after you are truly asleep, Mattsukawa supports you in his arms and he carries you like a child, careful to support your neck as your legs rest limply above his hips, to his room. He lays you down first and then proceeds to tuck you in; staying above the duvet, he watches over you breathing in and out steadily, the last small petals escaping your lips when you cough softly in your sleep. Mattsukawa stares at the last shriveled one on the corner of your lips and swats it away.

“Pretty angel, don’t scare me like that. I don’t want to lose you,” Mattsukawa reaches over to hold your hand; fingers intertwining around your own and you squeeze his back. “You’ll be alright and I will help you keep nightmares away.”

“Why?” Your voice is laced with sleep. “Why do you want to love me?”

“Because our story is just beginning my love.”

Mattsukawa rubs his thumb over your knuckles and when he lies down further on his bed next to you, he rests a protective arm over your shoulders.