#…. Demiromantic. I’m pretty sure that’s the friendship first one

[poisoned-pearls]

momokarun is bi x bi to me. Okarun wouldn’t realize until momo said smth offhanded like “I think I’d be a hot dude” and it took him a few moments of thinking of that to realize he wouldn’t care. Momo just walked out of the womb with a bi flag tho

[tangents-within-tangents]

Aspec ✨Icons✨ part 2: Dana Scully (X-files)

(Missed ace week bc I overcomplicated things and it took me a hot sec to finish the sticker but whatever lol)

Listen, Special Agent Dana Catherine Scully is an icon as she is! She's badass, our Women in Stem queen, canonically immortal, and she is totally demi!

Mulder and Scully, the ultimate will-they-won't-they, right? Is it just coworkers respecting boundaries? Friends to lovers? The slowest of slow burns? Idk man listen to this speech:

Scully: Well it seems to me, that the best relationships, the ones that last, are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.

Come on, tell me that isn't the most demi thing you've ever heard!

I've seen fans read this as her just realizing or admitting that she has always loved Mulder but that's literally not what she says! And this is in 6.08, so after 6 years of working with Agent Foxy SMulder over here! And then they still don't even kiss until 7.04 and the first time it is implied they had sex is in 7.17 (which can I just say? is also followed directly by a scene of Mulder being heartbroken that Scully isn't interested in his crop circle slideshow, not exactly the peak of their relationship).

(As a demiromantic myself, also relate to this sentiment of "the best relationships." Like yeah we all have our preferences but I've always had this feeling of like a 'I actually understand real love better bc it's not sexual for me' type of a thing, which might be self-aggrandizing, but it's also the complete opposite of the allonormative 'sex is the ultimate goal of a relationship and the deepest act of love' bs)

A few episodes before (6.04) we also have this iconic moment:

Mulder: Hey Scully? Scully: Yes? Mulder: …I love you Scully: Oh brother *sigh*

Another main thing I think of is in season one when we have this whole 'you have to have a life outside of work and obviously that means dating' thing

But then the arc of the episode is that actually that ideal is clearly not her thing

She goes on the date (pretty sure the only one we ever see in the series?) and is bored and uncomfortable and happily leaves to go hunt the Jersey Devil with her loser coworker instead

Also fun fact I learned when researching all this, there was originally a boyfriend character for Scully in the pilot (added by the executives) who was completely cut. And when you look at how the creator talks about it, I think it's clear this ^ episode was a direct response to that

Chris Carter: There was some pressure early on in the development of the show to establish that the characters had personal lives outside of the FBI, and we wanted to see who they were dating, and I felt that was all wrong. I felt the stories needed to drive the characters, and their work needed to drive them. That their work was all-consuming and that they had no personal lives, that this was a quest. A romantic quest, in the literary sense.

And that's def reflected in the writing throughout the whole show lol

Mulder: So Scully, what are you doing tonight, any big plans? Scully: Well seeing as how it’s Friday I was thinking I could get some work in on that monograph I’m writing for the penology review.

Just some beautiful career-driven nerds who find fulfillment in life in other ways!

Which as demonstrated in the above clip, clearly applies to Mulder as well

Mulder: whAT'S a GIRL?

(aka one of my favorite lines lol and for the record he was going to meet his informant for alieum info)

Same episode as Scully's epic demi speech also gives us these gems:

Scully: Dating advice? From whom? Mulder: Yours truly. Scully: … Mulder: Hello? Scully you there? Scully: I heard you… Mulder, when was the last time you went on a date? Mulder: I will talk to you later *hangs up* Scully: The blind leading the blind.

Holman: I’ve been envious of men like you my whole life. Based on your physical bearing I assumed you were more experienced. I mean, you spend everyday with Agent Scully! A beautiful, enchanting woman! You mean you two have never uh…?

(yeah you and every allo fan, buddy)

Mulder: I’m perfectly happy with my friendship with Agent Scully.

So yeah, I'd def say Mulder is somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum too, even if on paper it's in the "obsessed with his work" kinda way. He's a bit more complicated, and I haven't seen the show recently enough to confidently be more specific, but friendly reminder that making dirty jokes and watching p*rn and such are not mutually exclusive with aspec identities (I'd even argue that it's further evidence for rather than against, since the show does specifically include references to p*rn activity, and not actual dating subplots or shots of one-night-stands like others shows would, so he's satisfying those things without someone else (we DON'T talk about that one vampire episode! fr so much of that was OOC I almost dropped the show lol)). And he also falls victim to the, ah... 'SA a man but play it for laughs and like it's his own personal failing somehow' trope ("trust me the man knows how to kiss" ma'am he was literally pushing you away -_-), the one in 'Syzygy' is far worse (link if you wanna subject yourself to it) but also so very ace:

Detective White: So what are you doing at my house? Mulder: I was hoping you could help me solve the mystery of the horny beast. *cuts to Mulder talking to an astrologer about satanic symbols*

Mulder: *panics trying to get her to leave* White: *literally shoves him onto the bed and pins him* maybe we can solve the mystery of the horny beast! Mulder: Maybe we should just watch some television (:

(poor guy just wanted to netflix and chill lit.)

And kinda random but one of my favorite things about Mulder and Scully's relationship is that Mulder so clearly appreciates her intelligence and who she is. Like these moments when he jokingly and respectfully flirts with her come at such specific moments, best demonstrated by this crack edit lol:

(credit to the creator, I just needed the specific clip)

Ignoring Bambi and Sheriff Hartwell la la la la! Except also I mean it can easily be aesthetic attraction, it happens, and neither of those actually went anywhere (Mulder literally sleeps on his couch and uses his bed as a storage room, he wasn't bringing anyone home). They both also have weird exes that show up (tho rarely) but demi means they can totally have had connections with others in the past (and since Scully is still so attached to that guy in 'All Things' after all these years I say it checks out).

(also available in demiro and demiaroace:)

For the record, there are 11 seasons and 2 movies of The X-Files, and while I have watched all of them, that was like 5 years ago (wow I'm old), so I'm not taking responsibility for every single line or scene that ever took place. But the overall vibe is very clear, and random stuff like 'Never Again' or whatever the heck was going on with Fowley (ugggh) are clearly the outliers.

No matter how you frame it, Mulder and Scully's relationship is clearly one based in connection, not attraction. There are actually lines in S1 that indicate both of them see the aesthetic appeal in the other ("I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot") that prove that's not what it's about for them. It's about mutual respect and admiration. About trust and being there for each other through hardship.

Their relationship is one with years of emotional intimacy before anything physical. I'd even say they dip into QPR territory for a few seasons

And the thing is! It's kinda actually canon. It's literally intentional! It may not be direct representation by name, but honestly now I'm pretty convinced that Chris Carter would have loved to have been aware of these terms/concepts! It may be unwitting, but it is pretty deliberate, which is so evident if you listen to how the creators and actors talk about their relationship in the bts featurettes:

Chris: I was adamant from the beginning that Mulder and Scully should not be romantically involved. (s1)

(this poor man fighting the amatonormativity in media since day one!)

Gillian: Their relationship is platonic and there is so much respect and so much trust and they will risk their lives for each other. (s4)

Sheila Larken: It sounds cliché to say that they're best friends. But they're best friends beyond what lovers could ever be.

Chris: Scully loves Mulder, and Mulder loves Scully. It's a wonderful romance, it's just not a sexual romance, it's not a physical romance. It is a caring, tender, respectful relationship. It's an ideal, I would never want to do anything to threaten it, to change it. (s5)

(oh my gosh do you hear this! ^ I'm not making this up, even Scully would believe me!)

Gillian: Those moments where there is that intimacy, where even just the touch of a hand can be the same as, you know, making love in another series.

They were meant to be platonic and then they slowly and naturally developed into something more (hopefully not just bc of outside pressure but we'll get to that), and for that it's not just your everyday slow burn, but a relationship that is so much more.

Even early on they are allowed to be so openly sweet and affectionate with each other and it's just so chill. In general, the show is just written so different. Like in literally the first episode we have this scene where Scully comes to Mulder's hotel room in the middle of the night and takes off her bathrobe in just her underwear (so Mulder can check the marks on her back) and Mulder does not react at all. He (and the cinematography) is 100% respectful and normal about it, and then is just worried about her. Like how many other shows wouldn't dangle that as bait or make some unfunny comments of like 'man can't control himself' or whatever?

They are allowed to genuinely care about each other and be so tender, to be there for each other without any romantic or sexual implications (for a long long canonical time).

(will never shut up bc this is the sweetest most heart wrenching comfort hug in television history and it's in s2)

(So many more not pictured bc it's like the whole show and you get the idea) And this is a dynamic that continues into their relationship even when it has become romantic (this is the scene for the cuddle moment above and just ahh). And like check out this screen time ratio:

And 4 minutes of the kissing video is actually bts or deleted scenes stuff that wasn't in the show (another fun fact, Gillian and David did an unscripted kiss on the lips in 4.17 that the writers intentionally cut to save for the right moment) and the majority of the on screen kisses are just adorable cheek and forehead kisses (my HEART!)

All this plus the way the show gives these big ol poetic monologues about human nature and the meaning of life (that never have anything to do with sex) all the time. Like in the very least, if you're aspec there's a good chance you'll enjoy watching the show.

Perfect segue @im-a-goddamn-cat because you know what is so funny about all of this? All this amazing ace love? The allos HATE it! They cannot handle it! They cannot fathom that Mulder and Scully were platonic and nothing more for so long. They see all those amazing platonically intimate moments as proof there must be sex. The word "ship" was literally invented for Mulder and Scully. They were the original (and oh boy turns out shipping was implicitly aphobic from the beginning!). Like it's seemingly so universal, it is everywhere:

(spoiler alert, none of those are valid, it literally included their first meeting!)

(like I love you xfiles abridged but...)

Scully's canonical reaction to watching allos' sexualized interpretation of her (horrified):

(It's okay babe, just NEVER go on ao3!)

It's one thing to ship or want them to be together, but it is always about the sex specifically and it so often dips into this aphobia. I swear people treat it like it's a crime that they didn't have sex for so long (or more often/explicitly). Like why bro? Why is that so important to you? Why does love have to equal sex, huh? Why is this the only possible option?

People literally hate Chris Carter for that amazing quote about their romance not being physical! They say he is delusional or doesn't understand his own characters, or was gaslighting fans, just read this article or these ridiculous comments on this reddit post (like reddit is it's own warning but someone even said he "doesn't know how babies are made") Like I may not agree with all of the man's writing choices, but he deserves better than that! Esp since it is clearly intentional and well thought out. He knew what he was doing, it just didn't fit the allotypical standards.

The world just wants them to have sex so bad and us aces are so content.

🖤💜 Mulder and Scully: baffling and frustrating allos since 1993 💜🖤

[biohazard-inevitable]

So like, wanted to make a lil post about my general orientation cause I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, cause like, okay, so I use the labels “queer” because other labels like asexual and demisexual sort of feel right in the way that yeah a worn left shoe still fits on your right foot and you can walk on it, but its not entirely a perfect fit.

So like, i have sexual urges and some sexual attraction to fictional cjaracters, but I have MORE of a sexual attraction to individual kinks and fetishes and the one that gets me goin the BEST is entirely physically impossible. Out of both of my partners I dont think I could ever visualize having sex with either of them, no matter how close our romantic bond is. Its just not something I think i’d be interested in, but also sometimes I wish I did have someone I was interested in like that, but I’m pretty sure i’d never find them. I dont really find human faces attractive??? If that makes sense?? I mean sometimes I definitely get gender envy from faces, but like, when it comes to sex i only sometimes find genitals themselves sexy, but im not really sexually attracted to the rest of the body unless it’s fictional (often times 2D). I find myself most sexually attracted to the idea of *sensations* like the *feeling* of being pinned down or being constricted rather than the actual physical body? If that makes any amount of sense, so I dont think i’d ever find another real human being sexually attractive.

Now, as for romantic orientation, i’ve settled on demiromantic for now cause i dont feel comfortable dating someone if I havent known them for at least a *little bit* first, so like- awkward first dates with someone you met online just are NOT it for me. I cannot imagine gettting into a relationship with someone I barely know. Now of course i am in a poly relationship with 2 lovely partners, and my feelings towards that are admittedly complicated. Thats not to say i dont LOVE them, I do! Its just that as I see how the world around me feels and describes “Love”, I realize I dont feel it the same.

For me, Love is a choice. I chose to love my partners. They are lovely people who make me laugh and smile and feel like a warm summer’s day, but i chose to fall in love with them. It wasnt some “oh i simply cant control my love I must be together with you!” It was a very firm, I care for this person more than i care for my family, I love them and they almsot are family to me. I chose to love them. I choose to be in a relationship with them, and they love me back. And admittedly, I feel guilty because I’m worried my type of love may not sound like real or genuine Love, when to me, it is!

Its the kind of love thats almost platonic, but I chose to say it is romantic, because I want to do inherently societally romantic things with them! So, i love them romantically!

But lets say if either wanted to break up with me for whatever reason, sure, I’d maybe be a little sad, but i dont know if i’d be truly devastated? Like, if they decide not to label our relationship as romantic and wish to become platonic, i think that’d be okay. They’re still in my life, and i still care about them the same amount! I dont think it would change anything if we continued to be friends! We just wouldnt do as romantic things, but I dont feel the dynamic would change much at all except that our “dates” would become playonic and we probably wouldnt kiss (not that i kiss much to begin with cause of *trauma*)

But if they wanted to end the friendship *entirely*???? Then i’d be upset for WEEKS. MONTHS maybe even! *years* knowing my track record. If they never wanted to talk to me again i think I might explode. Honestly i’m more worried about THAT happening than a breakup.

Its a messy, complicated thing, and honestly it may lean more toward aro than demi, but yeah. Thats my feelings!!! They’re… weird.

[demigod-shenanigans]

Actual lengthy reply time finally (sorry this took me literally forever)

Yeah I did not want Leo to be alone right after this, and I didn’t want Piper to be alone with it either. Canon may refuse to let them go to Jason’s funeral, but I will let them grieve together, damn it!

The backstory/pre-plot part actually ended up being quite a bit more than just a prologue, it’s the first few chapters, but I hope it’ll still feel well-paced and fitting when we get around to the rest of them! I wanted to take the time to get into all the feelings and set up/resolve some stuff, plus sticking to the ToA timeline I had to get to the point where Apollo is back on Mount Olympus, which takes a minute. Most of it is relevant and will be back to haunt Leo later!

Responding to the bullet points by putting the relevant numbers in front (not sure why it apparently changed all of yours to 1. in this reblog, they’re correct if I look at your post?? Very strange)

2. Yep! Leo not feeling loved/worthy of love was a huge deal in HoO, and all canon did was put a girlfriend on it and pretend we’re good now, but we will not be doing that here! Leo will learn to recognize that he’s loved, and if it’s the last thing he does :)

4. This bugged me so much in HoO you have no idea. I actually kind of prefer HoO to pjo just because I adore all the characters, but plot wise it’s all over the place and we really miss out on a bunch of friendship stuff because it’s so focused on all the love triangles. I need more platonic Argo bonding!! Let them all be buddies!!

5. This is partially me being demiromantic but many if not all my favorite ships are characters that have strong platonic bonds first. Something something marrying your best friend. I also feel like Leo and Jason both took forever to realize they were into each other (Leo grumbling about Jason constantly being hot in his general vicinity being the reason why he doesn’t have a girlfriend will always crack me up, lol, and Jason spent so long doing what he thought he was supposed to/what was expected of him, including his relationship with Piper, that he didn’t really get to stop and properly have a sexuality crisis for ages) so I wanted to re-establish that for the fic, especially since valgrace fics are kind of split on whether they have jiper happen and break up like they did in canon or just never have them date at all

6. I couldn’t resist sneaking that one in. Insert lame Apollo dodgeball Leo Valdez joke LMAO

7. <3

That’s such a smart way to put it!! Leo is dealing with a lottt and we’re going to get into it a bit more in future chapters but yeah he’s definitely avoiding talking about some of it (in both the way that we the audience don’t see all of it and in him and Piper actively coping via distracting themselves and not talking about some of it)

Honest confession: I really struggle with Shel. I’m glad she exists, but she’s basically an OC when you try to work with her in fanon, because she really only exists to confirm Piper is sapphic and canon gives us absolutely no information on her. I know she’s Cherokee, I know she’s sapphic, I know she likes hiking and I think she has a piercing? That’s it. She’s just kind of a nothing character, which is fine in the books but makes it very hard to work with her in fanon content. Can we have at least a little additional input on her please? 🤲

Glad you think that works well!! Especially because I actually don’t find myself that funny? Though I think it probably helps that I’ve got a general tendency to get attached to traumatized joke coping characters, so I’m pretty familiar with it conceptually. The last book series I fixated on also did this a lot (intense explorations of grief briefly interrupted by memes LOL)

The audience knows stuff!! But Leo was not around for that! And he’s processing a lot at the moment but that just really makes it sink in how much he missed, both because he was gone for so long and also when he was there but so caught up in his own problems (and especially in seeing how “happy” Piper and Jason were apparently without him, because again Leo doesn’t feel worthy of love and has spent a lot of time in foster families who weren’t that great and made him feel like they’d eventually decide they didn’t want him anymore) that he didn’t see the cracks that Piper now tells him were there basically for the whole relationship. So yeah it’s a shock. On a lot of levels. But it’s a lot less earthshaking than the shock of Jason being gone, and therefore easier to focus on. The Piper related changes may or may not also hit him sometime in the near future ;)

Quotes section (please just in general know I’m delighted you did this it brings me suchhh joy to see what bits touched my readers the most):

-No spoilers, but I will say there’s a reason the fic starts out with memories of Esperanza. And yeah, the whole Jason situation is tearing open a lot of old wounds, specifically because of how similar it is: a situation Leo was unable to do anything to change that he feels responsible for (even though, realistically speaking, he isn’t). A loved one that got ripped away from him far too soon that he never got the chance to say goodbye to. A kind of desperate ache that nothing is ever going to fix.

I have a couple of grievances with ToA, and the way none of Jason’s loved ones are allowed to stay mad at Apollo is definitely one of them. Like, it’s established Jason died because of Apollo’s broken Styx prophecy! We’re told that’s the reason it happens!! Piper is the only one who gets to be mad at him at all, and even then she’s only upset for a single scene and has forgiven Apollo the next time they meet. Grief can be messy and nasty and people lash out sometimes! Not everyone needed to immediately be totally fine with the fact that Apollo got Jason killed!

-Glad you enjoyed that joke! I’m not super good with machinery so I worried I’d struggle with working that part into his narration but there’s some references to it I’m actually really happen with, and this is one of them :)

-Something something Leo is of the opinion that Piper should hate him how he hates himself! Also in this context, feeling a little evil about the fact that one of the reasons Leo doesn’t go to the Camp Jupiter funeral is that he thinks everyone would blame him for Jason’s death. The reality of it is that they wouldn’t! But when his mom died his aunt did blame him and so he automatically assumes that this time everyone will look at him and see that same blame written all over his face.

-English being my third language (technically second language going off of how well I actually speak it, I learnt French first but my French is shit lol), I’m really glad to hear it haha

-All of their lives are fucking weird, it’s a demigod thing, but Leo’s almost got everyone beat just based on the fact that the Queen of the Gods went out of her way to come babysit him. It’s even funnier because I’m pretty sure none of the others know this except for Piper and Jason. I wish we’d seen him tell Percy and Annabeth, I feel like that would have been a very funny interaction.

-There is something related to Leo in that box, which may or may not be something I’ve mentioned on this blog before ;)

-Unfortunately for Leo, there’s a bit more stuff he has to deal with before the Plot can start. For instance, the fact that he is (theoretically) in a relationship right now.

I’m so so glad you enjoyed this!! I’ve read and reread your comment a whole bunch of times now, and every time I do I get this huge grin on my face. This is the kind of comment i don’t get a lot but that when I do get it I’ll treasure literally forever. You made my whole month with this and it’s made me very excited to get back to the fic (which between exam phase and hospital stuff I haven’t gotten to work on nearly as much as I hoped lately)

The choiceless hope in grief

Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.

But the gods aren’t done with them just yet, by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.

This time, Leo decides he’s done just taking the Fates’ bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworld… well, it’s probably not even the most reckless thing he’s ever done.

The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.

And after the life he’s lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.

Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.

Word Count for chapter 1: ~5k

Rating: Teen and Up

So! *claps hands together* I’ve been threatening you guys with my Orpheus Eurydice valgrace fic for a while! Technically I wanted to wait to post this until I’m completely done writing the fic, and I mostly intend to stick to that! I’m only posting this now because I have a minor surgery tomorrow and I’d rather be anxious about fic related things than about the surgery in question. So, take this chapter as a preview of sorts, more to come soon-ish but probably not immediately!

A couple of important notes before we start:

-TW for suicidal ideation. It’s less Leo actually wanting to die and more his canon behavior of “I’m doing something extremely reckless that might succeed but if it doesn’t, my death is an acceptable consequence”, paired with general grief related self-loathing, but if you think you’re not in the right headspace to read about that, come back when you are or at least tread carefully. This fic pics up at the end of The Burning Maze, so especially the beginning is pretty heavy on the grief stuff.

-Since ToA is vaguely canon to this fic, Leo and Calypso are technically dating in the beginning, but they don’t really interact positively as a couple (honestly they don’t interact that much in general) and break up pretty early on. Just be aware in advance that they’re still together for a little bit.

-Fic title is from Talk by Hozier which is maybe a painfully obvious pick but it was too perfect for me not to use it.

Chapter 1: Leo and Piper have an extended sleepover

It wasn’t a discussion between Leo and Piper whether or not to go to Jason’s funeral. They came to the decision that they wouldn’t silently—or as silently as one could come to an agreement when all parties involved were sobbing.

Maybe it should have been a discussion. There was a part of Leo that worried he’d regret this later—his refusal to take this chance to say goodbye and let himself grieve.

But Leo remembered his mother’s funeral. Remembered the way his aunt Rosa had looked at him like she knew his mother’s death had been his fault. Leo couldn’t stand the thought of people looking at him like that again.

He also didn’t remember his mother’s funeral bringing him any sense of closure or comfort. He’d stood at her grave, afterwards, just as desperate and afraid and utterly inconsolable as he’d been before the funeral, except it had suddenly felt sickeningly final. The wound it had torn in his soul had kept bleeding for years, and the scars would stay forever. He didn’t need any of Apollo’s shitty oracles to know Jason’s death would be exactly the same.

At this point, Leo was pretty sure his sanity was being held together by a combination of jokes and a truly questionable amount of duct tape.

Beyond all that, though, Camp Jupiter was a battlefield right now. It would continue to be a battlefield for the foreseeable future.

Leo wasn’t a coward. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go back and help. But one of his best friends was already in a box, and there was no way in hell he’d risk the other.

With how tightly Piper was clinging to him, maybe she was thinking the same thing. 

For all his big talk about dragon escorts, Festus did most of the actual escorting on his own, occasionally torching what Leo hoped were monsters and not random public monuments. Leo, for his part, spent most of the journey crammed into the backseat of the car next to Piper, sandwiched between her and a bunch of moving boxes that seemed determined to flatten him into a Leo-shaped pancake whenever they took a sharp turn.

He’d spent so long thinking about seeing her and Jason again. 

He’d talked Calypso’s ear off about them the whole journey, to the point where it had clearly started to annoy her. He’d thought about various ridiculous entrances he could make, and the fact that he’d probably get yelled at, but he’d also thought about sitting together by the campfire, sharing nachos. He’d thought about Jason hugging him so fiercely that he couldn’t breathe, and Piper cussing him out while she held him, making him promise never to do anything that reckless again.

Now Piper was actually holding him, and Leo couldn’t feel anything. There was a numbness in his chest. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to ever feel happiness again. Hell, even if he did, what was the fucking point? Every time anything even remotely good happened in his life, it got ripped away from him again.

They didn’t talk a whole lot for most of the drive. They cried until it felt like they couldn’t anymore, clinging to each other like desperate children.

Even if they’d wanted to talk about what had happened, Piper’s dad was right there, and despite the Mist usually working overtime for them, having him overhear seemed like a gamble. Or, well, maybe that was what Leo told himself. Maybe he just wasn't sure he was ready to hear it all. He still felt like he couldn’t think. He was overwhelmed to hell and couldn’t stop fidgeting.

Several hours into the trip, his stomach started grumbling. Piper dug through the bag at her feet and offered him one of her PB&J sandwiches, but Leo couldn’t eat. He hadn’t skipped a meal in forever—he’d been homeless and unsure when he’d even get access to the next meal enough times that it had been all but tattooed into his skull that he couldn’t afford to—but he couldn’t even think about eating without feeling sick. He thought about Jason. He thought about the state he’d left Camp Jupiter in and the fact that they hadn’t even been able to give the dead their proper funeral rites.

Had Leo’s help made any difference at all? Had anything he’d done in his life changed things even slightly?

Leo knew the Fates had intended for it to be fire that fell—for him to burn in a bright, hot blaze and turn himself to charcoal. But he’d refused to stay dead like a good little pawn, and now Jason was gone, and it was all his fault.

He wasn’t sure how Piper could even look at him right now, but he was beyond grateful that she was holding onto him as tightly as she did. It was the only reason he didn’t fall to pieces completely. The cog at the heart of Leo’s machine had broken in a way that made it utterly beyond repair, and now it felt like a matter of time before the whole thing came apart. Piper holding him was the only reason his remaining pieces were still functioning. 

It should have been impossible for Leo to fall asleep under these circumstances, but he’d been traveling for hours and fighting before then and he’d cried out his remaining energy, so eventually, the world started to fade around him, reduced to just the sound of Piper’s breaths, until finally, those went, too.

~~~~

It would have been kinder, maybe, if Leo had dreamed up some shitty visions promising violent death and/or the end of the world. That would have been business as usual. 

Instead, he dreamed of his time on the Argo II—of one of those early nights when the different groups were still getting to know each other, having a brief moment to breathe between their ridiculous tasks and saving the world. 

It had seemed reasonable to catch each other up on what had happened on their end. Percy, Hazel and Frank had talked about rescuing Thanatos, and Piper, Jason and Leo had told them what had happened with Hera in turn. 

This would have been a boring intel conversation at best, seeing as Leo had been there for all of their part, but they’d grabbed snacks and sat on cushions on the floor and made it a whole bonding activity. Jason had been wedged between Piper and Leo, and they’d taken turns storytelling. 

And Jason had bragged. So much. But he hadn’t even had the decency to brag about himself like a normal human being. Instead, he’d talked about how capable Piper and Leo had been, somehow managing to make Leo sound like the coolest person he’d ever met. Which was ridiculous, considering he’d met everyone else on their team.

And sure, Leo made it sound like he thought he was amazing all the time, but he was exaggerating, which everyone, himself included, knew. 

Jason didn’t seem to have gotten the memo, though. He had one arm wrapped around Leo the whole evening, and he got all starry-eyed when he talked. 

“Leo took on three Cyclopes by himself. Three!”

“Dude, stop!” Leo had laughed, shaking his head. “I know I’m incredible and you’re blessed to be friends with me and stuff, but you weren’t even conscious for that part.”

“Still happened, though.” Jason had beamed at him. “You’re amazing, dude. I would have died about fifteen times on that mission if it hadn’t been for you. You guys should’ve seen him.”

It would have been easier if Leo had thought Jason was just trying to talk him up to the others to make them more willing to trust him after how badly he’d messed up in New Rome, but Jason wasn’t the type. He’d looked like he honestly believed every single word he was saying.

So, of course, Leo had refused to seriously deal with any of the things that made him feel.

“Sorry, Pipes, but I’m pretty sure your boyfriend is in love with me. It’s the fire powers, I’m afraid. I’m just too hot to resist,” Leo had joked instead, and Piper had untangled herself from Jason’s other side to throw Doritos at Leo, and everything had been right in the universe.

~~~~

Waking up from that, blearily blinking himself awake in the car full of moving boxes and remembering… that was a worse punch in the gut than waking up from most nightmares had been. And Leo should know. He’d had so many of those over the years that he was basically a certified nightmare expert at this point.

Leo wanted to go back in time and spend forever in that one evening, living it over and over and over again until the Fates or a temporal paradox or something eventually killed him. He wanted to hold on to what they’d been back then—the three of them together and happy and whole,back before they’d realized what the prophecy really meant. 

He wanted to stay wrapped in Jason’s arm and hear him laugh at whatever stupid joke Leo came up with while he and Piper threw snacks at each other like ten year olds. He wanted to believe he could actually be the person Jason was bragging about—this invincible hero that could do just about anything and saved people’s lives.

But Leo had never been that hero. Even his sacrifice had been the selfish decision of a coward who wasn’t ready to die just yet. Jason had been their Superman. The guy who could fly and threw lightning and saved people from falling to their deaths. Jason had been the hero. And ultimately, that had been what killed him.

Leo wasn’t exactly sure what he planned to do once they got to Oklahoma. He should have been heading back to the Waystation, to give Calypso the normal life he’d promised. But he wasn’t thinking about Calypso, or the Waystation, and the thought of a normal life had gone out of the window the second he’d seen the coffin. Besides, the Waystation would mean people asking questions, wanting to know about his mission and asking him to talk about his feelings, and he didn’t want that.

The only thing Leo really wanted to do right now was not think. 

By the time they got to the house, it was so late that cross-country dragon flight seemed inadvisable for visibility reasons alone, so Leo agreed to stay the night. Festus nuzzled him for a bit, got a fuel snack from the canister Leo had brought and then folded down into his million pound suitcase form for the night.

It took a little under two hours to carry all the boxes inside, which was an annoying amount of time to be carrying boxes but seemed like an absurdly short amount to move the contents of an entire life.

They spent some time in search of the necessities that needed to be unpacked, but the house was still furnished and also had running water and electricity as of a few days ago, so it wasn’t that bad.

While Piper went in search of some ancient camping gear so Leo wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor—this seemed silly to him, the floor was far from the worst place he’d ever slept—Leo asked Piper’s dad if he could help with dinner. 

Tristan looked relieved at his offer, actually. He’d been staring at the assorted vegetables with a slightly lost expression, trying to hack at one of the zucchinis with a butter knife. It seemed like he was trying to remember how cooking worked and had just discovered he had absolutely no idea. 

Considering how long he’d been an insanely rich guy with a personal cook, Leo guessed that actually might have been a pretty accurate read on the situation. 

“You might want to try a sharper knife,” Leo suggested, which made Piper’s dad look absolutely mortified. “Try not to chop off any of your fingers, though. I think Piper’s been traumatized enough for one week.”

The words were out of his mouth before Leo could think to stop them. Tristan didn’t laugh, but at least it didn’t seem like he’d be tossing Leo out of the house over this. Maybe he realized people sometimes said stupid shit when they were grieving. Maybe Piper had just warned him in advance that Leo was like this sometimes.

Tristan just went to find a different knife, which would have maybe been concerning if he hadn’t gone back to hacking at the vegetables a moment later.

“Well, at least this one is actually cutting through the zucchinis. That’s already an improvement.”

“Yeah, I’m basically a cooking expert,” Leo said with a grin, only half-joking. He went to peel and chop up the carrots, and was done with those and about half the mushrooms by the time the poor zucchini had been hacked to bits.

“You and Piper went to school together, right?” Tristan asked after a while of them quietly chopping vegetables for the casserole, trying to make sense of things with information he didn’t have and that, judging from past evidence, probably would have made his skull crack. “You and her and Jason.”

“Yeah. We went to Wilderness school together.” Leo winced, trying not to think too hard of Jason while also trying to remember the lies they’d already told Piper’s dad. At this rate, he was pretty worried his own skull would crack, too. “Then all three of us switched to a different school. Then I was gone for a while.”

Tristan nodded like this made perfect sense, though he mostly seemed lost in thought. That was a little rude, in Leo’s opinion. If he went through all that effort to remember their elaborate setup of lies, the least Piper’s dad could do was appreciate it!

“I’m glad you’re here now, with everything that’s happened. Piper was really upset when you left,” Tristan said, still with that faraway look in his eyes. “The last few months were hard for her. Between the move and the breakup, she really could have used a friend.”

Leo promptly lost all rights to make fun of Piper’s dad and his vegetable chopping skills because at the word ‘breakup’, the knife slipped and he nearly sliced off two of his fingers.

“Fuck! Ow!” he said eloquently, trying to avoid bleeding all over the cutting board in his attempt to get to the sink. “Jason and Piper broke up?”

The question sounded absurd even to his own ears. Why would Jason and Piper break up? They’d been happy together.

Surely, Piper’s dad had to be talking about something else.

To Leo’s shock, Tristan nodded.

“A while ago, yes,” he said, but he didn’t go into details—possibly because Leo was bleeding all over the sink. “We should bandage that. Do you think you need stitches?”

“No, the cuts aren’t that deep,” Leo decided, turning on the faucet and holding his bleeding hand under the stream of cold water. Maybe he should have been more concerned about the injury, but his mind was still whirring at the thought of his best friends breaking up. Unfortunately, the cold water stung like hell. He hissed with pain. “Sorry for making your kitchen look like a crime scene right after moving in. Usually, I at least have the decency to wait a day or two.”

Because the house was a small, cozy place and Leo had not had the decency to curse quietly, Piper appeared in the doorway a moment later, an alarmed expression on her face.

“What happened?”

“I’ve been bested by a stupid potato,” Leo cursed, holding up his bleeding hand and wiggling his fingers for emphasis. He figured out immediately that this was a mistake. “Ow.”

“Stop that, dumbass!” Piper cursed, moving to stand beside him. “Sink was the right call, but you need to use soap or the cuts could get infected. Dad, any chance we have gauze lying around somewhere?”

Tristan didn’t seem to question why his daughter had immediately jumped into emergency medical treatment mode. He just abandoned the cutting board and headed for the front door.

“Not exactly sure what box our regular medical supplies are in, but I’ll get the first aid kit from the car. I’ll be right back.”

“Do we have to do the soap?” Leo whined, because fuck, that stung, but Piper nodded with a scary expression on her face, so he complied. “How do you even know this stuff? Are we sure you’re not secretly an Apollo kid?”

“I know this stuff because I’m friends with a bunch of morons who have zero sense of self-preservation,” Piper cursed, gritting her teeth. “You shouldn’t be around knives when you’re this distracted.”

“I can usually cook just fine when I’m distracted. Your dad was the one who told me you and Jason broke up in the middle of this stupid potato,” Leo said defensively. “Is that the Mist messing with him?”

That was the only explanation his mind had supplied so far that made any sense to him.

Piper shook her head. “We really did break up. That was a few months ago.”

Leo felt his jaw hit the floor. 

“What the hell happened? You were together for ages. I thought- you always seemed so happy.”

“I know, but-” Piper broke off abruptly when her dad came back inside with the first aid kit. Demigod stuff, then?

Leo’s mind was racing. The breakup was a completely stupid thing to focus on, considering everything that had happened in the last few days. He knew that.

But it was easier to try and make sense of this than it was to try and make sense of the fact that Jason was gone and he’d never get to see him again.

“Is it alright if we do this somewhere else?” Piper asked her dad, taking the first aid kit from him.

“Of course. It might be easier to patch him up when you’re both sitting down, anyway.” He turned towards Leo. “Thank you for your help, but I think I can take it from here.”

Leo sent a silent prayer to whichever deity was responsible for protecting vegetables—Demeter, probably?—and gave what he hoped was an encouraging thumbs up with his uninjured hand before he followed Piper into the hallway to presumably be reprimanded some more.

~~~~ They ended up sitting on an old bed that looked like it had lived a long, miserable life and was excited for retirement, but the wooden frame thankfully didn’t break down under the weight of the new mattress or the additional weight of them sitting on said mattress. Piper explained that this had been her dad’s room when he’d lived here as a child, and that it would probably become her room now. Then she went very quiet and focused on bandaging his hand, clearly avoiding looking at him.

“It wasn’t because of me, was it?” Leo asked. The thought made him feel ill. “Please tell me it wasn’t something like, I don’t know, you two being unable to stand being around each other after what happened to me. I think I’d actually have to blow myself up again if it was.”

He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didn’t feel like one at all. The thought that he'd managed to ruin his best friends’ relationship on top of everything else made it hard to breathe.

When Piper shook her head, it felt like a whole boulder was lifted off his shoulders.

“I actually think we would have broken up sooner if you hadn’t gone missing. We leaned on each other a lot after you disappeared. It wasn’t until we realized we wouldn’t find you and things started to settle down a little that I had time to think. And when I did…” Her voice went very quiet, and she still didn’t look up at him. “I realized I wasn’t happy in the relationship. I don’t think I ever was.”

“How did I not know that?” Leo wondered quietly. “I just… you two seemed happy to me. What kind of garbage best friend am I?”

Piper shook her head. “It isn’t your fault. I was telling myself I was happy for a long time. It’s almost- sometimes I wonder if I was charmspeaking myself. That maybe I kept saying I was in love with Jason until I convinced myself I actually was. And with Hera and my mom setting it up… I love-” her voice caught in her throat, and Leo felt like maybe he needed to throw up, “-loved Jason, but not like that.”

“Pipes, I’m really sorry.” Leo squeezed her shoulder. “That sounds like it was super hard for both of you.” Leo felt awful about the fact that he hadn’t even been around to comfort either of them, but it wasn’t like he could fix it now. It was just another item on Leo’s unending list of epic screwups he’d never be able to make up for.

“Jason was… well, he took it exactly like I expected him to. He was surprised, but he didn’t get angry or anything. He mostly seemed okay. Part of me wonders if maybe…” But whatever Piper had been thinking about, she seemed to decide it wasn’t important. “It was hard to get a proper read on him, and as nice as he was about it, things were still super awkward after. I'm terrified he died thinking I didn’t care about him.”

And then she was tearing up again, and Leo thought he would shatter if she cried. 

“He knew you cared,” he said as earnestly as he could manage, pulling Piper to his chest again. “You love way too annoyingly for him not to have known. Hell, even I know you love me, and we both know I’m a fucking nightmare when it comes to this stuff.”

“I missed you so much,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his back like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Oh, I’m about to make you regret saying that,” Leo said, forcing himself to smile. “I’ll bring it up each and every time you say you find something I do annoying.”

“You’re annoying as hell, but you’re still my best friend.” He could feel her tears dripping onto his shoulder, and he knew that would make him start up again too. “I don’t know how I’d do this without you.”

And well, passing away from dehydration after crying too much would be a really lame way to die the second time, but everything was just too much right now, so if that was how he went, Leo wasn’t sure anyone could blame him.

~~~~

For the next couple of weeks, Leo stayed.

Helping Piper and her dad unpack was the perfect way to keep himself occupied and not have to think. Usually, a mundane task like this probably would have driven Leo nuts. But right now, it was a bit of a godsend—if not literally, at least figuratively. Being productive was always so much easier when it was done in order to avoid something you wanted to do even less. There was a reason his spaces in the foster homes had only ever been tidy when he had exams coming up.

He helped cook, too, and Piper’s dad became increasingly less garbage at it the longer this went on—like muscle memory was finally kicking in after years of disuse.

It was mostly good—listening to Piper reminisce about trips she’d taken with her dad and where she’d gotten the weird variety of items she kept in her room. When they weren’t unpacking, Leo and Piper played video games or watched movies or explored the area. Twice, during the night, they took Festus on a little flight to a nearby fast food place. Finding a parking spot was a bit of a nightmare, unfortunately. Leo would submit a complaint about their inability to accommodate celestial bronze dragons the first chance he got.

The first time they tried hiking—Leo didn’t even like hiking, he’d spent enough time outside for several lifetimes, why did he do this to himself—they got hopelessly lost in the woods, and of course, due to demigod bullshit, neither of them had brought a phone, so Google Maps wasn’t an option. It was probably for the better. The last thing that situation needed on top of them being lost was a monster attack. 

They were already jokingly planning out their new life in the woods when, thankfully, a girl their age came to their rescue.

“A human being! Thank the gods. The squirrels weren’t talking to us,” Leo greeted her, which had Piper shout “Please ignore Leo!” loudly from the branches of the tree she’d been climbing.

The girl lifted her head, spotted Piper and promptly burst out laughing.

“What in the world are you doing up there?” 

“Trying to get a better vantage point,” Piper sighed, making her way back down the tree. “We’re hopelessly lost.”

“Well, nice to meet you, hopelessly lost. I’m Shel,” the girl said, still grinning. Leo decided immediately that he liked her.

Piper had almost made it back down when she somehow missed a branch and fell the rest of the way. In comedic movie fashion, Shel moved before Leo had the chance to and caught her mid-tumble. “That was a bit of a dramatic way to get my attention, but you’re cute, so I’ll allow it.”

“Oh yeah, Piper’s got a bit of a thing with falling for people that way,” Leo commented, and Piper gave him her most murderous look while she got back on her feet.

“You guys need help getting back?”

“Please, yes,” Piper said immediately. “It turns out we’re both garbage with maps.”

“Maybe you just need a tour guide next time,” Shel suggested, winking at Piper, whose face turned scarlet. Leo wasn’t even mad about being the third wheel for once. He’d give her so much shit about this later.

And he did. And then Piper properly came out to him—no label or anything, mostly as extremely confused but sure she liked girls, which also made a few additional pieces click into place regarding her breakup with Jason. She ended her anxiety-riddled explanation by thanking Leo for being so normal and annoying about all this. 

Which was how Leo realized he’d apparently never told Piper he was bi.

Or maybe he had, and it had gotten lost along with their other memories of Wilderness. Stupid memory-stealing babysitters.

Well, at least they got to hug about it now. 

~~~~

It was strange how normal some days felt when nothing would ever truly be normal again. When in every moment Leo and Piper spent together, the gaping hole that had been ripped into their trio was so blatantly obvious.

The benefit and problem of this friendship was that Leo and Piper were both experts at not talking about things they were struggling with. 

This wasn’t exactly news. From what little Leo did remember of Wilderness School, they’d spent months not talking about his mom, or about the fact that Piper’s dad kept canceling their weekend plans. They’d both known there were things left unsaid, but as long as they’d been able to cheer each other up, that hadn’t really mattered. It made sense, honestly. Put two people who hadn’t had a shoulder to cry on for ages in a room together and see what happens!

Right now, this meant they were expertly ignoring the box of belongings Piper had picked up from Jason’s school. It had been pushed so far under the bed during that first night that it was no longer visible, and neither of them made any effort to move it out of its new home since. They ignored the topic of Jason, period, until it inevitably hit them in the face again. 

It was mostly dumb shit that set them off. Piper automatically reaching for vanilla ice cream at the grocery store because it was Jason’s favorite—seriously, who in their right mind even liked vanilla ice cream?

Sometimes, Leo would make a joke and burst into tears instead of laughing because he knew it would have cracked Jason up. They found old photos unpacking. One time, Piper’s dad suggested they make tacos and they started simultaneously bawling their eyes out.

Leo had spent a long time exactly like this—pretending everything was normal and okay when it wasn’t either of those things until he inevitably broke down. Then he’d started to actually feel sort of okay whenever he was with Jason and Piper. Now, he was sure he would spend the rest of his life pretending.

His appetite was too used to being stuck in survival mode for him to bow to nausea for long, so he went back to eating properly after a few days. He still cried himself to sleep most nights. He kept dreaming about Jason. The memories wrapped themselves around him like a safety blanket that he knew would get ripped away again in the morning. He always woke up feeling empty. Sometimes, he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up again.

But other than that, it was mostly good.

Then demigod communications went back up, and everything went to hell.

———

Chapter notes:

Fun fact! I originally planned for this chapter (as well as the next few chapters) to just be backstory in my head and for me to maybe do a flashback or two. Unfortunately for me, Piper McLean waltzed into the room and refused to leave.

I do actually think the fic works better this way, but it will take a second to get to the plot! Hopefully you’ll enjoy the whole journey :)

I may not be able to have Leo and Piper go to Jason’s funeral without seriously messing with the plot of Tyrant’s Tomb, but I could at least pick the most evil reason possible for them not to go!

Side note: I sort of forgot that Hedge and Mellie were supposed to be here according to TBM, but by the time I remembered I already had this chapter written out and, as someone who cannot be bothered to figure out how to write them, I decided to just leave it. ToA is vaguely canon to this universe, but only for the most part. Some details are inaccurate, and I think that’s okay.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Comments and reblogs super, super appreciated as always!!

List of people that at some point asked to be tagged when I post this: @poppitron360 @ginnyluna @keefessketchbook (feel free to comment if you want to get taken off or be put on the tag list for future chapters!)

[moonjade]

I love being aro-spec but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m “faking it” :/

[dballzposting]

Dragon ball characters as niches of asexuality

Greyace: Vegeta. Um possibly demi but IDK. I do know that there needs to be notable emotional influence beforehand. The only two people hes ever wanted to fuck in his life BTW are his wife Bulma and his rival Kakarot. Bulma had stunned him with her strength of character and gentle caresses while kakarot had inflamed him with his ... self.

He’s grey-ace meaning sexual attraction is rare and not a driving factor/priority in his life and lifestyle.

Aro AND ace: Goku. He just doesnt care about any of that.

aegosexual: Tarble

Cupioromantic/sexual: Piccolo

He did well when Goku was dead and Ms Chichi was his beloved. And he is respectful enough of the human sexual condition. He will do whatever it takes. He’s the milkman

Bonus corner, not ace but aro: GT Trunks.

For all you #TrutenTruthers out there I’ll say that he’s demiromantic c:

Sex repulsed: Gotenks-kun.  Like if he were older

Like i underatsnd that he’s only around for 30 minutes at a time but IDKKKK if he were around for longer we’d see him say shit like “NO WAY SISTER. I don’t go for that. Back off. I’m abstinence until I die. Radical!” and then he’d do a kickflip. Ugh TBH tho if Gotenks were your teenage son honestly you’d be worried about him going into puberty becasue, judging by his temperance and exuberance as a youth, you would just assume that you’d have to keep your boy on a tight leash. Like he’s gonna be chatting up ALL the chicks. But if anything, entering that age stunted his charisma a bit. He still has his charm but sometimes there’s this trepidation when talking to girls for the first time, before the relationship settles into a comfortable friendship. And you don’t know what that’s all about until he’s 16 and standing in the kitchen and is like “hey can I. Can I ask you something.” and he confides that he wants a GF but he doesnt want her to, like, be coming at him asking for sex...! He likes girls BUT he gets so weird about them becasue he doesnt want to accidentally lead them to think that he’d be down for that :(. You do your best as a parent and tell him that for the love of goodness gracious do NOT do the sex then. First of all, (insert sex risks here). Second of all, it’s just one of those things that you shouldnt do if you dont want to do! Gotenks is like “i think it’s so weird and yucky WHAT DOES EVERYONE ELSE SEE IN IT ?” and you tell him that everyone else must be stupid. Then when he’s 17 he has a girlfriend and as far as you can tell things are going well, and you feel confident that your boy isnt doing shit he shouldnt be doing, but one day he comes home a tad after curfew and he seems frazzled and jarred and disturbed in the face and he sort of slinks off to his room and shuts the door. Later at 11 pm before you go to bed you catch him in the kitchen making a smoothie with literally all the fruit he can find in the fridge. He’s standing with his back to you cutting up a pear and there is grapefruit juice all over the counter and the blender is already half-full and he’s got Butter Pecan ice cream out becasue it’s the ice cream you happen to have and he’s gonna put it in the blender. And you ask him if he’s alright and slowly but surely he confides in you that he was hanging out with his girlfriend and he did something that he doesnt feel good about. He had told his GF that sex was OFF of the table, and his GF had blindsided him by suggesting compromises. Gotenks, while cutting mold spots off of strawberries, says that he had been blindsided becasue he hadnt considered compromises and he didnt have time to develop a proper emotional response and she had suggested hand stuff and he had said OK and now hes in the fucking kitchen at 11 pm saying shit like “sooo i jerked off my girlfriend.” and you the parent have to be like “I take it you’re in distress over this?” and hes like “yeah. Yknow. I thought that I would be mature and cool and okay with this. But I’m pretty fucking far from okay.” Yknow

Sex neutral: Goku. He just doesnt give a shit. He’s down for whatever

Sex favorable: Yajirobe (far left).

Yajirobe fucks sex hot women and he doesnt even care that they're hot.

Orchidsexual: Gotenks but specifically the one that is a fusion of Future Trunks and Goten from the DBS Heroes manga

He’s 1/2 Future Trunks so he’s male-attracted but he’s still sex-repulsed so he’s like “NO WAY MISTER! I don’t go for that. Back off. I’m abstinence until I die! Bombtastic!” & he’s confident in that & he can see a hot guy and be like “Wow! Hot a what baabhabhiat!” & then not do anything about it KING!

Honorable Mention: Akira Toriyama. He wrote the most asexual/aromantic piece of media. No comment on his personal business but we have to give him thanks for his work, which is strongly representative of the asexual perspective. Thank you sir

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi! This is a bit more of a rant than a question but any advice would still be appreciated :) basically I’m like 99.9% certain of my asexual identity and have used the label for around a year now. When I first decided that “yes, I am ace. It makes sense, I can call myself that” I was identifying as heteroromantic bc I’ve only had crushes on guys (as far as I can remember) and I’m female. The thing is I’ve only had 2 crushes ever and in both cases we were at least casual friends first so I’m also wondering if I could be demiromantic? In the meantime I’m examining past friendships to see if I could have had a crush on any of them cuz it took me months to accept that my feelings for my first crush were romantic and not just strong platonic feelings so I could have just missed it in the past? And I’ve felt really possessive and over-interested about female friends in the past? Plus I have this really strong aesthetic to women… just in general… girls are pretty as heck. (And I don’t really have that with guys?) So idk if that could be related to romantic attraction or not? But I don’t have any clear memories where I can be sure that it was a crush on a girl. So I’m also thinking I could be biromantic. But because I’m asexual and don’t get crushes often and my memory is unreliable it’s nearly impossible to know for sure!!! I don’t even know if this is the right place to rant abt this since it’s more about attraction I may have opposed to attraction I don’t have but oh well 😂

Two things come to mind. First that it is very common for bi/pan/etc. people to not realise their attraction to people the same gender as them is attraction. It's a lot easier to recognize het attraction because it's what we're expecting, and mistake attraction to people of the same gender as strong admiration, strong platonic feelings, obsession, etc. So it is entirely possible you've had crushes on girls in the past and not realised. Unfortunately it may be hard to know for sure until if/when it happens again.

The other thing is a lot of demiromantic people (and other aro-specs who only get very rare crushes) do use demiromantic as a label because they're genuinely not sure what their orientation is beyond that. When you have a very small sample size it can be hard to know if gay/bi/straight/etc. is appropriate when you've only been attracted to a handful of people or just one or two.

My advice is go with what feels right. You can just use biromantic if you want to, even if you're not quite sure, or you can use heteroromantic for the time being along with your aro label, or you could just use demiromantic/aro-spec/aro on its own without another label. It's up to you what feels right and what way of labelling yourself do you think will be the most useful.

All the best, Anon!

[elyvorg]

So… I was talking about aspec V3 headcanons? Well then, let me lay down the facts.

Maki Harukawa is on the aromantic spectrum. Yes, even though she explicitly develops a crush on Kaito, and no, I’m not trying to dispute that part.

This is basically canon. Let me tell you why.

Maki is aro

For this, we need to consider the conversation Maki has with Shuichi in the first training session in chapter 4, while Kaito has temporarily disappeared to the bathroom. On one level, this conversation exists to be the only actual meaningful indication* that Maki has romantic feelings for Kaito until she goes and confesses them. Someone like Maki wouldn’t care about asking Shuichi if he “liked” Kaede (in that annoying loaded meaning of the word “like” that specifically refers to romantic attraction) unless she was trying to come to terms with the idea that she also “likes” someone else in the same way, and the only plausible candidate for that is Kaito.

But even more striking about this conversation, far more so than the general implication that Maki would only bother asking this if she happened to be crushing on a certain spiky-haired space dork, is the way Maki approaches and thinks about this whole topic in general. Take a look:

Maki:  “Well… I assumed you didn’t, because that would be weird. […] Liking someone you just met… especially in a situation like this…”

Shuichi:  “… Then tell me… under what circumstances is liking someone *not* weird?”

Maki:  “…Huh? I… don’t know. I don’t… really understand what that is.”

I, as an aromantic person myself, fully agree with Maki that it just seems weird to start romantically liking someone you’ve only just met, especially in a life-or-death situation where surely there’s way more important things to be focusing on. But apparently, most people do not find this thought weird at all – love at first sight is supposedly a real thing that can happen, and something something dangerous situations can bring out more hormones and passion???? sounds fake but okay – and so opinions like mine and Maki’s here are very much outliers.

And not only that, not only does the thought of crushing on near-strangers bewilder Maki to the point of disbelief, but she also can’t even come up with an answer to when crushing on someone would ever not be strange and bizarre. Like the whole concept is just alien to her. She can barely even wrap her head around how “liking” someone in that way even works. The very reason she’s even asking Shuichi about this is because she doesn��t understand why she’s feeling this way about Kaito.

This is how an aromantic person would view this kind of thing. It doesn’t sound even slightly like something an alloromantic person would say in this situation. That’s not up for interpretation – that’s just the truth about these views that Maki is expressing. Again: I’m aromantic. I would know.

Even from a character who then does turn out to nonetheless have a crush on someone, these statements are pretty much as canonically confirmed arospec as you can get short of them straight up using the word "aromantic" or a variant.** And, well, obviously Maki isn't about to go calling herself that. From the way she’s questioning this, she clearly doesn’t realise that her perspective is the outlier, so she’s probably never even heard of the term. Besides, she most definitely has way bigger hurdles to be getting over first in terms of her self-acceptance before she's ever going to particularly care about figuring out labels for her orientation of all things.

Aros with trauma are still aros

Now, granted, I severely doubt that Maki being arospec is what the writers intended to convey. Haha, deliberate aro representation in mainstream Japanese media, especially something more complex than vanilla aro, that's a funny joke. What the writers probably meant by writing this conversation I just discussed is to suggest that Maki is viewing things this way a result of her trauma.

But hey, guess what? Even if it is because of her trauma - and I'm not denying that it probably is - that doesn't make Maki any less aro. Some people are arospec because of trauma, and that's equally as valid a reason to be arospec as without. Maybe Maki would have grown up alloromantic if she hadn't been scouted as an assassin, but that's irrelevant, because that's not the Maki who exists now.

In writing this conversation, the writers were presumably attempting to communicate that Maki is so messed up by having been manipulated and abused and moulded into a soulless killing machine that she can no longer comprehend the idea of how or why anybody (especially not herself) would fall in love with someone when they'd only just met, or even really in any circumstances at all. …And in doing that, the writers unintentionally wrote a character who, as a result of her trauma, is aro(-spec). This is an objective fact about the canon story that does not change just because the writers probably weren’t aware enough about aromanticism to actually realise this.

Aros who feel romantic attraction are still aros

So, of course, Maki does in fact come to romantically love Kaito despite this. That fact becomes very important to her, and me lengthily explaining here that she’s actually arospec is not remotely trying to diminish that. But it’s also very important to me that people realise that Maki’s romantic love for Kaito comes from an aromantic perspective. She eventually chooses to embrace those feelings not remotely because it just feels to her like the natural way things should go, but despite every single conscious part of her insisting that this is weird and illogical and doesn’t make any goddamn sense to even be happening at all. She is not going to suddenly fall into all the boring romantic cliches and stereotypical alloromantic approaches to love just because she does in fact happen to be experiencing romantic attraction. There’s nothing alloromantic about Maki’s crush on Kaito.***

As for the specific flavour of arospec that allowed Maki to fall in love with Kaito anyway? This part is somewhat more up for interpretation because there’s no real explicit indication of this in particular, but I personally like to go with the idea that Maki is demiromantic. It feels appropriate for Maki’s character and trauma to imagine that she can only begin to potentially feel romantic things towards a person when she has an emotional connection with them – when she trusts them and knows that they trust her. It doesn’t necessarily have to take very long – she’d only been friends with Kaito for a handful of days before that telling conversation with Shuichi – and she may not even have to have consciously admitted to herself that she trusts them, but she needs to have that bond. She’s normally so guarded and has such strong automatic barriers up during her interpersonal interactions that seeing most people in a romantic light literally isn’t even an option in her brain.

Maki’s confession of her feelings for Kaito does read as rather strongly demiromantic, I think. She makes a point that this is about who Kaito is and what he’s done for her, before even getting to the part where she admits to having fallen for him. And she says she “fell for” him, not that she was always in love with him or anything to that effect. This happened somewhere along the way during their friendship, because of their friendship, and because of Kaito being his incredible trusting supportive self towards her when she needed it most.

Maki Harukawa is demiromantic, and she’s wonderful.

  ---

[some grumpy Amatonormativity and Aro Erasure 101 footnotes, can you tell I am bitter about this kind of thing]

(* When I say “actual meaningful indication” of romantic feelings, I mean something that isn't just the narrative infuriatingly pointing at things that are actually perfectly platonic in nature and going “ooh look how romantic~!”. Newsflash: worrying about somebody and wanting to rescue them when they're sick and injured and have been kidnapped by someone you think is an evil sadistic mastermind is not somehow proof of romantic feelings. That is a thing that friends do. And on the same note, teaching somebody how to build a crossbow is not some kind of deep metaphor for romance; it is literally just a lesson in how to build a goddamn crossbow. Maki would have done both of these things in exactly the same way if her crush on Kaito didn’t exist.)

(** It's exactly like how characters can be considered canonically confirmed same-gender-attracted when all they've done is show attraction to the same gender****, without them actually needing to explicitly refer to themselves with the word “gay”, or “lesbian”, or “bi” or whatever else. Anyone who tried to insist that was necessary in order for it to “count” would instantly be written off as homophobic. So if that’s the case, then a character explicitly saying something such as “I don’t understand what it means to like someone that way” equally constitutes them being confirmed aro, and trying to argue that it doesn’t “count” without outright hearing the word itself is, guess what…?)

(*** This also inherently means that there’s nothing straight about Maki’s crush on Kaito either, since societally-expected “straight” attraction is allo as well as hetero. I gather that some people in this fandom like to devalue and erase Maki’s crush (and potentially also Maki herself) because they feel that it’s an Obligatory Forced Straight Romance and don’t like that, or something along those lines. Well, good news! It’s literally not that, actually, because Maki isn’t straight.)

(**** …This only applies so long as it actually is very clearly romantic or sexual attraction and not just people deciding platonic affection is totally romantic thanks to the disease that is amatonormativity. Because, you know. That happens. Literally all the time. (Even from V3’s narrative itself; see footnote 1.))

[gffa]

Hi Lumi! I think you’re maybe the first person I’ve known of who is aro but not also ace, and I’ve been wondering for a while whether or not I might be aro. No need to answer if you don’t want to, but what was your experience of figuring out that you’re aro? Also! I know there’s a big difference between enjoying reading about romance and actually enjoying participating in romantic relationships, but for the longest time I thought I couldn’t be aro because I do enjoy fictional romances.

Hi!  Thank you for the very sweet message and, of course, as you know, I can only talk about what it’s like for me and my journey!  I’m not ace, but I wondered for a long time if I was, because I’m not interested in sex, but I do experience physical attraction.  So, it can be kind of a mess trying to figure it out, but I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual+aromatic. And how I figured that out was I just... never really wanted to be in love, it always felt like the stories about it were overly dramatized versions of stuff, much like how so many situations between people are overly dramatized, like friendships are over dramatized on TV shows, you know?  So, I just thought I might be demiromantic, that I’d eventually fall in love when I became an adult, that it’d happen naturally. But as time went on, that urge never materialized.  And I realized that I didn’t feel like I was missing out on something.  I thought about what I wanted in my life and I did a lot of navel gazing and asked myself if it felt like some part of me was missing, that some part felt unsatisfied by not being in a relationship or wanting to be with someone. And the answer was that it just seemed like a lot of work without any real payoff for me.  When I set aside what I “should” want, did I actually yearn for someone in that sort of heart-visioned sort of way?  Did I want that special person?  Was I upset that I’d never been in love?  And I really wasn’t upset about any of that.  I didn’t crave it, I was fine without it.  I love my friends and my family and I find so much emotional satisfaction in them, I don’t need more. One of the biggest signs for me is:  I never imagine myself with my favorite characters, it’s not something that sparks any joy for me.  You guys know what a feral gremlin I am for Obi-Wan, yet the thought of trying to imagine myself kissing Obi-Wan is like ehhhhh.  Not bad?  I just don’t care, though?  Even in my “falling asleep at night” fantasies, even when I was a teen, when I used to imagine myself in them, but there wasn’t really much romance, it was more adventure and banter than it was staring lovingly into each others’ eyes. I still very much enjoy reading about romantic stories!  I love romantic pairings!  I love shipping things!  My fannish heart beats for the ships I love!  And that can be kind of confusing, because shouldn’t I just have no interest at all?  Eh, it’s not like I want to be in the relationship with Obi-Wan.  But I enjoy the feelings the character would have, just as I would enjoy a story about him going on an adventure and having feelings, just as I would enjoy a story about him meditating and finder his inner peace again. But watching a story about two characters falling in love doesn’t leave me feeling a yearning to go out and find that for myself, I don’t feel anything is really missing there.  I enjoy stories about other people’s experiences, but I also enjoy reading stories about people experiencing a whole array of emotions, not just the romantic ones. I guess that’s the real litmus test for me:  Take some time and see if the idea of staying single actually sounds like a relief to you, rather than something you wish you could fix.  Try to imagine yourself in the most perfect relationship, that it’s easy and perfect, you never fight and they’re always attentive and you get along--do you still want that kind of relationship?  Or are you just fine as you are, it doesn’t sound like a burden, but it’s not something you crave, either?

[disasterdemi]

Hi, I have a question that maybe be the result of imposter syndrome, but i’d like to ask you anyway? I know i’m demi. I’m pretty certain on that.

But what if i meet new people and start thinking like “what if in a couple of years I catch Feelings for this person?”

I’m just really worried that me *knowing* I’m demi will make me expect to have potential feelings after being good friends with someone. Idk. Does this make any sense?

Thank you either way

Hi! Good on you for reaching out :)

Hmm I'm not sure I'm completely clear on exactly what you are asking so if I don't answer your question feel free to send another ask.

First of all, being good friends with someone doesn't mean you definitely will catch feelings - I've had lots of good friends over the years and only like 2 or 3 crushes (and one wasn't on a close friend). Logically, it's not inevitable so you shouldn't worry about that. However, logic and feelings sometimes come into conflict... (perhaps knowing you're demi means you subconsciously "invent" a crush on your friend?)

Any of this (thinking you do, will or should catch feelings for a friend because you are demiromantic) could be some compulsory/internalised amatonormativity at play. Like, the idea that since the only way a demi can feel romantic attraction is with a strong bond (often close friends), therefore that must happen/you must make it happen. This is not true, and is just as important to work through as societal amatonormativity, or any other types of internalised phobias (arophobia and the like). Engaging with more aspec, queerplatonic, and relationship anarchist content might jumpstart this process.

The other thing it sounds like you could be worried about is more the consequences of knowing you might catch feelings? Like:

"Aaargh, I like being friends with them but what if I catch feelings and it ruins/changes the friendship?? If demi = falling for your friends, is it even worth trying to pursue something platonic??"

If this is the case and you're finding you can't fully enjoy being friends/in the moment with people, remember what I said before about it NOT being inevitable. But also if it does happen that's not a bad thing! Relationships change, but also people can have different types of feelings about each other and still get along great. And catching feelings doesn't negate the strength of your platonic bond or make your friendship pointless or anything. If it happens, it happens, but it's really not worth stressing about unless it does, I guess?

This sounds kind of like that shitty "just don't be anxious" advice for anxiety which is not what I intended... I think I just mean you can't control how you'll feel in the future so in terms of friendships/relationships it's better to focus on what's happening now?

Hopefully that helps a little bit, and as always feel free to reach out if you have any follow-up questions (this goes for anyone else reading this too) <3

[casualcatte]

[LFRP] FFXIV: Gospel Lightfaith

Age: Adult (late 30′s approx.)

Race: Hyur, Midlander - Ul’dahnian

Gender: Female

Hair: Silver

Eyes: Blue

Height: 5′9″

Build: Fit and well-muscled but not bulky.

Common Accessories: She keeps a rosary-like set of prayer beads on her person, though never worn. A silver sigil of Thaliak is attached to them.

Server: Balmung

Profession: Free Paladin, Mercenary-for-Hire

Hobbies & Interests: Dancing, helping others, reading, writing, painting, art, music

Residence: The Mist, Ward 23, The Topmast, Room 50

Birthplace: Ul’dah, Thanalan, Eorzea

Religion: Thaliak, the Scholar

Fears: Higher Voidsent, abandonment (by those she cares about), failure (in a number of things)

Smoking Habit: Never. She keeps her body in peak physical condition.

Drugs:  A few times in her youth, but after a few bad experiences she hasn’t bothered with them since.

Alcohol:  Yes. A nightcap to relax after a hard day’s work.  Or sometimes excessively when stressed or in pain.

Food: She can cook fair, basic meals, but nothing extravagantly gourmet. Humble, simple food like what she grew up with as a merchant’s daughter.

Status:  Single

Sexuality: Demiromantic, Heterosexual Do not expect to get involved with my character without significant investment.  No one night stands, no love at first sight. 

Spouse: None.

Children: None.

Parents: Elspeth and Alexander Lightfaith

Siblings: None that she is aware of.

Other Relatives/Close Friends: Valeria Camena  @thehouseofvs​ 

Enemies/Rivals Zerey Zeyad @therpperson​

Animal Companions: Venator, her gryphon mount.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between /  Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Honest / In Between / Dishonest

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

You need something killed. Gospel is a mercenary-for-hire, though typically to common smallfolk and tradesmen primarily. She has an extremely moralistic code that doesn’t allow her perform duties that she finds morally repugnant, like harming the innocent.  Expect questions.

You need protection. Her shield is also for hire, if you find yourself in need of one. Again, she prefers to work with lower class citizens, but isn’t above working for the occasional noble or entertainer. 

You are an Ul’dahnian merchant. Gospel’s family are a generational line of armor and weaponsmiths, primarily focused on metalworking. Merchant-folk are welcome to have heard of Lightfaith Arms & Armory either directly or in a tertiary sense. They’re known for swords and plate armor, as well as household common items like pots, pans, and wagon wheels. Their Maker’s Mark is a radiant sun stamped in gold foil on their items.

You are an Ul’dahnian resident. Gospel worked for a number of years for her family’s smithy, mostly as their Public Relations / Advertising / Salesperson. Residents of Ul’dah are welcome to know her directly or in passing as a woman often seen about town trying to tempt adventurers and common folk into buying their wares.  She also later became known for her mercenary-for-hire and protection services.

You are/were a member of the Maelstrom. A former captain of the Maelstrom, Gospel earned her notoriety as a bulwark against the tides of battle, oftentimes defending and protecting wounded soldiers as they waited for evacuation from the field. A friend to mages and healers, she was especially protective of them in battle. After her retirement and return to Ul’dah, members of her regiment often spun tall tales of her exploits in the tavern.  The Knight of the Lily is a name often bandied about in such cases.

Friends, acquaintances, and adventuring buddies, age 21+. Nothing against younger players, I’m just a 40-year old lady and enjoy playing the game with other like-minded adults.

People who like growing things organically, particularly relationships. I don’t like making things up out of thin air and I don’t like  friendships and romances that flourish overnight. Put time and effort into creating things!

In-game RP sessions, primarily!  (Discord available for OOC coordination.)  I’ve had pretty bad luck with keeping Discord threads and the like active, so I prefer in-game sessions whenever possible. Not to say those methods are completely off the table, but reserved for folks who are genuinely interested in upkeeping and maintaining them.

Lore flexibility. I’m not as well-versed in FFXIV lore and I don’t need/want people around me who want to hammer the Nth of the lore and make roleplay feel more like homework. As long as it’s a good story and an engaging character, that should be enough!

Story and Character-driven Plotlines.  I love a good epic story.  I love long-term connections, be it friendship or rivalry. Slice-of-life and general hanging out is fine on occasion, but I truly thrive in a story-driven environment.

Late Night/Overnight Friends. I tend to keep late hours, so people who are around/available between 8pm and 8am (Central US Time) are ideal.

People who aren’t afraid of OOC communication.  Seriously, this is a big one.  If you can’t talk to me OOC about a session, what you like, don’t like, or have issues with then please don’t seek me out.  I view roleplay as collaborative storytelling that we should all have fun with and a large part of that is talking things through OOC to ensure we’re all on the same page and having fun.

IC/OOC Blending. If you’re a person that can’t keep your IC and OOC separate, don’t seek me out.  I am not my character.  My character is not me.  Whatever interactions you have with my character are not a reflection of my views/personality as the Player.  Do not conflate them.

ERP, gore, extreme violence, torture, horror, et cetera. I have a pretty stressful life, I RP and play games to relax and these topics don’t contribute to that. At the very least, please ASK me before starting anything involving these themes.

These first two, especially, are deal breakers and I will cease contact with people that can’t respect these boundaries (which is why OOC communication is a MUST with me.) If you aren’t sure – please ASK!

Most roll-based system RP.  I’m a big fan of D&D-style systems, if they incorporate character sheets that allow Characters to have aspects to them that shine and fail.  Being subject to random RNG without attributing bonuses for character skill and experience feels imbalance to me.  (And RNG generally hates me, so... XD)

Mundane-focused RP.  Slice of life, hanging out, and less-active scenes are fine, but only in moderation. If that’s all you care to do, Gospel and I are probably not a good fit, because we both are adventuresome souls that like getting involved in things!  

Experienced Roleplayer.  I’ve been roleplaying for almost 30 years now. I love discussing roleplay ideas and implementing them. I’m not worried about “spoilers” or ruining immersion by discussing and planning storylines OOC. Planning ensures that everyone has a chance to contribute ideas that are fun for *them* so everyone has a good experience.

Patient and Understanding. I tend to be patient with people of all roleplay styles and experiences. Just be courteous if you need to AFK mid-RP for an extended period or reschedule the scene. I understand well that Real Life and your own well-being come first, so just be up-front with me about things. 

Special Information.   I am a 40+ year old woman with severe Rheumatoid Arthritis. This means I may need to cancel plans last-minute depending on my pain levels/fatigue or I may need to leave mid-scene. This is NOT an indicator of interest – or lack thereof – I have a disease that needs careful tending and I have to listen to the needs of my body before anything else.

Availability/Contact Information –––

Timezone: GMT/UTC -5 or Central (US) Time. I’m mostly avaliable from 8pm to 8am, Sunday through Tuesday. Beyond that, my schedule gets pretty unpredictable, but I’ll do my best to let you know ahead of time if I have any conflicts and what my availability is.

Discord: casualcatte#1384

In-Game:  Gospel Lightfaith@Balmung

Last Updated: May 1, 2021

[sparkles-and-trash]

South Park Main 5, Headcanons Masterpost  ~

Stan Marsh 

Looks: 

hair is actually nice and somewhat floppy naturally, but because he wears a hat most of the time, it’s usually flat and a little greasy kshdhsd

hair is that blue-ish black color

eyes is piercing ice blue 

skin is light, kind porcelain like, but he also tans really fast?

soft sweaters are the only thing he’ll wear from early autumn to late spring

in summer he’ll literally only wear band shirts and flannels lol 

Personality and General Trivia:

totally cares more for animals than most people let’s be real 

sometimes he struggles with seeing things from others point of view and ha can come across as a little self centered 

he is aware of it tho and tries to be better at it 

his instagram is filled with Sparky haha 

let’s Sparky sleep in his bed every single night even tho Sharon tells him not to 

likes reading and writing, has a tiny obsession with dark themes and Lovecraftian stuff 

he and Kenny volunteers at the local pet shelter and homeless shelter together 

the pet shelter was Stan’s idea, and the homeless shelter was Kenny’s 

wants to be edgy but is really just very soft

“Kyle said...” 

believes everything Kyle tells him lol 

enjoys video games a lot, prefers single player, story based ones tho 

also still enjoys boardgames a lot, and when the big group isn’t up for hit, he, Tweek, Jimmy, Butters and Cartman groups together to nerd it out 

has clinical depression, but is managing it with help of a therapist, his mom and friends

sometimes things gets pretty dark, but he is getting better at reaching out and asking for help in those times 

Friendships:

like I mentioned above, he struggles a bit with seeing things for other’s point of view 

but he is aware of his flaws and is trying to be better

can get a little bit caught up in his own drama, but listens when his friends tells him he needs to get over himself 

will always stand up for his friends, especially if they’re not there to do it themselves 

when he starts getting closer with Butters in early high school he gets really upset when he realizes how much he gets shit-talked 

enjoys spending time with his friends individually, probably the most of the group, and takes initiative to do so a lot 

which is very important to Kenny, since he tends to feel a little overlooked sometimes, and it makes their friendship really strong 

same with Butters, except Butters doesn’t usually doesn’t mind mainly being in a group, but the first few times and Stan hangs out alone it’s obvious he really appreciates it 

Family:

daddy issues 

sorry I don’t make the rules lol 

has a decent relationship with Sharon tho

she’s a good mom 

and he wants to be a good son 

Shelly is still kinda angry and scary

she keeps the “only I can beat you up bro” attitude and there is secretly mutual respect there

but we don’t talk about that!!! 

Ships and relationships:

okay so my main ships for him are stutters (Butters), stenny (Kenny) and Style (Kyle) 

my fav is stutters tho 

I usually head canon him as bi or pan, but as with everyone in SP, I’m open to different interpretations if different Au’s and stories! 

I just really like the idea of them learning to balance facing their issues AND celebrate the good things in life together 

I def think he can be a bit insecure in relationships, struggling with feeling like he’s not enough, and would need a partner that naturally will be affirming and positive 

that’s not to say he’s super needy or clingy, he’s just a bit insecure 

but I really think he would truly be a good partner 

he’s caring, kind and very appreciative 

which is again why I really like him with Butters offh 

Kenny McCormick 

Looks:

sandy blonde hair that’s always messy and floppy/softly curled 

teeth is kind of crooked due to lack of funds for braces 

his front teeth are kinda big and has a significant gap 

lots and lots of freckles man 

all over his face, shoulders, back, hands and arms 

tans fast 

I actually really like him with brown eyes? like, soulful deep brown eyes 

but also very, very clear blue ones, like almost unnatural (yes that’s a mysterious thing) 

medium tall 

wears his hoodies, usually with the hood up, no matter if it’s freezing or a heatwave

not conventionally attractive, but charming looking lol 

likes to wear some eyeliner every now and then

and nail polish, but it’s like super clumsily put on and always chipped

Personality and General Trivia:

falls asleep in class a lot, but always seems to know the answer if the teacher asks him something

also has decent grades

I think he’s way smarter than he gives himself credit for, both socially and school wise 

the therapist of the groups 

actually, the therapist of the whole school 

knows a lot of secrets due to this, but he always, ALWAYS keeps them 

I see him as very friendly and approachable, but terribly hard to get close with

lots and lots of walls, man

very much an observer type? 

quietly stays in the background if that’s an option

but if he is talked too, or feels like he has something to really contribute to in a conversation he’ll jump in and be comfortable talking and taking up space if he is with friends or people he knows 

if not, he’ll just stay in the background with that.... look on his face that just makes you know he knows more than he says 

works at Tweek’s parents coffee shop, is kinda close with Tweek because of this 

zones out a lot 

“…what?” 

can fall asleep anywhere

Friendships:

is pretty close friends with Butters! 

Butters used to have a little crush on him, but Kenny didn’t find out until years later lol 

he also has a lot of patience with Cartman compared to the others

which is why Cartman actually cares when Kenny sets him in his place 

likes learning new things, and does that with Kyle a lot! 

both school and homework stuff, and things like cooking and other homey stuff, the two of them really bond with this 

him and Stan volunteer together, and I already mentioned, and that time means a lot to Kenny 

since he works with Tweek, the two of them are pretty close and good friends 

is the one of the main boys who gets along the best with Craig and those guys

actually hangs out with them from time to time, so does Butters

it low-key drives the others crazy

Family:

I often like to think his parents would keep having these bursts where they try to get their shit together? 

and it’s slow, and one step back and two backwards, but the fact that they’re trying at all means a lot to the kids after years of them... not 

I can also see Kevin stepping up and taking more charge, Kevin get’s way too little love in this fandom! 

Kenny usually never fights with his sibs

but when he does it’s with Karen, usually because he’s worried about her and it’s nor pretty

none of them can stay mad at each other for long tho

Kevin trying to be all “big brother” and kinda failing because he is chaotic, but he really wants to do right and Karen and Kenny knows that and appreciates it 

Ships and relationships:

ohhh kay here we go, unpopular opinions ahead! 

first, my main Kenny ships are Tokenny (Token x Kenny) and Stenny 

rn Tokenny is my main, I love the potential dynamics, both with their personalties and backgrounds and families 

I tend to head canon him as pan or bisexual, and demiromatic 

I know the demiromantic part is... controversial, at best 

but hear me out! 

I see him being very comfortable with discussing sexual stuff, and being attracted to someone physically is never something he feels awkward or bad about 

but when it comes to more emotional connections, he is way more awkward and fumbling 

for those who doesn’t know, a demiromatic person (like myself! surprise!) won’t have crushes or romantic feelings for someone they don’t already have some form of emotional bond with! We can still feel sexual attraction tho, and some of us are comfortable with casual sexual encounters (like me!) and others are not, and both are very valid! 

I usually have two ways of writing him 

either him being comfortable having casual sexual interactions, but struggling with the romantic aspect and having to figure out how this works for him 

OR 

him having some trauma related to debating sexually very early, thinking he was all ready and it was just sex, but getting his emotions caught up in it and being very heartbroken and confused, and therefore having issues with being intimate with people for a while 

I mix them up depending on the story, but the first one is usually my go-to! 

Kyle Broflovski 

Looks:

he still covers his hair a lot, either with hats or hoods? 

because I really see him being insecure about it 

it’s a medium sort of red, and like, really curly and fluffy 

not frizzy, big like... big 

I usually give him green eyes, but I also could see him with a light brown or hazel! 

some light freckles on his face that only really shows up if he’s spent time in the sun 

pretty tall, kind of lanky 

d i m p l e s 

Personality and General Trivia:

big nerd energy

in every way, board games, video games, loves school, like genuinely, enjoys studying for tests, loves fantasy books, the longer and more complicated the better 

co-captain of the debate team with Wendy 

is good with arguments unless he gets too passionate on the subject, or if someone knows his weak points and uses them to tick him off

it’s usually Cartman  

his mom wants him to go to an Ivy League but honestly he just wants to go to the same one in Denver as Stan, Butters and Cartman are planning on, and now that Kenny is also considering it he seriously think he’ll die if all his friends go to the same college without him

he struggles with FOMO, which is kind of an issue since he’s a busy guy, and some of his friends are not lol 

if any one of these kids become a jock, it’s def Kyle with his basketball change my mind- 

but not like, a letterman wearing fuckboy type of jock, but like, is obsessed with his sport and his team and works really hard to do well type of jock

Friendships:

very loyal 

he and Stan walks Sparky together at least twice a week, just to be sure they’re always caught up with each other even when they’re busy with school, sports and dating

yeah they’re still super best friends 

when they started high school he got closer to Wendy as she’s also on the debate team, in all of his AP classes and they share a lot of the same interests  

they’re still good friends, but nothing more

the first time Cartman got really drunk was at a party freshman year, and at the time everyone was pretty fed up with him, and he ended up crying and Kyle found him, and Cartman thinks Kyle doesn’t remember, but he does 

that was the first night Kyle really kinda understood why Cartman was the way he was, and even though he still thinks he’s a dick at times, he tries to remember everyone have a story, and to give people time 

but he often gets too riled up to remember that lol 

good pals with Jimmy, they share a lot of interests in fantasy stuff and have the same humor 

he also start to go along well with Craig when they are around middle school age, but they’re both kinda too stubborn to admit they’re friends until a year later lol  

Family:

even tho Sheila is pretty overbearing and can be too much, he is a mommy’s boy deep down 

tense relationship with his dad 

enjoys cooking, so that’s where he spends a lot of time with his mom! 

tries his best to keep up with Ike and his life

sometimes he is a tad cringy when doing so, but Ike appreciates the gesture 

Ike is pretty confident and strong in himself so he doesn’t care if Kyle is a bit awkward lol 

the type of brothers who genuinely enjoys spending time together 

Ships and relationships:

I like Style, Kyman, K2 and Kyvid! 

I think he’d be a late bloomer when it comes to love and dating

struggles with opening up and letting himself feel these things 

I often think of him as biromantic asexual, but I’m not always set on it! 

he’d enjoy traditional dinner and a movie type of dates a lot, such a nerd 

Eric Cartman 

Looks:

keeps his hair cut pretty short and styled

has heterochromia iridium (different colored eyes), one blue and one brown

also he has a real nice smile when it’s a genuine one

which is rare but like 

it happens 

is kinda insecure about his weight and tries to compensate with always having the newest stuff and pretending not to care

sometimes tries to diet in secret

he isn’t huge anymore, but is still sort of broad, and isn’t skinny, but like..

kinda bulky, if he wears the right type of clothes it’s hard to see if he’s chubby or buff

but he is def chubby 

Personality and General Trivia:

spends way to much time on reddit arguing with randoms

angry gamer, will call you a slur on voice chat 

after almost getting dropped by his friends in middle school he tries a little harder to be a more decent person

still an asshole at heart, but like, an asshole who sometimes cares about some people 

always tells people that’s he’s seen that meme before, even when he hasn’t 

nothing is ever his fault and the only ones who can get him to admit he’s wrong are Kenny and, very, very rarely, Kyle

he wears supreme hoodies for a full year of High School and stands in line all night for the new ones and never shuts up about how he is the first in South Park to have the new stuff 

Kenny finds it hilarious to buy the fake supreme stickers and put then on his own worn out hoodies

Kyle makes it his main goal in life to put things (everything from used gym socks to old food he finds in his locker) in Cartmans hoods and see how long it takes for him to notice 

can’t handle alcohol, is constantly being teased for it

sloppy drunk lol 

one of the main reasons the other bothers with Cartman trough middle school, when he is at his worst, is because of his big basement, the old Coon Lair, who got a big renovation around 7th grade and is an awesome, private hangout spot with a big TV and wifi and gaming systems

Friendships:

constantly says he hates his friends but would die if everyone left him 

is secretly terribly jealous of Kyle, both his closeness to Stan, his basketball skills, his grades and his family

but they had that thing in Freshman year when Kyle found him drunk, alone and sad, and Cartman himself barely remembers it, and doesn’t think Kyle does because he never mentioned it 

but he does

so much tension there, but also co-dependency 

sees Kenny and Butters as his best friends, and knows deep down neither of them feel that way about him and it secretly kills him 

is in the same board game group with Stan 

is low-key terrified of Tweek lol 

Family:

big mommy issues 

but also very protective of her

I really enjoy the AU/headcanon that Liane marries Clyde’s dad 

it’s not like, the only version I like, but I put it in as many au’s and works of mine as I can 

I def think both boys would be mortified right away 

but Clyde comes around first, because he really wants a brother, even if that brother have to be Cartman 

Cartman would never admit it, but after some time he really starts to see Clyde as a brother and genuinely cares for him 

Ships and relationships:

I mainly see Cartman as gay 

sometimes I start of AU’s and stories with him not being out to himself or anyone else tho, I think that whole journey for him will be very interesting and help him grow as a person 

I def think he’d have a few girlfriends before he comes out tho? 

he can be very charming when he wants too yanno 

my only Cartman ship is kyman atm, but I’m def open to explore more of

Leopold Butters Stotch 

Looks:

I really really really like T A L L Butters??? 

like tall and gangly and adorable 

I know it’s very popular to head canon that he bleaches his hair, but I like to think he has very light blond air naturally! 

keeps it short on the sides and longer on top, with cute ass curls 

soft sky blue eyes 

also dyes his bangs light blue in high school!! 

Pete the goth helps him because he is a pro of dying bangs 

I like to think he’d be into pastel grunge, and keep his love for Hello Kitty and Sanrio etc, but still be a bit more... edgy? 

Personality and General Trivia:

one of those people who’s friendly with almost everyone

but that doesn’t mean he’s friends with them, yanno? 

gets drunk from one wine cooler 

loves the theater and is in the drama club, but likes to be behind the stage, not on it 

wants to be a director one day 

watches Netflix on his phone every single time he has any time to spare, because he’s always binging a show

is usually pretty positive and kind, gives people the benefit of the doubt 

but can be very stubborn, and if he has decided he dislikes or doesn’t trust someone, it’s almost impossible to change his mind 

Friendships:

Butters put up with Cartman for so long because he genuinely thinks he can be fun when he’s not horrible, and he really tries his best to believe in people

he was also the first one to forgive him after the others cut him off 

a very loyal and fun friend

takes a lot of initiative to do stuff, and loves hosting movie nights 

thinks of these boys as his closest friends, but is also real close to Wendy, Bebe, Jimmy and Tweek

Family:

I just hate Stephen so much you guys

so tbh I usually like to just... have Linda leave him, or straight up kill him off oops 

I know Linda is terrible too, I do, but I think she could possibly have a moment of realization if something happens like Butters potentially being taken away? 

idk I’m not gonna go too deep into this, I know it’s such a heavy topic and I don’t wanna seem like I just ignore it, but I personally don’t usually include Stephen directly in my stories, and this is why, I hope y’all understand and respect that! 

Ships and relationships:

my main Butters ship is Stutters (Stan x Butters) 

I mentioned a lot why in Stan’s headcanons? 

but idk, I just really think they’d balance each other well, and could have a very interesting and cute relationship! 

I usually headcanons him as pan or gay, and genderqueer, but I’m open for other interpretations too! 

he does date a little bit, but have never been in a real relationship and isn’t stressing about it! 

he did have a pretty huge crush on (a very unaware) Kenny during middle school, but then they started hanging out a lot more and became really close and Butters didn’t really bring it much thought?

that’s until Cartman gets jealous and throws out a “what are you guys dating and fucking and being gay huh???” and Butters mind immediately goes to “omg ew no he’s like my brother!” 

aaand that’s how Butters realized he was over his crush 

they two of them stay close friends tho, Kenny makes Butters laugh and helps him be more sure of himself and Butters helps Kenny remember that they’re still just kids and should have fun and be good

[mxadrian779]

Hang on, I’m trying to figure stuff out again.

What I know:

Gender:

Trans

-- Nonbinary

---- Genderfluid

---- Agender

---- Transmasculine

Sexuality:

Sapphyc

Asexual

-- Demisexual

-- Greysexual

-- Apothisexual

Romanticality:

Panromantic

Aromantic?

-- Demiromantic?

-- Greyromantic?

-- Quoiromantic?

I know my gender 100%, at least. The mode of my sexuality fluctuates, but it’s definitely sapphyc asexual.

But the mode of my romantic orientation? I dunno.

Unlike the other identities, I can take or leave this one, in a way. It’s not dire that I identify as non-alloromantic. It would just be nice to have a specific label. Almost fun, in a way?

I detest rom-coms. I always had crushes, but at least half of them were friendcrushes (squishes, I guess?). I love writing romance and I love shipping, but I hate shoehorned romantic plots (maybe that’s called being normal LOL). I am not sure specifically what attracts me to the aromantic labels. Maybe I’m mistaking myself.

I think I could never have a romantic relationship right off the bat. I’m pretty sure I’d have to have a preexisting bond first. I always thought that was pretty normal.

I don’t oppose romantic relationships, although PDA grosses me out, never mind the thought of French-kissing. That strikes me as repulsive as sex.

I have a deep love of people and connections, and have even felt like friendship could easily substitute for romantic love. I may have had moments where I wasn’t sure what was “hey, I want to date them” or “hey, I want to be friends with them.” I do know I’ve--oh. OH. I’ve had confusing moments with a former friend, where I felt an extreme, beyond-friendship closeness with them. I remember them later saying they thought I was “in love" with them *eyeroll* I get the feeling they didn’t keep their suspicions secret, either. Great.

Anyway. So there’s that, which only came back up as I’m typing. Interesting.

There have been other friends where I longed to have something with them in the space between friendship and romance, and yet I cannot quite put my finger on that space. Is this quoiromantic?

Maybe I should just say aroacefluid and call it a day?

[smol-grey-tea]

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

[paintedrecs]

Fic meme: 1, 5, 13!

For this meme

1. What is your favorite fic you have under your belt?

Easy answer is always Put Down In Words, because it is, essentially, a complete novel, and I’m pretty proud of actually being able to complete something that long and detailed that I still like on re-reads. 

I actually really like the fics I’ve been writing this year, though, particularly my first Gargoyles one and my first Castlevania one. I don’t know if it’s something about the weirdness of this year, or just the experience of writing for fandoms so small that I can experiment a bit more and essentially do anything I want, but I feel like I’ve done some of my best writing lately. It’s kinda hard to objectively tell when small fandoms mean numbers don’t reflect that, but! Win some lose some. 

5. What’s your favorite headcanon you use in fics?

Well, this obviously varies based on the fandom. So I guess I’ll list a few:

Sterek: Stiles is bisexual. Derek is demisexual and generally not aware of it because of his messed-up past. Derek is a mama’s boy who loves his sisters but Struggles sometimes because he’s actually a pretty quiet guy raised in a family of extremely powerful women. Derek’s dad was human, probably something like a carpenter, and the one who taught Derek how to cook. Stiles is by FAR the more dangerous one in this relationship, regardless of whether Derek is still a werewolf or an Alpha.

Sheith: Keith is Shiro-sexual. Shiro was a city boy raised by his grandfather. Keith’s Galra side means he has a very fast metabolism (he’s small because he was half-starved by human rations), higher alcohol tolerance, and strong potential for a belated growth spurt that puts him on level with Shiro. Shiro is into that.

Xanatowen: Xanatos is polyamorous. Owen is...demiromantic pansexual? (Complicated way of saying he’s capable of attraction to anyone but is never interested in acting on it til he meets Xanatos.) Xanatos has a strained relationship with his dad because of something to do with his mother, which I will use in a fic if I ever actually write that fic.

Trevorcard: Trevor is actually very intelligent; he just displays it in a different, slightly less traditional way than Alucard. Trevor is extremely good with his hands, which can translate to weaponry, art, or any number of surprising things. Alucard is a social introvert; he really likes having people around to talk to, but he’s picky about who those people are. 

Taibani: Barnaby has no idea how to be a stepdad, but he tries very hard. Barnaby is gay, probably not with a lot of experience because he’s externally very charming but also strongly limits who he gets close to in any actual way. Kotetsu is demiromantic bisexual (he has no idea he’s bi until he realizes he loves Barnaby the same way he loved Tomoe). Kotetsu had no intention of ever dating anyone after Tomoe; he thought for sure he was a one and done, and he just lost her too early. Kaede is very embarrassed about everything to do with her two dads, but she and Barnaby actually become very good friends and gang up on Kotetsu, mostly about trying to make him healthier.

13. Do you have a favorite character to write for?

Owen. Derek, although Stiles is actually easier to write. I think Barnaby, although I’d have to test that more. 

This is less a POV than a dialogue thing, but I actually tend to have the most fun writing side characters sometimes - friends and family. Maybe it’s because I feel a little freer to just make them my own, especially with people like Derek’s sisters, but a big part of why PDIW was so frigging long is that I really indulged in building out all their friendships. I particularly loved writing Derek with Kira and Noshiko. 

[ravipanikkar]

Hi, I saw your ask to your mutual about you being aromatic/asexual and I hope this isn't too personal or too awkward to ask, but how do you know if you're aromatic/asexual because I feel confused if I am or not❤️️

Hi lovely ❤️

I'm fine talking about it, especially if my experience can help someone else!

At the start of June i said i identify as demiromantic, but something changed since then, let me explain.

When i was younger i used to be pretty sad about not having a boyfriend, i thought i was too ugly to deserve anything, but (don't judge me but that was a person I'm not anymore) i kept seeing people i considered uglier being in a relationship. It took me a while to understand that what i really wanted was a closeness to someone, a bond with another person.

And i had someone. So i should have been in love with her. That was the process, right? But there was nothing more than before, not from me. My feelings for her were always the same, sure i loved her, but the relationship, or whatever that was, didn't make them stronger or different.

That didn't end well and i thought that being alone wasn't that bad. I still think that.

Then, and here i allow you to laugh cause it is a little stupid, i adopted a cat. It took me a while to understand that i care about her in a way i didn't ever care about anyone else, not even family.

It took me her to understand that there are different kind of love. And yes, i did know that, but i hadn't ever felt that! That probably says something on my view of friendship, tho 😂

The thing was i didn't know about aromanticism yet. I have a friend who's asexual, i knew about that and i knew i wasn't, but i kept thinking i was something like that but not quite.

Here is where the 911 fandom arrives.

I saw a post or an edit or something on Eddie being demisexual. I looked it up and in that same page there was a link to demiromantic.

That was a trip!!!! Finally something that explained me!!! Something that made sense!!!! I kept it inside for a while then i said it to @simuliius for the first time ever and it was a pretty big deal to me, but she was wonderful as always.

This was a summary on how i understood I'm something, but how do i know?

I don't. This is who i feel i am now, in this moment, where I'm not even sure i know what love actually means. Maybe I'm not and i did love romantically i just expected more. Maybe i just haven't met someone right for me. Maybe it's a fase.

Even if it is, this is who i am now. 2 months ago i was demiromantic, now i think I'm greyromantic, tomorrow i could be aromantic, who knows!

I'm mostly having fun finding out part of me, spending time thinking about my feelings, analyzing what i am. It's a process that a lot of people have when they're younger, but doing it now it's way better for me. And doing it here on Tumblr is the best.

Sorry for the trip, i don't even know if i answered you properly, but the one thing i can say is that this kind of discovery is a process. One that you can go through alone but you don't have to. It's about you and it should be a good thing.

If you're not sure, if you're questioning that's good too!! If you want a label there are a lot and someone are bigger then other and you can always change it! If you don't that's good too!!!

My sweet anon, I'm so glad you came to me, i feel like a big sister that talks for hours 😂 feel free to dm or ask me anything anytime, on or off anon as you like, i promise i only bite Mist ♥️

I hope this helped even a little bit ❤️