#I already feel somewhat ostracized from the aro community anyways bc sometimes i want a romantic relationship
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moonjade Ā· 2 years ago
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I love being aro-spec but I canā€™t shake the feeling that Iā€™m ā€œfaking itā€ :/
#text#personal#being aromantic and having a crush feels illegal and like iā€™m gonna be shot#(i donā€™t have a crush rn tho. i havenā€™t had one for years)#and Iā€™m not entirely sure i donā€™t experience romantic attraction. but i could go my entire life without dating someone ever again#Iā€™m pretty sure the girl in high school that i had a crush on was an actual crush. or at least it was something other than platonic#attraction. it was an online friendship but damn I really liked her (and iā€™m almost certain it was romantic)#but my ex? ehā€¦ maybe at first but the feeling gradually died off. after a month or so#but with the girlā€¦ the feelings grew stronger?#a small part of me wants to try going on dates but i also donā€™t want to lead the person on#and admitting these things really makes me feel like i canā€™t identify as aromantic#like yes i know itā€™s a spectrum and there are so many different identities and ways under which romantic attraction occurs#but like. for me personally it feels like i canā€™t be aro AND have a crush lol#I already feel somewhat ostracized from the aro community anyways bc sometimes i want a romantic relationship#but most times I donā€™t. and the idea sounds awful. but every once in a while i yearn for a gf#but thereā€™s no one Iā€™m even really attracted to. I find people really pretty but it ends there most of the time.#I feel like I really have to get to know someone first before thereā€™d even be a chance of me liking them#but I donā€™t identify with being demiromantic bc I hardly ever have crushes.#which is why greyromantic works better but i know demi would ā€˜make more senseā€™ since i have to get to know people really well#and the more i get to know themā€¦ the more i can tell if i like them or not (both romantically/platonically)#except for romantic attraction. that just feels like a huge ā€˜?????????????ā€™ to me#like i am unable to distinguish strong feelings for someone. idk if itā€™s platonic or romantic or something else or both#ugh I need a therapist lmao#also to the anon who said iā€™m not aromantic and that Iā€™m insecure: sounds like youā€™re projecting lmao#I make one vent post and suddenly you know more abt my romantic identity than I do šŸ™„
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