#and I’m not entirely sure i don’t experience romantic attraction. but i could go my entire life without dating someone ever again

[moonmaiden1996]

Totally agree 💯 with your thoughts on Sanji as a romantic partner (he's my favourite 🥰). What is your opinion on him as a sexual partner? I somehow see him still as a virgin (would have died from that massive nosebleeding) 🤣 and shy, afraid of not pleasing his woman. Maybe more vanilla than into kinks. Lot of cuddling, kissing and holding hands. 🤔 What you think?

I love this question. Sanji is also my fav- you have good taste.

Okay, buckle up, folks—I've put some serious thought into this, and here comes a full-blown essay.

First off, I’m convinced Sanji is a virgin. Hear me out. I think even Oda might’ve hinted at this somewhere? The guy’s all about the romance of the relationship, not the deed itself. His intensity about love probably scares off anyone looking for casual fun. Add to that his chronic nosebleeds at even the hint of affection or attraction—it’s safe to say it takes someone very special to get over him losing his entire supply of blood through his nose to get to that level.

But let’s talk about Sanji as a lover. The man is a giver, full stop. His happiness comes from making you happy, no matter the lengths he has to go to. Sanji’s the kind of guy who could literally lose himself in your pleasure—like, "Oh, you’re enjoying this? Great, I’m done!" He’s probably the type to cum in his pants while he’s focusing on you.

In the early stages of your relationship, Sanji would be laser-focused on perfecting his technique. Picture him pouring over every guide, every book, every questionable magazine he can find to up his game. And don’t think he’d stop there—oh no, this man would shamelessly eavesdrop on his fellow crew members for tips. And yes, I absolutely believe he’d practice on a half-eaten peach in the privacy of his room. (RIP peaches, forever ruined for him he can't go near them without his pants tightening .)

Being the hopeless romantic he is, Sanji’s all about slow burns. He’d wait until marriage, all while showering you with kisses and cuddles—he thrives on emotional and physical connection. That said, if you weren’t a virgin, he’d be down for a little extra physical affection before marriage and the big event (cue eyebrow waggle). He wouldn’t mind your past; he’d just be thrilled to share this new chapter with you. And hey, if you’ve got pointers? Even better. Sanji’s a fast learner with a willingness to please.

Now, if you were a virgin, Sanji would handle it with the utmost care. This man would be terrified of messing it up and you never want him to touch you again (I feel like this is the biggest fear for him getting physical with you, that and hurting your even the slightest bit). Hence lots of prep, oils, and constant check-ins to make sure everything feels just right. He’d follow your instructions to the letter, treating the whole experience like a sacred ritual.

Now for the spicy part: fetishes.

I’m torn here. On one hand, I could see Sanji keeping things vanilla—classic positions, whatever works best for you, with a side of soul-stirring romance. But let’s not forget, this man is also prone to dramatic flair. I wouldn’t be shocked if he pulled out some next-level One Piece tantric lovemaking just to keep things interesting.

On the kinkier side, I think a breeding kink might be on the table. Sanji dreams of a big, loud, loving family, and the "practice makes perfect" mindset tracks perfectly with his character. Beyond that, he’d be open to experimenting—but with clear boundaries. Anything involving harm or discomfort? Absolutely off-limits. Sanji wants you happy and safe, always. Nothing you do or say will persuade him. Side note thought - he would be very down to mark you up with hickeys, something that doesn't hurt you but tells everyone your his really hits his possessive needs.

That said… I do get strong "step on me, mommy" vibes from him. Just putting it out there. Take that as you will.

At the end of the day, Sanji is all about love, care, and devotion. Whether he’s cooking for you, cuddling with you, or, ahem, other things *wink wink*, he’s 100% in. He lives to see you happy, and your joy and pleasure is the greatest reward for this passionate, hopeless romantic man.

[perfectlyoongi]

LONG-DISTANCE!TAEHYUNG who didn’t believe in long-distance relationships until he met you. how was it possible to maintain a loving relationship when kilometers separated you? how could you show love and devotion if you were separated by screens? it was impossible to love someone you had never been with. it was impossible to love someone without really knowing them. so how were people falling into this trap and deluding themselves with fake love? how co— wait. but you… you were different, weren’t you? you managed to attract Taehyung. you managed to make Taehyung question his entire sense of reality. but you weren’t there. you were in another world. but still… in a way, you. “tell me what spell you cast on me. i want to get rid of this curse and talk to you again without thinking about how much i need to be with you.”

LONG-DISTANCE!TAEHYUNG who always has a virtual date planned for you every month. Taehyung was a romantic by nature and, with you two being worlds apart, he had to find another way to express all his love and devotion to you. thank god there are several museums with online visits; thank god there were chat rooms with different games for you; thank god we lived in a time where the internet was the answer to all our prayers. once a month, Taehyung would take you to see and experience the world without leaving the comfort of your home, always guaranteeing and promising that one day all those experiences of yours would be lived in person next to him. “today we see this museum through our screens, but there will be a day when i will be able to take a photo of you next to your favorite piece of art just so you can see which of you is truly a masterpiece.”

LONG-DISTANCE!TAEHYUNG who writes down all the dreams he has about you in a notebook. Taehyung’s mind was in constant motion when he slept, taking him on complex adventures and strange expeditions. and, in so many wild dreams, it was almost a certainty that you would pay Taehyung one or two visits; and it was these adventures that Taehyung remember the most, sharing some of the happiness he had felt in the dream in real life. but the dreams were so many and quite confusing that before telling you, Taehyung needed to write down each moment of the dream in a notebook, making sure that nothing was missed and that everything was perfectly clarified. “this dream is going to be a little confusing, so pay attention. you were at the top of one of egypt’s pyramids, but instead of sand there was only water. so, i showed up there in a little hot air balloon and…”

LONG-DISTANCE!TAEHYUNG who becomes desperate with the distance between you. Taehyung swore he would start banging his head against the walls just to ease the pain he felt in his chest. why were you so far away? what cruelty did Taehyung do in a past life to be suffering immensely in this reality? would the gods be upset that Taehyung loved you more than they loved their immortality? were the stars jealous of all the memories you shared from past lives? would the universe itself be resentful because your and Taehyung’s love was purer than any of its creations? how could Taehyung live every day if you were so far away from him? he just wanted to hug you, kiss you, hold you in his arms, make you happy and make you feel loved and important. and he only wanted you. there. beside him. in this life. was this too much to ask for? “i swear to you that i’m this close to getting on a plane to go see you. i don’t care about my work and i don’t care about my friends. i just want you, i just need you. urgently.”

LONG-DISTANCE!TAEHYUNG who never says goodbye to you. it was a small habit of Taehyung’s, a small detail that always weighed on your mind: why did he never say goodbye to you when you finished talking? when you realized this little curiosity, you went to talk to Taehyung, a little interested in the possible answer he could give you. but, out of so many scenarios you created in your mind, none of them matched the reality of the facts. it was with a serious and expressionless look, completely offended by your question, that Taehyung answered you, giving a little clarity to your heart. “our story is not over yet. why should i say goodbye to it?”

LONG-DISTANCE!TAEHYUNG who offers you a stuffed bear and a bottle of his perfume. when the distance was crueler and there was a need to feel close to each other, Taehyung would ask you to spray the stuffed bear he offered you with his perfume. in a way, that idea of Taehyung managed to deceive your poor heart; when you hugged that bear with Taehyung’s scent, your heart fell into the illusion that you were next to Taehyung and, for small seconds, everything was okay. “i know i’m far away, that’s why i offer you this bear. it may not be very big, but when you spray my perfume, it becomes part of me.”

LONG-DISTANCE!TAEHYUNG who bought you a weekend in your dream city to meet you for the first time. when Taehyung showed you your flight tickets for the same day and the same city, you didn’t understand his idea; it took Taehyung to say that he would wait for you for you to understand that small gesture from him. he had remembered that city you so wanted to visit. not only that, but he also remembered the dates of your vacation. and booked a short stay in that city on your vacations. a stay with Taehyung. you were going to be together for the first time in that city that called you so much. your dream was about to begin. “just a few more weeks, my love, and then we can be infinite.”

[gaymurdersalad]

[ HOWDY Y’ALL! WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A FUN BROADCAST!

If you haven’t noticed, it’s pride month! That means we’re legally allowed to be gay for an entire month before we have to disappear into our burrows once more! To celebrate the occasion, I decided to do a fun little pride post! ]

[ I’ve gathered all the little fuckers in The Void to poke and prod at them like zoo animals. In other words, I figure they all have some neat identities and wouldn’t mind being interrogated in honor of pride month. I’ll go ahead and turn it over to them, but I’ll say now, no matter how much they kick and scream, I am definitely NOT holding them at gunpoint! This workspace is… definitely OSHA approved. Don’t let them tell you otherwise. Have attem! ]

> This is fucking stupid. Stop waving that gun at me. I’m talking.

> My identity isn’t anything special. I’m just some guy who decided he was a guy way later than everyone else did. I don’t really give a damn what pronouns people use on me because usually they just end up avoiding me at all costs or scampering away like frightened animals.

> I’m bisexual, is that anything? But, like, only bisexual in a sexual way. I could not fucking fathom living a long prosperous life with anyone. How the hell are you supposed to enjoy someone for that long? Getting married seems like a scam. I bet it is. I bet it’s like the invention of Valentine’s Day for greeting card companies. You’re not actually supposed to be in love with someone for that long, it just doesn’t seem possible.

> … My marriage with Dave does not count, that wasn’t an officiated wedding. I’m fairly certain he fished those rings out of a water fountain and pawned his dress off a hooker. I do vividly recall dumpster diving for my tuxedo.

> Uhhhhhh wuh? Hmmmm, I’onno what the hell I am, Old Sport! Fuck!

> Shit, I guess I like everyone. A hole’s a hole. Why the fuck would I discriminate? I think I got a preference for men though! They’re so fuckin’ easy to romance! Unless they’re the likes of Sportsy, then it’s the hardest goddamn thing you’ll ever seduce. He gets real gay when he’s on acid, but then again, I get real gay on cocaine. Man, our wedding was immaculate. Imma tell our kids about it one day!

> Likewise, I’ll be any gender you fuckin’ want me to be. I got like, pocket gender, I can just whip it out on request. Want me to be a dude? Fuck yeah, alright. Want me to be a pretty lady? No goddamn problem at all! I can be both at the same time or one more than the other— who gives a shit? I’m just havin’ fun.

> Good fucking lord, really? That shotgun does not scare me, you orange fool—

> … I have a complicated identity. As any other living organism does.

> I have found that over the years I do not experience sexual attraction and that I experience little to no romantic attraction. I only recall feeling romantically attracted to one person in my entire life. I doubt it will happen again. > And it may seem, uhm... Embarrassing, but I do deviate from your traditional "man's man". In laymen's terms, I do not feel particularly drawn to being male. I am very certain I was born with the intention of being a man, but my mind has refused to accept it. I am not sure why. Instead of feeling like a proper bloke, I feel rather empty. If I could have it my way, I would be some... human silhouette rather than a full fledged man. I do not know. This is idiotic. > I cringe every time someone addresses me in a masculine way. I wish I could simply have no pronouns. I can deal with them because I am indeed a grown ass... person, but I just wish it were not so. Whatever. I am done complaining.

> Oh! That’s very simple, this is really easy.

> I literally don’t have anything going for me at all.

> What with the entire fabric of time being on my shoulders and all, I don’t even think about gender or romance much. I do love being a girl! It’s one of the things I miss most about being alive, actually. Pretty dresses, playing with makeup in the bathroom, trying to curl my hair without burning my scalp— I mean, it sounds horrendous sometimes, but you can’t beat it. Feeling alive and content in your own skin. Just one of those precious things that spawned from the chance of life.

> … Uhm, Uhhh… Men.

> Yeah. I Like Them. I Think… Yes, I Could Probably Date A Man Or Two. I Don’t Know, Employee, Why Did You Pull Me Out Here? You Know I Have Copious Paperwork To Do! Some @$!# $#*@ Kid Just Fell Into The Ball Pit And Got Mauled Jaws-Style And His Parents Are Really Grilling Us For It. Dumb&@#*s, It’s Not My Fault Their Kid Heeded The Call Of The Sirens. I Swear, This Job Is Going To Kill Me Or Force My Hand Into Becoming The Next Purple Guy—

> extremely in love with my wife and my gender!

> it was actually very cute how we met, employee. have i ever told you? heh heh, we met in highschool. she was on the football team and i was a cheerleader, can you believe that? oh, i was head over heels for her instantly. she was strong, she was quick thinking, she was so hecking beautiful, employee… i never got to tell her how i felt while we were in highschool, but we were good friends. very good friends. come a few years later, some old buddies of ours want to have a get together and dish it out like old times… go vandalize and drive off into the sunset in the back of a pickup truck sipping on horrendously cheap beer and laughing off our university work or our jobs. when i get to our spot, though, i see her. i’d recently wised up to my gender, y’know, had my hair cut and fresh scars on my chest, so suffice to say i looked nothing like i did when i cheered for her during football season. she’d done the same, employee— she grew out her hair to the middle of her back in such beautiful dark curls, her bangs tied back so every inch of her perfect face could glimmer underneath the neon lights of the derelict bowling alley we’d found ourselves in. she looked at me, and i sensed instant recognition. she smiled through her bright red lipgloss and rushed up to me, wrapping me up in a hug, and i swear, she hadn’t lost any of those muscles— almost broke my ribs!

> the rest of the night, we were so… comfortable together. sure, during highschool we were close, but without saying a single word about what happened to us between then and now, we understood, and employee— i think it brought us closer. it was around three in the morning while we sat around a bonfire with the rest of our buddies when she layed her head on my shoulder and i felt an unfathomable warmth. i knew i wanted her for the rest of my life.

> … i just love her so much, employee.

> oh ok

> its rlly whatever. any pronouns any gender anybody who wants me. who cares

> oh i do have a preference for girls. theyre pretty. if you disagree u are not blessed enough to be loved by gods best creation and ur pissed about it. i can tell

> what if i was actually catholic would that be fucked up or what

> …

> … I cannot… physically stress how abhorrent sexuality is to me. What… What an utterly damning notion. Someone’s greedy hands cursing you and plaguing your with their own dirty human desires. How disrespectful. How… invasive. Why on Earth would it be my responsibility to supply someone with something to love? Am I really subject to whatever the hell people think of me? Whether they “love” me or perceive me as some… some man, some object of attraction? Disgusting.

> If I could shed every trace of a sex or gender from my loathed corpse, I would. Often times I lay awake at night and consider skinning myself for the hell of it. I’ve related this to David and he said I sounded “fuckin’ insane”. Stupid bastard. I want to be a skeleton. I wanna be a fucking skeleton! Pretty and thin and not alive whatsoever! God damn this accursed body and its… rancid flesh and unidentifiable mystery goop. Ugh. Ugh!!!! God, the biggest blight on my “life” was being cursed with gender!

> I was born as a female which was just laughably wrong, then I recall amending that and trying to become a man, but none of it worked. All of it sucked. All of it was wretched. The ideal form is a ghost or ghoul or skeletal figure. You can’t romance a ghost or ghoul or skeletal figure. Can’t have sex with that. Unless you’re really, really determined. I don’t think even David could be that serious about his sexuality.

> … I… Hope. Oh dear. Oh god, I really am unsafe from the horrors of this world. God, I wish that bear had taken me out before I showed him to his grave.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Tonight I feel more sad than angry 😞

We did some work with switching rooms around and talked a little more. It’s so hard because I can see he’s still the same person, but the relationship changed.

He said he started feeling like roommates back in November 😞 I don’t understand why other than lack of sex. But I guess that’s always my issue. Sex is so much more important to others than it is to me 😞 he said it didn’t have as much to do with me working so much and more to do with the fact that he had time to think about his attraction

He said that he IS still attracted to me, but that he needs space to figure out his sexuality. That he’s still not totally sure he’s 100% gay (but like, if you’re that concerned about…that would mean he likely is, right? 😞). He said he isn’t sure if we will stay together. I didn’t ask if that meant he would want us to work on our relationship.

He still hasn’t answered me about if he’s still romantically attracted to me 😞 no answer Is probably an answer, but if he’s truly still working out his thoughts, I don’t know.

In the most desperate of thoughts, I think we could do this “roommate” thing if he still found me attractive and there was still romance. But the relationship would entirely have to change. Eventually he would start dating or experimenting or whatever with men and I’d just have to let it happen. That’s so painful. I don’t want to be secondary to him. I want to be like we were before 😞

I just don’t see myself having something like this again. Maybe the universe will surprise me, but I looked at bumble and I looked at some of the Ace websites… even in the Ace world, I’m not seeing a whole ton of romantic (experiences romantic attraction). It’s mostly aromantics (doesn’t experience romantic attraction). And I want someone who loves me and is attracted to me. I just don’t want to have sex.

So in those desperate moments, I think it could work. If he doesn’t want sex with a woman, and I don’t want sex with anyone, and if he is still in love with me or wants to be again…

But when it comes down to it, im going to have to let all the way go. And right now, M is doing nothing but making me more confused.

I don’t know if we are separated or not. But I think at the very least, we need a trial separation. Where we’re both free to explore. But I can’t do that if he’s living with me. But I’m so afraid if he moves to his moms, he will eventually not help me with rent. I’d say I’m afraid he’ll finally leave, but that’s what’s ultimately happening, right?

I don’t think I understand relationships because this keeps happening. The romantic part just dies.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

So I’m kinda curious, I know you said you are not much of a shipping person (aside from like SkSw Zelink and Miphlink) but are there any of the popular ships that stand out either as ones you think are cute or ones you really do not like?

Hmmm 🤔 I’m fairly neutral or just meh about most, but I guess there are a few that stand out? Or maybe I should just list my opinions on the major ones I know of?

BotW Zelink - I don’t mind it post Calamity. Not really into it pre-calamity, it feels like it’s at the expense of a relationship that’s already there (Mipha and Link). But dang the two definitely would be close after the calamity, given that they’re the only ones who have such a shared experience. I could see it being romantic or platonic, and there’s kind of a heavy leaning towards romantic but then totk also makes it seem platonic sometimes too?? Whatever. Nintendo likes to be vague (except Skyward Sword, let’s be real, nothing about that was vague lol), but I can see it happening after everything.

Midlink - I think it’s sweet. I think in canon Link’s most likely gonna either be with Ilia or someone we don’t even see in the game as he travels, but Midna definitely could’ve had a chance with him if there’d been more time for them. They had good chemistry, and the physical attraction was clearly there when Link saw her true form.

OoT Zelink - Nope. Especially Adult Timeline, absolutely not. It’s a pet peeve of mine that people ship this Link with anyone in the Adult Timeline - he is a child in a teenager’s body. NO. Sure, his body might be attracted to people, but his brain sure ain’t figuring it out, and anybody who wants to explore that just… no. NO. As for Child Timeline, I feel like this Link has a hard time reconciling what happened, has a hard time letting go, and would therefore have a really difficult time separating Child Timeline Zelda from Adult Timeline Zelda and that would lead to too many mixed feelings. I can’t see them getting together. This ship is either entirely one sided (I can 100% see Adult Timeline Zelda romanticizing the Hero she’s been waiting for before she really realizes that he’s still a kid, if she ever realizes it) or nonexistent.

Malink - I quite like it. I honestly didn’t really see it in the game, there’s like… enough for it to happen, I guess, but admittedly Linked Universe has made me biased. But given that it’s heavily implied TP Link and OoT Link are related, and TP Link knows Epona’s song, and Malon was a friend of Link’s, and she talks of marrying a knight in shining armor, and Shade is a knight in shining armor… I can put two and two together. And I think they’d be cute together.

Sidlink - Just… why. I get that half the fandom is in love with Sidon, so they project that, but good grief. Link was engaged to his sister. That’s some Hamlet level incest nonsense there. Link may not remember Mipha all that well but Sidon freaking does. Just because the dude is ridiculously sweet and supportive to literally everyone and about literally everything doesn’t mean he’s romantically inclined towards everyone. He’s a golden retriever, there are two brain cells firing between those fins, let the man just be happy and vibe, good grief. I had this opinion before totk came out, and then the addition of Yona made me laugh because I knew the fandom would blow up about it, but she’s honestly really sweet and good for him - I loved when she called him out to help him, she’s a good wife, I like her 😤

Uh… I think those are all the popular ships I have any kind of actual opinions about? Aside from Skyward Sword Zelink and Miphlink, love them both, mwuah. The rest I’m just meh. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly, I’m very inclined to say that just because two people share oxygen together doesn’t mean they’re gonna fall in love. Just because two people might have some chemistry doesn’t mean they’re gonna fall in love. And just because two hormonal teenagers think each other is hot does not mean they’re gonna end up together. But since romance is such a huge thing in fandoms and in our culture, and I am very much not in a romantic relationship and therefore the culture makes me feel like my life is incomplete, I am not very inclined to get into shipping all that much (translation: sometimes shipping is downright annoying to me, and I hate it when fandoms ship characters together just because they like each other as if other relationships can’t even exist or be meaningful), even the ones that I love. My biggest weakness is loving families, though, so that’s usually where I cheat lol.

[livingthedragonlife]

Arospec Awareness Week Ask Game

Back at it again, answering an entire ask game all at once, this time for Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week!

[link to the game in question]

1. Where are you on the aromantic spectrum?

I do not know <3 I have been calling myself an aromantic allosexual/aroallo or just aromantic, and I don’t really feel like I need to get more specific than that.

2. What are some other labels you have tried out?

When I discovered the term “cupioromantic” (someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction, but still wants to be in a romantic relationship), I thought it described a lot of my experiences very well. I connect to it for a lot of reasons, not just because I’m also polyamorous, but also because I’ve always been fascinated with romance and stuff, even if I don’t actually feel it. But it just never stuck? Aroallo just feels more important to me and my identity, even if cupioromantic hits a very particular part very closely. I’m comfortable just saying “I’m aromantic and polyamorous” or “I’m aromantic and in two relationships” rather than labelling it with something so specific.

3. How long have you identified as aro-spec?

Not very long! Within the last few months, I’d say.

4. How old were you when you first heard the term?

Oh man, like, high school? I’ve known ABOUT being aromantic forever, I just didn’t connect it to my own experiences until very recently.

5. Are you SAM [Split Attraction Model] or non-SAM?

Technically? I’m aromantic and bisexual, but I don’t really think about it like… a “model” or anything. I’m just who I am.

6. Do you wear a white ring?

No, but I wear a lot of other rings though.

7. Are you out?

I don’t “come out” anymore. If someone asks, I will tell them, but I’m not in the business of making a big presentation of it.

8. What are some aro headcanons you have?

Uhhh I don’t really have many headcanons in general. I just make OCs when I want representation lmao

more under the cut!

9. Are you romance favorable, indifferent, adverse, or repulsed?

Favorable, for sure. Romance and love to me is just a social shorthand to say, “I can about someone very much and want them in my life long-term.” Whether or not that’s what everyone else means when they say, “I love you,” that’s what I mean. Regardless of whether or not I feel the “romance” feeling, I still care a lot about my partners and friends.

10. Are you in a QPR [Queer-Platonic Relationship]? Do you want one?

I’m a relationship anarchist, so maybe? The label doesn’t matter to me so much as the negotiation, but I have been craving some flavor of FWB lately, and like… the concept of “sexual love” compels me a lot. A relationship that’s based almost entirely on sex and sexual attraction, without the need for romance or even platonic attraction, but is still very emotionally intimate. Idk. If that’s a QPR then yes.

11. Are you in a romantic relationship? Do you want one?

I’m in two! Polyamorous aromanticism!!! Two is enough for me though, I can’t imagine trying to schedule a third long-term partner into this.

12. Tag at least one aro-spec blogger on tumblr to help grow connections

I’m going to tag some specifically aroallo bloggers who really helped me when I was figuring out my stuff: @alloaroworlds @loveless-arobee @arosunflower

13. Do you know any facts about aro history?

I knew about the aro white ring/ace black ring thing, which is very cute, but honestly not really. I am very new to the scene and don’t know a ton about aromanticism in history.

14. What piece of media that you like has a canon aro-spec character?

My own books. I don’t know dsafsgdhfjg

15. What’s your ideal friendship?

I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it. Someone who is nice to me and we can do fun activities together. Someone who I can invite to lunch and we can hang out and go look at various stores. I do miss having IRL friends I could lay my head on or be casually touchy with. Idk “ideal” is such a hard thing for me, nobody is ever going to live up to my ultimate expectations. Everyone is different and experiences friendship differently. I’d rather have like… the best possible relationships with each individual person, rather than look for The Ultimate Friend.

16. Did you have a good discount chocolate day? (the day after Valentine’s Day)

I got so much fucking chocolate. A traditional chocolate heart and two giant Hershey kisses. I ate it all within like three days and it was awesome.

17. What are some issues you have faced from being aro-spec? (if you’re comfortable answering)

Well, it was pretty difficult to explain to my alloromantic partners that I do not and have never been romantically attracted to them, but don’t worry about it we can still be dating. For obvious reasons, it took some explanation and working out what our relationship(s) are going to be going forward. It was difficult to articulate what I felt, because it’s hard to describe a lack of a feeling.

I used to feel really guilty when I didn’t feel the “correct feelings” toward my partners, and I thought it made me a bad person. I thought it meant that I’d have to break up with them, because obviously a romantic relationship can’t exist without romance, right? But that idea made me upset, so I concluded that the panic and sadness I felt at the thought of breaking up with my partners was romantic attraction. I convinced myself that as long as I got sad at the idea of losing someone important to me, that it meant I was in love. It was not healthy, and it didn’t make me feel any better!!! I was still monumentally stressed and guilty about how I felt (or the lack of how I felt), and I used to spend hours second-guessing myself about whether or not I was being a shit partner for not having the correct emotions. It was exhausting and I’m glad I don’t have to do that anymore.

18. What are some positive experiences you have had from being aro-spec?

Being able to free myself from the chains of other people’s definitions. I don’t have any requirements for my relationships, nothing but what me and the other person involved agree. I can feel how I feel without shame, I can embrace new kinds of relationships and explore myself more honestly. I don’t have to panic about being a bad person every fucking day. Being aromantic is one of the best things to ever happen to me.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for kind of being a homewrecker?

some background: i (22f) met this guy (23m, let’s call him rick) freshman year of college, four years ago. we became really close really fast, and we basically had all the same friends (we went to a very small school, it’s hard not to be friends with most people). unfortunately i took a year off of school after freshman year, so i kind of lost contact with all my college friends. when i came back, my friends and i reconnected immediately, but especially rick. we uh… sorta made plans to hook up at that point (we were horny and dumb and mutually attracted enough), but we got to my room and we kissed (which was my first kiss) but it was bad and i changed my mind before anything happened. the thing is, we were still friends after that, and he even told me that he was in love with me and thought that i might fall in love with him. he’s also said multiple times since then that he was being idiotic and that would have been terrible for us, and i agree, so we’re both glad that nothing happened. but since we were now in different grades, we weren’t as close friends, so that year passed without further incident.

fast forward a year (my junior year, his senior) and suddenly we’re getting closer again— we’re in a mutual club and therefore hang out a lot more. i realize at some point in november that oh shit, i have a crush on him. (sidenote— i don’t have crushes. i’d never been in love. ive realized since this that i think i might be on the aromantic/demiromantic spectrum, and i’ve always just said i’m queer because i… have had a very queer experience wrt my romantic/sexual feelings. sooooo.. this was weird). i mention this to another friend, and she informs me that rick had started dating someone.

oof.

so i don’t act on my feelings and hope that they go away. (spoiler: they don’t.) in january we hung out with a group of friends almost nightly. and rick and i flirt. oh god, do we flirt. but i didn’t even notice— that’s just the way that i interact with people, and he mirrors how people around him behave, so it was just a feedback loop of flirting while one of us was in a relationship! and the worst part is that is girlfriend (i’ll call her anne) was peripherally in the friend group; she hung out with the group sometimes, but not super often.

so obviously, a couple of our more perceptive friends tell us to shut the hell up and stop it. at this point i think, you know what? i’ll just avoid him. this lasted about two days, and then one of our mutual friends (i’ll call him joe) tells me i need to talk to rick. he can’t tell me why but i just need to talk to him.

so i text rick and i set up a time to talk to him, which i’m sure was scary for him, but i say him down and told him that we need to stop, because he’s in a relationship and it’s entirely inappropriate and i’m in love with him and he’s my best friend and i don’t want to lose him. and then he laughs. he told me then that he thought i was gonna yell at him to dump anne, because he had told joe that he wasn’t in love with her and never had been. and he thought joe had told me that so i could knock some sense into him.

so uh… he told me that he was going to break up with anne that night. (which, btw, was 2 days after valentine’s day. ouch.) he also said that that didn’t mean anything for us, but… the next day we hung out one on one all day, and then the next day, and then the whole weekend, aaaaand it was kind of a relationship. we started dating. it moved very fast, because we were already friends and we had already talked about sex in the past.

the thing that really pisses me off, though, is that another mutual friend threatened to tell anne about rick and i, so rick had to tell her at a really inopportune time instead of later. she was fine about the breakup before that, but after that she was clearly pissed, and ignored us both for the rest of the year. if it hadn’t happened that way i really think that we could’ve stayed friends, or at least stayed civil, but the way that it happened is still really upsetting to me. rick and i have been dating for almost six months now, and we’re really perfect for each other and i honestly expect to spend my life with him, but the way that it started was just such a mess and it still haunts me sometimes.

(to be clear: rick never cheated on anne. he’s been cheated on before, and has a bit of trauma in regards to that. cheating is just not a possibility for him.)

so… i know that i’m probably an asshole here, but… idk. should it bother me this much? or was it more justified than i think it was?

What are these acronyms?

[dandelion-skies]

ADHD is weird bc like

“Im going to take away all of your emotional permanence! Your concept of emotions will be the same as that of a baby playing peekaboo”

So you work on it. Because it’s not fun living like that! I quite like the emotional permanence, than you very much. Knowing and remembering how I feel about things is in fact, quite important to me.

BUT I FORGOT THAT TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, ATTRACTION IS A FORM OF EMOTION TOO. Do you know how annoying that is?

Imagine you’re me. Closeted. Spent years trying to figure out what I exactly I am, and after some life events finally figured out their gender. Because gender is permanent, you live with it inside of you.

But sexual and romantic orientation? That’s a force outside of you! Something that only happens through interaction with certain people! Now I figured out years ago I was asexual, and this has been a mostly unwavering piece of knowledge since. But because I don’t have the experience of finding people I barely know physically attractive, I had nothing to remind me of what romance meant to me.

I’m still entirely unsure of how other people experience romance, but I suppose I’m demiromantic. I’ve had crushes before, though few and far between, and only on people I was already close to platonically. And now, with the digital age, I’m not seeing these friends frequently enough to solidify my emotions about them. Yes, talking online is great, if it’s continual and in depth, nothing that I do with any of my in person friends. So I go through the summer, not seeing my friends because they’re back at home now. Away from university, away from me. And I miss them, I know that. The memories with them feel nice!

But by the time summer has finished I’ve created somewhat… false ideas of them in my head. False ideas of myself, too. I think of them as being different to how they actually are. Not bad, just maybe emphasising some of their traits.

And as for me? Spending the summer at home, closeted, my brother calling me gay constantly to poke fun and me having to deny it because the last time I tried coming out it really didn’t go down so well- I almost convince myself that I’m straight! I think to myself, “well, I could probably learn to love a boy. Surely there’s things about it that I wouldn’t find so terrible.” I even choose a boy to try and like. I try and imagine dates, and romance, and even, just for the sake of testing it, naked.

I try and ignore the repulsion I feel as I push the girl I definitely DONT have a crush on to the back of my mind. She and I aren’t compatible anyway. We’re too different! Plus, I feel very strongly that I would like to share things I enjoy, like baking and video games and rollercoasters, and she doesn’t like baking or rollercoasters. It’s an illogical crush, so I should ignore it and choose a logical one.

So, fast forward, and I see both parties in person. The boy, whom I invite over to bake with me, play video games with, and talk about how much we both enjoyed rollercoasters at this particular theme park. My three uncompromisables, if you will.

(I recognise that they’re quite inane things to not compromise on, but they’re important to me!)

This boy is perfect! My family all think we’re going to profess undying love for each other and get married one day, but I say goodbye and I’m left with a nauseating feeling of recognition that there is an expectation with him that there will be romance. Even if not from him, from my family.

On the other hand, I see the girl. And she’s perfect. Every imperfection about her is perfect. Beautiful. I can’t take my eyes off her, and I just know she knows I’m staring. I try and joke about it, fake flirt! Apologise a bit for the fake flirting- but I’m still transfixed. I’m angry that we aren’t alone, that there are other people around us, and I just keep staring and staring and listening to her voice and watching the way she stands. Okay, maybe that sounds a tad bit creepy. And I’m trying not to be! And we shop for some food together, and she buys instant meals. And I ask her if she likes rollercoasters, and she tells me she’s terrified of them. It’s irrational to like her! I know that the relationship probably wouldn’t work out, so it’s not worth pursuing. But by god does it feel so different to boys! It feels electric and real and brilliant and emotional.

But most of all, I’m not left with that numb nausea, the confused pleading with myself after I try and like a boy. And then it’s all followed up by some sort of hyperfixation on my sexuality like I need to know all about it and make it me again before I forget.

Of course, this post is about ADHD and I did derail a bit, but can you really blame me? Consider the subject matter. And I’ll consider my audience too. I write too much.

The tl;dr is, adhd made me forget I was a lesbian. Pretty girl reminded me.

[beneathashadytree]

Hi maya hope your doing well. Im not sure whether or not this follows the request rules so feel free to not write it. But could you do headcanons of the stardust crusaders with a member who comes from Egypt along with Avdol. As an Egyptian I thought this would be a cool idea .

ONE OF US - STARDUST CRUSADERS X READER

Warnings : none I think, the reader’s age changes according to the character, this can be read as platonic or romantic I think, this is not proofread, reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : fluff

Word count : 0.9K words

Additional notes : Hi nonnie! It took me so long to get to this because my requests weren’t opened when you sent it in. I’m an Egyptian myself, so this was especially fun to write! Hope you like this 💗

Tip jar if you’d like to buy me a Ko-Fi!

Masterlist

Now, Jotaro’s pretty much the definition of “Don’t care, didn’t ask”

It’s not that he genuinely doesn’t care out of callousness, but he simply doesn’t feel like it affects him much, nor does it cause any difference in the way he treats them

He does secretly enjoy the fact that they’re closer in age, and so finds it easier to come to them and listen to their tips and tricks for not getting swindled or lost in Cairo

They know the fastest routes to take, the cheapest but best kebda w sogo’ stands, and the most laidback ahwa shops for them to enjoy when they’re resting between stops; something Jotaro greatly appreciates

Stressed as he is, Jotaro can’t deny the fact that he feels his heart twitch in his chest with fondness whenever they share a few drags of shisha at night amidst the bustle of the city

Kakyoin’s usual nonchalance is curbed aside, since his curiosity and inquisitive nature pull him to them

He wants to learn more about their customs and traditions; wants to understand their lifestyle and try his best to fit in—and what better way to do that than to turn to the person who indulges him on his every whim?

Perhaps it’s because Kakyoin happens to be a good listener that they find themself going off on a tangent about how the nightlife comes alive in certain areas for “propriety”, and how revolutionaries wait patiently for their time before the country collapses and carry it on their shoulders, and so much more

When he isn’t keenly absorbing all that information, he’s asking them to teach him how to play tawla, and reveling in the feeling of slowly getting better at the game

He does feel a certain warmth in his face and tummy when he sees the proud smile on their face as they observe him picking up on everything they teach him

Polnareff didn’t care either, but for an entirely different reason: he was set on wooing them eitherways

He’d try to charm them with all the weapons he had in his arsenal, but for an Egyptian who’s so used to it, it’s kind of hard to impress them with flowery words and gestures

What does win them over is his chivalry, which flatters them more than anything; something they intend to repay by taking them to the most affordable but comfortable accommodations they know, which Polnareff is thrilled by

Given his friendship with Avdol, Polnareff definitely goes to them to learn Egyptian cursewords so he can exasperate the man even more (“Erm, pardon, but why does this one refer to someone’s mother’s genitals—“)

Seeing how reliable they are in their current setting definitely endears them even more to him, because it’s well-known that Polnareff finds strength and kindness immensely attractive

Avdol’s pretty much internally weeping with relief at the fact that he’s got another Egyptian with him, given the fact that the others have probably publicly humiliated him on more than one occasion with their lack of awareness

It’s safe to say that there’s a very high possibility that Avdol comes out of this experience with them permanently by his side—and whether as a lifelong friend, or as a permanent partner, it’s entirely up to them

They just get each other; he knows just when they need to take a break from guiding the others and need to unwind with a few cups of shay be laban with him, he knows when they want to cuss out the entire trip in the filthiest choice of words to the one man who can laugh with them, and he knows when they wish to indulge in some termes bel shatta by the Nile Corniche, happily munching and spitting out the shells as they trek closer to the mansion

Avdol’s finely attuned to their wants and needs, and they do the same to him—something that pulls forth all the affections he has burrowed in his chest, and he finds himself enjoying the way they dote on him with twinkling eyes and a knowing smile

The feeling that they’re always sharing an inside joke is what makes Cairo feel more like home than ever, and Avdol doesn’t want to let go of that feeling any time soon

Joseph is… definitely a handful, given that he sometimes unknowingly acts like a typical white old man, whose actions can sometimes come across as tone-deaf or thoughtless

They do know that he doesn’t mean it, though, and that he’s actively trying to unlearn the stereotypes he’s used to, so they take the time to patiently teach him all the right customs and traditions, and correct him on his misconceptions

It’s their kindness that touches him the most; their almost-selflessness shows him just how much they care about him, especially when it’s something as simple as finding him his favorite beer in an obscure Drinkies shop, or replacing his tattered gloves with handmade leather ones from El Wekala

Knowing the city like the back of their hand also increases Joseph’s soft spot for them, seeing as how he tends to get lost among the similar looking streets and hawary, and they always drag him back via the most accessible shortcuts

Joseph smiles wistfully as he sees their youthfulness and the way their presence brightens their dreary group just a little more, and he loses himself in whatever they drag him into, knowing he’d love it anyways

Kebda w sogo’ : liver and sausage

Ahwa : coffee

Shisha : hookah

Tawla : traditional Egyptian board game

Shay be laban : tea with milk

Termes bel shatta : lupin beans with chili

Drinkies : popular alcohol shop

El Wekala : famous place for thrifting clothes and handmade items

Hawary : alleys

Taglist: @blondeboyfriend @mrsgiovanna @boorishbrambling

[radicalrefrigerator]

Happy International Asexuality Day to all aces in the world! Unfortunately, I'm late, I woke up this morning and realized I'd missed it- which is sad, because the day means a lot to me. I've been thinking a lot today, though, and had some things I wanted to say. 

Don’t let anyone ever tell you, “You’re too young to know.” You’re not. I’ve known for years I was aroace, before I had the terms to explain it, before I’d come to terms with it. I first learned what asexuality was from a friend on discord. They explained the meaning of the labels, and that it could be me. For a whole other year, I still didn’t accept it. I continued to believe there was something wrong with me, I was still young, I hadn’t found the right person, etc. Yet, the whole time, I knew it at the back of my mind.

Now, it’s been 2 years since I spiralled in my thoughts so much I stayed awake the entire night, and by the time it was morning, I’d accepted I was aroace. A lot of people would probably tell me it’s not that deep, but at the time, it was really difficult for me to come to terms with. I’ve never come out to someone who wasn’t accepting- I came out to a few of my friends immediately once I’d realized, all of them queer, and they were nothing but proud of me. It’s been more of an internal journey for me. 

It’s been 2 years. When I realized I was aroace, I was 14. I’m still young, but I know myself better now. I’ve matured, and I’m old enough to know for sure now. I’m aroace, and that’s probably not going to change- it’s who I am, and I would know if I wasn’t. So whatever your age is- don't let anyone tell you asexuality isn't a real thing, that you're making it up, or that you're too young to know. I knew when I was 12, listening to my friends talk about their crushes, and just quietly giggling here and there when I felt like it was on cue, but never actually saying anything, because I didn’t know where to fit into the conversation. Even fictional crushes were absolutely foreign to me. I knew when I discovered the song “Mad at Disney” and would sing “What the hell is love supposed to feel like?” over and over. I still don’t. And that’s okay. 

I can’t relate to every aromantic or asexual experience I’ve read on the internet or heard from friends. A lot of my inner struggle comes from the fact that most of my life, I’ve wanted love. I never actively searched for it, but in my head, I romanticized it. The idea of dates, holding hands, kissing and sex all sounded really great to me on paper and in books and TV shows and fanfiction but when the idea actually started being presented to me I found myself dodging it subconsciously. I still feel like this a lot today- but aromanticism and asexuality alike are spectrums. Desiring romantic or sexual connection, or having certain levels of attraction for people, doesn’t erase who you are <3

[lifenconcepts]

Fuckkk.. let me rant a bit here, but in my opinion, not enough fics cater to a very specific category of people that I swear there are more of us than the rest think.

Fan-works have been on the rise probably ever since the internet first began and probably even earlier, I won’t argue on that, but in my eyes it’s always been dominated by fluff and smut or porn.

The majority of people, ofcourse, experience sexual or romantic attraction and fiction is a great way to explore different aspects and fantasies with that, yet plenty of people, wether or not they’re on the spectrum of asexuality or aromantic, just don’t want that! the constant sexualisation, the constant tension the author reminds us of, the lack of platonic intimacy, and just overall too much intimacy!

Anything else, even in the specific context of these little spaces for angst and non-romantic tropes many of us love, people still find ways to incorporate such themes. It’s sickening to the core.

anyways what i wanted to ramble on wasn’t the fact that there’s too much sex and romance in things, plenty have gone over this fact I’m pretty sure, but the fact there’s generally no media catering to blatantly story-related topics.

I get the fact that fics are meant for fandoms and shit and it’s not expected to read a masterpiece anytime you open them but genuinely, how hard is it to come up with something worth telling?! It’s basically cookie cutter shit for every single fic I come across and if it weren’t for the ability to filter the results I would have long given up on this media but yet I still try. To find that gold amongst a fucking gigaton layers of dirt and hay, yk?

I could pick up a book but it wouldn’t have the same effect, would it? Sure it has all the things I probably will want, good writing, a wonderful narrator, a worthy story, but they have something I don’t want. Characters and a world that’s yet to be introduced. Do you even understand how much it requires to fully grasp it? And hell, if you’ve already got somewhat of an idea, after all that reading just to make a point, at any point they could drop some info that makes the story in your head you built up to this point redundant! That’s far too much effort and irritance just to get to the actual story. It’s much nicer to already have fleshed out characters and only puppet them to go into stories.

Yet even with all this freedom and opportunity, people just don’t seem to care about fulfilling what they can. I don’t blame them, most of these fanfic writers are ofcourse kids or very inexperienced writers, in the plan of story telling I am quite a beginner myself, but isn’t it worth it to just attempt at creating an eye catching story? I know some of you can, I’ve seen you change the damn writing right before my eyes! The sites are riddled with the same bullshit and problems that nobody else seems to recognise. Poorly worded sentences, phrases that do not comply with one another, damn claims that pretty much cancel one another out, illogical progression, slow or fast pacing, nonsensical behaviour of the characters, mischaracterisation, characters out of character, and all the fucking sorts.

I can get behind misspelled words or place holders, to have a first draft and not go back on it, jumbled and clumped together blocks of text, or even just a very simple and short text. That I entirely understand. BUT IT ISNT THAT FUCKING HARD TO TRY A BIT HARDER?

listen listen.. I am not discouraging ANYONE. Write all the shit you want as long as you want it to exist, I get that. I SUPPORT you in just bullshitting your way through an idea just because you wanna write it and see it done. It’s great to have creations you’re proud of! That’s wonderful! Like, out of all the things you could’ve done, you made something, I’m proud of you. It’s just those who think they’re hot shit for halfassing an idea and expecting praise for that that get on my nerves. Especially those who try make a living or reputation out of it. Write for fun! and if for a job, then fucking do it properly.

it just.. agh. I may just be an avid reader but it can’t be only me who noticed a good word, worthy of compliments, and people are either overly optimistic or critical about it. Nobody asked you to personally attack them, nobody asked you to read it. And for those who do read it they often come across as.. oh I don’t know the word. Snobby? Sorry, best I could do right now.

I’ve had dozens of moments where I have a wonderful little thing brewing in my head, a little “what if”, shall you call it that.. and ofcourse I don’t really want to go through the process of starting it only to give it up soon after and not even get to enjoy the full product, but as I search through each character I think would fit the narrative perfectly, nobody seems to care for that interest! Like, either there is NOTHING in the results, or a heap of things I am wildly against (say, underage or noncon. That’s way too popular. And even if I were into romance or sex that’s still a massive no-go.) and nobody ever thinks about the people in those fandoms which are like me!

I’ve read in desperation some of the most shitty pieces simply because there was nothing else on the table for me to choose from, horridly enough finishing it with an unsatisfied feeling within me, and the comments are of people freaking out and saying it’s the best shit ever. I just don’t understand that. I don’t get how such a thing can instill such joy in others and not me. And it can’t be just a me-thing as for the rare occasion, once in a fucking rainbow moon, I see people also complain on this same thing!

too much exists for the majority, and not enough detailed and well written pieces without all the unnecessary details of sex and romance. A relationship isn’t the only thing driving a story. It’s also a journey of the characters themselves. And it always seems like a juggle between “good story, badly portrayed characters” or “awful story, well portrayed characters (quite rare too)” and it doesn’t even cover the fact that the narrative itself can be so dull and downright starving that a good work turns sour simply because the author didn’t manage to give it the life it deserved.

I overreact to stories ofcourse, bombard them with praise, but only because they utterly deserve that! The bare minimum should not be so rare and yet it is, so I take it in my hands ti make sure it’s well loved as the amount of low self confidence these authors have is outstanding.

shit. THE MAIN THING I WAS TRYING TO GET TO BEFORE I GOT SIDETRACKED WAS.. the fact stories aren’t as creative as they could be. Cool topics just used as a front for a pop up shop falling apart at the seams. I genuinely love certain things in a story, but rather amount of times they’ve been portrayed wrong or simply poisoned in favour of another plot point made me avoid them all together. i can remove as much as I want through filtering certain tags on ao3 but never will I get rid of all the things that have been created to appeal to this majority. So many times have I thought I finally found “the one” I wanted to read only to be slapped into reality with some horrific statement of what the fic intels that just ruins the entire experience for me.

AGH I got sidetracked again. WHAT I WANT IN STORIES IS SIMPLE. Is to realistically portray these characters in things and ways that make them truly stand out and resemble a person as they go through life with actual problems and joys. Not simply some basic ass clearly hand crafted story by Timothy, age 9, but a hearty fic of a world just simply not all that different. hell, change their world, change their abilities, change their home, their friends! Anything as long as you can represent their core well enough, and I’ll eat the story up.

so desperately do I crave good fics but don’t receive all what I want. It’s fine, really, but what does it take to find something that tackles a journey of a protagonist in such an open minded and yet cruel way like the angst my mind imagines? I just can’t express it, I’m sorry, I’m autistic. But there is surely others who can! Others who have and will but just aren’t that easily found.

I am all for anyone posting anything but I just can’t believe I have to sort through it all with my bare hands and teeth. I would NOT prefer an algorithm, but by god, I’d love to have a sorting system I could use - to filter out all the junk I would never want to be shown ever and just be able to scroll through everything as much as I want and not have to sigh and look through every. Individual. Word. In. The. Description. to then find I just revealed some monster behind an identity of something I may have read otherwise.

I’m like a soggy abandoned kitten in a box waiting for someone to choose to cater their audience to me and yet so rarely do they choose that. They go seeking what will receive the most attention and kudos and comments, don’t they? But I could supply all of it in just a single comment! I can surely substitute for all they need in their little writers brains, but I guess they prefer shitty little “this made me cry😭” or “lol nice fic” over paragraphs of my heartfelt words, don’t they? Quantity over quality today, hey? Well I get that maybe a handful of people may enjoy it and you would like to get more eyes on your product, but have you considered that handful is so desperate for the little bit of food you’re willing to give that we’re litterally starving for content? That those horrid smut lovers are stealing all the little crumbs that fall our way?

Seriously, all just turns into tooth-rotting hurtful joy and comfort and love. Everything is all about love. And sure, I like that too, but the cold love of food on a stormy night in the arctic - where nobody really is all that eager to share their intimacy yet the kindness still remains. I border such an edge of angst with platonic love that I’m left with nothing but either, well, nothing, or what I didn’t want.

Best of all, I just want blatant stories. Just stories of pure horror and sadness. Yet not all that, I also have this very very specific requirement that many don’t seem to be able to grasp. A longing so far that it is cold and aching, a feeling of fear still waiting for relief, a lingering sense of worry and independence that is so nice to see amongst certain narratives.

AGH I just.. I never manage to get it out and others simply don’t manage to create it. YET IVE SEEN IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES! Times I sometimes find myself at the end of a fic and wondering to how much grateness I’ve been exposed to and how unlikely it is that I’ll ever see it again in the soon future, so clear and beautiful that my entire life seems to revolve around it, for approximately two hours. Then it’s back to my original life where these emotions I’ve felt immersed with are but a distant dream of a character or two, and no more works with that exact tone or premise are to my disposal.

my mind and heart and soul all wait for the arrival of the one to rule them all, but as we all know, it’s never as sweet as we thought I would be. A flow of consistency, even if it’s as inconsistent as “one good fic about every half a month”, it’s still would be as nice of a gift as ever amongst this side of the fandom community.

I’m not even requiring this from a single individual. Just in general. It’s so fucking hard to find good fics, and I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong or if other people are just so much more sensitive to the lightheartedness of everything (which is quite evident by the responses of pure rage and anguish in the comment sections of works that barely made me frown). I want to hold my breath, ache in anticipation, snicker at remarks and hold back both tears and jumps for joy with the things I read. Something that I had just on a few occasion and that memory teases me anytime I try to enjoy something slightly less.

concepts left untouched, characters misinterpeted, ideas unused, words misspoken, and stories ruined with simple addictions of unnecessary things. Horrid horrid horrid…

I’m actually fucking pissed off I can’t seem to get to a concrete point here, my rambling is beyond levels I can even comprehend myself and I imagine if you read this far you’re probably just as confused as me but I beg of you, do comprehend what I’m trying to convey. It’s not as simple as surface level but I desire a category so untouched that it is not even possible to engage in, an audience so small that nobody even remotely understands it, and ideas so distant from the popular surface level of internet culture that they get buried deep along with the unwanted stuff that is left to dust and rot.

I invite you to try analyse this or at the very least ask questions so I can get a fucking grasp on things but if not that’s entirely fine too. I’ll just be left with scrolling for HOURS on ao3 with a devastating hope I’ll be gifted with a trip into fiction sometime soon that’s just as immersive and engaging as real life.

[moo9395]

hi… u said if u have any questions about being aro spec ask you, and i guess this isn’t really a question but i’ve never spoken about this with anyone and as much as i’ve read stuff and have heard aro people talking and read books about them and i’ve never doubted that there’s anything ‘broken’ about it, i do feel really broken. lol. so i could maybe do with some like. reassurance??? idk. sorry if this is too much feel free to not read this all. i do have a question actually but ill put it clearly at the end in case u dont want to read all this lol.

so i’m fairly sure im arospec and have been suspicious for probably a couple of years now. but i’ve never really spoken about it because i guess im only just realising, like, oh shit what if i’m not going to ever have a romantic relationship, but its not because nobody likes me, its because i dont like (nearly) anybody. and even the person i do like i’m not even sure i’d want to be in a relationship with??? it’s really scary.

what i’ve also realised is that even if i don’t want a romantic relationship, i really really want a qpr. like i love the idea of it, it literally sounds perfect to me. but that really scares me because i feel like nobody will ever want that. what if i never get that? i don’t think i’m a person that would be okay with being on my own forever. i feel like a little kid who doesn’t want their friends to grow up and get in relationships and for us all to just live together.

on a related note, man it really sucks when you feel like the way you love your friends is so much like. deeper. than how they love you. like i feel like for me, they’re it. like i dont think i could ever love someone in a deeper way than i do my friends, like i love them in the way that people talk about loving their spouses and stuff. but for them, no matter how much they love me, for them its JUST ‘as a friend’… whereas for me, that’s like the highest form of love. idk if this makes sense sorry. but yeah i just don’t know how to navigate this really.

///question: do you have any advice for how to navigate coming to terms with myself being arospec/maybe even being entirely aro. because i don’t know how to deal with it really.

First of all I’m not an expert. I’ve known I was aroace spec for almost 3 years. But I have definitely not entirely figured myself out. I really appreciate this actually because it’s given me a chance to really look into aromanticism in depth so thank you :)))

Sorry this took so long I spent ages trying to work out what I was going to say and how to say it.

Not entirely happy with it but I think it’s the best I can do

I'm glad you were able to kind of vent here because I think that's important.

Finding someone to talk to might help you understand and come to terms with stuff but if you don't have anyone you could talk to or you wouldn't feel comfortable it might be good to keep a diary?

Like not a diary of an account of each day (unless you want to) but just something you randomly do to just vent.

It's something I do sometimes and I really enjoy it.

Coming to terms with being aromantic is a big deal.

I honestly am in the same position about having a person that I’m not sure whether or not it’s romantic attraction.

Unfortunately I literally have no advice for that.

I don’t even know what I’m going to do about it.

You could try explaining to them, especially if you think they like you back and then you can try it and if it doesn’t work you could pursue a QPR if they’re comfortable.

I really don’t know what to say to be honest.

For anyone reading this who has advice please reblog or comment something.

I have no personal experience with a QPR. So all of the stuff I’m about to say is from research.

A ‘quick’ explanation (feel free to skip):

A queer platonic relationship (QPR) is usually a non sexual, non romantic, relationship that is sometimes viewed as a ‘step above friendship’. In its simplest form it’s a close emotional bond between people.

A QPR has no real definition though. It’s something that’s decided by the people involved.

Because of this a QPR looks slightly different for everyone depending on the needs/ wants of the people involved. It can involve ‘date nights’, and sexual or sensual contact/intimacy.

A queer platonic partner can be any gender and doesn’t have to be aroace themselves. They can also be in their own non romantic relationships in some cases.

People in a QPR do sometimes have sex, either if both are not asexual or sometimes for the emotional intimacy benefit.

As I said I have no first hand experience with a QPR but it is something I would probably consider in the future.

I can't really give advice on how to form/ find a QPR, but if you find yourself wanting one with a specific person tell them. Either they'll accept or they won't but if you don't ask you won't know.

You could also try going to local LGBTQIA+ groups (if those are available) and maybe you'll meet someone or you'll get advice there.

Again, I have no experience with QPRs personally so I'd recommend doing some research :)

Friendships are such a big deal for aroace people and I think it’s said that it’s not something that’s understood by others.

The community is criminally underrepresented and poorly understood.

Question - For advice on coming to terms with it.

I honestly really struggle with my own aromanticism so it feels like I’m not equipped to be telling people but I’ll do my best.

First of all you need to remember that romance isn’t the be all and end all of life.

My parents don’t know that I’m arospec but they’ve always assured me and my siblings that romance isn’t everything in life and that if we never find anyone that doesn’t make us any less of a person or any less important.

You should make sure you surround yourself with people who love you.

It’s quite a common thing to hear people say “There’s someone out there for everyone”, “plenty more fish in the sea”, the whole soulmates thing etc and although a lot of those people are referring to that in terms of romance I think it’s true in other forms of love as well.

Even if you feel like there’s nobody there will always be someone who loves you and cares about you.

You have a purpose in life and that purpose is not bound to relationships.

I don’t know who you are but I value you and I care about you and I know that there are other people who feel the same.

You're also not alone in your experience. Find some aromantic friends, either online or in real life.

You could join a group/club or there's a lot of discord servers available.

Religious stuff ⬇️ (incase you don’t want to see it)

I really debated including this because I don’t think it’s relateable for a large portion of the people who will see it but it is something that’s very true for me so I think it’s important to include.

I am a religious (Christian) personally, it’s something I was raised in but also something I’ve come to know and value for myself.

Because of my faith I believe I was made by God in his likeness and so I know that I’ve been designed with a purpose.

And that includes my aromanticism. Despite how much I sometimes wish otherwise.

God made me with a purpose and I intend to live out that purpose.

Although I doubt it’ll be a comfort for many of the people who find this. It is a comfort for me and hopefully at least one person who finds this will find some comfort in it.

[boinkyyy]

Total curiosity here, have you tried being in romantic/sexual relationships before? Not in some “it would fix you way,” just curious as to if you’ve been in a position like that and realized you wouldn’t get attached after all. Or if you just know without having tried it. I’m not aroace so I’m wondering your experience

Yes and no (in order), but it wouldn’t have mattered regardless, and here’s why (this is going to be a bit long so I’m putting it under a cut)

For the asexuality, I had no clue that I was asexual for the longest time until I had a frame of reference and I realized that my sense of attraction was fundamentally different than what everyone else experienced. For me, my sense of attraction is almost entirely detached from physical processes in my body and is almost like a very strong aesthetic fixation. This is apparently not the case for non-asexuals. Some telltale indicators were that for me, the leap in thought process from “I find this person attractive” —> “I want to have sex with them” would have to be a conscious decision. When confronted with a physically attractive person irl, I would have to force this thought process to occur. In reality, me finding someone attractive never naturally leads to me wanting to actually “do” anything to or with them. For non-ace people, the impulse to “want” to have sex with someone is near-instantaneous, which is what genuinely confused me when some people complained about not being able to “keep it in their pants”, because surely it’s just as simple as…not thinking about someone that way?

Other indicators were that I never fantasized about sexual scenarios involving me and other people and I never had any physical reaction when around attractive people. I thought being “hot under the collar”, “thinking with your dick”, “getting wet” or even “blushing” were just turns of phrase, not literally things that happened to people without their control.

For my aromanticism, I also know that I don’t experience romantic attraction or traditional love because I have never developed a crush on someone, ever. In regards to platonic love, I have been friends with people for over a decade and spend an enormous amount of time with them and yet feel almost nothing towards them. This also extends to family members and pets. People enter and leave my life and after maybe a brief mourning period of about a week, I am otherwise completely apathetic, even if it’s someone I’ve been close to for years and years. I know that fundamentally, I’m just not the type of person who could ever come to care about someone else that much and that’s why any form of life partner at all is not compatible with me. Relationships are basically dead on arrival with me.

You should also understand that my asexual experience is something that’s actually pretty common amongst many asexuals, but my relationship with aromanticism is pretty foreign to most people I meet so don’t take my experience as an indicator of what to expect with the broader community, especially since everyone is an individual and sexuality and romance is not monolithic. There is no universal aroace experience and aro and ace are just labels that you apply at your own convenience anyways, not some textbook definition or scientific taxonomy

[psychoticwillgraham]

i’ll do a whole post about examining how deep my feelings for Rich are tomorrow, but for now, i’m having a crisis about my aro identity.

like, i was so fucking sure that I didn’t feel romantic love at all, but now? Rich has thrown a whole ass cinderblock to the foundations of my aro identity and they’ve been shaken to their core. am I still technically aro if Rich is the only exception to it? like I’ve never felt anything anywhere remotely near what everyone describes as romantic attraction before him, but literally, it rlly did take the right person to change that. do I think I’ll ever feel it again for the rest of my life? honestly, probably not. bc it literally feels like we were created for each other, like we’re the two halves of the same whole.

if this is what romantic love feels like, then holy FUCK is it intense. I can’t get enough of it and when i’m hanging out with him, I feel like i’m where I belong, side by side with my soulmate. and no I don’t normally believe in soulmates, but now? maybe I do. when I’m with him, I feel something that I’ve only felt a few times in my entire life so far. happy. like, HAPPY happy. I feel safe, loved, and protected. I feel like everything’s going to be ok and I feel unbridled joy. joy that i get to experience the little joys in life with him and just. Exist with him. no masks, no personas, no acting. I can say the most off color things and we can joke about dark, gallows humor things without having to censor myself. this man has been through shit that reads like the most disturbing episodes of SVU and dateline episodes, and he pretty much gave up on finding love, on finding someone who’s crazy matched his perfectly.

basically, we match each other’s freak in every possible way, and I never expected to find anyone who could tolerate me, or even love me for who I am, jagged edges and extreme paranoia and chaos and all. I’d hate to compare our love to my boys hannibal and will, but the level of devotion and passion and pure love and acceptance is right on par with theirs. I don’t have to hide anything, and I can be 100% honest and candid with him, and we can tell each other about the most traumatic and darkest points of our lives and neither of us would even bat an eye at it. we both have a lot of the same traumas, mostly around sex and relationships, and I have some that he doesn’t, and he has some that I don’t. he thought he was going to die alone and so did I. I still probably will bc he’s 40 and will almost certainly die before me from his health issues eventually, which is the only downside to this whole thing. there’s an 11 year age difference between us and he said that normally he wouldn’t date anyone more than eight years younger than him bc of the generational difference and maturity difference, but I was the one exception to that.

when I’m not with him, I literally feel an ache in myself at being separated from him. i miss him so fucking bad every day we’re not together and especially at night. i want nothing more than to fall asleep with him in bed being the little spoon, but i know that even we do stay the night together, he’s just not ready for that yet and might never be. but that’s ok, I’ll wait as long as i have to and if i never get to, then that’s ok too. he feels the same way about me as he told me yesterday, and said if i died before him, then he’d go with me bc we can’t live without each other. he’s honestly the only reason I’m still alive (next to Chloe) and will continue to stay alive.

what does this make me label wise? i have zero fucking clue my guy, but i feel like what i feel for him goes above and beyond the concept of romantic love.

idk man, I’m just all lovey dovey and gushing about him. i’m so cooked, lads, but I wouldn’t have it any other way <33333 💖

[thequeenofhorsesofficial]

I have some thoughts on my mind that I need to get out of my brain and see if I’m normal or not so long post ahead. I want to be open and honest about things and create a safe space for conversation, introspection, and growth. Please read the entire thing before commenting.

I see a lot of t4t blogs on here and every time, I feel disappointed since I’m not trans. I understand why people are t4t and I truly believe it’s valid but I can feel myself growing a little sad at not being what a person wants. The same issue happens with gay men for me that I find very attractive and it’s worse when I see what their blogs/posts are and I feel like we could be a good fit otherwise. I’m not sure if anyone else has this issue and I feel guilty about it. I don’t want people to believe that I’m transphobic/homophobic when I’m not. I’m bisexual and I have a trans family member that I’ve supported her ever since she came out to me.

Another issue is trying to explore my sexuality. Over time, I’ve realized that I’m hyper sexual and have a very romance focused brain. This is a struggle for me since I have a lot of issues like autism, ADHD, ARFID, anxiety, depression, and most likely chronic fatigue. I also feel the need to have perfect morality for myself as I want to be a good person and i do care about people and what they think of me. I also don’t really know what I’m allowed to do. For example, I’m not poly nor do I want to be, but I feel curious about and feel open to having multiple subs at one time to see what it would feel like and how I could learn from it since I am very inexperienced. But at the end of the day, I want one person that’s truly for me; purely monogamous. If it was purely sexual, I feel like I could have an open relationship, but once romantic feelings become involved, it would get complicated and stress me out. I am dominant but I am a people pleaser as I want to fit in so I would be stressed at how I could go about that how I could go about handling the situation without disappointing people as much as possible and make sure my feelings are being addressed as well. I feel a lot of anxiety and guilt when it comes to relationships, regardless if it’s romantic and/or sexual. I enjoy having a deep connection but I do want to explore just the sexual side of things since I am decently sheltered. I also ask myself if experimenting and trying to figure things out with other people is ethical as I don’t want to use a person in a way that I don’t mean to do it. I genuinely don’t like using people unless if someone has made it perfectly clear that they are into it and consent to it. Depression is also a big factor as it significantly affects my libido and I don’t want to disappoint a partner because I don’t want to do sexual things when I’m struggling like that.

Does anyone else feel like this? Have any thoughts/advice?

[1-800-pastelskies]

I’m so sorry if this is invasive but how did you figure out your sexuality because I’m struggling

simple answer, i didn’t.

i’m queer and somewhere in the ace spectrum but that’s all that i ever actually figured out.

i came out as bi in 2019, then i later found what pansexuality was a couple months later and went “hey that’s what i am!”

but for around the past 2 years i’ve been contemplating it a lot and i realized recently that i wasn’t, i’m not anything

i mean sure everyone technically has a sexuality, but what about the people that genuinely don’t. i’m not aro, i’m quite frankly the opposite but i genuinely don’t care

that’s why i thought i was pan for so long, because pansexual people were always described as being “attracted to hearts, not parts” but, quite frankly a lot of the times i don’t care about either

i knew i liked guys because i’ve liked a lot of guys in the past and i’d liked a couple girls in the past so i knew that i wasn’t straight. so i went back to being bi, with a preference for men. i realized though, that i didn’t have a preference, not for gender or really anything else to be honest. so what was i?

now, i have to say how great full i am for having people to talk to about this because actually talking another my experiences helped me so much. 3 of my best friends were able to help me, luckily one was bi, one was pan and one was aroace, all things i was considering.

my pan friend, let’s call her m. was the first one i talked to, after all we were both pan so i thought i just needed another pan person to validate me, be like “oh no all pan people are like that not just you” but that’s not what happened. instead i was faced with the fact that just because i don’t have a gender preference technically, that doesn’t just automatically mean that i’m pan, i still could be bi, they’re very similar after all.

so i talked to my bi friend h. h said that she also had issues with feeling like she wasn’t bi some days but there was always a gut feeling for her, sure she could like a guy but still be 100% sure that she liked girls. so that just left me more confused.

finally i went to the last friend, r. and i’m honestly so glad i did because they finally helped me figure it out. now, for context r was the first person i ever came out to and vice versa, when one of us was in crisis we would just call the other and figure it out there. me and r were talking about my sexuality not long ago, cuz i was confused on if i was ace or not and that’s when they were like “well what if your fray or grayro”, which helped a lot because i was very confused on the the actual sex part of sexuality, but they helped me figure out that i wasn’t just romantically gray, i was from a sex stand point to. and i obviously kept using the label but i was more sure of myself now.

and then the other night we were talking and they suggested that i was in fact, nothing. that i was queer or just generally undefined. and that’s when it clicked, i finally had that gut feeling that h had mentioned.

now dear anon you may wonder why i explained this so complicated and twisted, that’s because it is twisted. if you can just figure out your sexuality one day and stick with it for the rest of your life, that’s great. but if you can’t, that’s perfectly fine too, i would actually say that that’s more common. it’s fine to be confused, after all it took me five years to even have a semblance of an understanding of myself, some people can take their entire lives.

so be confused, go with what you feel is best for you, and just remember that it’s not gonna hurt anyone if you eventually figure out that you were wrong