#“but what is it supposed to be??” how about you try to actually find out instead of expecting artists to just hand you an explanation 🤔

[ineffectualdemon]

Just to make clear @zykamiliah I am not saying it's not a fucked up little scene with Binghe being fucked up

I'm just saying I think they are using the idea of Binghe acting like he's going to assault Shen Qingqiu as a moment to beat on each other rather then to talk about why they are actually angry and upset and hurt with each other

I don't think what they are saying to each other is really what either of them are upset about but this is the only way they can go about being upset and angry at each other directly

And I think that's extremely unhealthy and fucked up of them but I think that's where they are coming from

We've talked before about Binghe's fear of abandonment and self hatred and also how I think he is trying to live up to what he thinks Shen Qingqiu expects of him

I don't think Shen Qingqiu wants to be assaulted but he wants a reason to be angry at Binghe that isn't "I accepted that you love me and accepted you and the concept of us in the dream and it turned out that entire moment was based on a lie and I'm deeply hurt about it" because he's not ready to face that that's what hes angry about

But I suppose your interpretation of that scene depends on when you believe Shen Qingqiu chose to be with Binghe

I think it's the second dream post dirt nap I think he almost did when Binghe lost the game of corpse hot potato but he actually did in the 2nd dream

But he didn't accept his decision and his feelings for Binghe until the Holy Mausoleum. Because 1. Finding out Binghe lied in the dream deeply hurt him 2. He just needs that much time and info to process his feelings

So I'm not "this scene is wholesome" I'm "this scene is different then it seems on the surface but still weird and kinda fucked up*

People who haven't read SVSSS: it has necrophilia and pedophilia!

The fans: *tired* no. That is not correct. I see why you would get that impression but you are wrong. That didn't happen

People on the SVSSS canon who don't know LBH or SQQ well: Luo Binghe disgraced his master's corpse and his master preyed on his student!

Shang Qinghua: *tired* no. That is not correct. I see why you would get that impression but you are wrong. That didn't happen.

[p0orbaby]

She’ll Know Me Crazy, Soothe Me Daily

summary: you go into labour (leah’s version)

warnings: mentions of pregnancy and labour, who’d have guessed

a/n: i got a request for this and dropped everything at work to write it so if i get fired it’s your fault !

word count: 1.8k

-

It’s three a.m., and you’re lying in bed in that half-dream, half-wake state, thinking about nothing and everything at once—plans, names, logistics, the strange feeling in your back, how Leah’s snoring sounds almost like a broken radiator. You’d drifted off earlier with the usual suspects on your mind—last-minute nursery tweaks, what it’d be like to actually meet this new person, how you’re supposed to keep them alive once they’re here.

Then suddenly you’re very awake. And aware. The kind of aware that has you blinking up at the ceiling, trying to gauge if you’re imagining this, if maybe it’s all just part of the anxious last-few-weeks-of-pregnancy weirdness. But no, no. It’s real. The sensation you’d ignored all night is now gripping you in a way that’s impossible to ignore.

Your waters have broken.

You’re in labour.

In the midst of grappling with this sudden, primal realisation that your body is not only capable of this but actively doing it, your first instinct is to look to Leah. After all, this is the same Leah who can keep her head in the midst of a stadium of screaming fans, who’s always told you, right up until yesterday, that she’s “got this, babe.” The same Leah who’s been planning this night in her head like a military operation—bags packed, snacks labelled, an entire eight-page birth plan on the kitchen counter with sections highlighted in three colours. She’s got this.

You roll over and give her a shake. “Leah,” you hiss, breath short and tight, like you’re hoping the urgency will slip through the layers of her sleep.

She doesn’t stir. Instead, she mumbles something incoherent and continues snoring, entirely oblivious to the fact that you are, in real time, about to bring a whole new human into the world.

“Leah,” you say, louder now, and with a sharper jab to her shoulder. “Leah, wake up. My waters just broke”

This gets her. She bolts upright, eyes bleary and unfocused, looking around with all the awareness of someone woken up by a fire alarm. She has one sock on and her hair is falling out of her bun in every direction, sticking to her forehead in curls that make her look, for lack of a better description, entirely unhinged. What?” she blurts, looking at you like you’ve just told her the moon’s fallen out of orbit.

“I said, my waters just broke. I’m in labour”

She stares at you blankly, and then at the clock. “Now? Like…now, now?”

“Yes, now, Leah. That’s how it works”

“Oh… oh my god. Okay. Right.” She throws herself out of bed, hands flailing a bit in what could generously be called an attempt to find her balance, looking every bit like she’s just woken up in the middle of a burning building. She blinks, rubs her face, and then stares around the room with all the sharp focus of someone who’s lost all concept of time, place, and purpose.

She begins moving around the room, grabbing objects seemingly at random—a pair of your slippers, a half-empty water bottle, the book she’s been reading that she still hasn’t finished because every time she gets to a chapter break she’s distracted by some tangent or half-thought that spirals out of control. You watch as she picks up her phone, only to immediately drop it in a panic.

You try not to laugh. You fail, slightly, but she’s too distracted to notice.

“Hospital bag,” you remind her. “By the door”

“Right, yes. The hospital bag.” She says it with the blankness of someone who’s just been reminded of the existence of the universe itself. She nods emphatically, almost comically, and rushes out of the room, one sock on, one sock off, muttering, “Hospital bag. Yes. By the door. Got it”

For a few blissful seconds, she’s out of the room, and you can breathe, collecting yourself in the strange solitude. You can’t help but feel a strange, surreal amusement in the whole thing—after months of birthing classes, of Leah listening intently to the instructor, nodding along like she was studying for the final exam, of stacks of books and bookmarked articles and quiet reassurances that she’d be ready…she’s now charging through the house like a headless chicken, her panic almost louder than the quiet early-morning calm.

She’s back in less than a minute, looking absolutely horrified. “It’s… it’s not there”

“What do you mean, it’s not there?”

“I mean it’s not—by the door. I don’t see it. Did we…did we put it somewhere else?” She’s visibly panicking now, eyes wide and darting around as if the bag might materialise if she looks in enough absurdly irrelevant places, like the windowsill or behind the potted plant.

“It’s by the door,” you repeat, managing to keep your tone steady and encouraging, despite the fact that you’re, oh right, currently in labour.

“Right,” she says again, nodding in a way that looks almost mechanical. “Right, yes. By the door. Of course”

She’s off, scrambling out of the room with one sock half-off, muttering the word “bag” to herself like it’s some kind of holy incantation. The momentary peace of her absence gives you a moment to focus on your breathing, inhaling deeply and exhaling in slow, measured counts, trying to recall the absurd number of hours you spent watching labour tutorials and wondering if any of that information will come back to you now, in the thick of it.

Moments later, she returns, this time clutching the bag triumphantly in one hand. Her face is a strange mix of pride and exasperation, like she’s just conquered Everest but is deeply unimpressed with the mountain.

“Got it,” she announces, as if the sheer act of retrieving it from the entryway deserves some sort of medal. She sets the bag down on the bed with an air of absolute finality, as though the weight of the world has been lifted from her shoulders.

You smile at her, keeping your voice calm. “Alright, love. Let’s get dressed and head out”

“Dressed,” she echoes, her face going blank again as if the concept of clothes is suddenly beyond her comprehension.

“Yes, Leah. Clothes. You might want to put some on”

For a long moment, she stares at the wardrobe as though it’s some kind of cryptic puzzle. Then, with an almost bewildered shake of her head, she pulls it open and begins pulling out clothes at random—a pair of jeans, a jumper she only wears when it’s freezing, and, inexplicably, a thick wool scarf.

“Leah, it’s June”

She freezes mid-scarf-wrap, blinks, and slowly unwinds it. “Right, yeah. June. Good. Warm.” She tosses the scarf aside, looking faintly sheepish.

“Hang on… should I call someone? I feel like we should call someone. Do we… call 999? Or is that just for emergencies?”

“Leah,” you manage between breaths, “this is an emergency. It’s literally… labour. It’s happening right now”

“Right! Emergency.” She nods rapidly, like a bobblehead on overdrive, and jabs at her phone screen with so much intensity that it nearly flies out of her hand. She stops mid-dial, eyes wide with panic. “Wait. No, no…maybe we just drive there? Or do they… do they send someone?”

You look at her, trying not to let your exasperation show through the mounting pain. “Leah, we’re just going to drive. We’ve been through this.”

“Right. Yes. Driving. Of course. I knew that.” She shakes her head like she’s trying to physically dislodge the panic, muttering, “I’m just—okay. Drive. Right. Okay.” She finally lets go of her phone and starts making her way toward the door, muttering things like, “Got it. We’ve got this,” in a way that sounds more like she’s trying to reassure herself than you.

But then she stops. Turns. Looks back at you, blinking in realisation. “Are you…are you alright?”

“I’m in labour,” you say with a thin smile, “so no. Not really. But let’s keep going”

“Right, yeah. That makes sense.” She nods like you’ve just imparted some deep wisdom, like the words in labour contain ancient knowledge previously unknown to her.

By now, another contraction has hit, and you’re clutching the edge of the bed, breathing through it with every bit of focus you can muster. Leah watches, horrified, looking like she might faint just from witnessing the sheer audacity of labour itself.

“Should I… is there something I can… I don’t know, can I do something?” She’s hovering now, looking at you helplessly like she’s waiting for you to hand her a to-do list.

You grit your teeth, squeezing out a reply. “Just… breathe. With me. Okay? In… and out”

She takes a shaky breath, her hand rising and falling in time with yours as if synchronising her breathing might somehow keep you both tethered to reality. For a moment, it’s almost peaceful, the two of you breathing in unison, a strange little pocket of calm amid the chaos.

And then, just as quickly, the panic is back.

“Wait. Snacks. We’re going to need snacks”

“Snacks?” you manage, halfway between a groan and a laugh.

“Yes. For energy. They said snacks are crucial.” She’s already halfway to the kitchen before you can protest, practically flinging open cupboards and rummaging through drawers with the frantic energy of someone who’s just realised they’re on an episode of MasterChef and has thirty seconds left on the clock. She emerges with an armful of items that make absolutely no sense together—a banana, a bag of crisps, two protein bars, and, inexplicably, a tin of chickpeas.

You stare at the tin in her hands. “Leah, we’re not bringing chickpeas”

“They’re protein,” she says, with a ridiculous level of conviction.

You watch, trying desperately not to laugh as she rummages through drawers, muttering about water bottles and phone chargers and—god help you both—“emergency blankets.” She’s wearing one shoe, and her sock has somehow ended up on her hand, and she’s pacing so frenetically that she nearly trips over her own feet at least twice.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, you manage to corral her towards the door, where she stops suddenly, wide-eyed and visibly distressed.

“Wait!” she exclaims, her hand shooting out to grip your arm in sheer, abject horror. “The… the speaker for the birthing playlist!”

You stare at her blankly for a moment before realising that, yes, she’s referring to the hours-long playlist she’d meticulously curated in the months leading up to this moment—a mix of calming piano tracks, soothing instrumentals, and, inexplicably, a handful of 80s power ballads that she swore would “keep the energy up.”

“We… we don’t have time for the speaker, Leah”

She looks at you like you’ve just suggested abandoning a child. “But you… we planned it. I spent hours on Spotify—”

“We don’t need the speaker,” you tell her, trying to keep your voice gentle but firm. You’re at the door, shoes on, bag in hand, and if she doesn’t start moving soon, you’re fairly certain you’ll be having this baby right here in the hallway.

She stares at you, visibly torn, before finally nodding, reluctantly. “Right. No speaker. We can…we’ll improvise”

“Yeah,” you say, smiling. “We’ll improvise”

And finally—finally—she takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders, and steps out the door, hand in yours, still muttering under her breath about the playlist, about snacks, about breathing techniques and birthing balls and god knows what else.

[revelboo]

The scavengers?! YEEEESSS!!1! my precious darlings :D They deserve this <3 can't wait to see more :) Thank you for writing this, i really needed something positive right now.

No worries :) I just really wanted to write these five goobers struggling

A Lifeless Ordinary

IDW Scavengers x Reader

• “You realize that thing is sentient, right?” Fulcrum asks, leaning to watch Spinister trying to coax their new pet into saying his name. So far the only response has been for it to lift both hands, middle fingers extended in what he suspects isn’t a friendly gesture.

• Looking up, Krok vents as Crankcase hesitantly mimics the gesture at the alien and it starts laughing like a Cybertronian would. Everything about it, that it’s bipedal, its little face, its hands and legs, is uncannily like a Cybertronian in form aside from being organic. “Of course, I do,” he finally says, servos flitting over the controls to check everything is ready to go even though he’s already checked three times while they wait on Misfire. Knows he’ll check more times, but unable to stop since the repetitive gesture keeps him focused. And from overthinking exactly how much damage Misfire can do running a simple errand unsupervised.

• “Honestly, I’m surprised Spinister’s not forgotten it’s his and shot it yet.” Fulcrum winces in sympathy when the hulking purple medic seizes you and roughly runs a servo over your head while you try to smack him, chattering angrily before giving up and slumping in his hand. “Any luck with that language?”

• Krok hesitates as Misfire comes running into the ship, a tiny container in his servos. “We should probably go,” he says right as the natives start firing on the ship.

• “Did you steal that?” Fulcrum growls, as Krok powers up the ship. Not even sure why Fulcrum’s asking, because of course he did. Why wouldn’t he have?

• Indignities upon indignities. Dangling from the biggest one’s hand, you finally give up as his big servos pet your hair and he rumbles nonsense at you. As far as you can tell, you’re a pet. Not exactly flattering, but since they’re not hurting you and they’ve kept you trapped on their ship since finding you, there’s not much you can do about it. You’d made attempts to try and play charades with the big one and after hours of it you’d decided either you’re just awful at charades or he’s an idiot. But at least his hands are warm even if his touch is a bit rough as he tries to cuddle you against his neck.

• “In my defense, they refused to sell to Cybertronians. Something about us being warmongering abominations destroying the galaxy,” Misfire says, prying open the container and immediate leaning away from the stink. “Organic food for the organic.”

• Grumbling slightly, Spinister lowers you near the box and they wait as you look inside then back at them questioningly. “You think it knows what it can and can’t eat?” Crankcase mutters as Misfire huffs. But that is something Krok hadn’t considered. Surely you do know. Right?

• Whatever they brought you looks like blue noodles and smells like dirty socks. And they’re just staring down at you talking amongst themselves, because they can’t understand you. What even is this? It’s when the one with a chunk missing from his head bends and mimes eating that it sinks in. Surely they don’t think you’re going to eat this garbage? Apparently they do as the calmest of the five gently nudges you closer to the box. And inhaling to gather yourself, you gingerly pick up a slick noodle in your fingers and bite into it. By some miracle it does actually taste good despite having the texture of a raw potato. You suppose they’re trying to take care of you and that’s something.

• Listening to the miserable sounds that aren’t even marginally better than the tantrum Spinister had thrown threatening to shoot Misfire over the whole mess, Krok reaches out a servo and rubs between your shoulders as you keep dry heaving, because apparently you don’t know what you can and can’t eat as difficult as it is for him to grasp. The rest of the Scavengers had retreated a safe distance when you’d started noisily purging the food, so now it’s just the two of you.

• They probably weren’t trying to poison you. Maybe. Shaking and dehydrated, you slump over and the calm one carefully wraps his servos around you and cradles you to his chassis, murmuring softly as you press your palms against your eyes, head pounding and throat raw. His touch is at least gentle compared to the other’s as he runs a big servo along your spine over and over. When you’re less miserable, you need to try charades with him since he seems to be the leader. Maybe you can get it through his head that you’re not a pet. Right now, you just want to soak in the warmth of him and rest.

Previous

[doeeyeseddie]

Piaaaaaa "brushing their arm against the other's, hoping the other would finally catch their arm and hold it close" please, we already know they constantly brush arms anyway!

fridaaaa this took me, once again, many months to get to and i sort of only vaguely filled the actual prompt, but i hope you still enjoy it <3

5+1 things, rated t, wc: 4k

[read on ao3]

I.

Eddie’s first day as a probationary firefighter is…interesting. Captain Nash welcomes him with the same warm smile he gave him the first time they talked, then leads him inside and shows him around the app bay.

“We’ll give you the full tour later,” he promises, “after you’ve met the rest of the team. You’re the first one here, if you want, you can change into your uniform now.”

He points towards the locker room – which has glass walls for some reason – and Eddie nods.

He’s just finished buttoning up his shirt when Captain Nash ushers a group of firefighters inside. Eddie runs a hand through his hair to make sure it’s tidy and smiles as Hen and Chimney introduce themselves to him with warm smiles and handshakes, welcoming him to the team.

There’s a third person with them, hovering in the background and glowering at Eddie. He’s young, probably around Eddie’s age, tall and very built, and despite his hostile expression, he doesn’t give Eddie the impression of being an asshole. It’s like the expression doesn’t fit on his face, like he’s not used to wearing it.

Chim grabs him by the arm and pushes him forward, giving Eddie a commiserating smile.

“And this guy is Buck,” he says. “He was our probie before you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Eddie says politely, stretching a hand out to offer a handshake. “You’ll have to show me how things work around here, then.”

Buck glowers down at his hand, and when he finally grabs it, he squeezes it too tightly, like he’s trying to prove something. Eddie squeezes back, amused by the pretense this guy is clearly putting on.

Behind Buck’s back, Hen rolls her eyes, but she’s also wearing a fond look, which only confirms Eddie’s assumption that Buck isn’t half as bad as he’s pretending to be.

From Captain Nash, he knows that they’re supposed to work together a lot of the time, so that’s gonna be interesting. He doesn’t know why Buck is acting like this, but he’s gonna find out, and then he’s gonna figure out a way to work with Buck anyway.

He didn’t come here to make friends, but he’ll be spending 50 hours a week with these people, and he has to trust them with his life for a lot of that time, so they at the very least need to bury whatever hatchet Buck is carrying right now.

Eddie lets go of his hand with a nod and a polite smile, and gives himself a week to figure Buck out.

II.

The days between the accident and the funeral are kind of a blur.

There’s too much to do and think about, too many decisions to make, too many people to call, too much to organize. He has help – Abuela, Pepa, the entire 118, but it still feels too much.

Shannon was 27, she didn’t have a will, they never talked about any of this. How is Eddie supposed to know how she would like to be buried, or if she’d rather be cremated? What kind of music she would want them to play at her funeral? This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not for a very, very long time.

But it did happen, and now Eddie is somehow supposed to know all this about her, his wife, the woman he’s only just let back into his and Christopher’s lives, the woman who asked him for a divorce and completely pulled the rug from under his feet just a day before she died.

Sometimes, he feels like he didn’t know her at all.

His parents are here “to help”, which should be a relief but really isn’t. They never liked Shannon and aren’t making a secret of it, even now that– now that she’s gone. So Eddie can’t involve them in the funeral planning, and he can’t even leave Christopher with them because he’s scared that they’re gonna take the opportunity to grab him and run, and someone needs to make sure that Shannon’s memory is honored, but she didn’t have any family except him and Christopher, and Chris is seven, so Eddie has to be the one to make this funeral beautiful, something she’d deserve, but he doesn’t know– there’s so much–

“Eddie,” someone says next to him, snapping him out of his spiral. “Come on, breathe with me.”

Eddie stares at Buck’s chest as it rises and falls with exaggerated breaths, trying to match him. When did Buck get here? He doesn’t remember letting him in, doesn’t really remember what he was doing before he started hyperventilating on his couch.

“Chris,” he gasps when he realizes that also means he’s not sure where his kid is. And of course he’s the kind of father who would do that only days after his kid lost his mom, maybe his parents are–

“Is with Hen and Karen,” Buck says firmly, grabbing his forearm. “He’s gonna spend the day with them and Denny, probably getting spoiled rotten. I borrowed Pepa’s key when we went over there so they could pick him up, she told me you might not open – sorry for barging in here, but I’m glad I did. I know you– I wanted to– Bobby and Athena are running interference with your parents. And I’m here to help you with all that.” He gestures towards the couch table that’s covered in forms, leaflets from funeral homes, and cards from grief counselors. “After Abby’s mom– I helped plan her funeral. So I’ve got some experience.”

Eddie just stares at him, biting the inside of his cheek hard to stop himself from crying. He trusts Buck, but he still doesn’t want to cry in front of him, doesn’t want to cry in front of anyone. But he does think that maybe he should give Buck his own copy of a key, so he won’t have to borrow Pepa’s next time.

Buck squeezes his forearm and gives him a small, sad smile. “We’re all here for you, Eddie. I got your back, remember?”

Eddie blinks against the tears in his eyes and swallows around the lump in his throat that’s keeping him from saying anything.

Instead, he twists his arm from Buck’s grip and grabs his hand instead, squeezing it in a silent thank you.

Buck squeezes back and keeps holding on.

III.

Buck gets to go home earlier than anyone expected, but Eddie has been to his new apartment, so he isn’t surprised when Buck texts him a picture of his couch with a sad face. It’s not ideal, but at least he has a bathroom downstairs and a girlfriend who can help if he struggles with anything.

Until he doesn’t have that girlfriend anymore.

Eddie doesn’t find out until after his shield ceremony, days after, actually, once his parents have finally gone home to Texas.

Buck says he’s fine, obviously, but Eddie starts going over every day he doesn’t have a shift anyway, because he knows Buck and can see how much he’s struggling with the whole situation, with the uncertainty of when and how he can return to work.

He brings Christopher most of the time. They’re not having the best summer either, Eddie still worries that he’s not doing enough to help Christopher deal with his grief, when he can barely keep his own head above the water of grief, guilt and fear.

Carla is doing what she can, watching Christopher whenever Eddie’s working, she found him a grief counselor and is even looking into more permanent therapists.

None of it changes the fact that they’re grieving. 

But when Christopher gets to hang out with Buck, he lights up every time, and so does Buck, which makes this a two birds with one stone kind of situation. Hanging out with Buck helps them both, too, makes their grief not the first thing on their minds for a little while.

Buck can’t move much, so they play board games and try to find one they all enjoy equally – it’s not easy, since Eddie likes luck-based games (he plays poker with his abuela and tía whenever he can), Buck prefers trivia and games relying on knowledge, while Christopher likes strategic games most.

But everyone gets to pick sometimes, and when they don’t want to play board games, they switch to video games instead.

Eddie knew that Buck and Chris get along well, they have ever since the first time they met, when Buck drove Eddie to Chris’ school after the earthquake during Eddie’s second week at the 118. But with how much time the three of them are spending together now, he can see them growing closer every day – and he loves it.

Buck is his best friend, and he genuinely cares about Christopher in a way that feels completely independent from Eddie.

One evening, while they’re playing a few rounds of Christopher’s current favorite video game after dinner, the kid falls asleep between them on the couch.

Buck smiles down at him and lowers the volume of the TV, which means he loses even more clearly to Eddie, but he had the win in the bag anyway, he’s sure.

Buck rolls his eyes at him when Eddie celebrates his victory with big, silent gestures, but he’s smiling, too.

Eddie grins at him, resting his arm on the back of the couch behind Chris, and Buck twists a little to face him. His leg, resting outstretched on the couch table in front of them, moves with him, and Eddie slides Christopher’s glass of water out of the way in a practiced move.

“I know you’re here to keep an eye on me,” Buck says, “and I should probably be annoyed. I– I was kind of annoyed, at first. But it’s hard to stay annoyed when he’s here, right?” He nods down at Christopher. “And I guess you’re okay, too.”

“Wow, thanks,” Eddie says, but he knows his glare isn’t convincing. “To be clear, we’re all keeping an eye on each other.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Buck reaches for Eddie’s hand, still on the backrest between them, and squeezes it – just for a moment, like he’s trying to get Eddie’s attention, like he doesn’t already have it anyway. “Thanks.”

IV.

Everything sucks.

It’s the uncertainty that gets to Eddie most, the not knowing how to help, how to stay safe, how to keep his loved ones safe. How long this is gonna last.

Every day, they have to see people die from a virus they know nothing about, and can’t do anything against.

And afterwards, they can’t even go home.

Christopher is part of a high risk group, and Eddie risks exposure at work every day, so obviously, he can’t endanger him by living with him. Chimney feels the same way about Maddie, and Hen also wants to keep her family safe, which is how the three of them ended up at Buck’s apartment, where they’ve been camped out for the past three weeks.

It’s generous of Buck to let them all stay with him, but the loft is not made for four people to live there, and they’re all feeling it.

Eddie loves his friends, but spending every minute of every day with them is starting to wear on him. They all try to give each other space, using the balcony as an extra room or going for runs outside, but there’s only so much they can do. 

He hates being separated from Chris, it makes him feel like he’s breaking his promise to never leave him behind again. Christopher says he understands, but Eddie worries anyway. He trusts Pepa, who’s working fully remote and offered to stay with Chris, and they talk every day, but it’s not the same as being there.

Whenever he talks to Chris on the phone, he feels better in the moment, but worse the second they hang up. While they’re talking, he can almost pretend that things are normal, but it all comes crashing down afterwards.

He hasn’t hugged his son in weeks, and he has no idea when he’s even gonna see him in person again.

Buck joins their calls most of the time, at least for a few minutes, and he sits next to Eddie on the bed now, shoulders slumped where they’re touching Eddie’s. In a world where he has to keep his distance from almost everyone, except the patients he’s treating and the people he’s living with, touching and being touched by Buck is a real comfort.

“This won’t be forever, Eddie,” he says, almost desperately. 

“But for how long?” Eddie asks, and it comes out sounding a little wobbly.

He’s not embarrassed by it anymore – Buck’s seen him in all kinds of situations, and they’re currently sharing a bed, so he’s seen him cry anyway.

“I–I wish I knew,” Buck says. “I wish I could– fix this.”

Eddie wipes at his eye and laughs a little. “The whole pandemic?”

“If I could, yeah.” Buck shrugs.

Eddie presses even closer to him for a moment, a gentle pressure of their shoulders, arms and thighs against each other. “I wish you could, too. But even if you can’t – I’m glad you’re here.”

“Of course.” Buck smiles at him and places his hand on Eddie’s thigh, palm up.

Eddie smiles back and grabs his hand, squeezing tightly.

“Okay,” he says, taking a deep breath. “I think it’s our turn to make dinner tonight – you ready?”

“Ready when you are,” Buck says, but he doesn’t let go until Eddie does.

V.

After Chris has gone to sleep, after Eddie has finally stopped crying, after Buck has wrapped his knuckles and cleaned up the worst of the mess in Eddie’s bedroom – the shards, the pieces of drywall, the fallen furniture, he makes up the couch for Eddie to sleep on. Eddie wants to help him, to tell him that he’ll just sleep in his room, but he can’t seem to move from his seat at the dining table.

Everything feels like too much, his hands hurt and his head worse, and he can’t stand the thought of Buck leaving. He’s exhausted, but he knows he won’t sleep if Buck goes home now.

But he can’t ask him to stay, not after Buck already dropped everything because Eddie couldn’t keep it together. He probably had plans, and Eddie ruined those too.

He can already feel the hot burn of tears behind his eyes again and drops his forehead onto his arms, folded on the table in front of him.

Buck’s hand lands on his back, warm, then travels up to squeeze the back of his neck gently.

“You ready to sleep?” he murmurs, and Eddie makes a noncommittal sound. “Come on, you must be exhausted.”

Eddie shrugs and Buck’s thumb brushes along his hairline.

“You don’t have to go in there, I can get you anything you need,” Buck says quietly. “And I’ll be right next to you in case you have a nightmare.”

“You’re staying?” Eddie asks, lifting his head. Buck’s hand stays where it is.

“Of course, Eddie,” Buck says, like it’s that easy.

And maybe it is that easy, Eddie thinks when they settle in next to each other in the living room, Eddie on the couch and Buck on a makeshift bed next to it. He’s pushed the couch table to the side to make room for it and it looks like he’s dragged Eddie’s mattress here, so at least Eddie doesn’t need to worry about him sleeping on the floor.

They’ve been by each other’s side through so much shit, maybe it’s not such a surprise that Buck wants to be here now too. He’s just not sure he deserves it.

“I’m sorry,” he says, staring up at the ceiling instead of looking at Buck. “You had plans– I’m sure you didn’t want to–”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Buck says firmly. “Of course I’ll come whenever Christopher calls. O–or if you need me. I’m here, okay?”

“I keep thinking about her,” Eddie mumbles, pressing the heels of his hands to his burning eyes. “Mills. Last August– I should’ve– if I’d picked up the phone earlier–”

“This isn’t on you.” There’s rustling and then Buck is gripping Eddie’s forearms, trying to gently pull his hands away from his face. “I d-don’t know what Mills was going through, but I know that you couldn’t have known how bad it was. It’s sad, and it’s unfair, but it’s not your fault. And I know you’re feeling all these things now, but Eddie– I’m so happy you’re still here. I need you to– know that. Okay?”

Eddie finally lowers his arms, but instead of letting go fully, Buck just grabs his right hand and holds on. His eyes are wide and scared, and Eddie has scared too many people he loves tonight.

“Okay,” he says, even though– well. What makes him special? Why should he be the only one to get out? He’s not a better person than any of them, he doesn’t have a right to happiness or whatever he’s been deluding himself into believing he could have. 

But he knows that he can’t tell Buck that now (or ever), knows that it’s a dark road to go down.

Maybe for tonight, with Buck by his side, he can keep the thoughts at bay for a little bit longer. After that– he has no idea. But Buck is still holding his hand, and Eddie may not deserve him, but he trusts him.

He thinks it may just give him enough hope to get through this night.

+ I

“This was nice,” Buck says, holding the door for Eddie as they leave the restaurant. “You, uh, you really didn’t have to pay, though.”

“I wanted to,” Eddie says with a smile, glancing right towards their cars and then left to where the beach is only a short walk away, and finally back to Buck’s face, finding him already looking back. “How do you feel about taking a walk?”

Buck grins, turning left. “Let’s go.”

They’re not on a date, or at least they haven’t called it that, but Eddie has been thinking that it feels like one all night. Technically, they’re two friends trying out a new restaurant together. They drove here separately, no one pulled anyone’s chair out, they talked the same way they always do.

But Eddie spent half an hour picking something to wear tonight, Buck is wearing a shirt that looks new and gorgeous and fit for a date, and every time their eyes caught across the table, Eddie thought that maybe, Buck wouldn’t pull away if he reached out and took his hand.

It’s not the first time Eddie has thought that. Ever since Buck and Tommy broke up, it’s felt like maybe they’re heading towards something, familiar touches lingering and turning into something new, gazes catching and then holding instead of looking away.

Buck was upset for a little while afterwards, but he admitted to Eddie that it was more about another failed relationship – and his first one with a man, after he thought he’d finally figured out what was missing, than about Tommy as a person.

He went on a couple of dates, with men and women, but nothing ever stuck.

Eddie was going through his own stuff at the time – he eventually came out to Buck a week before Chris finally came home, and Buck hasn’t been on a date since.

Sometimes, Eddie wonders (hopes), if the two things are related.

Still, neither of them has called tonight a date – yet.

Eddie glances at Buck’s profile while they’re walking, and wonders what he’s waiting for.

Yes, it’s scary because Buck is the most important person in his life right after Christopher, but it’s also not, because this is Buck. Who has been by Eddie’s side through the worst, most painful, most humiliating times of his life, and is still here. Buck, who Eddie trusts with his life, and his son, and his heart.

Buck smiles at him and Eddie smiles back, heartbeat picking up. He’s doing this, he’s gonna tell Buck how he feels. Any minute now, he’s gonna be brave enough.

“Hey,” Buck says, “it’s just me.”

“I know,” Eddie says, and his heart thumps against his ribs. He lets his fingers brush against Buck’s on their next swing and watches as Buck bites his lip, smiling down at the ground. Hushed, like a confession, he adds, “Are you nervous, too?”

Buck looks back up at him then, eyes glittering in the dark. “Y-yeah. I am.”

They’ve reached the edge of the beach by now and bend down to take off their shoes without having to talk about it.

When they start walking again, they’re even closer than before, the backs of their hands, their elbows and shoulders all brushing with every step.

Eddie keeps stealing glances at Buck, and almost every time, Buck is already looking back.

There aren’t many people at the beach at this time of day, so they don’t come close to anyone else, and all they hear is the sand beneath their feet and the waves crashing a few feet away. The moon is big enough to be reflected on the sea, a beautiful sight, but Eddie still can’t look away from Buck for long.

“So, this is, uh, kind of romantic,” Buck blurts out after a few quiet minutes. “Right? I–I’m not misreading that?”

“No,” Eddie says. “I mean– you’re not misreading it.”

“But you’re nervous.”

When their knuckles brush again, Eddie stretches out his fingers and catches Buck’s, holding on. Buck’s own fingers tighten immediately, and it gives Eddie the last bit of courage he needs.

“Well, yeah. Buck–” He stops walking, and Buck follows, turning so he’s facing Eddie. He’s close enough that Eddie can see his expression despite the dark, and he looks terrified, hopeful, nervous and excited at the same time, all of which Eddie feels, too. Eddie takes a deep breath. “I’m nervous because– nothing…no one’s ever been this important.”

A smile spreads out across Buck’s face, slowly deepening the crinkles around his eyes. “So this was a date?”

“Did it feel like one to you, too?”

Buck’s smile widens. “Yeah, i–it did. And I’m–I’m nervous too, of course. Eddie, if we do this, there’s no going back for me. I can’t– lose you. You and Christopher, you’re too important.”

He pulls on Eddie’s hand a little, and Eddie takes another step closer, drops his shoes in the sand and places his free hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb resting against his collarbone.

“It’s the same for me,” he says quietly. He shivers when Buck grabs his waist, the warmth of his hand seeping through Eddie’s shirt. “I– We don’t know what’s gonna happen. But, Buck– I love you. I love you so much, I have for…way longer than I was aware of it, and I just don’t see that going away. And I don’t think it’s fair to us to deny ourselves when I really think we could make each other– so happy. I know I can make you happy, and I want to prove it to you every day of my life, Buck.”

Buck is just staring at him with a dazed expression, his lips slightly parted, and Eddie suddenly can’t stand not kissing him for a second longer.

He slides his hand from Buck’s shoulder to the back of his neck, watches Buck’s eyes flutter shut and feels his fingers tighten on his waist, and then he’s finally, finally closing the distance between them.

Buck makes a soft sound against his mouth, like he’s still somehow surprised this is happening, but he gets on board very quickly, and Eddie stops thinking entirely.

When they pull back breathlessly, Eddie’s hair is a mess – he can feel the loose strands on his forehead – his lips are still tingling, and Buck’s got both arms wrapped around him tightly.

“In case that wasn’t clear,” Buck gasps, and lifts a hand to cup Eddie’s cheek. His thumb brushes over Eddie’s chin and caresses his lower lip, and Eddie presses a kiss to the pad of it. “I love you, too.”

[amazinglyashy]

hiii I’d like to make a request for LADS🙏

scenarios for the boys (specifically the original 3) when you meet and you’re already dating someone (maybe eventually you leave them for one of the boys). like. i can imagine raf and xav having a hard time keeping their cool about it and perhaps zayne acting the way he did in neon night since he doesn’t remember but fjdjsksm

You actually sent this a day before I got Neon Night, so I was able to reference it in real time and not look up the card on YT or anything, I'm so happy-- This was actually super fun, thank you so much for the request!! I hope you enjoy <3 (I'm gonna warn you tho, I made it a bit angsty--)

LaDS men when you're already dating someone [for now-]

Rafayel -

Rafayel is... upset.

to say the least.

He'll act rude and obnoxious to whoever it is you're dating at the time, to an uncharacteristically high level of sass and snippy comments. You have to try and ask him what's gotten into him, but he won't answer you.

Further meetings will go just as smoothly, so your current partner will just chalk up to you having an oddly rude friend.

He'll say something that comes across as weird to you at some point- a biting comment during a completely unrelated argument about how he waited so long for you, searching high and low for any trace of you returning again, and you didn't even have the courtesy to wait for him.

He'll leave angry, but he'll stand in the hallway regretting it, because he knows. He knows you don't remember him, and he can't keep faulting you for that. But damn-

It hurts.

It hurts to know that he did everything he could to find you, to protect you- to keep you safe until he could see you again. Talk to you again. Love you again.

But here you were.

Just out of reach again.

Xavier -

You're trying to handle a toddler now, not a grown man.

He's so upset, it's borderline ridiculous.

It's like any comment or conversation starter your current partner tries to toss at Xavier, it doesn't even make it out of the hangar before it's shot down.

Any attempts you make to be friendly with him are also met with snippy remarks.

He did not travel as far as he did, do every single hard thing he had up until this point- just to lose to some average every-day person who was currently enjoying holding your hand.

His jealously is through the roof.

His pouting face is actually pretty cute, though, so there's that.

After sulking for a long time, he'll start inviting you places more frequently, under the guise of wanting to hang out more as coworkers.

His actual motives are trying to make you see just how good of a partner he could be for you.

Yes he's trying to steal you out from under your current partner's feet.

Is it working...?

Sylus -

He's not surprised.

He's also not threatened.

What, was Sylus supposed to suspect that someone with no recollection of him or your previous time knowing each other would hold out for him, until you met again?

He tries his best to be a rational man, as there would be no rationality in getting upset at you for something you have no knowledge of.

He's hurt, but he also has a mild sense of confidence coating his doubts and pain.

He knows you'll come around to him eventually- it's everything that fate had destined, he'll muse jokingly to himself.

Still, he can't help a little doubt itching in his subconscious. He doesn't have any way of outwardly handling it, though.

He isn't the type to flaunt what he has in front of other people in order to appear better. It's gaudy to him, and shows just how little someone actually is worth if they're so desperate to put themselves above another through a dollar amount.

Treats your current partner with the same level of respect he does towards you, and shows them similar levels of care.

They make you happy, and he doesn't want that ever taken from you.

No matter how badly he wants you all to himself.

Zayne -

If it bothers him, you would never be able to tell.

Always the epitome of kindness and civility no matter who he's dealing with as long as they aren't unkind to those who matter to him- namely you- the person you're dating is treated no differently.

That is, as long as they're treating you properly.

He's no overprotective psychopath, but he does have his own concerns given some of the patients he has treated in the past. As long as certain basic criteria are met, he doesn't see any issue with it.

Still he's... a bit sad.

He blames himself wholeheartedly, for going away for so long. For leaving you alone. It's his own fault for missing his chance with you, and while somewhere deep inside of him is praying on your current partner's downfall- it's a very small portion in the back of his mind. Something dark he'll never truly humor.

He wants you to be happy, above anything else. Above personal feelings, his own wishes, anything. And if your current partner is making you happy, then that's all he could ever wish for.

Even through the sting.

He's happy as long as you are.

[thewistlingbadger]

I find it so interesting how Jayce's response to "I must say goodbye to this place" is "Viktor, you're my partner."

He doesn't try to reason with him logically, which would be him pointing out that Viktor literally just woke up and that it's not wise for Viktor to leave so soon. They should probably make sure he's okay first and try to get some answers. At this moment Viktor has no idea about how he ended up in the lab or anything about the attacks. Jayce has no idea what actually happened to Viktor when he was inside the thingy.

He doesn't try to get any explanation from Viktor, no what-do-you-mean or where-are-you-going.

He doesn't even deny Viktor by saying no. Instead he says "Viktor, you're my partner."

...Sir what the hell is that supposed to mean? It's such an odd response to Viktor. It's like he's saying the fact that they have a connection means they can't leave each other.

[phoenixeclipse-lmkau]

What is reader had some kind of an illness or disability? Maybe it’s an illness or disability that requires medicine that you could only get from readers world. Would they constantly be trying to find a way to replicate the medication or get some of the medication from her world until they could find a way to replicate it? I ask this because some people do in fact need medication

What would they do? That honestly depends on the illness or disability. Since we have a very very very wide range of things you need medicine for. So I'll give just a few examples.

If it's a kind of illness that Reader would actually die from? Then let's hope she had some of the medicine with her to begin with, but let's just say she had enough for a while. The Monkey duo would figure out about it within the first few days of course. And it really doesn't take that long for them to fall for Reader so they don't mess with it. (In fact they help make sure she takes it when she's supposed to)

If this is the case of what's happening then they don't stop her from going home, even though they want to. They don't know how to keep her alive, they don't want her to die. Not because of some illness, not because of anything! Now even though they let her go home that doesn't mean they let her go alone~ shes going to have two monkeys following her every step.

During the time that she's in her own world they will find out exactly what the medication she needs is. They'll study it and find out how to replicate it. Maybe try to search for a cure if there is one. If they get their true forms back before going back home if they aren't found out then they'll shapeshift back into the cubs that Reader knows. After all they aren't trying to scare her away.

Once they find out exactly what the medication is and how to replicate it (one way or another) then they will purposefully make sure Reader gets back to their world. These two warlords don't like Reader's home town, they don't like the hospital she goes to and they don't like how polluted the world is either. Blaring noises, also give Macaque a huge headache which he does NOT appreciate.

If Reader needs medication for help with something then we've got a different situation. Because some people need medication to focus or to make life easier.

Of course they don't WANT to see her hurting or make things harder for her but she doesn't really NEED this medicine. They can find a way to replicate it for her. They can find a way to maybe even cure it. Elixirs, powerful artifacts, different monks or demons could also help them somehow.

Wukong is desperate to keep her safe and cared for without letting her go home. He will do whatever she wants him to to make her feel better anything except allowing her to go home.

Wukong and Macaque will do their best to make her life as simple and easy as possible. Even if they aren't able to give her the medication she wants / needs. Chronic headaches? Rest and they'll give her all kinds of pain relief. Terrible menstrual cycles? Rest in the hotsprings it'll relieve some of the pain, and they'll even give back massages (if she allows it)

Again these are just a few small examples of what the Monkey duo would do. If Reader needed medication. There would probably be more stuff they would do, it just depends on why she needs it and what it's for. Heck even with the medication for her life they would be looking for some way to cure it after all.

Hope you liked this ask!! Sorry no scene for this one.

Leave a comment, like and reblog if you can/want to. No pressure. Hope everyone has a great day. And enjoy the noms.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

(Corpse Bride AU)

Priest: No, the vows are “With this hand I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine.” Are you trying to make a mockery of the wedding ceremony?

Lucifer: No I promise, I am just nervous.

*Eve placed a comforting hand on Lucifer’s hand, their parents had arranged their marriage because they both came from the two wealthiest families in the town, Eve was a nice young woman, but he didn’t love her the way he was supposed to, at least they could be friends, what Lucifer didn’t realize was thar he would soon find true love in a very interesting way*

Priest: Thankfully this was just a rehearsal, but you should learn your vows before the actual ceremony or I will refuse to marry you.

*Lucifer and Eve walked off*

Lucifer: I am so sorry about accidentally setting your mother’s dress on fire.

Eve: Don’t worry, it was rather entertaining, it was unfair to expect you to know the entire vow off the top of your head in such a stressful situation.

Lucifer: Thank you, I think I should go on a walk in the forest to clear my mind.

Eve: That should work, I will see you later.

*Lucifer walked through the forest and it was helping him calm down and so he decided to practice his vows, after a couple times stumbling he was able to say it perfectly*

Lucifer: With this hand I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine.

*he then pulled out the ring and placed it on what he thought was a stick in the ground, but when he went to retrieve the ring, a bony hand shot out of the ground and grabbed his wrist, rising out of the ground was a dead man in a bridal gown and veil, but he couldn’t help but notice that in spite of the fact he was dead, this man was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, short brown hair the color of chocolate and honey brown eyes, there were certain parts of him that had decomposed, but that didn’t take away from his beauty and the gown clung to his slightly chubby body which was even more seductive to Lucifer, when he looked at Lucifer he smiled at him, the dead young man was Adam who had been waiting for someone to come and marry him even though he was still dead*

Adam: I do.

*Lucifer didn’t know what was going on, but he started to run as the man, Lucifer thought he had lost the man on the bridge, but he turned and saw Adam there with that same ethereal smile*

Adam: You may now kiss the bride.

*Adam then leaned forward and kissed Lucifer on the lips, even as Lucifer blacked out, he couldn’t help but think of how nice the kiss was*

Angel: Nice going you killed him.

Lucid frowned, who was that voice? He opened his eyes to see the bride standing over him with a concerned look on his face.

Adam: I did not! Oh, look he's waking up.

Lucifer looked around. Where the fuck was he!?

Adam: Oh hello! I'm so glad you're awake!

Lucifer: What's going on?

Adam held up his hand: We got married silly! You said your vows perfectly in the woods.

Oh no.

Lucifer: I think there's been a mistake ...

Adam: No mistake.

Angel: So what's his name?

Adam smacked himself in the firehouse, how could he not ask his name!

Adam: Sorry! What's your name? Full name?

Lucifer: Lucifer Morningstar.

Adam: I'm Adam, your bride.

[mostly-marvel-musings]

Old Tricks - P3

A/N: Now I can’t stop writing…

Pairing: Tony Stark x F! Reader

Warnings: 18+ themes, fluff.

Find Part 1 & Part 2 here ;)

.

Your husband was missing. Again.

And right after promising that he wouldn’t be late for movie night.

Movie nights. Something you had designated every once in a while complete with buttery popcorn and candy and lots of fluffy pillows and blankets.

Sighing, you finished your glass of wine while his lay untouched and made your way downstairs where he was probably killing his back over some invention.

As suspected, there he was, deep in conversation with his virtual best friend, FRIDAY. You hadn’t decided whether to let this go or go up to him and remind him of what he’d missed. It didn’t hurt you because you had lived with the man long enough to understand he never did it on purpose.

Curiosity had gotten the better of you when you squinted to see what he was up to, watching your husband scroll through pictures that resembled…sex toys?

“Let’s keep the face plate easily retractable too, the wife has a thing for neck kisses and so do I.”

Tony murmured, mostly to himself but he made amendments to the project in front of him, fingers gliding over the keyboard to put his words into actuality. He had lost track of time but only because it was directed towards a little present he had been working on, for you.

Unknown to him, you were standing back within earshot, watching him work with a mixture of shock and amusement on your face.

“I mean, I know Y/N loves coming on my fingers just as much. Maybe we could tweak the suit? Add additional modes on the vibrators too.”

Sure, boss.

Blush crept up your cheeks as his words fell on your ears, it was as if he was discussing any other modification to be done to his Iron Man suits. You tiptoed inside, not wanting to announce your presence just yet as Tony Stark - the successor of Stark Industries, genius inventor, world-renown superhero and philanthropist continued his back and forth with the AI.

You watched as prototypes holograms of his suit showed up, the alterations he spoke about highlighted along with detailed description of its features. The man ran his fingers through his hair, leaving them a glorious mess before walked around the table as if to get a whole 360 view.

Clearing your throat finally, you stifled a laugh as your husband jumped with a hand over his heart.

“Jesus Christ! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Chuckling, you wrapped your arms around the man and reached up to give him a soft kiss. He sighed and hugged you, rubbing your back gently.

“You know among the things I presumed you do down here, I never imagined I’d catch you doing this. I also didn’t realise we had branched out to Adults Toys R Us.” You giggled when Tony playfully slapped your butt, joining in your laughter.

“It was supposed to be a surprise and a silly little gift. For the countless dates I’ve missed, I’m sorry.” He stared at his feet, scratching the back of his neck almost nervously.

“So you’re making me an apology sex toy? You continue to amaze me, Mr. Stark.” You murmured, making him look up at you again before pressing your lips to his lightly.

The man truly was unbelievable.

“What did I miss?” He asked earnestly, guilt evidently reflecting in his brown eyes.

“Our movie night. But it’s okay, I won’t hold it against you. Especially not if promise to reveal what all of this is about.”

Chuckling lowly, Tony planted his head on your shoulder, letting out a tired sigh and a purr the moment your fingers ran through his hair, comforting him.

“Am I going to get a demo or what?” You turned towards his work station while still keeping your arms around him.

“Nope. It’s still a work in progress.” Tony shrugged, swiftly shutting down his work.

“Oh come on, Tony! At least tell me something about it, what does it look like, how do I use it—”

“Oh no, you’re not going to use it. I am.”

You frowned, coaxing him to continue, now that he’d really got your interest piqued. It wasn’t surprising that he would design something like this without involving an element of ‘him’ in it.

“You’re giving me a present that’s meant to be used by you? Hmm, I’m not so sure if I want it now..” you teased, welcoming Tony as he slotted himself between your legs, caging you in by placing both his arms on either side.

“Oh you want it, alright. I’ve made sure it’s everything you’d wished for and more.”

“Hmm.. I would like some more details before I decide how I feel about this present.” Your arms naturally found their way behind his neck, excitement already building deep within as your little banter continued.

“Well?”

“Let’s just say all of your suit kink prayers have been answered, Mrs. Stark.”

No smut just yet 🤭

[ourkingdomofcards]

just in my personal opinion (and after the hell of a morning we've had). emotional amnesia is honestly one of the worst symptoms of DID.

we can know all the therapy skills in the world and be able to present like we know how to manage ourselves. sometimes, we actually can manage ourselves. through shit times, we can be perfectly fine. and it's saved our life more times than we know.

but when it gets bad, all of that goes out the window. when it gets bad, everything feels bad. even though we know there are plenty of good moments in life, and we remember the moments when we felt good about things and try to rationalize, none of it seems like enough when we suddenly don't remember what it actually feels like to be happy. of course it doesn't feel worth it, of course we want to die.

most of the time, though, we can shut out the darkness. flip the switch, turn it off. so everybody thinks we're okay, and maybe even we can think we're okay, but we aren't. or are we? i don't know what i'm supposed to trust.

and how do you... work on that? how do you fix the problems when you can only ever be aware of them when you're alone? after you switch in to find the aftermath of yet another suicide attempt. no doctor has ever been able to understand it because we don't even understand it ourselves. at all. and i'm at a loss for what to do about it, because it's been getting more dangerous over time.

– daniel

[pjsk-hot-takes]

To add onto Anons before me I’ve noticed that whenever misogyny is brought up in the PJSK fandom the people talking about it always specifically refer to L/N, MMJ and even N25. Which.

Actually I think we should talk about Emu Nene An and Kohane more. They face SO much misogyny. Constantly. And nobody even mentions them in discussions about misogyny BECAUSE of said misogyny. Literally every single time an Emunene or Anhane song comes out people call it bad or say it should’ve gone to someone else. Every time. Without fail. It gets ignored at best outright hated at worst.

Ok so thought experiment time. Name a popular Emunene or Anhane song that’s as beloved or gets as much attention as Aun no Beats and Fixer.

If you couldn’t name one - that isn’t even because they don’t have bangers people just don’t like women unless they’re standing right next to men. Anhane alone has Imperial Girl and Odo and Pheles and Love is War and the Night Sky Patrol of Tomorrow and Butterfly on your Right Shoulder archives and you’re telling me that none of those are “good enough”????? Idk I think that’s just bias. Ruikasa and Akitoya songs have gotten popular with worse. Anhane and Emunene could drop the most jaw dropping gorgeous songs ever and not a single person would care and I firmly believe and will stand by that statement.

This isn’t even getting into how they’re treated in group covers!!!!!! Everybody ignores or hates on them!!!! If people feel like they got even slightly more lines than Ruikasa or Akitoya, even in their *own focus songs* (cough forward cough) they get so upset. And yet when Anhane and Emunene get the EXACT same treatment in Ruikasa or Akitoya songs nobody says a single thing!!!

And that’s not just speculation I KNOW that’s the case I can literally prove it. An has three total solo lines in the entirety of blender. That’s the exact same amount of solo lines as Toya gets in Ready Steady. They pretty much have the exact same amount of duet lines as well. In both songs. But Ready Steady is infamous and hated for it whereas blender nobody has even pointed this out and it’s universally beloved. It’s not even just a “blender is a focus song” thing because this happened with Forward too. It’s just misogyny.

I’ve seen people complain about Daybreak Frontline. Because and I quote “I hate it when the girls get most of the lines”. I can’t even go into any of the Nene or Emu tags without filtering every single Tsukasa and Rui tag first and even then finding any sort of content is almost impossible I think that’s a problem.

People will call Kohane “just a girl” despite the fact that she has a solid character arc and a personality and development. You can think she’s boring or not for you but????????? Don’t call her “just a girl”????? Esp not when she has social difficulties that are intentionally supposed to be relatable to the audience. A lot of people might actually relate to her character and journey even if they don’t necessarily like her. Idk leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

An has it only SLIGHTLY better because there’s a niche little fanbase for her and she’s somewhat popular (in the western fanbase. I think Kohane is more popular in Japan iirc.) but she still gets treated as an accessory to Akito and Toya just like Kohane. Also people keep trying to be weird and frame her as abusive or toxic which. Considering that possibility isn’t like a bad thing but people are just straight up reaching to try to prove stuff that either isn’t implied at any point or is outright refuted in the text just to villainize her??? Which is weird??? Especially because these people will turn around and defend Rui and Akito. Like. What did she ever do to you….. you’re willing to defend Rui who has canonically put people in mortal danger because teehee autism (I am autistic FYI I still think that’s a really stupid thing to use as justification especially if he’s aware it’s dangerous????) but An. Just existing with her fear of abandonment was too much??????

I could go ON and on and on there are so many examples….. help me……… help me anons…..

It’s not even that liking Akito and Toya or Rui and Tsukasa is inherently bad!!!!! But the favoritism as a whole is…….. something. Especially when it turns into hating the fem characters.

Also Mizuki suffers this too with Rui as another anon mentioned and it’s like. Really guys. Like first off it’s not about him it’s about Mizuki and if you’re gonna involve anyone else it should be the Nightcord girlies. Second off It’s a double whammy because people will bring up Rui but make no mention of An despite the fact that An is the one who’s canonically defended Mizuki from transphobes. Like. Why only Rui.

(I tried to word this as neutrally as possible I hope it didn’t come off as too aggressive ausuxuvhxhgxhgshg…. Anyways….. introspection and growth is good and cool actually…. Also I’m using Anhane and Emunene and Akitoya and Ruikasa for ease of use not as like a ship thing just to clarify it’s just tiring typing out each name individually)

.

[gibberishfangirl]

WINDBREAKER | just a mistake?

Synopsis ✰ how they react to getting cheated on

Characters ✰ Haruka Sakura, Hajime Umemiya, Hayato Suo, Akihiko Nirei, Toma Hiragi, Mitsuki Kiryu, Jo Togame, Choji Tomiyama

Contains ✰ sfw!, angst, betrayal, cheater!reader, gn!reader, reader is referred as “they/them”, usage of the words “partner” and “lover”, bottled up feelings, emotional affairs, physical cheating, break ups, guilty!reader, insecurity, unstable relationships, some relationships continue, cheating sucks, uncertain emotions, mainly contains the characters gathering their thoughts/characters perspective

typically Sakura ᡣ𐭩 thought anyone who would be so unloyal and distrust worthy were scum. he would believe they didn’t deserve anything good life had to offer. he wouldn’t give any dirty slimy cheater the time of day. at least that’s what he thought before… before he was actually put in the position where he had to see his lover become something he thought so lowly of. trust and respect were huge for Sakura and for them to throw it all away drove him insane. sure he was inexperienced and wasn’t anything close to perfect, but that wasn’t any excuse for them to do what they did. he hated himself for wanting to cave. wanting to tell them that it’s okay and he forgives them because anything would’ve felt better than forcing himself to walk away. despite feeling that way his pride could never allow him to continue a relationship with someone who disrespected him. it took everything in his power to not want to hold you and ask what he did wrong. took all of him to not wipe off the tears streaming down their face as they pleaded for forgiveness. Sakura’s never felt this type of rage and sadness in his life and he never thought they’d be the one to make him feel this way.

were they really so lonely to the point where they had to find comfort in another man’s arms? Umemiya ᡣ𐭩 couldn’t help but ask himself that question every night since the incident. the way he had to fight back the urge to rip that man off of them. but he didn’t, not when they laughed and smiled at that strange man like that. with that same smile they used to give him. that stupid stupid joyous face that was supposed to be reserved for him only. as long as they’re happy, is what he would keep telling himself everyday trying to find a way to live without them. Ume couldn’t really bring himself to hate them or really feel anything negative. he couldn’t wish them the worst, wish them a world with nothing but pain, wish them to experience the way he feels right now. he can’t. not when he did everything in his power to make them happy. he’d cope with the lesson that his love was never enough. no matter how painful it was. he’d remain with a smile on his face even if the sparkle in his eyes didn’t match. he built walls around him and promised himself that he would never make the same mistake again. the mistake of letting someone get too close. he never wanted to feel this way again. even if that meant not feeling the wonders of love ever again.

Suo ᡣ𐭩 couldn’t really comprehend where it came from. despite being a man with a good defense and having the ability to be aware of everything around him, this caught him by surprise. and it wasn’t the cute type of surprise his lover would give him each time whenever they’d “sneak” up on him from behind and cover his eyes to place a kiss on the top of his head before giggling out a “guess who?”. he never thought he’d find himself in the situation where he had to hear the love of his life tell him they fell for another. wasn’t he enough? why would they need someone else? why, why, why, why, so many questions and no answers. no answers that satisfied him at least. he wasn’t even sure where his relationship stood. they didn’t do anything… but they were in love with someone who wasn’t him? his heart sank down to his feet he almost felt like it was about to burst out of his body and his life would just end right there. a small part of him wanted it to. he couldn’t find a solution on how to move forward. any sane person would tell him it wasn’t worth it but no one knew them like he did. no one felt the joys of falling in love with them the way he did… at least that’s what he thought. clearly someone else now shares that same feeling and he didn’t like it in the slightest.

he wasn’t all that special, there were better fish in the sea. that much he knew. he always knew this was too good to be true but to think that day would come almost felt like a joke. Nirei ᡣ𐭩 always thought they could do better but to actually see it hurt. he couldn’t help but feel an unhealthy amount of anger that was out of his character. a small part of him hated them. not for cheating, not for making him fall in love for them but for letting him believe he was special. of course in past tense, he no longer felt that small bit of confidence he managed to build up in the relationship. it was gone. it disappeared faster than it even came. he couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit of shame as he was the one to beg them to stay. he felt like a fool. but he couldn’t stop the pleading from existing his mouth. “please give me another chance, i can change. i can do better. i’ll be better. please i promise, just don’t leave me.” he pleaded with more tears running down his face than theirs. the way he cried more than they did. as if he was the one who made the mistake. “how pathetic” he’d think to himself every night as he thought back to day. no matter how much he wanted to blame them for cheating he couldn’t. not when he felt like he was to blame for simply not being good enough. being good enough for anyone started to feel impossible.

“they’re as good as dead to me.” at least that’s what Hiragi ᡣ𐭩 kept telling everyone who asked. it was the only thing he had convincing himself that the pain he felt in his chest wasn’t there. that it was only temporary and it would already gone before he knew it. not that he would still be hurt about it after weeks on end (he was). even kaji grew worried for his friend as he never even got a straight answer himself. Hiragi found it especially easier to shut out everyone after the incident. “it’s not worth talking about.” it wasn’t was it? wasn’t worth talking about how happier they seemed in their messages as they sent mornings texts, night texts, “i love you” texts and what not. not to mention those stupid pictures he saw within their messages as he felt his heart shatter. as his mind snap as he couldn’t stop scrolling through the entire conversations. conversations that never seemed to end. conversations that couldn’t even hold a candle to the ones between him and them. maybe this is what he got for being too tired. for being too drained. for not being there. for not being a good boyfriend. for being a good for nothing. Hiragi was a real man, never talking down on their name as he made every conversation short. it was more than they deserved but it wasn’t because they deserved it. it was because he never knew how he would be able to handle someone else talking down on the person he still loves. the person he wanted so badly to want him. he wished he didn’t have the energy to get so worked up about it but he did. he wanted to be their everything the same way they were his everything. only to realize in the end that he was nothing.

y’know surprisingly enough this wasn’t Kiryu ᡣ𐭩‘s first rodeo on heartbreak. but it was different. not because this was the first time he got cheated on. but because this was the first time he thought they were the one. as silly as it sounded he couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted to marry them. feeling stupid as he looked at the shiny ring. he never would’ve guessed that it would stay hidden forever, tucked away in that small box in his dresser. he did a decent job at always keeping himself distracted as the days go by. whether it meant distracting himself with friends or strangers. even if it meant finding a random fling sleeping softly in his bed. despite wishing so badly he would do a double take and it’d be them instead. either way he’d just shake his head and the thoughts would easily vanish. the real problem was when he finally had time to himself. especially when he was quietly showering and he would have nothing to distract him from reminiscing on about the life he once had. along with the life he dreamed about and was close to achieving before it all vanished. he wouldn’t move on from them so easily but it never stopped him from trying no matter how hard it got. he didn’t really blame himself for anything that happened but he didn’t blame you either. he understood where they were coming from even if he wasn’t fond of it. similar to Ume he’d just want them to find happiness even if it wasn’t with him. although he’ll most likely take a break from dating after this.

he was in disbelief. he couldn’t believe it until he saw the proof with his own eyes. even though it hurt him so bad. the old Togame ᡣ𐭩 would’ve gone on a huge spiral. most likely ending with the new guy covered in his own blood as toga would pound every ounce of anger he felt out of him through his fist. any guy who thought they could look let alone touch his partner was as good as dead. there wasn’t anyone sane enough to test that, well now there was. despite wanting to react in anger and frustration he bottled it up. he would act like he didn’t care. he might even try to continue the relationship because his love was too strong for him to give up without even trying. however, his mind could never erase the amount of pain he felt as he questioned every second of the relationship. he couldn’t help himself but wonder if there was someone new, if his next mistake would result in his lover in another man’s arms again, it wouldn’t help if his partner told him there was no one else or would show proof of no contact. it didn’t erase the pain like he hoped it would. the damage was done and he wasn’t sure how to move forward with this broken trust. didn’t matter how hard they tried, toga would throw the mistake in his partners face at any given moment despite them changing. they’d both drive each other insane as the relationship would grow more toxic than what it was worth. he’d realize how unhealthy it is but would take time to learn when to walk away. most painful lesson he’s learned

although multiple people reassured him it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t help but convince himself it was. Choji ᡣ𐭩 felt like he was lucky enough to even get someone like his partner to look at him. so what did he do wrong to make them look the other way? he made plenty of mistakes in his life before. did he make more without knowing? he never felt so much self doubt in his life, it drained him. he became noticeably less happy and bubbly in comparison to his old self. choji was confident in himself for a lot of things, he was always able to recognize his own talents and good traits about himself. now he can’t really find any. outgoing? he wasn’t outgoing enough to keep them happy. strength? clearly not strong enough to make them stay. loving? apparently not enough. suddenly he felt weak in every sense. choji could never imagine himself leaving his partner by choice so when his own partner had asked for the breakup his heart would break more than he thought was possible. it’d take him forever to rebuild himself back up again but he’ll get there eventually. it didn’t make the process any easier as a small part of him always hoped his lover would return. it pained him to imagine that they might’ve found someone better than him. someone who had more to offer than he did. someone who he could never compare to. at least that’s what he would think until he realizes nothing was ever completely his fault.

[hugsandchaos]

Ghost Boy, Where Art Thou?

Summary: After arriving in the Far Frozen, Sam and Tucker hope to become one step closer to finding Danny.

Me: Back at it again at Krispy Kream *backflips into oblivion*

Word Count: 4,912

Tucker took another sip of the hot chocolate and felt like sighing as the brown liquid quickly warmed and soothed his throat, then began heading down to his stomach. Suddenly, he was glad Danny had stashed some hot chocolate away here for “emergency purposes” only, and totally not because he knew that they wouldn’t go through the trouble of traveling the Ghost Zone and search the ghost yeti’s village just because they wanted to get into it.

Frostbite knew exactly where it was, though, and had some made for the two humans. Another ghost yeti, SpearFreeze, had gotten them both one of the extra blankets made with fur from one of the ghost monsters they hunted in the past. One of them was big and heavy enough for them both, so they huddled together and wrapped it around themselves as much as they could.

The warmth was finally seeping through their clothes, and even though Tucker’s fingers stung a little bit holding the mug with how warm it was compared to the dropping temperatures outside he was just in a while ago, he kept a grip on it knowing that the sting would go away soon.

Frostbite sat across from them in the doctor’s room they were currently in, glancing between one of the screens displaying the results of Sam’s and Tucker’s scans, and a clipboard.“Your health looks good. I don’t believe either of you have gotten sick.” He said.

“Thanks, Frostbite.” Tucker said. He recalled the times Frostbite spent an hour or two asking questions regarding human health. The next time they visited, they brought him a few books on human health to give him more information than they could.

“You’re welcome. Now, what’s this about Danny? Is he alright?” Frostbite asked.

Sam and Tucker briefly glanced at each other, then back at Frostbite.“We were kinda hoping he was with you. Two nights ago, he was supposed to meet us at Sam’s place, but he just disappeared! The next day, we figured maybe he went into the Ghost Zone and got a little lost or was visiting someone and lost track of time.” Tucker explained.

“Yeah, if he’s not here, we need to check other places once we’ve warmed up.” Sam said.

The corners of Frostbite’s mouth quickly creased downwards and his eyes went wide. He stared silently at them for a moment before speaking again.

“He is missing?” He asked in slight disbelief.

Sam and Tucker nodded.

“I will help.” Frostbite said. He stood up with a sudden determined look on his face and began heading towards the door.

“Wait, what?” Tucker asked, caught off guard by the sudden decision.

Frostbite stopped in his tracks and turned to look at them over his shoulders.“He may be the one who defeated Pariah Dark, but he is still a child. I will help.” He repeated.”I will let the others know about this. You two will wait here.” He said. Before Sam and Tucker could say much more, Frostbite was gone.

After his loud footsteps faded, Sam turned to Tucker.”You think they’ll try to use the Infi-Map?” She asked.

A hopeful smile broke across Tucker’s face.”Yeah, they’d find him in no time!” He said. Tucker had completely forgotten about the map. Now that he remembered it, he was grateful they tried the Far Frozen first.

“If he’s in the Ghost Zone.” Sam pointed out.

“And if he’s not here, where should we search first? I think Jazz already told her parents about Danny missing.” Tucker asked.

“Wait, what?” Sam raised an eyebrow in confusion and sat up straight from her previously hunched over form.”We’ve only been in here a few hours, haven’t we?” She asked.

Tucker shook his head.”No, we’ve actually been in here a while.” He said. He reached into his pocket and fished out his cellphone, which had a stopwatch that showed they were there for over a little over 24 hours.”Remember when we got tired and took turns piloting the ship while the other napped?” He asked.

Sam’s eyes widened as she realized what he meant.”Oh.” She said.

Tucker put the device back into his pocket.”Jazz called while you were napping, when we were just a few hours away from the Far Frozen. She said she informed her parents and that they were heading out to look for him themselves before calling the police.” He explained.

“So chances are the police have already been called.” Sam guessed.

Tucker shrugged.”Depends on where they’ve searched. Once we get good cell service, we’ll call them.” He said.

Above the underground hospital, carved into the side of a mountain, Frostbite stood by a large table consisting of five other ghost yetis. The walls of the room were mostly rock and ice smoothed out. The table itself was made of clean, white metal and round.

One of the other members had a patch of fur missing from the left side of her head and a missing left horn, and some of her neck fur was missing and scarred as well. Galeforce was known well for her reputation in battle, and the story of how she’d gotten burned inspired many young children into becoming warriors, and her red cloth symbolized her position as a council member.

Beside her was SpearFreeze, the youngest member of the council, and next to her was BearIce, who was sporting the same red. Frostbite watched the remaining members, CandleBreeze and TundraWood take their seats. CandleBreeze was the oldest member and often moved slower than the rest. TundraWood waited until CandleBreeze got comfortable to sit down.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice.” Frostbite began.”We have a problem that I believe requires our help. Incase you weren’t informed, Sam Manson and Tucker Foley were found about thirty minutes ago. After bringing them inside, they told me their arrival was thanks to Danny Phantom suddenly disappearing.” He said.

The other members all gave surprised responses to this news. Galeforce stood up and placed both hands on the table almost immediately.”What?! He’s missing?!” She exclaimed. SpearFreeze lifted a hand up and grabbed her arm to pull her back down, which Galeforce allowed and sat back down.

“Yes. They said he was supposed to meet them two nights ago and never arrived. They already searched the path he took several times and informed the Great Ons’s older sister, who has likely told their parents by now, while they come into the Ghost Zone to continue the search.” Frostbite explained.

“You want to help them search.” SpearFreeze said.

Frostbite nodded.”Yes.” He confirmed.”But I also know we can’t rush into things. We need to organize a search party first.” Frostbite said.

“And take into account the places we can travel to.” Galeforce said. She propped her elbows onto the table and held her own hands, something she sometimes did when she was debating something in her head.”And how many we can even send out…” She muttered.

Frostbite nodded. Due to living on the ground for so long, his people had forgotten how to fly and were unsure if they even could, instead relying on technology. Technology that only had so much battery life.

“Are we sure a search party is necessary? I’d never want to make the situation of a missing child seem any less severe than it is, but he’s a great fighter, is he not?” BearIce asked.

“As much as you’re correct in saying he’s a great fighter, no one has had been able to contact him in over 48 hours. I believe since our friends had come all this way, we could at least help them search here if we can’t reach other parts of the Ghost Zone.” Frostbite replied.

BearIce hummed in acknowledgment.”Then we’ll start here. Galeforce, are any of your hunters busy?” He asked.

Galeforce stood up again to leave.“A few, but not all of them. I’ll organize a team right away.” She responded.

~~~~~(Meanwhile)~~~~~

Danny truly wasn’t hungry, but as he took a bite of the meat he was given, he thought to himself that it never hurt to continue eating three meals as normal. It never caused him any issues to eat lunch when he didn’t feel hungry for it, so he’d go ahead and eat. He had to keep pretending to be completely human, anyways, and it tasted great!

Sky sat next to him and finished his food quickly, and once Danny was done as well, Sky smiled at him.”Sooo, mind telling me more about crows and ravens?” He asked.

Danny had almost forgotten about their brief conversation from earlier, but thinking back, Sky seemed very excited hearing that they could mimic human speech. He remembered the flock of crows back in Amity Park and smiled thinking about that first day he was approached by one.

“Yeah, I can tell you a few things.” He said. Sky shifted to make himself comfortable and leaned forward a little with a big grin on his face.”Like I said, they can mimic human speech. I think I actually have a video of one of them talking to me.” Danny said. He reached for his bag and unzipped it. Orbit looked up at him tiredly and Danny had to resist saying sorry as he reached inside and pulled out his phone. He closed his bag and began tapping the device.

Once he found the video, he moved his arm so he could show it to Sky and pressed play.

A crow stood on a wooden table, looking past the camera. It opened its beak and tilted its head upwards.

“Hey.” It said, mimicking a man’s voice.

“Hey.” Danny’s voice greeted back from behind the camera. His voice was loud compared to the bird.”What are you doing?” He asked. His voice gave away his joy and excitement as the crow took a step closer. He had almost laughed in the video.

The crow turned its attention to the camera and took a few steps closer and opened its beak as if to try to eat it. The camera was promptly pulled away.

Now the two could see a bit of Danny, mainly the back of his head and shoulder.

Danny lifted a finger and pointed it at the crow.”No, no eating my phone.” He said, as if he was scolding a child. The crow looked at his finger and tilted its head.

The crow simply stared at him for a while before opening its beak again.”What’s up?” It asked.

“Nothing. Just waiting on my friends. What’s up with you?” Danny responded. The crow hopped back, and a second later, it flew away. Danny turned and looked at the camera with a big smile as he brought it in front of him.”This has been happening for a while. I’m so glad I finally got in on camera, Sam’s gonna flip.” He said.

The video stopped there.

Danny turned to look at Sky and noticed something behind the both of them. He turned around to see Wild, Twilight, Legend, and Wind all staring at the video with them. Danny nearly jumped out of his seat. He hadn’t noticed them walk over, he was focused on the video and remembering the excitement he felt in that moment.

“That bird talked, right? You guys heard it too?” Twilight asked.

Wind and Wild nodded while Legend gave a surprised “Yeah”.

“Uh, yeah. There are quite a few birds that mimic speech. Crows, ravine, and several parrots. Parrots are actually well-known for having conversations with people.” Danny said.

Legend looked at Danny.“I’ve been through many adventures, and I’ve never met a single friendly crow or raven.” He said.

Danny furrowed his eyebrows. These dark feathered creatures weren’t exactly the friendliest, but they didn’t go around attacking unprovoked. They did, although, spread the news about mean or nice people, which was why he’d manage to get on the good side of an entire flock of crows.

“What did you do?” He asked.

“What do you mean? They came after me first!” Legend replied.

Wind leaned forward and Twilight adjusted his arms behind him a little. It was then that Danny realized Twilight was holding Wind on his back so he could see the screen of Danny’s phone.

“Maybe the ones in your world are the friendly ones.” Wind suggested.

Danny smirked.”Or maybe they just like me.” He said.

“Guess we’ll use you as a shield against the dark birds, then.” Legend said.

Danny snickered.

~~~~~(Short Time Skip)~~~~~

Not much else happened after lunch. The group just kept walking and walking until the sun was getting low and they stopped to set up camp. By then, Danny was fairly sore in his legs and abdomen. Not only that, but his binder was squeezing the hell out of him. His ribs have been hurting all day, and he’s been pretending not to be feeling out of breath for probably an hour.

Looking around at the others who were now starting to sit down and get comfortable, Danny realized he had an opportunity.

He picked up his bag and hurried away from the rest of the group. If anyone saw him, they didn’t ask, which he was grateful for. The sound of them talking and moving around slowly faded into the background, and when Danny turned around to find he could just barely see them, he decided this was as far as he was going to get without someone getting worried and coming to look for him.

He surveyed his surroundings. There was no one else around. No monsters, either. If he was going to get a break, now was a good time.

Danny set his bag down and began to remove the shield, sword, and armor, placing them on his bag instead of the ground. Once he finally stripped off his binder, he put the brown undershirt back on and sat down against a tree. He took a deep breath.

Ancients, it felt good not to have his ribs feel so constricted. Danny couldn’t wait to have his top surgery and finally be done with the binder. The skin above his ribs were littered with bruises, a consequence of his own actions by wearing it all day.

He looked over at his bag and reached a hand to unzip it.”You can come out if you want.” He said.

Orbit flew out of the bag quickly. They warbled and chirped happily as they flew around Danny, then the surrounding area. Danny smiled and watched as the wisp zoomed around.”Got tired of the bag? Sorry, buddy, but I still don’t know if these guys like ghosts or not.” He said. Despite being so close to them and the uncomfortable bark, Danny found himself relaxing.

The area was surprisingly peaceful. He hadn’t encountered any monsters since lunch. Still, he kept his eyes and ears open. Orbit seemed calm. Danny watched them fly into the forest and smiled a little.”Hey, stay where I can see you.” He called out in a whisper. He didn’t want to chance the others overhearing him. Danny could just barely hear the group, but he didn’t know if there was a difference in Hylian hearing and Human hearing.

He watched the area slowly grow darker and darker, waiting for Orbit to return. After what felt like half an hour, Orbit suddenly came barreling out of the forest, squeaking and chirping at Danny. It was a call to come closer.

Danny raised an eyebrow and stood up.”What is it?” He asked. He stalked closer to Orbit and looked past the wisp. He saw nothing, even as he looked closely at the foliage incase something was hiding.

Orbit warbled and flew deeper into the forest. Danny moved to follow, but stopped himself. He glanced over his shoulder. He couldn’t just walk away. The others would definitely notice his disappearance and possibly grow suspicious of him. What could he say? He’s been wary of everything, it’d seem odd if he just left.

No, he had to keep playing “cautious kid” until he either became good enough for them not to worry about him or he figured out how they’d react to him being half ghost.

Danny looked at Orbit.”No, this is far enough.” He said. Orbit turned around warbled, insisting that he should follow. It sounded important.”Is someone hurt?” He asked. Orbit shook his body side to side.”Then no.” Danny said, crossing his arms. Orbit squeaked and made a rumbling noise.

“Danny.” Time’s voice called out.

Danny’s heart nearly burst out of his chest as he whipped his head around. Time’s armor caught the remaining light and made him stand out in the dark a little bit as he walked closer to where Danny left his stuff. Danny wanted to turn around, but he stopped. He didn’t have his binder on, nor did he have a bra or even his jacket!

He felt Orbit’s tiny body press up against his midsection to try to hide and realized something even worse. What if Time saw Orbit?

“Sorry to cut your break short, but you need to put your binder and armor back on. Dinner’s ready and you’ll be sparring Legend after. After that, you’re free to head to bed.” Time said. He turned around and walked away.

Danny couldn’t help but feel a little surprised. That wasn’t what he was expecting.

He knew it was a little weird that he hadn’t been expecting them to bring up or even notice it. After all, he took the binder off when he slept, and slept close enough to the group for them to step in if a monster snuck up on him in his sleep. His jacket didn’t exactly make his upper chest invisible. They’ve technically seen him with his binder off, but still, it felt like Time knew something he shouldn’t. Then again, they probably all knew.

He stood there stunned for a little bit, watching Time walk away, before turning to look at Orbit.”Come on, we have to head back.” He said in a hushed tone.

Orbit warbled in protest, but Danny picked up his bag and held it open. Orbit’s eyes shifted and the sides of his body puffed up, as if pouting, before he reluctantly floated into the bag.“I’m sorry.” Danny said.

He turned and walked back to the group. Nothing eventful or big happened during dinner, but when sparring came around, Danny got his ass handed to him.

Legend wasn’t as kind as Twilight was that morning and went right for the attack.

Danny was almost a little overwhelmed between the dodging and blocking and fighting back, knowing that he couldn’t shift to ghost form or use his fists like he knows he could. It’d be more dangerous, but at least he had more experience that way. He kept trying to use the sword, and he was hoping he was getting a little better, but he could barely keep up.

In the end, Legend won. He also won the next two rounds, and Danny was left panting partially because of the binder.

Legend put his sword away.”Not bad for a second time. You need to work on your grip and your strikes, but other than that, you’re mediocre.” He said.

Danny almost laughed.”I’ve heard worse compliments.” He said. Legend didn’t smile.

After that, the others went to sleep and Danny was mostly left alone with Twilight being on watch. Danny used his bag as a pillow again, careful not to squish Orbit, and stared up at the stars. The only sounds were the fire, crickets, and the wind rustling the leaves. It was peaceful, and Danny had almost completely forgotten about his situation.

His gaze shifted all across the neighboring galaxy. It still left him almost breathless looking at it. It was beautiful. Looking at it felt like floating, and at the same time, like gravity was being extra strong in order to keep him against the ground. It made him feel both bigger and smaller, like he was too big for his own body. His body that he could forget he was even living in.

Stargazing made Danny’s chest both lighter and heavier, and it was one of the few things in this world that could actually chase away his racing thoughts and clear his mind, but that wonderful feeling was interrupted by the sound of something moving.

Danny quickly sat up and looked to his left. Twilight was also facing the noise. As Danny tried to listen for it again, he realized that the crickets had stopped chirping. Danny’s heart picked up in his chest. Something was nearby.

A moment later, there was the sound of movement again. It was a little farther, but still close enough to put him on edge. Twilight reached behind his back and slowly pulled out his sword.“I’ll be right back.” He whispered, not turning his head around. He rose up and stalked towards the bushes in the direction of the sound.

Once he was gone, Danny couldn’t tell if he felt more exposed or invisible. He moved his eyes away from where Twilight vanished into the forest to scan his surroundings. He searched anything he could see slowly and carefully.

Once, twice, three times.

After the fourth time, he was more confident in his surroundings, but Twilight still hadn’t come back. Danny forced himself to take a deep breath. Twilight was clearly experienced, and more familiar with this world’s flora and fauna. Besides, he had that wolf form. He’d be okay against monsters.

After the second breath, however, the secret anxious voice in the back of his head that he tried to ignore all day was proven right.

A familiar cold enveloped Danny’s body as a blue trail of fog or some kind of smoke left his mouth. For a split second, it felt as if all oxygen had left his lungs, leaving him breathless and freezing. Then the trail left his mouth completely, and just as suddenly as it came, the sensation went away.

The pit in his stomach didn’t, though.

Danny immediately stood up. He scanned the area around him again, then again.

When he picked up on Orbit’s frantic buzzing, he slowly crouched down and unzipped his backpack to let them out. The wisp refused to come out, though. Instead, they only moved to the edge and reached up with their tiny, stubby arms to grab onto Danny’s hand. They pulled on him, as if trying to pull him in, but Danny didn’t budge.

“What’s going on?” He asked in a hushed tone. He looked up to scan the area again. Then he saw it. And then he heard it.

A faint light blue, almost white light stood out against the darkness. Danny slowly pulled his hand away and stood straight. As the light swayed side to side and grew closer with the sound of jangling metal, the young Halfa realized that it was a flame inside a lantern, and carrying it was a ghost.

It had to be. Danny could just barely sense its core, but it was there. Plus, it floated through the trees as if they weren’t even there. The ghost’s hood concealed its face, aside from what looked like its bare lower jaw. Maybe it had a fire core.

There was something wrong. Really wrong.

A broken, sickly hiss escaped from its mouth. Upon hearing that hiss, the ectoplasm-blood mixture in Danny’s veins stopped.

He heard that noise before. When Frostbite was teaching him about different illnesses ghosts could have. After hearing about it, Danny hoped that he’d never have the misfortune of meeting a ghost with Poe Syndrome, but luck was hardly ever on his side.

His chest tightened up. The Poe hadn’t noticed him yet. He could grab his bag, take Orbit and his things and run. Poes were incredibly slow and often suffered sight problems, he’d outrun it in seconds. Screw the others looking for him.

He slowly crouched down, careful not to make noise, and reached for his bag. Then he paused and looked at the rest of the group. They were asleep. Twilight still wasn’t back. If he left now, they’d be defenseless.

Danny didn’t know yet if they had experience with ghosts, but he suddenly decided he wasn’t going to test it. He released his grip on the strap and grabbed the thermos, then stood up to glare at the Poe.

“Look, buddy, I’ll give you one chance to leave.” Danny said, keeping his voice down as to not disturb anyone.

The Poe snapped its head in his direction and let out a hungry growl. In a sudden burst of speed fueled by desperation, it charged towards him. Danny quickly transformed (without the pretty light show, which he’s been practicing) and lunged to the side. The Poe changed its direction and faced him, but didn’t charge again.

It looked down at his bag. It was still unzipped, with Orbit inside.

Danny flew towards it and swung his fist at its jaw before it could bend over and reach inside. The Poe flew back, almost stumbling onto Wind, but it righted itself and hissed.

“Quiet!” Danny whispered angrily.

The Poe charged towards him again with another hiss. Danny reached his arms out and grabbed the Poe, spun around, and threw it against a tree a little ways away from the group. He rushed forward and struck the Poe a second time in the chest, hard enough to make the tree shake a little, and waisted no time in hitting it again.

Poes were very weak compared to other ghosts, so the young halfa thought that after the third punch, it was safe to use the thermos. He jumped back and unhooked the thermos from his belt. He quickly lifted it up, pressed the button, and watched the Poe get sucked inside. Once it was in, he twisted it shut.

For a moment, Danny was worried that it wouldn’t work. Ghosts with Poe Syndrone had very little ectoplasm, and the thermos used ecto signatures to suck ghosts inside. In his mind, there was a chance that the Poe’s ecto signature wasn’t strong enough, but it looks like it was.

Thank the Ancients for that. Frostbite and Galeforce always said that death was the only way to deal with a ghost with Poe Syndrome, and it was actually a mercy given their state, but Danny didn’t think he could bring himself to kill someone.

He didn’t have time to celebrate, though. Something rustled in the bushes behind him and he quickly turned around. He didn’t see him, but Danny had a feeling of who it was and felt panic rise again in his chest. Twilight was coming back.

Danny quickly zoomed back to where he was sitting before and switched back to human form. He really hoped that Twilight didn’t see him transform, and was happy to see that no one seemed to have been woken up by his fight. He sat down in the same place he was sitting before, putting the thermos away, and looked up to the night sky to pretend he’d been stargazing the whole time.

When Twilight steps became closer and easier to hear, Danny turned his attention to him as if just noticing him.”You’re back already?” He asked.

Twilight put his sword away.”Yeah, just a couple wolves.” He said. He sat back down in the same spot as before and looked at Danny strangely. As if deciding if he should be worried or not.“Everything okay? You look a little shaken.” He asked.

Danny nodded.“Yeah, I’m good. I just… started wondering if I left the stove on at home and thinking my house was burned down.” He lied.

Twilight snickered.”Fair, I sometimes wonder that when I’m out here, too. I’m sure your house is okay.” He said.

“Thanks.” Danny said. He let his shoulders relax, not realizing they’d been squared up, and glanced over to his bag.”I’m heading to bed now. Goodnight, Twilight.” He said. He unzipped it and pulled out the bedroll. He moved to be a little further away from the others, but placed it close enough that Twilight or whoever else was on shift could get to him should the need arise.

Twilight didn’t comment on it and let him be. Danny fished his jacket from the bag, patting Orbot as he did, and began heading off to take his binder off.

“Wait, do you need a lantern?” Twilight piped up.

Danny lifted up the device from his jacket pocket.“I can use my phone, but thanks.” He said.

“Okay. Be careful.” Twilight said.

Danny nodded and turned on his flashlight to light his way. He was quick to remove his binder and the piece of armor, along with the over shirt, and put the jacket on and zip it up. He walked back to the camp without incident and waved to Twilight as he climbed into the blanket and bedroll.

It was nice. The fabric was soft, and it was warm in the way that it was just enough for one to feel comfortable. He reached back and pulled his backpack a little bit closer to just about rest his head on it. Then, he stared up at the stars until he could no longer keep his eyes open.

The next morning, Danny would act as normal. Well, the normal he has displayed for the group, but the truth was he didn’t sleep. He couldn’t. He stayed up all night thinking about the fact that if he wasn’t careful, he might end up with Poe Syndrome as well.

(Extra Notes: I don’t know why I struggled so much with the last few scenes, but I got through it! I did it! Honestly, I was considering just posting the rest of the chapter and do the rest later.)

[yippeeometer]

A (correct) timeline of NE thanksgiving

4:00AM: Hammy arrives. the party isn't supposed to start for another many hours, but he went out drinking and, when realizing he couldnt drive, simply treked the many miles to mass's house. it took him several days. no one is awake when he arrives so he sets about on a sidequest trying to find some rocks to throw at mass's window.

5:00AM: Hammy is allowed in the house. it turns out maine was also staying there, but was so shocked and bewildered by the idea of having to host before he was ready that he laid face down on the floor so Hammy would think he was a rug. Hammy notices him very easily. They won't be speaking for a few hours.

7:00AM: actual thanksgiving prep begins. Mass and Penn divorce 5 times over how to correctly cook a turkey. maine stares into the camera and serves child of divorce whilst taking notes for his next murder mystery. somewhere, many miles away, York is visibly shaking and sweating at the idea of having to talk to people.

8:00AM: First political argument. Cut arrives under the guise of being there to help prep, but actually wants the ego boost of having a life slightly more put together than these lunatics. singlehandedly almost cancels thanksgiving for everyone for not getting the fuck out the kicthen fast enough.

10:00 AM: nothing has been done for two hours. PA and Hammy ripping cables out the tv angrily muttering to themselves. Theyre actively doing each other hindrance as Hammy is sure hes doing this for the parade and PA's only focus is the football. luckily, they havent communicated since the 1800s so the argument can be delayed at least an hour. mass stood outside like ben affleck w a cigarette rekindling his relationship with god to ask him to just let the meteor hit.

11:00AM: another political argument. dela, upon figuring out he was not a key part of this years celebrations, threatens to join the south and tell them all the family recipes. unfortunately, the person he complains about this to is NJ, who was kicked out the chat for too many your mom jokes and doesn't even know whats going on. dela is now faced with the worlds most difficult decision; hold this fuck up above everyone silently or bitch about it to their faces. one of the options involves carpooling with new jersey.

1:00PM: Monty arrives. despite being given a list of things he was supposed to bring, he completely forgot and brought tape, maple syrup and insulated tubes from the nearest gas station. the only reason he doesn't die on the doorstep is bc maine says 'at least theyre edible' and everyone focuses on that bullshit instead. This is a mistake, as one of the things on his list was Rhode Island. The most happy PA looks all day is when he says he'll go get him before anyone else can offer. he and mass divorce once more over him being wayyyy to happy to get away from this.

2:00PM: NJ and dela arrive. dela instantly makes a big deal of mass fucking up the invites. mass threatens to throw him in a lake bc fuck you, he invented thanksgiving, he gets to host. Hammy has long since given up on the tv, and is now establishing a complicated system of terrible drawings w monty and maine so they can experience the parade without seeing it. NJ banned from the kitchen bc hes unable to not be a total control freak.

4:00PM: Rhode and PA arrive. Rhode is instantly pissy and threatens to turn monty into a frittata. is only stopped by the fact that cut is there and he hates his ex-wife more. NJ asks why hammy didn't just use the remote to turn on the tv, to which PA has to refrain himself from smiling. the remote is in his car. fuck that fucking parade. the dinner finally starts.

5:00PM: 3rd political argument. this one is slightly more advanced in the fact no one can hear what anyone else is saying, so they just argue about whatever. communism. the bruins. what a frittata is. York has not shown up yet. Cut tries texting him to ask where he is and he says 'fuck off, thsi number isnt in use'- which is suspicious bc autogenerated texts dont normally contain 'fuck'. they go around saying what theyre thankful for. 80% of the answers are to do with not being from jersey. Nj takes a 45 minute smoke break during which he googles 'fbi' 'how to get the fbi to raid you' 'how to get rid of the family'.

6:00PM: random 4 minutes of actual feelings. very odd. everyone feels deeply uncomfortable with saying they genuinely like each other.

7:00PM: York finally arrives. when asked where hes been, he says the sight of mass's red sox doormat repeled him like a demon with a ring of salt. so he went home. the only reason he's back is becuase its too dark to see it. he brings cheesecake, which causes a great deal more fighting than expected as they all genuinely crash out at the concept of a cheesecake made in a way tehy didn't expect. rhode and mass stood in the garden, again like ben affleck, thinking of the sad relity of their love of thanksgiving vs the people theyre surrounded by.

8:00: 4th political argument. they decide to resolve it with a game of football, forgetting that its pitch black outside and maine has the night blindness of a mole. unfortunately for maine, running at speeds not to be expected for a casual game, rhode is only 5 apples tall- maine instantly faceplants. mass has been doing shots since he woke up and can't even say what a bone is anymore. that brings him to the second, worse choice. dela.

10:00PM: final political argument. they all agree this has been a waste of time. they all agree they hate each other. they stay in mass's house for hours more, which seems to contridict this.

[nanoa1foryou]

Some points from Johannes' interview on the Arto Nyberg show on 10.11.2024

Johannes was asked what makes him nervous anymore, since they've had quite a lot going on already.

He said trying things for the first time and those moments where he "kind of doesn't know" how things will go. He also said it's what keeps live shows interesting, as things are never quite the same between shows.

They showed him a small compilation of some of the things from last year

His topmost reaction was that in the first and last clips they showed, he was nervous and still remembers that. Also that the moments showed feels like a forever ago, despite having happened last year.

"We've talked about it with Jonttu and Aarni that it feels like one year has fit at least three years."

Johannes was also asked about his songwriting process

He said he on average writes something down every other day, and that these sporadically compiled notes are what becomes the song texts. He also said he does this to take pressure away from the actual moments when he's supposed to write.

He also noted when asked further about themes or messages of the songs that that's not something they intentionally pick going into it, but that he has been very happy to see people for example finding and connecting with the message of hope from their last album and the comfort it has provided.

Johannes was asked to sum up the time after UMK, and this is what he responded:

"Well, maybe just that, that a lot of everything has happened. We've gotten to do the kinds of things that we've like nine years ago dreamed of and everything has actually been just as wonderful as we've imagined. That has been in my opinion like very wonderful that often you hear this narrative of 'when these things happen you won't be happy and you'll feel hollow and you'll be somehow tied up' but my experience has been the opposite. Sure, there have been long days and exhaustion and all sorts of things but we've had an incredible few years here."

Johannes was also asked about the very immediate success of the band from the start.

Johannes responded by saying that they've been and continue to be very lucky, and that from day one it has been a group effort. He said he acknowledges their privilege of having such skilled people around them that they get to work with.

The habits and routines of the band, such as the fiilisrinki were asked about. Here's what he said about all that:

"Well, we spend with Aarni and Jonttu horribly much time together. Like probably on average 6 days a week and then we've just noticed, that so that our collaboration and friendship that are in this kind of happy mess together all the time stays aerated* if we make time for talking about our feelings, were they small worries or big or whatever, the communication is really important."

*He literally said oxygen-rich. Meant essentially the same as fresh, aired out.

(Follow up question: What do you tell each other?)

"Well there are different kinds of days so it really depends on what is going on but usually band practice or sessions start with that we kind of force our selves into that moment, that now is the moment we talk about feelings. And then usually it clears the air a lot."

They asked Johannes about his career as an actor as well, such as how different it possibly feels to take the role of a singer vs actor and so forth

He said that making music happens for him just as easily when someone orders him for a job as for when he's under no requirement to make music, saying that he has more of a need to make music as opposed to acting, which he says he's gladly do it when asked. He also noted that performing a character is in some ways much easier that performing yourself.

Finally Johannes' family background was brought up

Johannes noted that maybe the biggest effect it has had was the freedom to fulfill himself in a safe and encouraging environment, and that the creativity was fostered in his family but never pushed onto him or any of his siblings.

[ashironie]

reblogging bcs i have a lot of thoughts

i fucking HATED how Jon treated him s1, we also have to remember that before we see ANYTHING of Martin straight from the horses mouth, we see him from Jon’s pov. And Martin probably wasn’t very good at his job, but that’s reasonable since he transferred from the library to an archive, he most certainly didn’t expect to be in research 2.0. Martin has no clue how to do his job and he couldn’t let anyone know that because he wasn’t even supposed to be there. The reason i started liking Martin was because i hated Jon, and the reason i hated Jon was because he was mean to Martin. My thought process was thus; Jon’s an Ass to Martin for really no reason, so I’m going to like Martin to spite Jon

Now, i too sorta dislike s5 Martin, when i first listened i found him to be really whiny and kinda ungrateful. During my relisten a lot of the problems i had with him were lessened because i was just so unuse to this new Martin, and before, he would do everything I would, but now he was a lot different, which gave me whiplash. it’s like expecting the driver in a car to take a turn and then they just don’t, you can’t blame them but there’s a sense of wrongness in your stomach. Now again most of these problems i had were fixed when i relistened, knowing what was going to happen, and that was my main complaint with s5 in general, expecting a turn and the driver just keeps going straight

Now going back to s1 (since i realized i didn’t explain my point very well). When ever Jon talked about what Martin did it was heavily biased, and whenever we hear Martin talk it’s around Jon. Around the person he doesn’t want to get in trouble by. We heard in the beginning of s5 tapes that Sasha and Tim were a lot different then when being recorded in s1, so obviously Martin (with a more easily identifiable reason) would also be a lot different. Then when everything went down and he dropped the act a little, we do know he was still acting. The tapes we get in s3 before the Unknowing are the closest thing we get to him being genuine, and even still he doesn’t want to admit how much of an asshole he is.

Now it’s fine if you don’t like Martin, he’s specifically written as a very complex person, and that means that sometimes people just hate him for no reason. But I dislike the criticism that his personality was very touch and go, it’s just that we didn’t know what was actually going on in his head until end of s4 and s5.

Now my defense of why I like Martin is;

He has a very heavy faun response, which same, and that aspect makes him really interesting to me. Being manipulative and having a heavy faun response are the same, but are seen differently.

i detest the idea that he is never in the wrong or that he’s just a sweet cinnamon roll. Martin, early on, just follows the lead to anyone who makes it seem like they understand even a little, then does a full 180 into thinking he knows what’s right and wrong without any input from anyone. Then realizes that, he really doesn’t know, nobody does, and he still thinks he knows better more often than not, but he recognizes this in himself. There is no ends to anyone’s character arcs in TMA, they still grow and struggle with the same things, but they find new solutions and new problems. And i think all of that is really interesting! It adds to the tragedy, it’s fine if a character dies when they are finished atoning for whatever narrative sin they have be set up with, but it’s tragic when they never get to! They are told what they need to do, and try to do it, but die before they can. Sasha died before she could be anything but a memory, someone who almost just haunts the narrative. Tim died in a noble way, but ultimately pointless one, as we come to find out. He is still just as angry, and he still didn’t bring the two people he wanted to save back from the dead. He didn’t win, even if he and everyone else thought so. He could’ve healed, but he killed himself before he could. And Martin tries like hell to figure out how to listen to people without only listening to him, and he fails a lot, a LOT a lot. But he died before he could just relax. Jon was the same, he got too deep and thought that, with enough time, he could figure out a way, not out of the hole, but closer to the surface. And he would’ve, if given the time. But he was dragged back into the same bullshit by the same man and by the same fear.

sorry that one was a lot longer but yk.

Martin is also stubborn. He was endlessly patient with Jon early s5, and the idea that he’s impatient the rest of the season i disagree with. He is just very careful with what he gives his time, maybe a bit to careful, but again with him over-course correcting. But he is still very stubborn, which i feel like is a good word between perseverance and determination. He knows that they will find a way to get everyone safe, as much as possible. He is too patient to believe the easy answer, and too persistent to allow everyone else to settle for that either. He does dumb things sometimes, but when has a tma character not? but is still fiercely protective of his people and ideals. if not a bit misguided at times

I'll be so honest with y'all, I always thought Martin was written to be an intentionally dislikeable character (like s1 Jon) for like character development or something, and then I was even MORE sure of that by season 5, and then they just kinda never touched on it and the fandom was all obsessing over him and it's like?? What do y'all see in him unless you relate to him omg 😨