#911fic

[hotshotsxyz]

friction

(8x08 spec) (buddie adjacent) (510 words) so, uh, remember that friction between buck and eddie that got mentioned a little while back? after that promo, i have some spec. mild spoilers for said promo, and therefore the episode

“—and he’s got friends and chess club and I just—what if he never comes back?” Eddie asks. His voice breaks, and Buck—

He wishes, not for the first time, that he knew how to do that thing Eddie always does. How to string together a few words into something that feels like forgiveness and hope and support. He doesn’t, though. He never has.

 “Eddie,” Buck says instead, hoping he might hear it anyway.

“And my parents!” he continues. “They’re not even pretending like—” Eddie’s lips twist and his gaze falls to the floor. His fingers scratch at the label of the beer he hasn’t even started drinking.

“You—you said you were done punishing yourself, right?” The question falls from Buck’s lips without his permission.

Eddie lets out a mirthless laugh. “What, you think I should just go dancing, forget that my kid never wants to see me again?”

Buck suppresses a sigh. “That’s not what I’m saying,” he replies.

“Then what are you saying?” Eddie asks bitterly.

They’ve had this conversation. They’ve had this conversation a hundred times, and Buck’s always been afraid of overstepping, but fuck it, he’s halfway there already and Eddie needs to hear it. And Buck—Buck thinks he maybe needs to say it.

He takes a breath. “Does he even know you want him to come back?”

“What? Of course he does!”

“Have you asked him to?” It comes out creaky and vulnerable in a way Buck doesn’t mean it to, but—

He knows that awful feeling, the one where no matter how much evidence you have to the contrary, you’re sure no one wants you around. Not unless they say it. And Christopher, he’s about a million times better adjusted than Buck ever was at his age, but he’s still a kid. Maybe Buck’s right, maybe he’s wrong, but if it was him? He’d need to hear it.

“I—” Eddie opens and closes his mouth.

“I know you’re doing what you think you have to, but Eddie, I think you’re hurting yourself and Chris,” Buck continues. “If this isn’t you punishing yourself, why aren’t you fighting for him?”

Eddie takes a stumbling step back, like he’s been slapped. “You think I’m not fighting for him?” He asked, wrecked and barely above a whisper.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Buck pleads. “Tell me—I don’t know, tell me you’ve asked him when he wants to come home, or—or, god, Eddie, told him how much you miss him.”

A muscle in Eddie’s jaw works. “I’m not going to force him—”

“I’m not asking you to!” Buck says, louder than he means to. “But if there’s something you haven’t said to him—then he doesn’t know.”

“You know what?” Eddie asks. He sets his bottle down on Buck’s counter with a heavy thunk. “Fuck you.”

He turns his back and slams the door behind him when he leaves, and for a split second, Buck finds himself thinking about his breakup with Tommy. He shakes his head, and hopes it was worth it.

[tenisperfection]

Paper trails (Bucktommy, post S7)

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Buck learns to let himself stay.

The first few times, Buck's careful never to leave behind a paper trail.

He's not sure when it developed into a habit. He thinks it began somewhere after Ali, where he lets people settle in and make themselves at home, but he doesn't allow himself the same. With Taylor, it was easy. Before she'd moved in, she came to him more than he ever slept over at her place; so the few times he did, he packed a bag with his toothbrush and his socks and a change of clothes, even when Taylor left him that first morning with a kiss and a bright red toothbrush still in its thin plastic wrapping.

Buck left the toothbrush in the drawer Taylor pulled it out off, and because Taylor is Taylor, she'd not said anything. She also stopped offering him a shelf in her closet or more toothbrushes after that first time even as his apartment slowly filled with berets and cologne he didn't wear and a hairbrush with bright red strands caught in it.

Buck didn't mind. He prefers it this way, where he can leave as cleanly as possible after the mess that was Abby, where he'd been building an empty home in an apartment that wasn't his, all to pack up what he thought was a life into a small duffel bag that was heartbreakingly light.

People have been leaving Buck all his life. Buck doesn't intend to get too comfortable because even with the best of intentions, he knows it's only a matter of time.

*

So the first few times at Tommy's, Buck packs a duffel. He doesn't know Tommy well enough yet, not really, but this already feels different, and Buck doesn't think it's just because he's dating a man for the first time. Buck feels different.

Buck feels hungry, and also like he's never known hunger before Tommy.

It’s strange. He’s kissed and fucked and slept with and besides more people that he cares to count, pressed himself into them and desperately begged for pieces he could keep, but he’s never been hungry. He’s never felt like he is allowed to ask for more, because he is Buck, and he is meant to only give, so he’s never let himself feel it and never lets himself ask for space. He’s taken the earliest pangs of hunger and viciously cut it until there’s nothing, and nothingness fills up.

Buck's never known hunger before Tommy, but he's not sure he's never known comfort either. Not in anyone else's space besides his sister's and Eddie's, not really in the loft which was always too cold and always too big, all the sunlight spilling through the big windows never quite enough. It had its moments, Eddie and Christopher sprawled all over the kitchen island watching Buck cook, Maddie drinking wine by the bottle, Buck coming home ever so often to find Eddie on his balcony, sipping the beer he helps himself to.

Tommy though. Tommy's cluttered, small, beautiful house makes Buck feel weird. It looks somewhat like Eddie's but without the traces of a teenager, feels like Maddie's in its warmth and like Bobby's and Athena's old home in the way it smells, turpentine and yeast and that one candle Tommy always lights up once a week that smells like jasmine even though he profuses to not be a big fan of candles.

“How does grilled cheese sound, and some tomato soup that I made too much of?”

“Perfect.”

It's here in this house that Tommy kisses Buck like he is starving, like he wants to crawl into Buck and study everything that makes him breathe. Sometimes they kiss and Buck thinks that Tommy is perhaps as hungry as he is, that he is being fed on as much as he is allowed to take. Like the first time Buck drove over to his house, duffel bag clutched tightly, Tommy didn’t just let him in but came out to greet Buck before he got out of his car, eye crinkles and all, and pressed himself into Buck warmly. Buck let Tommy lead him in, and he didn't let Tommy give him a toothbrush the day after, joking about his expensive electronic toothbrush that he can't live without, and then kissed Tommy with fresh minty breath and a heart that feels heavier for reasons Buck couldn't fathom.

"You need a t-shirt?" Tommy asks after the fifth time Buck spends the night. Buck gestures to his bag, makes a feeble joke about swimming in Tommy's clothes, and runs to the bathroom before Tommy can say anything else.

"I fixed this side table that was in the garage, you want to keep some of your stuff here?" Tommy asks two months into their relationship, and Buck points out that it would look so much better in Tommy's living room as a spillover for the plants Tommy can't stop growing.

"Do you want to leave that jacket here? It's really warmed up today but fake fall will be here soon enough."

"I was cleaning and cleared out this drawer. It's yours if you want it."

Buck waits for the offers to stop, for the other shoe to drop.

The mercury dips, Tommy flips the bed, and just like that, Buck realizes, it's been three months. He's technically been with Taylor longer, but Buck feels like he would claw his own skin off if he had to leave now. He packs his duffel and bites his toothbrush every morning, Tommy's increasingly creative offers still coming, Buck yearning, wishing, hoping for something he can't put into words.

It comes to a head on a Friday morning that they both have off. Buck wakes up freezing, his leg twitching.

"Tom," Buck mumbles, shifting to steal more of the comforter. Tommy, who always sleeps like he's in a coma, predictably doesn't budge. Buck shakes him until Tommy groans.

"What," he asks, yawning, eyes still closed, even as he sneaks out an arm to pull Buck in to his chest, warm and big and somehow Buck's favorite place on earth. "Shit, why is it so cold?"

"I think it dropped like twenty degrees," Buck murmurs against Tommy's mouth, because he can't be this close and not kiss him, and Tommy lets himself get distracted for another hour.

When Buck steps out of the shower, shivering slightly as he waits for the nascent heat in Tommy's apartment to kick in, he finds Tommy on the bed, holding a pair of slippers.

"What's that?" Buck asks, reaching for the hoodie he remembered to pack.

"I got these house shoes for you," Tommy offers. Buck swallows. It's the brand he usually wears, in the style he usually wears in the loft. The excuse though, always ready, is on the tip of his tongue when Tommy holds out the other hand.

"I got the insole too, for your left foot," Tommy clears his throat. "Eddie told me where to look."

"Eddie told you," Buck repeats. "Why?"

Tommy shrugs. "Because I asked him."

"You asked him what insole I wear," Buck echoes.

Tommy blinks. "Evan." It's the look on his face when Buck's being a brat, but it's not tinged with the ghost of a smile that usually paints Tommy's mouth. "You don't have to walk around this house like you're a visitor. I'm not running a hotel. You don't have to check under the bed for a stray sock every time you leave."

Buck doesn't know how Tommy manages to sound that gentle when those words out of someone else's mouth would've made Buck shrivel up.

He clears his throat. "I just like my things with me, I'm particular."

Tommy smiles slightly. "I am not actually sure that you are, Evan. I've seen how you are at your sister's. You have a change of clothes over at Eddie's. You slept on Ravi's couch when I was sick and Bobby and Athena were in your apartment and you stole his belt."

"It was a nice belt," Buck tries, but his chest expands as Tommy thrusts the shoes at him again.

"You can let your partner buy you shoes so your feet don't get cold and hurt in his drafty old house."

Buck's chest swoops like it does every time that Tommy calls them partners. He steps forward.

"Besides, it's not like I won't find traces of you here forever if you leave," Tommy says quietly, eyes downcast. Buck freezes.

"You have a side of the bed," Tommy continues, glancing up. His voice is still quiet, his lovely eyes tinged with traces of an emotion Buck's afraid to ask about. Too soon, he thinks, though he thinks he knows what it is. Too soon. "I've never been with anyone long enough that we had sides of the bed. You have a pillow for your head and a pillow for your knee and you ignore both of them to sleep on me when you're falling asleep. You bought those fancy laundry pods that one time and now it's the only kind I use. Your stupid duffel has a spot next to the side table." Tommy presses the shoes into Buck's hands. "The world's not going to end because you took up a drawer, Evan."

It's only when Buck lets Tommy pull him in that he realizes he's shaking, arms automatically going around Tommy's broad shoulders like they belong, trying to hide the tremors.

Tommy, because he's Tommy, notices, like he's been noticing and asking and begging Buck to make himself at home, to take up space.

Buck thinks he might. Buck thinks he has been, and the world hasn't ended, and it's four months going on five and tomorrow he's taking Tommy to Spirit Halloween to buy a costume for Jee for the first Halloween they'll be together for. It's been a whole season since that evening in the loft, and Buck thinks that he might be in love, and the world is most definitely carrying on.

"Stay," Tommy whispers into his mouth, shoes still clutched between them like a life raft as they stand barefoot in Tommy's cold house that Buck has grown to love.

Buck thinks he will.

[xofemeraldstars]

inspired by this post

tommy gets invited to join the 118 for lunch during their shift, once bobby is bac ofc, and he gets there while buck and bobby are prepping the food so he gets a chance to chat with the rest of the 118

sweet moments of buck looking at tommy being apart of his family and bobby nudging him cause he's about to burn something, chuckling as buck scrambles and the others look over to see what it's all about, they tease each other as usual. chim, hen and eddie pull tommy into the teasing as well and just overall a wholesome moment, we see buck and tommy grinning at each other

once the food is done they start carrying all the plates to the table and people are starting to sit down when buck and tommy reach for the same chair (oh you know the invisible string of it all) and chim sees this happen and laughs at them going "right that was tommy's spot!" hen teases them to get another chair when she sees the look on their faces as they actually contemplate the situation, cause these chairs are not made for two men built like them to share (who in whose lap tho?)

buck pushed tommy down to sit and then runs over to get another chair and pushes in close to tommy, wide smile on his face as he looks around the table at everyone passing around plates and joking and laughing cause this is something he's been craving for for many years and he's finally got it ❤️

[princessfbi]

Where It Wasn't Supposed to Be

They’d kept it under wraps to an almost paranoid degree. They didn’t touch in public, not even on their hikes up the countless trails that were never short of people minding their own business as they took in the good weather. They sat on opposite sides of the table at dinner. Evan came over to his place instead of taking the risk with his roommates. Evan had even come up with a cover story if they ever ran into anyone: he was picking Tommy’s brain about the job. Nothing more. Nothing less.

What if Buck and Tommy met the three months before Tommy transferred to Harbor and Buck started at the 118?

Read on Ao3

Rated: E | Multi Chapter | Chapter One

[trippedandfell]

stop the world just to stop the feeling

The night before Maddie and Chimney's wedding, Buck and Eddie talk on a balcony. | 1.5k | buddie | ao3

Eddie’s just uncapped his second beer when he hears footsteps behind him, so familiar he recognizes who it is by sound alone.

“Hey,” he says, as Buck sidles into view, arms coming to rest on the balcony railing beside him. He’s got a drink in his hand, too - one of those fruity vodka seltzers that Eddie’s reluctantly started stocking in the bottom drawer of his fridge. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Buck fiddles with the tab on his can, the silver of it reflecting in the moonlight. “Something like that.”

His shirt is slightly too big, slipping down just enough to expose the sharp jut of his collarbone, the dark bruise forming on the edge of it. Eddie’s eyes fly to it without permission, and Buck flushes red. 

“It’ll be covered by the suit tomorrow, promise.”

“Mm.” Eddie takes another sip of his beer, ignoring the sour way it curdles in his stomach. “Good. Think Chim’s one incident away from going full groomzilla.”

“Can you blame him?”

“Not at all,” Eddie admits, and Buck huffs a laugh. “You should have been me the night before Shannon and I got married. I was a wreck.”

He’d been alone, in the shitty little apartment they’d rented once they learned about Christopher, Shannon spending the night at her mom’s across town to help them cling to some ragged sense of propriety that neither of them truly believed in. It had been one of the most awful, stomachache-inducing nights he’d ever had up to that point in his life, and it wasn’t until he saw Shannon in the church the next day, glowing in a way that had nothing to do with the bump hidden under the folds of her white dress, that everything had finally clicked into place.

“Hi,” she had said, reaching out to squeeze his hand, and Eddie had let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

Buck’s staring at him now, as if he can sense the myriad emotions playing out in Eddie’s head. “It’s so weird,” he says. “Maddie and Chimney have basically been married for a while now. But all of this just makes it feel so real.” He gestures a hand at the expansive hotel grounds, the ocean beyond. “I mean, my parents are here.”

Eddie knows. Eddie had done an exceptional job at ignoring them at the rehearsal dinner that night, tucked in the corner by himself, Marisol having gone to their room earlier with a headache.

He feels a brief, guilty flash about leaving her alone now, although she’d been snoring when he’d crept past Chris on the sofa bed and out into the light of the hallway. He wonders, idly, if he should have left a note.

“They seem to be behaving,” he offers, which is about all of the goodwill he’s able to give the Buckley parents at any given time. Buck makes a face at him, and he adds, half-teasing, “for now.”

As far as he knows, they haven’t said a word so far to Buck about Tommy. He should probably ask, but somehow he can’t make his mouth form the words.

Buck drums his fingers against the balcony, quiet. “Do you ever think about it?”

What, fighting your parents? Eddie almost jokes, but he knows that’s not what Buck’s asking. “About getting married again?”

“Or getting married at all,” Buck says, and there’s something in his face, something suspiciously like longing, that has Eddie taking another gulp of his beer. “Like, big reception, flowers. The whole nine yards.”

“I wouldn’t do a big reception,” Eddie says, shuddering. “Just in the backyard, or something.”

Buck cracks a smile. “You do have a nice backyard.”

“You’re just saying that because you did all the landscaping,” Eddie says, bumping their shoulders together. “I had to weed it the other day though, so I should at least get partial credit.”

Buck looks sheepish at that, which wasn’t what Eddie was going for, but also wasn’t not what he wanted to happen. “I meant to come do it this week, I’ve just been -”

“Busy,” Eddie finishes for him, which isn’t fair, not really. Not when Buck is still over at his house most days, not when he hasn’t missed a single one of his afternoons out with Christopher. It’s just that there’s now a new purple marker in his kitchen, carefully outlining Buck’s availability on the calendar.

Eddie’s never had to schedule Buck in before. Not with Taylor, or Natalia, or even Ali, way back when. 

Combine that with the fact that Buck’s now asking about marriage…

Eddie drains the last of his beer. “You should get some sleep. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Buck agrees, but stays where he is, shoulder still pressed against Eddie’s. “Hey - uh. We’re good, right?”

“Buck, you’ve already apologized.” And grovelled, and apologized again, until Eddie was back from medical leave and working with the 118 again.

“Not about that.” Buck shakes his head, the movement bringing him closer to Eddie still, their forearms nearly overlapping on the railing. “I mean - about me. And Tommy, I guess.”

And Eddie - Eddie will be the first to admit it took him a second to come to terms with it, to fully wrap his head around the idea of Buck with a man and, more specifically, Buck with Tommy. But he’d hugged Buck, and stumbled his way through some approximation of support, and then gone home and researched until his eyes were burning and he’d bookmarked every tab he could find about bisexuality and being a good ally - so. He thinks he’s been doing okay, overall. Certainly not poorly enough to make Buck question if he’s been harbouring secret homophobic tendencies all this time.

“You know I’m good with that,” he says, and means it. “And you and Tommy seem - really good. So if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Buck’s eyebrows crinkle together, and Eddie has to resist the fanatical urge to reach over and smooth them out. “I know. I know you are. But something else just seems - wrong.”

“With me?”

“With us,” Buck says, voice veering toward frustration. “Come on, Eddie. You know you feel it too.”

Something thumps in Eddie’s chest, like his heart is suddenly trying to beat out of his chest. “Buck, I promise nothing’s changed-”

“But something has,” Buck says. “And I don’t know what, and it’s driving me insane, and every time I’m at work or at the gym or even with Tommy-” Wait, what? Eddie thinks, panicked -  “I’m lost in my own head, wondering how the fuck I managed to mess up the most important relationship in my life.”

“You didn’t fuck anything up,” Eddie says, honest. “No one did. It’s just - growing pains. You’re in a relationship, I’m in a relationship - it’s natural that we maybe don’t come first for each other anymore.”

Buck stares at him, the corner of his eyes suspiciously red. “We both know you don’t actually believe that.”

He doesn’t, but they’re veering into dangerous territory now. “Buck-”

“Why is it different now?” Buck says. “We’ve both dated people at the same time before. Taylor and Ana, Marisol and Natalia. Why is this different?”

Eddie doesn’t feel like he’s capable of breathing. “Buck-”

“It’s not because I’m with Tommy,” Buck says, raking a hand through his hair. “Or that I’m bi. It’s not actually any of it, is it, Eddie?”

He doesn’t sound angry, just - resigned. Tired. The beer bottle is clammy against Eddie’s palm. 

“You never answered my question earlier,” Buck says. “About if you would get married again.”

When Eddie speaks, his voice feels like sandpaper. “Maybe. If it was the right person.”

“Is Marisol the right person?”

“Is Tommy?”

Buck flinches, minuscule. “I asked first.”

“You know what my answer is, Buck,” Eddie says, and he’s tired, so tired. 

“You know mine too,” Buck says, soft.

He does know. Just like he knows Buck’s favourite song, favourite dinner, favourite feel-good rom-com. Just like he knows that Buck will spend all of tomorrow night dancing with Tommy, but he’ll save one dance for Christopher, spinning him around the middle of the room while Eddie watches. Just like how he knows -

“Eddie,” Buck says, and Eddie realizes how close they are now, facing each other with the moon still high overhead, lips a hairsbreadth apart. “We can’t.”

Eddie can feel Buck’s exhale against his lips. “I know,” he says. Taking a step back feels like swimming against a riptide, but he manages to get his limbs to cooperate eventually. “We should head back in.”

Buck swallows, chin bobbing as he nods. “Yeah. I’ll - uh. See you tomorrow?”

There’s something here, slipping out of Eddie’s grasp. He doesn’t think either of them knows quite how to cling on to it. 

“See you tomorrow,” he echoes, and then Buck’s turning toward the door, back to the hallway that’ll lead him to his room, to Tommy in his bed.

Eddie waits until he’s fully out of sight before he follows.

also on ao3!

---

tags: @leothil @sibylsleaves @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @deformed-globule @cantyouseethatyouresmotheringme @silassstingy

[markofalover]

ode to a conversation

rating: E | words: 2,959

Eddie’s draining the last of his beer when Buck finally speaks.

“Tommy broke up with me,” he says, like he’s talking about the weather.

He pulls the bottle away from his mouth slowly, head turning just as lazily. It’s so quiet in the living room—TV not bothered to be turned on, music stopped. Buck’s not looking at him; he’s focused on pulling at a thread on his jeans and blinking at the floor.

He doesn’t look as upset as he did when he walked through the door, but Eddie’s not about to be an asshole and pump a fist in the air as a little celebration, so—

“Are you o—”

“What’s up with the dancing?”

Eddie breathes out a startled laugh and runs a hand through his hair, bottle now propped up by his bare thigh. “Don’t change the subject.”

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[kenneth-black]

“Oliver Stark, stop being obvious and embarrassing challenge”: FAILED!!! 😭😭😭

[woodchoc-magnum]

all these broken parts

all these broken parts buck/eddie, 56k, mature

author: woodchoc_magnum

read the tags: angst with a happy ending, getting together, pining, depression, post-season 7, b/t breakup, buddie roommates era

summary: Set post-Season 7, where Eddie is struggling with depression, trying to put his life back together, and hopelessly in love with his best friend.

excerpt:

"Eddie, come on. You have to get up. You can't just sleep and hope that things will miraculously get better. He's angry, yeah, and it's going to take time, but you have to keep moving."

"I don't want to keep moving," Eddie snaps at him, sitting up in bed, positively fuming. "That's all I've ever done! I get shot down in a helicopter and I just keep moving. Shannon leaves me and I just keep moving. Shannon fucking dies and I just keep moving! I nearly died and I just kept moving – well, I'm done! Nothing is better! Everything is worse! No matter what I do, I keep hurting people, but if I just stay here in bed, I can't hurt anyone." With that, he curls up into a ball with his back to Buck, pulling a pillow over his head.

Eddie's stubborn, but so is Buck, and he decides to play dirty.

"You're hurting me," he says quietly.

"How?" Eddie spits. "I'm not doing anything to you."

He takes a seat on the edge of the bed. "I'm scared."

"Scared."

"Yeah. That you're gonna sink so deep into this thing that I won't be able to pull you out," he says honestly, "and that one day… you'll be gone. I'll lose you. I think about what Chim went through with Maddie, and… I'm to blame there too, you know? I knew she was hurting; I knew she wasn't well, but I didn't do enough, so… I'm not gonna let you run away from this, or hide away, or… any of that shit. I'll stay here. I'll drive you to your appointments. I'll sleep on the floor in your room if that's what it takes to keep you here."

He glances over at Eddie, and registers the slight shake of his shoulders – Eddie's crying, in silence, but still. Buck's words are having an effect.

"You remember when you told me that I'm not expendable?" he continues. "Well, you are irreplaceable. You're my best friend in the whole fucking world. I love you. I would do anything for you, so… that's why I'm here. And that's why you won't chase me away."

Eddie lets out a shuddering sob. "Fuck," he blurts out. "God fucking damn it."

"Yeah, you are stuck with me," Buck says ruefully. "Bet you're regretting that right about now."

"No, I– never," Eddie weeps. "Never. Okay?"

Buck glances over at him again – he's crying, hugging himself, and Buck just can't leave him on his own anymore. So he slides over the bed, spoons around Eddie and wraps his arms around him in a burly hug.

Eddie freezes, at first, but then he relaxes, letting out a sigh as he allows Buck to hold him. They lie in silence together, until Eddie slides a hand down Buck's arm, and entwines their fingers together.

"I got you," Buck says in his ear.

"Yeah," Eddie murmurs. "You do."

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[capseycartwright]

can't ignore the crazy visions of me in la

Margarita-drunk Buck ruminates on how beautiful Eddie Diaz is while his best friend is dancing to Chappell Roan. That's what LA pride is for, right? - or, alternatively: Eddie spends his first pride as an out queer man in a gay club, and Buck is in love with him about it.

written for week one of @summerofbuddie- mixed media. the mixed media part of this fic is eddie's big gay playlist, and is full of what i believe to be all of eddie's favourite queer music. pls enjoy.

ao3 link

Buck had always thought that Eddie was beautiful. He knew how that sounded – but even when he had thought he was straight, Buck had always felt quite comfortable in his masculinity. Men were beautiful. Okay, sure, with the benefit of hindsight, it was long-buried bisexuality threatening to burst to the surface, but the point stood: Eddie Diaz had always been beautiful to Buck. 

Physically, yes, he was beautiful. He had these big brown eyes that had always been incredibly effective at getting Buck to do all the things Eddie didn’t want to do –  small things, like driving (of course, because Eddie was a passenger princess at heart, and Buck was more than happy to indulge), and cooking, until Eddie had begun to find a love for that himself, and the bigger things too, like agreeing to be Eddie’s medical proxy, and being Christopher’s guardian in case – well, Buck didn’t like to articulate the rest of that one. It felt like jinxing it, so he always left it at ‘in case’ – nothing else needed to be said.

Eddie was physically beautiful – he had the softest brown hair Buck had ever come across, and a sweet grin that got him more than his fair share of attention on calls, and firefighting had packed on a lot of muscle over the years, so maybe he wasn’t the proud owner of an eight-pack, anymore, but Eddie’s body was strong, and capable, and Buck felt that was beautiful too. 

Eddie was gorgeous, was the thing – but he wasn’t just physically beautiful. Eddie Diaz had a really beautiful personality, too. It had taken a while for him to allow Buck to get to know it – and not just Buck, for everyone else, too – but when Eddie had decided to let people in, and see who he truly was, underneath the somewhat gruff exterior, there has been so much beauty there. Eddie was kind, kind in a way that Buck could only admire, genuine in his kindness. Buck could see where Christopher got it from.

Eddie was gentle, too. Buck knew most people would doubt that, given the life Eddie led – an army veteran with a penchant for street fighting and Muay Thai – but Buck knew better. Those were all circumstances, responses to a life filled with trauma, and underneath all of that, Eddie was the gentlest person he knew. Eddie would always be the one who carefully picked up spiders, and bees, if they found their way into the firehouse, or Buck’s apartment, or his own home, and he’d coo gently as he brought them to the window, setting them free before anyone (Buck, usually) could hit them with a stray hardback novel. Eddie liked to garden, a collection of brightly coloured flowers growing in the front bed right outside his porch, Eddie humming to himself as he watered them, the image one Buck hoped would be seared into his memory forever.

Eddie was gentle with Christopher. Buck hadn’t exactly grown up with a father he aspired to be like – Philip had been cold, and distant, and though Buck understood why now, he would never forgive it. Eddie had been through his fair share of heartbreak, and trauma, and yet he still raised Christopher with a gentle hand, guiding his son through life in a way Buck had never experienced himself. He was glad to be able to watch it, though, watch as Eddie learned from his own mistakes, and apologised to Chris, and did better for his son every day. 

Eddie was gentle with Buck.

Buck was a lot, he knew – he was loud, and talkative, and the undiagnosed ADHD he definitely had made it so both of those qualities were amplified when he was stressed, or anxious, which was frankly, a lot of the time. Buck knew he earned his eyerolls and exasperated looks – but never from Eddie. Eddie always listened, attentive and eager to learn as Buck went off on tangent about the latest fun thing he learned. Eddie was the first to suggest a gym session, when he knew Buck was antsier than normal, suggesting they work off some of his nervous energy before their next call.

Eddie had been there after the truck bombing, gentle as he had torn down Buck’s already shaky walls, gentle as he helped Buck in, and out of bed, gentle as he’d helped him shower, shrugging off Buck’s thanks with a ‘you’d do the same for me’ and a smile. 

(Buck would do the same for Eddie – he would do anything for Eddie.)

Eddie was beautiful. Eddie was beautiful when he smiled, when he laughed, Eddie was beautiful in every single conceivable way to Buck –

But this might be the most beautiful Buck had ever seen his best friend.

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[hotshotsxyz]

too little, too late

(8x08 coda) (buddie) (1.2k) the episode chose violence and so did i :) spoilers for 8x08, and hey, guess what? this is my 100th 911 fic! it feels right that it's an evil one <3

The real estate agent has an irritating voice. It’s pitchy and run through with vocal fry, and if Buck has to listen to her talk for another second, he might actually tear his hair out. And it’s definitely about her voice. Nothing to do with the largely helpful information she’s handing over to Eddie like candy on Halloween.

“Anyway, we can touch base again once you’ve had a chance to look over those listings. I’m sure we’ll find something for both of you to love!” the realtor says.

Buck smiles. It feels brittle and fake.

“Thank you so much,” Eddie says with all the sincerity Buck can’t quite muster. He ends the call and sits back against the couch.

“That, uh—that went, um—” He’s choking on the positivity he’s trying so hard to exude. “—well,” he manages.

“Yeah,” Eddie says. He runs a hand through his hair. “Seems easier than I thought it was going to be.”

Easy.

That’s—

Yeah.

“You know you—you don’t have to buy straight away,” Buck says as casually as he can manage, which is to say, not casually at all.

“Buck,” Eddie says with a sigh.

“I know!” Buck says, throwing his hands out in a gesture of surrender. “Just—maybe you want to make sure, you know? Before it’s—it’s permanent.”

“I can’t keep missing out on his life,” Eddie says quietly.

Buck swallows. He knows. He knows! Knows it like he knows there’s going to be an Eddie-and-Chris shaped hole in his heart for the rest of his goddamn life.

“I don’t want you to,” Buck says, and it’s maybe the first honest thing that’s come out of his mouth since he sat down on Eddie’s couch.

Bile rises in the back of his throat as he realizes this might be one of the last times he gets to sit on this couch, in this house, with this man.

Eddie drops his head into his hands. “I don’t—” He cuts himself off.

“Have you told Bobby yet?” Buck asks. His breath catches.

“No,” Eddie says.

“Oh,” Buck says in a rush of air. “That’s—” He wants to say good. He can’t say good. Eddie needs—he needs—

Eddie lifts his head from his hands and his eyes are shining. “I don’t want to,” he admits. “I thought—”

“That he’d want to come back,” Buck supplies when Eddie doesn’t finish his thought.

He nods.

“He still—he could still—” Buck starts.

“He’s not going to change his mind.” Eddie cuts him off. “He doesn’t hate me. It’s worse than that. He doesn’t care.”

Buck’s chest feels tight. “He—he loves you, Eddie,” he says weakly.

“Maybe before, but—”

“He does,” Buck insists. “And—and if this is what you have to do to make sure that stays true I—I get it.” He does. He gets it. He’d do anything for Christopher. He’d—

It’s the worst feeling in the entire fucking world, but he’d give up Eddie for that kid. Is. Is giving up Eddie for that kid. A sob jumps up in Buck’s throat. He fights it back.

“I want to believe you,” Eddie says.

Buck knows that he doesn’t.

“Have you, um. Have you talked to Chris about this yet?” Buck asks, feeling a little bit like he’s just laid his neck across the base of a guillotine.

Eddie shakes his head. “No, I—I’ve got to do this, whether he wants me to or not.”

All at once Buck’s angry. Angry at Eddie, angry at his parents, at fucking Kim, at himself, and maybe even a little bit at Christopher.

“Eddie, you—you told him he could come back!” He says, a little louder than he means to. “Doesn’t he deserve to know that’s not going to be an option anymore?”

Eddie’s gaze snaps to his. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He’s got—he’s got friends here, and—and Carla, and—” He can’t say it. He doesn’t have the right to say it, doesn’t have the right to feel like he’s already lost a limb and now they’re taking a lung, but— “and me,” he finishes quietly.

Something like devastation flashes across Eddie’s face. “Buck, I—”

“No,” Buck says quickly, standing up from the couch. “I shouldn’t have—I’m not—”

“Buck, wait,” Eddie says, following him as he retreats toward the door.

“I, um—I forgot, I have to—I promised Maddie,” he tries to lie.

“Please don’t go,” Eddie says, and god, how many times in Buck’s life has he yearned to hear someone say that to him and mean it. How many nights has he driven home from Eddie’s wishing he’d been asked to stay.

This thing building in his chest, this thing of anger and grief and regret—it hurts. Every breath he takes is a little more constricted, a little less effective.

Eddie looks at him, and Buck sees it. That thing he’s always wanted to see. That thing he didn’t even know he wanted from Eddie until right now and it’s—

There was a small, naïvely hopeful part of Buck that really still believe that if someone loved him enough, they’d stay. Eddie loves him, looks at Buck like he’ll break his heart when he walks out the door, and it still isn’t—

Eddie loves him, and it isn’t enough to make him stay.

Buck is in love with him, he realizes, and it doesn’t fucking matter because he’s leaving. Like Abby and like Tommy, except Buck didn’t know how much hurt he hadn’t even discovered yet, because this isn’t Abby or Tommy, it’s Eddie, and Eddie—

Eddie’s supposed to be the one that stays.

Buck shakes his head and shuffles back until the doorknob is digging into his spine. “I have to,” he breathes, a grossly distorted reflection of what neither of them has quite managed to say.

Eddie opens his mouth like he’s going to ask again, like he’s going to beg Buck to stay, to show him all these awful pieces of his heart that he’s just found so he can remind himself that it’s not too much to leave behind.

Buck’s out the door before he can say another word.

He throws himself into the Jeep and all but fishtails it out of Eddie’s driveway. He makes it three streets away before he has to pull over.

The first sob surprises him with its softness; the second with its violence. He wraps his arms tight around his stomach and, god, he tries to breathe. But there’s not—there’s not enough oxygen in the entire world to make up for the way his lungs refuse to expand in the face of this loss.

He has to—he can’t—Eddie needs him to pull it together. To—to help him. To support him, and god help him, Buck will. There’s nothing Eddie could ask of him that he wouldn’t give. Nothing Eddie could do, Buck’s realizing, to make him love him any less.

Hot tears spill down Buck’s cheeks. He takes a shuddering breath and wipes them away. His vital organs are crumbling, so what?

He’ll set himself on fire if that’s what it takes to keep Eddie warm.

[tenisperfection]

Worship, a Buck/Tommy drabble. A few months post S7.

It's during the seventh time Tommy kisses his left temple that it clicks for Buck.

Buck from five years ago would've needed to check in with his partner immediately. Buck would've wanted to know, would've wanted to beg and then given in to want, pleading for them to say it in all but those exact words, yes, this is where I kiss you, this is the spot I claim. I have favorite spots now. I leave traces of me on you and then I return home to them and to you.

When Buck clocks Tommy's spot, he says nothing. He's pretty sure this is a recurrence though, and for the next few days, Buck counts one, two, five, eleven more times that Tommy kisses him there, each one lingering longer but just as affectionate as the previous one.

Buck says nothing but begins to wait for them with the desperation of a man spotting water after days without.

"Did you finish that book, baby? Gemma wanted to borrow it if you're done," Tommy says after dinner one night, mussing up Buck's hair as he passes by to grab their empty plates. Buck's chest tingles when Tommy doesn't move away.

"Okay," he says after three seconds of distraction, and only realizes when Tommy moves towards the sink that he neither answered Tommy's question nor did he get kissed.

Tommy, because he's Tommy, doesn't miss a beat.

"You okay, baby? You seem a little distracted." Buck hears the faucet turn on, the clink of porcelain as Tommy deftly washes them.

"Um, yeah, just thinking about the book. I'm getting to the good part," Buck babbles, and though he'd been reading it less than three hours ago while on shift, he can't for the life of him remember what the good part was.

Tommy, because he knows when Buck is looking for an out, doesn't ask. Buck watches the muscles in his back as he bends over the sink, the way his thin blue t-shirt billows around his waist. It's not a shirt that Tommy wears with company, and Buck knows when he turns around, he'd be able to spot a tiny hole at the collar from the time that Tommy had bit into it, too invested in winning a game of Mario Kart against Eddie.

That night, after Tommy slips out of him and they jump into and out of the shower, Tommy kisses his temple twice as they wrap up in the biggest towels Buck owns. It's somewhere around this kiss that Buck loses count.

~~~

It's months later when Buck finally asks, and Tommy smiles so wide that Buck has no choice but to kiss him.

"You're starting to get a few gray hairs at your temple," Tommy says, expression abashed, like he thinks Buck would revolt. Five years ago, Buck would've gone down a tailspin of horror at this revelation, reaching for the internet and the bottle of hair dye within seconds.

Now, Buck wiggles his eyebrows. "Me going gray does it for you, old man?"

Tommy swats his ass even as he pulls Buck in with the other arm, surrounding him with his body. "Maybe. But being here to witness it definitely does. Per my last count, you now have three."

"You're lucky you didn't tell Buck 1.0 this," Buck kisses him because he's irresistible like this, eyes twinkling with so much fondness for Buck, watching and kissing him as they watch the night slip into day, week after week, month after month.

"Eddie says you've gone through more versions than a Windows computer," Tommy grins, then tilts his head at Buck. "You think we'd have hit it off if we met back then?"

"I don't know," Buck teases, drawing back, "you won't have my grays to kiss then, so who knows, maybe we'd have fizzled out."

"So you're saying our entire relationship hinges on your grays?" Tommy quips back.

"No, you said that," because he can be a brat with Tommy. Buck's starting to think he can be anything with Tommy.

Tommy's eyes grow serious in that way where he switches between emotions effortlessly. "I'd have found something else, Evan. Maybe the freckle on your nose,"—Tommy kisses the arch of his nose—"or the birthmark behind your ear,"—"Tommy kisses behind his right earlobe—"or this one right here." When Tommy kisses the birthmark over his left eye, Buck shivers. Tommy lets Buck kiss him and pour everything he's feeling into Tommy even if he can't quite find the words to say it, like how Tommy makes him feel iridescent, though he feels the most settled he can remember being. Like how his chest fills up with bubbly joy every time he open the cabinet above his sink and spots Tommy's favorite yellow bowl on the shelf, the one he claims is perfect for cereal or pasta or rice or anything, really, even though it is clearly a soup bowl.

"You realize you just signed up for kissing every single gray hair on my head from now on," Buck says when they're sated and sleepy, limbs tangled up on top of sheets that Tommy will change tomorrow because Buck hates doing the bed.

A few years ago, Buck would've wanted to beg, say you'll stay. say this means you'll stay. say you'll be here when I have more gray on my head. say you'll be here when I'm fully gray, still kissing me, still wanting me, still loving me.

Today, Buck doesn't beg. Tommy's mouth finds its way to his spot, and Buck knows that Tommy would still say it if he asks.

[xofemeraldstars]

"Evan."

Tommy stares at him, mouth slightly open and Buck flashes back to that morning in the cafe when he thought he fumbled his chance at something great. But Tommy took another chance with him, as insane as inviting him to his sister's wedding was. Buck shakes his head, trying to dispel the memory and smiles at Tommy.

"I'm serious," he replied, grinning broadly. "Come with me to our wedding," he couldn't help it, the memory fresh on his mind.

Tommy caught on pretty fast, his eyebrows shot up and he started laughing. "Does that mean it's my turn to meet your sister?"

Buck's smile only grew as Tommy played along. "You already know a lot of the people who will be there and I need someone to dance with," he reached out and took Tommy's hand, whose eyes softened just as it did back at the cafe.

"I guess this time there won't be any free food," he replied and pulled Buck's hand up to his lips to press a kiss to the back of it. "Hold that thought tho," Tommy added, index finger pointing at Buck before he got up and disappeared into the garage.

"Babe?" Buck called out and somehow he wasn't nervous or anxious that Tommy left the dining table just after he accidentally proposed.

"Yeah, so my reaction earlier was not disbelief that you're asking," Tommy called out from around the corner and, well, that intrigued Buck as he cranes his neck to get a glimpse of his boyfriend.

Tommy walked back in through the door, one hand held at his back and Buck looked at it then back up at Tommy's smiling face, his mouth slowly opening as he put the pieces together.

They both started chuckling as Tommy sat back down and Buck, because he couldn't help himself, held up a finger and got up, walking towards a kitchen drawer, pulling it almost completely out and taking out a small velvet box.

As Buck sat back at the table across from Tommy, he bites his lip while slowly pushing the box forward, just as Tommy did the same with his own velvet box. "On the count of three?" Buck asked.

"Yes," Tommy breathed out and Buck stopped.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

[lonelychicago]

that's the way love goes

buck/eddie, temporary bucktommy | teen and up | 4.2k words

But he can use the context clues; like Evan's extreme and irrational jealousy, or the way Christipher won't shut up about the man and how amazing he is and all the great and cool things they've done together or how Evan can cook way better than Eddie and Evan kills it at science projects. The fact that there's a reminder of Evan Buckley in almost every corner of the Diaz' house isn't lost on Tommy, either. And really, there's this universal truth: the gays can never have a normal fucking break-up. or; Tommy thinks Buck and Eddie used to date and never really got over each other... he is very tired and confused. But it makes some feeling realizations come to light and a pair of idiots to see what they've been missing all along, so it's all good.

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[prettyboybuckley]

teach me how to dance with you by goodboybuck (prettyboybuckley)

8.95k | 1/1 | Explicit | No Warnings Apply | Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard

9-1-1 said "here's bi buck" and I said "that's exactly what I needed to get through my writer's block!" and proceeded to write this.

Summary:

"Hey, no, we don't have to rush into anything you're not ready for, okay?" Tommy says. "There's no hurry, it might be good to take it a bit slow, actually."

Buck nods. "Yeah, yeah, okay."

"How about we have a beer, and we talk some more, and maybe we can make out a bit more on the couch?"

Tommy points over his shoulder towards Buck's living room, his expression one big, playful question mark, definitely a bit hopeful as well, and Buck can't help but smile and nod.

"Yeah," he says, grabbing the other bottle of beer left on the counter, "yeah, that sounds like a great plan."

OR: Buck explores the wonders of gay sex (slowly, with a really patient, sweet Tommy guiding the way and while having a lot of fun)

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[thatbuddie]

MARIA HIIIIII i would love love love “What’s worse is, this is the first time I’ve genuinely felt this way about someone.” if it sparks inspiration 💕

oh my god it definitely sparked inspiration but i don't know how it ended up being this kskskks i hope you like it, kris *mwaaah*

never ask for any of it back

buddie | 2.4k | outsider pov, getting together, love confession

“Yeah.” Eddie nods. “I’m his best friend. I can’t count the number of times Buck’s said that to me. His best friend.” Hen has heard Buck use those exact same words before, as well. She’s heard him say them jokingly, in passing, earnestly, in joy, in despair. She has always, always, been able to hear the meaning behind them. She wonders if Eddie has ever been able to tell that when Buck says best friend he means soulmate. “Well, isn’t he yours as well?” Hen asks him. “Of course he is,” Eddie needlessly confirms. “He’s the best friend I’ve ever had. But I’m greedy, and I ruin everything, and I want more. I want so much more. I want him. All of him.” So have him, Hen thinks. Eddie, let yourself have him.

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[thelikesofus]

platonic co-parents don’t kiss like we do

9-1-1 on ABC | Buddie | 7k words | outsider pov, getting together, love confessions, 5 + 1, lots of kisses

5 times other people see Buck and Eddie kiss + 1 time they really mean it

Chimney wants it on public record that if he ever goes to therapy the bill is to be sent to Buck and Eddie, and that should he ever end up in an early grave for reasons related to his co-workers and their absolutely unhinged inability to act like normal people they will also be paying for all of the flowers at the funeral—and Chimney wants a lot of flowers.

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