#‘this is why I call you my walking credit card’ I flip him off in reply

[sodarlo]

to all you people who are like “ohhoho money is everything”, money is the only way my father has ever shown affection towards me and I can assure you that is not everything

[vigilante-3073]

Daddy's Credit Card

Cullen Family x Female Vampire Reader (Platonic)

PART 3

Summary: Edward made the choice to leave Bella behind and now he grapples with the fallout of his decision. How will he fare without Y/N to fall back on in his time of need? Will she come to his aid despite their strained relationship?

TW: Mention of death and self-harm, lack of regard for the feelings of others.

Carlisle made his way into the penthouse apartment that Y/N had been staying in. She left Forks after her argument with Edward, packing up and leaving without another word.

It had been months of silence before Edward made the decision to leave Bella. The Cullen family had moved to New York City, making new lives for themselves in the bustling city.

Edward had retreated into himself, remaining silent most of the time and refusing to feed. He soon made the decision to travel to Rio to be by himself. Edward had always loved Rio and he hoped it would help him to feel better, but he felt nothing.

He stayed in the same clothes, feeding off rats in the dimly lit room he had come to call home. Edward was heartbroken, he knew it was the best thing for Bella, but he wasn't ready to let her go.

Carlisle knew that his son was suffering and that is what brought him to Y/N's doorstep. She could be abrasive and uncaring at times, but a tender approach wasn't what Edward needed right now. Y/N had always been able to get through to Edward, her methods may have been unorthodox, but they certainly yielded results.

Carlisle rounded the corner, slowing to a stop when he spotted her. Y/N was lounging in a plush black armchair as she read from her book that was balanced on the arm.

"Hello, Carlisle. Still above knocking before walking into someone's home, I see," Y/N said without looking up from the words on the page.

"I didn't think you would open the door if I knocked," Carlisle replied.

"Probably not," Y/N stated, flipping the page.

"We need you help," Carlisle said.

"With what?" Y/N asked, not bothering to keep the disinterest out of her voice.

"The family has left Forks," Carlisle stated.

Y/N hesitated, eyes finally lifting to stare at him, "Why?" She asked.

"Edward has chosen to leave Bella for her own safety," Carlisle said.

Y/N scoffed, flipping the page of her book, "He is distraught and he could benefit from your friendship at this time," Carlisle said.

"I don't care what he could benefit from," Y/N deadpanned.

"Alice is worried. She thinks that he may try and do something to harm himself," Carlisle said, hoping to make her understand the severity of the situation.

"Good. I hope he gets creative," Y/N said.

"Y/N, he needs you," Carlisle pressed.

"No, he doesn't. He made that very clear," Y/N snapped, shutting her book and standing up from her seat.

"He is your family," Carlisle said, following after her as she walked out of the room.

"Is there a reason that you are still speaking to me about this, Carlisle?" Y/N questioned setting her book down on the kitchen counter.

"No one else has been able to get through to him. He has isolated himself from the family and he isn't feeding," Carlisle said.

"I don't care, Carlisle. I have said my piece about his relationship with that human and he refused to hear it. Edward brought this on himself and he should have to deal with the fallout of his own decisions," Y/N stated.

"Even if he chooses to forfeit his own life?" Carlisle questioned.

"Even then," Y/N said, walking off into the apartment and slamming one of the doors behind herself.

...

Edward sat on the dirty floor in his room, watching the sun rise and set over Rio while his body wasted away. He was miserable and he wanted nothing more than to return to Forks. Edward wanted to take Bella into his arms and tell her that he was wrong to leave her, but he wasn't. Y/N was right and they would only have a limited amount of time together before her eventual death.

He would lose her at one point or another and he knew that he wouldn't be able to handle the loss if he stayed with her. It was better to cut it off and hurt now than to grow their connection and lose it later on.

Edward hoped that Bella would move on and live a happy human life without him. Maybe she would find a nice human boy to create a life with, it would be better for her. Bella could have kids, grow old and live the life that she was always meant to live. Edward meant it when he said that she didn't belong in his world.

There would always be a small part of him that wondered if she loved him because of what he could offer her. He wouldn't be able to stomach it if their relationship was purely based on the irresistible effect that Vampires had on humans or the appeal of eternal life.

Edward hoped that he would just die.

No amount of blood could change how empty he felt inside and he just wanted to waste away until there was nothing left. Edward called the family recently to let them know he was alright, he had been calling them once a month. If he were to perish in this room, laying on the dirty floor, it could take his family a bit of time to wonder what happened. That was only if Alice didn't forsee his decision to die before he had a chance to act on it.

"Well, how the mighty have fallen," Someone said.

Edward's brow furrowed, he hadn't heard anyone enter his room over the whirlwind of his thoughts. If it were an enemy, he would be dead, not that he would protest to a swift and merciful death at this point.

Y/N stood in front of him, her expensive clothing feeling out of place in the dirty room. She stared down at him, examining his torn clothing and the dark bags under his eyes.

"I caught your dinner for you," Y/N stated, tossing the body of a rat down on the floor in front of him.

The blood made him ravenous and he dove onto it quickly with a growl, sucking down every drop of blood the creature had to offer.

Y/N watched him with a smirk, "When Carlisle told me how quickly everything had fallen apart for you in Forks I almost didn't believe him," Y/N said.

"What do you want?" Edward snapped, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"Come with me," Y/N said.

"I'm not leaving," Edward said firmly, shaking his head.

"Well, I'm not staying here... Get up and come with me," She commanded.

Edward got to his feet quickly, gritting his teeth as he tried to resist her instructions.

"All you've had to eat in weeks is that rat that I tossed at your feet. Resisting me now is just a waste of energy and you know that," Y/N said, already making her way out of the room.

...

Edward stared out the window of the large suite in the hotel Y/N had been staying in. He had showered and Y/N gave him a change of clothes. He didn't want them. He wanted to keep the torn and dirty clothing that he had been wearing. The fabric still carried Bella's scent and he hated that Y/N had forced him to part with it.

Bella was gone. She was absent from every part of him and it suddenly felt like the wound had reopened again. Edward watched over the Rio skyline, body sitting rigid in the chair as he waited for Y/N to return from wherever she had gone.

There was no chance that her coming to his rescue was without motive. She wanted something and he needed to know what it was. Edward's life had already fallen apart, there was nothing left for her to take from him.

Y/N stepped into the suite, heeled boots clicking against the floor as she made her way towards him.

"Well, you certainly look better," She stated, tossing her purse down on the bed.

"What do you want, Y/N?" Edward asked, keeping his focus on the world outside the window.

"Carlisle came to find me and told me that you left the human," Y/N said.

"Her name is Bella," Edward snapped.

Y/N huffed, sitting down in the armchair across from him, "You haven't even known her for a year, Edward. This is a bit melodramatic, even for you," Y/N said.

"I love her," He stated, looking over at Y/N.

"Loved... You loved her. And now you left her and I'm sure she'll be much better off without you," Y/N said.

"I know that," Edward muttered, eyes falling to the floor between them.

"If you know that then why are you holding onto her. You're smarter than this, Edward," Y/N said.

"I can't just turn off my affections for her. I'm not callous like you are," He snapped.

Y/N scoffed, sitting back in her chair, "No wonder Carlisle came to me. You are being ridiculous about this, she is just a girl. Were you ever going to change her?" Y/N asked.

"No, but-," "If you had stayed, you were going to lose her anyway. You were going to remain the same, never growing older, while you watched time steal away the one you love. That girl will wrinkle and become decrepit right in front of you. If you're lucky an illness will take her while she's young, that way you won't have to watch her lose the ability to walk or care for herself. Humanity is ugly and you have spared yourself from that ugliness. Move on and pull yourself together," Y/N said, standing from her chair.

Edward watched her, hate burning like the hottest fire within him. Edward despised the way that she spoke about Bella, but he knew that she was right.

Y/N lifted her suitcase up onto the bench, placing her things inside, "What are you doing?" Edward questioned.

"Packing. You can do whatever you want, the room is paid for until the end of the month," Y/N said, closing the lid and zipping it shut.

"Where are you going to go?" Edward asked.

"Carlisle found me in New York which means it's time to move elsewhere. This family is suffocating me," She huffed.

"I appreciate you coming to find me," Edward admitted softly.

"I know that nothing I said is going to change anything for you and I am not interested in trying to get my point across anymore. Just know that if you're going to off yourself, Alice is already watching your decisions and she will step in if she deems it necessary," Y/N said.

"Why would you tell me that?" Edward asked.

"You have your own free will. If you want to die, you should be able to decide how you go," Y/N stated, setting her suitcase on the floor and pulling up the retractable handle. She grabbed her purse from the bed, slinging the strap over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I understand how you felt now," Edward said.

"No, you don't... I don't think you ever will," Y/N said, making her way out of the hotel room.

[chlorinecake]

The Jealous Type | P. JS

contains rich boy jay x female reader, heavily gossip girl coded, kissing, jealousy, angst, cunnilingus (⚠︎)

Jay has a temper, which meant you’d have to hold a movie-star smile whenever he stormed out of business meetings upon flipping a few chairs…

Jay has a high sex drive, and you still haven’t quite mastered the art of making yourself look half-decent after a quickie in his office…

Jay has a reputation, and you’ve known since day one that dating the son of a multimillionaire in a city of bright lights with even brighter personalities meant one thing for you:

That you’d have to learn to look clean while playing dirty at all times.

Picture the backseat of a sleek Rolls Royce, tinted windows, chilled drinks, and roughly three minutes away from your final destination.

“I live a fast life, ____,” Jay began while sitting beside you, almost in a manner of warning as he relaxed into his seat.

“Great. Running sounds like fun,” you said, trying to display confidence before him.

“Every once in a while, maybe, but only if you can keep up…”

You let his words sink in, “Then I'll practice for you.”

He shook his head, “I'm afraid there's not much time left for that, love...”

“Well I've always believed in this thing called beginners luck.”

Your voice trailed off, heart prepared for another one of his defeated responses until he reached a hand in his side to grab something.

“Hold my wallet,” he said plainly, handing the leather rectangle to you.

“Jay, l—”

"Open it...” he pressed, taking your hand in his to force your reluctant fist open, “like it's yours.”

Taking heed to his words, you let out a breath, thumb and index finger tugging at the zipper to reveal a line of bills and his infamous black credit card.

“Jay, what’re you getting at here?”

“Don't look so impressed, it might come off as common,” he interrupted, watching your fingers pause at the leather opening.

You scoffed, “What's that supposed to mean?”

“That we’re in a movie, ____,” he smiled, “Just act the role to win the part.”

Aww, how wise of him….

“Great, so you won't let me run with you but playing pretend is okay?”

His smile didn’t falter at your words, only morphing into a smolder as he peered closer to you.

“Now why would I ever make you run in these sexy five inch heels?”

Your eyes fell to his hand that caressed your thigh once again, “Because sometimes, beauty is pain...”

“Very true… but it doesn't have to be...,” his voice encouraged gently, “not yet... not tonight.”

You expressed agreement with a hum before speaking again, “So can you take your fancy wallet back now?”

“Keep it,” he answered almost immediately, “Let's see if beginner's luck will help you hold onto it…”

“I'd sew this wallet to my ribcage if I had to—”

The vehicle suddenly came to a stop, flashing lights barely visible through the tinted windows as the car doors unlocked in unison.

“This is your exit,” the chauffeur clarified with a strong European accent, Jay offering the driver a thankful wave and stepping out of the car.

He walked over to your side of the car and did the same, telling you to “watch your step” as your feet met the ground.

Jay was right about one thing…

There wasn’t much time for you to practice “running” now that you were just seconds from meeting his friends and family for the first time…

The event in question was Mr. Park’s annual dinner party, held at his newly renovated restaurant in The Palace Hotel.

As soon as you stepped through the automatic sliding doors, you were met with the sound of live classical music thrumming from the center stage.

It wasn’t long before you and Jay got to socializing, helping yourselves to a few hors d’oeuvres and swigs of sparkling champagne under the glass chandelier.

His parents apparently had to leave the event early due to an unexpected emergency, so gossipy topics surrounding his family were definitely on the table.

You made sure to stay beside Jay the entire night, not only to comfort him, but to protect yourself.

That’s when a certain woman who had her eyes stuck on you two since the night began made her way by with a seductive sway in her hips.

“Nice chain, handsome,” she started without hesitation, her unfamiliar face somehow telling of her familiar intentions:

Trouble and drama.

“Thank you, Jennifer,” Jay replied, jawline clenching slightly at her prior use of a nickname.

Saying that Jay looked annoyed right now would be an understatement.

This Jennifer person was obviously his ex, though she continued speaking as if you weren’t even there.

“Isn’t that the same one you used to let me wear?,” she asked, eyes falling to his collarbone where the chain necklace sat.

“No,” he answered, a feigned smile masking the bitterness in his heart, “I got rid of that one a long time ago…”

“Aww,” she pouted, poking her acrylic nail into his shoulder, “do you have any idea how sad that makes me feel?”

“Don't poke at my boyfriend like he's some kind of toy,” you defended, your sudden boldness startling her.

Her hand stop at his the hem of his sleeve, cold green eyes meeting yours with a glare strong enough to make your skill crawl.

Yep… you officially hated her.

“Please, darling... lighten up,” she chirped, “this is just how me and Jay like to play sometimes... isn't that right, handsome? Or do you need a reminder—”

“That'd be rather unnecessary, don't you think?,” Jay snapped at her, “Maybe even a little crass...”

“Well your new girl seems tough... a little story time wouldn't hurt her…”

“Too bad I'm feeling a bit talked-out for the evening,” you spoke against her shameless demeanor, “It was nice meeting you, Jennifer. Really...”

“You too,” she mouthed with a smile, too prideful to reply loud enough for you to hear.

Turning on a heel, you hooked your elbow with Jay's, leading him outside of the venue.

“____, I can explain,” Jay started, matching your walking pace as you circled to hotel parking lot.

You shook your head, “There's no need, Jay… Your ex is a bitch, I get it.”

“____...”

“Can we just go back home already?,” you proposed, just realizing that you’d been holding your breath.

You exhaled weakly, Jay finding your shoulders as he turned you to face him, just inches from the car.

“Yes, love, we can go home, just please calm down for me, okay?”

The pitch of his voice lowered with its volume, “This was just as hard for me as it was for you…”

With that, a silence swarmed between you, just as his hand went to grip the chain around his neck.

He gave it what looked like an effortless tug before each metal link broken apart, leaving the once beautiful necklace into shiny sprinkles of gold on the pavement.

You let out another breath, “You lied, Jay... why would you keep her necklace—”

“I'm not proud of it, ____...,” he interrupted, eyes facing the ground, “but I wasn't gonna sit there and feed into her games by telling the truth...”

“Yeah… that’s because you just stood there and let her touch you instead," you retorted, walking past him and getting into the car.

You’re glad the ride home wasn’t long, you two having arrived at his penthouse somewhere around ten minutes upon leaving.

Jay's boots clicked with each step as he held your hand, guiding you up the stoned path and past the front door.

Few words were exchanged between you both once you got to the master bedroom, plopping yourself on the bed as he stood with his hands at his hips.

“What a waste of good food today... my dad would’ve been pissed to find out the guests hardly ate anything…”

Jay spoke lowly, drawing your eyes to the red velvet stain on his still crisply ironed white sleeve.

“Speaking of food, you have a bit of cake on your blazer... here, let me help you...”

He sighed, “I've got it, ____. It's really no big deal...”

“No, i-it's in an awkward spot, just let me just wipe it for y—”

“I said I've got it, alright!?”

His sharp features faltered upon realizing that he'd just raised his voice at you, and for no good reason.

“I apologize, love—”

“Whatever, Jay,” you sighed, plopping yourself on the hotel mattress, “this was all just a bad idea to begin with…”

“What do you mean by that?” He asked, arching his back so his blazer to fall off his shoulders, noting in his mind to spot-clean the stain later.

“It's just... I don't fit in your world... not a single part of it…”

Jay joined you on the bed, just in his T-shirt and slacks now as he took your face in his right hand.

“There's not a single place in my heart where you don’t fit in perfectly… y'know that?”

“I do, Jay...,” you answered quietly, meeting his dark eyes, “thank you...”

“Of course,” he smiled, placing a tender kiss to the back of your hand, “now let's get out of these fancy clothes and into something more comfortable, yeah?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, Jay standing up now and leaning before you to untie the heel straps around your ankles.

“You looked beautiful tonight, by the way,” he smiled, hands reaching beneath your evening gown to pull down the thigh-high satin stockings you wore.

“So did you.... handsome,” you smiled, propping up on your elbows to wash him undress you, and cheeky look on his face at your words.

“I learned something about you thanks to tonight,” he started, standing back up and giving you a look, “didn’t know you were the jealous type…”

You scoffed, feeling his hand tap at your thigh as a cue to turn over on your stomach now.

And so you did, hips up as he crawled onto your back in a straddling position, moving your hair out the way while admiring your beauty.

Your eyes were still internally rolling at his comment up until you felt him massaging your shoulders gently.

Somehow, you could tell he smiled at the little hums that escaped your throat once he applied a bit of pressure.

In a strange way, Jennifer’s behavior had a way of pulling both anger and anticipation out of you…

No, you didn’t like how she got all handsy with your man right in front of you, but you somewhat enjoyed the effect your reaction had on Jay…

He felt bad about what happened. Terrible, even.

And you could see it all over his pouty face that he wanted to make things up to you…

You laid there face down on the mattress beneath him, not able to focus on anything other than the feeling of his bulge pressing into your thighs.

He was turned on right now, and so were you—

“I still think I behaved myself pretty well tonight considering, though,” you huffed quietly, letting your body melt beneath his weight.

Your eyelids fluttered shut as his touch trailed from your hips to your waist, “And I’m very proud of you for that, love,” he whispered adoringly.

His hands now found the necklace around your neck, unclasping it with a simple click before reaching over to place it on the mini bedside table.

“Want me to unzip your dress for you as well while I’m here?…”

All you did was nod lazily in response, the cold metal zipper of the matching white gown you wore sending shivers down your delicate spine.

He slowly followed the trail along the curve of your back, chill air hitting your skin once he fully unzipped it past your hips.

“You know I’d never leave you for someone else, right?”

You let out a hum, feeling a bit frisky now that you were half-naked beneath him…

“Can’t be sure… who knows, there might be another piece of jewelry attached to one of your ex’s lying around here somewhere…”

He made a face at you even though you couldn’t see him from your position, “Seriously ____?”

“Very…” you answered, “…and I’m sorry...”

“It's okay,” he chuckled, letting his hands knead your hips, “But I guess that just means I’ll have to prove you wrong now…”

Your eyes flew open, brows slightly furrowed, “And prove me wrong how, exactly?”

“By giving you something I’ve never given anyone else before…”

He shimmied the evening gown past your thighs, revealing the lace lingerie set you wore underneath, it’s elastic hem snug around your plush skin…

The sight alone was enough to make him feel needy, your round ass perched up perfectly for him.

“Oh, so the whole wallet thing wasn’t a first-time trick either?” You joked, knowing he always liked it whenever you were sassy with him.

Jay smiled at your words once again, “On your back for me, princess.”

You sighed playfully before rolling over like he asked, his hands leaving the curve of your body as you got adjusted.

It didn’t take long for Jay to start teasing you back, letting a single finger circle your clothed breast but never touching your nipple.

You wanted him to grope your tits so badly, but instead his other free hand ghosted over your core, intentionally avoiding contact with your sweet spot.

“I have to ask this because I'm a gentleman, but do I have permission to make you cum more than once tonight?”

His question didn’t catch you off guard, but it definitely made you feel something in your stomach.

With dreamy eyes, you struggled to either focus on the spot between his legs or the smirk on his face…

“Only if you mean it...,” you finally uttered, giving him the cue he’d been waiting for so he could please you properly.

He let out a chuckle at your words, “Make sure you hold still for me, princess… you can pull on my hair if it gets too much...”

You watched as he nestled between your legs, looking up at you as a kitten waiting for head pats.

“But that'll hurt you, Jay...”

“I know,” he smirked, tugging your lingerie to the side and marveling at your swollen heat.

He immediately started lapping at your wetness, spitting on your clit despite how wet you already were.

“So fucking pretty,” he hummed in between making out with your sensitive cunt, foul sounds bouncing off the walls as your chest heaved with need.

Your hips subconsciously circled his face, the added movement heightening your pleasure.

You let your hands find his hair, not pulling yet but more so clawing at his scalp.

Jay groaned at your actions, looking up at you while his tongue still flicked against your clit.

The sight and sensation combined made your thighs tremble, Jay’s strong hands holding your hips down against the mattress.

“Baby, you’re supposed to stay still, remember?”

The words left his mouth in such a cooing manner, your mind going foggy because of his raspy bedroom voice.

You managed to squeak out a weak sentence, breathiness in your tone from all the action, “I-I’m trying, Jay…”

You cut yourself off when a loud whine slipped past your mouth, Jay’s hand reaching up to grope your tits while he kept sucking.

At this point, you couldn’t help but to tug at his locks, guiding his face against your folds for your own pleasure.

And he loved every bit of it… you using his face to help yourself climax.

You didn’t expect for a finger to enter you though, especially not a second one once he sped up his licking movements.

Another moan meddled from your body, eyes sealing shut as your hips rutted into his mouth, Jay’s little grunts acting as your breaking point.

The band in your stomach eventually popped, your clit throbbing with pleasure once Jay let his mouth ease your high with kitten licks and kisses.

He looked at you with such love in his eyes, “Are you convinced yet, princess?”

You couldn’t believe he was trying to talk to you in a state like this, but you still knew exactly what he was referring to with that question…

“Yes, but I think you could still do a little more,” you whispered back teasingly, caressing his face that was beaming with a subtle glow just from tasting you.

A smirk tugged at Jay’s lips once you stuck out a hand to pull him closer.

He sealed the contact with a kiss, resting a hand on your exposed thigh that still trembled slightly from your first climax.

“____,” he broke away breathlessly, clinging to your waist, “are you sure you can handle more? We can stop here…”

It’s not that he was concerned, as it was quite obvious in you haze stained eyes that you wanted more from him.

Though, given how tired you’d become after such a long day, he didn’t wanna risk overdoing it.

“But we just started kissing properly,” you protested lazily, leaving another peck to his puffy lips.

“I know, princess,” he smiled again, massaging the flesh of your thigh with his hand, “but we can always continue this another time…”

Another time when you two didn’t have to be at the airport around four in the morning the next day...

You understood him perfectly, and as his lady, you intended to respect him whenever he called the shots, even if it meant you’d have to wait.

“A better time, then,” you added, lips not being able to stay off of his as guided you back against the mattress.

In all honesty, it wasn’t easy for him to tell you no like this, especially not with the raging boner in his pants now, but he knew your rest was more important.

It didn’t take long for him to hang up all your clothes, hop in the shower with you.

He had even helped you wash your hair, massaging your scalp and washing you down before grabbing you both a clean set of pajamas to wear.

And of course, they were matching.

Finally, you took it upon yourself to prepare a set of fresh bedding linen for you two, starting a load on laundry to get back to whenever you could.

Letting out a yawn, Jay found the silk mattress first, still smelling of his potent lavender body wash by time you joined him.

Finding your waist, he pulled you against his toned chest, snuggling his member in between the natural shape of your hips, but not in a sexual way…

More so, it was a protective cuddling position, in essence…

He left a few kisses along your neck, helping you to get comfortable under the covers.

“Moving forward,” you started randomly, “let’s make sure there are no Jennifer’s on the guest lists for your private events…”

Jay let out a laugh that melted your lovesick heart all over again, “Aww, we have our first mutual enemy…”

“Can’t say she doesn’t deserve it, either…,” you returned, grazing the knuckles of the hand he held you with, “thanks for making me feel better, baby...”

He pressed another warm kiss to soft skin, “Of course, princess… Now let’s get some sleep now, hmm? We have another obligation tomorrow, you know….”

Ahhh, yes… The fast life of Jay Park.

“To tomorrow…” you agreed, feeling his warmth leave you for a second as he turned the night light off, “now hold me properly, you’re not close enough.”

✧ Thank you to everyone who’s reading this right now!! I meant to give this story a full smut ending, but for some reason, it’s always hard for me to write intense sexual stuff for Jay ;-; … Anyways though, this was also my first time writing a oneshot for our Mr. Jongsby, so let’s hope I did him justice and y’all liked this one :’3 …

✧ My masterlist for newbies and bored readers huhu ^^

✧ 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ( 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 💌 ) @squoxle @wonbinisbabygurl @ashgonedash @yourmomscuntis2tighy @watamotee33 @addictedtohobi @ot7sevenlvr

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce broke his foot (again) and now someone needs to fill in as Batman. Who's donning the cowl and who's making calls to get off the planet so they don't have to do it?

Bruce: Casting calls are now live.

Duke, nervously getting onstage: Hi.

*microphone squeaks*

Duke: M-my name is Duke Thomas and I'm auditioning for the role of Batman.

Bruce: Show me what you got.

Duke: *clears his throat*

Duke, reading from a script: "Stop right there, Joker! Your days of evildoing have come to a—"

Duke: Actually, I have some notes. From a writer's standpoint, this reads less like the Dark Knight and more like a 60s sitcom.

Bruce: Next!

Selina: What better person to be Batman than the woman who has him wrapped around her finger?

Bruce: You know that's not how it works.

Selina: I've been practicing my quick change so I can be both of us in one fight. Come on, Bat. Can't bend the rules for the love of your life?

Bruce: I love you, but next!

Tim: I'm auditioning for the non-dictator Batman.

Bruce: Not taking any chances. Next!

Cassandra: *flips onstage in a series of elaborate acrobatics*

Cassandra: *beats the training dummy*

Bruce: Impressive. Now, I'll give you a scenario and you act it out as if you're Batman, okay?

Cassandra: *nods*

Bruce: A lost child walks up to you. What's the first thing you say?

Cassandra: You will make an excellent Robin.

Bruce: Yes—I mean, no. No. Next person, please.

Dick: I don't get why I have to audition. I mean, I was Batman.

Bruce: Hm, you're right. Let's give someone else a turn. Next!

Jason, in an improvised costume: I am the darkness. I am the night. I am...

Jason: *whips out guns*

*BANG BANG BANG*

Bruce: Next!

Stephanie: Can I try out?

Bruce: Sure, why not. Let's say you're negotiating a hostage situation. What do you say?

Stephanie: I'll give you Bruce Wayne's credit card if you let these people go.

Bruce: Next!

Barbara: I have programmed an advanced speaker system that will project your grunt from every gargoyle in the city.

Bruce: Grunting doesn't send people to Arkham. Next!

Damian: *walks in*

Bruce: No.

Bruce: Last one left is Kate.

Kate: Don't look at me, I'm just trying to find my keys.

Bruce, groaning: Patrol's in an hour. How am I gonna find a replacement?

Alfred: Master Bruce, perhaps I can substitute for you on the field.

Bruce: Thanks for offering, but I can't let you put yourself in danger like that.

Alfred: Then might I suggest, as Ms. Kyle said, bending one of your rules?

Bruce: Hm...

[later]

Joker: With a push of a button, I'm going to send this entire street sky high!

Clark dressed as Batman: Not if I can help it.

Joker: What is this, some sort of flying device?

Clark: Some changes were made.

Joker: Like what?

Diana, dressed as Batman: Like this.

Diana: *lassoes the Joker*

Joker: There's two of you?!?

Ollie, dressed as Batman, perched on a gargoyle: A little more than that.

Dinah, dressed as Batman: And we have some new tricks up our sleeve. Like this.

Dinah: *screams*

Arthur, dressed as Batman, bursting from the sewer: And this.

Arthur: *catches Joker in a whirlpool*

Hal, dressed as Batman, pointing his ring: And this.

Hal: *traps Joker in a ball*

J'onn, dressed as Batman: May I?

Zatanna, dressed as Batman: I want in too.

Hal: Okay, all of us on the count of three.

Everyone: *bounces Joker back to Arkham*

Barry, dressed as Batman: *runs in late*

Barry: Aw man, I missed it!

[awkward-walking-potato]

Remy with a werewolf reader!!!

Love love LOVE how you write remy so much!!!!!

Falling for the Wolf

Remy LeBeau had heard the stories. Everyone at Xavier’s had. They all whispered the same warnings—stay away from the werewolf. That it was dangerous, unpredictable, a walking storm waiting to unleash chaos. The fear of what you could do, what you might become, kept people at arm’s length.

But Gambit? He had never been one to listen to warnings.

The moon hung high in the sky, casting a silver glow over the grounds of the X-Mansion. Remy was lounging against a tree just outside the training facility, casually flipping a charged card between his fingers as he kept an eye on the shadowed woods beyond. He knew you would come out eventually. You always did. The woods were your escape, a place to retreat when the world became too much, when the wolf inside you scratched too hard at the surface.

Tonight, though, Remy wasn’t interested in letting you slip away unnoticed. He’d caught glimpses of you—your powerful strides, the way your eyes gleamed in the dark, how everyone stiffened when you walked into a room. And to him, that just made you all the more interesting. There was something about danger that he found irresistible.

Sure enough, after a few minutes of waiting, you stepped out of the tree line, your form illuminated by the soft moonlight. You moved with a natural grace, your eyes scanning the surroundings like a predator, ever cautious. But tonight, you weren’t alone.

"Bonsoir, chérie," Remy called out, his deep Cajun accent lacing the words with a smooth, warm charm. He pushed himself off the tree and started walking towards you, his usual cocky grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

You stopped, eyes narrowing. "What do you want, Gambit?"

It wasn’t the friendliest greeting, but then again, you weren’t exactly known for small talk or pleasantries. Remy didn’t mind. He liked a challenge.

"Jus' wanted to say hello," he said casually, closing the distance between you both. "Ain’t nobody ever told you it’s dangerous to be out here all alone at night?"

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "I’m the dangerous one. I think you’re the one who should be worried."

Remy chuckled softly, stopping just a few feet from you. "Oh, I ain’t worried, ma chère. I like a little danger."

You rolled your eyes, though there was a flicker of something in your expression—curiosity, maybe. You had been used to people avoiding you, treating you like a ticking time bomb. But not Remy. He was standing there, bold as ever, that charming smile never faltering.

"Why are you really here?" you asked, crossing your arms. The moonlight caught the silver glint in your eyes, the subtle reminder of what lay beneath your human skin.

Remy shrugged, casually flipping the card in his hand before making it disappear in a flash of kinetic energy. "What can I say? I like things that got a bit of bite to ‘em. And you? You got a lot more than a bit."

You frowned, not used to this kind of attention—at least, not from someone who wasn’t scared of you. "You’re not scared of me?"

He tilted his head, his red-on-black eyes gleaming mischievously. "Scared? Non. You jus' got a bit more… wildness in you than most. But Gambit don’t scare so easy."

Your gaze hardened, the weight of the warnings people whispered about you creeping into your mind. "Everyone else does. Everyone says I’m dangerous. That I can’t be trusted. That I’ll hurt someone if I lose control."

Remy’s expression softened, and he took a step closer, close enough that you could feel the warmth radiating off him. "Let me tell you somethin', chérie. People say all kinds o' things ‘bout what they don’t understand. But me? I like to make up my own mind."

He paused, his voice lowering, taking on a more serious tone. "And right now? I think they don’t know what they talkin' about. I see someone strong, someone who’s got more control than they give you credit for."

You blinked, taken aback by his words. It wasn’t often that anyone saw you for more than the werewolf lurking beneath the surface. "You don’t even know me."

Remy’s grin returned, playful and easy. "I know enough." He winked, and you could feel your defenses start to waver. "Besides, I’ve been keepin' an eye on you. You ain’t near as dangerous as they say—at least, not to me."

You scoffed, though you couldn’t help the hint of amusement tugging at the corners of your lips. "You’re awfully confident, LeBeau."

He stepped closer again, this time within arm’s reach, his gaze locked on yours. "Confidence is what gets me by," he said smoothly, his voice like honey. "But don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t hurt me. Not unless you want to."

Your heart skipped a beat, the heat of his presence overwhelming for a moment. There was something about the way he looked at you—like you weren’t a monster, like you weren’t someone to be feared. It was intoxicating.

But you couldn’t let yourself get caught up in his charm. Not when you knew what you were capable of.

"People don’t just… flirt with me, Remy," you said, a hint of bitterness in your voice. "They’re too busy avoiding me."

Remy’s grin softened into something more genuine, more sincere. "Then maybe they missin' out on somethin’ good."

Your breath caught in your throat as his words hung in the air. You hadn’t expected this. You hadn’t expected anyone—let alone someone like Gambit—to look at you like you were worth something.

He took a step back, giving you space, but his eyes never left yours. "You think ‘bout what I said, chérie. Ain’t no reason to be alone when you don’t have to be."

And with that, he turned, walking away with the same swagger he always carried. But before he disappeared completely into the shadows, he looked over his shoulder, flashing you one last grin.

"I’ll see you ‘round."

And as you stood there, watching him go, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe—just maybe—you’d let him get a little closer next time.

[ornii]

|| My Kind of Crazy: 2 ||

(Sorry for taking so long for Part 2!)

Part 2: Tension (mostly Sexual, Totally diagnosed by a Real licensed Therapist.)

The Squad mount up in the Helicopter and all are strapped down and in, Red Sits between Harley and Boomerang and Flag waits. Someone else finally arrives as well, a woman. Dawning a mask and a mysterious katana.

“You're late. This is Katana. She's got my back. She can cut all of you in half with one sword stroke, just like mowing the lawn. I would advise not getting killed by her. Her sword traps the souls of its victims.” He explains, Red Hood eyes the woman, Harley extends her hand.

“Harley Quinn. Nice to meet ya. Love your perfume. What is that? The stench of death?” She smiled, Katana turned to Flag and sat next to him.

“She seems nice. Harley whispers to Red Hood, who tries to ignore Harley. Harley turns around and looks out the window.

“Ooh. Look at the pretty lights! Are you guys seeing this?” She said, Red Hood decides why not and also looks, it was black clouds, gathering nearby a square and lighting surging through it, this was bad.. very bad.

“What happened?” Deadshot turned to Flag.

“Terror attack. Dirty bombs, bad guys shooting up the place with AKs. You know, usual shit.” He said, but Flint can see though the lie, and they argue.

“Right. Yeah, you're a bad liar. I don't know if they told you, but I'm a hitman. I'm not a fireman. I don't save people.” Flint shrugs and Flag calls him out.

“Anything for a dollar, right?”

“You know the dark places, too. Don't act like you don't.”

“I'm a soldier! And you're a serial killer who takes credit cards. When the shooting starts, and it will, you'll cut and run.” Flag glares at Deadshot, Red Hood turned back to his seat. “That isn’t a terrorist attack.. you’re probably a good soldier, terrible liar.”

Bullets tear though their hull, someone down on the ground fires at them, killing the pilot and forcing the helicopter to spiral.

“Six-one is going down. Six-one is going down hard!” The vehicle crashes and begins to flip, Red Grips the seat and holds himself tight. The helicopter finally halts down and the second carrier lands and soldier flood put to assist the living crew. The S.S and Flag somehow survive with minimal damage. Red Dusts himself off and looks around, city’s evacuated. This definitely isn’t a terrorist attack, something much darker is happening.

They begin to walk though the empty street, Red taking long looks around to figure out what’s going on, before he can, he hears shouting from behind. Turning around he gripped his pistols and watched as Katana Held Boomerang by her sword, Slipknot trying to grapple and rappel away. Flag shook his head and tapped the device on his wrist, and Slips head went splat, exploding. His corpse hangs on one of his grappling hooks. A grim reminder of just how quickly his life can end.

“You wanna keep playing the Hollywood Squares version of "I'll Blow Your Fuckin Head Off"?” Flag looks at the other inmates, all silent. “You next, Deadshot?” Flags attention turns to Deadshot, who points at him. “You just threatened me? Oh, yeah. He just threatened me.”

They all continue to walk. Deadshot, Red Hood and Harley in a trio.

“All right, I'm gonna kill him.” Deadshot grumbled.

“Well, you better make it quick 'cause he's gonna kill all of us one by one.” Harley adds in.

“I'm gonna drop him, the sword lady, five or seven of these SEALs. After that, I'm gonna need some help. You down?” He asked, and Red cuts him off. “Ain’t gonna work.”

“Why not?” Deadshot replies, Red Rubs the chin of his mask Coyly. “Well.. if only had to guess, Waller isn’t the type to leave well enough alone. You kill Flag and make a break for it, she’ll probably pop your head before you reach a block. She probably has a detonator too. Watching our every move. Red Hood explained, and Deadshot stopped him from walking further.

“You seem real calm, like you already got a plan..”

“I do.. If the HVT is who I think it is, we just have to bide our time. Keep your head on your shoulders and you’ll be fine. But I can’t say that for everyone.” Red picks up the pace and walks, they cut to another block and down a collapsed street. Flag and his men move forward and take a firing line behind a police vehicle, The Squad post up behind them a few feet back, watching. Flag gives an order and a large portion of soldier split off into the alley nearby, leaving him and a few men.

“Hey. I like these odds, mate. You just say the word.” Boomerang eyes Deadshot

“Yeah, uh... Hold that thought.” Red Walks forward to see what they’re focusing on, using his helmet he activates detective mode, standing against Flags men was a soldier who looked, not human. His body oozing black liquid and his head now nothing but eyes, glaring.

“Hm.. Terrorists, right?” Red sarcastically asked Flag, who didn’t say anything. Deadshot approaches too, looking and whatever this was.

“The hell are they?”

“You cut and run, I'll blow your head off.” With a scream a chunk of the charge at the soldiers and squad and the red hood attacked, his duel pistols tearing through the stone like heads of the former soldiers. A trained soldier by Batman made easy work crushing them.

After pinning one down with a judo throw and planting a slug in their face, Red Looks up to see Flag being dragged off by four of the stone monsters, he aimed his handgun and was cut off by one dropping down onto him, his chest clams against the hard asphalt, before Red can counter, a pair of sneakers was near his face, all he heard was a grunt, swing and stone hitting the ground. He pushed the dead soldier off him to Harley toying with her bat, she turns to Flag.

“Good riddance. Am I right?” She smirks at Red, who shook his head and loaded his pistol.

“He dies, we die!” He screamed, she rolls her eyes and the two storm over, laying fire and death on the stone soldiers. Flag looked up as they help him.

“Thanks—“ He starts

“Go Fuck yourself.” Red walks off, ready to lay more fire down. But he didn’t need to, he and many others watched Deadshot mow down soldier after soldier with pin point precision. Dropping the one at a time until they all lie there full of bullets. Deadshot drops down back to the crew, walking past Flag.

“That's how I cut and run.” Deadshot catches up to Harley and Red, as he leans against a car with his arms folded, watching Harley bash in the skull of whatever these monster soldiers were.

“Having fun?” He asked Sarcastically.

“Yeah.. good stress relief.. you should try it..” Harley smashes another head.

“No im good, trying to not be a full blown psychopath id rather just watch you go crazy.” He replies, Harley stoped mid swing and turned to him with a smile.

“Oh, you don’t want to smash heads in.. but there is something I know you can~” she mocked him, which had a flirtatious tone. She stopped her swinging and approached, leaning into his helmet slightly.

“Let me guess, you wear the mask as some type of symbol against the world that’s wronged you, and you do that… by killing bad guys?” She asked.

“I kill because heroes are too weak willed to put the dogs down.”

“But if you kill like they do, makes you just as bad.” Harley finds the perfect flaw in his logic.

“It makes the world a better place.” He retorts and Harley giggled, “A Sociopath with a Savior Complex, original.”

“I am nothing like any of you..” he thought, Harley can see the gears turning in his head. She smirked, and leaned in past his helmet. “Well.. if you want we can sneak away and you can show me just how different you are—“

“E-E-Excuse me?” He stammered slightly, Harley shrugged. “It seems like you have a lot of repressed sexual tension that you need to release, and I.. also might have ulterior motives but, a wins a win right?” Harley poked his chest, and she bats her psychotic eyes, she’s crazy, his type of crazy.

“Hey. Hey, come on.” Deadshot frowns, Harley moves away from (Y/n), who was trying to play it cool under his helmet. Harley kicks the corpse.

“What? I saw it move. See? It flinched. I think. Red agrees with me, right?” Harley kicks the corpse again, Red looked at the corpse in more detail and saw something that began to set more in motion, a dog tag. He shook his head and Approached Flag. “What are they?” He said, in a slight growl.

“I don't know.”

“Bullshit. We’re shooting soldiers, your soldiers.. aren’t we?” Red said, Flag for in the face of red who wasn’t backing down. And he heard Croc’s growl. Flag backs up and walks, “We got a job to do. We're moving.” Flag walks off and leaves Red to think, He shook off the cobwebs and follows, entering the building Red Made his way to the small desk, and checks the CCTV recordings to see nothing there. Boomerang laughs

“Whoo! Looks like we have a spot of luck, eh? Be a walk in the park. Easy peasy.”

“Stop talking” Red Grumbled, he looked up to the sound of dinging, as Harley takes the one working elevator. “Son of a…” they rush up the stairs, they await at the end for Harley, the door opens to her just fine, with dead stone soldiers at her feet. She smiled, and stepped out without a scratch. They kick open the door to the office and from the ceiling soldiers drop though it, another firefight breaks out, and Red begins to notice a pattern. Specifically flag.

Their focus on him makes this story more and more complicated. As the bullets settle, the group make their way up via a flight of stars, Red followed behind slowly, and Harley looks over the railing her eyes hazy, lost, devoid of love. Red Approached from behind.

“Harley?” He asked confused, she turned and drew her handgun, the magnum aimed right at his head. He didn’t flinch, he didn’t feel fear

“… Have you ever been in love?” She asked, sad, the question actually caught him off guard. Red saw flashes of someone in his life, just for a moment.

“I did.. once, not anymore..I don’t think I can love.” He admits.

“Bullshit.. it, has to still be in there, somewhere. What changed?” And asked, and a single manic laugh ringed in his ear.

“Joker..” he said with such scorn and evil, he gripped his gun. “That’s what changed… I don’t have the innocence to love anymore. Do you?” He walked past Harley.

“I wish I do.” She replies. Red turned around and looked at her, “You really love him.. don’t you? You’re a victim.” He turned back and went up the stairs, with, pity on his heart. They go to a large floor and a door beyond it. Before they can go in, Flag turns to them.

“Wait here, Please. I don’t want to give this dude a heart attack, okay?” Flag walks to the door and with caution, enters.

“Aww he’s embarrassed of us.” Harley jokes, but Red Hood turned to Deadshot.

“Remember when I said about the HVT? You want a chance to escape, it’s through that door.” Red Points to the door, and Deadshot approaches, as if to expect some evil monster, what he got.. was much worse.

[steddieasitgoes]

written for @eddiemonth Day 6 Prompt: Crush cw: period typical homophobia read on ao3 | link to my ao3 Eddie Month series

The Hawkins High Library is somehow both quiet and bustling. There’s not a free table in sight; students hunched together in groups of twos and threes. Loners are forced to share with others. All of them with their noses deep into study guides, highlighters perched between tense lips. Some flip through flashcards, mumbling answers as the librarian watches over with a stern look, ready to shush anyone who dares make a sound. 

The sun beats down on the small room, rays of warmth promising free days to come. Summer break is on the horizon. All that stands between them and three months of endless freedom is finals. 

Finals, which, in Eddie’s case, don’t just promise a summer of freedom. But a life free from high school altogether. Assuming he manages to finally pass Mrs. O’Donnell’s chemistry final. 

The odds of this happening, though, are not very great. Especially since he’s already failed her chemistry class once before. (Honestly, Hawkins High should just hire a new chemistry teacher and stop putting everyone through her miserable class.) 

But it’s okay because Eddie’s actually been trying this semester. 

As in, he finally suffered through the mortifying ordeal of asking for help and landed himself the best tutor that Hawkins High has to offer: Nancy Wheeler. 

With her help, he’s managed to bring his F up to a low D- which isn’t great, but it's the closest he’s ever been to passing. Now, all he has to do is get a C on the final and submit some lame extra credit essay, and he should be able to turn that D- into a D+ and pass the class. 

At least, that’s the plan. 

Which is why he’s currently tucked away at a library table opposite Nancy and the King of Hawkins high himself, Steve Harrington, instead of bumming around in Jeff’s garage planning their summer Hellfire campaign. 

“Okay,” Nancy says, pulling his attention away from the giant library window. She’s holding an index card in her hands. Her usual pristine manicure chipped. Nails bit as short as possible. Eddie supposes the stress of finals even gets to the nerds. “A proton has what kind of charge?” 

“Positive.” 

She nods, not one for verbal praise, and flips to the next card. “What happens in an endergonic reaction?” 

Shit.

He should know this one. 

Eddie taps his pencil against the table. Tilts his head back until his eyes are focused on the ugly popcorn ceiling of the library as if it holds the answers. It doesn’t, unfortunately. Frustrated, he buries his head in his hands for a moment before peering up at Nancy with his big brown eyes and a solemn look on his face. 

Steve scoffs beside Nancy, looking up from his own study guide to throw an arm possessively around her. 

Eddie’s about to call him out on his weird macho man behavior when his stomach starts to growl. Jesus H. Christ. He knew he shouldn’t have skipped lunch today. 

Nancy sighs, shaking Steve’s arm off of her as she stands. “I’m going to go grab us some snacks from the vending machine.” 

“You’re the best, Wheeler!” Eddie smiles, watching as Nancy walks away. 

When he turns back to the table, ready to flip the flashcard over to learn what an endergonic reaction is, Steve is glaring at him. His arms are crossed tightly across his chest as he leans back in the chair. Eddie can tell he’s trying to look casual and unbothered, but the tension in his jaw and the rage in his eyes say otherwise. 

“What’s got your panties in a twist, my liege?” 

Steve scoffs, shaking his head. “Do you think I’m stupid, Munson? I can see you flirting with my girlfriend right in front of me.” 

Eddie stares at Steve dumbfounded, wide eyes blinking as Steve continues to glare. There’s a rumble in the pit of his stomach, one that stems from laughter instead of hunger, but Eddie bites the inside of his cheek to keep it at bay. Something tells him laughing at Steve isn’t going to end well for him. He might have a bad track record when it comes to fights, but the only punch Eddie has ever thrown was accidental at a haunted house. And he ended up bruising his own hand instead of the clown’s nose. 

“I don’t have a crush on Nancy.” 

“Sure you don’t,” Steve hums sarcastically, crossing his arms even tighter. 

The stupid sleeves of his striped polo strain against the bulge of his biceps, and Eddie tries his best not to stare. Oh, if only you knew the truth, Harrington.

“Every guy here has a crush on Nancy. Especially since they know they can’t have her.” 

This time, it’s Eddie who scoffs. Objectively, sure, Nancy’s cute and all. But, the audacity of Harrington to think every guy wants her just because he has her is more irritating than comical. He doesn’t think Nancy would be too thrilled about it either. 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Harrington, but I don’t think about Nancy like that.” 

“So, what are you a queer then?” Steve snaps. 

Eddie feels his skin heat up like the blood is rushing to his cheeks and his ears, and then, as quickly as the temperature rises, it sinks, sending him into a numbing cold. Judging by Harrington’s wide eye gaze, Eddie assumes he looks like a guy who’s two seconds away from hurling or passing out on the floor. Both of which he’d welcome. Anything is better than having this conversation with Harrington. 

“Wait,” Steve says as if Eddie has the strength to get up from his seat. “Shit, I’m sorry. I— I don’t know why I said that. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m really sorry, man. I’m trying not to be this asshole, and then I go and say asshole shit like that. I just—“ Steve drags both hands down his face as he groans.

“You’re in love with her and don’t want another freak stealing her from you?” Eddie supplies, totally caught off guard by the sound of his own voice. Honestly, he’s kinda proud of himself for stringing together a coherent sentence, let alone a dig like that, after Steve’s insult-turned-apology. 

Steve doesn’t say anything, just stares at Eddie with those stupid wide eyes, and his even stupider lips barely parted. 

“What? It was kind of hard to ignore the little lover's quarrel you and Byers got into last winter. But trust me, Harrington. You have nothing to worry about. All I want from Wheeler is her help passing chem. As soon as I get that, I’ll be out of both of your hair.” 

Eddie can tell Steve’s thinking of a way to respond to that, but he never gets the chance because Nancy reappears just then. She dumps a handful of “brain food” on the table  — mostly trail mix concoctions and a lone Snickers bar — and passes each of the boys a bottle of water. It’s not exactly what Eddie was hoping for when she left for snacks, but he’s not about to complain. 

“Okay, so, endergonic reactions.” 

+ + +

Truthfully, Eddie should stop making plans since they never seem to go his way. What was supposed to be a chill, music-filled spring break has turned into quite the opposite. 

Instead, he’s spent the last two days in hiding, with only a handful of people keeping him safe, including Harrington and Wheeler, of all people. 

So much for staying out of their hair, he thinks manically, as he walks in tandem beside Steve in the actual hell-like version of Hawkins. They trail behind Robin and Nancy, Eddie rambling on and on about Steve, but he just can’t shut up. Maybe it’s the nerves, maybe it’s the memory of the three of them back in that library, maybe it’s just Eddie self-sabotaging because seeing Steve in his vest is doing things to him. Things he doesn't have time to deal with, especially not when Wheeler is right there.

Whatever it is, Eddie’s about to do the stupidest thing he’s ever done, aside from jumping into Lover's Lake in the first place.

Steve stops walking the minute Eddie starts talking about why he followed them here. They stop beside a tree, and Eddie angles his body so he’s in front of Steve. Probably closer than he should be, but Eddie’s not about to step backward. Not when there could be a creepy vine ready to trip him and give their positions away to the hoard of bats in the sky. No, thank you. 

He presses on instead, talking about Nancy and her incredible reaction time to Steve being dragged deeper and deeper into the murky waters. 

“Now, I don’t know what happened between you two, but if I were you, I would get her back,” Eddie says, eyes locked with Steve’s. “Because that was an unambiguous a sign of true love as these cynical eyes have ever seen.” 

With a hand clasped over his heart, Eddie watches as Steve glances towards Nancy’s direction. There’s a moment where Eddie thinks Steve’s actually going to listen to him. Run after the girl of his dreams and professes his undying love to her in the middle of the hell dimension version of Hawkins. But then, he slowly turns his head back toward Eddie and shakes his head. 

“I don’t...” Steve hesitates, eyes flickering to Eddie’s lips for the briefest of seconds before settling back on his eyes. He shakes his head. “I don’t have a crush on Nancy, man.” 

Eddie cocks his head in surprise. Lets a cackle of a laugh escape his lips as he stares back at Steve in disbelief. “You don’t have to bullshit me, man. It’s pretty clear you still have a thing for her. I mean, every guy in Hawkins has a crush on Nancy, remember.” 

Steve’s brows knit together, lips agape in that same stupid thinking face he gave Eddie all those years ago in the Hawkins High library. It’s aggravating how cute it is, even now when Steve’s covered in blood and grime and God knows what else. 

“Yeah, well,” Steve says, eyes slowly tracking Eddie from head to toe and back up again. “Turns out you were right. Not every guy has a crush on her. Some of us have eyes for someone else.” 

Just as Steve starts to lean in, the ground beneath them starts to rumble and shake, sending them both toppling to the floor. Whatever moment just happened between them disappears as the reality of their situation hits them again.

There’s no time for crushes when their lives are at stake. 

[fanfics4all]

Fainting

Request: Yes / No Thank you @badthingshappenbingo​ for my card! 

Don’t be shy, request things! <3 Have a nice day/night

Fangs Fogarty x Fem!Reader 

Word count: 3747

Warnings: Bulimia, Self-harm, Starvation

Y/N: Your Name 

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

Prompt(s):

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(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Fangs and I have lived together for about a month now, and in that month I’ve managed to hide the fact that I fucking hate my body. No one knew and I was too worried about being judged to tell anyone. I knew deep down that Fangs would never judge me, I mean we’ve been dating for three years now, but the voices always win in the end. So that’s why I spend a lot of time in the bathroom whenever Fangs goes out without me. 

“I’ll be back in a bit, babe!” Fangs called. He was going out with Pea for a job with the Serpents. 

“Okay! Be careful!” I called back. Ironic I’m telling him to be careful when I sit at home and throw everything up. 

“I will, love you!” He said. 

“Love you too!” I said and heard the door close behind him. I waited a bit to make sure Fangs wouldn’t walk back in because he forgot something. The last time that happened I pretended to shower so he wouldn’t hear me. Once I was sure he wouldn’t come back I got off our bed and walked into the bathroom. I pulled out the scale and took a deep breath before I stepped on it. I closed my eyes and tried my best not to shake. I took another calming breath and slowly peeled my eyes open to look at the horrid number. 130 pounds… I sighed, at least I lost two pounds since yesterday. I didn’t really eat anything yesterday. Or the day before. Or the day before that. In fact, I couldn’t really remember the last time I ate a proper meal in which I didn’t throw up a few hours later while Fangs was asleep. It was probably a year ago? Someone at school made a comment about me that I brushed off in the moment, but it was like a silent switch flipped in my brain. After that, I went home and stared at the mirror, noticing all the imperfections about myself. That was the day I decided to lose weight. When normal methods weren’t working, I turned to the extreme. It was the only thing that gave me results… It didn’t help that I started comparing myself to people Fangs talked to. The girls were way prettier than I am. The boys were skinnier than me. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Fangs chose me out of everyone. I couldn’t think of any reasons that Fangs stayed with me all this time, or even why he asked me to move in with him after my trailer burnt down. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy with Fangs, but something in my head just isn’t on the same page as my heart. 

I sighed and looked down at the number once again. 130 pounds. It was below the average weight of my age group, but 120 or even 110 would be way better. I stepped off the scale and looked at myself in the mirror. 

Look at your thighs, they’re so fat. Don’t forget that huge stomach of yours. Did you see that girl he was talking to at the bar last week? Now she was perfectly skinny. The perfect body. 

I sighed and ran my fingers over my body. Fat. That was all I could feel. I was fucking fat. No matter how little I eat, or how much I worked out. I will always be fat. Fat and fucking ugly. I would never be perfect like those people Fangs talk to. I took off my clothes and looked in the mirror again. I stared at my stomach. Even though the scale says I got smaller, to me it looks like my stomach has grown another twenty pounds. My stomach growled as I lightly touched it. I hated the hunger pains, but the feeling of emptiness was too addictive. I love feeling like I finally was in control of my body. I moved my hands down to my thighs and felt the small scars that were slightly raised. When I first started that’s how I would punish myself when the workouts didn’t work, or if I gained another pound or two. That didn’t last long since Toni found out and told Fangs. I wasn’t too attached to the cutting, so that was easy to stop. The sharp pain as the razor glided through my skin, pulling beads of crimson up through the cut, wasn’t as good as the starving. It didn’t make me feel better like not eating. I shook my head and glanced over at the toilet. I’ve become very acquainted with it. My head was shoved inside it at least twice a day. Sure my stomach was empty, but I knew I could still get some stuff out of me. I kneeled down and gently lifted the lid. I stared down into the toilet and took a few breaths. Throwing up on an empty stomach always hurt, but it was worth it to lose those few pounds. I opened my mouth and took my pointer finger into my mouth. I slowly pushed it to the back of my throat and gagged once I found the spot. I was good at not pulling my finger out when I gagged now, so I just kept pushing on it. My stomach was screaming in pain as it tightened with each gag. It took a few minutes, but eventually, I felt the burning creep up my throat. I pulled my finger out and leaned over the toilet. I watched as the bile flew into the water and already felt a little lighter. It wasn’t much, but every little bit helps. I took a few breaths to recover and quickly pushed my finger back inside my mouth. Once again it took a bit, but I eventually threw up more bile. It still wasn’t enough though. I kept going and going until my head started to spin. I felt really dizzy and weak, but it was working. I felt lighter. I kept going until black dots invaded my vision. I fell back on my ass and held my head. 

“J-Jus-st a b-bi-it mo-ore…” I slurred to myself. I tried to get back up so I could finish, but I just fell to the floor more and my vision turned completely black… 

*Fangs POV* 

I walked back into the trailer with a smile as I carried some Pop’s for me and Y/N. I placed the bags and drinks on the coffee table and noticed Y/N wasn’t there. Must be in our room with her laptop or something. 

“Babe, I’m back! I brought Pop’s.” I called but got no answer. 

“Baby?” I called again, thinking she couldn’t hear me. Still nothing. 

“Y/N, you asleep or something?” I said as I walked towards our bedroom. She wasn’t there. I furrowed my brows and wondered if maybe she went out with Toni or something. I pulled out my phone and called her. I heard her phone ring and followed it to the bathroom. I quickly hung up and walked over to the bathroom. The shower wasn’t running so she should have heard me. 

“Y/N? Baby? You in there?” I asked as I gently knocked. No answer. My heart started pounding faster and I quickly opened the door. I stopped in shock as I stared inside the bathroom. Y/N was lying on the floor, looking unnaturally skinny and there was vomit in the toilet. I quickly rushed over to her and checked her pulse. The small thump from her neck made me sigh in relief. I carefully pushed my hands under her and lifted her up. I gasped when I felt how light she was. How did I not notice how much weight she lost? How did I not notice how her bones were starting to be visible through her skin. I shuddered and felt tears pushing themselves to the surface. How the hell could I be such a shitty boyfriend and not realize the love of my life was putting herself in so much danger. I carefully made my way to our room and gently laid her down. I grabbed one of my shirts and carefully put it on her, she was drowning in it. I tucked her in so she wouldn’t get cold and checked that she was breathing again. I sighed and left to deal with the bathroom. Once I was done cleaning I grabbed her some water and placed it on the nightstand. I pulled up a chair and sat next to her. I stoked her hair and tried my hardest to think of what could have made her do this, or even when she started. I blamed myself for not seeing anything different. I believed every smile Y/N always put on. Every laugh she made. How the hell did I not see anything!? I tried to calm myself down, but I was so angry with myself. Maybe even a very small part of me was mad at her for not coming to me, but I pushed that away. I shouldn’t be mad at her, she needs me more than ever. I grabbed my phone and decided to call Toni and see if she knew anything about this. 

“Hey Fangs, what’s up?” She answered after the second ring. 

“Did you notice anything off about Y/N lately?” I asked, getting right to the point. 

“Uh, no? Why? What’s up?” She asked, worry clear in her voice. 

“I came home and she was passed out in the bathroom with vomit in the toilet. She’s really fucking skinny Toni…” I said, feeling a tear involuntarily fall down my cheek. 

“What? How skinny?” She asked. 

“Like I can see her ribs starting to poke out.” I answered and she gasped. 

“W-What? H-How?” She asked and I sighed. 

“I don’t know, T. I didn’t notice anything different…” I said quietly. 

“How? Have you guys not… ya know?” She asked and my eyes widened. 

“We’ve both been busy, but every time she’s just wanted to ya know, please me…” I said and felt my stomach turn slightly. She’s been hiding this for so long… 

“Shit Fangs, are you at the hospital? Want me and Pea to come by?” She asked and I shook my head. 

“I just have my bike and I-I don’t know what the hell they’ll do to her. I’m scared to take her there. What if they say she’s dying, or they lock her up, or I don’t know…” I sighed. 

“Fangs if she’s really bad you’ve gotta take her to the hospital, they’ll help her.” She said, gently. 

“Toni I can’t, what if she never forgives me for that? Clearly, she’s been hiding this for a while I don’t want her to hate me…” I said, fully crying by now. 

“Listen, Fangs, you wanna help her, right?” She asked with a sigh. 

“Yes…” I whispered. 

“Then you gotta take her. I’ll call Pea and we can use his truck, okay?” She asked and I shook my head again. 

“Can’t I just wait till she wakes up? They’re gonna keep her there for who knows how long.” I said and she sighed. 

“I don’t think you should wait. What if this isn’t the first time she’s passed out?” She asked and my eyes widened. I didn’t think about that. 

“J-Just let me wait till she wakes up first. Let me talk to her.” I begged and she sighed. 

“Fine, but you call me after, you got it?” She asked. 

“I promise.” I said and she sighed again. 

“I’m still calling Pea and letting him know what’s going on.” She said and I sighed. 

“Fine, just keep him from barging in, I don’t wanna scare her.” I said and she agreed. We said our goodbyes and hung up. 

I sat there in silence as I just stared at Y/N. I couldn’t stop thinking about how awful I am for not noticing anything. She hid it really well, which hurt. I had stopped crying but didn’t bother wiping my face. I just held her hand and stared at her. That’s when she started shifting. She slowly opened her Y/E/C and looked around for a moment before they landed on my dark brown ones. Neither of us moved or made a sound, just stared at the other. 

“I’m sorry…” She mumbled after a moment. She looked down and a tear rolled down her cheek. 

“Never. I mean never, do that again.” I choked out as my tears returned. Y/N looked up silently and reached up with her other hand to wipe away my tears. 

“You shouldn’t cry over me, I’m not worth it…” She whispered as she continued to caress my cheek. I felt the anger return and pulled back from her. 

“No Y/N! Don’t you ever think that! You’re more than worth it, you’re my perfect girl. I don’t understand why you even thought you needed to lose weight in the first place, but you’ve always been perfect! You’re beautiful, funny, caring, and amazing! I love you, I always have. I can’t stand seeing you do this to yourself when you don’t need to. I saw what was in the toilet, when was the last time you ate?” I asked and she had more tears falling down her gorgeous face. 

“I-I don’t know. Yesterday at lunch? I don’t know. I-I…” She started crying harder. I pulled her in for a gentle hug and stroked her hair. 

“How long have you been doing this babe?” I whispered. 

“A-A ye-year…” She answered between sobs. My heart broke and I sighed. I held her for a bit longer and gently pulled her back once she calmed down a bit. 

“Baby, you need to eat and actually keep it down. You need to get better, Y/N. Please.” I said and she shook her head. 

“I-I can’t! Looking at all those people that you talk to, they’re so much prettier than me! They’re skinnier, hotter, cooler, everything! Those people at school made me realize that I’m never going to be like them. I’m never going to be good enough for you…” She said, sobbing into her hands. My eyes widened as I stared at her. Who the fuck said that to her? She’s always been perfect, my everything… I gently pulled her hands away and tried to catch her eyes, but she avoided me. 

“Y/N, look at me, please?” I asked quietly. She looked up and she looked so broken. 

“Y/N Y/L/N, I love you more than anything. I always have and I always will. No one in this damn world could ever compare to you, baby. You’ve always been my number one and I have never even thought of another person. Guy or girl. You don’t need to change yourself just because some jealous bitch said something to you. I will always love you no matter what.” I said and she sobbed. 

“Do you mean it?” She asked in a broken whisper. 

“Every word baby. I promise you that I love you with every piece of my heart. I just want you to get better right now. You passed out Y/N, do you know how scared I was?” I asked quietly. 

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” She cried and I pulled her into my chest. 

“Shhh, it’s okay baby. You don’t have to be sorry okay? We’re gonna get you some help and get you better, okay?” I asked and she nodded. 

“Now, I gotta call Toni and tell her you woke up before she and Pea come breaking down the door.” I said and her eyes widened. 

“Y-You told Toni and Pea?” She asked with more tears falling. 

“I called to see if Toni noticed anything with you, I was so worried Y/N.” I said, caressing her cheek and wiping the tears. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. 

“Toni wanted me to take you to the hospital and I know I should have, but I just didn’t want to lose you.” I admitted and she looked up at me. 

“I’m so sorry, Fangs…” She said and I shook my head. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, baby.” I said and kissed her forehead. 

“Now let me call Toni and maybe I can convince her to not take you to the hospital, but you have to eat a bit of the Pop’s I brought home, deal?” I asked and she nodded while taking a shaky breath. 

“I’m not gonna make you eat all of it, but you need to eat at least a little okay? We’ll work on this slowly.” I said and she nodded. 

“O-Okay…” She whispered. I smiled and kissed her head once more before I went to get the food. When I walked back in she was fiddling with her hands. She looked up and I saw her sniff the air subtly. Her stomach growled and I smiled slightly. I walked over and placed the food on her lap, but left the milkshake in the other room. It would be way too heavy for her right now, even if she did love them. 

“I got your favorite, but I think we’re gonna skip the milkshake today and just stick with water, alright?” I asked and she nodded. Her shaky hands took out the burger and fries and gently laid them on the blanket. 

“Alright, I’m gonna sit right here and call Toni and you’re gonna start eating, okay?” I asked and she nodded. I pulled out my phone and called Toni as I watched Y/N slowly start to eat the cold fries. I watched as she put the first one in her mouth and she moaned slightly. I smiled as she continued eating them. 

“Fangs! Is she awake?” Toni answered. 

“Yeah, she’s awake.” I answered and I heard her sigh. 

“Perfect, I’m with Pea and Juggie right now and we have the truck so we’ll be over in a few and we can take her to the hospital.” She said as I heard movement from her side. 

“I don’t think we’re gonna need to take her to the hospital.” I said as I watched her pick up the burger. She took a bite and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. I chuckled and smiled at her. 

“Fangs she passed out, she needs to go to the fucking hospital.” Toni said, slightly annoyed. 

“I think we can deal with this ourselves, T.” I said and she groaned. 

“Seriously? You agreed to take her to the hospital when she woke up.” She said and I sighed. 

“Just come over and see, I promise we got this.” I said and she sighed. 

“Fine, we’re already on our way.” She said and hung up. I hung up and saw Y/N was halfway done with the burger. 

“Slow down babe.” I said with a small chuckle. She blushed and looked over at me. 

“Sorry…” She mumbled and I smiled at her. 

“Don’t be, I know you’re hungry, but like I said we gotta take it slow.” I said and she nodded. 

A few minutes later, our front door was opening. We heard three sets of footsteps coming towards us and Y/N looked scared. I grabbed her hand and gently gave her a reassuring squeeze. The door opened and in walked Toni, Pea, and Jughead. They all looked at Y/N with wide eyes and Toni rushed over to her other side. She pulled her in for a hug, which Y/N returned. 

“Are you crazy? Starving yourself or throwing shit up, whichever. How long has this been going on, huh?” Toni asked and Y/N looked down in shame. 

“Toni, relax. We already talked about it and look she’s already eating.” I said and grabbed Y/N’s hand again. 

“I’m sorry…” Y/N said quietly again. 

“Babe I already told you, you don’t need to be sorry.” I said. 

“No Fangs is right, sorry Y/N/N, I’m just worried.” Toni said, taking a seat on the bed next to her. 

“We all are.” Jones said. She looked up at Pea and Jughead and they each smiled at her. 

“Yeah, so who ass do I need to beat for starting this shit?” Pea asked and Toni rolled her eyes. Y/N laughed and I smiled at her. 

“If I’m honest I don’t even remember who said something…” She said and blushed slightly. 

“I just know it was about a year ago and that’s when I started looking at myself differently. I just hate how I look and constantly compare myself to everyone else and…” She trailed off. 

“Wait, that’s when you started cutting, were you doing this too?” Toni asked and Y/N shook her head. 

“No, I started after you guys helped with that…” She said with a guilty tone. 

“Oh Y/N…” Toni said and pulled her in for another hug. 

“I’m so-” 

“Nope, don’t you dare apologize.” Toni said, cutting her off. 

“Yeah, we’re sorry for not noticing anything.” Jones said and Y/N shook her head. 

“I hid it, there was no way you guys could have known. I mean I was wearing clothes that were a bit too big for me so you guys wouldn’t see my weight change.” She said and we all looked at each other. That explains a bit. 

“We’ll that’s fucking over, let’s go get you some more food.” Pea said and she shook her head. 

“I’m kind of full.” She said and I placed the rest of the food on the nightstand. 

“That’s okay, like I said, slow.” I said and she nodded with a small smile. 

“Fangs is right, we gotta take this slow, but we’re all here for you and we’re gonna help every step of the way.” Toni said with a smile. Pea and Jones also nodded and Y/N teared up. 

“You guys are the best and I’m really so-” 

“Stop apologizing Y/N/N, or I’m gonna kick your ass.” Pea said and she laughed a real genuine happy laugh. We all smiled at her and I gently squeezed her hand. This might be a hard and long road ahead, but we would all support her every step. I think she finally realized that she’s amazing and if not we would all be here to remind her.

Tag list: @les-bio-lie @tashy-bear @ashwarren32 @hollie-blogs-blog1 @lover-of-books-and-teas @nerdygaloresposts @teenwolfbitches28 @kmc1989 @drw0301bieber @lady-of-lies @ravenmoore14 @ravenempress101 @cillianchamp @rowanthomasknapp @rachelxwayne @ready-4-fanfiction @emo-godess-loves-you @hiya-imthatgirl @mindsetjupiter @averysinclaire @mittelerde1999 @sweetest-peas @rousewriter @camiconfessions-blog @thecaptainsgingersnap @cenyddtheunicorn @jacksxsouthsideserpents @lover2448 @mamacobie13 @fandom-princess-forevermore @liz-owl

[luxthestrange]

RoR Incorrect quotes#109 Ex's

Poseidon: ...and they wanted to have me come in this tournament

DP Y/n: A WHAT?! No, no, you are NOT FIGHTING here for a fuckin' win!

Poseidon*removes some hair out his face and leans down to your height mockingly* Awww, you mad, Y/n? You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car and run…

DP Y/n and Poseidon: …run off to Atlantis and max MY credit cards on shitty seahorse riding lessons?!

DP Y/n: Goddamn it whore, you will NOT let that go!?

Poseidon: Choke on a sandpaper cock

Poseidon flips the bird and walks away while Goll fearfully lowers her head behind Sasaki and Brunhilde

DP Y/n*Following behind him stomping angrily*HOLD ON! You better move that salty bussy wagon right now back to the ocean, or I’m gonna…

Poseidon *Turns around and growls holding your glare back* You'll what?

DP Y/n*glances around and stutters in fear* Or I'll… uh… uh, I- I'll call HR!

After a second of awkward silence, Poseidon and You laugh as if in a sitcom...freaking the Valkyries and Swordsman

Poseidon: Anyway, I have to meet with my brothers, Unlike you, they actually do their job well

Poseidon leaves, he glances over his shoulder as he flips You off

Poseidon*looking back* Farewell, Shit stain

DP Y/n: Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of dicks like that...

Goll*Open the way between Sasaki and Brunhilde and steps out to you* You know Poseidon?!

DP Y/n Huh...? Oh, yeah. Him?, yeah... We dated

Sasaki: Was it before or after the tournament?...

Raiden*opens the door to his room NOT listening to the whole drama and steps out* You dated Poseidon?!

DP Y/n: Okay, why are you all acting like that’s such a shock?

Brunhilde: Hellooo, it’s Poseidon?

Goll: It's you?

Raiden: I just… *scratches his head* Is he blind?? Suffering some form of brain damage?

DP Y/n: Okay, look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be! I don’t pry into your stupid personal lives!

Brunhilde: You do that all the time!

Sasaki: Come on, you kinda do that...

Goll: You totally do that

Raiden grins mischievously, eyelids lowering

Raiden: What was sex with him like?~

Sasaki*taken aback* Raiden!

Raiden: Whaaaat?! It's a god! You’d wanna know what sex with-*Moves his eyes to point at you then at where Poseidon once stood*-was like!

Sasaki*about to scold him but changes his mind* …Touché

Part 2 of:

[augustinewrites]

hq dads that can’t say no to their babies & come home with a pet + » bokuto, atsumu, suna, oikawa, akaashi

BOKUTO - resistance: -3/10

akaashi once explained to you that bokuto had approximately 37 weaknesses. in a surprising twist of fate, it turns out that his best friend was wrong, because bokuto has 41. (the last four being you and the three sons you share.)

so you shouldn't have been surprised, really, when a trip to the grocery store ended with you having no ingredients for dinner. you're in the kitchen flipping through a well-loved cook book when you hear the front door open, your mini army returning from their trip to the store.

"hey, did you remember the onions?” you call over your shoulder, humming when you pull a mixing bowl from the shelf.

you're answered by a fit of giggles from your children. bokuto's standing behind you when you turn around, holding two things that are definitely not onions.

"bokuto koutaro,” you start slowly, hands placed on your hips. “what is that?”

he holds up the plastic bag, grinning. “takeout. your favourite.”

“i’m talking about the dog.”

“oh, him!” he laughs, hefting the wiggling husky pup in his other hand. “this is oreo.”

“and what is oreo doing in my house?”

he sets the takeout bag on the counter, holding oreo to his chest. “um…being a cute puppy?” his eyes widen a little when you don’t reply. “boys! c’mon, just like we practiced in the car…”

eyes narrowed, you watch as your children flank their father, making promises of, ‘we’ll fill his food bowls and take him on walks!’ and ‘we’ll pick up his poops and give him lots of pets!’

“fine, but i’m adding it to your chore charts,” you grumble, bokuto high-fiving them all as you rub your temple. he sets oreo down on the floor and letting the boys run out into the yard with him.

he wraps his strong arms around you, pressing a kiss to the crease between your brows. “babe, the puppies were on sale and the boys talked me into it—”

you roll your eyes, watching the puppy in your yard barking excitedly as he chases a soccer ball, wondering just how a seven year old, five year old, and two year old could talk a grown man into doing something. “did you even go to the grocery store?”

he nuzzles his face in your neck (affection is the best distraction). “we were on the way, but we passed the pet store and they said they wanted a puppy, and— well, you know i can’t say no when they look at me like that!”

ATSUMU - resistance: 1/10

it’s been a while since atsumu’s succumbed to anyone’s charms. he’s long used to being the one doing the charming and it’s a gift, really, that he’s such a natural at it. it works on you, doesn’t it? all it takes is a hooded gaze, a pout of his lips, and you’re mush. absolute putty in his hands. what a blessing it was, to have (as he claims) syphoned a chunk of osamu’s charisma and wile in the womb.

but as his seven year old daughter flashes him the look, he knows that as much as it’s a blessing, it’s also a curse.

and he’s succumbing to it. in fact, the only thing stopping him from immediately whipping out his credit card is the thought of you, and how pissed you’ll probably be.

all it takes is one trip to the countryside to visit kita (and get some rice), a look down at her precious eyes and the adorable pout on her lips as she says, “please, daddy? i really really love him.”

the miya charm has been turned against him. weaponized, actually. this is karma, he knows it, and one week later, everything catches up with him.

“miya atsumu!” your yell echoes through the house, your footsteps heavy on the stairs (like a death march personified) before you kick the door to your bedroom open.

oh, shit. (should he take his shirt off?)

“something wrong?” he asks, feigning cluelessness.

it only seems to piss you off more though, shoving your phone under his nose. “why did i just get a confirmation email about full boarding for our new horse?”

he hardly has time to open his mouth when your daughter trails in behind you, an excited glint in her eyes as she unintentionally adds fuel to your flames. “his name is chestnut!”

SUNA: resistance: 3.5/10

suna tried really hard to say no, he swears. tried to walk quickly past the pet store and to go grab aran’s birthday present without distraction. but all it took was a little squeal of, “look, daddy! kitties!” and he’d been powerless to fight the insistent tug on his hand as his five year old daughter pulled him towards the litter of kittens in a storefront.

he’d just gone in to let her look, he swears. but then his baby was crowding the little pen, and suddenly he was asking an employee if she could hold one. and seeing his daughter hold that little kitten (white with little brown patches) was all it took.

he’d spent at least half an hour at the pet store, leaving with a cute pink collar and a tinkling bell, ceramic food bowls, veterinarian approved food and treats, toys with feathers and pom-poms, and a kitten named patches in a carrier.

your daughter doesn’t even give him a chance to come up with a valid story or reason, immediately coaxing her new kitten out and hauling it up into her arms, running into the living room to show you.

he’s well aware of how lucky he is when the kitten curls into your lap, your daughter gazing down at it so adoringly, stroking its fur so lovingly.

"we're definitely going to talk about this later," you promise, and suna tries to recall the list of chores you'd asked him to do before then. if the bathrooms are cleaned, maybe you'll go a little easier on him--

"oh, did you pick up aran's birthday present? i need to wrap it."

suna, standing there with an armful of cat supplies, just sighs.

OIKAWA - resistance: 2/10

"a puppy is fine," you'd said when oikawa brought up finally getting a family pet. "not a cat, not a hamster, not a turtle or bird. a dog."

"i've always wanted a big dog," you'd told him, when he'd asked which breed you'd preferred. it'd be so cute, a handsome golden retriever or labrador dressed up in a bow for this year's christmas card.

"a dog, tooru," you remind him as he herds the kids into the car. "come home with a bird and you're sleeping on the couch."

"you underestimate me, mi amor," he laughs, kissing your cheek. "i'll come home with a dog more loyal than iwa-chan."

so when he comes home from the pet store with your son and daughter in tow, you expect their excited babbling to be accompanied by barking.

it's not.

instead, your children present you with a cage holding a guinea pig.

your eyes immediately lock onto your husband, who is standing behind them holding a box containing an unassembled guinea pig hutch and a box of chocolates. the ones from your favourite chocolatier in retiro.

you take the chocolates with a huff, all your dreams of the perfect family photo for your cards flushed down the drain.

"explain yourself," you say flatly, the kids giggling as their new guinea pig sniffs at their hands. meanwhile, you smack oikawa's arm with the box of chocolates. "i wanted a dog."

"but they really, really, wanted the guinea pig," he tries to reason. "and i--" he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a little bow. "look, a bow! for your photos!"

he sleeps on the couch that night.

AKAASHI - resistance: 3/10

"akaashi?"

he glances up at you over the rims of his glasses. "yes, love?"

"how was the mall?" you ask, obviously probing as you set your blazer aside.

"good," he shrugs, your daughter snuggling into his side. "we got some new books. how was work?"

"that's nice," you hum in agreement, standing before the two of them now. "and it was fine, i got a great author to sign with us today."

he's sweating a little now, the anticipation building in the room. "that's great news. we should celebrate. would you like to go out for dinner--"

"akaashi."

"yes, my love?"

you pluck the book from his hands. "why is there a rabbit laying on your chest?"

"his name is nibbles!" your daughter exclaims, patting the rabbit's white fur. "he's so cute!"

"he's very cute," your husband agrees, kissing the top of her head. "you see, we were on our way to the bookstore when we saw the rabbits in the--"

your daughter reaches under the blanket. "and this is sniffles! i didn't want nibbles to get lonely when we go out!"

so, naturally, he purchased another rabbit.

"akaashi," you say a little more firmly, squeezing your eyes shut with a sigh.

"...yes, love?"

you lift nibbles off of his chest, stroking a hand over his admittedly soft fur. "did you even try to say no?"

"no."

because that's how akaashi is. one bedtime story always turns into two. one more episode of paw patrol always turns into two more episodes of paw patrol.

and like a magic trick, one rabbit turns into two.

[wheredafandomat]

Secret mission

Loki x female reader | P1/2

Mentions of smut, might be some swearing, 18+ please

Walking up the stairs to your apartment, considering the elevator was broken and you couldn’t be bothered to complain to your landlord again, you sang along quietly to the song playing in your earphones. Once you reached your door, you unlocked it, stepping through only to drop your keys on the floor when you saw someone standing in front of you. Gasping, you looked up to meet his eyes.

“Oh my god it’s Captain America.” You exclaimed with faux excitement. “What on earth are you doing in my apartment?” You questioned as you pushed past him, making your way towards your kitchen. “In fact don’t even answer that, I’m not interested.”

“Y/n wait.” Steve called after you, following behind you. “We need your help.” He added as you opened your fridge, only to close it after he spoke. We? This could be interesting.

“Humour me, what’s the problem?” You asked, turning to face him.

“We’ve got a rouge prisoner and we need your help trapping him.” He answered.

“Firstly wow, how did a prisoner escape on your watch, secondly, no.” You scoffed.

“Please, we wouldn’t ask if we didn’t need your help. Come to the tower, at least hear us out.” He pleaded.

“How can I resist those baby blues?” You smiled, looking into Steve’s eyes causing a small smile to paint his own face. “Like this.” You added, flipping him off as you turned around, exiting your kitchen.

“That was uncalled for, now you’re just being a brat.” He sighed, following behind you.

“Oh Steve, don’t call me a brat, gets me all hot and bothered.” You teased, looking at him from over your shoulder. Blushing, Steve looked away from you to compose himself before talking again.

“Look y/n, this is dangerous, we need your help. You know I wouldn’t be here asking if we didn’t need it. I need you.” He spoke earnestly.

“Fine, I’ll come to the tower and hear you out. Happy?”

“Thank you.” He grinned.

“No, no, absolutely not.” You refused after listening to the plan.

“You might as well.” Tony shrugged.

“So let me get this straight. His brother goes missing.” You started, pointing at Thor.

“He escaped.” Thor corrected.

“His brother escaped and you want me to go and get him.” You continued.

“Seduce him.” Tony murmured.

“Why can’t Nat do it, she’s sexy?” You questioned, Natasha winking at you.

“Because he already knows what Natasha looks like.” Steve explained.

“I don’t get it, why don’t you all just go and get him?” You huffed.

“Right now Loki is staying in a busy hotel, if we ambush him, there could be a lot of collateral.”

“Plus a beautiful lady like yourself would surely be able to charm my brother, he’s always had a thing for—”

“Let me stop you right there.” You cut in, not caring for how Thor would finish the sentence. “So your brother is living it up in fancy hotel maxing out Starks credit card and hurting nobody. I say we just leave him there?”

“He’s unstable.” Thor replied.

“He seems fine.” You shrugged, watching some footage of him. “Cute even.”

“He’s crazy.”

“He’s suave.” You defended him.

“He’s a murderer.” Steve interrupted.

“I did always like the cute, crazy, murdery ones.” You sighed. “Fine, I’ll do it.” You decided causing everyone to feel relieved until you continued to speak. “For a price.”

“Argh, what?” Tony asked.

“I want bragging rights.”

“Absolutely not.” He shot back.

“Come onnn, if he’s as bad as you say, I should at least get that.”

After negotiating for your bragging rights, you spent the remainder of the night sleeping in the spare bedroom in the tower. No one else ever slept in there, it’s like it was reserved for you despite you barely ever staying. Unlike the rest of the avengers, you always felt a little like an outsider. Being an avenger wasn’t for you. They liked teamwork, you liked working alone. They liked being the good guys and you liked ensuring justice was served regardless of what the punishment entailed. There was a reason people like yourself were on reserve, you didn’t mind getting your hands dirty whilst the others, the hero’s, remained pure, the good guys.

The following day, you ate breakfast with the others whilst you ran through the plan again. You could fight but Thor warned you that Loki wasn’t like ordinary midgardians. As well as that, you had an evac team on standby incase things got out of hand with Loki. The team didn’t want any casualties but if worse came to worse, they’d have to step in, extract Loki themselves despite the people who’d be around. You all hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Natasha helped you with your makeup after you both quickly left to pick up a dress. You had to look alluring, charming and sexy if you wanted to pull this short notice mission off. Nothing screamed sexy more than a pair of red bottoms so you picked up a pair of those as well as a high slit satin dress with a deep neckline. Once you were ready, you looked at yourself in the mirror, smiling at your reflection.

“Damn I look hot.” You spoke.

“Very.” Natasha grinned.

All that was left to do was go to the hotel and begin mission charm Mr tall dark and handsome.

Walking through the lobby, Loki smiled seductively at two ladies who were looking at him. They went red in the face when their eyes met his. Entering the casino hall inside the hotel, he picked up a glass of champagne being handed around by one of the waiters as he made his way towards the luxury poker table. He was ready to get his game on until his eyes landed on someone unfamiliar.

“I wanna put it all on red.” You spoke, pushing your chips towards the centre.

“Surely black has higher chances, it is the colour of class.” Loki spoke, standing next to you in a black suit. Your breath hitched when you heard him. No one warned you that he’d sound like that.

“I like red, it’s the colour of danger.” You answered.

“So you’re into danger?”

“Oh darling, you have no idea what I’m into.” You smirked.

“Allow me to buy you a drink.” He offered.

Once you were both at the bar, Loki held his hand out.

“I’m Lo-Logan.” He introduced himself and you had to bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing. Logan?

“Y/n.” You replied shaking his hand.

The rest of the night was spent quite pleasantly with Logan. You both continued drinking whilst winning a boatload of money, money that’d be going towards simply buying your landlord out of the whole building so you could fix the elevator yourself and not have to see him ever again. The longer you spoke with Loki, the more confused you were, he didn’t seem like the crazy killer type to you. Regardless, this was a mission and you had to ensure it all went to plan.

After a few more hours, Loki finally invited you back to his hotel room. You had already alerted the team that you were going into his room as you both waited for the elevator. The mission was all going to plan. You entered the room, kissing, eagerly pulling one another’s clothes off, ensuring that you left your bag on the bedside table. You found yourself wishing this wasn’t just a mission. You pushed Loki against the bed before straddling him. You were stripped down to your lingerie whilst he was in his boxers. You ran your hands over his toned abs causing him to bite his lip as he watched your movements with hooded eyes. You could feel his cock growing beneath you, a feeling that you’d be thinking about before bed for the foreseeable.

“Wanna have some fun?” You asked teasingly.

“With you.” He nodded, rolling his hips up against yours. Perhaps there was a way you could delay the team and go at least one round in with LoganLoki.

“Wait here.” You smiled before you got off of him and retrieved his tie from the floor before straddling him again.

“Oo, what are you going to do with that?” He asked, grin widening.

“I want to blindfold you.” You answered, placing the tie over his eyes. “Can you see anything?” He shook his head no. “Can I tie you up? It will be more fun that way.” You spoke, licking the shell of his ear.

“Yes!” He answered.

“Good boy.” You praised, ignoring how Lokis hips bucked up into yours. Damn, you wanted him badly. Reaching into your bag, you pulled out the cuffs Tony had made for you to use on him. Looking down at Loki, you mouthed a quick sorry before you cuffed his hands. Picking up your phone, you messaged the team the code word before them along with the extraction team got to work. Leaning down, your lips ghosted over his. “I’m sorry Loki.”

I just had this idea and thought I haveee to get it out 😂

Tags:

@mischief2sarawr @lokisninerealms @lokiprompts @lulubelle814 @lokisgoodgirl @mochie85 @vickie5446

[getoheaven]

writing a whole thing so i don’t go insane but severance really has my almost film major brain going fucking haywire. sorry if i ever doubted Ben Stiller by the way, (it’s hilarious to me that this is the guy who directed and starred in both zoolander movies) his direction specifically in the first episode is so brilliant.

cold open: it’s a 5 minute scene entirely from Helly’s POV of her waking up in a board room with a disembodied voice speaking to her through an intercom. absolutely no context, the viewer is as in the dark as she is. the whole time you’re led to believe this is some kind of kidnapping/hostage situation. why is the kidnapper asking her these structured questions in that affected cheerful tone? we learn with Helly that she has no memories of her life. she is upset and horrified when she realises she can’t even remember the colour of her mother’s eyes.

putting the viewer in her point of view from the very first moment endears us to her perspective. she’s terrified, she’s uncomfortable with what’s going on and it feels entirely wrong to her- and by extension the viewer has this perception, too. it’s brought to a head when Mark, bathed in darkness, opens the door for her.

it then cuts directly to the title, bypassing the opening credits entirely. over the card we hear someone crying, but the obvious guess is that it’s Helly. after a beat, it’s clear that this is a deeper voice. the card ends and we see that it’s Mark, crying in his parked car. this is also contextless, and one hell of a character introduction. this is the same man behind the door, but he’s not frightening. he’s not menacingly hidden in the shadows, he’s out in the cold light of morning and he’s upset. the formless entity interrogating Helly is humanised in less than 10 seconds.

Mark wipes his eyes, gets out of his car and enters the massive, modern-looking building in front of him. inside, everything is neatly organised and clean. efficient, smart… corporate. the shot of the atrium from above mimics the opening shot of the episode, with Helly lying on a table. Mark is essentially being placed in the same position: no longer the one calling the shots but someone who is so very small and helpless in the vastness of this building.

Mark walks down some stairs and through a few halls to a bare room with a line of lockers. every area of the building he enters is stark and cold, maximal space and minimal decoration. he takes off his watch, boots and lanyard; replaces them with company issue ones. any other personal items are put away, including his phone. intriguing setup… why do these employees have to leave every trace of their identity at the door? why, at this office job, are there security guards to scan you before you enter the elevator?

he gets into the elevator and a change occurs. Mark stiffens, a calmer demeanour comes across him. he gets out of the elevator and walks with a confidence and ease that wasn’t there before. any traces of discomfort or depression are wiped from his face, except for the bags under his eyes. he pulls a tissue out of his pocket, seemingly unaware of where it came from. his memories of the morning seemingly missing.

not only is this some incredible build up and visual exposition, it also sets the tone for everything to come. as stated before, the viewer learns at the same rate as Helly. we’re set up to be suspicious in the way she’s suspicious.

i want to also talk briefly about the way they flip the script of the “interrogation” scene, a little later on in the episode. we realise that this isn’t linear, we’re seeing the same day but this time from Mark’s perspective. he’s only got passing experience with the severance interview process (yes, it’s an interview now) and we get to see him fumble with the script he’s been given. what was, from Helly’s point of view, a hostile questioning process becomes human error, Mark stumbling over his words becomes the explanation for why he sounds so sinister over the intercom and the script becomes the reason his manner is chipper and unnatural. Mark is just as afraid of Helly as she is of him, it would seem. he panics when she tries to open the door and breaks script when she attacks him…

in conclusion. the pilot episode of severance is such a textbook example of great intrigue building and character introduction. i will be writing more essay length posts about this show because it’s implanted a little bug into my brain that’s slowly eating my flesh.

[hyah-lian]

@skyloftian-nutcase fanfic, for your Healthcare AU? It's more likely than you think.

I hope it's ok to post it and tag you like this ;;;; that one post yesterday got my brain goin. I hope its not too out of character for your boys or too off base on the situation lol

--------------------

The staff section of the cafeteria had been cleared of tables and filled to the brim with CPR mannequins, gym mats, and a small army of staff in various locations around the space. 

A few, like Wars and Time were pacing through with other educators brought in for the training exercise. Others sat, stood, or laid with index cards; acting out or reading off their cards to the handful who were on their turn for acting as triage and treatment.

"Oh oof ouch, I am dying. My sats are unreadable. Oh no," Legend deadpanned from the blue mat on the floor while one of the hospital's newer hires rocked from foot to foot above him.

"Don't panic, breathe," Time raised his voice a little over the din of the emergency preparedness practice.

"And- and check the leads if they are there? And- or call a code for help?" Time nodded and the new hire ran through the motions.

"Cool, alright Wind, so what is the next step?" Twilight grinned and pulled the young respiratory-therapist-in-training's attention back to the scenario at hand.

"Oh, yeah. Geeze, it's pretty loud and busy."

"Emergencies tend to be. You don't have to get it perfect, that's why we do the course."

"Right," Wind nodded and rechecked the card with the scenario information, "well then, uh, little mister bus crash. Your arm is probably broken and my what big bones you have for a second grader."

"Ha-ha. Take it seriously, please."

"I am. Reading the room, this kid wouldn't take kindly to coddling and lying from what I've heard. Plus it's not a red level emergency so-"

Wind laid Twilight's arm on his own legs on top of his folded up sweater. With slow and purposeful movements he held the hand still gently with one of his own, while the other went for the splinting materials in one of the tubs to the side.

"Your arm is going to get a, uhm," Wind furrowed his brow when Wars and another one of the course leaders walked by, "special jacket that'll hug it and help make it feel better until a doctor can get you a cast."

"My card just says 'inconsolable crying', I'm sure you can imagine what that is like."

"No, no Twi- do it right!" 

Legend was propped up on his elbow staring back at the two of them, oh so casually sipping his energy drink while his caretaker was tearing through the provided bins and listening to Time talk them through their panic.

"I'm not taking advice from an unconscious body with an untraceable rhythm that is somehow sitting up and drinking that crap."

"For all you know I'm asleep with detached leads," he stage whispered before slurping obnoxiously.

"I'm going to tie this here and here to help make your arm feel better," Wind half shouted over the other two.

Twilight flipped his behavior card around to show both Wind and Legend the underlined block lettering saying 'inconsolable crying' and shrugging. 

Wind rolled his eyes and the motion took his whole head lolling back on his shoulders in exasperation. Legend, the bug, just snorted. Then, of course, Wars looped back around to watch.

"Okay, one knot," Wind spoke as he continued, "and two. How brave! Quick, Legend! Wiggle your fingers!"

"Wha-"

"Flex those fingies! C'mon!" 

Legend flexed all of one at Wind's smiling face.

"Watch it!" Twi shouted before catching the glare from Wars. "Thats a swear finger. Tsk tsk."

"That's right! You should show him how to properly wiggle your fingers, kiddo," Wind, to his credit, avoided the patronizing tone most of the others put on when working with younger patients.

Sneaky Wind, trying to score extra points. Twilight lifted the splinted arm ever so slightly and wiggled his fingers in a little wave at Legend. One knot slipped and pinched his arm between it and the splint.

"Good use of age appropriate distraction. Mind the location of the knots on the cravat," Wars smiled and made a note on the clipboard he carried.

"Thanks. Patient is breathing fine, and I'm guessing you still standing here is like, another doctor showing up to take over? Or that I just did enough? I'd still try to sling it for real though, right?" Wind asked.

"Yes, a bit of both. If this was a true mass MVC once you got to this point and had the child safe and supervised, I would suggest you move on to other patients after retying the knot to avoid pinching. Sorry to shove you along so fast, looks like you're all having a great time but we need to keep this moving. Here is your next patient, over there."

Wind took the paper slip and his eyes followed Wars' motion. He slapped his palm into Twilight's hair and gave it a thorough messing-up before moving on.

"Watch it-!" Twi called after him, undoing the splint and resetting the bins for the next waiting person.

"Legend," Time's voice, a warning.

"Okay, okay!" He laid back down, "Ah, oof. I am so unconscious. My breathing is shallow, it's there but shallow, ok? You don't need to crack my ribs for real this time."

"Worst actor, isn't he?" Wild dropped off another bin of equipment and handed Twilight a new stack of cards for the next scenario before moving on to deliver other equipment to the different stations.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Hanma Shuji as reader’s sugar daddy lmao

STOP I--

I CAN'T STOP WRITING FOR THIS MAN I--

The Arrangement: Shuji Hanma X Fem!Reader

wc: 1.4k

tw: a lil' NSFW at the end

masterlist

song recommendation: Pu$$y Talk - City Girls (Feat. Doja Cat)

Fluttering your lashes seems to do the trick every time for the men who come to the ritzy bar.

"A cognac?" Flutter them for emphasis when you ask a question. Purse your lips a little. Lean forward so they can see your cleavage.

It works every single time. Even on married men who are 100% dedicated to their wives... or mistresses. They're already half-drunk when you pull out your tricks, and their over-confidence leads to fatter tips in your pockets in hopes of scoring an hour with you. But even after all of the cajoling, the pursuing, the lusting... you turn them down and head back to your shared apartment, stuffing the money into your rent jar before taking a shower and heading to bed.

And the cycle begins anew the next day.

You don your slinky black dress, spray a tap of perfume on your wrists, and twirl your curls around your finger before leaving the apartment and driving to the place that hogs your evenings. And it's Friday evening, which means the work crowd and the wealthy crowd would come together in the glamorous bar.

"Y/n," Okina, your manager, calls out. "Big client in the VIP room upstairs. Think you can handle it?"

Big client? VIP room? Serving drinks at the private bar? "Fuck yeah," you answer, saluting the woman who just rolls her eyes, laughing.

"Don't drain them of all of their money, y/n," she replies and you nod, giving her a wink. You climb the stairs up to the private room and watch as servers make the wooden table nice and shiny for the guests coming. The VIP room has only been used four times in your entire seven years here, but every single time it was used for a big client who left amazing tips.

"Maybe I could use tonight's money to save up for a dog," you muse out loud, wiping down the bar and preparing your workstation carefully. The image of the Maltipoo you'd desired since childhood pops into your head, and you smile to yourself, coming up with a list of names as you work.

You're so lost in thought that you don't realize a good portion of the clientele has already come in, each one of them dressed to the nines and taking their seats.

Two snaps call you back to reality, and you look up at the man waiting for your assistance as you clean a bar glass.

"How can I help you, sir?"

The black and yellow-haired man looks at you with a bored expression, orange eyes roving over your appearance slowly. He adjusts his glasses, then states,

"Whiskey. Neat." You fulfill the request and place the drink in front of him with a napkin.

"Anything else, sir?"

"I'll be back shortly." He downs the drink all in one go, and you watch him walk off warily. The tattoos on his hands are enough to warn you that maybe this guy is bad news, but you shrug, taking the glass and putting it in the small sink against the wall. A few others come up to the bar for drinks, but the presentation and following discussion claims most of the men's attention.

Which is fine... sort of. It's really eating into your tips, to be honest.

"Another whiskey." You immediately offer it to the man in front of you, and he downs it, just like the one before.

"Anything else?" you murmur, and he crooks his finger at you. You lean a little closer, tilting your head just so and tucking your lip underneath your top row of teeth.

"You work here part-time? Full-time?"

"Full-time," you reply, fluttering your lashes. The earring in the man's ear shakes a little as he tilts his head a little, mimicking your stance.

"Do you enjoy it here? Make a lot of money?"

"Money is okay; I like working here," you answer, leaning forward to show off your cleavage as you grab his abandoned drink. He grabs your wrist, giving you a small smile before caressing your fingers.

"You know who I am, don't you, y/n?"

"No." The truth rolls off of your tongue with ease, but the man's face falls slightly as if he's disappointed that you don't know about his wealth and fame. "Should I?"

"Only if you want to." He raises a brow, blinking slowly. Did you want to? "Shuji Hanma." The man flips you a card, covered in gold foil and black, shiny cardstock. "If you're looking for some fun outside of work, you should give me a call."

_____________________________________________________________

If you're looking for some fun, you should give me a call.

You flip the card around in your hands, noting the numbers in gold foil and the lack of a name, a business, or anything else identifying. Yeah, Shuji Hanma is clearly someone who needed to be paid attention to. You consider dialing the number that night, but then you remember the lack of significant tips. Why bother with a man who wouldn't pay you for excellent service?

Even Onika thought it was odd that you hadn't received a cash flow...

You sigh, tossing the card aside and laying back on the bed, the dream of owning a Maltipoo slipping even further from your grasp.

"Curiosity killed the cat," your roommate warns day after day after day. But on the fifth day of having the card lay on your desk, you finally pick up your phone and call the number.

"And satisfaction brought it back," you muse, waiting for the line to pick up. It picks up on the second ring. "H-hello? Shuji Hanma?"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the beautiful hostess from the bar. Thought about my offer?"

"Yes," you breathe, and Shuji hums softly.

"Meet me at Ocean Prime for dinner tonight. Say, at eight?"

"Eight is good."

"Do you want me to send a car for you?"

"No," you reply. "I'll drive."

_____________________________________________________________

You're sitting across from Shuji, who is dressed in a pinstripe suit and wearing the same glasses as before.

He is handsome, you think to yourself, but it doesn't stop the way you nervously interact with him as he peruses the menu, cuts his fish, or asks you about your life.

"Y/n, have you ever thought about... quitting your job?" You shake your head immediately, thinking about all of the bills that would need to be paid and how much debt you'd rack up on credit cards. "You see, I'm looking for someone who is willing to be... somewhat of a comfort to me. You know, in the mundane things, like being there when I come home after work and allowing me to take them out on dates, or being my plus one to events where I'll be forced to interact with others."

"A girlfriend?"

"No," Shuji shakes his fork at you. "That's a level of commitment I cannot allow for myself. More like a younger, prettier beneficiary. It would come with perks, like bills being taken care of, a new wardrobe, a work-free lifestyle, travel, et cetera."

"Wait." You swallow your water with a hard gulp. "Like..." You scan the room for people who may be tuning into your conversation nervously. "Like a sugar baby?"

"Sure," Shuji answers, shrugging. "I mean, it's a lot of work - attending to my needs, that is. But I'll make sure you're well compensated."

"I..."

"Take some time to think about it. Oh, and by the way," The man slides you a thick envelope. "For tonight, as well as the tips I had to extort from the others. Go ahead and count it." You look through the money and realize that the hundred dollar bills add up to about three thousand dollars.

"Shuji, this is..."

"Fifteen hundred for your time, and fifteen hundred for your tips." You can't say anything else as you hold the envelope in your hand. However, Shuji continues to eat his meal, sipping at his water carefully. "What're you thinking?"

"Even if I say no, this money is mine?"

"Of course," he smiles. "Though it would be nice to take you home tonight."

It's only as Shuji is eating you out that you realize that you can officially quit your job. Not even with a two-week notice. You could call today and quit.

"Give me two weeks," you whisper, and Shuji hums, looking up at you and ceasing his movements.

"Two weeks for what?"

"My job."

"Oh," he chirps, smiling. "I expect nothing less from you, pretty girl." He hoists your legs up around his shoulders and dives back into your cunt, removing his glasses and slurping up your juices eagerly. You tangle your hands into his hair and moan loudly as he sends you right into your first orgasm of this little arrangement.

[leetotters]

sassy quips

note: this was so much fun writing. credits to the funny tiktok audios and instagram videos i saw to write this short fic! the writing in italics is the 'youtube video'. i need a better title for this

warnings: tom and reader are together ofc, cursing, sassy/funny!reader? lmao

tom holland x reader, tom holland and co x reader(platonic lol)

summary: harrison stumbles upon a youtube video containing funny/sassy moments between y/n and the holland brothers(including harrison)

Tom and Harrison's loud laughs could be heard from the living room, the boys were currently doing an Instagram live, claiming it was the perfect time to do one since they were bored and Tom hadn't interacted with his fans in the longest while.

You yawned walking into the room finding Tom's phone propped up on the blue fruit bowl, showing his screen the lasagna Sam made earlier. "Hey guys" You spoke, jumping over Harrison's giggly body on the carpeted floor to seat yourself on Tom's awaiting lap.

"Hey love, sleep well?" Tom asked, brushing the loose hair that rested on your forehead before pecking the space between your brows. "Yes" You sighed, turning your attention to Tom's live.

You skimmed through the comments, laughing at some funny ones and awing at the ones stating you were pretty and all boosting your confidence, "Someone asked why is Harrison laughing" You read aloud gaining the blonde's attention.

"I found a video on YouTube and it's hilarious" He grinned pushing his phone so it was in front of your face. You twitched your brows up when you saw the title.

'Y/N and the Holland Brothers funny/sassy moments'

"Oh my, no way" You grabbed his phone, clicking the video. "Wait" Harry took the phone, connecting the YouTube video to the television before handing it back to you. "Now everyone can see" He explained, plopping down on the sofa with a bowl of pretzels.

"Ready?" You inquired, pressing the play button on the phone when the boys replied with an amused 'yes'. Tom flipped the camera so the live could also see the video being displayed on the flat screen.

The music of the YouTube channels intro played, the classic aesthetic sound and the accounts name saying to subscribe before the title finally showed up. 'Y/N and the Holland brothers funny/sassy moments part.1'

-

"I am single" You wistfully spoke, your lips forming into a pout taking a sip of your orange juice before continuing. "And you're single" You pointed at Tom making him get a sense of hope that you're finally catching on that he likes you. "And well that can only mean one thing" You closed the cap of your juice, Tom smiled waiting excitedly for your answer.

"Nobody fucking wants us yo what the fuck" You dropped your head dramatically on the marble counter. Tom rolled his eyes, resuming the task he was doing before you barged in.

"Why you do him like that Y/N" Harrison voiced, his words stuttering from his loud laughs. "Tom was practically waiting for you to ask him out" Harry added bursting out into laughter as well. Tom and you just chuckled remembering that was days before he actually choked up the courage to ask you out.

-

At that moment you wanted to rip Tom's head off, who gave this foolish boy the idea of buying chickens? you questioned yourself while trying to stealthily grab the egg that rested under the hen. The boys were right behind you, outside of the coop cheering you on whilst you collected the eggs. "You can do it" Harrison clapped, swaying his head side to side. "You can do it" Sam danced along bumping his hip with Tom. "You can do it" Harry encouraged. "You can do this" Paddy sang, grinning when he heard you let out a loud huff. "You can do thi-"

"Shut the fuck up" You yelled glaring at Tom. "We're just encouraging you" They defended. "No! You almost made me drop the egg"  You whispered yelled hearing the hen starting to cluck.

Tears welled in all of your eyes, chortling at short clip, "You all are so annoying" You playfully rolled your eyes, earning a light pinch from Tom. "Oh please we were encouraging you!" They spoke simultaneously making everyone erupt in another fit of laughter.

-

Paddy ran up the staircase, trying his best to conceal his giggles as he ran into your and Tom's shared bedroom. "Y/N get out of the house, it's on fire" Paddy exclaimed, dropping down on the floor and rolling his way towards you to make his so called prank more believable. "Well tell the fire hold up, because I'm doing some important shit here" You replied not even caring that the younger boy was crazily rolling on the floor. You gave Paddy a weird look before clicking the resume button on your phone vibing to the song once more.

"Paddy really started rolling" Tom wheezed through laughs, genuinely finding it funny that his brother really thought he could prank you, he knew nothing came between you and your music vibing time.

-

"Hey did you call our neighbor Mrs. Johnson a bitch?" Harrison inquired, seeing the scene earlier where you flipped off the old lady for some odd reason. You looked up at Harrison from your spot between Tom's clingy arms, "Yeah! She changed her Wi-Fi password" You huffed, cuddling Tom again because you were pissed off. "Yo you can't be- that bitch changed the Wi-Fi password?!" Harrison gasped. "Guys Mrs. Johnson changed her Wi-Fi pass" Sam groaned walking into the room. "Y'know we have our own Wi-Fi right?" Tom chuckled honestly finding the situation rather stupid. "Her Wi-Fi is faster Tommy, no offense" You patted his chest.

"I'm so happy we got it back" You spoke up, the boys agreeing by nodding their heads. "Please you all are so dramatic" Tom uttered scrolling through the incoming comments and hearts on his live. "We shouldn't have given him the password" Harry grumbled softly only for you and Harrison to hear.

-

It was Saturday, and on this day it only meant one thing in the Holland household, dance night! The legendary sound of 'Watch Me' filled the neon colored living room, you skipped over to Sam knowing the song was one of his favorites. And well what happened next was uncalled for, when you were about to 'whip' you accidentally punched Paddy in the face.

"Okay so explain to me what happened" Tom asked holding the pack of peas against Paddy's swollen face. "Y/N punched me in the face" The teenager whined, his words muffled. "Bitch? No I didn't, I tried to whip and he was in my way" You held your hands up, stepping back, grinning when Sam voiced 'She's right, he was in her way Tom'

-

The screen blanked off, the channels end card appearing, the same aesthetic sound played but was drowned due to the laughter emanating from the room. "I told you'll it was hilarious" Harrison held his chest trying to calm down. "Wait there's a part two" Harry pointed to the video next up.

'Y/N and the Holland Brothers funny/sassy moments part 2'

"More?!" Tom and you shouted not wasting a minute later to click on the YouTube video. "The live is officially chaotic" You glanced at the phone screen, seeing the comments full with laughing emojis and other ones portraying the way you 'punched' Paddy. Boy it's going to be an eventful evening you thought, stealing a pretzel from Harry and leaning back on Tom's chest getting comfortable.

"Hey people, we're back" Sam and Paddy called out from the kitchen. Oh yes an eventful evening indeed.

[honeybeewhereartthee]

A normal day in ES

Rinne walking casually in the empty totally not suspicious hallway.

"pspsp. Wanna buy some pretty cards?"

He stop on his track when he heard someone called out to him when he pass the dark corner. He went back to take a look at the shady card dealer.

"M--"

"shut up. I'm just a card dealer. Would you like to buy some pretty cards?" His words come to stop before he can complete the totally not suspicious person name.

"cards ? Are you selling stuff after being lost again? I know rules don't state this isn't allowed, not like I would tell you off since rule breaking is my thing. Whole hearted approved of this act." Rinne commented and ranted about the situation of the suspicious card dealer.

"would you like to buy some pretty cards?" His words is yet again ignored as the card dealer ask the same question.

"... What cards." He sigh as he walk closely to the stall. He watch as mc--cough I mean suspicious card dealer, use some tricks to make cards appear as she slide her hand in the beautiful galaxy table cloth she totally did not steal from a wizard. "We have Shiina Niki, HiMERU, kohaku..." Shows some beautiful 5* card in front of Rinne but still holding the others unflip. "They are very cheap if your lucky." She smiled as if trying to proceeds another soul to succumb to the game hell with her.

"... Oh you want me to join you play that game base on everyone... " He realize what's up and start to laughing at her attempt. Instead of being discouraged by him, she laughed as if she knows this was the response but she slowly flip over the last cards.

"we also have this....

"...." Rinne takes out his wallet and slap the credit card of his and the crazy b unit allowance. "I'll take those."

"sorry but you have to get them in game to get the digital and autograph one." She says as she takes back the pretty card that rinne is reaching to get at that very moment. " Come suffer with me rinne amagi." Says the devil temptation.

"... Fine, you win. " Rinne sigh as he take out his phone to download the game. "You have to sign this not so suspicious thick paper, Rinne Amagi." The card dealer then shove some papers to him. "????" He stared at the blank papers and back to the card dealer. " Why would I need to sign this?" He look at the card dealer very suspiciously. " If your worried I'm going to use your signature to either for marriage certificate or use it to con others to make you pay for bills, your wrong. Your idol self is broke right now. What can I get from it? I'll give the pretty cards of your brother if you do." Without a word rinne sign it.

Later

"here you go. Your brother autograph on his pretty SEGGSY cards." The card dealer said to her first customer. Hiiro Amagi. Who's holding a box full of Rinne Amagi merchandise. "Thank you very much in law!" Hiiro smiled happily as he left quickly to put those new addition to his collection to his shrine.

"brothers... Smh. IM NOT YOUR IN LAW!!" mc yelled back to the idol.