#‘it was supposed to be james! or barty!1!1!’

[stxrrnightjxr]

Day + night 1 of Marauder’s hunger games sim. ‼️‼️

The first day and night of my marauder’s hunger games simulator…. Hope this goes good‼️‼️ (it probably won’t, but oh well)

Okay, first off: the bloodbath. Mulciber already has killed Dorcas😔 and Marlene???? Thought you were better than this 😭

Poor Ted, at least he’ll be with Andromeda I guess 😭😭 but YES REGGIE‼️‼️scare that guy‼️‼️ and Sirius and Pandora… odd alliance but I’ll take it. (His brother’s best friend 🙄 who would ever do that)

Severus runs away without getting anything (I mean what more can you expect from a coward like him) (certified Snape-hater can you tell)

Evan, Remus, Mary, James, Bellatrix, Lily, Narcissa, and Peter get what they can and run.

Barty, like the risk-taker he is, stays at the cornucopia.

YES MARLENE‼️you get those death eaters‼️‼️ Maybe you’ve redeemed yourself from killing andromeda 🤗 Remus being everyone’s favourite, and the Blacks teaming up!!!

Rosekillerchaser confirmed 🫵🤨 (Reggie’s just off in his own world 😭) and Bellatrix.. thanks…? I’ve got the feeling she’s gonna come back to haunt me for that

The nargles must’ve surprised her 😔

Isn’t he always?? Smh

Good job Peter I suppose 😭

Night #1‼️‼️

Marlene… what are you doing 😭😭😭 bro just killed their friend/brother and now she’s singing songs with them what the freak‼️

We love a self sufficient queen u go Narcissa

Peter what r u gonna do with that iPad … watch ‘how to survive the arena no glue no borax’ on YT kids??

Bro is so dramatic and for what 🙄 smh (to be honest I woulda done that to, were I in his position)

Good job I guess, Snivellus 🙄🙄🙄

Yayyy!!!! Peace‼️‼️

Lily girl I mean nice but what have u been doin

Bellatrix 💪

Reg is so me‼️‼️‼️

[otrtbs]

“regulus’ death in art heist baby was so abrupt?” no way, almost like an actual death of a 20-something-year-old would be??? “it came out of nowhere” ??? no way, almost like an actual death would??? “even with the heavy foreshadowing it just took me by surprise” thank god,, that was supposed to be the point

[mezsygfs]

marauders as things my friends and I have said pt 1

all parts

barty: what if I stuck it in your ear

evan: kinky?

regulus: no, emergency room

Remus: you're a switch?

Sirius: yeah?

James: AND you're bisexual?

Sirius: yes..?

Remus: AND you use all pronouns?

Sirius: uh-huh.....?

Peter: so were you just born indecisive as fuck?

Pandora: regulus is going through some things with his family, he needs space

Barty: aren't we all? fuck his space

Sirius: I FOUND MY TOP!

James: is it Remus... Is Remus the top...

rando: what's masochist?

Barty: finding pleasure in pain inflicted by your partner when intimate.

Evan: id let Barty stab me during sex.

Remus: YOU TOLD ME TO FUCK YOU SO I DID. YOURE FUCKED

Peter: just lost my virginity

James: oh...

Sirius: HUH

Peter: I'm jp I just needed y'all to answer

Sirius: *sends a screenshot of $$ balance*

Remus: want some head?

Barty: he's just listening to whimper audios again

Evan: I'm actually sobbing why is it so creamy

Evan: ugh y'all distracted me I was supposed to be reading

Regulus: YOU WERE LISTENING TO ASMR??

Barty: no need, I like it raw

Pandora: hey kids! This is a perfect example of unsafe sex! Now let's go through unplanned parenthood!

James: Regulus this was YOUR fault

Regulus: shut up I'll fuck you again

[msmk11]

My T**s Ruin the Outfit

Poly!Marauders x non-binary!reader (short fic)

CW: Gender dysphoria; angst: fluff; hurt/comfort

Summary: Your boyfriends find you having a melt down about clothes. But really, it’s not about clothes at all.

Author’s Note: I’m not sure how this idea came to mind, but once I thought it, I had to write it. Since I go by she/they the struggle to find gender affirming clothes is really hard sometimes 😭 especially with tits. So ig this is really self-insert heavy, but I also hopes it brings comfort to those who feel similarly.

Remus was less than pleased to find you sprawled out on the bed, face down in the pillows.

“Dove, what are you doing?” he sighed, “You know we need to leave in ten minutes.”

“I’m not going,” you mumbled.

Remus assumed today of all days was when you decided to be a brat, and he was not going to have it. Tonight was supposed to be the first time in months that your entire friend group was going to be able to get together. Between Mary and Lily, Marlene and Dorcas, Regulus and Barty, and you four, it was nearly impossible to make plans. But, by some miracle, tonight was the night, and Remus was not about to miss out because of your attitude.

“Dove,” Remus said with a low, warning tone, “I’m not gonna say it again.”

You only grumbled out another no, and Remus felt his patience wearing thin. Just as he was about to force you up and moving, James wondered into the room, looking particularly delectable in one of his faded rugby shirts that hugged his biceps, and blue jeans.

Though James was occasionally oblivious, he immediately noticed Remus’ tense jaw and your distressed body language.

“What’s going on here?” James asked carefully.

“Dovey here insists that they’re no longer going with us,” Remus said gruffly.

James looked at Remus confused. Out of everyone, you had been the most excited for this night. While you loved your boys, you also dearly missed your best friends- Lily, Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas. You had been chattering excitedly for days about all that you four needed to catch up on- old gossip, haircut advice, and some of your shared favorite musicians.

Though Remus’ temper sometimes prevented him from seeing it, James’ cool demeanor allowed him to quickly realize that something was obviously wrong. James gently sat down on the bed beside you and started to rub small, soothing circles on your back.

“Angel,” he asked quietly, “why don’t you want to go anymore? You’ve been looking forward to it for days.”

You didn’t respond verbally, but James noticed a slight shaking in your shoulders. Ever so carefully, James grabbed your hips and shifted you onto your side to face him. Before you could hide away again, James noticed your red, teary eyes.

“Angel,” he cooed sadly.

Remus looked to James with a perplexed expression and mouthed, “what is it?”

“They’re crying,” James mouthed quietly.

All of the tension left Remus quickly and was replaced by worry. He immediately felt guilty for assuming the worst and shuffled over to the bed, assuming a seat on your other side. While rubbing small circles on your hip Remus asked, “Can you sit up for us dove and tell us what’s wrong?”

You begrudgingly obliged, though you remained attached to James as you did so.

“Guys? Are you ready? We need to be leaving no-“

Sirius stood in the doorway, slack-jawed, “DOLLY? What’s wrong?” He immediately rushed to crouch at your feet beside the bed.

All three pairs of eyes looked at you with so much care, each of them comforting you with gentle pets and rubs.

“I- I” you blubbered, “I have nothing to wear.”

That was the last thing any of them expected you to say because 1) you didn’t usually put so much care into your outfits 2) even if you did you didn’t usually get emotional over it and 3) you had more than plenty of clothes to wear- not just of your own but of your three boyfriends’.

“Angel, you have tons of clothes in the closet to choose from. And ours too,” James said gently.

“And if you’re having trouble picking something, doll, you know I can help you pick something out,” Sirius added

This only made you start to cry harder and your three boyfriends shared looks of mixed concern and confusion.

“You just- you don’t understand,” you said through hiccups.

“Then help us to, dove,” Remus told you, “we can’t help if you don’t talk to us.”

You tried to take a few deep breaths, so that you could actually express what you were feeling, “It’s just. None of my clothes fit right on me. At least, not the way I want them too. My tits just, ruin the outfit.”

Realization passed through all of them then. This wasn’t about clothes at all- not really, at least. Almost a year ago, you had come out to your boyfriends as nonbinary. They, of course, were so loving and supportive and tried to help you feel comfortable in your body in any way possible. You’d gotten a binder, bought some new clothes, and changed your hair, but when gender dysphoria hit, there was not much they could do to comfort you.

“Oh sweetheart,” Sirius said with a sigh, “I’m sorry. Did you try your binder?”

You shook your head with a frown, “no. But I don’t wanna wear it. It hurts after awhile.”

James pulled you more tightly into his side and kissesdyour head, “what can we do, angel?”

You only shrugged your shoulders and sighed.

“Why don’t you let Sirius and I choose something for you dove, while Jamie cuddles you. That sound good?” Remus asked you kindly.

“Okay.”

Sirius and Remus got up and disappeared into your shared closet. James, in the mean time, pulled you onto his lap and wrapped his arms around you tightly. He peppered kisses across your face and whispered sweet nothings into your ear, which made you giggle in spite of yourself. After a few minutes, Remus and Sirius emerged, clothes in hand.

“Alright doll, why don’t you try this on?”

Sirius handed you one of your favorite sports bras and the biggest of Remus’ sweaters- in your favorite color too. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t thought to try a sports bra earlier- the next best thing to a binder- but you supposed your emotions prevented you from clear thinking. You stayed in James’ lap while you quickly peeled off the t-shirt you were wearing and wrestled on the sports bra. While it didn’t entirely hide your tits, it certainly flattened your chest a little. Paired with Remus’ sweater, that was much baggier on you, your tits almost disappeared. As you looked down at your fairly flat chest you felt much more at ease. You shuffled over to the mirror and look at your appearance. Though the gender dysphoria was not entirely gone, you felt a lot better than before. And with your supportive, loving boyfriends by your side all night, you knew everything would be alright.

[bri-cheeses]

Good Friends - Part 1

| Rosekiller mifrofic | Word count: 654 | Part one of three | This is told from James’s pov! |

-

James was confused.

“Come to the Slytherin party,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said.

But Regulus had just left his side to go get some drinks, and James had been left alone with nothing to do and with no one he knew.

What were the chances that some of Regulus’s friends were here and willing to entertain James for a bit? He didn’t know, but he was willing to try. He simply wasn’t one for being a wallflower. So he looked around the room, scanning the crowd for familiar faces, and his gaze finally snagged on two people dancing together.

Barty pulled Evan in by the waist, not stopping until their chests were practically touching. As he did so, Evan smiled lazily up at him, then wound his arms around Barty’s neck in order to tug him down and whisper something in his ear. Barty grinned at whatever he said and whispered something back.

James watched in confusion as a blush worked its way to Evan’s cheeks. However, despite the pink coloring his face, he didn’t appear bashful as he danced with Barty. In fact, he looked downright in his element with Barty’s hands all over him, touching in places where friends don’t usually touch.

As James puzzled over their actions, Barty’s hand slid from where it had been squeezing Evan’s waist, coming up to tilt Evan’s chin up. Evan followed the motion. An expectant look rested on his face as Barty’s hand came to rest fully beneath his chin, preventing Evan from tilting his head down.

James saw why Barty was doing it as he lowered his mouth to Evan’s and kissed him, mouths open and hungry for one another. Evan’s hand fisted in Barty’s hair, Barty pulled Evan in even closer, and it became abundantly clear that this was not the first time they had done this.

“Enjoying the show?” A sarcastic voice came from behind him.

James whirled around to see Regulus coming towards him, drinks in hand.

Regulus tilted his head to indicate Barty and Evan.

“I thought they were just friends,” James replied, furrowing his brow. He took a drink and sipped on it, the sweet liquid making his teeth tingle as he looked at Regulus, who threw another look at Barty and Evan. They were now fully entangled in one another, having attracted a couple of stares as Barty moved on to Evan’s neck, kissing there while Evan looked way too pleased with himself.

“They are,” Regulus answered. His nose wrinkled in distaste, and James thought it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. “They’re “just friends” who, rather unfortunately, like to make out at times that are extremely inconvenient for everyone else.”

Well, James knew what that was like. Having two friends who like to make out a lot, that is. They just didn’t typically do it in public, which he supposed he should be thankful for.

James grimaced as memories of several different… incidents accosted him. He tried to block it out.

“You sound like you speak from personal experience.”

“I do,” Regulus said mournfully. “Our dorm room is no longer safe for me. I have no way of knowing when it’s okay to go in anymore, because they hardly ever bother with warning me in any way.”

“But I thought you said they just liked to make out?” Somehow, James felt as though the world was running in circles around him, laughing as he tried to keep up. This whole thing didn’t make any sense.

“At parties, yes. In bed, it’s another story entirely. It’s horrendous.”

Merlin. What a nightmare.

“Yeah, I get that,” James replied emphatically. Because that, at the very least, made sense to him. He thought of Remus and Sirius, who made it difficult for James to feel safe walking into the dorm with his eyes open.

But at least they were dating. Barty and Evan had no such excuse.

-

(Part 2 is here)

[static-radio-ao3]

@jegulus-microfic // february 26 // prompt: bed // words: 1,241 // cw: referenced sexual content // part 1 + part 2

“Barty, who’s at the— oh.” Regulus stops short.

“He was just leaving,” Barty says, then turns to James, “Weren’t you, Potter?”

“It’s fine, Barty, I’ve got it,” Regulus says, shifting so he can slip past Barty and come to stand right in front of James.

“You sure?” Barty asks. He maintains eye contact until Regulus nods. “Okay, well, don’t do anything stupid. Just yell if you need me.”

And with that, he turns to head back inside. Regulus is fairly sure he only walks down the hall so he can listen in, but he doesn’t mind it too much. Maybe he won’t jump James if he knows Barty is right there.

He regards James for a moment, wonders what he’s here for. His eyes frag down James’ form, but unfortunately, he doesn’t flinch under the scrutiny. And unfortunately, James looks good. Again. Or still. Either way, it’s doing dangerous things to Regulus resolve.

“What are you doing here?” He asks finally.

The corner of James’ mouth tugs up in a half-smile. “Hi, baby,” he says, and Regulus hates him. Hates that he looks all boyish and charming. Regulus wants to kiss him. No, kill him. Definitely kill him.

“James.”

“Yeah, sorry.” One of James’ hands comes up to scratch at the back of his head. “Um. Why wouldn’t Barty let me inside to see you?”

The question is sobering. Annoyance sparks in his gut and Regulus is getting tired of this game. Of this dance where they so clearly are avoiding the issue at hand, spinning around it until they’re so dizzy they can’t see anything but each other.

He crosses his arms in front of his chest, a fickle attempt at a barrier and shoots James an unamused glare. “Because you cheated on me?”

James’ face falls, confusion marring his features, wrinkling his forehead. Regulus has the urge to smooth it out. “What? When? And why?” Disbelief soaks his voice and now it’s Regulus’ turn to be confused.

“What?”

“Why would I cheat on you?”

“What?”

“Regulus, baby,” James sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “you broke up with me because you thought I cheated?”

“You never corrected me!” Regulus splutters. He thinks back to the day they broke up, to the fight they had. The quiet resign when Regulus ended things. His friends had told him the silence was confession, but he���s not so sure now.

“How was I supposed to? I didn’t know.”

“I— You didn’t?”

“I didn’t cheat or I didn’t know?”

“Both!”

“Obviously not!”

James is closer now than he was a moment ago, close enough that Regulus could reach out and touch if he wanted to. By God, does he want to. This is exactly why he didn't let himself see James at all those first few months. He needed to build up tolerance. Resistance. But what good did it do him? He still ended up on his knees almost immediately.

The urge to touch makes his fingers tingle, a buzzing in his veins that he can't ignore.

“Well, it wasn’t obvious to me!” Regulus squeezes his eyes shut, embarrassment making it hard to maintain eye contact with James. There’s no way they broke up over nothing. There’s no way Regulus never confronted him, never gave James the chance to explain.

He opens his eyes again, sees James gnawing at his bottom lip. He looks softer today, more worn. The bravado and cockiness from their last two encounters nowhere to be seen.

“Regulus, what even gave you the idea…” James trails off, lets the end of the sentence hang in between them.

Regulus stares at the ground, at the scuffed toe of his shoe. He remembers the day well. Had made dinner for two and packed it so he could eat with James at work.

“I came to see you at the office because you were working late again and I overheard the new hire say that she fucked the guy who was training her.” Regulus’ heart had dropped right out from his chest and shattered into a dozen pieces when he heard it. He thinks he left a few behind.

He takes a breath, steeling himself to continue, but James cuts in with an excited, “Oh my God, Frank and Alice fucked? That’s why they disappeared during team drinks!”

“Frank?”

“Baby, Alice had two people training her. She wasn’t talking about me. Ask Frank if you want to be sure, but— Wait. Pause. Sorry, you fell into bed with me thinking I had cheated on you?”

Heat floods Regulus’ face. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Say no!” James sounds indignant.

As if it were easy to say no to James Potter. James with his messy smile, joy spilling from the corner of his mouth. James with his bright eyes and bright laugh. James with his warm hands that know just how to make Regulus writhe.

“Yeah, well…” Regulus racks his brain for any sort of defense, but he is only met with the image of James' naked form. “You thought I broke up with you for no reason and still slept with me!” He counters.

Now it’s James’ turn to flush, embarrassment making the tips of his hears turn red. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Say no!”

“Love, we both know I was never any good at saying no to you.” James’ voice is low as he says it, like a secret or a confession, not meant for anyone else’s ears. Regulus reaches behind him to tug the door shut. Barty does not need to hear this.

Regulus considers for a moment. Looks up at James through is lashes. “Neither am I, apparently.”

“Sounds like a flaw.” James inches closer, crowding Regulus against the front door. The buzzing in his veins quiets. “You should probably work on that.”

“Yeah?” Regulus murmurs. “Now?”

“Mm. Why not?” Both of James’ hands come to rest on Regulus’ hips. Regulus lets his head thud against the door just so he can look at James better. The mole under his lip and the finger print smudged on his glasses. James never did clean them well.

“Okay.”

“Can I kiss you?” James asks. His breath hits the side of Regulus’ face and Regulus can’t help but shiver.

“No.”

James’ fingers tighten their hold on Regulus, but he doesn’t lean in. Instead, he asks “Do you still love me?”

“No,” Regulus says again.

James huffs a laugh, forehead coming to rest on Regulus’ shoulder. Regulus’ hands come up to card through James’ hair. It’s comfortable. Familiar.

“Liar.” The word is muffled in the fabric of Regulus’ shirt. Then, “Will you go out with me?”

Regulus pretends to consider, but they both know the answer. “No more mistakes,” he says. “Just you and me.” And like any good promise, he seals it with a kiss.

---

is that a phone in your pocket or are you happy to see me [group • 4 members]

reg: so there may have been a slight misunderstanding

reg: pandora, you can delete the list

pandora: no, it’s my magnum opus

evan: besides, i still stand by page 29, paragraph 3, subsection 7

barty: yeah what kind of man wears crocs unironically

evan: exactly. is this the man you want to be with?

pandora: and don’t think i’ve forgotten the pizza night incident

reg: he just had pineapple on his pizza, please let it go

pandora: no

barty: absolutely the fuck not

evan: never

[hidden-for-reg]

July 1: astrology | @jegulus-microfic | word count: 880

*surgeon x patient au*

previous part, part one

As soon as James had left, Regulus had wanted him there again, but he was sure James had tons of real work to do. In all fairness though, Regulus did need to talk to James about his surgery. Regulus had decided by now that he did want the surgery, and not just as an excuse to spend more time around James. Frankly, his knee was constantly in a low, throbbing pain even though Dorcas had given him some painkillers. It had been getting annoying. Plus, Regulus figured it couldn't hurt anyway since his brother was a doctor and therefore, Regulus had good medical insurance, so money wouldn't be an issue here.

Regulus' train of thought was interrupted by Dorcas coming into his room with a light knock. "Hey, babes," she cooed, plopping herself down next to Regulus on his bed, "I've got today's astrology horoscope, thought I might share." He scooted over to make more room for her and she curled into his side, taking out a magazine. 

Dorcas flipped it open and began rambling to Regulus about all the ways she was supposedly going to be lucky that day, according to her star sign.  Then, she opened the magazine to a new page and started telling Regulus about the ways he'd be lucky that day. 

"Wait, but how'd you know my birthday?" He asked her, interrupting her warnings to him about things he was supposed to avoid that day.

Dorcas laughed. "I may or may not have looked at your chart," she remarked with a smirk.

"Well, I sure hope you looked at my chart, you're the nurse on my case," Regulus retorted with a chuckle. 

"Oh, and Regulus, look," Dorcas added, tapping her finger on the page, "it says here that you'll be lucky in love, today." She smirked at him again. "Or, perhaps, have you already gotten lucky in love today?"

"Dorcas, I've not even known you for a day," he snorted.

"Hardly means I can't be interested in what you've got going on with one of the hottest guys in the hospital." 

"I thought you said you liked girls though?"

"My love, some things are just universally agreed upon, and James Potter is one of those."

Regulus couldn't argue with that so, he remained mostly silent and gave her a vague mumble to show he agreed. 

"So? Tell me what happened after I left!" Dorcas demanded, punching him playfully in the arm.

"Well, he came in, saying all this BS that he needed to check my heart beat," Regulus started, "then, he took out his little heart-listening-tool thing and stood a million times closer than normal. But, like, no complaints from me. Then, he was all like 'good news is you're fine, bad news is I can't snog you'. By that point he was less than an inch away, but then the git had the gall to just cut it quits there and leave. So, that's what he did!" Regulus finished his story with an exasperated flourish of his hands, dropping them in his lap after. 

Dorcas opened her mouth, clearly about to ramble again, when Regulus' phone began vibrating from where it sat on the bedside table. He picked it up, groaned inwardly when he saw the name on the screen, and answered. 

"Barty, mate, what is it?"

"What, I'm not allowed to check in on my best friend while he's in the hospital? When Evan had to go to the hospital for his broken ankle, I called him every couple hours. And he never complained, not once!"

"Barty, Evan's your boyfriend, of course he didn't complain!"

"Just because we're not lovers anymore doesn't mean you have to stop showing me the LOVE, Reg. Where's all that LOVE you showed me when we were together? The love we had when we were still f-"

"Barty."

"Right, right. Anyways- Evan, me, and Pandora are thinking of coming round the hospital to be with you before and after the big surgery." 

Regulus rolled his eyes.

"Well, if Evan and Panda don't decide to show up, I know I'M coming, because I'M an amazing best friend. Well, apparently not, according to the lack of love you're showing currently."

Regulus rolled his eyes again.

"HEY. I can feel you rolling your eyes. Because only a best friend would be able to tell and I just so happen to be-"

"Okay, yes, Barty, I love you, the love is here, this is me showing you the love," Regulus stated flatly. "Is that all? I was a bit in the middle of something."

"Oh, in the middle of something? Who have you charmed into thinking you're normal again? They better not be trying for the best friend slot, Reg. I don't know if I've made it clear, mate, but as your best friend, I kind of care about you and wouldn't like to see some other idiot kick you around. Call me a crazy, possessive ex, but hey, that's exactly what-"

"Barty, mate, love and care aside, please shut up."

"Alright, alright, I get it. I'll leave. I can take a hint. I can tell when someone doesn't love me anymore-"

Regulus hung up on Barty and sighed, putting his phone back on the bedside table. "Sorry, Dorcas," he mumbled. 

Next part

[regscupid]

1/4 prompt: switch (367 words) part 1 - @jegulus-microfic

“Switch shifts with me on Saturday.” James leans against the break room door, blocking Lily’s way out of the coffee shop.

She startles, looking up from her phone. He grins his most loveable grin, earning a suspicious look before she locks her phone and lets her bag fall off her shoulder.

“You want my Saturday closing? What happened to 'weekend closings are cruel and having to work them should be considered unfit working conditions'?”

“Just do it. Please?” He changes tactics, trading out the grin for a pleading look; big brown eyes on display.

She doesn’t speak for a long moment and he feels himself start to get antsy. Just when he’s about to speak up again, maybe offer to buy her lunch or clean the bathrooms during their next shared shift, she rolls her eyes. “Regulus is scheduled for that shift, isn’t he.”

It should be embarrassing the way his heart skips a beat when she says Regulus’ name. It isn’t though, not when he’s transported right back to the night before, when they last shared a shift and he offered him a ride home like a gentleman, citing Regulus’ safety and the length of his commute as reasons he should give in. Eventually he did, after a barrage of insults and a promise that it was only because he didn’t want to fall asleep on the bus again.

The opportunity to spend a slow evening together and further chip away at that hardened exterior, maybe even convince him to go on a date, was too good to pass up. Never mind that he was willingly signing up for a back-to-back closing and opening.

“I’m supposed to open. Pandora opens.” He tries.

This seems to get through to her, the hopeful bubble in his chest growing as Lily purses her lips and looks off to the side.

“…deal.”

James all but whoops and Lily gives into a smile, shoving him out of the way so she can leave.

“Thank you,” He follows her out the door, throwing an arm over her shoulder. “Really, I owe you one.”

“Whatever. Just ask him out soon, yeah? I’ve got ten on Barty that you’ll be dating by next payroll.”

[the-moon-says-hi]

rosekiller fic recs

intermission, by bizarrestars

Evan and Barty have no plans to fall in love.

Life rarely goes as planned, though, does it?

rating: M | word count: 43.6k | status: complete

I’m Not Gonna Teach Him How to Dance with You, by greensenne

“You’d be my best man wouldn’t you, Evs?

There’s an ugly pain burning low in his chest as he says, “Of course. What are friends for?”

—

Or, Barty's father forces him into an arranged marriage, and Evan is to be his best man. Which would be fine if Evan weren't head over heels in love with him.

rating: M | word count: 122.7k | status: complete

do you want me (or do you not), by graveryavery

Evan is sick, stubborn, and convinced that he’ll fail his exams if he misses one day.

Or, Evan is sick, Regulus is tired, Barty is emotionally constipated, and Remus just wants people to get their shit together.

rating: T | word count: 7.3k | status: complete

A Truthful Joke, by justreadandwritex

Evan and Barty have been best friends since the age of three. Now they're sixteen, at Hogwarts, surrounded by couples. They joke about it - a lot - but at a certain point, when is it a joke and when is it a desire?

On top of a sexuality crisis and family issues, Evan has to deal with another feeling, or rather feelings. For his best friend.

And while his best friend seems to pull away from him, Barty tries everything in his power to keep Evan in his life. They're best friends after all, right? Just friends. Ha.

*Some chapters will discuss homophobia or family issues but I always give trigger warnings

rating: T | word count: 30k | status: complete

i would say i love you (but its so hard, i wont say it at all), by graveryavery

“Not too bad yourself, Grouchy. The ladies and gents will love you,” Pandora says.

“You only really need Evan to love it though, don’t you,” Marlene grins.

“He is the only man for me,” Barty plays along, furrowing his brows at how Dorcas elbows Marlene in the side like she’s just shared a secret she wasn’t supposed to.

___

Or, the one where everyone goes on a road trip, the West Coast is beautiful, and Barty is beginning to think that there is something slightly off between him and Evan.

rating: M | word count: 67.4k | status: ongoing

Spider-Man: Death Eater Parade, by basiliscus

Evan Rosier has been Spider-Man since he was 15 years old and he is tired. He saw it all, he did it all and he hates himself more than any Rita Skeeter ever could. Evan Rosier has seen people die. He let people die. Evan Rosier is tired, his moral code is broken and then a ghost from the past comes to haunt him 5 years after he thought he buried him and sent him off to hell.

Barty Crouch hates Spider-Man. He can't stand the bastard who's willing to let people die when he has the ability to prevent it. Barty spends almost every day on whatever scene Spider-Man goes to. Only break to this routine is an awkward university dropout Evan Rosier that stumbles into his life.

//

Evan is living a double life as Spider-Man and quite literally hates it. He meets the only person who hates him more than he hates himself.
There's no person on Earth who hates Spider-Man more than Barty. The issue is Barty falls for Evan.

rating: T | word count: 26.3k | status: ongoing

in every universe (we’ll find each other), by graveryavery

A collection of rosekiller one shots that I will be adding to.

1. the wedding
2. motorcycles
3. winter
4. library

rating: T | word count: 6.7k | status: ongoing

A star for a summer’s day, by her_smile_forges_galaxies

Barty is in love with Evan, and he doesn't know what to do about it.
Regulus is in love with James, and he doesn't know what to do about it.

Luckily for both of them, Barty has a foolproof plan (or maybe not so full proof after all, but you can't blame a guy for trying)

rating: M | word count: 142.7k | status: complete

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 24

chapter 41: (over halfway through!)

1. 😐 um, i’m actually giving a death glare right now. wdym marlene has to go back to that arena????

2. okay, fuck that bitch dumbledore. he’s worse than coin. i hope he rots

3. i- all these victors going in are sirius’ friends. or his absolute worst enemies to begin with. OR his own fucking family! and his brother! and there’s a MARRIED COUPLE going in having to fight each other. i- this is the most devastating thing i will ever read

4. “James holds his gaze and hopes with everything in him that Regulus sees the truth in James' eyes when he coldly announces, "I hate him."” 😧

5. it hurts that sirius has ALWAYS tried to protect regulus. like, tried burying him like dogs bones once 😭😭

6. oh. oh shit. remus doesn’t know that sirius is a tribute yet

7. 😐 sobbing actually. wolfstar wasn’t supposed to go through this much pain. yet here we are. my babies being hurt.

chapter 42:

1. i like how once again, it’s pointed out that in this fic and canon, dumbledore has never seemed to care about the individual people if it meant winning a war

2. 👁️👄👁️ wide eyes. what is alberforth about to ask albus to do

3. the ring dorcas is handing marlene is eerily similar to the canon 75th hunger games with the token finnick is given

4. “A war could break out right on the other side of the door, and Dorcas would let it wage on to stay right here, just like this, with Marlene.” GAYYYYYYYYYY

5. “Without any fuss, she starts frantically plucking the rings off of one hand, each clink of them hitting the counter making Marlene groan” 😳😳😳 oh my god i am so gay holy shit

6. god i’m so angry. marlene got help with her drinking, then the night the quarterly memorial was announced, she’s right back at it. i’m not angry at marlene btw. i’m pissed at dumbledore and riddle

7. “"You'll be the last thought I have, you know," Marlene whispers. "Before I die, it'll be you. I just know it."” 😟

8. THE ORDER IS GETTING EFFIE AND MONTY POTTER OUT OF DISTRICT SIX!! FUCK YEAH

9. god i love lily in this fic. she is wonderful, beautiful, kind, caring, and most of all: human. she has faults. she won’t get close to people because last time she did, she lost remus. she smokes. she breaks the rules. she doesn’t always make the perfect move. she makes the human move. i love her so much

10. alberforth >>>>>>>>>> albus

11. god. lily just killed a person. this too is going to haunt her forever

12. 👀 marylily i smell?

13. 😭😭 mary is sprinting in heels

14. god i love that effie is willing to fight everyone for the people (district) she loves

15. CHEERS! barty just shot his father point blank in the chest

16. 😧 i- they just released the disease into the air. i-

17. if ted, tonks, and andy don’t make it out i’m gonna lose my mind

18. 😐 ted’s dead.

[mildlyanxiousverge]

The Slytherin trio(Barty, Evan, Reg) after running away from their rich families and living together at an apartment Reg got under his name not used to not having moneys so they made a plan and use their expertises to hustle in Hogwarts:

Reg being a god at potions and herbology, money maker, with a businessman's mind, with good manipulation tactics to make his products the 'it' factor😌 selling anti-sleeping potions (ravenclaws are his no.1 costumer with this), anti-nighmare(Slytherins, this is also why no one at the greenhouse messes with them), prank goos and other pranksy stuff(surprisedly this is a hit at the Huplepuffs), and anti-talking(the Gryffindors adored him for this one, I wonder why?👀) and other good stuff and convinces you to buy and agree to shit like he's Ursula and Dr. Facilier at the same time.

Barty selling his notes (he's got 12 owls, this bitch is smart), making his assignment duplicates and altering them with and altering spell he somehow knows, tutoring shit, making his mind open with answers at the exam and letting people enter, matchmaking king, he's Hogwarts cupid, he also does extra background checks for your crushes to see if they have red flags😌

Evan master at conviction and charm, he is rented for breakups because he can somehow make bad things sound like a dream, master at reasoning people need him when they want to win a fight, the messenger god, here to bring message from people are too cowardly to tell someone, sometimes people go to him to help the confess and barty is bitter because 'that's supposed to be his costumers Ev'.

They also have other deals, and can deal with your shit, so if you have a problem go to the trio for help, need to humiliate ur ex cuz he cheated? they've got you!!! Need your parents to never know the shit you do at school??? they'll cover!!!Need to kill someone but torture them brutally first???well...*looks to cannon* sorry not today

They also sell tea about people, they know shit, they know her ex's boyfriend's secret mistress, AND BLACKMAIL!!! Don't forget that they'll sell it at a high price!!! but if you need it, you know where to go!!! They can also get you out of trouble, no one knows how they'll do it but whatever they do works!!! They can prank someone you hate at a reasonable price (and they don't get caught unlike some people 🙄)

Regulus also got their business legalized(idk how he did it he's just that awesome) and have documents and does all thing legally (loopholes baby) with processes of contracts before agreeing with a client so something can't go wrong (and the teacher can't do about it) HAHSHSHAH

Pandora and Dorcas fully support them They're the managers and handles a lot of shit we don't talk about😌😏

Imagine Sirius' reaction when he finds out not only his brother run away but he also runs a sketchy yet legal(?) business with his friends and they're thriving JAjsjajajaHAJAHAHAH Remus at the background impressed about the whole thing and James drooling at Regulus' business suit atire AHAHSHAHAGHAAH Peter is a honorary member for being an investor with secrets, blackmails, and gossip that he adds

[t1oui]

hcs that the marauders & the valkyries & the slytherin skittles are all best friends and also gay as hell.

james is the first of the marauders to come out, he's pansexual

his first crush is on lily, who he loudly proclaims his love to. she immediately turns him down on the grounds of 1) being lesbian and 2) being 11 and they become best friends instead

meanwhile in the skittles they sort of all come out at the same time. like they all become friends and then are like hey wait we're all gay

dorcas is lesbian, regulus is gay, pandora is pansexual, barty and evan are both bi & evan is ace

meanwhile, marlene is lesbian, mary and remus are bi, peter is aroace, and sirius cannot be bothered to label himself past "moony is pretty and girls occasionally are too"

eventually the groups begin to mingle both through quidditch and various crushes

aka marlene sees dorcas looking bored out of her mind while watching a gryffindor v slytherin quidditch match and falls in love

(she then gets hit in the face with a bludger and is in the hospital wing for a week)

eventually lily also starts crushing on pandora and james starts crushing on regulus

lily and pandora get together first because they, unlike their friends, are normal about having feelings

eventually mary also starts dating them because hell yeah polyamory

they go on cute dates in hogsmeade and spy on their friends :)

james and regulus get together next, everyone knows james loves very loudly and with all that sunshine focused on him, there was no way reg could last

james, lily, and mary are fed up with marlene pining after dorcas and they get regulus and pandora to help them set the girls up

(as it turns out, dorcas is confident until she's faced with a pretty girl with no boundaries)

of course there's also wolfstar and rosekiller

rosekiller has probably been together this whole time (nobody knows when they started dating, including them) but remus and sirius are painfully oblivious so they don't get together until 7th year and then they seem to be kissing 24/7

("ew," james said, looking up from where he was cuddling regulus in the middle of the great hall)

oh yeah and there's no voldemort in this universe. the only angst comes from the occasional black family nonsense

i just realized i haven't mentioned alice and frank yet so here they are:

they're a few years older than the marauders/valkyries/skittles

james totally had a crush on frank and lily had a crush on alice (another thing they bonded over)

regulus and alice are best friends because alice and narcissa are dating

bellatrix is still kind of insane but in a fun way (idk how to write her as a sane person 💀)

andromeda is the big sister of the skittles, and once the skittles start hanging out with the gryffindors, she becomes their big sister too

walburga and orion still suck. there is just far less angst regarding them.

sirius still runs away first because he and regulus don't get along super well yet. not so much because of houses or family, though those are contributors, but also because they're just very different people. regulus ends up moving in with narcissa and alice and is living his best life

they all go off into the world as best friends and do not die young or in pain or scared and instead live fun lives with each other in a peaceful world, as they were supposed to :)

i will probably write this, at the very least some oneshots for it because AAAA

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day 9 - Prompt: Tragedy @jegulus-microfic December Daily Series - 497 words.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Regulus’s hands were trembling. He squeezed them into fists at his sides as he tried to refocus on the music. Rhianna’s Stay was a dynamic song to skate to, but the lyrics were a little too apropos at the moment.

Round and around, and around we go. Oh, now, tell me now, tell me now, you know.

Somehow, he'd given himself away. His absurd crush was exposed and James seemed determined to make the situation as awkward as possible. Which was inexplicably worse for everyone involved.

“Reggie? What was that about?” Sirius demanded, sliding directly into his path and cutting him off.

Regulus skidded to an abrupt stop and huffed. It was distracting enough to have James looming over his shoulder, matching his hip rolls with far more dexterity than he’d expected. He struggled to maintain any semblance of attention to the choreography when his gaze was constantly darting to the corner of his eye to catch a glimpse of James instead. Now, his brother had abandoned all respect for rink decorum.

“Will you move?” he retorted, flailing a hand at him.

“No, not until you explain what that fit was about.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared. “Potter was shadowing me. Would you rather I kicked him in the face with a jump?”

Sirius scoffed, “Don’t be a prick. He backed off as soon as he realised that you were annoyed by it. You didn’t have to tell him off too.”

“I didn’t tell him off. I was civil and direct.”

“If that was you being civil, your dating life must be tragic.”

Regulus sneered. “If mine is a tragedy, then yours is a comedy. It’s pathetic how desperate you are for attention.”

“Piss off. At least I can pull regularly. When was the last time you got laid, hmm?” Sirius taunted.

Heat flooded from his chest to his hairline. Regulus knew that he must be flushed an unflattering shade of beet red. It wasn’t so much his brother’s audacity that flustered him as it was his inability to argue against his accusation. There wasn’t much interest in a snarky, self-isolating, posh prat, as his few friends helpfully advised him.

“Oh Reggie, tell me it wasn’t Barty?” Sirius’s triumphant expression dropped like a stone. “That was ages ago!”

“No, now will you move? I’d like to finish this.”

Sirius gripped his shoulders tight. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up, but you can’t take it out on James. He’s a good person and he’s just trying to get to know you.”

“I’m not here to make friends, Sirius. This was supposed to be about me and you. If I’m getting in the way of your family holiday or upsetting the Potters, then I’ll just leave.”

“No! Stop that, they want you here too. Now quit acting like a cunt and pretend to be a nice person, yeah?” he teased.

Regulus flipped him off and Sirius grinned.

“Love you too, little brother.”

Next Part>>>

[star-struck-withantlers]

Part 1/3 -The Marauders

Valkeries Skittles

Q: What five things make you happy?

Remus: "chocolate and...ummm sirius I guess...but don't tell him he'll get a big head. Books, David Bowie and... hogwarts. It was the first place I ever felt consistently happy."

Peter: "I love chess, I'm really good at it. I love my friends too, all of them. I've known James and Marlene and Barty as long as I can remember but I love Lily and Remus and the rest of them just as much. Sirius too I suppose. Oooo Christmas and slumber partys with the girls. And quidditch, I don't play but I'm always happy when I watch."

Sirius: "Music. Bowie and Queen and all the greats yk. And my motorbike. The Potters always make me happy. They've done so much for me. Regulus makes me happy too. He was the only thing at one point. And Remus too obviously. He's my everything."

James: "Regulus makes me so happy. Everything about him. His hair and his eyes, their so pretty. Their grey and blue and silver and there's a little green too...........*rambles about regulus for ages* so that's one. My family, my mum, dad and my brother, Sirius. OH! And my friends. Remus, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary and the rest of them. Quidditch makes me happy too. Especially when I'm playing with my friends and Regulus or Sirius. And for my final one, making other people laugh so...pranks."

[swanandstar]

marauders as TTPD songs pt 1

Fortnight (feat Post Malone): This song is so Jegulus coded. Regulus as Taylor and James as Post Malone. The first lines are so Regulus. “I was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me/ I was a functioning alcoholic/ ‘til nobody noticed my new aesthetic.” The people that forgot to come and get him are his parents and the functioning alcoholic but us after him and James breaking up being self destructive.

The chorus is James and Regulus interacting “And for a fortnight there, we were forever/ Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather/ Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors/ Your wife waters flowers, I wanna kill her.” Regulus is jealous of Lily and bringing up him and James’s past.

“I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary/ And I love you, it's ruining my life” The miracle move on drug is a rebound like Barty but Barty is cheating with Evan which ties into the later line “my husband is cheating, I wanna kill him.” “I love you it’s ruining my life” is because all he can think about is James and their past. James repeats it because he’s still in love with Regulus even though he is with Lily.

The last couple of lines “Thought of callin' ya, but you won't pick up/ 'Nother fortnight lost in America/ Move to Florida, buy the car you want/ But it won't start up 'til you touch, touch, touch me” is James talking to Regulus. He wants to rekindle their relationship but he doesn’t know if Regulus is interested. America is representing Lily. The last two lines are saying that he can do what he wants but not to do it without James by his side.

I don’t really know if this makes sense but ever since I heard this song, this is all I can think about. Please someone tell me i’m not crazy lol.

[livinlikebailey]

Marauders as things my friend group has said

“Sometimes I forget how many dead people there are.” - Sirius @ Regulus during a family history lesson.

“ I’m gonna bite your toes while you’re sleeping,,, nibble, nibble, nibble” - a drunk Barty @ Evan who is ignoring him.

James: Drops phone on his face. James: claps friends theme song. James: picks phone back up like nothing happened.

“I’m a bi guy, a simple bi guy and I am 99% Lilly Evans and 1% Regulus Black.” - James Potter

“ Why do all the cute ones gotta be Deatheaters?” - Rita @ Bellatrix

“Iron chickens do not have iron testicals” - a very drunk Sirius @ an unfortunately sober Remus.

“I have decided that i am a snack it just no one is hungry” - Peter

Marlene: Climbs on train track bridge Dorcas: “Oh you are so fucking dumb, I look away for 2 seconds”

“No bite, no smile!” - Remus @ James who is trying to take a picture of him too close to the full moon.

“If i was there i’d slap her i don't care if she's 9” - Mary to lily after hearing about the shit her sister was doing to her. “James, I am a pussy.” - Peter to James about the forbidden forest.

“I would be James’ sugar bab- AHH!” - Lily about James to Mary.

“I have to go through all my saves and delete the videos of him because he turned out to be a pedophile… Hey! I had a chance with him” - Remus probably at some point.

“Was that CORPSE? Woop!” - Drunk Remus at a party.

Remus: “ughhhh” Sirius: “what?” Remus: “I hurt and I'm dying.” Sirius: “don't die, that's for kids”

Barty : sits up really quick "guys I just swallowed the nail, it's in my throat." Barty: proceeds to cough up the nail

Pandora: shows Regulus a picture she drew "this is cute" Regulus: "you're cute. wait that didn't go how I wanted it to.”

Barty: “RACCOON WORLDS DOMINATION”

Sirius: “Do I look like a freaking rat?” Regulus: ….. Sirius: “Don't answer that”

Effie: hears a song playing from james’ room “I used to listen to this song in grade school.” James: “Oh so it's really old then.”

Remus: "sips coffee stressfully"

Barty: "seductively eats toes"

Evan: "for your next random gift I'll get you a screwdriver Barty: "thanks I'm gonna kill myself with it"

Marlene: whining "mom James got me addicted to cocaine" wait I mean Crack cookies" - Marlene @ Effie

Nymphadora: tries to lick cat. Andromeda: "don't lick the kitty." Dora: proceeds to lick cat.

Barty: "school sh**tings" gives thumbs up

Sirius: shows Remus their high heels Remus: "okay whore" smacks hand over mouth "wait i- that wasn't supposed to come out" Sirius: laughs their ass off

James: yells across the store to mom “mom!" Random person at the checkout: looks at James "I am not mom."

“Effie’s a Milf” - Marlene

“I don't have nothing, other than a few std's” -Remus

“You can eat half a mermaid before you're a cannibal” - Pandora to Regulus

“Probably shouldn't be doing it but we’re definitely going to continue anyway” - Remus, Sirius, James and Peter in sync.

very confused Peter: “leprechauns don't play quidditch.”

Marlene: “like weewoo but not weewoo” exasperated and high off her ass

Sirius: “I like aids”

phone falls off bed Marlene in an Australian accent: "crikey my phone"

“I’m hooked up to so many wires i could connect to hbo on my heart monitor” - Lily on pain killers to James

"I don't think I can lick that, can I?" -Sirius playing goat simulator

watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs and it's at the part where the mayor destroys the machine and James says " I hope you see the error of your ways, you glutton!”

(talking about Cameron Monaghan) the murder child from my chemical romance - Sirius

"Fuckin’ Sirius"- Remus while asleep

Sirius "I've got middle fingers and i'm not afraid to use them" Regulus: "do it" Sirius "I’m a little afraid to use them"

Peter while asleep: groans and sits up fast James: "you okay?" Peter "not really." James: "What's wrong?" Peter: "I'm gonna have to use the loo to solve the thing."

Sirius: "So were you born in 2006, 2007?" Narcissa: "i was born in 2004" Regulus: "i don't mean this in a mean way but wow you are old"

Sirius: "I WANNA HOLD YOU" Remus "NO, LET ME MAKE COFFEE THEN YOU CAN"

Barty: "I'm gonna do a line off your dresser"

Barty: "i have a headache" pauses "and i have 2 more lines to do"

Mary: "I don't have to do acid I have the that back massager that messes with my balance receptor"

Barty: suddenly sits up Regulus: “are you okay” Barty: “i don't know, i'm just gonna go to sleep and try to see what's going on”

Barty: "Why not use a shotgun, it's easier, this is america." (was not in america)

"stop licking the oreos" - Reg @ Barty

"Do i really have to tell you not to mate with the cat"- McGonagall @ the marauders

Remus: “I can feel the brain damage,, and i've got another line”

“MY TRAUMA CAN'T HANDLE THIS!”- Sirius

“Ball licky licky titty croissant” - James trying to learn french from Regulus

“Ooo yay i love being kidnapped!”- Barty probably at some point

“The 3 c's cook, clean, cocktails”- Remus “The 3 b's bake broil blowjobs”- Sirius

“LET ME UPLOAD MY PORN DAMNIT” - Marlene probably

"Dorcas you should be my sugar mommy" - Pandora

"An air whore" Remus

"My skyrim character is Schizophrenic" - James

"I wanna blow up pumpkins, and People!!!!" -Bellatrix

"I can taste it in my eyeballs" - James

"you can't take terrorists to the airport"-Peter

"I'm really bad at swallowing" - Sirius

“you can't fuck a duck, you'd have to seduce it” - Evan

"Hey your boobs are crooked"- Marlene

"i’m sorry, i accused you of taking my grandpa" -Sirius

"im a gay virgin"-Regulus

"duck now motherfucker" Sirius @ James

"i wanna become a rug or everyone does a line of my ashes when i die" - Remus

"you can't be funny while I'm smoking" -Remus @ First year after he walked out the door

"I'm leaving, i don't care that much about being drug free" - Barty