#marauders as things my friends have said

[genderflouiid]

marauders as things my friends have said

barty: do you think that i’m a sunrise or a sunset?

regulus: i think that you’re a bitch

[that-bitch-kat3]

sirius: i cant shag remus! itd be like shagging james!

marlene: so saying that you cant shag remus because it’d be like shaggings someone else in your incestuous polycule of a friend group doesn’t actually help your case

[accio-sriracha]

Sirius: *pins a parchment to the wall that says "signups for Remus' Hate Club"*

Everyone: ????

Remus: *exasperated* Oh for fuck's sake Sirius, WE LITERALLY CAN'T!

James: *walking into the room* What's going on?

Sirius: REMUS SAID HE WON'T HAVE A CHILD WITH ME!

Remus: WE'RE GAY!

Sirius: BUT WE'RE WIZARDS!

Remus: BUT WE'RE LITERALLY SEVENTEEN???

Peter:

Lily:

James:

Sirius: FUCK YOU. YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE.

Remus: *facepalms*

[marauders-quotes-bymyfriends]

The emeralds casually chatting about something incredibly unhinged

my friends had this conversation at lunch and I just-

Dorcas: *pretending to hold out a microphone* so do you take the 16 STDs or double it and give it to the next person?

Pandora: I take the 16 STDs!

Evan: nooo, I wanted 32 STDs....

Barty: *waggling his eyebrows suggestively* I'll give you 32 STDs-

Regulus: *hits barty over the head with his school bag*

[ttroubledwaters]

marauders as things my friends and I have said pt 1

all parts

barty: what if I stuck it in your ear

evan: kinky?

regulus: no, emergency room

Remus: you're a switch?

Sirius: yeah?

James: AND you're bisexual?

Sirius: yes..?

Remus: AND you use all pronouns?

Sirius: uh-huh.....?

Peter: so were you just born indecisive as fuck?

Pandora: regulus is going through some things with his family, he needs space

Barty: aren't we all? fuck his space

Sirius: I FOUND MY TOP!

James: is it Remus... Is Remus the top...

rando: what's masochist?

Barty: finding pleasure in pain inflicted by your partner when intimate.

Evan: id let Barty stab me during sex.

Remus: YOU TOLD ME TO FUCK YOU SO I DID. YOURE FUCKED

Peter: just lost my virginity

James: oh...

Sirius: HUH

Peter: I'm jp I just needed y'all to answer

Sirius: *sends a screenshot of $$ balance*

Remus: want some head?

Barty: he's just listening to whimper audios again

Evan: I'm actually sobbing why is it so creamy

Evan: ugh y'all distracted me I was supposed to be reading

Regulus: YOU WERE LISTENING TO ASMR??

Barty: no need, I like it raw

Pandora: hey kids! This is a perfect example of unsafe sex! Now let's go through unplanned parenthood!

James: Regulus this was YOUR fault

Regulus: shut up I'll fuck you again

[turnin9pag3]

Marauders as things me and my friends have said:

Part 50

James: *whispers* lily…

Lily: yeah?

James: i just wanted to see if you were still in here because im scaredd😣😣

Lily: why are you always scared 😭

James: because its scary out here man the real world is scary

Lily: you arnt in the real world youre in your bedroom with a pink princess lamp watching bojack horseman

James: AND ITS SCARY

[justasinglegaygirl]

Marauders as thing my frinds said pt.2

Sirius:*is sitting on james's lap* i can't believe people ship us. I mean we're clearly brothers.

James: *is feeding sirius from his plate* yeah pads. Like we're just best mates.

Peter & remus: um should we tell them or...

[regulus-smith]

The Marauders era as conversations I've had with my friends

Barty: *sends tiktok that has Blood//Water playing in the background*

Evan: WELL NEVER GET FREE

Evan: LAND TO THE SLAUGHTER

Marlene: that song is ass

Evan: GOOD!

Marlene: and it's lamb, not land.

Evan: what.

Marlene: yep

Evan: how.

Evan: I've been lied to.

[hotdamnitsmoony]

the marauders as conversations i’ve had with my friends pt7

sirius: anyone wanna go stand out in that little play park and look creepy?

remus: yeah, alright

james: nah, it’s kinda cold

peter: yeah, we’ll stay here

sirius: ok! *grabs remus by the wrist and drags him outside*

james: they’re totally gonna shag

peter: in a children’s play park?

james: you think that matters to them?

[your-neighbourhood-antisocial]

Marauders as shit my friends have said

James : it is near Paris, in France

Remus : and where exactly did you think Paris was?

James : *whisper* in France?

Remus : ofc we knew it, idiot. You didn't have to specify the country

Sirius : he was js trying to help!

[callmeyourspecialinterest]

Regulus walking over with a strange glint in his eyes and the corner of his mouth twitching.

James: oh, you’re unhinged again today, I like it.

[genderflouiid]

marauders as things my friends have said

james: what’s your red flag?

regulus: um, i don’t kno—

james: i think you’re mean

[that-bitch-kat3]

james after walking in on remus and sirius right after they got together: that took years off of my life

sirius still salty because james HAD THE FUCKING MAP: not enough of them

[accio-sriracha]

Sirius: *staying up to work on something*

Coffee Pot: *starts rumbling*

Sirius: For fuck's sake, Remus, it's ONE IN THE MORNING.

Remus: *shaking, already filled with caffiene* Don't judge me.

Sirius: ....

[marauders-quotes-bymyfriends]

things my friends have said as marauders quotes - part 7

“Espionage? Yeah, ‘cause it’s fun.” - Dorcas

“eVeRyOnE kEePs TeLlInG mE hOw My StOrY iS sUpPoSeD tO gO” - Sirius

“It’s very difficult to make oat milk because they have to milk the oats—they have to find the udders of the oats and milk them. Same with soy milk and almond milk.” - Pandora

“Reg is telling Barty to (legally) drown in tar” - Evan

[ttroubledwaters]

Marauders as things my friends have said (pt. 3)

cheezers addition. (@al1xre @fredweasleysprostitute @writtcnbycassie @aepbloody)

other parts

barty: are you into feet? everyone: ... barty: sorry weird question evan: yes, I love eating your toes

james: I want to kiss someone sirius: kiss everyone. lets all be sluts. james: NO MARAUDER LEFT BEHIND! GANGBANG!

regulus: lets all group suicide barty: YESSS evan: I know cursive, my notes gonna be fancy as fuck.

barty: my stomach hurts evan: ugh mine too barty: lets help each other. in any way.

barty: send me videos of you humping the pillows

james: 14 year old us is STUPID for rejecting that sexy MASCULINE piece of meat sirius: I'm literally foaming at the mouth

barty: You can touch your body which gives you pleasure.. especially between your legs.. regulus: okay goodnight. dorcas: js put it away bae marlene: my dick is offended

marlene: I don't listen to Men moaning I listen to women moaning

regulus: …. 🔫 come again? barty: if you say so