#‘but wouldn’t that be detrimental to your social development?’

[attiredpan]

Thinking about how when I was a kid and watching Adventure Time, I would imagine being friends with Jake and Finn because I didn’t have many close friends.

Like I had friends but whenever they would ask if they could come over, it always got brushed off either because I was too shy to let them and would give some reason why they couldn’t or my parents wouldn’t allow it because my room was messy.

So I’d just watch Adventure Time up in my parent’s room because they were watching the news or something downstairs while doing homework.

They were kind of the gateway duo to Nog and Jake in DS9 for me I guess.

[schrodingers-romy]

Jealousy, Jealousy [Inugami Teruomi x Reader]

Pairing: Inugami Teruomi x GN!Reader Word Count: ~2000 [Ao3 Link]

Summary: Teruomi is all for camaraderie between Shishitouren and Furin; that is, until he notices Furin's pink haired pretty boy seemingly flirting with you…

Warnings: No gendered pronouns or terms used for reader, jealousy, making out, kiryu is a little bit of a flirt, togame and choji are both menaces, written with adult teruomi in mind (idk his age canonically)

Notes: Probably no one else but me is interested in him, but write what you want to see in the world ig. Slightly inspired by reading the page for inugami (japanese dog spirits) where it states that those possessed by inugami develop a personality full of jealousy. He's a sweetie pie tho <3

Teruomi regrets everything.

Well, not everything of course. But he at least regrets agreeing to this party.

It was supposed to be a way to strengthen bonds between Shishitoren and Furin, something that he was all for, especially if it would mean that Sako could finally hold an actual conversation with Hiragi. (No, he wasn’t nosy, he just wanted the best for his friend, and he was sure the best for Sako was resolving all the unresolved angst and tension the two had after years apart). And to be honest, he was just excited to get to meet Furin people for the first time in the two gangs’ years-long friendship when they weren’t trying to beat the shit out of each other or another gang.

But he isn’t enjoying himself now. Instead, he is sulking in a corner, nursing his drink as he watches the pink haired pretty boy from Furin flirt with you.

Or at least, he assumes he was flirting with you. He sure is close and touchy if he wasn’t flirting, and you were acting suspiciously flustered and bashful. He simultaneously wants to get closer, to hear what exactly that boy is telling you, but he also knows that if he does hear flirting, he’s going to explode (and maybe start a fight that will be very detrimental to Furin/Shishitoren relations).

Teruomi is so focused on you he doesn’t even notice Shishitoren’s second in command creep up behind him.

“What’s got you in such a funk, Inu-kun?” Togame drawled. “Thought you enjoyed social things.”

There’s a pause as he follows where Teruomi’s gaze leads. “Ah.”

Teruomi opens his mouth to ask what that means, but Togame cuts him off. “Just going to let him flirt with your crush, eh?”

“MY WHAT?!”

Togame gives him a half-lidded stare, and any denials die in Teruomi’s throat. “Yeah, but what am I supposed to do, huh? They look like they’re having fun together.”

“I’m sure Inu-kun’s little love wouldn’t mind you butting in…but I’m sure nothing will happen, right?” he glances over to where you are.

The pink haired boy is now playing with the sleeve of your shirt. Teruomi lets out a vague growling sound, and the empty plastic cup in his hand crumples under his grip.

“Oh, maybe I was wrong…they do seem pretty close, huh?” Togame teases.

Teruomi shoves the crunched cup into Togame’s chest. “Fuck this,” he spits, before he starts stalking towards you. He completely ignores Togame’s chuckles in the background.

-

You’re interrupted from your conversation with Kiryu by Teruomi butting in. “Hey, I’ve got to talk to you for a sec,” he says, tugging at the sleeve of your shirt. “C’mon.”

“Can’t it wait?” you ask. Normally, you would go with him, no questions asked, but you’re slightly offput by the brusque way Teruomi is acting, more akin to his fighting persona than his normal personality.

Teruomi makes a face, canines bared. “No.”

You open your mouth to argue, but then you feel someone pat your other arm, the one not held hostage by your friend. “It’s okay, you should go with your friend. I’ve got your number, so I can text you later!” Kiryu says, giving you a cat-like smile.

You swear you can hear a growl come from Teruomi, but you ignore it. “Okay. I’ll talk to you later, I guess. It was nice meeting you though.”

“Likewise,” the other boy calls, giving you a loose-sleeved wave as Teruomi tugs you away.

You’re bodily dragged away from the main party, until the two of you were tucked away behind a building.

“Hey, what the hell is up with you today,” you yelp.

Teruomi lets go of your arm, but you’re still just as trapped as before, pinned against the brick wall by his proximity. He’s so close you can see the golden flecks in his eyes, and if you weren’t pissed off you would get lost in them.

He opens his mouth, then closes it again. He repeats this a few times, like he can’t muster up the right thing to say. The fire that was in his eyes has dimmed; his face relaxing into a sheepish sort of moue.

You scoff. “Well, if there isn’t anything, I might as well go back and talk to Kiryu again.”

You barely finished your sentence before Teruomi’s eyes are blazing again. “Oh, Kiryu, huh?” he snarks. “Wanna go back to flirting with him? Y’know, this party was supposed to get Furin and Shishitoren closer together, but not that close.”

“Fuck you!” you spit, roughly shoving his chest away. “Why do you care if someone’s flirting with me or not, huh?”

He lets out a frustrated noise, almost a growl. “Because he shouldn’t have been!” he yells, fangs flashing in the light.

You pause, and gape at him. Suddenly, it all clicks; you observe his red face, his pout, and his nervous stance. You think back to how he acted when he pulled you away from Kiryu; and even further back to whenever anybody had tried to come on to you in the past. What you previously thought of as platonic protectiveness recontextualizes itself in your mind. “Holy shit,” you breathe. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

He doesn’t answer, but the expression on his face is enough.  

You let out a breathy giggle. “I can’t believe it.”

His hands unconsciously clench into fists. “Look, you don’t hafta laugh at me—”

You cut him off with a quick peck to his mouth, before he can get himself fired up again. It’s awkward, even for a first kiss; his lips were open mid-sentence and your noses bumped together, but it’s enough to have him speechless.

You smile at the way he deflates; no longer the barking dog he was previously, he is now a docile puppy looking at you with hopeful eyes.

“Does that mean—”

You interrupt him again. “I like you.”

His eyes sparkle, and he lets out his own delirious little giggle. “I mean, I hoped, but then I saw you with him, and I saw red—‘m sorry.”

You sigh and reach out to take his hand. It’s rough, and calloused, and you run your fingers over his scarred knuckles lightly. “You acted like a bit of an asshole, but it clearly turned out okay in the end. I forgive you. I didn’t really like him anyway; I just liked the compliments. It felt nice to be doted on a bit I guess,” you admit, keeping your eyes on his hands.

“I can dote on you!” he blurts. You look back up to meet his painfully earnest gaze. “I think you’re gorgeous, and kind, and talented, and I’m so happy you like me I feel a bit dizzy right now.” He pauses for a shaky breath. “Please don’t go to anyone else for compliments, because I have years’ worth stored up. I can keep going, if you want—"

You feel like you’re on a sugar high but also, simultaneously, like you have a fever. Your face is burning, your heart is beating double-time, and you feel giddy in a distinctly dreamlike way. “Please not right now, I might explode.”

He chuckles. “Well, if I can’t compliment you, can I do something else with my mouth?”

Your jaw drops. “Wow, so forward, Teruomi~”

You can see it on his face in real time as he realizes how else his words could be interpreted. “I meant kissing! Not anything else!” he yelps, blush returning with full force. “I mean I’m not complaining if you wanna—but yeah.” He squeezes his eyes shut from embarrassment.

You have one last little laugh at his expense, before you lean forward to give him another kiss.

This one is smoother, and longer, even though it’s still relatively chaste. Now, you can fully feel his chapped lips against yours; the feeling sends a light shiver through you.

You’re only allowed to pull away for a second, before Teruomi pulls you back into him with one hand around the nape of your neck.

Your third kiss is deeper, and hotter, and leads right into a desperate fourth, and fifth, and sixth.

By the seventh kiss, he has both hands cradling your head, tilting you into him, and your arms are slung around his neck. By the eighth, his sharp canines are nipping at your lips until you open up for him, and then the two of you are licking into each other’s mouths like starving animals.

By the time you’ve completely lost count of how many kisses you’ve shared, Teruomi detaches himself from your mouth to instead press wet kisses to your neck.

You wind your hand through his dark curly hair, keeping him pressed into the crook of your neck, even as he starts to nip, and bite, and suck. The sensation of him marking you, like a territorial dog, makes a shudder run down your spine, and you let out a whine. He lets out his own moan when your grip on his hair tightens.

When you finally pull away from each other, both gasping for air, Teruomi looks at you so tenderly, you can’t bear it.

So you tug him into another kiss.

-

Unfortunately, Togame is the first to notice you when you both creep back into the party. He gives Teruomi a lazy wave, and a smirk, eyeing the rumpled clothing and bruises you both now sport.

Teruomi lets out a huff and tries to steer you back into the main crowd, where you can hopefully become lost and pretend like you weren’t just making out a few meters away from the rest of them. It mostly works, except for when you accidentally lock eyes with Kiryu. You’re frozen for a second, and then pure mortification runs through your veins as his eyes drift to your bitten neck. He gives you a cat-like smile, and a wink.

It's your turn, now, to drag your new boyfriend away, muttering a half-hearted excuse when he questions you. You hope he didn’t notice the pink haired boy, lest he become smug at Kiryu’s obvious notice of his claim.  

You finally think you’re in the clear; hidden amongst the bodies in the middle of the room, where everyone is either focused on someone else or trying to push their way through the crowd. You slump into Teruomi with relief. It seems like the two of you have reentered the party with minimal disturbance.

Until you hear Teruomi curse.

“What? What is it?” you ask.

The answer does not come from him.

“INU-CHAAAAN.”

“Fuck,” you say, with feeling, before your illustrious leader bounds up to you.

Choji is beaming at the two of you; he doesn’t seem to notice anything strange at first and starts to ramble on about something inconsequential. You cross your fingers, behind your back, and hope his obliviousness protects you.

It does not.

Choji stops mid-sentence when he sees the red bite marks on your neck; he remains frozen, mouth open, as his eyes flick from you to Teruomi. You can see the amusement welling up in his eyes.

“OH WOW, WERE YOU TWO FIGHTING?”

The room quiets, and multiple people turn to look at the three of you.

You turn, and let your forehead fall onto Teruomi’s shoulder with a thunk.

“No!” Teruomi states, waving his hands in denial. “Why would you say that?”

Choji’s face is the picture of innocence as he rocks back and forth on his heels, but you don’t believe it for a second; you recognize the evil glint in his eyes. “Oh, no reason,” he says, singsong, “Just thought you might’ve been scrapping cause I saw you both go off alone, and you both came back with all those marks and bruises…” he trails off.

You get one moment of blessed silence, as the people near you process this information, before you’re inundated with laughter, wolf-whistling, and overly enthusiastic pats on the back.

“Should’ve just left the party,” Teruomi mutters.

Face still buried in his shoulder; you groan in agreement.

[would-this-pokemon-be-a-friend]

Would Pansage or Simisage be a good pet?

[As per usual, I flipped a coin! Pansage it is!]

Pansages would make great pets!

They’re around the same size as real-world monkeys, which means that they’re not going to be too much of a problem for any home. It’s important to point out, however, that pansages cannot be said to be “pretty much just a monkey”: in the real-world, there are many contexts in which apes are not the best pets. Unlike real-world apes, however, pansages are significantly less dangerous to have in the home. Real-world monkeys can be quite dangerous due to their formidable nails and sharp teeth, whereas pansages seem to have neither. Monkeys living as pets tend to develop mental issues as well, since they require socialization with other monkeys and often become antisocial towards humans who try to domesticate them. While pansages may indeed benefit from spending time with other pansages, there is no indication in the pokédex that implies that living with humans would be detrimental to their mental health.

Pansages are exceptionally friendly and generous. The leaves that grow on their heads are actually edible, and pansages have been observed as having no problem sharing them with other species, especially those who look weary (White). The leaves on their heads have a peculiar medicinal effect, relieving stress and boosting the energy of anyone who eats them (Black, White). Pansages aren’t greedy with their food either: these berry eating pokémon share their gathered food with friends all the time (Black2/White2). Don’t be surprised if your Pansage tries to share the berries you feed them with you, or any other goodies they’re able to get their hands on.

As for your home, you’re going to want to be aware that pansages are active climbers. In the wild, this pokémon makes its home in the forest (Black), so their bodies are well equipped for an arboreal lifestyle. It would be a good idea to keep this in mind when finding places to store food where they can’t easy access it, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to provide them with safe climbing spaces to play on, like indoor cat trees or a children’s playground. If you let your Pansage play in an actual tree, just make sure they aren’t able to escape and get lost on accident!

As far as their moves go, there isn’t too much to worry about. Pansages don’t have any move with a power stat higher than 80, which, given their size, means they can’t hurt you too terribly bad. Unlike a lot of grass-type pokémon, pansages don’t produce harmful spores, which is a definite plus. Considering their gentle, friendly, demeanor, you won’t need to worry too much about your Pansage attacking anyone, but even if they do it would be unlikely to result in anything lethal.

Overall, unlike many real-world apes, pansages would make great pets! If you are someone who struggles with low energy or high stress, a pansage may be a particularly good choice for you. In fact, I’d wager that pansages would make great support pets for people with mood disorders and other disabilities like myself. I don’t mean to over-editorialize, but I’d love a pansage for this very reason!

[judesbelligoal]

BIRTH ORDER IN RELATIONSHIPS :

Birth order matters less than the role you played

There are many factors are involved in shaping our character and personality, and all of these can impact decisions we make regarding relationships, both platonic and romantic.  Our gender, temperament, spacing between ourselves and our siblings, and other developmental and environmental factors play a significant role in how we become who we are as adults.  Birth order (or, if you are adopted, your place in the family) also plays a key role in determining our personalities and can help us to understand human nature.  Not only can we examine our birth order to learn about ourselves, we can also use it to understand others, especially when dating (or maneuvering existing relationships).  If you ask your potential mate if he or she is the first, middle, last or only child, you can tell a lot about how he/she may feel, behave or think.

There is research that suggests that birth order reflects a pattern of traits, and birth order has been studied since the 1920s.  There have been a number of studies that looked at the role of birth order on intelligence and social traits.  More modern studies found that first-born children started talking earlier and were more achievement-oriented.  Some people believe that birth order is not very important and is only one piece of a larger puzzle related to development of personality.  There appear to be some key qualities for each birth position that do exist across the board.

Through all of this research, specific characteristics have been identified that relate to your place in the family.  Let’s examine what those may be.

Starting with first borns:

First borns crave approval and attention. Many first borns, as they often lose the full attention of their parents within the first four years of life, before they feel fully secure, work hard to get approval from others, and often have difficulty managing any type of criticism.  They are motivated to succeed .  They want all the control over you and the same compromising from you is all or nothing with them.

Moving on to middle children:

Middle children get on well with others and can adapt to almost any situation.  They often are willing to compromise, but this can sometimes at their own expense.  Middle children tend to be realistic about their abilities and talents.  Because they can be pulled in many directions, many middle children may have difficulty identifying clear goals and following through.  As they are so good on compromising, they often do so to the detriment of themselves which could create anxiety, depression and frustration. 

And, of course, last borns:

Last borns have more leeway in life.  They often do not have strong expectations placed on them so they are more outgoing, charming, and are willing to take more risks.  Last borns often end up being rebellious,  as they are not as worried about being perfect all the time.  They are used to being take care of, so may feel more easily let down when people don’t. We can’t forget to look at the impact of being an only child on personality development as well. Parents place “all their eggs in one basket” with only children, so they may have a high level of academic expectation.  They also have to develop self-confidence and reliance because there is not a sibling backing them up.  The sense of feeling pressure to perform and succeed can relate to perfectionism.  

In families of greater than three children, all of the children in between the first and the last are considered middle children.  If the gap between two is greater than three years, the child may have characteristics of both middle and last borns.

One of the things to consider is how your birth order can impact relationships, especially romantic ones.  Wouldn’t it be great to be able to determine how you might be able to get along with others by knowing where they fit in the family?  Here are some good, and not so good matches.  Of course, that doesn’t mean that you can’t make it work if you fall into the incompatible category….lot’s of people do!

Not surprisingly, only children and last borns are also a good match.

An only child is sensible and conscientious, so can take charge in the relationship.  The last born brings creativity and adventure into the relationship, so they balance each other out.

First borns also do well with middle children.  Middle children can allow first borns to take charge and are likely to agree to any adventures that the first born would like to do.

So now that we know some of the matches that would work better than others, we have to also examine the ones that might be mismatched, starting with two first borns.

Two first borns in a relationship may have trouble because both may be competitive to see who can be in control, can be difficult to compromise.  It’s important to stop and figure out how to navigate this potential problem. Two first borns can work if each individual works to respect the qualities of the other person.  Figure out where each of your strengths lie.  Additionally, each of you should engage in something outside the relationship that allows you to feel in control or that you can be a leader in.

A match-up of two last borns can also be problematic. Planning is not the forte in this relationship and things could be pretty chaotic.  It’s important to work on learning organizational and planning skills together, so that projects can be completed and so that the mundane things in life are addressed.

First borns and only children can have similar difficulties as two first borns.  You are putting two opinionated, self-directed people together, who may forget that it is important to work together in a relationship.  As with two first borns, it’s important to stop and figure out where each individual’s strengths lie, and promote them as much as possible.  Negotiation is key.

Keep in mind, that any two people can be compatible.  People should not use birth order to choose… or not consider… a person to fall in love with.  It’s merely another means to finding out more about yourself and others.  Understanding the effects of birth order will give you new insight into your own personality and that of your loved one or potential special someone.

There are also a lot of variables that shape your personality… not just birth order.  Patterns don’t always hold, and there are a lot of factors that could account for the differences. Mitigating variables – Divorce or a single-parent family, whether a later-born child is gifted or athletic, income, ethnicity, religion, a family tragedy or dysfunction, etc, all of these have an impact in the personality development of an individual.  You can use birth order as another piece of the overall puzzle.

.

[placesthatchangedpeople]

I have spent the last 15 years trying to heal from the emotional and physical trauma SUWS put me through. I’m now a registered nurse & have a background with young teens, & specializing in behavioral health.

First let’s talk about how two grown men pulled me out of my bed at 3am, not telling me where I was going, only that I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone goodbye and if I resisted they’d ‘tie me up’. As parents, your children will look to you for safety and stability, having them professionally kidnapped will forever harm that relationship.

The program itself is set up and founded on outdated and damaging psychology. There is now decades of research and thousands of former ‘campers’ like myself coming forward to talk about how traumatizing and harmful these programs are, and it blows my mind that people are desperate enough to pay over 30k to send their child away but not ACTUALLY DO THERAPY with them.

Your children will be at high risk of developing an eating disorder. Your child may develop PTSD from being kidnapped. Your child might become more isolated. Your child WILL learn they can not ever fully trust you again. Your child will resent you.

The parents weekend they have when you pick up your child is all a show. Your child will not have the opportunity to shower regularly (I went 28 days without being allowed to bathe) your girls will be at such a risk for UTIs, they give them supplements to prevent, but not actual hygiene. Your girls have 2 pairs of underwear to last over 21 days with no shower, think about that. No deodorant, no shaving, so if you’re queer or female presenting, you may also develop some dysphporia.

The real kicker? The staff watching your child are not qualified to do so. The counselors are often early 20s people who like hiking, no mental health experience. The one therapist they see happens once a week, for under 45 min.

Please just do some research. Don’t listen to google reviews from parents saying “my kid behaves better” because Of course that is what will happen, your child was legally in an outdoor prison for over over a month with no contact with friends, family, loved ones. TEENS. where socialization is detrimental part of development. Congratulations, your children don’t respect you, they’re just scared of you now.

[thinkerspace]

The Problem with Daycares: Inconsistency in Authority and Attachment

For the last five years, all of my work hours (and most of my volunteer hours) have been spent in childcare or pediatrics. I took care of kids ranging from six weeks to twelve years old, and I did it in several settings — summer camps, daycares, clinics, and private homes. The time that I spent in childcare capitalized on my interest in child development, so along the way, I read a lot about developmental psychology and related subjects. I’m not a parent myself, but I’ve spent enough time in childcare to have one major gripe with the daycare setting in particular. 

It’s been the extremely rare time that I’ve brought up problems with the daycare setting without anyone become defensive in response. It seems many parents with young children in daycare find it a personal offense for a daycare worker to imply that their decision is more likely harming their children than not. On the one hand, I can understand the reaction — some families need both parents to work, or some single parents can’t take care of their young children and work at the same time. On the other hand, it’s reasonable to evaluate a situation and say it can be — or even is — quite detrimental without passing judgment on people who have no other choice. I don’t think it’s a good thing that parents put their kids in daycare, but then again, it also wouldn’t be good if the whole family starved because not enough money was made. In some cases, putting a child in daycare is the best of several bad options. But that doesn’t make putting them in daycare a good option, and I would do everyone an injustice to pretend that it was.

I’d rather discuss what I see daycare doing to kids on the assumption that parents could keep their children at home if they decided to. Not everyone can, and I know that — but adding caveats for that every other paragraph will interrupt the topic more than necessary. If I am to write about the detriments of the daycare system, I’d rather talk about it like it could be minimized, not like every child in daycare belongs to a struggling family with no other option. So, in this article, I may talk like every parent could pull their kid out of daycare and keep them at home if they wanted. I know that doesn’t apply to everyone, but as you’ll see, I certainly wish it did. 

Not every daycare has a setting comparable to my experiences, so if your child is in daycare and you don’t see any of these problems applying to it, that’s fantastic — send me the name of the daycare in the Contact form or in the comments below, because I’d genuinely be curious to see. 

There are a lot of small problems I have with daycares — for example, everything, always, without exception, must be completely and perfectly safe. Or the menu options are often designed to be aesthetically nutritious to parents, rather than nutritious options kids actually eat. Or the age-segregated system mirrors that of the typical school system, so kids spend almost the entirety of their social hours in the first 21 years of their life with same-age peers — and get little practice accommodating children of other ages. Or the early teacher-child dynamic dichotomizes adults into either playmates or bosses, but not mentors or guiders. Or this, or that, or a lot of things. But my biggest problem with daycares is that they are inconsistent. 

How is it inconsistent?

To flesh this out, imagine that you’re a one-year-old child going to daycare for the first time. Up to this point in your life, you’ve probably had two caregivers — your parents — with perhaps a few grandparents, family friends, or relatives dropping in now and then. Most of the time, though, you were with your parents, and you knew who they were and you knew you could trust them.

When you go into a daycare setting, that is the first thing to change. On your first day, you get put in a room with seven other toddlers — at best. At worst, you get put in a room with thirty-one other toddlers, with the room divided into four small sections to make four “rooms”. Your parents tell you they’ll be back for you that evening, but you have no idea what that means. Now you’re in a room with a bunch of other crying babies, your parents are gone, and there are two complete strangers in here to take care of you.

So that’s facet number one of the inconsistency: Who’s taking care of you now — the people at school or your parents? For a one-year-old child, they hardly understand who they’re supposed to attach themselves to now. They may try to reattach to a daycare worker, but that would look bad on the worker, so they can’t let that happen — and the child is left confused about who to trust, attached to the worker anyway, or endlessly sobbing for the people they are attached to (their parents) to come back. I haven’t seen a fourth category in any daycare child younger than three. 

Now that you’re in this classroom, you discover something new: most daycares (not all) move kids from classroom to classroom during the day to keep legally required teacher-child ratios. A child might spend 8a-12p in class 1, 12p-3p in class 2, 3p-4:30p in class 3, and then 4:30p-5:15p in class 1 again. By the time the parent comes to pick up their kid, the child has changed classrooms (and teachers) four times. For a one-year-old, that’s four full setting changes and four rotations of people they’re supposed to trust to feed, clean, teach, and play with them. A one-year-old doesn’t understand the daycare policy, though, so they learn very quickly that whatever adult they happen to be with is in charge — and they rarely learn to discriminate between strangers they shouldn’t trust and adults that they can. 

There’s facet number two: which of these strangers is in charge when? You move from classroom to classroom, trying to keep up, but who you’re with can change during the day, and some of the teachers are nicer to you than others. How are you supposed to know the difference between adults in charge of you and adults who happen to be nearby?

Then you come to your classroom one day — the one you spend the morning in, at least — and the person you normally see isn’t there. Your parents ask the new person what happened to your old teacher. “Oh, she quit,” they reply, and your parents nod uneasily. Then, off you go to the new class. You’ll see your parents tonight, maybe to eat dinner together before you go to bed.

There’s facet number three: daycare teacher turnover is extremely quick. One classroom might change teachers four times or more in one school year — and that’s not counting the times the child changes classrooms for keeping ratio. Depending on classroom change rate, a child could have eight or more different teachers throughout the year — for a one-year-old, that’s distressing and confusing. You don’t have time to healthily trust one person before you get scooted along to the next, so you learn to either trust no one, trust no one but your parents, or trust everyone. None of those set children up for much success regarding emotional boundaries in the future.

Going deeper into the setting is just more disturbing. Most daycare settings, for example, have very, very, very strict policies about the kinds of discipline that can and can’t be enforced (mostly to prevent over-discipline and lawsuits). In the daycare that I worked at, I was not allowed to tell a child “no”, take away any privilege (outside time / toy from home / etc), have them sit in time-out, or ask them to apologize to someone else they hurt. The only — only — thing I was allowed to do was redirect the child to something more exciting. That is a tremendous problem. If, as an adult, I hit someone over the head with a wooden building block, no sane person would smile at me and say, “now, Emma, this is a great block for building a tower with! Let’s go build a tower together!” Why not? Because that’s reinforcing my harmful behavior. It’s teaching me that as long as I’m bad enough, I’ll get to do fun things. No one is teaching me that there are negative consequences I have to pay for if I do something bad. In fact, it is teaching me the exact opposite: only the people that I do bad things to have to pay for the bad things I do. I don’t have to pay for those consequences, because now I’m going to go build a tower. You can deal with the headache I just gave you by yourself. To state the obvious, this is a disturbing prototype of disordered antisocial personality behavior.

Even if I was allowed to tell a child no, take away their toy from home, or make them sit in the corner for five minutes, that would not be the same as a parent disciplining a child. This is for a few reasons. One, there’s no guarantee a daycare worker isn’t disciplining your child out of anger rather than sincere care. If a child is disruptive and hurts other children deliberately, it can be more than challenging to respond gently, and if time-out was an option, the daycare teacher could use it as punishment, not discipline. Discipline helps you learn; punishment just makes you pay for the damage you did to someone else. Two, there is still the inconsistency in authority described above. What if the daycare teacher has different moral standards than the parent? What if the daycare teacher refuses to discipline something the parent would? And what does it teach the child about who to listen to if a temporary, high-turnover daycare teacher can administer discipline the same way a parent can?

Hence facet number four: inconsistent discipline. It takes one child who hasn’t been taught and disciplined at home to teach every other child in the classroom to act out — and if these kids have been raised primarily in the daycare setting since three months old, very little discipline at home has been happening. Most parents aren’t around during the day to even notice the behaviors, so how could they discipline them? Consequently, by age four, most kids have spent the last three and a half years in settings where they could do whatever they wanted (and if the teacher didn’t like what they did, they got to do something more fun). The parents may find a child’s unrestrained behavior unacceptable and discipline them at home, but the child will spend most of their waking hours at the daycare — and that’s no match for the one or two hours a parent gets in the morning or evening each day. Further, the child isn’t taught self-restraint or consideration for others — only simple hedonism.

Not every teacher or daycare setting fails to teach a child any self-regulation whatsoever. Some teachers in some settings still do a good job despite the limits of the daycare discipline system. However, there are still two problems with this. First, this is no match for the regular, consistent discipline of a parent. If a parent is the primary administrator of discipline, they have consistent standard they communicate to the child, and they typically discipline the child in a consistent manner. The child then conceptualizes a more precise understanding of what is “right” and “wrong” according to their parent, rather than having to change that standard for every teacher.

Secondly, “discipline” within the limitations of the daycare system does not delve into the root of the problem, but merely addresses the child’s external behaviors. As a consequence, the child isn’t taught a reason for the discipline in terms of robust morality. More often, the reason for any discipline a teacher could manage within the system is reasoned by “you can’t do that” or “we don’t do that in class”, which hardly gives the child a moral framework with which to understand reality. Discipline like this can help manage a classroom and even a child’s external behaviors, but it doesn’t guide their growth the same way a parent could, because a parent has the authority to explain the moral framework to their child (and daycare teachers are reticent to do so for fear of lawsuits). Consequently, even the discipline manageable in a daycare setting is more adjacent to cutting off the heads of weeds than actually tearing out their roots.

So we’ve established a few ways that daycares are inconsistent — primarily in terms of attachment, authority, and discipline. But what does this mean for the kids?

Is inconsistent a bad thing? 

Whether inconsistency is a bad thing is actually a fair question. On the one hand, much of real life is inconsistent — management, primary school teachers, social circles, and so on change constantly. From a distant vantage point, it seems like introducing a child to change in caregivers and standards early would prepare them for the constantly changing world they’re destined to grow up in. 

However, I don’t think it’s self-evident that a high level of variability in early childhood equals success in the highly variable adult world. The reason for this is rooted in attachment theory, which is a psychological concept discussing how infants respond to stress and reassurance in their environment. I’ve cited the 6-page entry on the topic from the Encyclopedia of Behavioral Medicine below should you like to view it, but to summarize, the theory puts forward that when babies experience need or difficulty — hunger, thirst, soiled clothing, physical pain, cold, need for attention, or so on — their natural response is to communicate this need by crying. As the baby cries, though, he or she takes note of whether someone comes to respond to their needs when they call for help. If someone comes, attends to their cries, takes note of their needs, addresses them, and soothes the baby again, the baby will learn that expressing their needs will have an effect on their environment. Moreover, the baby will learn that there are at least some individuals in the world who are not hostile and who will, in fact, care for them.

Attachment theory reference work entry

However, if no one comes, or if people come irregularly, or if different people come each time, the baby is going to develop a confused understanding of how the world views them and their needs. Maybe the world doesn’t care, maybe other people aren’t dependable, maybe the external environment is hostile to their needs. Whatever the framework that they subconsciously develop, the baby learns that the world is against them, and so are its inhabitants. When humans are young, they seek a specific figure to create an attachment bond with. When this is consistently changed or ripped away, as in the case of daycare settings, the inconsistency is scarring to the process of proper attachment. 

This does not only apply to infants and one-year-olds. This also applies to two, three, and four year olds. At that age, the attachment imbalance comes as a result of how long the child spends away from the person they’re supposed to have a primary attachment to. They spend so many hours away from their primary caregivers that they swing between attachment to them and attachment to their daycare teachers. A child aged two to four in a classroom with twenty other kids is rarely going to have their needs met promptly — it’s hard for a daycare teacher to keep up. Consequently, the child is still learning that the world is inattentive to their needs — a sorry substitute for healthy attachment.

Because of the impact that the attachment variability and authority imbalances have on children and their perception of the world, I think it’s fair to say that inconsistency is a bad thing for young children, especially on matters of attachment and morality. Here are two other research articles that discuss longitudinal and biological consequences of growing up in daycare, if you would like to read them:

Longitudinal data (crime, negative emotion, hyperactivity, aggression, etc.).

Biological and socioeconomic data (cortisol, crime, child and parent stress, etc.).

Are there better alternatives that avoid such inconsistency?

There are some benefits to the things daycare tries to accomplish — downtime for parents, socializing time for kids, and practice for other individuals in taking care of children. I don’t propose that children only ever stay at home with their parents and never spend time with another adult. However (again, assuming this is feasible), I think that attachment theory as well as general research supports that children should remain primarily with their parents throughout the day, and other caregivers used as an occasional supplement.

One of the upsides to the idea behind daycare is that children get time to interact with other children. On the one hand, this is certainly a good idea — children learning to play with each other form a more adept understanding of social rules and how to interact with others. On the other hand, this kind of beneficial socialization is not limited to the daycare setting — and the daycare setting often struggles to properly accomplish this anyway. Structured playdates (for very young children) and classroom-style activities (for older children) are a reasonable way to help a child socialize. Personally, I am somewhat of a proponent of more unstructured playdate time for older children because of my Montessori bent (for a later post), but settings analogous to daycares — as long as they actually accomplish what they say they do — can be a firmly positive supplement to a child’s development.

Consequently, I think that while the daycare setting reaches for some positive aspects, not only does it often fail to reach them, it also often causes serious byproducts that harm more children than they help. Because of the vulnerability characterizing early childhood, the inconsistency in caregivers, authority, and standards is a major pitfall that comes as a consequence of attempting to compartmentalize full-on parenting into an industrialized system. If you have any thoughts on the subject, research I overlooked, or otherwise, I’d be curious to hear.

[psychic-refugee]

I agree with previous posts from @hislittleraincloud that Enid is meant to be Wednesday’s foil, not that she’s being “queer coded.”

I mainly gather this from the fact the WRITERS WHO CREATED ENID SAY THEY’RE FRIENDS. The teleplay THEY WROTE to get Wednesday greenlit, never had any “queer coding.” We’ve never seen official/final scripts, so we have no proof of sapphic intent.

Further, nothing in interviews with Millar or Gough indicated they ever intended for a sapphic relationship. They are “open to anything,” but I honestly believe that’s just a PR sidestep to not offend anyone.

Please notice how all talks from the cast, specifically Jenna and Emma themselves, have completely avoided mentioning Wenclair.

Know what they have mentioned? How detrimental social media is AND how no one should ship real people.

Again, Hislittleraincloud makes a good point. That if Enid’s colour coding is signaling she’s queer, then Wedneday’s by the same vein, is signaling she’s straight because apparently there is a “straight flag” and it’s black and white.

Like if Enid being colourful and cheerful is her being aggressively sapphic, is Wednesday being silent and disengaged being aggressively heterosexual?

Notice how super effing quiet they are on that point.

Enid is meant to highlight how “creepy and kooky” Wednesday is by being her visual and dispositional opposite.

Enid: Peppy, gossipy, physically affectionate, loves colour, desperately wants to be liked and social Wednesday: Goth, taciturn, physically repulsed, only wears black, white, and grey, desperately wants to run away and live in isolation

The foil is also meant to parallel the protagonist in some ways as well.

Both girls are:

16 or thereabouts Outsiders within their own family Unpopular

Enid and Wednesday are unpopular for different reasons, but unpopular nonetheless.

I think Enid’s unpopularity has to do with a) she’s a known gossiper who not only gossips about people by name (even if those names are misspelled), but also uses her own real name. So, she’s an idiot to boot. She’s never seen socially with anyone besides Yoko (and even then it might be purely school (botany class)/activity (Poe Cup) related and not platonic), but she’s specifically wasn’t invited to be a Nightshade.

Enid does claim Yoko is her bestie, but she does so when fighting with Wednesday. It’s possible she’s an unreliable narrator who was just trying to get a rise out of Wednesday. We never actually see Yoko and Enid be overtly friendly with each other.

b) she’s a late bloomer to the point there is real concern she may never shift and if she doesn’t, she WILL be kicked out of her pack. Her biggest fear is becoming a Lone Wolf. I wouldn’t be surprised if not conforming to your clan is an Outcast wide stigma, because otherwise she’s more or less a Normie.

Wednesday is unpopular because she’s unpleasant to be around and generally gives off an off-putting aura. She has also developed a reputation that precedes her that causes fear and hesitancy in many.

The difference is that Enid is a desperate try hard who clings to the idea of becoming besties with a complete stranger she just met, whereas Wednesday could care less and wants people to leave her alone.

In regards to Garret and the Gate’s ultimate plan, I think the father spoke in a fit of passion and was being hyperbolic. I agree poisoning the punch bowl would be an ineffective plan if he wanted to literally kill every Outcast at the dance because it depends on every one of them a) drinking from the punch bowl and b) each dose being equally fatal across all of them. That’s leaving a lot to chance, especially if the poison is quick acting. I figure after the first few start to foam at the mouth, most would stop drinking from the punch bowl…

I think the father was more upset that his son had a crush on Morticia to the point he was being reported to the police and wanted Garret to prove himself as a Gates and Outcast hater, rather than he had an actual expectation of a 100% fatality rate.

While I liked Xavier and will miss Percy in the series, there are other psychics they can use as their info dump for the lore. For all we know, the new students they introduce could all be Ultra Outcasts who have lots of powers. *shrugs*

In terms of if he's really Psychic or not, it depends on the lore of the universe. They don't really spell out what powers fall under what, and there were no "Witch" Outcasts for Xavier to fall under.

The fact that he uses his mind to "will" the drawings alive and do his bidding could be why he's considered Psychic.

I could see where Psychic is a catch all designation for anyone whose power comes from their mind to bend elements (Fester's electricity), animals (Eugene's bees), known physics (Rowan) etc...to their will.

I do agree that Xavier obviously had more than one power. On top of animating his drawings, he was clearly having psychic dreams of the Hyde. We don’t know the full nature of the dreams, because he could have been precognitive and had premonitions of the future. Or he could have been clairvoyant and had visions of the present and past.

I would have loved it if they had explored that for him but given Millar and Gough’s refusal to flesh out anyone other than Wednesday, even if Xavier was in S2 I wouldn’t have high hopes it would have happened.

I do agree that focusing too hard on Wednesday severely limits insight to the lore. There are several characters they could have solid spin offs or B plots for (NOT FESTER), but Wednesday is what sells dolls, so I don’t have high hopes of the fandom ever getting deeper than the kiddie pool.

@psychic-refugee @hislittleraincloud

Issues:

The Main Issue with the Colorful = LGBT Mindset is how stereotypical it is. I also think it’s illogical to claim that wolfing out is supposed to be a metaphor for coming out of the closet and then saying Enid’s Mother is homophobic.

The Issue with exploring the lore on the different Types of Outcasts is that the show is told from the POV of someone who already has a great knowledge of Outcast Lore.

The Plan to kill all the Outcasts in the 90s wouldn’t have worked, because even if Garrett had actually spiked the Punch, it only would have led to the death of a few Outcasts and not the entire school.

Xavier’s absence also eliminates the possibility of exploring the idea that a psychic can actually have more than one ability. Bringing Art to Life is not really a psychic ability, it actually falls into the category of influencing reality.

I will watch Season 2, because I’m looking forward to seeing Pugsley at Nevermore and also because I can’t leave shows unfinished.

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[amphtaminedreams]

Why Ethical Fashion Doesn’t Need to be Boring (In the Words of a Shopping Addict): Lookbook no.14

Hi to anyone reading,

Arghhhh.

I never know how to start posts when I literally just uploaded the other week because I tend to follow the very formulaic approach of summarising what I’ve missed due to sporadic posting…I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still posting sporadically, it just so happens I’ve had more content to get up recently-sometimes lightning strikes twice, ya know, and I have a brief, if chemically fuelled, reprieve from the permanent state of exhaustion. It’s not like there isn’t stuff to talk about- the last month has seen a horrific murder and public outcry in response. There are a lot of important conversations going on about women’s safety and misogynistic violence that I really cannot do justice to in a paragraph and feelings that have been brewing for a long time that I can’t articulate yet and will not attempt to offhandedly do so in this post. Right now I just wanna say that I stand in solidarity with all those with histories of experiencing violence at the hands of men, those who aren’t here with us anymore as a result of that violence such as Sarah Everard, and those marginalised women whose stories don’t make national news. It’s very telling the way Sarah’s vigil was responded to by the same police force that have allowed mostly male anti-mask protests to go ahead with protestors unscathed, and solidarity with the women who were treated with such an unjustifiable amount of force at the vigil too.

That being said, women’s rights are something I wanted to talk about in this post, with regards to the way it ties into ethical fashion. None of us are perfect and it’s easy living in a first world country to detach yourself from the issues stemming from fast fashion, especially when you don’t have the time or money yourself to be selective about where you buy from. Don’t get me wrong, I do treat myself to some new clothes from fast fashion companies like ASOS and Urban Outfitters a few times a year so this is NOT coming from a place of preaching, but I have drastically reduced that to buying about 90% of my new clothes either second hand from Depop or charity shops or clothing stores that are upfront about their outsourcing practices. I love putting outfits together and updating my wardrobe and I don’t want to abandon that as a medium of self-expression because it does bring me joy, but to continue to update my wardrobe with the frequency I do by buying from fast fashion retailers on such a regular basis I accepted was going against the things I care about; around 80% of textile workers on poverty wages in developing countries are girls and women (opensocietyfoundations.org), and whilst fast fashion companies in the West continue to outsource manufacturing to said countries to cut costs and there is little regulation enforcing employers to pay women the same amount as men or even adhere to a minimum wage, they will continue to be forced into these roles where they are subjected to horrific working conditions, impossible production targets and frequent abuse (according to an article published in the Guardian in June 2018, 540 incidences of abuse, often of a sexual nature, were reported by women working in factories supplying the retailers GAP and H&M when they were interviewed on the subject). There is no denying that the fast fashion industry depends on and perpetuates the subjugation of women and systematically prevents them from making steps towards gender equality in their countries, be it through greater financial independence or the freedom to pursue higher education; the popular current practice by western fast fashion companies of outsourcing manufacturing to factories unhindered by workers rights and gender equality laws by association condones the sexual and physical violence that occurs as a means of punishment for not meeting targets, the exploitative pay which affords women little independence from husbands and families dominated by patriarchal values, and the long, exhausting hours which women have little choice but to take in order to avoid their contracts being terminated and to put food on the table. No, one individual completely abandoning fast fashion isn’t going to put an end to these unethical practices but if all of us make a conscious effort to reduce our consumption at least a little and make it clear why we’re doing so, we put greater pressure on fast fashion companies to act in a more responsible way. There isn’t going to be any kind of miraculous change of heart, so to force them to change we have to hit the industry and the people at the top who benefit from such practices where it really hurts: their profit.

SO, for this post I thought I would highlight some of my favourite more ethical online clothing companies to buy from; the more popular these more socially responsible brands become, the more apparent it becomes to fast fashion companies relying on an exploitative business model that how they treat their workers is of growing importance to consumers. It’s all very well and good Missguided and PLT talking about empowering women and making “girl boss” slogan tees but we need to make it clear that we’re aware of the hollowness of the gesture, and that we want less hypocritical talk and more action to actually enhance the lives of the women that work for them, not just the ones they show in their flashy offices on TV. I’ve included my favourite Depop shops too, because if you can shop second hand, that’s even better; though I like to treat myself to new clothes now and again, I’m aware that the impact the manufacturing process in general, whether or not the company acts in an ethical way with regards to their employment practices, has on the environment is more often than not detrimental. Depop has really been my saving grace this past year-if you know what you’re looking for and have the time and patience, you can find so many gems, and at this point the balance of my wardrobe is tipped firmly in the favour of the reuse and recycle approach to shopping. In the vein of reusing fashion, I thought I’d also include a mini lookbook for a cardigan I got from one of my favourite online retailers, The Ragged Priest, just as a reminder that 1). The best way to be sustainable is to rewear and 2). That with tweaks, one piece alone can give you multiple completely different outfits. Like honestly, outfit repeating doesn’t have to be a literal repeat. Sometimes it’s worth spending a little bit extra on something that looks good with everything, and making that investment into your ability to fool people that you’ve got your shit together by wearing something cool as fuck.

Quickly before I get into it, I’m aware that some ethical companies are a bit out of the average consumer’s price range, and so I wanted to sort them into price point categories which will work as follows:

£= most of their stock is £40 & under ££= most of their stock is between £40-£100 £££= most of their stock costs upwards of £100

Now, in no particular order (and starting with online retailers before moving onto Depop shops), here’s the list!

1. THE RAGGED PRIEST

PRICE POINT: ££

Using recycled fabric to construct their pieces where possible and releasing clothing in small drops designed to sell out rather than following the typical fast fashion model of outsourcing the production of vast amounts of clothing overseas, the Ragged Priest is my absolute favourite clothing brand out there. It’s *semi* affordable and because they are all about those bold, in your face, your-grandma-will-probs-think-it’s-ugly kinda pieces, just one can do SO much for your wardrobe.

I recently bought this cardigan from their The Simple Life drop and had so many outfit ideas for it that I thought I’d put a few of them together for this post just as an example of how you can take the same piece over and over again and still make it interesting, even when you don’t feel like straying too far from your personal style preferences. While we’re at it, I also wanted to use this mini lookbook to point out how fucking great Depop is! Literally everything in these outfits is from there apart from the shoes and the jewellery, the leather blazer on the right I bought a few years ago and then the top and skirt in the outfit from the far left which are both from Ebay. The shoes with that outfit are from Koi Vegan footwear-I didn’t include them in this list because I wanted to keep it consistent and focus on ethical clothing companies rather than retailers that focus on one specific thing such as shoes or jewellery, but they are my favourite place to buy shoes from and focus closely on ethical production too so definitely recommend.

2. MINGA LONDON

PRICE POINT: ££

Towards the lower end of the ££ price point, Minga is probably the closest you’re gonna get to an ethical version of the Dolls Kill Deliah’s range. Their focus on being a socially responsible business is a huge part of their ethos and their pieces are put together in Portugal, where they're based, by a small in-house team; the majority of their fabric is sourced from local Portuguese businesses and even more amazingly, they recycle the fabric of the pieces they don’t sell in new designs. They are just a generally amazing company and I wish more people knew about them because their pieces are fucking adorable and wouldn’t be out of place (or overpriced) in your local UO.

3. ELSIE & FRED

PRICE POINT: £

A small, black owned business set up by 3 siblings from Coventry, Elsie & Fred have earned themselves a reputation as a staple provider of the festival season wardrobe. Being an independently owned business, they have strict standards that their manufacturers must adhere to and a close working relationship with the owners of the two factories who oversee production in Guangzhou, China, to ensure fair wages and a safe working environment. On the environmental side of things, Elsie and Fred are working to incorporate recycled fabric into their designs as much as possible and have this year introduced compostable mailing bags.

4. HOUSE OF SUNNY

PRICE POINT: £££

Follow enough British instagram fashion influencers and you are bound to have heard of House of Sunny in 2020-snagging what is probably my all time favourite coat from there in 2019 before all the hype is a humble brag I will allow myself on the basis that I haven’t been able to afford anything since, lol. Along with kooky, one of a kind designs, being decidedly anti-fast fashion is a huge part of their branding; HoS only drop 2 collections of limited stock a year, thoroughly screen suppliers and on their website you can find a tonne of information on how they’re working to offset their environmental impact too. If you can treat yourself to a piece from there at any point, the quality of the garments truly make the price point worth it.

5. JADED LONDON

PRICE POINT: ££

Similarly to The Ragged Priest and House of Sunny, Jaded London go the route of dropping limited collections on a less frequent basis intending to sell out (particularly popular pieces are occasionally restocked) rather than needlessly manufacturing vast quantities of garments to flog for whatever they can get and cutting corners with fair employment practices to offset any losses. By employing independent staff in the manufacturing plants with which they liaise to ensure fair, dignified working conditions and also by working closely with charities such as the Trussel Trust and Stand Up to Racism, Jaded London demonstrates a level of commitment to corporate responsibility that set them apart from a lot of similar online retailers. They are at the top of their game when it comes to daring and experimental yet wearable pieces and so it’s cool that they recognise the need to conduct their business in a considerate way too.

6. THE HIPPIE SHAKE

PRICE POINT: ££

Owned by UK based bohemian queen Naomi Hession, the Hippie Shake is not only a great small independent business to support but is also the definition of slow fashion. With a limited number of opulent 70s style pieces, I have always wanted to purchase something from here. I’ve yet to do so but I’m gonna make it my mission eventually.

7. VINTAGE HEARTS

PRICE POINT: £

An affordable, gorgeous array of quirky handpicked vintage pieces that would probably take you forever to find in a charity shop or that you’d be charged a small fortune for if you found it in a high street second hand store, Vintage Hearts is where you should go if you want a timeless statement piece that may have otherwise ended up in a landfill. The added benefit of vintage clothing is that it is, by its nature, great for the environment, but you can also look fab and groovy as fuck as you do your bit for the planet<3

8. WE ARE COW

PRICE POINT: £

Offering both original vintage pieces and reworked pieces using recycled fabrics, We Are Cow has both basic branded second hand items but also handmade streetwear style original designs all for a fair price. You can tell that it’s all high quality stuff consistent with their modern, functional aesthetic and it’s clear that the team behind the shop has a real vision in mind when they’re designing. 

9. OUT OF THE ORDINARY CLOTHING

PRICE POINT: £

In the words of Corrie Davis, founder of OOTO "I start with the belief that fashion will be always be worn differently by the individual that wears it. Every collection from Out of the Ordinary is different to the last but undeniably Out of the Ordinary. I champion flamboyancy and embrace the cultures I've experienced around the world, merging the two and creating popular style trends in exciting textiles, prints and techniques to bring to you something a little Out of the Ordinary." That pretty much sums up the vibrancy, vivacity and bold elegance of the brand’s aesthetic perfectly, which is reflected by Davis’ commitment to ethical manufacturing based on relationships forged between the founders and family artisans and the sourcing of fabrics from textile markets around the world. Everything you need for a boujie summer holiday in the Mediterranean-when leaving the country is finally allowed again, lol, EVERYBODY GET YOUR FUCKING VACCINE-is here.

10. WILD THING

PRICE POINT: ranges from £-£££ depending on the brand

Probs the closest thing you’ll get to an ethical ASOS, Wild Thing brings together a host of sustainable and independent clothing brands and puts them all in one place to present to us all a collection of the sickest festival style fashion out there. Whilst it’s super cool that this already exists and a slice of humble pie for myself to remind me that I am not in fact the revolutionary marketing genius I thought I was, I’m bummed to know that my idea of said ethical ASOS style website is already out there. Fingers crossed for the next grand money making scheme that comes to mind that I can use to distribute some wealth (yeah, there probably won’t be any because very few original thoughts enter my head, clearly, tehe) xoxo

11. SHOPFLUFFY

PRICE POINT: ££

I know it’s 2021 and we all kind hate the idea of girl boss feminism and the connotations of privilege and exploitation that come with it but can we bring it back when we’re talking about women who embody what it was actually all supposed to be about? Because the owner of ShopFluffy, @lulutrixabelle embodies everything good about the term. Somebody who genuinely does (cue Ramona singer voice here) empower other women through her celebration of powerful female friendship and free spirited sense of personal style that should inspire every one of us to wear whatever the fuck we want (clashing patterns and over-accessorising be damned), Lulu handmakes all the designs on her site and very much places an emphasis on slow fashion by releasing only a few collections a year which you can clearly tell a lot of painstaking effort and talent went into. ShopFluffy is on the pricier side but the adorable crocheted coords LuLu specialises in, reminiscent of carefree childhood days and picnics in meadows picturesque enough to be the backdrop of a Jacquemus runway presentation, are a bold and beautiful expression of playful femininity worthy of departing with a bit more than you’d usually spend. After all, if you are gonna spend that money on a piece of clothing, supporting an ethical, independent woman owned business clearly built on carefully honed skill, passion and authenticity is the way to go.

12. SHOPEASYTIGER

PRICE POINT: ££

It feels correct to follow up the ShopFluffy mention with ShopEasyTiger given the friendship between the former’s owner with Tigerlilly Winfield (is that not the most wonderfully storybook character sounding name of all time?), owner of Easy Tiger. Up there with my most revered style icons, Tigerlilly’s designs are as flamboyant and glamorous and daring and dramatic as her own personal style, and again, they are ethically made! If you want to get that psychedelic rock n’roll groupie that’s actually way cooler than the band itself kinda energy too, her shop is the place to start.

13. HOTTTRAMP 

PRICE POINT: ££

Founded by the incredibly hot Belle_hott_tramp on Instagram, HottTramp is a collection of both handmade pieces and carefully selected vintage finds that blur the lines between 90s Courtney Love style grunge and 70s summer of love hippy that make me want to start my own all girl rock band and hire a camper van to paint black and road trip through the American desert. Given my complete lack of hand eye coordination, I’ll most likely never have the instrumental skills to do that but I never said it was a realistic fantasy, okay?

14. LAZY OAF

PRICE POINT: ££

Is it just me that always thought Lazy Oaf was within the same kind of price range as The Ragged Priest? Because it’s a lottt more expensive than I thought. That being said, if you’re going for a playful, toned down Molly Goddard kinda look, anything bright and youthful, Lazy Oaf’s clothes 100% fit that brief. You are paying more, but part of that markup is reflected in their transparency when it comes to their ethical code, which includes ensuring that statutory minimum wage laws are adhered to in the supply chain as well as that all workers are of the legal working age for their countries and that their working hours do not exceed the legal limit. They are also steadfastly committed to donating a portion of their profits to charities dedicated to improving mental wellbeing such as Mind, Rethink Mental Illness, and Young Minds, something that is hugely important to me given my own experiences and the line of work I want to go into.

15. NEVER FULLY DRESSED

PRICE POINT: ££

Similar in their aesthetic to Out of the Ordinary, Never Fully Dressed is big on colour, print, and elegance. They have both specially selected second hand pieces on offer and original designs too and the about us section of their website clearly states how passionate they are about their ethical manufacturing process, which takes place both here in the UK and in China.

16. TUNNEL VISION

PRICE POINT: ££

Offering the dreamiest, one of a kind vintage 90s pieces, Tunnel Vision could just as easily be a grunge girl band come the craft themed moodboard as it is an online retailer. If the 90s isn’t for you-I mean, I don’t wanna question anybody’s taste levels but…-they also have the option of shopping by era, which I think is a really cool feature I wish a lot of irl vintage shops would incorporate.

17.  LOVE TOO TRUE

PRICE POINT: £

Everything on Love Too True is fucking gorgeousss and it is no surprise that they manufacture their garments here in London because I feel their brand totally encompasses that stereotypical 90s East End punk vibe perfectly with a shit tonne of chunky boots and show stopping plaid pieces that makes my heart ache for a riot grrrl renaissance. Yes, when it comes to feminism’s place in mainstream culture, making sure the political goals and structural changes we’re aiming for are visible to all is by far the most important, but let’s have a resurgence of the grunge girl’s armour along with that and PLEASE let’s leave athleisure in the 2010s. No more Kardashian nude leggings, I beg (I AM being lighthearted, wear whatever you want! We’re not policing women’s clothes in this neck of the woods).

18. NINE LIVES BAZAAR

PRICE POINT: £££

Eurgh. Nine Lives Bazaar. I want it ALL. Their clothes give me all the Etro, Zimmerman, Torey Burch, modernised Stevie Nicks vibes on a slightly more realistic budget, though unfortunately for me said budget just isn’t realistic enough. You would think pieces being ethically produced is just a given when it comes to clothes within this price range but that’s not necessarily the case and Nine Lives Bazaar is one of the ones you can trust to actually be considerate of their employees needs when it comes to their approach to business. To anybody who can afford to shop here, I am insanely jealous. The rest of us, for now, can just browse the website n feel the fantasy, channel a Valentina level of delusion and pretend it’s just the import taxes from Australia that’s holding us back from making a purchase.

-DEPOP SHOPS-

1. @HOUSE_OF_EROTIQUE

PRICE POINT: ££

Everything handmade and latex and form fitting to make you the baddest bitch in the room, I’ve got myself a few pieces from this shop over the past couple of years. Customer service is a bit hit or miss and there’s been times when I’ve had to wait a while for my purchases to get to me but because they’re all one of a kind and custom made to fit, it’s worth it, and when they have messed up they were kind enough to add something to my order for free.

2. @SACREDHAWK

PRICE POINT: ££

If you picture raiding the wardrobe of a biker gang, snatching the Coachella bound suitcases of the Revolve ambassadors at Palm Springs airport, and then jumbling all those clothes together, that’s probably your best bet at getting an idea of Sacred Hawk’s aesthetic. Formerly an ASOS concession, the brand is now available on Depop and is a collection of the most lavish glam grunge pieces, all vintage or reworked vintage. Some things are a bit on the pricey side but I would say they are all priced fairly considering how unique and ornate a lot of the pieces are, and I reeeeally wanna be able to say I own something from there one day.

3. @IDENTITYPARTY

PRICE POINT: £££

I struggled with how to categorise this Depop shop in terms of price point because although there are some fairly low-priced pieces, the standouts are the vintage coats which are understandably a lot more expensive-if you want to fully immerse yourself in the Almost Famous Penny Lane fantasy, you’re gonna have to fork out a little bit.

4. @RETRO_RAIL

PRICE POINT: £££

Retro_rail is of a similar vein to IdentityParty, in that the standout pieces are the vintage coats which are usually upwards of £100-if you’re looking for one-of-a-kind statement outerwear to invest in, I can’t recommend this shop enough. If you’re like me and you’re looking for something more within the £ to ££ price range, Retro Rail is still worth a browse as inspiration for the kind of styles you might wanna try and find elsewhere on Depop.

5. @5THSEASON

PRICE POINT: £

Most of the quirky vintage pieces you’ll find on offer on this Depop shop are within the £25 to £40 price range and though you’ve got coats similar to those you’ll find on Identity Party and Retro Rail and they are sill slightly more than the tops and trousers and dresses on sale etc., they are more modestly priced than the other 2 listed.

6. @DREAMERSREBELS

PRICE POINT: £££

Another v pricey one, dreamersrebels specialises in the daintiest, most whimsical 60s style co-ords I’ve ever seen. Handmade upon purchase, which in turn guarantees little textile waste, you can find the kind of pieces you’d expect to see on a 21st century incarnation of Audrey Hepburn, all the soft pastels and timeless, retro silhouettes you could possibly wish for. I mean, wishing is pretty much all I can do rn but anyone with a near minimum wage retail job knows you need something to aspire to, lol. I managed to budget enough to treat myself to a Selkie dress so I’m manifesting that same level of self-discipline to get me a dreamersrebels piece next.

7. @AWKWARDPHASE

PRICE POINT: £

Very affordable vintage pieces that range from cutesy mid-century style dresses and coats to grungy 90s jackets, perfectly styled and presented too in a way that will have you wanting to order something for yourself to replicate that modern spin on old staples and give them a second life.

8. @EVIEHALLOWS

PRICE POINT: £

Another Depop shop where the clothes are styled so well, it’ll have you thinking you can make anything from a floral 1950s housewife style cardigan to a lycra jumpsuit look very intentionally on trend.

9. @JAHOOLI

PRICE POINT: £

There’s also Jahooli, which I will just say ticks all the same boxes as the other two aforementioned stores to avoid repeating myself.

10. @LOVELYANDLOVELESS 

PRICE POINT: £

In terms of price, I would put Lovely and Loveless into the same category as Jahooli, Awkward Phase and Evie Hallows, the difference being that the clothes available are more on the dainty, classically feminine side. People who have a Pinterest board dedicated to the cottagecore or light academia aesthetic (whew, the gen Z is showing), this one’s for you.

11. @CHLOESTJOHN

PRICE POINT: £

Finally, we have the ChloeStJohn Depop shop and it’s definitely a good one to end on; picture the wardrobe of Carrie Bradshaw if she’d lived in Camden instead of New York in the 90s and hung out with a slightly edgier crew than Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha and there you have it, the vibe of the pieces on offer. Does it belong to a girl who probs lives near Primrose Hill and has access to all the boujiest second hand clothes shops available which she most likely routinely raids to resell on Depop? Potentially, but hopefully not because I am very here for this whole red wine in one hand and a cigarette in another back when people were allowed to smoke inside bars aesthetic. I’m sorry that the gen Z part of me once again jumped out in such an aggressive fashion with that last sentence, but I know you know what I mean.

And that’s everything! 

I did wanna close off the post with a reminder of how nuanced a discussion this is-having the time and money to be more conscious about your ethical footprint when you’re buying clothes is in itself a privilege; fashion shouldn’t be an interest reserved for only those who have the means to pay extra or spend time scouring the internet. It’s also important to be aware of the lack of size inclusivity-a lot of the “trendy” sustainable fashion brands tend to not stock anything larger than a size 14 and attempt to deflect attention away from this by categorising clothes as either XS, S, M, or L, which is in itself a bit of a pisstake considering that 12-14 is the average clothing size here for women in the UK, and so in no way large. Shopping from Depop and Ebay is hard too when so many brands fail to understand how to fit a non-straight size body which in turn necessitates trying stuff on before you buy it, something that isn’t possible when you’re shopping second hand. A lot of Depop shops fail to offer returns and even with those who do, chasing up that return can be a time-consuming and generally all round frustrating process.

Basically, when we’re having these kinds of discussions it’s important to consider everyone’s situations and avoid sitting on some kind of high horse. I feel like things have become even more complicated lately- with the recent closure of once popular high street stores such as Topshop and Miss Selfridge, it has got me thinking a lot about just how many people’s income here in the UK is dependent on fast fashion retailers too and their popularity. The job scarcity resulting from these kind of closures, which are often all that is available to a lot of people with the demands of the job market seemingly becoming more and more impossible each day even for those who have been in higher education, is clearly an issue when the kind of support you can expect from the government as someone out of work is so woefully inadequate and likely to become even more so as the conservatives push for further cuts to UC and PIP. The past year has really shown us just how shaky the ground that an intensely capitalist society stands on is and how quickly everything can go tits up when we don’t invest in a safety net for those who are struggling. People seem to have realised more than ever the extent to which those whose jobs we deem “low-skilled” are actually the backbone of society, and yet even here, whilst the situation may not be quite as desperate as it is elsewhere, we still haven’t seen pay rises that reflect that. Turns out all the clapping WAS an empty gesture, who’d have thought it (for fuck’s sake)? Fair wages really are a global issue that starts with paying people enough for them to comfortably live on and in time should lead to a shift in consciousness away from the concept of profit before everything else and towards an equal playing field for everyone, something we should take every opportunity to speak up about and demand from our “leaders”, however shit a job so many of those leaders do. It’s frustrating how the focus on making ethical purchasing choices is so often on the overconsumption of things that women historically are more actively interested in such as clothes and accessories and make up when the reality is that the wealth of every industry titan on this planet, NOT just the ones who dominate the fast fashion sphere, depends on them continuing to get away with exploiting people-we should be looking at how we can show our dissatisfaction in all areas. Maybe I’m perpetuating that with this post, since a lot of the online retailers I mentioned only sell women’s clothing, but that being said, I’m not about to do men’s work for them, lol-they should make the effort, if possible, to research into sustainable clothing alternatives too.

Anyway, that’s the end of this post! If you read to the end, thank you so much! If I’ve made any errors in my research or there are more sustainable clothing brands that I could’ve mentioned, feel free to inbox me them too, and I can add them to this post if Tumblr allows. It’s usually a little bitch when it comes to editing long posts but I’ll try my best:) Again, thanks for reading! And if you are, I hope you are safe and well!

Lauren x

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss Game Hiatuses?

I want to preface this enter post with the comment that I am absolutely not saying "Oh, if you're not enjoying SSO, you should just leave the community." That's a bad argument used against criticism that I do not promote. However, I am going to talk about how if you're not enjoying SSO, why you should take a pause from playing.

I'm going to generally credit @centeris2 on this topic, because while I'm not using direct quotes (because private convos aren't exactly the style I want to use for Can We Discuss), we had a long conversation about this topic and she made a lot of good points for this that I wanted to discuss. Some of these points are based on her opinions, a lot of out thoughts blurred together so it's hard to directly credit, and she gave me the ok to talk about it and use her thoughts.

In any case, let's start with the fact that it is perfectly normally to like something and still drop it for years at a time, or to not directly engage with it. For instance, I adore the Legend of Zelda franchise (were it not obvious from my recent to be rescheduled event), but I haven't personally picked up a LOZ game for a year-ish now when I replayed Minish Cap. That doesn't revoke my LOZ fan card, that's a perfectly normal thing to do. Most of you will have done this throughout your life, more and more recognizably as you get older.

This however can get blurred by fandom. It is very often that folks with hyperfixations on a thing, who may or may not engage with something more regularly than other media, will get involved in fandom and make a lot of content for that fandom. These people can produce loads of content on a piece of media and this can fuel a community, even if the rest of the community isn't actively engaging with that media. It also doesn't specifically mean that people with hyperfixations are constantly engaging with that media. Going back to that LOZ example, I wrote LOZ fanfic for years without actively playing more than one LOZ game maybe a year or two. Content can be queued, be entirely original outside of the media, and still last a long time and engage with the fandom at large.

The point is to say, even if you make content and enjoy a piece of media, you don't have to actually be playing/reading/listening/watching it constantly. In fact, normally modern fandom culture makes that pretty easy to do, though it can sometimes make us feel like we're still engaging directly with the media even if we're technically not. But it's good to take a step back and acknowledge that. A lot of younger fans in fandom have a hard time with this, which is why I'm taking the time to point it out. A lot of young fans will hyperengage in a fandom because they want to be involved in this fandom they love, only to burn themselves out and be turned away by their frustration. It's important then to acknowledge this scenario to encourage better, healthier involvement with fandom. Still, in this situation, you can easily bow out of a fandom if you need to take a break and then come back when something new happens in it, like a new release or update. This may feel like a fandom "dies" when a piece of media ends, but for active media, it's a normal and healthy thing to do.

SSO on the other hand does not encourage the ability for people to take a break, or at least it does it at the detriment of the player. Because of the weekly updates, players are constantly checking for the chance that there is something interesting coming out. This is somewhat addressed by the monthly roadmaps the team has been putting out, but that also just extends the period of time people are waiting for news and they're still staying in the release cycle for more clarification. For instance, we know Silverglade Village is getting an update at the end of the month, but knowing SSO's release cycle, are they going to tease some more of the changes? Are they going to reveal how wide the area of update is going to be? Will any NPCs get updates with it? This is still in the weekly cycle and it keeps players from building up actual suspense for updates if we know when content is coming out. It also takes away a lot of suspense when the content isn't main content, like new areas or story. While the suspense for the Fripp quests I would say were quite large, I wouldn't say that any of the other updates have shared the same attention. This is why most companies will release roadmaps for quarters or for a year.

And this isn't to say that SSE as a company shouldn't be releasing media content weekly, they should. That's good social media. But there are ways to engage with fans that don't drag out a reliance to engage weekly, things like community contests, highlighting fans, or promoting fanmade content. But when every update is super in the eyes of social media, fatigue and apathy are going to start to kill actual excitement unless it's something major.

I don't think it's a secret that I think the weekly updates aren't good for the game on the development side. I think it creates a pseudo-crunch culture on the developers so that they can't work on larger projects that players are asking for, like an engine overhaul (it took FFXIV two years to do theirs, when are the devs supposed to have time on SSO to switch now). But, I also don't think it's good for the players. Yes, there's something every week, but how are players actually engaging each week and how much time can we build up anticipation or get excited when each week that gets diffused by something that's not super exciting the majority of other weeks? Which doesn't mean that that content is bad, but it clearly builds frustration in the community to have "filler" content. When's the next story quests, when's the next map expansion, when's the next major mechanic being added, etc. We're constantly discussing the next big thing and then finding reasons to be excited in the meantime. This does not spark joy.

But in order to take a break, either you need to be on top of your Stable Care (likely to pull you back in), or just stop caring about your horses while you're away (unlikely considering the horse girl is strong in this community). The first requires Star Coins, which is arguably saying "You have to pay real money to take a break," and the second is actively punishing you mechanically for not being committed to playing. Neither of those allow the player to take healthy, normal breaks from the community to engage in other things. And that's an issue.

Yes, MMOs need regular engagement. Active servers and participation are a part of what makes them more marketable. But there are ways to do that without penalizing players. And I'm not suggesting that the care system needs to be entirely removed, but it does need to be entirely reworked so players can leave the game without coming back penalized. Things like the care system not affecting stats, but increasing your RNG for finding doubles of crafting items, or doubling your shilling rewards from dailies. WoW's inn system rewards players for taking breaks by double your exp gain longer depending on how long you were away. Others like Guild Wars 2 will give you log in rewards that build up to bigger prizes over time. There are ways to do this.

And I understand that a lot of folks like the current care system because it's realistic. But there has to be a line in game development where enjoyment in a game is prioritized over the realism of the game, not to mention the health of the player. Yes, the daily care system is more realistic, but if it is developing an obsessive habit of play to enjoy content that is, realistically, months to years down the line, that's not good for the player and should be changed so players can break from the game without coming back to punished controls. There are better systems that can still be realistic, things like crafting feed schedules to recover health boosts faster instead of having to see the vet, increasing how often the mood goes up so it doesn't take a whole week, changing it so when taking a horse for a ride the mood will increase every 10 or so minutes by engaging with a horse you like. Rewarding players for getting on and playing the game instead of making them dread missing when they should be coming back with excitement for the game.

All of that said, I want to encourage all of you to play more games where you can. I know there are system limitations, restricted budgets, and sometimes regional limits because of limited languages or just straight regionlocks. But in the same way reading makes you a better reader and writer, gaming makes you a better gamer (and developer/designer if you go that route). It helps you identify what you like in games and in the same way that reading other things makes coming back to your favorite all that much better, so does playing other games. I'm going to reblog this in a bit with some games I'd recommend with links to Steam and Epic and I'd encourage you all to do the same.

The takeaway I hope to give is that it's normal and healthy to take a break from games. You can still engage with media without directly engaging with it through fandom. SSE can do more to not penalize players for wanting to take a break, and should. And where you can, you should play more games and break for the health of your relationship with a piece of media you like.

[werewolfdays]

🍏, 🐟, and 🔮 for whoever you feel like writing bout!

🍏 When your OC says “I had a bad day” what does that tend to mean? Is it really as bad as they’re saying or are they being a bit dramatic?

This feels like a Skye question cause she does tend to be a bit dramatic at times. She’s the kind of person that’s like “I stubbed my toe and spilled coffee on my favorite shirt, this is the worst day of my life. Please don’t bother me while I have Me Time to recover” *sunbathes by the lake with a cocktail* That being said, she absolutely have genuinely bad days, but she doesn’t mention it when she does. People tend to figure it out because she’ll be quieter than usual.

🐟 What was your OC like as a baby? What were they like as a child? A teenager? An adult? How do you think they’ll develop ten years into their future? Twenty years? Will they live to old age?

Jayde was a pretty chill baby and a mostly quiet toddler, especially before Skye was born. She spent a lot of her early childhood exploring her family’s ranch on her own and pretending to be a wolf since purebreds can’t shift until they hit puberty. *insert that video of the dude being like “on all levels except physical, I am a wolf”* She was excited about the promise of shapeshifting for sure, especially when her dad would play with her as a wolf.

Teenager Jayde was a bit too arrogant with her status. She felt superior to humans in a lot of ways and even superior to people that weren’t born werewolves like she was. She became confrontational and started to lean more towards initiating physical fights with people that irritated her the most *cough*Garret*cough* I wouldn’t say she was out of control, but she had a hard time knowing when to let things go before her dad died.

Adult Jayde is a lot more disciplined and reliable. She knows how to survive. It’s made her paranoid and quick to violence, sure, but she knows when and how to utilize that. It’s definitely harder to gain her trust and respect, but she’s extremely loyal and dedicated to her loved ones because she knows what it’s like to lose people.

I think future Jayde will gradually become more trusting and less paranoid the longer her and her pack survive and the less threats there are. She’s too stubborn to die any time soon, so expect her to have a very long life.

🔮What does your OC think is their best trait. What is actually their best trait? What about their flaws? Are they one to admit these flaws or do they like to pretend they’re perfect?

Nadya thought that overworking herself was an admirable trait. It was one of the few things her father ever praised her for and it certainly kept her demons at bay, so she really cling to the workaholic mentality even though it was detrimental to her social life and mental state. It took a long time for Nadya to admit that maybe trying to do everything all at once was probably not good for her.

I’d say her best trait is her compassion. Nadya is so understanding, even with people in situations that she can barely fathom. She might not always understand the circumstances, but she always understands the person and that really strengthens a lot of her connections and makes her really emotionally mature. A bad side effect of this is that she can sometimes be too quick to trust, which she will admit when that backfires, but doesn’t want to let go of the empathy she has for others.

[deadinsidedressage]

Why Acti-Veg’s “Ethical Issues with Horse Riding” is Flawed

Militant vegans and animal right’s activists alike have determined that horse riding is an inherently unethical activity. Yet the criticism they dole out is inherently flawed itself. In a recent run-in with the vegan community a “source” provided to shame me about being an equestrian was a post by Acti-Veg. 

The following will be a look into the claims made in that post by myself, someone who has grown up around horses, ridden a variety of disciplines, witnessed the spectrum of how personal finances impact horse care, and currently work for a top level professional. 

To really delve into the flaws in the arguments made in Acti-Veg’s post we must first acknowledge one difficult truth: Abusive practices in horse riding, horse training, and horse management still exist, still are popular, and are extremely visible.  There’s a higher degree of accepted abusive practices the lower on the economic spectrum the culture of a given discipline, breed, or nation tends to be. The ugly truth about animal abuse and neglect is that it tends to occur because of a lack of education. A lack of education occurs because of poverty. The poverty cycle and the impacts it has on education is well-documented and something I am personally acquainted with as an educator in an under-serviced community. The way we break abusive practices in any animal husbandry starts with making education free and accessible.  Yet there’s the flaw with equestrianism--- it’s an extremely classist endeavor. There is a hard class division between the ability to be a truly ethical horse owner and as an unintentionally neglectful or outright abusive horse owner. The class issue in equestrian is two-fold; on the one hand there’s the lack of educational opportunities free from a paywall that could help erase abusive practices, on the other there’s the psychology of poverty and the creation of a “us versus them” mindset (often what I refer to as the “underdog mentality). There are limited opportunities for people to access affordable/free education to improve their horse care, handling, riding/training and when there is it is often meant with hostility.  The unfortunate fact is that people who are engaging in abusive and neglectful practices because of lack of education are also extremely defensive of having their practices questioned. They fall into an assumption that the party attempting to educate them is just an embodiment of the upper class and judgmental because of their privilege. In the US, this dichotomy is primarily seen in the split between Western and English disciplines. With Western often engaging in “old timey”,“cowboy” practices and English being dismissed as “snooty”, “spoiled” and so forth. Refusal to change and adjust to ethical practices is seen as a place of pride because the “cowboy method” is upheld against the assumed “spoiled princesses” who have “everything done for them”. These people believe themselves to be “do-it-yourselfers”, of succeeding despite “the system”, and of having “worked for what they have”.  Abuse and neglect is not exclusive to Western disciplines, but the vast majority of under-educated unintentional abusers, in my experience, come from Western disciplines. 

When I discuss counter-points to vegan talking points, I am speaking specifically of ethical equestrianism. Horse ownership, care, and training rooted in a belief in continuing education. A group that is self-aware of the flaws in the sport and who advocate for global changes toward ethical equestrianism. 

With that out of the way, the first point latched onto is the use of the term “breaking” when discussing the training of horses for riding: 

“... horses are forced to accept a rider against their will. A lack of resistance does not mean that a horse has consented to being ridden, it simply means a horse has figured out that it is in their best interests to allow it to happen. Even the term “breaking” implies an acknowledgement of the truth of this fact.”

Breaking is an antiquated term and while still used in the equine community to describe starting horses under saddle, when we are discussing ethical horse training it is simply a colloquialism. The post mentions still-existing though admittedly abusive practices such as laying down a horse (forcibly dropping a horse to force “submission”) and begrudgingly refers to currently accepted slow-start practices though insistent that that is still an inherently abusive practice.  The fact is, when discussing the practice of training a horse to be ridden as “unnatural” is only as true as the act of domestication is unnatural. Domesticated animals do not have the same instincts as their wild counterparts. They have had instincts bred out of them and the ability to enjoy co-habitation with humans bred into them. Do horses feel the need to be ridden? No. Neither do cats or dogs feel the need to live with us, but like these are all animals that have been bred to accept and enjoy human socialization. Riding is a form of socialization. Dependent on the breed and individual personality of the horse, not only is riding a fulfilling form of inter-species socialization but it’s a form of complex mental and physical stimulation they need for quality of life. Yes, just like there are dogs that have been so purpose bred they develop neurosis when kept “just as a pet” there are horses who have the same need for work. 

Another point the post tries to make is about growth plates and long-term impacts of riding prior to fusion:

However, studies demonstrate that the epiphyseal plates in the body of the lumbar vertebrae of thoroughbred horses is not fully developed until they are between 6 and 9 years old, and that riding them before this time can cause lasting injuries. Even after this age, damage to the spine resulting from riding is common. In one study, 91.5% of ridden horses studied were diagnosed with some kind of alteration of the spine after x-ray, even though they seemed perfectly healthy prior to the scan. 

The post sites two studies, one which is written by someone with their PhD in holistic medicine, a clear anti-riding bias, and a misunderstanding of kissing-spine as universal to all horses. The other is in German. Were the entire post in German and meant for German speakers I wouldn’t have an issue with sourcing a study in German... but as it’s directed toward an English-speaking audience and it’s in German... I mean that just reeks of twisting facts to suit your narrative while preventing people from fact-checking you. 

Here’s the thing about growth plates and horses, we also have studies that have shown that light age appropriate work helps with bone density, helps remedy some conformational flaws, and does not damage. The key word is appropriate.

Reining and racing are the two top sports that skew data sets toward showing detrimental impacts on the longevity of horses because they are sports that start horses too early and with too high of intensity for it not to result in damage. Ethically developed young horses are given long stretches of off time to accommodate growth phases and are worked lightly. A 4 year old is not worked with the intensity of a 14 year old. 

There’s also the issue of kissing spine which is still not fully understood. It’s most prevalent in Quarter Horses, Thoroughbred, and Warmbloods--- the three arguably most populous riding horse breeds. There is some debate as to what causes it or the extent of the genetic component, but kissing spine has been discovered in the remains of prehistoric, pre-domesticated horses. 

I would also argue that depending on the age demographic of the “91.5%” study that there’s also just the nature of wear and tear on bodies. Within the equestrian community it’s known that no horse is going to vet entirely clean because that’s not how being a living creature works. Life has impact on the body and even humans who’ve never engaged in sports activities will develop conditions like arthritis as they age. Especially when we consider that medical advancements have surpasses ours and our domesticated friends’ evolutionary lifespans. Simply put, ours’ and theirs’ bodies will begin to breakdown long before there are no longer care options to prolong life. 

A point that is barely worth mentioning because of the seeming refusal of the author’s post to do any research in order to attempt an educated opinion is on the use of training equipment and aids: 

On top of the process of riding, many riders inflict additional harm on their horses using instruments like harnesses, bits and whips; even saddles can restrict blood flow and cause chafing, this is not including general injuries sustained by horses which are part and parcel of being ridden. Bits are particularly harmful, as they damage horse’s sensitive nerves, their teeth, tongue and palate.

None of this equipment is inherently harmful. An ill-fitting saddle or an incorrectly used bit and the damage they can cause are not equatable to a properly fitting saddle and a correctly used bit. They don’t even give me something to counter here other than saying “no, that’s wrong” because they have so little understanding of the use of tools in training and riding horses. Saddles can cause chafing--- hmm, does that reason that a vegan would then prefer if I “had” to ride I did so bareback? What about the studies I can pull up showing that bareback riding is detrimental to spine health...  The “not including general injuries sustained by horses which are part and parcel of being ridden” portion of this is a little hilarious as someone who has always been around horses. Yes, it’s not out of the question for a horse to sustain small injuries through the course of being ridden just as it’s not out of the question for a human person engaging in any physical activity to sustain small injuries. What about potentially “career ending” injuries though? Anecdotally, I know of few horses with injuries that lead to retirement from riding that actually occurred while being ridden. Horses are an evolutionary shitshow and much of that is evident in their tendency to injure their legs in somewhat miraculous ways.  Additionally, injuries that could occur from work are also mostly preventable and this is where the class/educational barrier raises it’s ugly head again. A top tier dressage horse is likely to have more overall stress on their body than the average 4H horse. However, the dressage horse is also going to be exposed to preventative and aftercare measure such as boots/polos, icing, poultice, theraplating, PEMF, laser therapy, nutritional support, structured warm-up/cool-down, etc. The 4H horse is usually lucky if someone notices they’ve bowed a tendon or developed a bone spur. There is so much that education can do in prevention of injury and wear. 

The supposed “gotcha” moment of this post comes when talking about euthanasia, making bold claims about horses being disposed of when they outlive usefulness: 

One in particular, an owner of a horse equipment shop, explained the reasoning: “I really love horses. But when they’re no good to me, what are you going to do with them? We don’t want to take ‘em out back and shoot ‘em. They may just as well be slaughtered, and get some use out of them.” Another commented that: “Chickens for eggs, lambs for wool, cows for milk, horses for work, and when their useful, productive life has passed, then you turn them into meat.”

Part of me honestly doesn’t really believe this is a real quote by a real person, but these people also do exist. There also is the unfortunate reality of the “slaughter pipeline” in the US in which horses who are sent to auction often end up in the hands of kill buyers who ship them over the boarder to sell for meat. 

As far as should a horse be killed when it surpasses “usefulness”? Absolutely not. Ethical equestrians don’t view horses this way and recognize that an animal which has offered so much by way of partnership deserves a soft retirement and a loving home until they die. However, the post tries to take an anti-euthanasia stance period:

“..most owner’s prefer to euthanize animals when they become too old or sick to walk or ride”

If you’re not catching the problematic part of that sentence, there’s the suggestion that it’s wrong to euthanize an animal that can’t walk. The inability to conceptualize quality of life over quantity of life seems to be a recurring theme with vegans. An animal that is evolutionarily designed to roam miles in a day, essentially need movement to help with digestion, and can’t communicate pain isn’t an animal that can be ethically kept alive when it loses the ability to be comfortably mobile. It is better to euthanize any animal in order to prevent suffering that is to force them to live through it. Animals cannot conceptualize pain the way a human being can. A horse does not wake up in pain and think “well, thank god I’ve lived through another day!”. It wakes up, feels itself in pain, and suffers. 

Now, to indulge myself in my own controversial opinions... I think horse slaughter should be legalized in the United States and regulated in order to make sure it is done in an ethical manner. There is simply too high an over-populous of unethically bred horses that are not going to be placed in homes to justify the horrors involved in the shipment of horses to slaughter. Horses currently going through the slaughter pipeline due to being undesired go through horrific non-stop truck journeys in which they are crowded, starved, dehydrated, extremely stressed, and sometimes even die in the process of the trip. It’s a cruel end to the horse.  Horses are also extremely expensive animals that require a high degree of care in order for their needs to truly be met. This post referenced horse owners as spending an average of roughly $3,500 a year on their horse. That is a shockingly low number and indicative of how normalized neglectful care is. Prices of care certainly change based on location, but personally keeping my horse at an absolute basic level of care while assuming no vet emergencies are taking place and without factoring any of the expenses keeping her in work would entail.. I am at nearly $10k a year and that’s with doing the absolute minimum with zero preventative care.  I also have no issue with the sentiment of horse owners who’d like to see some “usefulness” out of the death of their horse. The practice of either taking the meat from your deceased horse for you family or to be given to the needy in the community is standard in Norway. It isn’t a taboo, it’s a sensible way to dispose of the corpse of a large animal in a way that doesn’t negatively impact the environment and honors the horse. I know people who have donated their horses’s corpses to wildlife sanctuaries to feed animals. For some people being able to ascribe some meaning pr purpose to the death of their animal is needed for coping. 

The major thing with this post is that it lacks the understanding of nuance. It condemns riding as a whole based off an awareness of abusive practices that activists within the community are trying to change. Arguments made are made without the education to back up the points being attempted and when all else fails it’s reliant on the classic militant vegan rhetoric about interaction with animals being exploitative. Ultimately while not as egregious as PETA thinking sheering sheep involves skinning them, this is the horse version of utterly misunderstanding the subject of the argument.

[psychologyserviceannoucement]

How does Talk Therapy work?

It can be difficult for people to conceive of how exactly therapy works. After all, the problems that people seek treatment for can be very debilitating and severe. Many mental health conditions can even be life-threatening and fatal in their own way. Something that serious seems like it would require much more intervention than simply sitting around and talking about your feelings. However, there is much more going on under the surface.

The mind can be a very nebulous concept to grasp. Within daily life, it works automatically without requiring an individual to understand the inner machinations. It can feel like an abstract part of our life, but it is not without form. The mind has an overarching system that operates in documented patterns. There are distinct processes such as perception, decision making, emotional regulation, memory storage, and so on. The brain is a very complicated organ after all. An average individual wouldn’t be expected to know how to fix it if something went wrong any more than they would be expected to know how to fix the rest of their bodies. That’s why instead, they’re referred to professionals, who know in detail how the mind functions and how to fix it if need be. They use that knowledge to identify which part of the system is malfunctioning and apply the appropriate solution. And the way they do that is by talking.

Keep in mind that psychological processes are not as easily observed as physical ones. If something is wrong with your body, it’s often as simple as looking to see what it is. It’s pretty easy to tell whether a bone is broken or not for instance. Even internal processes can be seen through different methods or tested in various ways. However, the only way a psychologist can learn about an individual’s mind is by asking them to verbalize it. That can be a difficult way to gain information, especially when they need so much of it. A psychologist may want to know how you see the world. How do you view yourself? Is that a healthy and constructive perspective or is it more detrimental? What is your decision making process? How do you go about taking care of yourself? What parts are difficult? What parts are easy? How do you handle your emotions? What do you do to cope with them? Is that behavior helping or is it making things worse? How can we use that knowledge going forward? Getting all that information and working with it takes a lot of time and a lot of talking. 

To work through those problems, there are multiple forms of talk therapy. There’s a wide diversity of  different models with different objectives and different areas of focus. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one example. This model works by identifying maladaptive thinking patterns called cognitive distortions in order to replace them with more functional ones. Some identifiable cognitive distortions are polarizing, catastrophizing, mental filtering, and mind reading among others. On the other hand, dialectical behavioral therapy addresses emotional regulation and reactive states. It examines possible triggers or behaviors that may lead to distress and develops methods to avoid and respond to them. Acceptance and commitment therapy promotes psychological flexibility. Mindfulness is a big component of multiple therapeutic models as well as a model of its own. Those are very simplified explanations, but I use them to show that talk therapy has structure. It’s not a casual conversation that you might have with your loved ones. It’s an organized operation with specific goals and intentions. These models represent a variety of tools that a practicing therapist may use over the course of treatment.

Psychology is a science and therapy is a medical procedure. It’s a cornerstone of mental healthcare because it works and there’s an abundance of research to support that. From an outside perspective, it can appear silly. In sessions, it might be hard to understand what’s supposed to be happening. It might even seem nonsensical or random at times if you don’t see how the topics you’re discussing connect back to your problems. However, there is a method behind therapists’ actions. If you’re confused, it’s always an option to ask. Most psychologists have their own strategies when conducting therapy in the same way different teachers or tradesmen have theirs. They’re likely happy to explain their process and the motivations behind their actions during a session or before you set an appointment. I would always encourage everyone to understand their treatment as best they can. Doing so will allow you to be an active participant in it. If you’re genuinely unsure or curious how therapy works effectively, then by all means, seek out more complete resources than this and learn more about it. More knowledge can only help. If after that, you still feel like talk therapy won’t work for you and you don’t want to try it, then at least it will be an informed decision. 

Lastly, it needs to be acknowledged that “just talking about your feelings” is not so useless of a task. Talking about your feelings does help. It elicits social support that can impact your mental health. It allows for a release of persistent thoughts and hormones lingering in the body. It changes the way you conceptualize those feelings just by forcing you to translate the abstract into concrete words. It gives you the opportunity to observe and analyze those feelings. It allows you to reflect and discuss potential courses of action to take. It is correct to say that there are many problems that require more than a casual discussion of emotions. It would also be accurate to say that some mental health conditions require more or different kinds of treatment than talk therapy. However, that shouldn’t serve as a dismissal of either of those things either. They still have their value and their effectiveness in many settings. Until they’re proven inappropriate for the current problem, they should not be discounted. Every tool in a toolbox has its use. If you are struggling with your mental health, please consider attending talk therapy. It may prove much more beneficial than you think. In fact, it might just be the exact answer you’re looking for.

For more information on mental health topics, check out our Index

[placesthatchangedpeople]

C. Clark at SUWS Carolinas

I have spent the last 15 years trying to heal from the emotional and physical trauma SUWS put me through. I’m now a registered nurse & have a background with young teens, & specializing in behavioral health.

First let’s talk about how two grown men pulled me out of my bed at 3am, not telling me where I was going, only that I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone goodbye and if I resisted they’d ‘tie me up’. As parents, your children will look to you for safety and stability, having them professionally kidnapped will forever harm that relationship.

The program itself is set up and founded on outdated and damaging psychology. There is now decades of research and thousands of former ‘campers’ like myself coming forward to talk about how traumatizing and harmful these programs are, and it blows my mind that people are desperate enough to pay over 30k to send their child away but not ACTUALLY DO THERAPY with them.

Your children will be at high risk of developing an eating disorder. Your child may develop PTSD from being kidnapped. Your child might become more isolated. Your child WILL learn they can not ever fully trust you again. Your child will resent you.

The parents weekend they have when you pick up your child is all a show. Your child will not have the opportunity to shower regularly (I went 28 days without being allowed to bathe) your girls will be at such a risk for UTIs, they give them supplements to prevent, but not actual hygiene. Your girls have 2 pairs of underwear to last over 21 days with no shower, think about that. No deodorant, no shaving, so if you’re queer or female presenting, you may also develop some dysphporia.

The real kicker? The staff watching your child are not qualified to do so. The counselors are often early 20s people who like hiking, no mental health experience. The one therapist they see happens once a week, for under 45 min.

Please just do some research. Don’t listen to google reviews from parents saying “my kid behaves better” because Of course that is what will happen, your child was legally in an outdoor prison for over over a month with no contact with friends, family, loved ones. TEENS. where socialization is detrimental part of development. Congratulations, your children don’t respect you, they’re just scared of you now.

[carnegiemuseumnaturalhistory]

Herd Immunity and the Anthropocene

When is getting an infection actually a good or a bad thing? Let’s start by talking about herd immunity. What exactly is it, and why have we been hearing about it so much during the Covid-19 pandemic?

Herd immunity, as described by the CDC, is a situation in which a sufficient proportion of a population is immune to an infectious disease (through vaccination and/or prior illness) to make its spread from person to person unlikely. When a group has a high enough percentage of immunity in its population, transmission becomes increasingly difficult for a disease to spread to even the more immunocompromised members of the community.

Although, herd immunity is obtained at different levels of community immunity depending on the disease. Some highly infectious diseases, such as measles, require about 94% herd immunity to stop community spread. According to the Mayo Clinic, about 70% of the US population would need to have immunity from Covid to stop our current pandemic.

So how do we even get herd immunity? Well, we can achieve herd immunity through two different methods. The first method is infection. Herd immunity can be achieved by having a large amount of the population getting the virus naturally. The downside of this method is that the population has to get sick and recover. Depending on the disease, short or long-term side effects or mortality rate can be very detrimental to the population.

Germs have most likely existed for around 3.5 billion years (the age of the oldest living organisms, bacteria). Modern humans have only been around for about 130,000 years. Humans have only been around for a fraction of the time diseases have, but they are both a part of nature. However, in response to their presence, humans have developed immune systems that have been a part of a back and forth protecting us from harmful germs. Terrestrial vertebrates such as humans have complex immune systems that have evolved to protect them from new immunological dangers.  Getting sick is a part of life. Diseases have always been a part of nature, and that is especially true of the current time period, the Anthropocene. The Anthropocene is the current geologic age where humans have a substantial effect on their environment. During this time period, the way we interact with nature through contributing to climate change, deforestation, and urbanized lifestyles has increased the likelihood of pandemic-like illnesses to sweep over our communities. Deforestation causes loss of habitat; and with loss of habitat animals will be forced to come into contact with animals they originally wouldn’t have, including humans. This increases the chance for germs to spread to new hosts. Climate change and urbanization are also causing organisms to live closer together, allowing for diseases to spread more easily through communities. So, while diseases are a part of life and nature, occasionally there is one germ that can come around and have a profound effect on society.

I remember the news stories when NYC was first getting taken over by Covid. Medical personnel lacking PPE, hospitals overflowing, using ice trucks to store the deceased, and exhausted nurses and doctors. All of that resulted in just 22% herd immunity. At 22% herd immunity most of the population of NYC is still susceptible to Covid. If natural infection was the only way forward, so many more of NYC’s citizens would die or become severely ill. However, because this happened NYC was quick to understand the importance of instituting mitigating measures to slow the spread of the disease. Andrew Cuomo, the governor of New York, is similar to Rand Paul in that he is in a position that he can implement policies. When Andrew Cuomo, governor of New York, saw what was happening in his state, he used his ability to implement policies to follow scientific guidance surrounding closures, social distancing, masks, etc. As a result, the rates in NYC decreased. Not because of herd immunity, but because of serious measures against Covid. If we look at a different state, such as Florida, that did not take measures against Covid seriously, there were consecutive days in the state where they were having 10,000 to 15,000 new cases a day. This lacking approach to Covid caused thousands of preventable deaths. Even after months of lockdown the US is not close to herd immunity. All of the preventable deaths and long-term health complications that I’m seeing in people are going to continue with the natural spread. This is why the global race for a vaccine is so important.

The second method of reaching herd immunity is through vaccinations. By developing a vaccine for an infectious disease, we are able to reach herd immunity without having to subject our population, community, and families to the side effects and overall awful experience of falling ill. By using widespread vaccinations, we can also protect our most vulnerable members of society, like our loved ones in an older or younger age range, immunocompromised individuals, or those with allergic reactions making them unable to receive vaccines. Herd immunity is a good thing. When we have a disease like Covid, however, natural infection will cause crippling long-term effects in what were healthy people, and hundreds of thousands of preventable deaths. This is why herd immunity is good, but it depends on the method used to obtain it.

Immunity is an important part of preventing diseases in my home. Herd immunity helps me protect my family, friends, and people I come across every day. When paired with vaccines, I am able to protect more people in my community. I have a small child in my home, and older family members who I come into regular contact with. My family (my herd) and I get our vaccines and flu shots every year to help protect those more immunologically vulnerable members of our family. By doing this, my herd is creating a mutually benefiting environment where our personal actions protect those around us. The actions that we take to protect our family also protect the members of our communities and your herd too.

Humans are a part of nature, and so are diseases. Individual actions have a larger inter-connected effect on surrounding environments and society. The same thing could be said about the Covid virus spreading through the country. Society as a whole needs to develop a larger scope of thinking about how the actions of individuals affect the environment and planet. The factors I mentioned earlier, climate change, deforestation, and urbanization, are keeping steady and increasing. If these continue as they are currently, we can expect more pandemic-like diseases in our future. And when it happens, society will have to come together again to figure out the best way of adopting herd immunity to combat the disease.

As for my advice for the rest of this year, think critically, look at scientific data, vaccinations work, and in the words of Mr. Rogers, “Real strength has to do with helping others.”

Hannah Smith is an intern in the Section of Anthropocene Studies. Museum employees are encouraged to blog about their unique experiences and knowledge gained from working at the museum.

Works Cited

Glossary

Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS): A medical condition where the immune system cannot function properly and…

www.cdc.gov

https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/terms/glossary.html#commimmunity

Herd immunity and COVID-19 (coronavirus): What you need to know

Understand what's known about herd immunity and what it means for coronavirus disease 2019 ( COVID-19). Curious as to…

www.mayoclinic.org

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/in-depth/herd-immunity-and-coronavirus/art-20486808

Vaccines Protect Your Community

Did you know that when you get vaccinated, you're protecting yourself and your community? This concept is called…

www.vaccines.gov

https://www.vaccines.gov/basics/work/protection

Anthony S. Fauci, M.D.

Dr. Fauci was appointed director of NIAID in 1984. He oversees an extensive portfolio of basic and applied research to…

www.niaid.nih.gov

https://www.niaid.nih.gov/about/anthony-s-fauci-md-bio

https://www.nytimes.com/2002/02/26/science/when-humans-became-human.html

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/prehistoric-world/precambrian-time/

https://www.britannica.com/science/immune-system/Evolution-of-the-immune-system

https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/c-change/subtopics/coronavirus-and-climate-change/

https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/45-quotes-from-mr-rogers-that-we-all-need-today.html

[mmagazinemoment]

Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle.

Good morning, midday, afternoon, or evening to you my fellow queers and allies and plain and simply gorgeous humans. You see I have already written another version of this edition but instead I have a pure heroine filled piece instead, and you may not be ready for it because it covers a few serious points but it’s also the (fuck your ex) vibe, not literally…unlesssssss * insert meme*. Thanks for joining me again my loves

 Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle

You ever just meet someone and fall completely into their arms and become almost a complete and utter 3rd leg of the other? What I mean in all seriousness is, don’t you ever feel like the love game grows on you like a drug addiction and I know some of you will see this and be thinking? What do you mean “the love game” I know it’s not a game, a figure of speech as such. Basically, what I’m trying to say is have you ever loved someone so much that you didn’t see the signs of detrimental dysfunction.

Wow that all sounds so serious, let me dial it down a little, I’m just trying this new thing called being uncensored and not caring about preconceived notions of myself from external eyes. Months ago, I was shattered into a million pieces and I won’t blame just him because it was my fault for thinking every relationship or whatever it was, was going to end up like a tv romance, no that’s a lie. I over invested and blamed him for hurting my own self, sure he had something to do with it, but he wasn’t just to blame. Can’t tell me I don’t know how to take accountability (wow I’m funny).

For instance, in a movie you meet and lock eyes with someone and the breeze grasps your hair, when I met said person, I was like ‘omg he’s tall, I’m going to fall in love with a giraffe’ and then I tried to build a home in him, without the investment and time taken to be careful with my time and words of affirmation in efforts to receive reciprocation I never got unless it was backhanded or what I wanted to hear. So how did you perceive your first love? Did he/she/they look pleasing? Or was it the scent of their perfume or cologne? Did they dress in a floral vintage outfit or was it a suit and tie? Ballet flats or sneakers? Tell me? I want to know all of the juicy details!

I know some of you probably didn’t ask or ever want to know but my first love happened in a series of me closing doors journeying through my uneasy sexuality labelling and let’s be real, fuck labels am I right? (unless you find comfortability and closure under a label and with that you’re perfectly valid), Love to me was like heroine and in some senses it still is. When I first learnt of love, it didn’t feel like love, it felt like obligation, perhaps a trend. Love felt like learning all he moves to a Tik Tok dance as fast as possible before the hype disappeared, and it became irrelevant again, questionable reference point but blame social media not me. I was never satisfied.

Keep in mind this was 15-year-old me, trying to gain some sense of validation to seem a little less repressed and not confused because before 15 year old me realised that 12 year old me wasn’t as weird as I thought.  I was under this veil of non-transparency and speaking on the subject of transparency I must tell you 12 was the year of age I realised that I wasn’t like the other boys at school, just swooning for girls and getting scared of cooties, I was just begging to be seen by whoever had eyes to care. Sounds dramatic I know.

Nobody was ever there to tell me at such a young age that there were others like me, “different”, the type of boy who watched rebel without a cause and felt weird when James Dean was looking so gorgeous and composed in that leather jacket or admiring Tim Curry when he dressed like no man I’d ever seen on a movie screen in or even real life in the Rocky Horror Show, something sparked in… me. I started on the smallest step I knew, acknowledgement, I knew I could find a home in the fact that there were more people like me, and wow I was right. I was finding comfort in what I knew, I found a few gorgeous women and obviously because of my age we thought that holding hands and a peck on the cheek was all we needed in life from the label of ‘relationship’, but it was only ever a weekly process. Anytime I found ‘love’ I wouldn’t know what to do with it without the chase, like a dog chasing a bone. Even to this day I have never had a successfully long relationship but at least these days it’s not because of my toxic traits, I like to think I’ve grown a considerate amount since I was 15. Don’t get me wrong, neither of those experiences were love? How could they be?

Ironically love happened even ‘after’ I was in a relationship. I had another relationship when I was 17, it lasted a little longer than the prior, it went for a month and a half, I was convinced I loved her, so sappy but you wanted transparency right? I have a lot of it. After that, my ex brought to attention after she cheated on me that I was using her as a sort of beard to cover up the truth about myself, I never knew how to perceive myself until then and that was only the second step, there was so much more to cover.

Skip forward past a few experiences leading up the near current, I met someone, a sort of fleeting romance, now (forewarning, this gets sappy) we talked for a few weeks if my memory isn’t hazy, and we quickly developed something no short of a connection. FaceTime after FaceTime I’d gather more and more pictures of his goofy face and at one stage, I thought I was going to be happy for the foreseeable future, then came reality. You can’t be loved by someone who doesn’t want to face themselves and you can’t help them anymore than what you’re capable of giving out. I didn’t listen to that, naturally things just got worse, and I hated everything…

He would apologise, I would validate his actions to friends who were concerned and realising that I was getting too soon attached and it wasn’t going to end well and I copped the consequences, I still have only recently not found regret in messing up this badly because if I didn’t make that mistake then I would’ve just witnessed those mistakes I made in the lap of somebody else and this is where the saying goes, better the devil you known then the devil you don’t. let me tell you it did more than a number on my mental health before I added up the reasons as tallies against us and internalised what I should’ve subtracted (hehe see what I did there). In all seriousness I wanted the thrill, I sure as hell got one.

Your mental health is amplified by your lifestyle choices and the people you choose to keep in your circle, friendship, or relationships regardless, the whole thing was out of whack and a tornado was nothing less than the accurate definition of where I was at, and it hurt a lot but sometimes it’s best to leave that situation if that person who you thought was going to be there for a while and a necessity to your life ends up being the detriment. (as Ashley Frangipane said) “its crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment, let that sink in”.  

 If there is one piece of advice that I want whoever sees this to take with them it’s this, Keep your space sacred baby, you only have one life, but also please do not criticize yourself for getting caught in the motion sickness, sometimes you just can’t avoid it and that’s ok. Life is not a movie, life is more like the behind the scenes extra that puts everything into perspective, it’s rational and shows the hard work put in place to make the art and you should remind yourself as such. Remember also that if you cannot cope with all of the stress that presents itself in your life, that there are people that are equipped to help you hold some of the baggage for you until you are ready to take it back and analyse it. Whatever your grief is, I assure you, you’re not alone.

As always, stay healthy and strut your shit and I cannot stress this enough but keep raging against the machine and the super straights xoxo without the gossip girl, farewell until the next piece of The Mantra Magazine. *keep this in mind* next issue will be a little forward, it will include themes of segregation and war regarding the families of the Palestinians and Israeli conflicts happening right now. So, bring some tissues and an open mind. Farewell.