#[ it got a bit long tho my bad ]
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Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂
#rain world#comic#rw chasing wind#sunlit Trail#Hunter#Art#Chasing wind spoilers#I can't imagine anyone filters that tag but just in case sksksks#ANYWAYS turns out mod is way better than I expected and it's super well made.#So far made the trip as hunter (first time) then riv and now working on arti.#For arti I realized that howling rifts led to sub and sub led to dar shore so I was like sweet! A shortcut!#Now imagine for a sec trying to get through a parkcore + miros bird gauntlet with a corpse and a worm within 5 cycles#before the scav ran out of karma and you were stuck inside forever. Yeah#Besides that tho I've been messing around and been very tenderly modding the game.#Turns out you can have a bit of fun with most sprites without too much effort by simply cloning the MSC mod in your files#Then changing the copy's mod info so it doesn't clash and simply swapping images out for whatever you want#As long as you have the sprite name you can do this. You can also change region names and decals and music all sorts of stuff.#In short I've been brewing a custom mod for a friend to make her suffer as much as possible <3#Thanks to a buddy on the rw server for showing me that trick btw lol. The best cesspool I've ever participated in#Oh before I forget- the symbol on CW's head is completely made up. They just looked so... Bald.#Tbh I wasn't expecting their personality to be so... bright? Most interpretations make them kinda solemn and gloomy#But nah this CW is what NSH should've been 100%. I like them. Not gonna spoil too much but their situation is somehow so... chill.#Still bad tho!#Other fun news! There's a scammer going around on discord that's basically like ''bad news I reported you for fraud''#And they're getting a lot of people. My buddy that owned my home server got hit and we lost everything. It's all OK tho nobody was hurt#I keep trying to ask them questions on my alts but they're ignoring me... I kinda wanna bait them into doing the scam with me#to see how far I get before they catch on 😜#Wasting a scammer's time is never a waste of time#Ah I had more to say but I reached my tag max. Till next time- hopefully my animation project will be done by then!
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a lesson on good karma digimon survive week 2024 day 4: supporting characters
#digimon#gomamon#digimon survive#survive week#survive week 2024#rambling ahead. you don't have to read the tags beyond bc there's nothing that important tbh... you can just look at the art...#exhausted from being out and doing housework yesterday. then got a last-minute job with very urgent deadline today#finished everything but yeah basically i did anything but art so#irl do be like that aint it#anyway it's been a long time since i played survive and my memory isn't that good#but i always remember the part where we had to protect the gomamon#and later they showed us a path via the dam allowing the team to continue exploring#it reminded me of just how important it is to be nice and do good things whenever and wherever possible#and be mindful with the not-so-good things you do and say#be it good or bad. karma is real even if you don't know when it will get back at you#and you know in visual novel settings. whatever choice you make really determines what happens later on#yeah believe it or not i end up thinking stuff like that by helping a bunch of adorable seal mons...#mmm i'm officially behind now so i might as well take my time while also rest a bit haha ;;#this week has been fun with survive week tho fr. even though i came in unprepared (when will i change)#gotta keep surviving#png
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i hope the van explodes
#the kingmaker histories#eisen iyer#colette geise#telesphore winterlich#my art#I HATE DRAWING VEHICLES!!!!!!!#but actually even worse is trying to draw characters interacting w/ a vehicle. with consistent scale. and a mirrored version. dies#WHY did i draw this when i hate drawing vehicles you ask? idk#i meant to draw a small portion of the van for a lil drawing but then i just kept adding more and more#ah well. thank you kingmaker for broadening my horizons#funny that this is my first finished height chart for kingmaker when normally that's one of the first things i draw for a fandom#the Actual Things i wanted to draw superseded it LOL#even this barely counts as one since it's sloppy and i didn't put much effort into proportions#and the actual measurement ruler part isn't included. tho i do have that version#also the heights are a bit off since i included sole height and their soles are varying heights gfdhdgfh#i hope the van doesn't explode actually. i hope the van lives a long and luxurious life with eventual calm and relaxing retirement#blatantly stole the IW&C logo from an old fanart i did where it got mostly covered up#belatedly noticing colette is lookin even more corpselike than usual but it would be v tedious to fix it so. it's just a bad day for her ok
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I'm on an OC kick and also super indecisive so I spun a wheel (thank you for choosing for me, RNG).
Ricardo is a body guard and is bffs with Marlo. Ricardo's current job is watching after a celebrity's daughter who the public doesn't know even exists. She's just a teenage girl vibing with her mom and getting texts and calls from her dad (who loves her a whole lot and keeps her out of the spotlight very purposefully) and has this bodyguard and his weird friend. Marlo is just vibing with his best friend.
(Also Marlo would absolutely laugh if he heard Ricardo say "someone called me eye candy and it wasn't you and now I think you should call me that")
#my characters#i have an ask in my inbox that has me obsessively thinking about drawing fanart#but i just dont have the energy for what i want to draw for it#its been a rough day guys im dying (allergies and lacking sleep)#(why are allergies so bad today i ask after shoving my face into a cat while knowing im allergic to cats)#there are some prices i will always suffer and pay in life and the cat allergy is one of them you cant keep me away from a cat#im shoving my face in their fur and you CANT STOP ME FROM IT and also they kept bothering me#anyway i got to bed at like 6am after a lot of zoomies and restless legs and then#woke up with both cats in the guest bed with me and man i will not know peace for a few days#worth it tho bc i love them and i will take suffering if it means cattention#i dont really have much to say about the ocs tbh theyre just buddies being guys and then theres a teenage girl sometimes#and people suspect ricardo is her dad and she cant really say no my dads (celebrity) since thats the entire point of rico#so she makes sure its not troublesome for him to have people assume things like that and hes just#idc im in love with my best friend and hes not giving me any kids so not like anyone will start drama if im not with your mom#but he is also ! friends with the celebrity and his wife so he does just go on Family Outings with the wife and daughter#and sometimes marlo because the wife knows of him and invites him sometimes but she treats#rico and marlo like sons instead which is a bit weird to the daughter but she likes her weird fake brothers slash dad and question mark#marlo dyes his hair pink if that matters and has been doing so for a v long time
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Pinup!!!!! the baby!!!! the guy!!!!
sorry if this looks kinda iffy the majority of this was drawn between 11pm and 2:30am so i was very tired loll
also yes that is a totoro bag i dont care if totoro doesnt exist in cyber city he has a totoro bag come at me
Pinup belongs to @turntableart
#read all the tags before you reblog otherwise you will be confused#i feel like i got the body type wrong uaughhh#i feel like the proportions are inaccurate#im blaming it on the clothes i promise the sketch looked good then the clothes went and ruined it#i feel really bad admitting this but now that i think about it i literally never draw chubby characters#all my addisons are pretty long and gangly for the most part and then spamton is just very small in my style hes not really pudgy#and tbh i didnt really draw full bodies very often before addisons and spamton but my one (1) oc was also pretty long and lanky#probably because i myself am pretty long and lanky#ueuugough hauguh#i need to practice more#also i feel like the shoes look weird#im generally not too happy with it but its ok ig#i was terrified of making the features too exaggerated and being offensive and i think i went to much the other way and just made him skinn#ffs#ill draw him again i promise#and it will look better pinky promise#🤙🤙🤙 theres no proper pinky emoji#i love him tho hes cute#i really like his original design#uururuguggg#ugh debating whether i should even post this or if i should keep tinkering with it#im gonna tinker with it a bit more i will continue writing tags when im done#ok tinkering over im much happier with it now#i made him a bit shorter and that solved all my problems#i think i have a habit of drawing characters too tall ngl lmao#also not too happy with the rendering but its good enough#uh im only posting the tinkered version that im happy with so if you want the untinkered version then just ask lol#pixel art#art#turn off the lights arg
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Before I had Sunny, I had a rabbit... His official name was Eddy, but he went through many names in my friend group
The names were: Kirishima, Springtrap and lastly Springkiri
Some pictures of him and a funny pic of Sunny
(A sad thing from here on)
So Eddy sadly passed away on 16th May 2022 while I held him. I bawled my eyes out when I realized he passed and literally couldn't go to school the next day because I was grieving so much. He was my childhood pet. He was 12 years old! Also he decided to pass before my birthday (21st May). I miss him very much
Now let me tell you, in February, the year (2022), he decided to jump from my arm because he was not happy about him getting his nails trimmed and fell on his side! He broke his fucking leg and was too old for operation because he wouldn't handle the amnesia. His leg was fully healed in April. You know he ran around, had fun with his toy, and played as if he was young again... Just to pass in May.
Now, to cheer you up, Sunny has the SAME sleeping spots as Eddy did. She also has similar running habits and such things as Eddy did. Now I think here Eddy's ghost was like 'Let me teach you cat' when she arrived at home and I like that!
Sorry for the kind of sad ask :(
AWWW eddy has such a lovely pelt pattern 🥺 and no worries about this being a Sad Ask: it'd be even more sad if you werent willing to share memories of him- he was still a little darling in your life, so i'm happy to hear bout both the good and bad bout him! so sorry to hear he passed right before your birthday tho.. 😭 at the very least, im sure he passed knowing how loved he was- and still is :]
ANND that's so cute sunny sleeps in his old spot now 🥺
#snap chats#we can celebrate eddy even if he's gone that's what love is about !!!#if it's anything i lost my childhood dog- zakk- about two years ago in february#he was only really close with my mom so he waited for her to come home before going up to her room#didnt take long for us to hear her scream and find him dying in her arms#whats darkly funny is that he's never really liked me and bit me a lot#we were hanging out on the couch when he signaled he was trying to get down and yk. Hes Old so i went to pick him up#but the jackass BIT ME and now i got a scar on my hand#funny enough i was trying to get close to him and my mom while he was passing and he tried to bite me AGAIN He Did Not Like Me#maybe he was just trying to make sure he was with my mom til the end tho idk ... all i know is that i love telling the story bout my scar#its a small one but so was he so. fittin innit#in any case ! dont worry bout feelin bad or melancholy sharin the memory of your lovely: its important to keep them alive that way#even if theyre sad and the sort#to end this tag ramble on a lighter note. sunny sit PROPER young lady im CRYING why she sit like that ... i love when cats cant sit normal.
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Hi bestie, hope you are doing fine. <3 you are one of my favorites here btw, just wanted to let you know this before continuing. <3
About the last thing you posted, I wanted to write you something because you said you hope at least one person writes to you.
I, myself, usually write out of necessity, I have to write only because of my degree, and loscar being my favorites, are always the characters I use to work with words. The concept is usually similar. I have some kind of a fixation I can't get rid of. Maybe I'm not satisfied with something? I don't know.
For some reason, whenever I write about them, one of them is not present and sometimes it's vague whats the reason behind it. In addition, another frequently used symbol in my writings is usually some kind of a garden that comes with them. A kind of symbolism for their love or their absence. An overgrown garden is usually used to symbolize the absence of one of 'em, and a beautiful lush garden reflecting the light in a beautiful way is usually a symbol of their good, or better days when they were together, in love, and happy.
You can use all the above and some kind of a supernatural or paranormal thing. Make one of the characters into a ghost or maybe let it be realistic and make one of them solely an idea that the other one has in mind. A product of their imagination or madness.
I didn't have any idea, and I thought maybe writing this to you; gives you some kind of a picture? Even if at last you don't like it and forget about it, at least, I've tried. I'm not really good with giving ideas or words, so an imagery was all I could give. Hope it helps one way or another. :>
With love, a friend. <3
Omg first of all skndkskdkslskfk thank you soooo much for this ask!!!! I'm very honoured to be one of your favourites (。•̀ᴗ-)♡
Second of all i really like your idea so here something that my brain generated when i read it, hope you like it :p it won't be finished or anything but still something
It always was there, as long as he could remember there was a door that lead to a garden. It wasn't magical itself (at leat it didn't show anything to logan) but it's just always appeared behind any door if he thought about it enough. Garden was beautiful but always only for him to see, logan could never find it when he wasn't alone. The incident when he was six and tried to show it to Dalton but without any luck for twenty minutes before giving up and being teased about "imaginary garden" was enough.
One of the first times Logan gone there he broken a few branches and stomped few flowers, it wasn't out of cruelty but more of childish need to destroy sometimes. But after that only thing he was answered with was quiet gust of wind that made plants sing. It shouldn't have gotten any reaction from him probably but still, Logan was momentarily flooded with shame because of his actions, a gentle voice in his head reminding him to treat everyone around with kindness while broken wood shined under the sun as to remind him of what he did. Logan flew out of the door right after and didn't try to summon garden back for a few weeks.
Afterwards he got into a habit of helping the garden any time he visited, maybe picking up few leafs or watering flowers with hose that always was somewhere around. Besides that he just hang out there as before, sometimes running wild or just napping under trees.
Time was moving the same for outside world and here so for most part Logan only had bit's and pieces of time to spend there before his family would start to worry.
As his life progressed there always were three constants - racing, garden and oscar.
After moving to Europe it was pretty nice mix to keep him grounded, a passion of his life, a place ha can feel at home that will always be there for him, and only person that would be his friend no matter what distance is between them.
Meeting oscar probably one of the best parts of moving, part of the reason not to give up. Their friendship wasn't one to fall apart from distance of being in different series (tested in Logan's first year in f3) and by the time they got to f1 the bond is stronger than ever.
It makes Logan wish sometimes to show his garden to oscar but at that point garden became his place of solitude, his always sunny runaway spot. Even if he knew he wasn't there alone, Logan saw that sometimes pots were moved around or leafs that he put off cleaning weren't there when he came back. Maybe it's garden being actually magical, maybe someone actually come there but they never bothered him so he figured thay couldn't be too bad.
So he continued opening closest door whenever things became too much and sticking close to oscar, two simple truths of his life.
Until one day after oscar being so sweet to him and logan wanting to repay to that he broke his promise of not breaking anything in the garden. Well technically he didn't break, just carefully cut off a few flowers that he doesn't remember planting, to make a small bouquet for oscar. But it was fine wasn't it? He always could just put some new there and it's not like there was someone to mind.
Or so logan thought before he saw frown settle onto Oscar's face just few minutes after he received flowers, his initial smile melting away longer he looked at bouquet. This reaction made Logan anxiously ask if everything was alright but he was quickly reassured that nothing is wrong and oscar even going as far as to kiss him on a cheek, leaving him dizzy while oscar retreated back to McLaren.
Logan tried not to think too much of this interaction because he's pretty sure it would just drive him mad. So he hides this memory in furthest corners of his mind till he gets back to garden hoping to water some greenery and maybe even plant a flower that he was eyeing for a while.
It all came to halt when he was walking past flower bed that contained flowers that he cut off before. There was a McLaren cap hanging on one of the strongest stems that were left there as a result of his bouquet preparations. When he picked it up there was a little note with "these were mine >:(" that in pairing with cap left no room to imagine who other person in the garden was
"Fuck"
#logan sargeant#f1 rpf#oscar piastri#loscar#sorry that it took me so long#also i wrote this in one day with few breaks and I'm very sorry for all typos in there#when i read ask one of my first thoughts was about Logan being able to access garden in the day#no matter what time is it for logan it's forever day while oscar got there only at night even tho it's still beautiful#thank you sm for the ask :***#hope you liked the result#ims writing#also reminder that English isnt my first language so it may be a bit bad#goodnight everyone
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pastel goth bat (he/it) and morten (they/he) because why the hell not
it's fun to dress up our ocs like dolls sometimes
#low stakes 🦇#my art#context is that i typed in bat's name into one of those shindan maker generators and one of the lines gave me fashion: pastel goth#and this was kinda in a discord server#and we were all talking about how bad/well the randomly generated fashion styles suited our ocs#and i wanted to try drawing some of the ones i got#starting with pastel goth bat because honestly what would that even look like. so i tried that#then morten just kinda happened to tag along! as one does! mostly because i rly wanted to draw them like this too#for a while actually#also yes. morten Will mess with their hair more as they settle into their vampirism a bit. it'll be fine#their default will always be that blue tomboyish sidetails cut so it will always return to that#much like how einarr always returns to long white blond no matter what he does#vampire hair is just like that. permanent. unchanging.#bat didn't wanna do anything to his hair for this drawing lol he has boundaries#there is an alt version in my files where he does have white hair tho#i mean. it could still be a wig#but w/e#u can ask if you really want to see it
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cat bit up my arm Gwah
#just me hi#my dude was Biting and Scratching and he was trying to be gentle at first but PAL#i mean it does Look bad but there's no blood so :) upside!#it looks kinda bad though hghfkshfhgjh#eu.. my skin... [<- is not enjoying the visual texture (it's not even the beat up parts it's just. eu)]#euuuuuuuu- euuu#oh wait speaking of getting shredded by cats i totally forgot about that one time- i forgot which of our cats i was handling but i think a#car had been started pretty nearby and they Freaked Out and left a score on my chest#which looked cool i will not lie. it also didn't sting which was great 👍 didn't enjoy the scab though hfsvh#yea it was kind of deep tho ? i'm surprised the scar isn't more pronounced lol - it's a darker shade than the surrounding skin which i thin#is neat :3#that was in the summer i think. forgot about it so fast hfhsvh#//okay okay my hair's annoying me lol#it's getting a bit longer than i like (it's in my face but it's Longer so it's in my face Badly if you know what i'm saying pfsh) but i'm#also thinking maybe i'll grow it out ? to play around with or something ? i dunno .u.#the thing is is that i don't like it being very long because that's Absolute Hell for meee#and also it doesn't match up with my mental image of myself so it's weird looking in a mirror and seeing. Somebody ? hfhsvh#long could be cool. unfortunately short may just be where i stay lol :)#WAIT. i forgot about wigs#Lmfshvhf - no but it Could be fun and makes a lot of sense. why choose and wait a couple months for room to mess around when you can just#Skip All of It. plusss my favorite hair would still be there. underneath#this makes sense to me it makes a lot of sense#Do i have the position‚ means‚ or proper space to do that? no. but longterm goals are cool hfkshvg#//dang did this cat get me on the back of my shoulder or what is that#?#? ?#irritation.. hmnm..#//okay yea anyway i've got a handful of things i wanna get toooo#this thing i've been working on has been SO funkin slow for some reason and idk why :'3 i have other things i wanna do hurry UP#hopefully i can figure out the colour situation tho cuz i feel like it's drawing away from the inks which i want to be a bit more focused o
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#arknights#i should probs make my own play tag for this instead of the main one but i'll figure that out if i make more posts like this. anyway#im finally reading the reunion arc of the main story thanks to the downtime between IC and typhon#(i cleared out all the stages first and now im going back to read cus my memory is so bad i'd forget what happened with how long it took)#poor hoshiguma i dont think she gets paid enough to stop these two from killing each other in cold blood#i find it funny tho that i decided to read lone trail before having read anything past episode 3 cus that one bit where rosmontis is like#'when's amiya coming back i miss her'#i was like (clueless) 'its ok rosmontis i think she just went out to get milk. she'll be back soon'#something tells me i'm due to find out she did not go out to get milk from the corner shop#voice of a guy trying to erase the memory of spending Six Hours trying to beat the last stage of episode 8 yesterday morning#i got distracted. anyway the women are fighting
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Growing closer than expected (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Kabu#Larry#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#To the shock of no one this is Zarla's fault (lol)#Bad influence! Too inspiring! Stop this! I'm totally not culpable for Being Inspired for the [X]th time now definitely lol#I kept finding little ideas popping into my head with them and I mean if I've already doodled them Once I guess I could try a couple more#Learned them just well enough to keep finding things for them pft#Although I am surprised by just how easy I find Larry to Draw - not necessarily that I'm fully Confident in drawing him yet but like#There's very little struggle to the shapes I put down here and I'm fairly pleased with their configuration haha#Kabu on the other hand!! Why is he so hard to draw!!! What!! Like I know his clothes are complex but no his face!#He's got a really cute and difficult-to-draw face! Why! I cannot figure him out#It's probably the do with the shape and size of his head...his hair........ I really enjoy fluff and he's Kind of but Not Really fluffy??#And his white streaks aren't intuitive to me - but Larry's floofs are??? I don't know#The only thing I can figure it that I Kind Of draw Dexter the same way - Larry's streaks are like an exaggerated version of how I floof Dex#And then a suit is second nature by now but I've already talked about my difficulties with Kabu's clothes lol#Didn't stop me from putting him out front for this hug tho! It's cute... Kabu asking Larry to come play with him but Larry has stuff to do#May or may not have felt a little that way myself - made most of these doodles during Requestober haha so busy!#The brightly shining brilliant glow boyfriend setup-payoff returns ♥ He glows like a fire! Overwhelming!#I still really love that glow cutaway style around the low-bouncing flower haha - just don't draw there and it gives the impression! Fun :)#Hugs <3 Unsurprisingly been in the want of cute fluff and sweetness and hugs were very on the menu#It really is fun to think of Larry being just a Little weird about how much he feels for Kabu#Acting childish as that part of him hasn't had the chance to grow and mature! Stuck awkward and gangly in otherwise full development#Feelings so big and strong and immediate for the first time in too too long <3 Gotta express them all somehow#And ending off with a bit of silliness haha - was Kabu prompting him just to hear such an answer? Who knows ♪#Larry just too straightforward haha - why else would he do or say things unless he felt like it! Pfsh obviously#Haha
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the eepy sleeper
#im sooooo eepy#but i want to finish the tidying im doing rly bad >:#maybe a dab will fix me#honestly i should really eat smth#ive had like 2 bites of food total today#OH I NEED TO TAKE MY MEDS#ITS TIME#thats why i feel like this#lamictal is no fucking joke man i wait a little too long to take my meds & its full blown withdrawals 😭#i <3 lamictal tho she’s worth it#ok ok lamictal dab maybe some crackers and then tidying#at least a little more#i got a decent amount done today im like a tiny bit proud of myseld#immediately had persecutors in my ear saying mean stuff after i said i might be proud of myself 🤣🤣 these fuckers suck lmao#ok thats enough rambling in yhe tags#if ur reading this hiiiiii :3 i hope something nice happens to u today/tonite!’#AND REMEMBER TO TAKE UR MEDS EVERYONE!!!!#cutievents
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Finally.
#oh my GOD.#my save says this playthrough's 53 hrs long#but i genuinely feel like ive been playing this game for 36 yrs#i still have like a dozen quests to do. which im contemplating just not doing and leaving them for a second playthrough#KSJDSKLDHSIUDHSIUD#just because i want to SEE how this game ends#ive seen spoilers already even tho ive blacklisted every possible tag (lol.) but im pretending i didnt <3#ive been holding back from writing in kaiens da verse bcs i want to see how it ends#and if theres bits about his verse i want to change before i rly dive in and start being a menace 2 all my da mutuals#so far no! im happy w what ive got:)#is him being a crow who joined as an adult realistic?no. but i dont care <3#sry i just CANT make him antivan. its bad enough hes half orlesian /lh#AUTEUR.
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uni semester is going well so far
#presentation was a struggle but it turned out to be good :)#i held it on 3 hours of sleep 🫠💀#but got in between an A and B on it so was worth it i guess 🥳#altough would have prefered to have more sleep but i created nice looking slides#and the article we had to present was so long and almost illegibile even the professor said so lmao#said she felt sorry for us hahah#i just had no time to get it done it was so difficult to find the time to do it and if i have it in winter my motivation is so low#but my partner was nice his slides were a bit basic tho maybe i should just do the slides for my partners as well#i mean i genuinly enjoy creating presentation slides 😅#and i presented the whole thing almost completely without notes and barely felt nervous ^^#that's a big w for me - i was so bad at presentations when i was younger sm anxiety ... for this one i barely cared#so at least my grades are thriving this semester 😂🥳#no that really makes me proud i hope i can continue this trend
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Ohh im obssesed
#uprooted#uprooted naomi novik#solya#marek#my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them#i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them#you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER#they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho#but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters#even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said#or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him#i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie#marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that#thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst#and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part#i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters
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This morning, my therapist called me to let me know she's setting up her own practice via telehealth (which is what we were using Anyways) & asked me whether I'd want to follow her there. She still has to set stuff up with insurance stuff But her out of pocket stuff is like HALF what I've been paying out of pocket for the company she was in. So I was like, Hell Yeah let's do it
So im gonna keep up with appointments, maybe once a month or so, just so I have the accountability + the ability to ramble about what I've achieved. Bc that's been rly nice for me. I'll have my therapist back!!!! And better than ever, if only because I have to pay so much less for it 😂😂😂
And ALSO, today I put in my course request for the orchestra into the form. So different from just two weeks ago, where I was practically begging to be given a chance to audition. I was sitting in the same spot of the lobby even, but putting in my official orchestra request instead of sending an email as I vibrated in hope and anxiety. I Got It tho. And the class won't even be that late in the day. It's really exciting.
#speculation nation#also general bonding with friends etc etc. very nice.#it's like. my day took a real turn for the better. my gender communication class was covering relationships today#including abusive relationships and how people express love.#the abusive relationships one had me like. actively a little uncomfortable hfkshfkd not like it was BAD bc it's important to teach the signs#but especially when it came to the Volatility sign i was just like. yup. uh huh. yeah. yup. hfksbfmsbc#because it. hit Real close to home for That One shitty relationship way back when#most days i forget i was in an abusive relationship And Then I Remember.........#anyways thankfully we didn't have a discussion over that. but we Did have a discussion over how often we say 'i love you'#professor was asking for a numerical estimate. and some people were saying like 5 or 6 times a day#meanwhile me realizing i only ever really say that to family (human-wise). and i only see or talk to family every so often.#but i say it a lot to my cats. a Lot. theyre my babies. i love them so much.#so i got kind of stressed and overwhelmed thinking about how the most i say is like 'ilu' but only to like one friend and only rarely.#even in romantic relationships i havent said it for the most part. bc it's mostly not been true and i Dont Like To Lie.#so i got to thinking about Why and had a thing of 'am i heartless??' etc etc. but i think i really am emotionally distant#which i think stems from the fact that i dont trust much of Anyone to be in my life long-term besides family#and the only non family i feel comfortable Sometimes saying this kind of thing to is someone ive been friends with for nearly 8 years now.#so i guess i trust that theyll be here longterm. so i feel less anxiety about expressing it.#my friends told me that they see i still care tho in the ways i act and try to take care of them.#so. not heartless. i just struggle with telling people how i feel.#hfmahfmshfms so yeah bit of a weird day but it got better!!!! and now i am. chilling.#gonna play more sims 2. yes.#abuse ment/
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