elitparadox

[elitparadox]

it's been a long year since i last posted on this account, which means it's been a year since i've interacted with my tumblr friends :c i see a lot of them are no longer active, and tumblr has changed much, yet i cannot imagine a year has passed..

i was asked once, who is your worst enemy? i couldn't respond then, but now i think i can say time is. don't get me wrong-- i am grateful for time. to have time in this world is to have another opportunity to do what you want, chase whatever dream, to live. but it's a sorrowful feeling to realize time runs forward without waiting for you, whether you want it to or not. the flow of time is something you cannot control, only seem to manage within your own limits.

anyway, i really hope you are doing well, maybe not completely thriving at the moment but finding joy and happiness in the small gifts life has to offer :D

[elitparadox]

again and again and again ; ushijima wakatoshi

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x f!reader

synopsis: every august 13th, a void opens in your chest. the universe is one sick bastard.

tag(s): soulmate!au, very angsty, equally fluffy, reincarnation!au, prince!ushijima, rebel!ushijima. android!ushijima, dad!ushijima, pro-volleyball player!ushijima ; warning(s): lots of death n dying, suggestive themes, light profanity ; wc: 4.8k

a/n: happy birthday ushi!!! inspired by cloud atlas and the raven cycle but you don’t have to have seen either to understand this fic. tbh it’s just a bunch of different au’s tied together by the strings of fate lol. a thousand thank you’s to @dorkyama​ for beta-ing!

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[elitparadox]

I'm doing....i wouldn't say great because I'm very tired and stressed but I'm also managing to somehow stay cheerful so yeah

Wbu, how have you been?!?!

aww. yeah, i feel u bb that's exactly my current condition lmao.. but i really do hope you get better! just keep trying your best and living your life and working to find happiness in the present :) even tho it will seem difficult. i can't really say how i am or how i've been because there's too much conflict with my words lol anyway i lost like all my motivation to write and socialize so even i'm surprised i'm responding this long at two in the freakin morning sorry this is getting a bit redundant anyhoo gbye!! LIVE UR LIFE & don't give a single fuck about anyone or anything that's hindering u

[elitparadox]

ELE OMG IVE MISSED YOU <3

sis no way i missed you 100x i hope ur doing well :')

[elitparadox]

ele bae i love u

...no u

[elitparadox]

Tobe fly

WTF

[elitparadox]

Kuroo Tetsuro 💛

[elitparadox]

LMFAO thanks so much, i love cute frog-looking-doll pictures / memes i'm literally living under a rock i don't know what it's called

[elitparadox]

HI ELE SEEING YOU ON MY DASH MADE ME SO HAPPY I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL <33

SAYUUU I MISSED U BB :(( thanks so much for ur sweet words & i hope uni goes well for you! as for ur assignments, you got this because you're so talented and smart <3

[elitparadox]

I MISSED YAAAA OH MY GOODNESS ELEEEE

YESS U BETTER HAVE jk in all seriousness u are the best

reasons:

1. you're mae

2. kind

3. smart

4. crazy af

5. i could go on and on but it's midnight and i have five freaking courses tomorrow

[elitparadox]

ELE ARE YOU BACK???

mayhaps

[elitparadox]

do you feel different yet? the world is turning, see, and the years are getting shorter. the earth is warming with oil and greed, so slowly that we mightn’t notice anything is happening at all until all the oxygen has burned out. in the dusk, you close all your windows and all your doors, and keep your lights burning. Within the thick of their heat, the moths still fly to their death, hollowed by want.

a frog stays in a boiling kettle if only you boil the water slowly enough. and in your memory, he is still honey-sweet. The rot has not yet set in. He doesn’t yet drip into the vast emptiness of your aching stomach. He doesn’t yet bury his teeth in your throat.

He is so sweet. Blooming and blushing and full of promises he cannot fulfill - child, do you feel different yet? I have always wanted to know how long it takes a moth to realise that the light it craves is killing it. I have always wanted to know how heat feels different when it rises very slowly.

You laugh. He has a hand on your thigh. Another oil tanker breaks and the ocean burns; a swirling pit. Around us, the world is getting hotter. Neither of us move.

[elitparadox]

what i've felt reading his letters (and this post here) is that van gogh emphasizes the implied message that everyone-- you, me, him-- everyone, has only one life. that we shouldn't be circumscribed by anyone's expectations, that we should chase our own horizons and do what we've always dreamed of doing. and along the way, we might even be able to help others and be of use in the world, like van gogh says. what is being useful to this world? i ask myself in the mirror every day. what is the meaning of "to live"? it's to be free, to create yourself, to experience, learn, laugh, cry, love. it's to leave your presence, your mark. sadly, though, climate change is happening. it's caused by humans and their freaking companies (which emit unhealthy multitudes of carbon dioxide), and it's debilitating our promised goal to keep the world-- to keep ourselves-- safe.

reading vincent van goghs letters and he keeps repeating the same thing.. that i may be of use in the world. he repeats it over and over, in questions, in musings, in desperation. how can i be of use in the world? (the most precious question!) how can i be of use in the world? (how can anyone?) reminds me of that mary oliver quote: to pay attention, this is our endless and proper work. if i were any more insightful i could say something profound here, but i think if we keep focused attention on the question, we may find a way to be of some good. like rilke meant. by loving the questions themselves, we may one day stumble upon the answer.

[elitparadox]

[elitparadox]

and yours?

▸ suna rintarou x fem!reader

▸ 1.6k

▸ just shy, giggly mutual pining, pre-timeskip

your best friend takes you to an inarizaki match to ogle over one of the miya twins, but you’re too focused on another player

the crowd goes wild as inarizaki scores another point, securing the first set by a stretch. they’re crushing their opponent at this point but you only stand, and clap, and cheer as the others do for performative purposes. honestly, you haven’t been able to focus on the game itself since you noticed that inarizaki’s number 10 kept glancing in your direction in between plays.

you are so full of it, you tell yourself for making the assumption that he was looking at you of all the people in the gymnasium. he was probably just looking because you and your friend, hana, didn’t even go to inarizaki high. you probably stuck out like sore thumbs amidst their cheer squad. you weren’t even wearing the right colours.

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[elitparadox]

[elitparadox]

hey ele <33 i’m here to say ily lots and that if you need a break, i’m so glad you’re taking one! prioritizing yourself is amazing, and i’ll be more than glad to see you when you come back

i love and appreciate your work! take care love, i’ll miss you 💕💕

nova have i told you i love you from the ends of the world and back?? well you're really so sweet and kind, i don't deserve this :'(