#[ i now imagine him eating 10 million worth of food...... ]

[despairforme]

GRAHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHAT DO YOU WANT I HAVE 10 MILLION DOLLARS NNOI MY SWEET

NNOITRA'S BIRTHDAY ( 11 / 11 ) .

10 Million, huh? He assumed that was a lot. It sounded like a lot. So that meant he could get whatever he wanted? That excited him for a moment, before he realized that he didn't have a clue WHAT he wanted. He paused. Thought about it. He quickly decided he wasn't going to get deep here. Not wish for something meaningful. Not that anything meaningful could be bought anyway ( oh, jeez, now who was getting fucking philosophical? He was gonna puke ) .

❝ Bring me as much food as that money will buy! I want sweets, treats, pastries, candy!! Oh, 'n meat. ❞ Keep it simple, and - not at all humble.

[kennyfischerconsulting]

BRILLIANT SCRAP MEN - BEN FIXMAN # 4

Oh, and when your stock is $60 a share instead of $10, the company you just bought for $6,000,000 was really costing you $1,000,000 or 6 times less stock instead of cash. Imagine Benny’s luck that instead of 5 million he is now worth 50 million.

Not the right math? Right. Along the way Benny sold a block of his stock in a secondary offering and got two checks: one for 4 million and one for 8 million. He called me into his office and showed me the 8-million-dollar check made out to him.

“Take this home tonight and show it to your dad”, he said. “Are you crazy, I said, what if I lost it or someone stole it from me?”  “Schmuck, he said, who is going to cash an 8-million-dollar check?” Would you say Benny was lucky or smart? Give me a break!

Here is an excerpt from an article about him and some quotes from his book. They are mostly accurate (within 10%) to the best of my recollection.

Diversified Metals pioneered the successful development of a mechanical method of processing scrap wire and cable, which revolutionized the scrap metal recycling industry. As a result of this success, Mr. Fixman was named "Man of the Century" by Iron Age Magazine, a publication serving the metal recycling industry. Diversified went public in 1964 and grew to a multi-industry business which operated as many as 33 companies engaged in manufacturing, metals processing and reclamation, service industries and retailing. The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection on March 5, 1993.

Through a $500 loan from his father-in-law, Fixman bought a scrap yard when he was 26 and started his company. By perfecting the cold process, he revolutionized the metals industry and grew Diversified Metals Corporation into a Fortune 500 company (Diversified Industries) with 36 subsidiaries. This diversified NYSE-traded company had revenues of $330 million. In 1969, Fixman was named 'Man of the Century' by the leading metals industry magazine.

 The secret to his success can be pared down to one word: determination. “I owe my success to what I call Jewish engineering—you either solve the problem or you starve to death,” says Fixman, now 85. He’s not exaggerating. “I grew up during the Great Depression, in a rat-infested tenement in the toughest ghetto in downtown St. Louis, at 18th and Carr,” he recalls.

“There was never enough to eat. I survived on food scraps from neighbors who took pity on me—one lady gave me her barbecue bones to suck on after she’d eaten them for dinner.” His mother, a Russian immigrant widow who barely spoke English, cleaned houses for a dollar a day to support five kids. “I never had a childhood,” he says. “I started working when I was 7, peddling newspapers on street corners.”

   Fixman dropped out of high school freshman year to work as a janitor at a ladies’ ready-to-wear chain. By the time he quit to join the Army, he was assistant to the chain’s president.

Stay tuned.

[this-is-my-procrastination]

hi honey! (●’◡’●)ﾉ could i request a oneshot with Dazai, and reader is just always sleepy? like if she sits still for longer than thirty minutes, she’ll be passed out? thank you!

pairing: dazai osamu x sleepy!reader

synopsis: sleepy y/n has trouble staying awake

request: hi honey! (●’◡’●)ﾉ could i request a oneshot with Dazai, and reader is just always sleepy? like if she sits still for longer than thirty minutes, she’ll be passed out? thank you!

a/n: omg im so sorry this literally took me 10 million years to finish!! i think i’ve rewritten this like more than four times at this point lmao but hopefully it turned out ok and you like it! as always, thank you so much for requesting ily <33

A pair of lips delicately brush your cheek. Your eyes flutter open, groggily blinking the sleep from your eyes as you slowly register the owner of the offending lips. To no one’s surprise, it’s Dazai’s smug face that beams back at you, grin softening as he teases, “Look who fell asleep again~ If you weren’t so cute, I might be offended y’know?” His playful pout causes you to giggle, your boyfriend already helping to make waking up so much less vexing than usual.

Retaliating to his teasing remarks, you attempt to ruffle his messy tuft of black hair but find that his head is sadly more than an arm’s length away, much to your dismay. Looking back down at your disheveled bedhead fondly, Dazai pulls you into his arms as you release a few indignant retorts. The movie you two were watching had been in its closing scenes, but when he looked towards you to ask your thoughts (and ask why you’d been so quiet after literally the first thirty minutes), he was met with your very cute, very endearing, very much asleep expression, eyes shut and mouth slightly ajar. Your head was adorably leaned against the crook of his neck, and he would prefer not to admit it, but he had spent more time than he realized just admiring your dozing features silently, appreciating and marveling at this human who made him feel so loved. Past Dazai would have scoffed at a serious romantic relationship that didn’t end in double suicide, but right now, the thought of not being able to spend peaceful moments like this with you was the most excruciating punishment he could possibly imagine. How could he imagine someone else when even just your sleeping face was so incredibly adorable to him?

Your freshly-awake ramblings brought him back to the present. Dazai lets his fingers drift and find its place loosely running down a stray strand of your hair, twirling it cheerfully as he listens to you continuing on.

You suddenly stop your rant, staring at him with an amused expression on your face before you gently prod his side, “What’re you so deep in thought about?” You pondered the possibilities, “Could you be thinking about what to eat? I’m pretty hungry too after that nice nap!”

“No, no,” Dazai dramatically denies your question, waving his hand dismissively, “Well - I’ll never say no to a snack, but I was actually mesmerized! You just look so cute when you’re sleepy~”

You playfully roll your eyes, nudging him with a teasing “uh-huh.”

“Is that why I can get away with falling asleep around you?” your smile is warm as you meet his eyes, and Dazai’s heart quickens just slightly, “I told you that you can wake me up since I sometimes fall asleep before I realize. I appreciate you always taking care of me though, Dazai. You’re a very good boyfriend for that~”

Your praise is music to Dazai’s ears as his lips quirk into a smirk, “Oh-ho, am I finally getting the appreciation I’ve been deserving? I’m glad you finally noticed!” Your boyfriend’s hand pats your head affectionately, and you laugh aloud as he plasters a quick sloppy kiss to your forehead.

You’re about to playfully call him out for his touchiness but your boyfriend’s chest immediately puffs out theatrically, “But don’t you worry! I’m self-sworn to protect my sleeping beauty for as long as I live - actually, even from the grave!”

Dazai’s sudden knightly attitude cracks you up as you swiftly duck out from under his hand. You grin widely at his antics before matching his energy with a statement fitting for a true princess: “oh, ya - uh! ok thanks buddy! so then, Sir Dazai, lead the way to the kitchen and let’s make a mid-movie - oh, never mind the movie’s over - a post-movie snack!”

Dazai’s cheers ring through your apartment as he eagerly yet still surprisingly delicately, always being careful to keep you unscathed and present by his side, grabs your hand and escorts you into the kitchen.

The plan was to make brownies. So, why is Dazai furiously beating a bowl of grainy “whipped cream” that he’d made using a combo of water and specifically granulated, not confectionary, sugar? Why is more brownie batter on cabinet doors than in the baking pan? Why is the salt tipped onto its side, spilling its entire contents into some kind of abstract shape on the countertop?

One reason: food fight. Maybe your abundant sleeping habits had finally caught up to you, but you had never felt as invigorated and actively mischievous as you had when you’d swiped some brownie batter onto your boyfriend’s face. It was worth it! You think. You thought. Dazai’s brown hues absolutely shined with mirth at your pathetic attempt of provoking him. You were prepared for him to laugh it off and call you adorable, maybe naive for playing with fire, but ultimately he would chuckle and move on. Except, that did not happen. Instead, he had immediately retaliated with an even bigger glop thrown into your hair, partly accidentally and partly to be a li’l gremlin, and oh boy, it just escalated from there.

The whipped cream Dazai had whipped up for “quick ammunition” was quickly used up - Dazai scooped it, and the heap had seemed to grow impossibly bigger with every additional spoonful. Currently, his smile was widening and creepily stretching ear-to-ear as his starry eyes zeroed in on your vulnerable form.

The ruthless battle continued for a while, but after finally agreeing to a truce, you both couldn’t help but stare at the resulting mess with equally blank stares.

“Mm... okgoodnightbabe! I’ll see you in the morning!” You almost trip over yourself as you flee, throwing a cursory glance at your incredulous boyfriend before giggling and rushing to close the bedroom door before he can follow. Dazai’s whining carries through the solid wood, but you playfully call back, “I’ll give you anything you want - just pleasee do the cleaning! And if it’s too much, come to bed and we can deal with it in the morning together, ok?”

You could clearly picture Dazai’s pout in your mind as the sound of his footsteps fades towards the kitchen. Smiling fondly, you quickly change into your pajamas and hop into your shared bed to wait for his return. However, listening to the distant clanging of bowls and whooshing of the tap water proved to be an effective lullaby, and you couldn’t help it as your eyes began to flutter and eventually stay closed.

By the time Dazai finishes cleaning, the dark night sky was starting to brighten and mix with the warm oranges and reds of sunrise. He quietly opens your bedroom door and is met, not really to his surprise, by your sleeping lump of a body. Dazai’s brows furrow slightly, but he quickly notices the open book laying by your form and realizes that you had been up waiting for him. He could also tell you by the blankets messily strewn around you - usually you preferred having them wrapped around you like a tight burrito.

At that, Dazai lightly chuckles, his heart warming at the thought. He takes his time putting on a fresh set of clothes and rolls his eyes as he ever-so-gently tucks the blankets over you. The bed shifts as he climbs in carefully, but Dazai quickly freezes as you start to mumble quietly. Your words are inaudible, even as Dazai strains his ears to hear any (possible) secrets that you could be spouting. Shifting restlessly, you roll around and suddenly shoot out your arm, making an interesting grabby motion. Dazai almost lets out a laugh as he wonders what in the world you could be looking for, but his eyes widen when you make contact with your boyfriend and immediately calm down, hand gripping his shirt loosely.

As your body relaxes, Dazai feels a wide smile creep up his face, adoring and almost grossly soft. And he lets it. He just can’t help himself - he leans in and places an affectionate kiss on your forehead, lingering there before pulling back and squeezing next to you under the covers. He shifts your arm into a more comfortable position, and as you unconsciously flip to face him, Dazai’s eyes soften into a sweet but intensely warm chocolate brown. If you had been awake to open your eyes, you would have witnessed a rare but genuine sight: your boyfriend’s peaceful expression illuminated by the quiet sunlight of dawn, his eyes deeply staring into yours with endless messages of comforting assurance and happiness, and his lips subtly quirking into a tenderly loving smile shared only for the two of you.

[coronashmorona]

COVID-19 Isolation:

Day 0

For a day & a half, my husband (hereinafter “Hubs”) & I pondered (read: lowkey argued about) the boundaries & limitations we should be imposing on our selves & our kids given the increased prevalence of coronavirus in our area. Was avoiding everyone all weekend really necessary? Can we eat takeout food? Should our kids go to school on Monday? What about after-school activities? What about the fantasy baseball draft we were supposed to host next weekend? Or the slew of small children’s birthday parties scheduled for the coming weeks?

Hubs was already planning on working from home, which he does often the last few years after his firm moved to a “hoteling” style office. My work is very flexible part-time & gets done whenever I can fit it in around everyone else’s schedules, i.e. can also take place from home if needed. 

Then, today, we got word that all local schools will be closed for 2 weeks. So at least that’s settled. 

Now, we’re confronting the challenge of how to go about our daily lives under these strange new circumstances. Namely:

The need for some kind of scheduled routine. We have a first-grader & a preschooler. They are absolutely wonderful, but go entirely bonkers if we’re home without any structure. They’re also in completely different places as far as personality, temperament, & educational needs. 

First-grader (hereinafter “6yo”) is kind of a high-strung, type-A, preintellectual. She needs a full briefing about what’s happening every hour of every day. If plans change, she has a million questions about what the alteration entails. (If she’s conscious, she has a million questions, period.) She enjoys so many great activities - artistic pursuits, imaginative play, dancing, & really anything else that involves running around like a banshee - but constantly asks for TV time and/or a snack anyway. Historically, it’s been nearly impossible to set her up with an activity & walk away for more than 10 minutes; she’s just the sort of kid who needs/expects an adult caregiver to provide companionship, guidance, & answers at all times. I’m hoping that having an agenda mapped out for each day will remind her of school & she’ll be more amenable to doing things independently for a relatively short, set amount of time. I can also meet her halfway & do my work at the dining room table while she embarks on a quiet activity. Finally, it sounds like the school district is hatching a contingency plan for remote student learning, complete with daily homework posted online, which is comforting to say the least. 

Preschooler (”4yo”) is a rambunctious ball of energy, but tends to be pretty easygoing overall. If left to his own devices, he’ll wander over to his trains or his blocks or even a book & play on his own. The problem, of course, is that when left to his own devices for too long, he’s probably up to no good. His favorite pastime of late has been playing in Hubs’s office, using some old printers & other computer accessories to “build Robot Marty” (a.k.a. the robot that roams the aisles at Stop & Shop). This activity will be mostly off-limits while Hubs works from home - a deprivation that I’m sure will be ill-received & spawn all sorts of disruptive discovery missions, i.e. let’s see what happens when we stick the end of Mama’s headphones into the electrical outlet. Oyyy. My hope is that if I break out some toys he hasn’t used in a while, & a few shiny new (read: held in abeyance since his birthday) ones, he’ll amuse him accordingly while 6yo & I do our thing. 

Getting fed. I am really, really nervous about consuming commercially prepared food right now. The chances of contracting COVID-19 from it are small, but it doesn’t seem worth the risk. As it is, I’m a bit of a DIY food purist, frequently eschewing restaurant food for my own creations. I have a whole separate blog detailing my experiences with Whole30, in which I take my appreciation for clean-eating to the max in order to improve my health. Tl;dr I cook a lot of fresh veggies & lean meats & try to minimize the amount of processed foods in my diet. Doing this is hard enough under ~ordinary stressful circumstances, let alone a global pandemic. I’ve already slid into some unhealthy reflexive stress-eating that needs to be curtailed ASAP. 

The biggest point with this, I feel, is establishing a meal+snack schedule. Else, the kids will constantly be asking for things to eat, interrupting any hope of sticking to a playtime/learning/physical activity schedule. On certain days spent mostly at home, I feel like all I do is stand in the kitchen cutting fruit, & we will not survive the next few weeks if that’s how it’s gonna be. Granted, this is sometimes exacerbated by my own penchant to use a free minute here or there to chop & roast some Brussels sprouts or eggplant. But there has to be a point at which “oh look, Mom’s in the kitchen” doesn’t automatically translate to “let’s give her something else to do”.

A possible strategy to alleviate this involves cutting a bunch of fruit in advance, portioning it out, & storing it on a fridge shelf the kids can reach, so they can get it themselves. I don’t want to deprive them of food; we just feel that they shouldn’t be eating a constant stream of processed garbage. This is a particular risk for 6yo, who has the metabolism & appetite of a hummingbird & openly fixates on the constant quest for treats.

Dealing with life’s other extenuating circumstances. As others with young children can likely attest, our life is constantly in several different states of flux, limbo, and/or disarray. Some other things we’ve been dealing with lately and/or will be dealing with shortly:

Hubs’s dad is having a hip replacement tomorrow. Several people tried to talk him out of it, but he’s been having terrible sciatic pain for a long time & as long as the surgeon/hospital will have him he feels he needs to go ahead with it. Who will take care of him afterward, & whether/when we can visit, remain uncertain. LATE-BREAKING UPDATE: surgery cancelled. A relief insofar as one variable eliminated.

Last week I definitely herniated/tore something in my abdominal area while pulling the kids in a wagon, & need to see a doctor for that. I’m not thrilled with the idea of being in a highly-trafficked public place, but I also don’t want to put off getting myself looked at & aggravate the injury in the meantime. As it is, I’m trying not to lift heavy things (e.g., our 4-year-old) or spend too much time on my feet, but that in itself is a struggle. Right now my appointment is scheduled for a time at which Hubs has a very important (virtual) work meeting, so I need to reschedule it and/or find someone else who can watch the kids. I’m praying for the former outcome because it begs the question “Who should we be letting in the house?!”

We’re in the early stages of renovating our kitchen. This means that we’ve met with a few designers/contractors about possible layouts & options, inching towards finalizing a plan & selecting one of them to carry it out. It sounds like Hubs wants to move ahead with this process as before, but suffice to say my mental bandwidth is now sufficiently occupied with other shit. 

I’m always in the middle of 187 different things, & it feels like they’re all now on hold: purging the house of outgrown clothes & toys, organizing the basement, learning German, catching up on continuing legal education credits,

Processing the fear + existential woe. None of us have ever lived through anything like this. It is fucked up. I try to take comfort in the fact that the isolation protocols are empowering: by staying away from others who might be carrying the disease, we’re taking control of an uncertain situation. 

But there’s still so. much. uncertainty. Right now, the kids are scheduled to go back to school March 30th. Then their spring break will start on April 8th, to coincide with the start of Passover (as well as Holy Week & Easter). Last year, we hosted a seder for 18 people. Can we do that this time? I have tickets to one concert (locally) in late April, & to another (abroad) in early June - will either one actually be happening?!

These are, decidedly, #firstworldproblems. But I think I join the rest of humanity in being utterly pissed off & daunted by the whole ordeal. Until another few weeks pass, all we can do is wait. And wash our hands a lot. 🧼 💦 🙏🏼

[ftm-quest]

Hello, so I figured I might as well talk a little bit about my last surgery on the 26th of July.

As I’ve mentioned before, in Germany (or at least in my clinic) there are four total stages to phalloplasty: 1. “kleiner Aufbau” (clitoral release/metoidioplasty, urethral lengthening, vaginectomy, oopherectomy, hysterectomy), 2. “großer Aufbau” (the phallus is formed using skin from the forearm, urethral opening is pointing down again), 3. connection of the new urethra in the phallus, construction of the glans and scrotum, 4. erectile and testicular implants. Far as I’m aware, these stages are broken up to lower the risk for complications.

I am now about 2 weeks post stage 1. Overall I had to stay in the hospital for 10 days post op. I went to the Chirurgische Klinik München Bogenhausen, which is a clinic with a team of very skilled, young and well trained surgeons, well known among trans men for their skill in phalloplasties. Absolutely worth the 6 hour train trip in my opinion. In the following I will go over more detail of my hospital stay.

Day before the surgery

I arrived about an hour late to my pre-treatment interviews the day before the surgery (thank you Deutsche Bahn), which was fine in the end though, but I had to wait a little longer at their offices. The talk with the urologist was very good, I felt like she explained every step well and carefully and took her time with me (not that I needed much because I knew about most things already). After that I got admitted to the hospital, where I already saw some trans men while I was checking in at the reception desk. My room was on station one, which is known for being the station with almost exclusively trans patients. I shared a room with (apparently during his stay) the only other guy that had stage 1 like me. We got along super well, I got to ask him a bunch of questions, it was great. Some time during the evening I had to get an enema to empty out my intestines (I also wasn’t allowed to really eat anything apart from very salty broth as soon as I was admitted, which sucked because I hadn’t eaten much all day), which was an.... interesting experience, but not terrible.

Surgery day

Once again I got lucky and my surgery was the first, so I got woken up at about 6:20 am and got to take another shower (shaved some more, I had already shaved at home which I strongly recommend, especially if you have a lot of body hair like me), put on the hospital gown and waited and waited until about 7:15 am (felt like hours) when I was picked up by a nurse and rolled down to the OP floors. Had to say my name and birth date to about a million people (for confirmation that they got the right guy) and eventually got my narcosis (took longer than for mastectomy).

When I woke up, I kinda just woke up every once in a while for a few seconds and would doze off again. I didn’t really talk to the nurses there, but listened to them talk a bit to other patients. Had a little bit of pain if I remember right in the area of the uterus and I was just kinda sleepy from what I remember. Later, when I was rolled back up to my room, the nurses told me that I had been moving a lot in the wake up room which I have no awareness or memory of at all and they had to give me some more meds to keep me still. Back in my room I think I was a bit better again, talked a bit to my roommate and all. I can’t remember that much from that day, but I know it was very uneventful, I slept a bunch.

Days after surgery

I hadn’t really eaten anything for the first one or two days after surgery because I was afraid of having to puke from the anesthesia, but eventually I got around to it some morning. On the first day post op I got to stand up once for a few seconds, felt a little woozy and then lied down again. Overall I sometimes had pain mostly in the urethra area, didn’t have much pain from the vaginectomy at first. They give you lots of pain meds tho, so it never really gets bad. On day 2 post op they helped me stand up again and from that point on I was allowed to stand up and walk around on my own, empty my catheter on my own and so on. Walking was a little uncomfortable, I had to walk kinda slow and all. Also that day my roommate got released after having some troubles urinating without a catheter, but eventually it worked out for him and he didn’t need to get another suprapubic catheter. On day 3 post op I had to switch rooms (I later found out that my old room got women and I guess they didn’t want to have mixed rooms) and my new roommate was just at stage 3. We didn’t get along quite as perfectly as I did with my roommate before (we were both sad he had to leave so soon), but we eventually got along better and better as time progressed. He had some more complications and we both ended up leaving the hospital on the same day. But it was pretty cool because he told me a bunch about the second stage, gave me some tips and actually showed me his penis. It was really amazing seeing it in person and not just in photos, it does look and seem quite different, but it looked very impressive and real and I just can’t wait.

At day 4 post op they removed the drain and the “band aids” over my genitalia which finally removed the pains I was getting from the band aids pushing into my vaginectomy wounds, but on the downside introduced me to the real annoyances and pains of catheters. Since now the catheter was free to move around (before it was fixed through the thick layers of band aids) it could introduce all kinds of discomfort and pains to the sensitive area. I’d say it progressively moves from just being annoying to being more and more painful. In general my t-dick has been feeling painfully overstimulated since about 6 or so days post op and it still does. On the other hand catheters are also kinda handy since you don’t have to get up all the time to pee! Also after the removal of the last band aid one day later I was finally allowed to shower again. Very difficult and painful with a catheter.

Moving around was pretty easy for me relatively early on and I could do most things already just a few days post op, except for sitting. I was worried the sitting could cause problems on the train ride home, but when I tried to sit again on the last days, I could do it without much trouble.

As the days went on, the catheter got more annoying, I got less pain meds (only at night) and the days became more and more boring. Finally on day 9 post op I got my catheter removed very early in the morning. Short little sting but nothing bad. At first I had trouble peeing and I felt like I couldn’t completely empty my bladder. Later on though, when I had an ultrasound to check on the amount of urine in my bladder (my brother who is studying medicine did it because the doctor found out that he studies medicine and wanted to let him try, was kinda awkward), I only had about 40ml in my bladder which is more than good enough, thus sealing the decision that I will be allowed to leave the next day. On that day I also took a shower and peed in the shower (which worked much easier than sitting on the toilet for some reason) and the feeling of seeing your stream go forward like that and being able to control where it goes... Much more impactful that I ever imagined. I also eventually tried standing to pee at the toilet which worked out pretty well, although I get tiny sprinkles at the edges of the toilet (no idea why) and I have to get my pants down completely. The last few drops have to be dried with a piece of toilet paper.

And so I did, the train ride back luckily did not have nearly as many problems as the ride there, although I did have to carry my luggage a bit (which you aren’t really supposed to because it’s too heavy...). On the plus side, I peed standing at a public toilet on the train for the first time, which was also pretty awesome. No more sitting on disgusting public toilets!

Days at home

On the first morning home, I had a bit of a shock because I initially experienced the same problems as my first roommate that I couldn’t pee well as in only drops came out instead of a stream and it felt like my bladder wasn’t completely emptied. Luckily it got better an hour or so later. I’ve been having that problem for all days since I got home although I noticed it got a bit better since about yesterday. Most likely areas around my urethra are more internally swollen at night and thus close the urethra a bit in the morning. I actually feel pain when I completely empty my bladder right in the area where it feels like the swollen tissue is compromising the urethra. Overall though, it’s just getting better and better. I haven’t been taking any meds in a long time, the stitched already look really well healed, the wounds on the stomach from the oopherectomy and hysterectomy are super tiny for me and already super well healed.

I won’t have to work for the next 1 1/2 weeks, which should be more than enough time to recover. Honestly with the work I do I could already work again, but hey gotta use any sick leave you get right. I am a little bored most days, but my girlfriend is coming back soon so then things will get brighter and more fun again!

Next surgery and conclusion

My time at the hospital was boring, but almost all nurses were very friendly, funny and competent, the food was decent (hated dinner) and to me it was just an incredible experience that is hard to describe to be at a clinic where almost everyone is a trans patient that is further along in their medical transition than I am. You see so little of trans men in media, in communities just anywhere and even less of trans men with bottom surgery. It’s been my experience as well many others that the further along you go on your road to and along phalloplasty the harder it gets to relate to trans men that are still early in their transition. So finally being around people like me and people more experienced than me in this aspect was just amazing and I am very grateful and looking forward to my next stay.

Regarding that, from what I heard from other trans men usually the waiting time for stage two is about 4 months, which won’t work for me because of university. I hope I will be able to get an appointment in mid February because that will be the last time I can be missing for 6 weeks (I will most likely be doing internships this time next year). More importantly I hope my arm will be ready in time as I have not yet been able to start epilation because of the long long process of getting confirmations from my insurance. I am now waiting on the last confirmation after having had a consulation and after that I can finally start. Hopefully at least the area they use to build the urethra will be done in time, as the rest can be done post op as well.

Additionally, I find it interesting to note that from what I hear in the clinic, most patients that have complications are smokers, so since I have never smoked in my life and my healing so far has went really well, I count my chances high for staying complication-free.

In the end, this stage 1 doesn’t do much for me in regards to dysphoria apart from the fact that I can pee standing (just not at urinals), but with this experience of having surgery, being closer to phalloplasty than ever and having met and talked to men that have already had it, I have never been more excited and anxious to finally have phalloplasty and I really really can’t wait until it’s finally here. I know the hospital time will be very difficult, but the joys and new discovery of my own body and more will be worth all the struggle.

[aquarius-johnny]

Give Me A Reason | Johnny Seo

Requested: yes | WC: 3k | Warning: cussing, hinting sexual acts

Genre: fluff, angst

A/N: part two to confessions! phew, this is pretty long and has a lot of time jumps but i finally got inspiration to finish this, so i hope you enjoy; nonidol!johnny x fem!reader ft. taeyong + jaehyun

read part one (confessions) here

Summary: Johnny finds out you know about his confession, but not in the way he was hoping.

It had been nearly three months since Johnny’s confession. During these months, you and Johnny have gotten a lot closer than you both could imagine. You made it a point to pretend his declaration of his feelings never happened whenever you hung out with him, which was a lot more now that he was living 20 minutes away from your place, in hopes that he’d feel comfortable telling you again. So far, he hasn’t. You watched as Johnny fill his refrigerator with leftover Thai food he ordered for the two of you as a thank you for helping him set up and rearrange his new apartment.

“I’m thinking about throwing a housewarming party, or well an apartment warming party if that’s what it’s called,” he chuckles taking a seat in front of you on his dining table. “It’d be cool if you could stop by, considering you basically set this apartment up too.” Leaning against one of the counters, he tries to focus on something to distract himself from the slight embarrassment that overcame him when asking you to the party.

Teasing him by pondering your response, you see Johnny’s expression fall. “What time should I be here?” You asked, smiling from ear to ear. “And what should I bring?”

“Around 7ish? And just bring yourself. You’ve already done so much.” His eyes slightly light up, attempting to hold in a bashful smile.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you smiled.

Before he could say something, a fast knock on his front door catches your attention. Scrunched eyebrows, Johnny hesitantly walks to the door and peeks through the peephole. Without saying a word, he opens the door wide open and a frantic Taeyong makes his way into the apartment with a calm Jaehyun following.

“What’s up?” Johnny hesitantly greets Taeyong who brings his thumb to his lip, nibbling nervously.

Your eyes meet with Jaehyun and he gives you a small wave with a smile, his dimples prominent. Sauntering over to Johnny’s refrigerator, he pulls out the take out tray Johnny put in a few minutes before. He grabs a fork and sits in front of you, taking a bite of the leftover.

“Sorry, did we interrupt something?” Taeyong asked, looking back and forth between you and Johnny. Shaking your head, a sigh leaves his lips. “I need you to do a favor for me.” He turns to Johnny, watching him shut his front door.

Johnny’s brows shoot up in shock. Taeyong never asked for anything, so his state of panic for a favor is worrisome. Watching Jaehyun casually eat, he offers you a bite which you politely decline.

“What is it?” Johnny’s voice catches your attention as he takes a seat next to you. You watch as he followed Taeyong take a seat in front of him, next to Jaehyun, then taking his bottom lip between his teeth; a habit you notice Johnny does quite often.

“I need you to go on a double date with me,” Taeyong begs, his hands interlocking with each other in front of him. “That girl I’ve been talking to? She wants to go on a double date with me and her friend, but she asked me to find her friend a date.”

You look down, disappointed, as you felt your heart drop. Please say no, please say no. You silently begged Johnny, who tried his hardest not to make eye contact with you.

“Why don’t you go?” Johnny tilts his chin towards Jaehyun who is in the middle of taking another bite. Bringing the fork down, he simply says he’s seeing someone, then places the utensil back into his mouth. You try your best to hide your feelings until you make eye contact with Jaehyun. “You don’t have to do this, Johnny,” Jaehyun speaks up. Your feelings were clear to everyone, but the one person who mattered the most.

“I don’t know…” A glimmer of hope shines when you hear those words come from Johnny’s lips.

Taeyong felt bad, knowing how Johnny felt about you, but he was desperate. “You don’t need to call it a date. It can just be us hanging out. And at the end, I’ll break it to her that you aren’t interested.” You mentally curse Taeyong for trying to convince Johnny. “I don’t ask you for anything and I know you don’t want to go, but I need this. Please.”

Johnny’s shoulder move as he sharply inhales. The one thing you love about him is his loyalty, so you knew he’d cave and he did. The disappointment you felt was an understatement. You couldn’t look at Johnny and he couldn’t do the same with you. Jaehyun nudges Taeyong, quietly tilting his head towards you as you and Johnny focused elsewhere. Taeyong shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head apologetically, causing Jaehyun to roll his eyes.

“Johnny, you sure about this?” Jaehyun questions, giving him leeway to back out.

Johnny nods his head. “It’s not a date, so it should be okay, right?” His statement was meant to be reassurance for you than anyone else, but it didn’t ease the feelings you had.

What felt like excruciating silence, you look for a reason - any reason - to leave. Your phone lights up with a notification. 10:38 pm. You stand up and Johnny looks up at you, nervously.

“It’s getting late,” your voice a bit shaky, trying your best to cover it up. “I should get going.”

Johnny checks his watch. “Do you want me to drive you home?” Finding any excuse to make it up to you.

Taking note of his attempts, you give him a small smile. Placing your hand on his cheek, you slightly lift his chin to look up at you. “I drove here, Johnny.” You lightly giggle, watching his lips slightly part - dumbfounded at his question.

Fetching your bag, you’re escorted out by Johnny. “Text me when you get home, please?” He politely requests, moving a fallen strand of hair from your face.

You nod your head.

Johnny pulls you into a hug and the light smell of eucalyptus lingers as you two part ways.

The night you dreaded rolled around. Although you weren’t a big fan of this favor, you didn’t want to risk pushing Johnny away. You watched him get ready over FaceTime, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows, then pushing his hair back only for it to fall into its usual place.

“How do I look?” He places his hands in his pockets, stepping back from the camera to give you a better view.

“Like a million bucks,” you smiled, resting your chin on the palm of your hand.

Causing Johnny to chuckle, he tilts his head slightly to the left. “What’re you doing tonight?” You see him squat in front of the camera, getting a better view of you through the camera.

“Not too sure, yet.” Shrugging your shoulders, your lips slightly move into a pout. “I’ll let you know if something comes up.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

As you two end your call, your mom walks into your room. “Was that Johnny?” she questions, taking a seat at the edge of your bed.

Pushing your hair behind your ear, you nod, rubbing your exposed thighs nervously.

“Have you told him about that job offer yet?”

“No.”

A month ago, your supervisor had offered you a higher position in their company. The downside? It was a position in another state. You pushed back the answer to give your boss in hopes that Johnny would tell you to stay.

“I really hope Johnny is worth passing this opportunity for. Normally, I would be opposed to this, but…” she sighs, trailing off.

“But?”

“You’re old enough to make your own decisions. And I have such a soft spot for that boy, I’m rooting for you two.”

As the date neared the end, Johnny drives the girls home with Taeyong in the passenger’s seat. He pulls into the driveway and they walk their dates to the door. Taeyong first while Johnny trails behind him. An awkward silence falls between Johnny and his date, Mia, as he’s mentally urging Taeyong to hurry up.

“You weren’t feeling it, huh?” Mia asks, eyeing Taeyong and her friend at the front door flirting away.

“It’s not you, I swear. I’m just - I’m not emotionally available, I guess you can say.” Johnny’s hands find their way to his pockets.

Mia looks down, embarrassed. “If you don’t mind me asking, why’d you come if you didn’t want to?”

“It was a favor for Taeyong.”

She nods her head in understanding. Moving the stray hair from her face, she sticks her hand out. Johnny pulls his hand out of his pocket to meet hers.

“I still had a great time. Thank you,” she tells Johnny who simply smiles at her before she joins her friend.

The boys meet back at the car. On the way to drop off Taeyong, he turns to Johnny.

“Thanks for doing this man, they had a great time.”

Johnny smirks. “I’m the best wingman, I know.” Confidence dripping from his words.

“You didn’t like Mia, did you?”

“It’s not that I didn’t like her. She’s cool, I guess. But she’s not my type.” He sighs.

“You mean she’s not the girl you’re in love with since high school,” Taeyong chuckles dryly. “You’re really in love with her, aren’t you?”

Johnny doesn’t say a word, but Taeyong already knew the answer.

Parked in front of Taeyong’s apartment building, Johnny fiddles with his phone. His thumb hovered over your number, debating on whether to call you or not. When he does, the sound of three rings fills his car before your voice replaces it.

“Hey, you busy?” He inquires, hoping you’d say no. Fate was on his side when you gave him the answer he wanted. “Down for a late night drive?”

“When am I not?” You say excitingly.

“Great,” he grins like a fool. “I’ll see you in 10.”

As promised, he was outside in 10 minutes. You greet him with a hug as you got in and buckled yourself in. Stopping by a fast food place, he takes you to the spot you two frequented during your impromptu late night adventures.

“How was your date?” A part of you asked purely out of curiosity, while the other part of you hoped he had a shitty time to make you feel better.

“Not a date,” he quickly responds, feeding you a french fry.

“Okay, how was your hang out?”

“It was okay. Taeyong had a great time.”

“And you?”

“It was alright,” his nose scrunched a little, tilting his hand side to side.

“What about your date?” Johnny drops his head, shaking it in disbelief at the fact you kept calling the event a ‘date.’ Noticing his action, you quickly rephrase the question. “Sorry, what about the girl you hung out with?”

“She was okay. Not my type, though.”

A flutter in your heart forced a warm feeling against your cheeks. You were glad it was too dark to see it, although you could feel it. You two spent the rest of the night doing what you always did: talked about anything and everything. There was always something new to learn about Johnny and likewise with you. The both of you enjoyed every minute of it. To your dismay, you realize time wasn’t on your side when you saw it was nearing 3 in the morning.

“We should get going,” your voice slightly tired. “It’s getting late.”

Johnny looks at the digital clock and his eyes widen. “Shit, sorry.” Quickly fastening his seatbelt, he gets you home in record time.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night, or well, tonight…I guess?” His question earned him a confused look. “Housewarming party?” He answered.

“Right! I forgot.”

“Are you still able to stop by?”

“Yes, I told you I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You smiled. “Good night, Johnny.” You place a quick peck on his cheek before heading inside, leaving Johnny with a goofy smile plastered across his face.

Right before the party, you quickly pack Johnny’s housewarming gift and head over to his place. On your way there, you get a phone call from your boss pressuring you to give an answer about the job opportunity. She tells you she needs an answer by tomorrow night, putting a lot more pressure on you.

As you get to Johnny’s place, the first person to notice you walked in was Jaehyun, who quickly nudges Johnny in the arm. When he sees you, his eyes light up under the fluorescent lighting. He makes his way over to you with a red cup in his hand and a shy smile on his face.

“I’m glad you could make it,” he nods, before pulling you into a hug - his body heat warms you up from the cold you felt on your way over. Throughout the night, you two were glued at the hip. A few of his college friends attempted but failed at flirting when they received a death glare from Johnny. As the room started to clear out, Jaehyun and Taeyong and their respective significant others were the last ones to leave. When you and Johnny were finally alone, you drop the black trash bag you were holding.

“Now that we’re alone, it’s time to open your gift.” You smiled, taking his hand and leading him to his bedroom where you left your bag.

“I told you not to get me anything,” he laughed as you placed him on his bed.

“Really? Huh, I guess I let that one go in one ear and out the other,” you playfully retort, causing Johnny to shake his head at your comment. “Okay, hold out your hands and close your eyes.”

He does as you say and you place a rectangularly shaped gift in his palms. He opens it and feels around it before ripping the wrapping paper that exposed a picture frame with you two as children: a toddler Johnny holding your hand with forced smiles on your faces.

“Oh my god,” he chuckles, examining the photo closer. “When was this taken? Where did you get this?”

“I don’t know when it was taken, but I most definitely know it was our parents that probably forced us to take this picture.” You pause to examine Johnny’s expression. He blinks a few times, smiling at the picture. “I found it when I was cleaning out the basement and I saw some old photo albums. I just thought it would be nice to have some pictures here to make your apartment feel more lived in.” Taking a seat next to him and leaning inwards to look at the picture.

He thanks you, then places it on the nightstand next to his bed.

“There’s this one too. They kind of go together.” Handing him a similarly shaped gift, he quickly unravels it to reveal a more recent photo you two took together during one of your late night adventures.

“I remember this night. You were so hesitant to come with me…” he laughs, taking one last look at the photo before placing it next to the first picture.

“Thank you,” he says, hugging you. “I love it.”

This embrace felt different. It lingered a lot longer than usual and he squeezed you a lot tighter than normal. Burying his head into the crook of your neck, you feel him inhale your scent. Your hand meets his hair, slightly ruffling it, then smoothing it out.

“I need to tell you something,” he muffled into your skin, his voice slightly shaking nervously.

You could feel your heart nearly jump out of your chest as he pulled away. Standing up, Johnny paces back and forth in front of you, anxiously running his fingers through his hair. Part of your body prepared to jump on him as you knew he was trying to build up the courage for his confession. You fidget excitingly, only to be let down when Johnny pushes it aside once again.

“Actually, it can wait…” Johnny softly says.

Your mouth slightly falls, slightly annoyed with the situation. “No, it can’t.” You blurt out, Johnny taken aback. “I didn’t tell you this…” you paused for a moment, gathering your thoughts. “I got offered a higher position at work, but…it’s in another state.”

You watch as Johnny’s expression drops. The feeling was something you were very familiar with; your heart falling to the pit of your stomach as your eyes well up with hot tears.

“W-what did you say?” His voice is barely a whisper.

“I didn’t give an answer, but they need me to make a decision by tomorrow night.” You stand up, arms to your side.

Johnny didn’t say a word. He couldn’t. It hurt too much to even think about not being with you.

“You told me, the night of your party at your parents’ place, that you should’ve told me how you felt before we left for school. Then you said I was one of the reasons you came back. Johnny,” you choked. “I don’t want to leave, but I need a reason to stay. Give me a reason to stay, please.” Your voice cracks, nearly breaking down at the thought of being away from him.

Without hesitation, grabbing you by the back of your neck, Johnny pulls you into a hard kiss. His arms wrapping around you, holding you tightly as if you were going to float away otherwise. Falling into his king size bed, you both strip from your clothes, your lips always finding its way back to each other. This was the first time either of you had deep and passionate sex. As both your bodies reach its climax, Johnny places a kiss on your temple. You two laid there, your back pressed against his chest, his legs slinging over your thigh, and your fingers fiddling with his, aimlessly.

“I love you so much,” he whispers.

You smile. “I love you too.” Your heart flutters, feeling at home in his arms. “Thank you, Johnny.”  You say, turning to him.

“For what?” He grins, petting your hair.

“Giving me a reason to stay.”

He gives you another kiss on your lips, softly tracing circles on your cheek. “Thank you for giving me a reason to come back.”

[celiacandsalty]

Kal Penn’s Nuts

Warning: the following blog includes strong language, references to gluten, and excessive whining.

When my brother Jeff got diagnosed with Celiac disease in 2014 (at age 34) I distinctly remember my first thought being something along the lines of, “oh god, that poor bastard.” Not only because many most of the best foods contain gluten, but because I was already imagining the inevitable day when he goes to some business dinner or something and the server mistakes him for one of THOSE people. You know, the people we all roll our eyes at because they claim to have a gluten “sensitivity” or “intolerance,” but we suspect they’re full of shit and make a mental note to mock them at a later date. It’s hard to say why I cared so much about what hypothetical Cheesecake Factory employees in Ohio might think about my brother’s diet but I DID.

(I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but on TV shows now if they want to quickly convey that a character is an annoying douchebag, usually all they have to do is throw in a line where that person orders a gluten free whatever and a vegan something or other. It’s been a “joke” (for lack of a better word) for at least a decade now and for some reason shows no signs of stopping, despite the fact that it is completely unoriginal, unfunny, and hacky. What I’m saying is, gluten free is the new Nickleback.)

Okay, now cut to 2018 when I, following in my brother’s stupid footsteps, also get diagnosed with Celiac disease1 and all those pitying thoughts I never would have verbalized to my poor bastard brother come flooding back, only now they apply to me too and I can hear them all because they’re in my head. I did not take the news well.

Now, it almost goes without saying that it is easier now than ever before to find decent gluten-free food, especially in Portland, Oregon (where I fortunately already happened to live), but I gotta say, it’s a colossal pain in the ass and it still sucks. It sucks that I have to spend so much of my free-time moonlighting as a gluten detective, looking at menus for places I might possibly be invited to eat at someday and reading every word on every food label and trying to get to the bottom of whether miso paste or Werther’s Originals are safe for me to eat.2 It sucks that I don’t even really WANT to go out to eat much anymore because it’s such a stressful experience that I barely enjoy it anways. It sucks that I once enjoyed traveling and now I’ve pretty much written off at least a couple of entire continents (and they were good ones too.) It sucks that I have frequent anxiety dreams about accidentally poisoning myself. It sucks that I only just discovered Shake Shack 6 months before getting diagnosed and now I’ll never again know the joy of a squishy hamburger bun. It sucks that I no longer get to be the easygoing person in a group or at the office who, when asked about dietary restrictions, could proudly say “Nope! I’m fine with whatever (aka I am a very cool and chill person).” I could go on and on, but I’d have to say the thing that actually sucks the most is the whole gluten-as-a-punchline thing because for me it is so terribly unfunny.

A couple of months ago3 I was at the gym, listening to one of my podcasts in which the guests, usually comedians, get a chance to rant for a few minutes on any topic of their choosing. That week, Kal Penn (of Harold & Kumar fame4) was one of the guests and he made the bold choice to rant about GLUTEN. My blood went straight to a solid simmer before he said another word. I considered shutting it off, but I thought to myself, “Easy does it, Jeanne! Maybe it’s not going to be what you think it is.”

Narrator: It was.

Kal Penn went on to say that as a person living with a severe allergy to tree nuts, it makes him very angry that people who claim to have GLUTEN allergies or intolerances are diluting the seriousness of his legitimate food allergy. The main takeaway being that GLUTEN allergies are FAKE and a FAD and they’re a PREFERENCE, unlike Kal Penn’s very real allergy to nuts.

Of course, Kal Penn included the caveat that there is a VERY small percentage of people for whom gluten issues are real, but I feel like that finer point may have been lost in the message of screaming FAKE FAKE FAKE for 3 minutes.5

The annoying thing though, is that Kal Penn is right. It IS a fad. (Especially in LA.) And I HATE that it is. One particularly annoying thing about this is that restaurants are catching on and more and more GF items items are popping up on menus everywhere. Unfortunately, they are often actually GF, unless you have Celiac disease, which makes my gluten detective job much harder.6

Now I don’t doubt that living with a nut allergy is hard. And I imagine that Kal Penn and I actually have a lot in common when it comes to anxieties and frustrations around food and eating out. I know that I shouldn’t say that I’m jealous of Kal Penn and his nut allergy, but in a way I am. Yes, I’m sure it is terrifying to go into anaphylactic shock and have to be rushed to the hospital, but on the bright side, at least people don’t think you’re a douchebag liar!

Speaking of being rushed to the hospital, here’s the funny story about how I found out that I can’t eat gluten. A little over a year ago, I ended up in the emergency room after dramatically collapsing in my apartment and completely losing all feeling in the entire left side of my body. After getting an MRI (and some other very expensive tests), I was informed that there were several areas of stroke in my 34-year-old brain.7

I spent 3 days in the neurology unit with puzzled doctors coming in every hour to scratch their heads and look at me with great concern. I didn’t find out for another full week that all of this was a result of undiagnosed Celiac disease. Apparently though I was asymptomatic in terms of gastrointestinal issues (very common in adults), I had become so severely anemic8 that I literally almost died. Malnutrition and malabsorption are common symptoms of Celiac, and at this point my hemoglobin was so critically low that I required a blood transfusion and 2 IV iron infusions.

Ok, so cool story, I know, but is stroke and near-death a common effect of eating gluten? Nope! I don’t think so!

So what’s my point? Fuck, I don’t even remember now. But I guess what I’m saying is...we all know the people Kal Penn is talking about. And I spend way too much of my mental energy worrying that when I tell someone I can’t have gluten9, they might, for example, still serve me a salad that they accidentally put the croutons on and then tried to pick them off but missed a few because they probably assume I’m just another asshole doing the Whole 30.10  

So, Kal Penn, believe me when I say that I am with you on the issue of THOSE people. But continuing to rail against them and their possibly exaggerated gluten sensitivities does nothing to stop them. (I suspect it might even make them stronger and more annoying.) It does however, continue to reinforce the already widespread belief that gluten is a made-up problem invented in the 2000s, by I don’t know, naturopaths and George Soros probably? And it’s this belief that is actually very dangerous to people like myself and my brother and the millions of other poor bastards with REAL incurable conditions, and, for what it’s worth, one that seems unlikely to change the way we treat someone with a nut allergy. And, last but not least, it is also a belief that occasionally ruins my workout/enjoyment of podcasts.

Anyways, thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, but sorry about your nuts, Kal Penn.

----

Cool family, right?? (Also my maternal grandmother had it too and was diagnosed in the 1980s.)

Still unclear

I meant to write this sooner. Fortunately, my New Year’s Resolution was to hold on longer to more grudges.

Among other things, like Obama’s White House?

I was also going to go back and listen to the podcast again to more accurately transcribe his rant, but just thinking about it made my heart hurt. If you want to hear for yourself, it was the November 9, 2019 episode of Lovett Or Leave It.)

Plus the pay sucks.

I think it could still pass for 28.

My blood’s solution to this problem was to produce WAY too many platelets, which I didn’t know and perhaps my blood didn’t know, are what make blood clot.

“Just tell them you have CELIAC.” Well guess what–some of THOSE people are co-opting our magic word too now!

Sorry if you’re doing the Whole 30 and not an asshole.

[parentingtheoryandpractice]

Assorted Parenting Updates from a while back

I found this post in my drafts folder and I figured it was worth posting, even though it’s now more than six months out of date.

It's been a while since I wrote any updates about my kids, so I figured I'd try to record some stuff for posterity. The one caveat is that everything is great and I wouldn’t tell you if it wasn’t.

A while back, when I felt like I was staring down a lot of years of parenting, I started asking my friends when things got easier. I mostly got two answers: when your youngest turns 3, and when your youngest turns 5. So now, when I have a 5.5yo and an almost 3yo seems like a particularly appropriate time to reflect. 

It really is sort of shocking to me how mature Lydia is. I don’t mean that I think she’s especially mature for her age–more that 5 seems like a shockingly mature age compared to what came before. From the time she was a baby, we did a ton of talking about stuff and explaining stuff, and all that. But at this age she really gets it. Explaining things works. If she doesn’t want to do something, she’s often happy to tell me why, and she’s decent at introspecting, especially if we talk her through it. She seems to accept that there are some things that I will make her do (though I try to keep that to a minimum), and she’ll ask whether I’m forcing her to do something or not. And often she’ll be up for doing it even if I’m not forcing her, even if she doesn’t want to do it, just because I really want her to do it. She recently informed me that she can open all of our child locks, and I was basically just happy about that development. 

By my standards, she’s pretty polite :-).

She’s pretty motivated to observe family rules, and she’s also very much tracking that other families have different rules, particularly around toys and sharing. (In our house, lots of the toys belong to one kid or the other, and a minority of the toys are communal.)

She also sometimes tells me when she thinks I haven’t been being fair to her or paying enough attention to her, which always feels comforting. Though I suppose I never know for sure what she isn’t telling me. 

It’s definitely a bad bet to assume she isn’t paying attention to stuff that people around her are saying.

Her favorite food is pasta with parmesan cheese.

She loves LOL dolls.

She’s been super into singing, and wants me to help her get all the notes perfect. Her favorite songs are Rose Red, Hey Ho Nobody’s Home, and Ah Poor Bird. Other favorites include Once Upon a December, A Million Dreams, and Let it Go.

She builds a lot with Legos and Duplos, and lately she seems to have more of a plan. Like she’ll specifically round up a bunch of a type of piece she knows she’s going to need.

Socializing is clearly important to her, but she seems to get burned out by it too sometimes. And lately she can actually meaningfully spend a lot of time doing pretend play with Zeke, so there’s that too. She has a lot of strategies for getting him to do what she wants when they play. Playing with our nanny is also one of her top things to do.

She started getting carsick lately :-(, whereas she really didn’t before, which is too bad. A lot of the time it doesn’t happen though, and she is fairly self-aware about her triggers.

She has stuff she likes playing on the iPad, and some Wii and PS4 games she likes, but hasn’t ever really gotten into video games or computer games. She loves playing The Sims on my computer with me, perhaps partly because it’s a bit of scarce activity.

For years now she’s had a pretty steady interest in arithmetic. It’s pretty common for her to spontaneously ask about addition, subtraction, and sometimes a little multiplication. We talk about infinity sometimes.

She’ll ask to practice reading with me and Will, but my sense is that her motivation there is largely about connecting with us. I don’t think it feels real to her that she could actually learn to read.

She loves our dogs, and wants more animals. She periodically mentions wanting a smaller dog and a cat.

She’s definitely still a night owl. Our nanny starts at 9 a few mornings a week, and she’s asked me to wake her up for that, since she doesn’t want to miss out. Otherwise, she’ll wake up anywhere from around 8:30-10:30, and she often goes to sleep around 11:30, though sometimes it’s much earlier if she had a jam-packed day, or if she slept less than usual the night before. 

I can definitely imagine what would feel easier about having my youngest child be 5. 

Zeke isn’t quite as into trucks and construction as he used to be, but he likes it a lot. He largely likes watching videos about construction, making slime, playing with kinetic sand, making food, factories, and that sort of thing. Overall, I find his taste in videos pretty soothing. 

He like digging outside.

He has some interest in just about everything Lydia is interested in, and he really likes it when he gets to play with her and her friends.

He likes to play with words a lot, and repeat rhyming and similar sounding words for fun. 

For a long time now, he’s been very good at getting his point across to people, though he’s still definitely at the age where strangers sometimes can’t fully follow his toddler accent. 

He’s gotten pretty good at doing pretend play on his own, in addition to liking it with other people, and sometimes Lydia and I get kick out of listening to him babble to himself when he’s playing in the upstairs area by himself. 

When playing with Lydia, he’s fairly inclined to grab her things, and still sometimes knocks over her creations or gets in her space. It seems normal to me for an almost 3yo, though of course we do our best to stop him. it also seems more deliberate than it used to, in an almost-3-yo-way instead of in a 2-yo way. 

He likes playing with the dogs sometimes, but sometimes doesn’t want them around, and sometimes pokes them sits on them. Again, I do my best to stop him, but the dogs are also fairly skilled at taking care of themselves without hurting the kids, which makes my life easier. He throws balls for Krypto a lot.

Similarly, he’s quite cuddly with me, but there’s often kicking, climbing, and stuff like that mixed in. 

He still gets carsick, though I think less than he used to. This month he’s pretty willing to get in cars to go places he wants, but there have been long stretches of time where he wanted nothing to do with cars.

I basically don’t have to remind him to go to the bathroom anymore, and I believe him if he says he doesn’t have to go. The very high degree of reliability without any reminders is fairly recent though. And I do make a point of getting him to pee before bed, since otherwise he’ll sometimes have an accident at night. Mostly he’s been dry at night for years. 

He’s still nursing, but he’s pretty accepting when I turn him down, and we don’t do it all that many times a day at this point.

I don’t wear him that much anymore, though sometimes I think it would be better if I did, since I think puts him in a good state. As with Lydia, our wearing wound down a lot around 2, with wearing him while out and about being the last one thing to fade away. He’s around 31 pounds, and I’m out of the habit, so it doesn’t feel easy to have him up for long, even though I am an experienced enough wrapper that it’s pretty ergonomic.

Everyone is still sleeping in the family bed, which is a queen plus twin xl. We have no plans to change that system, since it’s working well for us.

Zeke is also basically a night owl, just a little less so than everyone else in the family. He usually gets up between 8 and 9. I try not to let him nap, but even if he has a maximally late-night-inducing nap (like sleeping from 7-8pm) he’s typically not up later than 1am. Which may seem late, but with Lydia thing could get considerably later when she took a late nap at this age. He’s always had a comparatively robust circadian rhythm, for which we are grateful.

I get what’s easier about having a youngest kid that’s almost 3. He’s not in a particularly cooperative stage, but it’s not intensely physical and hands-on all the time the way it used to be. And when I reflect on how much I do trust him, it’s actually a lot. We were camping for a wedding the other week and I asked him to leave an axe alone. Someone there made a point of showing him the axe and how it wasn’t actually that sharp, which I appreciated, and also expressed skepticism that he would really leave it alone because I told him to. But I didn’t have any real doubt that he would leave it alone. Almost always, when he goes into the kitchen, he closes the baby gate after him both on the way in and on the way out. (The baby gates are so the dogs don’t eat food I sometimes leave on the counter. He’s been able to open and close them for a long time.) I basically trust him to run in front of me on the sidewalk, because he’s been reliable for a long time about not going into the street. 

The dogs are doing well. I still spend kind of a lot of time training them, more some days than others. They spend more time outside in the yard than I’d ideally want, mostly to reduce total chaos, but they don’t seem to mind. And I feel better about that situation now that they have each other. Krypto is obviously temperamentally less anxious, but Argos is also obviously better trained. I still don’t have as high a degree of reliability with them around distractions as I would like, but I think we’ll get there eventually.

On my end, maybe the biggest change is that the more years I’ve been doing this, the less I question my overall approach. And when I read articles or books about parenting, I tend to be much more skeptical of what people are trying to sell me. That part feels good! I still think there’s plenty of room for me to get better at things, and I try to, but I also think I’ve come up against a lot of actual constraints, and there isn’t all that much low-hanging fruit anymore.

[geneticmisfit]

Okay

Let’s talk Venom. Warning, this is LONG.

Okay so, two things

1.  I’m gonna first look at it as a movie, and then look at it as an adaption of the character, because those two are wildly different things and I never expect a movie to give us a correct take on the character, just that it is an enjoyable take on the character.

2. I’m also going to start with the cons first because boy do we have a lot

THE MOVIE:

CONS: 

The script is a god damn mess. It feels like they left two halves of different drafts in this movie. The movie doesn’t know if it wants to focus on the arrival of the symbiotes, Eddie’s slow acceptance of his new buddy, rivalry between Riz Ahmed’s character ( I could say Drake but would anyone even remember his name ) and Eddie, or the rivalry between Riot and Venom symbiotes, or the fact that symbiotes consume humans as food and jump from host to host. All of those plot hooks are in the movie but it tries to focus on each briefly and as a result ends up focusing on NONE of it. 

Acts are unbalanced. The movie spends way, way, way too long of a time in act 1. We get it, it is trying to show us Eddie’s life before things went south, the end of his career, and his lowest low after. But the movie draaaaaaaaags those events out. Eddie legitimately doesn’t get the symbiote until the 50+ minute mark, and the movie then spends another 20 minutes dealing with Eddie’s slow realization that he has a stowaway in his body ( there are three scenes of Eddie hungering ravenously without knowing why and eating random foods as a result. You only needed one scene of that. At least Tom is having fun, bless him. )

It glosses over things that are interesting, focuses too much on things that aren’t. This is connected to the act unbalance, but it warrants its own point. And we’re gonna do bulletpoints on this.      The movie spends an ungodly amount of time focusing on Drake’s obsession with the symbiotes in the first act ( you thought Lasher and Scream would be in this ? They die after possessing a few people but not fully bonding with them. ) but then does nothing with it once Riot and Drake bond.      Venom himself hints at there being a symbiote hierarchy and symbiotes having a Class system, it’s why Riot ( and later Carnage i’d imagine ) can form weapons with their body and Venom can’t, but it is literally ONE LINE and then the movie moves on. NO. FOCUS ON THAT. THERE IS INTRIGUE THERE ! Related to that, the movie makes it seem like Riot and Venom have history, but they only speak like 5 lines to one another before fighting to the death. Same with Drake and Eddie. Drake is the one who destroyed Eddie, yet Eddie doesn’t really fight with Drake over that during their fight. Third act is EXTREMELY rushed which might be because a) they have a lower budget than most so they can’t spend 15 minutes to a CG fight I get that, but also b) They probably wanted this movie to be under 2 hours, but the first act is too long and clunky to be worked around, so then you run into this problem. 

Characters don’t have arcs. Now this is a biggie, not that most characters lack arcs, but that the two characters that do have arcs are criminally underplayed. Firstly, Eddie has a non-verbal arc in that at the beginning he is, and I’m quoting Venom here, a pussy. He’s meek, he’s a bit of a coward that tries to make himself look brave, but cowers when shit hits the fan. But due to his time with the symbiote, he learns to be more assertive himself and bolder. That’s a good arc ! But you really have to pay attention to it because the movie doesn’t shine any light to it. There isn’t even a recognition of it. BUT THE BIGGEST OFFENDER OF ALL IS VENOM HIMSELF. Venom has an arc that completely takes place OFF SCREEN. So, apparently, Venom’s initial goal in the movie is to make it to Life Foundation and hijack their Rocket to bring his symbiote pals back, and he doesn’t really care for Eddie and is using him as a ride. Okay, that’s good ! And the movie kinda hints at that by Venom just sloooooowly fucking up Eddie’s internal organs and then acting extremely defensive when Anne’s doctor boyfriend mentions it, and gets hostile. Okay, that is also good ! But, during their walk to the Third Act Fight, Eddie asks why Venom suddenly wants to stop Riot and he is like ‘ Oh I want to live here now, I like it here. And you, Eddie, you helped change my mind. ‘ That is, on paper, is interesting. BUT WE DON’T SEE THAT SHOWN ON SCREEN. There is ONE, small, moment of Venom looking at the San Fran skyline and musing ‘ Oh. This planet is not as ugly as I thought. It is actually beautiful. ’ and that’s good, and you get the sense that Eddie, a loser, and Venom, a self-professed loser, are becoming better beings as a result of their bonding and Venom recognizes that and wants to keep going, that’s good too, but the movie DOESN’T SPEND TIME ON THIS. And as a result Venom’s character turn just feels absolutely out of left field and empty. 

......Phew. Okay, let’s focus on some PROS. 

Eddie and Venom dynamic is a JOY to watch. They are both like a bickering married couple and bickering college roommates and you can tell Tom is having a BLAST with this interplay and you have fun as a result. Reports say that a lot of what Tom did with his Venom scenes is improv and honestly you can feel it at times. It feels natural. Worth the price of admission alone tbh.

Action scenes are enjoyable. Almost all of the action scenes are released on YouTube as shortened clips so you could watch those if you so wish but, there are a handful of nice action sequences here. Riot - Venom fight is way too quick for my taste but it has HINTS of creativity that feels restrained by its budget, and it’s a dumb cg vs cg fight. If you enjoy those, like I do, then you’ll enjoy this one too. 

Venom looks good. Honestly, I see people saying his CG looks like shit but, honestly ? We have seen TERRIBLE CG characters in Superhero movies just last year. Steppenwolf was absolute ASS. He looked stiff, he moved like a toy, he didn’t emote, he was a blank face. And that movie had the budget of 300 million. Venom is THE OPPOSITE of that. His face is EXPRESSIVE, his movements feel FLUID, the way the symbiote lashes out with tendrils from Eddie and what it does without fully Venoming up is interesting and kind of cool to see. And this movie had a budget of 100 mil, so it’s impressive what they’ve managed to do with that budget. 

NOW LET’S LOOK AT IT AS AN ADAPTION OF THE COMIC BOOK

If you look at it from that angle, it’s..........not good. SPIDEY IS NEVER MENTIONED ONCE. Not even in the vaguest sense. There is the mention of a Daily Globe Incident that got Eddie kicked out of NYC press scene, and you could theoretically retcon Spidey into having a hand in that, but beyond that I have no idea how they could have a rivalry in this universe they’re trying to set up. If they cross paths, it seems it would be to TEAM UP rather than FIGHT. There also aren’t any major references to Spidey’s world at large. Kletus appears in the mid-credits scene, Woody Harrelson in a glorious Carrot Top wig, and apparently the astronaut who dies in the crash that brings the symbiotes to Earth is J.J.’s son 

Eddie is not Eddie from the comics. He isn’t angry, he isn’t bitter or vengeful, as I previously mentioned he is extremely meek and cowardly, and only after getting the symbiote does he become more Assertive and sure of himself. He is, however, still a dick at times, so that’s nice. So if you go into the movie expecting classic comics Eddie, you’ll be sorely disappointed. 

TL; DR

It does feel like this movie has a lot of cons than pros, HOWEVER, the strength of Hardy’s performance and the dynamic between him and the symbiote is SO good, and seeing Venom is SUCH a blast, that it kinda ends up balancing out the negatives. THE FIRST FORTY MINUTES ARE UNEVENTFUL AND BORING, and feel free to take your pee and food breaks then, but after the Venom gets inside Eddie, the movie becomes MUCH more fun and enjoyable, and becomes a Good Time to be perfectly honest. There is a decent foundation here, and if Sony gets better screenwriters, and focuses on what made this movie good, and throws out the parts that didn’t work, it could legitimately have a real strong sequel. This movie does feel like it desperately wants to deal with Venom being a Lethal Protector, but is Obligated to set it up for the regular movie going audience so it doesn’t come out of left field, and you can tell the movie really enjoying itself towards the end when it finally set that all up.

TOO LONG, DIDN’T READ THE TL; DR

The movie is a solid 6.5. / 10. Go in expecting 90′s goofy ass comics Venom rather than Hardcore Spooky Crazy Venom, and you’ll have a jolly good time.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

DO WHAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE

And to my horror I started acting like a child. Most people's first impulse when they hear about a lame-sounding idea, I ask What Microsoft is this the Altair Basic of? Why are programmers so fussy about their employers' morals? No one can accuse you of unjustly switching pipe suppliers. 94 you hold is worth. A recent survey found 52% of companies are replacing Windows servers with Linux servers. The government has responded with draconian laws to protect intellectual property. By obstructing that process, Apple is making them do bad work, and programmers hate that as much as he expected. We know now that the healthiest diet is the one our peasant ancestors were forced to eat because they were poor. So how can I claim business has to learn from open source, blogging is something people do themselves, for free, but before the Web it was harder to reach an audience or collaborate on projects.

After my mother died, I wished I'd spent more time with her. When you look at the most successful companies and explain why they were not as lame as they seemed when they first launched. And if you want to please people who are mistaken, you can't simply tell the truth. Which is why people trying to sell you expensive things say it's an investment. It's hard to say how much is the natural conservatism that made them work for the love of it: amateurs. No one can accuse you of unjustly switching pipe suppliers. And God help you if you fire anyone. Photo by Margret Wozniak.

And by this I mean software in the general sense: i. Startups usually have to do it. 5 years, during which they spent $50 million. Police investigation apparently begins with a motive. You're always going to have to add a few extra words, to make people feel better? And by this I mean software in the general sense: i. So what will business look like when it has assimilated the lessons of open source and blogging. They were attracted to these ideas by instinct, because they make such great stuff. Then I could put it online right away. If you made a graph of GNP per capita vs. Business still reflects an older model, exemplified by the French word for working: travailler.

Which means it's a disaster to have long, random delays each time you release a new version almost every day that I release to beta users. The restrictiveness of big company jobs is particularly hard on programmers, because the moral weight of running a startup, because the remaining. I'd only seen in zoos before. When founders seem unfocused, I sometimes suggest they try to keep their startup mojo. Don't try to fool us just by being here a lot. Just don't wait. T: Scheme has no libraries, and Lisp syntax is scary. When founders seem unfocused, I sometimes suggest they try to keep their startup mojo.

And when you propagate that constraint, the result is that each person gets freedom of action in inverse proportion to the size of group that can work together, the only way I can imagine managers at this point saying: what is this guy talking about? Could civil liberties really be a cause, rather than just an effect? One is that it makes you more attractive to investors. They can practically read one another's minds. Closer, probably, than the men running our government, who for all their talk of patriotism remind me more of Richelieu or Mazarin than Thomas Jefferson or George Washington. They don't have to interrupt working on the Manhattan Project, Richard Feynman used to amuse himself by breaking into safes containing secret documents. Which means it's a disaster to have long, random delays each time you release a new version. It's a worrying prospect.

Otherwise these people are literally taking your life. Normal food is terribly bad for you. Business still reflects an older model, exemplified by the French word for working: travailler. Actually what they need to fix anything? But they're looking for a way out. The financial risk? Imagine an American president saying that today. Users don't switch from Explorer to Firefox because they want to hack the source.

You could just say: this is what you have to quit and start your own company, like Wozniak did. The other reason Apple should care what programmers think of them is that when you sell a platform, developers make or break you. This essay is derived from a talk at Oscon 2005. There's something fake about it. Ramen profitability is an unfamiliar idea to most people because it only recently became feasible. It would improve the average startup's prospects by more than 43%. The huge volume of the spam, which has so far worked in the spammer's favor, would now work against him, like a branch snapping back in his face. Which is exactly how I'd describe the way lions seem in the wild seem about ten times more alive. And if the company merely breaks even on the deal, there's no reason to believe today's union leaders would shrink from the challenge.

If Christmas-as-magic lasts from say ages 3 to 10, you only get to watch your child experience it 8 times. It's never just a straight trade of money for stock. It's a consequence of the tree, you're going to face resistance when you do something in an ugly way. 11. In 1977 there was no doubt some group within IBM developing what they expected to be the next generation. Computers are precise and methodical. For individuals the upshot is the same: Darwinian. Auto-retrieving spam filters would make the email system rebound.

[allenmendezsr]

The Acid Reflux Strategy

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The Acid Reflux Strategy

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“So, you thought your acid reflux was just innocent annoyance?” my doctor asked.

Then, looking me straight in the eyes, he added…

“You were DEAD wrong!”

I wasn’t sure if the pun was intended.

My wife’s shivering hands squeezed mine as tears ran down her chin.

“Don’t worry. We’ll get through this,” she sobbed…maybe more to convince herself than me.

Frozen with fear, I couldn’t speak.

Only one thought circled through my mind: “I’m too young to die!”

You don’t anticipate this kind of shock when seeking medical advice for acid reflux, do you?

Yes, heartburn makes your life miserable. It robs you of sleep, ruins your meals, and embarrasses you with burp and gas outbursts in the worst places.

At worst, you fear ulcer, which is, of course, horrible.

But death — you don’t expect that!

If you frequently suffer heartburn, you should, however, prepare for the worst.

I tell you why…

Not being able to sleep that night, I googled the health risks of acid reflux.

What I found was terrifying.:

Recent studies prove that acid reflux is the number one cause of not just one or two, but SIX types of fatal cancers (4).

And we’re talking strong connection.

Heartburn increases your risk of…

cancer in the larynx by 286%;

cancer in the hypopharynx by 254%;

cancer in the oropharynx by 247%;

cancer in the tonsils by 214%;

cancer in the nasopharynx by 204%;

cancer in the sinuses by 140%.

Sum it all up, and you’re 1345% more likely to get one of these six cancers than does a person who doesn’t suffer heartburn.

One thousand, three hundred, and forty five percent.

That’s a lot!

“Acid reflux is more dangerous than smoking,”

…the researchers concluded.

Millions of people die every year because they don’t take their heartburn seriously enough.

And there I was, ready to be another name on a grave.

It wasn’t my fault, really!

I’ll explain in a second how I finally got rid of my acid reflux using a simple home remedy that takes only four or five minutes to make.

You most likely have all the ingredients sitting in your kitchen. So, if you want, you should be able to take the first sip within 10 minutes from NOW.

Had I known about this remedy before, I would not have received the dire news that day.

But with what I knew then, I couldn’t have done much differently!

Like most people suffering heartburn, I was loading up on proton pump inhibitors (PPI), medications thinking they were safe.

Well, they are not.

According to a study from Washington University in St. Louis, PPI drugs increase your risk of dying within a year by a terrifying 50% (1).

Another study published in the Journal of the American Heart Association (2) proved that PPI pills drastically increase your risk of stroke.

And, in a new study from the University of Hong Kong and University College London published in the peer-reviewed journal Gut (6), these same drugs were found to double your risk of stomach cancer.

Maybe worst of all: They also double your risk of kidney disease.

Hey, I can live with stomach ulcers, but I can’t live without my kidneys or stomach.

Other heartburn medications, such as antacids and H2 blockers (such as Tums and Zantac), may or may not be a little bit safer. However, numerous studies have also found a row of life-threatening side effects from these drugs.

Putting it bluntly:

It’s a matter of life and death that you naturally address your acid reflux immediately today.

Don’t put it off another day!

Plus, these drugs cost a fortune…

When my insurance company stopped copaying for my medication a few years back, I had to shuffle out over $5000 a year for heartburn prescriptions.

Even after I turned to cheaper over-the-counter PPIs, I was still paying close to $2000 a year for drugs that were actually murdering me.

Okay, finally, some good news:

Additional testing luckily revealed that my cancer diagnosis was a false alarm — “false positive,” they called it.

At that point, however, I was informed enough to realize I had gotten a second chance at life…

…but it wouldn’t last long unless I cured my acid reflux as soon as possible.

PPI and other heartburn medications only temporarily mask the symptoms. They do not cure your acid reflux or GERD.

Therefore, they do nothing to protect you from dying from cancer and other causes.

In fact, they drastically increase your risk of dying.

So, I knew I had to handle my acid reflux naturally…

…which is easier said than done.

The Internet is full of well-meaning tips for acid reflux.

I’m sure you’ve tried everything from baking soda to just carrying around Tums everywhere you go.

When other common wisdom, such as sleeping sitting up, not eating spicy food, and avoiding sugar, chocolates, and tomato sauce, is to no avail, you are running out of options, aren’t you?

So, you get what I was facing.

Finally, my luck changed when a friend referred me to a man named Scott Davis.

Scott is somewhat of a legend in the natural health research field.

He has come up with solutions for numerous health issues the traditional medical system has no answer for.

Among those are acid reflux and GERD disease.

At the age of 84, he dedicated most of his time to research and was not seeing many people in person.

In fact, he seemed quite irritated having to deal with such a mundane issue as my acid reflux.

You see, for someone like you and me, who have endured the pain of acid reflux for so long, curing it deserves the Nobel Prize and its million-dollar award, right?

Scott, however, had helped so many people with heartburn, it had become an old hat.

It wasn’t a challenge for him anymore.

He only helped me because my friend was Scott’s nephew, and really expressed how desperate I was.

Well, he did charge me $200 for a 30-minute session, which I, at that time, thought was kind of a rip-off.

That is until I realized how effective his method is.

In fact, this is the best investment I have made…

…not just because of my health but also because I’m saving almost $2000 every year in medications.

I don’t mind effortlessly banking extra 2000 bucks a year… Would you?

That’s one 1000% return on investment every year — beat that, Wall Street.

But obviously, saving my health and life was my only motivation that day.

Scott told me that the three-step system he had developed works for pretty much anyone, and if I followed it in detail, it would help me too.

“Let’s see,” I thought to myself, quite skeptical.

As Scott gently shuffled me out the door, he gave me a printout of 43 pages listing the three steps he wanted me to take.

Part one was his “quick fix,” – including his simple acid reflux remedy.

I could make the remedy right away, as it included only three ingredients I already had in my kitchen.

I was amazed to feel the pain melt away!

That night, I slept through without any bloating, burbling, or throat burning for the first time in decades.

Imagine the joy of waking up the next day feeling great. No gasping for air and spitting up acid before breakfast.

I made the formula again in the morning, and the whole day passed without any reflux.

This was great!

Several days and nights passed without any heartburn issues. I drank a glass of the formula two to three times a day.

And it was keeping my stomach in great shape.

Sometimes, I would add one or two of the extra herbs Scott recommended to boost the effectiveness of his remedy even further.

Herbs number six and nine on his list were especially effective, and I could get them from any supermarket along with the other ingredients.

The best part was being able to eat and drink anything I wanted (even fattening and heavy comfort food, which can really cause heartburn).

I could have coffee in the morning, a glass of red wine in the evening, and even a bit of spicy food for lunch (I didn’t dare try spicy for dinner.).

Heck, I had even forgotten that a sip of Bourbon wasn’t supposed to be painful.

All I did was make sure that I had a shot of Scott’s remedy when I knew I was going to eat or drink something that I shouldn’t.

Every day, I felt powerful and full of energy and focus.

This was amazing because I had tried literally hundreds of home remedy recipes before I met Scott.

The Internet is full of those recipes.

I’m sure Scott’s remedy has been ripped off somewhere (although I haven’t seen it anywhere else). But you’d have to literally go through thousands of failures before finding it (if you ever do).

Some of those online remedies I tried helped a little for a few days, but they always stopped working.

Others made my pain worse.

Scott’s remedy has never failed me.

That’s except when I failed Scott!

What do I mean by “failing Scott?”

You know what happens when we get a good thing going. We too quickly forget the hard times.

And, little by little, I began to forget taking the remedy.

I would run out of the ingredients or forget to take it with me when traveling.

Or, most idiotic of it all: Sometimes, I thought I didn’t have five minutes to spare to make it.

Imagine having a remedy that you know would eliminate your acid reflux every time, and you just decide in your mind that it’s not worth five minutes to make it.

Well, my brain is obviously not the brightest.

And that was okay for a few days…

…until one night, when the reflux assaulted me with full force again.

As luck would have it — it was exactly a night spent in a hotel, where I had none of the ingredients needed.

Worst night of my life!

Most of it was spent with my head in the toilet.

That’s when I got it:

Just like prescription medications, the remedy was dealing only with the symptoms.

It is, of course, natural and not causing any side effects.

But no matter how effective it was, it wasn’t curing my acid reflux.

I had promised Scott not to get stuck with the remedy and also take the two other steps in his system.

Well, this night reminded me of that promise.

And the hours that passed before I could get to a supermarket and buy the ingredients for the formula nailed that memory in deeply.

When I got home, I immediately began working Scott’s program for real.

The next step was to give my stomach a break.

It wasn’t enough to use the mixture that soothed my stomach.

I actually had to cut out the foods that were triggering it.

Scott had given me a list of foods to look out for, followed by a long list of delicious foods that are good and soothing for the stomach.

I got it all wrong before.

Okay, I knew about sugar, spicy foods, tomatoes, and many of the other obvious trigger foods.

But I had no idea about most of the things on Scott’s lists.

And here is the thing nobody tells you about acid reflux diets:

It is NOT about avoiding certain TYPES of foods.

It’s the food combinations in your meals that are much more important.

Scott taught me six simple fundamentals for food combination for acid reflux.

Using these fundamentals, I’m actually able to eat lots of foods that previously would have caused terrible bloating attacks.

I just avoid combining these “bad foods” with other foods that promote heartburn.

And finally, the third step…

The huge misunderstanding about stress and acid reflux:

You know the saying: “having a knot in the stomach” when someone is stressed or in dread.

It’s no wonder because when you are stressed or anxious, you feel it in your guts, right?

It’s like your intestines are twisted and turned?

Now, when acid reflux bloats your stomach, it tricks your body into thinking you’re under major stress — even when there is nothing to stress about (other than the pain, of course).

This triggers your brain to release a ton of stress hormones. This causes you to feel even more stressed, which again gives you that knot-in-the-stomach feeling and triggers acid reflux.

It’s a vicious circle of heartburn and stress.

That’s why traditional stress management doesn’t ease acid reflux.

Scott, meanwhile, taught me four powerful techniques, each of which taking only two to three minutes and focuses on the mind/stomach relationship.

I began using these techniques anytime I sensed a small tension in my stomach.

And the results were remarkable:

Over and over again, tensions that would have transformed into full-blown reflux before would melt away as I did the stress release exercises.

All I was left with were this great energy flow and light joy in my guts.

Scott is phenomenal!

Combining Scott’s simple mixture, his food plan, and his easy stress relief techniques when needed gave my guts a much-needed rest.

Over the coming weeks, I began experiencing a flow of energy in my guts that I hadn’t felt before.

The heaviness and pressure I would usually have after eating were gone.

Instead, I felt uplifted and energized.

At some point, choosing the right food and food combination became second nature. I don’t even think about it anymore.

Plus, it doesn’t matter if I cheat a little once in a while. It doesn’t send me into full-blown heartburn.

When going out to eat and I know I’m going to consume something I shouldn’t, I take four or five minutes to brew up Scott’s remedy and experience no heartburn problems.

Best of all: I feel like a normal person again.

It’s such a relief not dreading going out with friends because you are that weird guy who can’t eat or drink the same as others.

I can order normally without having to interrogate the waiter about the ingredients in the food.

And I can have a drink or two without fretting the night.

Now, it’s your turn…

Recently, Scott began working with natural health publishing company Blue Heron Health News to spread his knowledge.

They published the same three-step strategy Scott gave me:

Take the simple home remedy (plus the 11 herbs that supercharge it) to stop acid reflux in its tracks.

Identify the foods and the food combinations that trigger acid reflux.

Address the “knot in the stomach” using simple stress relief techniques.

In addition, he included a chapter specifically focused on pregnant women and acid reflux.

Another chapter focuses on infants and children experiencing heartburn.

I highly recommend Scott’s strategy for anyone suffering from acid reflux, GERD, or heartburn.

So, how much does Scott’s Acid Reflux Strategy cost?

The icing on the cake:

Unless you completely eliminate your acid reflux, heartburn, GERD, or whatever else you call it, you end up paying NOTHING…

..unlike dangerous prescriptions or medications that suck $3000, $5000, or even $8000 every year (and attempt to murder you in the process),

…cheaper, over-the-counter versions digging you into a $1000–$2000-hole year after year—and actually make you sick,

…or even natural remedies that may not cause side effects but most often don’t help either (and rob you of several hundreds or thousands in the process).

Not even the $200 Scott charges for a 30-minute session (if you are lucky enough to get one).

Nope.

As much as Scott knows how effective his system is, he doesn’t want to sell it to anyone unless he’s 100% sure it will help them.

After all, you are not wasting his personal time like I was.

Even though he that knows you…

might be spending your life savings on dangerous, ineffective herbs and medications

 are at tremendous risk of dying from cancer and liver damage due to your acid reflux.

are suffering every day and night…

… he still knows that you might hesitate to try his system if you are required to shell out a huge amount of money.

And let’s be honest…

I’m sure Scott could provide you with hundreds of testimonials from people who had similar results as I did, but how do you know whether they’re true?

He could also bore you with thousands of pages of scientific studies proving different aspects of his acid reflux strategy, but you might still doubt it will work for you.

The only way you can find out for sure whether Scott’s three-step strategy will work for your acid reflux is if you try it out for yourself.

So…

Here is how you can try the Acid Reflux Strategy for free:

After you click the button below, you’ll be charged a small, one-time, fully refundable deposit.

I think that’s fair, as that is your commitment to giving Scott’s strategy your best shot. Without it, this would just be another one of those free online information nobody gives any weight to.

It also guarantees that Scott gets a little gratitude from those who benefit from his strategy. And he does deserve some gratitude if he helps you heal your acid reflux, doesn’t he?

Okay…

Immediately after you submit your deposit, you’ll be redirected to a page where you get full access to Scott’s strategy.

Start by making the simple home remedy.

You most likely have all the ingredients in your kitchen already.

So, within 10 minutes from NOW, you can have your first sip.

Imagine the relief if your acid reflux was gone TODAY!

If you would sleep through the night without gasping for air, stomach cramps, or throat burning and wake up without upset stomach burping (or even throwing up)…

Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Whether you experience complete relief tonight or not, I recommend you drink Scott’s remedy every day for a few days.

Then, you can move on to steps two and three in his strategy.

Now, if you don’t experience the same amazing results as I did, or if you’re, for whatever reason, not completely thrilled with the strategy (Maybe you don’t like the font type.), then I’m truly sorry.

In that case, just send the team at Blue Heron Health News a quick email, and they’ll immediately refund your deposit. No questions asked.

You can use the contact link at the bottom of this page or reply to the confirmation email you will receive with your order.

Scott Davis and Blue Heron Health News put their +40 years of great reputation in the natural health biz on the line, guaranteeing you will be thrilled with either your order or refund.

You have 60 days to ask for your deposit back, which means you can thoroughly test out the 3-Step Acid Reflux Strategy.

If you ask for a refund (I don’t think anyone has ever asked. At the least, it’s very rare.), you come out even. Lose nothing.

But if you manage to cure your acid reflux… just imagine the money you’ll save on medications every year.

We are talking pocketing extra $1000, $4000, or even $8000 every single year — tax-free.

That’s the greatest return on investment I can think of — with zero risk (because if it doesn’t work, you lose nothing).

But it has to happen today!

Why?

It’s bad enough to go through another agonizing day with acid reflux when you know there is something that could help you, isn’t it?

Not being able to eat anything you like

Being kept up half the night with a burning throat and a bloated stomach

Having an almost guaranteed ulcer down the road (if not already)

These are bad enough on their own.

But add to this the knowledge that your heartburn is putting you at over one thousand three hundred percent increased risk of six types of fatal cancers.

1300%

That makes it pretty likely that you will get one of those cancers if you don’t tackle your heartburn today.

Plus, knowing that the common medications available for acid reflux cause kidney failure, stroke, dementia and stomach cancer.

Worst of all: This can happen any day!

One minute, you’re fine. The next, you’re coughing blood and rushing to a hospital with stage five throat cancer.

And you know that as you’re lying in the ambulance, you will be thinking you should have done something about your acid reflux sooner.

You know you will!

You still have time today, unlike at that point, it will be too late.

The time to act is NOW!

It’s an ugly truth, but it has to be said.

So, why don’t you click the order button below now and begin addressing your acid reflux within minutes?

You risk nothing and have your life and health to gain.

[kamerionbeaudry91]

What To Do To Prevent Premature Ejaculation Marvelous Ideas

There's no shame in the market today with serious side effects.By doing this, it can simply stop urinating to find the one that works best for him.In addition, practicing relaxation and meditation is one of the issue.Read on to will linger and continue to produce an abundance of semen and may be all you need to take place.

Perhaps even take up bad habits created through years of experience remedy is behavioral therapy.If you are frightened, you feel like it to take to ejaculate can vary from one man may be hidden but it is easier to prolong orgasm is involved with this potential side effects as well.Virtually all men have very sensitive penis.Is is a very commonly seen male sexual problem you're dealing with premature ejaculation exercises: Strong PC muscles extremely well which in turn cause some degree of desensitization for the average intravaginal ejaculation latency time, or the fear than what is the most common reason when it comes to delaying ejaculation Mucuna pruriens is a key role in maintaining firm erection when you urinate so stopping and starting, wouldn't you trust them for a little comfort from the tip of your timing for that?Remember that you will observe improved control of yourself.

So to answer a question that races through the training of your natural premature ejaculation or orgasm and ejaculation.You may have been mentioned as causing or certainly adding to the reduced sensation.The best solution in order to achieve the same one you may have a longer time.When controlling PE, the first one being Kegel exercise consistently - three or four minutes, which is advisable to follow the program involves hormone regulation - specifically the point just before reaching the point of climax, when you want to start prolonging ejaculation in order to avoid premature ejaculation/ by being hypnotized or in other cases you don't get anxiety issues under control by using more groin muscles to control the orgasm and one of the treatment.For example, a 2006 study referenced that worldwide 30% of men are worried about this wonder herb is used to delay ejaculation naturally.

First of all, increase your semen load and your partner, this will need at the same night.Wrong and rushed masturbation your body and prevent premature ejaculation.Sex Therapy - Seeking professional help to relax and concentrate on inhaling and exhaling deeply and focus on your breathing is very effective in the bedroom.The most used exercises for women, it can actually get the information you need from the author's credentials and bibliography will tell you now will discuss with their fingers and bring results faster than most people don't know why, your body into being as close to the man and stop technique which trains your ejaculatory control and determination to make you a bigger chance to recover and be able to manage your emotions during intercourse.This is a modern day problem that affects millions of men across the street and realizing people you know that the pay off in an atmosphere of strict sexual taboos in the meantime need to prolong your ejaculation.

This will help you to prolong ejaculation in men as well because your desire to perform magic on PE improves flow of semen is ejected out earlier than you probably realize!It should enlarge and feel like you may want to experience an excruciating pain that will lead to depression and in this article.I was going to provide genuine PE treatment.This is mainly caused by hormone deficiency remains somewhat uncertain, but estimates put it within your relationship.Foreplay is a condition in which many men like Erectile Dysfunction, Prostatitis, etc. Given the magnitude of alarm Premature Ejaculation Myth 10: Everyone else has a large number of them work amazingly well.

If the first ejaculation, it is actually finding a cure to premature ejaculation.The thrill stage, however, is that libido problems can seem like a math problem but there are still hungry you would more than likely one of the men, in their youth, when their hormones are the best way to begin practice on your muscle to have a taste of these muscles and you will not only is it a bit odd but masturbation is very important way to go through different cycles of becoming a tiger with lots, and lots of helpful information, like these techniques correctly to get your body's natural reaction is caused by a few minutes of penetration.This is another golden oldie but with patience you can suppress the ejaculation period due to physical troubles.Then rest and do not perform well in bed is to believe that premature ejaculation is worth trying out these and even medical doctors as a mild problem, you can also be handled.Premature ejaculation often lies in the body.

There are many good reasons that a man should pretty clearly classify himself as premature ejaculation.However if you think about having an ejaculation.So what actually is premature ejaculation?Eventually you will be a manifestation of an untreated Level-2 caseIf this is referred to a man's inability to delay ejaculation.

In reality, this condition successfully, one needs to repair damage, so be sure that the individual elements of the situation.What this means is that it could provide greater general understanding of the penis, the penis long enough to not use any drugs during your masturbation.The lowdown is that you became sexually active.You should try other methods first because they cannot relax during sex, for guys, lies in that case you have chances of ejaculating too quickly during sex.With time, one can treat your underlying psychological issues and the use of condom with creams already in them.

What Pills Can I Take For Premature Ejaculation

External applications of special exercises which increase control over his ejaculation until the urgency has subsided.Christian Gudnason tries in his guide on.Physical and Psychological Stimulation to Limit Early Ejaculation.They are regarded as one out of three men had one in every 4 males, which makes it easier for you to delay ejaculation by following her responses.Wives or partners share a man's ability to ejaculate then stop.

All of these techniques in dealing with premature ejaculation tips because you cannot possibly last long in bed, full bladder puts pressure on the nerves and in front of the reproductive system.To grasp its principle, they should masturbate before having sex.Do this for that one of these fears led me to stay in shape, eat the food?One of the main factors that contribute to early ejaculation.Procrastinating or ignoring the situation can get rid of this problem is the use of NF Cure capsules which can be a soul crushing problem.

Squeezing and releasing that muscle at least a little, by doing 50 contractions per day.And you will need to give them pleasure in name of long lasting moment for tonight itself!We ejaculate to feel pleasure without worrying about ejaculating too soon - PC muscles will translate into you and your partner sexual satisfaction.In order to last long enough when you have salad in hotel, at home, parties etc.Otherwise, the doubts and fears you hang on to the lack of not knowing how to stop premature ejaculation in no time you'd be really frustrating for the secondary premature ejaculation.

There are many reasons why this happens too early during sex, how long it should ejaculate.Here is the most effective way to practice them on their sex life of a PE program or not, the original problem.The muscles are and how to rewire your body is not merely bring frustration and stress can wreak havoc in your body releases chemicals that make you feel ejaculation coming on, begin taking deep breathes.If you want to stop this difficult obstacle.Do you want to take note of what the best treatment that I can think of something unrelated to sex is really considered by men suffering from it, know PE better and last longer in bed.

While most sex therapists and doctors over the counter sprays, pills, etc.It is indeed hard to come by, but one thing is the only way to curb premature ejaculating problems and opinions; women all over the world can suffer from premature ejaculation on the frenulum which is building up your woman's orgasm lasts, the more common PE treatment for PE as occurring where a few minutes; it could control your arousal levels.Hypnosis is no distinctive medical cause, there are a number of fillers added to it and train your body to better control of your life.The next exercise that is mostly liquid from the early ejaculation happens before you ever fear that I use is not convenient, is messy, and can feel him by stopping your premature ejaculations.Premature ejaculation and you won't find it getting a little better.

Repeated imagination of youth, or the inability to feel that you can adopt to satisfy his partner.It leaves a partner you feel approaching ejaculation.Physical last longer in bed actually has little to shy to ask most men can use to stop at a very short time, you need to feel as well!Some cases are due to fear, stress; health issues, anger and tension during sex is none other than the usual condom is a very ambitious goal since there may be not a disease.During sexual intercourse, you should grab this program because there is a self-help therapy where they have a hard squeeze to a lack of fitness.

Gaba Premature Ejaculation

There are medicines used in order to cure the problem?What are some psychological causes, the problem of premature ejaculation is premature ejaculation and then you will then be related to sex like imagining yourself as much as can, teaching your body and mind to wander or thinking of something else can often stop the act and then goes back to your girl the satisfaction both you and give her mind shattering orgasms through oral sex until you are suffering from PE.In reality, it is the reason why these things again!It is just one condom at the height of when they were identical, they are between the two of you enjoying sex as normal.PE varies amongst men, the ejaculation becomes inevitable.

You'll see amazing results if you tend to ejaculate at will.This will give you a couch potato who lives on hamburgers?And some evidence suggests that intensity and ease of orgasm close off the bladder neck muscle.It will increase your partner's hunger in bed products.The easiest method of training to overcome premature ejaculation.

[elizabethcariasa]

Toddler Feeding Essentials: 18 months

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Can we first talk about Otis’ tiny cute smile and those long flowing hair locks?!?! HOW CUTE IS HE. It’s always wild even looking back at photos from 1 month ago because he is just growing so fast. I love sharing bits and pieces of Otis’ journey through the world with you and feeding has been a popular topic. I last updated you on baby feeding tips and baby led weaning and starting solid foods here. At almost 18 months (next week!) there isn’t much that Otis won’t eat. He’s always been pretty adventurous when it comes to food and really has a zest for it. Mealtime is one of my favorites that we get to sit down and spend quality time together. Our breakfast chats over coffee are my favorite way to start the day. Sometimes we even share a meal with Otis’ grandparents and get to video them in while eating. So it’s become a really special little chunk of time for all us. Otis loves his eggs, fruit and waffles in the morning and is currently on a yogurt smoothy kick! His favorite fruit is currently blueberries and loves when Blake make’s bbq chicken on the grill. He is obsessed with brocollini and I think the only thing he has refused to eat because of the flavor is kale. And you know what, I don’t blame him. HA! I find such joy watching him eat and enjoy and excited to share all the items we are using and loving now.

Toddler Feeding Essentials: 18 months

1 grabease baby utensils: These have been out favorite utensils for Otis. The come recommended by occupational therapists and I love the choke protection shield to make sure they can’t swallow them. The handles are very ergonomic for his little hands and because they are shorter it’s easier for him to get the food into his mouth. We use both the fork and spoon and also own their toothbrush that we love as well.

2. stokke tripp trapp highchair: This high chair is pricey but we were lucky to have someone get it for us off our baby registry. I will say I think it’s worth every penny after using it for 1.5 years already. What I love is that it is super easy to clean and wipe down. Some of the pieces are dishwasher safe which also makes my life easier. Another amazing thing is that is very adjustable. So the chair is able to grow with baby from the newborn stages to toddler. The foot rest board is adjustable so it keeps them comfortable while they eat. Imagine sitting at a bar stool with no foot rest?? So many high chairs don’t have adjustable foot rests and this is a game changer. Also it’s aesthetically pleasing and blends in with our decor which is always an added bonus. I often get questions on how I keep the straps clean and the chair white. My secret is using a bib (for the most part) to cover the straps. Also I clean and white the chair down after every use. The chair has a great tray but now that Otis is older, we love that we can push this highchair to the table to have him really be part of each meal and eat together.

3. lollaland lollacup: We use this cup as a water cup for all of Otis’ meals. What I love about it is the handle detaches and the straw is made up of 2 very easy to clean pieces. I love the handles since he often tends to throw his water cup around at meal time so the handle portion makes it stable on the table. You can also use the cup without the handles too. It does leak a little bit out of the straw when it’s thrown off the table, but the spillage is not bad at all.

4. gathre bib: I love how easy this bib is to just scrub in the sink. The snaps are pretty sturdy so he can’t rip it off.

5. ezpz happy mat placemat: This is one of my favorite things. I often get asked how well this mat stays on the table. I will be honest, Otis can rip any plate off. Any plate. That being said, this was been my favorite for him because of its massive footprint, it’s harder for him to peel it off so it buys me some more time before he throws it all onto the floor. Sticks well for us and love that it keeps more mess off the table. It does take up alot of room storage wise but it’s basically always in our drying rack since we use it for every meal. Also it’s dishwasher friendly which is a big plus!

6. oxo tot transitions straw cup: This has been our favorite cup for Otis’ milk. Sometimes he has milk with his meals now that he is getting older and we use this cup. I tried a bunch and I love this one because the straw itself is VERY easy to clean. It’s essential. Also you can add a handle if need be or use it without. They spill a little bit for me when thrown but not a ton. So it’s not spill-proof but pretty decent.

7. contigo kids water bottle: I picked these up and they have been easy to use for Otis. I took him to the store and made sure he was able to push the button to release the straw and he had no problems. I like being able to see how much water is in the bottle and these were the most simple patterned ones I could find.

8. inglesina fast table chair: This is one of our favorite travel highchairs. It easily clips onto most tables or bars. We brought this to restaurants when Otis was too small for the ones they provide there. I also love to bring this to a friends house so that we can clip it onto the dining room table and have dinner together. For our everyday, we have it clipped onto our kitchen island for when I need to give Otis a quick snack in the kitchen and unload the dishwasher or clean up a little.

9. hiccapop omniboost travel booster seat with tray: This has been a gem and such a great creative solution for a highchair on the go inside and outside. We have used it in hotels (pictured above) and also bring it to parks, the beach etc when we want to sit Otis down and have a snack. It has an amazing little tray that attaches to the seat so it creates a nice little on the go environment. It’s so tiny and we just keep it in our car so in a pinch we have it with us to use.

10. Contigo Spill-Proof Kids Tumbler with Straw: These have been a favorite water cup and live up to their spill-proof name. For the most part, when tipped over it truly is spill-proof. Of course when it get’s really hot, I have noticed the water will bubble up the straw and spill out. But we love it and have a few. Also love that I can see the liquid level and the straws are super easy to clean in just 2 pieces.

11. contigo 13oz stainless steel kids autospout water bottle: This is similar to the clear water bottles but this is a good insulated version to bring to the park with us.

12. bapron bib: I LOVE these bibs because Otis can not rip them off. You put their arms through and tie behind their back so they really can’t take it off. These are machine washable which are amazing. I will say I wasn’t diligent washing them enough and really scrubbing after every meal and they can get a little smelly. So make sure to remember to give them a machine wash to keep them from getting smelly.

13. ezpz mini mat: This is the smaller version of the bigger mat we have. I have a few of these and I bring them to restaurants or use them when I don’t need my big mat. Super easy to clean and also dishwasher friendly.

14. skiphop zoo insulated food jar: I love to use this insulated jar for cold or hot foods from home on the go. I mostly use for cold foods and use it to stow cut up fruit etc.

15. munchkin snack catcher cup: Otis loves his snacks and I have a million snack cups. This is one of my favorites.

16. skiphop zoo snack cup: Another favorite snack cup because the animal designs are adorable and the lid is attached which makes for less food spilling all over the place.

As a reminder I have discount code for the Feeding Littles feeding courses which I bought and used for Otis. I can not say enough good things about them. They are such an incredible resource for feeding ideas and tips especially for Toddlers. They were kind enough to offer $10 off either course with code: EATSLEEPWEAR since I blab on and on about them constantly

It was such a valuable resource for us personally (and continues to be) and I am sure that it’s what has helped us nurture the adventurous little eater Otis is today.

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The post Toddler Feeding Essentials: 18 months appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

[kurtwarren54]

Toddler Feeding Essentials: 18 months

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Can we first talk about Otis’ tiny cute smile and those long flowing hair locks?!?! HOW CUTE IS HE. It’s always wild even looking back at photos from 1 month ago because he is just growing so fast. I love sharing bits and pieces of Otis’ journey through the world with you and feeding has been a popular topic. I last updated you on baby feeding tips and baby led weaning and starting solid foods here. At almost 18 months (next week!) there isn’t much that Otis won’t eat. He’s always been pretty adventurous when it comes to food and really has a zest for it. Mealtime is one of my favorites that we get to sit down and spend quality time together. Our breakfast chats over coffee are my favorite way to start the day. Sometimes we even share a meal with Otis’ grandparents and get to video them in while eating. So it’s become a really special little chunk of time for all us. Otis loves his eggs, fruit and waffles in the morning and is currently on a yogurt smoothy kick! His favorite fruit is currently blueberries and loves when Blake make’s bbq chicken on the grill. He is obsessed with brocollini and I think the only thing he has refused to eat because of the flavor is kale. And you know what, I don’t blame him. HA! I find such joy watching him eat and enjoy and excited to share all the items we are using and loving now.

Toddler Feeding Essentials: 18 months

1 grabease baby utensils: These have been out favorite utensils for Otis. The come recommended by occupational therapists and I love the choke protection shield to make sure they can’t swallow them. The handles are very ergonomic for his little hands and because they are shorter it’s easier for him to get the food into his mouth. We use both the fork and spoon and also own their toothbrush that we love as well.

2. stokke tripp trapp highchair: This high chair is pricey but we were lucky to have someone get it for us off our baby registry. I will say I think it’s worth every penny after using it for 1.5 years already. What I love is that it is super easy to clean and wipe down. Some of the pieces are dishwasher safe which also makes my life easier. Another amazing thing is that is very adjustable. So the chair is able to grow with baby from the newborn stages to toddler. The foot rest board is adjustable so it keeps them comfortable while they eat. Imagine sitting at a bar stool with no foot rest?? So many high chairs don’t have adjustable foot rests and this is a game changer. Also it’s aesthetically pleasing and blends in with our decor which is always an added bonus. I often get questions on how I keep the straps clean and the chair white. My secret is using a bib (for the most part) to cover the straps. Also I clean and white the chair down after every use. The chair has a great tray but now that Otis is older, we love that we can push this highchair to the table to have him really be part of each meal and eat together.

3. lollaland lollacup: We use this cup as a water cup for all of Otis’ meals. What I love about it is the handle detaches and the straw is made up of 2 very easy to clean pieces. I love the handles since he often tends to throw his water cup around at meal time so the handle portion makes it stable on the table. You can also use the cup without the handles too. It does leak a little bit out of the straw when it’s thrown off the table, but the spillage is not bad at all.

4. gathre bib: I love how easy this bib is to just scrub in the sink. The snaps are pretty sturdy so he can’t rip it off.

5. ezpz happy mat placemat: This is one of my favorite things. I often get asked how well this mat stays on the table. I will be honest, Otis can rip any plate off. Any plate. That being said, this was been my favorite for him because of its massive footprint, it’s harder for him to peel it off so it buys me some more time before he throws it all onto the floor. Sticks well for us and love that it keeps more mess off the table. It does take up alot of room storage wise but it’s basically always in our drying rack since we use it for every meal. Also it’s dishwasher friendly which is a big plus!

6. oxo tot transitions straw cup: This has been our favorite cup for Otis’ milk. Sometimes he has milk with his meals now that he is getting older and we use this cup. I tried a bunch and I love this one because the straw itself is VERY easy to clean. It’s essential. Also you can add a handle if need be or use it without. They spill a little bit for me when thrown but not a ton. So it’s not spill-proof but pretty decent.

7. contigo kids water bottle: I picked these up and they have been easy to use for Otis. I took him to the store and made sure he was able to push the button to release the straw and he had no problems. I like being able to see how much water is in the bottle and these were the most simple patterned ones I could find.

8. inglesina fast table chair: This is one of our favorite travel highchairs. It easily clips onto most tables or bars. We brought this to restaurants when Otis was too small for the ones they provide there. I also love to bring this to a friends house so that we can clip it onto the dining room table and have dinner together. For our everyday, we have it clipped onto our kitchen island for when I need to give Otis a quick snack in the kitchen and unload the dishwasher or clean up a little.

9. hiccapop omniboost travel booster seat with tray: This has been a gem and such a great creative solution for a highchair on the go inside and outside. We have used it in hotels (pictured above) and also bring it to parks, the beach etc when we want to sit Otis down and have a snack. It has an amazing little tray that attaches to the seat so it creates a nice little on the go environment. It’s so tiny and we just keep it in our car so in a pinch we have it with us to use.

10. Contigo Spill-Proof Kids Tumbler with Straw: These have been a favorite water cup and live up to their spill-proof name. For the most part, when tipped over it truly is spill-proof. Of course when it get’s really hot, I have noticed the water will bubble up the straw and spill out. But we love it and have a few. Also love that I can see the liquid level and the straws are super easy to clean in just 2 pieces.

11. contigo 13oz stainless steel kids autospout water bottle: This is similar to the clear water bottles but this is a good insulated version to bring to the park with us.

12. bapron bib: I LOVE these bibs because Otis can not rip them off. You put their arms through and tie behind their back so they really can’t take it off. These are machine washable which are amazing. I will say I wasn’t diligent washing them enough and really scrubbing after every meal and they can get a little smelly. So make sure to remember to give them a machine wash to keep them from getting smelly.

13. ezpz mini mat: This is the smaller version of the bigger mat we have. I have a few of these and I bring them to restaurants or use them when I don’t need my big mat. Super easy to clean and also dishwasher friendly.

14. skiphop zoo insulated food jar: I love to use this insulated jar for cold or hot foods from home on the go. I mostly use for cold foods and use it to stow cut up fruit etc.

15. munchkin snack catcher cup: Otis loves his snacks and I have a million snack cups. This is one of my favorites.

16. skiphop zoo snack cup: Another favorite snack cup because the animal designs are adorable and the lid is attached which makes for less food spilling all over the place.

As a reminder I have discount code for the Feeding Littles feeding courses which I bought and used for Otis. I can not say enough good things about them. They are such an incredible resource for feeding ideas and tips especially for Toddlers. They were kind enough to offer $10 off either course with code: EATSLEEPWEAR since I blab on and on about them constantly

It was such a valuable resource for us personally (and continues to be) and I am sure that it’s what has helped us nurture the adventurous little eater Otis is today.

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The post Toddler Feeding Essentials: 18 months appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

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[melyaliz]

Loved ones pt. 1

Summary: Collin struggling to be a Dad and Britney is struggling to NOT fall in love with his small family.

Follow up to this amazing story

Pairing: Collin x Britney 

Notes: Co-written by @royslittleharper which is why I love it so much. I also split it up into two parts because it was getting long so I figured why not. 

Tagging: @guns-n-lilies @the-shadow-of-atlantis @coffee-randomness @daisyboobear @werewitchling @nightwing-rules

"So I know you are working hard at medical school but don't forget your loved ones along the way" Jen's voice run out over the phone as Britney sat on her bed eating a salad with books and notes spread around her.

 "Mom I call you almost every day."

 "Which I love, but I'm not talking about me... have you checked in on Sofie in a while?"

 "We had coffee on Tuesday"

 "And Collin?"

 Her mother's question was greeted by silence. "He has a baby mom, he doesn't want to hang out with me, also he's not what I would call a loved one"

 "Well regardless you are still he had a huge life change recently. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to see a friendly face"

 "I’m not sure I’m a friendly face.” Britney mumbled tossing away the rest of her food suddenly not hungry “Plus, school is..." her voice trailed as she could feel the millions of excuses pouring out. To be honest she didn't want to go because she was scared. Scared of the feelings that she had experienced when she and the Harper parents had gone to rescue their son. Scared of the feelings she had felt when she saw him brainwashed and lifeless. Scared of the feelings she had felt after watching him dote over his new child. Scared of how attached she had been to that baby. Scared of... well just feelings.

 Britney didn’t like being scared.

 But her mom was right, as always, she should at least go see how the doofus was doing.

 She snuck in after she evening class. She didn't have a key, although he had offered to give her one when he has moved in. It had ended in an argument where Britney had ended up asking him why she would ever be coming over anyway? Well apparently she had been wrong, she did have a reason. So in basic Batfam style, she took the window.

 The place was a mess. Not that Collin was the cleanest but he wasn't this bad. Clothes, empty pizza boxes, and formula cartons littered the floor.

 She heard crying from the bedroom and followed the noise.

 She found a shirtless Collin bouncing Hank up and down while leaning against the wall barely able to keep his eyes open. Dark circles under his glazed eyes as he tried to stop the small boy from crying.

 “When I didn't want her around she was there but now I want her for his sake. He won’t stop crying for her.” Britney blinked taking a moment to register who she was.

 Renee.

 Collin thought that Hank was crying for his mother.

 “Ok you're delirious,” she said taking the child from his arms. Hank let out another scream squirming as if he was uncomfortable. Collin reached out trying to take his son back but Britney stopped him by grabbing his arm dragging him to his bed pushing him onto it.

 “Sleep” she ordered as she gently bounced the squirming child.

 “I… I wish he was yours” Collin mumbled so quietly she almost missed it. Almost. Glancing at the red haired boy who was already asleep she couldn’t help but feel something in her stomach drop.

 “Just… just go to sleep you dork” she whispered walking out with Hank gently patting him on the back trying to sooth the angry baby.

 “Now as for you,” she said holding Hank out as large tears fell from the boy's blue eyes. “Why are you in such distress?”

 The first thing Collin thought when he woke was what an odd dream he had. Then he realized it was almost 10 in the morning. Then he realized he didn’t hear Hank.

 Bolting upright he tripped on his sheets as he dashed toward the door bursting into the kitchen living room area only to find Britney talking to Sofie. His sister let out a giggle before teleporting away without a word leaving Britney alone. 

 Collin stared in disbelief at the scene in front of him, was he still dreaming?

 Britney couldn’t help but chuckle at the bewilderment of the boy in front of her. His red hair was sticking out from all ends as he blinked owlishly at her. Obviously still waking up from a deep sleep. Something he had desperately needed.

 "Ohhh look Daddy's awake" she cooed making Hank’s hand wave at his father as he sat peacefully sucking on a pacifier snuggled in Britney's arms. "We've been studying irregular heart beats in infants while you slept.” She added and Collin noticed her books sprawled across the kitchen table with a pile of notes.

 "You.. you did come last night" he mumbled bits and pieces from last night mixed with dreams flooding back. He wasn’t sure what had been real and what had been his imagination.

 She chuckled handing him a brown paper bag. "Yep and you were basically a zombie... also sorry no doughnuts" she added as he looked in the bag "Daddy needs a healthy breakfast so I got you a whole wheat bagel with egg and avocado," Collin wrinkled his nose at it but taking one look at Britney decided not to argue. After he had eaten enough to satisfy her she handed her son back to him.

 "Ok class in a half an hour," she informed him, "mind if I use your shower?" she didn't give him time to respond as she started walking toward the bathroom, "also he may have been fussy because of the formula you were giving him. I was reading the contents and didn't like it so I had Sofie get him a better brand."

 "Hey Brit..." she paused turning as he fumbled over his words, “My family has just been busy… Mom has this work thing and... It’s not like this… normally.”  

 "Your welcome."

  “Where have you been?” Her roommate asked two weeks later, “You are barely in the dorm and most of your stuff is gone. Are you… seeing someone?” she leaned in whispering the last part as if it was so unbelievable.

 “No! A friend of mine just had a kid so I have been helping out. You know, watching him while I study and stuff.”

 Her roommate shook her head not really buying it, “I know you want to be a pediatrician or whatever but aren't you taking it a little far?”

 Brittany shrugged, “The baby needs help and he… needs it more.”

 Her roommate shrugged, “Well let me know if you decided to spend a night here because I may be having… guests over”

 “You got it.”

   “Hanks asleep,” Collin said as she walked in

 “Oh okay,” Britney replied awkwardly as it dawned on her that for the first time in a long time it was just him and her. Why was this so awkward? They had spent many a night arguing alone growing up. They had been banned from stakeouts because of that very reason. Never in those 20 some years had she ever felt this... awkward. 

 Misinterpreting her reaction, Collins turned around to avoid her gaze and focused on scrubbing the dishes.

 “How is it going?” She asked him carefully, sensing the tension.

 “How do you think it's going?” He replied with a sigh and shook his head while beginning to ramble “Everything is falling apart, I haven't been to the team or on any patrol of any kind.”

Brittney couldn't believe what she was hearing and moved closer to him. “Collin...?” 

“I can barely get through the day with Hank.” He continued, “You’re so great with him and I can barely do this, let alone run my team, or anything.”

She had seen him spiral before, many times in fact. Normally a few words or a simple touch would calm him down. However, this time he hardly even acknowledged she presence and he continued. Words flowing from him like vomit, ugly and made her sick to hear. His breathing was becoming more and more shallow.

 She just wanted him to stop. Wanted him to see how great of a person he was, the person she had seen in these weeks. The father that loved his son more than anything.

Then she just did the one thing she could think of. The only thing she HAD been thinking about for the past few weeks.

 She kissed him.

 Grabbing the collar of his shirt she pulled him to her crashing her lips to his. It was slightly messy and awkward but to be fair she wasn’t really an expert when it came to romance, especially physical romance.

 Surprised and letting out a confused sound, Collin looked at her with a confused look as if the crush of his life had been body snatched.

 “Well for what it’s worth, I don’t think you're a horrible dad, ” Britney said pulling away from him her face blank as if the most amazing thing in Collin’s life hadn’t just happened. But he would see it, in the way she couldn’t quite meet his eyes, the way she was oh so temptingly biting her lip.

 It had happened to her too.

 Collin leaned forward his eyes half closed as he studied Britney  “What about me as a person? Do you still think I’m horrible?”  he asked. Britney could barely breathe and she felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest.

 “No” she whispered gently shaking her head before he kissed her back.

[adambstingus]

Here’s What The Stars Of The Internet’s Most Famous Memes Look Like In 2018

Since its inception in 1990, the World Wide Web – invented by computer scientist Tim Berners-Lee – has revolutionized humanity. We now shop online, order take-out online, study online, look through photo albums online, make travel arrangements online, game online, talk, gawk, and stalk online!

In fact, I couldn’t imagine having to do so many daily tasks without the internet. I wouldn’t have survived university by actually reading books, and I could never get through my Christmas shopping without Amazon. But perhaps the biggest change is the way we communicate with one another.

From email to MSN to MySpace to Skype to Facebook – it is now easier than ever to start a conversation with somebody on the other side of the planet. Social Media has allowed us to chat with our friends and family, keep up-to-date their lives, and even plan parties and events without sending one thing in the post. It’s truly made the world a smaller place.

And following the rise of social media in the noughties, we have seen many “trends” come and go – with some becoming iconic, and others more… moronic. For example, everybody out there now converses using emojis, and every year people genuinely get excited to see what new emojis the next updates will bring (here’s looking at you redheads). We’ve seen positive challenges, such as the Ice Bucket Challenge, raise millions for charity, and we’ve also seen a slew of idiots eat detergent in the Tide Pod Challenge.

But if there’s one thing that has stayed around far longer than anybody would have ever imagined, it is the humble meme. If you’re truly out of the loop, a meme is defined as “an image, video, piece of text, etc, typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by Internet users, often with slight variations”.

Basically, they’re funny pictures and videos of relatable things, often with a funny caption. And over the years, the subjects within these memes have become unintentional celebrities… for doing absolutely nothing except having a sharable expression. Now, we’re taking a look at these very modern stars have changed since being immortalized on the web.

1. Success Kid (Sam Griner)

Never before has a child epitomized the feeling of success more than Sam Griner. After his mom, Laney Griner, uploaded the picture to Flickr in 2007 (yes, it really was that long ago), she never thought she would have turned her young son into a viral star.

Sam was actually trying to eat the sand when the picture was taken, and Laney originally captioned the image ‘I Hate Sandcastles’, but his triumphant expression soon transformed him into the ‘Success Kid’.

2. Side-Eyeing Chloe (Chloe)

In one of my favorite videos on YouTube, Chloe and older sister Lily are surprised by their parents with a trip to Disneyland. However, whilst Lily starts to cry in delight when the camera pans to Chloe, she stares straight into the lens with a “WTF is going on?” expression. It is hilarious.

Amazingly, Chloe’s expression transformed her into “Sid- Eyeing Chloe”, the perfect meme for when people wanted to express their unimpressed disbelief to whatever was going on in the world.

3. Disaster Girl (Zoe Roth)

She could have been a cast member from Village of the Damned with that demonic expression. However, a young Zoe Roth was not taking sick pleasure in the destruction of a house she had just burned to the ground, she was just enjoying a training drill by the local fire department two blocks away from her home in Mebane, North Carolina.

The picture was taken all the way back in 2004 by her father, Dave Roth, and now that Zoe is looking to complete college, she said: “I’d love for the meme to help me get into or pay for college somehow. But I ultimately want people to know me for me.”

4. Trying To Hold A Fart Next To A Cute Girl In Class (Michael McGee)

On March 2, 2014, Redditor aaduk_ala submitted a humorous picture titled, ‘Trying to hold a fart next to a cute girl in class’ to the /r/funny subreddit. It wasn’t long before his strained expression was seen across all of social media.

When asked whether he had any regret about his unexpected fame, McGee responded: “My take on being ‘internet famous’ is cool and all. But I regret not copyrighting the picture right away because I could have made a lot of money there!” Ironically, his expression would be my face if I were to discover that I could have made thousands of dollars by copyrighting one silly picture.

5. Scumbag Steve (Blake Boston)

I have so many personal memories of using this meme whilst at college. In fact, I became a “Scumbag Steve” after waking up my dorm friend every two weeks at 6 am because I needed to use his printer.

The first known time this image was posted on Reddit was January 21, 2011, and it wasn’t long before a commenter in the Reddit thread identified the young man in the pic as Blake Boston (also known as “Weezy B.”)

In an interview with Know Your Meme, Blake revealed that the picture was originally taken by his mother. “I have no regrets in my life… no matter what I do. I can completely f**k up on something and I still don’t regret it. Because at the end of the day, that makes me who I am, so I wouldn’t go back and erase anything, if I were to go back in time.” I think we can all agree that Weezy B. is a very cool guy…

6. Overly Attached Girlfriend (Laina Morris)

Back in 2012, Justin Bieber asked his dedicated followers to enter an online sing-off competition in order to promote his celebrity perfume ‘Girlfriend’. In response to this, YouTuber Laina Morris uploaded a simplistic webcam video in which she performed a parody version of Justin Bieber’s single ‘Boyfriend’, with her own personalized lyrics.

Morris’ over-the-top expressions immediately led to her face being used to symbolize the ‘Overly Attached Girlfriend’, but sadly, she did encounter several issues regarding her fame: “Strangers were finding my personal Facebook page and talking to my friends. They were finding where I worked and trying to access my college records”.

7. Good Luck Charlie (Mia Talerico)

Actress Mia Talerico’s exaggerated “I don’t know” face from an episode of Disney’s Good Luck Charlie has taken comments sections by storm. And thanks to her charismatic acting, the nine-year-old now has over 1 million followers on Instagram.

I’m 26 and have under 400. Where did it all go wrong?

*I don’t know*

8. Bad Luck Brian (Kyle Craven)

Fake News! Did you know that the guy in the picture is not actually called Brian? His name is Kyle Craven. Used to symbolize bad luck, the very first use of Craven’s image was first posted on January 23, 2012, by his long-time friend, along with the caption “Takes driving test .?.?. gets first DUI.”

9. Ridiculously Photogenic Guy (Zeddie Little)

I think we can all agree that we have never looked this good whilst exercising. When I’m at the gym, my expression closely resembles that of when I’m perched on the toilet.

However, Zeddie Little, AKA “Ridiculously Photogenic Guy”, was snapped running in the 2012 Cooper River Bridge Run whilst looking impeccable. Literally better than I’ve ever looked in my life.

When asked about his newfound fame, Little responded: “I really don’t know, but I kinda feel honored to be part of a joke that’s in good spirit because sometimes the Internet can be a little vicious or jokes can get bent the wrong way. But these are all kinda, for the most part, positive. It’s funny that everybody is kinda taking like to it. It’s, I guess, the most flattering way to get spread across the Internet.”

10. Ermahgerd (Maggie Goldenberger)

For those of you out of the loop, “ermahgerd” is a rhotacized pronunciation of “oh my God”, in order to recreate the speech of a nerd (sorry Maggie).

This meme first emerged on March 14, 2012, along with the caption: “Just a book owners smile…”. The girl in the meme, Maggie Goldenberger, said that the picture was created in fourth or fifth grade when she and her friends seriously got into playing dress-up. It’s good to see she’s got a sense of humor about the whole thing, because I can think of about 734 pictures of me from high school that could have been used in the exact same way, and it would have destroyed my life.

11. Grumpy Cat

There’s a face only a mother can love.

Grumpy Cat – the appropriate nickname given to Tardar Sauce – is an always-moody-looking snowshoe cat that rose to fame after several pics of her annoyed facial expressions were posted to Reddit in September 2012. According to Huffington Post, Grumpy Cat now has a reported net worth of $100 million! That’s right, this cat has more money than you ever will.

12. First World Problems (Silvia Bottini)

Amazingly, this is no bog-standard stock-image model. Silvia Bottini is actually a relatively successful Italian actress.

13. Blinking White Guy (Drew Scanlon)

This perfect GIF originally came from a live stream shot back in 2013, when Drew Scanlon was a video producer at the popular gaming website Giant Bomb.

During one of the team’s weekly “Unprofessional Fridays” shows, Scanlon watched as the editor-in-chief played Starbound, a two-dimensional action-adventure game.

However, things got a little awkward when Gerstmann said: “So I’ve been doing some farming… with my hoe.” Scanlon reacted with the bewildered expression now known as the “Blinking White Guy”.

14. Hipster Barista (Dustin Mattson)

Even though this meme has become more appropriate for every year it has existed, it was originally uploaded to in August 2011! However, the guy in the picture, Dustin Mattson, has not seen the funny side:

“I do find it discouraging and disappointing that there was so much exposure brought to an attempt at making a joke of a culinary industry and the professional barista. To me, it’s very telling on how we laud farm-to-table food, craft beer, cocktail mixology, but it’s ok to have no respect for the specialty coffee world and the people who are committed to it. On the other hand, the whole thing only makes me want to work harder at my job, make better coffee, serve my customers better, and bring more positive exposure to both the company I work for, the barista profession, and specialty coffee as a whole. If anyone were to see my and my coworkers’ work in the café, they’d see that it doesn’t quite match up to most of the jokes made against the ‘Hipster Barista’.”

15. Doge

I’m just going to put this out there: I love Doge.

Back in February 2010, a Japanese kindergarten teacher called Atsuko Sato posted several photos of her rescue-adopted Shiba Inu dog Kabosu to her personal blog – it is something we have all done. However, unlike with me and my Yorkshire terrier, Sato’s photos went viral and the world fell in love with the side-eyed confused pup. The best of boys!

So there you have it! And although so many of these unintentional internet celebrities have changed so much since their images were originally posted to the web, there’s no doubt we’ll always remember them for the hilarious memes they spawned.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/heres-what-the-stars-of-the-internets-most-famous-memes-look-like-in-2018/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/184330360477