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Update: had phallo exactly one week ago

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Just an Update if anyone's still reading: after 9 months of electrolysis and 8 months of laser hair removal, I had to postpone my surgery again (from August to November) because my fucking arm refuses to get hairless.

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Just checked my vaginectomy site and there's still a bit of a dent there... Yikes. Had some troubles with stitches dissolving too soon there and I guess I'll have to ask them to fix it in the next stage. Really don't like that dent :(

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Very nice read on your last post! It's really interesting to see the process of the first phalloplasty stage, including the hospital stay and days after surgery. Now that it's been a while, has anything changed regarding your recovery?

Hey man, turns out you sent this nearly half a year ago and I never saw it, due to my mostly being on mobile these days.. Sorry about that.

Very glad to hear, that reading my last post was interesting! I kinda abandoned this blog before my top surgery, but I reckon bottom surgery progress is more interesting anyways, since there are not too many people talking about it at with top. 

In my post I talked a bit about problems peeing in the morning and pains when I do so, the pains have gone away by now, but I still be quite a bit slower than pre-op. Sometimes I can tell that I didn’t get all the pee out, but can’t start peeing again unless I wait a little bit on the toilet.

Peeing standing is still great (gonna miss it a little after the next surgery), but I still haven’t figured out how to not get little tiny drops on the toilet and floor next to it. My stream doesn’t spray at all, so maybe I’m just peeing too forcefully and the drops “reflect” off of the toilet and to the floor? I dunno if this is a problem cis guys have too tbh, haven’t asked anybody.

Other than that not much has changed. I had a little problem with my vaginectomy wound dissolving the stitches too soon, but that worked itself out as it healed on its own.

Having this surgery still didn’t do much for my dysphoria-wise instead of standing to pee, but hell I’m just grateful I’m getting there and that I haven’t  had complications.

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Phalloplasty Date

Thought I’d finally update regarding my phallo date. A few weeks ago I got a call from my surgeon’s clinic offering me a choice of dates and I ended up with the 25th of June 2020! 

This is the second date they’ve given me (previous one was 5th of March), but sadly i couldn’t take the first date because I started electrolysis too late and my arm wasn’t ready. Now after seeing my progress (trimmed my other arm’s hair to compare) and talking to my electrologist I do believe I’ll be ready by June! I’ll have had electrolysis for about 9 months at that point. We will most definitely continue after the surgery, as my surgeon told me they never know exactly how much they cut for the outside of the penis that you should wait with electrolysis apart from the area that will form the urethra. I’ve still already started, but cautiously and expecting more skin to be taken than I have had electrolysis on.

Usually my surgeons already do phallo 4-6 months after stage 1 (meta, essentially), but because of electrolysis I am gonna end up with nearly a year between surgeries (stage 1 was on the 26th of July, 2019).

Getting my date has be such a crazy experience (they always seem to call me at work) and since then so much of my free time has been spent trying to research even more about phallo... I’m just so excited and can’t wait for the day to finally come and this is my way of expressing that excitement I suppose. And I already did a lot of research prior to receiving my date!

Anyways, here’s to hoping the time will pass quickly and that when it’s time, I’ll be free of complications and recover smoothly!

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Hello, so I figured I might as well talk a little bit about my last surgery on the 26th of July.

As I’ve mentioned before, in Germany (or at least in my clinic) there are four total stages to phalloplasty: 1. “kleiner Aufbau” (clitoral release/metoidioplasty, urethral lengthening, vaginectomy, oopherectomy, hysterectomy), 2. “großer Aufbau” (the phallus is formed using skin from the forearm, urethral opening is pointing down again), 3. connection of the new urethra in the phallus, construction of the glans and scrotum, 4. erectile and testicular implants. Far as I’m aware, these stages are broken up to lower the risk for complications.

I am now about 2 weeks post stage 1. Overall I had to stay in the hospital for 10 days post op. I went to the Chirurgische Klinik München Bogenhausen, which is a clinic with a team of very skilled, young and well trained surgeons, well known among trans men for their skill in phalloplasties. Absolutely worth the 6 hour train trip in my opinion. In the following I will go over more detail of my hospital stay.

Day before the surgery

I arrived about an hour late to my pre-treatment interviews the day before the surgery (thank you Deutsche Bahn), which was fine in the end though, but I had to wait a little longer at their offices. The talk with the urologist was very good, I felt like she explained every step well and carefully and took her time with me (not that I needed much because I knew about most things already). After that I got admitted to the hospital, where I already saw some trans men while I was checking in at the reception desk. My room was on station one, which is known for being the station with almost exclusively trans patients. I shared a room with (apparently during his stay) the only other guy that had stage 1 like me. We got along super well, I got to ask him a bunch of questions, it was great. Some time during the evening I had to get an enema to empty out my intestines (I also wasn’t allowed to really eat anything apart from very salty broth as soon as I was admitted, which sucked because I hadn’t eaten much all day), which was an.... interesting experience, but not terrible.

Surgery day

Once again I got lucky and my surgery was the first, so I got woken up at about 6:20 am and got to take another shower (shaved some more, I had already shaved at home which I strongly recommend, especially if you have a lot of body hair like me), put on the hospital gown and waited and waited until about 7:15 am (felt like hours) when I was picked up by a nurse and rolled down to the OP floors. Had to say my name and birth date to about a million people (for confirmation that they got the right guy) and eventually got my narcosis (took longer than for mastectomy).

When I woke up, I kinda just woke up every once in a while for a few seconds and would doze off again. I didn’t really talk to the nurses there, but listened to them talk a bit to other patients. Had a little bit of pain if I remember right in the area of the uterus and I was just kinda sleepy from what I remember. Later, when I was rolled back up to my room, the nurses told me that I had been moving a lot in the wake up room which I have no awareness or memory of at all and they had to give me some more meds to keep me still. Back in my room I think I was a bit better again, talked a bit to my roommate and all. I can’t remember that much from that day, but I know it was very uneventful, I slept a bunch.

Days after surgery

I hadn’t really eaten anything for the first one or two days after surgery because I was afraid of having to puke from the anesthesia, but eventually I got around to it some morning. On the first day post op I got to stand up once for a few seconds, felt a little woozy and then lied down again. Overall I sometimes had pain mostly in the urethra area, didn’t have much pain from the vaginectomy at first. They give you lots of pain meds tho, so it never really gets bad. On day 2 post op they helped me stand up again and from that point on I was allowed to stand up and walk around on my own, empty my catheter on my own and so on. Walking was a little uncomfortable, I had to walk kinda slow and all. Also that day my roommate got released after having some troubles urinating without a catheter, but eventually it worked out for him and he didn’t need to get another suprapubic catheter. On day 3 post op I had to switch rooms (I later found out that my old room got women and I guess they didn’t want to have mixed rooms) and my new roommate was just at stage 3. We didn’t get along quite as perfectly as I did with my roommate before (we were both sad he had to leave so soon), but we eventually got along better and better as time progressed. He had some more complications and we both ended up leaving the hospital on the same day. But it was pretty cool because he told me a bunch about the second stage, gave me some tips and actually showed me his penis. It was really amazing seeing it in person and not just in photos, it does look and seem quite different, but it looked very impressive and real and I just can’t wait.

At day 4 post op they removed the drain and the “band aids” over my genitalia which finally removed the pains I was getting from the band aids pushing into my vaginectomy wounds, but on the downside introduced me to the real annoyances and pains of catheters. Since now the catheter was free to move around (before it was fixed through the thick layers of band aids) it could introduce all kinds of discomfort and pains to the sensitive area. I’d say it progressively moves from just being annoying to being more and more painful. In general my t-dick has been feeling painfully overstimulated since about 6 or so days post op and it still does. On the other hand catheters are also kinda handy since you don’t have to get up all the time to pee! Also after the removal of the last band aid one day later I was finally allowed to shower again. Very difficult and painful with a catheter.

Moving around was pretty easy for me relatively early on and I could do most things already just a few days post op, except for sitting. I was worried the sitting could cause problems on the train ride home, but when I tried to sit again on the last days, I could do it without much trouble.

As the days went on, the catheter got more annoying, I got less pain meds (only at night) and the days became more and more boring. Finally on day 9 post op I got my catheter removed very early in the morning. Short little sting but nothing bad. At first I had trouble peeing and I felt like I couldn’t completely empty my bladder. Later on though, when I had an ultrasound to check on the amount of urine in my bladder (my brother who is studying medicine did it because the doctor found out that he studies medicine and wanted to let him try, was kinda awkward), I only had about 40ml in my bladder which is more than good enough, thus sealing the decision that I will be allowed to leave the next day. On that day I also took a shower and peed in the shower (which worked much easier than sitting on the toilet for some reason) and the feeling of seeing your stream go forward like that and being able to control where it goes... Much more impactful that I ever imagined. I also eventually tried standing to pee at the toilet which worked out pretty well, although I get tiny sprinkles at the edges of the toilet (no idea why) and I have to get my pants down completely. The last few drops have to be dried with a piece of toilet paper.

And so I did, the train ride back luckily did not have nearly as many problems as the ride there, although I did have to carry my luggage a bit (which you aren’t really supposed to because it’s too heavy...). On the plus side, I peed standing at a public toilet on the train for the first time, which was also pretty awesome. No more sitting on disgusting public toilets!

Days at home

On the first morning home, I had a bit of a shock because I initially experienced the same problems as my first roommate that I couldn’t pee well as in only drops came out instead of a stream and it felt like my bladder wasn’t completely emptied. Luckily it got better an hour or so later. I’ve been having that problem for all days since I got home although I noticed it got a bit better since about yesterday. Most likely areas around my urethra are more internally swollen at night and thus close the urethra a bit in the morning. I actually feel pain when I completely empty my bladder right in the area where it feels like the swollen tissue is compromising the urethra. Overall though, it’s just getting better and better. I haven’t been taking any meds in a long time, the stitched already look really well healed, the wounds on the stomach from the oopherectomy and hysterectomy are super tiny for me and already super well healed.

I won’t have to work for the next 1 1/2 weeks, which should be more than enough time to recover. Honestly with the work I do I could already work again, but hey gotta use any sick leave you get right. I am a little bored most days, but my girlfriend is coming back soon so then things will get brighter and more fun again!

Next surgery and conclusion

My time at the hospital was boring, but almost all nurses were very friendly, funny and competent, the food was decent (hated dinner) and to me it was just an incredible experience that is hard to describe to be at a clinic where almost everyone is a trans patient that is further along in their medical transition than I am. You see so little of trans men in media, in communities just anywhere and even less of trans men with bottom surgery. It’s been my experience as well many others that the further along you go on your road to and along phalloplasty the harder it gets to relate to trans men that are still early in their transition. So finally being around people like me and people more experienced than me in this aspect was just amazing and I am very grateful and looking forward to my next stay.

Regarding that, from what I heard from other trans men usually the waiting time for stage two is about 4 months, which won’t work for me because of university. I hope I will be able to get an appointment in mid February because that will be the last time I can be missing for 6 weeks (I will most likely be doing internships this time next year). More importantly I hope my arm will be ready in time as I have not yet been able to start epilation because of the long long process of getting confirmations from my insurance. I am now waiting on the last confirmation after having had a consulation and after that I can finally start. Hopefully at least the area they use to build the urethra will be done in time, as the rest can be done post op as well.

Additionally, I find it interesting to note that from what I hear in the clinic, most patients that have complications are smokers, so since I have never smoked in my life and my healing so far has went really well, I count my chances high for staying complication-free.

In the end, this stage 1 doesn’t do much for me in regards to dysphoria apart from the fact that I can pee standing (just not at urinals), but with this experience of having surgery, being closer to phalloplasty than ever and having met and talked to men that have already had it, I have never been more excited and anxious to finally have phalloplasty and I really really can’t wait until it’s finally here. I know the hospital time will be very difficult, but the joys and new discovery of my own body and more will be worth all the struggle.

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And, if you don't mind me asking, how did your singing voice develop over the last 3 years?

I’ve been saying for about 2 1/2 years that I gotta practice my higher ranges and I still haven’t done it. I’ve definitely lost some range since taking t, but in general my ranges have dropped a lot. Lost many many high octaves that I used to be able to do, but I’m good with that. Don’t really mind much, I like my current voice and it’ll just get better with more practice.

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So, two weeks are way past, are there updates on your phalloplasty date? :D

The actual phalloplasty is probably still over a year away, but the first stage (in Germany that is vaginectomy, clitoral release, urethra lengthening, oopherectomy and hysterectomy) is at the 26th of July, so very very soon! Will be missing an exam for it, but I can just do that exact at a later point it’s no biggie.

I’m excited but sadly my partner can’t come with me bc it’d be too expensive.

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Here's to 2 weeks passing fast🍻 I'm starting T in 2 weeks What are your hopes and worries for your phalloplasty?

Hey man that’s really awesome for you that you’re starting T soon! I can hardly remember what living was like before T and it’s only been 2 1/2 years.

My hopes are mostly alleviating all kinds of dysphorias. Mostly the only kinds that I have left. Packers never really did it for me, it just didn’t feel real enough. So now I’m so much looking forward to having the right genitals, peeing standing, having sex and just holding it whenever I want to. It’s still a while until I’ll have a penis bc here surgeons always do meta first but I’m just so excited that things are finally moving forward.

My biggest worries are having a lot of complications. Like the case of Cayden Carter for example is so extreme, but I know that those cases don’t happen often. I’m almost counting on having a fistula bc those happen so much, strictures happen often too, but I hope I won’t have a problem with them.

I’m just trying to send a lot of hope that I won’t have any complications bc that happens more often than we see, but also prepare myself for the complications.

Not very scared in regards to pain since I have a pretty high physical pain threshold.

But really all of the positives outweigh the risk for complications so so much. I am very very excited.

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In two weeks I'll finally get a date for the first stage of phalloplasty... I'm beyond excited and can't wait for the two weeks to be over

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Thank you, yes that post did help! Would you say it reduced your waiting time noticably? I have an appointment with my therapist next week anyway so I might ask him again too, but thank you! :)

Going to a urologist reduced my waiting time, otherwise I would’ve had to wait a few more months for even just the first appointment.

As to the other things, it’s kinda like you have to do it here and I don’t think that having the appointment before my t letter helped much, but my urologist in particular is known to like to get to the T fast.

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How much time passed between your first urologist appointment where you did the bloodwork and then the second appointment for actually getting T? My therapist is gonna write my T letter soon but when I expressed concerns about long waiting times (or things i could do to reduce them) he reassured me there would be no need for me to schedule something before hand. Apparently he knows some that don't require as much bloodwork, but i wanted to ask nevertheless

When I started I was in a similar position, so I had made an appointment with the urologist before I got my therapist’s t letter and the urologist was visibly confused why I was even there already as they usually get started right away afterwards.

I’d advise you to make an appointment already (if you already have your bloodwork done) at some time when you’re likely to have your letter.

In my experience, bloodwork is definitely necessary or else they don’t know your needed dosage. After that is likely a short talk with the urologist themselves and then you will get your gel or injections. For me all subsequent appointments regarding getting T went very fast, often with no appointment needed.

But as I said, since this is your first time, I’d say you will most likely be required to at least have a short talk with your urologist where he explains you all risks and changes from T. Most of us already know that, but (at least in Germany) they’re required by law to give you that talk.

You definitely don’t need an endocrinologist, I think they often have long waiting times. Just keep your options open, call lots of urologists/endocrinologists in your area and see who has the soonest appointment.

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What was your experience when you had to apply for your name change via the TSG-way? Seeing how much chaos there seems to be in Germany right now with the way §45b PStG is written and used.

I can’t speak about the PStG at all, honestly I didn’t even know it existed.

My experience with TSG was pretty typical, I wrote a formless letter to apply for it and cited my therapist as one of the people to write one of the two reports and then I got a assigned a second psychiatrist with whom I had a 30 minute appointment.

Then both of them send in their reports, I got my appointment at court and went there, told the judge what I had already told the psychiatrists and then she judged in my favor! In the courtroom it was only my father, the judge and me, very personal and calm environment.

A week or so later I got the letter from court and then I could change all my papers! Very exciting.

In total the whole ordeal cost me about 1200€ I think. That kinda sucked, but luckily I had just received money from my aunt for my 18th birthday.

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Nice beard! How soon did your beard growth set in if I may ask?

Thank you very much!

When I was a year on T I was starting to get really frustrated with my lack of proper beard growth, so I took minoxidil for about a year, and the beard I have now is largely a result from that!

I had small bits and pieces of beard before that, but really it was barely existent.

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Here’s the bottom surgery survey I said I’d be posting. I had a few people try it out and there weren’t any big problems, so go ahead and take it! 

This survey is geared towards trans men and non binary folks who consider themselves trans-masculine and are planning on transitioning in a masculine way (ie testosterone, top surgery, bottom surgery). You can take the survey no matter how far you are in your transition, although there is a section about medical transition.

This is purely out of curiosity, and results will be posted once a big enough sample size has been collected. Please reblog and fill out if applicable!

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Before the erectile devices are put into place you cannot have unassisted penetrative sex, however don't assume that there's no way to have sex at all. After all there are plenty of folk who never get the implants!

Of course you gotta let everything heal first, but you can have sex by using one of those penis sleeves which gives your phallus enough rigidity, some guys also have said wearing two condoms works too.

There are also devices like the Elator specifically made for erectile dysfunction, but some trans men have had varying successes with it.

i know phalloplasty takes multiple surgeries to complete so, question - is it possible to have sex before the dick is complete?

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Can you please post a before and an on T picture of you.

I don’t really like to post pictures of myself online anymore, but since this blog doesn’t get a lot of traction I’ll make an exception

The left image is from 2014, so just about 2 years before I started T, the right image is from today, which is about 2 1/2 years on T (proudly showing off my sword in the background)

Quite the evolution, huh!