#//refusing to think about how that last 'Let's go!' might be from his final scene

[miraiconnection]

//Pokemon is determined to make me cry as hard as possible

[vnti-vntiety-recs]

GUARDIAN GLOVES (M)

★  PAIRING: Boxer! Jeno x Reader 

☆ WORD COUNT: 12k

★ GENRE(S): Brother’s Bestfriend AU, Childhood Friend AU?, Smut

☆ SUMMARY:  No matter how badly you want to start over, your rebellious past follows you to college, and you can't run from it forever Your brother Jaemin was your rock growing up, but now that he has left for an out-of-state university, he can no longer save you. You do not want to burden your brother's best friend, but he might be the only one who can save you from the person of your past who refuses to let you go.

★ ☆ WARNINGS: Unprotected sex, sexual intercourse, fighting, harassment, and stalking, mentions of violence, guns and drugs, abusive relationships.

☆★ NOTES: Read with caution, please; some scenes can be intense. Leave nice comments, please <3 

It was a mistake; you knew it was a mistake; your brother and friends both told you so. Now, due to the enormous amounts of red flags you have ignored, you have found yourself in some hot water. What can you say? Love makes you blind.

“You cant keep putting up with this! We need to do something,” your friend Ryujin stressed “This has been going on for too long; im scared something serious might happen” You were worried that wrinkles might form from how much shes been furrowing her brow.

“Im fine! Its not even that serious, ok? Just drop it,” you say, sitting on your bed with your head buried in your hands as your roommate paced the dorm room. You had never seen her so upset. 

“No! I will not sit here while my best friend gets harassed! We need to report this!”

“We are NOT reporting this ryu; that will only make things worse.” you sigh before sitting back to look your friend dead in the eyes

“He pushed you down the stairs!?” 

“It was a mistake!”

You met Yuta during your junior year of high school. He was your typical run-of-the mill bad boy; he skipped classes, hung out late, and got high. You knew he was trouble, but that was what you wanted. You grew up rebellious; you were young and dumb. You just wanted attention, and hanging with the wrong crowd got you plenty. You felt unstoppable when you were with Yuta and his crew. When Yuta would parade you around school in your too-short skirt and pretty long legs, you felt special; you felt wanted. Your friends hated him, and they hated what you became. You didn’t listen to their warnings, and you stuck around. 

You stuck around even when skipped classes turned into stolen cars and the weed highs turned into selling. You were stupid to think you could keep up with his lifestyle. You just wanted to piss your family off. You were used to bad boys, but Yuta was something else. 

She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself “Look, he's clearly getting bold; I'm afraid he’ll seriously hurt you!” 

“Please, drop it,” you beg in exhaustion. Its been a long day. You had classes all day, and with your yuta problem, you found yourself getting tired a lot faster. You had to turn in his class work on top of yours, which resulted in more time spent in the library. You had been getting home later and later. 

“What about Jaemin? Have you told him? You know he would do anything for you.”

Your brother left for college the year before you. You couldn't ask him to fight your battles  anymore. He got a full ride and was off in another state, living his life, while you were at home bawling your eyes out over the fact that the heartbreaking bad boy broke your heart. 

You had finally broken up with Yuta when you realized he was cheating on you. You should have seen it coming, honestly, The day you checked his phone and found the messages, he didnt even try to pretend like he cared. He had been talking to several other girls while he was with you. You felt so stupid, and that was your last straw. Let us just say he was not happy about it, and he and his friends have been harassing you since.

“That's exactly why I can't tell him; I don't need him flying out just to take care of my issues; I can handle them on my own. He's got his own life; he can't afford any more distractions.”

Your brother was practically your hero growing up. Whenever you were in trouble, he was by your side to protect you. Even though he was really only your stepbrother, he didn’t love you any less. You would always be his little sister.

 Jaemin had been in and out of the boxing ring for years. Bad boyfriends weren't anything new to you or him; he was the one who typically kept them in check. You were the main reason he picked up fighting; he knew, as your older brother, it was his job to protect you, and he would do it to his last breath. He tried to warn you about Yuta, but you didn't listen. You knew he would drop anything if it meant coming to your aid, but you couldn't ask that of him. 

You also know he would never let you live it down. 

You thought once high school was over, you would finally be able to escape Yuta’s torment, but he followed you to your new school. Your brother warned you about him, and now he's not here to protect you anymore. 

"Ok, what about Jeno?” She states hesitantly,

“Absolutely NOT!” you scowl, throwing yourself back into the sheets to hide under the covers

“Yes! Jaemin literally told you to go to him if you need anything! He probably knew you would be too proud to contact him if you were in trouble.”

You sit back up and throw the covers off of you. “It’s not his problem! I got myself into this mess. I'll get myself out, ok?” you state firmly

"Fine, you know what fine, its getting late I’m heading to bed…but I swear if he—”

"Ok, Ryujin, thanks really,” you say sincerely. You could never be mad at Ryujin; she was only looking out for you, and you knew she meant well. For all that it was worth, you knew she would always have your back. She would run head-first into battle for you.

You could definitely be mad at Ryujin. In fact, you've been upset for the last hour.

She promised a surprise for you; she said she wanted to take you somewhere to take your mind off of the whole Y*ta situation. Honestly, you were grateful to be getting out of the house; you had been limiting yourself to only going to classes. You were trying your hardest to not run into him. 

You make sure to dress prettily. You were just too excited to finally have a reason to dress up again. You were so excited, you didn't even blink at the all-too-familiar signs and buildings as Ryujin pulled into the parking lot of a run-down boxing gym.

It's not until you have walked into the threshold and over to the rusty sideline benches that you feel overdressed and out of place. Your eyes scan the room, and everything feels so familiar yet out of place that you feel stupid for not realizing sooner.

As your eyes take in the old tattered banners and boxing ring, you realize you were walked blind into your brother's old gym. He and Jeno used to come here all the time to spar and train. This place used to run official matches and business, but it went bankrupt and had to close. Now it was just a place that hosted underground fighting. 

You knew what this was about, and you were upset that Ryujin fooled you into coming. You crossed your arms protectively over your chest, and you had hungry eyes staring at you from each angle.

“You...are... insane,” you hissed at her in anger after you two got settled in your seats. 

“And you are a coward. I'm sorry I lied Ok, but we need his help,” she contests

“You just walked me into a den full of hungry wolves. We're gonna need a lot more than help now!” You whisper harshly.

"Oh, come on, you know jeno’s not gonna let anything happen to you”

It was as if saying his name aloud summoned him; the next thing you know, he is in the ring.

You can't help but hold your breath at the sight. He had grown since the last time you saw him, and you didn't even think that was possible. His face was more refined and sculpted, and his arms were toned with muscles. His shoulders would have had you drooling if it weren’t for the perdicament you were in. They were broad and covered in cuts and bruises, much like the rest of his body. His body relaxes as he shakes away his nerves. He was standing in one corner of the ring, while his opponent stood menacingly at the other end. You think you hear the announcer call out his name—was it Jaehyung? Jaehyoon? Something like that.

You try to duck your head, not wanting to be seen, but you stand out like a sore thumb. As Jeno finished up his quick stretches, his eyes somehow wandered to you. First comes shock, then confusion, and as he rakes his eyes over your outfit, he’s overcome with anger.

Tonight was going to be a long night.

You could hear the scolding now…

”it's too cold to be wearing that”

“it's too dangerous for you to be here”

“This isn't some show; don't bring your friends here”

It wasn't even your fault you were here! You already knew he was not going to hear any of that, though.

He fixes you with a stare that says, “We’ll talk later,” and you groan in annoyance.

Before you can even open your mouth to give Ryujin another piece of your mind, the match begins and draws your attention back to the ring.

Jeno sizes up his opponent as they circle each other, looking for openings. His opponent, Jae Something, was twice his size, and honestly, you were a little afraid for Jenos sake. Jae was inpatient and struck first. Jenos weaves left and holds his guard strong. Jeno played the defense; he was patient, and you find that his fighting style was the mirror opposite of his personality. Even though Jeno had a tendency to lose his temper, it was fascinating to watch him change when he stepped into the ring. He moved with poise and thoughtfulness at every turn. 

Jenos patience rewarded him and he saw an opening In his opponents gaurd. He struck Jae, causing him to stumble back on unsecure footing. This allowed jeno to push his opponent back and switch to offense. Jae was already worn out, and Jeno used this to his advantage, knocking him down and out after hounding him with jabs and hooks.

Jeno was an endurance fighter; his goal wasn't to win through brutality but by outlasting his opponent in a fight.

You were amazed at how far he had come. He was a skilled fighter, as he always had been, but now, after years of honing his craft, you could see he was nothing like the boy you knew before.

The match was over and you were brought back to reality as you realized just what kind of scene you were in. This was an illegal boxing match, and now that it was over, the illegal part really started to stand out. Bets had been placed on the matches before hand and were now being fulfilled. Money was being passed around, and some exchanges even turned aggressive. You knew Jeno had probably wanted you to stick around for your lashings, but this was your queue to get the fuck out of there. You grab Ryujin's hand and try to lead her away from the ever-increasingly aggravated crowd. You navigate through groups of people as you hurry towards the exit. 

On your way, you trip over your stupid heels that Ryujin convinced you to wear and accidentally bump shoulders with someone. You find your footing and apologize. You try to walk away, pulling Ryujin behind you, but feel a rough hand on your shoulder pulling you back.

“Where do you think your going?” a gravelly voice calls out.

“I already apologized; let me go,” you grit out, trying to pull away from the man. He was a little bit taller than you and was twice your age. You noticed the wad of cash in one of his hands and the sickishly sweet smile on his face, and you figured he must have placed a winning bet.

“Don't be like that; how about I take you and your friend here out and we go somewhere private” he says while flashing his money. “Of course you'll have to work for it if you want a tip,” he says repulsively.

From the corner of your eye, you see Jeno pushing through the crowd. The look on his face gives you the chills. 

“Don’t be scared, baby; I don't bite,” the man says. 

Oh, you’re not scared of him; your scared for him.

You know what's coming before it happens, and the man is on the ground in seconds. His money flits through the air before joining him on the ground. The man is clutching his face, and before Jeno can get his hands on him again, men dressed in all black pull the man to his feet and drag him out. You figured they must have been something like security. 

Everything happens so fast, but all you know is that you and Ryujin are both being pulled by an angry Jeno deeper into the building into some back room. Ryujin looks a bit shaken, but you assure her everything is okay now.

 It was dark and chilly in the room. The cement walls offered no warmth as you stood in the middle of what you assumed to be an old locker room. The back of the building was really coming apart; water leaked from the ceiling, and it smelled like mildew. No one really occupies the space anymore. 

Now occupying the space were Jeno,currently trying to reel in his nerves as he drags a hand down his face; Ryujin, shifting from one foot to another awkwardly; and you, who crossed your arms definitely over your chest as you waited for Jeno’s reprimanding.

“You know what I'm going to say,” he huffs.

“I'm sorry, it's really not her fault I'm the one who drug her here; I didn't realize how dangerous it would be” Ryujin tried to defend you, but she didn't know Jeno like you did. He wasnt one for excuses.

“Who are you?” He asks dismissively.  

Jeno had never met Ryujin before. Ryujin had only heard about him through the stories you would tell her about growing up with him and your brother.

“Im a friend; we didn’t come here without a reason we wanted to—” She says but doesnt get to finish

"Jeno, dont be rude. She was only trying to help.” You interrupt. You could not have her bring that up now; you needed his attention back on you. 

“I'm sorry, Ryujin. Can you give us a moment?” He sighs in apology.

Ryujin gives you a look but takes the hint and doesn't push the topic again. She reluctantly walks to the door and waits outside the room. 

Once the door shuts behind her, Jeno wastes no time telling you off. “I dont know why your here or whats going on but you need to leave. You know better than this,” he scolds

You wanted to jump off a cliff. This is absolutely not how you wanted to meet him again. You had imagined this meeting a thousand times in your head. When you finally reconnected, you were supposed to show him how mature you had gotten. This whole fiasco definitely sets you back 10 steps. 

“I wouldn't be here …I wouldn't be dressed like this if I had known we would end up here. It was a mistake. We'll leave, ok?" You say arms crossed and closed off as you dig your heel into the ground.

Even after all this time, he still had a soft spot for you. No matter how hard he tried to be stern with you, one look at the pout on your face made him feel bad. He walks over and closes the small distance between you two. He engulfs you in a hug, and you’re reminded of home. He reminds you so much of your past that it makes you nostalgic. He kisses the top of your head affectionately and lets go, and you’re reminded just how smelly and musty he is as his sticky skin peels from yours.

“Gross,” you grumble

“I think you'll live,” he jokes with a smile. He's a lot calmer now. He leans down to meet your gaze “I'm sorry for being hard on you; I was just worried. You popped up out of nowhere after all this time.

It was so easy to fall back in step with him. You want to tell him everything; all you want is for him to fix everything, but you are no longer that little girl, and you are determined to prove it. 

You’re deep in thought when he asks, “Is everything OK, Storm?”

Your heart skips a beat at the nickname; you haven't heard that in awhile. He's always called you that; when you asked him why, he told you it was because you would stir up so much trouble wherever you went, growing up like a storm. It may have sounded negative, but he didn’t mean it like that. He always said it affectionately. 

“I'm fine; Ryujin brought me here because I said I missed home. She wanted to take me around to some familiar places. I guess she didn't know what really went down at this place” You try to cover up the truth.

Your campus wasn't too far from your hometown, and you go home almost every weekend, but hopefully Jeno doesn’t know that and buys the story. 

He looks a bit sceptical. "Lately, its been hard to come by you,” he says “Are you sure your not in any trouble?”

"I've just been busy with school; its nothing really,” you explain.

He just nods, and you know he does not believe it, but he doesn’t pry either. “Lets get you home; it's getting late” 

When you open the door, Ryujin falls forward, clearly listening in and she gives you a sheepish smile. You grab her arm and pull her along as jeno personally escorts you out and to ryujin's car.

He holds your door open for you and watches as you clamber inside before buckling your seat belt and closing your door for you. You internally groan in annoyance. He was never going to see you as anything but the 7th grade version of you that he first met. The girl needed her brother to save her from herself. 

You are grown now!

He can practically see the words printed on your forehead as he huckles to himself. He didn’t care; he would always take care of you, no matter how much you hated him for it.

 He motions for you to roll down the window before leaning into the car and caressing your face affectionately with his rough, bruised hand. You decide right then that you would never let him get hurt for your sake. He’s fought enough.

 “If you need anything, call, ok?” He says this before drawing his hand back. You don't respond, and he quirks an eyebrow.

"Ok,” You grumble 

“You have my number, right?”

“Yes!” You say a bit louder in annoyance.

"Ok, ok, I'm just checking, you never reach out, I just want to make sure your okay,” he continues 

“Actually, can I take your number? I'm practically her guardian now. I'll make sure to keep you updated if she needs anything” Your friend butts in with a smile.

Jeno happily gives her his number, and you just sit in the passenger seat like a child, watching as your parents fuss over you.

You are grown now!

Mondays are the worst days of the week, not because you have to go back to classes. You loved class, you loved learning and you loved your teachers. It wasn’t until college that you found out that you really enjoyed learning. Yuta would have definitely laughed at you if you told him that in high school. 

Yuta was the reason you hated Mondays. Mondays were the worst because they meant no more hiding. You couldn't stay in all day; you had to go to class, and that meant running into the devil. You were lucky enough to only have one class with Yuta, and that class only met on Mondays. 

You find your way to your seat at the back of the class, hoping to hide away from him, but you know he will find you. You felt his presence as he slipped into the seat next to you. 

“Morning doll, did you get my text?” 

You hated when he texted you; it was always a disturbing photo. Last time you opened a text from him, it was a video of him fucking some girl in a dark alleyway. In the video, he made the girl drop to her knees and open her mouth. He pressed the barrel of his gun into her mouth and made her suck it off. ‘Wish this was you’ was the text he sent after the video.

Since then, you have made it a point not to open his texts, but it seems like he wasn't going to let this one go.

“I’ve been busy; i hadnt had the chance to”

"Well, that's no good doll; why don't you open it now?” he smirks wickedly.

“I dont think—”

“Open it,” The playfulness slips off of his face and replaced with seriousness 

You never noticed it before, but Yuta could be terrifying. He never showed this side to you before, but your certain this was the side everyone else saw. He made a promise to follow you to the end of the earth, and so far he has kept true to it. 

He had gone from being your high school’s bad boy to the campus’s star athlete. Yuta had completely rebranded himself after graduation, and it made it even harder to report him. No one would believe you. He would just spin the story and make you out to be some bitter ex, making up lies to try to ruin his college career.

With shaky hands, you unlock your phone and go to your messages, clicking on the conversation with the unsaved number attached to it. There, you find a video waiting for you. You turn your volume all the way down and hit play. This time, it was a video of you a few nights ago, exiting the gym with Ryujin and Jeno. The camera work was shaky, and it seemed to have been taken from behind a car or a bushr? You couldnt tell but your heart was beating outside your chest.

Your eyes are glued to the screen as you feel a firm hand caress your tense shoulder until it grips the back of your neck. "Now why does it look like my doll is cheating” You freeze in place as your mouth hangs open. “Who is that?” he asks.

You had no idea he was following you. How long had he been following you? The grip on your neck tightens.

“Answer me,” he whispers cruelly, his eyes darkening with rage.

“He’s no one” tears well up in your eyes. Ryujin was right; this was getting out of hand.

“Let me catch you with him again; I'll make you regret it,” he whispers. He kisses the side of your head and breathes in the scent of your shampoo. He releases you, and you release the breath you had been holding. 

You can barely pay attention to anything your professor is saying; you just stare blankly at the front of the room.

You sent Ryujin a text to meet you in the library. You hated to dump all of this on her but you had to talk to someone. You could already tell she was frustrated with you about the situation, but she was the only one you could confide in. With her around, you didn't feel so alone in this. 

“He did what?!”

“Its ok, if I do what he says, everything will be fine; i have it under control,” you reply sheepishly

“No! You need to report his creepy ass to the cops!” she yells in disbelief.

“Keep it down; we’re in a library,” you remind her

“Dont try to change the subject,” she whispers 

“I'll figure this out” 

“We will figure this out.” she says, grabbing your hand and giving it a supportive squeeze.

When she lets go of your hand, hers slip under the table. You don't see it, but she’s texting someone, typing furiously before hitting send.

You try not to be mad at Ryujin, but you can't believe she went behind your back and snitched. Now, here in front of you, sits the last man on earth that you want to worry. Ryujin mouths a sorry and sends you an apologetic look. Jeno had arrived about ten minutes earlier, and he looked to be trying to keep his calm before confronting the matter.

“Is this some intervention?” you joke to lighten the mood. 

“Ryujin told me everything; do you think this is a joke?” He questioned, trying to stay patient with you. “Why didnt you tell me sooner”

You sigh, feeling ashamed. Everything was always so tense between you two. You had grown apart over the years, and it was difficult to think he was once like a second brother to you. But time was not the only factor to blame; high school also played a part. Puberty changed everything. It changed you, it changed jeno, and it definitely changed how you felt towards him. You had such a massive crush on him in high school that even your brother found it hard to ignore. You made Jaemin swear to secrecy and never tell a soul. If you had known Ryujin was going to call Jeno, you would have sucked it up and reached out to your brother.

You didn’t want Jeno to get involved. You kept telling yourself you didn't want him to get hurt, but you had to be honest with yourself. There was another reason you didn't want to ask for his help, and it was because you were still embarrassed. Anything was better than sitting in front of the man who rejected you. 

Summer freshman year of highschool

You thought you had finally grown up in his eyes; you thought your newfound curves were enough to make him see you as more than “Jaem’s little sister.” You thought you could fool yourself into believing you had a chance. 

It wasnt abnormal for jeno to sleep over at your place during highschool. He would crash in Jaemin’s room and eat breakfast with your family, like he lived there. One night, you catch him alone and tell him how you feel. You waited for him outside the bathroom. He was showering, and you were certain your brother was too engulfed in his game to interrupt you. Jeno had exited the bathroom wearing sweats and a tanktop, drying his hair with a towel. He had almost walked right by, not noticing you. You stood in front of him wearing a similar white tanktop and sleeping shorts, your nipples poking through the fabric of your shirt. You were so sure you would have his attention, but he just tentatively acknowledged you.

“Im sorry, was i taking too long?” he asked apologetically

"No, i actually wanted to talk to you about something”

He just nods his head and waits for you to continue

“I really like you, and I was hoping I could spend more time with you... just uh… the two of us,” you said shyly, unable to find the right words.

You couldnt meet his eye and stare at a random spot on the carpet

You felt a gentle hand stroke your head affectionately. You look up, hopefully but your world comes crashing down with his next few words

“Your like a sister to me; of course we can hang out more,” he smiles brightly, unknowingly ripping your heart out

Ever since that night, you have avoided him like the plague.

‘I just didn't want to worry you or jaem.” you say, ashamed.

“I won't tell him but if you think I'm going to sit back and let this happen, your wrong”

“I didn’t think it was that much of an issue yet.” you say, picking at your sleeves.

Jenos eyes harden with disbelief  “Are you serious? Not much of an issue?” he grits “Hes threatening you”

"Ok, ok, your right; I shouldn't be taking this lightly” You try to soothe things over with a weak smile.

“Give me your phone,” he says, holding out his hand

You unlock it and hand it to him, unsure of what he's going to do. After messing around with it, he hands it back. “I blocked him; dont even think about texting him again.” he warns

“Jeno! I have to; hes going to be pissed!” You take your phone back, looking through your messages, but you’re unable to find the conversation again. You didn't realize how much control he had over you. You thought all you had to do was follow his orders, and you would be alright; one day he would just get bored of you and stop. 

“Don't you hear yourself? Your scared!” he yells. He hated seeing you like this. He promised Jaemin that he would watch after you, but here he was, blind to the cruelty that you had endured. “Once this is all over, I'm telling Jaem.” 

(¬_¬) snitch 

He gets up, preparing to leave, while both you and Ryujin stare at each other. Well, you glare at her while she communicates a response with her eyes in return. He doesn’t turn to leave before saying one last thing: “Keep your phone on you at all times, and I'll be walking you from your classes from here on out,” he states sternly. 

“I dont know if that’s a good idea; he told me not—”

“Are you more afraid of him or me?” he asks you

Point taken.

You wait until Jeno is out of earshot before you whisper yell at your friend, “I told you not to tell him!”

“I had to! I was worried”

"Well, great, now he's worried and probably thinks I'm an irresponsible idiot!”

"Well, you are,” she counters, “whats your deal anyway? You seriously think Yuta is just going to leave you alone? He's gonna end up killing you!” she scolds.

You take a moment to process her words. She had a point, but she didn't know Yuta like you did; neither of them did. He was dangerous. You just wanted to keep your friends safe, but you might have gotten in over your head.

You finally make it to your destination; you drove to the old gym, hoping to find Jeno. You could have called or texted him, but you knew it would be easier to get your point across in person. You had at least wanted to let him know what he was getting himself into. Yuta was dangerous, and no matter how strong Jeno was, he wasn't bulletproof.

You park your cute little beetle and cringe; you definitely didn't belong in this scene, and everyone around was going to know it. A sticker-bombed Volkswagen Beetle in the middle of the parking lot of a broken-down and shady gym? Perfect combo!

Luckily, there were only a few cars tonight. You figured it must not be fight night, and you prayed that you found Jeno inside. You gather up your courage and march inside. You make your way down a narrow hallway that opens up into the main gym, and that's where you find him. There were a few other fighters occupying the space, but they seemed to be wrapping up. Jeno must not be the only one who comes here to let off steam, you assume. 

"Oh, who's this cute thing?” one of the guys says as you catch his eye on his way out.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you Haechan; thats Jenos Girl,” another voice says, coming up behind him before slinging an arm over his shoulder. “Excuse him,” he says politely before pulling Haechan away and scolding him.

The one that wasn’t Haechan was there the night Jeno punched that weirdo out. Apparently the whole gym knew you as Jeno’s girl, according to his rambling. Their arguing fades away and the last thing you hear before complete silence is “Get off me Renjun your musty”

You laugh to yourself before scanning the room, and you bring your eyes back to the man nestled in the corner. He's facing a punching bag with his hands tightly wrapped and his headphones secure on his head. He wasn't still for a second, staying light on his feet as he threw a few hooks at the bag. 

You were almost afraid to accidentally sneak up on him because that would not end well. You stay cautious and keep a safe distance, choosing to call his name a few times to get his attention. Your practically screaming, but he can't hear you. You wonder what brand of headphones he had because that noise cancellation was crazy! You choose a different approach and spot a disregarded boxing glove on a side table. You walk the short distance, grab the item and chunk it at the back of Jeno’s head. 

Now clearly, you weren’t trying to poke a bear. You were aiming more towards his broad shoulders, given that was a better target, but your aim was off, and you almost knocked the expensive-looking headphone off his head.

Jeno whips around angrily, opening his mouth to curse, but stops himself short once he notices you. He settles for a deep, exasperated sigh and a sharp glare. He must have been at it for awhile because he was drenched in sweat, and his bangs hung messily in his eyes and were dripping sweat. He pushed the wet hair back from his eyes, showing his forehead. He looked so good when he was angry; his eyes were narrowed dangerously, and his chest heaved heavily.

“Why are you fucking with me?” He says this, coldly pulling his headphones off his ears and letting them hang around his neck "You better have a good reason for being here when there is a psycho after you. I clearly remember telling you to stay away from this place?” 

Oh yeah, you definitely poked the bear. Hes pissed.

“Are you sure you want to get involved?” You try to find your words. “Yuta isnt like the little boys you and jaemin used to beat up in highschool”

“You could never keep yourself out of trouble, huh?”

“I'm not asking for your help!”

“Drop the act for once, would you? Your not tough so stop acting like it!”

“I’m not being tough; I just don't want to be a bother! I'm not the same kid! When I’m falling, you always save me, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being weak. I don't need your help, so why don’t you drop the older brother act? Your barely even older than me!” You pitch back

“Jaemin told me to look out for you so thats what im doing,” he huffs 

“And that's your only reason, right? Your just looking out for me because my brother said so” you scoff, trying to keep the hurt out of your voice. " How about this? I take you in the ring and show you what I got. Let me show you I can take care of myself” You cross your arms and send him a defiant look.

“Are you seriously—” he cuts himself off, shaking his head in disbelief “You know what fine. Show me what you got”

You smile in triumph and walk over to the center of the gym, where the ring sits. You take off your shoes and crawl inside. The mat felt cool under your feet; it was a grounding sensation, and just once you understood why Jeno loved standing in it, even if it meant fighting. You scan the gym, and memories fill in all the rust, broken pipes and holes in the wall as you remember what the gym used to be. Your stuck in a trance until you feel something soft but firm hit you in the head, knocking you from your daydream.

“That was payback…. but you also need to be mindful of your surroundings. Not starting off so well, angel,” Jeno says, shaking his head as he adjusts the punching mitts over his hands. 

You’re brought back to the present and finally notice the boxing gloves at your feet. You get the memo and put them on. 

“This can't be too hard,” you mutter to yourself.

Your both centered in the ring and you focus on jenos movements. You grew up being dragged to almost all of your brother's matches; you figured you had watched long enough to catch on to some moves. You throw a punch at Jenos mitt, and he cushions the blow. He lets you get comfortable throwing a few punches before he counters. He makes his movements very big and obvious; you can see his strike from a mile away. You weave under it and throw a punch at his gaurding mitt. 

Hes going easy on you

You continue to spar, and Jeno is in full coach mode. He's guiding you in the correct stance and helping you learn what to look for when someone strikes. You've been at it for about 30 minutes now, and you've gotten faster at dodging and reading his movements. He’s still going extremely easy on you, but upping the ante just a little. You were completely absorbed in the lesson.

“Nice hook, put you jab lacks power,” he instructs.

You were good at putting your body into your hooks, but you just couldn't build enough momentum for a strong jab. You try again, but it falls flat, and Jeno shakes his head. 

“Follow through; come on, try it again,” he encourages you. You take a breath and send a jab into his mitt. Still not enough. 

Jeno takes off the mitts and moves in closer towards you.

"Here, watch me,” he says, raising his gaurd and striking the air. “You want to step into it, see?” He shows you again, a little bit slower.

You give a determined hum and copy his movement, but you can tell by Jeno’s face that you're missing the mark. 

"Ok, come here; let me show you” Jeno moves in behind you and grabs your arms. He helps you fix your posture and you instantly heat up at the contact. You try to keep it together, but the way his chest was pressed up against your back and the way he was breathing heavily in your ear had you reeling. "Ok, now focus, step into it and jab.” 

He moves one hand down to your waist and pushes you forward, guiding your step, while the other helps you jab. He was so close. You wanted to blame the sudden weakness in your limbs on the endless training he has you doing, but you know its from the heat of his body.

“Are you okay? That one was really weak. Are you shaking?” Jeno looks at you from over your shoulder, worried. 

You meet his gaze and nod silently. He's so close. His lips are a breath away, and all you have to do is turn your head to meet his lips. The hand holding your waist travels up your side and grabs your chin. He tilts your head up a little, and his lips are meeting yours. You turn in his grasp and kiss him back. His lips are so soft, and when you pull away, you immediately miss the feeling of his lips on yours. 

“I'm sorry; I shouldn't have done that,” he says softly.

Before you can protest, he pulls away from you, cleans up the equipment you two used, and calls it a night. You let him walk you to your car, and you say nothing before you drive away. If it wasn't awkward before, it definitely would be now.

How could he kiss you and then pretend like nothing happened? You’re too embarrassed to bring it up again. Does this count as being rejected for a second time? Nah, he kissed you; you're not taking another L. 

It had been a week so far, and Jeno had shown up promptly to all your classes. He shouldered your bags and carried your books as you both walked across campus. Neither of you brought up the kiss, but fortunately, it wasn't awkward anymore. He had started teaching you to defend yourself at the gym sometimes after class. Those moments felt the most intimate. You could feel his passion when he taught you, and it warmed you in all the right places. You two talked about everything in these moments. You shared embarrassing memories from high school, and he told you stories about Jaemin that you would never let your brother live down. You talked about everything but the kiss. You wonder if he regretted it?

The funny thing about college was that the classrooms were so big and there were so many students that it was hard to keep track of who was who. That's how Jeno ended up in you’re lecture every Monday. It was the only class you had with Yuta, and Jeno wasn’t taking any chances. You told him it wasn't a good idea, and the eyes burning into the back of your head were proof of that. Jeno was by your side the entire period, and to onlookers, you two probably looked like a couple. He had scooted your chair directly next to him and was practically shoulder to shoulder with you. 

“Back up; I can feel you breathing down my neck” 

“I want to see what your doing”

Jeno didn't go to college. He mainly just worked during the day and fought on the weekends for extra cash. His parents were absent for the most part, and he kind of took care of himself growing up. He didn't really have a support system growing up, and that was one of the main reasons he found himself at your house. The only other place he felt safe was the gym. You could only imagine how devastated he was when it shut down. You can understand why he decided to stick around when things turned shady. Jeno earned enough money to support himself, so he never felt the need to go to college, which is why Jaemin didn't feel to bad about dumping you off on his shoulder.

“I can't concentrate Jen,” you scold.

He spends half the class peaking over your shoulder as you work and the other half asleep on the desk. Some guard dog he was.

Yuta didn't bother you during class anymore, and you were grateful. You could finally focus on bringing your grades back up, but you couldn't shake the feeling that he was plotting against you the entire time. After class, he would hang out in the library or, if you had a long day, the gym before returning to pick you up.

Later that day, Jeno was supposed to meet you after your econ class, which was your last class of the day, but you were surprised to not see him silently leaning up against the wall opposite the door. You try your best to calm your nerves as you try to decide if you should wait for him or not. You tried not to freak out; he was probably fine. Maybe he thought you could handle walking yourself home for once; you couldn't expect him to be there all the time. Not to mention you hadn't run into Yuta anywhere other than class.  

Your last class ends late, and the sun has already gone down, so you were really reluctant to leave without Jeno. You try your best to channel the old you, the one that ran with bad crowds, the one who feared no one and nothing, and the newer you, who had trained with Jeno and learned how to protect yourself. You put on your best face and begin trekking home.

As you walked, you realized It wasn't so bad; you had honestly forgotten how nice it felt to just walk around by yourself and clear your head. You were enjoying your walk home, and you were about two blocks from your dorm when you felt something in the air shift. Suddenly, you didn't feel so alone. You try to pick up your pace as subtly as possible and pull your phone from your bag. You dial Jeno’s number with quickness and wait for him to pick it up. You can feel the person behind you’s steps quicken. 

Come on, please

You beg internally as you break out into a small jog. Screw being subtle; someone was clearly following you. You didn’t dare chance a look over your shoulder as you cut across a lawn; his phone went to voicemail, and you dialed again. The person behind you is right on your heels and you drop your phone as a firm hand grabs your arm. Your first reflex is to scream, but you remember Jenos teachings: you jab your elbow as hard as you can into the attacker's ribs. Your about to break his grip when you hear a familiar groan. You turn around to look at your attacker, and you notice its just Jeno.

He's looking at you with a worried expression, like he didn't just chase you for a full block.

“What are you doing!?” 

“I was trying to catch up to you!” He lets you go and holds his ribs, groaning in pain.

“Why didn't you pick up weirdo? I thought someone was going to get me!”

“I was running late and left my phone at home; I thought you would at least wait for me,” he states

You calm your nerves and sign in relief. You shake off your backpack and shove it into his chest.

“Dont be late again; what if something had happened”

“You know I would never let anything happen to you, right?” His eyebrows furrow, and he looks into your eyes. He needs you to know that he would throw down everything to make sure you were okay.

“I know that” Your heart skips a beat, and he grabs your hand reassuringly. You were grateful for the night sky because you could feel your face heating up.

"Good,” 

You finally arrive at your off-campus dorm and make your way inside. Your roommate didn't seem to be home yet; typically, she came home late because she had to work late at her job so you were grateful for the time you had alone with jeno. 

It isn't until he sets your things down and you flick on a few lights that you see a few bruises and cuts on his face. It was not surprising to see Jeno bruised up, given his fighting background, but these appeared to be from a recent fight. When he notices your gaze, he turns to hide his face and begins unpacking your bag and arranging your study materials.

Jeno had insisted a few days ago that he stick around a little after he drops you off. He insisted it was for your protection so you guys started studying together. Well, you started studying; Jeno just watched you or took a nap next to you on the sofa. 

“We should start soon; it's getting late,” he says, trying to redirect your attention.

You refuse to let it go though and move in closer to get a better look. “Who did this?” you say as you gently caress his face, moving it around to examine the damage

“I had a match the other—”

“Don't lie to me,” you urge

“He sent some guys after me,” jeno confesses

Your heart drops. This is exactly why you didn’t want him to get involved. Its like he can read your thoughts because he immediately tries to ease your worry.

“Calm down; this is nothing. You know me, I can hold my own,” he says

You didn't respond.

“I took care of them; you dont have to worry”

You stare at him incredulously “Is that why you were late today?” 

"Maybe,” he winces

“Jeno!” you scold. “Was Yuta there?”

“I tried to look for him after, but apparently he had an away game tonight,” he answers. 

“Let me clean you up” 

Jeno wasn't that much taller than you, probably just a few inches, but you found it easier to work on the cuts on his face by sitting on the counter. You already had your materials prepped; you kept a first aid kit on hand at all times; it was a habit you couldn't shake. This wasn't the first time you found yourself in this position with Jeno; you had always cleaned him and your brother up during childhood. You felt terrible; you worked in a silence that Jeno kept trying to break. Anytime he would open his mouth to speak, you would dab at his lip with more ointment to shut him up until he got the memo. He kept trying to cheer you up and you werent in the mood

He winces at your touch, and you immediately let up and give a short apology. You go back in with a lighter hand and add a bandage. As many punches as he takes, you would think a little peroxide wouldn't hurt. You were done fixing him up, and you busy yourself with putting your kit back together, ignoring the eyes that bore into you. You wanted to leave and put some distance between you but he wouldnt step from between your legs. 

“Hey, look at me.” he calls out to you. 

You could not bring yourself to look at him; each scar on his face reminded you that it was your fault that he was hurt. 

“Its not your fault” its like he was reading your mind.

"Yes, it is! I shouldnt have gotten you involved! I should have just called Jaem.”

“You would rather see Jaemin beat up?” He jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

“He would have at least deserved it,” you say, rolling your eyes and thinking of all the times he tormented you growing up.

A comfortable silence falls between you two after sharing a laugh. He was so close, but you reached out like he was going to disappear. You tentatively caress his bruised cheek; he leans into your touch, and the look he gives you gives you butterflies. He looked at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. 

“I like being near you;  don’t push me away again”

"Jeno,” you say, shocked by his confession

“I dont want us to go back to the way things were I—

You push him away before jumping down from the counter; you don't want to hear anymore. You had a feeling you knew what he was getting at. After all this time and all the hurt, now he likes you!?

“You were the one who made it like this! Made US like this. I told you how I felt all those years ago, and you rejected me!” you argue

“What are you talking—”

“Drop it,” you demand, trying to leave the bathroom, but he stands in the doorway, blocking your path.

“What did you mean? When did I ever reject you?” Jeno tries, but you ignore his gaze until he grips your chin and forces you to look at him.

“Stop being like that and answer me.” he says.

You were tired of holding your tongue; you might as well get it over with. “Do you remember that time during highschool? When you stayed with us the whole summer?” you worry your lip. “I told you I liked you and you said I was like a sister to you,” you heave out in one big breathe

Jeno takes a moment to process your words, and he finally says, “I had no idea that was what you meant back then. I thought you hated me since I was always over. I thought the ‘I like you’ was more of an ‘I like you around’,” Jeno explains.

“Why would I hate you?” You ask in shock

“Jaemin used to always drag me around to scare off your boyfriends; I thought you might have hated me for that. You never really went out of your way to speak to me, I guess? I asked Jaemin if you hated me that same night, and he told me no. Then I ran into you in the hallway, and you suddenly told me you liked me, so I figured he told you to set things straight?” 

He wasn't wrong; back then, you kept to yourself and watched from afar. You hoped you could make him come to you. You were too scared to approach him, so you did everything you could to get his attention. You got into trouble, so he and Jaemin would have to come to your rescue. You dated all those guys to make him jealous. This whole time, you thought he couldn't care less about you, but it seems the whole time he was worried you hated him. 

"Well, that doesnt change the fact that you only see me like a little sister” 

“I kind of did, at first. You were my best friend, little sister, and I had to see you that way. Jaemin would kill me if I didn't. But I can't, not anymore. Truthfully, I never had.” He caressed your face and pressed his forehead against yours “I'm sorry if this is all confusing for you. I know it has been for me, but can we just try something?” He holds your eye contact, and your faces are so close that you can feel his breath. He smelled so good; the minty scent of his tooth paste mixed with the natural musk of his skin was driving you crazy. You had waited for a moment like this for almost forever.

“Anything; I'll do anything with you,” you say, almost forgetting to breathe.

He pushes you back and sets you on the counter again as he leans in and caresses your lips softly with his, teasing you like he has been doing for the past few years. You cannot take it anymore; you cannot wait anymore, so you take the dive. You press your lips fervently against his, causing him to hiss slightly from the sting, but when you try to pull back to apologize, he grips the back of your neck and reconnects your lips again. He moans into your mouth as you lick the cut on his lip, which will undoubtedly scar apologetically. You try to kiss him more gently but when he feels your hesitance, he pulls away just for a second to whisper, “don’t hold back”

Your hands find their way into his hair and his find their way under your thighs, hiking them up and around his waist. Things were getting heated fast, and you could hardly breathe. Everything you ever wanted was coming to fruition right in front of your eyes. When he finally pulls away to catch his breath, he does not waste any time kissing your neck. The force of his kisses makes you weak, and you have to lean against the mirror behind you to stay upright. 

You could hardly keep up; your limbs felt like they weighed a ton, and you could hardly hold your head up. The way he was rolling his hips into yours made your breath start to make condensation on the mirror as you laid your face on the cool glass. Jeno eventually found your lips again after his short exploration and claimed them hungrily.

“What's gotten into my baby? You can't handle it?” he teases

This was the first time he’s called you that, and it was driving your heart beat up dangerously.

“Don't worry, I'll take care of you, like I always do,” he murmurs against your lips before leaving you with a peck. 

He pulls you off the counter as he leads you to your bed. You were in a daze; your brain was running hot, and you couldn't even think of anything but the feeling of his hands caressing your sides from under your shirt. 

“Tell me you want it” Your eyes flutter a bit at his tone. He sounded so good. You needed him inside of you; that was the only thing you could think of.

“I need you inside,” you moan with a roll of your hips

“Gotta get you ready for that first,” he says as he begins to strip you of your clothes before he follows with his own.

You definitely had brain fog but the sight infront of you cleared it up. He looked so good, you had to bite your tongue before you let out an embarrassing sound. His broad shoulders and slim waist hovered over you tauntingly, like his body was begging you to mark it. His length stood proud against his abdomen, and you had to will yourself to meet his dark graze again. When he licks his lips, you pout and give him a "hurry up" look.

 He wastes no time and starts stretching you out over his fingers. You return every kiss and nip he gave you earlier and more. You mark up his neck with kisses and bites and leave pretty claw marks down his back  and chest as he works his fingers in and out of you skillfully. He had to bite back the groans that threatened to leave his mouth as you gushed all over his fingers. He couldnt wait to feel you around his cock. You feel yourself getting so close. You roll your hips as he scissors you open. He senses how close you are and hooks his fingers as they drag deliciously against your walls. You finish all over his fingers.

“You must have been so pent-up, baby; that didn't take long at all?” he coos teasingly

You shoot him a glare and retaliate by wrapping your legs around his waist, locking him into place. You grab his length and stroke it. You give him a few sensual pumps before you crack. You wanted to tease him like he's been torturing you, but you couldn't keep waiting; you needed him inside so you slipped him in. He chuckles softly at your failed attempt to get back at him and pecks your lips affectionately. You shudder at the feeling, and your walls are squeezing him so tight that the soft patterns he was drawing on your skin turn into harsh grasps of your hips while his soft chuckling turns into a surprised gasp. He moans softly as he tries to ground himself.

“You want it bad, huh?” he tries to get you to beg but it comes out more whiney than domineering 

“No more waiting; if you wont do anything, I'll do it myself,” you threaten. 

He finds your threat cute and has decided to take mercy on you. He strokes slowly at first, making sure you’re not hurting or uncomfortable. You loved this man, and you loved how much he cared for you, but right now you didn't want that. Despite his constant nagging, he has always been nothing but gentle with you for as long as you can remember. You don't want that side of him. You want it rough.

“Dont hold back,” you mirror his words from earlier “you wont break me,” you reassure him when you see worry settle into his features

“What if I do?”

“I want you to,” you whisper back 

That seems to do the trick because now he was hoisting your hips up, tilting them to fuck into you as deep as he could. Your lower half is lifted from the mattress and all you can do is hold on to the sheets. He was thrusting in deep, craving as much contact as possible. 

You try to match his pace and fuck back on him, but you grow tired and just settle for taking everything he gives you.

He sets your hips back down before yanking one of your legs over his shoulder. He starts back  up again, and you can see the way his veins strain against his arms at the force he's using to fuck you. You were sure to have pretty bruises in the shape of his hands in the morning. The bed creaked loudly as he pounded you into the mattress, and you prayed that Ryujin wasn’t home yet. 

It was like he couldn't keep his hands off of you; they were never still on your body. First they were grasping your hips, holding you steady as he drilled you, then they were grasping at your breasts, and finally one of them took a purchase wrapped around the base of your neck. He wasn’t applying much pressure; he was just holding it there.

Your walls flutter around his cock and hw tightens his grip around your neck at the feeling. He can tell you’re about to cum and when you do, he has to hold you down with his other hand. The lack of air triggers your survival responses and heightened senses, making you feel everything tenfold. The burn against your throat hurts, but the pain mixes with the pleasure to give you a beautiful ending. You can tell by the sticky warmth that fills you and the groan that follows that Jeno wasn't far behind at all. He rolls off of you and plops down on the space beside you to catch his breath. You pull yourself up and start to get out of bed before he grabs your arm.

“Where are you going?” He asks as hurt crosses his features.

“I need the bathroom,” you explain, sleepy “This is my house anyway; you thought I was going to leave?” You joke with a laugh

Jeno visibly relaxes for a second before he too gets out of bed. He makes his way over to you and helps you to the bathroom. You go to the bathroom, and he runs a bath, and you realize how much more domestic your relationship has become in the last few weeks, to the point where it feels natural.

He helps you into the bath and slips in behind. You two talk more in the bath as he pampers you. You have never felt more at home than when you were wrapped in Jeno’s arms. When you get out, he lays you back on the bed before cuddling up beside you. You study his face, and for the first time in awhile, you take a good, long look. If you looked close enough, you could still see traces of the boy you knew all those years ago under the man that stared back at you. For some reason, that made everything hurt. You knew Jeno would do anything to protect you, but who would protect him? With Jaemin gone, all he had was you. You shut your eyes at the thought.

You don't know what your thinking; you just knew you had to be strong and that you were going to put an end to this tonight. You didn’t have his number anymore, but you always knew where to find him. 

It was getting late, and instead of heading to the gym for your weekly training with Jeno, you were on the other side of town. You hug your jacket tighter to your chest, bracing yourself against the cold winds of the night. When you turn a corner, the flashing neon lights almost blind you.

찬스노래방

Chance Karoake

You open the door to the front of the building and make your way in. You put on your brave face before trekking over to the back of the shady building. Room 0824 was your destination. 

This was the building Yuta ran most of his deals out of. Karaoke rooms are a known hotspot for drug deals and other illegal trades. It was rare to see Yuta here now due to the fact that he had to keep his image clean but you knew his schedule and you knew when he would pop in. Dont get him wrong; yuta wasnt some big-shot crime boss, he was just some kid who dealt in shady business. 

You knock on the door and wait. When the door swings open, a cloud of smoke hits you in the face. The room stinks of weed and disposables, the smoke burning your eyes as you try to focus on the figure in front of you. 

Cheshire grin meets an apprehensive frown as you stand face-to-face with Yuta.

“Welcome home, doll”

You feel the adrenaline coursing through your veins at the man standing in front of you, the source of so much trouble in your life. The atmosphere is tense, filled with the lingering smell of drugs and the weight of unspoken threats. You knew this was your chance to finally confront him and put an end to this dangerous game you've been forced to play. With a steely glance, you lock eyes with Yuta and prepare yourself for the confrontation that will determine the course of your future.

“Don't call me that” You push past him and enter the room. There is plenty of sitting room on the couch, but you’re too anxious, so you decide to stand. A few of his friends occupy the room, and he doesn't have to tell them twice to leave the two of you alone.

Even after all this time and all your history together, you cannot bring yourself to look him in the eyes. Jeno was right; he terrified you. You could pretend to be brave all you wanted, but the truth was, you were just a scared little girl inside. 

“Don't push me, doll,” he warns before wrapping slender fingers around your jaw and forcing you to look at him. “Where's your little boyfriend? Not here to save you?” he taunts

“I want you to leave him alone,” you grit out. You had to be brave.

“You think you can just walk in here and give me orders? You forget who you belong to?” He shakes your face in his grasp.

You rip his hand from your face and twist. No, you would not let him control you any longer. This had all gone too far. Despite feeling intimidated, you refuse to submit to his control any longer.

All you could think about was Jeno; you couldn't let him get hurt anymore because of you. You loved him more than you feared Yuta. You refuse to let him own you.

With the grasp that you have on his arm, you twist his wrist farther until hes crippling down onto his knees. As he winced in agony, you could see the fear etched on his face. With a steely resolve, you pressed harder. His cries echoed in the empty room as you held him in place, making sure he felt every ounce of pain he had caused. Your grip tightened, a silent promise that this would be the last time he hurt anyone.

“If you want to continue playing and keep your scholarship, I suggest you leave me the hell alone. Next time you harass me, I'll break it,” you spit.

With a final, warning glare, you released your grip on his wrist. His body crumpled to the floor, gasping for breath as he clutched his throbbing wrist. You had made it clear that harassment would not be tolerated, and the threat of losing his scholarship hung heavy in the air. 

The weight that had been dragging you down for so long began to lift, replaced by a newfound sense of confidence and self-worth. With your head held high, you strode forward. Although you know for certain that Jeno would kill you if he ever found out, you think deep down he would be proud; after all, he created this monster.

When you get home, Ryujin’s on your ass for being out so late. When she had called Jeno and he hadn't seen you either, she thought the worst had happened. You check your phone and find 10 missed calls and even more frantic text messages from Jeno. 

You apologize for causing worry to Ryujin and explain that you lost track of time while out. You decide to quickly call Jeno back to assure him your okay. 

You wait as the phone rings, but there is no answer. You call again, and he still doesn't pick up. Something didn't feel right, and you grabbed your keys, rushing out of the house.

“You just got here; where are you going?” a stern Ryujin calls.

“Gotta find Jeno!” you call back before hopping back into your car.

For as long as you’ve known him, you knew Jeno could be a hothead sometimes. You knew the moment he heard you were missing, he went out himself to go looking for you. You drove to his house to find him. When you pull into his driveway, it's empty. You park and rush up the stairs to his apartment. You bang on the door until someone answers. You almost sigh in relief until you realize its not Jeno. The person on the other side of the door looked clearly aggravated. His black hair was messily strewn on his head, and his shirt hung off his frame like he just threw it on. 

“Can I help you? A raspy voice calls

“Uh, im looking for Jeno,” you ask the man

“He left like an hour ago,” he yawns lazily, leaning against the door frame like he could barely stay awake. “Its almost one in the morning. Whats going on?” 

“Its nothing; can you call me if he shows back up” you ask frantically.  If Jeno had left an hour ago, who knows where he could be now? You give him your number, and he tells you his name is Mark. You thank him and rush back to your car. Your about to pull out when your phone lights up. Jeno was calling you back.

“Hello? Jeno where have you been?” You feel a weight lift off your shoulder as you take your keys out of the ignition and slump back into your seat. 

“”I found Yuta”

“Jeno…What did you do to him?”

“I beat his ass,” he says, “and then I made him tell me where you were”

“Jen—”

“Why did you think it was a good idea to go and threaten him on your own?”

“I had too. I had to do it for me”

“Where are you”

“At your apartment”

“Stay there”

You get out of your car and lean up against the hood, and you wait to see his car roll down the street. 

You breathe in the cold, crisp night air and let it soothe your nerves. You did not want to argue with Jeno, not right now. Headlights blind you as a car pulls up behind yours. You hear the engine cut off and the car door slam. As Jeno quickly approaches, you prepare yourself for the confrontation. The tension hangs heavy between you, but you take a deep breath and gather your thoughts before engaging in what could be a difficult conversation. 

"Jeno, can we talk about this—” You're left speechless as his lips meet yours in an unexpected kiss.

Confusion and conflicting emotions swirl within you as you reluctantly allow yourself to be swept up in the moment, momentarily forgetting all of your worries.

He pulls away and rests his forehead on yours “Don't scare me like that” His hands caress your face like he can't believe your standing in front of him, like he's making sure he's not dreaming. His frame is shaking, and you’re not sure if it was the cool night air or the light rain that chose this moment to fall, making him shiver.

He pulls you in for a tight hug, and your heart twists, your throat closes up, and you cry. You cry because you never want him to pull away; you cry because you realize how much he loves you; and you cry because you’re both safe.

“Im sorry Jen i didnt mean to—”

“No excuses,” he says, shaking his head “promise”

You hug him back tight and bury your head in his shoulder. “I promise I wont do anything like that again” 

He pulls away from you and you notice hes soaked to his bones. The rain had picked up and was now pouring down over you two; you could only imagine your clothes were in the same state. You laugh and push his wet hair out of his face.

“Mark is going to kill us if we soak the carpet.”

“I think he's already upset; I woke him up earlier. Come on, lets get you out of the rain”

He leads you inside by the hand, and you kick off your wet shoes and socks. You try your best to make your way to the bathroom to change. Jeno brings you some dry clothes, and he closes the door and changes alongside you into something more warm.

You follow him to his room with light steps, afraid of waking Mark up for a second time. You lay down next to Jeno in his bed, and you tangle your feet with his seeking warmth.

“I feel like my heart starts beating again when our hands hold each other,” he whispers

“Back then, when we drifted apart, every day felt like I was drowning. Now because you are here, I'm breathing,” you confess

He hugs you tighter and kisses the top of your head “im not going anywhere”

And you believe him, because somehow you had always known he was your guardian angel. You close your eyes, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the reassurance in his words. In that moment, you know that no matter what challenges may come, you both can face them together. With his arms around you and his promise to stay by your side, you finally feel at peace, knowing that you have found your way back to each other.

[hanafubukki]

Thinking about Malleus crying and how he stopped crying/throwing tantrums because of expectations placed on him as the future king.

And loosing that way of expressing himself added onto his loneliness and gave the misconception that he’s “grown” now to not only himself but to others.

Even as an egg, one of the ways Malleus expressed himself was through crying and tantrums, as all children do.

He stopped absorbing his grandmother’s magic because he wanted Lilia (a part of me believes he imprinted on Lilia as an egg, a father figure to him).

When he had enough waiting, he refused magic until Lilia came. That’s when he started holding on and when he actively started to respond to someone again.

It was even stated that Malleus shouldn’t have lasted this long, but Lilia’s constant visits gave him a reason to hang on. His constant presence and love.

Until it wasn’t enough anymore, he was lonely so he cried out and threw a tantrum. Which only Lilia heard and no one else. And Lilia understood then, that Malleus was lonely and wanted to be with him. Malleus was able to hatch because of Lilia.

We later hear stories about how Malleus used to throw tantrums because he was lonely, even on birthdays and special events. We know Lilia visited the castle and brought him gifts so that appeased him.

But, Malleus was young and he was able to express himself and let his feelings known.

But as time went on, he wasn’t allowed to do that anymore, even at a young age. For fear of what his great powers might do to others and because Lilia told him what could happen. And he took that to heart. So he stopped throwing tantrums and crying out, and this is what eventually added into his loneliness.

Lilia was able to comfort him because Malleus cried out and threw tantrums. He was able to go to him when Malleus was in distress.

But then he stopped, because Malleus thought it was ‘childish’ and it can cause others harm. Lilia even said in his beach ssr that Malleus hasn’t done it in a while.

This eventually led to the mentality that Malleus has grown up, when he hasn’t. He thinks he has and he has a role to play as the future king.

He wasn’t allowed to be a child anymore but a potential ruler. Even Lilia, at one point, points out how the heir of Briar Valleys shouldn’t zone out.

This shows how well Malleus hid his emotions didn’t it? How lonely he must have been because he kept it all in. To the point that Lilia, who always heard his cries, believes that he’s grown and matured now to an adult even though he knows Malleus is young.

But that what happens doesn’t it? When you act older than your age? People take you for granted and believe you’re mature and you don’t need to act like a child anymore.

Malleus even fooled himself. It was when others pointed out his sadness and loneliness that he understood, but he didn’t take action for himself only. No, he took action because another precious family member was crying.

Someone who can express his tears when Malleus couldn’t, who can cry the tears Malleus can’t anymore. And Malleus knows the importance of crying, he tells Silver that all children cry as if Malleus isn’t a child anymore but we know that’s not true.

Until, that is, when we got to that scene where Lilia was asking him why he was doing this. And Malleus, finally to a degree, let his emotions out again after so long, so he wouldn’t loose Lilia.

And you can tell that shocked Lilia, made him maybe realize too late, that Malleus is still a child. A child who loves his family and doesn’t want to loose them, loose him, but it was too late. He doesn’t have the magic to stop him or his UM.

It’s heartbreaking when you think about it. Malleus has to grow to the point that couldn’t express himself anymore from a young age. No one could hear his cries of loneliness anymore, not even the one who hatched him. Because he was forced to grow up and act beyond his age for a role he was born/‘blessed’ into. 😔😭

[queerfables]

I've been weighing this for a while and I've finally settled on a reading of Crowley's big revelation in 2x05 that makes sense to me. It's my best guess at what's going on in his head, accounting for the conversation that leads up to this moment, and the conversations that follow.

Full disclosure, I don't have much evidence to discount the possibility that this is Crowley realising how he feels about Aziraphale, except that I think the overarching narrative of Good Omens holds together better if he already knew. I do think my interpretation is stronger in context, though.

Let's review, then: Crowley and Nina have a conversation in which Nina assumes Crowley and Aziraphale are a couple, Crowley denies it, and Nina refuses to believe him. She pries into the reasons he might be lying and finishes up by saying, "Other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own." Crowley walks off looking like he's been hit by a truck.

In his next scene, Crowley is getting day drunk at the French restaurant across from the bookshop. He invites Aziraphale to drink with him, which Aziraphale declines. Crowley quickly starts brooding about the archangel they're hiding in the bookshop. "I spent last night worrying if he's going to wake up. What if he remembers who he is? What if he's faking it?"

I think there's a clear and direct line from conversation A to conversation B. Crowley realises that everyone can see he and Aziraphale are in love. Crowley panics about Gabriel regaining his memories. Rather than a revelation of feelings, I think this was a revelation of danger. Crowley and Aziraphale have survived through secrecy and deception, and it's hitting Crowley that their performance is slipping, under what could be the most intense scrutiny they've ever faced.

This could be a factor in Crowley's subsequent confrontation of Gabriel. I agree with @baggvinshield that pushing Gabriel to jump out the window was a test, but I also think that behind the calculating strategy is scared animal instinct. Gabriel is a threat that it would be safest to just eliminate. Crowley needs to be really fucking sure about him.

It makes sense if the conversation with Nina is what triggers Crowley's fears to resurface, because Crowley's just spent almost a full day alone with Gabriel and he wasn't on high alert the whole time. He let his guard down a little when discussing gravity and while summoning the rainstorm for Maggie and Nina. He was pretty keen to get out of there when Aziraphale got back, but he also sounded fairly relaxed when asked about Gabriel. I think in that moment he's more unsettled by Shax lurking around and the consequences of harbouring a fugitive than afraid of Gabriel himself.

I think Crowley's revelation reads like a romantic "oh" because that's what we're primed to expect. It's a common trope, right? Someone accuses the romantic leads of acting like a couple and they realise it's true. But I think that Crowley's jump to fretting about Gabriel makes more sense if he's realising how obvious their feelings are than if he's only just realising what they mean.

[icarryitin]

Episode 38: Feels Like Fire

spencer reid/gn!reader

you didn’t think i was going to put spencer through all the canon awfulness and not stick reader in the hospital at least once did you???

series masterlist

word count: 1.6k // warnings: reader gets shot, hospital scenes, blood, Anxiety™️ from just about everyone but mostly Reid, an awful lot of inner monologuing that i refuse to apologise for, does the L bomb count if nobody says it out loud?

summary: Spencer’s worst fear comes to life, and he can’t do anything but watch.

Nobody expects a crime scene, taped off and crawling with cops, to be a hostile situation. The latest dump site is only about an hour old, its crowd of onlookers only growing. Even so, he’s not looking at you when it happens - Spencer doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not. He tells himself it is, that he’s graciously been spared the visual of your body hitting the ground. That’s the first lie.

Because, if he had been watching, he’d have been able to pinpoint exactly where the bullet came from.

The sound, though - that unmistakable crack through the air, flesh tearing, the thud of skin on concrete. Your gargling, gasps for breath against the blood filling your lungs will haunt his nightmares.

He isn’t the first to get to you, it’s Tara who’s on her knees in the street beside you with her hands pressing down on your ribcage to staunch the bleeding. Tara, who has known you just inside of one week, holds your life in her hands whilst Spencer can only stand by the hood of the SUV - reeling.

Is this how you’ve felt, every time it’s been him on the wrong end of a bullet?

No, he knows that’s not true. Every time he’s been the one to go down, you’ve jumped into action. Or gotten mad at him, one of the two. And yet, for all the complicated feelings he has for you, he’s paralysed. Because it’s you. Unshakeable, indestructible, you. This isn’t supposed to happen. It’s an EMT bustling past him that finally kicks his brain into gear, medpack knocking into his shoulder.

Oh god, this must be terrifying for you.

It’s only now that he remembers your fear of medical procedures, or even anything adjacent. Hell, you’ve made Spencer go to the dentist with you for moral support more than once. A request he’s happy to fulfill. Dentist, doctor, everything. But right now, EMTs are sticking you with needles and he’s not there. All the times you’ve swallowed that fear to be beside him on his worst days, and he’s not beside you on yours. That’s what gets his feet moving, what wakes up his legs and carries him over to kneel by your head as an oxygen mask is pulled over your face.

Your blood soaks into the knees of his trousers, but he barely notices the sudden warmth of it.

“You’ll be okay, you have to let them do their job. You have to let them save you. You won’t be alone,” He hopes he sounds more confident than he feels, as your eyes search his face from behind the mask - you’re looking for something, he isn’t sure what it is, so he gives you the only thing he can think of, “I promise.”

You seem satisfied enough, for a moment. And then your eyes roll back into your head, and he hears the word crashing, and a pair of hands shove him away from where you’re convulsing on the ground. One of the paramedics straddles you, his compressions so aggressive that Spencer is sure your ribs are breaking. Another, gentler, set of hands finds his shoulders, helps him up. It’s JJ. She’s saying something, something reassuring probably, but he can’t hear her for the blood rushing through his eardrums. Stuck in panic mode in this dump site turned crime scene - someone could shoot him right now and he isn’t sure he’d notice.

You’re back, for now, CPR paused long enough to slide the neon orange backboard beneath you and move you onto the gurney. You might be having the worst day of your life, but you still have a heartbeat. Though, they’re not slowing down. The chances of this day becoming your last are still sky high, surgery is the only thing that can save you now. He can only hope you stay out of it long enough for them to get you there - lest they have to drag you, kicking and screaming, into the OR.

“Reid,” Hotch’s voice pulls his attention from the paramedics bundling you into the back of the ambulance, pulls him back to planet earth, “Can you work?”

“Yes.”

There it is, the second lie.

No, no he cannot work. Oh, there’s a part of him that wants to. But, then again, there’s a part of him that was loaded into an ambulance on blue lights and sirens. He barely makes it an hour before somebody has to speak up.

“Spencer, no offence, but you’re useless right now. Why don’t you go to the hospital, keep us updated?”

It’s true, but it hurts his pride a little to know that he’s not as subtle as he thinks. The supportive hand that Dave settles on his shoulder is enough to have his eyes stinging - Spencer wiggles out of the fatherly grip. He’ll go, it makes sense to have a presence when one of their own is down. That’s what he says. Everybody knows what he means.

“I should be listed as the emergency contact, Doctor Spencer Reid?” He’s muttering as he pulls out his wallet, dumping every form of identification he has on the desk. Driving license, credit card, FBI credentials, his goddamn library card. The receptionist picks out his driving license with a sympathetic little smile, it’s clear she’s trying to calm at least some of his anxiety with her even tone as she confirms someone will be through to speak to him soon. It doesn’t help.

You looked dead, lying on the wet concrete, blood turning the puddle beside you a murky brown. Somebody would have told him if that were true. No, you must be alive. The reason nobody’s out here to speak to him means that they’re still all in the OR saving your life. Right? Hoping is dangerous, but hope he does.

Spencer has been shot, more than once. He understands the pain - the sudden ripping, tearing, excruciating sensation that sweeps over you. It doesn’t matter where the bullet hits, your whole body gets consumed by fire. He could have lived his whole life without you knowing what it feels like.

But for now, he just exists in this horrible limbo - a place where you are both alive and dead and he feels like he’s the one bleeding out on the cold concrete. He hates it, hates it. And it doesn’t matter, ultimately, that he knows you’re more than likely not making it off the table; because until somebody tells him as much, that flickering glimmer of hope that you’ll be okay will simply not go out.

There was just so much blood.

Spencer doesn’t often pray. He understands the need some might feel, the idea of faith in a higher power and a bigger plan to avoid going completely insane in an unbound universe. But he has never really felt the need. A man of science and infallible knowledge, he knows that things will work out however they please and that neither he nor anyone else - deity or otherwise - can do anything to change it. But he prays now. The same request, over and over again, in his mind. Shaky elbows resting on shaky knees, shaky hands clasped together.

Please be okay.

Please be okay.

I love you. I’m so afraid of it.

Please be okay.

He doesn’t stop praying for hours. Not when the surgeons come out to speak with him. Not when he calls Morgan to update the team, not when he stumbles blindly after a nurse down the hallways. Not when he slumps in the chair beside your bed, and not when he grasps your cold hand in both of his.

“Lousy shot.” Your voice is hoarse, but it’s there. You’re there.

“What was that?” Spencer heard you, he always does, but the anxiety still coursing through his veins needs to hear you speak again - if only to make sure he isn’t hallucinating.

“I said he was a lousy shot,” You repeat, clearing your throat as you crack your eyes open against the bright white of the hospital room, “If you’re gonna kill me, kill me, don’t half ass it.”

You argue with him when the nurse comes in, the request to withdraw all narcotic medication raises every set of eyebrows in the room - except yours. You’re adamant about keeping a promise to a friend, you know it’ll hurt, you’re ready. And the look you give Spencer, when he suggests that your friend might let this one slide, could turn anybody to stone. Stubborn as a mule. It’s one of his favourite things about you. Well, it is when you’re not wincing with every breath you take.

“Don’t get shot again.” It’s been quiet for a little while, his hands still cradling yours. He squeezes your fingers as much as he dares with his whispered words.

“Can’t promise that, sweetheart, bit of an occupational hazard.”

It’s the first smile to crack his lips since the drive out to the dump site this morning. Or maybe it was yesterday morning now; he’s not sure. A callback to a dumb joke he once made, the first time he was the one laid up in a hospital bed with a bullet wound.

There’s a moment, where there’s something else to say. You both know what it is, but neither of you can let it break containment. So you let it hang there in the air between you. The way it has for years, maybe the way it always will. Until one of you, at least, gets brave enough.

And then Penelope appears in the doorway, misty eyed and flanked by the others in a swarm of Get Well balloons, and it’s gone. Floated out of the window on a cool breeze. Not forever, just until you’re both ready. But you know, and he knows, and so does everybody else.

every time i have to change my work password i just use the long form date that i changed it and now i have to write the day my fav f1 driver got sacked every morning for the next 6 months this is so much fun

[kaeyacollection]

In celebration of Diluc and Kaeya's new Theater cosmetic, I bring to you the reason behind THIS post,

"Did Diluc ever actually disown Kaeya?"

(TL;DR & art at the end)

Yeah that's right we're getting into some technicalities thanks to Knaves line about assumptions ✨️

Because who the hell decided it was a good idea to let Kaeya control the narrative uncontested?

Now, now, I hear you loudly already: He burned that boy, Diluc's an ass to him, Kaeya was banned from the household, Kaeya hasn't called him brother in YEARS, and of course,

KAEYA TOOK A FLAMING SWORD TO THE FACE

All of that would reasonably be acts of disownment without having to say the word, but when has Genshin ever been reasonable?

And while I can go on for an incredibly long time, dissecting every scene the brothers have so much as been hinted in, for you, my dear readers, I will refrain and focus on the main points 💖

Firstly, let's stray away from the main points and see what the staff thinks about all of this ✨️ Of course, they're working with limited knowledge of what happened, but it's a good place to start. We have Adelinde assuming it's Diluc's pride keeping him from setting things right, Tunner notices a problem with Kaeya but assumes he's seen as an outsider to the Dawn Winery's Family and is excluded from such talks, and Elzer, who believes while Diluc is stubborn, wouldn't actually send Kaeya away

[Adelinde's idle line, Tunner from Kaeya's Hangout, and Elzer's Hidden Strife Letter]

"When will Master Diluc finally resolve his issues with Master Kaeya."

"We did not refuse him, however. We believe that even if you were here, you would not refuse him outright."

And while that may have been true in the beginning, the staff have certainly realized the only person they need to convince to let Kaeya stay, is Kaeya

So what's the brothers issue with one another? Well, they're both incredibly petty for one, and then there's the issue where no one in their lives know enough about the situation to be able to mediate their fighting (even the Traveler doesn't know Kaeya's full story just yet).

Hell, it's not even just that they need a peacekeeper either. The dialog can't even BEGIN because it would be inappropriate for the staff to set it up, Diluc lost his right to start this talk in the flames of that night, and Kaeya knows what happened the last time he tried to have a one on one 🤷 So instead the brothers are left making various biting remarks 'cause Tyvat doesn't have therapy

"It's been years, Kaeya doesn't even blame him, he should step up 😤" Well, lately, he's been trying to. Shocking, I know. Diluc is still learning how to navigate this new personality his brother developed in his absence, and not only is he doing a terrible job at it but he's also frustrated

Between inviting Kaeya to dinner and getting rejected, trying to voice concern and being hit with venom, and only being able to keep Kaeya around if there's wine involved...

It's frustrating knowing the other person has every right to walk away, no matter how much you want to fix it. Besides, WE might know Kaeya doesn't blame him,

but Diluc clearly doesn't.

"Why doesn't he introduce Kaeya as his brother then?"

Do we see Diluc introduce Kaeya at all?

What we do have is Diluc saying he's not his "bro" in the webcomic, which has been pointed out as not being in a family sense but as buddies. Which is absolutely how "bro" is used in my area as well 🤷 but for Diluc, why the hell would he ever want to be friends with his brother? Diluc has set up the situation to be All or Nothing. Either they're brothers or they're nothing at all. And Diluc's tried the Nothing course. He kept Kaeya at a distance from his vigilante business, allowed him to revoke his place in the household (both in calling Crepus father and moving out), and keeping his distance from his brother in general [Kaeya's letter in Hidden Strife that Diluc receives before making himself scarce]

"The Grand Master has assigned the Cavalry Company to this mission. As such, I will be paying you a visit in three days. He seems to think that our relationship can be improved if we are forced to talk in person. Don’t worry, though. My lips are sealed. This will be nothing more than a formality. Anyways, three days’ notice should be enough for you, I presume?"

We know that none of that went as intended

I mean Kaeya's response to being kept away from Diluc's Dark Knight Hero business is to repeatedly show him he IS in on it just by the fact he's keeping it a secret. Hidden Strife Diluc finally talks about, albeit strained, partnership he has with the Knights now where they'll watch eachothers backs. And of course my absolute favorite of their interactions,

Diluc asking if Kaeya can cool it on the drinking, and Kaeya deciding a reasonable response is:

Or what? :) you gonna throw me out with the trash? :)

And Diluc deciding Kaeya's cut off point is whenever he starts getting sassy

[K: Any GOOD bar would have SNACKS 😤😤😤 D: aaaaaaand you're done]

I know I said you can thank the Knave for this post and that's because her line finally helped me pin down Diluc's Summer Conch dialog

"I didn't know you still remembered anything from back then... Huh."

Diluc actions line up with the bitterness of being left behind by someone who's still around.

Someone he's not willing to actually let go of

[Inviting him to dinner, saying he'd normally join Kaeya when he had the time, serving Kaeya at the bar, drinking with him outside Angels Share, drinking with him at Cats Tail, abandoning the business he claimed to have at the Cats Tail just to chase after kaeya when finding out about his tcg card (despite already admitting it doesn't bother him)]

TL;DR: If Diluc did disown Kaeya, he's doing a terrible job at following through.

Art by the wonderful Remy

[lollytea]

Please, your finale Huntlow thoughts, my liege. We poor peasants beg of you, our bowls are empty and your tables full; if we might have but a crumb of your succulent meal to fill our bellies in these cold December nights.

ASGCDHBDJNK JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OKAY

I got a few asks about this but I guess I'll answer this one cuz it's phrased the funniest. I just wasn't too pressed about giving my Thoughts about finale Huntlow because I am fully a part of the Huntlow hivemind. Like I feel the way everyone else feels. I'm ecstatic, I'm delighted, I'm overwhelmed, I'm emotional, I'm so happy for them, I got everything I could have wanted. I won. We won.

(I HAVE TOO MANY PICS. I'LL RB WITH PART 2)

First of all this scene is so special to me, you have no idea.

It isn't inherently romantic but it's still so sweet and shows how much these two care for each other. Here's Willow, who's spent the last special Atlasing and repressing and refusing to rely on anyone else. But then she had her breakdown in front of Hunter and he realized just how stressed and scared she's been this whole time. She's visibly anxious and upset here, likely worrying up a storm because she hasn't found her Dads yet. And Hunter is right here beside her. He's seen her meltdown, he's felt her pain, he's heard her cry. He knows that Willow is in a fragile state at the moment. He knows she's been holding in a lot. He knows she's scared. I love that he's not only standing by her side and helping her search, but holding her too. It could be that she vocally expressed how worried she was to him, or maybe he just saw it on her face, but he probably placed that hand on her back to comfort her, let her knows he's right here, grounding her. And Willow, who's still learning how to depend on others, is letting him.

The way Hunter lights up when he sees Harvey and Gilbert, thrilled by how happy he knows she's going to be and his soft smile when he points them out to her. And then THIS!

Like Hunter is devastated. He feels alone and out of place here. He really thinks he has nobody. But Willow being happy can still bring a smile to his face. He just loves her so much!!!

And I know I already talked about the grom photo but UGHH!!!

I got a pic in better definition. I'm pretty sure this is Hunter's first grom. So likely a few months after the events of WAD. And it's so cute to think about Hunter and Willow very awkwardly but eagerly navigating a romantic relationship. I love how grabby and flirty Willow looks here, messing with his bowtie. She clearly LOVES the floral suit, thinking he's like the hottest man alive. She needs to smooch him and NOW. Or she's just like "Oh my, what a nice collarbone you have!!" Idk the ambiguity of what exactly Willow is doing here but the vibe and general intentions being very obvious is my favourite part of this pic. You can speculate for years on this. Oh and Hunter's face, I love it so much. His dumb little blush is like an old friend. He's fucking THRILLED that he's getting so much attention from her. He's very excited about where this is going. But he's also like. So nervous he's gonna pass out. But overall he's having the time of his life. Bi rights!

Also epilogue Huntlow....guys....guys epilogue Huntlow....are you guys still listening to me at this point?

God I love this scene. Its so natural and smooth, giving the characters a chance to breathe and exist and providing a glimpse of how they go about their daily lives. It's soft and lighthearted but it establishes so much about where Willow and Hunter are currently at in their relationship. They've been dating for like....3 years at the very least. And they're clearly very happy together!!

The way Willow casually slides on to the scene, giving the impression that she's often dropped in on him while he's working. And why wouldn't she? That's her sweetheart. What if she requires emergency smooches? What then? And of course, there's Hunter beaming at the sight of her. Seems he never gets tired of his girlfriend stopping by to visit. Or maybe he's sick to death of Willow the menace showing up to distract him while he's trying to work and he's just excited about the prospect of Luz's party. Either way, it's an adorable expression.

Something else I love about epilogue Huntlow is how equally distributed the affection is between both of them. Back when FTF dropped I gushed about how sweet it was to see Hunter taking initiative with Willow and the significance of something as simple pressing his backhand against hers during the pinky hold. And God, this sequence here says it all. From what I can tell, as Hunter runs towards her, they both reached out at the same time and linked hands immediately, implying that holding hands has become the automatic gesture for them whenever they meet up. They're in love, you're honor.

I love the huge carefree grins as they skate down the hill (still holding hands). They might have grown a lot since we last saw them but they're still young adults, they still love to have fun doing dumb reckless stuff. And even better, they love to have fun doing dumb reckless stuff together. All the handholding and fluffy cuteness is wonderful but I also love knowing that they seem to genuinely enjoy just hanging out and spending their youth with each other. Zeno was right, they ARE besties. Who knows how much shit Hunter and Willow get up to together? Being a pair of thrill seeking athletes, it's probably a lot.

This part is just so silly and ridiculous. After they go stumbling, Willow's first instinct is to grab Hunter and hold on for dear life. Her intense scrunched up expression is just so funny. "I will protect you, my love. No big dumb hill is going to harm a hair on your pretty head. Your girl is here." And Hunter barely acknowledging it (it probably happens a lot) because his life is currently flashing before his eyes. GOD they're just such nerds.

Oh and this frame is just SO adorable. The way Willow's hold on him lingers for a moment before he walks towards the grave, Hunter's heart eyes. They're clearly still so soft and touchy with each other. And this is after three years. I know they were insufferable when they started dating as teens.

[gabessquishytum]

Dream is the femme fatale treasure hunter in an indiana jones or uncharted setting, and has just finished a job with renowned treasure hunter Hob Gadling.

However, despite the fact that Hob is handsome, charming, and apparently well-researched (based on the historical tidbits he’d dropped here and there on their adventure), Dream has determinedly resisted the urge to fall into his arms and bed. Ruggedly dashing adventurers are more prevalent in this world than you’d think, and he has no interest in fulfilling the role of swooning love interest in any of their stories.

However, when he visits Hob at the university that apparently is his day job, in order to clear up a few loose ends afterwards, he is completely unprepared for Dr. Robert Gadling.

Look, he’d known Hob was attractive, he’d seen the man shirtless and sweaty as he took out bad guys single-handedly, but that was the whole point; he’s seen plenty of other attractive adventurers in the exact same situation, and had thus successfully refused to let it sway him. But how is Dream supposed to deal with that same man in a rumpled suit, with a goddamn bow-tie, and glasses???

Dream sits in on the last few minutes of the lecture in a state of confused lust, because on top of it all Dr. Gadling (why did no one tell Dream this man has a phd, this isn’t fair) is not just well-researched, he’s a full-blown nerd who’s passionate about the history he teaches, how is he supposed to handle this??

The final straw is witnessing one of the students bat her eyelashes at the professor, in order to show off the confession of love she’d written on her own eyelids (a la that scene from raiders of the lost ark), which proceeds to fluster Hob. He blushes, briefly looses his place in the lesson, and then pointedly ignores her until the end of class.

Dream finally admits defeat. He’s waving the white flag of surrender. Clearly he has absolutely no other choice but to drag the man back to his office, lock the door, and have his way with him on the desk.

-🪽anon

Aww this is so cute. Sexy nerd Hob is such a vibe!!

Dream is absolutely losing his mind when he finally gets Hob alone in his messy little office. Surrounded by stacks of books and loose papers from Hob’s research, he's truly forced to admit that this man might be perfect. Even as Dream pounces on him like a sexually charged panther, Hob is still nervously pulling on his bow tie and offering Dream a cup of tea. He's so fucking cute, it's just not fair. And he doesn't even seem to know how damned attractive he is! He lets out a surprised little exclamation in what sounds suspiciously like ancient aramaic as Dream pins him down against his own desk and starts divesting him of his horrible frumpy suit. Under the terrible clothes is the same tanned, rugged hairy body that Dream had been so scornful about, but now he feels a sense of fondness as he kisses those muscular pecs. He thinks he could happily sit in Hob’s lap, sucking on his tits and listening to him reading out sections of his research forever.

Next time they head out on an adventure, Dream is going to properly appreciate his dashing Doctor Gadling (which may include tying him down to an ancient altar and invoking some kind of eldritch sex magic ritual... Dream couldn't possibly comment).

[2knightt]

dallas but with a sweetheart soc! gf. i feel like he’d be the sort of person to be like “i’m never gonna go for a soc especially a nice one” only to be completely smitten with one the minute he meets her 😭😭😭

Dallas Winston x sweetheart!soc!reader

!warnings!

1.fem!reader

2.swearing, minor mentions of violence and blood.

honest to god, he didn’t believe you existed.

people would talk about this nice soc who’s ‘real nice to us grease.’

all dallas did when he heard this was kiss his teeth and shake his head.

“yeah right, when’s the last time you ever met a nice soc? never, cause they don’t exist. get your head outta the clouds you idiot.”

UNTILL he actually just so happened to run into you!

you were walking, alone. stupid—you already knew that.

you just wanted to walk around tusla in peace!

then dallas winston came and ruined it.

“woah. what’s a pretty girl like you doin ‘round these parts?”

dallas said from behind you, trying to lean into your view as you kept walking.

“huh? ‘these parts?’”

“yeah, little miss. these parts. where the hoods stay. you don’t look like no grease, anyhow.”

that’s when you finally understood what he meant.

you’re a soc that’s walking around the east side!

“oh! i’m sorry, should i-uh, walk back?”

dallas didn’t know what you meant—sorry? walk back?

“why’d you go and go that?”

“well—you clearly don’t want me here and i don’t wanna make you upset! im sorry if i did, i ain’t mean it!”

ohh…you’re that sweetheart soc everyone was talking about.

dally’s demeanour immediately changed. it went from sweet to nonchalant, cool, tuff guy.

“yeah, it’s best you go. might get hurt or something..”

so with that, you nodded your head and walked in the opposite direction.

while you were fleeing the scene, dallas couldn’t stop thinking about you.

he thought about how cute your hair was, how pretty you looked under the moonlight, how—wait. what is he saying?!

you’re a soc! he’d rather die than go after a soc!

he just grumbled to himself, cursing himself out.

the days following, every time a person mentioned you at all, he’d try to switch the conversation.

“that nice soc came ‘round recently. she-“

“uh-anyways, buck’s having a part tonight.”

dally didn’t go around saying he didn’t believe you were real or that he hated you anymore. instead he just went around looking for you!

and one fateful day, he ran into you again!

“hey, i remember you! i didn’t catch your name!”

“dallas winston. what’s your name, pretty?”

“y/n l/n. oh—and thank you!”

since then, you and dallas would talk more and more. even hanging out on some occasions!

you just thought it was all because he was a really nice friend, which made you sad because you liked dallas winston a lot!

maybe a little too much…you found yourself purposely going onto greaser territory just to see him.

and it’s not like he didn’t like you too! he totally did, and you could tell!

dallas ain’t very good at hiding his blush.

but he was in complete denial. he refuses to accept that he likes another girl after syliva, let alone the someone apart of the group of people he hates the most.

one lovely and wonderful day you and dally went on a drive! …in your car, obviously.

dallas had pulled into an empty parking lot and turned to face you.

“why are we here, dal? you oka-“

“i like you.”

“…what?”

dallas sighs and thoughts start running through his head about how he knew he shouldn’t have told you, how he knew it was stupid, how all soc’s are the same.

a soc girl dating a hood like him was unheard of, so he thought if you rejected him he’d get over you.

well, that’s what he thought before it actually came. he was embarrassed—he wanted to just run out, he should it’d save him the trouble—

when suddenly his worries were cut off by your angelic giggle.

“i like you too, dallas.”

then without thinking, the two of you lean over the centre console and have your very first kiss as a couple <3

you best believe he’s bragging about you to everyone and anyone.

“yeah but i don’t see you dating a soc, let alone y/n, steve. up your fucking game.”

“I’M GOING TO BODYSLAM YOU DALLAS.”

he steals stuff for you but REFUSES to tell you he stole them. he thinks you’ll have a heart attack if he does.

when he sees a cute shirt you’d like? snatched. your favourite snack? already in his jacket. a cute necklace with his initial? NOT SAFE! HE ALREADY TOOK IT!

he’s so whipped for you oh my LORD.

dallas is pushing other girls away that WILLINGLY flirted with him.

“yeah, huh uh. that’s nice ‘n all but, i got a girlfriend.”

he will walk into soc territory for you. he can and he will.

he doesn’t care who tries to jump him, he has pretty flowers to give you at your doorstep!

cuddling?? cuddling.

while at the drive-in you guys are definitely that one cute couple that everyone looks at when they walk by.

dallas’s arm around your shoulders as he brings you closer to him with your head resting on his shoulder.

looking up at him as he looks down at you and flashes his famous smile<3

i can see it now!

still can’t believe how nice you are sometimes??

like he just doesn’t get why you’re apologizing to a door??

“oh! i’m so sorry.”

“that’s a door, doll.”

PATCHING HIM UP AFTER FIGHTS??? OH MY GOD???

him sitting on your kitchen counter with bruises and cuts all over his body as you scramble to find any sort of bandages.

“oh dall, look at you!”

“i’ll be fine, love.”

“BUT I WON’T BE!! YOU’RE BLEEDING SO MUCH!!”

not gonna lie, when dallas told the gang he was dating you they thought he was lying.

“yeah right.”

“mhm, and i’m sober right now. ya know, since we’re lying.”

“dallas, stop lying to us.”

“guys what the fuck???”

dallas waited awhile before you met the gang. even though he trusted you fully, you were still a soc.

and you know how greasers and socs are together, right?

but when you do meet them?? they are HOLLERING.

“HOLY SHIT IT WAS TRUE!”

“STEVE HOLD ME I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN!”

“AND SHE’S ACTUALLY PRETTY??”

dallas felt a little offended at the last part.

your friends didn’t like that you were hanging around the toughest greaser in tusla, and they let you know that.

“i still can’t believe you gave that hood a chance, y/n.”

“me neither, you doin’ charity work now?”

“c’mon guys! he’s real sweet when he’s with me, you just don’t know the dallas i know!”

but overtime, they had no choice but to accept it.

they just couldn’t believe that an angel like you would go after the devil himself!

your friends knew that you were whipped for dallas n they couldn’t do anything about it.

you two were head over heels for each other.

tulsa’s it couple, as some would say!

author notes ;

1.SORRY FOR THE DELAY FOR THIS OMFG.

2.im legit inlove with this idea?? your mind?? holy shit???

3.I HOPE U LIKE THIS LMFAO

may 17th, 2023. 5:29PM

[tomlinfonda]

Inside me there are two wolves.

One who thinks that the writers are either stupid or cruel, and that the finale was so incomprehensibly bad that I shouldn't try to make sense of it. And that I should move on.

The other one is a subtext-and-metaphor-hungry beast that is manically obsessed with finding a reason, at least subtextually, for the incomprehensible mess they made out of these characters, especially Ted, in the finale.

Everyone is so right to point out that Ted in previous episodes would not have acted like this. I think the reason for the sudden regression in his character is Dottie.

That morning, full of smiles, in a good mood, Ted starts his walk to work.

He cheerfully strolls through the streets, saying hello to his neighbors, making chit-chat with them. He is (as Trent said it in 1x03) out there in the community. He is, more importantly, part of a community. Until suddenly-

"Mom?"

Dottie's arrival changes everything. Ted gets worse and worse throughout the episode. In the hotel room in Manchester, the football anthem "Blue Moon", with the haunting lyric "You saw me standing alone" plays over Ted's lonesome figure, in the shadows, depressed.

Juxtapose that with his first scene: the lively neighborhood and daylight.

At the end of the episode, his conversation with his (manipulative) mom hits him deep. He feels immense guilt over not being there for Henry. And he's been torn over this for the entire season.

His mom, and the way she acts, and the way she manipulates him, push him in the wrong direction: Kansas.

I think Ted has disassociated for most of the finale. But I also think that he is intentionally pushing people away. Maybe he thinks that this will make it easier for him to leave, maybe he thinks that this will make it easier for them to let him go. Maybe he just hates himself so much that he cannot accept their help. Maybe he feels guilty that they're showing him so much love, when he knows he will abandon them.

Either way, he quits. Something that he would not have done, even in season 1. So his regression goes farther than the first episode, deeper into his past. He goes from:

to having doubts on the plane about leaving without winning the whole fucking thing

but leaving anyway.

And this is one of the most curious things to me. Rebecca offers to bring Henry to him in England by helping relocate Michelle:

And yet, he refuses. So, sure, this is about being there for his son. But given the choice between his son with his beloved community, and his son without his beloved community, he chooses the latter.

I've heard the argument that we don't know for sure that Ted doesn't have a support system in Kansas. But from a narrative perspective, it's important that we haven't been shown that hypothetical support system at all. And given that he actually returns to Kansas without the one person who we know supported him before coming to England, it comes across as a terribly isolating situation.

So why would Ted choose to part from his found family, even though bringing his son into that family would be an option? My theory is that he just really fucking hates himself. I think he wants to punish himself, maybe for being away from Henry for so long, maybe for something else. I don't think he believes that he deserves love or even credit for how he helped the club.

I mean, Rebecca and Trent offer him exactly that this episode: credit for what the did for the club.

And he rejects them both, choosing instead to remove himself from their lives, to erase himself from the narrative.

I think he's lower mentally than we've seen him for a while.

I think he's in his dark forest.

So the plane departs and then lands. And Ted is back in Kansas, driven through the prosaic, picket-fenced, isolating, depressing American suburbs to the house where Henry and the ex-wife who doesn't love him are waiting for him.

And the light might be golden, and he might be reunited with his son. But as we close in on the last shot of the show, you can see his smile try to fight the sadness in his eyes and you know.

He's not happy.

[luminalunii97]

I've seen non Iranians admiring the Islamic Republic national football team for not singing the national anthem. And then they were confused as to why iranians were happy that the team lost. Yes not singing the anthem might have consequences for them, but it won't change the fact that these people went to visit Raisi, the Islamic Republic president and bowed to him, posed happily for pictures while we were dealing with Kiam Pirfalak news, and said they don't care about politics and what's going on Iran in an interview, stating that they will focus on the game only. Not singing the anthem is nothing in comparison. And you might think they were under pressure. So were other athletes in Iran, let's see what they did:

Picture on the right is Elnaz Rekabi, an Iranian rock climber who was the first athlete to take off her hijab during Mahsa Amini protests to show her solidarity with people. She's currently under house arrest. she wasn't the first Iranian woman ever doing that. On the left, that's Shohreh Bayat, her story is so sad.

In many interviews I've seen of her, she always cries when she says her story. She was to referee the final of the Women's World Chess Championship a couple of years ago. While in another country she decided to wear her hijab loosely in an act of rebellion. She got warning from Islamic Republic twice and everytime she made it worse. She was asked to apologize but she refused, saying that she wouldn't apologize for what she believes in. At last, even though she wasn't ready to leave everything behind and start from scratch in a foreign country, she decided to ditch the compulsory hijab completely and never come back to Iran, because her life would be in danger if she did. Because of her choice she can't come back to visit her family anymore. her family supported her which made the authorities to force her father to resign (her father was the president of chess association in Gilan, Iran).

Then we had Iranian national beach soccer team. I think they were the first group who refused to sing Islamic republic national anthem. And after they got threatened to sing the anthem, they did something even more iconic. One of the players cut his imaginary hair after he scored.

Then we had these two scenes after scoring. They were recreating an inhuman thing Islamic republic did. The guy on the right is Khodanoor Lajei. He was murdered on bloody Friday in Zahedan. He was a Baloch guy. I'm going to post about Balochs and the thing that's been done to them by Islamic republic in details. For now know that this guy got killed in protests but this picture of him is for a couple of months back. He insulted a Basiji guy or something, Islamic republic police chained him to a pole in the middle of the city to make him an example for others, after beating him. When he asked for water they brought him a cup but they put it out of his reach in front of him and laughed at his thirst. (You see why we hate Islamic Republic, IRGC and Basij?!) The picture got out only after his death because Baloch people didn't think the rest of Iran would care about them enough to react. That broke my heart unspeakably much.

With so much bravery, our national girl's basketball team has been posting photos without mandatory hijab ever since the protests have begun.

Last but not least, Parmida Ghasemi, iranian archer ditching mandatory hijab inside of iran. She took it out for receiving the prize and while she was being photographed.

(Btw, non of these women "forgot" their hijab accidentally. If you're iranian you learn to never forget your hijab since you're 7, the age you start school. Without a formal head wearing you won't be allowed to attend school classes. When you grow up with it, you'll get used to it. You have no idea how weird it feels to not wear a veil in public, I'm still getting used to it.)

we've witnessed many iconic brave moves by our athletes but non of them said we don't give a shit about what's happening in Iran before the game. I'm not saying they won't be redeemed one day, I'm just saying they should work to win their respect back.

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

Galadriel x Sauron: One Royal Couple to Rule Them All

Many fellow fans don’t understand why Galadriel would ever join Sauron, of her own free will, in his plan of world domination.

To me, this due to two things:

Whitewashing of Galadriel’s character and refusing to see how much she craves absolute power. There are so many bad takes about her character, it’s hard to address them all in here. I’ll just say she’s not the “Virgin Mary” of Tolkien lore; she’s not a “fairytale princess”, nor a “damsel in distress”;

Misunderstanding of Sauron’s plans. Even if you aren’t familiar with Tolkien lore nor have read the books, “Rings of Power” already explained what Sauron’s goals are, and what he wishes to accomplish.

Sauron’s Masterplan

Let’s start with Sauron’s masterplan. What does he want?

But today, a new age begins. Under me. Your new master. Sauron. And with a new age, I bring a new vision. A path to unconditional conquest. For I seek a new kind of power. Not of the flesh, but over flesh. A power of the unseen world. One we shall use to enslave the peoples of Middle-earth to our very will. Many Orcs will die. But out of the chaos, we will forge a new and perfect order. No longer will we be hunted as the demons who broke Middle-earth, but rather worshipped as the saviors who finally healed it. By bringing its peoples together, to rule them all as one!

From a perspective of Tolkien lore, this speech was a bit over the top, even for Sauron himself. But I understand why the show writers went with this, it’s meant to illustrate that Sauron is evil, and a tyrannical dictator.

Sauron doesn’t see himself as a villain; he thinks he’s the hero, here. Because he’s a demigod and one of the Ainur; he helped shape the world the seeks to dominate. He looks at the ruins of Middle-earth and how the Valar aren’t doing anything to help. He’s the only deity who’s willing to do anything about it. And so, he steps in and makes it his personal mission to rebuild Middle-earth (“heal it”).

He would never call himself “Sauron”, either, because that’s the name the Elves created to mock his own (“Mairon”). And it means “the abhorrent” instead of “the admirable”. He would call himself Tar-Mairon, “King excellent”. But, again, the show had to go with this otherwise casual viewers wouldn’t know who this character is.

This is Adar spelling Sauron’s plan to Galadriel in 2x08. When I first watched this scene I must confess I was confused and thought this could be one of Sauron’s deceptions, actually.

This is Sauron’s masterplan and the reason why he created the “rings of power” (the “power of the Unseen world”) in the first place. But this brings another interesting question; perhaps Adar himself was on board with Sauron’s masterplan of healing Middle-earth until he saw his methods.

Adar, in 1x06, told Galadriel a bit about Sauron's plan, as well, when he reveals to have killed him:

After Morgoth's defeat, the one you call Sauron… Devoted himself to healing Middle-earth, bringing its ruined lands together in perfect order. He sought to craft a power not of the flesh… But over flesh. A power of the Unseen World. He bid as many as he could to follow him far north. But try as he might… Something was missing. A shadow of dark knowledge that kept itself hidden, even from him. No matter how much blood he spilt in its pursuit. For my part… I sacrificed enough of my children for his aspirations. I split him open. I killed Sauron.

Repentant Mairon, himself, already told this to Galadriel in 1x08:

When Morgoth was defeated, it was as if a great, clenched fist had released its grasp from my neck. And in the stillness of that first sunrise, at last, I felt the light of The One again. And I knew if ever I was to be forgiven... That I had to heal everything that I had helped ruin.

Mairon wish to “heal” Middle-earth comes from his own desire to escape Morgoth’s bounds. That’s the reason behind the “heal yourself” quote from 2x08. Mairon wants to kill “Sauron”, as well, and erase every trace of his former master from the world.

But he can’t, nor can he escape his bounds to Morgoth, because, like Tolkien wrote, they are too strong (“Rings of Power” suggested there might have been some blood oath/binding involved) and he falls back into evil. And this is why he gets so triggered when Celebrimbor calls him "shadow of Morgoth", and he snaps, and kills him in a rage fit:

But Sauron regrets this in the next minute, and he cries. Because this is not him, this chaotic destruction is not who he is. He’s a control freak, a mastermind, always planning and scheming, he’s patient, and organized to the point of obsession. These are Morgoth’s bounds and corruption of him reaching the surface. And when he looks up all he sees is Morgoth.

Sauron’s masterplan is the unite everyone on Middle-earth; all kingdoms and all races (Elves, Dwarves and Men) to live together in peace and harmony. No more wars, no more suffering, no more pain; only a world of beauty, order and perfection. The qualities he was created to have by Eru himself, and his contributions during the Ainulindalë, when he helped shaped the world alongside the Valar and the other Maiar. This is why he tells Celebrimbor this, in 2x07: I see the end, Celebrimbor. So clearly. I have seen it from the moment I awoke.

The problem here isn’t his masterplan per say: this is not an evil plan by any means. But he was corrupted by Morgoth, and his ways are also corrupted. This is how he self-deceives himself. Mairon’s love for order becomes a obsession with domination; and Sauron knows he has to become a tyrant and to enslave everyone to his will, in order to create his perfect world.

To him, the end justifies the means, and he’s willing to use chaos and destruction (Morgoth) to achieve his masterplan. And this is perfectly embodied in this quote from him, in 2x01: “out of the chaos, we will forge a new and perfect order”.

Where does Galadriel fits in all of this?

He thinks she’s the missing piece. Sauron believes her “light” will keep him in check, and somehow control his bounds to Morgoth. But as I’ve discussed before in this post, her “light” isn’t really hers, it’s the light of the Two Trees of Valinor, and it shines on every Elf that was born during the Years of the Trees, in Valinor.

It’s Galadriel’s beauty that blinds Sauron. And why is that? Because she’s the physical form, the materialization, of everything he was designed to love by Eru himself. I already talked about this in this post. This tells us their attraction is not only spiritual (the “they are higher beings” nonsense), but also physical (sexual).

The reason why Mairon was attracted to her in the first place was because Galadriel, unconsciously, reminded him of Morgoth. Galadriel and Morgoth share the same chaotic energy; the same arrogance, greed and lust for power. This is yet another one of the ways Mairon self-deceives himself; he thinks Galadriel would allow him to escape Morgoth’s bounds, but it's the other way around. On a unconscious level, he’s always seeking his former master. And that's why he wants to serve her, and to bind himself to her.

And we, the audience already saw him pitching this desire to Galadriel herself, in 1x08:

Sauron: This is it. You bind me to the light. And I bind you to power. Together, we can save this Middle-earth. Galadriel: Save? Or rule? Sauron: I see no difference.

And this blood binding is exactly what he does in 2x08, using Morgoth’s crown; the dark magic artifact that’s already infused with his own blood because Adar used it to destroy his previous physical form.

This is a silent conversation happening between them, through their new bound. And Sauron probably showed her many things, namely: the connection they shared in Season 1 was true and real because he “felt it, too” (and not a deception on his part like Galadriel believed); his proposal was honest (he would, indeed, make her the Queen of Middle-earth), and his entire masterplan.

But Sauron is not only an expert on deceiving others, but himself, too (like Celebrimbor told him, in 2x07). Meaning, in his mind, Galadriel as the “Queen of queens” would be a good thing. Except it wouldn’t. She would be far worse than him, with the power he would provide her with.

Which leads me to the next point:

Galadriel Lust for Ultimate Power

To understand this, we need to go back to the source: Tolkien. What does he says about Galadriel?

[Galadriel] had no peace within. Pride still moved [her] when, at the end of the Elder Days, the final overthrow of Morgoth, she refused the pardon of the Valar for all who had fought against him, and remained on Middle-earth. Unfinished Tales [of Númenor and Middle-earth]

A penitent: in her youth [Galadriel] a leader in the rebellion against the Valar (the angelic guardians). At the end of the First Age she proudly refused forgiveness or permission to return [to Valinor]. She was pardoned because of her resistance to the final and overwhelming temptation to take the [One] Ring for herself. Tolkien, Letter 320

Galadriel, in Tolkien lore, is a “penitent”, a “repentant sinner”, because she turned her back on literal heaven (Valinor) due to her pride and her greed for power (wanting a kingdom of her own), and for this she was banished by the Valar: Tolkien work is infused with Christian doctrine whenever people chose to ignore or not, it’s still there. And this is true in “Rings of Power”, too, only her desire for power is connected with her desire for Sauron, in the show.  

Now, to understand her connection with Sauron, and want she truly wants, we need to look at “The Mirror of Galadriel” chapter in “Fellowship of the Ring”, the first book of “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy. Overall, the scene with the Mirror is somewhat similar to the Peter Jackson adaptation, only Sam is also there in the book version, and he wants to see Elf magic.

This takes place thousands of years after the “Rings of Power” timeline, and Sauron has been defeated, at least, 5,000 years ago. 

The last night before the Fellowship departs Lothlórien, Galadriel offers Frodo and Sam the opportunity to look into her Mirror, and they accept.

With water from the stream Galadriel filled the basin to the brim, and breathed on it, and when the water was still again she spoke. “Here is the Mirror of Galadriel,” she said. “I have brought you here so you may look in it, if you will.” The air was very still, and the dell was dark, and the Elf-lady beside him was tall and pale. “What shall we look for, and what shall we see?” asked Frodo, filled with awe. “Many things I can command the Mirror to reveal,” she answered. “But the Mirror will also show things unbidden, and those are often stranger and more profitable than things which we wish to behold. What you will see, if you leave the Mirror free to work, I cannot tell. For it shows things that were, and things that are, and things that yet may be. But which it is that he sees, even the wisest cannot always tell. Do you wish to look?” [...] "Remember that the Mirror shows many things, and not all have yet come to pass. Some never come to be, unless those that behold the visions turn aside from their path to prevent them. The Mirror is dangerous as a guide of deeds.”

Sam sees the “Scouring of the Shire” (which was cut from the Peter Jackson adaptation). Frodo sees several visions, and the last one is the Eye of Sauron itself.

“Do not touch the water!” said the Lady Galadriel softly. The vision faded, and Frodo found that he was looking at the cool stars twinkling in the silver basin. He stepped back shaking all over and looked at the Lady. “I know what it was that you last saw,” she said; “for that is also in my mind. Do not be afraid! But do not think that only by singing amid the trees, nor even by the slender arrows of elven-bows, is this land of Lothlorien maintained and defended against its Enemy. I say to you, Frodo, that even as I speak to you, I perceive the Dark Lord and know his mind, or all of his mind that concerns the Elves. And he gropes ever to see me and my thought. But still the door is closed!”

Galadriel then reveals to Frodo that she’s the ring-bearer of Nenya, one of the Three Elven rings of power. And is with the help of its power, she protects the realm of Lórien. However, Nenya is not the only magic at work here, and I think the ring works as an amplifier of Galadriel’s power (like the Mirror itself), and not as the actual “source”. And the protective spell around Lothlórien is something similar to Girdle of Melian, not only because of Nenya's presence, otherwise Galadriel wouldn’t be able to leave her kingdom, ever.

Praising Galadriel as “wise and fearless and fair,” Frodo offers to give the One Ring to her: “I will give you the One Ring, if you ask for it. It is too great a matter for me.”

This is the when Galadriel’s trial begins; she had the intention of test Frodo, and now she’s the one being tested.

Galadriel laughed with a sudden clear laugh. “Wise the Lady Galadriel may be,” she said, “yet here she has met her match in courtesy. Gently are you revenged for my testing of your heart at our first meeting. You begin to see with a keen eye. I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired to ask what you offer. For many long years I had pondered what I might do, should the Great Ring come into my hands, and behold! It was brought within my grasp. The evil that was devised long ago works on in many ways, whether Sauron himself stands or falls. Would that not have been a noble deed to set to the credit of his Ring, if I had taken it by force or fear from my guest?

“And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair! She lifted up her hand and from the ring that she wore there issued a great light that illumined her alone and left all else dark. She stood before Frodo seeming now tall beyond measurement, and beautiful beyond enduring, terrible and worshipful.

Then she let her hand fall, and the light faded, and suddenly she laughed again, and lo! She was shrunken: a slender elf-woman, clad in simple white, whose gentle voice was soft and sad. “I pass the test,” she says, “I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel.”

They stood for a long while in silence. At length the Lady spoke again. “Let us return!” she said. “In the morning you must depart, for now we have chosen, and the tides of fate are flowing.”

Let's go back to Galadriel’s “dark form”; both adaptations are similar and true to Tolkien’s words:

Sauron: Fair as the sea and the Sun. Stronger than the foundations of the earth [...] Not dark. Not with you at my side.

In place of a Dark Lord you shall have a Queen. Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn. Treacherous as the sea. Stronger than the foundations of the earth.

The detail that makes all the difference: Sauron proposal was to make her “a” queen, she’s the one who added him to the deal. They both agreed in placing crowns in each other’s heads.

And she wanted to take Sauron's offer, she craved what he offered her; as she confessed to Celebrimbor, in 2x07:

What prevented her from accepting in 1x08 wasn’t the “tyrant” bit, but believing him to be deceiving her, and his proposal being a mere illusion, and not honest. Because he's "the great deceiver" after all.

This is Galadriel’s true heart's desire. She craves this; ultimate power, and to be worshipped by everyone. That’s the reason why Sauron offered her this, in the first place, and why the One ring will give her the same temptation thousands of years later. Sauron has many glorious titles (“Lord of the Earth”; “Ruler of Middle-earth"; “God-king”, “King of Men”, “King of Kings”), and Galadriel wants them all for herself (“In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen”).

Sauron's offer will haunt her for thousands of years, because that’s what she truly wants, she's *that* power hungry, folks. For that D, too. And, in 2x08, what we saw was the beginning of Sauron’s grouping of Galadriel's mind, for centuries into the future, too:

[jujutsukgojo]

The Fourth Leg chapter 2

Summary: How it began.

tw: yandere, stalking, kidnapping, death, adult scenes/implied, violence, flashback scenes (a lot but that just happens), angst

an: this took me so long to edit omg.

Chapter one

------

       THEN

 Chrollo stands with his friends, his comrades in this endeavor for a safer Meteor City. The first one to arrive at the meeting is Uvogin, of course, then Phinks. Phinks combs his hair and yawns. “What’d ya plan this time, boss?”

  He’s decided to create a plan to steal a map. It’s going to be dangerous. However, he knows they can handle it. They are thieves and take what they please, especially if he commands it. Besides, they owe him. He hasn’t forgotten their stupid plan all those years ago and how innocent blood is splattered on everyone’s hands. Well, except for Phinks, he assumes.

  Even if all of these people argue with him about it, nothing can take away his satisfaction. Yesterday, he had the time of his life. Finally, after years of adoring and pining, he’s claimed you. Not as a friend whose heart already knew who it belonged to, but as a man and your boss. He’ll never forget it. He read so much on how to please and did it just for you. 

  It meant everything to get you to join and for you to submit to him. He, Chrollo Lucilfer, tamed you. Without violence or black mail. Just pure delight and passion. He’s taken your virginity that you so willingly gave to him in the house of mirrors, and greedily took all he could afford. Seeing your tears from your orgasms, how you tried to cling onto everything you could as he ravaged you, how amazing you felt, is something he’ll never forget. Such sweet cries and moans left you so tired. 

And God, how you taste is more addicting than any wine. More satisfying than any substance imagined. You will never deny him of that. Of all of this. He’s mapped you out and is determined to feel you clench around him again. How could he not? You were his the moment he met you. Everyone knew it except for you. He took you under his wing and protected you. Catered to your every whim and was patient beyond belief. 

  Now, he’s proven himself to you as a man. One that can hit the deepest part of you and make you shake and have your eyes roll. As your boss, one that you submit to, and only him. No worries, he’ll always treat you like a treasure that a dragon would cherish. After all this time he has wanted you. He has always been completely besotted with you. There is not a power or ant in the world to make him let you go. 

  You took him wonderfully and made him see heaven. A place he didn’t think he’d step foot in. Maybe you’re the way there. Every look you give, noise you make, your touch, the dreams you have, and your glorious taste, lets him know it's true. 

 He takes a deep breath to calm himself down at the memory of last night. The remaining bits of the Phantom Troupe come into the broken-down building. Some sit on debris, the others stand with their arms crossed. Recently, a new recruit has entered the fray, number eight. It’s a man of average height, thick wavy hair, and pure green eyes. He decided he was done with not fitting in with the world and joined. 

  Chrollo doesn’t know his nen ability. From the looks of things, he might be an emitter. He’ll give him one thing: number eight is smart by not telling him what his nen ability is. 

Chrollo hears the crunching and ruffling of a bag. He looks towards the noise and sees you come in. He can’t help but feel a smidge of pride when he sees your slight limp. No one knows what transpired between the two of you. So, maybe your dignity will be spared. 

   He can see their disappointment at your arrival. He shoots it down quickly. "Enough, she's part of the Spider now." His eyes never leave you. Machi asks how you're useful. You stick out your tongue and refuse to share your chips. Phinks groans at that and crosses his arms.

 “She’s the fourth leg.” He declares, clearing away the disappointment they have, especially when it's revealed that you're an exorcist. You look up at him with such pretty eyes. Do you know how beautiful you are? How cute you look right now, crunching on a bag of chips? Not to mention, you sat down next to him without complaint. You just automatically did it. Finally, you’ve realized you belong to him. His thoughts are interrupted by number eight. 

“Very nice.” Chrollo’s eyes flick over to him. The bastard’s head is cocked to the side and his fingers are on his chin, like he’s appraising you. Pakunoda nudges him and tells him to stop. The damage is already done. Chrollo will not tolerate this. 

  In due time, he’ll make an example of him. Not in front of you, of course. Chrollo would hate to scare you. So, he’ll wait. He has always been patient. 

________________

A few years later, Chrollo has once again come up with a plan. It all started with Sheila telling one of the members about the Kurta. As he is told, they are responsible for Sarasa’s death. Not only that, but they hold scarlet eyes which are one of the wonders of the world. You only heard the last part. You completely skipped over their alleged part of everyone’s dear friend’s demise. 

  Her name still causes soreness. Especially with you. Although you understand and have accepted that she is gone, it still hurts you. It was unexpected for Sarasa to end up the way she did. 

  Now is not the time to think about that. Especially when he welcomed you into his place after planning on making your favorites. Once, he had read that a date could be something simple, like cooking together. That was the plan. Dinner and a movie maybe trade the movie in with him reading to you. You always loved to hear him read.

    The two of you get your stomach full of mediocre food. The plainness of the dish was mainly because of Chrollo, he’d say. He’s studied up on cooking before and watched all of those channels but still cannot hold a candle to you. The two of you settled on a couch he stole a while back. You had sat on it one day and demanded to have it. Of course, he did as you wished. However, he put it in his house as an excuse for you to come over more often. It worked, surprisingly.

After getting cleaned up and a few more kisses, he tells you only a little about his gift. “Our next heist is going to give you something beautiful. Something you will really love. Are you excited?”

   You sleepily nod. He leans back, letting you snuggle to his chest. He wraps his arms around you like a lover would. No, he is your lover as you are his. Lately, the two of you have been doing things together a lot more. Just like a couple would.

  He rubs your back and speaks in a soft voice, “In order for it to succeed, I need your absolute cooperation, understand?” You nod. He can’t help but give you kisses wherever he can. He swears he hears you purr when you hug him back. He’s so happy. 

  The next day, the Spider leaves to find the Kurta. Everyone thinks it is the Scarlet Eyes he’s looking for, and while that is partially true, what he really wants is the Dark Sonata that the clan holds. It’s cursed, so you’ll need to purify it. Your gift will be beautiful and done masterfully. While Feitan’s beloved fancies odd gifts like flesh or appreciates whatever he finds, Chrollo doesn’t think you would like a random toe for a gift.

  To perform the most legendary music for you…the smile you’d have would be picture worthy. Something to belong in only the highest museum. 

   He’d have the Troupe play it since everyone has been told to take up an instrument. He told them that it’d help with their nen. In reality, they’ll play it for you. Your very own orchestra. Besides, they owe him. Forever, and always. He loves them dearly. They are his friends. 

  The elder meets him at the center of their settlement. The Kurta stands around, encircling them. Most are close to their homes, tents with blue fabric with Kurta clan symbols on it or the few buildings around with the same fabric draped on the stone.

They look nervously at the thirteen guests. 

Chrollo gives him a dazzling smile and kind eyes. He speaks to the elder calmly. The Kurta’s eyes widen with horror etched onto their faces. Chrollo knows you can’t hear what is being said since you are a bit farther away. You can’t tell that he is demanding their eyes and next will be something magnificent. The Head leans in and whispers to the elder, “Where is the Dark Sonata?”

“I’ll never say.” The elder shakily, and stubbornly, states. Chrollo hums and decides to perform. He loudly asks, “And why did you commit such a sin against Meteor City?”

  The members of the Troupe subtly look relieved. Had he been anyone else, it wouldn’t have been caught. Alas, he is a connoisseur of observing people. He loves to study them. Plus, he is familiar with his friends.

  “Boss, you really want those eyes, huh?” Nobunaga asks. Chrollo smiles. “Hm, among other things. Let us revel in their glory. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”

  “Chrollie…what are you talking about?” Your nervous and sweet voice, asks. “This is the job, darling. You have your role, and you’ll get to play. As long as the eyes shine bright.”

  You gasp in horror, your beautiful eyes round. “This is insane! Stop this right now!” Right when he thinks you’ve learned your place you retreat back into that attitude of yours. He takes a deep breath. “Enough! Just do your job.”

   The elder looks at you. Chrollo hates it. He cannot stand the compassion, the care, you have for this nobody. Why are your pretty eyes looking at this worm like that? He’s doing this for you. Getting the eyes for you to see and for the city to benefit from. Digging for the Dark Sonata for you to hear safely.

  The elder is about to speak when Chrollo interrupts. “Uvo.”

 Suddenly, Uvogin strikes one of the Kurta’s legs and reveals a woman’s red eyes from across them. She doesn’t hesitate to go to the fallen woman who cries for her missing legs. Right then, Uvogin gouges the Scarlet Eyes out. Number eight uses his nen to preserve them and places them in a jar. With a flick of his wrist, the rest of the members go on the attack. He turns his head slightly only to see you horrified and disgusted. You run to him, pulling on his arm, demanding him to stop this. Him, the Head, your boss, your lover. 

He jerks his arm out of your pleading hold. “Do as you are told.” 

  “You-thi-this is wrong! They haven’t done anything to us!” You see Machi begin to use her nen. “No!” You call out to her. You tug on him again and again. “Tell them to stop! This is evil, disgusting!”

  Irritation continues to grow heavier by the second.

  “Go and do your fucking job.” He points to a small group that is being guarded by two scared adults. The few children behind them don’t go unnoticed. “Don’t be this way, Chrollie. You're my friend. You can’t be this way.”

Friend.  Friend? After everything he’s done for you. Provided, protected, cared, loved? You let him make love to you and fuck your brains out when needed. You had him lavish you with everything you wished for. Reading to you in the dead of night when you couldn’t sleep. You let him vent with his head on your lap and listen to his ideas, just like he listens to yours. 

He gave himself to you. And he’s your friend? After the sin he committed and can’t forgive himself for, and done it for you?

  Darkness clouds his mind. He pushes you off of him. You land harshly on the dirt ground. He points to the exit of their little village. “Go and catch stragglers. Miss one, and you won’t get a head start.”

  You gasp and run. He remembers being this angry only twice. When you wanted to leave, and when Sarasa died. The only bright thing of that day was that number eight died and Chrollo let it happen. He couldn’t do it himself since the rule he placed for you. Members are not allowed to fight each other.

 The Phantom Troupe watched as number eight begged for help from a Kurta warrior, knowing better than to help him. 

  He admits that he began to get callous. Numb to the pain and had lessened his caring hold of you. He pinned a lot of responsibility on you now. Everyone was surprised at this new behavior. You took it in stride, though. Even as the two of you withdrew from each other, he wouldn’t let you get far. Him doing this was to discipline you. To let you have a taste of what he does for you. For you to once again trust him like you are supposed to. 

   Not long after, the two of you came across Silva Zoldyck. He knew you weren’t equipped to handle someone of this caliber, but he pushed anyway. He thought you trusted him enough to rely on him, to let him be the offense and you the defense. Then, the unthinkable happened. Stupidly, you ran right to Silva and attacked. 

  Chrollo held your dying form in his arms. He cried apologies and prayed every prayer in the good book. Nothing was working. He expected something to snap or crush. He has read that his heart should break and it to be literally felt. He expected a part of him to go with you. Instead, he started to feel whole. And he hates it. He feels the true burden of himself, something he assumes he split with you. There is no heated desire for vengeance or even death. 

  He feels…lost. There is no plan or even an identity, he thinks. Did it die with you? Did the compass of himself leave with you? The name you gave him, did you take it with you. That’s fine with him. His name is yours; he is yours. 

 He kisses you with tears streaming down his face, some landing on his lips and blending with yours. 

I love you, I love you. It was real, my love. No book in the world could ever describe it. Is this what it’s like for a soul to leave a body? To be a hollow shell for anything to fill in it, even the darkest of monsters. Or could this be what I was the whole time? 

Who gives a damn about the monsters even if they share his face? None of that matters now that you’re gone…you’re gone. You died. 

He squeezes you tighter, closer to him. He buries his face in the crook of your neck while your chest is pressed against his. If he was insane, he'd swear he could still feel your heartbeat. 

The members rushed to him and were shocked at your departure. He thought he’d hear their cheers or see smiles. Never would he have thought they would actually be saddened to a degree. Some more so than others. 

  Like a strike of lightning, a giant bright light brings its force. It’s a smaller version of what took you, he sees. It comes down and in a moment of reflex, Franklin yanks him away from your body. There is a rumble underneath their feet. Dust flies up and around the strike that makes a perfect, deep circle. It was aimed directly at the Troupe. Chrollo had looked at it and your body was gone. 

 He couldn’t even bury you. 

It was this event that completely changed Chrollo. Rather than the group staying together, they go their separate ways until he calls them, disappearing completely. Little do they know, he would frequent the places you loved most. That cottage that you and Chrollo would spend calm days, the meadow, Meteor City's library, and the church that the both of you grew up in. They are sacred places that he isn’t worthy of going to. They are practically holy, a place to cleanse a sinner such as himself.

--------

PRESENT

Here you are, sleeping like you didn’t run away from him. Your toes twitch and curl. You stretch your legs and yawn, slowly blinking awake. Chrollo sat in front of you, studying intently. After your betrayal, he’ll never admit to how you look like a cute cat. No, that’d only lead you to believe that you have a hold on him. And that, you will never have again. 

  The more he studies your face, the more he tries not to laugh at the situation. The whole thing is absurd. To think, he only discovered that you were alive is because of that Zoldyck kid. The little menace was teasing them about letting a spider slip. No one could figure out what he meant until Chrollo was abducted. He didn't have a plan and didn't inform the rest of them why they were rampaging that quaint village. He was just focused on the truth and the possibility of your existence. 

   Your eyes flutter open and focus on him. “C-Chrollo?”

It only takes a few seconds for you to understand the situation. His intentions, beliefs, and your place. You were right before. Number four is taken. As well as eight. Now, the other numbers of the members lost are filled as well. Have you figured out that there is no room for you? That this cushy bed is temporary?

  Do you remember the hours before you fainted? He does. That and all of the memories he has of you. 

  You take a few deep breaths. “What’s going to happen to me?” He stands and looks down at you. Your eyes remain on the ground. He hates that. Worst of all, he hates that

------

THEN

   He walks in the church with another basket of flowers. He hears Father Rizole talk to a nun around the corner. Before he can even make out what they’re saying, he sees a little girl stand next to the priest. Fists balled, eyes red, and surprisingly, in decent clothes. You can’t be from here. Not when you have name brand shoes that fit perfectly, and a hair that looks properly taken care of. Plus, you have a healthy structure. 

  With you in front of the window, the sun shines behind you, creating a halo. He can’t help but stare. Is this how the outside looks? Like angels? You have to be a little younger than him. But is it possible that someone young can be a wrathful angel? There’s no way you’re not one. Not with how fires burn in your eyes and the glow of your skin looking heavenly.

  Unable to stop, Chrollo walks towards you with sweaty palms. His basket suddenly feels heavier the closer he gets. He gulps as he stands right in front of you. Your eyes remain low, like you don’t even register him. 

  “My name is Chrollo. What’s yours?” His voice is shaky. You don’t answer much to his dislike. Father Rizole speaks. “This is (Y/n) (L/n), a new resident. (Y/n) has only been here for a few days. I haven’t gotten around to giving a tour. Actually, Chrollo, will you watch (Y/n) for a moment? Maybe look around the church.” 

  Chrollo’s eyes light up at the proposition even though he wonders if the priest is lying about something. “I’d love to! Leave it to me!” Father Rizole presses his hand on your upper back and gives you a slight push to Chrollo. “Here, look around. Meet some friends. You know what? I bet you can use a snack. How about that?”

  “I’ll take (Y/n) to the kitchen!” He’s excited. Not only can he hang out with you but you can share a snack. “Sarasa made some cookies with Sister Mary. Find her and have fun!”

  Father Rizole asks to speak to the nun in private. She hurries away with one last slightly scared look at you. They leave you to Chrollo’s charge. “We’re going to have a lot of fun, okay? I’ll show you everything.” He tries to grab your hand but you yank it away. He doesn’t like that at all. His eye twitches a little. Especially since you still won’t look at him. 

  The two of you still haven’t found Sarasa with the cookies. Truly, Chrollo is starting to feel a little embarrassed. Here he is saying you can have cookies and he can’t provide them. “H-hey, I’ll show you one of my favorite spots. It’s safe so don’t worry.”

  He guides you to a meadow of the same wild flowers he carries in his basket. Your eyes are still to the ground, not taking in its beauty. He’s twitching again. 

  “Why won’t you look? Can you not see?” His voice raises when he doesn’t mean too. Before he can say anything else, you plop to the ground. He gasps and tends to you. “Are you okay?” 

  There’s a heaviness in the pit of his stomach and a fear of you being hurt. “I-I’ll get a grown up!” 

You sniffle. He waits to see what you’ll do next. Again, you sniffle and start to shake. “Y-you’re crying…are you okay?”

“I’m not crying! I don’t cry!” You yell as you shed tears. You finally look at him. “I don’t cry. I don’t care! I’m not…not…” You struggle to speak. Your eyes widen in surprise when you touch your face.  You throw yourself on Chrollo, with your head on his chest. He instinctively wraps his arms around you as you wail. “I-I don’t know!” 

You struggle with articulating your feelings, opting to scream, cry, and smack his chest instead. He knows you aren’t meaning to hurt him which is why they don’t. 

  He pets your hair that is decorated with barrettes. You smell and feel nice. “It’ll be okay. I’ll protect you. We’ll have lots of fun too.” He pats your back. After a bit, you calm down and are back to sniffling and heavy breaths. He takes some flowers and puts them in the hair between the barrettes. 

“Am I pretty?” You touch the flowers in your hair gently. The look on your face is so innocent and vulnerable. He wants to cradle and protect it forever. He gives you a warm smile and with pure honesty, he confesses, “The mostest. Nothing compares.”

  Sarasa appears with a plate of cookies. “Father Rizole said you were looking for me?” 

-----

   PRESENT

“Get that fake look off your face.” He cuts through with a tongue as sharp as a knife. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Reluctantly, you do. “Do you understand your place?”

  You close your eyes for a second. “Not in the Spider. It’s filled.” He hums in affirmation. “So, where do you go?”

“The grave?” You sound too hopeful for his liking. He gets up from the chair and grabs your face. His eye twitches slightly, a dead giveaway of his anger. “That’s too sweet, isn’t it? Too poetic.” 

  “Chrollo, please let me go. It’s time, Chrollo.” He is a master at masking his emotions. Someone who had lost himself enough to fit any puzzle piece needed for a mission. For Neon, he just needed a mask that barely required effort. It was a person who he created for someone as naive as Neon. Over time, he has been able to handle so many personalities. He’s trained to keep emotions inside. Ha, leave it to you to rip that away.

   He starts to shake in anger at the audacity of not only you and your question, but his reaction. His heart had hurt at the thought of you leaving again. Images of the day he lost you do nothing but run wild. The day he met you to the last, to the present, all rush before him. 

   When your body disappeared, he thought of where he’d put your memory. It didn’t take long to think of the meadow. Where he put flowers in your hair, calmed you down, the place where you first hugged him and cried into his chest and was unable to fully articulate your emotions about your asshole parent. He went to the meadow and created a small shrine in your honor, right where you first hugged him. 

  It was the right thing to do. The perfect place, one that no one has visited in a while. He regretted that immensely. 

   He lets your face go. With a low voice he declared, “Darling, you will never leave me again.” 

  You begin to sink at his words, fists balling against the bare mattress. 

-------

THEN

“Chrollo, I have to go sometime.” He doesn’t like this. Lately, you’ve grown into that phase of wanting to explore. Talking of how life is outside, away from the city. You remember some of it and long for its familiarity. Years ago, Chrollo had been fascinated by it. It was one of the reasons he was so drawn to you. 

  “Not alone.” He says with finality. His words cause you to glare at him. “You don’t tell me what to do. I’ll go as I please. I’m practically an adult!”

  You're fourteen, the same age he was when he created the Spider. He clenches his fist. “You’re fourteen! That’s a child.”

“Oh, look at you! You murdered countless people since you were eleven and created your little clique when you were fourteen. All I want is to go home!” 

  He slams his fist down on the table. Clearly, you force yourself not to jump. “That’s different! And this is your home!” 

He can tell you didn’t like that one bit. You point around the area. “I am not from this God forsaken place. This is not my home or my people.” 

  “This is your home. You are staying!” He shouts. He’s never raised his voice at you before.  Your eyes widen for a split second then fill with determination. 

  “No, I’m not. You can’t tell me what to do. You're making it seem like a bad thing. Whi le I just want to go home, you and your posse run havoc and ruin everything! What’s so wrong with me going home?”

  The Phantom Troupe is his sensitive spot, and you know it. Yet you deliberately push it every single time just to hurt him. Chrollo is weak for you, he admits it and everyone knows it. Despite his love, there is an anger that brews inside him wanting to lash out. Degrading the spider is not allowed, you leaving is definitely off the table. Finally, he lets a tiny bit of that venom out for you to feel.

He leans in close to you, not breaking eye contact. 

“Do you expect them to just open their arms to you? That doesn’t happen! You’ll die out there. And you think you’re ready for them, ha! You look for validation and throw a tantrum when it’s not given. How far do you think that will get you, huh? No one will care.”

He’s breathing heavy, panicking at the image of your back turned, leaving the city limits. He sees you live a life of poverty again or worse, a life without him. Marrying someone, having children, a cat and dog, and living in a house. He doesn’t see himself in these scenarios. It’s driving him mad with rage. 

Look at him. Look at him! Stop looking down!

 Your body starts to shake. Your head hasn’t lifted to face him since he spoke. When it does, he immediately regrets his wish. 

  Filled with hurt, you strike back. “At least I know what things are without having to read about it! Experience them without stalking people! I know who I am and don’t depend on a book to find the answer,” You rub your eyes. “But I have a name! I’m not staying here and wasting it anymore.” 

  You run away from Chrollo who stands stiff. He didn’t mean to make you cry. He was just mad that you thought of leaving. Your words hurt a lot, but nothing compared to the knowledge that he made you cry. 

   Much to his dismay, you don’t talk to him. In fact, you avoid him all together. 

At least that thought of you leaving left your mind. 

Over the course of a few years, you avoided him and didn’t talk to him. He had to watch you from the sidelines, growing and learning. He wanted to help you read and do math. Proving him wrong every time you did it. Chrollo, thankfully, got a nen ability that allowed him to be invisible. He’d watch you closely, seeing how much you followed Father Rizole and his studies. 

  You even took up various weaponry since you still had pent up aggression. Father Rizole was hesitant at first lest you aim at someone who annoyed you. Chrollo supported your hobby wholly. He went directly to Father Rizole and encouraged the priest to allow it. Chrollo even provided the equipment, unbeknownst to you.

  The old priest wondered how he knew but Chrollo managed to convince him that he had heard through the grapevine and that people marveled at your talent. Upon hearing this, the caring priest caved. Despite everything, the children of Meteor city were like his own, including the Troupe and you. 

  After your training and studies, you go to your room and throw yourself on the bed. Chrollo managed to sneak in just in time. Suddenly, the most shocking thing happened. 

  You’re touching yourself. Your hands slip under your shirt. He sees your hands move and massage your chest. By the expression on your face, something soft and curious, you’re beginning to like it. Who did this to you? A rageful red is all he can see now. 

Right before you can explore further, you gasp at the knock at the door. 

The same day, he heads to the books, trying to calm himself down. Remaining on the sidelines and respecting your space was not the right move. Or perhaps it was, and he just let it go on for too long. Not when someone is latching on to you, making you feel things you shouldn't. As angry as that thought makes him, he couldn't just go up and demand for you to return to him. So, he figured it was best to look in a book for some kind of answer. 

The book had an excellent plot with a sweet side of romance. He studies it closely. He’s seen it in movies and plays, but books just explain it better. None of the characters share similarities with you. He can become and act like any of these people. You, however, are an immovable force of nature. They do not compare to you. 

  Book after book after book, shows nothing that you’d accept. What’s he going to do? After looking at the sky, Chrollo remembers what you had said.

“At least I know what things are without having to read about it! Experience them without stalking people! I know who I am and don’t depend on a book to find the answer,”

That’s right. He can’t go to a book for this. Getting you can’t be written unless in the stars. However, he’s experienced this before. Knowing who you are and what love is.  He perks his head up. The meadow. How he put flowers in your hair after comforting you. He closes whatever book that was and puts it with the twenty others he was reading to study.

  He asks Father Rizole your whereabouts. “Last I know, she was talking to Ray.” 

  Is that the one who made you desperate? On your bed, touching places you wished were caressed by someone else? Schooled in controlling his expressions, Father Rizole doesn’t know any different. Chrollo excuses himself and gives a lame excuse of why he asked. 

 Once he leaves, he sets out to find Ray. From what he remembers, Ray was an average looking boy who, in Chrollo’s opinion, was annoying. He chewed and slurped too loud, his laugh was obnoxious and for some reason, felt the need to always be right even when wrong. Chrollo distinctly remembers how Ray talked to you when you were younger. He was always flirtatious and tried to get close to you. So, in a dubbing performance when Chrollo played a villain, he looked directly at Ray through it all. Apparently, Chrollo was terrifying at that moment.

   By luck, he spots Ray blushing. The boy doesn’t notice the predator yet. The one who's eying every move Ray makes, waiting to strike.

“Chrollo? Is that you?”

He smiles and walks towards Ray, whose eyes are big. The Troupe has a reputation that has reached many ears. No doubt that is the reason for Ray’s nervous behavior. 

  “How have you been?” The boy nervously laughs. “Uh, good. Y-you? Y’know, besides the killing and stuff.” 

  “I’ve been fine. Actually, I need your help.” 

Ray squeaks and backs away. “No, Ray. Not like that. It’s for more personal matters. Man to man.”

   He visibly starts to relax around Chrollo the more the latter talks. “So, do you think white flowers will do?”

  “Hm, I like red better.” Chrollo nods his head, taking in this information. “And your beloved?”

“I-I, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ray’s cheeks are red. Chrollo chuckles, “Come on, I’ve heard some things. Tell me about it. It’ll make me feel more comfortable making my move.”

  “Oh, well, I haven’t asked (Y/n) out yet.” Chrollo pats Ray on the back a little too harshly. “Why don’t you? I mean, she’s here, right?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t know…”

“Go for it. You helped me a lot.” 

“Alright, I will! If she says yes…where would I even take her? It’s not like Meteor City has a lot to offer.” Chrollo has his arm around Ray’s shoulders. 

“Where else? There’s a meadow not too far from here. There are lots of flowers there. Just tell her you’ll meet her there. She’ll love it.”

  “Thanks, Chrollo!” He practically skips away, heading to you. 

“Tell me how it goes!” Chrollo calls out and gives him a thumbs up. Now, all he has to do is wait. Chrollo leans against the wall with his arms crossed. No one is around in the halls. He cracks his neck and sighs, taking in the few rays of the sun that peek through the windows. Ray soon runs back to him with a wide smile on his face. 

  “She said yes! She’ll be there this afternoon. I couldn’t have done it without you, Chrollo.” 

  “No, no. You did this yourself. Just needed a little push. Hey, do you know where the meadow is exactly?”

  “Um, it’s-”

“Towards the forest. Just go west, a few feet in. It’ll be paradise.” 

This scene feels so familiar. 

Chrollo sits in the meadow, taking in the scent of the wildflowers. He hears footsteps and already knows who it is. He calms his heartbeat and looks to the source of the noise.  You say nothing. Even though it eats at him, he takes you acknowledging his existence as a win. 

Play it cool, play it cool. 

   “Hi, (Y/n).” His voice gives a slight crack. Dear God, he must sound lame.

   “Hello, Lucilfer.” Your voice is as sweet as honey though your tone is slightly bitter. Your use of his last name stings a little but is softened when he remembers that you’re the one who gave him that name years ago.

“How have you been?” His legs lay long and unbothered, and he rests on his hands. He hopes he looks calm, maybe even suave. He’s matured in these few years despite his voice cracking a few seconds ago. 

“You can’t be here. I have a date.” You continue to stare down at him with indifference. 

“A date? With whom?” Your face remains the same. “With Ray. Leave.” Chrollo in the nick of time, stops his facade of nonchalance from cracking. “Well, if that’s the case, I’ll leave.”

  Your eyebrows raise at his willingness.

The moon has come out and the sun is gone. There are no stars above, just clouds. Lightning bugs float around to make up for those lost twinkles in the sky. Chrollo then makes his move. “How’d it go?”

“Shut up, Lucilfer.” 

“Damn…that badly? What happened? Did he do something?” Chrollo’s voice raises in concern despite the fact he knew good and damn well nothing happened. 

  You mumble something incoherent. “What?” Chrollo walks a little closer. When you fall to your knees, he’s next to you in an instant. “No! What’s wro-”

“He didn’t show up!” You yell with tears running down your face, illuminated by the moonlight. “So, there! Laugh it up! You were right.”

  Chrollo’s is now confused and worried. He doesn’t like you crying. He hates to see you sad. 

“You said no one would care and you were right. So, laugh! I know you want to!” He’s genuinely taken back. He didn’t remember saying that at all. His shoulders drop. So, this is what’s wrong...

  “I care about you. I want you. He might not see you, but I do. Do you understand? I want you.” Your lip wobbles just before you throw yourself on him, cuddling to his chest, just like the first time. This time, he feels more capable. 

   He lets you cry it out. He decides to apologize. “I’m sorry for saying that. I’m just a big dummy.”

You cry for several minutes. Finally, you settle for sniffles. “Here, these will make you happy.”  Chrollo puts wildflowers in your hair. He doesn’t go near the red ones. 

  You gently touch them, tears drying on your face. “Does it look good?”

“Gorgeous.”  You’re not leaving him again. 

----

  PRESENT

Much to your reluctance, he drags you out of the room. Your bare feet skid along the wooden floor, trying to resist his pull. This only makes him tug harder. You wince and lessen your fight.  

  Chrollo sees you look around, taking it all in. He has a more modern taste that is complete with an extensive library. You were always one to throw in some kind of weird decoration for it to not look so ‘bland’. That’s what you wanted. He preferred to have simplicity and elegance. 

 You say nothing as he continues to lead you out of a bedroom and land in the foyer. “Where are we going?” 

   “Down memory lane.” He opens a green portal from his book. It rotates like a flipping coin.

  “Do you remember this?” He’s holding your hand, guiding you through the carnival. It looks the same as it did last time. Even the night sky looks similar. The stars still shine and twinkle as they did before. The cotton candy vendor is different, but it’s made the same way. The elephant ears are still bigger than a human’s head. Laughing families are still joyous and oblivious to the monster with a book.

 “What about this?” He brings you to that damn roller coaster. He notices how your legs rub together ever so slightly. You probably don't even realize that you did it. “I’ve seen better.” 

  He clutches your hand tighter. “How about here? Have you seen better?” He guides you into the house of mirrors. The place where you lost your virginity. The blue striped building still looks the same and is still barely used. Back then, he made sure to make the experience special for you even if it happened in the heat of the moment. Not just because of the pact that was cemented, but because it was you. 

His tone is bitter after the memory of your legs wrapped around him and the understanding he had. At the time, he could feel the promise of him being your only. Until he found out that you gave yourself to another. Like it all meant nothing. As if you giving him a name meant nothing. As if he meant nothing. 

You gave him his last name. Before that, he didn’t have one. Here you came into his bleak life and lightened it up with an identity. A compass on the open ocean and a light in the darkest of tunnels. Apparently to you none of it matters.

  Chrollo wears a smile. “I haven’t been here in years. You?” 

“I haven’t either, Lucilfer.” Although you named him, it stung that you don’t address him properly. A nickname he never wanted to stop hearing. 

   “You sure? You didn’t fuck anyone else in here?” You gasp a little. “No. Even if I did, it’s none of your business.”

  He clutches your hand tighter. “Let us reminisce then, dearest.” 

  The two of you waltz in the house of mirrors. The glass is confusing, and the lighting gives an eerie feel. It’s brighter than last time. “What’re we doing in here anyway?”

  “Showing you what you left. Do you remember the fun we had over the years? The passion?”

“I remem-” You stop talking when you hear rattling. “Keep your voice down, someone else is here.” You warn.

  “Are you scared, my darling?” He notices that you hold his hand closer to you. “No! I can take care of myself just fine. I’m embarrassed. Here you are talking about old shit and someone can hear!”

  “Old shit…” He whispers. You nod. Suddenly, the noise gets closer until you see a familiar blond head. “Kurapika!” 

  Your eyes light up when you see him, the red eyed killer. His eyes are the purest form of the color. Filled with rage and wrath in them, they glow. Before you can even take a step forward, Kurapika launches his attack. Brutal chains race towards you with the intent to kill and scare. You don’t even realize it, Chrollo notes. 

  “(Y/n)!” He grabs you one handedly to dodge it. You are in his right arm, shocked and heartbroken. “Pika…”

   The boy you took care of shouts obscene things at you. Chrollo growls and puts you behind him protectively. “(Y/n), run away!”

  “No! Are you joking? I’m not leaving.” You shout back. Kurapika runs towards you, ready to attack again. “Kurapika, kid, please just list-”

  Chrollo once again picks you up and takes you out of the house. The beach is calm and void of people. He puts you down far enough to where he thinks you’ll be safe. “Stay here!”

  “Chrollo, please, don’t kill him!” You sit on the cool sand illuminated by the moonlight. You grab his hand and plead. 

  “After this? After Paku and Uvo?” You nod. “Please, that…that’s my boy.” Your body is shaking not from fear, but from disorientation as the killer runs out of the building and spots you. Your lip wobbles and Chrollo leans down and touches your cheek. 

 “I’ll try to avoid it. But love, if it can’t be helped, please forgive me.”

   A tear slides down your cheek. He wipes it away and faces the furious Kurapika who has yet to address you with manners. That alone is reason enough for death. Chrollo opens his book, pretending not to notice your flinch. He flips through the pages, dodging every chain the boy sends. 

   It’s a fight that rivals the Zoldyck’s. The one where he thought of you when Silva launched his nen ability directly at him and Silva’s father, Zeno. Chrollo at the time had wondered what you were thinking when it happened to you. How funny is it that you were alive and well the whole time?

  None of the boy’s chains touch him. He gets closer and closer to the blond. Every kick and twist the boy sends is futile. Chrollo has years of experience on him. 

  Sand lifts up from one of the kid’s kicks. The sand blocks the view momentarily then shows the boy on the ground once it settles. Chrollo’s book flips the page when the scarlet eyes try to raise up again. 

  “Chrollo, no!” You scream. The fight was happening so fast, and you were so confused that you didn’t act or even process it. You run towards them to separate it. “Please, please, he’s just a kid! He’s mad and scared-”

  You finally realize why the boy is on the ground. There is a big gash on his side. A wound so deep that allows blood to soak the earth. “N-no…” 

  You try to touch him but you’re panicking. Chrollo can see your eyes widen and your pupils dilate. Never has he seen you so scared, delirious even. It breaks his heart. 

   “Love, breathe, breathe.” He calmly encourages. You take little breaths. “W-why? How could you?”

“I’ll fix it. Tell me how. I need to know.”

“I can do it!” You try to push his hand away. He sighs and shakes his head no. “You can’t stop shaking. Please, let me help you.”

  You explain it the best you can. Chrollo watches as you stutter and stumble over your words. It isn’t much but it’ll do. “I don’t understand fully. Show me!”

 "Stop fucki-stop screaming!" Your eyes flick over the boy's body repeatedly. Chrollo can see it in your eyes that you are drifting as you make eye contact with the boy's scarlet eyes.

Chrollo's eye twitches. "(Y/n)!" 

  There’s an urgency in his voice once the blond kid’s breathing becomes ragged. "I’m a-an exorcist not a healer. Oh God, what if I can’t-” 

“Try your best, my love.” He kisses the side of your head and rubs your back. Your eyes are still fearful and shocked despite his efforts. Finally, your hand is out, and you whisper words that only the chanter and nen itself can understand. A symbol displays itself on the ground, surrounding the bloody young man on the ground. 

Then it immediately stops. All of it does. Not only does your technique leave you, but the image of the teen disappears. There is no blood, no death before you. Only Chrollo Lucilfer and a guy with an undercut. 

  “Kurapika? Kurapika!” You search the sand in the spot he was laying on. You mutter his name repeatedly. You look up and study the guy before you.

  He can see you recognize him: Milluka Zoldyck. With a handy ability to give illusions. It’s an odd choice for a Zoldyck, especially one that never leaves the house. The young man laughs at you and your devastation. There's a flame in Chrollo's chest that is too familiar as he watches you be laughed at. 

   “Thank you for your service.” Chrollo says. Milluka doesn't have time to respond when a gun conjures in Chrollo’s hand. He fires without hesitancy or remorse. The guy falls down with a look of betrayal. Although Milluka had a handy technique, he wasn't worth anything. 

   Chrollo turns around to look at you. To his surprise, you are on your back with your arm over your eyes, weeping. You were so caught up in the scarlet eye boy that you didn’t notice anything off. You couldn’t even control yourself from meeting his conditions. Him questioning it and your answer, then having to witness your nen ability. That went according to plan, but the kicker is that you touched his book on accident. You were so distressed that you didn't realize your hand landed directly on it when you went to the boy's side. 

  Distracted and careless is what you are. He taught you better than that. “(Y/n), get up.” His voice is colder now, more commanding than it had been seconds ago. 

You don’t get up or even look at him. Your arm is still over your eyes, only letting tears flow. “Let me go.”

  He grabs the sides of your face, pulling you up. “I did what I had to do. The house of mirrors was just to remind you.”

   “Of what?” You whisper. He can see the despair in your eyes. 

   “Of us. Of the lengths I will go for it. Your nen means nothing to me. That boy is nothing. You my love, my dear,” 

  He places a kiss with each word. “My heart,”

“My compass,” He presses his forehead to yours, his hands still holding on. “My very soul. You are everything to me and I will not lose you again.”

 You sob. “You’re insane…where’s the boy I once knew? How did you end up this way?” You try to separate yourself from him. His hands shake your head a little.

 With a hiss, Chrollo clears, “I was always this way.”   

[unrealisticlea]

Remembering 911 is a drama first and a procedural second and they love putting couples through hell before giving them a happy ending, here's my realistic bucktommy arc for season 8a. It’s gonna feel very slow because I’m taking into account that there are emergencies, 6 other characters, Tommy’s not a main, and maybe there’ll be some work related storylines for Buck.

The first three episodes are the big emergency. But Buck's distracted. He keeps checking his phone, at some point he refuses to go on a call because he received the news about an aviation incident (it's the Athena's one, Tommy's not involved whatsoever). The Big Call with all those firehouses involved starts and on the scene Eddie has to save Buck's life from something falling because Buck got distracted because he saw a hat with 217 on it on the ground and started panicking (Eddie screams "Buck what the hell!!!" and he goes "sorry, I thought..." and trails off). The Big Call ends and Buck reunites with Tommy and acts like he thought he was dead and starts touching him everywhere and frantically saying "I was so worried, I'm so glad you're okay" and Tommy hugs him but he looks kinda confused.

At the end of episode 3 or in episode 4 Buck and Tommy are on a date at Buck's place but Buck doesn't look at Tommy and Tommy tries to engage him but Buck's very quiet. And Tommy asks "are you okay?" and he says "yeah" but he's still quiet.

And that's when Buck pulls an Ali. Well, he doesn't have the time to pull an Ali because Tommy suddenly looks very sad and in a very monotone voice says "let me guess. Dating a firefighter is harder than you thought. It's messing with your head and you aren't sure you can deal with it" and Buck feebly says "if I'm distracted on the job, people die. I'm so sorry".

And Tommy just starts collecting his things (he has an overnight bag) and not looking at Buck he says "it's okay. You're not the first person who doesn’t feel like dating a firefighter. You know that.” and he sounds mad and sad and keeps moving like he can’t get out of there fast enough.

Buck follows him looking desperate and asks “can we still be friends?” and they are in front of the door at this point and that’s when Tommy finally looks at him in the eyes and says “No Evan…Buck. I’m sorry but I’m not friends with people I’m in love with”. And Buck kinda smiles even though there are tears in his eyes and goes “You’re in love with me?” and Tommy nods and answers “Yeah. Too bad that doesn’t change anything.” and closes the door behind him.

We have 3-4 episodes with other storylines and we don’t deal with the break up at all. We’re only reminded in passing. There’s a scene in one episode where Chimney says “Buck, stop moping about Tommy and come help” and another one where Eddie says “if it makes you feel any better, I don’t think he left his couch for anything except work” and Buck says “it makes me feel worse but thanks”.

Than in episode 8/9 we finally have the conversation with Maddie. Buck says “I don’t know how you do it. Seeing Chim leave every morning knowing he might not come back. You are so much stronger than I am, Maddie”. And Maddie answers “It’s terrifying but the alternative is not seeing him at all and that’s even scarier”.

And Buck looks pensive and then admits “I thought breaking up with Tommy was gonna make me feel better but now I’m still worried about him and I can’t even text him to asks if he’s alright. It’s hell.”. And Maddie says “Evan. You’re the one who taught me that sometimes staying with someone who loves you instead of running is the scariest thing you can do but it’s so worth it.” But Buck looks unconvinced.

The choice is taken out of his hands. Because 1 or 2 episodes later, in the last episode before the hiatus multiple times during the episode we see Buck taking out his phone and hovering on Tommy’s name in his contacts or in his messages. He finally calls in the last minute of the episode. We hear the “This is Tommy Kinard, please…” but it’s interrupted by the firehouse alarm ringing and the announcement system saying that Harbor Station requested back up because a chopper went down.

[sapphire-weapon]

Up to this point in SW, Ada's exposure to Leon has been:

Seeing him during the village fight and then ringing the bell for him

Seeing him getting choked out by Mendez, then watching him stumble his ass over to the gate, unlock it, and head back towards the village

Luis's radio call to him at the start of his castle section

Their very first scene together in his campaign

The "babysitting's tough, huh?" conversation

Seeing him run over to a dying Luis

The "I guess you're not heartless" conversation

That's it.

So, let's explore Ada's feelings as she goes through Separate Ways with regards to Leon, Ashley, and herself.

The very first time Ada hears Leon's voice, it's him teasing Ashley with:

"I wanted to go home, but Ashley had to see this castle first."

The very first time Ada speaks to Leon herself, the first expression of emotion he shows is when she tells him to leave Ashley behind -- and it's anger at her.

The very first time Ada sees Ashley in person, it's this moment ^^^ in the shots.

This is what I mean by SW making the main campaign feel like "The Leon and Ashley Show" from Ada's perspective. Of those seven encounters, four of them have been about Ashley. In fact, the only conversations that Leon and Ada have had up to this point have been about Ashley.

And this happens over and over and over and over again. Ada can't seem to catch Leon at all without Ashley also being in the picture in some way. The boat scene is literally the only conversation they have or moment they share where Ashley doesn't come up at all.

This is what I mean when I say that SW feels like Ada's being forced to bear witness to what her relationship with Leon could have been in Raccoon City if only she'd been honest and genuine with him up front.

The point of having Ada listen in on the "Ashley had to see the castle" line was so that she became aware of what the relationship between Leon and Ashley was actually like. It isn't just business between them; it's warm and playful.

And Ada rejects that, at first. She outright denies it to herself. That's what's really at the heart of her telling Leon to leave Ashley behind -- because Ada, at first, almost doesn't confront Leon at all. She damn near leaves the room before he walks in, but then she thinks better of it at the very last second.

The full line of dialogue of:

"Leave the girl. She's lost no matter what. You walk away now, and who knows? Maybe you'll live to meet me again. And then I might get you that 'greeting' you were looking for."

immediately follows her openly hitting on him ("Not a bad move. Very smooth."), to which he has no reaction. And so she gets more explicit with him. Let's break it down:

"Leave Ashley. She's not important. If you leave her, you'll finally get to have me. That's what you really want, right?"

That's why her actual line isn't framed as a warning. She doesn't double down on it when Leon pushes back on it; her response is: "Right. How about we continue this discussion another time?" It's not about Ashley turning or not turning -- it's not about Leon saving her. It's about Ada offering herself and then feeling "what the fuck" about it when the offer is refused.

But she still denies it to herself. That's why her follow-up line of dialogue once she jumps out of the window is a very coy "See you around, Leon." She still isn't ready to accept that she's been replaced as the focus of his attention and affection -- hence the pettiness of her "Babysitting's tough, huh?" line.

Her attitude only starts to change after Luis's death -- when his dying wish is for her to help Leon. So, Ada puts her pettiness aside and switches from demeaning and belittling Ashley to referring to her as "your friend" instead. It shows a degree of respect while still removing the overt affection from the equation.

But then Krauser runs off with Ashley. Leon's anger boils over, and he shoots Salazar in the face. And now, Ada's reaction is:

But when she finds him right on her heels because he's that fucking pissed and that fucking determined to go after Krauser for Ashley's sake, it still catches her by surprise. It speaks to the depth of Leon's concern and affection for Ashley.

Once again, it reaffirms that Ashley's not just a mission objective to Leon. It's personal, for him.

This leads directly into the boat scene, where Ada tells Leon that his greatest strength is still the love and compassion he has for other people...

... though it's not as if he hears her at all.

The next time Ada sees or hears from Leon, it's her walking in on the "for Luis" scene.

Even though Capcom went out of their way to make sure that Leon and Ashley didn't hold hands because they didn't want people to ship them, because, as we all know, holding hands is a universal sign of romance so that's exactly what they were talking about for sure and hi I'm twelve years old and I don't know how exaggerated anecdotes work what is this? anyway so Leon and Ashley hold hands in this scene even though that's not what Capcom wanted

I mean

Along with the pep talk scene, this is the most intimate scene in the game. Ada is intruding on a very private, vulnerable moment between Leon and Ashley that ends in a promise:

"For Luis."

This is Ada's affirmation that Luis wasn't jerking her around -- he was being genuine about wanting to help Leon and Ashley, and now they're committed to honoring his memory and granting him his dying wish.

And Ada's pettiness finally melts away -- at least, for a time. They have their way of honoring Luis, so now it's time for her to do it her way.

Suddenly, Leon and Ashley's closeness doesn't matter to her anymore -- because it's not about them, and it's not about her. It's about Luis.

Walking out of the comms facility, she hears Ashley successfully fighting off Saddler. Interesting framing here with the jet ski in the foreground.

But interestingly, Ada's focus doesn't fall to her.

There's actually not a single moment in this game where Ada says Ashley's name out loud. Ashley is either "her" or "the girl" or "the president's daughter." No matter how far she comes in this, Ada still can't let go of that last little bit of pettiness. It's still personal for her, and the only reason why Ada helps Ashley at all is because it also helps Leon, which in turn honors Luis.

So, she does do it.

But not for Ashley's sake.

And she isn't about to go out of her way, either.

And then we reach the apex of it all.

Ashley's watching Leon's fight with Saddler with her hands clasped against her chest as though in prayer, as embers float around her like fireflies. This is overtly romantic imagery. I've said this before but: this is so romantic in its imagery and symbolism that it's just straight up on the level of Final Fantasy nonsense.

And not only is Ada forced to reckon with that, but the first and only thing out of Ashley's mouth to her is an order. Not a request. Not a plea. An order.

And all Ada can say in return is:

"On it."

She's lost this fight.

Leon and Ashley (and Luis, to an extent) are a team, and Ada isn't part of that team. She sees it in this moment. Ashley is so comfortable in her place at Leon's side that Ada is a non-factor in the equation all together. That's why she wasn't in the lab with them. Ada acted as Luis's substitute, but in the lab, he was still with them.

"All of this -- removing the parasites -- this was Luis?" "Yeah. We're alive thanks to him."

The matching scars that Leon and Ashley end up with as a result of their radiation surgery are different from the matching scars that Leon and Ada have.

Leon and Ada's scars are a symbol that they once carried the same consequences born of the same mistakes.

Leon and Ashley's scars are a symbol that they once carried each other.

And that’s a huge fucking difference.

Ada feels that difference in that moment.

There is no "Who was that woman, anyway?" "She's like a part of me I can't let go" in this version of the story, because Leon has long since let her go.

And so her pettiness comes back. At the very end, she shoots her final shot:

It's a bookend for and a direct callback to what we were talking about earlier:

"Leave the girl. She's lost no matter what. You walk away now, and who knows? Maybe you'll live to meet me again. And then I might get you that 'greeting' you were looking for."

which really meant:

"Leave Ashley. She's not important. If you leave her, you'll finally get to have me. That's what you really want, right?"

and led into:

"Right. How about we continue this discussion another time?"

She's ready to continue the discussion. One last ditch effort to see if all love is lost between them.

Leon's answer is very clear.

The Leon and Ashley Show isn't over, but Ada's role in it is.

Which leaves her to wonder who and what, exactly, she'll be the next time she and Leon meet now that her status as The Love Interest has been completely and utterly usurped.

[emry-stars-art]

I hate drake so much i hope he dies a painful death in your royal AU 😡

Fairly certain this is gonna be a common agreement yes

Honestly in one version of events I just imagine Drake making a stupid mistake in a battle or border dispute and getting himself killed like a coward or an idiot because he is both of those things

In ANOTHER version I was talking about with @jtl-fics and @paradoxolotl we can make it as dramatic as we want ✨

And honestly I’ve been meaning to write it! I even started writing it, but as I went I realized it has the potential to get wayyy out of hand by way of scenes (in that it would become several scenes bc there’s so much to cover) so instead of waiting to be fully finished, I am going to give us all an early sparknotes or summary of events

What I DID write all the way was what might happen when Abram and the prince run into Spear at a ball/event: here.

(⬆️POV you are a very stupid baron and you’ve just made your very last mistake)

Find the royal au writing masterpost here 💕

After all that (the snippet) goes down, Spear is probably very angry. How dare the prince act so ungrateful to his family, how dare he be threatened by the Evermore mutt, and how dare he be publicly embarrassed like that. He’s too proud to even go fume about it on his own. He’s always had people and things to take his anger out on. So he reverts back to what he knows.

No one in the castle stops him on his search of the halls. They all recognize the Spear family - of course the Spears visited often, at least before, and often enough to send their prince to live with them. The twins and anyone else in the know about the prince’s time there are extremely private about it. The staff that see Spear have no reason to think anything of his presence at all.

But Abram is still standing watch at Andrew’s door, and he doesn’t seem about to leave. Spear likely thinks it doesn’t matter much - the brat is small and unassuming except for those nasty scars. Abram even gets distracted by a small crash coming from the direction of the stairs, wandering a little way down to see.

It should have been obvious not to underestimate an official royal bodyguard. Spear hasn’t even touched the door before Abram is there, pinning an arm behind his back as something sharp again presses to Spear’s jacket. The surprise knocks Spear against the prince’s door before Abram pulls him up and back a few steps.

Andrew does answer. Likely he thought it was Abram knocking, but as soon as he sees Spear he freezes. Spear doesn’t even have time to revel in the fear he caused - Abram uses all his weight to swing Spear around and shove him hard against the far wall. What Spear vainly thought was an empty threat before feels suddenly much more real, the way Abram doesn’t try to be at all gentle or careful. The blade is biting into Spear’s clothes.

And Spear is angry. The Evermore filth on him, the gall to treat Spear like this when Spear should be allowed to trample this brat under his horse. The brat thinking he had any say over the Palmetto prince.

He snarls, “Andrew, control your dog!”

And he doesn’t see it, but that snaps a little of Andrew’s panic. The only thing more potent than Andrew’s memories is his white hot anger at Abram’s, and even though Abram doesn’t react, Andrew absolutely refuses to let that slide.

Spear hears, “Dont let him touch you,” and then he’s released. Finally, he can get a little justice for this treatment. He turns and raises a hand to strike Abram.

Abram takes off his hand as he swings.

Andrew gets full oversight on Spear’s punishment. They have him convicted of untoward behavior, trespassing, and then Andrew allows ‘attempted destruction or harm of royal property’ only when he’s told it adds heavy consequence.

Really, it doesn’t matter all that much. Everyone in that room for the proceedings knows why he’s really there, and maybe those three charges wouldn’t always add up to a death sentence, but Aaron has been waiting for this chance. He adds ‘intention of treason’ to the trespassing charge and tells Andrew to do what he will.

Andrew doesn’t let Abram near it when they carry out the sentence. He does go through with some of his plans for Drake - he won’t ever make Drake pay 1:1 for what he’s done, but the magnitude would have been similar, had they gotten that far. They don’t, though. Andrew is doing just fine watching the proceedings, letting it pass through his eyes and ears and only be remembered when he really wanted. He had been sure he wanted this, he’d been sure it would be satisfying and cathartic. But he wasn’t feeling those things as much as he should have been.

Part of the punishment for treason is flogging. Andrew sees the strikes fall and it looks vaguely familiar. He’s seen those wounds and scars before. And suddenly it comes to him all at once; he doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t want to watch this. He just wants Drake dead. He wants Abram.

So he moves for the first time in several minutes.

“Enough. I’m finished.”

Aaron gives him a look but gestures to the soldiers or whoever else. Andrew stands and goes to leave and there’s a scuffle behind him, yells and pounding feet. Something unsheathed and then a heavy, sickening thud. Maybe even a cut off scream.

Even then he doesn’t turn around. He can’t make himself. Spear had charged him, he understands distantly. He doesn’t know who was just struck, but the only person that should have been so close to him was his brother.

He whispers, “…Aaron?”

“Go, Andrew,” Aaron says quietly, and Andrew finally breathes again. “Abram is waiting.”

So Andrew does go, and he spends a long time holding Abram, assuring himself that Abram is there in one piece and isn’t being harmed, Drake is no longer there and can’t harm anyone else. Maybe this is far enough in that Andrew can even let himself be held, too. So he does find the catharsis and satisfaction, but not in watching Drake suffer. Just in the fact that Abram allows him close enough to hold, to play with his hair, to fall asleep there curled up in the middle of his bed. Unused mattress to every side and no space between them.