#//id say im going to sleep
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She's been spending too much time with Dami.
I fell asleep on the couch with a pillow over my head, and when I woke up, Popcorn was holding the pillow down on my head with her paws....
She was trying to kill me
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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been thinking about ur fav assisting you with the hand job you’re giving him. Either you’re not used to giving one or maybe their cock is big enough that your hand can’t wrap around fully, but regardless it has them putting their hand over yours and showing you how they like it. They’re dribbling over both your hands with pre and really all you have to do is watch while they use your hand to get themselves off atp
#mari says#mari your hand kink is showing again#i was thinking abt it with a bunch of boys#not a train. individually#this has been in my brain for too long now im going back to sleep probably mwah mwah ciao#little breathless words while some are telling you exactly what gets them as they get to watch both your hands curl around the tip#and they let you rub your thumb over it#ok yea i gotta leave im thinking tewwww much#im mean really you could just be reading and theyre laying next to you and ofc they dont wanna interrupt…but if you can spare youre hand fo#them so they can get off and theyre using your hand like a dog while you’re practically unaffected?#tho id look unaffected and be going insane incthe brain abt it#spicy mari#sorry mino
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WIPs
#so i finished all the pieces. all 21. and then i thought 'oh wouldnt it be nice if the artbook was like the storybook in the movie'#so now im. making a few storybook pages. yknow. on a whim. dw its only 5 its only 5 more pages#if ppl say im normal they are LYING. im CRAYZEE. ouggghghgh this is so FUN its so funky to work w the story palette it pops so hard#gotta do text tweaking prob in ID rather than PS so i have access to kerning adj but this works for placeholding rn#but yea. heaert haert heyart emojee. i gotta talk to my friend so i can brush up on how to open a shop but this is happening#i hope other chars have creators who are this obnoxiously crazy for them bc i truly feel like silver is my fuel. he keeps me going#my inspirtation the light of my life the object of all my creativity he is eternal#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#suntails#the sleeping beauty vibes will never get better than this <3 love that movie#the rest of diasomnia is on pg 4 im excited. All of them. the guys
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after seeing this post by the artist afkeii on instagram, i got inspired to write a poem... and then i drew something to make it into a zine...
the way i feel about romantic love is... complicated... but i've known i'm on the aromantic spectrum for over a year now ! yippiee !
if you'd like to have a physical copy, feel free to [download the print version here] , and check [how to put it together / make a 8-page zine here]
#zine#personal zine#art#aromantic#aromantic spectrum#my art#id in alt text#that was very... interesting to write and draw about#dont ask me how i feel about romantic love its too tiring to explain#(<- thats a lie- do ask me about it as much as you want i have so many thoughts on it. probs more questions than answers tbf tho)#also yeah the black ring on my middle finger and right hand is bcs im asexual too#but ive known im ace since i was 13 so i dont have nothing poetic to say about it cuz its been just a normal thing for me for so long lol#aight its getting late and i need to go sleep byeeee
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Taco would sit by Mepad's body until it was moved away. At first, she'd find it and stay there still, in shock. And then she'd cry for a while. And by a while, I mean hours. This isn't a friend she's lost because she hurt them, this is a friend who is dead, for good. I don't think she could bring herself to leave him after that. He stayed with her, out in the woods, because she still needed his help. She still needs him. She can't just leave him lying out in a field. She has to keep bugs from crawling on his screen. Surely, that must be uncomfortable for him.
She'd only move once Test Tube is ready to try and repair him. Even then, she checks in as often as she can. She can't give up on him after all he did for her.
#inanimate insanity#taco ii#ii taco#ii mepad#mepad ii#inanimate insanity 18#inanimate insanity finale#inanimate insanity hc#loomy's hcs#WOW so anyone ordered tacopad angst today??? sorry this ones so sad its been on my mind for a while#tacopad#aside from mic i think toilet would also try to get her to come inside the mansion#at least to eat or sleep#because he would be going out to join her at mepads body the most#toico friendship is inevitable PEOPLE justin said so!!!!!!!!!!#id say marsh too actually just she might need more time to approach taco then toilet does#probably after shes been sitting there for a while since she looks. uh. BAD.#anyways. essay over!!#im seriously considering making a who-will-be-friends-with-taco-post-canon tierlist#complete with an explanation for everyone#idk if that would be wanted#but this is my blog and i post what i want so
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#embarrassment#not gonna comment further because i cba#usually i wait for someone else to post this stuff so i can just rb#but im impatient and wanna go to bed and not forget lmao#i wanna say im surprised by all the random celebs coming out the woodwork with this kind of shit but i really am not#elon musk#nick jonas#receipts#nah im actually just soooooo#like i dont actually care pr like nick jonas is the thing#i should not be talking about this in these tags but oh well#anyways point is i could say a lot but im gonna keep it simple#basically i dont care. and i hate being on twitter because it literally is just brain rotting material on their#like my own personal rage bait. but i also have this incessant need to know about this shit#so i am in a never ending toxic cycle lmao#like id rather know that not and i definitely dont Live on there like i do tumblr#and it does have its plus sides too#but oh my goooodddddd#idk what im saying its 2am pls forgive me i just wanted to post this then sleep and here i fucking am#on the longest rant to ever rant#n e ways#me: im not gonna comment further#me 2 seconds later: comments further#lmaoooo
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no i dont want to kill myself forever. just a little bit. just enough to die a little on the outside so maybe people will fucking believe that i need help.
#& of course! im too chicken for this too#got tired so i turned off the music but then i got too anxious to keep it going#so i went to sleep & woke up Fine#coocoo#feelings#bpd#suicide#suicide tw#id add a disclaimer saying Hey Dont Worry About Me !#but thats kinda what im going for.#eugh its not like strangers on the internet can do shit anyway. ill survive take no notice fuck off
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Reader Beware - You’re in for a Scare!
part two of my goosebumps collection 🦇
#nostalgiacore#kidcore#goosebumps#halloween nostalgia#horror#90s#00s#my collection#sadly this is also the last part of my goosebumps collection :(#these are the first 12 chronological books#but theres a few more random ones i want#like my hairiest adventure was always my FAVORITE cause i could relate to the kid due to me being harry as fuck too#so id like that one#also cuckoo clock of doom would be cool to have that one always freaked me out#ooh and shocker on shock street that one made me lose my mind#dont go to sleep too because that one was probably the scariest one to me#also say cheese and die - again because ill always remember that ending#literally there are so many great ones#and im not a huge fan of all the ones i have maybe ill sell the ones i dont love and get the ones i do
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So depending on ur timezone, the main theme of Veilguard is out rn and..
Ohh my god
It's just 30 days, I can wait, it's fine, not impatient at all nope 🥲🥲
#its so good i have goosebumps wtf man#not that i expected anything different given who the composers are but still#holy shit#dragon age#veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard#veilguard ost#music#video game music#im going to sleep now oh my god#id say more but im so tired lmao just know its brilliant
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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Need to watch my favorite movie again sometime soon
#have a dvd at home but im at college rn also my new laptop doesnt have a player#ill have to see if its streaming anywhere ig#pro im gonna be so stereotypical at postgrad w this no 1 movie choice have to take advantage of it now before i become a cliche#also can whoever is blasting music rn stfu its monday night and everyone in the dorm can hear you#let me write my portuguese essay in peace in the middle of the hall bc we have no lounges#its a school night 😭😭😭#godd if i could be sleeping rn i would be ughhhhh but 400 more words to go#she said due on the 14th but technically past midnight#im assuming before class (which is at noon) we need to email it but i could play the incompetence card and say i thought it was by midnight#on the 14th... but then id have to do more tmrw...#ill try to do a bit more ig#i could never pull an all nighter honestly#not that i would for this but i just stop caring once it hits like midnight. which is bad bc i love procrastinating like 27482828 assgmts#til 7 or 8 pm#but my mom taught me to just give up and go to bed and take the F lol. not that my academic weapon ass wld ever do that but i feel the#temptation. what was i saying#SHUT UP THE MUSIC#if i have to move to the stairwell omg its so coldd there#im such a stairwell warrior (wrote all my essays there last year bc that dorm was also loud)
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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cant stress how obsessed i am with yamaguchis shirt
#snap chats#this is rgg related because i said so shut up ANYWAY#i DID steal this from twitter but i need to share it every with everyone so im not sorry#the person i stole this from rt'd a photoset from themselves and in it motomiya wearing The Silliest outfit ever#but ive already shared too much. ive already gone off topic too much we're moving on#i will bookmark it tho cause it makin me giggle#anyway if you cant read it. and id be so happy to type out what it says.#it says 'can't miss it!! you've got to go to nepal they have a big festival called Maha Shivaratri full moon night in february'#dont know why it makes me giggle it just does. like fuck man maybe i SHOULD go to nepal in february <- maha shivaratri is in march next yea#anyway everyone be nice to me today i have a spanish exam later and it Should be easy#but i was fighting god and the devil last night trying to sleep because my cramps decided to kick my ass EXTRA hard#I NEVER GET BAD CRAMPS WHYYYY DID IT HAVE TO BE BEFRE AN EXAM WHEN I NEED GOOD SLEEP !!!!!!#im lucky my spanish class is in the evening but god it was so painful#the last time i experienced pain as bad as that was when i was trying to sleep after busting my wrist#so awful.... i hurt a lil now but i'll get through it#ok bye let me study up just to reaffirm some Spanish Knowledge with myself
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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