#+ dont wanna go on fucking meds
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
When “GIF” was named word of the year in 2012, Oxford Dictionaries U.S.A. credited Tumblr for pushing the word.
Text
every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
i was gonna journal yk as a healthy coping skill but my partner has work @ 9am so they don't want me to keep the light on,,, ik its stupid but i just wanna cry, i need a therapist
#shit happens#personal#i love them sm and im gonna keep the light off so they can rest#but omfg i just wanna write my feelings out so badly i just wanna scream and cry and let it outtttt but i c a n t !!!!!!#i just wanna scream until i can't anymore and cry til i pass out.#i'm so upset and ik its like hella extreme bc i forgot my meds this morning so im lowkey feeling not the best#but holy fuck i just wanna snort my pain killers and cry and hurt.myself bc i wanna be with them#i feel so abandoned :(:(:(#i just want this pain to go away but i dont thjnk it ever will i think he gave his pain to me when he left this world#like not to be gay or poetic or emo..#but this boy genuinely transferred his pain to me when he killed himself#like i fully believe i took his pain when he left me here#he fucking left me here#i hate him and im forever mad at him but i'll always love him for the rest of time#i miss him i miss him i miss himmmm im gonna fucking sob like a baby when my partner goes to sleep#im gonna take more pills stg i cant do this shit tonihjt man
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#i am Dying#so for reasons im not gonna get into i stopped taking my meds a couple months ago#and luckily my mood and depression/anxiety hasnt been an issue at all!!#in fact im usually very happy and content#but one thing has come back and its come with a fucking vengeance#like i thought it was annoying in high school#but now its downright hindering#like im making up for the past 9 years or whatever#and i didnt realize until this week that its probably bc im off my meds#and unfortunately its making my insomnia bad again which means im starting to have another issue that i had in hs#its only happened once but if it continues then things will get bad lol#im trying to be vague on purpose bc this is soooo embarrassing#i cant talk to my friends abt it bc we dont talk abt that stuff (or at least they dont w me so i dont feel comfortable bringing it up)#and i would talk to my sister but i dont want her to know im off my meds#so like. dying#i have a plethora of my insomnia/anxiety/depression meds dont get me wrong#but in order to take them again i need to update my insurance w the doctor#then go to the doctor#then get a referral to a specialist#who can hopefully help me#and then i can take my meds again#i knowww i should bc my slope be slippin#but like im in a good mood and am content with everything in my life but my work and my issue that i need a specialist for#so im not very motivated to do things i dont wanna do#idkkkk#sorry im rambling lmao#vani.key
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
I relate to the
“I have things to do, better take my medication”
“but I need to eat”
“Okay no medicine”
“but things to do-“
loop SO MUCH
I typically just eat right before I take medicine- that doesn’t solve having to cook but you can always just make ramen or get microwaveable meals
I dunno why I sent this- it probably won’t help much- uhh-
yeah no i feel that. = 3 = I try to do that but;;; idk! i feel! bad about only eating dumb microwave meals and stuff. like. i worry about it not being very healthy or financially wise and shit like that, y'know? and then i'll like. be awake in the dead of night trying to fall asleep and be like.
omg.... you know what would be so good...? soup.... i would love to make soup i haven't made soup in forever it's FALL WEATHER i should make SOUP ugh it would be so fantastic i should do that i'll make soup...
but then the morning comes and it's like... ah... well... the desire for soup still somewhat persists, but....
#and then sometimes ill like. BUY INGREDIENTS and shit at the store#not even like COMPLICATED INGREDIENTS but like. fucking. shit to make sandwiches with#and then i wont fucking eat half of it#and it goes bad#and i FEEL BAD coz i DONT LIKE WASTING FOOD but AHHHHH ITS HARDDDD#screaming#cooking is so hard sometimes and ill be like#OKAY IM GONNA COOK BEFORE I TAKE MY MEDICINE OKAY LETS GO#and it just... it just doesnt happen. despite my best efforts#and ill give up#i also tend to like. make food and start eating#and then take my medicine while im eating because im an idiot#and then i get distracted while im eating so its taking me forever coz im doing other shit at the same time#and then the meds kick in#so i dont wanna eat anymore#but i still have the food that i made right here#and then i just end up#spending the day sitting around with a fucking. bowl of pasta#that i just slowly nurse over a period of like 8 hours#idk man its ridiculous#it might be better when i have a new job and likeee have a routine again idk#asks#anon#i bought potatoes to make soup i HAVE SOUP STUFF... but... but soup takes so long... and... and what if i dont eat it... then ill be sad..
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
also ok maybe had a weird little freak moment yesterday :/ i was with lydia and needed to eat my godawful shitass sushi before going to the library so anyway who do i spot but the roommate with some random guy naturally and im like lydia pause i need to be a stalker but so casually for just like a sec. (this is in a downstairs like cafe/hallway/elevators area) so i stall and then we go to check for a free room to sit in and when there r ppl in it we just go back near the cafe area and theyre over in this little. alcove. of a sitting area. lounging. and im so normal and rlly naturally glanced over a couple times hoping to god the guy didnt see me cause luckily roommate was faced away. anyway. but lydias screenaging it up so im just sitting there awkwardly. and i have to walk past them at one point to get soy sauce to drown the sushi in and maybe that made me look like a weird little stalker too. well again this is if the guy even knows who i am and prob not so whatever its like fine. but like yeah and then i def saw them getting up and then on the elevator to leave so i think my skittish little creature tendencies scared off the vibe from across the room even... and i didnt just wave like a normal person bc i wasnt sure they saw me but we've spotted each other at much greater distances there's simply no way. i was treating them like what the kids call an 'opp' kinda... me when im an anxious little beast...
#and me when i type up a long paragraph abt like nothing happening! <3#um. and i am overthinking and in my defense. ill lament one more time. HAVENT HAD MY ANXIETY MEDS IN DAYS. so plz be nice..#and lydia joked abt how i was a little weird. which i was. but now im like fuckkkkk man we're never hanging out again...#they also went back to like one of my stories theyd seen this morning so its like wowwwwww so youre literally obsessed w me..#anyway. still being so strong and leaving it to them to make a rain check plan if they wanna. and if not thats so hashtag chill#also ive barely seen sam this week which is like nice but i found out they last second saw the eclipse together#and again not that i think i would come up or w/e but i did have sam off my close friends for a while bc he was stressing me out. yk.#and im not sure if um... that would have become evident... doesnt actually matter who gaf#but yeah also naturally hes seeing one of the coolest most beautiful talented creative etc girls in the film major rn#on top of his little fuck buddy. and im not being a bitter little incel abt the fact that hes got bitches and i dont.#bc its like. whatever. too much going on rn to have bitches. tho ill stick to my guns in saying some good sex could fix me a little#yayyyy i love talking#abby talks
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Guess which bitch now has room on its phone for instagram for the first time in like 3 years. This is only good bc now we can post art there again.
Not that instagram is nice to artists or anything. Just that our art tumblr is so very tiny and unused. Gonna probably have to clear it out somewhat when I finally get around to posting art.
#thank fuck for our silm special interest tho#we can finally get like traction on posts#which'll mean that when our fibro flare-up finally dies down (lmao it'll be ages bc our dad is Stressing The Fuck Outta Us)#we can get commissions done again#and through those. well.#money both for clothes to make us comfortable#(which will also last for years & be the right kinda clothing for when we move overseas)#and also for savings for WHEN we move overseas#like our grandma is nice & all &'ll probably help pay for us getting housing or whatever#but i dont want to have to Rely on her inheritance from her aunt(?)#and disability benifits are dodgy at best. and we'll have to survive somehow *before* we get them through#and i kinda dont want to have to rely on the generosity of an old school friend's mum. or a 10th cousin 4 times removed (or whatever)#who might well be dead before we move to ireland#bc he's like 95 rn#and idk if he'd even let us stay at his (scarily enormous) house At All#also. idk if we'd have the money without some kinda work to get HRT when we move out. dont wanna have to be reliant on parents or the gov.#for our HRT. i doubt we could get public healthcare to cover it. not immediately at least.#and i kinda dont want to have to go back on birth control. cause progesterone or w/ever its called has feminising effects iirc#and we're not sure if we want a hysterectomy yet. so.#it'd be a choice between periods (hell) and HRT (expensive)#fuck i hate being disabled sometimes#like actually if anyone calls chronically fatigued ppl “lazy”. i fucking WISH i was lazy.#like bitch please this flare-up is making it so that NONE of my meds get rid of the pain anywhere NEAR fully#and im low-key on the Good Shit™#also so annoyed that ireland hasnt legalised weed. bc. we're almost certainly gonna be doing it for pain#and getting an *illegal* product is so much more difficult#lmao i worked out commas#—Roquén#my fingies hurt so much rn lmao#anyway gonna go draw my source drowning in blood & despair. then im gonna work out what the fuck kinda pigments caranthir would use
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i dont know if this is something other people do or im just a bit fucked up amd obsessed#but everytime i feel thr depression creeping back into my brain i close my eyes as hard as i physically can#and just think about my bf and how much fun we're going to have in a few years and just keep picturing everything i wanna do with him#like grocery shopping and playing dnd and grilling and going on little trips#and i think about them until i can feel myself shifting back into normal brainmode#like it's genuinely so much more useful than those stupids meds im taking
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
this entire year has been flop after flop why am i losing so bad your honor i am literally just some guy
#im yapping u can move on if u dont wanna hear my life story#first i get nuked by stomach pains when i go to visit my friends#something that had been ongoing for years but#my best friend convinces me to see a doctor that year#my condition deteriorates no matter what meds they put me on#i finally get a more invasive exam that shows my intestines were inflamed#i get put on fucking steroids that fuck me up physically and emotionally#i go through multiple med school exams after spending months in crippling pain#pain so bad id be bedridden for hours#got 6 weeks of migraines near daily#sometimes multiple in a day#stressed out of my mind by the time my finals came around to the point that i could no longer bring myself to care#bc i was sure id fail no matter how hard i studied#visit my friends again bc somehow its already winter again#am a nervous wreck all the time and retreat into my phone#but also hate myself for not spending what little time i had fully present#constantly worn out and exhausted bc my meds are barely working#and id found out i was allergic to a lot of things so i was cutting a lot of things out of my diet#lmfao it was so bad my weight still hasnt recovered but yeah i come back i start 3rd year#the toll the last year had taken on my mental health finally registers#i become too depressed to study for my hardest module yet#UGH THATS SO CRINGE JUST SIT DOWN AND STUDY??#but nothing was sticking on god#anyway im sure ive failed#and la salud mental no es bien or soemthing idk i havent taken spanish in 3 years#anyway deep sigh i just stay losing#i cant believe im in like four fucking research projects and classes and trying to work on myself this shit sucks balls#and clinical rotations...#lord just strike me down
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
tumblr has the amazing ability to destroy your semi-good mood by putting an infographic about executive dysfunction that hits so hard you're suddenly reminded of how much life is about to fucking suck irreversibly.
#i'm so scared to move out on my own even with meds doing necessary tasks is hard I feel so incompetent#only three hours of driving on my learner's permit#still suck at cooking/inconsistent scheduling in doing laundry/showering#its pathetic but if I don't have like a parental figure to remind over me I feel like I would get nothing done ever#vent post#and like this shit is so embarrassing i'm nearly fucking 17 and I dont even know where I wanna go to college#and even if I get there i'll probably fail bc I won't be able to wake up on time without someone waking me up manually#everything is like this btw even the stuff I want to do and it's so deeply humiliating to even admit it#and nothing ever helps for long
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water#my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort#bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle#the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum#isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year#program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to#get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying#as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol#hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of#sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess#but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it#hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not#causing it. ugh symptom management i guess#unrelated
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
doctor apt was shit but the ladies at the desk were cool and set us up for a better, nicer doctor next month so. we'll see how that goes but i can say i've never been so fucking flabbergasted in my life at the bullshit coming from a doctor's mouth and with the amount of medical trauma we have that is seriously saying something.
#mine#medical trauma//#not a soul in the medical field is ever fucking learning we're a system when we get the amount of bs we do#for having one of the most common mental disorders & taking the most common prescription for it.#the amount of misinformation MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS spew abt adhd is genuinely horrifying beyond our comprehension#i do not even wanna think abt the amount of bullshit we'd have to deal with for pursuing a professional dissociation disorder my fucking go#she rly said u dont need ur adhd meds every day#i have patients i give 30 day prescriptions to that last them 3-6 months!#& we were just. sitting there. utterly horrified.#how are u even a practicing doctor at that point u cannot be serious#she also said she has a policy where she refuses to prescribe controlled substances w/out diagnosis paperwork#which like. whatever thats fine#but we were not told that ahead of time & she proceeded to give us an appointment THREE MONTHS LATER#like.................... literally basically just trying to sign us up as another sacked experiment bitch i do not fucking think so#what the fuck
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm so fucking tired of ppl assuming I'm a teenage boy I'm not that young and I'm not a guy and it's funny when it happens occasionally and I'm in an amiable mood and idm being a little gnc ik I present somewhat masc even if its not rly intentional and ik my autistic/adhd mannerisms make me come across a little childish sometimes even if im constantly masking at work or in public and I can't control how other ppl perceive me and ik its natural for the human brain to make social assumptions all the time bc there's so much information going in and out it has to process so it automatically categorises shit so I don't mind it happening OCCASIONALLY but I've been getting so fucking many unnecessary comments lately and not just from strangers but ppl I know too and if one more person says some offhand shit to me I'm going to black out and bite until there's blood leave me the fuck ALONE
#got home and im so so so angry its not even that big a deal i dont even get annoyed when it happens every now and then#but these last few weeks ive had a fucking deluge of weird comments abt my age and my gender i dont fucking know why its happening more#and ive had enough im abt to snap. its been on the back of my mind as a vague irritation but it just keeps fucking building#so much stupid shit i cant even list it all here and its not just ppl mistaking me but sometimes going out of their way to be rude#and the fucking misogynistic shit ppl keep saying to me too especially at work please fuck off forever and die#i dont wanna get into it bc ill just get more pissed off im just gonna go cry in the shower and then ill be fine after#probably just feeling it more today bc i didnt take my afternoon meds anyway. altho this isnt the only time its upset me so.#ugh whatever..... its out of my control. and im not gonna go out of my way to try and conform more easily to other ppls ideas of me#bc im comfortable in myself and my body and with how i present so im not going to change that. just tired of dealing with assholes#and im tired of constant misunderstandings its much more than this superficial assumptions abt appearances like ppl who know me keep#making wrong assumptions or miscommunicating or just general poor judgement and that bothers me way more but its much harder to express#so im just getting more angry at the superficial shit as a proxy for it. ugh!!!!#well anyway. hopefully theres enough hot water left for me i want a scalding shower#grinds my teeth so loudly#.diaries#.vent
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
bloodwork came back normal (derogatory) and its gonna be at least 2 weeks till i can talk to my dr abt next steps, tried to find another clinic to go to but got scared off by bad reviews/my own prior bad experiences for the close ones, the distance/inaccessibility for the far ones, and cant get a virtual appointment anywhere until august, so like. that sucks
#also im experiencing Side Effects from my new meds#not like. dangerous/severe ones#just a headache + the shakes#but still#im so bummed my bloodwork came back normal#like. a few of my values were borderline#enough that i wanna ask the dr abt if they cld be causing/worsening at least some of my symptoms#but they were only ~borderline so like. not bad enough for them to care ig#story of my fucking life#im always considered juuust outside the range of actually needing help#just physically able enough#just smart enough#just healthy enough#that my problems get dismissed#its why i decided during my breakdown last year that i needed to stop insinctively hiding/downplaying my symptoms#not even just around medical professionals#just. in my life#i need ppl to Know how bad it is#so that maybe someone will actually help me#and also so that i dont feel obligated to push myself too far in the name of “keeping up appearances”#anyway#exhausted and in pain and have Bad Brain so im gonna like. crawl into a ball and hope that my pain meds kick in so i can go to sleep#do you know how hard it is to sleep when youre in pain#its very hard#i wish i wasnt in pain#i rly rly do
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
. noncoherent but also thoughts
#i have such mixed feelings on the solas varric save everyone meme#bc on one hand ya that is whats going on in that dialoge but also!! its not!!#solas *is* trying to save everyone from his pov on several levels (the spirits the ancieny elves the modern people too to an extent*)#*the extent being how far he views them as people/everyone being semi dependant on his relationship with the inquisitor i believe#and he is trying this is his third fucking attempt we know of to save everyone#(which of course he will keep trying and keep trying as alone as possible he isnt named pride for no reason he doesnt have a place -#-in the dalish pantheon for no reason)#and then varric..#my god where do i even begin with varric's pov#da2 varric is EXTREMELY you cant save everyone (so why bother to try) and so very much out for himself (and those he cares about -#-bc those are *his* friends and his friends are part of his life)#but for those outside his circle? varric does not give two shits about anyone outside in da2#dai varric has learned over the past 10 years little. imo. he's learned his friends are affected by things he cannot control (hello.) but#he clings to the idea he can control things he can write their (his) story bc if he cant (and he knows he cant its why he tries so hard) -#then its been meaningless the whole time and he's back at square one#varric has learned the you have to try thing the fucking hard way and tbh he doesnt really believe it (at least not in dai)#i REALLY wanna see dav varric and what development he's had (sorry i havent read the comics and probably wont theyre hard for me to see/read#god i wish i could see what my tags are bc i dont remember where i cut several of these off fuck mobile tagging but anyways#i want tosee what direction varric has moved in - his dialogue inthe trailer is deeply interesting to me. specifically. since it does seem#to imply a real shift in his pov but im Suspicious bc while varric has always cared deeply and has been tryung very hard to keep his friends#read his#life comfortable he's really never picked any sort of side in his life varric is deeply centrist bc he benefits from not rocking the boat#(usually.)#(dai trapped him imo and hes not there to save the world by a long shot)#but dav seems to position him into an instigator role a real shake it up and point role#very interesting to me i wanna see where it goes#anyway.#im gonna take more headache meds and open indeed and blow myself up
2 notes
·
View notes