#you know what they are though? fictional.

[lovecla]

FAVORITE KIND OF NIGHT ; HUGHES, SLAFKOVSKÝ

PAIR jack hughes x fem!reader, quinn hughes x fem!reader, juraj slafkovský x fem!reader, ex-cole caufield x fem!reader

SUMMARY when you found out your boyfriend of two years had been cheating on you the entire time, you do what every girl does when they get cheated on: you fuck his best friends.

WORD COUNT 5,5k

WARNINGS taboo content, cheating, foursome (f/m/m/m), p in v, unprotected sex, degradation, mention of stomach bulge, creampie, double p in v, rough sex, manhandling, dirty talk, humiliation, subspace, oral sex (f. and m. receiving), gagging, dacryphilia, brief aftercare.

FROM ME TO YOU my loves, listen to your clara very carefully: if you do not agree with ANY of what’s written here, please consider not reading. this is just a silly idea i had a few days ago and i wanted to write about it. i have zero intentions of offending anyone: this is pure fiction! none of this is real! anyways, thank you @cyberhughes for listening to my naughty thoughts about this plot and for having my back. love you juni baby, this one’s for you <3 and for those who are still here, have a nice reading!

𖧷

on that lonely night, said it wouldn't be love

but we felt the rush (fell in love)

it made us believe it was only us

THE THING about being a hockey girlfriend is that you will, most certainly, get cheated on.

When you first heard that, you thought it was just bullshit— not all men are the same and all of that. Some people were just unfortunate to have shitty boyfriends, but not you.

Or at least that’s what you thought before watching a viral video of your boyfriend of two years kissing three different girls at a party.

The video was blurry, and maybe if you were a little bit more naive, you wouldn’t have noticed that the man eating those girls’ lips was, in fact, Cole Caufield, the man you swore to be the love of your life.

“Maybe it’s not him, Y/n,” your friend said, voice soft and gentle, as she put your phone down and locked it. “Cole wouldn’t do that… right?”

Right, you want to say. Of course he wouldn’t do that.

But you can’t. You can’t bring yourself to lie and betray your own trust. You sat there, on your couch, thinking about what you were going to do.

Your relationship was public, Cole had already posted pictures of you several times over the years, but now, so was the fact that he cheated on you with not just one girl, but with two more.

Now, everyone knows that you got cheated on, and that you weren’t an exception to the Hockey rule.

“‘s okay,” you sniff, cleaning your nose with your sweater’s sleeve. “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t, really, but what else could you do?

Truth is, even though you love— loved?— Cole a lot, you had been feeling a little bit weird. Cole didn’t seek you anymore, he didn’t look at you the same way he used to do when you first started dating.

You thought it was just the fact that he was tired and feeling responsible for his team’s recklessness, but clearly, it wasn’t just that.

Days passed after the terrible, awful video, and even though you hadn’t spoken to Cole in probably two weeks— he was away and you couldn’t bring yourself to answer his texts—, you wanted to break things up with him in person.

“Why would you do that?” Your friend asked over the phone, and you sighed.

“Because I’m better than he is,” you say. “And because I need to get closure.”

“I guess you’re right,” she sighs, and then she’s quiet for a few seconds. But, “I need to tell you something.”

“What?” You ask, rolling to your side. “What is it?”

“There’s going to be a party at Zegras’ place tonight,” she says. “Heard Cole shit ass is going.”

“Who told you that?”

“I was talking to one of his new buddies, and he invited me to the party. Said I could go if I kept my mouth shut to you,” she scoffed. “I thought about telling him to hell and then telling him to fuck himself but I thought it might be more useful to pretend I wasn’t going to tell you anything and then tell you everything.”

You chuckled. “Yeah. We’re going, then?”

“We so are going,” she giggles. “I’ll bring the eggs.”

“I’ll bring the flour.”

𖧷

THE PARTY looked more like a frat party than anything, which lowkey disgusted you.

You knew the majority of the players were young and still in their teenager mindset, but whenever you went to a party, it usually had more decorum than whatever this was.

The music was so loud you couldn’t hear your friend talking next to you. People were grinding against each other like they were in heat and ready to fuck in front of everyone, and the room had a strong smell of marijuana and cheap beer.

You rolled your eyes but focused on your reason to be there: find Cole, break up with him and maybe even embarrass him in front of all of his friends.

You tried to warn your friend about where you were going, but since the music was too loud, you just signaled to the door on your right. She nodded, and you moved around the room, feeling with your feet the way the floor shook with the song’s thrumming.

Fortunately, you didn’t have to walk much. Cole’s stupid ass seemed to have forgotten to close his room’s door, and now you were staring at the 5’8” man you thought was going to be the father of your kids, kissing another girl.

“So, this looks really fun, huh?” You said, closing the room’s door, and suddenly, all of the eyes were on you. Cole’s included.

“Y-Y/n, what,” he stutters, removing the girl from his lap and getting up. “What are you doing here, baby?”

“No, what are you doing here?” You cross your arms in front of your chest, feeling yourself start to burn with anger. “Weren’t you supposed to be in New York?”

“No, you see—”

“Is your name New York, sweetie?” You ask the girl who was previously kissing him, who looks like a scared, little kitten. Little does she know you’re not going after her— you couldn't care less about her. “Uh, I guess not.”

There were at least eight other people in the room, sitting there and goofing around. But now, all of them looked like they would pay a hundred thousand bucks not to be in Cole’s shoes.

“Y/n—” he tries again, reaching for your arm.

You step back, flinching away from his touch. “Don’t fucking touch me, Cole. You’re fucking sick. I hope y’all have fun,” you hiss, turning around and heading towards the room’s door again. You look over your shoulder, watching Cole’s sorrowful face. “Enjoy as much as you can, darling. I know his dick won’t make you happy.”

You leave the room with fast steps, not before hearing Cole’s so-called friends laugh out loud with your words. You could feel yourself burning with anger, which made you happy. You thought you were going to feel destroyed, sad and depressed when you confronted him about the fact that he cheated on you regularly.

But after seeing his pathetic expression and actions, you realised you weren’t the one who should be feeling that way.

Your legs were moving on their own, and when you noticed, you were on the second floor, barging in another room, opening its door with full strength.

Only to blush even more, this time not with anger, no.

“Oh, hey there, Y/n. Where’s the fire?”

Jack’s sarcastic tone made you hold the door’s handle tighter, and when you looked around, you felt like a fish out of its tank.

The room was poorly lit, only the yellow light from the lamps reflected on the dark walls of the room, making the environment seem more intimate than it really was.

There were sofas along the room, and low music was playing, probably coming from one of the cell phones.

Because not only Jack Hughes was there, but his oldest brother, Quinn and Juraj Slafkovský.

You didn’t even know Quinn and Jack got along with Slaf, yet there they were, sitting and chatting with each other like they weren’t all rivals during the weekdays.

They laughed with Jack’s little remark before Quinn said: “You can come in, we don’t bite.”

“Unless you want to.” Juraj was the one who said this, to your ultimate surprise, and you rolled your eyes, doing as they said and getting in, closing the door behind you.

“Dude, come on,” Jack laughs. “She has a boyfriend.”

“Not anymore,” you say, for the first time since you opened the door. You eyed the drink cart in the corner of the room, taking full steps towards it and opening the first bottle you say. Whiskey. Great. “I just broke up with Cole, actually.”

There was a second of silence before you heard some clapping behind you, which made you turn around and stare at the grown men sitting across the room.

“What’s this clapping for?” You ask.

“It was about time, Y/n, what the hell,” Juraj says. “Guy’s been cheating on you for months.”

“And you guys didn’t think of, I don’t know, maybe give me a heads up?” You ask, sarcasm pouring out of your mouth while you pour the alcoholic drink in the glass sitting on the wooden surface. Then, you walk until you’re sitting beside Quinn and Juraj. “Would’ve been nice.”

“Sorry,” Quinn says, poking your shoulder. “In my defense, I wasn’t around enough to know he was cheating.”

“In my defense,” Jack starts. “I don’t like him.”

“In my defense,” Juraj finishes, opening his legs and resting his arms behind his head. “I couldn’t do it, because I would’ve been called a homewrecker.”

You almost choked on your drink. “What?!”

“You know I’ve been wanting to fuck you for ages now,” he sighs, like he’s tired of saying that; like he’s been saying that for a long time now. “But you can’t exactly fuck your homie’s girlfriend, can you?”

“Word.” Jack says, leaning forward to fist bumping Juraj. Quinn only chuckles and you can’t believe your eyes.

You’ve known all of them for basically the same amount of time, and you liked them a lot. Jack was a little, teasing shit, way too different from Quinn, but he was funny and so were his brothers— hanging out with them was always fun.

Quinn was private but sweet, probably one of your favorite people in the league. His soft spoken demeanor had made its way into your heart and was now stuck there, for the rest of your life, probably.

And Juraj was an old friend, someone you knew even before you started dating Cole— he was the reason you and Cole got together in the first place.

So hearing that one of your closest friends wants to have sex with you is weird, especially because he had just confessed that in front of two other men.

You stare at them, incredulous. “What are you even talking about?”

“Come on, Y/n, you can’t be this oblivious,” Jack grunts, and you tilt your head, confused. “You didn’t notice the way he looks at you?”

“Fuck you, Hughes,” Slaf curses, giving him the middle finger. “Like you’re one to talk. Everyone knows you’re head over heels for her and you know which head I’m talking about.”

Quinn laughs like what Slaf said had been the funniest thing he’d heard in a while, while Jack simply shrugs and looks at you with expectant eyes.

“You are all drunk. That’s the only explanation I can find,” you say, still choosing not to see what is right in front of you. “And I’m about to be the next one.”

You took just one sip before Quinn wrapped his hand around your glass and took it out of your hands. You were about to complain and ask him what happened when he shook his head, clicking his tongue. “We are not drunk, Y/n. And we don’t want you to be.”

“What? Why not?” You ask. “I promise I’m not that type of person who talks about their love life when they’re drunk. I might talk about Tik Tok memes, though.”

“That’s worse than talking about your shit ass love life,” Jack murmurs and you turn around to look at him with angry eyes. “What?” He asks, grinning, with his hands in the air.

“It’s not my fault I can’t find the right guys,” you sigh, resting your head on Quinn’s shoulder like you’re used to doing. “Why do men suck?”

“Not all of them do, sweets.” Quinn says, placing his hand on your naked thigh, making you blush faintly.

“We don’t.” Juraj murmurs beside you, and you hum.

“Well,” you say, measuring your words. “Unfortunately, I can’t have any of you. So, yeah, I still have the same problem.”

“Who said you can’t have any of us?” Juraj says, and you lift your head, furrowing your eyebrows at him. “Or even better, all of us.”

There’s a beat of silence. The room is suddenly too warm for you, and even if you’re just wearing a skirt and a crop top, you still feel yourself starting to get sweaty.

The song is still playing, an unknown melody reverberating through the room, and what once felt big and spacious suffocates you now.

“You guys. You can’t be serious… right?” You ask, looking at each and every single one of them in the eye.

Jack is the first one to break the silence. “Come on, Y/n. Haven’t you ever thought about us like that?”

You can feel their eyes on you as you think of what to answer. You can’t say you haven’t— that would be a lie. You were loyal to Cole and you loved him, but you weren’t blind.

And now that you’re really thinking, these guys hadn’t been particularly sleek either; Jack with his obsession with calling you pet names, Quinn finding any and every excuse to touch you whenever you were in the same room and Juraj eye-fucking you from afar while you cuddled with his teammate.

So yeah, you have wondered about it before, but it all sounded so insane you didn’t think about it twice. The odds of all four of them liking you were pretty low, so why bother fooling yourself with these kinds of thoughts?

But now, you were sitting in the same room as them, with Juraj’s arm touching yours, Quinn’s hand running up and down your leg, and Jack’s eyes on you, like you were a prey or something similar.

“We can’t do that,” you whisper, trying your hardest to hold onto that single piece of sanity and morals you still had. “You guys are insane. Jack, Quinn’s your brother.” You reason, expecting to knock some sense into them.

Quinn squeezes your thigh slightly. “It wouldn’t be our first time.”

“Besides, it’s fine because we’re not going to fuck each other,” Jack says, like he’s telling you the sky’s blue. “I’m going to fuck you.”

“We are going to fuck you,” Juraj corrects, and you close your eyes, holding your hands together on your lap, trying to keep them still. “What do you say, chéri?” He asks, getting dangerously close to your neck, his strong, masculine scent making your head spin. His lips briefly touch your neck, the contact so light you wouldn’t feel it if you weren’t hyper aware of your surroundings.

Quinn’s warm, big hand is moving up, up and up, and that startles you.

You get up, panting as hard as if you had ran an entire marathon, and you stand in the middle of the room, surrounded by them. By your friends who had just asked to fuck you.

“I can’t— I can’t do this,” you whisper. “What about Cole, what about—”

“Sweetheart, Cole is probably balls deep inside someone else right now,” Quinn replies, and the others hum in agreement. “If you don’t want it because you don’t want to, it’s fine, you know we’d never force you. But,” he spreads his thighs, the outline of his cock is visible and right there for you to see. You gulp, not sure of what to do. “If you don’t want to do it because you still believe Cole deserves your kindness, then I have to say—”

“You’re being dumb,” Juraj finishes Quinn’s sentence, smirking. “You’ll be crying over one small cock when you have three waiting for you. It’s your pick, really.”

Your head is spinning and you feel aware of your body, which is something you hate. You can feel your arms and legs starting to give in, and to your absolute horror and panic, you can feel your underwear start to get sticky.

You walk towards the door, ready to leave, ready to put this night behind and pretend this was all a fever dream, and never think about this again. But, as you grab the handle, you know you won’t be able to forget this, not even if you wanted to.

So, you stop being a hypocrite, and grab the door’s key, locking the door once, and then twice, before exhaling and turning around again.

All three of them are staring at you, with the same expression; lust. It’s sinful and you are certain that you’re going to hell for this, but as you start to get undressed, right there, in the middle of the room, for all of them to see, you can’t help but feel like what you’re doing is nothing but right.

You remove your crop top, pulling the fabric over your head and dropping it on the floor, shivering slightly when the cold breeze hits your naked skin. You do the same with your skirt, letting it fall around your feet like a river, leaving you standing with only your bra and lace underwear in front of them.

“Fuck.” You hear one of them say, you’re not sure who, the word nothing but a whisper.

Juraj is the first one to get up, and get his hands on you. He’s rough, hungry and not careful at all, something you’re not used to but like it anyway.

His lips are on yours almost instantly, and his hands are holding you down while he licks and sucks your mouth. He tastes like some kind of candy you’ve had before, and your brain is screaming that what you’re doing is wrong, so wrong and that you literally just broke up with your boyfriend of two years not even thirty minutes ago but you can’t stop.

It’s maddening, it’s addictive and you want more.

It gets worse when you feel another pair of hands on your back, unclamping your bra. You hear a soft tud, which you can only assume is your bralette hitting the floor. Then, there are hands squeezing your tits, hands almost as rough as Slaf’s, and it has you moaning inside his mouth.

“So fucking soft,” you hear Jack say behind you as he gets closer, his hard dick poking your ass over your underwear. “Tits so fucking soft for us, baby.”

And he pinches both of your nipples, making you whimper loud and separate your lips from Juraj’s. There’s a saliva string connecting both of you and it makes you feel nasty.

He gives you a brief peck before gently slapping your thighs twice, silently asking you to remove your underwear, which you promptly do. You slide your lace panties over your legs, shyly throwing them away from you.

It’s only then that you notice Quinn staring at you from the couch, half naked with his dick out of his boxers— the thought of him getting off only by watching you makes you squeeze your thighs together, to stop your hole from clenching around nothing.

“Let’s get you wet and ready, alright?” Juraj says, manhandling you around like you were just a toy for him to break, until your back touched the cold, wooden surface of the table sitting in the middle of the dark room. You arch your back, pouting with the coldness and Slaf coos at you. “I’m sorry there isn’t anything more comfortable than this.”

“Like she cares about comfort,” Quinn snorts. “The only thing she’s worried about it’s whether she’s taking one or two cocks in that greedy pussy of hers.”

The humiliation Quinn’s words bring you is almost unbearable, yet it has you dripping anyway. Their laughs, the way they’re all staring at you like some piece of meat makes you feel hot all over.

Juraj lays you down carefully, only to spread your legs open with the same roughness he used before, when his lips were on yours. You yelped, feeling exposed and embarrassed— your bare, glistening pussy was on display for all three of them to see.

“Holy shit,” you hear someone say, Juraj maybe, and you cringe, hiding your face with your hands. “She’s perfect.”

“We’ll see about that,” you hear Jack say behind you and you remove your hands from your face. Suddenly, he’s sliding his pants down, his dick touching his covered abs as wraps his fist around his length, slowly jerking off in front of you.

You’re watching it in awe, even as you stare at him upside down, since your head is hanging off the table’s edge. He smirks down at you at the same time Juraj licks your clenching hole, making you moan for the first time, loud and involuntary.

“Ah.”

“Shit,” you hear Slaf say. “Pussy so fucking wet and sweet. Y/n, you’ll drive me crazy.”

You don’t answer; not because you don’t want to but because Jack places his hands on both sides of your cheeks, squeezing them together until your mouth forms the perfect O and he can slide his entire dick inside it.

He moans noisily as you gag on his long dick. It’s an unexpected feeling, to have your throat fucked like this— Cole wasn’t a big fan of messy, rough blowjobs— but fuck if it doesn’t get you wetter.

Juraj is still working hard on your pussy, licking your folds and throbbing clit, eating it with a loud slurp, the sound of your wetness making you close your eyes with pleasure and shame.

“Your mouth feels so good, pretty,” Jack moans behind you, still holding your head in place while he drags his dick through your throat. Your eyes are wet with unshed tears and you feel your mouth so full it is starting to hurt. “Almost as tight as a pussy.”

It’s overwhelming to try to manage the feeling of Juraj’s tongue and Jack’s cock on you. You feel warm, your hands are gripping the table like your life depends on it, and you can feel yourself start to slip more and more.

“She’s wet enough already,” Quinn states, and the fact that he’s referring to you like you’re not even there makes you whimper loudly around Jack’s cock.

Next thing you know, you’re being manhandled again; Jack’s rough hands leave your cheeks to hold your waist instead, taking you to the nearest couch and laying down with you on top of him.

You’re facing him, those blue eyes never leaving yours. “Y/n,” he starts, his tone gentle for the first time that night. You hum, adjusting yourself on top of him, until you have both of your legs on each side of his body, almost on fours on top of him, highly aware that Quinn and Slaf could see everything. “We are going to be rough.”

“I know,” you whisper.

“I’m not asking for permission, baby, do you understand that?” He talks to you like one would do to a child, using a tone so soft it could put you to sleep, if it were any other situation. You bite your lips, feeling Slaf’s long fingers sliding up and down your pussy, rubbing circles on your swollen clit while Jack speaks. “We are going to be rough. Tonight, you’re nothing but a toy for us to play with, alright? A hole for us to fuck.”

You nod, closing your eyes momentarily as Juraj pinches your clit, hard. He tugs it and it feels like he just placed a clothespin on you. It hurts so. Good.

“I need your words, baby.”

“I u-understand that,” you sob, hot tears running freely down your face as you continue to speak. “I w-want it.”

Jack chuckles, touching your face with care. “It would be so nice if we actually cared about what you want, huh?”

You bit your lip again, suppressing a loud moan. It would be even more embarrassing if they realized how wet you got every time they were mean towards you.

“Bitch gets wetter and wetter every time you say shit like that, Hughes,” Juraj says, and your entire face burns with shame, as you hide it in the crock of Jack’s neck. “Come see this shit, Quinn.”

You tremble as you hear a pair of steps echoing through the room, and without warning, you feel your hips getting lifted, just slightly, at the same time you feel two fingers being inserted inside deeply in your pussy.

You whine loudly, not even feeling pain with how wet you were. His fingers were moving around like you were nothing but a sex doll, making you hold Jack’s arm to steady yourself.

“Look at this tight, little thing,” Juraj says, twirling his fingers around, scissoring them inside you. “Merde. She’s milking my fucking fingers, bro.”

“I can see that,” Quinn hums. “Pussy so fucking greedy she’s taking you without complaints.”

You were about to moan again when Juraj removed his fingers from you, leaving you clenching around nothing, once again. “Let’s start, then.”

After that, it’s hard to tell what really happened. You were thrown around, and suddenly, Slaf was laying under you, Quinn was standing beside you and you assumed Jack was behind you.

You could feel one of them poking their cock through your slit, gathering all your wetness to use as lube. Then, he slowly started to insert it, the stretch making you whimper inside Slaf’s mouth, as he bruised your lips roughly again.

Jack had barely given you time to adjust to his length when you felt Juraj’s tip poking at your entrance too. You gasped inside his mouth, feeling his dick joining Jack’s inside you and.

Oh.

“Fuck, Y/n.”

You opened your eyes, glistening with tears, and stared at Quinn standing beside you, who was looking at you with fond eyes. He chuckles while staring down at you, taking his dick out again and grabbing it with his right hand, running the tip over your mouth.

The salty taste of his precum painting your lips white distracted you momentarily from the fact that Juraj was still trying to put his dick inside you, accompanying Jack’s.

But it wasn’t enough, of course— even if Juraj's thick, long fingers had stretched you, it didn’t compare to having both of their cocks inside you, together.

“Oh,” you heard Quinn coo. “She’s crying. Maybe she can’t take it?”

You shook your head immediately, not even acknowledging how desperate you looked. Quinn put his thumb inside your mouth at the same time Juraj completely bottomed out inside you, making you scream around the brunette’s finger.

“Sh, sh,” Juraj mumbled under you. “Take it, hm?”

The stretch hurt, yet you couldn’t ask them to stop— you felt so full and you swear you can feel them rearranging your guts, reaching so deep inside your body that if you were to look, you’d probably see a bulge in your stomach.

“Holy shit, man,” Jack moaned, dragging his dick slowly until only the tip was in, so that he could slam it back into you again. “She’s so fucking tight.”

“Move, Hughes.” Juraj hissed under you, and after that, everything fell into a pure state of lust.

Jack and Juraj slammed their cocks inside you rhythmically, like they were dancing a well rehearsed dance. Your body jolted forward as they pounded inside you, rough hands— you didn’t know who's— holding you by your waist and pulling your hair at the same time.

Quinn, who had just been jerking his cock while looking at you, decides to take the opportunity and shove his dick inside you, making you gag around his thick length.

“Shit, Y/n,” he moans, throwing his head back. “I’m going to wreck your mouth like they’re doing with your pussy.”

And he wasn’t lying. He tilted your head to the side and thrust his dick deep inside your mouth, until your nose touched his crotch area. You gagged, still not used to the reckless act, but you were far too gone to complain.

The room smelled like sex, lust and sin. The dark walls watched as you laid on top of Juraj’s much bigger body while you took their cocks in two of your holes, with your pupils blown and wide. Your face was destroyed, it didn’t need to be a genius to realize that; your mascara had smudged under your eyes and the tears had spread the black ink almost everywhere.

Your legs hurt, and so did your jaw, but the pleasure was bigger than any pain. You had never felt this dirty, this raw before, but you feared that after this night, you wouldn’t ever be the same; nothing besides them would ever be enough.

“She feels so good,” Jack says, voice filled with need. “She was born for this.”

“Fuck, you’re right,” Juraj says, kissing your neck while you gagged around Quinn’s dick. “Born to take cock inside her tiny pussy.”

After that, you keep slipping and slipping. You come on their dicks at least twice, falling apart each time you feel your wetness coating their dicks.

Your throat is raw, your jaw is hurting, but Quinn is close to his climax, like his brother and Slaf.

Jack and Slaf are the first to come, both painting your walls white with their seed. It’s maddening, your belly feels full of them, but you don’t have time to acknowledge that properly, not when Quinn is also coming deep inside your throat.

You lay limp on top of Slaf’s broad chest, closing your eyes, tired.

But—

“Y/n, hey,” you hear Quinn calling, and you open your eyes, just barely. “Can you stand up, just for a bit?”

“Don’t let it go to waste, baby,” Juraj warns you, and you keep clenching even after they remove their dicks. It’s hard, you feel so open you should be disgusted at yourself but you still try to do as they said.

You feel a pair of hands lifting you, and you sigh, exhausted. They manhandled you until you were laying on top of the couch, head resting on your arms. A rough pair of hands— Jack’s— spread your legs open, leaving you exposed once again.

“Go on,” he commands, and you let it go, feeling their sticky cum pour out of your used, gaping pussy. You sob, feeling dirty.

“Jesus fuck.”

“I think I’m hard again.”

“Lowkey, yeah.”

You collapse on the couch once you feel like there’s nothing left, blacking out as soon as your head hits the leather.

𖧷

YOU WOKE up with a light touch on your cheek.

It takes a while for you to manage to open your eyes, but when you do, you thank whoever decided to put a yellow, warm lighting in that room.

“Hi.”

Jack’s voice brings you back to the present, and you lift your head, only then realising that you were in his lap, fully clothed— with clothes that weren’t yours— and covered with something heavy that felt like a blanket.

You frowned.

“What… what happened?” You ask, looking around. There was Juraj, who was placing a few takeout bags on the table, and Quinn, who was holding an old piece of cloth. “Oh my God.”

It was real. You fucked Jack, Juraj and Quinn.

“Oh my God,” you groan, hiding your face in Jack’s chest.

“I hope these exclamations of yours are because you’re wearing Zegras’ hideous clothes and not because you realized you fucked the three of us.” Jack says, sarcasm taking over his face.

“Why would we do that,” you mumble. “Gosh. That’s wrong in so many ways, I can’t even begin to—”

“Y/n,” Quinn calls you, dropping the cloth on the table— the same table Juraj had eaten you out on— and walking towards you, lifting your chin with two of his fingers. “Did you enjoy it?”

“I— Well— We—” you stumbled over your words, not sure of what to say.

He applies pressure on your chin, sapphire eyes squinting at you. “Answer me, sweetheart.”

“I—” you sighed. “Yeah. I did.”

He smiled.

“Then we’re fine.” It���s all he says, before pecking your lips, briefly. It was your first time kissing him and you secretly didn’t want it to be the last.

“We liked it too,” Jack says once his brother lets you go. He winks at you, smirking. “I’ll never forget the sight of you full with my—”

You put your hand over his mouth, red as an apple. “Okay, alright, shut up.”

He chuckles, taking your hand away and kissing you, exploring your mouth with his tongue, just like his brother had done, barely two minutes ago.

“You guys are no fun,” you hear Slaf’s voice. “In my opinion, we should just keep doing this.”

“No,” you say. “This was a one time thing. We can’t keep fucking each other like this.”

“As I said, no fun.”

“She’ll change her mind in a few days, I just know it.” Jack says under you and you roll your eyes at his cockiness.

“I’m too tired to argue with you,” you say. “I smell Chinese food. Can we eat?”

“Yeah, we should probably do that,” Quinn says, nodding. “It’s late already. Let’s eat and take Y/n home.”

Juraj and Jack agree with just a few more complaints, and while you watch them take turns to feed you, you realize, with shame, that Jack was wrong about one thing.

It wouldn’t take a few days for you to change your mind.

You had already done it.

NHL MASTERLIST.

JACK HUGHES MASTERLIST.

QUINN HUGHES MASTERLIST.

[marta-bee]

I love so much about this, and hope the OP won't be bothered if I yes-and a bit.

Fanfic is a great tool for leaning about what works for you, erotically. I'm seriously fighting the urge to go into a long digression on all the very smart people who recognized the erotic as a way to knowing God. It's about desire and ecstasy and getting past the way our limited human reason can see the world and Whoever lies behind it. And even if you don't buy all that, there's certainly nothing sinful about better understanding yourself and having a bit of fun along the way that doesn't hurt anyone. (It really is okay to just get off now & then and have that be the end of it.) I'm sorry your community makes that harder.

What fanfic is not, though, is sex education. It's fantasy and fiction, which is wonderful on its own but it's usually aiming for something other than real-word sex ed. The good news is, there are lots of adults who feel shortchanged by the sex ed they got in school, and some of them have created resources to help people educate themselves.

If you feel comfortable reading that stuff (& if you can do it safely without other people seeing you looking at it if you don't want them to), Scarleteen was the gold standard at one point. Planned Parenthood also has a whole website for this, Sex Ed To-Go. I'm sure there are others.

Good luck!

So I’m a minor (16 to be specific) and I frequently watch and read stuff with explicit sexual or 18+ content in it. I live in an extremely conservative Christian household and things like explicit fanfic are pretty much the only option I have for learning about sex that isn’t abstinence only. I do feel bad about it, especially when I see adults online say stuff like “oh i watched lots of inappropriate things as a teen that i really shouldn’t have” and it makes me feel like I’m ruining myself in a way that I won’t realize until I’m an adult? Right now I don’t see what the big deal is but i get the feeling that when i’m 24 or something I’ll wake up one day and be ashamed of this for some reason i’m not mature enough to know yet. Should I just stop and wait until I’m 18 to continue or what?

hi anon,

okay. I'm gonna hit you with something:

turning 18 does not actually change the way you feel about porn or sex or anything. the difference between being seventeen and 364 days and being 18 is nonexistent. there's not a magical switch that changes you as a person; that comes from lived experience. if you're 18 and your experience is still that porn and smut and what have you i something that you should feel bad about, it's still going to feel that way and a birthday won't change that.

look, the whole notion of "I saw [x] that I shouldn't have when I was young" is like. okay. so you saw something that was a little mature for you that you didn't quite get? awesome. did you die? no. most people's hangups about sexuality don't come from seeing a rogue titty when they were a teenager, they come from the culture that person was raised in that made seeing a rogue titty feel like something to be ashamed of instead of a completely natural part of life.

story time! when I teach my 4th-6th grade OWL classes (Our Whole Lives, great human development program) I always start by holding a meeting with the kids' parents. I've been doing this for seven years, and every time without fail some of the parents will recall seeing porn for the first time as a kid. these guys were kids when printed porn magazines were still a thing, so they were discovering them in all kinds of places - the bedrooms of their parents or their friends' parents, at bus stops, in the woods, once even stowed in some farm equipment. and they remember it feeling illicit and exciting, sure, and possibly making them confused or even horny for the first time in their young lives, but like... that's it. none of these people are irreparably damaged by seeing porn. in fact, they've grown up to be the kind of people who go out of their way to make sure their young kids are enrolled in a queer-friendly, body-positive, diversity-embracing sex ed class to counter stereotypes and misinformation they might receive elsewhere.

looking at things that arouse you is morally neutral. it can be a great way to help you learn about what turns you on, and even if it's not the best source of factual, realistic depictions of sex, it can still help you discover things - hell, I only figured out what the clitoris was by reading Young Justice fanfic (shout out Snaibsel).

you can't ruin yourself, at any age, with the media you like to consume. what makes you uncomfortable and anxious is the attitude you've been taught to have about that media, which is something that has to be actively unlearned, because it's certainly not going to just disappear on its own when you become a legal adult.

tl;dr obviously no one is making you watch porn and you shouldn't if it makes you uncomfortable, but if you drop it right now and come back when you're 18 don't expect to feel any different if you haven't done any more unpacking re: the conservative Christianity of it all.

[mangionebabymama]

“six thirty” — Luigi Mangione

“Whatcha gonna do when I’m bored and I wanna play video games at 2 am? What if I need a friend? Will you ride ‘til the end?” - “six thirty” by Ariana Grande

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: LOTS of pining and yearning, sort of slow-burn online romance, but it's also platonic, maybe? This also contains some slight mentions of depression and loneliness; please proceed with caution.

A/N: Inspired by this ask from a while ago, where those particular lyrics of "six thirty" about playing video games at 2 am have always stuck with me. If you don't know this about me by now, I am a Cancer sun, and it shows. I am emotional, and I'm going to be an emotional writer. Please note that this is purely fictional, but these feelings are real.

The glow of Luigi’s monitor lit up the dim room, casting long shadows across the walls. It was 2 a.m., and the quiet hum of his computer was the only sound breaking the silence. He shifted in his chair, wincing slightly as the faded memories of his surgery still lingered in his movements. Recovery had been slow, and lately, he’d found himself retreating into the digital world more and more. The real world felt heavy, distant—like it wasn’t his anymore. Like he was watching his life happen from somewhere far away. His family and friends tried to reach out, but he’d been pulling away, retreating into himself.

His cursor hovered over his Steam library, scrolling aimlessly. He wasn’t even sure what he was looking for. Just something to fill the void. That’s when he noticed it—the little green dot next to your username. You were online. His heart gave a little leap, and before he could reconsider his decision, a notification appeared from you.

Can’t sleep either? Is it the insomnia again or were you hoping to see if I was up?

Luigi’s fingers flew over the keyboard for a moment, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips despite the heaviness in his chest. He glanced at the clock on his desk— now 2:01 AM—and then back at the glowing screen of his monitor. The room was darkling, lit only by the soft blue light of his computer, and the hum of the fan inside the tower was the only sound accompanying his thoughts.

Pep: Both.

The reply came almost instantaneously, like a reflex, as if you’d been waiting for him. 

You: Figured. You’ve been on late a lot lately. Not that I’m complaining—company’s nice.

Luigi leaned back in his chair, letting out a slow breath. His back ached faintly, a dull reminder of the surgery he’d had months ago. The doctors had said he’d recover fully, but they hadn’t warned him about the mental toll it would take. The weeks spent in bed, staring at the ceiling, had given him too much time to think. And now, even though he was physically better, he couldn’t shake the weight that seemed to settle deeper into his chest every day.

Pep: Yeah, I guess I have. Sleeping’s been… hard.

You: Hard as in “can’t fall asleep” or hard as in “don’t want to”?

Luigi hesitated. You always seemed to know the right questions to ask, the questions that cut straight through the noise and got to the heart of things. He wasn’t sure if it was comforting or terrifying.

Pep: Both.

There was a pause before your next message appeared. 

You: You’ve been quiet lately. Not just tonight—like, in general. Even when we’re playing. You okay?

He stared at the words, his chest tightening. How does she always know? He wondered. You’d never met in person, never even seen each other’s faces, but somehow, you always seemed to see him. 

Pep: I don’t know. I guess… I’ve just been feeling kind of lost. I don’t even know how to explain it.

You: Try. 

Luigi let out a short, humorless laugh. Leave it to you to cut straight to the point. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to find the words.

Pep: It’s like… everything just feels heavy, you know? Like I’m just going through the motions. I’ve been distancing myself from everyone—my family, my friends—but I don’t even know why. I just… I can’t seem to connect with anything anymore. Except this. 

He added, gesturing to the screen even though you couldn’t see him. 

Talking to you. Playing games. It’s like the only time I feel… I don’t know, alive, I guess. 

The cursor blinked as he waited for your response, his heart beating a little faster than it should have.

After a moment, you wrote back. 

You: You’re not alone in that. I think a lot of people feel that way sometimes. Especially now, with everything going on in the world. It’s easy to get lost in your own head.

Pep: But it’s not just that. It’s like… I’m stuck. Like I’m just watching my life pass by, and I don’t know how to make it stop. I don’t know how to fix it.

There was another pause, longer this time.

You: Have you talked to anyone about this? Like, really talked?

Luigi shook his head, though he knew you couldn’t see him. 

Pep: Not really. I don’t want to bother anyone with it. And I don’t even know what I’d say.

You: You’re not bothering me

And you don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes, just saying it out loud helps.

Or typing it out, lol

He smiled faintly, a warmth spreading through his chest that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Pep: Thanks. Seriously. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

You: Probably be even more of a mess

You joked about that last bit of your message, and he could almost hear the teasing tone in your voice as he let out a chuckle reading what you said. 

Pep: Ya, probably

There was a comfortable silence between you both, broken only by the soft sound of his keyboard as he typed some more.

What about you? Why are you up so late?

You: Couldn’t sleep either. Insomnia’s a bitch. Plus, I was kind of hoping you’d be on.

Luigi’s heart skipped a beat, and he had to remind himself to breathe.

Pep: Yeah?

You: Yeah. You make the nights better.

He felt his face heat up.

Pep: You make them better, too. 

Another pause preceded your following message.

You: You know, it’s okay to not be okay. And it’s okay to lean on people when you need to. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Luigi stared at the words, his throat tightening. He wasn’t sure if it was the late hour or the raw honesty of the conversation, but he felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He typed, his fingers lingering uncertainly over the keys.

Pep: I don’t want to be a burden. 

You: You’re not a burden. 

If anything, you’re the opposite. You’re important to me, Luigi—more than you realize.

His breath caught in his throat, and he had to blink back the tears that threatened to fall. 

Pep: You’re important to me too.

His hands shook as he typed. 

More than I think I’ve ever admitted.

There was a long silence, and for a moment, he wondered if he’d said too much. Yet, your response showed up, and he felt a surge of adrenaline in his chest.

You: Maybe we should admit it more. To each other. To ourselves. Life’s too short to keep everything bottled up.

Luigi nodded, even though you couldn’t see him.

Pep: Yeah. Maybe we should.

He tilted back in his seat, caught in a strange sensation of relief intertwined with fragility. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but at last, he felt like he wasn’t alone.

You: You know…

Sometimes, I think about what it would be like to meet you in person.

Luigi felt a flutter in his heart once more. 

Pep: Yeah?

You: Yeah. I think it’d be… nice. To talk face-to-face. To really see you.

Pep: I think it’d be nice too.

You: Maybe, one day, we will

Pep: One day, for sure

The cursor blinked on the screen, expecting the next words to appear. For once, Luigi felt a spark of something he hadn’t felt in months: hope.

You: Until then, I’m here. 

Whenever you need me.

Luigi smiled, his chest swelling with gratitude. 

Pep: Same goes for you. Always.

The cursor blinked lazily on the screen, as if it, too, was holding on for Luigi to gather his courage. He sat in the dim glow of his monitor, the rest of the room swallowed by the darkness of the early hours. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, shaking, as if betraying the weight of the words he was about to type. He swallowed hard, his throat dry.

Why now? He thought. Why does it feel like I can only tell the truth at 2 a.m. when the world is asleep?

But he knew the answer. It wasn’t the time that mattered. It was you. The way you listened without judgment and your words seemed to reach into the parts of him he’d locked away. You made him feel like maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as broken as he thought.

He took a deep breath, his chest tightening as he started typing.

Pep: There’s something I’ve never told anyone.

He wrote away, his words appearing on the screen in a rush as if they were desperate to escape. He paused, his heart pounding in his ears. Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to lay himself bare like this?

Just as he was about to second-guess himself, your reply appeared up.

You: You can tell me anything, Luigi. You know that.

He exhaled shakily, his fingers moving almost of their own accord.

Pep: It’s about why I’ve been so… distant lately. It’s not just the surgery. Not just the insomnia. It’s… I’ve always felt like I don’t belong. Like I’m on the outside looking in. Even with everybody in my life. I try to act like I’m okay, like I’m fine, but I’m not. I haven’t been for a long time.

He stopped, his chest heaving as if he’d just run a marathon. His eyes darted to the clock in the corner of the screen—2:04 AM. The world was still asleep, but he felt more awake than in months.

Your reply came quickly, longing for him to say those words all along. 

You: That’s a heavy burden to carry alone. You don’t have to, you know. You’re not as alone as you think you are.

Luigi’s lips trembled as he absorbed your words, a tight knot swirling in his throat. Deep down, he yearned to trust you, to hold on to the fragile hope that he wasn’t as solitary as he often felt. Yet, the weight of loneliness pressed heavily on him, an ever-present shadow that made believing in that hope a daunting challenge.

Pep: It’s not just that

He typed, his fingers moving faster now, as if they couldn’t keep up with the thoughts tumbling out of his head. 

I’ve been struggling 

with something else

Something I’ve never told anyone. Not even my closest friends.

The cursor blinked mockingly, sitting tight for him to continue. He swallowed hard, his stomach churning. This was it. The moment of truth. The moment he either let it all out or shut it away forever.

You: Take your time, Luigi. I’m here.

He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his courage. When he opened them, he started typing again, the words spilling out, his cup runneth over with transparency. 

Pep: I’ve always felt like I was different. Like there was something wrong with me. Something I couldn’t put into words. It’s not just the loneliness. It’s like… I’ve been searching for something my whole life, but I don’t know what it is. And it’s tearing me apart.

His hands trembled as he pressed the enter key, the letters materializing on the screen in sharp black and white. A rush of vulnerability washed over him, as if he had peeled away a layer of skin, revealing the raw, bleeding chaos lurking beneath. It was an eerie sensation, as though he was standing naked before an unseen audience, laid bare and utterly exposed.

His heart pounded as he waited for your reply, each second stretching into an eternity. When your message finally appeared, it was simple but profound.

You: Thank you for trusting me enough to share that. You’re not alone in feeling that way. A lot of people feel lost, like they’re searching for something they can’t quite name. It’s part of being human. But you don’t have to figure it all out right now. 

Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time.

Luigi’s breath caught in his throat as he read your words. It wasn’t judgment or pity that he saw in them. It was understanding. Compassion. And something else—something that made his chest ache in a way he couldn’t quite explain.

Pep: I don’t know where to start

He confessed, his fingers shaking as he typed. 

I feel like I’m stuck in this… this loop. Like I’m just going through the motions, but I’m not really living. I don’t know how to break out of it.

Your response was prompt, as though you had anticipated him saying those words. 

You: Start by being honest with yourself. About what you want, what you need. It doesn’t have to be all at once. Just take small steps. And remember, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here. As much as you’ll let me be.

Luigi's vision swam before him as he absorbed your message, a lump rising stubbornly in his throat. He scrubbed at his eyes, fighting back the tide of emotions that surged within him—gratitude coursing through his veins, relief washing over him like a gentle wave, and a flutter of fear that danced just beneath the surface. Yet, amid this tumult, there was something else—a warm, comforting sensation enveloping him, as if he were being wrapped in a soft, reassuring hug that eased the weight on his shoulders.

Pep: I don’t know why you’re so kind to me.

He typed, his fingers moving slowly now as if each word carried the weight of his heart. 

I don’t feel like I deserve it.

You: You don’t have to earn kindness, Luigi. You deserve it just because you’re you. And you’re worth it. Don’t ever doubt that.

He stared at the screen, his breath hitching. Those words—those simple, powerful words—struck something deep inside him, something he’d buried long ago—a tiny spark of hope, flickering in the darkness.

Pep: I don’t know what to say. I just… Thank you. For being here. For listening. For… for seeing me.

You: Always, Luigi. Always.

He closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt like he could breathe. Like the weight on his chest had shifted, just a little. It wasn’t gone, but it was bearable. And for now, that was enough.

Pep: There’s one more thing. Something I’ve never told anyone. Not even myself, really.

He paused, his fingers trembling. This was it. The moment of truth. The moment he either let it all out or shut it away forever.

You: You can tell me anything, Luigi. I’m here.

He closed his eyes, gathering his courage. When he opened them, he started typing again, the words spilling out in a raw, unfiltered stream.

Pep: I think… I think I’ve been searching for someone. Not just anyone, but… you. I don’t know how to explain it, but talking to you, it feels like… like I’ve finally found what I’ve been looking for. I know it sounds crazy, but—

Your reply interrupted him, cutting off his words before he could finish.

You: It’s not crazy, Luigi. I feel it, too.

His breath caught in his throat, his heart pounding in his chest. He stared at the screen, his mind racing. Did you really mean it? Or was it just the late hour, the vulnerability of the moment, making you say things you might not normally say?

Pep: Do you really mean that?

As he typed, his fingers erratically tremored; he couldn’t keep up with the thoughts tumbling out of his head. 

Or is it just the insomnia talking?

You: I mean it, Luigi. I’ve felt it, too. This connection between us. It’s real. 

It’s always been real. 

Pep: I want it to be real.

You: Then let’s make it real. 

His pulse quickened. The compulsion hung in the air, heavy and loaded. He’d thought about it—more times than he could count. He’d imagined what it would be like to hear your voice, to see your face, to feel your presence beside him. But it felt like a dream, something just out of reach.

Pep: But there’s so much distance. And I… I don’t know if I’m ready for that. If I’m even capable of it. I know you’re real, and this is, but I want to feel it, too. 

The honesty in his words surprised him. He hadn’t meant to say so much, but something about the late hour, the quiet, you—it made it impossible to hold back.

You: I get it. I really do. But… what if we didn’t have to figure it all out right now? What if we just… let ourselves want it? Even if it’s just for tonight.

I mean… what if we stopped pretending like this isn’t something real? Like we’re just two strangers who happen to be online at the same time. Because we’re not. We’re more than that. 

And… I don’t want to hide it anymore.

Luigi gazed at the words, his chest constricting. He felt naked and vulnerable, yet also… relieved. It was as if someone had torn off a bandage he hadn’t known was there.

Pep: I don’t want to hide it, either. I do want this. I want you. Even if it’s just like this, for now. Even if it’s just words on a screen. It just feels so real to me.

You: Then let’s stop pretending. Let’s just… be. Together. Even if it’s just for tonight.

He hesitated for a moment, his heart pounding in his chest. He let out a slow breath, feeling the pressure ease slightly, now knowing that deep down, he understood what he wanted—he wanted you, and at long last, you were there, waiting for him. He was no longer alone. At this moment, going forward for however long the night would last, it would be just you and him—and only you and him. And it was going to be real. 

Then, slowly, he typed.

Pep: Okay. Let’s be together.

[beelzecxi]

“Drank, drank I been drinking, I hit you up when I’m faded”

Obey me Lucifer x amab reader! Nsfw! Fem aligned dni! Mdni! Top reader! Drunk Lucifer! Light sub/dom dynamic! Lucifer is a masochist! Reader is not a sadist! Sub Lucifer!

Concept: Lucifer get drunk and horny!! W.c 1.4

A/n: I wrote something like this awhile ago, then it got deleted cuz I got a new phone.. （−＿−；）

P.s never have intercourse with an intoxicated person, this is just a story about a fictional character. You should never copulate wity someone under the influence, thank you.

"Sweetheart, you need to relax," you laugh, placing your hands on the demon's waist and squeezing as you lean away from his feeble attempts at kissing you. "Let me kiss you," he whines, his desperation peaking, "please." He pouts, licking his lips as he stares at you.

You smirk, leaning into the demon's space, "Luci, you're so adorable when you're drunk" You tease, pecking his lips, "You're usually all worked up, held up in that office of yours." You continue, once again pecking his lips, grinning when he whines. "Got so worked up, you had to turn to alcohol" you sigh, leaning back against the bed frame.

"You know instead of getting drunk you can just come to me," you mutter, slipping your hands under his shirt, kissing along his neck as he whimpers into your ear. "I'd take care of you, l'd make sure all of your stress goes away. All you have to do is ask" You say, smirking against his skin when he starts to roll his hip.

"Ah, Ah, Ah." You tsk, tightening your grip on his waist,

"None of that now dear," you scold, leaning away from his neck, "if you want me to help you, you'll have to ask" you reaffirm, tilting your head as you look at him "Come on ask," You tempt, no better than a demon yourself, "Ask me to take all of the stress away. Ask me to take care of you. " You continue, rubbing circles on his waist with your thumbs.

"Please," he hiccups, his speech slurred from the alcohol,

"please take care of me, please" He begs, hands clutching at your sweat pants, you smirk pushing him down on the bed before climbing over him, "That's all you had to say baby, get rid of our clothes, yeah?" You ask, though it's more like a demand, either way Lucifer listens, getting rid of the barriers preventing him from feeling your skin on his.

"You're so pretty sweetheart," you praise, spreading his legs to get a better view of him, enjoying the sound of him whining at the slightest touch, before grazing your fingers up his shaft grinning when he instantly bucks up into your touch desperate for more.

"Now, now Luci, be a good boy for me and stay still." You scold, slapping his inner thigh.

"M-master!" He yelps, runting his hips, in an effort to get you to hit him again.

"Stay still or I won't touch you at all," you threaten staring deep down into his eyes. He whines, frantically, worried that you might actually stop. You won't, after all it's not everyday you get to have someone as powerful as Lucifer, someone who almost everyone in devildom was afraid of.

You hummed softly, squeezing his thighs before bringing your hand back to his cock. Wrapping your hand around his base, jerking it, once, twice, then once again. "So, tell me Luci, do you want me to ride or fuck you? It's up to you really," you say, squeezing his base, "either way you won't be able to cum until I say so." You tell him trailing your fingers down to his hole, adding a slight bit of pressure tutting when he starts to whine and push back on your fingers. “So what will it be sweetheart?” You queried, leaning down to peck the corner of his lips as he continued to whine and whimper.

“Fuck me! Fuck me please! I-I want it s-so bad master, please, please,plea-” he chokes, groaning when you remove your fingers from his hole, “Suck.” You demand, putting three of your fingers in front of his mouth, “conjure up some lube too please, I wouldn’t want to hurt you.” You ask, tapping at his chin “‘s okay, I want to hurt” he mumbles before sucking your fingers into his mouth, moaning happily at having his mouth filled. “Oh?” You mumbled, slightly concerned. Pulling back slightly, jumping when Lucifer wrapped his hand around your wrist, moaning like a porn star, sucking your fingers like it was a cock instead, trying to get your fingers as deep as they can go. “Alright luci that’s enough” you say, pulling your fingers from his mouth, chuckling when he whines and tries to follow them.

“Alright calm down,” you say, spreading his thighs to get a better view of his hole. “Woah” you whistle, putting your spit-slick fingers to his hole, “look at this pretty thing,” you awe, pushing one of your fingers inside, thrusting it in and out before adding another one, “Your hole is so pretty luci.” You praise, pushing the final finger in after scissoring him open for a while. “Master~” he whines rolling his hips back against your fingers, “master, please fuck me, please” he slurs, half delirious from the alcohol and pleasure. “Getting to that,” you say, pulling your pants down.

“Spread em’” you order, slapping the demon's inner thigh, smiling when he moans and squirms before doing what he’s told, whining like bitch in heat. “Master!” He whines, his voice is adorably high pitched as he hiccups and rolls his hips before remembering he’s supposed to be a good little demon if he wants to get fucked.

“Lube Luci,” you tell him, praising him when a small bottle of it appears right in your hand. “Ready for the real fun to begin sweetheart?” You ask, squirting some of the lube into your hand and spread it over your cock. Grinning when the demon nods frantically, spreading his legs wider to tempt you into just taking him right then and there.

For extra safety precautions, not willing to tear something in the demon even if that is what he wants, you squirt a little bit of lube into the demon’s hole, enough so that it stings but nothing will tear, before sticking your fingers inside to spread it around. “Deep breaths,” you say, lining your cock up to the demon's hole, smirking down at him before pushing inside, grinning at the instant whine that leaves the demon lord.

“There we go,” you huff as you bottom up, looking at the panting demon below you, “are you okay luci?” You ask, placing your hands on the demon's waist. “You look a little red.” You tease, leaning down to nip at his left nipple, smiling when he immediately arches his chest into your mouth. “Master, move please” he whimpers, clutching at the nap of your neck, “want you to fuck me hard and rough, please, I want it to hurt” he whines, his sharp nails digging into your scalp. You merely hum, swirling your tongue around his nipple before pulling away with a nip. “I’ll give you what you want, don’t worry sweetheart,” you reassure him, pulling your hips back before giving him exactly what he wanted, a hard and rough fucking.

He moaned loudly when you thrusted back into him, clutching at you like a lifeline as you nailed into him “Master-” he choked out, wanting to beg for more but to overcome with the pleasure of being filled and stretched so well. He wanted oh so badly to feel the thick head of your cock crush his prostate, and it was so close to doing so if you could just go a little be deeper, you’d be right there, right where you belong- and as if you could hear his thoughts you slid your hand under his right leg, hiking it up your waist. And then you were right there, right on his prostate.

“Ah, there it is,” you hummed when Luci yelped into your ear, frantically rolling his hips to meet your thrust. “Right there right there,” he whines frantic with pleasure, “gonna cum, please let me cum,” he begs, his body jerking. “Please say I can cum,” he whines, trying his hardest to wait until you give him permission, “cum.” You order, your thrusts never slowing, not even when the demon jerks with the force of his orgasm.

“You’re a demon so you can last a lot longer right Luci?” You ask, wrapping your hand around his cock, he nobs whimpering as you start to jerk his sensitive cock. “That’s nice. I was worried we’d have end our night here. But we can keep going right sweetheart?” You ask, playing with the sensitive head of his cock “y-yeah” he hiccups, thrusting his cock into your hand, moaning when you slap his thigh with your spare hand. “We talked about this luci,” you scold, slowing down the speed of your thrusts, “I’m sorry, please don’t stop,” he begs, squeezing tightly around your cock to prevent you from pulling out. “Don’t worry I’m not going anywhere,” you say, leaning down to bite at his neck.

“After all, the night’s just begun.”

[filthygalli]

Unholy

Fem!Reader x Priest!Hwang In-Ho (one shot)

Warnings: 18+, Sexual Innuendo, Not for religious people tbh, mention of fingering, sex, bibles, beliefs, and many more that I forgot. Badly written and also not proofread.

Word Count: 1747

Author's Note: I wrote this while waiting for my friends outside the lobby of my school, it took me an hour to construct something like this but I feel like it's bad, please let me know what do you think! 🥺🖤

You're not as faithful as your parents, they pray everyday and night, thanking god for everyday life that God made for them, going to church every Sunday, worshipping their god, offering help at the church when they can—while you their only daughter and child aren't that faithful, you respect it though, it's just you have more important things to do since you're in college and also working as a librarian at a local Library not too far from your house. You work there for months now and honestly, you enjoy it. You get to read your favorite books while helping the locals to find their own books, recommending them books, telling them where it is located, it's simple but you enjoy it.

One day, there's this Tall and handsome middle aged man went inside the library, he's alluding, his jaw is Sharp, his hair looks soft and fluffy—it almost cover his forehead, it's also a dark brown color, you looked at him from up to down, he wears a rimless glasses, pushing it up on his nose with his index fingers, he wears a black pants, a leather boots that heels clicked everytime he walks—he looks hot and sexy, yet innocent. Too innocent looking for an old man like him, you also noticed his clothing, similar from what the priest wears, black button up sleeve that hugged every muscle on his figure, the way his biceps tightened around the sleeve of his shirt, veins popping out as he adjusts the sleeve from his elbows, then he walked towards you—Wait Towards you?!—His gaze on you is soft and quiet, he slowly walks towards you, the heels of his leather booths echoed through the thick air of silence, You gulped as he smiled at you before speaking, “Hi, Good morning.” He said leaning down a little at your table, Your breath hitched as his dark brown eyes turned up to look at you, ‘God…’ you thought, a silver cross necklace hangs on his neck as he leaned down, “Hi, Goodmorning Sir..” you mumbled as you tried to pretend that your busy, “I'm sorry to bother but I need some help to find a specific book..” he said as he deeply chuckled, ‘Fuck, he looks and sounds so hot’ you thought as you gave him a shy smile, “Ah..What kind of book is it?” You said slightly fixing your skirt as you stood up, He paused for a moment, “Well…I-” he hesitated before chuckling again, “It's a book about.. Erotic fiction,” he said scratching the back of his neck, avoiding your look, ‘Oh…not so innocent at all’ you thought as you gave him a smile, “Well, we have a lot,” you said chuckling at him, “yeah..” he muttered as he smiled back, he smiled brightly, “Follow me, Mr..?” You said walking towards the book section as you turned back to him, “In-Ho, Hwang In-Ho.” he looked down on your figure as he towered you, “Mr. Hwang…please, Follow me.” You said as he nodded, following you after.

“Here we are,” you said as you pointed at the bookshelves full of erotic fictions that Mr. Hwang asked you, “That's a lot…” he said as his eyes wandered through numerous books. In Front of him, his eyes twinkled at the different colorful and dark book covers, “What do you recommend? Ms..?” he said eyeing you, “Y/n L/n” you mumbled as he nodded, “Y/n..” he tested your name on his lips, he liked the sound of it, it's unique and beautiful—perfect for such a beautiful woman like you, “Well, Nice to meet you, Ms. Y/n.” He said extending his hand for you to shake, you looked at his hand, Fuck his hand look so big compared to yours, it's veiny and it looks soft—You extended your hand as you felt his soft touch against your skin, you shook it as Mr.Hwang didn't break eye contact with you, “Nice to meet you too, Mr. Hwang.” You muttered, “In-Ho, Call me In-Ho, Sweetheart.” You blushed at the name he called you, Sweetheart? You repeated the name inside your head, you smiled slightly to yourself, Mr. Hwang noticed it, he smirked as he pulls his hand away from your grasp, “So,” you breathe out, “It's quite odd for someone like you to find such books like these–” you said motioning the books around the two of you, he chuckled deeply, “I like reading, it's just,” he stopped for a moment, unsure of what's he going to say, “I wanted to try the uhm, this kind of genre.” He said as he slowly looked away from you, embarrassed. “I see, well, there's a lot of books that are great under the genre that you're curious about,” you said as you slowly wander your eyes around the bookshelves, finding a specific book that might interest Mr. Hwang—He glance at you; admiring your innocent features, the way you would look at him…it's pure innocence, your soft and pinkish lips, he also noticed your hands earlier , the way his own hands gripped yours, your delicate touch made him shiver a little, The way your skirt hugged your curves—it fits perfectly on you, the only thing he can think about is bending you over on your table as he raise your skirt, spanking your ass hard that'll leave marks on your skin for days, or maybe bending you over as he slid his fingers inside you, pumping in and out of your pussy teasingly as you beg him to go faster as you chase your high, he felt his pants get tight as he thinks about his unholy thoughts about you, for god sake—he’s a damn priest, why would he think such things like this? He'll burn in hell because of you, but his soul is worth burning if he sinned because of you.

He'll make you quiver, shake, and whisper his name like a fervent prayer.

His eyes grew darker, as you explained every detail of the book that you recommended to him. At this point he doesn't need that book, he needs you, he yearns for you.

“Mr. Hwang?” You called his name, “Hmm?” He muttered, snapping himself out of his thoughts, “I said, Would you enjoy these?” You said bringing the two books from your hand to his face, he looked at the dark cover of the book, it had skulls and roses on it, ‘Haunting Adeline’ he read the book title in his mind, “Oh..what is it about?” He asked tilting his head a little, “Well…it's a cat and mouse trope, he stalks this girl and do stuffs to her..” you said almost a whisper, he noticed that you were shy, he finds it adorable, “Ah, I see…that'll do, I'll let you know if I liked it or not,” he chuckled which made you chuckle too, “Alright, just bring it to my desk so I can log the book under your name,” you said as you gave him a knowing look, he nodded and followed you behind.

You logged the book under his name and asked for his details, “Sorry but…what's your name again?” You asked slightly embarrassed. That's a big lie, Of course you know his name. He chuckled, “Next time…I'll make sure you'll remember my name.” He teased as he deeply chuckled, the sound of his chuckle sent shivers down your spine, “It's Hwang In-Ho, Sweetheart.” There is it again, that little nickname. “Right, I'll make sure to remember it this time.” You gave him a smile as you gave the book to him, “Here you go, Mr. Hwang.” he grabbed the book on the table, still looking at you, “I told you to call me In-Ho, sweetheart.” he said as he grinned, “In-Ho…Alright.” You say as you nodded, he left after that.

In-Ho went out of the Library, his mind is full of your image all he could think about is Y/n. Y/n. Y/n. Y/n. He can't stop himself from thinking such things about you, he feels disgusting, pathetic—he’s a fucking priest! First, he borrowed a book that it's clearly not appropriate for him to read, second, the way he imagined how he will bend you over and fuck you all over the bookshelves in that library makes his pants tight, he groans to himself as he reach his house, throwing the book on the coffee table, he sat down on the sofa as he questions himself about what he just did a couple of minutes ago.

Reading is one of In-Ho’s hobbies. He likes to read any kind of genre of books, he owns tons of erotic fiction in his home, it sounds odd that a priest who's supposed to be reading bibles and pray every day and night likes to read unholy fiction novels. But, earlier at the library it's his first encounter with a woman like you, you're beautiful unlike other women that he had one night stand with, Christ—he’s a priest and he does one night stand?!—He likes how calm you are, how cute you are when you get shy or stutter a little when he looks at you, he yearns for you, he wants you badly, and he'll make you his no matter what.

You sat on your chair doing paperwork as the priest from earlier came across your mind, you thought of how handsome he is for a priest, how veiny his hands are, how fit he is—is he really a priest?—how he looks at you with those eyes, it's not just a normal look, it's the hungry gaze, how his pupils dilate when he looks at you, it's weird because priests should be reading bibles instead of erotic fictions, right? Also…a dark romance book too? You wonder if he likes to read books like that, you wonder what book is his favorite, or where and what church is he a priest on because you want to see him on that altar speaking words of god as you hear it as word of lust, how you want him to moan your name like a prayer, spread your folds like a page from a Bible, or bend your back on the table like how he bends the spine of the book where words of god is written, you feel a pool of wetness on your thighs as you squeeze them together, it feels so illegal, thinking his way, it's filthy and disgusting, Yet you love it.

Author's Note: Aaaaaaa omg thank you for reading my works, we're so close on 300 flowers!! I'm so touched for having such kind and loving readers like y'all:(( I'm going to keep publishing my works for y'all! More updates soon! Thank you!🖤🥺

[beneathsilverstars]

what does the party think of loop being a different siffrin. like why theyre here. likee do they think loop is a siffrin who.. succeeded? a siffrin who died?

[context: Dagger Ending AU]

Ooh yes. Here's everyone's theories from the first week or two, and what Loop had to say about them!

They've all discussed their theories together (though with some details omitted when Bonnie's there), and they have varying opinions on each other's, but they mostly stick to arguing their own if just because they have a clandestine bet going on. Maybe a little gauche, but sometimes you need to lighten the mood by acting the same way you do for sillier topics.

Bonnie's theory: Siffrin asked the stars for a friend.

Bonnie's story is inspired by some fairytales they were told when they were younger. Those fairytales were inspired by stories from the forgotten island, so Bonnie's version here actually brings it closer to the originals again! Though of course, with a Vaugardian twist.

Bonnie says: Siffrin was worried about being left alone, so since he really likes the stars for some reason, he asked the stars to be his friend forever. So one of the stars came down to be with him! But obviously a dot of light wouldn't make a very good friend, so they had to Change to be a person — and a dot of light that isn't a person yet wouldn't know how to Change right yet, so they just cheated and copied Siffrin. But it's impossible to Change to be exactly like another person, you can only ever be a new version of yourself, so that's why Loop isn't the exact same as Siffrin.

Bonnie: I know you don't want to explain to us why there's two of you, and why you're not a— you're... more different than people can normally be, but if I tell you my thee-ry, will you at least just say if I'm right? Loop: Hm... Probably not. Loop: But you should tell me anyway! [Bonnie explains their theory.] Loop: Aw! That's a very cute story~ [Loop's smile becomes more forced.] Loop: That is all I am, aren't I? A star friend for pooor little Siffrin, so he doesn't have to be all alone? Bonnie: I knew it!!! Bonnie: Do you miss being a normal star, up in the sky? [Loop takes a deep breath.] Loop: I miss a lot of things. But I asked to be here. Bonnie: Oh! Did you ask for a friend, too? It would make sense for the stars to pick you to send, if you were lonely too. Loop: ... I did! You're very good at this. Bonnie: Of course I am!!! Loop: You know, you should tell your story to stardust. I think they'll like it better than I do. [Bonnie runs off to tell Siffrin about it, and then to tell the other adults that Loop said they were totally right.]

Isabeau's theory: Loop is a sadness made out of Siffrin's self-hatred and loneliness.

There's stories about people finding "their" sadness that mirrors them exactly, including both fiction that uses it as a metaphor for inner battles, and folktales that claim to be true. Isabeau used to not believe the folktales at all, because they vary so wildly, and surely one single person's emotions couldn't be strong enough to make a sadness as sapient as some of the stories claim — no sadnesses are that clever, not even the big powerful ones that are made out of so many people's emotions that they aren't even vaguely human-shaped.

But, now, well... If it is possible, it's hard to find any negative emotions stronger than the reasons someone tried to kill themself. And it's undeniable that Loop seems to be closer to a sadness in physiology than they are to any living creature.

Plus, there could very well be some other factor that pushed Loop into full personhood! Some of the stories include the sadness feeding on its originator until the person wastes away and the sadness takes their place, which is far-fetched, but so is this whole situation. Or, animating a statue kind of involves putting a bit of yourself into it — your craft energy, your intentions — so perhaps Siffrin had put a lot of themself into Loop, in a way that isn't possible with something nonliving. It would explain the craft exhaustion, too, if Siffrin had fueled Loop's becoming in some way or another.

Isabeau: Bonnie said you said they were right. That you're a star sent to be Sif's friend. Loop: I'm sure they did. Isabeau: ... But it's not true, right? [Loop looks away.] Loop: ... I didn't actually tell them it was. I didn't lie to them. Just... parts of it. Isabeau: Parts of it were true? Isabeau: Which parts? Loop: ... What do you think? Isabeau: Well, it would depend on exactly how they worded it, wouldn't it? They keep changing their mind on the details. Loop: What do you think, then? Isabeau: About… Loop: Me. Isabeau: Right. [Isabeau makes a face.] Isabeau: I... don't know that it would do any good to tell you. Loop: Wow, that bad, huh? Now I have to hear it. Isabeau: Just, promise you won't take it the wrong way? [Loop squints at him.] Loop: I'll take it whatever way I want. Isabeau: Alright, fair enough. Alright. But, whether or not my theory is true, that doesn't change how I think about you, okay? You're a person, and you're our friend, and I'm glad you're here with us. Loop: Just get on with it, Fighter. Isabeau: Yeah, yeah, alright. Isabeau: It’s... I think you might be a sadness? [Loop gasps dramatically.] Loop: Ooooh, how could you~? Isabeau: There would definitely have to be more to it. You are a person, and you're stable, Sif's moods don't affect you any more than they do the rest of us. But... you're not human. You don't need to sleep, you can't eat, you're just... not made out of living stuff? But you're not artificial either, you're not an inanimate thing that's been crafted to move. You're alive! And there's only one sort of... being... that I know of, that's alive but not living. And, well... Sif...... Loop: ... They were so very, very sad. Isabeau: Yeah. Loop: Well! It does make sense! Loop: Of course you'd go for the depressing, realistic answer! Loop: You're entirely wrong, of course, but... Loop: I... [Loop looks down at their hands.] [They move their hands up, to grip their arms.] Isabeau: Sorry. I knew you wouldn't like it. I swear it really, really doesn't matter, okay? However you... got here... you're here now, and you're you, and we're glad of it. Loop: ... Isabeau: I'll go see if Bonbon needs any help with dinner.

Mirabelle's theory: Siffrin killed himself, and he both got brought back to life and lived on as a ghost.

To be exact, he successfully(-ish?) committed suicide when he said he was going to go take a nap in the meadow. She thinks it's an earlier attempt rather than the one Odile saw because: Siffrin had originally told Isabeau he wanted to talk again with someone he'd spoken to the day before — which could only have happened earlier in the day, because Siffrin was never left alone later — and while that could be a lie it also explains how Siffrin knew that Loop was at the favor tree at all; Odile mentioned how confident and unflinching he was about it, which could be explained by having done it before; and everyone agrees that the recent changes in Siffrin started, though more subtly, after the nap in particular.

Siffrin not dying from his late afternoon attempt isn't necessarily as much of a factor — Vaugardian ghost lore includes stories of people being haunted by earlier versions of themselves that they’d Changed away from, so there’s precedence for living people having ghosts. Of course this means there are other major Changes besides death (or deciding to die) that can create a ghost, but the other ways Siffrin has changed don't seem quite dramatic enough in the right way to have been the catalyst. In fact, it’s strange than Loop seems to be the more Changed of the two! But perhaps pre-Dormont Siffrin actually was more like Loop and just hid it better, or perhaps Siffrin used to be more like Loop at an earlier point in their life, and had somewhat Changed but not enough to be happy with themself. Either way, any of Loop's traits that post-Dormont Siffrin doesn't seem to share much at all would be parts of themself that pre-Dormont Siffrin "killed".

Mirabelle: Loop... You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but... Are you a ghost? Loop: You know, stardust guessed the same thing! And I told them... Well, I don't remember anymore. Something about the Favor Tree being my grave? Loop: Anyway, you could sort of say that! Except, how could I be his ghost when he didn't actually die? You made sure of that. Mirabelle: Well... I thought maybe... Mirabelle: Maybe Siffrin did kill themself? Before that? And you're the parts of Siffrin that they killed, but you stayed because... because you still had things to get done, or Siffrin still needed you, or… or something like that...? Loop: HA! Loop: Yeah, something like that!!! [Loop laughs hysterically for a bit, then suddenly stops.] Loop: ... Go away, Housemaiden. [Mirabelle leaves to fetch Siffrin.] [While she's gone, Loop leaves the camp.] [Siffrin finds them and brings them back several hours later.]

Odile's theory: Siffrin wished for a companion.

The final loop through the house didn't include either of the forgotten language books on wish craft, but it did include discussion of the impossibility of time craft, and the diary where a lonely person wished for a copy of themself. Odile initially dismissed the diary as creative fiction, but it was still fresh on her mind when she met Loop later that day!

During the next couple days in Dormont, she asked Euphrasie about how she crafted Mirabelle's blessing, because she loves cutting-edge craft. The conversation turned to the King's impossible time craft, and Euphrasie said she thinks he probably used wish craft. She explained that she doesn't know much because it's hard to find anything more than brief mentions of it, but she's confident it's real. She's pretty sure you need to do very particular things in order to use it, though — not any old wish will do — and she doesn't know what those things are. But it's probably the only way the King could have gotten the power to stop time, and there's a chance that the people of Vaugarde’s wishes for salvation contributed to his defeat (but she's not sure because who knows if anyone actually wished the right away).

Now, knowing that wish craft could be real… it’s strange to think that Siffrin might know about something basically unheard of. But they did know about the orrery in the house, and caring about stars is basically unheard of, too! And… Loop says they’re a star… and the King has stars on his armor….. And it’s risky to use one guess as evidence for another, but that could be three instances where the shape or knowledge of stars appeared alongside the use or knowledge of wish craft. And Siffrin spoke to Loop at the Favor Tree, and supposedly that���s where they spoke the day before too, and a Favor Tree is a place where you ask for something you want.

Siffrin’s craft exhaustion could be a point for or against; on one hand, making a copy of yourself must be powerful craft, but on the other hand, wish craft was what allowed the King to perform craft so strenuous that it should’ve instantly killed him. Plus, Siffrin’s exhaustion didn’t hit till at least a full day after they went to the Favor Tree alone the first time. So Odile doesn’t know enough to call that factor either way.

And why would Siffrin try to kill themself shortly after their wish came true? Was it just not everything they hoped it would be? Siffrin and Loop fight a lot, but they obviously care for each other a lot, too… But maybe even getting something they really wanted could make a depressed person feel worse, if it doesn't help as much as they hoped it would, and they decide that means they’re hopeless.

Odile decided on this theory by day three. There are other mysteries that aren’t as neatly explained by it, like the ease with which Siffrin navigated the house, but perhaps they’d made a second wish? Or perhaps that was the influence of the Vaugardian wishes that Euphrasie talked about? And over the following weeks, Siffrin’s behavior has only gotten stranger, in worrying, unexplainable ways. Odile is finding many different pieces to an unknown number of puzzles… but she’s fairly certain she’s got a good start on the Loop corner.

Loop: Well, Researcher? Everyone else has told me their theories on what and how and why I am. What's yours? Odile: I was wondering when you’d ask. My best theory is that Siffrin made a wish — for a friend who wouldn’t leave him, or someone who understood what he felt, or something along those lines — and your existence was the answer. Loop: … Loop: Same story as the Kid, huh? Odile: You did say that they got parts of it right. Loop: It just seems a bit unrealistic for you, Researcher~ Stardust wished for a friend and one just fell out of the sky? Odile: Your entire existence is unrealistic, Loop. But if a craft has the power to freeze an entire country in time, surely it also has the power to create life. Or split it, perhaps. Loop: … But the king used time craft. What does that have to do with wish craft? Odile: The Head Housemaiden of Dormont believes wish craft is what gave him the power to stop time. Loop. W- How does she know about wish craft?? Odile: How do you, Loop? Loop: The— It’s— [Odile waits patiently.] Loop: The book! The, the diary, in that room, with the— the thing for the stars. It talked about wish craft. Odile: Ah, of course. The diary of a person who felt lonely and misunderstood, so they used wish craft to make a copy of themself. The diary you’ve never seen, because you… branched off, let’s say, the day before we fought through the House. Loop: Stardust told me about it! Odile: Of course. You know, they remember a surprising amount about the House? It's been several weeks, and you'd think between the traumatic injury the day before and the fevers afterwards, even the average person would consider it all a bit of a blur. But they still remember details that the others have forgotten, about conversations it seemed they were barely paying attention to. Even one or two things that I don't remember at all. [Loop breathes shallowly.] Loop: W— What are you implying? Odile: Nothing in particular. However shaky the wish craft theory seems, I'm even less sure about everything else. Loop: Well, you should be! Because there is nothing else! [Odile sighs.] Odile: I'm sorry, I know you don't want us knowing about these things. You and Siffrin both. But he's... not doing well. [Loop looks away.] Odile: And frankly, I don't think you are, either. But we can't help if we don't know what the problem is! It's your choice not to tell us, but I'm not going to stop trying to figure it out. Loop: It doesn't matter! The other things. He has you now, all four of you. You're helping. They'll be okay. Odile: What about you, Loop? Loop: ... I'm helping too. I'm trying. I'm here to help them. Odile: Loop... [Odile is about to say something, but stops. She takes a deep breath before continuing.] Odile: It would help a great deal if you and he could be more open with us. Loop: ... Odile: Can I take this as confirmation of my theory, at least? Loop: ... Not quite. Odile: But I'm close. [Loop doesn't claim otherwise.]

[utilitycaster]

1. My biggest isssue (as a POC) is when is a character POC or otherized? Do we use IRL or in world? Beau is Human, brown woman. At no point in C2 is the fact that she is brown comes up other than discriptions. Her humaness is what matters especially in the COB. She is treated the same aa Caleb. Fjord, Nott and Molly havs far more in text displays of racism towards them. Ppl dismiss jester as being "white" but insist dorian is poc. When in world they are the same colour.

2. And teiflings would be more discriminated against. I know robbie is poc and dorian is blue but hes a genasi. In the world of exandria i view him and ashton as the same race. So i see these weird arguments online and its always a cross steam trying to use both in world races and irl to prove a point. Since i am examining the world of exandria i use the races displayed there and no attention to what the people look like irl. Also it avoids unintentional sterotyping down the road

3. An example ppl drawing drow and ashton with black racial features (my own) and then someone else complaing that the fandom made the asshole and the would be villian into black men. This fanon has unintended consequences once the story is fully fleshed out. Saying Orym is non white (despite Liams art direction) is bad because people to this day are mad Marisha made beau dark. It cant be both way. This way ppl can headcanon stuff so they dont have 2 go looking for other ips for representation.

----

So this is a really good point and I am, as said, an ethnic/religious minority but not a racial one and so this is how I tend to interpret this stuff in fantasy works, especially ones that have multiple species (humans, elves, etc) as it's not limited to Critical Role (ie, happens in Dragon Age too), which I think is what you're saying here but feel free to let me know if I'm wrong:

There's "is this character treated, in-world, as racialized" (which is often more contextual in a lot of fictional works in a way it is not IRL due to patterns of colonialism in our world, which is a long conversation I'm probably not equipped to articulate well, but just as an example, Fjord is racialized as a half-orc on the Menagerie Coast, but half-orcs in Yios, for example would have a very different experience). In other words, do people within the work of fiction discriminate against them on the basis of race? Anyway, as you said, Fjord, Molly, Jester, and Veth in her goblin form are treated as The Other; Fjord (and Molly, though his memory is only a few years long) grew up with this experience whereas Jester and Veth grew up, for different reasons, sheltered from or unaffected by that discrimination. Beau didn't experience racism in-world, nor did Veth in her halfling form, despite both of them being visibly nonwhite. For a Dragon Age example, Bellara, Davrin, and Antoine grew up with racism as elves, but Neve did not (and indeed comments on using her privilege as a human mage among human mages) despite being visibly nonwhite (and despite Antoine being white).

There's then "is this character treated out of world as racialized", or in other words, do fans treat them as nonwhite. This is also complicated, and this is something I can speak to as Jewish people who are not also POC experience 'conditional whiteness', ie, when right-wing people want to hate Jews we are the nonwhite infiltrator and when left-wing (and often themselves white) people want to hate them they are the white oppressor. So racist fans will hate characters who are nonwhite (like Beau) and fans trying to prove their blorbo cannot be criticized on the basis of oppression. In this case, Beau and Veth are nonwhite; Fjord and Jester often vary depending on what argument the person wants to make; Molly, as opposed to Jester, is almost NEVER drawn with nonwhite features (which frankly says a LOT of unflattering things about the white queer centering, now that I think about it); etc.

And then there's "is the actor/creator racialized in real life," ie, Robbie, Aabria, Anjali, Utkarsh, Aimee, Christian, Mica, Khary, etc are all POC and the main cast are not. Most of their characters are nonwhite, but few are racialized - Shakaste, Deanna, Bor'Dor, Opal, Deni$e, and Reani do not experience racism within this setting. Genasi (as played by Anjali, Robbie, and Taliesin) are a complicated case of being tokenized/model minority within the Empire, and the Silken Squall being inspired by native culture but their role within the world only slightly touched upon such that it's hard to draw a definitive conclusion.

And, since I referenced it in the tags elsewhere, for an NPC case: Essek is racialized by the people of the Empire (as a drow) along with the rest of the Dynasty; he is not racialized within the Dynasty and is indeed in a privileged position there; and whether or not he's treated as nonwhite by the fandom depends on whether someone wants to hate on him or defend him on the basis of identity. He is an NPC, and Matt's white, but in theory could be controlled by a nonwhite GM such as Aabria, or a nonwhite player in the way that Robbie played Cerkonos.

Anyway: completely agree that a lot of people do this in the end so that they don't have to seek out like, Desiquest or Rivals of Waterdeep or Into the Motherlands or other APs run by actual real nonwhite people either because of parasocial connections to the cast, the fact that CR has a larger fandom and they want the attention, or the fact that often they are here for white queer characters and bring in nonwhite characters (and headcanons of white characters) as some kind of armor against criticism.

I think in terms of character interpretation you do need to consider both in-world (Fjord is textually treated as the racial other to the point of self-harming to fit in; you cannot treat him as The Racial Majority in the world without being noncanonical) and out-of-world (irl people are racist towards Beau) but yeah a lot of people really want to have it both ways.

This happens a lot with queerness too - one of the big backlashes I experienced during this campaign is when I pointed out that Exandria is not, in fact, a setting with systemic homophobia and Imogen's experience of being othered in Gelvaan is an extremely bad metaphor for queerness given that she can read people's minds and almost killed two people, but it is true that people irl may be homophobic towards Imogen as a character. But again, you need to be consistent in those arguments - if you are talking about in-world racism or homophobia, you cannot bring up Imogen or Beau, who do not experience these things. If you are talking about fandom racism, you can bring up Beau. And if your issue is racism and representation in the real world, you can and should push back on (for example) people being racist towards Utkarsh for daring to exist and not know every rule of D&D when Emily Axford is onscreen but also we are watching a show of 8 white people when there are other actual plays with a more diverse cast. And yeah, fanon isn't canon and if the character is only nonwhite in your mind, it is not racist of people to disagree or to not vibe with them and it's also worth checking, if you are headcanoning someone with an identity you do not personally have, to see if you're falling into harmful stereotypes. Why are you headcanoning Orym, a character who doesn't experience in-world discrimination, played by a white man, as nonwhite, instead of seeking out works with textually nonwhite or racialized characters? And why are you incapable of accepting that sometimes you'll like a character who is not on every single axis of oppression and it's like, fine, provided you work against oppression in your real world life? If your faves are always white or always men (or, frankly, always demographically like you) then maybe take a look at yourself and who you are capable of relating to, but if you have a mixture of diverse favorite characters it's fine if not every one of them checks every single box.

[sesmiq]

happy birthday୨ৎ (drabble) ── .✦pairing: artist male y/n x childhood friend oc —warnings: this author have not written anything other than his uni essays for months ^^!, v rushed, not proof read, hyeon being a red flag lowk harhar, y/n developing stockholm syndrome, manipulative/yandere behavior (i do not condone irl!! all is fictional, please be safe.) —sequel ? to this! ; Lee Hyeon

7th November 2023, 11:32 PM The ticking of the clock annoyed y/n, each tick was too loud, or too sharp. Its as if it is mocking him, counting every minute of his misery. He could feel every tick like a small puncture to his already frayed nerves, his heartbeat syncing with its rhythm. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block it out, but the sound only grew louder, more suffocating. He sat on the bed, one of his legs shackled to the wall, while the other wrapped in bandages, a small reminder of what had happened the day he tried to escape from the mansion. He glanced at the clock on the wall, ..it was a few minutes before his birthday, Honestly, he doesn’t even know why he bothered to keep track of the dates,, but it should be more than half a year since he's been isolated from the world. y/n let out a bitter laugh, hyeon- his supposed savior, his childhood friend, also, his captor, had gone to a quote on quote business trip after he tried to flee the mansion again. Hyeon had been gone for days, maybe even a week.. his stomach suddenly twist from hunger, the.. food hyeon had left for him (a packet of cheap instant cup noodles that lasted about 3 days or so. though, no hot water was even given to cook it.) were long gone. He misses hyeon’s home cooking. But even as the emptiness clawed at him, there was something else—something darker. A sense of longing. For Hyeon. A strange attachment that twisted inside him like a knot in his chest.

He cares about me, Y/N thought, though he had no idea where this feeling came from. It was hard to fight when his mind was fogged by exhaustion, but somewhere deep down, he felt like the pull toward Hyeon was the only thing left.

Hyeon was there during his worst, he was there the time his parents kicked him out for wanting to pursue an artistic career. He was there to lend his shoulder when y/n was dumped during their college years. (guess what happened to the person dumping y/n lolol) When is he going to come home? Did hyeon finally get bored of him? What if he never comes back? Will y/n die by himself in this stupidly large mansion in the middle of nowhere? It terrified him. As if right one cue, y/n heard a faint footstep right outside the door. His heart skipped, is his mind playing with him? Is the lack of food finally catching up to him..? And then, the door creaked open. 7th November 2023, 11:56 PM Hyeon stepped inside the dark room, carrying a box of cake along with a few shopping bags.. He looked.. calm. yet, he didnt say anything but let out a small sigh when he saw y/n’s condition. He put the stuff away before kneeling down in front y/n, his eyes softening slightly. Hyeon’s hand reached up, gently brushing the other’s hair away from his face. “You’ve been so good.” he murmured, his voice like silk., his hand sliding to cup y/n’s cheek. y/n didnt pull away, instead he leaned into hyeon’s toucj, his eyes fluttering closed as the warmth of hyeon’s hand.. was comforting compared how cold the room is. He hated it. Hes not supposed to like his captor. Hyeon’s other hand came up, tilting Y/N’s chin upward to meet his gaze. The affection in his eyes was gone, replaced by something that made shivers run down his spine. “I’ll never leave you.” he whispered, smile was gentle, as if trying to reassure his beloved. “You won’t leave me, will you?” Y/N’s heart thudded painfully in his chest, too weak to protest, too desperate to care. Hyeon’s touch was the only thing that made him feel alive again,, 8th November 2023, 12:00 AM Hyeon leaned in, his lips pressing a soft kiss to Y/N’s forehead, a gentle gesture that felt almost like a promise. “Happy birthday, y/n.”

a/n: omg a ghost is talkimg,, haha. v rushed, (as u can see) been trying to write something since idk, august? but i dont think the school excuse is gon' work,,, in all honesty i had no motivation to write, like at all. i couldnt think of a single idea (hence this sequel),, though i have a bunch of draft with what i want to write thats not even 50% completed lol i hope i can post them in the future! forgive me for going MIA ^^ i hope you enjoyed this,, will probably edit this once i wake up (currently 2:34 am) goodbye ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა

[lovemyromance]

Anti-Elriel Excuse Translator

"We don't know who Elain wants because we don't have her POV" =

I am hoping Elain is just pretending not to want Lucien and her actions/words for some reason are contrary to her true thoughts that show she secretly does want her mate

"Elriel ended in the BC" =

I am hoping the misunderstanding between Elain & Azriel was enough to make Elain change her mind and finally give Lucien a chance. This will allow Azriel to finally be free to go after Gwyn

"Elain & Azriel are going to get together but then break up because they're not endgame"

All signs are currently pointing to Elriel and that scares me so I'm holding onto hope that SJM will throw us a curveball for no reason whatsoever

"Shadow dance/Spark/Ribbon/Sunshine"

There is no actual foreshadowing for this ship so I will latch onto this word/vague concept and force it down everyone's throat till they are just as delusional as we are

"Elain is a fictional character she has no wants but she needs growth"

I believe only Lucien can cure Elain with because <insert head canon>. It's not her book yet but I don't care. I am going to ignore canon evidence because it does not fit my ship. Don't you dare say Lucien is a fictional character too, though.

"Elriel is too predictable"

I also saw Elriel evidence in the books but decided to ignore it because it doesn't fit my ship. Instead, I will dismiss it and say that Elriel is both TOO obvious and nonexistent

"It's just lust for Azriel"

I can see Azriel clearly wants Elain. But this does not suit my ship so I will turn his attraction and desire into a bad thing

"Elain can't handle Azriel's darkness"

I don't know what Azriel's darkness is but Elain is too nice and sweet she can't handle Azriel but Gwyn can because I just made that up and decided it

"Elain needs to go travel/explore throw balls/ Cassian said she looks bad in black"

Her connections to the NC means she will stay with Azriel which doesn't support my ship so I will ignore all canon evidence and say she doesn't belong here and say she needs to go host a ball and travel

"Gwyn will heal Az"

Idk what this means exactly or how this would occur but it's vague enough that it sounds like a good thing

TLDR: every excuse is not based off canon fact but rather opinion and ignoring the text in favor of their own headcanons.

[ann-non]

SVT reactions on finding out their partner reading smut

Author’s note : it truly has been a while since I posted anything at all.. I honestly have been passively using tumblr. I hadn't been motivated much to write even though I have ideas in my head. I wish I can write more, but for now I'm just gonna focus on my life and post on rare occasions like this when I feel like it. This one is just a sudden thought because some ppl at work are making this book club but they’re sharing all these high literature books. Like no hate, it just requires more brain power for me to read, so I don’t read them as often and I gravitate more to those easy to read spicy romantasies if you catch my drift. But anyway, they don’t need to know what I read in my free time so I just pretend I didn’t see anything lol But yea, it got me thinking about how SVT members would react when they found out the kind of literary corn their partner is reading hihihihihi Obviously, this is just a work of fiction, in no way I know how they would actually react and I wrote this solely for entertainment purposes. Please enjoy and lemme know what you think!

Rating : not sure how to rate this. I guess, there are some innuendos, but nothing explicit.

S.Coups

He walks into the room, sees you quickly shut your book, and immediately gets suspicious. "What are you reading?" He reaches for it, but you hold it tight. Now he has to know. When he finally peeks at a passage, his whole face goes red. He stammers, "I—uh—I didn’t see anything!" and power walks out like he’s on a mission. Later that night, he awkwardly asks, "So… Can I borrow it when you’re done?”

He immediately notices the playful glint in your eyes and before you could say anything, he quickly added, “It’s nothing, I’m just curious!”

Jeonghan

This man is a menace, he’ll have a field day. He would say things so casually just to watch you implode and be like “Aha~ so that’s what you like~” Before you can react, he snatches the book and starts reading out loud in the most dramatic voice possible. "‘His hands traced down her—’ Oh? Interesting." If you try to take it back, he holds it above your head and laughs. Later, he leans in, whispers with that shit eating smirk of his, "I should start using your books as references, huh?" and leaves you completely speechless. And the worst (best) part? He’d bring it up at random times too, like when you're least expecting it. "Hey, which chapter was your favorite? Asking for research purposes." 💀

Joshua

Bro is blushing when he reads what you were reading. He doesn’t expect that kind of scene when he joins you in bed and then reads along with you out of boredom. "My goodness… Is this what you love to read?" You, unaware that he was reading behind your shoulders all along, quickly closed your book as blush crept all over your face. "I—uh—I didn’t mean to intrude!" He hugged you and encouraged you to keep reading as he pulled you closer. But later, as he was on his phone with one hand while the other wrapped around you, he suddenly muttered, "So… do you, um, read those often?" and instantly regrets asking. He’s too polite to tease, but his brain is racing trying to process it.

Jun

Your book was laying on the table unattended as you were busy with your phone. Jun slowly picks it up, reads a line, and gives you a knowing smirk. "Ah… so this is what you like?" He savors your embarrassment. "You should’ve just told me~" Then, for the rest of the day, he randomly brings it up— "Would you like me to act out a scene for you?" Like he would say it completely seriously with that innocent but dangerous glint in his eyes. He’d lean in, smirk, and be like, "You know… I’m pretty flexible. We could test it out, purely for science." And then just grin knowingly when you start blushing.

Hoshi

He gasps so loudly you think something is wrong. "BABY. WHAT IS THIS?!" He dramatically grabs his chest like he’s about to faint. But then he gets curious. "Wait… lemme see that." Next thing you know, he makes it a whole event. He’d flop down next to you, stretch dramatically, and be like, "Okay, hear me out—I could definitely do this." Then he’d actually start attempting the position in the middle of the room, while you’re just sitting there face palming at his antics, "Babe… please—" 

Wonwoo

Wonwoo would glance at your book, read a few lines, and then give you that poker face of his. Then, with the straightest face, he’d say, "Is the writing good, or do you just read it for the plot?" You stammer, and he smirks, "I should borrow it next. Expand my literary horizons." He won’t tease you outright, but you’ll catch him randomly quoting suggestive lines just to see your reaction. "Ah, so this is what you meant by 'intense character development'? 😏" 

Woozi

He catches a glimpse of your book and immediately looks away. Ears red. He pretends he didn’t see anything, but later, he can’t help but ask, "So, uh… that book. What is it about?" If you try to explain, he’ll awkwardly nod and mumble, "Yeah. Okay. Got it." But if you tease him, "Do you want to read it with me?" he will malfunction on the spot. "Wh—NO. I mean—why would I—" and then he’ll be avoiding eye contact for the rest of the week. Dude is traumatized lmao

DK

He sees the book, skims a sentence, and literally jumps back like he got electrocuted. "WAIT—IS THIS—?!?!" His face is pure shock. "BABE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE INNOCENT!" He covers his eyes like he just walked in on something scandalous. But later, when you’re reading again, he peeks over your shoulder and whispers, "…What’s happening now?" He’d stare at the page, tilt his head, then look at you like, "Wait… is that physically possible? Are human spines supposed to bend that way?" Then he’d probably try to reenact the pose just to prove his point, and now you’re sitting there watching your boyfriend nearly sprain his back because of a book. He’d pause, look at you with wide eyes, and say, "Okay but… HOW?! Like, WHERE are their legs at this point??" Then he’d proceed to read the entire passage out loud just to make it sound even more ridiculous, laughing so hard he can’t breathe, but then he keeps reading because "Now I need to know how it ends." 

Mingyu

He’d walk in, glance over your shoulder, and freeze. Then, after a solid three seconds of silence, he’d gasp so loud and grab his chest dramatically like he’s in a K-drama. "WAIT. HOLD ON. A REVERSE HAREM?? AM I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU??"

He’d literally act heartbroken, pacing around the room, muttering things like:

"I give you all my love, all my attention, and THIS is how you repay me?!"

"So what, you want four more guys? Is this why you’ve been reading so much lately?"

"IS IT BECAUSE I CAN’T MULTIPLY?!" 

And if you try to explain, he’s not hearing it. He’s already on his phone googling “how to kagebunshin no jutsu” while fake-sniffling in the corner. Bro is dramatic AF, but then he’s also the type to proceed to borrow the book (for research purposes he said), and end up getting way too into it. He’d come back blushing and stuttering like, "Sooooo I read it… and uh… I have some thoughts?? 😳"

The8

He’d glance at the book, shrug, and say, "Cool, do you like it?" before going back to whatever he was doing. But if you explain the plot, he might actually get curious and ask more questions in a totally nonchalant way. And when you least expected he would be like, "Hmm, it actually sounds kinda interesting… Can I read it after you?" but completely unbothered, like he’s asking for a normal book. He'd probably even come back after reading the book like, "Honestly, the plot wasn’t bad. The world building was solid. 4,3 stars out of 5"

He would even be willing to have an open discussion about the book and dissect it if you wish to. BUT!! He'd still take his chance to tease you by randomly dropping spicy one-liners just to fluster you. "I see why you liked chapter 12. 😏" 

Seungkwan

The moment Seungkwan catches you reading a spicy book, he already knows something is up. You’re too focused, flipping pages way too fast, and your expressions keep shifting between wide eyes and bitten lips. His senses are tingling. So, of course, he just has to know.

"EXCUSE ME—WHAT ARE YOU READING?!" He snatches the book, skims a paragraph, and squeals. "OH MY— SWEETIE, THIS IS FILTHY!"

But then, it happens, the performance of his life aka reading it out loud dramatically while also reacting in real time.

“He traced his fingers down her—OH MY GOD, WHY IS IT STARTING LIKE THIS?!” 

"His breath was hot against her ear as he whispered—" he pauses to look at you, scandalized. Cue his signature BOMBASTIC side eyes. "WHAT KIND OF LITERATURE IS THIS?!"

"She gasped as she felt his— NOPE. NOPE. NOT IN MY HOUSE."

But it doesn’t stop there. Oh no—he’s acting out the dialogue like he’s in a full-blown historical drama.

One moment, he’s dramatically dropping his voice to play the male lead, "You don’t know how long I’ve wanted you, my love." 

Then, without missing a beat, he switches to a high-pitched, breathless tone to play the female lead. "B-but what if someone hears us?!" 

He keeps reading, while still adding his own commentaries.

"Excuse me, WHERE are their hands right now???"

"Are they in a library? A CHURCH?! Oh, these people are going straight to JAIL."

"How is she still standing after that? I would’ve collapsed three pages ago."

He gasps, clutches his chest, and falls to the floor like he’s been fatally wounded by the sheer audacity of the scene. Meanwhile, you are absolutely DONE. You’re trying to snatch the book away, but he’s holding it above his head like he’s holding the last piece of food at a buffet.

 "OH NO, I NEED TO KNOW HOW THIS ENDS."

And yes, he will never let you live this down. He will bring it up at the worst possible moment. "Hey guys, did I tell you about the time I caught y/n reading a BOOK OF SIN?"

Vernon

He walks in, glances at the book, and just goes, "Oh, cool." That’s it. No reaction. No judgment. Just vibes. Later, when you're talking about books, he casually asks, "So is that one of your favorites?" You choke on your drink, and he just nods, "Nice." The next time you’re reading, he randomly goes, "Oh, this one is a classic  slow burn enemies to lovers trope. Good tension." You looked at him in shock at the realization that your boyfriend had read the book before and he just looked back at you with his usual laid back expression. “What? Did I say anything weird?”

Dino

He stares at the book, then at you, then back at the book. "Oh. Um. Cool." But five minutes later, he suddenly blurts, "But WHY do you read that?!" He’s so confused, but he tries to act mature about it. However, if you tease him, "Do you want to read it with me?" he IMMEDIATELY runs away, only to come back literally a minute later. He’s a little hesitant, but curiosity wins. He’d be like, "Wait… is that what people are reading these days?" and next thing you know, he’s HOOKED.

End note : obviously, I got carried away with Seungkwan’s. 🤣

[steddieas-shegoes]

not so dead after all

for @steddiemicrofic prompt ‘rose’

rated m | 367 words | cw: blood drinking, technically temporary MCD | tags: came back wrong, vampire Eddie Munson, pre-relationship, first kiss, robin is the only one with any sense

🧛🧛🧛🧛🧛🧛🧛🧛🧛🧛

“This feels very…Dracula.”

“You’re making jokes? Eddie’s standing in front of us dead and you’re making jokes?!” Steve feels insane. Robin is referencing a fictional vampire while Eddie, who has definitely been dead for six months, is standing right there, watching them.

“I don’t think he’s so dead after all,” Robin says.

“No shit!”

Eddie hasn’t said anything since they first opened the door and shrieked in his face. That’s understandable since they…shrieked in his face.

They dragged him into Steve’s house and they’ve been staring at him since, waiting to see if he dissolves into nothing or they wake up from this shared dream. Neither of those things happen.

“So…you…rose from the dead?” Robin asks Eddie.

“I don’t know if I’m alive,” Eddie admits.

“Okay. Cool. So you’re a ghost?” Steve thinks that’s a fair assumption to make based on how pale he is and also the fact that he was previously dead.

“No. Definitely more vampire craving your blood,” Eddie says calmly.

“Steve’s blood? My blood? Anyone’s?” Robin takes a few steps back even though she’s kept her distance since he walked inside.

“Steve’s. I guess anyone’s would do, but his smells best.” Eddie sniffs the air. “Like wine and honey and chocolate.”

“My blood smells like that?” Steve winces. “Gross.”

“Far from it, big boy,” Eddie laughs. “But I have self control so. You’re safe.”

“How do you know?” Robin asks. A good question since it looks like this is the first place Eddie stopped when he came back to life.

“Because I’ve been smelling it for months and haven’t attacked him yet. Pretty sure I would’ve by now.”

“Months?” Robin and Steve ask at the same time.

“It’s been torture.”

“So will it…help?”

Robin smacks his arm. “You cannot offer your blood to Eddie until we figure out what’s going on!”

“Maybe it’ll help us figure it out! Just call Hop so he can be on his way if something goes wrong.”

“You’re serious?” Eddie steps closer.

“Might as well. Hope I taste as good as I smell.”

Robin fusses. Eddie bites Steve’s neck.

Steve’s knees buckle. Eddie holds him.

“Feeling very alive right now,” Eddie says when he’s done.

Steve kisses him.

[asukaindetroit]

[[Trigger Warning: Frank discussions of racism, sexism, and the Civil Rights Era themes we all know Cage pilfered even though he won't fess up to it.]] Counterpoint: I don't think these scenes are meant to be a result of cognitive changes due to shifting nonverbal communication styles. Rather, this is what happens when your society is so entrenched in the idea of one race/class/caste being inferior to another that both parties have deeply ingrained behavior/reactions to the other. (Or programming, I guess). To bluntly talk about the elephant in the room, as much as David Cage would like to claim DBH isn't a Civil Rights Movement allegory, a lot of iconography from it sure did make its way in there with all the clumsy insensitivity of a white French guy googling how things went down fifty-odd years later… with that in mind, these gifs scream of the Jim Crow era South to me. Not the way it's portrayed in TV/films, but the simple, day-to-day racist acts that were just…how things were, as disgusting as that is. Which, at age 36, I'll say I don't have firsthand experience in since I wasn't alive then, and so I'm probably the wrong person to talk about this. Buuuuut my father was born in 1950s Atlanta, and then grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma through the sixties… his parents, my grandparents, were from 1930s dust bowl Kansas. I grew up hearing "how things were" stories that, in some cases, make me shudder. OK was still deeply segregated in the 60s, but where black and white populations did interact, it's my understanding that it was just… a given that black folks would yield right-of-way to a white person if they crossed paths. White boy needs to piss? He cuts in front of all ten black guys in line, even the elderly, assuming they were even allowed in the same bathrooms. White lady approaching the door? Back the fuck outta that doorway and bow your head, no eye contact, don't even breathe until she's through. But despite the Civil Rights Act passing in '64, and segregation otlawed before that, those kinds of societal expectations don't disappear because of pieces of paper. Schools were still segregated well into the 70s. Those attitudes continued, often unthinkingly, with the mentality on both sides being "this is how we act in society, this is what polite people do." (Which, do not think for a minute that I'm implying any kind of "both parties at fault" thing; one side of this equation clearly perpetuated the bad behavior and the other was forced to internalize it.) Bluntly, the echoes of those attitudes exist even today. For a more recent comparison, though, consider the phenomenon of "manslamming"—that is, men today still expect women to yield if they're using the same space, and any woman who stands her ground is liable to get bodyslammed, then told to watch where she's going. This is 2025, and the sexist, subconscious assumption that women should defer to men persists. Most of those men would tell you they're not sexist, that they're all for equality, yadda yadda. But the behavior is so deeply entrenched in social norms that it doesn't even register as wrong, and the person who fails to comply with it, the woman who stands her ground expecting a man to yield, is seen as the oddity, the cause of the "conflict." And that's the problem. Bringing it out of reality and back to the fictional robots, though: Hank doesn't do that because he's impolite or bad at communicating. Hank shoves past Connor with the assumption that he'll make way because that's what androids do. Markus doesn't move out of the way to keep up an act—that's the reflexive behavior of a person that knows he is supposed to yield. That guy going through the door catches half a glimpse of a blue triangle and immediately, subconsciously, dismisses Markus because humans go first. Period. It's actually brilliantly done on the actors' parts, those subtle interactive cues that demonstrate how the androids aren't perceived as equal beings. Phenomenal use of body language to imply horrific discrimination.

I've always found this article about the in-world phenomenon of "command-led communication" super interesting:

It's described as a verbal occurrence, but I've noticed it manifest nonverbally too in a couple scenes, which has increased my interest tenfold. The two I've found so far happen during the Nest chapter, and the Stratford Tower chapter.

When Hank cuts in front of Connor, there's no "excuse me" or attempt to walk around him first; he simply turns and starts moving with the expectation that Connor will step back and let Hank through.

Here, Markus really has to step back. Not just to avoid being bumped into by the NPC, but also to keep from getting whacked in the face by the door. He pushes by Markus with no hesitation.

If anyone else finds more, I'd love to hear about them!!

[annab-nana]

hi! for the sleepover requests: rafe + "i told my friends i'd go on this stupid double date with them." "and that's my business because..?" "..i don't have a date."

oh babe this sounds so good! hope you enjoy it :))))

warnings: not proofread, mentions of drinking, minor swearing

❀ masterlist ❀ - come join the february sleepover ୨♡୧

"here he comes," your friend, sabrina, noted when she spotted the tall blond making his way over. she took the last swig of your drink before taking the empty cup and getting lost in the crowd, leaving you alone in the corner of the college party. you let out a small huff at her quick exit. you were alone, soon to be with rafe when he got over here, and were without any liquid coverage to get you through the encounter.

"hey sweet stuff," rafe drawled, earning the eye roll from you he was looking for.

"what did i tell you about calling me that?" you bit as you crossed your arms over your chest and leaned back against the wall behind you.

he pursed his lips and furrowed his brows, pretending he was off in deep thought, but you knew the organ between his ears wasn't capable of such deliberation. "i don't remember anything about 'sweet stuff'. i do remember you saying words i can't repeat about some other names, though," he said through a smug smirk that you so desperately wanted to slap off his face.

"go ahead and add 'sweet stuff' to that list," you told him firmly. "did you need something? because i'm here to have a good time and last i checked, that's impossible to do with you around."

rafe let out a deep chuckle, his blue eyes shining in the neon lights of a beer sign hanging haphazardly on the frat house wall. "you make it so hard to sweet talk you, you know?" he quipped before continuing into why he came over in the first place. "so you know how tomorrow is valentine's day?"

your stare told him you heard him and knew of tomorrow's festivities.

"well, i told my friends i'd go on this stupid double date with them," rafe spoke with a sigh, his eyes gazing hopefully into yours.

you didn't see why he was telling you this and quite frankly, you didn't care. "and that's my business because..?" you trailed off.

rafe paused before continuing. "..i don't have a date."

you couldn't hold back your laughter. it started as an escaped giggle that grew into a hearty chuckle, a full-on belly laugh at his expense. and if he didn't look so earnest, you would've kept on. but your laughter fizzled out, and you wiped your eyes.

"oh shit, you're serious," you mumbled.

his short nod cemented your words.

"why are you asking me? we aren't exactly besties. it's not a good idea but that's kind of your thing, isn't it? bad ideas," you told him in confusion.

a dry chuckle left rafe's lips. "believe it or not, you know more about me, so you're the best fit."

that part made you feel for him for a second, and that small second of weakness cost you. "why couldn't i have met you at college like everyone else?" you grumbled before nodding and giving in. "fine."

rafe's eyes widened ever so slightly. then that stupid smirk made a reappearance. "dress cute. i'll pick you up at seven. see you later, cupcake," he whispered when he leaned forward into your space before walking away.

"don't call me cupcake!"

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[call-me-insane-but-wth]

Something that I've come to realize from interacting with the mzds Fandom and the #canon jiang cheng tag is that a lot of avid jc defenders and apologists don't even like Mdzs. Even, no, especially BECAUSE the story is straightforward and told plainly with not much room for interpretation.

The mmc was brought back to life and faced evidence of slander and appropriation of his work and name. Shrugs it off as 'history being told by the victors'. Discovers the real reason behind his death. Falls in love with an old colleague.

That's it. That's the bare bones of mdzs.

Wherefore do all of these think pieces come from? That sides with the *antagonists* of the story? The very same ppl who slandered and appropriated the mmc's name and work?

There's a lot of condenscion and pretentiousness being tossed about, couched in variations of "*I* know how to be objective and separate fiction from reality!1!!" But do you, though?

Because the reality is that the fiction you've consumed is not only telling, but SHOWING you who/which characters were in the wrong and how. Although you may not like the main character, mdzs IS 3rd person omniscient. The bias that jc stans are so bitter and venomous about is simply... Canonical unbiased 3rd person omniscient exposition.

In the final analysis, doesn't this/that mean that to you, the *author's* morality and her narrative no longer hold any value? After all, the author herself was the one to say that her mmc was morally good and righteous. So if you're calling the authors cognition of right and wrong into question, what on earth did you like about this work in the first place?

Don't like, don't read is an age old tenet of Fandom for a reason.

I had the pleasure of conversing with someone who considers that the consensual dubcon play between two consenting adults (lwj and wwx, incense chapter) to justify coercing the mmc into bowing his knees in reconciliation with his former shidi and wanna be patron (😅). Bc that was a moral failing worth punishment, I suppose.

Another post I saw that had me going ??? Was a post in which the op admitted to their own bias, but in summary, considered Wwx to be faulty simply because his 'idealism' was unrealistic and un-pragmatic, and hadn't amounted to a quantifiable sum.

Hey, forget the dissonance of admitting that the obvious plot of classism, scapegoating, disenfranchisment, and exploitation being lost on you, but to scorn a failed attempt at living up to ones principles... Isn't that also another way of allying oneself with the antagonists?

After all, scorning the 'short sightedness of rebellious peasants/immature youth' is straight out of a sneering gentry's playbook/lexicon.

So the onus isn't being put on the arbitrary and unjust laws of the setting of the world, but on the characters who dared to hope, to resist, but fail?

The narrative committed the horrible crime of being idealistic, so let's put on a sash with printed blocky letters of 'I'm being objective and realistic!' And critique a mc for daring to resist, fail, and not have the temerity to stay dead in a setting that has ghosts, supernatural animals, reincarnation, flying swords, and spells?

I feel like wwx would've been better received by this Western audience if he wasn't so... complex. I hate to say it, but I'd bet my last dollar that much of the disdain and dislike towards Wwx as a protagonist is that he (mdzs) challenges ppl's latent sexism. Ironically, from the canon jc tags, jc stans are the ones to attribute feminizing factors to Jc in an effort to leverage their defense.

[pixiefelixie]

𓆝..°°𓈒 ⋆ (필릭스) : REMEMBER THIS SUMMER "THURSDAY"

𓆉 °°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ synopsis felix is living the summer every teenager dreams of, with a perfect beach house on the east coast of australia and an even more perfect girlfriend. by taking the best of both worlds, felix invites her to experience the world he grew up in to make this the best summer ever. amidst bonfires, romantic sunsets, and seagulls, felix has one goal this summer: to finally tell her he loves her. with just one week to do so, felix is met with a challenge to make his feelings known before time runs out. 

pairing: nonidol!felix x fem!reader, series warnings: felix + reader are intended to be 17-18, established relationship, fluff, blood tw! (nosebleed), extra long chapter this week important notes: The content of this work is purely fictional and is not intended to endorse or encourage any behavior, especially among minors, that may be deemed inappropriate or unsafe. This story is created solely for entertainment purposes and should be understood as fiction. Reader discretion is advised.

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chapter under the cut! ~18k words

day 5 - 8:00

the rain wept against the windows, silver streaks tracing ephemeral paths down the glass, blurring the world beyond into a watercolor dream of grays and blues. the sky hung heavy, stretched like damp silk over the restless sea, the waves rolling in slow, sleepy undulations. you stood by the window, arms loosely folded around yourself, watching as droplets merged and parted—tiny rivers colliding and splitting apart, like the way your thoughts tangled, unraveled, and knotted again. the beach stretched out below, the waves churning softly under the darkened sky, a stormy beauty that still managed to captivate you. the world outside felt hushed, like the storm had pressed a finger to its lips, demanding quiet. 

felix had already been up, slipping away earlier to take a shower. you’d heard the faint creak of his door as he’d retreated to his room afterward. you found yourself moving, feet barely making a sound against the floorboards as you crossed the living room. when you reached his door, you hesitated, fingers ghosting over the wood before giving a soft knock.

“come in,” came his voice, low and familiar, slightly muffled by the barrier between you.

you pushed the door open, stepping into his room just as he was pulling a shirt over his head. the fabric slid down slowly, revealing a fleeting glimpse of his toned stomach, the sculpted lines that had never caught your attention quite like this before. the shirt settled into place, hugging his frame, and your breath hitched. you’d seen him shirtless so many times before—at the beach, wandering casually around the house—but now, something about it felt... different.

felix ran a hand through his still-damp hair, stray droplets sliding down his temples, catching the light. he looked at you then, lips curling into that familiar smile. “hey.”

“hi, felix,” you said softly, your voice carrying an edge of shyness you hadn’t expected.

you crossed the room and when you reached him, you wrapped your arms around his middle, pressing your cheek to his chest. his damp hair clung in wild streaks to his forehead, droplets sliding down his temples like they envied the way his cheekbones caught the light. the faintest sheen of moisture made his skin glow, and the cotton of his oversized t-shirt draped over his torso. you could see the faint trace of his collarbone, the way his neck tensed—was he always this... hot?

what was happening to you?

felix’s arms were around you before you could even register the shift, his touch feather-light but deliberate. his hands settled on your shoulders first, then slid up slowly to cup your face. his thumbs brushed along your jawline, his fingers curving to cradle you as though you were made of something fragile and precious. the way he tilted his head sent a ripple of heat down your spine—his lips parting slightly, his gaze flickering down to your mouth before rising to meet your eyes again. time slowed, and for a moment, you could feel the air shift between you, charged and heavy with something you couldn’t name but felt all the way to your core.

and then he leaned in.

his lips were soft, warm, and the gentleness of the kiss only magnified the intensity building inside you. you melted into him, your hands gripping the fabric of his shirt like it was the only thing keeping you upright.

it was innocent, a kiss that carried no expectations, but the effect it had on you was anything but. the room spun, every sensation heightened—his scent wrapping around you like a cocoon, the warmth of his hands against your skin, the steady beat of his heart you could still feel beneath your palms. your chest tightened, your breath coming in shallow gasps as you leaned into the kiss, letting it consume you. 

when felix pulled back, his lips curved up into a soft smile, his gaze catching yours for just a second longer than necessary, and then he straightened, letting his hands fall casually to his sides. he chuckled lightly, breaking the silence with a voice so effortlessly casual it almost made you doubt what had just happened. “good morning,” he said, his tone warm, like the kiss had been no more significant than a passing breeze.

your heart hammered against your ribs as you stared at him, blinking, trying to piece together how something so fleeting had felt like the ground beneath you shifting. he reached up, running a hand through his damp hair again, his eyes flicking toward the window where rain was softly streaking down the glass.

“looks like it’s been pouring all morning,” he said, his voice light, conversational, as though he hadn’t just stolen the breath from your lungs and left your world tilted on its axis. “i was planning to go for a run, but…” he gestured lazily toward the window, shrugging, the motion causing his shirt to ride up just enough to reveal a flash of skin.

“hmm?” you managed to murmur when you realized he was looking at you, waiting for some kind of response. his expression was relaxed, open, like nothing had changed for him. maybe it hadn’t. maybe it was just you, your every nerve ending suddenly tuned to felix, every touch, every word from him magnified to a point you could barely handle.

“yeah,” you said, though you weren’t sure what you were agreeing to. 

felix chuckled, the sound low and warm, and it rippled through you like the aftershock of an earthquake. you wanted to say something, anything to fill the silence stretching between you, but words felt clumsy and irrelevant.

before you could gather yourself, a sharp crack of thunder split the air, so loud and sudden that both of you jolted. your eyes widened, and you caught felix doing the same, his hand instinctively shooting out to steady himself against the edge of the window ledge. he turned to look at you, his lips twitching into a crooked grin as he shook his head. “did not see that coming,” he said, his voice tinged with laughter.

the rain outside had escalated from a steady rhythm to a full-blown torrent. sheets of water streaked down the glass, blurring the world beyond into a wash of grays and blues with the palm tree fronds being violently pulled by the wind. felix shifted closer to the window, his brows knitting together as he peered out. you moved to stand beside him, the two of you now shoulder to shoulder, watching as the wind hurled rain against the window with an almost violent intensity. lightning lit up the sky in a brief, jagged flash, followed closely by another deep rumble of thunder that seemed to shake the very walls.

“feels like the kind of storm you’d see in a movie,” you muttered quietly, as if speaking too loudly might provoke the tempest outside. his hand brushed against yours where it rested on the windowsill, the contact so fleeting that it could have been accidental—but it still sent a spark racing up your arm.

felix’s eyes lit up so suddenly that it startled you. his mouth parted slightly, and he turned to you with an intensity that made your breath catch. you knew that look—the one he got when an idea hit him out of nowhere, so consuming that nothing else existed.

“what?” you asked, already wary.

he didn’t answer right away. his gaze flicked between your face and the window, as if piecing something together in his head. then, a slow grin spread across his face—one of those mischievous, boyish ones that always meant trouble.

before you could demand an explanation, felix grabbed the hem of his shirt and, without hesitation, yanked it over his head.

your brain short-circuited.

“what the—felix?!” the words tumbled out of you before you could stop them, your voice slightly higher than normal.

he shook out his damp hair like a golden retriever, completely unbothered. the stormy light filtering through the window cast soft shadows over his collarbones, the lean, toned lines of his stomach. a stray drop of water slid down his neck, tracing a slow, meandering path across his chest. you absolutely should not have been watching it.

but you were.

heat crept up your neck, betraying you completely.

“felix?” you blinked, trying to snap yourself out of it as he suddenly bolted for the hallway like a man on a mission. “what are you—?”

“we need to go out there right now!” he called over his shoulder, voice practically vibrating with excitement.

you frowned, still rooted in place. “huh?”

felix didn’t wait to explain. he skidded to a stop outside the storage room and flung the door open with a flourish, vanishing inside before you could get another word in. the faint sound of clattering echoed down the hall. seconds later, he reappeared, grinning like he’d just unearthed buried treasure. in his hands were two surfboards, one propped under his armpit and the other held out toward you like some kind of offering.

“the waves!” he said, his words tumbling out in an excited rush. “they’re gonna be amazing with this storm coming in! we can’t miss it!”

you stared at him, incredulous. “you want to surf? in this weather?” you gestured toward the window. the wind whipped through the palm trees with a ferocity that sent fronds flying, and the dark clouds above promised nothing short of chaos. it looked like the kind of storm that fishermen whispered about in seaside bars.

felix nodded, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “exactly! you don’t get waves like this every day,” he said.

you let out a disbelieving laugh, shaking your head. “you’re insane,” you muttered, though the familiar tug of excitement in your chest was already betraying you. felix had this... thing about him, this ability to make even the most ridiculous ideas sound like the kind of adventures you’d regret not taking. and maybe that’s why you found yourself leaning into his chaos more often than not.

“come on!” he urged, bouncing on the balls of his feet now. he extended the second surfboard toward you, shaking it slightly like he thought you might be tempted by the sheer proximity of it.

you crossed your arms, narrowing your eyes at him. “if we get electrocuted, it’s your fault.”

“deal,” he said immediately, his grin only growing wider as if you’d just signed up for the time of your life.

with a resigned sigh, you gave in, peeling off your t-shirt and shorts to reveal your swimsuit beneath. it has become second nature to wear it under your clothes while staying at the beach. the cool air brushed against your skin, sending a shiver up your spine, but it was nothing compared to the way felix was looking at you.

his eyes lingered for a heartbeat too long, a small, lopsided smile tugging at his lips. he opened his mouth like he might say something, then seemed to think better of it. instead, he simply leaned in, his voice dropping to a soft whisper, barely audible over the howling wind outside. “come on,” he said, the words carrying an almost conspiratorial tone as you took the board out of his hand.

felix barely hit the back door before it flung open, the wind catching it hard. the storm outside roared to life, rain hammering down in thick sheets. the second your foot hit the sand, the cold punched through you like a live wire, drenching your clothes in an instant.

"shit—!" the shock forced a yelp out of you, but then—then the thrill took over. the chaos of it, the sting of cold rain against your skin, the wildness of the wind tearing through the night. laughter bubbled up before you could stop it. the kind of laughter that made your ribs ache, that made the storm feel less like a warning and more like an invitation.

felix, already a soaked mess, chuckled back, his hair plastered to his forehead in dark, dripping strands. the rain didn't seem to faze him at all. it was as if the storm made everything more alive, more real. you followed him down the stairs, your feet slipping slightly on the wet steps as the rain came down harder.

felix was already running toward the shore, his enthusiasm infecting every step. the wet sand squelched beneath his feet as he picked up speed. he put down his board with a soft thud, tossing it onto the sand. his laughter rang out, mixing with the roar of the storm as he threw his arms wide to embrace the pouring rain.

"race you!" you shouted over the sound of the crashing waves, a wide grin spreading across your face as you strapped the leash onto your ankle.

felix looked momentarily caught off guard, his eyes widening as he tried to process your challenge, but it only took a second before he snapped back. “what?!” he yelled, barely able to finish the sentence before you sprinted ahead, the storm adding an extra layer of exhilaration to the race.

with a burst of energy, you made it to the water first. without hesitation, you threw yourself onto your board, the coolness of the sea making your heart race even faster. the board’s surface was slick beneath your chest as you paddled with determination, the saltwater splashing around you, urging you forward.

felix, now just a few steps behind, didn’t miss a beat. he threw his board into the water with a grunt and quickly followed your lead, paddling furiously to catch up. you could hear his laughter cutting through the noise of the waves, his joy contagious as the two of you battled the current together.

a massive wave loomed ahead, its towering presence sending a thrill of both fear and excitement through you. the sound of the ocean filled your ears, muffling everything else as you ducked beneath the water, your body moving with the rhythm of the ocean. for a moment, the world above the surface felt like a distant memory, replaced by the peaceful bubbling sounds of the stormy sea surrounding you.

when you surfaced, gasping for air, the storm felt almost more beautiful than before. the waves were relentless, but so were you. you glanced at felix, his face filled with a mix of determination and exhilaration. his eyes were wide with excitement as he nodded to you, signaling that another big wave was coming, and you both needed to get ready.

together, you turned towards the shore, the pounding waves pushing against you, urging you to move faster. you paddled with everything you had, your muscles burning with effort, but the water was relentless, its pressure urging you forward. your heart pounded in your chest, the sound of your breath mingling with the storm.

at this point, the rain was the furthest thing from your mind. you could feel the pull of the water beneath you, the coldness of the sea threatening to drag you under, but you were determined to keep moving forward.

suddenly, you saw it. the perfect wave surged ahead, its towering form breaking the horizon. your eyes widened as you exchanged a look with felix. his face was a mask of pure excitement, his eyes sparkling with a thrill you could hardly ignore. without a word, he flashed you a grin, his smile wide and full of confidence, and that was all you needed. together, you turned away from the wave, both of you preparing for the ride of your life.

your heart pounded in your chest, anticipation thrumming through you. you arched your back, shifting your body on the board, your legs instinctively finding the right stance. the water surged beneath you, a powerful force pushing you toward the shore. your feet were unsure on the board at first since you haven’t surfed since last year, but with every passing second, you felt your body find its center. you spread your feet further apart, grounding yourself as the wave built behind you, ready to launch you forward.

the board glided smoothly over the water, the wave carrying you effortlessly toward the shore. your heart raced, adrenaline coursing through your veins as the wind whipped around you. felix’s laughter rang out behind you, and you could hear him urging you forward, encouraging you as you both rode the wave together. the thrill of it was beyond anything you had ever experienced, and you couldn’t help but smile.

the waves were enormous, driven by the fierce wind, each one towering higher and crashing down with a powerful force. the water beneath your board was alive, a swirling mass of energy that propelled you forward with exhilarating speed. the surface of the ocean undulated, creating peaks and troughs that challenged your balance and skill, but also filled you with a sense of wild freedom.

suddenly, you heard felix's voice cutting through the chaos, yelling out your name. you glanced over just in time to see felix attempting a 360 turn on his board. his movements were fluid and confident, but as he spun, the wave's powerful momentum caught him off guard. he lost his balance, his board slipping out from under him, and he wiped out spectacularly, disappearing into the churning water.

you couldn't help but laugh, the sound mingling with the crashing waves. you lay flat on your board, momentarily catching your breath and savouring the thrill of the ride. the waves continued to surge around you, their immense power a reminder of nature's raw, untamed beauty. you watched as felix resurfaced, shaking the water from his hair and grinning sheepishly.

the ocean swelled once more, the biggest wave yet forming in the distance. 

you knew you had to take this on. 

paddling forward, you felt the wave lift you up, its crest towering above you like a moving mountain. you rose to your feet, the force of the water beneath you a powerful, exhilarating rush.

the wave surged beneath you, pushing you forward with a force that made your heart race. you leaned into the movement, carving your board effortlessly through the water, each turn more fluid than the last. the sound of the ocean was drowned out by the rush of wind in your ears as you sliced through the wave, the water spraying around you in a dazzling mist. the thrill was electric, each movement feeling sharper, more connected to the pulse of the ocean.

suddenly, the air seemed to crack open. 

a lightning strike flashed right in front of your eyes at the shoreline, so close it felt like the air itself had cracked open. your expression went blank with shock, and you frantically looked over at felix. his face mirrored your fear, eyes wide with terror.

in that moment, every instinct screamed to keep moving, but all you could do was stare at the water beneath you, unable to tear your eyes away from the swirling depths. the waves, once thrilling and empowering, now seemed ominous, like a waiting predator. you had heard it over and over when you first started surfing—never look down—because the board will always follow your gaze. but now, your eyes were locked on the dark, churning water below, as if looking for an answer, or maybe a way out.

and just like that, the board slipped out from under you.

you didn’t wipe out in the graceful way you'd hoped for; instead, your board was violently thrown back at you, striking your face with a painful thud. the impact knocked the wind out of you, and before you could react, the force of it sent you hurtling downward, into the depths of the ocean.

the world above you faded away as you sank, the crashing waves muffled into eerie quiet. it felt like the water was swallowing you whole, the pressure building in your chest, the world spinning in slow motion. your nose throbbed with an unbearable ache, the taste of saltwater filling your mouth as you accidentally swallowed a mouthful of the briny liquid. panic surged through you as your vision blurred, and your mind screamed for air.

instinctively, you kicked your legs, swimming toward what you hoped was the surface, though everything felt like it was spinning out of control. you reached out, your hands clawing through the water, and for a split second, you couldn’t tell if you were swimming up or down. you didn’t have the time to think about that.

breaking through the surface, you gasped for air, coughing violently into your hand. blood smeared across your palm and mixed with the water, spreading out in tendrils. felix's voice cut through the chaos, shouting your name. "look, baby, i know this has been fun. but we seriously need to head home now, did you see how close that lightning strike was!" the panic in his voice was unmistakable, but he didn’t know what had happened to you.

you could barely register his words, your head still spinning. you were too disoriented to respond. instead, you kept your head low, one arm draped weakly over your board as the waves jostled you. the storm wasn’t just around you anymore; it was inside you, thrumming through your bones, rattling against your ribs like a bird trapped in a cage. the pain in your nose was sharp and unforgiving, a steady pulse of fire radiating outward, but it wasn’t just the pain that held you captive. it was the fear.

it curled around your limbs like seaweed, tightening, twisting, dragging you under. the ocean had swallowed your breath, leaving nothing but the taste of salt and blood on your tongue. it was in your throat, thick and metallic, coating your teeth, seeping into every exhale. your heart pounded erratically, beating out a frantic rhythm that didn’t match the rhythm of the waves. it was too fast, too uneven, like a drum with a broken cadence.

your body felt foreign, unsteady, like it no longer belonged to you. the water rocked you, gentle and violent all at once, the ocean playing with you like a predator that hadn’t decided whether to let you go or pull you under for good. your fingers curled weakly around the edge of your board, but the slick surface felt miles away, like something that existed in another world, a world where you hadn’t just been thrown under, hadn’t just stared into the dark abyss beneath the waves and wondered, for one terrifying second, if you’d ever see the surface again.

you couldn’t help it. the fear clawed its way up from the pit of your stomach, rising so fast you didn’t have a chance to brace yourself. your chest heaved, the breath hitching in your throat, and before you even realized what was happening, you broke.

a sob tore out of you, raw and uncontrollable, shaking your already unsteady frame. the sound was swallowed by the storm, but it felt like it echoed inside you, bouncing off every fragile part of your soul. tears mingled with the saltwater already streaking your face, but these were hotter, more insistent, driven by something deeper than the cold. you weren’t crying because of the pain in your nose or the ache in your muscles—you were crying out of pure fear.

through the haze, you saw felix paddling toward you, his face twisted with concern. his eyes were frantic as he called out your name again, his voice growing closer, more desperate. "what’s going on? why aren’t you—" he stopped mid-sentence as his eyes landed on the streaks of red trailing in the water around you.

seeing the blood, the way you weren’t responding—everything in him screamed that something was terribly wrong. his eyes darted over your face, his mind racing to make sense of it, but everything felt distant, disconnected. you were barely holding it together, and felix felt like the weight of the world was crashing down on him.

"everything okay?" he asked again, his voice trembling with raw fear. obviously you weren’t. but he needed you to say something. anything.

you didn’t answer. your eyes were unfocused, your head lolling to one side as the storm continued to rage around you. the pain from your nose, the overwhelming pressure of the ocean, the feeling of being lost in it all—it was too much. felix’s heart raced as he hovered over you, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps. the way you shook with sobs, barely clinging to the edge of your board, sent a cold, unrelenting dread spiraling through him. 

"fuck!" felix cursed, his voice laced with fear as he saw the extent of your condition. with a sense of urgency he didn’t know he had, felix reached out, his hands steady but shaking as he gently helped you onto your board. the weight of the situation was crushing him, but he pushed it aside as he focused entirely on you.

“hang on,” he said firmly, the words feeling foreign on his tongue as his own panic threatened to break through. his voice stayed steady, even though every part of him wanted to scream, wanted to break down in fear. “i’ll get you back to shore.” he repeated it like a mantra, clinging to the words even though his heart was hammering in his chest.

but his thoughts were spinning, like a whirlwind of terror. his parents had trusted him to look after you, and so had yours. has he failed already? what if he doesn’t get you back by the time the next lightning strike comes down and hits you both? what if the blood in the water had already attracted sharks, and—

the waves, sensing your need, seemed to assist you, their powerful surges pushing you forward. you held your nose with one hand, trying to stem the bleeding, while paddling with the other. felix stayed beside you, occasionally giving your board a push to help you along. the shore drew closer, the tumultuous ride feeling like an eternity. finally, you felt the sand beneath your board. felix's voice cut through the noise of the storm. "leave everything here." he urged as he unstrapped the leash from your ankle and his own. “come on, come on!

the storm outside raged with a fury that seemed almost otherworldly, its howling wind battering against the walls of the beach house, a sound that felt like a warning from the sea itself. the rain came down in sheets, cold and merciless, each drop striking your skin like ice. felix's grip on your board was firm, his urgency evident as he turned toward the house, his movements quick and determined.

“go up, i’m right behind you,” he said, his voice barely audible over the storm’s roar. he gestured toward the deck and nodded towards the beach house, his face set in a mask of concentration.

you stumbled against the fierce wind, its invisible hands pushing against you, forcing you to fight for every step. felix stayed close behind, his presence a solid anchor as you finally reached the porch, breathless and drenched. with a swift motion, he dropped the boards onto the deck with a dull thud, and his hand was at the door, pushing it open to reveal the warm, dimly lit interior of the house.

“get inside,” felix urged, his voice steady yet tinged with urgency. you moved toward the door, your body shaking from the cold and exhaustion, and as you stepped over the threshold, the warmth inside hit you like a soft embrace. felix followed you in, quickly closing the door behind him with a soft click that seemed almost surreal after the chaos of the storm. the sound of the wind and rain pounding against the windows became muffled, but the tension in the air was still thick, a reminder of how close you'd come to danger.

you hesitated, not wanting to leave a trail of water across the floor, but before you could even protest, felix was already moving. he quickly grabbed a thick towel from the nearby shelf and wrapped it around you, his hands warm and gentle against your chilled skin. the softness of the towel contrasted sharply with the harshness of the storm outside, and for a moment, you let yourself lean into him, closing your eyes as the warmth of the towel began to seep into your bones.

you removed your hand from your nose, wincing as the motion sent another sharp wave of pain through you. the blood was still trickling, staining the palm of your hand, but before you could react, felix was already there, gently placing the paper towel against your nose with a tenderness that belied the gravity of the situation. 

"hold still," he whispered. his touch was so gentle, almost reverent, as if afraid that the slightest pressure might make things worse.

felix gently helped you to the couch, his hands still warm on your shoulders as he guided you to sit. the storm outside raged on, but inside the house, everything felt calmer. the warmth of the living room was a sharp contrast to the chill that had settled into your bones from the rain and the shock. as you sank into the cushions, you finally allowed yourself to relax, your body unwinding after the chaos. felix settled beside you, his eyes still full of concern, but there was a quiet relief in his expression now, too.

the noise of the storm seemed to fade into the background as you both sat there in the cocoon of the house. the sound of the wind and rain felt distant now, almost like it belonged to another world. felix's presence beside you grounded you, and you began to feel your senses returning, the dizziness of the moment slowly fading away.

felix hesitated for a moment, watching you carefully, his gaze flickering from your trembling hands to the crumpled paper towel pressed against your nose. his jaw clenched slightly before he finally spoke, his voice quieter now, almost hesitant.

"can i see it?"

you swallowed, still feeling the dull throb pulsing through your nose, but you nodded. slowly, you pulled the tissue away, wincing as the air hit the tender skin. the bleeding had slowed to a faint trickle, but it was still sore.

felix leaned in, his eyes scanning your face. you could see the worry still lingering in the furrow of his brow, the way his lips pressed together as if he were bracing himself for something worse. but then, his shoulders dropped slightly, and he let out a breath—long and slow, filled with relief. it wasn’t broken, luckily and all he saw was that cute nose he loved. he trailed off, his expression shifting as he took in the rest of you. your eyes, red-rimmed from salt and tears, the faint tremble in your hands.

felix’s stomach twisted.

but as the reality of the situation sank in, you couldn’t help but chuckle. "i cannot believe we did that," you said, your voice muffled by the tissue still pressed to your nose. the irony of the whole situation hit you in waves. here you were, sitting on felix's couch, soaked to the bone, and with a bleeding nose. you shook your head slightly, still processing what had just happened.

felix ran a hand through his wet hair, his expression a mix of frustration and worry. "i'm sorry," he said, his voice tight. "it was my fault. i shouldn't have made you go out there in that weather." he was still trembling, but whether it was from the cold of the water or the fear of what had just happened, you couldn’t be sure.

you shook your head, offering him a small smile. "it's fine, felix. i had fun," you said, your tone lightening. "the lightning just really freaked me out so i wiped out." you glanced down at the tissue, already soaked with blood. "ugh, this one's done for," you muttered, tossing it into the trash with a flick of your wrist before felix handed you a fresh piece of tissue to replace it.

“i should’ve—” he exhaled sharply, running a hand through his damp hair, his frustration with himself evident. 

his eyes locked onto yours then, filled with a guilt so raw it nearly knocked the air from your lungs.

"i should've realized sooner." he shook his head, his grip tightening on your hands. "i kept telling you to hurry up like you weren’t right there, falling apart, and i—" felix’s expression tightened, his voice barely above a whisper as he spoke, his words coming out rushed. “my dad... he’s going to kill me if he finds out we did this,” he said, his eyes wide with a panic you hadn't seen before. “i never should’ve—”

you reached out, trying to offer some comfort, but he flinched, moving back. he was trembling now, his shoulders hunched, his face pale. his hands were shaking and you swore you saw the glint of unshed tears in his gaze before he looked away.

“felix,” you began, your voice soft and steady, “it’s okay. he’ll understand.”

he cut you off in a tight, strained voice, barely audible. “no, no, i... i can’t,” he whispered, his breath shaky. “i’ll never be trusted again. look at me.” his hands balled into fists at his sides, his knuckles white as he looked down at them, avoiding your gaze. “you shouldn’t trust me. no one should.”

before you could find the words to reply, felix suddenly stood up, his movements sharp and abrupt. he turned away, his shoulders tense as if the weight of everything was physically pressing down on him. without another word, he strode toward his room, each step quick and purposeful, before the door slammed shut behind him. the door slammed shut behind him, the sound echoing in the silence that followed. 

you had never seen him break like this. it was jarring, almost surreal. he was felix—the boy who was always so sure of himself, so steady. but he was still just a teenager. he wasn’t invincible, no matter how much he tried to be.

he had been left alone in this vacation home, trusted to hold it together, to prove himself capable of responsibility. of course, he had earned that trust. felix was the brightest boy you knew, kind and thoughtful to a fault, someone who carried the world on his shoulders without ever complaining. but there was pressure in that—an unrelenting, quiet pressure to show that he wasn’t abusing the trust.

you hated that he felt this way—that he doubted himself, even for a second. because to you, felix had already proven everything that mattered. he didn’t need to be perfect; he just needed to be him. but how could you make him see that?

fifteen minutes had passed since felix stormed off, and you had taken the time to settle your own mind. the warm shower had worked wonders, the steam filling the bathroom and calming your nerves as the hot water washed away the tension that had been building since the storm. you had sat with the nosebleed for what felt like forever, tissues piling up as the blood finally stopped after a long ten minutes, but the mess of it had left you feeling drained. 

you walked over to the window, your bare feet cold against the wooden floor as you pulled back the curtain. the storm had passed. the clouds were parting, revealing a sky that was now dark but calm. the trees outside swayed gently in the aftermath, and the world was eerily quiet, as if it were holding its breath.

the heavy rain had stopped, the rumbling thunder replaced by a gentle breeze. you could hear the distant crashing of waves, a soothing sound that almost made you forget about everything else for a moment. but felix still lingered in your thoughts.

you froze when you heard his voice faintly coming from behind the closed door. at first, you told yourself it wasn’t your place, that you shouldn’t listen, but curiosity got the better of you. felix had stormed off, and it had left you with a knot in your chest. hearing him now, hearing the strain in his voice, drew you closer.

you tiptoed toward his room, your steps soft against the wooden floor, and pressed your ear gently against the door. the sound was clearer now, enough for you to make out the words.

“appa,” he said, his voice trembling slightly, a vulnerability you weren’t used to hearing. “i was so scared.” 

then a pause.

“i don’t know how she’s doing right now,” he continued, his voice quieter now. “i panicked... and i just ran off.”

he wasn’t talking about the storm or the lightning. he was talking about you.

there was another pause, longer this time, and then felix’s voice came again, this time more tentative. “can you put mom on?”

you could hear the faint rustle of movement on the other end, and then a softer voice spoke. you couldn’t make out what she said, but felix’s reaction was immediate.

he choked out, his voice breaking. there was a sharp inhale, and you realized he was crying. “i messed up.”

you swallowed hard. deep down, you knew his parents weren’t going to be mad at him—not as much as he thought, at least. they’d understand. they’d remind him that the weight he carried didn’t have to be his alone. but right now, felix didn’t see that.

“i feel terrible,” he said, followed by a sniffle. 

felix’s mom began to speak again, her voice too muffled for you to make out the words. you strained to hear, but it was impossible. she must’ve said something fairly lengthy since felix went completely quiet.

“i’ll talk to her. okay… bye. love you.”

the sudden click of the phone hanging up startled you. you quickly moved away from the door, careful not to make a sound, and stepped back into the hallway just as you heard the rustling of movement inside his room. your heart raced as you stood there, debating whether to go in or give him space.

summoning your courage, you stepped up to his door and knocked gently.

there was a pause, then the sound of felix clearing his throat. “yeah, uh… come in.”

you pushed the door open slowly, peeking inside to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, his phone still in his hand. his hair was messy, and his eyes were slightly red, but he gave you a small, strained smile as you stepped inside.

“i thought i heard your voice,” you said softly, your eyes scanning his face for any sign of how he was feeling.

felix looked down, running a hand through his hair, clearly flustered. “yeah, i was just, uh… calling my parents.” his voice was quiet, hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to explain further. he paused, then looked up at you, his eyes tinged with worry. “i’m sorry. are you okay, first of all?”

you gave him a small smile, stepping further into the room. “yeah, i’m fine. it stopped a while ago,” you assured him, referring to your nosebleed.

felix exhaled sharply, his shoulders sagging as if a weight had been lifted. “i shouldn’t have run off like that,” he said, his voice tinged with regret. “i panicked, and i left you alone when you needed me. that wasn’t okay.”

you shook your head, your expression softening. “felix, it’s okay. i get it. i’m not upset at all,” you said gently, hoping to ease the guilt you could see written all over his face.

you walked over to him and sat beside him on the bed. the mattress dipped slightly under your weight, and felix looked at you out of the corner of his eye, his hands twisting together in his lap.

“i mean it,” you said softly. “you got us out of that storm, and you made sure i was safe. you’ve been so strong through everything.”

his lips parted slightly, like he was on the verge of saying something, but instead, he let out a sharp exhale through his nose, his jaw clenching tight. his eyes locked onto yours, glistening with unshed tears, but this time, there was no hesitation. he reached out, pulling you against him with a firm, unrelenting grip, his chin resting against the top of your head as if he needed you close to remind himself you were safe.

he didn’t want to cry in front of you. he was trying his best to hold it together, like a dam on the verge of bursting, his breathing shallow and uneven. but then, his body betrayed him. a shudder ran through him, his shoulders trembling as a silent tear slipped free. his arms around your waist tightened, almost possessive, like letting go would mean losing you entirely.

in his head, the storm of emotions raged—regret, guilt, love—each one crashing into the other. you. it was always you. the one who could read him like an open book, the one who stayed no matter how much he tried to hide the weight of his struggles. the one who made him feel whole, even in his most broken moments. the words were right there, at the tip of his tongue. i love you. three simple words that felt monumental, like they could shift the world if he said them out loud. but he couldn’t. not right now—not like this, with tears streaming down his face and his heart too raw to handle it. the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to say it made his chest ache, as he clung to you even tighter.

your voice broke through the silence, soft but steady, pulling him back to you. “you know…” you started, your hand tracing slow circles on his back, “i was scared out there too. i thought something was going to happen, something we wouldn’t be able to fix. but when you came to me i felt so much safer.”

he pulled back a little at your words, “i’m not going anywhere,” he said, his voice unwavering now, grounded in the kind of certainty that left no room for doubt. “i’ll always be there for you. no matter what. you hear me?”

you nodded, your breath catching in your throat. “i hear you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible as you reached out to wipe the tear on his face.

felix let out a shaky breath and managed a small, almost timid smile in return. “i’m not making any stupid mistakes like that anymore,” he said firmly, his jaw tightening like he was sealing the promise in stone. “i mean it. i’m done being reckless.”

you tilted your head, a playful smile tugging at your lips. “but what’s felix without a little recklessness?” you teased, your voice light.

for a second, he just stared at you, his lips twitching like he was trying not to smile. “oh, so that’s how it is?” he said, his tone laced with mock offense. “you’re telling me you like it when i make impulsive decisions?”

you shrugged, feigning innocence. “maybe. it keeps things interesting.” then, with a softer voice, you added, “but only when you’re not scaring me half to death.”

felix stared at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. then, finally—finally—he smiled, the tension in his shoulders melting away. and then, without warning, his hands darted to your sides, fingers pressing into your ribs as he tickled you mercilessly.

a surprised squeal burst from your lips as you jerked away instinctively, but he was quicker, pulling you right back into him. “felix!” you shrieked between uncontrollable laughter, squirming in his grasp.

he only grinned wider, his deep, warm laughter finally breaking through the weight of everything that had happened. “you wanted reckless, didn’t you?” he teased, his fingers dancing over your sides with practiced ease.

you gasped between giggles, pushing at his chest, but he was relentless. “i take it back! i take it back!” you cried, breathless. and before you could protest, he started peppering kisses all over your cheek. for a second, everything was lighthearted—his breathless laughter mingling with yours, the warmth of his lips brushing against your cheek in quick, teasing kisses. 

you barely had a second to catch your breath before you twisted in his grasp, your laughter still bubbling out between gasps. his fingers faltered for just a moment—just enough. you seized the opportunity, grabbing his wrists and using all your strength to push against him.

felix let out a surprised grunt as you shifted your weight, catching him off guard. “oh?” he said, his voice quiet.

before he could react, you shoved him backward, sending him tumbling onto the bed with a soft thud. he let out a breathless chuckle, propping himself up on his elbows, his blonde hair slightly tousled from the sudden movement.

but then—

caw.

you both froze.

a second later, another call rang out—not the familiar, grating squawk of a seagull, but something deeper, more chilling. 

your eyes flickered to the window, your heart rate still unsteady from the tickle attack, but now for an entirely different reason. “felix,” you said cautiously, your voice barely above a whisper before you pushed yourself up. “do you think…”

his gaze followed yours, and before you could even finish, he filled in the rest. “ravens?” his voice was lower now, more serious.

you swallowed hard, the memory clicking into place at the same time for both of you. his father’s words from before he left echoed in your head—how ravens had a habit of stealing gull eggs, how they tended to come out when it rained.

and it had rained earlier.

a chill ran down your spine.

felix exhaled sharply, then pushed himself up. “come on,” he said, his voice firm. “let’s go check.”

he was already moving, reaching for your hand as he stood. you nodded, your fingers slipping easily into his grasp as you followed him to the door.

felix led the way, his grip firm around your hand as you both stepped outside. the salty air was thick with the remnants of the storm, the ground still damp beneath your feet. the sky had cleared, but the lingering gray clouds cast an eerie light over the beach house.

neither of you spoke as you rounded the corner, your eyes immediately lifting to the spot where you had first seen the seagull nest, nestled in the crook of the roof.

and there it was.

a massive black bird stood perched at the edge of the nest, its sleek feathers glistening under the weak sunlight. its talons curled tightly around the wooden beam, its head tilted ever so slightly as it regarded you both. the raven was larger than you had expected—far bigger than any gull you had seen.

its beady black eyes locked onto you, unblinking.

your breath hitched. there was something wrong about the way it stared—calculated, aware. it didn’t flinch, didn’t startle at your sudden presence. it simply watched.

felix’s grip on your hand tightened.

the raven’s head twitched, its sharp beak parting slightly as if it was about to make a sound—but it didn’t. it just stood there, unmoving, towering over the nest like a shadow waiting to descend.

your stomach twisted.

“felix…” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

he took a step forward, shifting slightly so he was in front of you, his shoulders squaring. his jaw clenched, eyes fixed on the raven as if daring it to move. then the sharp, guttural cry tore through the silence, echoing against the house. you flinched. the raven didn’t move an inch. it just kept staring.

your heart sank as your gaze flicked to the nest. the thought was unavoidable—what if it had already gotten to one of the eggs?

“felix… do you think it—”

“don’t,” he cut you off gently but firmly, his voice low and steady. “don’t go there yet.”

before you could reply, felix’s eyes darted to the ground. he let go of your hand and crouched, grabbing a long, sopping-wet stick from the grass. it was drenched from the storm, muddy and slick, but he didn’t seem to care. straightening up, he held it like a spear, his shoulders squared, every muscle in his body tense.

it stayed perched, unmoving, as if it was trying to decide whether felix was a threat worth acknowledging. felix stepped closer to the corner of the roof, gripping the stick tightly in both hands. he tilted it upward, pointing the end directly toward the raven, his stance firm.

“go,” felix commanded, his voice sharper now, almost daring the bird to challenge him.

the raven cocked its head at the sound of his voice, the calculating look in its beady eyes making your skin crawl. the raven remained as still as a statue, its gaze locked onto felix with an unnerving intensity. then it let out another piercing caw, its wings unfurling in a sudden, jerky motion that made you flinch.

and finally—it took off.

the massive bird beat its wings hard as it launched itself into the air, its dark silhouette stark against the cloudy sky. you could feel the rush of air as it passed overhead, its cries echoing in the distance as it disappeared into the horizon.

felix lowered the stick with a long exhale, glancing back at you. “well,” he said, “i didn’t think that would actually work.”

felix’s gaze never left the nest as you both stood there in the aftermath of the raven’s sudden departure. something in you tugged at the unease in your chest, a hunch that maybe things weren’t as simple as they seemed.

“i should check,” you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.

felix didn’t hesitate. he nodded, crouching down in front of you, his eyes scanning the nest with a deep, steady focus. without a word, he motioned for you to climb onto his shoulders. you took a deep breath, your stomach twisted with a mix of dread and determination. as you carefully perched yourself onto his back, you braced yourself for whatever you were about to see. felix lifted you with ease, his hands steadying your legs as he raised you higher.

you closed your eyes for a moment, trying to steady your breathing. please let it be okay, you thought. 

slowly, you opened your eyes, and your breath caught in your throat.

the sight was worse than you had feared. the eggs—most of them—were shattered, the fragile shells split open like broken promises, their contents exposed to the elements. your heart sank, a cold, tight feeling creeping up your chest. the raven had gotten to them, and now it was too late.

but there was one egg left. 

felix’s voice was tight with disbelief as he crouched lower, his hands steadying you. “what happened?” he asked, his eyes wide, scanning the damage.

you swallowed hard, your throat dry, and it took a moment for the words to come. “he got to two,” you managed to say, voice barely above a whisper. “the raven… it must’ve eaten them.”

felix’s shoulders slumped, and his face tightened with guilt and sorrow. he set you down gently, his fingers brushing against your arm before he pulled you into his chest. you could feel his heart beating quickly, mirroring your own as you both stood there in a heavy, shared silence.

“i’m so sorry,” felix murmured, his voice barely audible. you could feel the weight of his words, like he was carrying the burden of something he couldn’t control.

you wrapped your arms around him. “the mom’s gonna come back,” you said softly, the words slipping out despite the lump in your throat. “and she won’t understand…” you bit your lip, trying to hold it together, but the lump in your throat felt too large to swallow down.

“i wish there was something more we could have done.” he exhaled slowly, like the air itself had become heavier. 

“let’s go back.” you said quietly, feeling that same heaviness in your chest that he did. felix’s hand found yours once again, his grip warm and steady as he led you back down from the roof.

the walk back to the house felt long and solemn, the world around you muted under the gray sky. there were no words exchanged, but there didn’t need to be. the silence between you was an understanding, a shared grief for something you both knew was beyond your control.

once inside, you both drifted toward the couch, where you sat side by side, close but not saying anything. felix sat a little farther from you than usual, his hands resting on his knees. but you could feel his presence, and that was enough. 

day 5 - 17:00

the kitchen was warm, bathed in the golden glow of the setting sun filtering through the windows. the smell of sizzling garlic and herbs mixed with the salty air, and the soft strumming of a guitar played from the speaker in the corner. you were focused on slicing the vegetables when felix sidled up beside you, leaning against the counter.

without shame, he snatched a piece of carrot off the cutting board, popping it into his mouth.

“felix,” you warned.

he just grinned, reaching for another piece. before you could stop him, he lifted a finger and gently booped your nose.

“ow,” you winced, pulling back. “it still hurts from earlier.”

his eyes widened. “oh—sorry, sorry!” his hands flew up like he’d just committed a crime, guilt flashing across his sun-kissed face.

you let out a small, pathetic whimper, holding your nose like it was broken.

felix blinked. then he narrowed his eyes. “wait—are you messing with me?”

you tried to keep a straight face, but when his suspicion deepened, your resolve crumbled, and you burst into laughter.

“oh my god,” he groaned, running a hand down his face. “stop doing that! one day, i won’t believe you’re actually hurt, and i won’t show any compassion.” he pointed at you accusingly. “you’ve never heard of the boy who cried wolf?”

“it’s not my fault you choose to fall for it every time,” you teased, nudging him with your elbow as you started cutting the onions.

he scoffed, shaking his head. “well, obviously. you’re my girl, i care about you.”

you rolled your eyes at felix’s words, shaking your head as you focused back on the onions. but as soon as you sliced into another piece, the sting hit. it crept in slowly at first, then all at once—your eyes burned, your vision blurred, and before you knew it, tears welled up against your will.

felix gasped dramatically. “are you crying?” he clutched his chest, looking far too entertained. “was it that touching?”

you shot him a glare, blinking rapidly to fight the irritation. “no, you asshole, as if,” you snapped, voice slightly watery as you instinctively raised a hand to wipe at your eyes. and it happened to be the very hand you touched the onion with. before you could, felix’s reflexes kicked in, and he pushed your wrist out of the way just in time.

“oh my gosh, you dummy,” he muttered, exasperated but laughing as he reached for a tissue. carefully, he dabbed at the corners of your eyes, his touch gentle. “you know, i can take over,” he offered, nodding toward the cutting board.

you shook your head quickly. “no, no, it’s okay. i got this.”

felix raised an eyebrow as he finished dabbing your eyes and pulled back. “you sure?”

“i’m okay,” you insisted, blinking rapidly to clear the last of the sting.

he held his hands up in surrender. “alright, if you say so. i’m gonna go grab—” he paused for a second, thinking, then snapped his fingers. “the extra drinks from the garage. you know, since somebody is too stubborn to accept my help in the kitchen.”

you rolled your eyes but smiled. “okay, okay, go.”

felix grinned, but before turning away, he reached out and gently patted your head, smoothing out a stray piece of hair. 

“there,” he said, stepping back with a smirk. “looking good, chef.”

he held his hands up in surrender. “alright, if you say so. i’m gonna go grab—” he paused for a second, thinking, then snapped his fingers. “oh! i need to get the—uh, the marinade from the garage! i knew i was forgetting something.” you hummed in acknowledgment, still focused on the onions. before leaving, felix reached out and pet your hair, “try not to cry too much while i’m gone.”

you swatted at his arm, rolling your eyes. “get out of here.”

felix chuckled as he made his way to the front door, stepping outside. the air was cooler now, the sun dipping lower on the horizon. he jogged across the driveway, pulling open the garage door, and grabbed the marinade from a shelf near the back. with a quick motion, he shut the garage door behind him and turned back toward the house—

then he saw it. 

the beach house across the street. the one he has been staring at for the entire summer, wishing a certain someone was there.

chris’s house.

and a car.

not just any car. chris’s car.

felix stopped in his tracks. his heart did a weird little flip, and for a second, he just stared, trying to make sense of it. no, no, it’s impossible. chris didn’t tell him he was coming up. he said he was too busy this year. it’s probably just his parents. yeah, that’s it.

but the thought nagged at him. the hope.

and before he could talk himself out of it, he spun around and bolted back inside.

“baby!” he called, practically sliding into the kitchen. “you are not gonna believe this.”

you looked up from the cutting board, startled by the urgency in his voice. “what? what happened?”

felix stood there, wide-eyed, gripping the marinade like he’d completely forgotten he was holding it. his chest rose and fell like he’d just sprinted, his sun-kissed face a mix of shock and disbelief. his mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. instead, he gestured wildly toward the front door, his fingers twitching like his brain was moving faster than his mouth.

“the—the—the—” he stammered, his hands flailing as if they could physically drag the words out of him.

you set down the knife, narrowing your eyes. “felix, what?”

but instead of answering, he surged forward and grabbed your wrist. his palm was warm, slightly sweaty, and buzzing with something electric. “come!”

you barely had time to register before he was tugging you through the house, his grip firm but urgent. the kitchen disappeared behind you in a blur, the scent of onions and garlic fading as he pulled you through the hallway and toward the front door. his excitement was contagious, sending a thrill of anticipation racing up your spine.

“felix, what is going on?” you demanded, breathless as you stumbled after him.

“just—just look!” he practically threw open the front door, the warm night air hitting your skin as he pulled you outside. the sky was streaked with fading pinks and oranges, cicadas buzzing in the distance, the salty ocean breeze rustling through the palm trees.

you stood there for a second, completely lost. your eyes darted between felix’s face—alive with barely contained excitement—and the house across the street, but nothing about it seemed unusual. it was just a house.

“…okay?” you said slowly, glancing at him. “what am i supposed to be looking at?”

felix exhaled sharply, shaking his head like you were missing something massive. “remember when you first came? i showed you where chris’s house is?”

you nodded, still confused. “yeah?”

he pointed aggressively. “that one. chris’s house.”

you followed his gaze, staring at the familiar structure, still unsure what he was getting at. “okay… and?”

felix turned to you, eyes wide, and gestured again like you weren’t seeing the obvious. “there is a whole car there. chris’s car!” his voice pitched higher, his hands gripping your shoulders now like he needed to shake the realization into you. “chris didn’t say he was coming up! why is his car here?”

you were still trying to wrap your head around what was happening. “well, then go say hi,” you said with a shrug, a hint of teasing in your voice.

felix’s eyes flickered to the house across the street, his expression torn between confusion and frustration. “no, no, what the fuck?” he ran a hand through his hair, messing it up further as he paced in a small circle. “he can’t just come without telling me! he’s not gonna show up like this and expect me to be all, like, welcoming and happy to see him after—ugh!”

his jaw clenched, his body tense as he turned his focus back to the car in the driveway. “you know what?” he muttered, shaking his head. “forget it. let’s just go back inside. i’m actually done here.”

you almost laughed at how furious he was. it was funny—and kind of adorable, in a way, how deeply this was getting under his skin. but at the same time, you could tell he wasn’t about to let this go anytime soon.

“felix, relax,” you said, trying to stifle your laughter as he threw an arm over your shoulders, practically dragging you back toward the front door. 

you were halfway through your meal, the plates piled high with the food you’d worked together to prepare. the light hum of the music in the background mixed with the occasional clink of utensils against plates, but something felt off. you glanced over at felix, who was sitting across from you, his fork hovering in midair as he stared at his food. his brows were furrowed in that familiar, deep thought expression, his gaze distant. you could practically see the gears turning in his mind, his mood clearly still rattled. 

“why do you think he wouldn’t tell me?” felix’s voice broke the silence, low and pensive. his question was almost like a challenge to himself, like he was searching for some kind of logical answer to the chaos in his head.

you paused, taking a breath as you set your fork down. “i don’t know,” you said softly, glancing at him. “maybe he wanted to surprise you?”

felix’s voice was tinged with dry humor, though it was clear he was still trying to work through the confusion. “well, he’s terrible at it,” he muttered, shaking his head. “cause i found out before he could even say anything.”

you couldn’t help it—you chuckled softly, the sound light against the tension in the room. it was amusing, really, how seriously felix was taking this, and how easily he’d figured it out despite chris’s attempt at a surprise.

“well,” you said, still smiling, “guess he’s not as sneaky as he thinks, huh?”

as you were about to respond, felix’s phone suddenly buzzed on the table, the vibration loud enough to catch both your attention. he glanced down at it, letting out a heavy sigh, then rolled his eyes dramatically. “of course,” he muttered, checking the screen with a look of exasperation.

you raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “who is it?”

felix held up the phone so you could see. chris flashed on the screen, making your smirk widen. “well, answer it then. looks like he’s finally ready to explain himself.”

felix hesitated for a moment, his thumb hovering over the screen as he shot you a look. “fine,” he grumbled. “but if he thinks i’m going to just forgive him for this...”

with a dramatic sigh, he answered the call, tapping the phone to his ear and then switching it to speaker mode. “hi.” felix muttered.

chris’ voice cut him enthusiastically. “hey felix! how are you?”

felix wouldn't let his guard down. he needed to get straight to the point. “good, why are you calling?”

“i just wanted to let you know that my parents arrived at the beach house today. they’re planning on having you over today—they’d love to see you, especially your girlfriend. they’ve been asking about you guys.”

“dude, i saw the car. stop messing with—”

before felix could finish, chris’s voice came through, sounding surprisingly calm and apologetic. “oh yea, sorry about that,” chris cleared his throat to explain. “my parents drove up in my car since i’ve been using theirs to move into my dorm. it’s got more space for all my stuff, you know?” 

there was a brief pause, while felix blinked, his annoyance faltering as chris’s words sank in. “oh,” he said slowly, glancing over at you. “well... okay then.”

but even though he tried to mask it, you could see the shift in his expression—his shoulders sagged just a little, and his lips pressed together tighter than before. a moment of hope had flickered in his eyes, the thought that maybe, just maybe, chris had come to surprise him. but now that hope was gone, shattered, and you could practically feel the sharp sting of disappointment that he was trying so hard to push aside.

felix cleared his throat, forcing his voice to stay even. “yeah, um,” he said, picking at the food on his plate. “we’re just finishing up dinner. we can swing by after.”

“sweet,” chris replied easily. “my parents will be thrilled to see you.”

felix hummed in response, but his usual enthusiasm was noticeably absent. you could see the way he pushed his food around, his appetite suddenly gone.

there was a brief pause before chris spoke again. “felix?”

“yeah?”

chris let out a breath, his tone softer now. “hey, i know it’s been a while, and maybe i should’ve called earlier. but just because things are changing doesn’t mean i don’t care, alright? i still got you. always.”

felix blinked, his gaze lowering to his plate. he let out a quiet scoff, shaking his head slightly. “yeah, yeah. i know,” he muttered. felix toyed with the food on his plate for a moment before exhaling through his nose. “how’s moving?” he asked, his voice quieter now.

chris let out a dry chuckle on the other end. “hard,” he admitted. “so much packing, so much driving. feels like i’ve been living out of boxes for weeks.”

felix hummed in acknowledgment, nodding even though chris couldn’t see him. “bet your new place is a mess.”

“oh, it’s a disaster,” chris groaned. “my mom’s been on my case about organizing, but honestly, i don’t even know where half my stuff is. i think i lost my favorite hoodie in the process.”

felix let out a breath of laughter, but it was short-lived. he twirled his fork between his fingers, his expression unreadable. “guess it’s really happening, huh?”

chris was quiet for a second before answering. “yeah. it is.”

felix swallowed, nodding again. “right.”

without thinking, you reached out and took felix’s hand under the table, your fingers slipping between his. he exhaled softly at the touch, his grip instinctively tightening around yours. his thumb brushed over your knuckles, absentminded but grounding, like he needed something to hold onto.

chris, oblivious to the quiet moment between you two, let out a sigh on the other end. “alright, i gotta go,” he said, his voice lighter now. “but i’ll see you sometime, yeah? i’ll come visit in the winter.”

felix’s jaw clenched for just a second before he forced himself to relax. “yeah,” he said, his voice steady, but you could feel the slight squeeze of his hand around yours. “see you then.”

chris chuckled. “take care, man.” 

the call ended with a soft beep, leaving behind a silence that felt heavier than before. felix didn’t move for a moment, just staring down at the table. you gave his hand a small squeeze, tilting your head slightly as you studied his face. “you okay?”

felix scoffed, shaking his head like you’d just asked the dumbest question in the world. “am i okay? of course, i’m okay.”

you raised an eyebrow. “felix.”

“what?” he let go of your hand to pick at the food on his plate, stabbing at a piece of chicken like it had personally wronged him. “i mean, whatever. it’s not like i was expecting him to actually be here.”

you didn’t call him out on the way his voice tightened at the end, or how his shoulders were still drawn up just slightly, like he was trying to brace himself. instead, you nudged your knee against his under the table. “you know it’s okay to be disappointed, right?”

felix huffed, shoving a bite of food into his mouth. “not disappointed,” he said around the food, voice muffled. “just... whatever.”

you nodded, deciding to let it go for now. if felix wanted to keep pretending, you’d let him—for a little while, at least. the two of you ate in relative silence after that, the occasional clink of silverware filling the space where words should’ve been.

felix barely touched his food.

you noticed, of course, but you didn’t call him out on it. he was in his head, and he’d work through it in his own way.

the sun had dipped lower by the time you both left the house, the sky now a deep shade of blue with traces of orange clinging stubbornly to the horizon. the warm air carried the distant hum of cicadas, the pavement cooling beneath your footsteps as you followed felix across the street.

he hadn’t said much since dinner, and even now, as he walked beside you, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, he was unusually quiet.

the two of you stood in front of chris’s door, the porch light casting a warm glow over the entryway. felix let out a slow breath, rolling his shoulders back like he was bracing for impact.

as you approached the front door, a sudden wave of nerves crept up on you. you glanced at felix, hesitating just before stepping onto the porch. “what do i even say?” you murmured, glancing up at him.

felix scoffed, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. “they’re literally the nicest people on earth,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “just be you, and they’ll love it.”

you nodded, swallowing your nerves as felix reached out and pressed the doorbell. almost instantly, the sound of high-pitched barking rang out from inside. felix’s lips curled into a small smile. footsteps approached the door, and within seconds, it swung open to reveal chris’s mom stood in the doorway, radiant in the golden glow of the porch light. she was beautiful in a timeless way, with soft, kind eyes that crinkled at the corners when she smiled, and rich, dark hair that framed her face in effortless waves. at her feet, a small cocker spaniel bounced excitedly, its tail wagging furiously.

“oh, hello, felix!” she greeted, her voice full of warmth.

“hi!” felix grinned before looking down at the dog. “and hi, berry,” he cooed, crouching slightly as the dog immediately leaped at him, little paws scratching at his legs.

you stepped forward with a polite smile. “it’s really nice to meet you.”

chris’s mom turned her attention to you, her smile widening. “so you’re the one felix has been telling chris about,” she said warmly, stepping aside to let you both in. “it’s lovely to finally meet you!”

berry was still jumping excitedly at felix’s legs, tiny paws scratching at his sweats as he wiggled his tail. felix reached down to ruffle the dog’s ears, laughing when berry tried to clamber up his leg. “still the same little menace, huh?”

as you stepped further inside, the warmth of the house embraced you, carrying the familiar scents of home-cooked food and something faintly floral—maybe a candle burning somewhere nearby. the living room was cozy, filled with framed pictures of chris and his family, soft, well-loved couches, and the kind of atmosphere that made it feel like home.

before you could fully take it in, a deep voice called from further inside.

“there he is! about time you came to visit, felix.”

you turned just in time to see chris’s dad, jack, approaching with a broad grin. he was a tall, sturdy man with a slightly weathered face, exuding the same easy warmth as his wife.

felix grinned as he stepped forward, meeting him with a firm hug. “hey, jack.”

jack clapped him on the back before pulling away, his sharp eyes shifting toward you. “and this must be the girl i’ve been hearing about.”

you smiled, shaking his hand. “nice to meet you.”

jack smirked. “how are you holding up with this one?”

without missing a beat, you deadpanned, “oh, he’s the worst.”

jack let out a loud laugh, while felix shot you an unimpressed look. “wow. betrayed immediately.”

“hey, i like her,” jack said approvingly.

felix rolled his eyes but tugged you toward the couch anyway. he plopped down, stretching an arm over the backrest behind you while chris’s mom sat across from you. the small cocker spaniel, berry, had finally calmed down, settling at felix’s feet.

felix leaned back with a sigh, shaking his head. “you know, i really got fooled by that car for a second,” he admitted, almost laughing at himself. “for a second, i thought chris was actually gonna be here.”

chris’s parents nodded along, but in the corner of your eye, something shifted.

a figure stood near the entrance to the hallway, moving so silently you almost didn’t notice.

your breath caught slightly, but you forced yourself to stay still. the man was wearing a black t-shirt, arms crossed, posture relaxed yet intentional. he was handsome, a bit buff, and even though you’d never met him before, you knew exactly who he was. he lifted a finger up to his lips when he saw you looking at him.

chris.

he looked exactly like the pictures felix had shown you—sharp-eyed, charming, with that same knowing smirk.

your stomach flipped, but you schooled your expression, keeping your focus on felix, who was still oblivious.

then, from behind you, a voice broke through the air.

“you really think i’d leave my precious car out of my sight?”

felix stopped mid-sentence.

visibly froze.

for a second, he didn’t move. just sat there, processing.

then, slowly—like he was almost afraid to believe what he just heard—he turned his head. 

chris stood there, leaning casually against the doorway with a smug grin, arms crossed over his chest. his eyes gleamed with mischief as he took in felix’s stunned expression. felix blinked once. twice. his brain seemed to short-circuit as he processed what was happening. “what the—”

chris barely had time to react before felix shot up from the couch. “you absolute asshole,” he breathed, staring at his friend like he was seeing a ghost. “you—are you kidding me right now?!”

chris burst into laughter, stepping forward just as felix launched himself at him. the hug was aggressive—felix practically slammed into him, shoving him back a step before gripping his shoulders tightly. “you—” felix’s voice cracked, and he pushed chris again, shaking his head in disbelief. “you fucking lied.” felix’s grip tightened before he pulled him in again, hugging him even harder this time. “you suck,” he muttered into chris’s shoulder, voice slightly muffled.

chris patted his back, clearly enjoying every second of this. “missed you too, man.”

you watched, a slow smile spreading across your face. felix had gone through every emotion in the span of five minutes, but the way he held onto chris—like he couldn’t quite believe he was real—made your chest ache.

chris pulled back just enough to look at felix, his grin stretching wide. “damn, i really got you, huh?”

felix scoffed, rolling his eyes, but there was no real annoyance behind it. “you’re such an ass.” he shook his head, exhaling sharply, like he was still processing everything. 

chris laughed again before shifting his gaze to you, his eyes lighting up. “oh my goodness,” he said dramatically, stepping around felix and throwing his arms out like he was seeing a celebrity. “it is so nice to finally meet you.” chris stepped back but kept his hands on your shoulders as he grinned down at you. “felix has told me so much about you,” he said, shaking his head slightly.

chris had pulled you into a quick hug, his enthusiasm overwhelming which you returned. “oh trust me, me too. you know, you’re kind of a big deal.” you joked.

chris raised an eyebrow, glancing at felix with a smirk. “oh, really?” without warning, he reached out and ruffled felix’s hair, messing it up completely. felix let out a squawk, immediately ducking away and swatting at his hand as he groaned, smoothing his hair down with both hands. 

chris just laughed, clearly pleased with himself. before felix could retaliate, chris’s parents stepped into the room. “we’ll go get things from the kitchen,” his mom said, exchanging a look with his dad.

felix stared at chris for a moment, narrowing his eyes. “wait, so what are you doing here? i mean, aren’t you, like, hella busy?”

chris shrugged easily. “i have some time before school starts, you know? figured i’d come see you guys.”

felix blinked. “but i thought you were still settling in—”

“yeah, i got that done already,” chris said, stretching his arms over his head. “took a lot shorter than i expected.”

felix stared at chris, eyes narrowing slightly as if he was still processing what was happening. “wow. what the hell.”

chris just laughed, clearly pleased with himself. “surprised?”

felix scoffed. “yeah, no shit. you made it sound like you were too busy to even think about visiting.”

chris shrugged. “i like to keep things interesting.” then, as if remembering something, he turned to you, his expression brightening. “so, is this place any different from sydney?”

you exhaled, looking around for a moment before shaking your head with a grin. “very much so.”

chris chuckled, nodding in agreement. “yeah, the beach is unreal.” he tilted his head slightly. “what have you guys been up to lately?”

felix groaned immediately, rubbing his face. “oh, dude. did you guys get caught in that storm today on your way up?”

chris made a face. “yeah, it was horrendous.”

felix snorted. “yeah? well, we went surfing in it.”

chris’s head snapped toward him. “you idiots.”

you laughed, raising a hand. “in our defense, we didn’t know it was gonna get that bad.” then, shaking your head, you sighed. “i might be traumatized, though. i wiped out so hard, and my board came right back and smacked me in the face. i almost passed out.”

chris hissed through his teeth, wincing. “that sounds brutal.”

felix let out a heavy breath, crossing his arms. “oh my goodness, i was freaking out so much. i saw her bleeding—” he cut himself off, shaking his head, like the memory was still too fresh. “i swear my heart stopped for a second.”

chris raised an eyebrow, a teasing smirk tugging at his lips. “you guys are cute, you know that?” he said, clearly enjoying the playful dynamic between you and felix.

felix groaned, rubbing his face in mock embarrassment. “oh, god. please, no.” you laughed, nudging him with your elbow.

just as chris was about to say something else, his mom stepped into the room, carrying a tray of snacks. “alright, who’s ready for something to eat?”

her husband followed behind, holding a pitcher of lemonade. “we brought the good stuff,” he said with a smile, setting the drinks down on the coffee table.

“perfect,” chris said with a grin, moving to sit on one of the chairs as his parents placed the snacks down on the table.

day 5 - 22:00

it was around 10 p.m. when you decided to step back, letting felix and chris have their chance to catch up without you. you didn’t mind. you could tell they had a lot to talk about, and you were more than happy to give them the space to do so. the night air had cooled down, the sky darkened, and the faint glow of streetlights cast long shadows along the sidewalk as they started their walk.

you stood back, leaning against felix’s front door as they walked away, watching the two of them in the dim light. it was nice, knowing that they were reconnecting like this. you’d never been one to cling to every moment, and tonight, it felt right to let them share some space.

the sounds of their footsteps and occasional laughter drifted over to you, but eventually, they faded as they walked further down the street, making their way to the familiar spot where you and felix had shared a bonfire just days ago. you couldn’t help but smile a little as you imagined the conversations they were having.

“you think anyone's gonna be at the bonfire tonight?” felix asked, his voice carrying easily in the cool night air as they walked along the street. he shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, his breath fogging in front of him in the chilly night air.

“not sure,” chris said, glancing around. “but if not, i’m cool with just talking, man. it’s been way too long.”

felix smiled, his expression softening. “yeah, it’s been forever.”

the two of them walked in comfortable silence for a few moments, the only sound being the faint rush of the ocean waves in the distance. felix glanced at chris, his face lighting up with a playful grin as the conversation shifted gears.

“so, did you make it to jenny and jake’s birthday party the other day?” chris asked.

felix nodded, letting out a slight groan. “yeah, i went. it was... interesting, to say the least.”

chris raised an eyebrow, curious. “interesting how?”

felix paused, letting the silence hang in the air before breaking it with a casual but telling, “we, uh... we hooked up.”

chris’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief, and he stopped walking for a second, staring at felix like he’d just heard the most ridiculous thing. “what the fuck, man. you and jenny?” he blurted.

felix’s eyes widened in horror, quickly waving his hands to clarify. “no, no, no, not jenny,” he said, his voice getting a little frantic. “i meant—god, no. i meant y/n.”

chris blinked at him for a beat, the confusion on his face only deepening. “your girlfriend?” he laughed nervously, like he was trying to wrap his mind around the whole situation. “okay, man, you gotta be clearer next time. i thought you were talking about the twins—now that would’ve been wild.”

felix let out an exasperated sigh, a mix of relief and embarrassment crossing his face. “i’m sorry, man, i didn’t mean it like that.” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “i meant my girlfriend. we... we hooked up at the party.”

chris let out a nervous laugh, still trying to process what felix had just said. “but what else would you be doing all week? holding hands and playing at the beach?” he nudged felix’s shoulder, expecting him to join in on the joke.

felix, however, stayed silent, his expression more serious than chris was expecting. his gaze locked onto chris for a moment, and chris’s playful grin faltered as the realization hit him. felix’s eyes were intense, almost guarded, like he was holding something back.

chris’s smile slowly faded, his expression turning more cautious as he finally got it. “oh.” he said bluntly, his tone shifting.

felix nodded, his voice quiet when he spoke. “yeah.” it was a simple answer, but it hung in the air with a weight that made the conversation feel heavier than it had moments ago.

chris’s eyes widened a little, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. “wait, you... you haven’t...?”

felix shook his head, his lips pressing into a thin line. “no. not yet. just… we’ve been taking it slow.”

chris paused, processing that for a moment before he gave felix a thoughtful look. “damn, man. i didn’t realize it was like that. you know, i thought you two were... well, really close by now.”

felix let out a small laugh, though it wasn’t entirely light. “we are close. it’s just… important to me, you know?”

chris gave him a knowing look, a slight smirk creeping back onto his face. “i got you, man. taking it slow... doesn’t mean you’re not thinking about it, right?”

felix’s cheeks flushed slightly, and he rolled his eyes, but there was no hiding the quiet smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. “shut up.”

chris raised an eyebrow, his smirk turning a little more teasing as he shot a quick glance at felix. “have you guys talked about it yet?” he asked, the curiosity evident in his voice.

felix’s cheeks flushed deeper, and he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “yeah... last night.” his voice was quieter now, almost like he wasn’t sure if he should even be saying this out loud.

chris nodded, his smile softening. “that’s great, man. i’m glad you two are communicating.” he gave felix a curious look. “but what’s holding you guys back, though? it seems like you’re both into it.”

felix let out a deep breath, his expression faltering as he thought about his words. he shifted slightly, rubbing the back of his neck again, clearly uncomfortable with the vulnerability of the conversation. “i don’t know… i just— it feels wrong, you know? we’ve only been exclusive for like a few months and…” he looked at chris, his eyes filled with uncertainty. “i haven’t even told her how i feel about her, like—really told her. it just doesn’t feel right rushing into anything.”

chris’s gaze softened, and he gave felix a serious look. "you haven’t told her you love her yet, felix?" he repeated, his tone quieter now, like he was trying to understand the hesitation.

felix exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair before muttering, “well… i did.”

“when?”

felix let out a humorless chuckle. “the other night, when i was a little drunk, i told her.” he shook his head, as if embarrassed just thinking about it. “i don’t even remember how it came out, but i know i said it. and she—” he hesitated, his jaw tightening.

chris leaned forward slightly, watching him closely. “what did she say?”

felix sighed, rubbing the back of his neck again. “she told me to talk about it when i was sober.” his voice was quieter now, laced with something almost regretful. “and then from that moment on, i just… pretended like i didn’t remember anything.”

chris groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “felix.”

felix let out a short laugh, shaking his head. “yeah, i know. it was an asshole move.” he exhaled sharply, staring at the ground as he kicked a loose rock down the path. “i mean… i’ve been thinking about it so much, but every time i want to say it, i just—” he cut himself off, his jaw tightening. “i just can’t get it out. ”

chris was quiet for a moment, his expression unreadable as he hesitated. he looked like he was debating whether or not to say something, his lips parting before he finally spoke. “do you think it might have something to do with… mabel?”

felix’s entire body stiffened at the name. his head snapped toward chris, eyes narrowing slightly—not in anger, but in something uncertain, something guarded. he didn’t respond right away. instead, he just stared at chris, his grip tightening in his pockets.

chris exhaled, nodding like he’d expected that answer. “you’ve told y/n about her, right?”

“yeah,” felix said quickly, before glancing away. “just… maybe not the specifics.”

chris held his gaze, watching him carefully. “i mean,” he continued, his voice gentler now, “it makes sense, doesn’t it?”

felix swallowed hard, his throat bobbing as he turned his eyes back to the path ahead. “i don’t know,” he said, but there was a weight behind it, like he wasn’t sure if he was lying to himself.

chris didn’t back down, watching felix carefully. “i mean, think about it,” he said, his voice measured. “you and mabel—”

felix flinched. it was subtle, just the faintest tension in his shoulders, but chris caught it. he caught the way felix’s fingers curled slightly, the way his jaw locked for just a second before he spoke.

“can we just…” felix exhaled, forcing a short, awkward chuckle. “can we keep her name out of this conversation?” his voice was lighter, but there was something tight behind it, like he was holding something back. “i don’t wanna talk about her.”

chris immediately backed off, nodding. “yeah. sorry.”

felix sighed, running a hand through his hair. “it’s not— i don’t feel anything for her anymore,” he clarified, shaking his head. “it’s not about that.”

“yeah, i understand. but, you know… just keep it in the back of your head. sometimes things stick with you more than you realize.”

felix let out a slow breath, staring ahead at the flickering glow of the bonfire pit in the distance. he knew chris was right. he just wasn’t sure if he was ready to face what that meant.

because if he admitted it—if he said that maybe, just maybe, what happened with mabel still had some kind of hold on him—then what did that mean? that he hadn’t gotten over her?

no. that wasn’t true. he knew that wasn’t true.

he’d be terrible not to, especially when the girl for him was you. it had been you from the moment he really let himself see it. mabel wasn’t in his life anymore. he never thought about her, never missed her, never wished for anything they had. he didn’t care.

and yet, every time her name came up, every time someone even hinted at what happened, there was pain in his chest.

like a ghost of something he’d already buried.

felix exhaled, forcing the thought away. he didn’t want to talk about her. he didn’t even want to think about her.

chris seized the opportunity to change the subject, clapping felix on the back lightly. “well,” he said, his tone shifting back to something more casual, “looks like we’re here.”

the distant crackle of the bonfire grew louder as they approached, accompanied by the hum of conversation and the strumming of a guitar. the music, slightly muffled by the night breeze, carried over to them, breaking through the tense silence that had settled between them.

felix’s lips curled into a small smile as they stepped onto the sand, the bonfire’s glow illuminating their faces. the crowd was smaller than when you and felix had come, but there were still plenty of people lounging on the logs, talking in clusters, and swaying to the music. some familiar faces turned toward them, offering nods or waves of recognition.

felix glanced at chris, then smiled to himself. “three…” he murmured under his breath.

chris frowned, tilting his head. “what are you doing?” he asked, chuckling in confusion.

felix didn’t answer, eyes scanning the group ahead. “two…”

chris narrowed his eyes, a laugh bubbling up. “felix, what—”

“and one.”

before he could question felix further, a voice cut through the music.

“oh my god, chris?”

a girl appeared seemingly out of nowhere, her eyes lighting up as she made a beeline for him. her voice dripped with excitement, and felix barely contained his grin as he watched chris’s reaction unfold.

felix, grinning shamelessly, leaned over just enough to murmur, “called it.”

chris barely had time to react before she was in front of him, flashing a bright smile. “i can’t believe you’re here,” she said, placing a hand lightly on his arm. “you look even better than i remembered.”

his lips curled into an amused smirk, eyes flicking over her face with that teasing glint. “better than you remembered?” he repeated, tilting his head slightly. “i mean, i’ll take the compliment, but now i have to wonder—exactly how bad was my competition?”

she laughed, rolling her eyes. “please. you know you weren’t competing with anyone.”

chris hummed, dragging his gaze away for just a second before looking back at her. “that so?” he mused. “good to know.” his tone was light, casual—but the way his words lingered, the way his eyes moved just a little slower, made it impossible to ignore the charge in the air.

felix barely contained his laughter, watching the exchange unfold. “i should start betting on this kind of thing,” he muttered under his breath, but neither of them heard him. 

chris chuckled softly, his smile still lingering, but he gave the girl a polite nod. “i’ll catch up with you later, yeah? it’s been a while, so i’ve got to make my rounds and say hi to everyone.”

she grinned, clearly not bothered by his subtle exit, and leaned in just a little closer, her hand brushing against his arm as she spoke. “of course, bang chan,” she said, his korean name slipping off her tongue in a teasing, flirty way. her fingers lingered for a second longer than necessary, the touch almost electric.

“it won't take long.” chris promised, a light laugh escaping him as he backed off slightly before the girl left. 

felix, still standing off to the side with an amused look on his face, couldn’t resist. “you’ve always had a way of doing that,” he commented, nudging chris with his elbow.

chris smirked, shaking his head. “well, i don’t know about that.” he glanced at felix, amusement flickering in his eyes. “you’re the one in the committed relationship, my guy.”

felix rolled his eyes, shaking his head but laughing nonetheless. “you’re not wrong,” he said. he leaned in, mimicking the girl’s earlier tone in a teasing voice, “bang chan.”

“shut up, lee yongbok,” he said, a playful edge to his voice, knowing full well it was a name felix hated being called.

felix froze for a second, his eyes widening as he scowled. “hey!” he smacked chris in the back of his head, but only half-seriously. “that’s crossing the line, man.”

felix couldn’t help but smile as he looked at chris. his best friend was back, and for now, that was enough. and it all felt good.

day 5 - 23:59

you could feel every inch of it, the wetness of the waves wrapping around you, soaking through the thin fabric of your clothes. your arms were heavy, each stroke harder than the last as you paddled out, your movements frantic but sluggish. the water felt wrong, its temperature sinking deep into your bones, each pull more exhausting than the one before.

you looked around, your breath hitching, but the view was nothing but endless dark water. no shore in sight. no land. just the vast ocean stretching on forever, swallowing you whole. the silence of it, broken only by the distant roar of the storm above, was deafening. the air was thick with pressure, and your chest felt tight as the clouds above swirled ominously, dark and brooding.

you glanced down at the water, and that’s when you saw it—first just a strange shift in color, and then it was clear. the water was no longer blue, but red. the deep crimson color spread out around you like the ocean itself had been transformed into blood. it felt wrong, as if the very world around you had turned against you. the water, once so familiar, now felt foreign, alien. you shivered as the sickening sight of it pulled at your stomach, a growing sense of unease crawling over your skin.

then, a ripple broke the surface of the water, followed by a wave. not a typical wave, but something far larger—an immense, towering thing that seemed to reach toward the heavens. the scale of it was terrifying. it moved slowly at first, but you could feel the pull of it, drawing closer with every second. your heart pounded as panic set in. you tried to paddle away, but it was hopeless. the wave was too big, too fast.

your body moved without thinking, your breath ragged and shallow as you fought against the current, paddling furiously as the water seemed to push back with every stroke. the fear settled deep into your chest, a cold knot that tightened with every passing moment. you knew it was coming, the giant wave, and you knew you couldn’t escape it. the storm above raged louder now, the thunder crashing like a warning.

the wave loomed closer, its massive shape blocking out the sky above. it felt like it would swallow you whole, and you couldn’t escape. there was no way out.

and then, with a deafening roar, the wave crashed over you. the world was swallowed in darkness, the cold water engulfing you completely. it was as if the ocean itself had turned on you, and the weight of it pressed down with crushing force.

your body jerked up in bed, a strangled gasp escaping your lips as your chest heaved with panic. sweat slicked your skin, and your heart raced, every muscle tense and trembling from the aftershock of the dream. 

the darkness of the room slowly started to take shape as you tried to catch your breath. your heart pounded in your chest, but gradually, as the room came into focus, you recognized the familiar surroundings—the pale blue walls, the soft glow of the moonlight filtering through the window. the gentle rustling of the wind outside reminded you that you were still in the beach house, the comforting warmth of the room in stark contrast to the cold, oppressive weight of the dream.

the incident earlier that day had a grasp on you, wrapping its tendrils around your thoughts.

taking a shaky breath, you closed your eyes, trying to steady yourself. but as soon as your eyelids fluttered shut, the nightmare flashed before your mind’s eye once more. the red water, the massive wave—everything came rushing back like a tide, threatening to pull you under once again. the fear surged within you, choking you, and your heart leaped into your throat.

you shot your eyes open again. you couldn’t do it. you couldn’t fall asleep again, not when you knew that the nightmare would be waiting, lurking in the dark corners of your mind, ready to drag you back into its depths.

rolling over onto your side, you stared at the ceiling, trying to steady your breathing, but sleep seemed so far away now. and with every second, the memories of the nightmare seemed to tighten their grip on you, keeping you wide awake.

you closed your eyes briefly, hoping to find some comfort in the dark, but every time you did, the nightmare flashed back into your mind, sharp and unsettling. you pulled the blanket up higher, trying to shield yourself from the thoughts, but it didn’t help. nothing felt right.

then, a sudden creak broke the silence.

your body tensed instantly, your eyes snapping wide open. the front door—just beyond the hallway—shifted in its frame with a soft noise. it wasn’t loud, but it was enough to stir a primal sense of unease in your gut. the sound was faint but familiar—the soft shuffle of footsteps in the hall. your heart skipped a beat as you realized it was felix.

you slowly pulled the blanket over your legs, trying to calm your nerves. the night still felt heavy, but you swung your legs over the side of the bed, your feet meeting the soft, plush carpet beneath you. slipping into your fluffy slippers, you took a steadying breath before standing, moving toward the door.

you could hear felix moving in his room, the sound of him adjusting things, probably getting ready for bed. but you weren’t ready for sleep—not with the feeling of the nightmare still lingering, clawing at your chest.

for a moment, you hesitated, your hand hovering over the door handle. should you go to him? you knew it was late, and you didn’t want to worry him, but you were in a bad state right now, and maybe... maybe being close to him would help you feel safe again.

you exhaled quietly, then pushed the door open, walking across the hallway to felix's room. the lights were on, and the brightness made you squint, your eyes adjusting to the sudden shift in light. felix was standing by his bedside, plugging his phone into the charger, his back turned to you.

once he heard your footsteps, he turned around almost instantly. felix’s eyes softened as he noticed the way you were standing in the doorway. his expression immediately shifted to one of gentle concern, his voice quiet as he said, “baby, i thought you’d be asleep by now.”

you didn’t respond right away, not sure how to explain the weight of the nightmare, the unease that still lingered. felix noticed your hesitation and immediately walked over to you, his movements smooth and careful. as he got closer, his eyes searched for yours, and the worry in his gaze deepened. “are you okay?” he asked, his voice soft.

you inhaled deeply, your chest rising and falling with a shaky breath as the fear still clung to you, making it harder to speak. felix’s hand gently rested on your arm, the touch light but grounding, as if he was trying to remind you that you weren’t alone in this moment. his eyes softened, and he waited for you to find the words, not pushing, just quietly offering support.

“i’m scared,” you finally whispered, your voice barely audible, but the vulnerability in it was clear.

felix’s brow furrowed slightly, his gaze filled with concern as he leaned in a little closer. “scared of what?” his voice was a soothing whisper, coaxing you to open up but still giving you space to process.

you swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in your throat. the nightmare felt like it had a hold on you—like the fear from it still clung to your mind, refusing to let go. it wasn’t just the dream itself, but the overwhelming feeling of being lost, alone, and helpless in the water. the dread that had flooded through you felt like it was seeping into every part of your body, even now, even with felix standing in front of you.

“i had a nightmare,” you admitted softly, feeling the weight of the words as they left your lips. it felt almost silly, but it was the truth. the dream had felt so real, the fear, the panic—it was hard to shake off.

felix gently squeezed your arm, his thumb moving in small circles as he listened to you. his eyes softened as he took in your words, his heart aching at how much distress you were in. he could feel the tension in your body, the way your breath was still a little shaky as you spoke.

felix's thumb gently stroked the inside of your arm, a steady, calming motion that sent warmth through you, though your heart still raced in a panic. he looked at you with concern in his eyes, his voice soft and reassuring. “what was it?”

you hesitated for a moment, your mind racing, but you needed to get it out. you took a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself enough to explain the nightmare, but your words kept tumbling out in a rush, the panic seeping through. “it… it was like, i was in the water. but it felt like everything was wrong. the ocean was… different. it was freezing, and then it turned red. like blood. and there was this huge wave. just… huge. like the one in that movie we saw together…” you trailed off, trying to remember it.

“interstellar.” felix filled in.

“like the waves in interstellar.” you nodded and carried on. “i was stuck, and i knew it was going to crush me, and i couldn’t do anything.”

you took a shaky breath, feeling your heart race again as you relived the moments from the dream. the panic in your chest grew, and you tried to calm it, but it was like it was spreading, wrapping around your throat.

“i think it has to do with this morning,” you added, your voice growing frantic as you tried to piece together what was happening. “the wipeout. i… i was so scared when i hit the water, and then my board came back at me, and it… it almost knocked me out. and now it’s like i can’t escape it. the waves, the storm. it all feels so real, and i don’t know how to make it stop.”

your voice caught in your throat, and before you could stop it, you were shaking your head, your hands tightening at your sides. “i know it’s stupid,” you muttered, feeling like you were making a bigger deal out of this than it was. “i shouldn’t have come to your room. it’s just a nightmare.”

felix’s heart ached seeing you like this. he stepped closer to you, his hand gently stroking your arm, trying to soothe the panic that had taken over. “hey, hey,” he whispered softly, his voice steady and full of warmth. “you’re not bothering me, baby. you can always come to me. i want you to.”

he stepped even closer, his body offering warmth and comfort as he pulled you into a soft, reassuring hug. his hand moved to the back of your head, gently running his fingers through your hair as he whispered, “and it’s not stupid, okay? what you’re feeling is real.” he paused, running his hand up and down your arm as if to soothe you, trying to calm the panic that still lingered in your chest. “can i tell you a secret?” he asked with the softest voice possible while he guided down to sit on his bed, the one he always made neatly every morning..

you nodded, looking up at him, searching his eyes for comfort. the sincerity in his gaze made you feel a little safer, even in the midst of your panic.

felix gave a small, almost embarrassed smile, his voice soft as he began. “even when i was 13, whenever i had a nightmare, i would still go to my parents' room. you know what they’d do?”

you shook your head, not entirely sure what he meant, but listening intently.

“my dad,” he chuckled softly, shaking his head. “he’d tell me to get their bed and then they’d stay with me to talk about it until i fell asleep.”

a laugh bubbled out of you despite yourself, the image of young felix sneaking into his parents' room bringing a lightness to your chest. “that’s cute,” you said, trying to smile, though the remnants of the nightmare still clung to you.

felix's smile deepened at the sound of your laugh, his tone lightening. “so, i’ll tell you what, why don’t you sleep with me tonight? i’m gonna go wash up real quick, but in the meantime you can wait for me in bed. is that okay?”

you nodded, feeling a small sense of relief settle over you just at the thought of him being there, taking care of you. “yes,” you murmured, your voice still quiet but softer than before.

felix smiled softly, his hand still resting on your arm as you both stood up. “come on,” he said gently. his movements were careful and deliberate, as if he was trying to make the space as comfortable as possible for you. he pulled the duvet off the bed, giving it a quick shake before walking back toward you.

without saying a word, he leaned down and kissed your forehead, a soft, affectionate gesture that made your chest feel a little lighter. “i’ll be quick,” he whispered, his breath warm against your skin.

you nodded and gave him a small smile, though you couldn’t help but feel comforted by the gesture. as he made his way to the bathroom, he turned the lights off on his way out, leaving the room bathed in the soft glow of moonlight filtering through the window.

the sudden quiet was almost surreal. you moved down in the bed, curling up under the warm duvet. you pulled it close around you, the fabric soft and comforting against your skin. the bed smelled like him—like the faint scent of his cologne, like warmth, like safety—and it was as if the world outside the room ceased to exist for a moment.

you leaned your head back into the pillow, your body melting into the softness as you closed your eyes, feeling the last remnants of tension from the nightmare slip away. the rhythmic sound of your breathing slowly became steadier, and the night seemed less intimidating with him so near, even if he wasn’t physically in the room.

it felt like time passed in the blink of an eye. your mind wandered in that dreamlike state, the world shifting gently as you teetered on the edge of sleep. everything felt so much easier now. the warmth of the bed, the sense of calm that only felix could bring—you could almost forget the nightmare, the fear, and just let yourself drift away.

you stirred awake again, the softness of the bed and the warmth surrounding you pulling you from your dreams. as your eyes blinked open, the first thing you saw was felix, his shirtless figure silhouetted against the dim light. his features were soft, and he had a gentle smile on his face as he watched you, his presence filling the space around you.

he moved closer, his body warmth radiating toward you. his eyes searched yours for a moment, a trace of concern in them as he asked, "are you okay with this?" his voice was soft, like he didn’t want to pressure you but wanted to make sure you felt comfortable.

you smiled, feeling a sense of peace settle in your chest just at the sight of him. "more than ever," you replied, your voice barely a whisper but full of warmth.

felix slid an arm beneath you with effortless ease, his movements gentle but sure, as if he had done this a thousand times before. his other arm wrapped around your shoulders, drawing you in close until your body was pressed snugly against his chest. his warmth enveloped you instantly, a quiet reassurance against the lingering remnants of fear.

you felt the steady rise and fall of his breathing, the slow, rhythmic pattern grounding you in the moment. his scent—clean, familiar, tinged with the faintest hint of the ocean breeze—wrapped around you just as securely as his embrace. the soft fabric of his hoodie brushed against your cheek, and beneath it, the steady drum of his heartbeat thrummed against your skin.

felix shifted slightly, adjusting until you were tucked perfectly beneath his chin, your head nestled into the crook of his neck. his cheek rested against your temple, his breath warm as it fanned over your hair. one of his hands settled against your back, his fingers splayed lightly as if to shield you from the weight of the nightmare that still clung to your mind. the other draped over your arm, his thumb moving in slow, comforting circles against your skin.

his hold was protective but never constraining—just solid, just safe. his entire body seemed to curve around yours, sheltering you from anything that might still linger in the corners of your mind. the world outside ceased to exist in that moment. no crashing waves, no blood-red water, no looming shadows—just felix, warm and steady, anchoring you to reality.

felix didn’t hesitate. he slid an arm beneath you with effortless ease, his movements smooth and sure, as if it were second nature to him. his other arm wrapped around your shoulders, drawing you in until your body was flush against his bare chest. the contrast between the cool air and the warmth of his skin sent a shiver down your spine, but felix was quick to notice, pulling the blanket up around you both like a protective cocoon.

the heat of his body seeped into yours instantly, his skin warm and soft against your cheek. you could feel the steady rhythm of his heart beneath your fingertips, strong and soothing, grounding you as the remnants of your nightmare slowly unraveled. his scent—fresh, familiar, tinged with salt and something uniquely him—wrapped around you just as securely as his embrace.

felix shifted slightly, adjusting you until your head fit perfectly beneath his chin, your face tucked against the curve of his shoulder. his cheek pressed lightly against your hair, his breath warm as it fanned over your forehead. one of his hands rested against the small of your back, his fingers splayed lightly, while the other draped protectively over your arm, his thumb tracing slow, absentminded circles against your skin.

felix let out a slow breath, his chin resting lightly against your hair as he listened to the quiet sound of your breathing. it had evened out now, softer, steadier, no longer carrying the weight of panic. that alone made something in his chest tighten—relief.

he tilted his head slightly, just enough to look down at you. the soft glow of moonlight filtered through the window, casting faint silver highlights across your face. your features were relaxed now, peaceful, your lashes resting gently against your cheeks. the sight of you—so close, so completely at ease in his arms—made warmth flood through his entire body, spreading from his chest to the very tips of his fingers.

god, he loved you.

the thought hit him with quiet certainty, like a wave rolling in, steady and unstoppable. it wasn’t sudden. no, it had been there for a long time, buried beneath fleeting glances, quiet moments, and every touch that lingered just a little too long. but now, holding you like this, feeling the way you melted into him, trusting him even in your most vulnerable state—there was no denying it.

he loved you.

and it terrified him.

because if he told you—if he let the words slip past his lips—what would it change? would you look at him the same way, or would you pull away? would the comfort you found in his arms disappear, replaced by the weight of something unsaid, something too heavy to bear?

his grip on you instinctively tightened, just slightly, as if he could keep this moment frozen in time, untouched by the risk of words unspoken. felix let out a quiet sigh, tilting his head to press the softest of kisses against your temple.

for now, he would keep it to himself.

for now, he would let you sleep, safe and warm in his arms, and he would hold onto this moment for as long as you let him.

[katuschka]

Stargazers

Jake Kiszka x f!reader 1.560 words

/#gvfvalentines2025 – watching the stars/

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings (are spoilers): disappointment, Valentine's dinner gone wrong, tension, tooth-rotting fluff, kissing, tears, descriptions of vast spaces, comfort

“Please, just stop it already. I’m here. We’re here. It’s a date. Could you at least stop making those faces?” Jake downed his glass of wine and huffed through his nose. Now it was him making faces.

I tried, but I couldn’t help it. No matter how much I tried to rationalize it and just enjoy myself, I felt disappointed. And – seeing his annoyed face and seeming lack of understanding – almost miserable. He took me to a fancy restaurant – something which I never insisted on. What I really wanted was to spend the day with him. One whole day. Just once! I made the plans, I bought the tickets! All he had to do was to show up. And he did not. 

And thus we ended up eyeing each other sourly over a candlelit dinner. The food was delicious, but we lost our appetite. 

“You know, I even took a day off,” I mumbled reproachfully, while trying to murder the caramelized pear with my fork. 

Jake leaned back on his chair and started tapping his fingers on the table. Clearly, I was making him uneasy. Well, good…

“I already apologized. It was an emergency meeting.” 

“Jake, you’re a rock musician, not a member of a war committee. And the planetarium was much more important than this.” I should have gone alone. If he can prioritize his own obsessions and hobbies, so should I. I had been making compromises all the time. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I know I screwed up. I tried to leave, but they wouldn’t let me. And you know I’m not really into this kind of stuff.” 

By ‘this kind of stuff’ he meant conventional romantic gestures, no doubt. The problem is that I never demanded it in the first place. 

My eyes fell on the bouquet of blood red roses that lay on the table on my right. They were pretty, but I could do without them. What’s the point, anyway? What is it supposed to symbolize… to kill a flower? I already mourned how they would inevitably fade under my watch. Jake knew this about me, and therefore I knew it was a last minute, panicked purchase. “But that’s the point Jake. Me neither. I don’t need expensive wine, and I don’t need you to dress up like that… you look fantastic, by the way.” It made him smirk, but he refused to look at me, and my heart sank. I definitely didn’t want to make him feel like nothing was good enough for me. I just wanted him to understand. “All I wanted was to watch the stars with you,” I added mournfully. 

The sentimental confession contained in that last sentence was like opening the door to all the feelings I had been trying to suppress all day or maybe even longer. I felt suddenly overwhelmed. “Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” I felt the table perhaps too quickly, but I didn’t want him to see me like that, on the verge of tears. I still wasn’t completely sure they were justified, because Jake DID try to make it right. He DID apologize, and made amends. I just still felt that way. 

When I came back, composed enough to at least try to save the rest of the evening, I found our table already cleared and him standing next to it. I internally braced myself for another round of this passive-aggressive emotional fight, but he just smiled and offered me his hand. 

We drove for nearly an hour, leaving the city far behind, spending the whole time pretty much in silence. It was a pleasant kind of quiet, though. Jake was humming something that sounded a bit like Bowie and I just got lost in my thoughts. It was a clear, cloudless night and the muffled sound of the engine almost lulled me to sleep. I barely noticed that we exited the highway…

“Are we leaving? What is this?”

“It’s a surprise. Just please, come with me.” He simply led me to his car, opened the door for me and soon we were on our way to god know where. I asked him, but he wouldn’t tell me, just mumbled something about Josh ‘mentioning it once and then he remembered’… It didn't make much sense. 

Jake suddenly stopped in the middle of some field road pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Confused, I watched him turn off the lights, unfasten his seatbelt and get out of the car. He obviously expected me to do the same, because when I didn’t move, he walked around the vehicle and once again opened the door for me. 

“Jake…? You know, if you wanted to get rid of me, you could have just dumped me,” I tried to joke, but I think I must have looked and sounded alarmed, because he took and kissed my hand with a wicked smirk before he motioned to me to follow him outside the car. 

“Nothing like that baby, I’m simply fulfilling your wish.”

I understood what he meant the moment I straightened and looked around… or looked up, to be more precise, since there was nothing around to look at anyway. The sight took my breath away. We were far away from the city lights, so light pollution was significantly lower here. There were almost no trees around. Above us only sky, as the wise man once sang. 

Have you ever really looked at the night sky? I mean REALLY looked at it, as in trying to understand what you’re actually seeing… I’m pretty much a city girl, so my new and growing fascination with the Universe was based mostly on books and documentaries so far. I had seen the stars before, of course, but that was mostly just a few shiny dots on black nothing. The sea of wonders that was now extending above me took my breath away completely. 

All those feelings I had had while learning about planets and supernovas, quasars and different galaxies, it was all multiplied now as I watched the indescribable vastness of space with mixed feelings of awe and happiness and dread…

“Jake…,” I whispered, “this is so beautiful.” My eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness around us, so when I looked at him, I could make out the outline of his profile, illuminated only by the tiny lights above. 

“I knew you’d like it… oh! Wait a minute.” He let go of my hand and disappeared behind the car, only to return a moment later with binoculars and a blanket that he kept folded up under his right arm. 

“It’s not much, but better than nothing. I tried it once…,” he tried to explain as he handed me the binoculars. “See the Pleiades there? We can see just seven of them with the naked eye, but try this.”

I did… and gasped. It felt almost like discovering a brand new reality. I must have spent a few whole minutes staring just at that one “tiny” spot. 

We were not dressed for an outdoor trip like that and I felt my heels sinking into the half frozen, muddy road. I started shivering too. Jake unbuttoned his coat and wrapped us both in it before he spread out the blanket with one swish of his arm and threw it over us. 

I leaned against him and rested my tilted head on his shoulder. It gave Jake an easy access to my exposed neck and he planted a soft kiss on my jugular, making me shiver again. 

“It’s funny how many cute names those coincidental star clusters have… Seven Sisters. They’re so far away from one another and yet they truly look so close from here. Some people call them ‘Chickens’, did you know that?”

“No…” was all I managed to whisper back. 

“Yeah, I think it’s all about making it less frightening and more familiar. When you name something ‘a flock of chicks’, you can forget that in reality, it’s a huge mass of deadly gasses in an inexplicably vast space… It somehow puts it on the same level with our daily reality, making it less irrelevant and mundane.”

It was exactly how I felt, and he was putting it to words. We were so tiny, so insignificant, and yet he meant EVERYTHING to me, simply because he was Jake. My Jake. 

“I think it’s the same with love,” he continued. “Love and hate are complex, abstract ideas, hard to understand sometimes, and often scary. Yet the names we gave them, respectively, make the difference. Pronouncing ‘love’ feels like getting ready for a kiss. But hate? You huff the word through your nose with disgust. We embraced love. We write poems and songs about it, all of it only to disguise the fact that it's a frightening concept...”

“Do I frighten you, Jake?” I asked tentatively.

He kissed my hair and then pressed his lips on my earlobe. “No, not you. You’re real. I can feel your heartbeat. You have a face. And a name. Your mind is a home, and your soul the hearth.”

I didn’t even realize I started crying, not until I could taste the salty tear on my upper lip. Jake held me tight, with his arms wrapped firmly around my shivering body. I was no longer trembling because of the cold. “I love you, too.”

@thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @writingcold @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep   @takenbythemadness   @edgingthedarkness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jazzyfigz @sanguinebats @josh-iamyour-mama @lyndz2names @wetkleenex-gvf @peaceloveunitygvf @cheersdannyx2 @fleetingjake @lizzys-sunflower @emojakekiszka @gvfmarge @Dayumclarizzel @lipstickitty @clownstarr @gretasfallingsky @musicislove3389 @i-love-gvf @psychedelectable @allof--mylove @sacredsparrow @scarabsinthestardust @ironlotus90 @seenoversundown