katuschka

[katuschka]

Olalla Chapter Nine

Josh Kiszka x f!OC x Jake Kiszka 5.569 words

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings (are spoilers): phone sex, masturbation, LGBT themes, mentions of infidelity, anxiety, betrayal&trust issues, secrets, overall a healthy dose of emotional shit as always

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Previous chapter Olalla masterpost

Over the mountains, woods and valleys two guys fought with shepherd's axes. Hey guys! Stop fighting! The girl has two braids; you can share!

November 2025; Josh 

He stood silent, but the contents of his mind were full of roaring memories of moments similar to this one. He could hear his younger and more carefree self shouting, almost as if someone played it in his in-ear. Can you feel iiiiiiit?

Exhilaration, stage fright, happiness, fear, anticipation…

All the emotions crammed into that fleeting, magical moment that lasts just a few seconds before everything bursts. The moment which ALL the souls and hearts in the large arena shared as one. He couldn’t see them yet, but their cries reverberated through the walls on their way from the green room to the stage and the volume reached the deafening level as soon as the band’s silhouettes appeared behind the semi opaque curtain.

There was no speech this time, no pre-recorded intro; just the sound of Sam’s Hammond organ that first started as a feeble hum, barely audible in the roaring mix of cries, clapping hands and stomping feet. Back to basics, while sticking to the most essential refinements. 

The tones grew louder then, and Josh could feel them set the stage beneath his feet vibrating, which only added to his agitation. So glad to be back, and yet so anxious. 

So much had changed in just one year, so many things that altered their course. The ‘Spring/Summer festival tour’ literally changed his life. He had loved, he had lost, he was now taking a path to the unknown, and it all left people wondering. His sudden disappearance and a subsequent injury started brand new rumors, and all the attempts to stop them from spreading felt like fighting Hydra. Eventually, they just stopped trying and focused on work, but now it made his guts clench again. Did they still love him? Would they still accept him, standing in front of them so vulnerable and naked? He knew some of them condemned him for what he had done, a few believed the lies about him, but thousands of them still came back. 

He looked at Jake for reassurance, but found him crouched under his own heavy thoughts, while his hands followed Sam’s direction, adding more ringing notes to the whole cacophony of the tamed melody and tumultuous feelings. 

Josh was on his own in this. He too looked down and smoothed a wrinkle on his new ebony satin wrap jacket. It hugged him around the waist and fell in smooth cascades around his hips. It was a perfect piece of garment, elegant when tied up, and frivolous-looking when he let it open. Unsure about it at first, he had gained some meat back during the last month, so he could now finally acknowledge that it really looked good on him. He put his chin up, both metaphorically and literally, and ran his fingers across the edges of the new dark brass laurel wreath that now decorated his head. It was a last minute addition, designed to hide the scar that was still visible under his patchy haircut. A deep breath in, and…

The curtain dropped. 

... and the room exploded. He looked down and realized they had been just as nervous, and finally they could just let it all out. Raising his arms up in a simple gesture, he urged them to do it, and then welcomed him in return. 

It was a wonderful song to open the show with. Just like with Heat Above, the initial tension grew until it was almost unbearable, only to be replaced by smooth harmonies and a soaring melody. However, they also experimented a bit more with this one, changing the tempo as well as the mood right where the chorus was supposed to be, hitting the listener right in the chest with its aggressive force. It was a perfect hymn for disturbing times, and the lyrics were Josh’s new prayer. 

When it was over, Josh closed his eyes, panting, and tried to get ready for the next song. The initial high subsided and he was now painfully aware of his surroundings. The new setlist had been one of the main topics of the recent late night quarrels. Sam and Daniel wanted to continue with Safari, while Jake opposed the idea without being able to explain why. He got outvoted eventually and now it was his turn to play the initial chords. 

Everything went smoothly until the first chorus. Josh turned slightly to the left, just like he had been used to doing, only to see Jake still standing at his side of the stage. He took one step forward, but Jake kept ignoring him. The audience noticed too, and he could see their frowned and confused faces as he continued to sing “why don’t you give some lovin’” and by that time it was painfully obvious that Jake wasn’t coming. One of the most notorious examples of their twin bond, one that started years ago as a telepathic need, was gone. Jake no longer wanted to sing that song together with him. 

Thousands of miles away, still tucked in her warm bed, Agnieszka was watching the livestream. 

Agnieszka 

After she had followed all the accounts that promised to do the streaming, Agnieszka had set her alarm clock to 3:30 to make sure she wouldn’t miss a single minute of it. With her headphones on, a cup of strong coffee at hand and a wildly beating heart inside her chest, she joined thousands of the people in the arena and hundreds of others online as a silent voyeur.  

While reading all those excited comments, she had no intention to join the live chat. She had even gone as far as to create new burner accounts everywhere, just to be able to keep tracks without being seen. She had already learned the power of gossip with the two of them still here, and things only got worse after they left, all because of one smudgy photo made by some fan from Warsaw.

It happened early on during their stay. The two of them were just helping Agnieszka with some groceries when a girl approached them and they reluctantly agreed to take a photo with her, well aware that things could get much worse if they refused. Much to everyone’s relief, nothing really happened afterwards, even though the picture circulated through the online space for a few days. It was just a photo of the guys “on vacation”, location unspecified, with both of them hiding under their hats and behind their sunglasses. They were probably just taking some time off after the recent media shitstorm, people concluded. Joshua needed to get out, and Jake was there to keep him company. 

It was only after the fans started discussing possible reasons for and creating their own theories about Josh's mysterious injury and why the tour got postponed when the girl posted another photo on Reddit that ultimately caused a huge uproar. The picture showed the three of them leaving the supermarket, location specified, with her confirming that the dark-haired woman who seemed local was indeed there with them. And since it was a clear violation of the guys’ privacy, the girl got roasted for it immediately and deleted it shortly afterwards. But the harm was already done, the photo quickly appeared on other platforms and fueled people’s imagination.  

Things got a bit out of hand in early October. At one point, she even martyrously tried to convince Joshua not to come back and just forget about their little affair, but he was adamant, unwilling to let anyone ruin his life any further. 

And now Jake only made things worse. The fourth song just started, and the people in the chat were still discussing his strange behaviour. To say that it made Agnieszka feel uncomfortable would be an understatement. Of course she knew they were supposed to sing those lines together, as she had spent the last two months watching every video that there was. Official material, fan footage and old interviews became her everyday bedtime stories. She even fell asleep while listening to Joshua’s guided meditation a few times. 

It always made her feel like an Alice in Wonderland, unable to comprehend how she came to know these talented and flamboyant people. She had dined with them, got drunk with them, kissed them and developed an intimate relationship with one of them. 

Was there really any relationship at all? As those strangers kept wondering, they were asking questions to which she had no answers. No, she wasn’t lurking backstage; no, she didn’t know how he labeled himself, because she never cared to ask; and no, she had no idea what was going on between him and Jake.  

Pcheh. Their ‘intimate’ relationship…

What was it, if not a folly?

Everytime she found a new gray hair – which seemed much more frequent after what happened up on Koscielec – Agnieszka would ask herself what am I doing? And then she would continue doing that. There were plenty of other men willing to be with her if she only let them, and she had the freedom to do it if or when the opportunity presented itself, but she just couldn’t. She kept waiting for the phone calls and Google Meet rendezvous. 

One such face call was scheduled right for after the show. Agnieszka had to wait for Joshua to get back to the hotel, which would take a while, so she just lay back on the pillow and enjoyed the moment of peace, as well as the warmth of her soft comforter. The house was now half empty and eerily quiet during early hours. No one wanted an early breakfast at this time of year; the few adventurous hikers and alpinists who dared to conquer the icy trails mostly kept to themselves. A calm before the Christmas storm, one would say. 

Even the sounds of the waking town coming from the outside were strangely muffled by the falling snow. Minutes dragged, and boredom and restlessness started to set. Agnieszka tried to kill the time by watching other newly posted videos from the show that just ended. 

Eventually, she dozed off waiting… 

She was walking along the ridge that separated the northeastern valleys from the southwestern ones. It was a dangerous path between two seemingly different worlds, covered with frost and ice, forcing her to consider every step carefully. To her left, everything was sprinkled with white and with mist lurking at stony rims. To her right, where the hillside was blessed with more sunshine, the autumn still kept flaunting its fiery colours. The setting sun behind her back illuminated the landscape and enhanced the visible split of seasons. 

Agnieszka couldn’t tell how she got up there. Just a moment ago, she was safe in the warm bed, awaiting a new day, from which she now couldn’t remember anything. The only thing was certain – the winter was coming and once again, another sun-like light appeared on the eastern horizon, disrupting the age-old alternation of day and night and sending chills down her spine. 

She heard three voices calling her name simultaneously. 

Together, it created an unearthly sound… then suddenly, their voices turned to deafening ringtones…

Olalla

Veela

Neszka

Agnieszka needed to take a few seconds to find out where she was and what happened. With the sleepy haze still clouding her brain, she looked around to see that the sky outside turned to steely blue, making outlines of furniture in her bedroom already visible. The phone, which she still held in her hand, kept on buzzing.

Still feeling weird from the recurring and yet ever changing dream, she pressed the accept button, squinting at the oppressively bright screen. Sexy…

Joshua, on the other hand, was his usual flawless and charming self: freshly-showered, rosy-cheeked and with his short damp curls slicked back. “Oh, hello darl… did I wake you up? I thought you said you were going to…”

“Oh yeah, yeah, I was. I just fell back to sleep after the livestream ended, I guess. But I saw everything,” she responded groggily while rubbing her left eye, before she adjusted the pillow behind her so that she could sit. 

“Oh, cool. It was a hell of a show, wasn’t it.” He greeted her with his usual bright, toothy smile, but Joshua’s face was an open book and Agnieszka already knew that face she caught a glimpse of behind the smiley mask quite well – when she could read a lot of conflicting things in his eyes, all of them centering around uncertainty and self-doubt. A simple twitch of an eyebrow always gave him away. She knew how nervous he was; he had confided to her prior to the show.. It was the first US show since he got outed and his personal life became a tabloid shitshow. And while the band was indeed greeted with rapturous ovations and they did put on a ‘hell of a show’, the undercurrent of doubt on both sides ran deep and the fact that his own brother seemingly threw him under the bus right when he felt the most vulnerable didn’t help at all. 

False consolations were not her nature. “Joshua… when I said I saw everything, I really meant everything.”

He sighed and started rubbing the back of his neck. “Was it that obvious?”

“What? That something is obviously going on between the two of you? Yeah, I would say so. At least to everyone who’s familiar with your stage behaviour. It shouldn’t be a big deal, I suppose, but I saw your face, and so did everyone else. It was pretty clear you didn’t expect that. The people in the chat spent the next half an hour making assumptions. Some of them even mentioned the ‘dark haired stranger’ that allegedly drove a wedge between the two of you.” She added the last sentence for comedic effect; to lighten the mood a bit. However, it had the opposite effect and Joshua’s face turned to stone. 

“Well, you shouldn’t really worry about that.” He sounded strangled, and for the first time turned his gaze off the screen. 

“Are you ok, Joshua?” 

“Yeah! Yeah…totally fine,” he replied absentmindedly. “We’ve had a few disagreements, but it’s nothing serious. Promise. I, eh… I wish you were here, sweetheart… So, anyway, what did you think of that lill’ insertion after Danny’s drum solo, birthday girl?” he chuckled, trying to change the subject. 

“You mean ‘My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean’? Yeah, that was very subtle. Everyone thought so…” She didn’t even try to hide the annoyance in her voice, unable to comprehend how he could think that it was a good idea. Obviously, he didn’t share the sentiment. 

“Well, I did that on purpose. And since people already talk… Well, I just hoped you’d like it. So, how was your special day?” 

“Pretty uneventful, just like all the other days here.” As it always was. She stopped celebrating her birthdays a long time ago. Joshua was probably the only person on Earth who tried to make a big deal of the uninteresting fact that she was now thirty three. Well, him and Maya. “I went for a walk, I got a new backpack, I actually had a massage…that was nice and pleasant… and I got my IUD replaced… that was much less pleasant.”

“Well good to know!” He made another funny face and she had to laugh back. Most of her former lovers would be grossed out by the bold remark, but not him. He was just… different. 

For example, he couldn’t just sit still, which was in fact often pretty cool and entertaining during their face call as he always inadvertently gave her a tour of whatever place he was currently at. So, as he walked around, she could see glimpses of his suite. “Wow, that’s a fancy hotel room. Very different from the dingy attic one.” 

“And cold,” Joshua replied irritably. “It’s really the worst part of the deal, to be honest, and no amount of luxury could possibly change that. I’d give anything to be back in that snug attic room if it meant I could feel your soft skin again.” 

“Soft…”

“Yeah, like satin. Go on and touch it if you don’t believe me.” With that, he finally hopped on his bed and leaned his back against the headboard. He must have untied his bathrobe in the process, as she could see his bare chest now, knowing too well where this was going. They had tried a few times in the past and always ended up giggling. Yet he kept on trying. “Are you naked?”

“Hell no! It’s November. I’m wearing button-up pajamas.”

“Unbutton it then.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. His incessant attempts to coax her into having phone sex with him were always so… cute. “I think I’ll need a bit more convincing.”

He closed his eyes and exhaled harshly. Agnieszka couldn’t see his other hand, but she knew very well where it was. “I’m imagining your palms right now, so callous and coarse from all the hard and honest work, like the finest sandpaper…”

She was just getting comfy and he made her burst out laughing again. “You’re an idiot.” 

He chuckled with her. “All right, all right, let’s try again. I was serious about your skin. So soft and warm, and when my fingers travel further down… come on, travel with me… it feels like a velvety cushion, and it smells like honey and hay. Can you feel it too, baby?”

“Yes,” she moaned involuntarily. Hearing him talk about it like that really did create a good illusion. “I imagine your fingers. Say more, because I swear I can almost feel them”. 

He was breathing heavily now, which turned her on even more. He told her more about the things he’d do and she followed his directions, sliding her middle finger inside. “I wish I could touch your cock.”

“And I’d give anything to feel your lips around it right now…”

She bit her lip when the question popped up in her head. It wasn’t the first time, but she never mustered enough courage, until now. Still not sure if it was ok to ask that, she took a deep breath first. “Do you ever imagine a man doing it to you, Joshua? I mean, do you still…?”

He seemed unfazed, just a little annoyed. “Why are you asking me now?”

“I think it’s sexy,” she cooed. “Besides, if this is supposed to work, we shouldn’t keep secrets from each other.” Saying that, she felt a pang of guilt even before she finished the sentence. 

“Sexy, you say?” he asked huskily and she could hear the unmistakable sound of slapping flesh. Judging by the movement of his shoulder, it was more than apparent what he was doing. It made her heart beat wildly. If only she could be there with him…

“Yeah… you were always in control when we were together, hardly ever letting me take the lead, even when I wanted to. And I just wondered…because…” The sound of him clearing his throat interrupted her in mid-sentence. 

“It just felt natural. You’re so delicate, like baby deer…”

“No, I’m not…”

“Yes, you are, baby. Compared to most of my previous lovers, you are… You’re strong, but still a flower… I just…just can’t stop looking at you… So, erhhm, to answer your question -  yes, I do.” 

This was all strangely exciting. 

“Tell me more.” 

“Are you still touching yourself?”

She was. Because she didn’t lie. It made her slightly anxious, but the fact that the idea also turned her on couldn’t be denied. Also, learning to know his desires seemed like the best policy against the anxiety which was almost crippling at times, and today was no different.  Seeing him wrapped in satin, adored by hundreds of people, and not all of them women, made her feel like an onlooker, forced to remain in the distance. She didn’t want that.

And so he told her, with reluctance at first, but seeing that she didn’t stop and wanted more, he went on. Slowly, they guided each other towards their respective climaxes. Even though separated by thousands of miles, for a split second they felt closer to each other than before in the aftermath. 

“What time is it there right now?” he asked groggily after a while, when she could no longer hide her weariness and yawned expressively. 

“Almost eight thirty.”

“Can you perhaps go back to sleep for a while.”

“I guess so.” She had no real responsibilities until after lunch, so the idea of staying in bed for a while seemed quite agreeable. 

“I think you should, then. And I should try to get some sleep as well. See you soon, love.”

“Good night, Joshua.”

Agnieszka tried to follow his advice, but after a while, she grabbed her phone again, quite sure that a certain person wasn’t asleep just yet…

Jake

Jake in fact did try to go to bed early-ish this time. He also tried everything that was supposed to help him accomplish this special mission. He had a few drinks, a soothing shower, late night sex… and if that wasn’t enough, skin-to-skin cuddles were expected to do the trick. 

However, half an hour later, his mind was still racing, and it had nothing to do with the person now sleeping so peacefully right next to him. The person who – in fact – was also the one who had tried to persuade him that he should improve his sleeping habits. Women. So, instead of grabbing a guitar or a book, he was now lying in the darkness, watching city lights painting pictograms on the ceiling above him. He didn’t dare leave the bed, afraid that it would wake Lisa.  

Suddenly, his phone lightened up with a familiar notification. He kept most of them muted, so he knew immediately. And surely enough…

Veela: Care to explain what the hell happened?

Jake knew immediately what she meant, and it made him feel both pleased and angry with himself at the same time. What the hell happened, indeed. It wasn’t deliberate. It wasn’t out of spite. He just didn’t want to play the song. And he certainly didn’t want to sing it… with Josh, no less! For years, it had been ‘their’ song, and it didn’t mean anything else. They wrote it before Josh really started caring about the meaning of the lyrics he was writing. The stupid ditty suddenly got a brand new meaning and Jake just couldn’t stomach it. 

He certainly didn’t want to make people wonder, or to make her angry… or maybe he did? Either way, there was no way out. 

He quickly scrambled out of bed – afraid that he would wake Lisa – and took the phone with him to the bathroom where he sat on a closed toilet seat, feeling sneaky. 

Kuba Starlight: “I just wasn’t in the mood for singing, thats all. No big deal.” 

The response was immediate. 

Veela: Is that the only reason?

His thumbs hovered above the keypad for several seconds before he finally typed a brief answer.

Kuba Starlight: Yes. 

He watched the three dots moving while rubbing his chin, anxiously awaiting her next jab. It took her a while, leaving him wondering what kind of indictment she was drafting. 

Veela: Because I just talked to him and it didn’t seem like a “no big deal” to him. And people noticed too. It’s no.1 gossip right now. I’m slightly jealous. You’re trying to steal my spotlight, no doubt. :p

The last remark made him smile. Perhaps she wasn’t that angry after all. 

And so am I, he thought. Wonder how you did it. 

Kuba Starlight: People will always talk. One day I forget to comb my hair and the next day they start a rumor that I’m a depressed drunk.

Kuba Starlight: Josh is quite oversensitive these days. 

He expected her to continue pestering him about the stupid ‘stage incident’, but she switched back to her caring and understanding (and nosy) self instead. 

Kuba Starlight: In fact, I have. 

Veela: You shouldn’t blame him. 

Veela: I know you were worried about the show too. Maybe you two should just… talk?

Veela: What about my previous suggestion? The room is still available. 

Veela: I just really don’t think you should spend Christmas alone. Unless you’ve found someone to spend it with…

He couldn’t even tell why answering truthfully suddenly made him feel so irritable. Perhaps because he wasn’t really truthful. 

Kuba Starlight: Nothing serious. Just a casual acquaintance. 

Veela: OK. That’s good news. 

Is it?! He watched – all hopeful – as the three dots appeared again. 

Veela: It might get serious eventually. You never know. :)

That only made him feel worse. And there were no more dots after that. Obviously, she dropped the subject, which in turn made his stomach drop. It was always like that, with him being torn between ‘honey, don’t feed me’ and ‘why aren’t you talking to me?’ She was convinced they were friends – bless her heart… and damn his. He kept feeding her this idea only to keep in contact with her, knowing too well it was both self-destructive and toxic. 

He shouldn’t want her to keep persuading him; he in fact shouldn’t be having this conversation in the first place, but that wretched creature inside his head always prevailed. The truth was that he had considered her suggestion – his heart even skipped a beat when she first mentioned it as a possibility  – and the wretched creature wanted him to say yes. 

It was right after right after Josh casually informed her that their parents were taking a long-desired trip during Christmas, and she immediately thought about him being left alone, bless her big heart. 

So yes, he wanted to say yes, it just wasn’t justifiable up until recently. Now he had a perfect excuse, so he quickly started typing another message. 

He re-read the blabbery he just sent and groaned again, loudly this time. Not only because he didn’t really think it through yet, it was still just a vague idea. But also because of all those typos he always made when he was in a rush. 

Kuba Starlight: But she asked me if we could go sking, so maybe we could come together.

Kuba Starlight: You know… to keep an eye on him. 

Kuba Starlight: Not that I don’t trust you… but, you know…

Kuba Starlight: But don’t worry about our stay. I’ll find us something else. Somthing with jacuzzi and champange. 

And she never commented on it. She never judged him. 

Veela: :D

Veela: Oukey then! I’ll be happy to see you again. And to meet your new girl. 

December 18th 2025, Nashville; Josh

They made it. The first part of the tour successfully completed, Christmas was finally here and the atmosphere in the city already satiated with the holiday mood. Just a few more days… and then he would see her again. 

There was one last thing that Josh desperately needed to do, and so far it had prevented him from being able to join and enjoy the festivities. He had been sitting in their favorite cafeteria for more than an hour now, more and more convinced that he had been stood up. The idea weighed like a huge stone on his chest and it grew heavier with each passing minute. 

But at last, he appeared. Effortlessly charismatic as always. Lean and tall, with his hair neatly braided this time. He spotted Josh immediately, but remained standing by the door for a few excruciatingly long seconds before he finally made his way towards Josh’s table. 

Josh stood up and made one hesitant step forward, but Christopher quickly stopped him with his outstretched palm. A simple gesture that felt like having a bucketful of icy water tipped over his head. 

Josh knew that it was absolutely foolish to hope for a hug, but after all those years, it was just like a conditioned reflex. He had spent so much time hugging that man that it seemed unnatural not to do it, even under the current circumstances… “Please, at least sit.” He sounded defeated.

Christopher took the chair opposite to Josh and leaned back with his arms crossed. It wasn’t going to be easy, that was certain. “Ok, spill. What do you want?”

“I… the idea that I’d never see you again was just unbearable…I mean…”

Christopher cocked his brow exasperatedly. “Spare me.”

Josh started to panic. It was so hard to tame the thoughts in his head so that he could transform them into a coherent sentence. Christopher was well aware, but also unwilling to make it any easier for him. Josh had spent hours looking into those eyes. Somewhere behind them, there used to be a place that felt like home. Now he could clearly see that he was no longer welcome there. So, instead of trespassing, he lowered his eyes and opted to tell it to the coffee cup. “No… I mean, without, eh, I cou..couldn’t stand not to see you again and…and not to tell you how sorry I am.” 

A few more excruciating seconds passed before he dared to look up again. Christopher was rubbing his lower lip with the tips of his fingers – something he always did when he was searching for the right words. The silence made Josh’s chest tighten.

“I gave you quite a lot of freedom,” Christopher said at last. 

“I know…”

“And you said you’d never do anything that would hurt me. And I trusted you.”

“I know…”

“And you betrayed that trust… twice!”

“We were no longer together when I… I didn’t expect you to…”  The sound of Christopher’s palm slapping the wooden desk right in front of Josh made him jump. 

“YOU TOLD ME…” Christopher raised his voice menacingly, but quickly tried to calm himself down when he saw Josh’s startled stare. They were in public, after all. He knew the rules, and it affected him too now. So, he took a deep breath before he continued: “You told me that it was not even a possibility, so naturally, I feel like everything you EVER said was a lie.”

“I didn’t lie. I…I didn’t know it was a possibility, Taffy,” Josh’s voice faltered. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to fight off the stinging sensation, but it was no use. He was crying. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed. They sat silent for several seconds; thankfully, it was enough for Josh to pull himself together and Christopher mercifully granted him that luxury. 

“The thing that happened with David…,” Josh cleared his throat and continued, fully determined to say everything he wanted to: “I know no apology could even make it right. The worst thing is that it really meant nothing. I feel like I’ve lost control of my life even since, which…I guess…I fully deserve. Like a drunken boat. You remember the poem? And now she… she’s both the anchor and the sea. And it happened so fast. I… when you came to the hospital  with mom and Jake, I felt like being stuck between two cogwheels. But the thing I said, it hasn’t changed. I never stopped loving you.” 

Josh so desperately wanted him to understand it. Even if he would never see him again, even though he knew Christopher didn’t want to accept it, Josh just needed him to understand that some people are like tattoos, and there’s always enough space for more than one. Sweet Olalla understood…

Christopher slowly leaned forward and, with his elbows now on the table, he put his hand together and started rubbing his lip against the fingertips once more. Josh waited patiently. Whatever the outcome, at least he knew Taffy was giving it a thought. 

“How’s your head? Are you well?” he finally said. 

Josh looked at him in confusion. Did Christopher think he’d gone mental? ���I…yeah, it’s healed pretty nicely. I still have headaches sometimes, but… why?” 

Christopher took a deep breath. “Because I’ve been fucking worried, jerk!”

December 22nd, Zakopane; Agnieszka

Just like the last time, she was restless since the early morning. But unlike the last time, she didn’t spend hours waiting in the freezing cold. Also, no separate room for him this time. Joshua was just going to stay with her. Eulalia was basically home to him now. 

Jake and his girl rented a private chalet on the opposite hill, right next the main ski slope. He was supposed to drop Joshua around five and then they’d all meet in town for dinner later. That was the plan. 

It was already half past five when the bell above the main door finally chimed and a familiar figure stepped inside. She quickly jumped out of her seat behind the reception desk and ran right into his arms, nearly knocking him off. 

“Ugh, sweet girl, easy!” he chuckled, hugging her back. He buried his face in her hair and stayed that way for several seconds, which wasn’t strange at all. However, she soon began to wonder about how silent he was… that was definitely strange. 

Breaking the embrace at last, she was finally able to take a good look at him… and froze. 

There was a nasty bruise on the left side of his chin, and his lower lip was split and swollen, making him look like he had been in a fist fight. 

“Joshua, what the hell happened?”

@thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @writingcold @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep   @takenbythemadness   @edgingthedarkness @myownparadise96   @gvfstuddedmajesty @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigz @tripthelightfantastix @sanguinebats @wetkleenex-gvf @peaceloveunitygvf @kiszkas-canvas @fleetingjake @lizzys-sunflower @hollyco @emojakekiszka @gvfmarge @dayumclarizzel @lipstickitty @clownstarr @musicislove3389 @i-love-gvf @blankvz @psychedelectable

[katuschka]

Big kudos for you chosing this topic. Very bold. Not your usual fanfiction story, not a "fairytale". This shit is real. Literally. When delulu becomes really dangerous...

DIRTY DIANA - Chapter 5

Pairing: Jake x Diana; Jake x fem!OC

General Warnings: 18+ minors DNI / angst / fluff / smut (depictions of sex acts) / references to infidelity / anxiety / sadness / harassment / strong language at times / substance use at times

Summary:  Jake finds himself caught in a dangerous game with Diana, a seductive and relentless woman who targets high-profile musicians.

What’s up?” Danny asked, looking up from his beer.

Josh grinned, shaking his head. “Management just hired a new social media manager. Guess who?”

Jake’s stomach tightened. He didn’t like the look on Josh’s face. “Who?”

“Diana. Apparently, she’s got some serious experience in marketing or whatever, so they brought her on. Guess we’ll be seeing her around more often.”

The laughter and casual conversation around the table stilled as the name hit the air, sending a ripple of unease through the room. Jake’s jaw clenched as he exchanged a quick glance with Liv, who’d gone quiet, her face drained of colour.

Danny gave a low whistle. “Damn, that’s… not great. Especially after… everything.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Jake muttered, rubbing his temples. The last thing he needed was for Diana to have another way into his life—this time directly connected to his career.

Liv set her glass down, her voice barely audible. “Do… do you think she applied just to stay close to you?”

Jake grimaced. “Honestly? It wouldn’t surprise me.” He leaned back, tension gnawing at his gut. “Management doesn’t know about… everything that went down between us, so to them, it’s just a hiring decision. But Diana? She’s not here by accident.”

Josh looked uncomfortable, glancing between Jake and Liv. “We could always ask management to reconsider, though that might raise some awkward questions. Still, if she’s going to stir up trouble, maybe it’s worth a shot.”

Liv’s hand squeezed Jake’s under the table, her face unreadable. “No, I don’t want you risking anything with the band because of her. We’ll deal with it if she makes it an issue.” But there was a tremor in her voice, and Jake hated the thought of Diana worming her way into yet another part of their lives.

The group’s previously lighthearted mood dampened, but Sam cleared his throat, trying to steer the conversation away from Diana. “You know what? I say we just enjoy the rest of this trip and not let anyone spoil it.”

They all agreed, trying to brush off the unsettling news. Liv excused herself from the table, muttering something about needing some fresh air. Jake knew what was bothering her. The woman who had a way of getting under everyone's skin, with her piercing gaze and calculating smile.

As the night wore on, Jake couldn't shake off the feeling of impending doom. He excused himself from the table, intent on finding Liv.

Stepping outside into the cool night air, Jake found Liv leaning against the deck railing, her arms wrapped around herself. She looked up as he approached, her eyes reflecting concern.

"Hey," Jake started, unsure of what words could offer comfort in this situation.

Liv sighed, her breath visible in the chilly air. "I can't believe she's back. It's like a nightmare we can't escape."

Jake nodded in silent agreement.

Liv's voice wavered, her vulnerability tugging at Jake's heart. “I just don't want her to ruin everything we've built, Jake. She's like a storm waiting to strike.”

Jake took Liv's hands in his, feeling the weight of her fears mirrored in his chest. “We won't let her, Liv. I promise you that. We're stronger together than she could ever be alone.”

Liv offered him a small, watery smile, gratitude shining through her eyes. “Thank you, Jake. I trust you.”

Determined to shield Liv from the looming threat of Diana, Jake pulled her into a warm embrace, cherishing the way she fit perfectly against him. In that moment, with the stars twinkling above and the faint sound of music drifting from inside the cabin, Jake made a silent vow to protect what was precious to him.

Jake glanced down at Liv and asked, "Should we go back inside and find out what kind of trouble my brothers are getting into now?"

Liv nodded, a faint smile playing on her lips. "I think we better. Who knows what chaos they've cooked up this time."

They headed back inside, their steps light and their laughter mingling with the music and chatter of their friends. As they reentered the cabin, Liv spotted Danny attempting to juggle beer bottles, while Sam and Josh cheered him on.

Jake chuckled, shaking his head. "Looks like they're managing just fine without us."

Liv squeezed his hand, her gaze soft.

"I guess we can leave them to their shenanigans," Liv replied, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

As they settled back into the group, the tension that had lingered from the mention of Diana began to fade away. Laughter and easy banter filled the air once more, a stark contrast to the unease that had gripped them earlier. It was moments like these, surrounded by friends who felt like family, that reminded Jake of what truly mattered in his life.

Suddenly, a loud crash interrupted the jovial atmosphere, followed by a string of expletives from Danny. Liv and Jake exchanged a knowing look before turning to see Danny sheepishly trying to pick up the fallen beer bottles.

Liv stifled a giggle behind her hand while Jake couldn't help but shake his head in amusement. "I leave you guys alone for two minutes," he teased, earning a mock glare from Danny.

The night carried on with endless stories and shared laughter.

Their last night at the lake house, after a quiet evening of watching stars from the dock, Jake and Liv went to bed exhausted and content. The fire in the fireplace had died down to a gentle glow, casting the room in soft shadows. Outside, crickets chirped in the cool night air, adding to the sense of peace.

But as the hours crept by, that peace turned jagged for Liv. Her dreams twisted, replaying the painful moments she thought she’d left behind. She was standing in a dimly lit backstage hallway, waiting for Jake. She could hear voices and laughter nearby—Jake’s voice, warm and familiar, mixed with someone else’s. As she stepped closer, she saw them: Jake with Diana. They stood too close, their bodies angled in that unmistakable way, as if they shared a private world she couldn’t break into.

Diana’s hand was on his arm, and she was laughing, leaning toward him with that knowing smile. Jake didn’t pull away; he looked almost captivated, his gaze locked on her as if he’d forgotten about everything else. Liv tried to call out, but her voice wouldn’t come. She was frozen, unable to move, her chest tightening as she watched them together. Then Diana’s eyes flicked up, meeting Liv’s with a cold, triumphant smile, as if to say, He’s mine now.

Suddenly, Jake turned, his expression hardening, indifferent. “I’m sorry, Liv,” he said, his voice echoing in the empty hallway. “But it’s just easier this way.”

“No…” she choked out, the words strangled in her throat, but he was already turning away, disappearing into the shadows with Diana. Liv tried to run after them, but the hallway stretched endlessly before her, and no matter how fast she moved, she couldn’t catch up. The world started spinning, the walls closing in as her heart pounded, the feeling of betrayal suffocating.

She jerked awake, her body tense and clammy. The room was still dark, the faint embers in the fireplace casting a soft glow, and she felt the familiar weight of Jake’s arm around her, his slow, steady breathing filling the silence. She lay there, gasping for breath as the remnants of the nightmare clung to her, raw and real.

Jake stirred beside her, sensing her movement. “Liv?” he murmured, his voice thick with sleep. He opened his eyes, blinking as he took in her trembling form. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

For a moment, she couldn’t find the words, the emotions from her dream still thick in her chest. She shook her head, trying to brush it off, but her voice betrayed her. “I… I had a nightmare,” she whispered, unable to meet his gaze.

Jake shifted, propping himself up to look at her more closely. “Are you ok?”

Liv hesitated, then nodded, her cheeks flushed. Seeing them together… it had felt so real, like he was choosing her instead. It was just a dream, she told herself, but the ache was still raw, the hurt too close to the surface.

Jake’s face softened, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek. “Liv, baby, everything’s ok… ” He trailed off, his brow furrowing as he searched her eyes. “I’m here. You’re safe.”

Liv swallowed, her heart pounding as she clung to his words. She wanted to believe him, to bury the lingering doubts and fears that Diana had managed to plant. But the nightmare had stirred everything back up, a reminder of how fragile her trust had felt since Diana’s reappearance in their lives.

Jake pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Liv laid her head against his chest, the steady beat of his heart helping to ground her, to steady her breaths. She let herself relax, drawing comfort from his embrace, even as a small part of her wondered how long they could hold out against the subtle, persistent pressure that Diana seemed determined to exert on them.

Jake’s hand rubbed soothing circles on her back. They lay together in the silence, Jake’s arms wrapped protectively around her as the last remnants of her nightmare slowly faded. Liv closed her eyes, focusing on his touch, his warmth, letting herself believe—at least for tonight—that they were safe, that Diana couldn’t touch what they had here.

Eventually, her breathing slowed, her heartbeat settling as sleep reclaimed her. But this time, it was a dreamless, peaceful sleep, her fears held at bay by the strength of Jake’s embrace.

By the last day of the group trip, they’d shared so many laughs and good memories that he almost forgot about the email from management. But every now and then, he’d catch Liv’s smile slipping, a flicker of unease in her eyes.

They bid the others goodbye, waving from the front steps as their friends drove off, leaving them alone at the lake house. Jake wrapped his arm around Liv’s shoulders, pulling her close.

“We’re all alone now,” he said, smiling down at her. “No more interruptions. Just us.”

Liv leaned into Jake’s side, her worries momentarily forgotten as she gazed up at him. “Just us,” she echoed softly, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

With their friends gone and the lake house finally all to themselves, Jake and Liv fell into a natural rhythm, filling each day with moments that felt like pure escape from the world outside. Mornings started slow, with Jake waking early to brew coffee, the rich aroma filling the house as he carried two steaming mugs out onto the porch. There, they’d sit side by side on a creaky wooden swing, watching mist rise off the lake, exchanging sleepy smiles and quiet conversation as the world around them gradually woke.

After breakfast, they’d head out for a walk along the lake’s edge, the sound of crunching leaves beneath their feet mingling with the calls of distant birds. Sometimes they’d find trails that wound through the pines, occasionally stumbling across secret nooks—a rocky overlook with a stunning view of the lake or a small clearing bathed in dappled sunlight where they’d pause, laughing as they tried to find shapes in the clouds.

In the afternoons, they’d return to the lake itself, where Jake taught Liv how to paddleboard, encouraging her as she wobbled but eventually got the hang of it, much to her excitement. They laughed as they drifted side by side on the boards, daring each other to paddle farther out, lying on their backs to float as the sun warmed their faces. Some days, they brought a small picnic out on the canoe, paddling to a secluded spot under the shade of tall willows, where they shared sandwiches, fruit, and a bottle of wine, reveling in the absolute quiet of the surroundings.

On one particularly warm afternoon, Liv convinced Jake to swim with her, and they waded into the cool water, splashing and laughing, momentarily letting their worries drift away. Liv squealed when Jake ducked underwater and snuck up behind her, lifting her in a playful dunk before they swam back to shore, breathless and grinning.

In the evenings, they retreated inside, the air cooling just enough to justify lighting a fire in the stone fireplace. They’d curl up together on the worn leather couch, Liv snuggled against Jake as they shared stories and memories, some of them old and familiar, others new and surprising. They played cards by firelight, Jake coaching Liv on poker, even though she mostly just wanted to shuffle and deal out the cards. They shared wine, soft music drifting from the old radio in the corner, the crackling of the fire adding warmth and coziness to the room.

One night, after watching a hazy sunset over the lake, Jake pulled out his guitar, quietly strumming familiar tunes as Liv hummed along. He sang for her, his voice low and soft, and she listened with her head resting on his shoulder, her fingers tracing light patterns on his arm. He even taught her a few chords, guiding her hands as she tried, laughing at her own mistakes but finally managing a recognizable melody. Their laughter filled the cabin, echoing off the wooden walls, and they stayed up late, trading stories and songs.

As the days drifted by, Jake felt an unspoken tension gradually lift, as if each moment they spent together in this secluded paradise helped erase the shadows Diana had left behind. Liv seemed to relax too, her smiles coming more easily, her laughter genuine, her trust in him slowly reawakening. There were quiet moments when he’d catch her looking at him with that familiar warmth in her eyes, and he knew they were finally healing, reconnecting in a way that was both deeply comforting and incredibly hopeful.

One afternoon, as they were lying together on the dock, watching clouds drift lazily across the sky, Liv sighed, shifting to rest her head on his chest.

“I wish we could just stay here,” she murmured, her voice soft.

Jake kissed her forehead, pulling her closer. “I know,” he said. “It’s like our own little world out here, away from everything. No noise, no interruptions, just us.”

She smiled, lacing her fingers with his. “Maybe when the band’s on a break, we can come back. Make this place our tradition.”

“I’d love that,” he replied. “This place is already starting to feel like ours.”

They spent the day exploring the woods around the lake house, hand in hand, talking about everything and nothing. As the sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a golden glow over the water, they settled on the dock, their feet dangling above the gently rippling surface.

I’ll missed this,” Liv murmured, her head resting on Jake’s shoulder.

“Me too,” he replied, pressing a kiss to her temple. “No distractions, no drama. Just you and me.”

As the evening stretched on, the sky darkened, the stars peeking out one by one above them. Jake had set up a small fire pit and cocoon of blankets on the beach, and they sat close together, their fingers entwined, watching the flames flicker and crackle in the cool night air. Their lips met in a passionate kiss. Jake’s hands roamed Liv’s body, exploring her curves as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Feeling bold, Liv tugged at Jake's shirt, pulling it over his head before doing the same with her own. As their bare chests pressed together, both reveled in the warmth and intimacy that enveloped them.

Jake's hands wandered lower, reaching under Liv’s skirt and finding the edge of her panties. He hooked a finger around them and pulled them down slowly to reveal her wetness.

Liv gasped in anticipation as she felt Jake's fingers slide through her slick folds.

"Oh, Jake," she moaned, arching her back and pressing her hips against his hand.

With each stroke, he sent shivers up her spine, adding to the growing ache between her legs.

I can't wait any longer," Liv murmured, reaching for the buckle of his jeans and unfastening it with trembling fingers, pushing them down along with his boxers to release his throbbing erection.

The heat from the flames warmed their skin as they fell onto the soft cushions below them. Liv splayed herself across the blankets, invitingly spreading her legs for him.

Jake positioned himself between Liv's thighs and gently teased her entrance with the tip of his cock while gazing into her eyes – a question lingering unspoken between them. In response, she nodded eagerly as she whispered words of encouragement.

"Please," she begged, longing in her voice.

Slowly, Jake pushed himself inside her, both of them moaning in unison as he filled her completely. He began to move with a rhythmic thrusting, each motion driving them both into a deeper state of ecstasy.

"Yes," Liv cried out, gripping his back tightly as he fueled their pleasure.

Their pace grew faster and more frantic, their bodies slick with sweat reflecting the flickering firelight. They kissed passionately as each thrust brought them closer to the edge. Suddenly, Liv rolls them over to be in control. She straddles Jake, her eyes filled with desire and intensity as she positions herself over him. With a deep breath, she begins to ride him, her hips moving in sync with the fire's flickering dance.

Jake's hands grip her waist tightly, each upward thrust sending waves of pleasure coursing through her body. The night air is filled with their passionate grunts and moans, punctuated by the distant hooting of owls calling out to each other in the woods.

"Oh God, Liv," Jake groaned, reaching up to cup her breasts and gently pinch her nipples as she rode him.

She gasps, her eyes widening in pleasure-induced shock. Her gaze locks back onto his, her eyes swimming with unspoken words. With each thrust and each gasp, the air between them crackled with passion and longing.

Their bodies move as one, united in their pursuit of pleasure. Liv's climax nears, her breaths growing shallower as she approaches the brink.

"I'm close...so close," she whispers, her voice shaky and urgent.

Jake's fingers dig deeper into her skin, spurring her on as he watches her lose control. "Let go, Liv," he urged her on, his own release building inside him.

With a loud cry, Liv reached her peak, her entire body trembling with ecstasy, waves of pleasure crashing over her like a tidal wave. Her body shudders, and she clings onto Jake, her legs trembling uncontrollably.

Despite the intensity of Liv's orgasm, Jake doesn't slow down. He continues to thrust into her, his own release drawing nearer with each passing second. The fire crackles and spits, illuminating the scene in front of them - two bodies entwined in passion and lust, lost in the raw emotions of the moment.

"I love you," she gasped out, her voice shaking with emotion.

"I love you too," Jake replied, his own release soon to follow.

Finally, Jake can't hold back any longer. As he nears his peak, he pulls Liv closer, their bodies collapsing together into a heaving mass of sweat-slick skin and tangled limbs. He releases inside her with a deep groan, his hips jerking uncontrollably as he spills within her.

As their movements slow and their breathing evens out, they collapse onto the blankets, their bodies still joined together. The fire crackles and pops as the night passes, their hearts beating in unison beneath the starry sky.

Liv turns her head to look at Jake, a small smile playing on her lips. "Thank you," she whispers, her fingers gently tracing the patterns on his chest.

Jake smiles back at her, his eyes filled with love and gratitude. "For what?" he asks, holding her close.

"For being my rock," Liv replies. "For always being there when I need you most."

Jake gazes into her eyes, his heart swelling with love for this incredible woman who has stood by his side through thick and thin. "I'm always here for you, Liv," he says softly. "No matter what happens - Diana or anything else - I'll always be by your side."

But just as he leaned in to capture Liv's lips in a tender kiss, a noise broke the tranquility of the evening. A rustling in the bushes nearby made them both stiffen, their heads snapping towards the sound.

They fall silent, straining their ears for any other sounds. After what seems like an endless amount of time, they release the breaths they were holding and agree that there is no more noise.

"It was probably just a small animal," Jake says with a breathy chuckle. “But we should probably head inside.

With a nod of agreement, Liv and Jake quickly redress themselves. The flickering fire casts playful shadows on their faces as they gather up the blankets, stealing occasional glances at each other and dissolving into fits of laughter. The soft warmth from the dwindling embers kisses their cheeks, adding to the playful atmosphere between them.

They shared a quiet understanding—this time at the lake had been a chance to remember why they were strong together, why their bond mattered more than any outside force trying to pull them apart.

Jake squeezed Liv’s hand as they walked back up to the lake house, his heart full. He hoped that they were leaving this time away with the kind of memories that would help anchor them through whatever lay ahead, no matter how stormy things might get.

The sight of her riding him. The sound of their heavy breathing. The scent of sex. Diana seethes with rage from her hiding spot in the trees and bushes. Her fists clench, and her teeth grit.

As Jake and Liv leave the beach, their laughter and whispers fade into the night. She can't help but feel a sense of betrayal. Her heart beats wildly in her chest and her fists clench at her sides. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

That night, her plan slowly takes shape in her mind, as she thinks through each detail of her revenge. In a few days, their world will be turned upside down. A world where they'll face the consequences of their actions and a reality that will be forever changed.

.

.

.

.

@edgingthedarkness @writingcold @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @katuschka @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep @vanfleeter @shes4twnksinatrnchct @musicislove3389

[katuschka]

Such a cool message. Also... hi! :D

Only love

[katuschka]

Babe, listen

Your fic isn’t a flop, it’s a cult classic. Only the coolest freaks like it, don’t worry about it, it’s great.

[katuschka]

Well, the ending was a bit unexpected, but probably only because it was so... real!

When you're just telling someone that they're making a mistake and then they just continue making it... 😩

CASUAL

Pairing: Jake x fem!reader

General Warnings: 18+ minors DNI / angst / pining / smut (depictions of sex acts) / strong language

Summary: You struggle in a “casual” relationship with Jake, who blurs the lines between intimacy and indifference. Hoping for more, you endure heartbreak and humiliation before realizing your worth.

The Beginning of Something (Not) Serious

You spotted Jake across the room, leaning back with that familiar smirk, his eyes scanning the crowd before they landed on you. There was a magnetism about him you couldn’t resist. He was known for his charm and his tendency to keep people at a distance, always slipping away before things got too real. But when he looked at you, it felt different—or maybe that was just your wishful thinking.

You smiled back at Jake, feeling a rush of excitement mixed with nerves as he made his way through the crowd towards you. His voice was low and smooth as he greeted you, "Well, well, if it isn't the most captivating person in the room."

You raised an eyebrow teasingly, replying, "Flattery will get you nowhere, Jake. I'm immune to your charms."

He chuckled softly, his gaze intense as he leaned in closer, "Is that so? We'll see about that." There was a playful challenge in his eyes that set your heart racing.

As the music pulsed around you, the conversation flowed effortlessly between you. Jake's words were laced with wit and sarcasm, keeping you on your toes. You found yourself drawn in by his every word, unable to tear your gaze away from him.

Suddenly, a mischievous glint appeared in Jake's eyes as he suggested, "How about we get out of here? This party is getting a bit dull for my taste."

You arched a brow, feigning nonchalance but secretly thrilled by the proposal. "And where would we go instead?"

Jake smirked, his hand extending towards you invitingly. "Anywhere but here. Let's make our own adventure."

You talked, laughed, and one thing led to another. Soon, you two were in the corner of a bar, lips locked, unaware of anyone else around you. The world around you faded into the background as Jake's lips moved against yours with a hunger that sent shivers down your spine. His touch was electric, igniting a fire within you that you couldn't ignore. Every kiss, every caress, fueled the growing desire between you.

Without breaking the kiss, Jake's hand found its way to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him as if he never wanted to let you go. The heat between your bodies was intoxicating, and you found yourself craving more of him with each passing second.

When you finally pulled away for a moment to catch your breath, Jake's eyes bore into yours with an intensity that made your pulse quicken.

“You know, no attachments, right baby?” He whispered.

You swallowed your disappointment, shrugging it off with a smile. Sure, you thought. You could handle this. Besides, why would you want more from someone like Jake?

The Passenger Seat

One week in, and things between you were a whirlwind. You hadn’t defined anything, but the intensity was undeniable. One night, you went on a late drive, winding through the hills, his music blaring, your laughter spilling out as he cracked jokes and told wild stories about his childhood. Jake pulled over at a spot overlooking the city, and in the quiet, things turned heated.

The car was alive with the sound of both of your breaths, the thud of his heart against your chest, and the squeaking of the leather seats. His palm grasped your hip possessively as he pulled you onto his lap, grinding against you. You gasped, arching into him. He grabbed your ass cheek roughly and squeezed before sliding his hand between your legs, his fingers finding their way to your soaked core. You moaned into his neck, thrusting your hips upward as he began to tease and manipulate you.

"Fuck, you're wet for me," He purred in your ear, nipping at your lobe. "I gotta taste that." With a rough motion, he pulled you off his lap and slid down between your legs until his face was buried in your folds. His tongue darted out to trace your entrance before slowly pushing inside, causing you to cry out in pleasure.

As Jake's tongue delved deeper into your folds, you found yourself unable to suppress your moans of pleasure. You could feel his grin against your sensitive skin as he continued his assault, relishing in the way your body responded to his touch.

"Oh god, Jake," you managed to gasp out, your fingers tightening in his hair. "Don't stop."

He hummed in response, the vibration sending shivers down your spine. His skilled fingers worked in tandem with his tongue, expertly bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

"Mm that the spot, baby?" he murmured, pausing for a moment to look up at you through hooded eyes with a smirk. "You like it right there?"

You could only nod, biting your bottom lip as you fought back another moan. Your entire body felt like it was on fire, every touch and sensation intensified by the darkness surrounding them.

"Tell me," he commanded, his voice low and commanding. "Tell me how much you want this... need this."

Your breath hitched as you struggled to find the words. "I want... I want you, Jake," you finally managed to say, your voice barely above a whisper. "I want all of you."

His smile widened at your confession before he returned his attention to the task at hand. His tongue resumed its rhythmic movements, each stroke sending another wave of pleasure crashing through you. You could feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, your breath coming in short, sharp gasps.

You placed your hands on either side of his head, digging your nails into the leather seat as he lapped hungrily at your arousal. You rocked your hips back and forth against his face, eager for more stimulation as he deepened the assault on your senses. The world around you faded away as he focused solely on bringing you to orgasm.

"Go on," he urged, his fingers pressing harder against your clit. "Let it go for me."

With one final roll of your hips, you did just that. Your orgasm ripped through you like a tidal wave, leaving you breathless and shaking in its wake. Jake didn't stop until you begged him to, his name tumbling from your lips in a breathless chant. As your body continued to tremble from the aftershocks, Jake's arms wrapped tightly around you, pulling you close as he whispered soothing words into your ear.

"That's it, baby. Just let it all go. You're safe with me," he murmured, stroking your hair affectionately.

Despite the wild intensity of the past few moments, this moment with him felt like a cocoon of warmth and safety. A feeling you hadn't expected but appreciated nonetheless. You clung to him, breathing in deeply, savouring his scent, and relishing in the momentary sense of calm that had unexpectedly washed over you.

Slowly, your breathing returned to normal, and you pulled away from him slightly, looking into his eyes. There was a depth there that hadn't been there before - a vulnerability hidden beneath the layers of effortless charm and smooth facade.

In those moments, his hands on your skin and his lips tracing your neck, you let yourself believe there might be something more. The night was silent but electric, your heart pounding as if in sync with his. For the first time in a long time, you felt alive, connected. But you knew better than to let yourself hope, so you brushed off the thought and pushed down the ache in your chest, trying to just be in the moment.

Meeting His Mom

Two weeks in, you found yourself surprised when Jake casually invited you to his mom’s place for a family gathering. You tried not to read into it, but there was a nervous excitement fluttering in your chest. He’s just bringing you as a friend, you reminded yourself. Don’t get carried away.

"Hey, Mom, this is Y/N," Jake introduced you as you stood by his side.

His mother smiled warmly at you, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Y/N. Jake has told me so much about you."

You returned her smile, feeling a sense of ease wash over you. "It's a pleasure to meet you too, Mrs. Kiszka. Thank you for having me."

"Oh, please, call me Karen," she insisted, patting your hand affectionately. "Jake talks about you all the time. I'm glad he's found someone special."

You felt a blush creep up your cheeks at her words, exchanging a shy glance with Jake. "Well, I think he's pretty special too."

Jake chuckled at your response, wrapping an arm around your waist as he leaned in to kiss your temple. "She's just saying that because she hasn't seen me throw socks all over the living room yet."

Karen laughed at his teasing tone, shaking her head fondly. "Oh, don't mind him. He knows I have a strict 'no socks on the couch' policy."

The easy banter between Jake and his mom made you feel like you were witnessing a special bond between them. It was heartwarming to see the playful dynamic they shared.

As the evening went on, you found yourself drawn into conversations with various family members, feeling included and welcomed into their circle. His sister and brothers shared funny childhood stories about Jake that had you both laughing until tears streamed down your cheeks.

At one point, Karen pulled you aside as you helped with the dishes in the kitchen. "I can see why Jake adores you," she said softly, her gaze kind and knowing. "You bring out a light in him that I haven't seen in a long time."

You were touched by her words, feeling a lump form in your throat. "Thank you, Karen. He means a lot to me too.”

She patted your hand gently before returning to the sink. "Just take care of each other, okay? Family is everything."

Meanwhile Jake and his brother, Josh, sat on the porch together giving Josh an opportunity to have a serious conversation with Jake about his feelings for you.

"You know, I've seen how you are with Y/N. It's different from the way you've been with others."

Jake raised an eyebrow, curious about where this was heading. "How so?"

Josh observed Jake with a pensive expression. "You seem more invested in her. Like you genuinely care about how she feels and her well-being."

Jake scoffed. "Come on, Josh. Y/N and I are just having fun. We're not looking for anything serious."

"You can't fool me, Jake. I've seen the way you look at her. It's obvious to everyone."

"What do you mean? I'm just enjoying her company."

"C’mon, Jake. I've known you your whole life. I know when you're trying to convince yourself of something that's not true. You have feelings for her, whether you want to admit it or not. For god’s sake, you brought her to a family gathering. How do you not see it?"

Jake lets out a heavy sigh, "Maybe you're right, but I can't afford to get attached. It's better this way, trust me."

"Denying your emotions won't make them disappear. You can try to convince yourself it's just a casual thing, but deep down, you know it's more than that." Josh clapped Jake on the shoulder, a concerned look in his eyes. "Just be careful, man. You never know what might happen."

Jake sighed again. He did care for you more than he was willing to admit, but he wasn't ready for all those emotions he felt bubbling up inside him. He had always been cautious with his heart, never wanting to get too attached and potentially get hurt again. But you were different – you had a way of making him feel things he thought he had long forgotten or suppressed. Jake listened to his brother intently, his brows furrowed in thought. "I hear what you're saying, Josh. But it's not that simple," he replied, his voice tinged with a hint of defensiveness.

As the evening drew to a close, Jake found himself standing in the driveway with you, watching as his mom and sister said their goodbyes. He couldn't help but feel a deep sense of contentment – something he hadn't felt in a long time.

"So, what did you think?" he asked you, breaking the silence in the car.

You smiled over at him, eyes warm and inviting. "I had a great time tonight, Jake. Your family is amazing and I can see why they mean so much to you."

Jake squeezed your hand reassuringly, "I'm glad you came tonight. My family clearly adores you."

For a brief moment, you let yourself imagine what it might be like if this were something real—if Jake saw you as more than just someone he bangs on the couch.

You forced a smile, nodding along as if his words didn’t sting. You knew you were setting yourself up for heartbreak, but something kept pulling you back to him, even when you knew it was hopeless.

Trying to Be “Chill”

A few days later, you found yourself on the phone with his sister, chatting about movies and favourite bands. You laughed over some embarrassing story about Jake from high school, and his sister joked about how you’d make a great addition to the family someday. You tried to laugh it off, but your heart skipped a beat at the thought.

After hanging up, you sat in silence, your mind racing. You’d tried so hard to be the “chill girl” Jake wanted, the one who didn’t ask for more or push for a label. But here you were, letting yourself daydream about being part of his life, about being someone who mattered to him. You wanted so badly to call him, to hear him say he felt the same way. But deep down, you knew he’d only brush it off, laugh, and remind you, “It’s just casual, remember?”

The following weekend, Jake invited you over to watch a movie and hang out. You hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was a good idea to spend more time together. But ultimately, you decided to go. After all, what was the harm in spending a Saturday night with a guy you found attractive and enjoyable to be around?

As the night progressed, you found yourself torn between enjoying his company and grappling with the lingering feelings of uncertainty. He laughed at your jokes, held your hand without prompting, and snuggled close to you on the couch. It was hard not to get lost in the moment and allow yourself to believe that there could be something more.

Despite his assurances that everything was casual, his actions spoke otherwise. Each touch, each glance, each shared moment seemed to be saying something different—that he cared about you in a way that went beyond just physical attraction.

But as the movie ended and the night drew to a close, the same old pattern played out. He walked you to your car, a stars-in-his-eyes look on his face as he pulled you close for a kiss. You felt your heart race, your breath catch in your throat, and for just a moment, you allowed yourself to hope that this time things would be different.

And then he pulled away, his eyes meeting yours, searching for something you didn't quite understand.

You stood there, your hand still clutching the door handle of your car, feeling more confused and hurt than you cared to admit. You wanted to believe him, to tell yourself that it was just a casual hookup and nothing more. But every time his arms wrapped around you, every time his lips found yours, it was harder and harder to ignore the from what was happening between the two of you.

"So, we're still just keeping things casual, right?" you found yourself asking, the words coming out a little more firmly than you intended.

He looked at you for a moment, searching for something in your eyes that he couldn't quite find. "I don't know what to tell you," he said honestly.

You felt your heart sink as you looked into his eyes, seeing the truth hidden there. You didn't know if you could continue on this ride of emotional turmoil, waiting for him to make up his mind. But somehow, you found the strength to smile and say, "Okay."

As you drove home that night, tears streaming down your cheeks, you wondered if this was really what you wanted. But you couldn't help but feel a sense of longing for the connection you shared with Jake, even if he wasn't ready to admit his feelings. Despite the pain, you knew that walking away would be even harder. You told yourself that maybe things would change, maybe he'd realize how much he cared for you. And so, you held on, hoping for a future that might never come.

The Dinner Incident

A few nights later, Jake invited you to dinner with his parents. You were nervous, but hopeful. The evening started out lovely—his parents were warm and welcoming, making you feel like you belonged. You laughed at his dad’s stories, blushing as Jake’s mom complimented you.

But later, when you and Jake found yourselves alone for a moment, Jake slipped his hand under the hem of your skirt, brushing your inner thigh as he pulled you into a tiny bathroom. He whispered sexy promises into your ear, his breath hot against your neck making goosebumps rise on your skin.

Jake's fingers traced the lace edge of your panties before slipping beneath them and teasing your entrance with gentle circular caresses. Your breath hitched as he slowly pressed one long finger inside of you, moving in rhythm with your pulsating desire.

Your nails dug into his forearm as he added another finger, curling them perfectly to find the sensitive spot within that sent shivers down your spine. He held you close to him with his free arm around your back, supporting your weight as your legs began to feel weak from the pleasure.

He released your earlobe from between his teeth and gazed into your eyes, lust pouring from his gaze. "I want more," he whispered huskily.

You nodded breathlessly, eager for more intimate contact. As he unbuttoned his pants with practiced ease, revealing his hardened length, you took in a sharp breath at the sight.

In one smooth movement, Jake lifted you onto the bathroom counter, bunching up your skirt around your waist. Your panties were pushed to the side as he held himself and teasingly slapped his hard length against your wetness. "Is this what you want, darling?" he asked, slowly sliding himself through your slick folds. As he finally aligned himself with your aching entrance, he met your gaze for a moment before easing himself inside of you with a satisfying throb.

"God, nothing compares to how amazing you feel," Jake groaned.

Your body arched in response to his thrusts, meeting his every movement with equal fervor. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the small space, echoing off the walls around you and intensifying the already electric atmosphere.

"Yes. Fu—fuck, Jake. Don't stop." You begged in a whisper.

"Do you like it rough?" he murmured against your neck, nipping at your earlobe before pulling back and grabbing your hair roughly. A shiver ran through you at his touch as he exposed your neck to his hungry lips, leaving a mark with his teeth before continuing his relentless assault.

You moaned in response, unable to form words as the pleasure consumed you.

A loud groan escaped from his throat as he reached his peak, thrusting into you one final time. He clutched at you tightly, pulling you close as his release shook through him. The sensation of being claimed by him was unlike anything else you'd ever experienced—raw and intense but also strangely comforting.

As your breathing slowly returned to normal, you looked into his eyes and saw something different—a vulnerability that made you hesitate. But then he pulled away with a smirk and said casually, "Fuck, I needed that...Let's get back to the table before they notice we're missing."

The moment you walked out, he straightened his shirt, shrugged it off, and acted as if nothing had happened. The warmth you’d felt that evening shattered, leaving you feeling used, humiliated. You spent the rest of the night trying to enjoy yourself, but your thoughts were constantly drawn back to the bathroom and the moments shared between you and Jake. It was a bittersweet night—full of laughter and joy, but also tinged with regret and confusion.

That night, something in you snapped. You wanted to confront him, to demand answers. But you were afraid—afraid that he’d tell you, once and for all, that it meant nothing. That you meant nothing.

The Breaking Point

Days passed, and your bitterness festered. You replayed every careless word he’d ever said, every reminder that you were “just” someone he spent time with, someone he didn’t care enough about to commit to. You realized how much you’d been fooling yourself, how much you’d been holding onto a fantasy of what you two could be if he were someone else.

You sat alone, staring at the empty space in your closet where he used to keep a few things at your place. You hated that you’d let it go on this long, hated yourself for clinging to something that was never real. You thought back to his friends, the way they looked at you like you were just another girl on Jake’s arm, temporary and disposable.

With tears in your eyes, you finally reached for your phone, typing a simple message: We’re done. No anger, no plea for an explanation. Just a simple, final end. You felt a weight lift, a newfound clarity you hadn’t felt in months.

The moment you hit send, your heart pounded in your chest. This was it—the end of a chapter that had consumed months of your life. You put down your phone and took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself.

But the silence was deafening. No angry texts, no pleas for forgiveness. Just the cold emptiness of finality. It felt oddly anticlimactic, like a ghost that had finally been exorcised from your life.

You spent the rest of the night trying to fill the void with work and distractions, but it seemed to grow with each passing minute. The reality of what you'd just done hit you hard, and you found yourself gazing longingly at the empty closet space.

The next day, you avoided your phone, determined not to give in to the temptation of salvaging something that was so clearly broken beyond repair.

—————————

As soon as the notification for your text appears on Jake's phone, his heart starts to race and he panics. His fingers scramble over the screen as he quickly taps on Josh's name in his contacts and hits call. He can feel a knot forming in his stomach, wondering what urgent matter could have prompted you to reach out to him at this moment. Anxiety bubbles up within him as he waits for Josh to pick up on the other end of the line.

"Hey, man, I know it's late but this is really important," Jake stammered as soon as Josh picked up. "It's about Y/N. She just...she sent me a message saying we're done. No explanation, no nothing."

Josh listened intently, his own heart pounding in his chest as he tried to make sense of the situation. "What do you mean, 'we're done?' Did you guys have a fight or something? Did you do something?"

Jake shook his head, still pacing back and forth in his room. "No, man. I have no idea what happened. We haven't talked since the night we went to dinner with mom and dad. And now this...I don't know what to do."

"Well," Josh began cautiously, "first things first: Don't panic. Take a deep breath and think clearly." He paused for a moment before continuing. "Now, do you like her? Really like her? Want something more with her?"

Jake stopped pacing and frowned, thinking hard about the question. "Yes, I do. I just don't know if it's enough. I mean, she deserves better than someone who can't quite commit."

Josh sighed, understanding the weight of the situation. "Okay, so here's what you need to do. Call her. Apologize for your behavior, for not being open and honest with your feelings. Make it clear that you want to be with her and that you are willing to work things out."

"Maybe this is for the best," Jake rationalized to Josh. "Perhaps it was meant to happen this way, in the grand scheme of the universe and all that."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Josh retorted with a hint of sarcasm.

"Josh..." Jake warned.

"Okay, okay. But remember, you were the one who called me in a panic. I just don't want you to regret anything."

Jake let go of Josh and took a few deep breaths before dialing your number... but then stopped. He couldn't bring himself to make the call. Maybe he wouldn't regret this decision, right? He could move on... right?

Moving On

The next morning, you woke up feeling lighter, as if the burden of unspoken words and hidden hopes had finally been lifted. You took a deep breath, promising yourself that you wouldn’t settle for anyone who saw you as less than you deserved. You were done being someone’s secret, someone’s “casual” option. You wanted more, and you were willing to wait until you found it.

With one last look in the mirror, you whispered to yourself, “No more half-measures.” And as you stepped out into the world, you knew you were finally free.

As you near your favourite coffee spot, someone kindly holds the door open for you, and you hear the familiar jingle of the bell as you enter.

"Thank you!" You say, turning your head to meet the friendly stranger's gaze. Upon making eye contact, you realize he is an incredibly attractive gentleman with a warm smile. He is dressed impeccably in business attire and smells heavenly... or perhaps it's just a hint of desire? Either way, his manners are impeccable. You can't help but blush and return his smile.

"The pleasure is certainly all mine," he responds graciously.

.

.

.

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@edgingthedarkness @writingcold @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @katuschka @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep @electric-gold

[katuschka]

Perfect. Well thought-out, well written. Another great chapter.

This is a continuing Jaketober collaboration with the lovely @pavartijanuswrites!

Warnings: Jake/Danny, 18+, paranormal, explicit language, violence, gore, medical horror, angst, alcohol abuse, major character death, trauma, ptsd, mental health struggles, feelings of isolation and loneliness, triggers and emotional reactions, hidden love, hospitals, needles, surgery, near-death experiences, grief, loss

Read chapter 5 here

Taglist: @musicislove3389 @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka @l219tj-or-elle @eefsbrokenbellz @jenniferkiszka @lightsofthe-living-gvf @alwaysonthemend @brokebellsgvf @sanguinebats @scoreofinfantryvines

Jake runs blindly down the hospital corridor, his eyes burning with another round of angry, frustrated tears. He has no particular destination in mind - only a desperate need to put as much distance as possible between himself and the scene he’d left behind in that hospital room.

I need to get away.

Away from the spider-webbed tubes and wires that are tasked with keeping his husk alive.

Away from the blood-soaked bandages, which had left him with more questions than answers.

Away from his mother’s tears and his brothers’ grief.

Away from Vader and the incessant whir of air being mechanically forced into his useless lungs.

His boots pound against the linoleum as he goes, passing door after identical door. The hallway seems to stretch on endlessly before him, a stark white tunnel leading to nowhere. He runs past nurse’s stations, supply closets, and waiting areas. He catches brief glimpses of other patients, nurses, and visitors, their faces a blur of indistinct features as he rushes by.

“I have to get out of here,” he mutters frantically, his eyes darting around for an exit sign, an elevator - anything that will lead him away from this nightmare.

But as he runs, a creeping sense of unease begins to gnaw at him.

Something isn’t right.

Jake’s pace slows to a jog, and then to a walk as an unsettling realization begins to dawn on him. The hallway should have ended by now, or at least turned a corner. But as he looks ahead, the corridor stretches on endlessly, a seemingly infinite expanse of sterile white walls and harsh fluorescent lighting.

His heart pounding, he spins around to look behind him. The hallway extends just as far in that direction, disappearing into a hazy vanishing point.

It’s as if he hasn’t moved at all.

“What the hell?” he mutters.

He starts walking again, more slowly this time, his eyes darting from side to side as he takes in his surroundings. The details that had blurred past him during his frenzied run come into sharper focus now.

He’s seen this all before. The same cart of medical supplies parked against a wall. The same bulletin board, covered with an assortment of flyers and notices. The same plastic potted plant sits in the same corner, right next to a familiar nurses station, where the same blue-scrubbed people are hunched over computers and clipboards. The same vending machine hums in an alcove in the same waiting room where he’d first seen his dad after following his mom upstairs.

And to his right, the same door, marked with the sign “Room 412.”

He turns and starts walking in the opposite direction, his pace quickening with each step. But after a few minutes of brisk walking, he finds himself once again facing Room 412.

A chill runs down Jake’s spine as the reality of his situation sinks in. No matter which way he goes or how far he runs, he always ends up back here - back to his broken body’s resting place.

He leans against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. Putting his head in his hands, he tries to make sense of what's happening. Is this some kind of purgatory? A never-ending loop he's doomed to repeat? Or is his mind just playing tricks on him in his distressed state?

Jake sits there for what feels like hours, his mind racing as he tries to make sense of this seemingly endless loop. As he stares blankly at the opposite wall, his thoughts begin to drift, memories flooding back in fragmented pieces.

He thinks back to the very beginning of this debacle - how he’d found himself following Josh down the hallway to his room, where he’d fallen instantly into a fitful sleep. How, soon after, he’d been in Sam’s room with Rose. He thinks about how he’d appeared in the hotel lobby where he first saw Danny, how he had followed him to the bar and then to his room, watching the beginnings of his private breakdown.

He remembers the gift shop where he'd watched his mother buy the teddy bear. The elevator ride up to this very floor. The sidewalk tribute outside, with its sea of candles and heartfelt messages.

As these recollections wash over him, a pattern begins to emerge. A realization dawns on Jake, sending a jolt through his spectral form.

Maybe I can only go where they go, or where they’ve been since this happened to me.

"So I'm stuck shadowing them," Jake muses, "But why? What's the point of all this?"

He rubs his temples, trying to make sense of it all. Is he meant to only observe them, to bear witness to their grief? Is there something he’s supposed to learn or understand? Or is this just a cruel joke of the universe, forcing him to watch helplessly as those he loves suffer?

It makes a strange sort of sense, in a way. He is connected to them - to his brothers, his parents, Danny. Their grief and love for him is acting as an anchor, keeping his spirit from drifting away entirely.

He stands up slowly, a new sense of purpose filling him. If he's right about this, then maybe he can use it to his advantage. Maybe by following his loved ones, by witnessing their experiences and the recounting of their memories, he can piece together what happened to him. And maybe, just maybe, that knowledge will help him find his way back to his body where he belongs.

With renewed determination, Jake pushes himself off the floor. He takes a deep breath, centering himself. Then, instead of trying to run away again, he turns and walks purposefully towards Room 412. To his surprise, the room is now empty save for his own comatose form on the bed, now clean of excess blood and dirt. The machines continue their rhythmic beeping and whirring, but there's no sign of his family or any medical staff.

"Okay, let's think this through," he says aloud, pacing beside the bed. "I think that I can only go where they go - or be stuck here with you. And no offense, Vader, but you haven’t really been helpful so far.”

He pauses, as if waiting for some kind of retort from his body. Of course, none comes.

"But how do I do that?" Jake muses, beginning to pace again. "I can't exactly call an Uber or hop on a bus. And I don't seem to have any control over when or where I...appear."

As Jake continues to pace beside his unconscious body, lost in thought, the door to Room 412 slowly creaks open. Danny's tall frame fills the doorway, his shoulders hunched.

He shuffles into the room, his usual graceful stride replaced by a noticeably unsteady gait. He’s wearing the same clothes that he was when Jake last saw him - they’re rumpled and creased, and his belt is fastened off-center. His mass of chocolate curls, usually meticulously styled, hangs limp and disheveled on his shoulders. As he draws closer, Jake can see the dark circles under his eyes, the unkempt stubble on his usually clean-shaven face. It's clear that the past few days have taken their toll. In his arms, he cradles a bouquet of red roses, their deep crimson petals unfurling like velvet flames against the stark white of the hospital room.

"Hey, Jake," Danny says softly as he enters, his voice barely above a whisper. "I’m back. I…I brought you something."

Jake watches as Danny approaches the bed, his steps hesitant and careful. The roses shake slightly in his grip, betraying the tremor in his hands. He gently places them on the bedside table. As he leans over to arrange them, Jake catches a whiff of stale alcohol. The scent is sharp and distinctive, a pungent mix of whiskey and beer that seems to cling to Danny's clothes and skin.

Jake moves closer, studying his friend's face. The signs are unmistakable now - the slightly unfocused gaze, the flush high on his cheeks, the slight sway of his body even as he stands still. Danny’s been drinking - recently - and if he had to guess, it’s been a regular occurrence since his accident.

"Oh, Danny," Jake whispers, his voice thick with concern. "What are you doing to yourself?"

“I’m shitty at choosing flowers, I guess,” Danny gestures at the roses as he chuckles softly, “Red roses don’t exactly mean ‘get well’ in flower language.”

He lets out a nervous laugh, the sound of it echoing against the walls of the otherwise quiet room. "I guess I should've gone with tulips or daisies or something, huh? But these just... they reminded me of you, you know?"

He pulls up a chair next to the bed, settling in with a heavy sigh. Jake notices how his hands shake slightly. He clasps them tightly in his lap, as if trying to still their trembling. For a long moment, he just sits there, his eyes roaming over Jake's still form. There's an intensity to his gaze, a mix of sorrow and something else - something deeper and more complex. When he speaks again, his voice is hoarse and cracking.

"I'm sorry I'm not at my best," he mumbles, his words slightly slurred. "I know you'd probably give me shit for showing up like this, but…”

He trails off, running his hands through his disheveled curls. "I just... I don't know how to do this without you, man. The thought of never seeing you smile again, never hearing your laugh again, never playing together again,” His voice breaks, and he swallows hard before continuing. "It's killing me, Jake. I can barely sleep, I can't eat. Every time I close my eyes, I see it happening all over again."

Danny leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. His shoulders shake with quiet sobs. Jake feels a deep ache in his chest - the all-too-familiar desire to reach out to him, to comfort him, even though it would be in vain.

After a few moments, Danny wipes his red-rimmed eyes and looks back up at Jake's unconscious form. "I keep replaying that night over and over," he says softly. "Wondering if there was something I could have done differently. If I had noticed sooner, or reacted faster..."

He trails off again, shaking his head. "But I know that's not what you'd want. You'd tell me to stop being an idiot and take care of myself." A sad smile flickers across his face.

Damn right.

“I…I just keep thinking about how unfair it is. How you're lying here, fighting for your life, while I..." He pauses, swallowing hard. "While I walked away without a fucking scratch."

He leans back in the chair, running a hand over his face. "I mean, look at you. Look at Josh and Sam. You're all so battered and broken. And me? Not even a bruise to show for it."

He clenches his fists, his knuckles turning white.

“It isn’t fucking fair,” he spits, gritting his teeth. “It should have been me. I wish it would’ve been me instead.”

Jake feels a sharp pang in his chest at Danny's words.

"Danny, no," Jake whispers. "Don't say that. Don't even fucking think it."

Jake steps closer to Danny, his heart heavy with the weight of his friend's pain. He reaches out instinctively, desperate to offer some form of comfort, some tangible proof that he's still here, still fighting. His hand moves towards Danny's shoulder, expecting to feel the familiar icy sensation that has become synonymous with his attempts at physical contact.

But this time, it's different.

As Jake's fingers pass through the fabric of Danny's shirt, he doesn't experience the usual arctic chill. Instead, there's a very subtle warmth, like the last lingering heat of sunlight on skin after a long summer day. It's not quite body temperature, more of a lukewarm sensation that hovers just on the edge of perceptibility.

Jake pulls his hand back in surprise, staring at it in disbelief. He looks back at Danny, who continues to sit there unaware, lost in his own thoughts and grief. Jake hesitates for a moment, then slowly reaches out again.

As his hand passes through Danny's shoulder, he feels it again - that same subtle warmth. It's faint, barely there, but unmistakable. Jake's mind races. What does this mean? Is he getting stronger? Closer to finding his way back?

"Danny," Jake says, his tone urgent, "Danny, I'm here. I'm right here. Can you hear me?"

Danny shivers slightly, as if a cold breeze had just passed through the room, chilling his bones. He looks around, his brow furrowed in confusion. For a brief moment, his gaze seems to linger in Jake's direction. But then he shakes his head, as if dismissing some stray thought.

"Must be the AC," he mutters, rubbing his arms.

Jake's heart leaps. Did Danny feel something? Hear something? The hope that blooms in his chest is almost painful in its intensity.

"Danny, please," Jake pleads, his voice cracking with emotion. "I'm right here. I'm trying to come back.”

But Danny's attention has already shifted back to Jake's unconscious form on the bed. He leans forward, gently taking Jake's limp hand in his own. As Danny's fingers envelop Jake’s, something extraordinary happens. Jake gasps as a sudden rush of sensation floods through him - warm, calloused fingertips against his palm, the gentle pressure of Danny's grip, even the slight dampness of nervous sweat. He can feel the slight tremor in Danny's hand, the way his thumb absently strokes across his knuckles. It's as if every nerve ending in his spectral hand has suddenly come alive, sparking with electric intensity.

Jake stares in amazement at his hand, blinking back a rush of tears, overwhelmed by their physical connection. After what feels like a lifetime of numbness and isolation, the warmth of Danny's touch is almost too much to bear.

I can feel it.

I can feel him.

Join the taglist here

[katuschka]

This feels almost like a medicine on this cold Thursday morning (and me being sick).

Sigh....yeah...

happy wild wednesday! okay so picture this — josh is hot; no like literally he’s always running warm or overheating. which also leads to jokes about him being the sun. this means hes always walking around your shared home half naked (and sometimes even fully nude as well with a nonchalant “humans were meant to be naked, societal norms are what keep us from doing so”). you’ve grown used to seeing your lover’s beauty bared to you in the most casual of ways, but theres times where the sun hits him just right or the gleam of the ambient lighting in your house casts the most perfect shadows over his toned figure that you feel yourself growing needy for him. josh is so in tuned to you that he immediately knows what you wants and takes you right then and there. on the sofa. on the soft rug. on the cool hardwood floor. over and over again until you’re satisfied. which lets be honest, when it comes to josh, you never really are.

I think it would be so beautiful to see him glow in the morning sun outside in the garden, watering his plants and smiling to you as he takes in the cool breeze. You approach him with a smile and kiss him, his warm skin made only warmer by the sunlight on his tanned skin. Hands resting on his shoulder and one on his chest as you feel the muscle beneath your fingertips.

You can feel his erection against your thin silk nightgown from his briefs, your fingers running gently along the waistband. Dipping your fingers below to touch his hardened cock, which pulses softly in your palm. Josh sighs against your lips.

"Lay down." You say softly. Josh's eyes gleam, he's surprised, but too cool to let on anymore. "Yes ma'am," he smiles charmingly. You grin before following his lead to the soft grass beneath you. His curls gently lay against the grassy carpet, looking at ease as you bring his underwear below his hips until you pull them completely down and toss to some azaleas beside you.

You straddle his waist, feeling his hardened cock lay between your thighs, you grind against it, your soaked panties rolling gently against the length of him as you kiss. His hands travel down your arms and to your chest, hands groping at your silk covered breasts, gently pinching your hardened nipples beneath the white material. You feel like an angel in the garden of Eden.

Josh's fingers slip your panties to the side, your own hands pulling your nightgown off to join Josh's discarded briefs. The breeze and the sun on your skin makes you feel so alive, so soft and warm. You help yourself down onto Josh's length, savouring every inch as you take him in. Josh sighs as you do, your eyes closing gently as you tentatively begin to grind down on him. "You look so beautiful," Josh whispers, your eyes back on him. His hands resting on your thighs, feeling the soft expanse of your body. You begin to bounce, his cock inside you making you moan. You can't help but watch the way your body moves, lit by the morning light, you're turned on by the way your soft stomach and breasts move in time with you, Josh's fingers come to your clit and gently play with it. You clench around him as you softly call out his name. This feels like a dream.

"Oh baby, mm, feels so good." Josh moans, eyes hardly open as he feels you completely surrender to him. You can't help it, you just feel so good you can't keep from smiling, sighing and moaning as you continue to bounce on his cock. You can hear just how soaked you are. The sounds of your bodies together makes you melt.

Josh's fingertips press into your hips, his hands helping to move you even faster and harder. "Oh baby, oh i- I'm gonna cum-" "Me too, lover. Cum with me-" "I want you to cum in me, please baby," you beg. "Anything, anything for you." Josh smiles as his hips collide with yours.

He pulls you into a kiss as he slams up inside of you, your thighs quivering as you cum hard around him. Josh's arms holding your waist tightly, your name rolling off of his lips so tenderly you feel your heart skip. Your moans and whimpers against his neck as he cums deep inside of you, his breath fanning your cheek as he presses deep and still into you.

You roll off of him and onto the grass beneath, cool and welcoming to your exhausted body. You both search for breath, hand in hand as you take in the flowers and trees that hang around you. "Wow." Josh sighs. "Yeah," you exhale with a smile. Josh turns to look at you, you grin back, "I think you're a goddess." He whispers, making you giggle and blush in a way only he can. "I just can't get enough of you." You confess. His hand caresses your cheek, "I don’t think I ever will."

[katuschka]

Ok, firstly, thanks everyone for all those nice comments in your reblogs or under the post itself. Every positive comment is like a christmas present. 😘

Secondly, yeah, it's also an opportunity to shamelessly reblog/refresh this shit...

But really... THANK YOU. Truly.

Pierrot Sleeps

Josh Kiszka x f!OC/reader

/friends to lovers/

8.036 words

I dedicate this one to everyone who needs some healing...

Pierrot sleeps, silently He’s dreaming next to me Painted black tear, on his soft face And the sweetest lips; they never speak to me My Pierrot sleeps (Barbora Mochowa – Pierrot)

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings (are spoilers): heartbreak, unrequitted love, pining for a friend, breakup, friends to lovers, slow burn, sweet Josh, kissing, fluff, smut: petting, oral sex, vag. sex, a few allusions to a suicise of a minor character (in the past), briefly mentioned attempted suicide (retrospective), depressive thoughts, expressive language, bad weather

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At least it stopped raining… eventually.

Josh had expected there would be morning fog, so the fact that the world around them was shrouded in a thick blanket of clouds did not surprise him. Not only was it just as the forecast predicted, but he had been even looking forward to it. Foggy woods looked dreamy at this time of year. They’d have the best time, surely, and he could take a lot of pictures... 

He however did not expect to be woken up by heavy rain drumming on the roof above them, and – on top of that – a whole half an hour before the alarm clock was supposed to rouse them. Too early to be happy about being awake, and too little time left to go back to sleep. Had it been the fall morning sun shining right into his face, he wouldn’t say a word. But rainfall? That didn’t go according to the plan. 

He had been warned though, and despite his own nature, he chose to believe the technology instead. 

The initial rhythmic patter only grew in intensity and it soon sounded as if the cabin was built right under a waterfall. That, together with the obtrusive light coming from the screen of his phone, finally woke her too. She didn’t make herself known at first. She listened silently for several seconds to the downpour growing stronger and waiting for his reaction with malicious glee. She was rewarded pretty soon, and his loud, annoyed grunt made her chuckle. 

“Told you…,” she mumbled from under the cozy blanket sleepily, suddenly hopeful that they’d just stay inside, sipping sahlep in front of the fireplace. She would eat almond truffles and he could have his dried apple chips, or whatever. Maybe they could even try to play a game of chess. Josh had been telling her that he didn’t have the right brain for that, but she was adamant; and determined to teach him. His annoyed face, illuminated by the light blue light, however told that it probably wasn’t the best day for that. Again. 

They had been both really looking forward to the trip, so she wasn’t even sure why she suddenly felt almost glad that their hiking plans might be ruined. The prospect of getting wet and numb with cold didn’t appeal to her at all, but it usually didn’t stop her. And when it did (When the heavens literally opened just like that morning), she’d be pretty pissed off for being forced to stay inside. Not this time though. Not when she was enveloped with the warmth and the scent of him. And that was something she had been looking forward to even more.

They shared the bed, just like many times before, just like friends often do. The cabin had two separate bedrooms, but it didn’t even occur to them to part their ways for the night. Not when the whole point of this trip was not to be alone. That would be silly. 

And just like many mornings before, she closed her eyes again in a pretense of having fallen back to sleep just to revel in the morning smell of his body close to her for a little bit longer. But he wouldn’t be fooled by her closed eyes; being already quite familiar with her breathing patterns. 

“Yeah, you did, weather girl, but let’s not get discouraged, yeah? The…the app says it’ll be over in an hour. So, we’re still on schedule. AND it also says there might be some sunlight by midday, and so does the radar… Hey, hey, wake up! Tea?” 

“Coffee!” she huffed in exasperation. After all that time, he still kept trying. Coffee’s bad for you, blah blah blah… And maybe he was right. Just look at him! Fit and bubbly, filled with sunshine and energy right from the moment his eyes opened to greet the new day. Even when he was hurting, he always mustered enough energy to fill every room with light and love. As long as there were other people willing to share the moment with him, he was ok. Meanwhile, she felt like Gollum, torn between love and hate for the things that kept her (barely) functioning. Not just coffee… him, too. Her precious. She kept pursuing him, seeking his presence, while hoping that one day, she would be free, while not really wanting to. It was always the worst on mornings like this one, when she almost had him in her grasp, and then he always slipped out, because he was never hers. 

She watched him fumbling for his clothes in semi darkness, pondering. Sleeping just in his briefs right next to her never seemed to faze him, and the thought always made her heart sink. Maybe he didn’t like the way she looked, so he never considered those moments to be overly intimate. That’s fine. But didn’t it ever occur to him how much she loved his body? Probably not. They were such good friends, after all. Right? Truth be told, she really tried her best to hide the truth from him. There were so many things to say, but she never did. 

‘Come back to bed.’ What a simple request; one that people often say in situations like this one. ‘Come back to bed and just be with me. The world can wait…’ Yet she couldn't. She had no privilege to ask that. 

Such good friends. That’s what everyone kept saying: ‘You two are such good friends.’ Everyone except Jake; that nosy, observant asshole. He mentioned his suspicion just once, and then abandoned the topic forever after she made it VERY clear that she didn’t want to discuss it and threatened to cut his balls off if he ever mentioned that to Josh.

They had been so close from the very start – she and Josh – despite the fact that they were from two seemingly different worlds. Or maybe because of that, because he seemed to deliberately seek the company of the people who didn’t care what he was. He didn’t have to pretend anything in front of her; she just let him be himself, even when it was not always nice or flattering. She loved all of him. 

Yeah, she did. She loved him. And she knew she would from the moment she first saw him, when he ran into the coffee shop she worked in to hide from the rain... 

The bell chimed, and she looked up, together with several other people, all of them surprised by the sudden commotion that disrupted the serenity of that lazy afternoon. He literally fell through the door, giggling awkwardly before he looked around, beaming and taking everything in, like a child in a toy store.  

Are you familiar with those cheeky and extremely cliche movie scenes when the hero sees the object of their desire for the very first time and everything suddenly turns to slow motion? So melodramatic and stupid, very stupid indeed; so stupid they use it mostly in parodies these days. And yet, it’s also exactly what happened to her when her eyes first fell on the dampened halo of his messy curls. What a tiny, beautiful, ethereal man. He looked like an angel on vacation, dressed in pale jeans and a simple white long-sleeved shirt. Quite ordinary. It was the long string of beads around his neck, almost like a rosary, that made him look out of this world. But nothing could prepare her for the feeling that swept through her and he finally looked at her. 

When she was very little, maybe two or three, she had a very strange dream once. The sun fell from the sky, landed on their street right next to their house and she watched, quite mesmerized, how it rolled behind their windows like a huge fiery balloon. She was too small to know that the sun was literally just a ball of fire, and yet that’s exactly how it appeared to her in the dream, except “her” sun didn’t have more than two meters in diameter and it didn’t scorch anything. That strange and bizarre dream left such an imprint on her young and expanding mind that it eventually became one of her core memories. Then, as years went by and adulthood hit her with brutal force, she almost forgot about it. 

Until he appeared. 

He introduced himself as Josh without even being asked, ordered matcha tea and then he took a barstool by the counter right opposite to her, because she was the only person in the whole room willing to talk to him; everyone else was staring at their phones or laptops and just minding their own business. 

And it was SO easy talking to him, despite the fact that she was completely and utterly smitten with him, which usually tied her tongue in similar situations. Not with Josh. They talked for only half an hour about nothing important, but it was enough for him to unknowingly etch himself in her brain and gut. 

Then he finally picked Josh up, just when the rain stopped, and they left together, seemingly forever. 

Her mind was still full with the images of him when she went to bed that day, and he even materialized again as a drunken memory in her dreams. Her conviction that she wasn’t destined to have people like him in her life made the apparition both sweet and distant, but destiny never prevented anyone from having dreams about it, right? His existence seemed almost unreal the morning after. He became a vision – and an illusion – of a better world where people were actually nice to one another. Like a character from a favorite comfort book: someone who never really existed, but it was still nice to imagine.

Then, five days later, Josh came back. 

He stayed for three long hours, as if he had no responsibilities in this world except for filling it with his contagious laughter. He ordered a whole pot of oolong and charmingly voiced his desire to pester her for the rest of the afternoon. When she asked why, his answer was simply ‘why not.’ That’s what the places like the one she worked in were for, and she shouldn’t get excluded, he said.

So they talked again, pausing only when other people came to take their order. They talked about poetry and cartoons and favorite sweets (she loved almond truffles!). She told him about her early childhood and a grandmother who could bake heavenly pastries, and he shared funny stories about his brothers and praised the wit and beauty of his sister. 

There were times when such stories would make her feel miserable, but his own tales filled her with hopefulness. He exuded so much love and light no doubt because those people he talked about had always been there for him. If only she hadn’t failed to be there for her sister when she needed her the most. People kept telling her that it wasn’t her fault, but their words fell flat. Convinced that she should have known, she almost followed the same footsteps. They just found her in time…

Back then she told him that she was an only child. 

The next time, Josh came back with a small bag full of almond truffles, which he traded for her number. And so they slowly became regular friends, with their lives gradually intertwining even outside of that coffee shop. 

Days went by, then weeks. Slowly, she learned all about his passions and dreams, and nothing about his job. Then one day, just before Christmas, a group of people asked for a picture and he had to come clear afterwards. Nothing shocking in Nashville, It just made her admire him even more, and he couldn’t get mad when she finally told him her truth. Months passed by and finally there were no more secrets, even though her initial childish idea that he must have fallen from the sky was crushed. 

At least she wasn’t surprised when he disappeared for months. 

He often said ‘I love you’ and sometimes she imagined how it would feel if one day he’d mean it in a way that would make her skin tingle and cheeks burn. But that was not to be. The meaning was reserved for someone else, because he belonged to someone else. Plain and simple. They were so in love. Even through the veil of her jealousy, she could see the pure miracle of it. Everything Josh did seemed miraculous. It kept breaking her heart in the most peculiar and strangely addictive way. 

He was always there for her as a dear friend, but never as someone who could keep her warm at night. He was unavailable. 

Until he wasn’t. And yet…

He called her around two am that night, crying so hard he couldn’t even talk coherently. She wasted no time; having thrown just a long cardigan over her pajamas, she ran out the door, jumped in the car and headed straight to their… to his house. 

They snuggled together in his bed, and she kept holding him tight until he finally relaxed and fell asleep. And when she woke up a few hours later, feeling his limbs wrapped around her body and his hot breath on the exposed skin of her shoulder, she looked up at the ceiling and her heart broke in a thousand little pieces once again. So this was how it felt… and she was destined to experience it only when they both felt like that, only not for each other… His touches during waking hours kept whispering ‘I’m glad’, but never ‘I yearn’. 

He mewled suddenly, no doubt tormented by some disturbing dream, and grip around her only tightened. She turned to her side and hugged him back, watching his peaceful, doll-like face and listening to his light snores that made his parted lips quiver ever so slightly.  

“Why didn’t you call one of your brothers?” she asked once he finally opened his eyes and, seeing her face right in front of his, greeted her with his sweet smile, even though it was short lived. 

“You don’t judge me…,” he mumbled after a while.

“Your brothers don’t judge you either, silly! I know that, and so do you.”

“Yeah, but…I guess I needed a hug, and not just having my shoulder squeezed. Besides, they…they have their own people and, uh… other creatures to take care of...”

Ouch…

The truth is, he had tried to set her up with other people in the past, oblivious to the fact that the only one she wanted was him. So she kept lying to him, making up reasons why the dates and hook-ups never did work out. Even when she ended up in bed with them – and some of them were really good – it never made her want to see them more than just a couple times. 

She had been like that even before she met him, to be honest. Men and women had come and gone, and her heart had remained closed, save for a few youthful infatuations. Her resolve not to commit to anyone only strengthened after what happened to Shania. Then one day, Josh appeared with a golden key, forced it in the lock and occupied the tiny space ever since, unaware of what he really did. 

And the reason why she always tried to hide it the best way she (physically) could was because she was too grateful for what she already had in him. Such good friends… The risk of ruining it all was too great and too foolish. Because, by being there for her as a friend, he had already helped her more than she could possibly imagine. He had danced into the darkness of her dreary life and brought sunshine into it. She had a wonderful friend in him. The fact that she loved him romantically was just a minor snag. Maybe, just maybe, if she had known him sooner, she wouldn’t have to keep hiding the scarry reminder of forecast days on her wrists. But for everything there is a season…

… and fall is perfect for hiking. 

So was the summer after he left, and so they – Josh and her – took advantage of every opportunity to spend it together in nature… or at least in his garden. Because, in spite of all the bad things happening, one could always rely on nature to be beautiful and welcoming, at least for now. 

Josh’s busy schedule and constant traveling blessed him with the mercy of having his mind occupied, so that he wouldn’t have to think about the breakup so much, but everytime he got home – even when it was just for a few days – he kept seeking her company as well as her hugs, because his house suddenly seemed too big and silent and scary, and his brothers naturally wanted to spend the valuable time with their own significant others. 

After that first, painful night, falling asleep in each other’s embrace became at first a frequent occurrence, and later almost a habit. Their movie nights, Sunday outdoor trips or late night garden picnics often ended that way. Lying on a blanket under a cloudless sky and pretending they could actually see any stars, they cuddled more often than not as the temperature dropped. He cried a few more times in early June, but after a while it just became a pleasant habit. Josh was never the person to shy away from physical contact, so it felt completely natural to him. It was always innocent, too, with their hands never wandering to any inappropriate places. A few times she could feel his lips brush against her locks – feather-like kisses that never touched the skin – but that was it. It always left her hungry for more, and the hunger kept growing… 

The smell of coffee and vanilla coming from the kitchen put an end to her reminiscing, as it made her stomach rumble and pulled her mind back into the physical reality of the cabin. She finally managed to drag her lazy body out of bed and, after a short stop in the bathroom, followed the smell and the sound and the light, like a curious cat. 

Josh was not a fruit loop guy and she was not allowed to eat that shit either, at least not under his watch. In consequence, their days spent together also meant that she was eating properly for a while. 

She found him standing by the stove, making oatmeal with raisins and swaying to some unknown tune he was humming. She caught just a few words, something about bed and needing to touch again, and immediately wanted to go back, because damn! He was reading her mind. 

Her footsteps made him stop and turn around, greeting her with his radiant smile. Snap. Another beautiful picture for the photo album of her mind. Having been blessed with an excellent memory, she often used it as an internal polaroid, taking snapshots of the beauty of the world to browse through when old. She, however, cheated with her stills of Josh, replaying them in her mind every time she was alone in her own bed. 

“Finally! I thought I’d have to drag… you’re doing it again!”

“Doing what?” She couldn’t help but to reciprocate the toothy smile. 

“You know what!” He threatened to pat her head playfully with the stirring spoon, making her duck down so as not to have chunks of hot oatmeal in her hair. “Save some space in that fancy brain of yours for the wonders of nature. Today’s gonna be EPIC!” He swung the spoon epicly towards the milky blue nothingness outside the window. 

“It’s still raining, Josh.”

“Mmmm, not for long, I’m tellin’ya. Now grab that mug before that bitter shit gets cold.” He nearly overturned the cup of coffee with the large spoon and she snatched it out of his reach just in time to save the valuable fragrant liquid. He turned back to the stove, chuckling. “Gonna serve this heavenly manna in a sec, so take a seat, mademoiselle,” he added playfully in a low voice. “Cinnamon?” 

“Yeah, why not. Just a pinch.”

“As you wisssssssh… Here comes the sun, little daaaarling, here comes the su-un, and Iiiiii saaay…”

Moments like these often made her mind and body dissociate. The body was drawn to him, yearning to hug him from behind and bite at his exposed earlobe, while the mind knew her place was at the table, where she was told to patiently wait for the breakfast to be served, while admiring his beauty from a respectable distance. The mind always won. Their new-found closeness, however exciting and really borderline intimate sometimes, had its boundaries. 

He was right. The rain stopped eventually, so they packed their bags with all the necessities they might need for the whole day outside, and together they entered the misty world of barren bony branches, orange leaves and hidden horizons. It was already almost 8 am when they left the warm confines of their rented cabin, but the landscape remained shrouded in early November murkiness. They walked for at least an hour without speaking, the ubiquitous mist still unwilling to dissipate. 

“It’s almost like a completely different planet, isn’t in,” she finally broke the silence. 

“M-hm,” was the only response she got. She honestly often preferred it that way, being able to get lost in her own thoughts and daydreams, but that very rarely happened when Josh kept her company. His need to share everything that was on his mind – which was usually a LOT – could often be quite overwhelming. It also never failed to entertain everyone around him, because the vastness of his mind could compete with the plains on Mars, and it was just as untamed.

The fact that he was suddenly so unusually taciturn made her a bit uneasy. Something was wrong. She already noticed it the night before, and thought it was only understandable, given the recent events. She was devastated as well, thinking about Shania again, and how it would break her heart if she hadn’t chosen to make it stop beating willingly. 

But then they talked quite openly about that and he returned back to his normal, radiant self as soon as they climbed in their shared bed. Now she had that nagging feeling once again… as if he was hiding something from her. Something was different. 

“Are you still sad?” she asked tentatively. 

“About what?” His tone was wary, making her uncertain whether she should even continue or just let it be. Alas, her nosy nature prevailed.

“The breakup.”

It took him a few seconds to respond, clearing his throat and kicking a few pebbles first. She’d swear she could sense a brand new kind of tension in the air, but she couldn’t really  put her finger on it. It was almost just a split second.

“No, not anymore. Sometimes at night, when the house is quiet, I feel a sense of melancholy, you know? I guess I’m just not used to being alone. But I welcome the feeling, really. I think I wrote my best lyrics feeling just like that. And…” And he kept on talking. On and on and on.  She asked a simple question and he could have provided a simple answer, but after three minutes of babbling, just when his mind somehow wandered to Sam’s ravioli, she suddenly stopped in her tracks and started laughing. The bitch was back, as he himself would say, although that was not really it. He sensed her worry and just wanted to do anything he could to disperse it. 

“What?” He really tried to frown at her accusingly, but failed miserably, the corners of his mouth twitching. 

“It’s just… you could have just said ‘no’, but I admire the lengths you go to prove that you’re not.”

“Keep mocking my eloquence, love, and you’ll regret it, I tell ya!” Already a few steps ahead of her, he started walking backwards, pointing his finger at her menacingly. 

“Josh, be care…”

“FUUU…ouch!”

“...ful… Moron!”

 Of course he stumbled over an exposed tree root and fell right on his butt. Thankfully, he managed to land in the middle of a small heap of wet foliage instead of stones or worse – down the steep slope adjacent to the path they were on. She offered him her hand with an exasperated sigh and helped him get back on his feet, feigning anger – anything to hide how much that one word reverberated inside her ribcage. Love…   

“C’mon! Don’t be mad. My ass is damp and freezing now, so it’s fun, yeah?” Once back on his feet, he grabbed her shoulder for support in order to regain balance and smiled reassuringly to wipe that frown off her face. To no avail. No, it wasn’t exactly fun, and seeing his beautiful eyes so close only made it worse. She stared back into those dark beads before her gaze slid down to his lips that he licked just a moment ago, and the chilly mist filling her lungs suddenly felt like water, together with a totally unwelcome wave of arousal that swept through her body. She was genuinely mad all of the sudden, but only at herself. 

“You’re an idiot, Josh.” She let go and stormed up the path, forcing him to speed up to catch up with her. 

“Y/N, hang on… why are you so angry?”

“You were literally just a few feet from breaking your leg… or something else!” she spat in response and with her eyes set on the path ahead.

“No, I wasn’t. And nothing happened!” Josh raised his voice just a notch, his own anger growing. They were side to side again and he finally forced her to turn back to him. She tried to fight it, she really did, but in spite of her efforts to behave reasonably, she could feel her eyes prickle again, threatening to betray her. 

“It’s been almost five years since she jumped… in November…just…stop scaring me like that, ok?” Her voice quivered under the burden of her sudden deliberate machinations. What she said was true, but it wasn’t the real reason why she felt so upset at that very moment and she felt bad instantly for using it as an excuse. That was completely unfair to both of them. 

Josh’s features immediately softened and he pulled her in for a tight hug. “I know… sorry,” he whispered, and she melted into his touch, no longer caring how she “deserved” it. They remained like that for almost a minute before he commanded that it was time to move if they didn’t want to return back after dark. 

The rest of the morning was spent more or less in silence once again, interspersed with occasional casual chit chat. As the path grew steeper and more stony, pale patches of light cerulean blue began to show up through thinning low clouds, making them both hopeful. The air temperature grew gradually milder, too. “The inversion season’s finally here! Yay!” he exclaimed with childish enthusiasm – one of many things that kept people drawn to him like moths to a flame. It seemed just impossible not to love him. 

They reached the ridge – their final destination – just around midday, and just in time to step out of the clouds that still hung low in the surrounding valleys. It felt like reaching the sky, with the ridge and a few surrounding rounded peaks looking like floating islands in the midst of a foamy ocean.

“Aaaah, this is beautiful!” She tilted her head back, letting the sun warm up her damp cheeks. 

“Told ya,” he smiled softly and she expected him to continue teasing her, but he seemed unnaturally quiet and serene once again. Pulling his camera from the bag, he took a few snapshots of the misty sea below them. They watched the clouds roll by slowly for a while before he spoke. “I used to dream about telling stories through pictures...” 

She knew all about his old passion, but she also thought he was exceptional at what fate chose for him eventually. “You do tell stories Josh. You help people paint their own internal landscapes.” 

“Do I…”

“Of course you do!”

“So I believed. Pictures, words, soundwaves, doesn’t really matter, that’s not my point. I mean,.. I wasn’t really telling the… the truth yesterday. I am scared…I mean, not for myself, not really, but…I don’t…I guess, sometimes things are just destined to remain broken no matter how hard you try, you know…I’m mostly heartbroken, really.”

She wasn’t really sure where this was going. Having been familiar with his insecurities for quite some time, she knew too well that he was sometimes too humble for his own good, but he hardly ever sounded that defeated. “Well, you know…how was that line…’Take your broken heart and make it into art.”

“But what’s the point?”

And just like that, with a snap of a finger, the temperature dropped, making her shiver. Speaking to the world through art was the core of his whole existence and she’d rather die than watch him doubt the importance of it. 

“Josh!”

“Y/N!”

His feeble attempt to mock her sudden urgent tone annoyed her, but definitely not enough to stop her from trying to prevent him from going down that gloomy path. “Listen, asshole! Stop with the bullshit, ok? You believed we’d have sun today. And look! I absolutely needed this, and would have missed it if it weren’t for you. And MANY people feel the same, because you inspire them, so cut that defeatist crap or else I’ll smack it out of you!”

He looked at her as if she had already really slapped him in the face, but his shocked and astonished expression slowly morphed into a soft and grateful smile. “Thank you, Y/N.” 

“WELL YOU’RE WELCOME!” she responded with an unnecessary theatricality, unwilling to abandon the angry pose just yet, just in case. “Now give me this, because I think you need to see what I see.” She snatched the camera out of his hand and took a step back so that the viewfinder showed exactly what she wanted to capture. He, however, started fumbling for a phone in his jacket, completely ruining the shot. 

“No, let’s take a selfie,” he said when he finally found and unlocked it.

“Selfie? You? Since when have you been taking selfies?”

“I DO from time to time.” He looked almost offended, pouting at her like a defiant child. Sighing exasperatedly, she finally agreed to it, stepping closer to him, letting him wrap his arm around her shoulder.

“But you need to look into the lens Jo…” On the display, she could see him looking sideways at her, his eyes slowly tracing the contours of her profile. His jaw clenched and she could no longer finish the sentence. Instead, she slowly turned her own face to meet his gaze. He lowered his arm, snaked it around her and she held her breath, barely conscious of his other hand slowly finding its way to cup the nape of her head just below her ponytail. Dreamily, she watched his lips growing closer to hers until they met and she could swear her heart stopped. 

He tasted like apples. 

It was soft and tender at first, his pouty lips just brushing over hers like the wings of a butterfly. She leaned into it and invited him in, and soon they could taste each other properly, with their tongues entangling and dancing around languidly. She turned deaf and blind, but acutely aware of every cell of his body she could reach and taste and caress and devour, and getting high on it, her head spinning more and more with each passing second. 

When they finally parted and her sight returned, they looked at each other and even though neither said a word, they could both see the same question in each other’s eyes. 

What now…

The entire walk back into the cabin was spent in silent anticipation. The way he held her hand was completely innocent, even with their fingers intertwined… 

The contents of their minds, not so much. They didn’t dare to speak about it just yet, in fear that they might jinx it. She kept replaying it in her head, over and over again. The feeling of his soft lips on hers still lingered and her insides twisted and turned with the primal need for him to do it again. It was just as strong as thirst, and much more overwhelming. 

As the hour grew late, even the valleys were now sun-soaked. The world joined them in their silence and only the rustling of gravel and foliage under their feet disturbed the unearthly peace. Having kept her eyes on the ground, she looked up when they left the shadows of trees behind them and set foot on the vast clearing that separated them from their cabin… the fireplace… the bed… The road to it was blinding, as the late afternoon sun turned the distant horizon into silver ribbons, making them squint. She squeezed his hand involuntarily as her heart freaked out again, and he responded by stroking her knuckles with the tip of his thumb. The lust was palpable, making them both alert like lonely puppies just before hearing the door knob turn. 

Having avoided the topic for a few long hours, the tension between them only grew when they reached the cabin, only to be replaced with a sense of panic and uncertainty when they stepped inside. 

“So…”

“Are you hungry?” She interrupted him, before he could say more. Please say yes, so that I can cook us dinner and... 

“Not really, no.”

“Me neither.” She was fidgety, biting her lip, scratching her arm nervously, looking up at him and then averting her gaze repeatedly. 

“Y/N… we don’t have to…”

“I want to!” she blurted out and then sank her teeth in her lower lip again. 

Ok… calm down baby, let me…follow me…” he offered her his hand and slowly led her into the bathroom. 

They stripped each other slowly and then they kissed again. He turned on the shower and she bashfully stepped under the streaming water next to him. He pulled her closer and kissed her some more, while tracing the outline of her shoulders with his fingertips. Only then he dared to venture lower. 

His fingers brushed over her left nipple before he cupped the whole breast gently in his palm and she could swear it felt like he was cradling her very own heart in it instead, making her hold her breath. His eyes were lowered the whole time, watching his own actions intently and attentively, almost apprehensively, waiting for her reactions and receiving none. She was frozen with illogical fear. He looked up suddenly, making her head spin. “Tell me what you like,” he whispered. 

“Everything.” His brows shot up in question, so she clarified: “I like everything about this, Josh.” 

She meant it as encouragement, but it wasn’t helpful at all. He cleared his throat nervously and stroked her arm gently, from her shoulder all the way down to her elbow. His eyes once again followed the motions of his hand. “I wanna know everything about you.” This time he wasn’t talking about her life or soul. He already knew almost everything about that, after all those hours and hours spent talking and daydreaming together. Her body, however, was an unknown instrument, and he was desperate to learn how to play it well. 

Feeling wanted, and with all the newfound courage she could muster, she cupped his cheeks and kissed him with long suppressed passion, pausing only briefly to ask him back. “Can I learn everything about you, too?” 

“Please! You must,” he whispered against her lips, while she wrapped her fingers around his full-blown erection and started stroking him tentatively, making him moan in her mouth. Encouraged, she tightened her grip and quickened her pace. He gasped, breaking the kiss and pressing his forehead against hers instead. “You learn quickly, baby,” he whimpered, leaning with his outstretched arm against the tiled wall behind her. She kissed his flexed bicep in response and slid down on her knees in front of him, but he only shook his head and pulled her back up. 

“You don’t want that?” she asked, confused. There was a hint of hurt in her voice, so he pulled her in an embrace and kissed her wet hair as the water kept pouring down on them. 

“Just the idea of your lips wrapped around my dick tells me it’d be very quick… and I don’t want that. Let’s take this slow, yeah? Let me…” 

She let him take the lead and his lips went on a journey. They traced the edge of her jaw when he shampooed her hair and she tilted her head in delight. This new intimacy could only be described as ecstatic. Everything turned into a blur. She was just barely aware of him wrapping her in a bath towel, and she couldn’t remember how they got in bed. It was his tongue licking a stripe up her inner thigh that made her acutely aware of her surroundings once again. She gasped in surprise when she felt his hot breath on her wet pussy. Looking at her daringly, he hovered just an inch above it, the tip of his tongue resting on his upper lip tellingly. “May I?”

She swallowed harshly to relieve her parched throat. “I want you fuck me, Josh. Please.”

“And I will… but let me make you fly first.” Without any further ado, he darted his tongue between her folds and she arched her back as if struck by electricity. After a few more teasing licks, he wrapped his lips around her clit and started sucking gently, with his velvet tongue drawing slow circles on the underside before it started fluttering rapidly over the whole bud. Soon he sent her into orbit, just as he promised. She was still shaking and gasping for air when he swiftly climbed up her body and positioned himself in between her legs. 

Once inside her, he could no longer keep it slow. He let out a deep guttural groan and, as if a bolt of electricity shot through him, started thrusting into her with newfound virility. She wrapped both her arms and legs around him and pulled him even closer to her, almost afraid that he would float away and dissolve in midair if she stopped holding him tight enough, just like he always had done in her dreams. Even her own mind never allowed her to feel like this, so how could this possibly be real? After all that time. It felt too good to be real. His hands cradling her head, his own loud moans so close to her ear, urgent and melodic and almost lewd, all in one. With his elbows on each side of her head, and his lips brushing against her earlobe, she felt enshrined under him. It was overwhelming, it made her head spin as if high on oxygen…which she probably was. Unable to control her wildly beating heart and her quickened breath, she was barely conscious of that pleasant feeling he was stirring deep inside her. It didn’t even matter. She arched her back again and shivered as his singing grew louder. She could come just from listening to him. 

The skin on his back under her wandering hands, warm and velvety at first, soon turned damp and sticky from exertion, as his movements grew even more frantic and wild. She tilted her head back and cried out when he hit her cervix particularly hard… and he stopped. 

“What…” she asked dreamily. 

“You’re so tender and soft, I don’t wanna hurt you.” His face was hovering mere inches above her, as he was searching for more cues. Still inside her to the hilt, the blissful feeling of her velvety walls caressing his cock still lingered and it took all his will to keep himself from moving momentarily. His hips jerked involuntarily and she responded by deliberately tightening around him, making him hiss. 

“You’re not hurting me,” she mumbled, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. “I don’t even know if I ever felt this good. I’ve been waiting for this for so long…” Her own words made her freeze. She opened her eyes again and looked at him, frightened. His own expression was somber and almost unreadable. Oh god, you stupid cow, why did you say that? 

“How long, Y/N?”

Please, don’t make me ruin this even more, Josh. Just go on, just let me feel this at least once… 

His eyes never looked more beautiful. He kept looking down at her, searching for the answer. She knew she should say something, but the sudden lump in her throat made her only gasp for air as she tried to fight off the tears. Stupid, unstable bitch!

It seemed that he took mercy on her. Instead of pushing the subject, he leaned down and pressed his lips on the pulsing point under the skin of her neck. She closed her eyes and sighed in delight, waiting for him to resume the previous pace and make her mind go blank once more, letting her dream about her sun before the real one would come. 

He remained still though. His dick twitched inside her, making it known that he too wanted more, but he wasn’t merciful enough. And he wouldn’t let it go. 

“How long, Y/N?” Josh whispered once again against her skin. Each syllable was like a kiss, soothing. He left a physical trace of his words along her jugular, smoothing the gravity of that question mark with the tip of his nose. There was a new kind of urgency in his voice. At last, as if really reading her mind, he finally moved inside her once again, rolling his hips slowly as if to say ‘I’m not going anywhere’, encouraging her. 

“Since the first matcha tea,” she sobbed and he tried to soothe her nerves with yet another slow and deep thrust. But it was no use, the dam that had been holding her pent up emotions broke. He pulled out and lied down beside her. She missed him instantly but had enough dignity not to beg. She expected him to get up and leave. Instead, he pulled her closer and patiently waited for her to calm down. Only then he spoke.

“Y/N, he left because he…he thought that I liked you a bit too much. And, uh, after I called you and you came to me that night, I realized he might have been right…”

Josh was crying, he was yelling, he even tried to beg eventually, as the warm spring breeze coming from the open window suddenly felt like a winter gale on his exposed skin. He kept repeating ‘what does it mean, what do you mean…’, only to be told that it was up to him to figure it out. ‘But I love you!’ Josh cried some more, and it was met with silence for the first time.  ‘I can no longer say it back,’ he broke that silence after a while, and Josh’s hopeful eyes veiled with even more tears. ‘I wanted to be the only one. I’m not an idiot, so I beg you to stop treating me like one. Goodbye, Josh.’ 

And once again, Josh’s words were met with silence. The only difference was that she wanted to scream it back. “I’m so sorry,” she said instead after a long minute. “I didn’t want to be the reason for his leaving.”

“Y/N…” he inched closer and buried his face in her still damp hair. “You weren’t. I was. Didn’t you hear me?” 

She did, but her self destructive mind chose to ignore it. His cryptic might-have-beens couldn’t penetrate the armor that she had spent long years building. Thankfully, he knew her well enough to realize his mistake. Enough of all this beating around the bush. 

“I love you,” he whispered in her ear and this time it made her skin tingle and her toes curl. 

His caressing hand traveled from her shoulder down the middle of her chest, where he could feel the fast rhythm of her wildly beating heart. Her eyes were closer and she lay unmoving, except for her hand that wrapped around his fingers, stopping them momentarily. “I’m sorry babe, I just had to say it,” he continued. “And since you…”

“I love you more than life.” Her own words startled her, as if something fell down with a crash. Without waiting for him to make another move, she pulled his hand down to her wet pussy and his middle finger slid inside with ease. 

It quickly made him hard again. She spread her legs, inviting him back in. He shifted just a bit, with his head still resting next to hers on the pillow. She turned towards him, threw her leg around him and he entered her again just as their mouths reconnected again in a hungry, sloppy kiss. 

It was slow this time, but no less intense, with their senses heightened by the recent revelations. They were making love. She kept her eyes open, watching how his own rolled up and he moaned loudly with his tongue still swirling around hers, their parted lips barely touching. She could feel a second orgasm building soon and her breathing quickened, turning her own moans into short, high pitched gasps, making him hiss when her fingernails dug deep into his skin. 

Suddenly, he shifted and straightened, sliding his knees under her legs and grabbing her hips possessively. “That’s it baby, one more, go on, let go,” he urged and started thrusting into her with a new force that made her thighs tremble. She looked up and her jaw slackened at the sight. Her sweet and radiant Josh looked almost demonic in the twilight. He was watching her too, with his jaw clenched and his brows furrowed and glistening with sweat. 

“Harder,” she cried out and he obeyed, hissing and baring his teeth as he tried to hold on a little longer. Then suddenly, she could feel it snap and her whole body tensed, making him groan as she squeezed him inside her. A few more deep strokes before she could feel him falter. “Fill me up,” she whispered and her eyes widened. He placed his hand between her breasts, bent his head down and let out a long, high pitched whine, his body jerking erratically as he spilled inside her. Then he collapsed on top of her, panting. 

Josh

She looked like an injured doe, you know? So lonely and abandoned behind that counter. The room was full of people of all sorts, but – as it often happens – nobody paid attention to the things that desperately needed all the attention in the world. So I stayed a while – even though I didn’t really have to – watching her face brighten up, growing more and more beautiful with every passing second. I knew she had it in her.

Someone ordered an irish coffee and she had to grab a bottle of whisky from the upper shelf. That’s when I saw the scars on her wrists, and the shadows behind her deep blue eyes suddenly made perfect sense. 

There are millions of people on this planet who are hurting and I’ve always believed that nothing happens without a reason. When I was younger, I wished I could have saved everyone, but that’s impossible. There’s only so much burden one can bear. But I believe that every wounded soul has their person somewhere. A sibling, a parent, a friend, a lover… Someone willing to share the load. Sometimes they don’t find each other in time, otherwise the world wouldn’t be full of tragedies and tears. Sometimes you don’t choose it. It just happens. And sometimes, you fuck up in the process. Colossally, even. I’m painfully aware of the fact that I did, too. But everything happens for a reason. 

I just had to go back…

I can't imagine how it is To be forbidden from loving (ah, ah) 'Cause when you walked into my life I could feel my life begin And then I learned the truth How everything good in life seems to lead back to you And every single time I run into your arms I feel like I exist for love Only for love (Aurora – Exist For Love)

@thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @writingcold @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep   @takenbythemadness   @edgingthedarkness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jazzyfigz @sanguinebats @josh-iamyour-mama @lyndz2names @wetkleenex-gvf @peaceloveunitygvf @cheersdannyx2 @fleetingjake @lizzys-sunflower @emojakekiszka @gvfmarge @Dayumclarizzel @lipstickitty @clownstarr @gretasfallingsky @musicislove3389 @i-love-gvf @psychedelectable

[katuschka]

This girl's pretty good!

[katuschka]

Absolutely.

Youtube's ok, but I want to listen to it while walking, with my phone locked.

If Greta Van Fleet would put any live music on Spotify I’d be in their top 10 listeners

[katuschka]

Hey! What? Me? 🥹😳

some of you are very nice to me and i just want to say thank you and i love u

[katuschka]

Jake: Oh, nice picture. I'm posting this one. It's gonna break the internet.

Josh: You wish...

JOSH WHAT

[katuschka]

Reblog if you’re 30 or older

This is an experiment to see if there really are as few of us as people think.You can also use this to freak out your followers who think you’re 25 or something. Yay!

[katuschka]

Oh? Ok...? Huh?

That really sums it up I guess. The cliffhanger's really cliffhanging here.

DIRTY DIANA - Chapter 4

Pairing: Jake x Diana; Jake x fem!OC

General Warnings: 18+ minors DNI / angst / fluff / smut (depictions of sex acts) / references to infidelity / anxiety / sadness / harassment / strong language at times / substance use at times

Summary: Jake finds himself caught in a dangerous game with Diana, a seductive and relentless woman who targets high-profile musicians.

📱Unknown: You think he’s changed, but you have no idea. You’ll never be able to trust him. He’s mine. Always was, always will be.

Diana had found her.

The fragile peace they had worked so hard to build had just shattered into pieces.

Jake’s blood ran cold as he read the message over Liv’s shoulder. Diana’s words slithered off the screen, a reminder of the mess he had thought he’d left behind. He glanced at Liv, her expression a storm of anger and hurt.

“Liv… I swear, I didn’t tell her anything about you. I didn’t give her any way to reach you.” His voice was shaky, but he forced himself to stay calm. He could feel Liv’s eyes on him, scrutinizing, doubting. This was exactly what he had feared.

Liv took a deep breath, setting her phone down on the coffee table. “I just don’t understand, Jake. Why can’t she leave us alone? What does she even want?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the weight of all the damage Diana had already done pressing down on him. “I don’t know. Maybe… maybe she can’t stand that I actually chose to be with you, that I walked away from her. Or maybe she’s just obsessed. She’s always wanted the attention.” His voice hardened. “She never cared about me. It was always about the thrill.”

Liv crossed her arms, hurt flickering in her eyes. “But she was able to get close to you before. She was able to dig her claws in and get what she wanted. And now she’s targeting me to get to you.” She shook her head, looking away. “It’s like she’s proving she still has power over us, over our relationship.”

Jake reached for her hand, but she pulled back, folding her arms defensively. His heart dropped. “I get that it’s hard to believe me right now, Liv, but I don’t want her in my life. I don’t want anything to do with her.”

Liv turned to him, eyes flashing. “Then why didn’t you tell me right away when she called? You hid it, even if it was only for a few hours. How am I supposed to trust you?”

Jake felt his defenses crumble. She was right. He had hesitated, out of fear, and in doing so he had fed into Diana’s power. He hadn’t been honest when it mattered, and now he was watching the fallout unravel in real time.

“You’re right,” he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. “I shouldn’t have kept that call from you, even for a second. I was wrong. I was just… I was terrified that you’d think I hadn’t really changed, that you’d think I would let her back in.”

Liv was silent, her eyes fixed on the ground. Jake could feel the distance between them, a chasm he was afraid he might not be able to cross this time.

Finally, she spoke, her voice soft but filled with exhaustion. “Jake, I thought we were finally moving forward. But now, this…” She gestured toward her phone, the message from Diana still glaring up at them. “It’s like a nightmare that keeps coming back. And I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

“Please, Liv, don’t let her win,” Jake said desperately, taking her hand despite her reluctance. “That’s what she wants—to make you doubt me, to drive a wedge between us. I’m not going to let her mess this up for us. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you.”

Liv looked at him, her face softened but guarded. “I don’t know if it’s that easy, Jake. Diana clearly has a hold on you—or thinks she does. She’s already gotten to me, and I hate that she’s living in my head. I don’t want to let her win, but I can’t keep living in fear of her, either.”

Jake felt the weight of her words settle over him like a heavy fog. He realized that this was bigger than just his own mistakes now; Diana’s toxic influence had spread into Liv’s life, making her question everything they had rebuilt. He took a deep breath, steeling himself.

“Then let’s end it, once and for all,” he said, his voice firm. “I’ll confront her, make it clear that she’s never going to get what she wants from me. I’ll do it in person if I have to.”

Liv’s eyes widened. “You think that’s a good idea?”

Jake nodded, the determination solidifying in his chest. “I need to make it clear, for both of us. I won’t let her ruin this, Liv. You deserve to feel safe and secure, and if that means facing Diana head-on, then I’ll do it.”

She hesitated, clearly torn. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to confront her for me, Jake. I just want her out of our lives.”

“And she will be,” he promised. “I’ll make sure of it.”

The next day, Jake sent a single message to Diana.

📱Jake:We need to talk. Meet me at the sculpture park. No games.

He knew she’d take the bait. Diana thrived on drama, on the thrill of confrontation. He just needed to set clear boundaries, to show her that he was done with the toxic web she had spun around him.

They met in a quiet corner of a park on the outskirts of the city, a place where no one would bother them. Diana was waiting for him when he arrived, her expression one of triumph, as if she’d already won.

“Well, look who came running back,” she said, smirking as she twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “I knew you couldn’t resist.”

Jake’s stomach twisted, but he kept his voice steady. “This isn’t what you think, Diana. I’m here to tell you to back off. You’ve done enough damage.”

She raised an eyebrow, feigning surprise. “Oh, damage? You mean reminding you of all the fun we used to have?”

He clenched his fists, keeping his voice calm but firm. “Whatever we had is over. It never meant anything to me, and I’ve moved on. Liv and I are happy together, and nothing you say or do is going to change that.”

Diana’s smile faded, replaced by a dangerous glint in her eyes. “Oh, really? Then why are you here, Jake? You could have just blocked me and ignored me, but instead, you came running the moment I called. Sounds like you’re still pretty invested.”

“I’m here because I won’t let you control us anymore,” he replied, his voice laced with steel. “Your games, your manipulation—it ends now.”

Diana laughed, a harsh, bitter sound. “You think you can just walk away? After everything I did for you? After all the nights we spent together?”

“We didn’t spend those nights together,” he shot back, anger finally bubbling to the surface. “I was lost, and you took advantage of it. But I’m not that person anymore. I have someone who actually cares about me, someone I care about, and I won’t let you poison that.”

Diana’s face twisted in fury, and for a moment, Jake thought she might actually strike him. But instead, she stepped closer, her voice low and venomous.

“You’re making a mistake, Jake. You think she’s going to forgive you once she realizes who you really are? She’s going to leave you, just like everyone else.”

Jake met her gaze, unwavering. “You’re wrong, Diana. Liv knows everything about me, the good and the bad. And she’s still here. That’s something you’ll never understand, because you’re too busy playing games.”

For a moment, Diana looked almost hurt, a flicker of vulnerability crossing her face. But it vanished as quickly as it had come, replaced by the hardened mask she always wore.

“Fine,” she sneered, turning away. “But don’t come crawling back to me when she realizes what a loser you are.”

Jake watched her go, a strange sense of relief washing over him. He knew this wasn’t a guaranteed end to her interference, but he had finally drawn a line. He had faced her down, refused to be pulled into her web, and chosen Liv over everything else.

That night, he returned home to Liv, his heart lighter than it had been in weeks. She was sitting on the couch, waiting for him, and as he walked in, she stood, her face a mixture of anxiety and hope.

“Well?” she asked softly.

“It’s over,” he said, moving to stand in front of her. “I told her to stay away. I made it clear that nothing she says or does will change how I feel about you.”

Liv searched his face, and then, after a moment, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. He held her close, feeling the weight of everything that had come between them begin to lift.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For choosing me.”

“I’ll always choose you,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion. “No one will come between us again.”

As Liv's arms wrapped around him, Jake felt a surge of relief and desire course through his veins. The weight of the past weeks' tension began to lift, and he knew this was his chance to show her how much she meant to him. Slowly, he slid his hand up her back, cupping the back of her neck as he pulled her closer, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss.

Liv moaned softly into the kiss, her tongue seeking out his in a dance as old as time. Her hands trailed down his chest, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Jake broke the kiss only long enough to tear his shirt over his head, letting it drop to the floor. Liv mirrored his movements, sending her tank top flying across the room. Her nipples hardened under the cool air and his heated gaze.

Gently but insistently, Jake guided her to sit on the couch. His hands roamed her body, exploring every curve and contour as if it were the first time. Her skin was like silk underneath his calloused fingers, and it sent shivers down his spine. Liv arched into his touch, one hand squeezing one breast and her other hand gripping the couch cushion.

Sitting up slightly, Jake hooked his fingers in the waistband of her shorts and yanked them down, revealing matching panties that left little to the imagination. With a devilish grin, he leaned in and teased her through the material, sending waves of pleasure rushing through her. Liv squirmed beneath him, a soft moan escaping her lips as his tongue traced delicate patterns over her skin. Her hands gripped the back of his head, urging him on as he continued his sweet assault.

Jake's fingers grazed the sensitive skin of Liv's inner thigh, and she shivered, her breath hitched in her throat. He slowly eased her panties aside, revealing the hot core of her desire. His fingers probed her opening, slowly entering her wet heat. Liv gasped, arching into his touch as he explored her depths.

His lips trailed kisses down the valley between her breasts, down her stomach, across her abdomen. She quivered beneath him, desperate for him to continue his journey and claim what was rightfully his. He reached the edge of her panties and pulled them down with a gentle pull, exposing her wettest desire.

With a moan, he claimed her, his tongue darting out to taste her sweetness. Liv shuddered beneath him, her hands gripping the back of his head as she urged him on. He licked and sucked at her core, exploring every inch of her.

Liv's moans grew louder, and Jake knew that she was close to climaxing. He increased his pace, his tongue flicking against her clit with skilled precision. Her hips bucked against his mouth, and he felt her muscles tense in anticipation.

"Jake, I'm going to -" she cried out, her voice barely audible over the sounds of their passion.

"Yes," he murmured against her skin, "let go for me, baby"

Liv's body trembled with pleasure as she reached her climax, leaving her gasping for air. Jake continued to worship her body, savoring every moment of her release. When she was spent, he tenderly lifted her and settled her on his lap, facing away from him with her back against his chest. He trailed kisses up her shoulder and neck, leaving a trail of heat behind.

"You belong to me," he murmured, his voice thick with desire.

Liv gazed at him with a mixture of love and lust in her eyes. "I do," she whispered, wrapping her arm around the back of his head. Their eyes locked as Jake used his hand to glide his hard length between her slick folds. "Yes, I do," Liv whispered again, her voice barely audible above the sound of their heavy breathing.

Jake's eyes flicked to hers, his gaze intense and filled with need. He positioned the head of his thick member at her entrance, teasing her with its presence. "You want this, don't you?" he growled, his voice thick with emotion.

Liv nodded, her eyes wide with desire. "Yes," she whimpered, her voice pleading for him to take her.

Jake couldn't resist the plea in her voice any longer. With one swift movement, he thrust himself deep inside her, filling her completely. Liv gasped and moaned at the sensation, her body trembling as she adjusted to his size.

"Oh god, yes," she cried out, her voice echoing in the room. Jake's hands gripped her waist tightly, pulling her closer with each thrust. Their bodies moved in perfect sync, their passion fueled by their love for each other.

Their foreheads touching and eyes locked as they continued, the intensity growing with each passing moment. Jake's breath came in short gasps, his muscles tense as he held Liv close. She was everything to him, and he was willing to give her everything in return.

Their bodies moved together in perfect harmony, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through them both. Liz's hips met his with a matching rhythm, their bodies slapping together with a wet sound that only fueled their desire.

Jake groaned with each thrust, his gaze locked onto Liz's face as he felt the pressure build inside of him. Liv's eyes were wide with passion, her face flushed with desire. She leaned back onto him, her hand gripping the back of his head as she rode him harder.

"I'm close," Jake panted, his voice rough with need. "I'm going to-"

"Yes," Liv moaned, her voice barely audible above the sounds of their passion. "Do it."

Jake's heart pounded in his chest as he felt the orgasm building within him. He thrust deeper into Liv, feeling the warmth of her body enveloping him. Their bodies moved together in perfect sync, each movement bringing them closer to the edge.

Liv's eyes locked onto Jake's, her gaze intense and filled with love. "I love you," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the sounds of their passion.

Jake's heart swelled with love for her, and his orgasm surged through him. "I love you too," he groaned, thrusting deeply into her one final time before releasing himself within her.

The room was filled with the sounds of their passion as their bodies trembled with the aftershocks of their climax. Jake held Liv close, his heart pounding in rhythm with her own. He kissed her neck, savoring the taste of their lovemaking on her skin.

The next few days were peaceful, almost like a calm after the storm. Jake and Liv shared quiet mornings and comforting nights, the weight of Diana’s interference beginning to fade. Jake felt a renewed hope that they’d put the worst behind them. But in the back of his mind, a sliver of doubt lingered, a fear that Diana wouldn’t let go so easily. He pushed it down, choosing instead to focus on Liv and the life they were rebuilding together.

But one evening, just as they were settling into the couch for a movie, a sharp knock sounded at the door. Liv’s face tensed immediately, the colour draining as she glanced at Jake.

He looked back at her, heart sinking. They weren’t expecting anyone, and the hour was late.

“Stay here,” he said softly, standing up and moving toward the door, his stomach knotting tighter with each step. He reached the door, hesitated for a second, then opened it.

There she stood, a glint in her eyes and a twisted smile on her face.

“Diana,” he murmured, his voice low with a mix of dread and frustration.

She leaned casually against the doorframe, her eyes flicking from Jake’s face to the interior beyond.

“What’s wrong, Jake? Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

He took a step back, blocking her view of the living room where Liv was anxiously watching, her face pale. “What are you doing here, Diana?” he demanded, his voice edged with anger. “We’ve said everything that needed to be said. I told you, it’s over.”

“Oh, come on, Jake,” she said, pouting as if he’d just hurt her feelings. “Is that any way to talk to someone who knows you so well? I just wanted to see you. You know, see for myself if you really believe you’re happy with her.”

He clenched his jaw, forcing himself to keep his voice steady. “I am happy, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. You’re not welcome here, Diana. Go home.”

She tilted her head, her gaze sharp and calculating. “You always were so dramatic. I just wanted to talk, Jake. That’s all.” Her eyes darkened as she dropped her voice to a whisper. “Or are you afraid of what Liv might hear?”

The implication stung. Diana knew how much damage her presence alone could cause, and she was using it to her advantage. He gritted his teeth, every nerve on edge. “This isn’t about fear, Diana. This is about you refusing to respect boundaries. You’re not part of my life anymore, and you need to accept that.”

She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. “You know, I didn’t expect you to turn into a coward, Jake. Hiding behind your little girlfriend, acting all ‘honorable.’ But I get it. You’ve made your choice—no use pretending you’re someone you’re not, right?”

At that moment, Liv appeared beside him, her eyes blazing. Jake’s heart sank, but he knew he couldn’t keep her out of this. She squared her shoulders, looking Diana straight in the eye.

“Jake has made his choice,” Liv said firmly, her voice unwavering. “And he chose to leave you behind. You don’t get to show up here and act like you own him. He’s not yours.”

Diana’s eyes widened, surprised but amused. “Well, well. Looks like the little girlfriend has a backbone after all.” She laughed, shaking her head. “But, sweetie, I think you’re in over your head. You have no idea what Jake and I shared.”

“Whatever it was, it’s over,” Liv shot back, her voice tight with suppressed anger. “He’s with me now, and I’m not letting you mess that up.”

Diana’s smirk faded, her gaze turning cold. “Oh, really? Are you sure about that? Because from where I’m standing, you look terrified. Deep down, you know I’m right, don’t you? That he’ll always have a part of himself he can’t give you.”

Jake’s heart twisted at the cruelty in Diana’s words, and he took a step forward, his hands shaking. “That’s enough, Diana. I told you to stay away, and I meant it.”

Diana’s gaze softened for a split second, and for a fleeting moment, Jake thought he saw a hint of sadness. But it vanished as quickly as it appeared, replaced by a look of pure malice. She looked at Liv, her lips curling into a cruel smile.

“You know, you’ll always wonder, won’t you?” Diana’s voice was a mocking whisper. “Every time he’s late, every time he’s quiet, you’ll think of me. And you’ll wonder if he’s thinking of me too.”

Jake felt his patience snap. “Get out, Diana. Now.”

She laughed, a hollow, chilling sound, and turned on her heel, throwing one last look over her shoulder. “Fine. I’ll go. But you can’t get rid of me that easily, Jake. You can play house all you want, but you and I both know that I’ll always be there.”

With that, she walked away, her laughter echoing as she disappeared. Jake closed the door, the silence afterward feeling like a heavy weight pressing down on him.

Liv was staring at him, her face a mixture of anger, betrayal, and pain. “Jake… is any of what she said true?”

He shook his head, taking her hands in his. “Liv, no. She’s just trying to get in your head, trying to ruin us. Don’t let her words mean anything.”

But she pulled her hands away, her voice trembling. “Then why do I feel like they do? Why does she have this hold on you that I can’t break?”

“Because she preys on that,” Jake whispered, his own voice cracking. “Liv, I love you. You’re the one I chose, the one I want to build my life with. Don’t let her get between us.”

Liv shook her head, wiping away a tear. “But she’s right about one thing, Jake. I am scared. I’m terrified that no matter how much I love you, no matter how much I try, she’ll always be a shadow hanging over us.”

Jake’s heart ached as he watched her struggle with her emotions, feeling the weight of everything that Diana had done crashing down on them. He wanted to make it all disappear, to take away the pain and fear in Liv’s eyes. But he knew that words alone weren’t enough. Diana had left a scar, a lasting mark that wouldn’t fade so easily.

He reached out, gently placing a hand on her cheek. “Liv, I’m not going to let her win. Whatever it takes, I’ll prove to you that you’re the only one who matters. She can’t control us, not if we don’t let her.”

Liv’s eyes met his, a glimmer of hope mingled with doubt. “I want to believe that, Jake. I really do.”

“Then believe it,” he whispered, his voice filled with raw honesty. “I’m not perfect, and I know I’ve made mistakes. But I’m fighting for us, for you, because I don’t want to lose you. Please, Liv. Don’t let her take this from us.”

She nodded slowly, her hand covering his as she leaned into his touch. “Just promise me one thing, Jake.”

“Anything.”

“Promise me that you’ll never let her back into our lives, no matter what she tries,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “I can’t go through this again. I can’t keep wondering if she’ll come back.”

He held her close, his heart breaking at the fear in her words. “I promise, Liv. I’ll keep her out, no matter what.”

They stood there in each other’s arms, holding on as if their lives depended on it. Jake knew that Diana’s presence was a dark cloud that might linger for a while, but he was determined to fight for Liv, to prove to her that their love was stronger than any shadow from his past.

In that moment, he resolved that he’d do whatever it took to protect what they had, to ensure that no one—especially not Diana—would come between them again.

The following morning, Jake proposed an idea he’d been mulling over since their tense encounter with Diana. He and Liv needed a reset, some quality time to unwind, away from all reminders of the chaos. They’d talked about heading up to the lake house with his brothers and bandmates, Josh, Sam, and Danny, for a short getaway before their next tour leg, but now he was thinking they could go up a little early, or maybe stay on afterward for some alone time. Liv seemed hesitant at first, but he could see the tiredness in her eyes. They both needed the break.

“C’mon, Liv,” he said, smiling as he took her hand. “It’ll be a good change of scenery for both of us. We’ll be out in the fresh air, no city noise, no distractions, just a bunch of friends hanging out. And after they all leave, we can stay a little longer. Just us.”

After a moment, she nodded, a small smile breaking through. “That actually sounds perfect. We could both use a break.”

A few days later, they arrived at the lake house, a cozy wooden retreat tucked into the trees and overlooking the water. Josh, Sam, and Danny had brought their partners, and soon enough, the house was filled with laughter, music, and the scent of barbecue from the grill on the back deck. Liv seemed lighter, her usual smile back as she chatted with the others, finally able to relax.

During the day, they spent hours outside, hiking nearby trails, fishing off the dock, or taking canoes out onto the lake. In the evenings, they gathered around a campfire, swapping stories, drinking under the stars, and playing acoustic renditions of the band’s favourite songs. Jake watched Liv laugh and sing along, relief flooding him. The trip was exactly what they’d needed.

But then, on the third night, just as they were finishing up a late dinner, Josh’s phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. He picked it up, reading the message, and his eyebrows shot up. “Oh, you guys aren’t going to believe this,” he said, chuckling in disbelief.

.

.

.

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@edgingthedarkness @writingcold @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @katuschka @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep @vanfleeter @shes4twnksinatrnchct @musicislove3389

[katuschka]

Pierrot Sleeps

Josh Kiszka x f!OC/reader

/friends to lovers/

8.036 words

I dedicate this one to everyone who needs some healing...

Pierrot sleeps, silently He’s dreaming next to me Painted black tear, on his soft face And the sweetest lips; they never speak to me My Pierrot sleeps (Barbora Mochowa – Pierrot)

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings (are spoilers): heartbreak, unrequitted love, pining for a friend, breakup, friends to lovers, slow burn, sweet Josh, kissing, fluff, smut: petting, oral sex, vag. sex, a few allusions to a suicise of a minor character (in the past), briefly mentioned attempted suicide (retrospective), depressive thoughts, expressive language, bad weather

You can also view my Masterlist, join the Taglist or listen to Pierrot Sleeps Playlist 🎶

At least it stopped raining… eventually.

Josh had expected there would be morning fog, so the fact that the world around them was shrouded in a thick blanket of clouds did not surprise him. Not only was it just as the forecast predicted, but he had been even looking forward to it. Foggy woods looked dreamy at this time of year. They’d have the best time, surely, and he could take a lot of pictures... 

He however did not expect to be woken up by heavy rain drumming on the roof above them, and – on top of that – a whole half an hour before the alarm clock was supposed to rouse them. Too early to be happy about being awake, and too little time left to go back to sleep. Had it been the fall morning sun shining right into his face, he wouldn’t say a word. But rainfall? That didn’t go according to the plan. 

He had been warned though, and despite his own nature, he chose to believe the technology instead. 

The initial rhythmic patter only grew in intensity and it soon sounded as if the cabin was built right under a waterfall. That, together with the obtrusive light coming from the screen of his phone, finally woke her too. She didn’t make herself known at first. She listened silently for several seconds to the downpour growing stronger and waiting for his reaction with malicious glee. She was rewarded pretty soon, and his loud, annoyed grunt made her chuckle. 

“Told you…,” she mumbled from under the cozy blanket sleepily, suddenly hopeful that they’d just stay inside, sipping sahlep in front of the fireplace. She would eat almond truffles and he could have his dried apple chips, or whatever. Maybe they could even try to play a game of chess. Josh had been telling her that he didn’t have the right brain for that, but she was adamant; and determined to teach him. His annoyed face, illuminated by the light blue light, however told that it probably wasn’t the best day for that. Again. 

They had been both really looking forward to the trip, so she wasn’t even sure why she suddenly felt almost glad that their hiking plans might be ruined. The prospect of getting wet and numb with cold didn’t appeal to her at all, but it usually didn’t stop her. And when it did (When the heavens literally opened just like that morning), she’d be pretty pissed off for being forced to stay inside. Not this time though. Not when she was enveloped with the warmth and the scent of him. And that was something she had been looking forward to even more.

They shared the bed, just like many times before, just like friends often do. The cabin had two separate bedrooms, but it didn’t even occur to them to part their ways for the night. Not when the whole point of this trip was not to be alone. That would be silly. 

And just like many mornings before, she closed her eyes again in a pretense of having fallen back to sleep just to revel in the morning smell of his body close to her for a little bit longer. But he wouldn’t be fooled by her closed eyes; being already quite familiar with her breathing patterns. 

“Yeah, you did, weather girl, but let’s not get discouraged, yeah? The…the app says it’ll be over in an hour. So, we’re still on schedule. AND it also says there might be some sunlight by midday, and so does the radar… Hey, hey, wake up! Tea?” 

“Coffee!” she huffed in exasperation. After all that time, he still kept trying. Coffee’s bad for you, blah blah blah… And maybe he was right. Just look at him! Fit and bubbly, filled with sunshine and energy right from the moment his eyes opened to greet the new day. Even when he was hurting, he always mustered enough energy to fill every room with light and love. As long as there were other people willing to share the moment with him, he was ok. Meanwhile, she felt like Gollum, torn between love and hate for the things that kept her (barely) functioning. Not just coffee… him, too. Her precious. She kept pursuing him, seeking his presence, while hoping that one day, she would be free, while not really wanting to. It was always the worst on mornings like this one, when she almost had him in her grasp, and then he always slipped out, because he was never hers. 

She watched him fumbling for his clothes in semi darkness, pondering. Sleeping just in his briefs right next to her never seemed to faze him, and the thought always made her heart sink. Maybe he didn’t like the way she looked, so he never considered those moments to be overly intimate. That’s fine. But didn’t it ever occur to him how much she loved his body? Probably not. They were such good friends, after all. Right? Truth be told, she really tried her best to hide the truth from him. There were so many things to say, but she never did. 

‘Come back to bed.’ What a simple request; one that people often say in situations like this one. ‘Come back to bed and just be with me. The world can wait…’ Yet she couldn't. She had no privilege to ask that. 

Such good friends. That’s what everyone kept saying: ‘You two are such good friends.’ Everyone except Jake; that nosy, observant asshole. He mentioned his suspicion just once, and then abandoned the topic forever after she made it VERY clear that she didn’t want to discuss it and threatened to cut his balls off if he ever mentioned that to Josh.

They had been so close from the very start – she and Josh – despite the fact that they were from two seemingly different worlds. Or maybe because of that, because he seemed to deliberately seek the company of the people who didn’t care what he was. He didn’t have to pretend anything in front of her; she just let him be himself, even when it was not always nice or flattering. She loved all of him. 

Yeah, she did. She loved him. And she knew she would from the moment she first saw him, when he ran into the coffee shop she worked in to hide from the rain... 

The bell chimed, and she looked up, together with several other people, all of them surprised by the sudden commotion that disrupted the serenity of that lazy afternoon. He literally fell through the door, giggling awkwardly before he looked around, beaming and taking everything in, like a child in a toy store.  

Are you familiar with those cheeky and extremely cliche movie scenes when the hero sees the object of their desire for the very first time and everything suddenly turns to slow motion? So melodramatic and stupid, very stupid indeed; so stupid they use it mostly in parodies these days. And yet, it’s also exactly what happened to her when her eyes first fell on the dampened halo of his messy curls. What a tiny, beautiful, ethereal man. He looked like an angel on vacation, dressed in pale jeans and a simple white long-sleeved shirt. Quite ordinary. It was the long string of beads around his neck, almost like a rosary, that made him look out of this world. But nothing could prepare her for the feeling that swept through her and he finally looked at her. 

When she was very little, maybe two or three, she had a very strange dream once. The sun fell from the sky, landed on their street right next to their house and she watched, quite mesmerized, how it rolled behind their windows like a huge fiery balloon. She was too small to know that the sun was literally just a ball of fire, and yet that’s exactly how it appeared to her in the dream, except “her” sun didn’t have more than two meters in diameter and it didn’t scorch anything. That strange and bizarre dream left such an imprint on her young and expanding mind that it eventually became one of her core memories. Then, as years went by and adulthood hit her with brutal force, she almost forgot about it. 

Until he appeared. 

He introduced himself as Josh without even being asked, ordered matcha tea and then he took a barstool by the counter right opposite to her, because she was the only person in the whole room willing to talk to him; everyone else was staring at their phones or laptops and just minding their own business. 

And it was SO easy talking to him, despite the fact that she was completely and utterly smitten with him, which usually tied her tongue in similar situations. Not with Josh. They talked for only half an hour about nothing important, but it was enough for him to unknowingly etch himself in her brain and gut. 

Then he finally picked Josh up, just when the rain stopped, and they left together, seemingly forever. 

Her mind was still full with the images of him when she went to bed that day, and he even materialized again as a drunken memory in her dreams. Her conviction that she wasn’t destined to have people like him in her life made the apparition both sweet and distant, but destiny never prevented anyone from having dreams about it, right? His existence seemed almost unreal the morning after. He became a vision – and an illusion – of a better world where people were actually nice to one another. Like a character from a favorite comfort book: someone who never really existed, but it was still nice to imagine.

Then, five days later, Josh came back. 

He stayed for three long hours, as if he had no responsibilities in this world except for filling it with his contagious laughter. He ordered a whole pot of oolong and charmingly voiced his desire to pester her for the rest of the afternoon. When she asked why, his answer was simply ‘why not.’ That’s what the places like the one she worked in were for, and she shouldn’t get excluded, he said.

So they talked again, pausing only when other people came to take their order. They talked about poetry and cartoons and favorite sweets (she loved almond truffles!). She told him about her early childhood and a grandmother who could bake heavenly pastries, and he shared funny stories about his brothers and praised the wit and beauty of his sister. 

There were times when such stories would make her feel miserable, but his own tales filled her with hopefulness. He exuded so much love and light no doubt because those people he talked about had always been there for him. If only she hadn’t failed to be there for her sister when she needed her the most. People kept telling her that it wasn’t her fault, but their words fell flat. Convinced that she should have known, she almost followed the same footsteps. They just found her in time…

Back then she told him that she was an only child. 

The next time, Josh came back with a small bag full of almond truffles, which he traded for her number. And so they slowly became regular friends, with their lives gradually intertwining even outside of that coffee shop. 

Days went by, then weeks. Slowly, she learned all about his passions and dreams, and nothing about his job. Then one day, just before Christmas, a group of people asked for a picture and he had to come clear afterwards. Nothing shocking in Nashville, It just made her admire him even more, and he couldn’t get mad when she finally told him her truth. Months passed by and finally there were no more secrets, even though her initial childish idea that he must have fallen from the sky was crushed. 

At least she wasn’t surprised when he disappeared for months. 

He often said ‘I love you’ and sometimes she imagined how it would feel if one day he’d mean it in a way that would make her skin tingle and cheeks burn. But that was not to be. The meaning was reserved for someone else, because he belonged to someone else. Plain and simple. They were so in love. Even through the veil of her jealousy, she could see the pure miracle of it. Everything Josh did seemed miraculous. It kept breaking her heart in the most peculiar and strangely addictive way. 

He was always there for her as a dear friend, but never as someone who could keep her warm at night. He was unavailable. 

Until he wasn’t. And yet…

He called her around two am that night, crying so hard he couldn’t even talk coherently. She wasted no time; having thrown just a long cardigan over her pajamas, she ran out the door, jumped in the car and headed straight to their… to his house. 

They snuggled together in his bed, and she kept holding him tight until he finally relaxed and fell asleep. And when she woke up a few hours later, feeling his limbs wrapped around her body and his hot breath on the exposed skin of her shoulder, she looked up at the ceiling and her heart broke in a thousand little pieces once again. So this was how it felt… and she was destined to experience it only when they both felt like that, only not for each other… His touches during waking hours kept whispering ‘I’m glad’, but never ‘I yearn’. 

He mewled suddenly, no doubt tormented by some disturbing dream, and grip around her only tightened. She turned to her side and hugged him back, watching his peaceful, doll-like face and listening to his light snores that made his parted lips quiver ever so slightly.  

“Why didn’t you call one of your brothers?” she asked once he finally opened his eyes and, seeing her face right in front of his, greeted her with his sweet smile, even though it was short lived. 

“You don’t judge me…,” he mumbled after a while.

“Your brothers don’t judge you either, silly! I know that, and so do you.”

“Yeah, but…I guess I needed a hug, and not just having my shoulder squeezed. Besides, they…they have their own people and, uh… other creatures to take care of...”

Ouch…

The truth is, he had tried to set her up with other people in the past, oblivious to the fact that the only one she wanted was him. So she kept lying to him, making up reasons why the dates and hook-ups never did work out. Even when she ended up in bed with them – and some of them were really good – it never made her want to see them more than just a couple times. 

She had been like that even before she met him, to be honest. Men and women had come and gone, and her heart had remained closed, save for a few youthful infatuations. Her resolve not to commit to anyone only strengthened after what happened to Shania. Then one day, Josh appeared with a golden key, forced it in the lock and occupied the tiny space ever since, unaware of what he really did. 

And the reason why she always tried to hide it the best way she (physically) could was because she was too grateful for what she already had in him. Such good friends… The risk of ruining it all was too great and too foolish. Because, by being there for her as a friend, he had already helped her more than she could possibly imagine. He had danced into the darkness of her dreary life and brought sunshine into it. She had a wonderful friend in him. The fact that she loved him romantically was just a minor snag. Maybe, just maybe, if she had known him sooner, she wouldn’t have to keep hiding the scarry reminder of forecast days on her wrists. But for everything there is a season…

… and fall is perfect for hiking. 

So was the summer after he left, and so they – Josh and her – took advantage of every opportunity to spend it together in nature… or at least in his garden. Because, in spite of all the bad things happening, one could always rely on nature to be beautiful and welcoming, at least for now. 

Josh’s busy schedule and constant traveling blessed him with the mercy of having his mind occupied, so that he wouldn’t have to think about the breakup so much, but everytime he got home – even when it was just for a few days – he kept seeking her company as well as her hugs, because his house suddenly seemed too big and silent and scary, and his brothers naturally wanted to spend the valuable time with their own significant others. 

After that first, painful night, falling asleep in each other’s embrace became at first a frequent occurrence, and later almost a habit. Their movie nights, Sunday outdoor trips or late night garden picnics often ended that way. Lying on a blanket under a cloudless sky and pretending they could actually see any stars, they cuddled more often than not as the temperature dropped. He cried a few more times in early June, but after a while it just became a pleasant habit. Josh was never the person to shy away from physical contact, so it felt completely natural to him. It was always innocent, too, with their hands never wandering to any inappropriate places. A few times she could feel his lips brush against her locks – feather-like kisses that never touched the skin – but that was it. It always left her hungry for more, and the hunger kept growing… 

The smell of coffee and vanilla coming from the kitchen put an end to her reminiscing, as it made her stomach rumble and pulled her mind back into the physical reality of the cabin. She finally managed to drag her lazy body out of bed and, after a short stop in the bathroom, followed the smell and the sound and the light, like a curious cat. 

Josh was not a fruit loop guy and she was not allowed to eat that shit either, at least not under his watch. In consequence, their days spent together also meant that she was eating properly for a while. 

She found him standing by the stove, making oatmeal with raisins and swaying to some unknown tune he was humming. She caught just a few words, something about bed and needing to touch again, and immediately wanted to go back, because damn! He was reading her mind. 

Her footsteps made him stop and turn around, greeting her with his radiant smile. Snap. Another beautiful picture for the photo album of her mind. Having been blessed with an excellent memory, she often used it as an internal polaroid, taking snapshots of the beauty of the world to browse through when old. She, however, cheated with her stills of Josh, replaying them in her mind every time she was alone in her own bed. 

“Finally! I thought I’d have to drag… you’re doing it again!”

“Doing what?” She couldn’t help but to reciprocate the toothy smile. 

“You know what!” He threatened to pat her head playfully with the stirring spoon, making her duck down so as not to have chunks of hot oatmeal in her hair. “Save some space in that fancy brain of yours for the wonders of nature. Today’s gonna be EPIC!” He swung the spoon epicly towards the milky blue nothingness outside the window. 

“It’s still raining, Josh.”

“Mmmm, not for long, I’m tellin’ya. Now grab that mug before that bitter shit gets cold.” He nearly overturned the cup of coffee with the large spoon and she snatched it out of his reach just in time to save the valuable fragrant liquid. He turned back to the stove, chuckling. “Gonna serve this heavenly manna in a sec, so take a seat, mademoiselle,” he added playfully in a low voice. “Cinnamon?” 

“Yeah, why not. Just a pinch.”

“As you wisssssssh… Here comes the sun, little daaaarling, here comes the su-un, and Iiiiii saaay…”

Moments like these often made her mind and body dissociate. The body was drawn to him, yearning to hug him from behind and bite at his exposed earlobe, while the mind knew her place was at the table, where she was told to patiently wait for the breakfast to be served, while admiring his beauty from a respectable distance. The mind always won. Their new-found closeness, however exciting and really borderline intimate sometimes, had its boundaries. 

He was right. The rain stopped eventually, so they packed their bags with all the necessities they might need for the whole day outside, and together they entered the misty world of barren bony branches, orange leaves and hidden horizons. It was already almost 8 am when they left the warm confines of their rented cabin, but the landscape remained shrouded in early November murkiness. They walked for at least an hour without speaking, the ubiquitous mist still unwilling to dissipate. 

“It’s almost like a completely different planet, isn’t in,” she finally broke the silence. 

“M-hm,” was the only response she got. She honestly often preferred it that way, being able to get lost in her own thoughts and daydreams, but that very rarely happened when Josh kept her company. His need to share everything that was on his mind – which was usually a LOT – could often be quite overwhelming. It also never failed to entertain everyone around him, because the vastness of his mind could compete with the plains on Mars, and it was just as untamed.

The fact that he was suddenly so unusually taciturn made her a bit uneasy. Something was wrong. She already noticed it the night before, and thought it was only understandable, given the recent events. She was devastated as well, thinking about Shania again, and how it would break her heart if she hadn’t chosen to make it stop beating willingly. 

But then they talked quite openly about that and he returned back to his normal, radiant self as soon as they climbed in their shared bed. Now she had that nagging feeling once again… as if he was hiding something from her. Something was different. 

“Are you still sad?” she asked tentatively. 

“About what?” His tone was wary, making her uncertain whether she should even continue or just let it be. Alas, her nosy nature prevailed.

“The breakup.”

It took him a few seconds to respond, clearing his throat and kicking a few pebbles first. She’d swear she could sense a brand new kind of tension in the air, but she couldn’t really  put her finger on it. It was almost just a split second.

“No, not anymore. Sometimes at night, when the house is quiet, I feel a sense of melancholy, you know? I guess I’m just not used to being alone. But I welcome the feeling, really. I think I wrote my best lyrics feeling just like that. And…” And he kept on talking. On and on and on.  She asked a simple question and he could have provided a simple answer, but after three minutes of babbling, just when his mind somehow wandered to Sam’s ravioli, she suddenly stopped in her tracks and started laughing. The bitch was back, as he himself would say, although that was not really it. He sensed her worry and just wanted to do anything he could to disperse it. 

“What?” He really tried to frown at her accusingly, but failed miserably, the corners of his mouth twitching. 

“It’s just… you could have just said ‘no’, but I admire the lengths you go to prove that you’re not.”

“Keep mocking my eloquence, love, and you’ll regret it, I tell ya!” Already a few steps ahead of her, he started walking backwards, pointing his finger at her menacingly. 

“Josh, be care…”

“FUUU…ouch!”

“...ful… Moron!”

 Of course he stumbled over an exposed tree root and fell right on his butt. Thankfully, he managed to land in the middle of a small heap of wet foliage instead of stones or worse – down the steep slope adjacent to the path they were on. She offered him her hand with an exasperated sigh and helped him get back on his feet, feigning anger – anything to hide how much that one word reverberated inside her ribcage. Love…   

“C’mon! Don’t be mad. My ass is damp and freezing now, so it’s fun, yeah?” Once back on his feet, he grabbed her shoulder for support in order to regain balance and smiled reassuringly to wipe that frown off her face. To no avail. No, it wasn’t exactly fun, and seeing his beautiful eyes so close only made it worse. She stared back into those dark beads before her gaze slid down to his lips that he licked just a moment ago, and the chilly mist filling her lungs suddenly felt like water, together with a totally unwelcome wave of arousal that swept through her body. She was genuinely mad all of the sudden, but only at herself. 

“You’re an idiot, Josh.” She let go and stormed up the path, forcing him to speed up to catch up with her. 

“Y/N, hang on… why are you so angry?”

“You were literally just a few feet from breaking your leg… or something else!” she spat in response and with her eyes set on the path ahead.

“No, I wasn’t. And nothing happened!” Josh raised his voice just a notch, his own anger growing. They were side to side again and he finally forced her to turn back to him. She tried to fight it, she really did, but in spite of her efforts to behave reasonably, she could feel her eyes prickle again, threatening to betray her. 

“It’s been almost five years since she jumped… in November…just…stop scaring me like that, ok?” Her voice quivered under the burden of her sudden deliberate machinations. What she said was true, but it wasn’t the real reason why she felt so upset at that very moment and she felt bad instantly for using it as an excuse. That was completely unfair to both of them. 

Josh’s features immediately softened and he pulled her in for a tight hug. “I know… sorry,” he whispered, and she melted into his touch, no longer caring how she “deserved” it. They remained like that for almost a minute before he commanded that it was time to move if they didn’t want to return back after dark. 

The rest of the morning was spent more or less in silence once again, interspersed with occasional casual chit chat. As the path grew steeper and more stony, pale patches of light cerulean blue began to show up through thinning low clouds, making them both hopeful. The air temperature grew gradually milder, too. “The inversion season’s finally here! Yay!” he exclaimed with childish enthusiasm – one of many things that kept people drawn to him like moths to a flame. It seemed just impossible not to love him. 

They reached the ridge – their final destination – just around midday, and just in time to step out of the clouds that still hung low in the surrounding valleys. It felt like reaching the sky, with the ridge and a few surrounding rounded peaks looking like floating islands in the midst of a foamy ocean.

“Aaaah, this is beautiful!” She tilted her head back, letting the sun warm up her damp cheeks. 

“Told ya,” he smiled softly and she expected him to continue teasing her, but he seemed unnaturally quiet and serene once again. Pulling his camera from the bag, he took a few snapshots of the misty sea below them. They watched the clouds roll by slowly for a while before he spoke. “I used to dream about telling stories through pictures...” 

She knew all about his old passion, but she also thought he was exceptional at what fate chose for him eventually. “You do tell stories Josh. You help people paint their own internal landscapes.” 

“Do I…”

“Of course you do!”

“So I believed. Pictures, words, soundwaves, doesn’t really matter, that’s not my point. I mean,.. I wasn’t really telling the… the truth yesterday. I am scared…I mean, not for myself, not really, but…I don’t…I guess, sometimes things are just destined to remain broken no matter how hard you try, you know…I’m mostly heartbroken, really.”

She wasn’t really sure where this was going. Having been familiar with his insecurities for quite some time, she knew too well that he was sometimes too humble for his own good, but he hardly ever sounded that defeated. “Well, you know…how was that line…’Take your broken heart and make it into art.”

“But what’s the point?”

And just like that, with a snap of a finger, the temperature dropped, making her shiver. Speaking to the world through art was the core of his whole existence and she’d rather die than watch him doubt the importance of it. 

“Josh!”

“Y/N!”

His feeble attempt to mock her sudden urgent tone annoyed her, but definitely not enough to stop her from trying to prevent him from going down that gloomy path. “Listen, asshole! Stop with the bullshit, ok? You believed we’d have sun today. And look! I absolutely needed this, and would have missed it if it weren’t for you. And MANY people feel the same, because you inspire them, so cut that defeatist crap or else I’ll smack it out of you!”

He looked at her as if she had already really slapped him in the face, but his shocked and astonished expression slowly morphed into a soft and grateful smile. “Thank you, Y/N.” 

“WELL YOU’RE WELCOME!” she responded with an unnecessary theatricality, unwilling to abandon the angry pose just yet, just in case. “Now give me this, because I think you need to see what I see.” She snatched the camera out of his hand and took a step back so that the viewfinder showed exactly what she wanted to capture. He, however, started fumbling for a phone in his jacket, completely ruining the shot. 

“No, let’s take a selfie,” he said when he finally found and unlocked it.

“Selfie? You? Since when have you been taking selfies?”

“I DO from time to time.” He looked almost offended, pouting at her like a defiant child. Sighing exasperatedly, she finally agreed to it, stepping closer to him, letting him wrap his arm around her shoulder.

“But you need to look into the lens Jo…” On the display, she could see him looking sideways at her, his eyes slowly tracing the contours of her profile. His jaw clenched and she could no longer finish the sentence. Instead, she slowly turned her own face to meet his gaze. He lowered his arm, snaked it around her and she held her breath, barely conscious of his other hand slowly finding its way to cup the nape of her head just below her ponytail. Dreamily, she watched his lips growing closer to hers until they met and she could swear her heart stopped. 

He tasted like apples. 

It was soft and tender at first, his pouty lips just brushing over hers like the wings of a butterfly. She leaned into it and invited him in, and soon they could taste each other properly, with their tongues entangling and dancing around languidly. She turned deaf and blind, but acutely aware of every cell of his body she could reach and taste and caress and devour, and getting high on it, her head spinning more and more with each passing second. 

When they finally parted and her sight returned, they looked at each other and even though neither said a word, they could both see the same question in each other’s eyes. 

What now…

The entire walk back into the cabin was spent in silent anticipation. The way he held her hand was completely innocent, even with their fingers intertwined… 

The contents of their minds, not so much. They didn’t dare to speak about it just yet, in fear that they might jinx it. She kept replaying it in her head, over and over again. The feeling of his soft lips on hers still lingered and her insides twisted and turned with the primal need for him to do it again. It was just as strong as thirst, and much more overwhelming. 

As the hour grew late, even the valleys were now sun-soaked. The world joined them in their silence and only the rustling of gravel and foliage under their feet disturbed the unearthly peace. Having kept her eyes on the ground, she looked up when they left the shadows of trees behind them and set foot on the vast clearing that separated them from their cabin… the fireplace… the bed… The road to it was blinding, as the late afternoon sun turned the distant horizon into silver ribbons, making them squint. She squeezed his hand involuntarily as her heart freaked out again, and he responded by stroking her knuckles with the tip of his thumb. The lust was palpable, making them both alert like lonely puppies just before hearing the door knob turn. 

Having avoided the topic for a few long hours, the tension between them only grew when they reached the cabin, only to be replaced with a sense of panic and uncertainty when they stepped inside. 

“So…”

“Are you hungry?” She interrupted him, before he could say more. Please say yes, so that I can cook us dinner and... 

“Not really, no.”

“Me neither.” She was fidgety, biting her lip, scratching her arm nervously, looking up at him and then averting her gaze repeatedly. 

“Y/N… we don’t have to…”

“I want to!” she blurted out and then sank her teeth in her lower lip again. 

Ok… calm down baby, let me…follow me…” he offered her his hand and slowly led her into the bathroom. 

They stripped each other slowly and then they kissed again. He turned on the shower and she bashfully stepped under the streaming water next to him. He pulled her closer and kissed her some more, while tracing the outline of her shoulders with his fingertips. Only then he dared to venture lower. 

His fingers brushed over her left nipple before he cupped the whole breast gently in his palm and she could swear it felt like he was cradling her very own heart in it instead, making her hold her breath. His eyes were lowered the whole time, watching his own actions intently and attentively, almost apprehensively, waiting for her reactions and receiving none. She was frozen with illogical fear. He looked up suddenly, making her head spin. “Tell me what you like,” he whispered. 

“Everything.” His brows shot up in question, so she clarified: “I like everything about this, Josh.” 

She meant it as encouragement, but it wasn’t helpful at all. He cleared his throat nervously and stroked her arm gently, from her shoulder all the way down to her elbow. His eyes once again followed the motions of his hand. “I wanna know everything about you.” This time he wasn’t talking about her life or soul. He already knew almost everything about that, after all those hours and hours spent talking and daydreaming together. Her body, however, was an unknown instrument, and he was desperate to learn how to play it well. 

Feeling wanted, and with all the newfound courage she could muster, she cupped his cheeks and kissed him with long suppressed passion, pausing only briefly to ask him back. “Can I learn everything about you, too?” 

“Please! You must,” he whispered against her lips, while she wrapped her fingers around his full-blown erection and started stroking him tentatively, making him moan in her mouth. Encouraged, she tightened her grip and quickened her pace. He gasped, breaking the kiss and pressing his forehead against hers instead. “You learn quickly, baby,” he whimpered, leaning with his outstretched arm against the tiled wall behind her. She kissed his flexed bicep in response and slid down on her knees in front of him, but he only shook his head and pulled her back up. 

“You don’t want that?” she asked, confused. There was a hint of hurt in her voice, so he pulled her in an embrace and kissed her wet hair as the water kept pouring down on them. 

“Just the idea of your lips wrapped around my dick tells me it’d be very quick… and I don’t want that. Let’s take this slow, yeah? Let me…” 

She let him take the lead and his lips went on a journey. They traced the edge of her jaw when he shampooed her hair and she tilted her head in delight. This new intimacy could only be described as ecstatic. Everything turned into a blur. She was just barely aware of him wrapping her in a bath towel, and she couldn’t remember how they got in bed. It was his tongue licking a stripe up her inner thigh that made her acutely aware of her surroundings once again. She gasped in surprise when she felt his hot breath on her wet pussy. Looking at her daringly, he hovered just an inch above it, the tip of his tongue resting on his upper lip tellingly. “May I?”

She swallowed harshly to relieve her parched throat. “I want you fuck me, Josh. Please.”

“And I will… but let me make you fly first.” Without any further ado, he darted his tongue between her folds and she arched her back as if struck by electricity. After a few more teasing licks, he wrapped his lips around her clit and started sucking gently, with his velvet tongue drawing slow circles on the underside before it started fluttering rapidly over the whole bud. Soon he sent her into orbit, just as he promised. She was still shaking and gasping for air when he swiftly climbed up her body and positioned himself in between her legs. 

Once inside her, he could no longer keep it slow. He let out a deep guttural groan and, as if a bolt of electricity shot through him, started thrusting into her with newfound virility. She wrapped both her arms and legs around him and pulled him even closer to her, almost afraid that he would float away and dissolve in midair if she stopped holding him tight enough, just like he always had done in her dreams. Even her own mind never allowed her to feel like this, so how could this possibly be real? After all that time. It felt too good to be real. His hands cradling her head, his own loud moans so close to her ear, urgent and melodic and almost lewd, all in one. With his elbows on each side of her head, and his lips brushing against her earlobe, she felt enshrined under him. It was overwhelming, it made her head spin as if high on oxygen…which she probably was. Unable to control her wildly beating heart and her quickened breath, she was barely conscious of that pleasant feeling he was stirring deep inside her. It didn’t even matter. She arched her back again and shivered as his singing grew louder. She could come just from listening to him. 

The skin on his back under her wandering hands, warm and velvety at first, soon turned damp and sticky from exertion, as his movements grew even more frantic and wild. She tilted her head back and cried out when he hit her cervix particularly hard… and he stopped. 

“What…” she asked dreamily. 

“You’re so tender and soft, I don’t wanna hurt you.” His face was hovering mere inches above her, as he was searching for more cues. Still inside her to the hilt, the blissful feeling of her velvety walls caressing his cock still lingered and it took all his will to keep himself from moving momentarily. His hips jerked involuntarily and she responded by deliberately tightening around him, making him hiss. 

“You’re not hurting me,” she mumbled, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. “I don’t even know if I ever felt this good. I’ve been waiting for this for so long…” Her own words made her freeze. She opened her eyes again and looked at him, frightened. His own expression was somber and almost unreadable. Oh god, you stupid cow, why did you say that? 

“How long, Y/N?”

Please, don’t make me ruin this even more, Josh. Just go on, just let me feel this at least once… 

His eyes never looked more beautiful. He kept looking down at her, searching for the answer. She knew she should say something, but the sudden lump in her throat made her only gasp for air as she tried to fight off the tears. Stupid, unstable bitch!

It seemed that he took mercy on her. Instead of pushing the subject, he leaned down and pressed his lips on the pulsing point under the skin of her neck. She closed her eyes and sighed in delight, waiting for him to resume the previous pace and make her mind go blank once more, letting her dream about her sun before the real one would come. 

He remained still though. His dick twitched inside her, making it known that he too wanted more, but he wasn’t merciful enough. And he wouldn’t let it go. 

“How long, Y/N?” Josh whispered once again against her skin. Each syllable was like a kiss, soothing. He left a physical trace of his words along her jugular, smoothing the gravity of that question mark with the tip of his nose. There was a new kind of urgency in his voice. At last, as if really reading her mind, he finally moved inside her once again, rolling his hips slowly as if to say ‘I’m not going anywhere’, encouraging her. 

“Since the first matcha tea,�� she sobbed and he tried to soothe her nerves with yet another slow and deep thrust. But it was no use, the dam that had been holding her pent up emotions broke. He pulled out and lied down beside her. She missed him instantly but had enough dignity not to beg. She expected him to get up and leave. Instead, he pulled her closer and patiently waited for her to calm down. Only then he spoke.

“Y/N, he left because he…he thought that I liked you a bit too much. And, uh, after I called you and you came to me that night, I realized he might have been right…”

Josh was crying, he was yelling, he even tried to beg eventually, as the warm spring breeze coming from the open window suddenly felt like a winter gale on his exposed skin. He kept repeating ‘what does it mean, what do you mean…’, only to be told that it was up to him to figure it out. ‘But I love you!’ Josh cried some more, and it was met with silence for the first time.  ‘I can no longer say it back,’ he broke that silence after a while, and Josh’s hopeful eyes veiled with even more tears. ‘I wanted to be the only one. I’m not an idiot, so I beg you to stop treating me like one. Goodbye, Josh.’ 

And once again, Josh’s words were met with silence. The only difference was that she wanted to scream it back. “I’m so sorry,” she said instead after a long minute. “I didn’t want to be the reason for his leaving.”

“Y/N…” he inched closer and buried his face in her still damp hair. “You weren’t. I was. Didn’t you hear me?” 

She did, but her self destructive mind chose to ignore it. His cryptic might-have-beens couldn’t penetrate the armor that she had spent long years building. Thankfully, he knew her well enough to realize his mistake. Enough of all this beating around the bush. 

“I love you,” he whispered in her ear and this time it made her skin tingle and her toes curl. 

His caressing hand traveled from her shoulder down the middle of her chest, where he could feel the fast rhythm of her wildly beating heart. Her eyes were closer and she lay unmoving, except for her hand that wrapped around his fingers, stopping them momentarily. “I’m sorry babe, I just had to say it,” he continued. “And since you…”

“I love you more than life.” Her own words startled her, as if something fell down with a crash. Without waiting for him to make another move, she pulled his hand down to her wet pussy and his middle finger slid inside with ease. 

It quickly made him hard again. She spread her legs, inviting him back in. He shifted just a bit, with his head still resting next to hers on the pillow. She turned towards him, threw her leg around him and he entered her again just as their mouths reconnected again in a hungry, sloppy kiss. 

It was slow this time, but no less intense, with their senses heightened by the recent revelations. They were making love. She kept her eyes open, watching how his own rolled up and he moaned loudly with his tongue still swirling around hers, their parted lips barely touching. She could feel a second orgasm building soon and her breathing quickened, turning her own moans into short, high pitched gasps, making him hiss when her fingernails dug deep into his skin. 

Suddenly, he shifted and straightened, sliding his knees under her legs and grabbing her hips possessively. “That’s it baby, one more, go on, let go,” he urged and started thrusting into her with a new force that made her thighs tremble. She looked up and her jaw slackened at the sight. Her sweet and radiant Josh looked almost demonic in the twilight. He was watching her too, with his jaw clenched and his brows furrowed and glistening with sweat. 

“Harder,” she cried out and he obeyed, hissing and baring his teeth as he tried to hold on a little longer. Then suddenly, she could feel it snap and her whole body tensed, making him groan as she squeezed him inside her. A few more deep strokes before she could feel him falter. “Fill me up,” she whispered and her eyes widened. He placed his hand between her breasts, bent his head down and let out a long, high pitched whine, his body jerking erratically as he spilled inside her. Then he collapsed on top of her, panting. 

Josh

She looked like an injured doe, you know? So lonely and abandoned behind that counter. The room was full of people of all sorts, but – as it often happens – nobody paid attention to the things that desperately needed all the attention in the world. So I stayed a while – even though I didn’t really have to – watching her face brighten up, growing more and more beautiful with every passing second. I knew she had it in her.

Someone ordered an irish coffee and she had to grab a bottle of whisky from the upper shelf. That’s when I saw the scars on her wrists, and the shadows behind her deep blue eyes suddenly made perfect sense. 

There are millions of people on this planet who are hurting and I’ve always believed that nothing happens without a reason. When I was younger, I wished I could have saved everyone, but that’s impossible. There’s only so much burden one can bear. But I believe that every wounded soul has their person somewhere. A sibling, a parent, a friend, a lover… Someone willing to share the load. Sometimes they don’t find each other in time, otherwise the world wouldn’t be full of tragedies and tears. Sometimes you don’t choose it. It just happens. And sometimes, you fuck up in the process. Colossally, even. I’m painfully aware of the fact that I did, too. But everything happens for a reason. 

I just had to go back…

I can't imagine how it is To be forbidden from loving (ah, ah) 'Cause when you walked into my life I could feel my life begin And then I learned the truth How everything good in life seems to lead back to you And every single time I run into your arms I feel like I exist for love Only for love (Aurora – Exist For Love)

@thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @writingcold @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep   @takenbythemadness   @edgingthedarkness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jazzyfigz @sanguinebats @josh-iamyour-mama @lyndz2names @wetkleenex-gvf @peaceloveunitygvf @cheersdannyx2 @fleetingjake @lizzys-sunflower @emojakekiszka @gvfmarge @Dayumclarizzel @lipstickitty @clownstarr @gretasfallingsky @musicislove3389 @i-love-gvf @psychedelectable

[katuschka]

A new sweet Josh fic tomorrow.

I know, I know...but it's just a one shot and I really needed to get this one out of my head and chest...

[katuschka]

This one was very intense. Also, what a great portrayal of Josh (as always).

Tender // Ch. 4

MASTERLIST

word count: 2200+

CHAPTER WARNINGS: language; mentions of drinking/alcoholism; arguing/one-sided arguments; depression; anxiety; unspecified undiagnosed mental illness; tiny little spoiler for Better in the Morning, but nothing that will be a shock to readers that are caught up on it

The trouble with things going smoothly is that one tends to get complacent. They get comfortable and let their guard down. They make mistakes and people suffer for it, mostly the ones they never wanted to hurt in the first place.

Josh and I have been going strong for the last six months. We’ve not so much as bickered since the first argument. He’s somehow convinced me, on some uncertain level, that maybe I do deserve this happiness. The fear is still there, of course, but Josh has found a way to quell it, and suddenly I don’t feel like I’m drowning. He’s my spark, my ever-burning flame, and I think maybe I might be able to keep it from going out.

I never wanted kids, and that hasn’t changed, but watching Josh light up around them only increases my love for him. It’s no different with his new niece. He’s been fawning over Kya and Jake’s baby nonstop since she was born and has made it his life’s mission to ensure he’s the ‘favorite uncle.’ He talks about her constantly, and I’m surprisingly not put off by his incessant chattering these days. But I suppose all good things must come to an end.

We’re in his kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. Although I still have my own place, I find myself spending most of my time at his house. He’s talking a million miles a minute about his day, and his most recent visit to Kya’s. He tells me practically everything the baby did, which isn’t much considering she’s, well, a baby, but Josh is excited, so I let him have his moment. Then he says something that makes my heart stop.

“Jake said they’re probably gonna go to West Virginia soon to visit… uh, whoever you guys know up there. I thought maybe we could tag along, make it a whole family trip.”

“No. I’m not going to West Virginia.” Bile is rising in my throat at the thought, and I’m infuriated he would even suggest it.

He reaches out to touch my arm. “I mean, I’d be there with you the whole time. I think it’d be-“

“I said no.”

“I want to see where you grew up, and whatever happened out there, we can-“

The last remaining calm in me dissipates, and I snatch my arm from him, slamming my fist on the marble countertop so hard it shoots pain up to my elbow. “Drop it!”

He blinks at me in shock, and I pretend I don’t notice the way he flinches. I’ve never raised my voice like this toward him, but now the dam has broken, and I can’t stop. “Why can’t you ever just fucking leave shit alone?”

“Finn…” His voice is so small and soft that I almost feel bad. Almost.

“Stop. Fucking. Talking. For once in your life shut the fuck up. I don’t understand why you always have to keep pushing and pushing for shit you know nothing about! Maybe no one’s ever told you no, you’re so used to getting everything you want, but it doesn’t fucking work like that. And you don’t even understand one piece of what you’re prying for. So, stop acting like a spoiled fucking brat, and quit digging!”

I know he doesn’t deserve any of what I said, but the damage is already done. His eyes are filling with tears, and he takes a step away from me. His jaw tenses and he nods, refusing to look me in the eyes. “Fine. Okay.” He doesn’t argue, the first indication that I’ve truly hurt him, only turns away and disappears down the hallway.

My heart’s racing, my skin feels like it’s on fire, and I’m squeezing my fist so tightly my nails are digging into my palm. The house is too small; the walls might be closing in on me. I don’t hear anything, and Josh doesn’t come back out. I should go apologize, but it seems like such a daunting task that will only result in more confrontation, and will inevitably lead me to hurt him more. That’s the last thing I want to do, so I grab my keys, slam the door on the way out, get in my car, and drive.

I don’t have a destination, I just need to get away. It’s already dark; the bright oncoming headlights in the opposite lane make my eyes water. Or is it the guilt and anxiety? I very much wish I could go back and do things differently. Maybe it’s not too late to salvage my relationship with him, but I can’t return to him like this, when my mind is still mottled with rage. I don’t trust what I might do. Instead, I’ll do what I do best – run.

~

JOSHUA

When Josh told his twin he was coming over, Jake wasn’t expecting to find him with bloodshot eyes and splotchy, tear-stained cheeks. “Shit, what’s wrong?” Jake ushered him inside and directed his attention to Josh, concern painting his features.

“Finn and I got into a fight. And he didn’t come home. It’s been 24 hours. His phone’s going straight to voicemail. I checked his place, and I don’t think he’s been there either. What if something happened to him? What if-“

“Josh, calm down. I’m sure he’s fine.” Jake coaxed his brother to sit down on the couch. He gently reminded Josh to keep his voice down, so he doesn’t wake the baby. “Did he say anything before he left?”

“No. No, we argued… he was so pissed off so I tried to give him some space and he just left.” Josh didn’t want to elaborate on the details; he knew how Jake would react to Finn being the primary aggressor, and he didn’t want to make his boyfriend out to be the bad guy. He blamed himself for it anyways. “I don’t know what to do. I’m worried about him. And I checked the weather, there’s another storm coming through. What if he gets stuck out in it somewhere?”

Jake shook his head. “What are you talking about? He’s not a fucking dog, Josh. It’s just rain. He’ll figure it out.”

“No, he’s right to be worried.” Kya’s voice came from behind them; they didn’t hear her come around the corner until she spoke. “He’s always been terrified of storms. I don’t know why. He used to hide in the closet when we were kids, until it passed. But that also means he watches the weather like a hawk. I’m sure he’s found somewhere safe to hunker down until it passes.”

“Is this normal for him, to just disappear?” Josh’s eyes pleaded with her for some kind of reassurance.

Kya shrugged sadly. “He’s always been a little ghost-y, I guess. But I didn’t think he would just drop off without telling you. What… was it that bad of a fight?”

Josh swallowed as he fought back tears. “It… no, it was stupid. And I’m the one that upset him. I started it.”

Kya watched him carefully; there was something he wasn’t telling them. But she didn’t call him out on it. She figured if it was something serious, he would have said something. “He’ll come around,” she said. “He doesn’t handle confrontation well. I’m sure he just needs some time to cool off and clear his head. He’ll come back.” She didn’t let on that she was suddenly doubting her own words.

When Josh eventually returned home, dejected and depressed, he curled up on the couch under a soft throw blanket. He held his phone close and made sure the volume was turned up in case Finn did call him back. He wanted to stay up, wanted to wait just a little longer, but exhaustion won out and he soon drifted to sleep.

~

It’s barely dawn by the time I make it back to Josh’s house. His car is here. He’s probably asleep, which makes me falter. I don’t want to wake him up, but I know the longer I stay away, the harder it will be. I’ve rehearsed a hundred different conversations in my head, like memorizing a script that will change based on how Josh responds to each line. I’m honestly quite terrified. I considered just staying gone, but I know Josh well enough to know that kind of uncertainty would only hurt him more. If I’ve lost him, at least we’ll both know it.

I ring the doorbell. I know where he keeps the spare key, but I don’t feel like I’ve earned the right to use it. I don’t realize I’m holding my breath as I wait for a response. I’m surprised at how quickly he comes to the door, and I’m even more shocked when he throws his arms around me so hard I almost stumble backwards.

“Where the hell have you been? I was so worried about you. I thought… I thought something happened to you.”

He was worried? About me? I coax him inside so I can shut the door. I’m not keen on providing intel on our private lives to the neighbors. He sniffs and rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. When I finally get a good look at his face, my chest aches. He hasn’t slept; he looks exhausted. I know he’s been crying, and I hate that it’s my fault.

He allows me to lead him to the couch, but instead of sitting with him, I kneel on the floor in front of him. “I’m so sorry.” It seems like a good place to start. “I’m sorry for how I treated you. You didn’t deserve that, Josh. I lost my cool, that’s all on me. And… I understand if you want me to leave, if you don’t want this anymore.”

“Where did you go?” he asks quietly.

“Uh, Wichita.”

“Kansas? What the hell is in Kansas? Or… who?”

I’m mildly taken aback at the implication, but if the roles were reversed, I’d be thinking the same thing. “I promise you, it’s nothing like that. I didn’t plan to go to Wichita, I just ended up there. I…” I hesitate to tell him the whole truth. Hiding it is easier, and he may not ever forgive me. But maybe he’ll pity me instead, and that’s almost worse. “I messed up, though.” I pull my AA chip from my pocket and place it in his hand, careful to avoid his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know you’re probably disappointed in me. I found a meeting before I came back, but if you don’t want-“

“I don’t want you to leave.” He looks at the chip in his palm before holding it back out to me. “This doesn’t define you, Finn. You’re allowed to make mistakes.”

Mistakes get people killed. “You deserve better,” I admit. I’m giving him an out, an escape route, and the small piece of me that is still decent wants him to take it. I slip the chip back into my pocket, although it feels dirty now, contaminated somehow.

He’s staring down at the carpet, and I can see the wheels turning. “You weren’t drunk, though.”

“I got drunk. I went to a bar, and-“

“No, I mean before you left. You weren’t drunk when you screamed at me.”

“No,” I whisper. “I… I can’t go back there, Josh. You trying to convince me to, it… it triggered something in me, I guess. I can’t stand feeling like I don’t have a choice.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know you didn’t. I’m working on it, though. And I know it’s a lot to ask, but I promise if you give me another chance, I’ll do better. It won’t happen again.”

He stays quiet for a moment, sniffling as he considers my words. I’m still not confident that he’ll forgive me, and I brace myself for the worst. But instead, he leans forward, resting his arms on my shoulders and pulling me to him. “I’m sorry. Just please don’t leave. Let me help you,” he practically begs.

I give into his pleas, and we stay like this until he asks me to come to bed with him. “Will you just lay with me?” I hold him then, neither of us saying a word. His fingers absentmindedly trace my skin, just under the hem of my shirt. They trail along the small scar just above my right hip and I tense up involuntarily. The little patch of marred flesh is just a reminder, another in a long line of stories I will never tell him. He’s learned to quit asking about it, now.

I don’t think I really sleep. Josh eventually drifts off and I’m left alone. I don’t want to admit it, but my gut is telling me this is wrong. Something in me is screaming to get away from here, from him. Except it’s not because I’m in any kind of danger. It’s because I know he is. No matter how many promises I make, how many times he forgives me for the things I’ve done, or how much he pleads for me to stay with him, I will inevitably hurt him over and over again. There is no doubt in my mind that everything he’s tried to build in himself, I will bring it all crashing to the ground. I do love him, more than I’ve loved anyone this way. Some say if you love something, you need to let it go. But my love for him, and my own selfishness, is why I know I never will. I’ll hold onto him for as long as I can, even if all I do is drag him down with me to the pits of wherever the hell I end up.

///

@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama @katuschka

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