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crguang · 5 months ago

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Okay sat, I might’ve forgotten to my anon mark at the end of my last message aand I’ve reread part 4 like 5 times, but still,

what the fuck, literally was thinking abt it in all my classes. And I will be yapping, as I guessed.

First of all, fuck Kafka really wish I was tbh she is so annoying, like just assuming r isn’t that upset, like they’re just having a little argument when r is grappling w the fact that they fell for a criminal, and literally killed their coworkers and a ton of other people, she is pissing me off. Also the stuff abt Kafka and her nihilism…giving me some thoughts. Btw have himeko and Kafka encountered each other in this, or has Himeko just heard abt her? And shes so nice, calling r everyday and being so understanding…

I can’t imagine what Kafka did when she found out she got blocked. Her going to text u and then realizing she’s blocked…kafka pausing when she sees that r blocked her. Kafka waiting to get unblocked as she orders gifts for u, who keeps checking her phone for messages from u as she sends more gifts, reminiscing abt when your first met in the store, silver wolf and blade noticing how Kafka seems to be waiting for smth, Kafka who decides to text you on an encrypted number to see how you’re doing, Kafka who sees that she isn’t forgiven and orders so many fucking flowers bc she didn’t know ur favorite. Ugh I can imagine her bringing all of them into r’s house, god she’s pathetic, I need to kiss her so bad so she shuts the fuck up.

anyway I may or may not have started writing a Kafka fic 👀 tbh I don’t rlly read romance novels so idk how the typical academic rivals thing usually works, trope wise. For some reason I keep fixating on her fucking nails. Like to me, she has them manicured all fancy, but Im fairly certain shorter not manicured nails are better for fingering. On her violin ofc, obviously. I played cello middle and high school, and I kept them long, bc I liked scratching people don’t ask I was a strange kid, but I feel like she’d keep them short bc she’s rlly serious abt it. Also Kafka is so dislikable, her ego is so big, and she’s always calm, like if she didn’t look like she was trying and still top of the class it’d piss me off too 😭

Also in the wardence event rn, I haven’t played it bc I’ve been sleeping or smth like that, but silver wolf shows up 😭 like ik it makes the most sense, since she has holograms but Kafka showed up as a hologram once ok 😭 but what silver said is like “i heard u we’re joining the wardence, and two whose names I won’t mention insisted I go check on you. Why couldn’t they do it themselves.” Ugh Kafka is so obvious it’s actually gonna kill me. And yes wtf couldn’t Kafka have showed up, she’s worth like 11 billion, so ik she can’t show up all the but cmon.

-🌠

hehfjfjgjfjfj posting a new chapter and having ppl go “man fuck kafka” is funny as hell because honestly, yeah, fuck her😭 i think it was important for me to portray how her personality can be irritating in certain contexts and how being with her really wouldn’t be bliss all the time cause she doesn’t deal with emotions much, and that includes others’. she’s not totally detached from them which is why she does try but it’s very clumsy. it’ll be elaborated on in the next part but in her mind she really has picked the best outcome here and even if she was acting in her own interest, she was protecting R, she’s just an information hoarder. being on the opposite side means you dont know wtf is going on in her head and cant explain her behavior as anything else but “she doesn’t give a shit about me”. it’s an interesting situation to write that’s for sure but im glad that her efforts, though genuine, make yall feel irritated bc thats the point hehe

what i wrote about kafka’s nihilism was not entirely true, and i did it on purpose because R doesn’t know her. i do think that nihilism/finality creates a certain distance between her and accountability. when you tell yourself that this outcome was always a possibility, that it could have happened anyway, the choice you make is no longer fully yours which means that the consequences aren’t fully on your shoulders as well. i think that makes it easier for the stellaron hunters to do what they do, that and the goal they’re working towards that is supposedly the best outcome for humanity. but kafka is anything but passive. she is not “subjected” to things, she has an active role in her future and the ones of the millions of people that it touches within the constraints of destiny. i think with nihilism it’s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you suffer through the things happening to you because “nothing matters” and “it was going to happen anyway”, but kafka is not like that at all. “if destiny doesn’t propel me forward, i’ll be the one to push destiny”— this is what she does, so describing her as a drop in the ocean isnt entirely accurate because she’s making waves. R will learn that

himeko and kafka have crossed paths canonically before the trailblazer so it’s the same in this. i like that himeko has an opinion of kafka that has been cemented through their brief meetings over the time. in that one “keeping up with star rail” where kafka’s kit is presented, hime has a lot of shit to say about her 😭 all bad. she’s also aware that kafka plays mind games in it so really for her to hear “kafka manipulated me” was like “fork found in kitchen” there’s no surprise there. one of my favorite qualities in hime is her understanding and ability to understand multiple perspectives at once, it develops her already deep empathy and its just very admirable. shes a very soft character, i love her

AND YESSSSS SHE DEFINITELY REACTED LIKE THAT TO BEING BLOCKED HDJFJFKKG she stared at her phone like “oh. they’re really mad” and decided to give them a few days to cool off which is why she sent the first gift and after that she’d be wondering whether to text you or not for like a week; would open her phone, type in your number, pause for ten seconds then go “they’re probably still upset” and send another gift. silver wolf would be like “damn youre on your phone as often as i am. whats wrong with you” and firefly’s eventually the one telling her to go there herself to apologize and not wtv tf shes doing which is why kafka finally texts 😭 shes funny asf. the sheer ridiculousness of ordering hundreds of flowers and taking over half an hour to place them inside your apartment (that she technically broke into) to surprise you is so patheticcccc i would have swooned a bit im sorry. like omg youre pathetic get out of my house but also kiss me before you go… “forget it i’ll just get all of them” can she die 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

aaaaa im glad you have time to write the academic rivals au!! typically people have the rivals work together in some sort of assigned group project to force them to interact together but you can go about it differently, like one of them’s practicing for a big piece and the other gets to the practice room too late but but the others are taken and they have to practice the same thing anyway so might as well. or the mc is struggling and kafka happens to pass by and give her some (snarky) pointers which turns into her showing her how its done and the mc actually learning from her (which would make me homicidal). they could also just happen to meet outside of the school context and start developing a new relationship that way. do what feels right!! and yeah, kafka’s nonchalance makes it seem like shes effortlessly good when in reality she takes that shit seriously and practices often😭 it’d still piss me off tho idc

silver wolf showed up in the other event and its just so ridiculous how they always have her everywhere man😭 like fine she’s always keeping up with new games coming out and shit but would it kill them to show kafka once im gonna tear my hair out, we even got to text firefly during the wardance like im gonna screammmm. but kafka and her sending SW to check ip on the tb is so stupid they care so bad😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 typical of kafka not to show or text herself i need to strangle her. the lufou hates her tho so it’s WHATEVER.

#sat answers #🌠 anon

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sketchehm · 7 days ago

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In the mafia mafia au - when sapnap starts getting accepted into the fold, who does he get intimate with first? Does he feel like he's "cheating" on dnf or had they given him permission to do whatever it took to get information? Is he obedient like a good dog or do they like him rowdy and spoiled? Do dnf get jealous of sapnap sleeping with the mafia once they're back in the picture (or vice versa) or had sapnap dropped enough hints that dnf isn't surprised at the physical intimacy, just at the feelings aspect of it...?

(Feel free to ignore if u want!! I know u had said u were kinda iffy about toeing the line of sfw/n sfw on this account)

Hi :3!! Dw I'm always cool with toeing the line about this kind of stuff pfft Im just gonna avoid more specific scenarios and I will leave it up to your guys imagination LMAO

Ok so I have it in my head that it kinda goes like dedsafio....? It's def the guys initiating first and Sapnap is just....following along :3c And as the guys up the ante, Sapnap always tries to match it.

It starts when they're "training" Sapnap. Which lasts about a month (dedsafio inspired!), and by the end of it Sapnap is fully intimate with the guys.

The timeline for this au is.....Weird. Because I don't quite really known it myself tbh. I know when events happen before or after one another, but I'm not quite sure how long the stretch of time between each event is. So it might make stuff feel rushed or maybe too stretched out. But I think thats...unimportant :3 Though that also means I don't have it really planned out when, during that month, each of the members initiate with Sapnap, just that they do.

Sapnap is not necessarily ....choosing... who he gets to be with first...? He has the illusion of choice....? I don't know how to word this lol

So it starts with....a week or so trial period of Sapnap first staying with them so they all understand the vibe of him before it's them all realizing...oh! This guy is very eager to please us ;3c

And Rich very much likes the idea of a new dog (he has a thing for that ;) So he tells Farfa that Sapnap will start "training" with them. And like....Farfa(who is not the most pleased with this news) knows what that means. And when he tells the rest of the guys....well they all know what that means too (Shadoune is elated).

Sapnap def starts off as super obedient, because he was told he wasn't gonna stay with them and was trying to win their favor so he Could stay and complete his mission. He actually isn't really aware hes going through training in the beginning tbh pfft He just....listens to what they tell him to do and all throughout training he's very.....receptive....to everything that's being taught to him. And he does get spoiled for it! He's still his loud and teasing self but Sapnap doesn't get rowdy or lets say....demanding of it until later down the line when he's truly comfortable in his place with Team Mafia. (When being their dog was more on Sapnap's mind than being a spy for Dream) Especially since the guys do start pushing him to be more aggressive when doing business, that behavior transfers over when at home and with the guys.

Which! The guys don't mind at all, they love the fight in him and just shows them he's trusting them more and more! (Also makes stuff really fun for all of them ;) Though that doesn't mean Sapnap ever goes against them in any serious way, his training stuck with him hard (the guys are very good at what they do lmao) so he falls back into his very good dog behavior real quick.

It never really strikes Sapnap as cheating cause the 3 of them had a kind of open relationship of sorts? Despite them being possessive of each other, there's just a lot of confidence between their love of each other, there's rarely any serious jealousy happening. (This kind of relationship developed in tandem of discovering they cant publicly be seen as together if they want to keep each other safer.) Sapnap /was/ with Q before everything went to shit (lol). Dteam just know they'll always return to each other. Sapnap truly cares about Q but it will never be to the level it is with Dream and George. (Something Q realizes he can't change when he ends up taking Sapnap)

Until he meets Team Mafia. And at the start, it did feel like...any other relationship he had been in and he hadn't realized how much of himself he was really giving to all of them. (Which there are a few factors why this happens)

It isn't until Sapnap reveals everything to the guys that he is hit with the realization that he considers Team Mafia on the same level as Dream and George for him. And that's why it fucks with him so much. To him, he has betrayed Dream and George AND Team Mafia. People he loves with all his being and would do anything for....Double whammy...

And your right on the part that dnf do pick up that Sapnap has been intimate with Team Mafia, before they've even been kidnapped in fact. Sapnap is not....great at keeping secrets. Not that he really was trying to keep it a secret tbh he just...glossed over it a lot. He knew they would ask for Details because they're Freaks and Sapnap didn't want to go through the emabarrament of having to explain his good dog behavior pfft (as much as George keeps trying to get it out of him hehe)

They also know Sapnap. They probably could've bet that he'd sleep with /at least/ one of them during his stay with them pft

They DO get jealous when they're kidnapped and in that basement and most of the Mafia guys are showing off their precious obedient dog to them though :^) (tbf the guys are doing it cause they wanna have fun, with a hint of a power play ofc) Though. They see the appeal of their Sapnap being messed with very quickly ;3c

Team Mafia would get jealous if Sapnap slept with someone outside of them(they forbid it actually he's /theirs/) and upon realizing who Dream and George were, they were quickly made the exception because just reading the messages made them want Dream and George too :3c The guys just want dteam for themselves really!

No one....really understands the feelings part until way farther down the line when its...too late...and Sapnap is already taken from them....

It'll all work out :). Eventually.

Though...

#ehm asks #ehm aus #mafia mafia au #i DO have specific scenarios in mind #im just a lil weenie :3

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satureja13 · 8 months ago

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The Boys met again for dinner and discussed Jeb's upcoming first Therapy Game session. They don't know where he will log in so they gave him a quick overview and in which direction Jack's corpse is to be found. Despite their fears it would be awkward to talk after all that had happened, it went quite well. Although Saiwa and Jeb didn't talk directly to each other ^^' And Kiyoshi didn't talk at all. His mind probably roams in other dimensions again.

Ji Ho is so happy to see all his friends on one table all together again. He still feels the sadness from the loss of his feelings but for him this is more exciting than sad. The sadness still lingers but that's a good sign he's on the right path to get his feelings back. And poor Vlad dreads his upcoming conversation with Saiwa and Jack about Kiyoshi. He's going to talk to them right after dinner.

Vlad dragged them up to Jack's houseboat because he knows Jack feels comfortable here. And he told them about Kiyoshi and how his mind was drifting further into his demonic/divine realms. And that he'll need Jack's help to keep him grounded into reality. Because Jack is still his fated mate...

Jack really loves his deck. Pizza all around, so he was distracted and didn't really listen to what Vlad said... (We call this phenomenon 'Jack's Armadillo World' ^^')

When it sank he jumped up: "WHAT? Now you're asking me to have a fake relationship with Kiyoshi? What's wrong with you!" Vlad: "Please, Jack. Hear me out. You said you would be fine just being his 'mate' and not his lover, right? And we all know now that while Kiyoshi didn't do everything right, he didn't do anything wrong either. He didn't torture you and Sai at the Lab, he saved you. And almost paid with his life for it. And yes, he kept your relationship a secret - but to protect you - all of us - from the Council. And your jealousy..."

Jack sat down again. Vlad was right. Noxee already told him all this at Beltane weeks ago and he'd thought a lot about it (because Noxee said it :3 ). And he knows she's right. (Greg told him almost the same stuff but Jack refuses to listen to Greg because he hates him lol.) Saiwa knows he shouldn't be upset, but he is. He wants to protect Jack from Kiyoshi and from falling down in the swirling abyss of utter madness again. Saiwa: "You weren't with him when he woke up from this nightmare or in the Lab!" Vlad: "I was with him when he was in his coma. And Kiyoshi was with him too! And Kiyoshi and I had been with him after he had the panic attack when Ji Ho and him had been locked up and almost burned alive! You can't keep him from growing out of his trauma. Noxee believes in him. And me too!"

Jack: "Hey hey hey. I do believe in me. And you can keep an eye on us, hm? Noxee said I have the tools at hand. And I can decide if I let him hurt me. I will try to become his 'mate' - just his mate - and that should be enough for fate - or whatever tied us together - to let me off the hook, right? Two of my spots I earned for leaving him are already gone, so I know I'm following the right track, see?"

Jack: "Sai, let me off the hook too, hm? I know you love me and you want to protect me but I can't grow if you hold me back." Saiwa sighed, but he remembered their conversation from Summer Solstice under the new moon: "You are right. Let us see Jack 2.0. Let's see if this Therapy Game is worth the troubles..." Now it's getting serious. Despite his big snout, Jack is a little afraid... He loved to hate Kiyoshi because that allowed him to blame someone else instead of seeing his own failures. Which is/was painful and kept him from growing.

Vlad was relived. Another milestone reached on their way to live together again. And Vlad is glad that his best friend is moving forward. Saiwa: "But no secrets! And we'll have an eye on you." Vlad: "Ok! I'm sure we won't regret it. Kiyoshi changed since he's back from the tree and he regrets how wrong it all went. And he deserves a second chance. He suffered for decades already. He got kicked out of the Temple and is not involved with the Council anymore so he can fully concentrate on his own healing here."

Jeb will be happy to hear this. He and Vlad had all hands full with mostly zoned out Kiyoshi. Trying to keep him in the here and now. And when he was in the here and now, he tried to go back into the tree. Ridden by guilt. At least they are keeping up their Tantra practice...

When it was time to go to bed, Vlad and Ji Ho met at the stairs that lead to their rooms. Vlad wants to stay by Ji Ho's side. The Bond tells him about Ji Ho's sadness and how stirred up he still is from the demon's spell. And Ji Ho doesn't want to be alone with the still lingering remnants of all of his feelings he'd lost so long ago.

None of them dared to ask the other to spend the night with him. Until Adriano bleated loudly and startled them. Ji Ho: "Would you..." Vlad: "Can I..."

Ji Ho: "To your place or to mine?" Since Vlad dreads the sadness having Ji Ho's scent in his bed after he leaves him alone again, he said: "To yours."

After they brushed their teeth and got ready for bed, they met in Ji Ho's room. Vlad is going to sleep on the sofa. With Ji Ho's emotional turmoil and the little shards of love he still feels, they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off of each other. But they should after they agreed to wait with their physical relationship. They also agreed to start their Tantra practice tomorrow. This will help them to control their libido.

Ji Ho took a cute photo of Vlad during their Summer Solstice trip to Henford and put it on his nightstand. He also hung a copy of it in their shared bathrom.

Poor Vlad is quite struggling with not sliding into the bed and snuggling behind Ji Ho... holding him tight.

But he remained steadfast. Before he drifted into sleep, Vlad thought about if it's really possible that Ji Ho's evil grandfather put a spell on him to gain the Council acess to his powers, as Morgan claimed.

It was weird that he immediately fell in love with Ji Ho at first sight after he mourned his first love Wesley for two years. But he never felt it had been against his own will - like Jack said earlier. He always had the feeling he was able to resist Ji Ho. But maybe that was also a trick? Giving him a false sense of free will?

'… I like to read murder mystery I like to know the killer isn't me Love and hate what a beautiful combination Sending shivers make me quiver Feel it sliver up and down my spine'

Love to hate you - Erasure

The Therapy Game Master Post with the sessions and places so far is -> here

From the Beginning ~ Underwater Love ~ Latest

Current Chapter: 'Who killed Jack?' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

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guavagyu · 2 years ago

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you're mine, bunny - c.sb!

oh lord do i luv some sub!soobin <3

urgh this has literally been in my drafts since 12/22/22 (i promise ive just been powering thru it for the past few days)

this was unrequested! (still send requests pls 🙏)

wc: 2,220

synopsis: after discussing sex, you discover a new side of soobin, right before you go to a party, so you're riled up the entire night. plus, it seems that soobin can't keep his eyes off you, so when you both get home, stuff happens.

contents: smut (mdni), fluff, swearing, fem!reader, VERY posessive!reader, hardcore jealousy from reader, dom!reader, mentions of alcohol consumption, sub!soobin, mentions of yeonjun (sorry jun ily!), nicknames (whore, bunny, bun, binnie), established!relationship au, non-idol!au, handjob, choking, nipple play, mirror sex, breeding kink, mommy kink, marking (m!receiving), corruption kink, slight overstimulation, brief fingering (f!receiving), tall!reader (abt same height as soob), brief cockwarming, cum eating, p in v sex, unprotected sex (this is a no!), aftercare (not rlly discussed, though), praise kink, degradation kink, lmk if there r more pls!!

"so, what has sex been for you in the past?" soobin bluntly asked out of nowhere. you two were literally just chilling on the couch watching tv,

"what do you mean?" you responded,

"like, i dunno, like..what stuff usually happened? what was involved?"

"uh, well, i usually dom i guess," you started,

"o-okay, what else?" he caught himself, his mind buzzing and heart doing flips when he heard you're a dom,

"uh, i don't really know. i can't think of anything off the top of my head, so, why don't we just start with you?" you tried to play it smooth, and it did. to be honest, you've been dying for this conversation for ages, so you wanted to learn as much as you can,

"o-oh, well um, i-i-" he stuttered, face flushing,

"soob, if you don't want to tell me it's okay, don't worry about it," you reassured him, not wanting to pressure him into doing anything he wasn’t comfortable with,

“n-no it’s ok it’s just..” soobin trailed off,

“do you want me to just give you a notepad and a pen and 10 minutes by yourself?” you chuckled, half serious,

“actually..yeah, could you do that?”

“oh? sure,” you smiled as you got up to gather the materials and headed back to soobin to hand it to him, “call me when you’re done,”

“okay, uh, maybe you should try to get ready, we gotta leave for that party in 20,”

oh shit. the party. fuck. why did soobin think this was a good topic to bring up RIGHT before a social event with your friends? you said "okay" before giving him a quick kiss and walking to your shared bedroom, sifting through your closet to look for an appropriate outfit,

"is there a theme i need to follow?" you called out,

"i don't think so. wear whatever you want," soobin responded, so whatever you want it was. after sifting for a minute or so and picking out some pieces, you finalized on a strapless black dress. you fixed your hair and decided to just leave it down for tonight, it wasn't a huge event. soon soobin walked in the room and saw you, blushing and swallowing nervously, shuffling over to the closet as well and came out in a black dress shirt and jeans, before heading to the bathroom as well and hug you from behind as you finished up, resting his head on your shoulder, "almost done?"

"yeah, just one more thing," before you grabbed a bottle of perfume, sniffed it, putting it back and choosing another one, making soobin even more nervous as you'd chosen his favorite. after a couple sprays, you kissed his cheek and said, "okay, let's go," letting him lead you to the car, before opening your door, then sitting in the driver's seat. for the whole ride, he tried to keep his focus off of how you looked, especially with your perfume filling the car. he almost gave up on heading to the party entirely when you put your hand on his thigh, while he consistently felt his pants growing tighter as time passed. he could feel himself breathe out a sigh of relief the moment you arrived, getting out of the car, and heading in. the place was bustling, the smell of booze and sweat filling your nostrils. soobin kept close to you the entire time, clearly uncomfortable with the environment you were both involuntarily dragged into. curse yeonjun. naturally, he just had to go all out for his birthday. whatever, not like you could just ditch him right now. what happened next was worse, though, as he got dragged away by yeonjun. you decided to just let him be and go get a drink. you soon got a glass of scotch on the rocks as he was soon surrounded by a bunch of extra friends..and women. women who weren't you. women who weren't you. women that were touching him, getting pretty handsy for a complete stranger. you were very well aware of how attractive he was, but you felt jealous, and very pissed at yeonjun for allowing this even though he was aware of your relationship. you felt your teeth grind at the sight of multiple women grabbing at him, feeling his chest and abdomen. his eyes were like a deer, wide and innocent, unknowing of what to do. his eyes filtered through the room, before finally meeting yours. he gulped when he saw your expression, dark and almost murderous. soobin tried to push them off, but the women were too drunk and simply wouldn't listen. the moment you snapped was when one of the girls tried to kiss him, but missing and hitting his chin. she was clearly the drunkest one, but it still infuriated you. your glass was slammed down on the table, almost breaking, as you steadily walked over to the place soobin was in. towering over the girls, they noticed your presence almost immediately, and all but the drunkest ran away,

"heyyy, what's your pro'lem? i'm jus' havin' a lil fun," she slurred, giving one of the ugliest smiles you've ever seen,

"yeah, my problem is that you're trying to have 'a lil fun' with my boyfriend, so back off or i'll fuck you up," you leaned down to her level, clearly something clicked in her head, sobering her up just a bit. she soon nodded frantically, gave a quick apology, and ran off with the rest of her group to talk about what had just happened,

"y/n i'm sorry they wouldn't leave-" he stood up, trying to explain, but you shushed him gently,

"hey, binnie it's okay, i saw everything, just stay close for the rest of the night please, i don't think i can take more people like that," you sighed, giving him a quick kiss on the nose. soobin nodded, and staying close was what he did. he also couldn't keep his eyes off you, maybe your display of jealousy did something. you always tried to keep it in check, as it had driven others away in the past, but thankfully, it seemed that soobin was actually inclined to stay because of your possessiveness. you thanked whatever god was out there for this, that you finally found someone who wasn't scared away due to your nature. seriously though, his eyes never wavered, only occasional small glances around at people were what gave him visual separation from you. fortunately, the party ended in an hour or so, with yeonjun coming up to you personally and apologizing for the incident, which you put aside your previous hard feelings and told him not to worry about it and there was a lot of things that had his attention and it just slipped past him. he thanked you and you soon left, just barely keeping under the speed limit the whole ride home, eager to get back as soon as possible so you could have soobin all to yourself. the moment the front door was closed, you threw your shoes off, let soobin take his off, and dragged him to your bedroom. you set him onto the bed, and took off his clothes while kissing his face and neck, "this okay?" you asked temporarily stopping,

"yes, mommy, please don't stop again," he gave you the green light, and you didn't take a second longer to return to your previous antics, finally stopping at his lips, making out with him for minutes on end. you took off your own clothes before straddling his lap,

"hey bunny, want me to go get that list you made earlier?" you asked, peppering kisses into his jaw,

"no, mommy, stay here, i can tell you," the sudden change on his attitude on sharing his preferences showed how desperate he was to have you stay with him, "uh..i like praise..and degradation..but praise more! i really like being marked too. maybe a little choking, i like mirrors too..i think that's it," soobin blushed, "is that okay?"

"yeah binnie, don't worry," you smiled at him, giving him a quick kiss on the forehead, "c'mere then, if you like mirrors," you gently set him on the other side of the bed, where your full body mirror stood. he swallowed, anticipating at what was to come. you kneeled on the bed behind him, wrapping your arms around his chest, pulling him close, "look bun, this good for you?" you whispered in his ear, nibbling on the shell,

"yes mommy, thank you," he leaned back to pull you into a kiss, which you happily reciprocated, his hand on your cheek, trying to get you closer than you already were, then you reached down and pulled on his nipple, making him jerk and lean into you, moaning in the process. then you snaked your arms down towards his dick, which was standing up, with a slight curve, tip red, angry, and leaking with precum, the liquid dribbling down towards his thighs. you decided to help relieve him and you took his dick in your hand, slowly pumping up and down as you put your other hand around his neck, clasping down, making him moan again

"look, bunny. look at yourself and how i make you fall apart," you let the sinful words fall out of your mouth with the sweetest tone, as his face turned to watch you pump his dick in your hand, as well as your hand tight around his throat. he could feel his mind getting fuzzier at the lack of blood and oxygen, but it only made everything else so much more sensitive. his swollen, pink lips parted as he let out strings of whines as he felt his orgasm approach. knowing this, you picked up the pace, squeezing just a bit harder as you softly bit and left hickeys all over his neck, shoulders, and back, "aren't you just a pretty whore, hm? only wanting me to please you like a pillow princess, you don't want to do any work do you? just wanna watch yourself cum? well, you're mine, bunny. your my pillow princess, and your my pretty whore, got it? nobody else can have you but me," you growled in his ear as you rubbed his tip, him finally cumming all over his legs and your hand. you held your hand up to his mouth and he licked it clean, whimpering as you continued to slowly pump his dick, shuddering as the sensitivity was overcome by pleasure. after stopping so you could switch positions, you were now in front of him, "think you got a little more in you, bunny?" you asked, tucking some stray hairs behind his ear,

"yes, mommy. can i be inside you please? i really really wanna feel you," he grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together, which you nodded and you slowly sank down on him, back to his chest, as you wanted to watch yourself in the mirror alongside him. he groaned as he bottomed out, arms wrapping around you and tugging you close. after letting him get used to you, you lifted yourself up before sinking back down, his dick twitching at how tight and warm you were. soon, he took it on his own to maintain the pace, and started off by simply rolling his hips into you, making you moan as he continuously hit your g-spot. however, he still needed more, starting to relentlessly pound into you, digging his head into your neck as he tried to muffle his moans into you, before you catching him and saying,

"hey binnie, don't do that, lemme hear my little whore's moans mk? you're doing so good, making me feel amazing bun," you said, which he nodded to, feeling his dick twitch again at the name. now, he didn't hold back, letting all of his pretty noises into the world, as well as right into your ear. soobin's moans only brought you closer to the edge, which was getting nearer as he never stopped ramming into your g-spot, making you finally cum as you grabbed one of his hands that were wrapped around you, squeezing tightly as your walls clamped down on him, making him whine as he cummed into you. after he rode out his high, along with you, he slowly pulled out, but suddenly replaced his dick with his pretty fingers, trying to keep his cum in you. you got the hint, even though he didn't tell you in the beginning that he liked breeding you. then, he led you to the bathroom to clean you both up,

"hey, y/n? y'know, i really liked how you..um..back there.." soobin suddenly got flustered, making you laugh at his behavior, kissing his nose,

"sorry if it was a little much," which he rapidly shook his head no, saying how he found it super hot and honestly wouldn't care if you had fucked him right there. once you started aimlessly chatting about random topics (as well as tonight's events), you finally cleaned up and settled down in your bed, him on top of your chest, nuzzling into the crook of your neck,

"g'night bunny, i love you," you kissed his damp hair, still not fully dry from the shower you just took, as he gave a quiet "i love you too" before you both drifted off to sleep.

---

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puckpocketed · 8 months ago

Note

good morning puckpocketed it is @wehaveagathering from my main blog! I was wondering (and if you have already talked about this link me!) what your feelings are on the sharks upcoming offseason, who you're hoping for them to draft, who you're excited to see play either in their nhl or ahl roster, anything! :]

first of all. hello wehaveagathering dot tumblr my sour gummy candy my bespoke watchface my press-on nails....! thank you so much for dropping by <33 hearing from you is like oughh hello microcelebrity who decided i was cool... !!!! ok. deep inhale. I present to you:

puckpocketeds sharks offseason roundup

I am of two minds with Sharks hockey:

Nothing will ever go as I expect/predict because Mike Grier works in mysterious ways (Hertl trade was a wild day) and given I am following the San Jose Sharks ...we are here for a laff first and foremost. At least until we're competitive again. No point in thinking too hard because it ain't that serious and i have 0 control over what happens <3

On the other hand . kljsdalkjsdkl I am reading Elite Prospects' draft guide like the morning paper and absorbing massive amounts of data about my little guys and listening to podcasts and also following juniors games (you may have seen my very regular and hinged Memorial Cup Posting) and, yes, I even watched college hockey . I am unofficially the prospects slide maker for the Sharks Primer that I haven't opened in a week.

You may have asked the one person on tumblr who can give you an unskippable cutscene i hope ur ready for an unskippable cutscene !

General Off-season stuff/contracts

i am being fed off the scraps of Henry Thrun + Devin Cooley interviews in scf post-game shows and stalking all of our beat reporters. i have all of them with notifications ON and they keep doing really funny stuff like suggesting Draisaitl coming to the sharks. also . wekky and keebs are hanging out with Alex Holtz this summer and it is THEE best thing ever. matching slides for you in these trying times? feeling very deprived of sharks hockey but sustaining myself by having little breakdowns about it with friends :3

Couture is the biggest question of the off-season to me. The plan rn is that he will be ready to play by opening night, if all goes well during his rehab. He's our captain, the team looked visibly improved when he was on the ice for the gorgeous 6 game stretch that he played with us last season (Coochie era you will always be famous), and honestly I think his contribution to morale is more valuable than anything else he brings to the ice. There's no chance he gets moved right now given his contract and health, but there's a chance he never plays another NHL game... his health and readiness to play determines who the Sharks target for acquisitions and what our team looks like down the middle (where our two biggest prospects, who are both centers, will end up). so much hinges on whether or not Cooch is healthy!! but at this point I'm just rooting for his long-term health no matter what happens with the team !!

To preface any contract talk; the vibe about Mike Grier is he’s wary of giving out long term stuff in light of his predecessor leaving behind the husk of Marc-Edouard Vlasic (said with deep affection) and several other nearly immovable contracts. pundits don't really see him giving anyone term unless they’re Confirmed Core Players and i agree! other than that... i don't have serious takes or predictions about term/dollar amounts. HOPES and DREAMS and PSYCHEDELIC VISIONS, on the other hand...

We're gonna lose some of our guys to free agency because they're. um. untradeable and not very good </3 (Hoffman, Labanc, Barabanov <- this one is a special case, Barbie's deal fell through because the Hertl trade happened and we're using our last retention slot on him) and whilst I do love the ongoing Bit of uncle Mike and sweet cousin Kevin, this frees us up to go looking for some guys who can mentor our young core!! (I hope Labanc gets a second chance somewhere and shows everyone that the sharks monumentally fumbled the bag on yet another ex wife !!)

The doors are open for free agency acquisitions... Everyone's throwing around big names but I think they're forgetting the fact that we actually gotta convince them to come to San Jose LMAO. cost of living + basement team unlikely to be serious about a cup run for at least another 4-5 years = not the most appealing place to go. We have seen speculation about FAs ranging from Stamkos to Marner lmaoooooo and i'll be honest I don't want to add to all that. I just hope whatever old man we staple to our youth he's fun and NOT a criminal !

For our other UFAs:

I'd like to see us re-sign Justin Bailey because he worked really hard for us down the stretch. we poached him from the cuda early on because all of our forwards were exploding and never gave him back even when everyone started getting healthy again! Maybe he can go help our cuda not flop <333

Jacob MacDonald holds a very special place in my heart because we like making multi-class jokes (he was forced to play forward for a big chunk of his time w the sharks even though hes a d-man LMAO) . I find his work ethic charming <3 he's done everything they've asked of him, and he's honestly done it Not Terribly. I would LIKE for the sharks to offer him a place here due to sentiment and i sort of think he's a sleeper depth pick…. but it seems less and less likely given that we’re going to market for d-men and we’ll have more forwards healthy next season.

Ryan Carpenter is another cuda acquisition we never gave back and is our beautiful returned shark son <33 he was a steady 4th line center throughout the Horrors. however, we were trying out one of our younger guys in that position (hello jack studnicka!!) towards the end of the season and im really wondering if we'll see him up with the sharks again. He's a great AHL player and I see him helping the cuda become competitive if we bring him back!

Devin Cooley my beloved. our junior shark. our silly rabbit. some context: the sharks org is doing something very strange and deeply funny with their goalie situation. we have like 6 of them and i genuinely have no clue where this is going. Optimistically, Cooley gets a something thrown at him because he's shown the ability to grow under the limited tutelage of our Very Good Goalie Coach Thomas Speer + he's a great feel-good story !! less optimistically... he gets traded on the draft floor because we can't have shit in san jose (KNOCKING ON TEN MILLIOB WOOD)

Our RFA sitch is a mixed bag:

Luke Kunin absolutely comes back. barring offer-we-can't-refuse type deals... they love him here. Is he GOOD? well no <3 analytics-wise, he is our worst performing forward and actively makes his lineys worse. but (and i imagine this is whats going on in sharks front office discussions) must a goonwag do silly things like "play hockey"?? can't he just get all snarly when our guys are pushed around? can't he play leg weight to our beloved prized prospects? teach them how to drive a line despite being hamstrung by the sloppiest turnovers ever? cant he just be sophia's less accomplished trophy husband...........???? also in his defence, he should never have been our 2nd line center. but everyone else exploded so !!! anyway I think he would flourish with fewer minutes and easier match ups on the 3rd/4th line. i want to see him hanging out in a depth position next season and goonwagging it up <3

I watched Thomas Bordeleau really work to solidify his place in the lineup towards the end of the season. I love his absolute determination to finish every game fighting. I am SO proud to call him a shark and he's become one of my favourite little guys <3 I knowww everyone knows him from the Narratives but EYE got to know him through his hockey and I am WRETCHEDLY endeared by it. He will stare down a 0-4 scoreline and keep playing hard no matter what, he has sprinted down the ice with seconds on the clock to make a play and ough ough oughhhhhghgh he is SO special to me okay !!!! okay. And I truly think that gmmg has to see that. They're trying to build culture here... something about being hard to play against, having will and size and skill.... Bordy doesn’t fit the Big Boys vision that Grier is open about chasing, but he does bring the attitude and work ethic… I want him to stay forever <3 next year is his breakout year MARK MY WORDS!!!!!

Henry Thrun was a bit up and down but honestly who on this accursed roster wasn't?? Some nights he was unironically our most effective d-man (as much as one can be on the 23-24 sharks) other nights he was competing in a flop contest with Pickles <3 i would like to see him get more pp minutes next season and work on being consistent, which I absolutely believe he can achieve. our beautiful draft dodger + harvard double major <3

Ty Emberson is a complete mystery to me. I've seen him play like 3 games. he's been very injured this season. I liked what I saw when he was on? Making his slides was SO hard ill be honest, there's so little out there about him. but i have a soft spot a mile wide for reliable stay at home d-men, i hope he gets a fair shot. also hes mackblack's bestie and nobody knows that and i need everybody to know that he has a special bond with his goalie like his defensemen forefathers . thats our defensive defenseman and his goalie okay . okau.

Calen Addison is . listen okay I love our little guy. let him say fuck!!! but he hasn't done well this year and this was sort of supposed to be his fresh start. what I want is that he stays on the sharks and turns things around and goes on to blast all his haters. I'm not very sure any of that will happen.

I can't be objective about Filip Zadina. I will not lie. I want him to succeed very badly but also I love our failwife dearly regardless... high draft pick who was touted as a goal scorer... can't let go of that identity... every coach hes ever had psychoanalyses him and is a leeetle obsessed with nursing him back to health like a sickly baby bird <3. gmmg give him 8x8 ! his place on this roster is very uncertain given that this was his 'prove it' year and it didn't go super well. i dread losing him. every day that ticks by where we don't hear about him re-signing leaves me less and less hope

Jack Studnicka compels me so much. We call him Dave . dont ask. He's in the process of shaking off his previous identity as a playmaking center and his anxieties/insecurities about uhhh having to fill the gaping hole in the Bruins' forward core left behind by a bunch of their veterans leaving. He's learning how to drive a checking/energy line and I feel a tenderness for him I can't describe... he's almost almost made it to the show and he will do whatever it takes to stay.

regarding certain trade rumours

There is once again trade buzz around Mario Ferraro.

...i think the rest of the league is under the impression he’s a top 4 calibre d-man. this is very funny and also i’m terrified that gmmg will trade him because of this. You truly don’t get a feel for how little any given team’s media pays attention to other teams - how little the national media pays attention to the western conference good GOD — until you follow the cali polycule.

if any disappointed Leafs fans are reading this after it was suggested they aren't looking to acquire him anymore . my brother in christ. Mario only eats those minutes because he’s got seniority here by default !!!! we simply do not have anyone else because they’re injured or they suck!!! i would go to war for our youtuber ,hes the greatest gamer and d-man in the entire league in my heart BUT i do have eyes and as the kids would say . he has improper crosshair placement and can't mulligan to play on curve </3

And for nuance…. perhaps there IS something to the fact that Mario was like .the only one who survived the 2019-2023 San Jose Rookie Woodchipper/Meatgrinder/Hydraulic press. idk. i wasn't there. He’s had a career high year this year (not that 21 points is that high asdljkasklj but. again. 23-24 sharks) so maybe he’s just waiting for the right conditions to break out, a team where he isn’t solely responsible for gluing the shambles together, and all the chatter about him being a prime trade target is true and this summer will be when his trade value is at its highest. it still doesn’t change his value to this team as a locker room personality and leader. He’s made zero statements about wanting to leave. the current regime does do Personality Hires and Intangibles (see Luke Kunin and i suppose now the Goodrow acquisition??), we can’t have our upcoming d-core thrown into the deep end without some mentorship and it certainly isn’t gonna come from Pickles — not that he can’t, i just believe in Marc-Edouard Vlasic’s right to be a bitch in peace! no one is untouchable but im 90% sure Ferraro stays.

THE DRAFT AND OUR PROSPECT SITUATION

The Sharks currently hold picks 1, 14, and 33. 1OA is spoken for <3 so 14 and 33 are the ones we care about here. (we have a bunch of later picks to play with as well — 42, 85, 116, 138, 143, and 194 if anyone was curious <3) And okay okay so,, Mike Grier was hired 2 days before the draft in 2022, which means 2023 was his first real draft year and this year will be his second. realistically, we simply do not have a lot of data for his drafting tendencies, nor will we know his 'hit' rate until years from now. our current pool, while thin, is looking... good? tentatively? the class of 2023 did very well. more on them later. so accounting for lack of data... i truly have NO idea whats going on except maybe we're leaning towards deepening our defensive prospect pool + throw in a goalie, and a slight preference for physicality and size but like thats every headass GM on the planet right now??? (as i type this out, ozzy weisblatt has been traded away for a someone over 6ft tall!! the mike grier big boy plan strikes again….)

so. i won't speak to who i think the sharks will draft but you will get to hear a very rough essay fragment i don’t think i’ll ever finish:

something i’ve been thinking about lately between reading all of these prospect draft profiles (and to an extent, making prospect slides for the sharks) is how few guys make it to the big show. these 17-18 year olds have dense paragraphs written about their puck handling and skating and hockey IQ — i enjoy the stylish ones that say stuff like “he’s the most creative forward in this year’s draft, he’ll dangle your best over a cliff” the most — but how many of them will pan out in the end? here, i could pull up the numbers. i don’t need to. we all know there are only so many nhl contracts to hand out, and only so many stalls in a locker room.

i’ve grown attached to a few names though their draft profiles. there are little threads of narrative you can catch from reading their game reports in chronological order. some of them visibly gain confidence month to month as they solidify their identity within the system and team they play on, some of them master board battles, some of them find their scoring touch. i am charmed by the interview fragments i’ve seen, their stupid answers to "what animal would you be?", the silly facts livetweeted by scouts at the combine. many of them come highly touted — the 2nd-12th project as almost certain NHLers. i’ve seen them shine in their juniors and ncaa matches. I feel like they must be destined for greatness.

Yet, i go back into the histories — a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, thirty years and beyond — and the histories tell me that no matter what was being said the day they got drafted, anything could happen. 7th overall buried in the press box. 123rd overall breaks a scoring record in his d+1 year. 29th overall carves out a regular spot on the first line and goes on to score 40 goals. 1st overall never scores more than 62 goals in the NHL. it's probably not smart of me to become invested in so many when, statistically, a whole lot of them will fail to live up to their projections. in the back of my heart, right behind all the inadvisable sentiment, lives a scream of frustration. it isn't fair that for the majority of these kids, the draft is as close to the nhl as they'll ever get. i hate that not everyone will get to reach for the stars. my heart will be broken when one or more of my favourites inevitably burns out of the league. and the real horror is knowing all this hasn't stopped me from becoming endeared.

my current draft favourites, no thoughts head empty if i could have any of these guys on the sharks:

Berkly Catton absolutely will fall to 14th overall in my HEART!!! this stupid league and its stupid preoccupation with tallgirls. doesn't matter that some of the best players hockey has ever seen were under 6ft tall <3 doesn't matter that high impact nhl players RIGHT NOW are hanging out around the 5'10 mark. Berkly Catton is elite stock by so many metrics except for his size (5'11, ~163lbs) and THAT will ensure he falls in the draft. and the dream is if he falls to 14th we snap him up and he comes to hang out in cali <3 i love his fish-eyed blank stare. he said he'd be a dolphin because they're slippery <3 and here's the short version of what I've read per his draft profile: he played on a bad team, with heavy minutes, being targeted by every opposing team as the only threat, and still doubled his output during his draft year. all of this while he worked hard in his own zone, dedicating himself to the more 'boring' aspects of the game. like he will hustle for a backcheck god BLESS. i love when skilled guys are defensively responsible SO MUCH. what little i've seen myself of his raw skill is incredible. magical hands maintained with speed. i also like how much he scans. i love being freaked out about a highlight, wondering how he knew where his teammates were, scrubbing the video back and seeing him scan the ice regularly. its beautiful. just like playing league of legends jungle . ahaha <3

if not Catton, then Andrew Basha at 14th, and if not then 33rd. Despite how high some draft boards have him, the reviews are mixed as hell due to the Spectre of Gavin McKenna and Cayden Lindstrom that hangs over him. It did not stop him from having an incredibly strong season in the WHL. fast, skilled, works hard. puck mover. in learning about hockey, I have come to love transition forwards SO much. Troy Terry was my favourite Duck to watch when he wasn't exploding <3 Controlled zone entries are soooo gifable to me. i got no clue if Basha will be available at 33 - a few are predicting he falls to the second round - or if the sharks would want him even then, but I would love to see him on the Sharks! if his speed and skill on breakouts can translate to the NHL it would be bitchin!!!!!! also, I have this idea in my head that he's already used to playing with elite talent and so wont be swallowed up by the huge shadows celebrini and smith will cast. maybe he can manage egos, maybe he's just really good at working around prodigies, maybe he's a prodigy himself, who knows!! I am compelled though!!

for d-men... Zayne Parekh. There are serious concerns scouts have with this guy's game. he is described by some as thee boom-or-bust prospect of this year's draft. dynamic as hell offensive defenseman, does things no other prospect in this draft would even think to do and . um. sometimes that thing is turning over the puck <3!!! or, as a random red wings podcast i was listening to this afternoon said: With Parekh, you might get Erik Karlsson, or you might get Erik Karlsson. and listen if you made it this far down you gotta understand that im a deeply unserious person about these things and this DID convince me that we GOTTA get him somehow. tbqh i wanted the Ducks to draft him because he was tragically separated from his bestie Pavel Mintyukov and i think a reunion would bring about an unprecedented era of world peace. but also. if they were on RIVAL TEAMS in the BATTLE FOR CALIFORNIA!!!!!!! oh that would be delicious <3 There's absolutely no way Parekh falls to 14th but this list isn't about realism its about my silly little dreams <3

Cole Hutson at 33 or 42 purely because i'm a fan of Lane Hutson (so so so jazzed to watch him play next season on either laval or montreal!!!!!) and they are similarly shifty and small. there is NO way mike 'you must be this tall to ride' grier drafts another 5'10 puck mover (<- more on this guy in a min). a fella can dream though <3

prospects who are my special little guys

Luca Cagnoni

ok quick recap. mike grier drafted Luca Cagnoni at 123rd last year. he is 5'10 (generously <3) and he's so special to meeeee <3 He's always been an offensive ROCKET!! so smart. WILL break ankles. great puck mover. great distributor on the pp. he's been working on his defence this year.

NO ONE THINKS HE'LL MAKE IT IN THE NHL BECAUSE HE'S LITTLE BUT EYE DO!!!!!!! If you go and check the Luca Cagnoni tag its literally just me and 1 other person. that 1 other person is now my friend. sometimes, my other sharks compatriots join in. but such is the nature of adopting a special little guy !!!

I get all misty-eyed thinking about how far he's come, from being undrafted in the WHL, falling to the 4th round in the NHL entry draft, and going on to have the strongest season a d-man in the WHL has had in 30 years. and yes he WAS the 123rd overall pick i was referring to earlier. He signed his ELC and it was the event of the offseason (to ME). it was more meaningful to me than the will smith signing i will be so real right now . I am hoping and praying that Luca gets a chance on the Sharks and flourishes.

sorry. sorry. i will NOT shut up about Luca Cagnoni. mike grier took a huge swing at the fences for him, he is so out of the gmmg wheelhouse its hysterical and i am genuinely shocked we drafted him. i wasn't there for it obviously but what was the draft floor like that day?? were people asking him Are You Sure, Sir. I'd have asked. i'd have knocked on his bald ass head to check if it was hollow (i, a bald person, can say this <3)

despite this. Luca Cagnoni WILL make it. ON GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kasper Halttunen

ok you saw me mem cup posting. this one isn't as deep!

i think he's got that dawg in him. him and his nepobaby london knights team were fun to watch!!!

i liked that he was squeezing denver barkey like a chew toy (gifed it, even!!!)

i am genuinely obsessed with the comments he leaves on other prospects' instagram posts. i've only looked around at a couple but yeah he's sure got a sense of humour <3

i would LOVE to see him develop out his 2-way game a little more and refine his beautiful bomb of a shot even further. i am excited to see how he progresses!!

bring him to the AHL as soon as possible gmmg i need to watch him squeeze the life out of his fellow sharks prospects

Macklin Celebrini

Alright this one seems so obvious because he's 1OA and automatically special BUT you guyyyyys. you guyyyyysss.... he's soooo good. I watched a couple of his college matches. I went back and watched some of his worlds matches. i have devoured so much literature on him. remember when I said i love when skilled players are defensively responsible?? Macklin Celebrini is that guy !! he is just so Shaped. the shape is Round. he is well-rounded like the beautiful sphere . the sphere where we will be drafting him. <3 yay !!!

no joke he IS a bit of a goon. finished his checks with a surprising amount of brutality in all the games i watched !! and like he had to be, I imagine he was getting targeted to hell and back in the NCAA. being 17 and playing against grown men. i like that he's got a bit of bite!!

listen, when the scouts and journos and pundits and coaches say he's "got a motor", what they mean is HE IS RELENTLESS. HE WILL NOT GIVE UP ON A PLAY. HE WILL RUN YOU DOWN AND THEN TURN AROUND AND SCORE ON YOU. HIS TEAM FOLLOWS HIS LEAD.

I just... I get the feeling he raises the people around him up to his standards because they can't help but want to match his intensity. I get the feeling that he is, aside from a great player, a great fit for the kind of culture the Sharks are trying to build. the Never Say Die Team. the We Will Eat You Team. i am completely, utterly endeared by his work ethic.

I think his little :^| face is so funny. i have posted about this before but when he smiles it looks like he has a few too many teeth and its GREAT. our shark. OUR SHARK!!!!!!

Honourable mentions:

Danil Gushchin: undersized creative forward with soft hands heloooo i love uou. mwah. unseat one of our girlfailure depth players next season i want to see u in the nhl <33

Shakir Mukhamadullin: Shak my noodleshark . he will absolutely see NHL ice full time next season if we remain bare on defence, so im not sure he counts anymore as a prospect. i believe in him so bad!!!!!!!!!!!

Georgi Romanov: unironically I think hes our only realistic hope for a Goalie of the Future. please survive the sharkuda experience my love <3

Will Smith: ROBBED of the hobey baker by our very own macklin celebrini. doesn't matter because he scored a dicktrick at hockey east finals and that shit was funny as hell. i think of him in terms of his boybestfriends BC Line which is forever shattered by his decision to sign with the sharks which means hes the driver of tragedy which makes him ELITE in my eyes.

honourable mentions 2 (obscure non-sharks edition):

Isaiah George: i fear i will actually have to watch the NY Islanders soon enough when they play him . i was watching the London Knights for Kasper and, as I do sometimes, I was struck by lightning after seeing him do something really interesting. I think I can probably go find the exact tags from when he first caught my eye. anyway! i am invested in him now and there is 0 current coverage on him !! ough my smooth skating defensive defenseman <333

Aatu Jamsen: a high skill/flashy forward the la kings signed to his ELC not too long ago <3 excited to see him play for the Ontario Reign. his lore is incredible. not to shill my own blog but i did a small post about him here and i am BEGGING everyone to go find out about him he moonlights as a RAP MUSICIAN!!!!. lak do not to bury him in the AHL forever im on my KNEES

Xavier Simoneau: les habs and their prospects got me. little guy (5'6) who is a bit fight-y. can and WILL go to battle against huge opponents for a puck and WIN. i look at him and slap my knee and i think. god damn he might actually do it. he might actually make the NHL.

Okay I think I will stop here before i start goin off about all the little guys i have tucked away...!! thank you for your time. thank you for handing me a mic and an excuse to yell about my little fellas. wehaveagathering dot tumblr you are thee flyers source to me. our failteams will soon share a shade of oranmge. I am very excited to fall in love with them!! <3

#hi hiiiii hellooooo thank you so much for visiting . i admire you so much for your dedication to your team. i am holding your fin <3 #hitting publish on this before i proofread it too much because its been like a week and i feel bad LMAO #APOLOGIES TO TEAMS WHOSE NAMES ARE INCLUDED IN THIS POST. YOU WILL BE ACCIDENTALLY CROSS TAGGED. </3 #nothing untoward is being said but . yeahg #puckposting #puckscouting #<- this counts #asks #user wehaveagathering

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lovrre · 2 years ago

Text

V DAY<3~

Pedro Pascal x female interviewer

Author note: I haven't posted anything in a while and I had this in my notes so i’d figure I should post it, It's valentines themed (I know i’ts July) but it's better than nothing. Also I'm working on two fic’s right now that you should be getting soon. You can follow my tiktok account for fic edits and other stuff @lovrrefics

Warnings: none just cute interviewer x Pedro Pascal fluff

Word count: 903

Today you would be interviewing Pedro Pascal, you had interviewed him once before and the chemistry was off the charts you both couldn’t stop laughing. After the first interview, You were a little scared you’d get in trouble with your boss for not actually asking the questions. but when the video was posted people loved it, The comments were full of people shipping you two and swearing that you guys had to of known each other because the chemistry was so good. Your boss couldn’t even be mad, the video got over 5 million likes and 12 million views. The interview you were doing today was the Valentine’s Day special. so you wore an all read two piece outfit, the top was very cropped paired with slightly flared high-waisted dress pants.

“Ok, we have to be serious now” you laugh hitting away Pedro’s hand trying to contain your laughter. “Ok I’m quiet,” Pedro says

Pretending to zip his mouth and throw away the key. You adjust your mic and look into the camera before you start speaking,

“ hi I’m Y/n and In honor of Valentine’s Day I’m here with the heartthrob of the month Pedro Pascal” Pedro jokingly rolls, his eyes. you smile holding up the mic closer to your mouth. Pedro watches you as you speak a slight smile creeping onto his face as if he’s seconds away from laughing “ I like the way you pronounce my name, “Pedro Pascal”

he says smiling slightly mocking the way you said it “Did I say it right ?” you ask slightly worried you butchered it. “ yeah you did well, you did very well you’ve pronounced it better than any other interviewer” you smile “do you speak Spanish, you say my name as you speak Spanish” Pedro say his eyes on you intently “ I do, not much but a good bit”

“¿Podrías mantener una conversación en español” (Could you keep up a conversation in Spanish? ) Pedro asks his eyebrow-raising in the process. “No es muy larga pero me Basta” (Not a long one but enough). You laugh. “Ok, let me introduce the game before I get fired for not doing my job,” you say preparing to read the game cards, Pedro laughs at your comment before going quiet so you can talk. “Ok so the game is easy, I just read you scenarios and you tell me if you think they are Valentine’s Date worthy” Pedro nods and you continue “A walk through the city at night” Pedro looks like he’s gonna answer for a second but then makes a scrunched up face “ well…Is that the whole date,” he says turning to you. “ I guess” you laugh turning around the card for more information but it’s blank. “oh well no then, that sounds boring, definitely not valentines date worthy”.

He said shaking his head side to side. “ walking through the city at night can be romantic” you say switching to a new card. “As a date?” Pedro asks lifting an eyebrow. “ yeah but with me everything things romantic soo…” you say shuffling through the cards. “I’ll keep that in mind,” Pedro says quietly, a mischievous, smile spreading across his face. You roll your eyes and pull out the next card and read it “Drive through date where you eat in the parking lot” Pedro shakes his head “No, That sounds horrible - who wrote these ” he asks fake taken aback, you laugh and switch to a new card before speaking . “ you know that actually happened to me before” you say looking up from the card for a second.

“You’re lying,” Pedro says with a “No way” tone in his voice. “Nope, I went on a date with this guy and he took me to Burger King, not even McDonald’s, burger king and he had me pay. we sat in the car in awkward silence for like an hour“ Pedro looked at you in disbelief, “You paid???” He asks leaning forward as if he didn’t hear you correctly. “yes” you sigh shaking your head at the memory trying not to laugh at the thought. “I think he just wanted free food,” Pedro says with an unsteady voice before breaking into a fit of laughter that you follow him in.

“Oh my god I can’t breathe,” you say wiping a small tear from your eye you got from laughing. You take a second to breathe before you speak again “ ok I’m ready now back to the cards, a Candle Light dinner on a rooftop?” you say awaiting Pedro’s answer.

“ umm… yeah that one actually sounds valentines date worthy,” Pedro says still trying to calm down his laughter “Yeah but what if the tablecloth catches on fire from the candles,” you say jokingly awaiting his reaction. “ why are you trying to ruin my imaginary date right now,” Pedro asks turning to face you. “ because why are you taking someone else on a date when I’m right here ” you laugh switching to a New card. “ what are you talking about I’m bringing you?” Pedro says as if it was obvious. “ oh ok then we have a fire extinguisher will be ok” you say in a serious tone Pedro looks like he’s gonna laugh again but he wipes the corners of his mouth with his hand holding in his laugh.

#pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x y/n #black reader #pedro peña #pedro Pascal x interviewer #pedro pascal fluff #Pedro Pascal

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fff777 · 4 months ago

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watched mark and renjun on nopogy

shownu and jungwoo spend some time looking for the restaurant

lol jungwoo. he kept being like "ohhhh 😮😮" because this is a unique room. it's more like a half floor that they've turned into a private room.

shownu: doesn't this feel like an attic space that kids like? that reminds me of one time i went to a restaurant with my family and they gave us a really tight spot and my dad was like "when we were kids we liked to hide in tight places eh" 😂

they're just focused on eating :P shownu very diligently deboned the fish like he said he would and the others are gobbling up the fish :3

mark is sooo disappointed with renjun's pun 🤣

HE RAISED THEM WITH HIS OWN DAD JOKES! HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN!!

most unsurprising thing in the world, mark the romantic

back to eating lmao

mark called jungwoo the day before to watch episodes of nopogy for research. lol cramming.

right from the beginning it seemed like mark was really hungry and gobbling down food and he continues to enthusiastically inhale it lol

awww he really is being a big brother 🥹

jungwoo already remembers when i'm with you :P it is a very catchy song

wait both jungwoo and mark are infj? i wouldn't have expected it from them

renjun ready to expose jungwoo's ass lol. the only episode i know of them is when they snuck off and took the train somewhere to have a date with just the two of them :P

oh shit renjun is telling that story! lol

jungwoo just hit up renjun to go to busan. of course mark thinks it's a romantic getaway.

LOL so the suggestion started as something super not serious but they eventually got to a point where they went

oh is this the story of when renjun made mark sneak out to the beach with him? it was busan too? renjun and busan, a dangerous combination

hyperfixating on renjun's necklace lmao

LOL so jungwoo asked for renjun's necklace (as a joke) and renjun was like yeah i can give this to you and mark was like omg this is like busan all over again. jungwoo just says things flippantly and renjun takes them seriously but also with 120% courage so he kind of pushes jungwoo to have to work with him lol.

mark to shownu: you got to know jungwoo well through this show right? mark to shownu: isn't he like a puppy?

jungwoo to shownu: do you think of me as a puppy? shownu: no you're jungwoo 🤣 and then jungwoo got teased for deflating

mark mixing up his konglish and then jungwoo and shownu going into english practice mode

jungwoo is busy dog? i didn't know htis haha

talking about how the neos save each other's names in their contacts

mark said that he saved renjun's name as shoulder gangster renjun and jungwoo started singing the song but only NOW am i realizing that it's actually the beginning chorus of go 😅😂 but jungwoo really is close with the dreamies eh

shownu, jungwoo, and renjun all save their contact names in a simple way which is HOW IT SHOULD BE because how else are you going to find people's names??? i really don't get people who save contacts as nicknames

lolll this is what i do for people who aren't friends lol (like coworkers or like bank people etc)

so jungwoo has a neat room :o

shownu's talking about how he envies jungwoo for being neat and organized because he loses his things all the time. he's bought so many airpods. and he also loses his car keys.

renjun is a lanyard boy

shownu: what if i forget where my car is renjun: ... renjun: call your car?

LOL mark was a bit hesitant to join into the convo but he was like "er....that happens to me too" (losing your car)

ok i'm like jungwoo because i try to park in the same place every time too

jungwoo dissecting mark's routine step by step and mark is losing his mind 😅

i knew mark used things for a long time based on what we saw in the boys mental training camp. he said he gets sentimental about stuff. which again, is very in line with his personality.

shownu cried when he had to sell his car and he had it for less than two years 😅

i'm kind of like mark in that i keep my old phone when i get a new one. but i do back up my photos regularly to my computer so keeping photos on my phone isn't really a thing i do. which reminds me, i have to do that soon lol.

aw, jungwoo said that this is the first time shownu has opened like this on the show and it's because of renjun. i think it's also a side effect of jungwoo being relaxed because he's with friends as opposed to guests who he's not as familiar with.

this shownu x renjun friendship is so cute <3

mark thought he'd start doing more mature concepts like monsta x when he turned 25 but he's 25 now and doesn't feel like he can so he gave up.

hype man jungwoo

i think the guests have to decide whether shownu and jungwoo have to work?

renjun thinks harvesting radishes sounds fun. honestly...same lol. if it's just a one-time thing.

jungwoo and shownu have to work 😅 they have to cook fish 😮

this was really fun and cute <3

#screencaps & commentaries #nct #nct dream #mark lee #renjun #nct 127 #jungwoo #monsta x #shownu

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hyukalyptus · 5 months ago

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nsfw alphabet - me!

i wanna do something super casual, so here's an nsfw alphabet for ME! this is definitely me oversharing about my sex life but whatever i wanna do it.

CW!! WAAAAY TMI about my sex life and preferences. if that makes you uncomfy, skip!! i won't be offended, i totally get it! i'm just doing this so we can giggle together about sex.

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex) - i need to be cuddled immediately. mostly prefer being spooned and they rub my ass while we take a quick lil cat nap. also love it when they clean me up for me lol.

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) - on myself, my ass. on others, chests (regardless of gender) or balls on amab obvi. also love moles!! and hair.

c = cum (anything to do with cum) - i feel like im gonna get some gasps for this, but i just don't love cum. IM SRY!! its totally a me thing, a texture mostly. i looOOOoOoOoOOOoove when men cum on my ass/back. like one of my favorite things. like i don't even have to cum myself if they do that (which has happened, i srsly don't mind!), just rly relaxing to me.

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) - hm...iono...ig i keep my writing secret from most people?

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) - eh. im relatively experienced ig lol. way more experienced w amab than afab. i know what i'm doing for the most part haha. sometimes i rly wanna move my body in a specific way and i can't and that's frustrating, but other than that, i guess im ok?

f = favorite position - missionary! :D

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) - i love having fun sex! i'd say i take the intimacy pretty seriously, but i like having fun with trying different positions and finding out what doesn't work and what does.

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) - i shave once every few weeks and then let it grow and shave again when its irritating me. never bald.

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) - like i said, i can definitely be super intimate, but i won't lie i'm mega impatient and that just makes me a tad desperate.

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon) - i like audio porn best

k = kink (one or more of their kinks) - wax play, roleplaying, butt stuff.

l = location (favorite places to do the do) - the bed by far. couch when im feeling a lil saucy LMAO.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) - when im high. or strangely, i get GOIN at museums. idk what tf it is about them. if someone takes me on a museum date, they are gettin some later for SURE. i'm clingy at the museum, holding their hand and touching them, kissing them and i literally need them immediately. idk what it is! and any museum. art, science, history, space, i don't care, they can get it as soon as i step foot in one.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) - i don't like being restrained. i love the idea of it, but i can't do it.

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) - definitely prefer receiving. i have so many texture issues with my mouth that it can be difficult for me ngl. like i can barely eat foot a lot of days. i am rly good at it tho ill give myself that!

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) - i like starting sensual then working up to a pretty fast pace. im an impatient greedy bottom like i said hmph

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) - not my thing. can never rly get off.

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) - ugh i love experimenting with the right person. i have to feel 100% safe with them to do so, but i love it.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) - okok i'm a lil embarrassed to admit this but i cum pretty fast. i don't last very long :( i just LIVE for it in the moment ykwim? like i just neeeed it or i'll die iono. im a loser ig. but i usually only go for 1 round. i love the idea of going for multiple, but i'm pretty much ready to snuggle after 1 round.

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) - i LOVE toys. i use at least one every time i have sex. i love using them on myself, love using them on others. they just make sex better so why not! i kinda don't get the taboo-ness of them? like to me, they're as much a part of sex as condoms ykwim? its just...what i do idk. i particularly love clit toys. this is my current fave. this one is nice but its kinda intense. this one is great for ~beginners~ and its super quiet, a little more on the gentler side.

u = unfair (how much they like to tease) - i like teasing! i find that a lot of guys like edging a lot, so i love playing into that.

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) - im too loud. i'm quite the moaner and i love saying their name.

w = wild card (a random headcanon) - i've only ever experienced being "cock drunk" twice and both times were MAGICAL. like omfg. one of them, i was high so idk if that counts? but it was amazing. the other time i was fully sober, idk what was going on, guess it was his dick. but since then, i'm completely obsessed with the idea of being cock drunk.

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) - ooh what would i say! i got nice tits. and a big booty.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?) - i've got a pretty low sex drive if you believe it or not!

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) - i could fall asleep immediately frfr.

#hp overshares #hp talks

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oboes-bos-hoes · 2 years ago

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Can't we respect peoples opinions without being hateful?

Reminder that I used to ship Mileven and then I went onto Pinterest and it slowly started feeding me Byler stuff and then I was like... ohhhhhhhhhhhh thats so true!!

Because I'm OPEN to the idea of change and open to people being LGBTQ+ in shows.

What I'm trying to say is that a lot of Mileven shippers aren't open to change or are homophobic, and obviously some of them aren't problematic, but heaps of them are, and idk just like

You can ship Mileven and be a good person. You can CHOOSE not to send hateful anons to people who are just expressing their opinion.

You can CHOOSE to mind your business when a post doesn't apply to the ships you prefer.

You can CHOOSE to not call people awful slurs and insults because you don't like a specific ship.

You can CHOOSE to be a nice person. Can't we all be nice to each other?

You have NO right to be spreading hate just because you cant handle the fact that your precious ship is being "threatened" by others.

Heres an example of a nice, respectful, civil, response to a Byler post!

"Oh, I personally don't ship Byler, i like Mileven more, but I respect your opinion!"

And some of this does apply to Byler shippers as well! There are toxic shippers in every fandom.

EVERYONE!! There is no need to go onto a tag or post and spread hate just because you don't like the ship. Keep your hate to yourself.

Of course, in some cases, arguing your point is ok. If the person who posted has invited debates, or if they are being homophobic or bigoted, then sure. Make your point. All I'm saying is that there is no need to spread hate on a post that doesn't relate to you.

BUT, it is a totally valid excuse to fight with romantic Stobin shippers, I don't care what you say to them, because what the fuck are they doing, SHE IS CANONICALLY A LESBIAN.

All in all, why the hate? Can't we choose to be a nice person?

I didn't want to make a serious post, but there has been so much hate lately, (on both sides, but mainly Mileven as far as I have seen, especially with the hate anons,) I just wanted to say this and get it off my chest.

Hopefully people take something from this, idk what I'm doing.

#byler #stranger things #mileven #be nice #everyone #pls be nice to people #why all the hate #why are they like this #important #st s5

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stardustshelb · 2 years ago

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"If It Kills Me" - Jake One Shot

TW: Language. Your name (female) + Jake. 6,339 words.

The song "If It Kills Me" by Jason Mraz inspired me to write this story; each part of the story is inspired by a different part of the song.

Part One

"It would be such a beautiful moment to see the look on your face,

To know that I know that you know now.

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking.

You know nothing." - JM

You’re sending me one-worded texts. You’re probably busy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself because why else would you be responding like you’re mad at me? I haven’t done anything to make you angry. If you knew I was spiraling and overthinking like this, you’d probably throw in an emoji, a gif, something to ease my mind. I decided to stop dwelling on the “ok” and “lol” replies and put my phone away. I’m clearly distracted and the last thing I need is Danny getting angry if I throw the tempo off again.

“Let’s run through that one more time,” Josh said into the microphone. I normally am the serious one who takes control of our practices, but I wasn’t feeling it today. We were going on four hours of rehearsal for our upcoming tour. I was exhausted because I stayed up too late, but that’s the sacrifice you make when the love of your life lives in a different time zone. I listened to Danny count us in, “One, two, three, four,” and began playing my guitar. I tried to focus on the music but thoughts of you kept creeping in.

When rehearsal finally ended, I checked my phone hoping to see your name on my screen. Nope. You left me on read. Thousands of notifications plague my screen but the one notification I was looking for was nonexistent. I started replaying the last parts of our conversation last night; if you were mad at me for something I said, I truly couldn’t remember. I put my phone in my back pocket and finished packing my stuff up for the day. We had to be back bright and early tomorrow, so thankfully I didn’t have to pack up all of my pedals and amps.

“What are you doing tonight?” Sam asked as he held out a ruby grapefruit White Claw to me.

“It’s barely 2:00 in the afternoon, man,” I said as I waved his offer away. “Uh, I’m probably going to take it easy tonight and stay in.”

“That’s what you did last night,” Sam said as he shifted his weight to his other foot. He was clearly bummed that I wasn’t up for hanging out.

“Yeah, well, I’m trying to savor my nights at home before I spend them all on the road,” I said with a shrug. I loved touring and playing music more than anything, but I also loved sleeping in my own bed. I just wished you were here to share it with me.

“If you change your mind, call me,” he said as he placed the unopened White Claw down near my boot. He walked away before I could respond. I stared at the can and then grabbed it before walking out to the parking lot.

When I got home, I took a quick shower and laid on the couch scrolling through the pictures in my camera roll. Our social media team has made several remarks lately that my Instagram was too “dry” and our fans were begging for more content from me. I never really pay much attention to the demands of keeping up an online presence on social media. I scrolled back to March of this year and smiled as I looked at the pictures from our quick trip to the beach. It was the last time we were able to spend time together as just the two of us. We spent four days secluded from the outside world in a condo in Santa Barbara. It was the highlight of my year. I found a picture you took of me when I was staring out into the sunset. My jeans were rolled up to my shins to keep from getting wet as the waves rolled in. I remember the water was so cold I thought my toes were going to turn black. You don’t smoke anymore, but you took a hit (or two) on the joint hanging out of my mouth. I didn’t know you took the picture of me at the time, but I’m thankful you did. If only you knew that at that moment I was cursing the sun for leaving and robbing us of another day together.

The night passed by quickly. I still hadn’t heard from you and I was trying not to worry. It wasn’t like we were always in constant contact with our busy work schedules, but you should have texted me by now. I was fighting my eyelids to stay awake. I knew you had been working night shifts at the hospital recently, but I knew you were off. Our three-hour time difference really made things difficult for my sleep schedule. While it was almost 2 a.m. for me, I knew you would be awake and scrolling through your plethora of social media apps before getting ready for bed.

I had an idea that normally worked when I needed a desperate way to grab your attention. I opened my Instagram app for the first time in weeks and hit the plus sign to make a post. I scrolled back to the picture you took of me on the beach and typed the caption, “The fleeting daylight gave me liberation though I longed for staying a captive on the sand.” I hit send and waited for the trap I set to work. I knew you had my Instagram notifications turned on.

I chuckled as I read the comments from fans who always posted the most unhinged shit. Even though my motive was to get a response from you, I still enjoyed reading the interesting comments. And as if I knew you better than you knew yourself, I suddenly was on the receiving end of your FaceTime call.

“Hey,” I said as I propped the phone up on the pillow next to me. I fought the urge to display a smug smile.

“You have a typo in your Instagram caption,” you said. You had a toothbrush hanging out the side of your mouth and your hair was wrapped up in a towel.

“Do I?” I asked, playing dumb. Any time I needed a response from you, posting a typo on social media worked 9 times out of 10. Josh just thinks I’m an idiot at this point.

“It doesn’t even make sense,” you said as you leaned down to spit off camera.

“Fine, I’ll fix it,” I said as I reopened the app to make an edit to the caption.

“You could have at least given me photographer credits,” you said. I fixed the typo and opened your FaceTime back so I could see your beautiful face full screen. You weren’t paying me any attention as you were doing your nighttime skincare routine. I didn’t care because I was still able to admire you.

“You and I both know the insanity that would ensue if I tagged you in anything,” I said with a sigh.

“That’s true,” you said.

“I miss the beach,” I said but fought to replace beach with the word you. Though, you would have seen it all over my face if you were looking at me.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk much today,” you said.

“I was beginning to think you were mad at me,” I admitted.

“Why would I be mad at you?” you asked as you suddenly stopped rubbing moisturizer into your skin. You stopped looking at yourself in the mirror and stared at your phone–stared at me. I tried to remember what I was saying.

“I–uh–well, you know, you didn’t respond for hours, and uh, when you did, it was um–” I knew I was tripping over my words. I felt my face getting warm because I was flustered.

“I’m not mad at you, Jake. At least not at the moment,” you said with a wink.

“You know I get into my head sometimes,” I said as I smoothed my hair back.

“Better than anyone. Ok, well, I wanted to pop on real quick to tell you good night,” you said. I could tell you were about to wrap up the call. I hated saying goodbye but I needed to sleep too.

“Good night, y/n” I said as I watched you finish drying your hair.

“Good night, Jake,” you said before hanging up.

“I love you,” remained silently on my lips.

Part Two

"Well you and I,

Why, we go carrying on for hours on end.

We get along much better,

Than you and your boyfriend." - JM

“You look like shit,” Josh said. Once again, another sleepless night robbed me of any rest and relaxation before another full morning of rehearsal. Thoughts of you mixed with anticipation for the new tour had my mind racing.

“Yeah, well, we’re twins,” I said as I stirred my coffee. “So, I guess you look like shit too.” I was fighting the urge to add a little whiskey to it if this was how practice was going to go.

“This is the last practice of the week, so let’s not fuck around and waste any time today,” he added.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned. I didn’t like what he was implying.

“It means get your head out of your ass and finish your coffee so we can get started,” he said. I could sense Josh was angry about something, but there was no telling with him. The smallest inconvenience could set him off. I bit my tongue and let him have his moment of misdirected anger. I finished my cup of coffee and started to plug in my guitar.

“Yesterday we stopped after ‘Frozen Light’ so let’s move on through the rest of the set list,” I said.

“Well, then you’re plugging in the wrong guitar,” Josh said. Confused, I glanced at the taped setlist on my side of the stage and realized our B stage performance was next.

“Oh, yeah,” I said.

“You would know that if you paid any attention yesterday,” Josh said under his breath.

“What the fuck is your problem this morning?” I asked.

“Guys,” Sam said as he stepped in to diffuse the situation. That’s what the three of us did. Whoever was the one outside of the conflict always stepped in to help calm the other two down. But truth be told, it was normally Sam who worked as the middle man. “I’m not acting as the rope for your game of tug-of-war today.” My heart strings pulled a little for my younger brother as I threw my cup of coffee in the trash.

Rehearsal went by a lot quicker today than it did yesterday. I’m sure it was because anger fueled me not to waste a single moment of time so I didn’t have to be here any longer than I had to be. I was looking forward to a couple days off. I wondered if I could make a quick trip to California to see you this weekend.

“Hey,” I heard Josh’s voice from behind me. I continued to pack up my stuff instead of turning around to face him.

“I’m sorry, Jake,” he said. I stopped messing with my cords and sighed before turning around.

“It’s ok,” I said when I met his eyes.

“I’m stressed about the tour and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you,” he said. Any ounce of anger I had instantly evaporated. I could tell he needed a hug so I pulled him in. Normally he was the one to initiate physical contact, but I knew what he needed.

“Are you sticking around here for the weekend?” I asked as I let go of our embrace.

“I’m not sure. What about you?” Josh responded.

“I may explore the west coast for a couple days,” I said, rubbing my chin.

“Jake…” Josh’s voice sounded like a warning.

“What?” I asked. He sighed and shook his head, clearly not saying what he wanted to say.

“Tell y/n I said hi,” he said.

“I never said I was going to see her,” I said.

“You didn’t have to,” he added.

“It’s not a good weekend,” you said. Your words immediately broke my heart and I struggled to hold the phone in my hand. I called to see if I could come stay and visit because I hadn’t seen you in nearly three months.

“I thought you said you were off most of this week,” I said, trying to mask the sadness in my voice.

“I am,” you said.

“So why can’t I come? I miss the beach. I miss you,” the words escaped my mouth before I realized it.

“I have plans this weekend,” you said. I could tell you didn’t want to volunteer any more information and that I was going to have to ask to get any details.

“One day on the beach with me is all I ask,” I practically begged.

“Nathan and I are going out of town,” you said. There it was. The reason you were being so short and vague. You knew how I felt about him; I just wish you knew how I felt about you.

“He’s still around?” I asked.

“Jake, I’m not having this conversation again,” you said. I could hear the frustration in your voice.

“Where are you guys going?” I asked. I really didn’t want to know any details because I didn’t want to think about Nathan any more than I had to. I was struggling to play nice.

“He’s taking me to his parents’ house in Malibu,” you said. I felt my chest tighten.

“You’re meeting his parents?” I asked.

“Yes, Jake. Is that ok with you?” you asked sarcastically.

“You know you don’t need my permission for anything. I can’t say the same for Nathan,” I added. I tasted the bitterness of my insult. You didn’t immediately respond so I knew my words made an impact. I then heard you speaking but I couldn’t tell what you were saying. The sound was muffled as if your hand was covering the phone.

“Hello?” I asked. I continued listening to the muffled conversation and realized he was currently there with you. I couldn’t make out what you two were saying but I was growing more and more frustrated by the second. “Y/n?” I asked again, hoping for a response, but I continued to sit on the metaphorical back burner.

“Sorry about that,” you said. “Hey, I’ve got to finish packing but I will call you tomorrow.”

“Sure, of course. I will talk to you tomorrow,” I said as you ended the call.

I made myself a drink and debated calling one of the guys to come over and hangout. It was only 8:00 p.m. but I felt the exhaustion from the last two days taking its toll on me. Well, the tequila in my drink probably didn’t help. I figured I should take advantage of some extra hours of sleep. I polished off my glass and slowly shuffled to my bedroom. I put my phone on the charger and collapsed into my bed. For once, I didn’t have to lie awake as I slowly sunk into the pillow.

Part Three

"How long, can I go on like this,

Wishing to kiss you

Before I rightly explode?

Well this double life I lead isn't healthy for me.

In fact, it makes me nervous.

If I get caught, I could be risking it all." - JM

I didn’t realize that I slept for over 14 hours when I rolled over to check the time on my phone. Both my body and my mind really needed to rest. I scrolled through the notifications on my screen with tired eyes until I spotted two missed calls from you. As if you were a shot of espresso, I was immediately awake. You didn’t leave me a voicemail but you had called me at what would be 1 a.m. your time. I sat up straight and nervously called you back.

“Hello?” you answered on the first ring. Your voice sounded strange.

“Hey, I’m sorry I missed your calls last night. What’s going on?” I asked.

“If you’re still wanting to come to California, I’m free,” you said.

“I’ll be on the next flight,” I said as I hurried to get out of bed.

“Thanks, Jake,” you said. I could tell you were on the verge of tears, so I decided not to press for any details yet. We could talk it out once I got there.

I landed in Santa Barbara just after 7 p.m. and headed through the small California airport. It was surprisingly easy finding a last-minute flight, but it wasn’t easy getting through the airport. Even today, I am still taken aback by the attention I receive from fans. I texted you to find out where to meet you and made my way down the escalator. I was only staying for two nights so I threw everything I needed into my backpack. I can travel light. I waited outside and kept my head down until I saw your car rolling up. To my surprise, Nathan was in the passenger seat. I felt sick. You immediately jumped out of the car and ran straight to me. I wanted to pick you up and spin you around, but I knew that would not make a great first impression with your boyfriend.

“I’m so happy to see you!” you squealed as I lingered in your welcoming embrace. Everything I had planned to say to you was no longer relevant now that he was here.

“I’m happy to be here,” I said as you finally let go. I could feel Nathan staring at us but I kept my eyes locked on your beautiful face. Your naturally long eyelashes fluttered and I swore I stopped breathing.

“Are you hungry?” you asked.

“Famished, actually,” I said, realizing all I’ve eaten today were the free snacks the airline gives you.

“Good because I made lasagna,” you said as you stood on your tiptoes.

“Did you follow your famous recipe?” I asked.

“From a box?” you asked with a laugh.

“Shh, we pretend, remember?” I asked. Before you could respond, we both jumped at the sound of your car horn. Nathan’s impatience seemed to get the best of him. I grinded my teeth before taking a deep breath. So much for first impressions.

“Come on,” you said as you rolled your eyes and laughed. I relaxed my fingers, which I didn’t realize were balled up into a fist, before following you to your car. I slid into the backseat and channeled my inner Josh so I could act like I was excited about meeting Nathan.

“Hey, man. I’m Jake,” I said, sticking my arm out to shake his hand. He turned around and looked at me like I was covered in dirt.

“Hello, Jake,” he said, finally grabbing my hand unenthusiastically. “I’m Dr. Turner.” Give me a break. You got into the car and smiled when you saw us shaking hands.

“Oh good, I didn’t have to do the introductions,” you said with a wink.

I learned your weekend trip to Malibu was canceled when Nathan–or Dr. Turner–found out he needed to be on call at the hospital last minute. I could tell you were disappointed, but I’m not sure if that was the reason you sounded like you were crying on the phone this morning. I made a mental note to ask you about it when we had some privacy. I knew Nathan was staying for dinner but I was praying to whatever God who was listening that he wouldn’t be staying the night as well. I needed alone time with you.

When we got back to your place, I made my way to your guest room to put my backpack up. I checked in with the guys to let them know I had made it safely to your place. I guess news of me being in California was all over Twitter and Instagram because our social media manager sent me screenshots of some pictures I took with fans in the airport. I knew we’d have to lay low now that I was here to keep your identity hidden. The last thing you or I needed were pictures of us circulating online with rumors. I started to make my way out of the bedroom when I stopped in the doorway. I could hear you and Nathan having what sounded like an argument, and I didn’t want to interrupt. I leaned in closer to the hallway to eavesdrop.

“He can’t get a hotel room?” Nathan asked.

“I’m not making my best friend stay in a hotel,” you said as you closed the oven door.

“He can afford it,” he said with a scoff.

“I don’t concern myself with other people’s finances, Nathan. You know that. People could say the same thing about me dating a doctor,” you said. I rolled my eyes.

“I just don’t like the idea of another guy staying the night with you,” he said.

“He’s not staying with me. He’s sleeping in another room. Plus I’ve known Jake almost my entire life. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve slept under the same roof,” you said.

“I would feel more comfortable if I were here too,” he said. I felt my blood start to boil.

“Please trust me, Nathan. I’ve never given you a reason not to,” you said. I couldn’t handle listening any longer so I made my way out of the hallway and walked into the kitchen. When you saw me, you pulled away from Nathan. I’m not sure if you noticed–but both he and I did. I’m sure that unconscious movement only fueled his insecurities even more.

Dinner went better than one would expect. It appears everyone–including myself–is a great actor. One would have never guessed Nathan didn’t want me there with the way he was asking me questions about my life with the band. If I didn’t know half of what I already knew about him, I’d think he was a pretty good guy. You beamed watching the two of us converse. I gazed at your full lips across the table as they broke into a smile. I wanted nothing more than to kiss them.

“Nothing like a home-cooked meal,” you said with a laugh. I gave you a soft smile.

“Stouffer’s is a specialty with this one,” Nathan said, pulling you into a side hug. “I’m hoping she’ll learn her way around a kitchen eventually.”

“I will take anything that’s not fast food at this point,” I said. I stared at the glass mason jar of strawberry lemonade you so kindly made AKA mixed Crystal Light with water. I knew you had a busy schedule at the hospital and worked so hard as a nurse. And I knew you had to fend a lot for yourself growing up. I was just proud that you made a life for yourself and lived unapologetically. I didn’t care that you never took an interest in cooking. You never tried to be anyone but yourself and I loved that about you.

“Well, it would be nice to have something that wasn’t full of preservatives every once in a while,” Nathan said with a laugh. I looked up to meet his eyes and if looks could kill, he’d be a goner. You sensed my sudden change in mood and laughed at his joke–a laugh that you and I both knew was fake and forced.

“I’m a great cook, actually. What about you Nathan?” I said.

“A man’s place doesn’t belong in the kitchen. Plus, I’m too busy with surgeries and–” he was saying.

“The 1900s called. They want their sexist views back,” I joked. You let out a wild laugh, one that was so not fake. I watched Nathan squirm in his seat before forcing a smile. Before he could respond, the ringing of his work phone distracted us.

“Great,” he muttered before excusing himself from the table. When he was out of the room, you and I locked eyes and you started that wild laugh again.

“Jacob Thomas Kiszka, you are horrible,” you said. I loved when you used my full name.

“What kind of backwards ideology is that?” I asked. I wasn’t joking anymore.

“He was raised differently,” you said, smoothing the napkin in your lap.

“Does he call his mom Mother? Be honest,” I said, biting my lip to keep from laughing.

“Jake…” you said.

“Holy shit, he does!” I exclaimed. We both were laughing hysterically when Nathan came back into the room.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“Jake just told me a funny story,” you said nervously.

“I like to laugh,” Nathan said as he joined us at the table.

“Do you have to leave, darling?” you asked. I could taste the bile in my throat after hearing you call him that.

“Yeah, here in a second. I want to hear this hilarious story first,” he said as he met my stare.

“It’s really an inside joke. You wouldn’t–” you started.

“I’m waiting,” Nathan said, not breaking my eye contact. Just then, I fantasized about stabbing him in the neck with the fork in my hand.

“I was telling y/n the story about how Josh–that’s my brother–sometimes acts in his diva persona,” I was trying to come up with something on the fly. I’m sure anyone with a brain would know I was lying, but I kept going. “And when he’s this super bitch–his words–he makes life hell for us all.”

“And that’s…funny?” Nathan asked.

“If you knew him, yes,” I said.

“Right. Well, I’ve been called in for surgery. Another with cirrhosis of the liver. They’re a dime a dozen nowadays,” Nathan said. It was hard to believe he was talking about another human life. I wouldn’t want someone who didn’t see value in another person’s soul operating on me. He wouldn’t give a shit if I lived or died. I’d be just another body on the operating table to him. “That’s why I’ve encouraged y/n to stop drinking. Nasty stuff. Jake, you should consider it too.”

“Thanks for the medical advice, doc,” I said.

“I’m serious. Alcohol is poison. But then again, so are all of the preservatives we consume in our instant lemonades and frozen lasagnas, so what the hell do I know?” he laughed. Nobody laughed along with him this time.

“I’ll walk you out,” you said as you pushed yourself away from the table. I wasn’t sure if you were needing a break from yet another one of his passive aggressive insults, or if you were trying to get him away from me before I did something that would put me behind bars for the rest of my life.

Part Four

"If I should be so bold,

I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand.

I'd tell you from the start how I longed to be your man.

But I never said a word,

I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again." - JM

We spent the rest of the evening sitting on your couch and catching up. We talked every day but having this time with you in person felt completely different. You wanted to know everything about our new tour and I could feel the excitement radiating off of you.

“Will you be there opening night?” I asked.

“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you said. “I have a confession.”

“Oh?” I asked as I moved closer to you.

“I have a bottle of tequila stashed in the cabinet above the refrigerator,” you whispered.

“You know how I feel about alcohol, and don’t even get me started on preservatives,” I said sarcastically. You threw a pillow at me before jumping up to grab it. I watched you climb on top of your kitchen counter to be able to reach your hidden contraband. You jumped down off the counter and ran back to join me on the couch with the forbidden bottle of tequila tucked under your arm.

“If you can guess my favorite song off the new album, I will take a shot. If you get it wrong, you have to take a shot,” you said, holding the bottle out to me.

“So I have a 90% chance of taking a shot,” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“The odds are definitely in my favor,” you said with a laugh. I studied your face for a moment. I wanted to tell you how you were the inspiration for my most favorite song that I’ve ever written. Josh heard it once and knew it belonged on the album. I wanted to explain how my time on the beach with you earlier this year inspired the story behind the song. Every word, every line to the song “Waited All Your Life” was written about you. You were the song. But how could I ever admit that?

“Runway Blues?” I guessed. I knew it wouldn’t be it. And for a moment, I swear a look of disappointment flashed across your face for a brief moment.

“Nope! Take a shot!” you said as you proudly held the bottle to me.

“What was the right answer?” I asked as I unscrewed the lid. I put the bottle to my lips and wondered when it touched yours last.

“‘Waited All Your Life’ is my favorite,” you said with a soft smile. I felt my chest tighten at your admission and took a shot of tequila straight from the bottle.

“Mine too,” I said so quietly I wondered if you even heard me. “Hey, can we go to the beach tomorrow? Just the two of us?”

“Yeah, that sounds perfect,” you said as you grabbed the bottle from me. You took a shot and I envied the bottle that got to kiss your lips.

After talking and laughing for several hours on the couch, you got a text from Nathan that the surgery went well and he was headed home for the night.

“Home as in…?” I asked.

“Home as in his own home. We don’t live together, Jake,” you said as you looked up at me under your lashes.

“I know, I know,” I said as I sighed with relief. You screwed the lid back on the bottle of tequila before climbing back up to stash it away for another time. When you came back into the living room, you stood at the end of the couch and yawned. Unfortunately, I knew what was coming.

“I think we should call it a night,” you said. I didn’t want this night to end. Carpe noctem.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired,” I lied.

“Don’t set an alarm. Sleep in and we’ll go to the beach whenever we feel like it tomorrow,” you said. I didn’t want to sleep at all. I didn’t want to waste a single moment when I’m here with you.

“Ok, sounds like a plan,” I said as I stood up. I walked closer to you and I watched you suck in a breath.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” you said quietly.

“Me too,” I said as I wrapped my arms around you.

“Good night, Jake,” you said.

“Good night, y/n,” I whispered.

After my shower, I laid on the bed in the guest bedroom and stared at the ceiling fan for what felt like an eternity. Thoughts of you, thoughts of us, thoughts of Nathan, the beach, tequila, and your song clouded my mind. I wanted to get out of bed and knock on your bedroom door. I wanted to admit every thought and feeling I’ve hidden from you for years. I wanted to admit how I’ve kept this secret from you for so long and it kills me nearly every day. I wanted to cry and scream and then cry some more. I wanted to hold you. But I just laid there and stared at the ceiling fan as the blades moved in a perfect rotation. Maybe tomorrow I’d admit these things to you. Maybe when we’re on the beach I’d finally find courage amongst the waves. I closed my eyes and let the hope for tomorrow guide my dreams for tonight.

Part Five

"And all I really want to do is to feel you.

It's a feeling inside that keeps building.

I will find a way to you if it kills me.

If it kills me.

It might kill me." - JM

I helped unload your adirondack chairs from the back of your car when we found a spot on the beach that was secluded from both the locals and the tourists. There was a walk-up bar not too far from us, but still far enough away that we felt like we were the only two people on the beach. I kept my sunglasses on as I faced the ocean, admiring the sunlight reflecting off the water. I watched you apply your sunscreen and waited for you to ask me to help you apply it to your back and neck.

“Do you mind helping?” you asked, turning away from me and moving your hair to the side. I grabbed the bottle and started to rub the lotion on your back. I took my time because I wanted to feel every inch of your soft skin.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked as I continued rubbing the sunscreen on your shoulders. I finally felt enough courage to ask about the phone call since I couldn’t see your eyes.

“Always,” you said.

“When I talked to you on the phone yesterday morning… You sounded like you were crying,” I quietly admitted. I waited for you to say something but the silence lingered in the air.

“I was,” you said.

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t really want to talk about it, Jake,” you said as you dropped your head. I stared at the back of your neck waiting for the right words to come to me.

“You know you can talk to me about anything,” I said.

“I know,” you said. I put my hands on your shoulders and pulled for you to turn to face me. When you met my eyes, I could see they were hiding something.

“Y/n, what’s bothering you?” I asked. You sighed as you put your sunglasses on, attempting to camouflage your emotions.

“Nathan and I got into an argument that night and I called you in the heat of the moment. But we worked it out by the time you called me back the next morning. I was still upset and just needed to see my best friend,” you said as you reached out to squeeze my hand. “I miss you so much.”

“Loving a music man ain’t always what it’s supposed to be,” I sang a line from one of your favorite Journey songs as I let your hand stay in mine. I knew what I had to do to make you smile.

“Oh, girl, you stand by me,” you sang playfully. You loved when I sang, especially when it was a song off of your comfort playlist.

“I’m forever yours,” I sang back to you, meaning every word I said.

“Faithfully,” you sang as you let go of my hand. I wanted the lyrics to be true for you like they were for me. You laid your head back on your chair and basked in the sunlight.

“Y/n?” I asked.

“Mhm?” you replied, still sunbathing.

“I–” I began, but stopped speaking when your phone started ringing.

“Sorry, this is work,” you said as you fished your phone out of your tote bag. I watched your face turn to disappointment behind the sunglasses. “Hello?” you said as you answered. You got up and walked away to take the phone call. I turned my attention away from you and looked out toward the waves. I knew our time together was ending quicker than I wanted it to. I was supposed to fly back home first thing tomorrow morning, and we were supposed to spend the entire day together on the beach, but my gut told me those plans were about to change. Being a musician, I was no stranger to abrupt changes and I quickly learned how to adapt to the unexpected. Nothing in my life ever goes according to plan anymore. I glanced your direction and watched you pace back and forth, still talking to whoever it was on the phone. I turned back toward the water and savored what I knew would be my final moments here on the beach. Another chance I would never take washed away on the shore line. I wiped the tear that escaped my eye as you walked back toward your empty chair. You didn’t have to say it; I knew.

“I am so sorry, Jake,” you began.

“Do we need to go?” I asked.

“Yes,” you said with a sigh. Without another word, I stood up and helped grab the chairs to make our way back to your car.

“Please feel free to stay in my house until I get back. I only have to go in for a few hours to help locate and fix some medical charts that got mishandled. I don’t have to work a full shift tonight,” you said.

“Sure, of course,” I lied. I’d be searching for the next flight out of California the second you walked out the door. I knew you would be upset that I planned to leave without a proper goodbye, but I left what I needed to say out on the beach. The waves carried my broken heart back to the ocean. My unspoken words would forever remain buried in the sand.

Eventually, I would find my way back there when you were ready to hear them.

It wasn’t our time, yet. And it kills me that maybe it never will be.

The End

#greta van fic #greta van fleet #jake kiszka #jake gvf #sad thoughts #sad stories #if it kills me #jason mraz #jacob thomas kiszka

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