#you hurt me again and again and again

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

[myheartxmyman]

Du bist es Riehm schuldig? In vier Todestagen haben wir nicht einen wirklich miteinander verbracht... Ich kam mir sogar abgefickt vor. Im Stich gelassen. Konnte mir dann noch anhören, dass es meine Schuld ist.. Ich fühle mich null wie eine Priorität. Nicht unterstützt. Fühle mich nicht so, als wäre ich in einer Partnerschaft. In den letzten sieben Tagen hast du Riehm wesentlich öfters gesehen als mich. Scheint dir egal zu sein, oder eher sogar ganz Recht.. Du meintest gestern "ich hab morgen noch nichts vor", ich hab mich mal wieder dumm wie ich bin darauf eingestellt, dass wir was machen.

V: "komm ich danach dann zu dir?"

M: "Lass das gleich besprechen wenn Post, Lauffen und mein to do Punkt abgehakt sind."

Aus diesem Gespräch wurde ein "ich fahr jetzt zu Riehm, du kannst ja mit wenn du möchtest, bins ihm schuldig."

Wow...

Dann frag ich "mit wohin?", keine Antwort aber online...

Ehrlich gesagt finde ich, dass du mir was schuldig bist nach Dienstag und Mittwoch letzte Woche. Donnerstag war zwar auch alles andere als toll, allerdings habe ich mich selbst dafür entschieden. Zwar nicht ganz "freiwillig", weil ich wusste "entweder ich komm mit, oder wir sehen uns wieder nicht".

Und ich Depp hab grad wirklich geschaut wo Milky Chance nächstes Jahr Konzerte gibt. Duisburg, allerdings spielen dort auch deichkind, kontra k und einige Andere welche du nicht sonderlich magst... Australien, Neuseeland und Florida. "Australien und Neuseeland schon im Januar, zu früh um das nötige Geld anzusparen" war mein Gedanke. Also Florida... Ich hab nach Flügen geschaut, nach Hotels in der Nähe und nach den Festival Tickets. 12. April bis 14. April.

Ich wollte dir zwei Karten + zwei Flüge schenken & eine Unterkunft. Wollte dir die Wahl überlassen, mit wem du dorthin gehst. Wohlwissend, dass wir bis dahin eventuell kein "wir" mehr sind, oder besser gesagt noch weniger ein "wir" als jetzt. Wissend, dass du eventuell bis dahin sogar mit einer neuen Freundin dorthin gehen würdest.

Allerdings hat mich deine Nachricht, in welcher du mich mal wieder vor vollendete Tatsachen gestellt hast, obwohl wir meiner Meinung nach was geplant hatten, kalt erwischt. Hätte nicht gedacht, dass das nach den letzten Wochen noch möglich ist... Mein Herz bricht jeden Tag mehr. Wenn du "uns" bzw die Beziehung nicht mehr möchtest, warum beendest du sie dann nicht? Ich hab das Gefühl, du versuchst mich mit deinen Taten dazu zu bringen, die Beziehung zu beenden. Ich bin so verwirrt, so verletzt, verständnislos, fühl mich im Stich und allein gelassen, unwichtig, ungewollt. Es tut wirklich weh, und jede dieser Aktionen der letzten Wochen zerstört. Zerstört mich, zerstört was wir haben/hatten, zerstört mein Vertrauen in die Menschen generell, macht mich misstrauisch, zurück haltend, vorsichtig.

Mein erster Gedanke auf deine Sprachnachricht "morgen hab ich zum Beispiel noch nichts vor", war die Antwort "noch". Ich hätte es wissen sollen. In letzter Zeit hab ich zu oft anderen abgesagt, weil ich lieber mit dir sein wollte, am Ende saß ich alleine da. Wieder und wieder. I feel caged sometimes.

[lotus-pear]

do you finally see me?

[shushmal]

okay but a like post-series fic i want that's like: steve harrington being the only man left in hawkins fighting monsters

and not like a 'everyone died, last man standing' way but just. they beat it back, the story ends, nice little tie-up and neatly concluded, eleven loses her powers because their world is completely cut from the other. and life goes on. eddie (yes, eddie lives au don't fight me) goes off with his band, robin-nancy-jargyle off to separate cities for college. the kids go to high school, graduate high school, and scatter across the country. joyce and hop buy a beach house far-far-far away from goddamn hawkins indiana.

steve though. steve stays. he does it too without comment, takes all their calls telling him all these amazing things. the years pass. the calls are fewer and far between. he's mostly in contact with only dustin and robin. except robin's out of country doing some crazy temp job in some remote country, she never catches him at home right now so just leaves him messages. and it takes a couple of weeks for dustin to realize he hasn't gotten steve on the phone.

frantically he calls around "have you heard from steve???" except the most people talk to steve anymore is like phone calls during holidays and holy shit what could have happened??

and what if it's back?

cue everyone who can in that moment, rushing back. eddie hopping on a flight from fucking london direct to indianapolis somehow, heart in his throat. he manages to meet hopper in the airport and they pick up max and dustin at the bus station.

they get to hawkins that is even more different that what they left. a smaller town, a town that shuts down completely when the sun sets. it's creepy and deserted.

except for the fucking upside down monsters of course.

and they're in their stupid little rental in front of this demogorgon and they're screaming but then the thing just goes splat on the concrete and steve fucking harrington is blinking owlishly at them.

"Oh, hey guys!" he calls jogging up to the driver's side window. "Wow, what brought you back down this way? You should have told me, I would have told you about the curfew!"

turns out steve just forgot to pay his phone bill that month, didn't even realize he was missing calls and he's been fighting monsters the entire time because actually they WEREN'T cut off from the upside down at all and he's just been casually fighting monsters for the remaining hawkins residence—the whole town knows now and steve's the guy you call when you have a monster problem

sidebar: WAYNE still lives in hawkins, and he and steve are best friends, eddie munson you are gonna LOSE YOUR MIND

[basalting]

after jasons death bruce "accidentally" slips harvey a crowbar while hes in arkham and kisses his cheek and says, voice soft and colder than ice, "make him hurt for me honey"

it takes 6 guards to sedate and drag two face off the joker the next time two face sees him and for the rest of their lives as soon as harvey sees the joker he goes after him like a rabid dog.

[corpsentry]

pick your battles

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

‘Poseidon left a party in Ethiopia because the sea vibes went rancid after Odysseus set sail’ feels like a bit I would make up, but no. That actually happened.

[electronicmail]

Firefox-official vs electronicmail

Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby

okay come up with a better idea then. firefox-official is gone asshole it’s electronicmail or nothing

[mamawasatesttube]

what WERE tim and kon doing in that closet together that made kon have to get dressed afterwards anyway? wrong answers only. i'll start i think they were playing two person strip poker but tim cheated like a motherfucker. actually wait that doesn't make this sound any less gay. um. hold on. there's gotta be something. um

[rebellum]

Fellow trans people I'm begging you to remember that being trans isn't the Only Oppression Ever. Racism exists. (I'm looking at you, white trans people!!!) Being white gives you privilege. Being perisex gives you privilege. Being able bodied gives you privilege. Being a citizen of your country gives you privilege. Living in a developed/first world country gives you privilege. Being a settler gives you privilege. Not having an intellectual disability gives you privilege. Not being severely mentally ill gives you privilege. Being housed gives you privilege. Having internet access gives you privilege. Speaking the dominant language of your area gives you privilege. Not living with addiction gives you privilege.

You are not the most oppressed person ever on earth, white able bodied perisex trans person. Even with being trans, if you're eg from America, canada, western Europe, or Australia, you absolutely have way more political power than eg some cis het indigenous man in rural Brazil.

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[cntarella]

it's just a corpse just a mangle for the dogs. whatever was the thing of you was gone/ it didn't hurt. you were already dead/ no one even noticed

Dayspring by Anthony Oliveira

[collophora]

Fics rec of the week, and especially if you like well-written Wrecker, is the entire work of @electrikworm on AO3 In order:

The Batch have a terrible day

Human Shield

A peaceful moment

(But go read the others too)

[ato-dato]

Concussion?? I hardly know her

[originalartblog]

Question, is there tiny soukoku corruption??????

With big Chuuya around I don't think Tiny would ever need to use Corruption. His tiny gravity manipulation isn't as strong.

But you got it in my head so let's picture it: there is this 3cm-tall dude that faintly glows red and throws deadly baseballs around. He's fast, dangerous, and, again, 3cm tall. Good luck catching, or even spotting him.

It's Chuuya who ends up having to catch him and throw him at Dazai like a ping pong ball so Dazai can nullify him. Or maybe throw Tinyzai at him. Your pick.

and then Tiny rolls over and starts snoring the hurt away because he's Chuuya and he's just built different.

tiny snore