#you guys cannot handle gods being humanized and it shows

[soft-pine]

1.14 nightmare // cn discussion of domestic violence and suicide

what an aptly named episode. this is one of the most upsetting episodes of the whole show for me. while it touches on themes that i love - what if the monster was family - the way it handles ms miller is deeply uncomfortable. and max's story is just downright awful.

i do find it interesting that this is the second time this season where dean is arguing that they have to stop someone even if they happen to be human. while sam is vehemently insisting that them being "human" means they have to take another approach.

the first is in faith:

DEAN: Sam the guys playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies. That's a monster in my book. SAM: No. We're not going to kill a human being Dean. We do that we're no better than he is.

and then again here:

SAM: Dean. He's a person. We can talk to him. 

i've said and i'll say again that dean understands that monstrosity is the result of actions and choices not something intrinsic. i think sam sees monstrosity and humanity as more of an intrinsic dichotomy and that's one reason he struggles so much in season 2. anyway.

but really what i want to talk about is ms miller. and how clear it is that she is also a victim of domestic violence. i understand, deeply, why max is so angry with her and why he sees her as an extension and enabler of his abusers. but i simply cannot fathom a world where max is experiencing the torrential abuse he's suffering where those people are not also harming ms miller deeply.

max accuses her, "You didn't do anything. You didn't stop them, not once!" their old neighbor says, "the worst part was the stepmother. She'd just stand there, checked out, not lifting a finger to protect him." the neighbor's claim always strikes me as a remarkably cruel reading of someone who is clearly also suffering and likely dissociating. like idk man of course i think adults have responsibility in situations like this (and i do appreciate the nod to the cops being useless) but like... "the worst part" THE WORST PART was the stepmother. i kinda feel like the worst part was the abuse, no?

but the upshot of it all is that ms miller's implied abuse seems like it has no witnesses. and that's of interest to me because of some interactions we've already dealt with in season 1.

in 1.03, we get this exchange:

DEAN: ... all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul. It's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man. SAM: How do you do it? How does Dad do it?

then this in 1.08:

SAM: Remind you of somebody? Dad? DEAN: Dad never treated us like that. SAM: Well, Dad never treated you like that. You were perfect. He was all over my case. You don't remember?

and at the end of 1.14, sam says:

SAM: Well I'll tell you one thing. We're lucky we had Dad. DEAN: Well I never thought I'd hear you say that. SAM: Well, it coulda gone a whole other way after Mom. I little more tequila and a little less demon hunting and we woulda had Max's childhood. All things considered, we turned out ok. Thanks to him.

listen, i would never argue that john winchester didn't abuse sam. but i think it's interesting that though sam is critical of john's parenting and though he has complaints about how john treated him, he doesn't seem to think john treated dean poorly.

which, we just simply know he did. we know it because john does it in 1.09, 1.12, 1.20, 1.21. and because we're told he did in 1.18, 1.22, 2.01, 4.19, 9.07, 14.11, 14.12, 15.20, i mean i could go on.

and not that i have to filter everything through season 14 episode 12 prophet and loss. but i will. because it very clearly lays out how 1. dean was forced into the role of keeping the peace and 2. john would treat dean badly in ways dean wasn't sure sam was witnessing.

DEAN: I know things got dicey… you know, with dad… the way he was. And I just… I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should’ve. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was… when I was away, you know it wasn’t ‘cause I just ran out, right? Dad would… he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that.

the uncertainty behind, "i think you knew that." ough.

but bad boys goes even farther here:

SAM: Hey, Dean ... I mean, why didn't you just tell me you went to a boys' home? DEAN: I don't know. Uh, it was Dad's idea. And then it just – you know, the story became the story. I was 16.

john told dean to lie to sam about what was happening to him.

so what does this all mean in an episode where dean is somewhat mirrored to and protective of the allegedly bystanding stepmother?

that abuse is shitty, cruel, secretive, and protects itself by pitting its victims against each other.

i don't know i wish i had something a bit clearer to say than all this. but it's just sad.

[empyrangel]

Furina is my cringefail girl and I’m defending her with a gun. Everyone loved her pre-Fontaine, and then they found out she wasn’t sexy, mean, and powerful like Raiden, or uwu innocent bean like Nahida and suddenly they just turn on her, calling her the worst archon and shit. Anyone denying the misogyny here has got to be completely oblivious. “Oh but she’s so dramatic and bratty!” Yes and I love her for it. God forbid characters have flaws or quirks. “But she’s so weak!” We hardly know anything about her besides she’s cursed, but even if that’s true literally why does it matter? A character doesn’t need to be tough or powerful to be good.

I love Neuvillette too, but his fanbase makes me want to hate him because of all the shit they give Furina for no reason. If a character is really everything you say they are, they should be able to stand on their own two feet and live up to the praise without you having to put down another character to make them look cooler.

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc AU: That one episode of teen titans where they all dress up as Robin + Tim being a gremlin about his legacy + Danny look alike/twin AU.

So there is that episode of Teen Titans where Starfire, Cyborg, Beast Boy and Raven all dress as Robin (Dick) while he's out and it's admitted that the outfit makes them feel cool. Imagine a young Tim hearing that story mentioned in passing by Dick while trying to manage what becomes Young Just-us. And then when Damain becomes Robin?? Gremlin mode activated.

Tim hosts regular 'Robin' Parties, where the idea is that you come in Robin colors, get a mask at the door and everyone gets to basically hang out in civilian clothes without the identity crises for those just getting started. "age appropriate" drinks, games, and good music are all staples. The parties become more frequent once Damian becomes Robin and he pointedly doesn't attend Tim's parties which... Neither of them are really happy about. Family is complicated, but finally, after a few years of cooling off, it's decided that Robin will actually host this years Robin party.

Meaning Tim shows up in casual clothes (MIT sweatshirt) and a mask, and Damian is actually dressed as Robin when the party is starting to get into the swing of things. The point of it is to make sure all the young heroes get to come and start to befriend each other, so there are a few people who show up and have to actually say that they're *insert alias* and this is met with basically "Dope, nice to meet you Robin" etc.

Insert Danny Twin AU (Or just look-alike fuckery) (for either brother but my brain is on Tim Twin au mode).

Danny decides to show up as his human self, grabs a mask at the door before coming in, and is slowly integrating himself into a conversation when someone grabs his arm- "Hey Red your brother is fighting with a newbie about meat products again-"

And Danny doesn't have a brother but my god has he heard this fight too many times with Sam and Tucker- He's going in and he's defusing this situation because he cannot handle the thought of this argument taking over his new friend group. He deals with it enough, okay?

Robin (like, the real one) looks at him curiously while Danny is talking down the other hero Robin (insert here), and the whole room notices when Robin doesn't take the opportunity to dismiss or belittle his older brother (Lmao because its danny). Damian cannot place his unease about Drake (again, Danny, who is not hiding his identity beyond a mask), and simply decides that this isn't worth the effort.

The party moves on but now instead of everyone calling themselves Robin, Danny is distinctly being called Red. It confuses him a bit, he didn't even know Red Robin was going to be at this party (he hasn't met the guy and doesn't know the lore), but he rolls with it because he's made fast friends with Robin (Bart), Robin (Cassie) and Robin (JON). The kid was full little bro energy and it made Danny laugh, he was so surprised when the real Robin joined them and fell into easy conversation with Robin (Jon).

Danny is playing games with a few others when someone goes to grab a broom to clean up- Turns out Red Robin and his boyfriend Kon had been making out in the closet for most of the party- and the whole room looks at Danny like he's tried to trick them. Tim is at first uneasy that so many people mistook him, but once he's in front of his dupe, puzzle pieces start to move around in his head.

"And who are you again, Robin?" Tim asks carefully, though he suspects he has his answer.

"Uh, Phantom, but you know, a lot of people were calling me Red tonight and I didn't get why until just now." Danny laughs nervously.

"Yeah I bet- Find me monday and we can see about a geneology test."

"That leaves us the whole weekend, to do what exactly? Fuck with people by pulling a parent trap style swap?"

"Nature vs. nuture and all but I don't know how you could be anything but my brother with a question like that." Tim grins and they get to scheming.

[theomnicode]

How does Genos show he cares? How to write a relatable cyborg character

Warning: Very long post incoming, tl;dr at the bottom

This meta doubles as Genos appreciation post. :D

Ever since his introduction, Genos has shown multiple times his very humane side of caring about Saitama and caring about defeating evil for the betterment of mankind. (Chapter 5: Itch explosion)

The first line he utters to Saitama is to tell him to hide because he does not want this casualty and when he forgets Saitama was there with him, he worries about him having become a casualty to his incinerator. (Chapter 6: Saitama)

Genos has to resort to almost blowing himself and mosquito girl up because he sees no other way to rid the world of such a powerful monster, but fortunately Saitama intervenes. They exchange names and go their merry way but later on, Genos knock on his door as he promised he would. Saitama is very uncertain about this new cyborg buddy of his, but he lets him in regardless and they have a chat.

Here Genos shows that he also worries about Saitama's health, after having barely met him, when he considers how odd it is that Saitama has balded completely at his age already, which is very abnormal medically considering. (Chapter 7: Mysterious raid)

Genos seems to have bunch of medical knowledge inside his head, as later on in the series he improvises a defiblirator and would have used it on Tank-top master if Bang hadn't gotten his heart started first. (Chapter 144: Silver fang)

He also remarks about Kombu's not so proven scientitic research about it growing hair when Saitama has defeated the Kombu monster and taken the leaf parts for him to eat, making the assumption that Saitama must've gotten the Kombu for growing out his hair. Genos cares a lot about Saitama's health already and they're barely acquainted at best at this point. (Chapter 20: Rumour)

The first duo battle they have shows Genos showing a lot of concern towards Saitama's well being, even when he really does not have to, but he's not yet acquainted well with the level of power Saitama actually possesses so he would not need to worry so much. (Chapter 7: Mysterious raid)

He also looks very disdraught about the fact that he cannot just rush to Saitama's aid because he's too busy himself with Armored gorilla, when the other monster decides to take advantage of Saitama's immobile state. (Chapter 8: You mean this guy?)

Poor Genos is such a worrywart because of his own trauma of losing everything in an instant, it honestly does him good to be able to trust Saitama and that Saitama cannot be harmed that easily. It is good that nowdays, he trusts in Saitama's capabilities to handle himself and he worries a lot less (Chapter 165: Absolute evil), even if he immediately went for an enthusiastic armless glomp on him the moment he saw Saitama was back safe and sound. (Chapter 168: Awakening of the gods)

Otherwise he might want to rush to Saitama's aid without thinking about himself and his own opponent first, like he does with Armored Gorilla, who manages to grab his shoulder when he turns his back to his own enemy. If he cares too much, he lets his guard down against enemies and that is not a good habit to have when his enemies are extremely strong.

A very glaring weakness that could be exploited without mercy in any kind of (double) battle if he does not have the insurance that Saitama is just about impossible to be harmed...well, physically at least.

Genos trust in Saitama's capabilities has unfortunately gotten to the point where he thinks Saitama is an answer to every possible problem mankind could face and where Saitama is basically some sort of messiah. Not without reason either, because Saitama performed some insane feats during the Garou fight. (Chapter 166-168, Chapter 173.)

-*-

Moving back in timeline, Genos is instantly very protective of Saitama, to the point of zealousness and jealosy popping up from time to time when other people try to monopolise Saitama's time to themselves.

Genos overprotectiveness early on also shows in way that he wants to take care of anything that might threathen Saitama's well being without mercy, like blowing up the entirety of the House of Evolution building and ramming himself into the next enemy he sees, that being Carnage Kabuto, but in doing so he can and will easily overexert himself. (Chapter 11: The key to his power)

Genos has immediately become the guard dog of Saitama, that even Flashy flash makes a remark on and tells Genos to sit out like a dog, that Genos immediately refutes by having a peep hole into Saitama's apartment and rejects the proposal of Flashy becoming Saitama's master. (Chapter 193: World I know nothing about)

Genos just outright refuses anybody from monopolising Saitama's time to themselves when he's the one who feels like he has the right to 1 on 1 interaction with Saitama, being his obsessive disciple. 😂

Anybody who dares to waste Saitama sensei's precious time, they have to go through him first.

Early on, Saitama has also learned that he can't scare Genos away with his problems. Genos is far too loyal and even if Saitama wanted to stew with his problem alone, Genos cares far too much already and is far too loyal to be sidelined that easily. (Chapter 15: Hobby and work)

Saitama has also learned that Genos can get quite passionate, intimidating and murderous even if he feels like Saitama's been hurt in some way, such as embarrassed due to low score on his exam when Genos thinks he deserves much better scores, so Saitama has to rein him in lest he seriously go off on some random poor dude who just examined his scores. (Chapter 16: Passed the exam)

(Ah Genos, always over the top reaction. Never change. :D)

-*-

One thing about Genos that gives him points in Saitama's eye is that he is quite willing to explain any concept to Saitama, without judgement even if the logical deduction of said thing would've been easy for to understand. Other people might make snide remarks at Saitama, but not Genos. (Chapter 17: Sparring)

Genos also always has Saitama's best interest in hand and asks if he's going to be fine considering his hero rank and that he hasn't seen Saitama active. (Chapter 18: Business activity)

Genos integrates into Saitama's life almost seamlessly, from grocery shopping to meticulously cleaning the house each and every day, from cleaning the windows, vacuuming, cooking, doing dishes and even scrubbing the toilet on daily basis. There is a lot house work that he does for Saitama.

However, the most outstanding character quality in Genos is that he refuses to give up, no matter how dire or dark the situation may seem, such as during the meteor incident, where he goes completely alone to face such a dragon level threat that it could wipe out the entire city and then some. He cares much about Saitama, but so does he care about the innocent citizens getting caught by such a disaster. (Chapter 21: Giant meteor)

Being close to Saitama, it gives Genos strenght to carry on through even the most difficult tasks shoved on him, because not trusting himself enough and his capabilities will only cause him to hesitate in the face of potential collateral damage and that can be a big weakness in itself when time is of the essence.

After the meteor incident has been dealt with, Genos also shows that he cares a lot about Saitama's feelings and does not want them to be hurt, so that is why he omits telling him that public has made Saitama their enemy, hoping that with time their unjust anger would fade. Unfortunately, that is not to be because Saitama goes outside and faces these angry people anyway. (Chapter 22: Voices)

Genos holds Saitama is very high regard and immediately writes down Saitama's inspiring quote. It is not enough that he cares about his physical and mental well being, but he also cares about Saitama as the person and his feelings, even if he idolizes him a lot.

This trait is further explored in the anime with the extra scene where Genos comes to bring Saitama back home because he worries for Saitama's well being again since the public is turned against him, listens to Saitama's rant and affirms his feelings but still tells Saitama that he would always follow him, no matter what the public thinks about him. Saitama however does not quite get it and only thinks Genos is just buttering him up like earlier, with complements and such, because he does not think of himself very highly but it still manages to bring a smile to his face, something that Genos unfortunately does not get to see. (Episode 7, The greatest apprentice)

Genos being a caring, loyal, headstrong and hardworking protector is put to another test against Sea King, where he gets pummeled and pummels back as much as he can give in an incredible fight, but chooses again to self-sacrifice himself to save a little girl from the corrosive acid of Sea king when he sees no other option to save her, besides throwing his more resilient cyborg body in the way, but at the same time, allows himself to become inoperable and at the mercy of Sea king. (Chapter 26: Glimmer of hope)

It is in Mumen rider's care and headstrong intervention that saves Genos from dying at the hands of Sea King because Saitama had become lost and only just made it there to save them both. At the end, Genos contemplates that he will still follow Saitama, even if the public turned on him en masse and he found himself in a tight spot. (Chapter 28: Since it's raining)

As soon as the letters start pouring in about their heroics, Genos sees how ugly the masses treat Saitama in the form of hate letters and he does not want to stand idly by while everyone throws disparaging comments about Saitama. But poor Genos also feels like he's the one to blame, for showing the letters to Saitama. 😭

This has become quite a long ramble about how Genos is very caring, headstrong, hardworking hero and I could go on for even longer than that since I've only checked out the first portion of the manga for this meta to use as examples, but as a final thought, not a whole lot encompasses Genos as a character than the last panels I can put into this post.

Genos cares so much he does not just fiercely fight for the individuals; he fights for his sensei, for the citizens, for the other heroes and for the world to be a better place, rid of evil. That he still came to Tatsumaki's aid even when the situation seemed hopeless because he could. This humane side of him is very relatable, caring about our loved ones and other human beings is very intrinsical to our own well being as social people. (Chapter 134: Twist & Chapter 137: Resonance)

However, he still has those self-destructing tendencies that are hopefully curbed now that he got positive reinforcement from Saitama for not blowing himself up, so that he values himself a bit more. That he is not expendable piece. (Chapter 155: Results)

Last thoughts, Genos is incredibly passionate individual when it comes to protecting others and avenging his loved ones. He even threw his remainder of a torso directly at Cosmic Garou, just because he's resistant to radiation, with his brain being encompassed behind heavy fortifications. (Chapter 166: Squared.)

(^ Chapter 186: Turning point ^)

Hope y'all enjoyed this incredibly long post about Genos and how he shows his caring side. :D

Thank you @themisterhip for this meta idea on discord. :)

Tl;dr Genos is hardworking, passionate, very caring, meticulous, fierce, intelligent and well-researched individual who fights to the best of his ability for other people, no matter what it takes. Ironically, Genos is one if not the most humane character in the series, despite being a cyborg.

[paranoidginger]

Random headcanons for the TF2 mercs!!

Scout: ADHD hardcore, should probably be medicated for it, but isn't. This man cannot stand still for anything, he is always tapping his feet or fiddling with something. He definitely bites his nails, especially his thumbs. Repressed bisexual who is accidentally homophobic because he thinks he isn't supposed to like guys, and thinks everyone chooses to like the opposite gender. He's a surprisingly good artist, and he has dyslexia. That mixed with dropping out of highschool made him somewhat illiterate, spelling is hard, and so is reading any big words.

Soldier: Jack of all trades, he has had every job possible, but if he weren't in love with going to war, he'd probably settle on properly running a raccoon sanctuary. He is the reason why Medic had to invent a cure for rabies. Definitely thinks that being a lesbian just means that you like women, regardless of gender, he refers to himself as a Lesbian after learning that Pauling Identifies as one.

Pyro: Probably not even a human, uses any and all pronouns. They're really smart, despite acting childish, and are the one who built their flamethrowers. Probably collects stickers. Would definitely watch MLP and drag the other mercs into watching it with them, Pinkie Pie is definitely their favorite of the mane six. They draw a lot, and are pretty good at it whenever they want to be, they just prefer drawing silly things. Their room probably smells like burnt plastic and gasoline.

Demo: Only goes sober whenever shit gets super, super serious, like one of the other mercenaries that he cares about gets hurt. He's got a really strong caretaking instinct that gets drowned out by drunken recklessness. He's a total lover, and definitely the type of guy to kiss the homies goodnight. It takes a LOT to actually get him drunk drunk, like, I'm talking ungodly levels of alcohol that would probably kill the average person. He's Spy's drinking buddy, and probably knows the most about Spy's background from listening to his drunken ramblings about regrets and how he wishes he was a better father. Demo probably knows a lot about most of the other mercs, just because he's a good listener and a vault whenever it comes to sensitive information. He's also really fucking smart. Probably pansexual tbh, just based on vibes.

Heavy: He gets nervous whenever he has to help out any of the more 'delicate' mercenaries. He knows he's ridiculously strong, and he has excellent control of himself, but he can't help but feel like he's handling glass whenever he's helping out any of his injured teammates, especially when it comes to Scout or Spy. He's super fucking protective of all of his team though, and would absolutely crack skulls if anything happened to any of them. He is the only person other than Medic who is allowed to touch Archimedes. Probably bisexual with a preference towards men.

Engie: He's usually pretty polite, but can be one of the most brutal out of any of the classes. He's definitely autistic with a special interest in machines. He probably wants to capture one of the mvm robots just to run tests and see if they're sentient. Low-key god complex, like, moreso than medic, he's just super humble about it. He definitely talks to all of his machines. He's 100% a trans man, I can see him as being demisexual.

Sniper: Definitely autistic, he's probably got a shitload of random animal information. Total arachnophobe, but only towards small spiders. Hand him a tarantula and he's fine, but show him a stick covered in baby spiders and he's going to probably kick it as far away from himself as possible and run away. He adores lizards of all kinds, and probably used to lay on the ground watching them all the time as a kid. This man can't use a kitchen for shit, but he manages to make anything he cooks over a fire absolutely delicious, he probably refuses to share though. Probably Asexual. Has a shitty taxidermy rat in his camper that he's unnecessarily proud of, and he probably collects bones. Super into oddities and weird little knick knacks, and he still has all of his baby teeth that he keeps in a little jar on a shelf. Can't run for shit, but could walk for hours if need be. Likes doing arts and crafts, he knits in his free time, and almost always has a sewing kit with him.

Medic: Knows a little about every different medical field, he just sort of studied up on whatever piqued his interest. DOES have a PhD in medical science, he just lost his license to legally practice in a hospital or doctor's office. Gay, probably a trans man. Has definitely experimented on himself before, giving himself different deadly diseases and whatnot just to challenge himself to make a cure before he dies. Also autistic. Spoils the fuck out of his birds, and would probably Frankenstein together a human body for Archimedes if he could figure out how.

Spy: Bisexual genderfluid icon. Usually only gets caught because he's being way too much of a cocky showoff. Definitely wears eyeliner and says that it 'helps him see better' when it's bright out, even though it's 100% just a fashion statement. Has a collection of antique cigar boxes and lighters.

[yoongihan]

Hii! If your requests are still open, I'd like to make one that includes:

"Like what you see?",🩸 Patching up a wound. (Stray kids, Changbin)

Hope you're doing well!

(yes, i included two gifs because both changbins are to blame for this fic)

pairing: changbin x fem character

genre: smut, fluff, supernaturalish, f2l

rating: M (i have made up for all those earlier sfw drabbles)

word count: ~3200 (is this even a drabble anymore?)

warnings: smut in the form of oral (f. rec), unprotected sex, kissing and more kissing (biting too), fairly crass discussion of arousal, cursing (mc likes the f word quite a bit), endearments (baby, nakkeo), mc is a few inches taller than bin, maybe a strength kink (I don't even know what kinks are anymore after being on this website) for both mc and bin, mention of were-shifting (claws), undue amounts of changbin devotion. I think that's it.

a/n: welp, anon, i don't know if I should blame you and music bank Paris changbin (that dance cover with nmixx has not left my brain) for this ridiculous piece of writing. i was possessed, apparently. i hope you enjoy it. i had way too much fun writing this.

original request post here

I Don't Want to Hurt You

(the angsty title ever for a non-angst fic)

“Will you just hold still?” you say through clenched teeth. Your bedside manner is lacking, you know, but you are trying to not fall apart and that requires you to be more curt than courteous.

“I am,” he says, far more calmly than you. Changbin is good at keeping his cool in the middle of a crisis. Not that this happens often. You go out of your way to make sure he’s not around in crisis. Not that he can’t handle it.

It’s that you can’t.

He’s your friend. Has been since you were stuck together on some assignment in a freshman gen ed class. He’d been kind of skinny back then, all angular and full of bravado.

Almost ten years later, he isn’t skinny. His friendship with Chan meant he frequented the campus gym and that resulted in your friend becoming the biggest gym rat to ever grace your world. You might have a few inches on him in height, but the guy could bench-press you easily.

And if you were still human, he would probably be stronger than you too.

His bravado still exists and comes in handy, especially when two years out of university, you get bitten one night during the full moon and you now not only have days of the month where you cramp and deal with the logistics of being a woman, but you also have three days when the moon is full and your cramps turn you into a hairy beast.

You hate it.

Changbin is less bothered that you have nights where you turn into a werewolf, needing to be out running and hunting (you absolutely hate that your wolf loves to eat squirrels and chipmunks even though they might be the least endangered species on the planet), and often ending up waking up in the woods, naked and majorly scratched up the following morning. He more often than not finds you, brings clothes, a blanket and coffee with him. He doesn’t care that you track various foliage and hair (your hair, not fur…thank you, god) into his SUV. If he doesn’t have to be at work too early, he even buys you breakfast.

You cannot believe your life is a supernatural cliche and that your friend just rolls with it.

But tonight, you screwed up. You knew it was the last night of your cycle (the lunar-controlled one, not the biological reproductive one), but that usually meant you were a little clingy until the moon rose. You don’t usually struggle with turning at all on the third day.

If you think about it too deeply, you know that your feelings in regard to Changbin are probably responsible.

Or just the jeans he’s wearing.

It’s only six in the evening, you have almost two hours before sunset, longer until the moon shows its face and yet, you grow claws on your right hand when he boasts about his ass being better than yours.

(It totally is better).

He thinks you’re annoyed that he’s bragging and you let him think that because admitting that you’re turned on by him drawing your attention to his posterior is way way more embarrassing.

Not that half-heartedly swiping at him before realizing you have claws isn’t mortifying enough.

You have more bandages than a pharmacy in your apartment bathroom, and you pull out all of it to patch up the gash you’ve left on his upper arm as he sits on the sink. His legs are spread so you can stand between them, the bright light overhead illuminating the damage you inflicted.

He’d call it a scratch, but it did bleed and you are the worst friend ever.

The bleeding has stopped and you are doing your best to spread the antibiotic ointment, so it doesn’t get infected. Who knows what your claws could do?

“Hey,” he says after a few moments of silence. “It’s not a big deal.”

“I hurt you, Bin.”

Fuck, you hear the waver in your voice.

He makes a ‘tsking’ sound before wincing as the medicine stings. It’s involuntary, but his arm tenses at the pain, making it seem like he’s flexing.

“I said, stay still.”

“And I said, I am,” he whines back, pouting. You refuse to look at his face, knowing that the lower lip jutting out will be your undoing. You are trying to keep it together.

“Your bicep isn’t.”

You hear him hum arrogantly and you regret your words so much.

The flexing now is intentional.

“Like what you see?” Your friend (emphasis on friend) is the biggest tease and flirt. You don’t have to look at him to know he’s wriggling his eyebrows at you.

“Can it.”

You can feel his breath tickle your ear as he leans in. “You didn’t deny it.”

You turn to give him the most unimpressed expression you can muster, but he didn’t pull back at your move. He’s inches away, a little surprised if his parted lips are anything to go by.

God, for a gym rat, he’s so damn cute.

However, for a predatory animal, you are a coward, so you quickly look away to finish bandaging his arm. Your claws disappeared the moment you realized you’d injured him, but you’re still really careful with how you touch him, worried they’ll show up again.

He doesn’t have to smell so good.

You freeze when you feel warmth on your lower back. His hand slipped under and up the back of your shirt.

What the actual fuck.

You pull away, putting much much-needed space between the two of you. “There. All done.”

Apparently not enough because his finger catches you by the belt loop on your jeans.

“You know what I found out recently?”

You refuse to meet his gaze, so you stubbornly stare at the bandage.

“I was reading about lycanthropy, you know as I do, when I found out that there are several reasons why you might turn before moonrise.”

Oh fuck.

“It’s not only because you get angry.” His voice is very thoughtful, but when you steal a look at his face, you can see he’s teasing.

He’s the worst.

“Really?” Why are you speaking? Why are you continuing this conversation when you aren’t an idiot and he’s not an idiot and you know where this is going?

He nods, tugging you closer by said belt loop.

“Anger, yes. Anxiety, too. But also arousal.”

You cough. “Arousal?”

“It was a medical article I was reading.” He’s got you back between his legs, his finger moving from the belt loop to slide past your waistband just enough to touch your skin. “Arousal, horniness, libido, you know…you get wet.”

You are trying to keep your eyes on the collar of his shirt, but those words force you to look at him full in the face. His skin is a little red, but he doesn’t look away from you.

You feel it this time. The insistence at your fingertips and you clasp your hands behind your back.

You almost injure yourself when your claws come out.

“Soooo,” he continues, his other hand following along your arm to where you have hidden your hands. You feel the light touch on your claws. “Which is it? Anger, anxiety, or arousal?”

You swallow hard, wondering if you are trembling on the outside because you definitely are on the inside.

“Bin.”

He scoots to the edge of the sink, his legs pressing against your hips.

“Bin,” you repeat, as he grips you by the waist as though he knows you might bolt.

“Tell me,” he whispers, his nose touching yours.

“I don’t think this is safe.”

His other hand hasn’t moved from where your claws are more than evident.

When he speaks, his lips brush your lips lightly. “Ask me if I care.” His thumb draws a gentle circle against the skin at your waist as he presses his mouth to yours, insistent.

You know he feels you trembling now. With everything in you, you keep your hands off of him, but you kiss him back, the wanting to know what he tastes like is beyond your self-control. You hear him moan and he hooks his ankles together, dragging you impossibly closer. His mouth opens, his tongue seeking; and it shouldn’t surprise you that his kissing is a tease as well because he draws away half a second after his tongue touches yours.

You whine and he chuckles before kissing the corner of your lips, then your cheek, then dropping down to mouth at your neck.

Your whine is louder.

He bites and you push back, hands carefully on his shoulders, putting distance between you.

He pouts and makes grabby hands. “Come back here.”

You try not to acquiesce because no muscley man should be that adorable.

You do lean in to kiss that pouty lower lip, but then you back away so neither of you can reach the other.

“I…I need a moment.”

He slides off the sink and you take a few more steps back.

“This is not a good time,” you continue, waving your clawed hands in case he needs a visual.

He rolls his eyes, reaching out, but stops when you hold up your hands to stop him.

“I’ve already hurt you once today."

“It’s a scratch.”

“Not to me.”

His expression softens and if determined Changbin is a turn-on, concerned Changbin melts your heart.

“Okay…” he says carefully. “Does that mean…tomorrow is a better time?”

You scoff. “Obviously. This,” gesturing with your hands again. “Won’t be a thing.”

He presses his lips together, mildly annoyed, but you know he knows that you mean it.

“I’ll allow it only if–”

“You’ll allow it?”

He smirks at your affronted tone. “Only if you promise that this pause is just a pause. That tomorrow, when I find you, get you breakfast; that you’ll still…” His bravado falters and his voice gets quieter.

“I’ll still?”

He looks away then, the blush brightening. “You’ll still want me.”

It’s weird, right? That your claws retract immediately (it isn’t like you aren’t still wanting him) and you move without a second thought to hug him, pressing your face into his neck and shoulder. You feel his arms wrap around you, tight.

“Binnie,” you whisper, “I’ll always want you.”

–

He makes you breakfast the next morning, an hour after you stumble home, shower and dress. You don’t remark that you can tell he slept in your bed (it smells like him). He doesn’t ask you anything about your wolf ramblings, but tells you about how Felix gamed all night and he had to convince the younger man via texting to get some sleep.

You don’t say much (you are always starving the morning after wolf time), listening to him talk about your mutual friends like nothing life-changing happened last night. When you come out of the bathroom with more bandages, he rolls his eyes.

“I’m fine.”

You pull him over to sit on one of your barstools. “Let me check.”

He sniffs once. “You brushed your teeth.”

You look up from his arm to him. “Yeah.”

“Before and after breakfast?”

You grin at him. “Well, you’re going to kiss me, right? I’m just being considerate.”

He’s off the stool before you can finish your sentence, hands on your arms, maneuvering you toward the couch. You laugh when you fall back on it, dragging him with you.

His mouth finds yours the moment he’s on top of you, settling between your legs, one hand on your thigh. He squeezes before rolling his hips so you feel how hard he is.

“Fuck,” you breathe, so completely turned on in what feels like a matter of seconds. Your exclamation is mumbled against his lips as you mentally check your body, making sure that there are no lingering effects of the moon.

When you run your hands up his back, under his shirt, it incurs no damage and all you feel is the smooth skin and solid muscle. He ducks to kiss your neck, all the way down to your collarbone before raising up to look at you. He reaches behind his head to tug off his shirt before taking your hands in his.

“Like what you see?” he teases. You know you’re gaping at him (he doesn’t go without a shirt all that often, despite his gym tendencies, that’s more Chan’s thing), but he’s so fit and broad. There’s something that makes your teeth ache at the thought that at purely human, he’s probably nearly as strong as you.

He won’t let go of your hands, so you rise to lick the line of his neck and shoulder. You feel his hands tighten and hear a deep guttural sound at your attentions. You know he sees your smug smile because he pushes you back down, hands pressed into the sofa. He tugs down the loose collar of your sleep shirt with his mouth so he can taste your skin, nipping once or twice.

“Please Bin,” you whimper.

“Please what, naekkeo?” he murmurs, still intent on marking right above your breast.

“I wanna touch you.”

He rests his chin on your chest so you can focus on his dark eyes. “So do it.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you.”

He raises one eyebrow, a clear challenge, which you cannot ignore, so you pull your hands from his, one arm wrapping around his neck and shoulders to bring his mouth back to yours as your other hand slides down his naked back to skate under his flannel pj pants (commando, bless him) so you can get a really good grip. He gasps at your squeeze.

“Too much?” you ask, uninclined to draw away any farther than an inch. He shakes his head, pushing up your shirt hem, hands caressing the exposed skin of your stomach. His fingers trip over a scratch that hasn’t healed completely yet (it will in another hour or so) and he jerks away to look at it.

“Baby,” he says softly before leaning down to kiss it. If your hand wasn’t still on his ass (like you will ever remove it), it would be a sweet and almost chaste touch. But he lingers, kissing below your navel to where your underwear and pajama shorts begin. His eyes search for yours, a question unsaid.

“You want to?” you verbalize, your voice breathy. “I don’t want to h–”

He snaps the waistband of your shorts against your skin. “Stop worrying so damn much. I’ll pinch you if I can’t handle it.” He mutters a few other things, mostly thematic that you’re insulting his manliness, which makes you giggle.

Yes, he’s all man, but he also knows more K-pop girl group choreo than anyone you know (well, tied with Felix) and executes those feminine moves with gusto.

It’s one of many ways he’s sexy (you may have thought about his ability to move his hips with such ease a time or two).

He yanks down both your shorts and underwear to your knees which means your hand is no longer on his ass which is a disappointment, but then his tongue and lips are savoring you with the same enthusiasm and all you can do is tangle one hand in his curly hair and grip the sofa with the other.

You’ve had sex since being bitten, but not a lot and not without a lot of worry. You’re so terrified you will injure mid-orgasm that you haven't had one with a partner since that fateful night of the full moon.

So when his talented mouth and fingers do exactly that, you feel like you might never breathe normally again. When the aftershocks lessen and he’s crawling back up your body, wiping his face on your shirt before cradling your face in his hands to kiss you softly, you can’t stop staring at him in awe.

He boops your nose. “You okay?”

“I…yeah. You?”

He laughs, going in for another kiss. You kiss him back, flipping him over so you can be on top. You kick off your shorts and panties before divesting him of his bottoms. He curses when you take him in hand, his head falling back on the couch. You see his hand clench in a fist when you stroke him, your thumb teasing at the tip.

“Really glad you aren’t about to shift right now,” he breathes out, making you chuckle.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to damage this,” you say softly, kissing the tip. His head jerks up to look at you.

“No.”

“No?”

“Inside.” You watch his adam’s apple move as he swallows. “Wanna be inside you.” He props himself up on his elbows. “If you want…”

You nod, and start to move to find a condom (do you have any in your apartment? It’s been ages since you needed one), but he grabs you by the wrist.

“I’m clean. And you're clean and I know you're on the pill and…” He lets out a breath that flutters his fringe from his eyes. “If you’re okay with it.”

You nod again, closing the distance between you to kiss him again. He removes his hand from your wrist to cup your cheek. He lays back down as you ease down on him, breaking the kiss when he’s fully in you.

“Naekkeo,” he stutters, eyes full of heat and want. You start to move and he groans so deep you feel it in your chest. Your eyes fall shut when he sits back up, discontent to let you do all the work, his mouth connecting with yours again, murmuring words of praise and affection. You bury your face into the crook of his neck when he starts to speed up. He’s holding you by the thighs and hips, and every thrust feels so fucking good, even when it doesn’t hit that spot. He just feels good.

“Do…” he gasps in your ear. “Do you want me to pull out?”

“No baby,” you say into his neck, clinging to him probably too tight but he doesn’t seem to mind. It’s seconds later that he comes, falling back onto the sofa as his hold on you weakens. His chest is heaving under you, his arms wrapped around you, locked. You press kisses on his shoulder as he comes down from his high. His skin is a little salty from sweat, but you like it.

You like him. So much.

“You didn’t,” he says once he has his breath back. You lift your head to look at him, confused. You think he’d be blushing if he wasn’t already flushed. “You didn’t come.”

You brush back his hair from his eyes, kissing his forehead. “No, but I did earlier.” You kiss his nose next. He opens his mouth, but you kiss him there too. “Don’t worry about it.”

He’s pouting again. “But–”

You nibble on that bottom lip of his before folding your arms on his chest and resting your chin on your hands. “Later. If you still want to.”

He snorts before running one hand up and down your back. “If I want to. I promise you, baby, I will forever be grateful you scratched me because my ass makes you horny.”

He’s giggling when you smack him on the chest before he kisses you again.

You’re pretty grateful too.

--

© yoongihan 2023. please do not steal, translate, repost, or whatever. stray kids belong to themselves and all idols used in this piece are just the inspiration for characters and do not in any way reflect the actual humans.

[silver-tangent]

Maybe it’s because I am the byproduct of a toxic relationship, and grew up watching both people be good parents to me, grow as human beings, and genuinely show that they were more than each other’s terrible exes…

But it’s genuinely frustrating to me how any time ANY show introduces a complex relationship and shows the characters hit rock bottom, the fandoms and anti-fandoms constantly divide into picking sides, and complain about how the writers clearly assassinated a character who they think was clearly the victim…

And then argue over who the victim and who the abuser is because they insist there has to be one of each… it’s like the mental health version of “so who is the man in the relationship and who is the woman?”

Bitch we complicated. It’s freaking clear almost every time this happens that the message isn’t “this person is bad!” The message is that when we’re damaged by trauma, we can end up passing that trauma onto others and making horrible decisions because we are so afraid of being hurt again.

Miscommunication isn’t just a bad plot device, it can be a good plot device. Both characters believing the other couldn’t possibly love them, and lashing out and hurting each other is something that happens in real life.

A character trying to admit that they’re the villain can lean into that too far, say “I’m the bad guy. I’m clearly the bad guy.” And completely tear themselves down in a horribly toxic waytrying to make amends, and that doesn’t mean that we the audience are supposed to believe they ARE the bad guy.

We’re supposed to believe they think lowly of themselves and aren’t handling the situation in a healthy way…

Outside of literal abuse, there is almost never a clear cut good guy and bad guy in real life. Real life is messy.

And don’t even get me started on an abuse victim lashing out being compared to a literal abuser by fandoms, holy shit man…

Like, you can guess what show I’m talking about, but I’m not out here to attack or defend the show, it’s just so irritating that media literacy is this bad. It’s irritating to see criticism walk smack into the point and missing it anyway.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO EMPATHIZE WITH BOTH OF THEM WHILE CRINGING AT THEIR BAD DECISIONS. We aren’t supposed to pick a side and hate the other one. It’s kind of flirting with victim blaming when you start saying “no, but clearly my favorite is the victim and the other one is a dirty selfish abuser…”

Like no my guy, that is not it. We literally cannot discuss trauma in fiction if y’all are going to pick one character who you empathize with and excuse every single mistake they make, while holding every other character to the standards of Jesus Christ.

Everybody hurts people. Everybody is a bad guy at some point. Even if we act out of valid feelings and understandable trauma, sometimes our actions are wrong. The entire god damn point is that what defines us as people is WHY we made the mistakes that we did, and how we go about rectifying our mistakes.

Traumatized people make traumatized decisions. Trauma fiction isn’t about blaming victims or apologizing for abusers. It’s about exploring the nuance of those decisions and asking what makes us good or bad… because nobody is perfect.

What makes us good isn’t how innocent we are, it’s about how we handle our guilt.

[nomsfaultau]

dunmeshi and sbi!fault :DD

I did briefly consider writing a normal sbi crossover cause ohhh my God it would be good. Honestly Laios did bleed into my Techno in Worth far more than your weight in gold cause Techno also gets into that hyperfixation on creature details (although in a lot more 'to kill them better' way). They are ON that grindset. Although polar opposites on Techno 'eating the same potato recipie for 12 months' vs laios 'new dish every meal'. The Blade is such a lazy cook see: cooking headcanons. Laios would openly speculate on how his meat differs from actual pork. And Wilbur would start explaining the flavor profile/texture difference very accurately to everyone's fascination/horror. The Blade also straight up doesn't know Chilchuck is part of the party because he's so tiny he's like 100% in The Blade's blind spot. Like yeah he can smell and hear him but he just keeps forgetting Chilchuck exists. Also confused that the orphan meter isn't pinging but whatever. Marcille constantly bribes him to get access to his long luxurious mane. Senshi is cool with him bc he's familiar with orcs.

I think Senshi and Philza share one brain cell in that regard. Agressively taking care of everyone else. Cause you cannot tell me Philza hasn't seen so so so many people starve to death in famines...not so much worried about cannibalism. Also. Technically Philza isn't in the mental place for more adoption (read: he's mentally stable rn), but it would be soooo funny if he looked at Chilchuck and was like. Another child? Baby? But that's mostly because I love tormenting Chilchuck so very very much. Probably radiating disappointment the second he finds out Chilchuck is not really in his kids life that much currently due to the adventure. Appreciates Marcille's fireballs and black magic. Philza cannot distinguish between Izutsumi and 14 yo Wilbur that's just the same kid.

Wilbur ADORES all the food omg yes this is fantastic. And Marcille is cringing as it eats increasingly inedible dishes and sarcastically teasing her for not eating it. But Wilbur CANNOT handle Laios 'man I wish I was a monster' like he just can't he will punch Laios if he tries that. Him and Izutsumi have the nastiest kvetching sessions it's fantastic. Instant bonding over being distrusting brats that are desperate to be human. Cannot fathom the picky eater thing. Likes how paranoid Chilchuck is, although Chilchuck is convinced a mimic is going to pop out of its head at any time.

Tommy gets even worse dish duty than normal, but these crazy adventurers like. Are really amazed about his power? About how it can be used to sanitize stuff?? Like passionately going on about the health implications and Tommy is just staring at his hands as a wholesome anime monologue is happening in the background while he's having flashbacks to murder. [Marcille and Tommy would be most insufferable duo imaginable. I think they’d constantly butt heads given how bossy yet insecure both of them are. Tommy would eat mud in front of her and Marcille would have an aneurism. And he’d blow a fuse about her thinking he’s essentially a toddler by elf standards. however. Tommy would be extremely encouraging of her explosion magic to a degree that would cause structural damage to the dungeon.] Tries to show off and impress Izutsumi because GIRL!!1! And is very cringefail about it, she and Wilbur team up to bully him. He thinks Senshi is weird and groans about having two Philzas. Constantly riling Chilchuck up about his height.

Tubbo is like thank God normal people who aren't crazy murderers at first. And then decides they're all weirdos but not Problematic to the degree of Fault crew peoples. Thinks Marcille's magic is freaking awesome, and helps her control her meat dragon homunculous guys a lot better. Grand/kid talking with Chilchuck. uhhh ngl having trouble with Tubbo for some reason lol.

Also. On a very big note I think the world building re: monsters could lead to massive angst and tension between the groups. Especially with things like Laios crossing lines on 'humanoid monsters' as food. Like the entire group is constantly talking about eating monsters, and for the Fault crew that's very dehumanizing, racist, offensive, traumatizing, etc. Very high chance they end of fighting each other, however, the funny dynamic trumps all so that's what I went with.

[confused-fuckperson]

Rewriting a different version of MLB

Disclaimer: I'm not a writer, much less a screenwriter, I'm just someone who enjoys writing and analyzing cartoons.

Oh and sorry for my grammar, as English is not my first language.

My (and I think yours too) relationship with the series is ‘’particular’’.

I remember when I first saw this series when its first season aired and fell in love with it: although the plot was episodic, there were moments that gave the semblance of a plot that was hidden under our noses.

Season 2 arrived, and my interest increased, mostly because certain characters were starting to move in interesting directions (Gabriel and Nathalie with their secret plan to bring Emilie back to life, Chloé showing signs of changing and maturing, the appearance of the new heroes …).

And then the last three seasons came.

Well, I quit the show at the end of Season 3 as I felt the writers and Astruc didn’t value my intelligence and my time was being wasted, but still tended to keep up with the 'plot' via various social media posts.

With the end of the fifth season, I would like to try to rewrite the story with my ideas and with what I would have liked to see, and if so, it would be interesting to know your opinions and what you would have changed .

Let's begin.

-Worldbuilding:

We know that the Miraculouses are magical jewels that allow humans to use certain powers thanks to the Kwami.

In ‘’the Origins’’ they make us understand that almost no one knew of the Kwami and that such abilities were unknown.

Superheroes aren’t the norm.

Like, Majestia is presented not as a living, breathing person, but like a comic book.

…But in the New York special we are told that superheroes are a very common thing? And that you can give superpowers very easily? And Majestia exists? Then why be scared if you have these people in your daily life?

So what is so special about Miraculous? Can the abilities of those who are actually gods really be recreated by people in costumes?

In the first and second seasons they showed us a planet Earth from the year 2014, with all the technologies also present in our world. How the heck is it possible that in what would be 9 months in canon you had practically 9 years of technological development in real life? When I watch a show, I have to know right away what is considered 'normal' and what is 'special', because otherwise I don't distinguish what should scare me and what shouldn't.

Why rely on two teenagers in a suit to fight Hawkmoth when I can call America's heroes? Or use something high-tech that allows me to locate the bad guy in 5 minutes?

Establishing rules and limitations is essential in a magical system.

What would I have done?

Here, only the Miraculous should make you a superhero and, if you really want to insert sci-fi elements, make sure that only Gabriel is in possession of such technologies, and that this is not known to the public.

-The magic system:

Setting precise limits on the powers of heroes and villains ensures that when they have to get out of seemingly impossible situations, they appear brilliant.

And that's why, in my opinion, the series should have focused on the first seven Miraculous we've seen: the ladybug, the black cat, the butterfly, the peacock, the turtle, the bee and the fox.

If you add too many powers, the viewer’s attention gets scattered.

If you add too many superheroes, you have too many characters to handle.

The roles of the protagonists, co-protagonists and of the antagonists must be immediately clear enough so the viewer is not confused on who’s important and who’s not.

Among other things, every Miraculous must have precise and clear powers from the very beginning (I'm looking at you, Miraculous of the rooster).

How I would have handle them:

-Ladybug: Creation. It can purify the akumas but cannot destroy the akumatized item. It repairs everything that was destroyed by using the Lucky Charm (I honestly prefer how it was used in the movie).

-Black cat: Destruction. It can destroy the akumatized item using the cataclysm (so that both heroes are crucial in the battle and not just Ladybug).

-Butterfly: Transmission. It can give ordinary people superpowers, but not abilities of other Miraculous (For example, you cannot create another Chat Noir like in ''Copycat'' or give powers like those of Volpina, which faithfully copies the fox Miraculous, also because it would make her stronger than the Miraculous itself as she can use it infinitely.)

-Peacock. Here, technically the power is called 'Emotion', but on a practical level, it is a mix between Creation and Transmission. Either you totally change the power and make it something related to pure empathy, or you tie it to the creation of animate but non-sentient objects (so that it remains distinct from the Creation of Ladybug, and that it doesn't allow you to create ''human beings'' and not fall into all the unnecessary questions like ‘Are senti-beings humans?’’. Are you telling me that Gabriel and Nathelie actually killed a human on-screen when they made Senti-Ladybug disappear?)

Regarding this, if you really want to link Adrien's birth to the Miraculous of the Peacock and to Emilie's death, you can invent an excuse like that maybe (I’m inventing something) a newborn Adrien was dying and to save him Emilie used her own power too much, damaging the Miraculous and killing herself, thus making Adrien a semi "senti-being" without being mind-controlled by an Amok or by the holder of the Peacock Miraculous.

-Fox: Illusion. Maybe you can also tie it to the concept of deception and lies. Since Alya wants to be a reporter and she likes the world of journalism, it would be nice if she's the one who can find lies more easily.

-Turtle. Protection. It is also the Miraculous of longevity, so perhaps the wearer could be the one who takes the least damage when hit or they’re the one who has the most stamina. Or that the Miraculous guarantees you a longer life, as in the case of Master Fu.

-Bee: Action. In short, to paralyze someone. Honestly, I would also give it the power to force someone to perform a single action for you, If you want to joke about the fact that Chloè is a ''Queen Bee''.

Now, it's not that the other Miraculouses don't exist, they can be mentioned during the story, but since the two most important and the strongest ones are in Paris, Gabriel shouldn't be interested in others of lesser value.

In this version there would still be an order of the guardians, but I would make Fu a more responsible character and an actual mentor.

Let’s talk about:

-The Characters:

The protagonists are Marinette and Adrien, and they must be treated as equals.

You can focus the attention on Marinette, but that doesn't mean you have to treat your male protagonist like his personal doormat.

Let your protagonists have flaws that make them human!

I want a Marinette who is actually insecure, who has a real difficulty balancing her duties as the masked heroine with being a normal girl with a normal life.

Maybe that polka dot mask gives her the opportunity to experiment and find self-confidence that she doesn't have as a civilian (a bit like in the movie).

Let Adrien be a naive boy to the outside world without making him stupid. Naivety and stupidity are two different things.

If in the everyday life Adrien feels the pressure of having to be the perfect son of the great Gabriel Agreste, as a masked superhero he can be the imperfect prankster who wants to discover the world and himself.

I think the love square should remain almost unchanged, but the Marichat must certainly take on a more predominant role: Marinette must appreciate the mask, the part that Adrien never shows except when he is transformed, while Chat Noir must appreciate Marinette's insecurities and fragility , and advise her on how to act accordingly. Perhaps Chat Noir, noticing Marinette's fashion projects, could offer her some advices that he noticed from his father.

If the Marichat would develop in precise moments of the day (Maybe after an akuma attack, and as in those few times it was shown to us in the cartoon, during the evening), the Ladynoir and the Adrienette are those more ''daily'' relationships: Adrienette at school or when hanging out with their friend group, Ladynoir while they are at work.

Ladien would only develop as the reflection of the latter two.

The only thing I might have no idea how to manage are Luka and Kagami: at this point, they could be two characters that the two protagonists like, either because in a moment of crisis between these two, or because they offer the two protagonists different perspectives: Luka, with his calmness and kindness helps Marinette to deal with her anxiety (by the way, I would have loved to see Luka teach Marinette how to play the guitar, it's a very nice trope you know), while Kagami would have encouraged Adrien to break free from his father's control (like how she wants to become independent from Tomoe).

Honestly, I would also avoid Kagami (and Felix) having to deal with being senti-beings, there is no need to complicate things.

Moving on to the co-protagonists: Alya, Nino and Chloè.

While at the beginning Chloè will be as the one from the first season (a spoiled and unpleasant brat), Alya and Nino would be those friends who back up the protagonists and then become permanent heroes when they are given the Miraculous (for me, Marinette and Alya should know about each other being Ladybug and Rena Rouge, while Adrien and Nino know they are Chat Noir and Carapace).

Gradually a solid group of friends would be created and where they can count on each other, just like in the first and in the second season.

And Chloè? Well, since a 14-year-old can change (Right, Astruc?), her evolution would be gradual until she becomes a stable member of the friend group. She is Adrien's childhood friend, and he will be the one who will help her to become a better person. And her admiration for Ladybug will make her understand the importance of her responsibilities (Like at the end of the second season, before Astruc ruined her because for some reason he hates blondes.)

And even if she reveals that she is Queen Bee to prove her worth to her mother, she can always create a new identity for herself. Don't tell me he can't do it, Chat Noir does it in ''Cat-Walker'' and it worked.

The one who keeps the group together would be Nino, with his chill personality, but that still doesn't let himself be fooled by someone else: he would be the one who calms the situation in case Chloè, Marinette and Alya start arguing or if Adrien doesn’t have the courage to let his voice get heard.

Each character in the group will obviously have their own individual passions that could actually help them defeat Hawkmoth: for example, Alya could be the one who carries out the investigations to discover the identity of the villain.

In terms of passions, some are already more obvious: Marinette as a fashion designer, Alya as a journalist, Nino as a DJ (ok, but how cool would it have been to see Nino help Alya with the music and organization of her Ladyblog? It would have been adorable).

Chloe and Adrien? Well, I'm going to make something up here, still linking it to the main series.

Chloè at first wanted to become like her mother, a stylist, only to then realize that she was more cut in the leadership position (as a ''Queen Bee'').

A Chloè who aspires to become mayor of Paris (like her father, but less corrupt, or like in the fifth season), but competent and mature. Of course, she would be mayor as an adult (The writers of the series may not know that Parisians will burn your city down if they don't like you).

Also, come on, Chloè would totally have a secret cove built up, like Batman. She may have changed here, but she’s still a diva.

Adrien is more of a special case.

I'm going to pick up on the 'Wishmaker' concept where he doesn't know what he wants to be as an adult, and only wants to please his parents. This would mean that Adrien has not found an identity yet.

Perhaps, with his friends, he will find one that will detach him from Gabriel.

Side note, imagine if he became a pastry chef? Adrien joins Marinette's family, carrying on the family business, while Marinette enters the world of the Agreste family and Parisian high fashion world.

Master Fu will obviously be the guardian of the Miraculouses and the mentor of both Ladybug and Chat Noir. In this version of the series we will actually see lessons where Fu teaches the kids the history of the Miraculous, their powers, how to control their emotions and, above all, how to trust each other.

Seeing that he was like a teacher for the two protagonists, it would certainly make his departure more painful for both, and would alarm all the heroes towards the two main antagonists: Hawkmoth and Mayura.

Gabriel must actually be a sympathetic antagonist: in the series he almost seems to forget that he does everything for his son (Gorizzilla's Gabriel and Chat Blanc's Gabriel are completely different, let's be honest).

Gabriel obviously has to act in the shadows, but when he realizes that he can't do this alone, he will involve Nathalie more, until she becomes Mayura (even if, on this, Gabriel does not agree , as this would lead her to her death).

Nathalie, even if in love with Gabriel, would bring Emilie back to life just to see him happy, even if that would mean losing the only chance she has with Gabriel. But, since she will then realize that what they are doing is profoundly wrong towards Adrien (who in the meantime has moved on) and towards the whole world (the desire would destabilize the cosmic balance), first she try to make him change his mind and then to stop him with a fight which she would then lose as she was too weak due to the peacock Miraculous.

When Nathalie becomes too sick, We’ll see Lila (or whatever her name is) again, who will have distinguished herself as she seems to be more aware and more willing to be "manipulated". Lila, of course, would be ready to betray Gabriel at the right moment, as for her, being a narcissist and a pathological liar, she is only interested in power and adoration.

I know it's not perfect, but these are my thoughts on a possible rewriting of the series.

I would appreciate other advices and, above all, opinions and criticisms.

[sadstrever]

not being able to recover is just living in a hell you’ve designed for yourself. a hell disguised within the kind of beauty and freedom that cannot be found in heaven. i’m restless, it’s 4am and i’m still drunk. i don’t know if anything i’m saying makes sense or if i just sound like another crybaby fatass.

i just saw a post that was like: “would you make this dog fast one more day” and “is this puppy fat” with pictures of emaciated dogs. i know it’s so dumb but it really made me have a whole breakdown. maybe i’m just drunk. i just fucking hate what i do to myself. i’m not an animal, obviously, im a disgusting human being who can’t handle eating more than once every blue fucking moon. it just feels like no one on here ever talks about how hard it gets man, except for me all the fucking time. it gets so hard. my stomach hurts so bad that i can’t sleep. i just got up to pee for the 40th fucking time tonight and each time makes me stumble around my room feeling like im going to collapse. IM NOT EVEN UNDERWEIGHT YET JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. and the funny this is that i don’t even want to stop. that’s the insane part. i feel like i’m d!y!ng like every single day, every single day for fucking years man. but every day i wake up and decide to st@eve another fucking day. how do you guys not absolutely despise the life you’re living? i genuinely might just be delusional i feel like. people seem to be proud of themselves. i am, deep down, but also disgusted, and i’m not going around showing it to ppl i know. i have some friends with self proclaimed “ed’s” and they always repost that dumbass kate moss shit(which i secretly save because i’m sick lol, BUT DONT REPOST!!!) and the stupid ass fucking shit they say to ME, ME, OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE, ME. they’ll tell me they fast until after school some days acting as if that’s some sort of mr.beast impossible challenge. GOD. that’s like 5 fucking hours bitch. it’s like, everyone is so oblivious to what an ed is actually like, LIKE FUCK. are you genuinely dumb or just trying to avoid reality???? i’m a hypocrite i guess to some extent with the avoiding reality part, but at least i’m AWARE of it. i’m not so delusional that i tell people who are clearly struggling that i “also have an ed.” people love to label their fucking diet as an ed when they find out about me. they think it makes them more relatable but all it does is make me hate them and myself a little more. i hate what people have become. i hate who i am.

[truthfultales]

How To Navigate Sexuality In Art & Fandom As a Christian

First of all: I´m a Catholic, so Puritanism is disrespectful of God´s beautiful creation in my eyes. The Song of Songs is literally eroticism in prose and a metaphor for the love story between God and humanity.

This does not mean that everything is wise or permitted.

I was recently asked by a friend - and just saw a post by @beautyinsteadofashes that asked the same question - how I handle sexuality in art and fandom.

The Answer:

I try to not repost stuff that could make people fall for lust. Sometimes I see a post that is cute or shines a light on true intimacy - that I do like to repost or "love"/heart, because that´s what true romance is about: Becoming one and pointing to something higher with that.

Wanting the best for the other and symbolizing something with ones actions.

In the beginning, I fell for some more unhinged stuff until I realized that it wasn´t wise.

Nude art? Fine, if dignified. Erotic art? Fine, if it´s well done and not some anime-porn style. It should not awaken the need to masturbate e.g. but can show the beauty of intimacy.

Sex is not bad, it´s the focus that is important. How is it depicted? Is it seen as something selfish? Does someone take pleasure in using the other? Is it being portrayed as something perverse and dirty? No good.

Is it seen as something beautiful? Both parties are giving themselves to the other? Are they "one flesh" and we don´t get to see TOO much? Is there still mystery and dignity preserved between man and woman? Fine. It´s art depicting the art of creation and bonding. Not porn.

So, three things matter:

1. Content (no poly, no homosexuality, no bestiality etc.)

2. Depiction (no porn shots, no self-centeredness)

3. Purpose (Is it done to communicate something beautiful one might strive for, or is it done to provoke lusting and degeneracy?)

What we truly yearn for is intimacy. That´s why we like art that depicts "losing oneself in the other".

We were created for communion and it´s deeply ingrained in us to seek out someone we can share our life with and share in the power of creation. It´s the godly spark in us.

Where do I draw the line?

I draw the line at stuff that fosters a bad mentality and feeds thoughts that do not benefit oneself nor society.

Now some people take it too far and claim erotic art, nude statues etc. should not exist. That is irrational. The most powerful of instincts in us usually point to our nature and beauty. They should be depicted with dignity.

There are people who will lust when seeing statues, but it doesn´t make the statue sinful.

We cannot control how others react to certain things, everyone is responsible for their own boundaries. If I know I struggle with something, I have to see to it that I do not fall for my vice. The responsibility cannot be laid on others past a reasonable amount.

Should I walk around in lingerie on the street? No. That would be unwise. Should I walk in a burka, because a guy could lust after me? No. I´m a human being with dignity and do not have to hide, just because someone struggles with porn addiction and sexualizes everyone.

Some ask: "Is one fantasy better than the other, if I´m lusting?"

I think there are things that are less severe than others. Wanting real intimacy in a fantasy is better, because it points to what Sex is actually supposed to be. Our thoughts matter because they do influence our attitude and actions. One Night Stands in fantasy would distort what sexuality is actually supposed to be, so that would be worse.

Is lusting after a fictional character better or worse than coveting a real person?

Coveting a real person is definitely worse. Fictional characters might make it difficult to connect to real life people who have flaws, but at least you are not coveting someone who does not belong to you. That does not mean we should lust after fictional characters. We can appreciate and "love" them. We can see similarities between them and real people in our lives, but they should not be used as a template for self-gratification. I know many people struggle with masturbation, and I won´t start judging people and their circumstances. All I ask is to reflect and gradually improve in virtue. Base line is: Using a real human being for self-gratification is a disrespect of that person´s dignity, while fantasizing about fictional characters hurts oneself in other ways.

Like my friend said: "It is not saying one is ok and the other isn´t. It´s putting it on a spectrum."

Ideally we do none of those things.

What we think influences our attitudes and actions. We are called to be wise in what and how we consume content. May it be music, literature, art or food.

BECAUSE Sex is something so incredibly powerful and holy, it deserves to be presented with dignity.

Prudery is not dignifying sexuality, it is declaring it something dirty and that is an insult to God´s design.

Sex itself is WONDERFUL but only when it is rightly ordered and as such dignified. It is not about using someone else for self-gratification. It is a promise made with one´s body.

[cream-and-tea]

nightmare, secret, and wound for the character(s) you think have the most interesting answers!!!

~Morri (@memento-morri-writes)

Not Nice ask game here! (all of these questions are pallasbait so i’m going to get that out of my system and answer all three for them lol)

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

pallas has a pretty messy relationship with the concept of sleeping in the same way that they have a pretty messy relationship with most Basic Human Needs, so they really only sleep when they absolutely cannot stay awake any longer. but if i’m being honest they’ve repressed everything they could have nightmares about SO hard that they don’t really have bad dreams and if they do they don’t remember them when they wake up. they do have one extended nightmare sequence in the book as i’ve planned it but that happens when they’re actively bleeding out + their entire worldview is crumbling, so it’s really a way to show the way all of their Repression Level 5000 Mental Blocks have started to break down lol

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

this is kinda hard to answer because pallas hate hate haaaaates being Perceived in any meaningful capacity, so their view of what counts as “secret” is massively skewed lol. if they had their way no one would be able to access any information about them without going through a fifty step vetting process and a blood oath binding them to never repeat any of it (which isn’t to far off from what they actually do tbh).

apart from one Super Huge Spoiler Thing i think the thing that pallas wouldn’t want ANYONE to know is that they aren’t anywhere NEAR as secure in themself/their position as everyone thinks. they put a lot of effort into coming across as Cool and Detached and Cruel, so to have anyone see past that would be absolutely devastating. because if someone could look and see how much what pallas does is eating them alive they might try to question it and bring them out of it and force them to—GOD forbid—self reflect for once. they’ll take hatred and fear over pity any day.

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

heyyyyy character i have with the highest pain tolerance!!!! super powerful bloodflesh magic + incredibly taxing training (to put it mildly) + intense healing factor + functional immortality will do that to you!! due to uhhhhh All Of That pallas’s general response to being wounded is to walk that shit off unless it’s directly preventing them from completing their mission, which is a pretty high threshold. you know that they’re my specialist little guy because they’re constantly being battered physically mentally AND emotionally through the whole story. just put through the absolute ringer. it’s actually kind of hard to choose a worst one bc of that, but i’m gonna say that worst emotional/mental wound happened a year before the start of the book when their best friend nina Died supersuper hard and worst physical wound happens in book two when [REDACTED] [REDCATED]’s them ❤️

[natostine]

okay @kohakhearts I just used the generator so this is the crack fic you received

fic under the cut

Slade gets a lot of weird contracts. Part of being the Best in the Biz™ is that all the absolutely insane shit that the small fries can't handle gets sent to him—and the shit the small fries can't handle is either way above their paygrade (re: sometimes he gets paid to murder actual gods) or it's just too weird to be taken seriously by those who haven't been around long enough.

Not Slade tho. Slade has seen some shit. Done some shit too, but that's neither here nor there. The point is that that only Slade could be contracted to murder—checks notes—possessed, killer animatronic robots for a childrens pizza joint.

He cannot make this shit up.

But the pay is good, and destroying a robot cant be that different from killing a live target, and he's bored as hell because he hasn't been able to torment a teenager or his kids in a while, so why not?

The pizza joint, Freddy Faxbears Pizza, is downright grody. Is this place still operable? It shouldnt be if it is. It's a walking healthcode violation, and that's not even including the murderbots he's about to turn into murderedbots.

Slade draws his sword and starts sweeping the place. He had to access Freddy's from a skylight in the office, which, according to his blueprints, is furthest from the stage rooms where the animatronics should be, provided they're not wondering around. The office itself is clear, so he moves into the hallway, checks the closet, and then heads into the kitchen.

The kitchen is where things get a little dicey though.

He follows his normal sweeping procedure, but when he walks past one of the counters, he notices a strange book on the counter.

Death Note, it's titled, no author listed.

Idly, Slade picks it up, wondering if maybe there's some intel in it that could be useful. Instead, he finds a long list of overly complicated middle school burn book type instructions.

“Useless,” he mutters and tosses it over his shoulder and onto the ground.

“Well that's rude,” someone says behind him.

Before they can even finish the sentence, he's swinging his sword sword sword, his (not)diamond sword directly at the figure—

Only for his sword to go right through.

“Motherfucking ghosts and shit,” he curses and swings again.

“Now, hey, that's not nice :(“ the goth ghost says. He seems very unperturbed by the whole thing.

“Didn't try to cut your head off to make friends,” Slade points out and tries swinging again. Every strike just goes straight through this guy though. Nothing at all like the animatronics he was contracted to kill.

Probably for the best actually that this thing isn't one of the attractions. It's an absolute horror show.

“You're not what I'm here for,” he moves to go around the thing.

“Hey wait!” it shouts. “You forgor your notebook!”

Slade glances back at the selfproclaimed Death Note, then hefts his sword up so the monster can see it clearly. “Don't need it.”

“B-b-b-b-but—”

Slade doesn’t stick around to listen.

After the kitchen is more hallway. He gets, like, two steps in that fucked up ghost guy materializes through the wall and in his way. “Listen buddy,” it grumbles even as it's face stays pulled in that rigour mortis grin. “You're the first human to actually go through the building in a long time. Do you have any idea how long I've been stuck here?” he shouts.

“Don't care,” he steps around the creature again.

The thing grumbles and follows behind with its massive wings. “You're a killer, yeah? I can tell. I'm a shinigami. Well that notebook will let you kill with nothing but a name and face! Think about it! You could get your jobs done in a fraction of the time!”

Just then, a giant, robot chicken lurches from around the corner with thundering steps. Slade casts the shinigami a look, then calmly asks, “Hey, what's your name?”

The chicken does not respond. Slade holds out his sword and lets it run into it, then disembowel its metal guts.

It falls to the ground easily.

The next three robots go much the same, and not a single one offers up its name.

“There. I dont need your notebook,” he says smugly and saunters towards the exit.

“I'll admit, that was entertaining,” the shinigami says. Slade gets the impression the creature is grinning even wider somehow.

“Happy to help,” he says sarcastically. He reaches the front door and tries to open it, but nothing happens. “Weird.” He turns to go back through the building to use the skylight again.

“Wait, you forgot the notebook!” the shinigami protests as Slade pulls the desk under the light. “Even if you dont use it for killing, you can use it to extort others, or manipulate their every move prior to their death! You could sell it even!”

That…could be useful, he supposes, but it also takes all the fun out of murdering and tormenting. “Eh, I'll pass.”

The shinigami growls like a feral dog. “Fine!” he yells and pulls out his own notebook. “This is the end of you, Slade Wilson!”

“That wont work on me,” Slade points out. He hops on top the desk.

“What?” he yells. “Why not?”

Slade shrugs. “I once came back from the dead because I caught leprosy post-mortem, and this place is a massive healthcode violation. I'll just heal again.”

Then Slade pulls himself out the window before the shinigami realizes that that shit doesn't apply once he's out of the building.

[stonechatcher]

Dead boys x (Y/n) intro

Warning, zombies, Ghosts, and more undead. Also mentioning Suicide in Axar's part.

Zombie (Fleshy) -

Fleshy was bitten by a zombie when the first outbreak happened. When he was alive, he was 24 years old, and on his way to work. He was a Caucasian male. Now bears pale, sickly skin.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Infected (Living dead.)

When he was alive, he was very popular, played soccer, and was a very smart guy. He worked at a business that handled finance. Life was good for Fleshy. But his name wasn't always Fleshy, it was Walker. Walker Wood. He's quite the prankster, and loves to pull pranks on people. But… Sometimes, when his hunger is to hard to control, and he will try and eat you. He is still dressed in the attire he died in, now very tattered and beaten. He has short, messy black hair. His eyes are a dull, lifeless green.

Ghost (Axar)

Axar died before the zombie outbreak. He died in the 80's by taking his own life.

Cause of death: CLASSIFIED (Rumor is it is unknown.)

But not even in death can he be free. He's bound to this world for a ghostly reason. He was in his late 20's, maybe even his early 30's when he died. He travels as he pleases, moaning and crying for a second chance at life. He seems to deeply regret taking his life.

Seeing as he's not attached to a building like other spirits are, he watches the living with jealousy. He's not sure what he was when he was alive. He simply forgot.

He doesn't look like the others. He looks like a normal human, just a little transparent. He can touch you, but if you try to touch him, your hand will go through him. He prefers colorful attire, wears his hair up in a pony tail. African American male. Any and all information about spirit is unknown.

Fallen Angel (Asgore)

Asgore was Heaven's most beautiful angel. High above the clouds, he lived with Helios, the revered god of the sun. Asgore wanted to have powers like Helios did, he was tired of being ignored and shunned away from the god's praise and worship. Jealousy took over and he attacked Helios one day. The two were locked in battle for 2 days, and Helios banished Asgore from Heaven. As Asgore fell, Heaven began to crumble and collapse.

Asgore was banished to the earth, where he fell into to a forest where no light shines. He would forever be cursed to roam the forest, becoming a hideous, horrible creature who lives in jealousy and hatred. Asgore reveres himself as a god, but he will never match the strength and power a true god holds. He shows no mercy, nor will he pity those in need.

As Asgore fell, his form began to crack and break, turning him into a ugly, hideous creature. Before he hit the ground, he transformed himself into a cat, a black cat with orange eyes. He uses this to hide his true form, and whoever lays eyes on his true self, dies a painful death because of how ugly it is. He feasts on the corpse after. He has built a throne out of the bones and pieces left behind of those who had such a fate.

With the zombie outbreak in tow, he begins to see less human activity and more zombies. But, he will feast upon anyone, regardless if they are infected or not. Unless he finds you beautiful, you will be spared and kept as his "bride". He shows no mercy to his bride and keeps her and the others locked away in a tower. Countless have failed to rescue them.

He was once a very skilled musician, but now, his paws don't allow him to play. So he'll attempt to sing, but it's more like a screeching sound that the locals say is the Rapture. Every life form freezes in time and cannot move while he is "singing".

He is Hispanic, having had long white hair when he was an angel. His wings were a pure white, and reflected the sun beautifully.

[mnovenia]

AUGUST 2024 - SUMMER TIME, they said…

What a journey.. I’ve been neglecting on writing these days.. but my inspiration Ko Ruby inspires me to do it again.. also all knots inside my head need to be processed~

Where shalll I start hmm.. maybe from the months I fear the most (JUNE) because it has caused a deep cut of sadness that I haven’t experienced these past years. Preparing the hardest goodbye, trying to accept and let things go and surrender my plan to God, there are thousands of lessons I gain that I believe will be useful for the future..

Come to think of how I prepared Andrew’s farewell, from showing up in his marathon, juggling with Solideo, work, teaching, handling my emotions apparently not easy. I have to be excited for him, sad and feel his burden of leaving things he’s been get used to these past months, think about how’d I feel when he leaves, but I have to pretend all those and stand tall like it’s easy. PHEW, God knows how much I endured, why I sacrificed that much, and the only reason is the deep love I have for another human being. Some might think there’s nothing wrong with it, but if I think again? I was being too much at some point too. I expected he will appreciate and open his eyes, but he is also just a human being, insensitive, has different way of accepting it, cannot communicate how he actually appreciate all that, and misunderstandings that cause heartbreak and makes me feel unappreciated. That’s sad of course, and I learn that I shall not do it again in the future, especially without any commitment in the beginning, because it’s the pitfall of it all..

I learn about how far I can grow love to someone but I also learn that I should put boundaries not for another reason but for the sake of protecting me, my future and the God-sent Mr Right that will come later..

Anyway, ngapain aja ya.. selain marathon, siapin farewel2 dia, bikin scrapbook, arrange last trip bahkan ke kintamani, bantuin dia pindahan, beli oleh2, buat video, beli buffet di Mulia, siap2 ngomong last time, arrange group farewell sama solideo, tuker uang yg yen, fotoshoot dsbnya.. TIME, ENERGY, MONEY, A LOT EMOTION.. Was it all worth it? I hope so. Even though no words from him that he appreciate all that, was it hurt? Of course.. Andrew has caused one of the deepest heartbreaks I had since my Dad passed away.. however I know I can’t blame anyone on this but myself, I caused 70% of it because of my own expectation, my wishful hope that he will realize and appreciate later.. but Marshella, without you saying a word of clarity, who will understand what’s in your heart and head? So who is it to blame? There noone else but me…

After he’s gone, my expectation also didn’t stop there.. i’m waiting for his phonecall, texts, many church projects that still involve him, just for the sake that this imaginary relationship can continue.. we both might enjoy the connection and fun we have when talking to each other, but without clarity and commitment, it’s Marshella who is suffering.. another question, where is God in the midst of it all? Good question..

1. Have you been involving God since the beginning? Are you listening carefully or you live out your own plan & imagination?

2. Have you been listening to all your friends who screamed: STOP IT MARSHELLA, ASK HIM FOR CLARITY, PUT BOUNDARIES? I guess I was just enjoying the whatever undefined relationship we had in the past year. It was fun for a short time, but YOU ARE SUFFERING MARSHELLA, no matter how good the guy is, you know you’re wrong too for not talking it out with him.. so next time, SPEAK UP could you please?

3. Was all the heartbreak, silenced, uncontinued friendship & common ministy worth the sacrifice?

4. What should I do next?

It’s been a month since I went to Korea. Everyday I tried hard to wake up and keep my head up straight without feeling the pain of rejection and imagining how Gwanghui is suffering on the other side of the world. It hurts so much, it feels like a bad breakup, a waste of time, a loss of best friend whom I can talk to and cheer my day up, keep me going on my ministry, practicing my Korean, etc..

God, if I can be honest and not to push my feelings, if I can express how much I still have deep love that I want to share with Gwuang Hui, I’d love to hope that there is still hope for it.. But this time, the feeling is mixed with everything.. now my mind can already think clearly, that I don’t want to repeat the dark time I had with him.. the fight, argument, cold treatments, misunderstandings, dark cold days at tenten, words from him, un appreciation that made me suffer to the core.. it wasn’t even a good time that we shared, even though God used it that we clearly expand our tents in Bali church..

I think my eyes and heart are so blinded that I’m hopeless and limiting what God can do, I can’t find a glimpse of hope that I can meet someone else who God really prepares for me, who will treat me better, who deserve my deep love, who loves God too at the same time and willing to join God’s ministry because of His calling, and see me the way God sees me. But the enemy seems blocking that view and stop me to stuck and feel helpless, seeing myself as too old to hope again, too much lacking that men won’t be interested and will look for younger girls, etc. I’m also afraid to find out if GH is with other girl, esp if it’s when I’m still alone. These days I know that GH is not doing alright, he was lost without clear direction, nothing satisfy him, and the worst part is: he’s not only stop ministering to solideo (sending prayer/words) but also not going to Yewon church in Seoul for 3 consecutive weeks, isn’t that crazy? He wasn’t even joining any youth activities that he used to love the most, work wise also not finding open door, and i feel so much pressured/guilt that I caused/contributed the pain that he is having now..

Those are Satan’s intimidation that I should throw away and not believe..

Even he clarified himself to me that it’s not because of me and I should know that God is strong enough to take care of him without my help/involvement, I should always be involved in his life (when he clearly doesn’t want to), I then wonder is it really love or just the enemy who wants to distract me from focusing on the Love of God..

These days I’ve been reflecting again, what God is trying to teach me through this rejection, I heard the it directs to redirection, makes me have courage to start from 0 again, believing what God still has in store, purify me that I will live for God even without worldly reward that I always want, that I will not depend my on the gift of this world, learn to be mature to admit that I may lose because of rejection and I have to admit and accept that with big heart, that not everything will fit to my ‘beautiful’ scenario, I should learn to value myself the way God do even when other people don’t see it, I have to learn to cherish every moment that God provides because it may not last forever, I have to believe, relieve, release things that I want to control/prevent not happen to a bigger hands the only one that capable of taking care of it and take out the ‘burden’ I feel I have to carry on my shoulders because noone’s happiness is depend on me, I learn that no matter how strong one’s faith may look like it will fail at some point and not last as I thought, I learn that through loneliness God will send those He think should be with me on the time being, God taught me to follow His way because He doesn’t me to get hurt even further and me to see His miracle on the way that far better than my definition of ‘LOVE’.. So what should I do next:

1. Focus on following God’s words, doa Kristus every now and then, take time to pray and be in the words, show up everytime I have chance because that’s the time when God is speaking

2. Focus on the people God put around me this time. SOLIDEO, help Bella, value the love from Ci Maurin, Eunjung Onni, Marlene Jie, Nongky, Eunice, Michelle, Shannen, Lina, all the girlfriends God put in my life to focus on Him and feel His love through.. I’ve been neglecting girls time due to thinking on Andrew and look forward to things that is uncertain.. cherish the love I have

3. Discipleship and penginjilan to my brother, colleagues, reachout to other Christians Silvi, Esther, those who stay in Bali, Devi, strengthen the new believers while helping the church to grow and be transformed by the love of God.

4. Pilates, eat & live healthy, explore more hobbies, don’t be stingy to myself, buy what I want, help those in need without earthly calculation

[processedthoughts9]

I don’t understand why she always pretend to be very involved with worldly matters. 

I mean, I get it if you’re a philanthropist, maybe spending a portion of your resources into improving the world, then perhaps you have a say on humanity la. But no leh, what has she done that is revolutionary or even potentially? Who does she think she is? It’s always like someone standing on the outside, criticising everything on the inside…which is always the case. you wanna do med, she say you’ll never succeed. You wanna eat this or drink that, she say unethical. You wanna listen to music, she say why you worship the artist. you want your insta handle to be humorous, cannot. Every other day talk about having kids, but want surrogate. That’s her whole outlook on life, zero input, but want all the output. cb…you qualified to be mother first not? don’t talk about being a mother la, you qualified to be anyone’s gf anot first?

Can never satisfy this kind of person one la, all talk no walk. Talk about philosophical love from dunno which author (doubt she even read the book), but ownself go fly to Malaysia, Japan, Malta, London, Korea, china, Hong Kong with other guys, and justify it with all kinds of reasons. Can you imagine how insane it is? Break up at 9pm, 12am call me say she on the plane to Malta with Andrew, but still want to be with me, but too late already, cause in the moment of us breaking up for that 3 hours, she agreed to flying off with him. Do you think at that point I give a damn already whether she’s mine or not? I think after the 3rd-4th month, I just patronise her demands, cause nothing means anything anymore. Just watch her play stupid games, win stupid prizes lor.

Then blame the contraceptive thing on me…I’m not the one that is seeing multiple people and needs to prevent pregnancy sia. We weren’t even together when she decided to implant the IUD. She went to the clinic with Weiyang, her fwb, after that got intimacy or not, only god knows la hor. I don’t want to know either.

And I also don’t understand why she likes to flex the guys she leads on or keeps in the friend zone, especially the PhD fella. For what sia, it’s not like she’s the one with the academics leh. 

Then you know how these suiters will try to impress her with a bit of knowledge, but honestly it’s the most watered down, tip of the ice burg kind of information. or she thinks googling certain topics is sufficient. Then she think she very smart but can never go into the technicalities when you converse with her. Then at the end you question yourself, why is this girl arguing with you about intellect when she has nothing to show for?

At the very beginning of knowing her, you would think that maybe she knows quite a broad range of information. But after 2-3 months, cannot smoke anyone one la. Instead of seemingly intelligent, it just seems like this person got too much free time, doesn’t know how to prioritise the important things, no substance but try damn hard to prove something.

At the end of the day, she thinks she very high demand…bro, once they get to know you, no dare to marry you one la.