#you deflect all accusations‚ you never admit you make mistakes

[mortirolo]

god blocking you felt so good and so fucking holy

[purpleheartskies]

"Second Place. Second Place. Second Place."

After s5e5, s6e5 feels like a long time coming...

Robby's entire character journey is rooted in his traumas. He's hit such low points that he's said things that show how hopeless he is about himself and about how Johnny treats him.

"You were right. It was a mistake trying to help me because I can't change." (s3e2) "I screwed everything up... It just made things worse, and now it's never going to get better." (s4e10) "I'm sick of blaming you, Dad." (s4e10)

After everything Johnny has put Robby through and everything Robby has experienced including being beaten into submission by Miguel with Johnny's permission right before hearing the baby news, is it really that hard to fathom that this kid who has been losing hope more and more because of all the traumas and losses in his life just, essentially, shut down and gave up fighting for himself against Johnny, Miguel, and everyone?

Robby isn't even allowed to talk to Johnny about their issues, without Johnny getting defensive and deflecting, mostly turning things onto Robby. Johnny's always been this way. Like in s2e1, when Robby said he needed more time to forgive him, Johnny immediately accused Robby of training with Daniel to torture Johnny. And in s3e4, Johnny immediately got defensive the moment Robby got upset after Johnny admit that he had missed the scheduled visit because of going to the hospital. He got more defensive as Robby kept calling him out for choosing Miguel over him, and Johnny eventually deflected that Robby put Miguel in the hospital. Regardless, it's Johnny's responsibility as Robby's parent to be there for Robby first and foremost. In s5e1, Johnny apologized for tricking Robby into the trip, but then he started manipulating Robby in different ways (gaslighting and guilting him, again deflecting) just to get Robby to stay to help him find Miguel. That trip and the "stories" they made were regardless all so that Johnny could find Miguel and restore him as "first place" in Johnny's life. In s5e8, Johnny told Robby not to "be like that" when Robby passed the comment about fatherly advice.

This kid has had to put up with so much shit from Johnny. It's exhausting for someone to have keep fighting against a rival that they'll never win against. Like Robby had told Tory in s5e4, he and Johnny have some issues that are too big to solve. Yet, another assessment about the hopelessness of his situation with Johnny.

In s6e5, Robby once again spoke about his hopelessness:

"It's still better than always coming in second." The face he made as he said "second", as if it's so painful to think about.

Yes, the focus was on his tournament losses when he was practicing later on.

"Second place. Second place. Second place."

But the sheer intensity of Robby's anger can't be ignored. Robby's trauma of being second place stems deeper than just being second place in the tournaments. His whole life he's been second place in Johnny's life and in Shannon's life. Throughout the series, he's been second place to Miguel in karate and in relationships, especially with Johnny. Everyone sided with Miguel over him after the school fight.

Now, he's second place to this new family that Johnny has. How Johnny put together the family in s5 is already proof of that, but that continued in s6.

In s6, Johnny continued to treat Robby as if Johnny's never done him any wrong, like Johnny doesn't need to make amends or help him with his future, and that focusing on the new family is Johnny's priority and Robby isn't.

In s6e2, after Miguel read his letter to Stanford, all the adults, including Johnny, praised it. Miguel then asked Robby his opinion, and Robby commented that Miguel made him the bad guy in it. Miguel innocently said that he could remove Robby's name from it. Robby said it was okay because it's not like Robby is applying to Stanford or any college. Johnny then emptily said that both boys have good future prospects.

First off, all the adults are fine with Miguel framing Robby as the bad guy. They are all still actively scapegoating Robby for the school fight. This is not even a question. Yaya and Carmen are enablers. They're definitely going to scapegoat Robby and act like Miguel did no wrong. However, Johnny, specifically, has never cared at all about what happened in the school fight. In s4e4, several months after it had happened, Johnny threw in Robby's face that he'd gotten kicked out of school, and when Robby tried to tell Johnny what had happened in the school fight, Johnny dismissed Robby with an "I wasn't there", as in "I don't care".

Second, "I don't care" overshadows their entire relationship, even now. In s1e4, Robby told Johnny that he hasn't cared for 16 years and Johnny ended that conversation with an "I don't care". Johnny very clearly doesn't care about helping Robby with his future prospects. Robby has to figure that out on his own.

In s6e5, when Miguel tried to "convince" Robby that Miguel's future and life are more worth changing, Robby put him in his place. The pact that Robby had made with Tory earlier gave Robby some belief in himself again, that he can be more than second place. For the first time since s5e5, Robby was ready to fight for himself and for his future again.

Yes, kiddo! Don't trust this guy or his family. They don't have your back. You're the one they'll sacrifice for his future. They've been fine with scapegoating you and with how Johnny has been treating you this whole time.

Miguel gaslit Robby after their fight in s5e5. Here, in s6e5, Miguel was gaslighting Robby again. I know some will brush this off, but this is gaslighting. Miguel started by telling Robby that no matter what happens tomorrow, he's got no beef with Robby. This is to let Robby know that Miguel will do whatever it takes to win and Robby should be okay with that. Then, Miguel proceeded to "convince" Robby that Miguel really needs this. Robby rightfully countered that Robby doesn't? Miguel then said that he's thinking about Stanford and that, if they look at his application again, then this could be really life changing for him. Robby rightfully called him out for his assertion that Robby's life isn't worth changing because he's not going to college. Miguel immediately tried to claim that's not what he was saying. But that was definitely Miguel's assertion. Miguel wanted to convince Robby that Miguel needs this win more than him because Miguel believes that his own future is more important.

It's so important to note how alone Robby is. ROBBY DOES NOT HAVE THE SUPPORT OF THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM. No one, other than Tory, truly believes in him. This is facts. We saw this in that simple, seemingly benign scene for Miguel's college letter. This is not surprising at all. I've been pointing out the dysfunction in this family for so long now. s6 continued with these characterizations to a tee.

Despite what fans claim about the toxic blended family, s6e5 showed once again that Robby is all alone. After the school fight, when Robby was at his lowest, no one was on his side. Everyone did take Miguel's side over his blindly, which was once again shown in s6e2. They still act like Miguel's the good guy and Robby's the bad guy in the rivalry that Miguel had started, continued, and ended on his own terms.

Robby is in a subtly toxic environment in which he can't be himself, has to settle for being "second place" to Miguel and the unborn plot device, and has to have his guard up all the time. Robby is still in survival mode.

Tory's mom said that life dealt them a bad hand. Life dealt Robby a bad hand too. Two parents who abandoned and neglected him for pretty much his whole life, even to the point of abuse. They're still neglecting him in some ways and emotionally neglecting him, giving him more trauma. A mentor who took him in, called him family but then discarded him after he screwed up and without even giving him a chance to explain. Who didn't even hear his side of the story for the most traumatizing experience in his life. A friend turned girlfriend turned person he barely talks to but just hangs out with who used him, turned on him, and then used him again, all while dismissing her own and her boyfriend's wrongs against him. Not to mention, being scapegoated by everyone for the fight in school between him and Miguel that Miguel himself started and escalated to the point it got to. A scapegoating that is still going on.

I find it interesting that they framed Robby's trauma as based on him being "second place". This is something Johnny and Tory both understand.

In '84, Kreese broke Johnny's trophy and strangled him for coming in second place.

"Second place is no place! ... You're nothing. You're a loser."

In s4e5, Kreese taunted Johnny:

"Has it really come down to this? Johnny Lawrence playing second fiddle to little Danny LaRusso."

In fact, in s6e5, Kreese told Tory:

"When push comes to shove, they'll always figure out a reason to keep you second fiddle to Larusso's kid."

Not to mention, Tory has technically lost all of her fights with Sam.

And, back in s4e1, Kreese told Robby about Johnny:

"He chose Diaz, and left you with that mark on your head."

In s6e5, Johnny, Robby, and Tory all were dealing with their trauma from feeling second, not good enough, like the underdog who'll never win. Johnny was feeling second to Daniel. Robby feels second always. Tory repeated Kreese's words to Amanda, that they would keep Tory second to Sam. Tory has always felt that she has to fight for every inch of what she has, and she had just lost the most important person to her. The person who had taught her to be a fighter.

Earlier, when Robby had told Tory that her "win" at the avt was better than always coming in second, Tory told him that this was their chance to win big. They then made a deal to stick together and win the Sekai Taikai together. That sounds like an "it's us against the world" pact. Later, when Tory lost her mom, she told the doctor that she had no one, which in the end was not true. The LaRussos, Robby, and Devon all wanted support Tory. Tory has been alone and unsupported for so long that she believes that she's still all alone. Kreese had been the first person in a long while to support her and help her (even if he had/has ulterior motives, which she isn't aware of). It's sadly understandable why she chose to go back to him and join Cobra Kai.

Their deal and the match later clearly indicated that Robby feels all alone too. He truly doesn't have a true family or support system, which has been shown. When Tory showed up at the match, Robby felt supported again. Robby didn't notice that something was wrong with Tory, though. It's understandable because of his own headspace at the time. He was very much dealing with his own traumas. Sure, Robby seems "happy" all the time on the outside, but the shadow boxing scene is Robby's raw anger on the inside. The self-hate and "hate" he has due to his traumas. It's still all there! Of course, it is! Robby's been lead to believe, by Mr. Balance (Daniel) who himself can't "find balance", that Robby needs to "let go" of his emotions to "find balance". But, he's just burying his emotions, like he instinctively buried the egg to protect it in s5e7. So when Tory came to the match, Robby was not in a good headspace at the time. After he had won his match, he was still exhilarated by that win. But, he did start noticing that something was wrong as he watched Tory fight.

Johnny's "second place" insecurities with Daniel were also in play. Johnny was first upset that Daniel kept treating him like they weren't karate sensei partners, until Daniel admit that they are karate sensei partners and Daniel should treat him that way. Then, during Tory and Sam's match, Johnny's insecurities intervened again when Daniel first intervened in the match and later when Johnny egged on Tory's assumption that Daniel and Amanda were taking sides, which was quite hypocritcal of Johnny. He himself has been giving his son "second place" trauma because he chooses Miguel over his son. He offered up Sam as Tory's punching bag here, just like he offered Robby up to Miguel in s5e5. Luckily, Daniel and Amanda were there to put a stop to it. Johnny was projecting his own past onto Tory and was not reading the room and not helping properly. Afterwards, Johnny was pretty riled up because of seeing how Tory wanted to deal with her mom's death by fighting it out. Hearing the news had brought back his own feelings for when his mom had died. He told Daniel that it would have been helped him back then if he was able to fight it out like he had wanted to. His mom's death had led to him making the worst mistake of his life: abandoning Robby. A mistake that Johnny has been trying to overwrite since s1e4, first by using Miguel and, since s5e3, by using the baby. Johnny hasn't been trying to redeem himself. He's been trying to cover up his past. That's why he so easily dropped Robby completely after the conversation with Ali in s3e10 about not living in the past.

The setup for part 2 for Johnny, Robby, and Tory is interesting. Kreese knows all of their weaknesses and traumas. Kreese is using Tory's grief to his advantage. In s5e9, Robby had walked into the CK dojo and confronted Silver to give Tory support. Robby is likely going to do what he can to get her out from Kreese's grasps. Tory's mom's death brought back Johnny's own feelings when his mom had died and he'd abandoned Robby. Will Johnny try to help Tory because Johnny doesn't want to see Tory go down that path that he himself once did and maybe because Johnny also wants to help Robby help her. (I know... wishful thinking on the latter, but Johnny's redemption needs to start at some point.)

Johnny's and Robby's stories have to resolve. Their character journeys have always been intertwined (despite Johnny being useless and horrible to Robby). Based on what we know so far, it sounds like those resolutions are finally coming in part 2 during the Sekai Taikai. "The Resurrection" stage of Johnny's and Robby's character journeys align with part 2. In this stage, Johnny and Robby will reach the goal of their character journeys. This is when the character stops believing in their "lie", gives up their "want", starts believing in their "truth", and achieves their "need", if these are meant to be positive change arcs. Part 1 was "The Road Back" stage. Interestingly, Robby's "lie" was challenged and his "truth" and "need" were explored in s6e5. Robby's "lie" is not believing in himself and his worth because of his traumas. His "truth" is believing in himself and his worth, and his "need" is to "find balance". When Robby accepted his "truth", he was able to achieve his "need". Even if though it was brief, it was shown.

It's interesting that they paced Robby's story in s6 to pick up in ep 5. This reminded me of how his story in s1 picked up in ep 5. Since watching s1e5, I've wanted Robby to get the world, but all he's gotten is pretty much loss after loss after loss.

s6e5 really brought home that some of the odds against Robby are that he's all alone. He doesn't have parents or mentors, a support system, that believes in him, will be there for him, or will fight for him. They didn't when he truly needed them to after the school fight. They scapegoated him instead and continue to act like he's the bad guy in the story.

It does make me sad. I've always wanted Johnny to step up for Robby and to start building a real relationship with Robby, but s6 part 1 continued to show that Johnny still isn't building a real relationship with Robby.

In s6e4, when Devon got upset with Johnny for arguing with Barnes, she told Johnny that Barnes missed all her "good moments". My immediate thought was that Johnny missed all of Robby's "good moments" in life. Johnny did that intentionally too. They're never going to get those moments back, and Johnny has been wasting the rest of Robby's childhood running after random people (and these are still random people to Robby, who has to put on a charade and be around them so that Johnny doesn't abandon him again).

And, yet, Johnny did see Robby win the match for captaincy and Johnny himself crowned Robby as captain. So, maybe this is where the turning point begins for them. Because this is the first important win Robby got in the series, and Johnny was there and was happy to see it, even though it came at Miguel's loss. For the first time, Robby was not "second place". He rightfully earned "first place".

Robby got the win and this "good moment" with his dad proud of him. This is seriously a huge moment for Robby. Johnny got to see this "good moment". Hopefully, Johnny will be there to see all of Robby's "good moments" from now on. And, hopefully, Robby will get many many more "good moments" in his life. (Yes, I will keep gloating about this win. 😊)

Don't know what to expect in s6 part 2, but I really hope Robby gets his big win. The sad thing is that this win and this moment in s6e5 happened alongside the plot that Tory's mom had died. No good moments last for Robby. (Hopefully, there is some context as to why Robby didn't immediately go after Tory. Amanda was not present at the headband scene, so maybe she went then and Robby went afterwards.) Seeing that Tory joined Cobra Kai for the Sekai Taikai means that Robby's not going to be in a good headspace as the tournament starts. He'll probably also blame himself that he hadn't told anyone that Kreese had approached and talked to Tory. Because Robby feels and is all alone, he's probably going to try to help Tory on his own.

A major theme in the story is the struggle to "find balance" due to dealing with trauma. It's not using karate to get into your dream college. That's a character motivation. Just like the pact that Robby and Tory made to win to get on the podium is a character motivation. Robby actually has a character journey that is exploring the theme. Robby will need to "find balance" in order to win. He will need to believe in himself and his worth. Without Tory, I don't know how he'll do it. We'll have to wait and see...

(As always, please don't comment or reblog with dismissive comments about the nuance in the story. The nuance is part of the story, and the story is exploring important topics like trauma, bullying, neglect, and dysfunctional relationships.)

[therecordconnection]

Colleen Ballinger's "Toxic Gossip Train" song is gonna be this generation's version of O.J. Simpson's If I Did It, a piece of work where the author more or less completely admits to their wrongdoing but deflects by pointing the gun at other people and blaming others instead of actually taking an introspective look at themselves (or in Simpson's case, admitting to a crime by framing it as a "hypothetical" and saying that he would never do that, but could have). Like, good lord, woman! Did you actually read this before singing it on camera!?

Many years ago, I used to message my fans Uh, but not in a creepy way like a lot of you are trying to suggest It was more of a loser kind of way Where I was just trying to be besties with everybody It was kinda like, uh, when you go to like a family gathering, you know? And there's a weird aunt there who keeps coming up to you and going like, "Hey, girl, what's the tea?" And you're like, "Eh" Um, that was me, but in group chats with my fans, it was weird

Just because you admit it was weird doesn't make it any less wrong. You still did it!! It's also not "gossip" anymore if you admit you were doing weird stuff! Plus, her PR team must be losing their fucking minds right now because she even says in the song that they advised her to keep her mouth shut! I wouldn't want to be them right now.

Um, even though my team has strongly advised me to not say what I want to say I recently realized that they never said that I couldn't sing what I wanna say, so...

Absolutely bonkers. It's like she listened to Akon's "Sorry, Blame It On Me," heard the lyrics "Because I love my fans, I'll take that blame / Even though the blame's on you" and wrote a whole song around that. Her framing device of "people just like to watch you fall :(" doesn't work when there's evidence about what you've been accused of AND you admit that the "gossip" is true!

And she fucking put it on streaming platforms and put it up for sale on Apple Music!! Make no mistake, she did that purely to cash in on the meme and the controversy for one last cash flow before it all inevitably ends. You've seen Youtubers in hot water plenty of times in the past, but this isn't a Gabbie Hanna sort of deal where she's clearly dealing with some kind of mental illness and at worst just isn't a good person who treats people well, this is much much worse.

Understand that what she has been accused of (and what there is concrete evidence for) is beyond fucked up and she deserves whatever ill-fortune might come her way. I'm certain there are fans who agreed with her song and want to defend her, but that's a road they will be walking alone if they do. If what I've been reading about her is true (because I didn't even know who she was until this whole song fiasco happened), it's not just the grooming allegations that people are rightfully angry about. It's also been sexual harassment, racism, enabling toxic work culture, sharing someone else's nudes with minors without consent, mailing minors lingerie, being in a group chat with underage fans, and more ick than you would really want to think about.

You've seen plenty of shitty Youtuber "apologies" where they're clearly lying and only saying things in front of a camera to try and save face. You've seen ones where people are clearly monetizing it and making it long enough so that it can be monetized. This one is a new breed though and it deserves to be looked at, mocked/memed, and studied. I can't think of anyone else off the top of my head who turned their "apology" video into a song like this. It's completely delusional and detached from any reality you and I co-exist in.

Colleen Ballinger is a shitty, awful, evil person who is not only deserving of your scorn and vitriol, but is also someone who should have to pay for what she has done. If it isn't jailtime (which it should be!) then we can at least try to take comfort in hopefully never having to hear from or see her ever again.

Stay safe out there, friends. There's a lot of nasty people in the world.

[dearly-anonymous]

Dear reader,

Over the weekend, my sister and I got into an argument. She accused me of something I did not do and didn’t let me get a word in to defend myself. She kept yelling at me that I was wrong and she wasn’t surprised that I would hurt her. She caught me completely off guard and was relentless. She is younger than I am and she knows that I have autism which makes it hard for me to communicate in general, let alone when someone is screaming at me. I blew up and told her she was wrong to accuse me and how upset I was she automatically assumed I would do anything to hurt her. I told her I hoped karma would get back at her for doing that and cussed her out a bunch. I called her a bitch and a snake and soon after I began to cry and she was mocking me the whole time saying that my crocodile tears wouldn't do anything for me and that I was just manipulating her to make her feel bad about accusing me. Later that night it was proven that I was innocent yet she still refused to talk to me. Yesterday she texted me saying she will not forgive me and won't for a long time. I told her I was sorry for cussing her out but told her she also had to take accountability for her side and that she holds everyone in her life to ridiculous standards but is always quick to excuse her own behavior. She fired back by telling me I was just deflecting my own issues onto her and that she is almost a decade younger and therefore is not guilty. She said the only reason she did what she did is because our other sister has a history of stealing sp therefore it made sense that I was also doing the same thing. She said I was manipulative and clearly showed no remorse for anyone. I said I was sorry again for the words I said and that blowing up on her was my fault. I told her that I get extremely overwhelmed and emotionally stimulated when someone is yelling or accusing and it can sometimes set me off but that is not manipulation. She has not responded to that and hasn’t talked to me in five days. She ignores every word I say and acts as if I do not exist. She never takes accountability, she's the youngest and was babied way more than the rest of my siblings and I were. Am I in the wrong here, or am I correct in thinking this argument was two sided and that she has no right blaming it all on me? I'm just so burned out from all of this.

Love, anonymous.

Dear reader,

It sounds like you’ve been through a really tough situation with your sister, and I understand how emotionally draining this must be for you. Arguments like this can be incredibly complicated, especially when communication styles and emotional responses are at play. You’ve already done a good job of recognizing your own mistakes in the argument, such as the hurtful language you used. Admitting that you were wrong to cuss her out and acknowledging that you get overwhelmed and it can set you off is an important step.

Your sister was clearly upset and acted out based on past experiences and her own emotional state. Her accusations and reaction might have been influenced by her own insecurities or the dynamics within the family. While her reaction was hurtful and not justified, understanding where she might be coming from could be helpful in resolving the conflict.

Given your autism and the way you react under stress, it’s important to recognize how these factors contribute to the situation. Your sister’s behavior of yelling and mocking you, especially knowing your communication difficulties, seems particularly insensitive. Sometimes, the best course of action is to give the other person space. If she is not ready to talk, respecting her need for time might help de-escalate the situation and give both of you time to reflect.

From what you’ve described, the argument seems to be two-sided. While you made mistakes, your sister’s actions and accusations were also hurtful and problematic. It’s important to continue acknowledging your own role and feelings while also addressing the impact of her behavior. Maintaining a focus on understanding and calm communication, while also respecting each other’s need for space, might help in moving towards resolution.

Remember, it’s okay to seek support for yourself during this time. Navigating family conflicts can be challenging, and taking care of your emotional well-being is important.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 12

We’re finally getting into the polyamory stuff I promised!!

Hannibal reads into Will’s whirlwind relationship with y/n and finds a way to insert himself into it. Will sees some patterns in his relationships. 

Trigger warnings: emotional and mental manipulation, discussion of toxic codependent relationships

"Your relationship with Miss [L/N] is a physical manifestation of your compulsory need to protect someone." Hannibal explained. "You've learned that you're capable of violence. Using it to protect someone allows you to hold on to your veneer of morality as defined by society."

"How do I keep ending up here?" Will leaned on the desk, knowing full well that the answer was because he wanted to.

"I like to think it's because my voice has replaced your conscience." Hannibal smirked, sitting in one of the black den chairs. "There must be some part of you that knows you're taking advantage of Miss [L/N], right?"

Will tightened his lips and sat in the chair across from Hannibal. "I'm not that deep in denial. I know it's opportunistic to keep her around when she has nowhere else to go."

"And you know she is only attached to you because she feels indebted to you." Hannibal leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. "Do you intend to keep her forever indebted to you so she can never leave?"

Will crossed his arms. "I don't know what you're accusing me of."

"Your girlfriend is quite loose-lipped." Hannibal claimed. "Aside from in the literal sense, it seems."

"So she told you about this morning, huh?" Will frowned. "And I'm sure you had nothing to do with that. So I couldn't let her go down on me and not return the favor. I'm a strong proponent of gender equality."

Hannibal licked his lips. This new image was particularly scrumptious as it formulated in his head. "I noticed the way you looked when you learned she and I had met."

"And what way is that, Doctor Lecter?" Will sneered.

"Jealous," Hannibal put up a finger to denote an incomplete thought. "But of whom, I couldn't place. Tell me, Will. Were you jealous of me, or of her?"

"I'd rather not." Will refused. "I'm not interested in fighting over a woman with you."

"Nor am I." Hannibal smiled. "But you must know that what you have going on with Miss [L/N] isn't sustainable. Not on your own."

"What are you planning?" Will furrowed his brow.

"The young woman confided in me a lifetime ago," Hannibal began. "That she wishes to be shared. For her own protection."

"That doesn't sound like regular dinner conversation." Will said, skeptically.

"Like I said," Hannibal turned around. "Is it really so hard to believe that she talks?"

"Here I thought bartenders were sworn to secrecy." Will rolled his eyes, refusing to process the information presented.

"I think it would be best for her." Hannibal said. "And you. You both need someone to watch over you."

Will glared at him. "I thought you were critical of Freud. Seems like now you're proving his point."

"It's written in the laws of nature." Hannibal rationalized. "Hydrogen is the most abundant chemical in the known universe. But one hydrogen atom is unstable without another. And even then, it's dangerously combustible. But, when met with an oxygen atom-"

"You drown." Will folded his arms. "See, I can play that game too."

“You know that this relationship with [F/N] is doomed to fail.” Hannibal said, gravely. “But you still deflect and drag your feet. When presented with a solution that would keep her in your life, you reject it. Why are you so self-destructive?” 

“Frankly, I don’t believe you have either of our best interests at heart.” Will admitted. “You’re putting up a front of psychological expertise so you can watch [F/N] and I dance on your strings.” 

Hannibal positioned himself behind Will’s chair. “So it’s okay when you manipulate somebody, but when I do it, I’m a monster, is that right?” 

“I’m not manipulating her.” Will protested. 

“Tell me, Will.” Hannibal placed a hand on his shoulder. “Did you take her in for her wellbeing, or yours?” 

Will said nothing. 

“I see.” Hannibal nodded. “Her safety was a happy byproduct of your need to be good.” 

“I see you’ve got me pegged.” Will put up his hands in surrender. 

“Really?” Hannibal smirked. “I thought that was Miss [L/N]’s department.” 

Will shifted in his seat. “Let’s not pretend that you’re just an impartial bystander in all this.” 

Hannibal looked admiringly at Will’s profile. “I never claimed to be.” 

“You want to have your cake and eat it.” Will said. 

“I like all kinds of pastries.” Hannibal answered. “Is it so much to ask that I get to eat what I make?” 

“Were you at the restaurant that night?” Will narrowed his eyes. “You were, weren’t you?” 

“I believe you know the answer to that.” Hannibal nodded. “And I also believe that you weren’t there entirely for Miss [L/N], either.” 

Will began to catch on. “Because you were the one to suggest she was in danger, yeah, I got it.” 

Hannibal looked proud of himself. “Like I said, my voice has replaced your conscience. And you like it that way.” 

"As if our relationship wasn't toxic enough," Will smiled uncomfortably at the ground. "You think adding a murder survivor to the mix would balance it out."

"So what we have is a relationship now?" Hannibal ran his hand through Will's hair.

"I wouldn't even call it a fling." Will groaned. "I'd call it a mistake that I have yet to learn from."

Hannibal brought his lips to his ear. "Let's hope you never do."

[seblaine-rph]

I wanted to say that any apologizing would go to the person, or peoplewe talked too, who felt we offended them. I don't want to do some fake mass apology for sympathy cause that feels fake to me. I'm not gonna sit back and say I fully understand why we can talk to our players about other triggers but doing so for this trigger is frowned upon. As Admins we have to be aware of everything and we are allowed to take time to see if a character is a fit, we have players who are Trans in our group who feel a certain way and we owed it to them to let people voice their opinions. What I'm upset about is how we were accused of wrong doing right off the back with no conversation. This situation is a chance to learn and grow and as someone who has been gas-lit for about 10 years I am offended and kinda triggered you even stated that. But you are allowed your opinions and feelings and I respect that, as I am allowed mine. I would never yell at you for being true to yourself. Hopefully one day people will allow admins the chance to defend their actions before going for the jugular. Unfortunately that is not the case here. I'm not sure what will happen with the group, as I'm not home I can not fully address this. And frankly the stress is not worth it. For those who know me they know what I'm about. And I take that with me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns they aren't ignored and are being taken to heart and all I wanted was to be able to share mines. Again I apologize for any misspelled words.

Sunshine

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you just say that a character being trans is a trigger that you have to talk over? Did you just admit that you excluded a character and had to “see if he would be a fit for your rp” based solely on him being transgender? Of all the things you’ve tried to use to excuse your actions, you’ve said that the app being for a trans character “took you by surprise” and you “had to wrap your head around him being trans.” But you’re not transphobic.

1.) What you did was wrong. There is no "being accused of." What you did was wrong. Stop trying to minimalize your own blame here. That's part of the problem. This was your mistake. Transgender people exist and transgender characters should be as easy and normal to apply for as cis character. You made trans people into a sideshow.

2.) WHAT DO YOU MEAN TALKING ABOUT YOUR TRIGGERS? WOW YOU REALLY ARE TRYING TO DEFLECT? YOU ARE THE TRIGGER, TIGER. YOU. This was never a case of talking about triggers and the fact that you’d even try to say that it was is proof of your gaslighting. This was you denying a character based SOLELY AND ONLY on the fact that he is transgender. YOU ARE THE TRIGGER.

3.) You didn’t ask questions to see if the character would be a good fit, what you did was flat out say WE WON’T ACCEPT YOUR CHARACTER AS A TRANS MAN, HE HAS TO BE CIS BECAUSE THAT IS HOW WE CIS PEOPLE SEE HIM and then get mad for being exposed for it, so you flat out lied about it. The player even tried to explain himself, though he shouldn’t have had to, and you kept telling him that his view as a trans man wasn’t valid because your view as a cis woman said so. People are rightfully upset. Not ONE TIME did you ask anything productive about this trans muse, what you did was outright say no in a million different ways for a million different “reasons.” Stop gaslighting. It won’t work on me.

4.) You’re right about one thing, this is a chance to learn and grow but that chance is for YOU, not the people you hurt. So quit trying to make it out like this is a lesson for anyone but YOU. The one who is refusing to learn any lessons.

Here's the thing though, and I went over this in my blacklist, you absolutely did try to gaslight this player. I know there's an admin TEAM so you might not have sent every DM, but it is excplicitely stated in those DMs that Kurt cannot be played trans because the admin team doesn't see him as transgender. I've seen the player's app, they explained it all quite nicely. It makes perfect sense, I've played Kurt as transgender before too. He is the most popular trans muse on the show, actually, because a lot of trans men identify with him and he does specifically say things canonically on the show that point towards the thought that he might be transgender. He even outright says that he has a period which is a thing that cis men don’t have but trans men do. It means a lot to a lot of people that they got to see that and that they get to headcanon their comfort character as transgender. Canon on the show or au in an rp. 

What you did was automatically stomp on that as a cis person. You didn't do any of what you said you did. You didn't open a dialogue up with the player to ask what they thought and to explain themselves, which they should have never had to do in the first place. What happened was, the admin team DMed this player to tell him that they didn't see the character as trans so he couldn't be trans. What was said was that "he isn't canonically trans so he can't be trans." What was said was, we two cis women, have decided what can and can't be trans. You never asked anyone to explain, you rejected outright immediately. And the player still tried to explain themselves and explain why you had hurt them and what you did instead of taking his words to heart was to tell him he's wrong and once again... you weren't accepting his character as a transgender character. He had to play him as cis if he wanted to play him and that is transphobic.

I would like to know... what was the point in denying a character for being trans? What did you gain out of telling someone they can’t apply as a character if they want to apply trans? What besides transphobia would make you say you don’t want to accept a trans character? You can’t even hide behind the “canon” lie because your rp is 100% au! But someone being transgender is “too au????” And you’re not transphobic? HA! Even what you said in your responses to this is transphobic, you do not need to “wrap your head around” someone being trans! That’s an easy lesson to learn, just oh shit wow I didn’t realize, sorry about that now I know better. Anyone can be trans, cool, education.

This situation could have been as easy as you just accepting the application, because as you stated yourself here you have trans people in your rp so you should want to bring a trans character to the dash to give them representation even more. But instead, you said no outright. What could have happened when the player explained himself was, you could have said oh my gosh my bad... I'm not trans and I didn't realize that you are trans and I don't want to speak over you so because I love trans rights and stan the trans players in my game right now... I'd love to accept your trans muse and please, tell me more about why this is acceptable because I don't get it as cis woman. Instead, he was continuously told no in offensive ways and then you guys attacked him for being upset, accused him of sending anons even though he clearly said all he had to say right to your face, and then gaslit him and the entire community with your post denying everything you did and saying everyone should give it up because it's stupid and you're in a pitiable situation. That's not how this works. Accountability is step one. This should have never happened, that is the end of the story. It should never be harder for a trans character to be accepted than a cis one.

Let me put it this way: You get an app for a black character. Whether he's canonically black or not isn't the point. Your first response is !!!! omg is this realistic for him to be black??? Should I let him in if he's black?????? Should I tell the player to make him white if they want to be let in??????????? I don't think this character FITS THE BLACK PEOPLE VIBE?????? He can't be black because I just don't see it, he doesn't look black to me and he doesn't act black and honestly it's important to get that white representation out there anyway so just re-apply with him as a white person and you can get in. Otherwise, you'll have to play an OC if you want to play a black person. Because we just don't see anyone else fitting the black look. That's what you did, just replace it with transgender. You’re saying someone doesn’t look LGBT to you so they can’t be played as LGBT in your rp. There is no "black look" or fitting the black look just as there is no "looking trans" or fitting the trans look, just like there is no “looking gay or bi” or fitting the gay look. And if there was, it wouldn’t be defined by you, a cis woman. Anyone can be trans at any time. Period, end, point blank. And you were told that, but instead of taking it to heart or asking someone else about it... you offended someone and you can't just wah wah it away because you're in a bad place or because you think it's stupid. I know you've been hurt by admins in rps before, I know that meant something to you. So this should mean something to you too, and not for YOUR perspective. You should feel sorry as an admin that your admin team and your rp hurt the trans community in the glee rpc. Instead of pity partying and telling people it's stupid to be upset, you should be trying to learn better. And I've provided plenty of info for that, so did the player you denied for being trans.

There is a difference between being an admin that makes a mistake and genuinely moves towards improvement and this. Even now, all you have to do to make this right is to move towards trying to learn that lesson you’re so adamant that someone, somewhere needs to learn. Even if you don’t learn the lesson, showing that you’re trying to understand instead of proving that you’re trying to minimalize is everything. I expected better from you because I’ve helped you before and you were fine to go off to me about your experiences and how you felt excluded and how you felt like the admins needed to be exposed so other people felt safe in the glee rpc but now that the shoe is on the other foot...

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 8

Day 8 - The temperature of your chest gets hotter when you are closer to your soulmate and colder when you move further away. (D&D AU)

Pairing(s): Romantic Roceit, Romantic Background Analogical

TWs: Swearing

–

“Oh I adore being made out to be the bad guy here.”

“You robbed the lair of the Dragon Witch! It’s literally your fault that we are mired in this bog of despair!”

Roman’s accusation rang loudly within the wagon as they made the long ride back to Amoresse to rest for the night. Janus rolled his serpentine eyes, 

“You, dear delusional knight, are totally not the one who went and killed said Dragon Witch, thus leaving her treasure for the taking.”, the half Yuan-Ti hissed, appropriately, “Besides, you can absolutely take the moral high ground here when you stole her crown at the first opportunity.”

The pristine elven knight gasped dramatically, clutching his figurative pearls at such an accusation! 

“This is an outrage-!”

“Both of you shut the fuck up or I’m driving this wagon off the nearest goddamn cliff!!”

Roman and Janus both immediately quietened down at the threat issued so casually by their wagon driver as the dhampir hissed curses under his breath. The two in the back glared at each other back and forth, avoiding looking towards the wrecked fabric of the canopy and the splintered wood. In Roman’s defense, he hadn’t known that grabbing the crown specifically would cause the Dragon Witch’s castle to fall to ruin around them. He’d realised his mistake almost immediately when he felt the dark magic radiating off of it. However, he couldn’t bring himself to admit that was the case. Especially not around Janus, the damn snake wouldn’t let him live it down. 

Being careful to pick his moment, Roman hazarded a glance over at the reptilian rapscallion eyeing up his spoils; Janus was an enigmatic entity to Roman, showing such sophistication and poise while also being prone to stumbling over his words or his own two feet in the same breath. Unabashedly, he displayed selfishness unrivalled by even the most aristocratic nobility, but in a pinch, was fully able to toss aside even the most valuable of artifacts to save a life. 

Roman had tried not to think about it. The noble and chivalrous knight, Roman of Sandaria, being saved from the jaws of death by a conman who, by all accounts, he had fully expected to leave him to die. The elven man wasn’t sure where his resentment lay; perhaps Roman thought he should’ve been able to save himself, perhaps he felt guilty for misjudging Janus but couldn’t find it in him to admit it, or perhaps it was an underlying prejudice from his training days. Yeah, he really  didn’t want to think about it.

Instead, Roman made his way to sit up front next to the moody wagon driver, making light conversation,

“I should be the one manning the wagon, your highness.”

“Roman, I’ve told you before, you can just call me by my name.”, the dhampir met Roman with piercing silver eyes, “Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t understand my- Virgil,”, he corrected at the last second, “Nothing’s wrong. Aside from the fact you refuse to allow me to call you by your title-”

“That’s horseshit and you know it, Roman.”, Virgil kept his eyes on the road, anxious over the possibility of a crash if he kept his gaze averted too long, “I’ve known you since we were kids, I can tell when you’re lying. Besides, being called ‘your highness’ feels wrong as it is. Coming from you? It’s even fucking weirder than this whole marrying into royalty thing...”

Roman rolled his eyes but sat closer to offer Virgil a one-armed hug. The latter gave it a moment before accepting the gesture, “Virgil, you’ll be fine. If any one of us was suited to princedom, I cannot think of a better candidate. And your future husband is unreasonably attractive, so I don’t see what you have to complain about-”

“Oh my god, shut UP!”, Virgil chuckled and shoved Roman playfully. “I mean, you’re not wrong but the last thing I need is to think too hard about Logan and crash this stupid fucking shambles of a wagon!” 

The lighthearted banter did wonders to distract Roman until Virgil managed to get things back on track unfortunately, “Now, stop deflecting and tell me what’s got you so gloomy, Sir-Sing-A-Lot.”

Roman rolled his eyes at the old nickname, “I’m fine, Virge, really. I merely wish our cascading castle adventure had been a little less…ruinous.”

“.... Was that a fucking pun-”

“Ahem.”, Janus cleared his throat from behind the two of them, “I do so loathe to interrupt.... whatever this is,”, he gestured between the two of them, “But I believe that’s our stop up ahead. Wouldn’t want to go destroying that as well.”

With that, the serpentine rogue slunk back into the wagon. Roman muttered something under his breath, inaudible to Virgil, before reluctantly joining the scaled nuisance bagging up his wares. The elven knight made sure to keep his crown tucked into his rucksack, just in case thievery was something to be wary of in Amoresse. The town’s reputation, however, gave Roman hope that their visit would prove more helpful than hindering; the rumours told of a town renowned for helping wayward, lonely souls find their soulmates. As a single, disaster gay, Roman sure hoped the rumours were true. Truly he could think of nothing sadder than turning up alone to his best friend’s wedding.

Getting booked into their rooms at the tavern was a far easier ordeal than having to endure the overly chaotic gate guard to the city. The bizarre tiefling had spent so long rambling on and on about the most grotesque topics that by the time they had successfully secured a wagon bay, the moon now shone in all her celestial beauty. Virgil had suggested resting for the night, and despite Roman’s urging that they stay together, Janus had been insistent on checking out the nightlife. The knight had been content to let him do so while he guarded the prince, but the tired dhampir insisted he too take the night to enjoy himself. Roman would have argued further had Virgil not issued the suggestion as an order after his first protest.

And that was how Roman found himself sitting at a small outdoor bar tended by a rather friendly dwarf. Said dwarf, Patton as he came to learn, was quite the chatterbox while Roman was content to take in the night air in spite of his earlier worries. 

“Say kiddo,”, the dwarf broke from his pleasant rambling, “you’re looking a little lonely there. You got something on your mind?”

Roman hadn’t expected that. He pursed his lips in thought. 

“I suppose I may as well be honest with you. I’ve been wondering if-”

“If the rumours are true?”, Patton finished, “Well, luckily for you, they are!”

He ducked down behind the counter and pulled up an ornate crystal bottle that contained a marvellous prismatic liquid inside. Roman watched with great interest as the dwarf pulled out a goblet and began to mix a sweet, fruity smelling drink before dropping in three drops of the colourful elixir.

“Anima Venenum”, Patton informed him, “Our town’s alchemist created it by accident a couple of centuries back, and ever since, we offer some to tourists who look like they need a little guidance in the ol’ world of love!”

Roman was mesmerised, “Really? You mean, I needn’t pay you for it?”

“Nope! Our only rule is to never hand it out to anyone who doesn’t ask us for it. It’s up to you if you wanna accept this, so no pressure. I just figured you looked like you might be in need of it.”

The knight had so many questions swirling around in his brain, but by the time he had settled on a single one, his hand was holding the goblet to his lips. The taste was citrusy like sweet clementines, but with a mixed berry and almost floral taste that reminded him of a rose wine. As the last of it slid down his throat, Roman noted a soft honey-like taste as he thanked Patton, 

“That tastes wonderful! I’ve never had an elixir that tasted so good.”

Patton chuckled, “Actually, the elixir itself is tasteless. People just take better to it when it's mixed with a good drink, otherwise the texture weirds ‘em out.”

“Ah, I see.”, Roman let out a gentle chuckle. He didn’t feel all that different, truth be told, and so he asked, “How will I know it’s working?”

“The effects are instantaneous, don’t you worry! It might be hard to notice at first, but when you’re near your soulmate, your heart will feel really warm- In a good way! Not like heartburn, so don’t worry about it feeling unpleasant.”, Patton assured him.

Roman nodded, making a note of it as he got up to leave before quickly asking, “Oh! How long will it last?”

Patton waved him off, assuring him, “It’ll last for as long as you need to find your soulmate, guaranteed!”

With the night reaching its peak, Roman found himself strolling along the cobbled streets back to the tavern when he felt it; a flicker of warmth in his heart. Soft as the beating of a butterfly’s wing but very much there. He followed the feeling until he came upon a narrow street, hardly lit by the lamps stationed at it’s opening. The street itself was largely empty bar a silhouette in the dark leaning against the stone bridge that arched over the shimmering water running beneath it. 

His heart raced as Roman approached the figure, the flames licking at his heart until he arrived about a foot from the entrance of the bridge. The figure turned to Roman, smirking a familiar smirk,

“Come to join me, oh loyal guardian of our beloved prince?”

Janus. His soulmate was Janus?! Roman couldn’t believe it, yet no matter how thoroughly he scanned the immediate area, not a single other soul revealed itself. The half Yuan-Ti raised a bemused eyebrow at Roman, “Please, do keep ignoring my question so you may continue to look like a fool.”

Roman scowled. Maybe the kindly dwarf was just teasing him? No, he didn’t seem the type. But this conman? His soulmate? Perhaps Roman would indulge it, see where that led him. Worth a shot anyway. 

“My apologies.”, was all Roman offered as he took a spot on the bridge next to Janus, the flames of his heart undeniably soaring to life at the close proximity. Janus gave Roman a puzzled glance which let Roman take in his features; a half scaled face and body that, the more he watched the moonlight dance along the scales, made Roman want to gently reach out and touch them. In fact, he had subconsciously been doing just that when Janus had held his wrist in place, “It’s not completely rude to just touch someone’s scales without permission. What’s gotten into that underbaked brain of yours, Roman?”

Flustered and embarrassed by his lack of tact, Roman uttered quietly, “Soulmate cocktail.”

“Pardon?”

Roman panicked, “So many cocktails. Is what I said. Like, 14 whole cocktails.” 

Great. Excellent save.

“..... You’re expecting me to believe that? Did you forget that I’m rather adept at being able to tell when someone’s lying to my face, Roman?”

End him. Just end him now. Roman wished a stray lightning bolt would smite him where he stood so he wouldn’t have to face his own stupidity. Quick, say something to help ease the situation.

“Okay. I had 16 cocktails.”, he stammered with a laugh, “I’m absolutely drunk. You got me, you clever reptile you!”

Roman of Sandaria you are a certified idiot. 

“.... Alright then. Prove it.”, Janus goaded him, locking onto Roman’s crimson eyes with his own citrine snake-like eyes. 

“Prove-?”

“Let me smell your breath.”, Janus clarified, getting closer. Each inch set Roman’s heart aflame all too literally. “If you’re as inebriated as you claim to be, your breath will absolutely stink.”

Shit.

“Uuuh, personal space-”, Roman began to move back, but Janus grasped the front of his tunic.

“Don’t give me that, Mister Personal-Space-Is-A-Societal-Construct, I’ve seen how often you get in your dear prince’s personal space...”, Roman could’ve sworn for a split second that Janus sounded resentful, or perhaps envious, before his tone took a more curious route, “... or perhaps could there be another reason you don’t want to be so close to me?”

The knight became aware of the burning within his chest threatening to rage out of control, the distance between them barely a couple of inches now. Roman wasn’t sure what to do, but the lure of Janus’ eyes and the way his ribcage radiated with a heat he’d never felt before spurred him to act; he leant forward and pressed his lips to the serpentine man before him.

It surprised Roman just how pleasant it felt, though he prepared himself for harsh retaliation from the half Yuan-Ti when he felt Janus take in a breath against his lips. However, Roman was pleasantly surprised to find that Janus, not only didn’t issue him a well-earned slap and spend the rest of the night cussing him out, but instead kissed him back even harder. Not that Roman was complaining. By the time they pulled back for air, Roman didn’t even notice the fire in his heart subsiding to be replaced with a more natural warmth as Janus’ hands softly caressed Roman’s cheeks. “I’ll be the first to admit, I totally saw the night heading that direction.”, Janus mused in surprise.

Roman let out a hearty chuckle, hardly even noticing that he’d subconsciously wrapped his arms around Janus.

“Care to tell me what brought this on, Roman of Sandaria?”

Just hearing his name spoken in such an enticing dulcet made his knees feel weak; how had Roman never noticed how beautiful Janus’ voice was? His mind was too busy latching onto every octave, every syllable, that he nearly forgot to answer him. He took Janus’ scaled hand and pressed his lips to it in a gentle gesture his soulmate clearly wasn’t used to if the flustered way he averted his eyes was anything to go by,

“I suppose you could say I did a little soul searching.”

----

Have some straight up Roceit fluff, this came out so cute.

@tsshipmonth2020

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @cateye-glasses @lavender-mochi [I know you love your Roceit so I figured I’d tag you incase you needed this] @fandomsofrandom [I nearly missed the reblog where you asked to be added I’m so sorry]

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

So, hear me out. SDRA2 void cast react to their S/O going through a execution on a false accusation? (Think Kaede)

(No Mikado here bc since he’s the mastermind I doubt he would let such a scenario happen but would if this was someone else’s s/o)

Ik you wanted Shinji too so enjoy!

..........

Iroha

“WHAAAAAAAT?!!! No way could s/o be capable of a murder that complicated!!”

It seemed impossible, indeed, but when the vote turns out to be correct--the painter drops her sketchbook in shock.

You didn’t think you could have, either. Maybe someone was impersonating you while committing the crime and Monocrow missed that?

But he didn't make a mistake. The vote was right. If it was wrong....everyone would've been dead already after learning of the real culprit.

Yet everyone was still standing there silently, questioning your reasons.

However before you can say anything, Iroha starts yelling and crying.

“S/o did nothing!! Th-They...They had to be f-framed, right? Can we do a revote????"

Mikado goes to tell her to shut up and accept that you were gonna die, but you hug her, mumbling apologies. You were scared to leave her..feeling that something was wrong.

Her heart shatters when she later overhears you were both right: you got framed and executed brutally for a crime you didn’t commit.

Emma

Her skepticism is very much real and not something she'll brush aside easily.

She tearfully pleads with you to defend yourself. To say something. Anything.

But..what could you say? From how Sora laid out everything, it seems plausible you were the culprit. And you couldn't help but give up.

Out of anger Emma confesses to being a Void in hopes people would suspect her instead.

Even so..the shocking revelation doesn't give her the reactions she hoped. And she can only watch in sadness as you're voted and...it's correct.

After that she seems defeated, but suddenly claims that she knew from the start it was you and only used her acting skills to try to divert everyone from the truth.

But you knew better. You saw the real her in those moments--she defended you and took a risk outing herself as a Void. You knew that couldn't have been scripted.

And you see it again when she breaks down, hugs you, and begs Monocrow not to kill you yet.

But you're taken by the chain and ripped out of her arms, watching you be executed.

As if her heart wasn't already broken enough...Monocrow regrettably admits that you weren't the true culprit. The real one hid their tracks too well--even from him.

She immediately blames Mikado for rigging the system and decides to abandon Void for good.

No plan was worth following if it meant she had to watch you--the one who helped her most--die right before her eyes.

Hajime

No..this can’t be right..

You? Committed murder? He thought something was amiss. It was a gut feeling.

But Mikado seemed unusually eager for Monocrow to get to the voting time.

"H-Hey guys..I think we made a mistake somewhere.."

"Where?" Sora questions. "If you think I did, speak up. We wanna have full confidence in our decision."

'...fuck.'

Even when he tries to prove your innocence, he can't get anyone on his side. Not even you who seemed to accept you were the culprit.

The vote turns out correct, and he's heartbroken that it was true--he and everyone would live and you would die painfully.

He lets you take his jacket to your execution, unable to look away as you leave and try to endure the torment for as long as you can....before your body finally gives out.

It ended as soon as it began. Hajime just had to blink and...you were gone.

Later he confronted Mikado on his eagerness, and learns something horrifying:

The wizard was the true culprit of the case, but the killing was accidental and if he died, he'd miss out on the plan. So he deflected the blame onto you.

Nikei

He definitely knew something wasn’t right when you became accused of the murder.

Even when Sora laid out the whole story and the vote was correct--he still couldn’t accept that. It just..didn’t sit right with him at all.

He starts demanding what Mikado was up to, seeing the wizard feign pity for you.

You seem resigned to your fate, so you mistook Nikei’s growing anger for you being the murderer--rather than him believing you were innocent.

“Nikei, I’m sorry..I-I did something terrible and you don’t have to forgive me--”

“NO!! You were framed!!” He screams. “Mikado rigged the goddamn system...Monocrow knows what really happened!!”

But the crow stays unusually silent, even as he drags you to your execution.

And when it comes time for Nikei’s later on, Mikado sends him off with one more horrifying truth to crush him with despair:

“You’re right. Your dearly departed s/o was innocent. But I knew you also defected from Void because of them...so their execution served as a lesson to you, but you never learn, do you?”

Shinji

"COME ON EVERYONE!!! DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS SO QUICKLYYY!"

Despite the enthusiasm in his voice, it's clear that it's waning as all the evidence points to you being the culprit.

Even so, he refuses to believe it-- being as stubborn as back in Hajime's trial (or even more stubborn) to the bitter end.

"Shinji..that's enough. If that's what they believe then...they must be right. They've been right every other time."

"B-But..why would you--?!!"

It pains him when the vote is correct.

There's no mistaking it: you killed someone and didn't get away with it.

He loses his trademark smile fast, but you manage to console him and tell him not to blame himself for this....before you're dragged off to your execution.

Imagine his anger when it's later revealed you died only because the evidence was made to point directly to you...but the real culprit came forward and admitted they didn't mean to cover their tracks enough to fool Monocrow.

He wants to understand their reasons..their motivations..why not just be honest?

Though he can't find it in his heart to hate them--that's not what you would've wanted.

[jencsi]

Let’s Talk- Finn and Russell;

From the very beginning, we get the hint, notion, presence of a deeper connection between Julie Finlay and DB Russell. In Seeing Red, when she hears him, not even having to look and know he’s there during the crime scene reconstruction, just his voice alone makes her roll her eyes, gets her fired up with some sort of passion, anger, emotional reaction. As evidenced from their conversation about the blood spatter case, her resistance to proceed further with him again shows she is not quite over what has happened to them in the past and it makes viewers want to know, what the heck happened? What could this seemingly unbothered hippie like guy have ever done to cross this already sullen yet spirited woman? Despite her futile attempts to deflect him, she cannot help but be drawn to the case, he sought her out after all, he must be desperate. When she retrieves the file he leaves behind and it piques her interest, she gives in, with probably a lot of hemming and hawing off screen, before venturing to CSI for the first time.

That single solitary scene cemented in my brain their dynamic from that day forward. There was no going back for me. Whatever they had in the past, whether that be something romantic, friendly or just work related, my soul ached to know more and even better, my heart yearned to watch them more, to listen, to observe the bantar, the sarcasm, the snark, the sheer and utter pure honesty that comes from their conversations. DB Russell is not trying to trick Finn, he’s not trying to make her figure out some silly puzzle or game, he just wants her expertise and guidance. Once she accepts his offer, her personality begins to shine via her work (Should I wrap it up and take it back to the lab? Took the words right out of my mouth smart ass” “You know me so well” “And you know blood, better than anyone I know”) her bonding with her colleagues, and even better, the little hints at what was between her and Russell back in Seattle.

When we finally do get to see that past revealed, ripped open like a fresh wound, via CSI on Fire, we see the headstrong and overheated Finn on a mission, prove that Tom Cooley is a killer and bring justice to the families of his victims. Of course that journey is not without complications and wild accusations, of course Finn would never kill anyone, that I firmly believe, unless of course it’s to save a friend or colleague (saving Greg from that supposed innocent victim of the Gig Harbor Killer in The Twin Paradox) but Cooley rattles her, gets under her skin in a way different from Russell. In fact it’s Russell warning her to be careful, to go with caution, but her typical rebellious nature of “I’m not listening” pushes her further to the truth and to danger at every turn.

Her tone when speaking to Russell about the discovery of Cooley’s body in his hotel shifts our thinking that maybe she isn’t the same person she was two years ago. If what we are observing right now is the casual cool collected Finn, just how reckless was she in Seattle? She feels the disappointment from Russell in his tone, the way he looks at her, and she hates that, she doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially him. His presence in her life since the Seattle days has created this combination of not wanting to let him down or disappoint him mixed with her fierce loyalty to the truth, to the victims and their families, clashing with her exuberant personality.

With CSI on Fire resolved, Finn melts back into a rhythm with her ex-husband, also a component of her former life in Seattle, all seems right between Russell and her, a trademark of their friendship, forgiveness and acceptance.

Looking at their dynamic from the perspective of the actors who portray them, Ted Danson has referred to them as the bickersons, like oil and water, but at the same time, Finn/Elisabeth and her characters intrusiveness helps him do his job better and see things clearly when it comes to cases as well as other aspects of his characters life. Elisabeth meanwhile seemed to enjoy the back and forth dialogue and the testiness of their relationship, she seemed invested in their past in Seattle and wondered where the writers would take that.

In Homecoming, the season 12 finale, we see corruption and problems arise amongst the police force and Russell apologies for seeming to drag Finn into this mess and bringing her there to work but she states that she makes her own decisions and doesn’t seem bothered by the issues until she is thrown into the chaos of it all when she trails Crenshaw and stumbles into the violence they have created around them with the assistance of McKeen and Kimball.

The Finn and Russell dynamic gets tested here when Katie, Russell’s grand daughter is kidnapped and Finn attempts to save her. In the chaos, she sends Katie out into the unknown alone while she does battle with Crenshaw (a violent but epic struggle, major kudos to the stunt work they did here, it felt so real and made me love Finn even more, seeing how far Elisabeth was willing to take this character) Russell is devastated to learn Finn let Katie escape alone but is also distraught knowing both were hurt and in danger. His anger at Finn boils over when she insists she’s fine, how he refers to her as “Finn” on the phone instead of the sweeter Jules we are used to hearing, and when she discusses the case with him in the bedroom where Katie was taken from and he punched the wall, leading to a missed clue. Despite the resentment towards her, they figure out Katie’s whereabouts and stop McKeen from carrying out his plans. We can see and feel Finn’s guilt deep down for her mistakes, even if everything works out, the way she stands holding the phone, the way she looks at Moreno who tries to assure her it will be okay.

At the end of Karma To Burn, Finn and Russell reconcile again, not so much with words but in the way she snaps him out of his fantasy of ever having to use his gun in a real life situation, of how far he was almost pushed to the brink when it comes to saving his work family, not just Katie. His use of the nickname Jules on several occasions, something she claims to hate but also doesn’t, comes back when Barbara inquires if she will stay for dinner. All is well again.

The final blow and perhaps the deepest cut of their relationship occurs with the reopening of the Gig Harbor Killer case. From the get go, we start off with a bang, literally and figuratively. It is Russell who is at the mercy of Winthrop who demands he admit they did not capture the correct killer in order to relinquish Finn from the confines of her bomb invested car. With much reluctance, he admits their mistake and Finn is spared. The hug they share in the parking lot after she is freed breaks me every time and just further adds to the complicated but always present nature of their relationship. The next go around, Maya, Russell’s daughter is targeted, but this time, she is used as bait to try and lure the copycat out to play and be captured. When that fails, Finn unwillingly becomes the next target and once again Russell is thrown for a loop. This time however, there is no mercy, no chance at redemption, Finn is ripped from him violently and with no regard. Worse still, we get to see a tiny bit of his life afterwards, via CSI Cyber, when he observes another coma patient in Hack ER. Avery Ryan takes notice of his demeanor and quietly brings up Finn. Russell’s memories play out in quick flashbacks and we see where his heart belonged the entire time. He speaks of reading to her, hoping she’d wake up, then darkness, never to see her eyes pierce him again, no more bantar, no more snark, no more intrusiveness. The fact that almost a whole year later we get a resolution for Finn and get to see Russell pine for her one last time gives us closure and really showcases how strong this bond was for three and a half years.

I will always wish for a better outcome for Finn, as originally scripted, but somewhere in the chaos of writing and producing, we lost her. I will always be sad we didn’t get to see more of Russell at her bedside waiting for her to wake up. That emotion would have been so raw and real coming from Ted. These characters deserved a proper ending and reunification because it just wasn’t justified to wreck their metaphorical ship that was so strong and sailing along fine before colliding with the iceberg of violence. Nevertheless, this dynamic holds strong in my heart to this day. There are plenty more examples to pull from the show, every time they chatted about cases and made progress just by talking it out, every time they fought about their thought processes and reckless behavior, every soft sweet utterance of “Jules” will forever gut me, weaken me, bring me to my knees, but somehow give me strength. That’s how powerful their relationship was and appeared to me on screen, they were a paradox, love, hate, push, pull, oil and water as Ted stated before, give and take, and boy did they give me so much more than any naysayer could ever attempt to take from me. No matter where anyone stands on the fandom line, so much heart and soul went into Russell and Finn, and when you really sit down and watch and listen with perspective and acceptance, you can see it and feel it. I think that type of power transcends just your typical acting alone, it truly feels real. Give me that dynamic everyday, sign me up. I don’t think I’ll ever be as lucky as I was to witness such greatness on the screen between these two. Good things don’t happen twice, as I have unfortunately learned the hard way over the years, once it’s gone, it’s gone.

But in the heart and soul of Russell and Finn is an incredible ability to keep a stronghold on viewers like me, or maybe not, maybe I’m just crazy, but here were are, years after things have ended and the screen has faded to black.

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

I'm gettin up on my weird lil soapbox and I swear it's relevant: does everyone remember why we hated Kankri but loved Karkat? like, yeah, they both talk a lot, but that doesn't mean they're similar. they're foils. and the things they say actually matter.

Karkat is definitely the more vulgar of the two... the more blatantly offensive. but he also admits when he's wrong, he tries hard not to hurt anyone (even if it doesn't always work), he apologizes (even if he self flagellates a bit too much for comfort), and even if he hasn't solved his issues, the struggle to manage them is visible. sometimes it's hard to watch because it's so vulnerable... sometimes homestuck's characters make you cringe cuz you feel vulnerable right along with them.

none of us are perfect or infallible... not a single one of us. it is more comforting to talk to someone who has shown that they could forgive you. someone who might need to be forgiven too, and they know that. someone who knows that we deserve the opportunity to change. we are all different people at the ends of the arcs we go through, than we were at the beginning. I am not who I was when I was 13. in some ways, that's a good thing. with maturity, we can look back at who we were, and pick the parts of ourselves that we still want to be. that's growth.

Kankri was irritating because it felt like he was constantly sidestepping any admission that he'd ever done anything wrong in his life. and in an effort to defend himself from criticism, he'd find things to criticize about others instead. he'd deflect the spotlight onto anyone else, and his only mode was combative. in saying this, I am kind of thinking about the recent developments within the homestuck fandom, though I won't ascribe this observation to any specific person. tbh, it's not a perfect comparison... I'm literally not accusing anyone of thinking they're perfect. but I think we're kind of in an era where admitting faults and flaws is a very high stakes game, and I wish it wasn't so much.

I think post canon itself suffers from failing to recognize how much charisma can come out of watching someone try their hardest, make mistakes in the process, realize that something is wrong, and apologize/ask for forgiveness from another person, because that person is important, and they don't deserve to remain upset. watching people make themselves vulnerable to criticism in order to fix things is powerful. it's exactly what a person needs in order to grow and mature. homestuck's characters resonated, in part, because you didn't feel the need to be a paragon when held next to them. they were gentle, kind reminders of where we've developed from, and reminders that we all have someplace to develop to. and even if we're making mistakes, we have a future. we have friends, and they can be our reason to become a better person. we can become the kind of person they deserve to have as a friend. they aren't perfect either, but they're still inspiring like that. it provides hope for us.

I would like to be like Karkat... just in the sense that I want to grow, and admit when I still have more growing yet to do. I love homestuck.

(thank you for this Kankri relevancy, I love the dancestors. Fifth paragraph is also really good and thoughtful)

(also I never knew people hated Kankri???)

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Catra’s refusal to admit mistakes

Something that seems to baffle much of the SPOP fandom is why Catra can’t just admit her mistakes and try to do better instead of continuing to dig herself a deeper and deeper hole. To be fair, the situation is very baffling. It’s complex. There are a ton of psychological issues in play, and when they interact things can get very messy. I’m going to do my best to explain Catra’s thought processes and hang ups and hopefully not write a fucking novel in the process. (But if you do want a novel that analyzes these concepts in a lot of depth, go check out my fanfic Demons. Shameless self-promotion, whaaaaat?)

I have already gone into how Catra’s external locus of control comes into play, so I’m not going to break it down in as much detail here. To sum it up, though, Catra has an internalized belief that she can’t really control anything and isn’t responsible for her behavior since it’s not her fault she was put in a shitty situation in the first place. She doesn’t believe she had any choice but to be the villain. This is deeply rooted in her fearful and abusive upbringing where she had little to no control over what happened to her. A large part of that is how consequences didn’t match behavior, i.e. she wasn’t rewarded for being good and her punishments were overly harsh as well as inconsistent, affected by external factors.

There’s also the sunk cost fallacy to consider. That’s the idea that you have to get something out of your investments (of time, money, effort, etc.), even if the costs keep piling up. (In terms of money, think of people who gamble larger and larger sums of money out of determination to win back their initial bet.) For Catra, this fallacy has convinced her that if she changes course and gives up on her goals, then everything she suffered in the Horde and all the effort she put into moving up in the ranks would be for nothing. She thinks getting to the top and proving her worth/winning respect would be the ulitmate triumph. Of course, we see her struggle with disillusionment over this in season 4, which helps set the table for what we hope will be a redemption arc.

These are only two examples of the ways Catra’s abusive upbringing affected her ability to admit her mistakes. The effects of abuse (especially in one’s childhood) are pervasive, affecting your thought processes and perception of the world in a million little ways that are hard to undo. I’m going to dig deeper now into some of the other reasons Catra struggles with this. They include an authoritarian environment, scapegoating, toxic leadership, poor behavioral modelling, an exaggerated fear of punishment, and the resentment of injustice.

(Please note: in this meta I’m not trying to make excuses for Catra and say she should not have to accept responsibility for her mistakes because she was abused. My aim here is to explain why it’s so difficult for her to shoulder blame in hopes that people will better understand her.)

Also under the cut, I’m going to finish this meta by examining how Angella and Glimmer are foils to Shadow Weaver and Catra, how Glimmer had a better example set for her and has now set an example for Catra.

Authoritarianism, injustice, and fear

It’s important to understand that Catra was raised to believe that apologizing or changing course makes someone a weak person or, worse, a bad leader. As Adora says, displays of weakness are strongly discouraged in the Horde. And in an authoritarian, militarized environment like the Horde, admitting mistakes is seen as a sign of weakness. You will very rarely, if ever, see authority figures admit they were wrong, let alone try to make amends for it. And since rank/pecking order is so important in these environments, that behavior filters down because no one wants to be at the bottom.

Fact is, no one who was raised in the Horde is good at admitting they were wrong (except maybe Scorpia, but she’s Scorpia). Even Adora is bad at this. She takes on responsibility for everything and blames herself when things go wrong, but that self-flaggellating catastrophizing is not the same as critically evaluating one’s actions and their effects on other people. That in particular is something she struggles with.

This may be a problem in the Horde at large, but it’s even harder for Catra to admit her mistakes because she has been blamed for a lot of things unjustly, as well as bullied by her peers and abused by her superiors. Accepting blame for anything feels unfair because she has already suffered the consequences of many things she did not do. In her mind, hasn’t the world punished her enough already without humiliating her over the mistakes she has made? Her defensiveness makes sense, in this regard.

Not only do abuse survivors tend to be defensive and angry at the world for the unfair lot it gave us, we have a very hard time being vulnerable with anyone. Because what if they hurt us too? Admitting mistakes and accepting their consequences puts you in a very vulnerable position, and when you are used to being punished unnecessarily harshly and/or undeservingly, submitting yourself to someone else’s judgment is terrifying. These experiences (especially when they occur at a young age) wire people a certain way, make you constantly afraid even when there is no need.

Toxic leadership and poor behavioral modelling

Returning to the environment factor, where do you think Catra learned this behavior of shirking responsibility for her actions? Fact is, Catra never had anyone model to her how to say, “I was wrong, I’m sorry, and I will try to fix it.” Militarized environment or not, Shadow Weaver and Hordak aren’t the type of people who are willing to admit their own mistakes and failures. They come up with excuses or pass the blame off to other people, usually Catra. Whenever something goes wrong, Hordak blames it on Catra and all her “failings.” Whenever Adora disappointed, Shadow Weaver assumed it was because Catra was holding her back. Catra is their scapegoat. They do not apologize to her, acknowledge any harm they’ve done to her, or make any attempt to fix it.

This is especially true of Shadow Weaver, who raised Catra and was the main adult in her life throughout her childhood. Even when confronted with the damage she has done to Catra, she refuses to accept responsibility or acknowledge any wrongdoing. We have seen this in literally every season in which they interact. Catra is rightfully salty about her unjust treatment but Shadow Weaver brushes off her anger, making excuses or sidestepping the accusations.

In 1x10, Catra throws Shadow Weaver a bit of shade while comforting her after Hordak gives her a scathing lecture. Shadow Weaver immediately deflects with an insult before acknowledging her own behavior but not its detrimental effects or her responsibility for it.

Catra: Don’t worry about that thing with Hordak. I've got loads of experience being yelled at. Mostly by you, actually. You get used to it.

SW: I will not get used to mediocrity like you, and I certainly don’t need your pity! ...I was hard on you, I won't deny it, and I won't apologize. I just wanted to prepare you for the world. I wanted you to be strong.

In 2x06, Catra flat out confronts her about it, and she offers a justification for her behavior, still refusing to show any remorse. When Catra persists, she sidesteps it by responding to another part of her outburst.

Catra: Why did you treat me the way you did? Why was I never good enough for you? Really, I wanna know.

SW: Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me, either. I wasn’t born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?

Catra: I was a child when you took me in! What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you! You are old, and bitter, and weak!

SW: Ah, but you are like me. And just like me, you’re losing your position with Hordak, I can see that even from my cell.

In 3x04, Catra has all but lost hope, throwing shade and heavy accusations at Shadow Weaver. But she does make one last desperate plea for acknowledgment of the harm done to her, right before she’s hit by the crushing realization that she has once again been pushed aside for Adora. Here, Shadow Weaver doesn’t even react to the emotional content of Catra’s statement.

SW: Catra, there’s no need for us to be enemies. I can help you. I can offer you a way out.

Catra: So, what? You’re on the side of good now? You made me this way, and you get to be the good guy? Do you know what happened to me after you escaped? Do you even care? You couldn’t wait to get away from here, from me! ...But you came back for Adora.

SW: I came back to stop Hordak. I will make sure he’s destroyed. Don’t make me destroy you too.

Saying she came back to stop Hordak is sort of an excuse, but Shadow Weaver doesn’t say it like she’s trying to appeal to Catra, unlike the two earlier conversations. Once Catra rejects her offer (which we know is disengenuous, to boot) she doesn’t even bother pretending to care. Catra’s resisting her manipulation and is no longer someone she can use, so why bother?

Notably, this is right before Catra learns about the dangers of the portal (i.e. that she made a mistake when she resolved to open it) and tasers Entrapta for trying to stop her, then immediately doubles down on that mistake by sending her to Beast Island. She got one more example of refusing to acknowledge her mistakes or accept accountability right before she does it herself. The statement “Adora was right” definitely gets to her too, but she was already in an unhinged state after being tortured by Shadow Weaver, once again with no apologies. Just something to consider.

So, Catra came from this environment where she got blamed unfairly all the time yet never got any sign of remorse from the people who hurt her. As I alluded to above, in this kind of situation it’s really easy to slip into the mindset of “why should I apologize when no one ever apologized to me?” (Especially if you’ve been through a lot of forced apologies, which are always humiliating, but particularly so when you are being unfairly blamed.) This is not an easy cycle to break. When you have this constant sense of injustice weighing on you, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking the world owes you something as payback and therefore you shouldn’t have to try to better yourself or move past it.

This also ties into Catra’s obsession with getting a win when she is someone who seems fated to always lose, no matter what she does. It’s not just about getting back at Adora, it’s about settling her score with an unjust universe that has always given her the short end of the stick. It’s pride and indignation and pain all mixed up in one toxic soup that pollutes the minds of the abused, and it is not easy to get over. Watching Catra hopefully start to do that in the final 13 episodes is going to be incredibly cathartic.

Glimmer and Angella as foils and examples

Full disclosure, I am writing this meta partly in response to people shitting on Catra and acting like Glimmer is so much better than her after I made a gifset contrasting their reactions to realizing their mistakes. So, I want to finish by comparing all of these observations about Catra’s upbringing with Glimmer’s upbringing. Angella is by no means a perfect parent, but she loves her daughter and tries to do what’s best for her. Most relevant to this discussion, she’s willing to admit her mistakes or change her mind when presented with new information.

For instance, Angella flips at Glimmer over the invasion by the Horde soldier in 1x03, but once she learns said soldier is She-Ra she listens and puts faith in Glimmer’s judgment, despite her misgivings. In 1x10 (in a great parallel scene to the Catra/SW one mentioned above), Angella surprises Glimmer by caring more about her well-being than her mistakes, and she admits some of her own: she ordered the battle that got Micah ‘killed’, and she gave up on the first alliance. She literally says, “I am the one who failed.” And in 3x06, she sacrifices herself in an attempt to make up for all the times she failed to act and protect people she loves.

Angella has enough humility to admit her own flaws and consider other viewpoints, and she’s not afraid to change her mind or say she’s sorry. That set a much better example for Glimmer growing up than Shadow Weaver did for Catra and Adora. And now, Glimmer has set an example for Catra. When Catra is at her lowest in 4x13, drowning in her mistakes and self-hatred and wanting to die, Glimmer shows her that she too can change course and try to correct her mistakes.

Like, did you all see the look on Catra’s face when Glimmer says she can’t use the weapon and needs to try and stop it? When Glimmer gets up Catra follows her, because this is such a compelling sight to her, something she’s never seen before. It was almost like she was thinking, “Wait, you can do that? You don’t have to double down on your mistakes?”

This is something Catra has to see, not only for its novelty but because it could give her guidance, and hope. If Glimmer can change course and atone, maybe she can too.

[op-peccatori]

shake my heart and let love fall out| MLQC Victor | Kinktober: October 23rd

Prompts: Lingerie || Hate-fucking/Angry sex || Forced orgasm 

Here’s entry number 6 for @alloveroliver​’s Kinktober 2019!! Hope you like it. 

Fandom: Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice

Pairing: Reader/Victor 

Rating: 18+ (nsfw)

Word count: 7500

Warnings: explicit sex and language, angst porn??, angry sex, overstimulation, hickeys, mild spanking, kinda forced orgasm, possessive Victor, marriage, idiotic decisions made for the sake of angst, the sense of flight is stronger than the fight, I have proven yet again that I'm incapable of writing angst

When I write, I like to play a little game: how many synonyms can I use? ha...hahaha...smut is in the second half! There’s a mood board too, my first one ever! 

Will I ever stop getting carried away when it comes to writing for Victor? ...probably not

High heels clack down the long hall, the sound echoing off the marble floor. 

The sight of a familiar broad back has your throat tightening, steel grey eyes that seemingly look beyond you making your heart race as you reach the top of the sprawling staircase. Victor’s face is beauty carved from the smoothest stone, and his gaze is cooler than December rains.

Your fingers twitch with the urge to cup his face, to coax out some form of emotion.

You know you look good, but that never seemed to stop him from complimenting you in the past. Your dress is soft, cream satin on your body, your hair curled to perfection. Your neck is bound by thin lines of glimmering gemstones, a gift you found waiting for you when you stepped out of the shower. To have him barely glance your way now – it hurts you more than you’d like to admit. But you can admit that you had it coming.  

“I see you’ve decided to end your vacation,” he’d asked you, hours after your return, his tone frigid enough to freeze your breath in your lungs. The deep bags under his eyes struck you harder than his words. “Did you finally remember you’re married?” 

You never forgot. You have been a coward, tormented by thoughts of confrontation and rejection. You ran away. It was a mistake, you know that now. A split-second decision you can't take back, resulting in a whole year away from the man you still love but don't know how to be with.

The wedding band on your finger still burns with the weight of your decision.

Your hand in the crook of his arm feels natural, the heat of his body comforting; you have to refrain from leaning into him As you descend the steps together, you can’t help but glance at the people waiting at the bottom. At the woman who had called you exactly two weeks ago, crying and pleading with you to come back. Aunt Grace smiles back at you, the look of worry in her eyes fading. You don’t know why she thinks you can fix anything, to be honest. All you do is run. You hadn’t expected anything less than the frosty welcome you got from your husband and it has only gotten worse since then. 

“You both look lovely,” she says with a wobbly smile in place, as Victor’s father smiles like he thinks everything will be okay now. You can feel the guilt threatening to burst forth, with the knowledge of what you’re hiding. For now. “Have fun at the party!”

You met Victor in your last year of college, at a farmer's market of all places. It took one impromptu lesson in how to select fresh produce, one cooking class, and a heart-melting kiss under the stars for you to fall in love.  You both got married right after you graduated – it was the perfect fairy tale romance. You had been utterly consumed by how much you loved him, to the point where you just...lost yourself, somewhere along the way. You wanted to be with the love of your life. You didn’t know who you were without him. 

And then, a year into marriage – the fights started. It was normal, everyone said. Fighting makes you stronger. It didn’t seem that way, it only seemed to weaken you. You two were barely talking. Eventually, you only saw him about twice or thrice a week. He came home later and later, and you stopped waiting up for him. There were no apologies, just expensive gifts. His company was doing so well, deal after deal cementing him as the entrepreneur everyone wanted to do business with. Rumours of his supposed affairs were making rounds in the gossip rags and even though you didn’t really believe them, it fueled the ugly parts of you. The resentment, the jealousy, the insecurity. You were suffocating, under your unwillingness to step out of your little bubble.

But you still didn’t have the courage to confront him. 

You don’t even want to think about what your sex life had devolved into.

And then you reconnected with your childhood friend Gavin. He knew you beyond what most people now knew you as- the wife of a successful man. It was refreshing, and it gave you the courage to be more adventurous. You knew he used to have a major crush on you, but it was just something to laugh about after all those years. But Victor had never liked him in the past, and he didn’t like him when he flew back into your life, the perfect distraction from your dull life. You started spending more time with him, handsome and kind Gavin, always there to lend you a shoulder, always there to accompany you wherever you wanted to go.

You think that was when you saw Victor at his ugliest, when you were out with Gavin at your favourite restaurant and he came home early for once, to watch Gavin walk you to the front door. Except, then he tried to kiss you. You rebuffed him as politely as you could, he apologized for overstepping and both of you were mortified. And then there was only dread when you walked in to see Victor. Accusations were hurled, each comment more biting than the previous, and things that could never be taken back were thrown out in the open. 

Did you fuck him?

You hurt each other.

We were a mistake. 

You made it very clear things were platonic between you and Gavin, but the naked pain on his face still haunts you. The wounds were raw and bleeding after that, and neither of you knew how to patch them up. You couldn't stand the sight of each other for a while. He shut you out, so you left. You took a break. You went to your father’s hometown, where he had established his production company. His protégé, Anna, welcomed you with open arms and encouraging words. You needed a break, you needed to rebuild. And Victor needed time to get things in order, but you secretly hoped he would figure out how to give enough time to your relationship.

There was no more word from Victor though, he just sent over the luggage you had packed but left behind, with a message from Goldman to let him know if you needed anything 'while you were away', and when you planned to go back. You left the more expensive gowns and jewellery he had bought you in your closet and thankfully, he respected it and the distance you chose to put between them. 

Taking over your father’s company had been terrifying when you had only worked with them briefly in the past, but it felt right. It’s one of the best decisions you’ve ever made for yourself, and you could finally begin discovering you were without the man who completed you. 

You still cried yourself to sleep more often than not, but that was something you kept to yourself. This was something you needed to do.

It was the first time you made a big decision without Victor’s steadiness to take comfort in. Releasing that you are capable of making decisions without him was thrilling, yet devastating. Because he wasn’t an option at the time. It was only a matter of time until you received the divorce papers or a demand from him to return.

Sometimes, you thought of just going back. You knew you could. But something stopped you. Just a little more time, you told yourself. Your company was growing by leaps and bounds. And before you knew it, a year had passed. You were so different from the woman Victor married, yet your feelings for him still ran deep. You kept a close eye on any news you could find on him – the media had a blast speculating about the lives of the young couple. You had managed to survive without him, despite the loneliness. You didn't want to be alone, you wanted him. But you just didn't know how to fit the new pieces of you with his and you didn't know if he even wanted you to.

But he never asked you to return or leave him, and here you are, walking arm-in-arm into the party to announce your return. People whisper excitedly, but most seem to have believed you had just been busy being a successful producer and running your company. Not entirely untrue, but you aren’t going to comment either way, and it seems like Victor agrees.

Not until you talk to him about your future, with or without him.

You accept two flutes of champagne with a dazzling smile, passing one over to Victor with familiar ease. Clinking the glasses together, your eyes meet over the glasses and flick away, your masks in place, ready to meet the world. You hesitate before you leave his side, brushing a hand across his forearm willfully, squeezing once before you’re off to socialize. You know he watches you go, held in place by the sway of your hips.

You greet old friends and new, longtime enemies and people who aren't too excited to have you back. You deflect catty remarks, accept envious compliments aimed at the new jewellery your husband has so lovingly gifted you, field questions about your work. Your smile is flawless regardless of who you speak with, your gaze never too far from Victor as you watch people fall all over themselves trying to impress him. 

It’s hard to hold a smirk back at the sight – some things will never change.

Goldman pulls you aside to stare at you for a few seconds before telling you that you're despicable, a coward for doing what you did. “But, I’m so glad you’re home. It was getting...difficult.”  

That’s the problem, something that really bothers you. Aunt Grace, Victor’s father, Goldman – everything they’ve said implies that Victor’s been in unending agony in your absence. You shouldn’t have given up, you knew that. But after the big fight, you had tried. Not often, but you tried to talk to him. Victor, he barely came home and you just...couldn’t do it anymore. 

Victor seems to have forgotten you were ever in love. It doesn’t help.

Kiro greets you with a brilliant smile and then Victor’s eyes feel like hot coals on the back of your head. You should feel a little more shame at the vindictive satisfaction that curls in your heart. 

“I heard your new album,” you tell Kiro excitedly. “You’ve outdone yourself yet again. You must make an appearance on our show!” 

“Aw, thanks, ___! I’ve been keeping up with your adventures as a producer too.” Kiro’s smile is warm and knowing – you feel strangely touched. “I’m glad. You seem so different. In the very best way, of course.” He squeezes your hand in support and your eyes meet stormy greys narrowed in a glare.

Whatever. If he has a problem with people talking to you, he can try doing it himself. 

Chik is the next to step up to you, with her pin straight hair and dramatic falsies, expression peeved as she curls her arm around yours, leading you to the long table with a mountain of appetizers. You eye each other warily, nibbling on what seems to be a fancy mozzarella stick. "It's nice to see you, Chik."

She glances around to ensure your privacy before she snorts. "Took you long enough. I'm all for extended vacations, but this was too long ___. " You glare in silence, and she meets your narrowed gaze with her own. "You're starting with the fried stuff. Must be pretty bad."

Your expression is enough to make her wince.

"Ah, well. He's still sickeningly in love with you, so I'm sure it won't be too bad. Just, I don't know, fuck his brains out till he forgets you were gone for a year." 

"Chik!" you hiss, but you can't hold back a grin at the scandalized looks you both get from the old couple hovering nearby.

But her words throw you for a loop; your plans jumble up by the second and you feel less certain of yourself. You don’t see him watching you from across the room until you're desperate for a distraction, and then it cuts into your path smoothly, with the lethal grace of a panther.

Victor is excellent at feigning disinterest in what you're doing. But it’s when you’re talking to Professor Lucien that he finally seems to have had enough, cutting in stiffly. The Professor’s sultry gaze has produced far better results than you could’ve predicted. Fingers clench at your waist reflexively before stroking your side, a sign of his agitation. He could never resist the feel of satin on your skin, something you’ve taken advantage of far too many times to count. 

“We should be getting home, it’s been a while since I had my lovely wife all to myself,” he says with a tight-lipped smile, his eyes brewing with the beginnings of a hurricane. Lucien inclines his head, drawing out a promise from you to catch up soon. At that, Victor’s fingers dig into your flesh, Lucien smirks wittingly and your heart flutters with expectation. 

You leave the ballroom in silence, not looking at each other, almost strangers – almost, but for the strange, buzzing tension between you both. The long hallway is nearly deserted, but you spot lovers whispering to each other in a corner, giggling and touching and blushing. You’re distracted by the sight, the sting it brings, the memories it digs up,  and so you’re caught off guard when Victor pulls you into a shadowed corner of your own. 

It's like stepping into a muted space, one that is cut off from the rest of the world. You’re stuck between the wall and him as he presses closer, breathing in the fresh scent you like to wear, his expression mostly hidden in the dark. It is here that he loosens the reigns, just a little; his hands glide up your sides, just barely brushing the sides of your breasts and it’s enough to tug at your own tightly wound strings. His mouth skims along your jaw, your mouth, tempted and tempting, not quite a kiss – and he’s straining, you feel it when you touch his shoulders, his chest, the iron of his control tight in his muscle.  

“___,” he breathes, your name a prayer and a curse in the way it falls from his mouth. His hand splays against the curve of your hip, his tongue traces the shell of your ear, and your breath catches on a moan. And then he rips himself away from you, leaving you bereft and gasping, struggling to process his actions and the depth of your craving.

The ride home is silent. You feel a bit drunk on his achingly familiar scent, the perfume you’ve always loved; your eyes are unable to keep from peeking at the sharp angles of his face. His suit jacket is draped over the top of his seat, the cuffs of his sleeves rolled up to his thick forearms, his shirt straining across his broad chest. His knuckles are white from how tight his grip on the steering wheel is. 

You get home, and you think it’s finally time to talk. 

He opens the door for you, but in your haste to step out and talk to him, your heel gets wedged between the cobblestone lining the pathway. It breaks in half, the snap of it damning and you flail as you go down, your embarrassing dive on the walkway stopped by steady arms winding around your waist. 

It's a terribly romantic moment, one where you're close enough to count his lashes, close enough to see the sudden spill of warm yearning in his eyes. He squeezes you closer for a second as if he can’t help it, before he, quite literally, sweeps you off your feet and walks to the entrance. Your face flushes deeper when you catch sight of the grin on his staff's faces. The walk through the door, with you in his arms – you can't help but remember the day of your wedding, when you made a similar entrance. This time, he pauses in the living room, gently placing you down on the couch and your heart swells with hope.

“Victor–“ He walks away before you can continue, without even a hint of acknowledgement, and you freeze at the sight of his back to you. It’s not the first time, but you’re left staring into nothing as you remember all the times he’d walked away when you tried to talk to him. It still stings and you’re unable to say a word. 

You miss his glance back at you, the furrow of his brow. You slip off your heels and slink off to your room, something heavy settling in your stomach. 

‘There’s no point.’ 

The divorce papers, empty of any signatures, sit in your bedside drawer. 

Victor could never put aside his pride and talk to you. He’s left vulnerability behind in the past. You squeeze your eyes shut as more flashes of your wedding day pass through your mind, of soft eyes and softer smiles. Of twirling on the dance floor, high on your joy at marrying the man of your dreams. 

It’s alright. You’ll have to resort to more drastic measures, but perhaps that’s what is needed. You don't know what he wants, all you can give him are options.

You look at your reflection, at your teary eyes and defeated expression. You wonder how, after all this time, you’re back here in the very same position. Focus. You need to get dressed for bed before you can give in to the urge to barge into Victor's bedroom and throttle him. The necklace is the first thing to come off, followed by the pins keeping your hair in place, and a wince when your scalp aches. You almost don't want to take the dress off, but it's too pretty to be ruined by sleep.

Your zipper is stuck, and it feels like the thread you were so determined to hang onto finally snaps. A surge of helplessness takes over, you're left with few options. Your despair mounts, and your fingers itch to break something. It’s not a good thing. You’ve already proven yourself capable of breaking your own heart. 

You hurl the broken stiletto at the wall instead, letting it bear the brunt of your displeasure.

“I see you’re still unable to manage your emotions like an adult.” You whirl around and see Victor standing in the doorway, a glass of whiskey in hand paired perfectly with an eye roll. You observe him as he steps in and closes the door behind him; he's exchanged the sleek suit for an old grey sweatshirt and dark pants, both hugging his body in ways that seem unfair. Your old room, usually unreasonably spacious, feels small with him in it.   

Your mouth dries up, and you feel the regret sharply in your throat, cutting you. “And you’d know all about that, of course.” He remains silent, and you’re so sick of his silence. “Oh wait, that would imply you actually have any.” 

He simply rolls his eyes again. It’s still annoying and draws out indecent reactions from your body. You want to sink your teeth into his thighs and see if he still rolls his eyes like that. “I didn’t come here to trade insults, ___.” 

Ignoring the jolt in your belly in response to him saying your name, you keep tugging at your zipper to no avail, staring at his reflection in the ornate mirror warily. The things you had left behind are still here, dusted and in place; the whisper of your name in a dark corner is still fresh – you don’t know what to feel. 

“Then what do you want?” He sighs and walks over to you, placing the glass down on your vanity and slipping his other hand out of his pocket to help you. It cooperates with him right away, the traitorous thing, and you’re left melting at the feeling of his warm breath in your hair, the stroke of his knuckle on your skin. 

“I...think we need to clear a few things up.”

“Thank you.” But his hands haven’t fallen away, and you can see his eyes glued to the bare expanse of your back, his finger tracing the edge of your bra. You’re wearing one of his favourite sets, you realise belatedly. The one you’d bought for one of his birthdays, with pebbled peaks clearly visible through the sheer material. The delicate one he’d refused to let you take off until he’d fucked you twice already, that he’d then unclasped and peeled off with such care you had giggled until he stuffed his fingers in your mouth.

‘I have to tell him. I have to tell him. I have to tell him.’

Your heart pounds in your ears as he slips the straps of your dress off your shoulders, one at a time, fingers stroking down your arms leaving goosebumps in their wake, letting the dress pool at your feet. His eyes lift to join yours in the mirror, his pupils dilating until his eyes are nearly black with desire at the sight of you, exposed and trembling with your own want. His fingers dance along the waistband of the material adorning your hips, that hides nothing. The calloused digits trace a teasing path along your spine, tangling with the hair at the nape of your neck.

You can’t quite breathe, torn between saying something and arching into his touch. True to form, you’re quick to step away, slipping over to the window to put some distance between the two of you. To escape whatever seems to be building between you two, the desire in his eyes that mirrors your own.

“Yes, I have some things I need to tell you.” You need to get this out before you end up doing something you...probably won’t regret. 

Clearly, Victor has other ideas. He strikes fast, your wrist trapped within the confines of his hand before you can stop him. You try to back up and he lets you, but follows along, prowling after you with dark desire clear in his stare.

Outside, the sky is darkening with impending rain, and all you hear is the beating of your heart, all you sense is the longing for his warmth, his touch a balm on your starved skin.

“No more running away,” he says quietly. You’re still trying to free your wrist from his grip when his eyes fall to your wedding ring. “Did you ever take that off?” 

You still, knowing the various questions hidden within those few words. And they all had one answer. “No. Of course not. But I...”

He doesn’t reply, just steps closer, pushing your wrists up until they’re pinned above your head, your back flush against the cold glass of the windows. His fingers come up to trace the soft curve of your mouth, smearing the lipstick with an electrifying intensity in his eyes. “Victor...”

“You made me wait for so long.” You try to reply but he doesn’t let you, slipping his index finger into your rapidly drying mouth. “You left, ___.” You left me is left unspoken, but you hear it clearly enough. His leg slides between your thighs, firm against your mound.

You whimper and his slips his middle finger through your lips. “I never knew you could be so resolute. I have to admit, I’m almost impressed.” He towers over you and you’re struck silent by how furious he looks now, the devastating rage in his eyes robbing you of words. Your tongue licks soothingly along his fingers reflexively, and you hear him suck in a breath. Then you’re gagging on his fingers with wet eyes, his lips warm against your temple. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I have you now. You’re not going anywhere again, not anytime soon.”

The words sound ominous, his expression slipping into something unhinged but you’re too distracted by the fingers pulling out of your mouth to slip down your body, shoving your panties aside to tease your wet slit. Your breath stutters and his lips brush yours, featherlight. 

You breathe each other in, eyes fixed on the others. You lick your drying lips and then his other hand is around the back of your head, tugging at your hair as he releases your wrists. The sound he makes when you mewl at the sensation is guttural, painfully raw. Like a man possessed, he yanks your head back and then his mouth is on yours, kissing you like he’s desperate to love you and hurt you with this one action.

You feel like you’ve been struck by lightning, and your heart feels unbearably full. His lips are hard and bruising, tongue intertwining insistently with yours, moving with a ferocious hunger that threatens to steal the very breath from your lungs. You respond with the strength of a thousand fevered thoughts behind you, every bit of longing you’ve tried to suppress in your heart, every filthy dream you’ve had to try and forget. 

He nips at your mouth, hands moving down your body with intent, tugging your panties down your thighs. “You won’t be needing these.” You step out of them without protest, quivering at the way Victor caresses your sides, your abdomen clenching when his hand slips between your legs again. “Stay quiet, I don’t want to hear a sound from you.” 

His fingers push their way into your sex, and you yelp into his mouth. The sudden stretch is painful but there is pleasure etched in the pain, his fingers knowing how to curl and where to rub, to make you writhe. Your hips grind into his hand, but he pulls it away, leaving you moaning and chasing after his touch as he sticks the glistening fingers in his mouth. 

“Tch. You just can’t listen, can you?” But you know he’s pleased with your inability to stay quiet when he touches you. Victor’s always easier to read when he gets riled up. Stripping you of all sense and control never failed to do so, and you’re satisfied to see it still holds. “And you’re so wet already.”

It feels like there has been no time away at all, in this moment. You don’t think you’ve ever wanted him this badly before, your need for him raging through your veins and threatening to drown you. Victor can’t seem to step away, his tongue tracing along the edge of the cloth hugging your breasts, his teeth tugging at your skin. He takes special pleasure in giving you a new necklace, this one made of bruises, crafted by his teeth. 

His hands squeeze your plump rear, kneading the flesh as he works your mouth open again, tongue slipping in and out of your pliant mouth, intent on devouring you like a starved beast. His lips trace a wet path down your jaw to your neck, and you moan, hands slipping into his hair, down his back; his throat vibrates with a rumble when you leave scratches on pale skin. Your eyes slide in and out of focus and, like gravity bringing you back down, fall on your bedside drawer. You freeze at the reminder of what sits there and Victor does the same. His chest heaves as he pulls away, staring at you questioningly. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” You can almost choke on the guilt you feel. Should you just forget about the papers and burn them later? 

“And why not?” God, his voice. It was rough with need and so fucking deep, you could probably come just listening to it. But you can’t. Because you’re here for one reason only-to do what’s best for Victor. Well, what you thought was best for Victor. In the long run. It’s probably not great for his blood pressure. 

“We need to talk.” 

“We can talk later.” You want to cry at the way he half-bites his lip, caressing your hips meaningfully. 

“No. Look, I...this is such a bad time to do this but you need to know something.” Victor raises a brow, nearly unable to keep his eyes from falling to your body. There’s not much that can keep him from fucking you right now. “I didn’t come back to be a burden. And to avoid doing that I...” You’re done holding him back. You’re doing the right thing. Right?

“What did you do?” he asks quietly, eyes suddenly even more intent on you. You take a deep breath. “I thought you came back because you were ready.”

‘Just rip the bandaid off.’

“I wanted to resolve things and I wanted to, I don’t know. To free you.” 

Oh God, why did I say it like that?

There’s complete silence in the room now that you’re not panting like you’re in heat. The sky is rolling with thunder, flashing violently. It’s akin to the look in Victor’s eyes before he speaks, hands falling away from you.

“To free me?” he repeats, his fists clenching at his side. You bite back a whimper at the ice in his voice, but keep going. You’re half-certain you’ve got this completely wrong now because Victor did not touch you like a man who wants to be freed.

“Okay, that didn’t come out right. But, yes. It’s not fair to you. None of this is. I couldn't just, waltz back in. And you never said anything. I didn’t know what you wanted. So I, I got divorce papers drawn up before I came back. In case that’s what you wanted. I just...want you to be happy–“ Victor doesn't even let you finish, a vein threatening to burst on his forehead before he turns around and storms away, his fury coiled around him like a venomous snake. You slump against the glass, dread pooling in your stomach at this new blunder. 

You should’ve just kept your mouth shut. 

The room spins violently, and then your front is pressed up against the cool window – for a moment,  you’re not sure what happened. The entire length of Victor’s body presses firmly against the back of yours, a sense of danger so very alluring settling in the air. You flinch when his palm strikes against the window, fear and anticipation coursing through you in equal measure. The aggression is rolling off of him in waves and then he’s crushing you to him. 

“To free me?” he laughs, low and disbelieving at your ear. He struggles to speak through the outrage, you can feel it. He kisses your neck so softly, a tendril of fear curls around your spine; you feel like prey caught under the enraged lion’s paw.  “You want me to be happy?” His words are a snarl and you do whimper now. “You think you know what’s best for everyone, don’t you? You think we shouldn’t be around each other, so you leave. You decide that wasn’t enough punishment so you come back, to tell me you want a fucking divorce?” His hand comes down on your ass hard, making you cry out before he presses you more firmly against the window, his throbbing cock pressing against the curve of your rear insistently. Your breath fogs up the glass. “Well, fuck that.” 

Your heart seizes in your chest. “I didn’t-that’s not what I-I don't want-“

His hand is heavy on your back, pressing down and you’re unable to get any more words out when you realize what he intends to do. 

“We do have important things to clear up. I see you’ve gotten more idiotic in your time away. Did you really delude yourself into believing I would want that? Or did you just want a reaction?” His voice edges on dark amusement now, as if you’ve done something extremely stupid. “You’ve got it. Is that what you wanted to hear? To see proof of your place in my heart? Silly girl.” He strokes your slick sex avidly. “It doesn’t matter where you go, this cunt will always be mine. You will always be mine.” 

Relief mixes with shame at his words. You’d told yourself over and over that he would want nothing to do with you. But in the deepest parts of your mind, you could admit that this was also a provocation. Something that would make him react for sure, that would shatter the ice. That would make him so angry he would act with only honesty. 

Well, here you are. Burning inside out, getting what you wanted. His honesty and his wrath.

You hear him unzip the fly of his pants, your entire being aching with the need to see him. But he doesn’t want you to. This is not two lovers reuniting, this is him punishing you for your idiocy, your cruelty. This is his response to your actions and your words. As if on cue, he finally speaks. 

“You’re not to come until I tell you to. You’re going to be a good girl and let me use your pussy for as long as I want. And I’m going to fuck you until I think you’ve learned your lesson.” They’re simple statements. A command you’re expected to follow. You feel the tip of his cock hitting your ass and your walls quiver at the knowledge that he’s pumping himself in preparation. “Is that clear?” 

“Y-yes sir,” you rasp. He lines himself up with your entrance, and you brace yourself. But nothing could prepare you for the way his thick cock pushes past your folds, hot and hard, in one swift movement. He doesn’t stop to ease you into it. It hurts, it burns, your brain short circuits. Your hand smacks the window in a bid for something to hold on to as a scream tears out your throat.

“Fuck,” he hisses, and as your eyes roll back at the feel of him hot and hard in you – you can relate. God, you’ve been dreaming of this for so long. Of being so full of him that you can feel him everywhere. He pulls out halfway and slams his hips into you so hard a vague part of you is surprised you didn’t go flying out the window even as tears pool in the corner of your eyes. Each thrust is punishing, aiming to drive a lesson home. “Fuck, I lo-I missed this. I’m never letting you go again.” He’s relentless as he fucks you against the window, his pace charged by the depraved cries crawling out your throat and the anger burning him inside out. Your hips will soon be mottled by bruises with how hard he’s gripping them. But the feeling of having his cock in you, pounding your pussy, filling it up after so long is too much to bear. “Mine. My wife. My cunt. This is mine.” 

“Yes, yes, yes.” Your cheeks are wet, and you feel him growl when your walls clamp down around him tight. He stops his thrusts right away and you cry out in earnest. 

“Victor, no no no, please. Please, please please.” His palm comes down hard on your asscheek. He spanks you again and you whine, trembling with arousal and desperation. 

“Shut up.” His tone is unforgiving but it’s said with a groan, his hand roaming the skin available to him fervently. He cups your breasts, his touch greedy, and pulls you up against him. His dick slips out of you and you whine out loud again at the loss but you’re immediately cut off by his teeth sinking into the side of your neck again. Victor studies the blossoming bruise with carnal satisfaction. “I said, shut up. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? So take it. Take it all - but only when I want you to.” 

He turns you around again and, unbalanced, you fall into his arms, a hand on your jaw forcing you to meet his fervid gaze. Your makeup is a complete mess, your hair is in disarray, and you pant wantonly against his collarbone. You’re completely exposed save for your sheer bra, and Victor still has all his clothes on; there’s something deeply sensual about the kind of vulnerability you feel as your bare skin meets soft cloth. He looks like he wants to kiss you and strangle you simultaneously, his chest heaving and flushed pink. 

He sweeps your loose curls away from your face. “Did you let anyone touch you in my absence?” 

“No!” 

“No? Not even once?” His hands are still squeezing every inch of flesh they can reach on your body. His touch is frenzied and ardent, amped up by your tongue flicking his nipple, grazing it with your teeth. “I find that hard to believe. Look at you, you’re such a little slut.” Only for you, you want to say. You know what he wants to hear. 

“Not even once.” Your voice is hoarse and your throat feels raw. “I’m still–still yours. Your wife. Your slut.” 

Victor tugs at your hair again, but you can tell he’s pleased. “Mine? You chose to refute that claim when you ran away.” His hands are on the back of your thighs, lifting you, still pressed against the window. Your legs wrap around his waist, your mouths close. “And now you want to do it again.” 

“No. I’m sorry. I’ve always been yours.” Your words are a sincere whisper on his lips. “Always will be.” 

He nuzzles the soft spot behind your ear. “Did you think about me?” he whispers, darkly. 

“Every day. Every night.” 

“Did you touch yourself?” Your fingers can’t compare to the lazy glide of his length along your slit.

“Yes. But it wasn’t enough,” you breathe. You have your reasons for leaving, for staying away and he will hear them. For now, his cock is entering you again and you’re helpless in his hands, unable to do anything but let him fuck you senseless. His pelvis grinds against you and you try to throw your thoughts elsewhere, anywhere, to keep from coming. “I’m – yours.” Your head falls back, your eyes glued to his face. His hair is wild and sweaty, his muscles flexed as he holds you up against the window. 

“Don’t come.” His voice is rough and he knows you won’t be able to follow his demands. You can hear the anticipation hidden in his voice. You try, though. You sink your claws into the figurative cliff edge, holding on for life. He’s merciless, driving into you with the sole purpose of seeing you break. He wants to see you in pieces. “Don’t you dare fucking come.” 

And break you do – by the quick drag of his skin on your swollen nub. You’re driven over the edge, the wave of mind-shattering pleasure sweeping over you and you barely hear yourself wail over the growl of thunder. Your walls grip him possessively, massaging his cock and pulling him in with you, robbing him of all control. He chokes out your name as his cum fills you in hot, throbbing spurts  –you’re still convinced nothing feels better, your silky walls milking him avariciously. He groans into your hair, his shallow thrusts into your sensitive flesh making you sob. 

“I told you not to come,” he murmurs.

You can’t bring yourself to regret it when he pushes you facedown onto the plush rug, half climbing over you, kissing you until you can feel him swell against your ass once more. Arching your back and, looking at him with a hooded gaze over your shoulder, you part your knees invitingly, obedient in a way you know drives him crazy. 

You’re left incapable of even standing by the time he deposits you on the bed, primal satisfaction curling along his mouth. Your neck is littered with teeth and finger marks, matching your hips and thighs that still quake and have trails of drying semen courtesy of how many times he came inside you, like an animal reinforcing his claim on his territory. You enjoyed every minute of it, even the bit where he coerced orgasm after orgasm from you, determined to make you forget your own name, to make sure you associate pleasure with only his name. You’re sore from your throat to your toes, not entirely sure you’ll get out of bed tomorrow.

Victor helps you pull on a pair of panties, refusing to allow any ideas of cleaning up. “You’re going to keep all of it inside. It should help keep any more absurd thoughts at bay.” You just know he’s going to want to shower together. 

Your husband looks spent, his clothes having come off some time into the second round, his bangs slicked back, eyes more sleepy and satiated than angry. 

You want nothing more than to fall into blissful sleep, a feeling that’s encouraged by the way Victor pulls you into his arms, caging you against his trembling body. You pull the blanket over your bodies, both of you pausing to watch the rain for a moment. You swallow a few times to soften your throat, trying to think of something to say but he beats you to it. 

“Where are the papers?” His question is asked quietly but it feels like ice shoved down your shirt. You pull out of his arms slowly, tears held back and knees shaking all over again, and you reach into your drawer to pull them out. He takes them from you, studying them silently as you try to regain the ability to breathe, and then looks up at you.

He tears them in half. 

“I meant what I said.” He pauses and you wait with bated breath. The anger finally falls away, leaving pain in its wake. He presses his forehead to yours, eyes shut against the vulnerability. “I can’t let you go again.” You burst into tears and he rolls you both over to hover over you. “You need to understand something. It doesn’t matter how long you were away. It doesn’t matter where you were or are on this bloody planet – you’re mine.” He punctuates the words with a hard kiss. “And I’m yours. That will never change. We have to work on us. I won’t just...let you leave without even trying.” You cry and cry and he just kisses you softly, his own eyes wet with pain.

“I just want you. Just you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you blubber and he shushes you, sighing into your hair. “I love you. I love you. I don’t even want a stupid divorce. I thought you might. I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

“Idiot. You weren’t.” 

You’re half afraid you won’t get another chance like this, so you try to pull yourself together. “I guess I have a lot of explaining to do.” He hands you a glass of water, having switched to watching you. You know, somehow, that he’s cataloguing all the changes, all the ways you’ve grown. Without him. You had done the same while he was pretending to ignore your return, the longer bangs and tired eyes at odds with the memories you had of him.

“That’s putting it lightly,” he replies, wrapping you up in his shirt and stretching out on his back as he waits for you to start talking. And you talk. You tell him everything, every part of ‘your side of the story.’ The impulsive decisions, the terror, the growth. The hardest to admit to are the insecurities. He listens, with agony in his eyes and his mouth pursed. 

But he listens. 

“And none of this excuses what I did,” you tell him. “It doesn’t justify it but...” 

“I get it.” His voice is gentle. “You needed space. But...the day you came back, you looked at me with so much caution, so much fear that I didn’t know how to react. So I just didn’t. And the anger kept building, you kept treating me like a stranger. I felt so...angry. ‘You’re my wife,’ I wanted to say. Does that mean nothing to you anymore?”

You let how a shuddering breath. “I feel like I’ve changed so much. I didn’t-I’m not who I was when I left.” 

“Neither am I. I do wish you’d given me the chance to be there with you. But...at least something good came out of it. ___, you shouldn’t have run away and I...I should’ve tried harder to stop you. I took you for granted. I thought...there will be time for us later, building us an empire took priority. And then you just left, and you didn’t come back. I knew you needed time but then you just. Didn’t come back. I’m still so angry with you, you idiot girl.”  He lets you hug him again, lets you cry into his shoulder. He kisses you again and again, with anger and with more love. “But ___, you should know how proud I am of you. I’ve seen your work. I’m so, so proud of you sweetheart. It’s changed you for the better. And the pain of your absence has changed me.” 

Your arms tighten around him when he sinks into your embrace, his breath a shudder against your neck. “And I know I can’t live without you. So we’ll try harder. I refuse to entertain any other ideas. And you need to come up with less extreme methods for dealing with problems.” 

“I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore,” you admit quietly. He scoffs at your words, pulling you even closer to soothe the sting. 

“If I ever stop wanting you, you can safely assume it’s an imposter.” You giggle weakly, struggling with the insecurity and hope warring in your heart. “___, l will spend the rest of our lives showing you how I feel about you. Nothing can change that. Not distance, not time, not even your extremely moronic tendencies. So, I’ll try. I’ll listen.” 

“And I won’t make any more stupid decisions. At least not without consulting you,” you promise him, laughing when he pinches your cheek. “No more running away. You're it for me, you always have been. I've done a terrible job of showing it, but...we've got time. I'll work hard.” 

Nothing is fixed, but it’s a step in that direction. You’ve both got a lot of work to do. You’ve got a lot to make up for. But the way his body curls around you drives away most of your fear. And the soft kiss he presses to the band around your finger tells you that this time, he won’t stop you from trying. 

[strikethanatos]

Why I Left The Hypno/BDSM Basement

Many of you don’t know me. I apologize for that. I have a hard time being social in large groups, so I just don’t do it. My bad. If you do know me, it’s probably as a moderator of any of a number of hypnosis servers on Discord, including The Hypnotic Speakeasy, of which I am the proprietor, and for a short while The Hypno/BDSM Basement. I quit the mod team and left there recently, and I think you deserve to know why.

See, to me, power has a function: to protect. We who have power are bound by an inescapable duty use it to protect those who do not have it, and that is especially important in the hypnosis community, because the potential harms that arise from us falling down on the job are much more severe. Make no mistake. Hypnosis can absolutely ruin lives. We lie to ourselves that we can’t be made to do something we didn’t want to do in the first place, but famously, there was a hypnotist during the Cold War who hypnotized someone into robbing a bank, claiming that it was his duty to do so to fight Communism.

Because some hypnotists have that power to change more than we should, we have to constantly be on guard to make sure that we are doing what is in the best interests of our subjects, especially given that so few of us are trained therapists. However, we all fail. We all make mistakes. And when we do, it is our duty to ourselves and those whom we have wronged to apologize where possible, to right our wrongs where possible, and to learn from what we did. I am not saying that one bad mistake should necessarily get one exiled forever. What I am saying, however, is that forgiveness should not be given freely, but earned.

The decision to allow MindEraser, also known as NeuralNetsandPrettyPatterns, to remain in the Basement, fully cognizant of his abuses against the greater hypnosis community, is in a word inexcusable. He has not apologized. He has not admitted that anything he did was wrong, much less any specific thing. He just “wants the past to be the past.” No matter what he says, he has not learned. He is still trying to twist consent to mean what it doesn’t. He is still summoning internet mobs to attack people and coerce institutions he dislikes. He uses the same tools to try to get his way that he has always used in the past. Anyone remember when he got banned from every hypnosis convention in North America and Europe, and how he had people go to con committees to tell them what a swell guy he is? Or when he asked followers on Tumblr to appeal the decision to tag his account as being NSFW en masse? Or when he’s dragged people into the main chat of the Pattern Palace to have them explain to everyone why they questioned some decision of his? When he continues to use the same methods, why should you ever believe that he himself has changed?

Here is my issue with him. He has proven time and time again to be predatory and vindictive. He denies responsibility for the consequences of his actions, claiming that it is the responsibility of the subject to reject inappropriate suggestions. He says this, even though anyone with even a basic knowledge of the hypnosis community knows that some people are more suggestible than others, that some people respond more to suggestions than others do, and that some people are less able to reject suggestions than others. Knowing this, he’s released a file that told listeners things like, “You’re gonna forget those other women (men)”, “They are never as good as me”, “They are never as good as me”. (Source: https://kallie-den.tumblr.com/post/171704815843/thesecretsubject-kallie-den-hypdom-this)

That was inexcusable.

And what was his response? To call anyone who was concerned about this a “white knight with something to gain”, to deflect any and all blame, to deny responsibility for what happens to subjects who listen to his files. (Source: https://thesecretsubject.tumblr.com/post/171650964672/note-to-the-hypnosis-community) That is inexcusable.

By that ethical standard, it is impossible to blame hypnotists for harm caused by their suggestions to subjects. And yet, we all know, that as artists, that as creators, that as hypnotists, when we make something we take responsibility for what it does. We ought to warn people about its’ serious consequences. And when we fail to uphold these simple, basic expectations, then we ought to take personal responsibility for these actions.

Neither has happened.

What followed has been a year and a half of witch hunting of any and all people who show basic human decency and concern for their subjects, and the result was that he rebranded himself as MindEraser on Discord and other platforms to distance himself from the controversy.

So, yeah, when he showed up in the Basement, I had concerns. I relayed them to the owner, and spoke to others. He was banned, for a few hours.

But then I was told that he just wanted to “let the past be past.” That I should be “neutral” and “impartial”.

That is not my duty as a moderator, on any platform. My duty is a firm and unwavering responsibility to the community as a whole. To seek out and eliminate predators and those whose actions hurt the health of the community. To, in this era of finally questioning the reign of cultures that tolerate and encourage sexual harassment and exploitation, believing victims. To listen to people seeking justice, and acting on their behalf.

My duty is not to ignore such infamous abusers. In fact, the night before this came up, we collectively yeeted a predator on far less well documented grounds than these. So, where, in the name of justice, is it writ that we are obligated to forgive anyone who seeks it? What responsibility do I have, as a hypnotist, as a creator, as a moderator, as a man, do I have to forgive abusers who have hurt my friends and levied bizarre and false accusations against me?

Presented with this false choice, I came to the conclusion that I had no moral choice but to leave the Basement behind, and furthermore, that I have to remove the moderator who made that choice to tell me to be “impartial” from the Speakeasy.

I’ll be taking care of myself and my server. In the mean time, if you want me, find me at the Hypnotic Speakeasy. I’ll be around. https://discord.gg/dtdTHUJ

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4l1pL3ATN0

Let’s break down Vexed’s Weiss video, shall we?

“You know how i feel about Weiss, she’s my favorite character.”

Vexed, what does that even mean? Considering how invested you are at this point in the show’s failure, I don’t know if “favorite character” means “character I like” or “My go to shield to deflect accusations that I hate the show.”

“Weiss worked because they had a plan for her-”

They also had a plan for Blake and you proclaim her as the worst so clearly that doesn’t mean anything.

“Weiss could have been selfless and traveled with Qrow and Maria to hand over the relic-”

*slams down a huge stack of papers*

1. Cordovon SPECIFICALLY said WEISS could come home. She never said anyone else could come as well. And considering her attitude, there is a good reason to assume she WOULDN’T let anyone else with her. 

2. Weiss coming home would likely result in the Relic landing in Jacques’ hands. Even if we didn’t know already that Watts was going to meet with Jacques (which would end with him getting the Relic), Jacques is shown to be self serving and pretty damn weak. Meaning if someone threatened his life for the relic (say, a psychotic scorpion Fanaus?), he’d probably hand it over. And Weiss would logically have no way of stopping this. After all, she escaped in part thanks to her weapon (which Jacques would take from her) and Klein (fired). If either DID happen, you’d screech ‘Stupid for the sake of the plot!’

3. There is no way for anyone to sneak with her. You can’t hide anyone away in the ships for that long, they can’t take Qrow because why would Cordovon let Weiss take back a suspicious bird and she’d be powerless on her own.

4. You screeched for two years that spiliting up the main cast was a terrible idea and now you demand that they should have done just that? Way to flip flop.

5. You’d bitch about the others letting her go as ‘letting their friend be kidnapped and shipped back to her abusive household.’ You already twist so much to benefit your agenda so I know this for certain.

This shit was pointed out a year ago. Get with the program.

“Why didn’t Weiss go back?”

*jabs above* In your own words: it’d be ‘stupid for the sake of the plot.’

“Let’s play a quick game-”

Yes lets.

“5 seconds to answer: Why did Weiss escape to Mistral?”

Because she was being coped up in a room by her father, thought her sister was in Mistral and escaped to go find her..and she didn’t know where Team RWBY was and the source of her escaping was Jacques’ abuse.

That took me a nanosecond. It took you several months to ask it. Speed up.

“If you answered: ‘to escape her father’ You are wrong. If you said “To meet up with team RWBY, you are wrong. She did it to find Winter-”

Yeah huh, smug asshole?

Mind sating WHY she went to find Winter?

... No? Strange. One would think explaining a character’s actions would be your priority here to show it doesn’t make sense.

Oh right. You didn’t explain because the explanation was exactly what I said: She didn’t know were Team RWBY was and she was escaping her father. Both of which DO NOT APPLY in this situation. Gee, it’s almost like context and truth is your fucking Kryptonite.

“Why didn’t she offer to take the relic to Ironwood?”

Because it’s stupid, forces her back into the same situation she was in before and goes against the thing you screeched for years about.

“Weiss thinks she’ll be taken back to her-”

She KNOWS she’ll be taken back to her father. Cordovon specifically said “I’ll take you HOME”. You played the fucking clip were she said that Vexed, is your short term memory shot?

No wait, he had to write out the script, record the audio, find the clip and download it, edit this all together and post it. AT least because I would assume he would do the bare minimum of research to make sure he wasn't spouting shit. So either he is so assured that he’s right he didn’t even pay attention to this VERY OBVIOUS detail or he’s relying on the audience’s negative perception of RWBY to cover his tracks. This is why I do not accept the idea of Vexed Viewer making mistakes like this: he spends weeks making these videos. I can catch myself making stupid claims with posts that take an hour to type up. Clearly he should know better.

“Oh wait, they didn’t take her back to Ironwood-”

Which is noted by the characters to be something unusual and unexpected. So to present this as a rebuttal to Weiss not wanting to go back to Atlas is to expect the characters to know the plot and script instead acting on known information (like, you know, human beings?).

“Oh look at all these times Jacques should have been able to be taken back to her father because you claim she’s a minor!”

No one has ever argued that Vexed. As I have shown, she KNEW she would be handed over back to her father because that was the offer CORDOVON GAVE HER.

This is blatant strawmanning to avoid the fact that the actual argument against you can’t be denied. And since you refuse to not bitch like a self entitled brat, you won’t admit you were wrong. 

“There is no downside to Weiss return-”

“Cordovin: (sighs) If Miss Schnee has truly come to her senses and wishes to return to her family, then, of course, the Atlas military will escort her home. But the kingdom will not be responsible for her "friends" of... questionable character. (glances at Blake specifically upon saying her last statement) “

Reminder we have just passed the five minute mark. Of a twenty two minute video. And Vexed has made, being abnormally generous to an unwarrented degree, two demonstrably false to the point of lying arguments. 

Starting to realize the sheer volume of his failures?

“I had to believe that a protector of the world would rather be with her friends than save the world”

*glares up at everything said previously*

No, you WANTED to believe that. You CHOOSE to believe that. You ACCEPTED it over far more rational, simple and according to you, convenient explanations.

Unless of course, you’re looking for anything and everything to bitch about in RWBY and this is your confirmation bias.

“The writers decided for Weiss to be annoying in Volume 6′s Brunswick part.”

Oh? So these parts should be so bad that they override your supposed ‘favorite character’ right? You aren’t just bitching and completely contradicting that criticism shield your dredged up right?

“Weiss screams loudly and starts hyper ventilating-”

Funny thing is he uses Keiven from Home Alone putting on after shave to say Weiss Screamed louder...even though they sound about the same (Weiss just has a higher pitch from being a woman) and Keiven screamed longer. 

Not to mention that in the original scene, it was being played like a horror scene. Same music, same angles, same pacing: it’s to sell how disturbing and unsettling the sight of these bodies are. Of course, if you were just going off memory and Vexed’s footage, you wouldn’t know that. 

“Weiss is a trained warrior and fought at the Fall of Beacon were people were dying left and right-”

A. Weiss isn’t fully trained yet. She was a first year at Beacon and had two more years at least.

B. Huntsmen are not warriors. Their training is not built to break them like a soldier or warrior. Not to mention Weiss grew up in a relatively peaceful time so it’s not like death was a close up constant like this (unless you count the WF which is different.)

C. Number of times Weiss has seen a dead body on screen before now? ... Zero? Hm, guess Vexed ‘convienently’ forgot that.

D. Any off-screen deaths Weiss would have seen at the Fall of Beacon you would have bitched about as not being shown. You bitch about stuff on a lower level (he’s bitched about the phrase ‘Oh God’ before) so there’s a perecedent for this/

And E. These bodies are in a different situation than any in the Fall of Beacon. Those are freshly killed bodies on a battlefield. Weiss would be expecting those. These are mummified bodies in a civilian setting, with the killer nowhere in site and out of nowhere. No shit she’d be shocked: Yang (someone who lost an arm) is also acting the same and Qrow (a seasoned warrior who actually DOES fit your description) is shocked too.

Once again though, this stuff wouldn’t come up in your mind because Vexed doesn’t acknowledge it or consider it. Thus you’re being guided away from these issues. 

Starting to see how sneaky Vexed is?

“Weiss is being dumb and could break through the cellar door!”

Once again, he’s being sneaky, splicing this next to the body discovery point, trying to make them seem like similar situation...even though the moment he is talking about is them running from the Apathy. Grimm that have been shown to be immune to regular weaponry. AND is making them sluggish AND is advancing on them. She’s panicked and all the shit Vexed is pointing to takes time and concentration: stuff their situation is ROBBED of. And yet again, you wouldn’t know that because Vexed NEVER GIVES CONTEXT HERE. Only after this is stated.

“I know you guys are saying in the comments-”

Just another strawman.  Vexed is pretending to addressing points by making up weaker ones. Even then, his bullshit counterargument “The Apathy drain your will, not make you a damsel in distress” kills his OWN argument as a lack of will would cause Weiss to lose concentration and fail.

For Vexed’s argument to work, Weiss would have to either not be panicking (stupid and unrealistic) or ignore her own powers’ limitations (bad writing).

“Thank God Yang was down there-”

Ruby had just disintergrated the Grimm. They were given a reprieve. Once again, Vexed doesn’t show this.

“You can’t have her be fearless now-”

She’s neither trapped nor panicking nor being affected by the Apathy. The fear bullshit is on you.

“*Vexed cringes*”

Oh look, that thing I was doing about ten minutes ago. Catch up Vexed- Oh wait, you’re too busy gutting your own eyeballs.

“We don't see Weiss in Atlas-”

Gee, not like we have to set up the Ace Ops, set up Ironwood, Winter and Penny again, set up Watts and Tyrian’s threat, set up Robyn, work through all of this and much more and end it all. It’s almost like that’s fucking SECONDARY to telling the story and as you showed, Weiss already has moments in Volume 7.

So I guess Vexed is basically saying “Volumes 4 and 5 weren’t THAT bad” since he’s been begging the CRWBY to go back and overstuff the Volumes AGAIN.

Next part has him actually praising the moment between Weiss and her mom. Sounds good right? It would...if it actually matched Vexed’s standards. 

How many times has he ignored things like distance, positioning and the such in things like the Adam Vs. Yang and Blake fight just to push his bullshit through to the audience? Just how many moments that would qualify for, in his own words ‘well written, well directed moments’ just so he can prove a point?

At the very least before, I could give a bare minimum level of respect for Vexed for sticking by his principles, as stupid as they are. But no, he just praises a scene because he likes what happened in it even though stuff of similar quality he overlooked or bashed. 

“Weiss just gets handed her proof about her dad and doesn’t have to do anything!”

Except endure being shot at by her mother and there’s nothing that's been shown before that could be used as proof besides this. What do you want, proof to magically appear in Jacques’ office? To have Weiss gain fingerprint scanning tech despite never showing that before? To have Jacques be excepetionally dumb? At least we get something respectable out of Weiss’ mother here and it isn’t a huge leap in logic like the others.

“I’d have more of a problem if this scene wasn’t so good and I’d have less of a problem if this made sense for Willow. It doesn’t but this isn’t her video-”

No no no no no.

No.

After all the tangents and bullshit you’ve pulled in other videos AND THIS VIDEO, you denying proof for something you call ‘a point of contention’ is pretty fucking rich of you. Just because you like a scene doesn’t mean you can just ignore the problems with it, same with the inverse too. How is this any better than a Yang fanboy ignoring issues with scenes involving Yang because they like it?

Literally all you had left was your own daman principles, Vexed. Now you’re burning them.

“One thing the writers have made very clear is Weiss really enjoys dunking on her father-”

Using her ignoring her father’s call in Volume 3, her breakdown at the Atlas Elite and her talk back to Jacques in Volume 4? One of which is not ‘dunking’ (or extreme humiliation) and the other is only partially about her father and mostly about how detached the elite of Atlas are.

“-SO I shouldn’t be surpised she came in like a-”

Not even gonna let you finish that shitty reference. That was just unnecessary and not even funny. It feels more like a combination of a Family Guy cutaway for it’s abruptness and a fanboy cheering for it’s framing.

“The Jacques being taken down scene was bad because it was matter of fact and silly instead of emotionally driven-”

Vexed, the issues Weiss has with Jacques is rooted in his abuse of her and her family, his entitlement to the family business and his business practices harming her family name. This takedown has nothing to do with any of these. She is not confronting him about the damage he has done to her and her family nor the damage he has done in his pursuit of growing the business. She is confronting him about the election fraud, a story point.

No shit this isn’t emotional- Weiss’ emotional ties here are SHALLOW. It would ring hollow to the audience for her to make this emotional because she has no emotional attachment to the actions he performed. All she would have is it being her dad, which isn’t enough. 

Then again, from the perspective of a Weiss fanboy, this would look bad because that moment you’ve been writing in your head didn’t happen. I should know.

“*Vexed bitches about a joke about Weiss not knowing if she can arrest Weiss because ‘hur dur book smart!’*”

She’s not an officer, she’s a Huntress. I don’t think they can actually arrest people.

“This should have been between father and daughter in an epic moment-”

*rolls eyes*

Vexed, look at this scene. Look at all the other shit happening here. Then remember the people dying to the cold in Mantle.

What makes you THINK it was meant to be that way? Hell, what makes you think that would be a GOOD IDEA?

.. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

“I wanted to see the sister dynamic that has been missing from RUby and Yang-”

You had your chance in Volume 6. You ignored for Bumbleby bashing. You don’t get a say.

“Hur dur, characters ssay things we know already!”

Gee, it’s almost like Weiss and Winter talking about this was to restablish were they were because a certain group of people made it certain that they needed everything spoonfed to them or else they throw a tantrum.

“Ironwood done nothin’ wrong!”

There’s Vexed’s pandering again.

The man made no attempt to talk anything through until he was forced to with Mantle. He lied to Team RWBY about Amity and made them operate under false information. And I have made the fuck ups in Ironwood’s plan in Episode 11 VERY clear.

Stop pandering to the RWBY hate crowd and have some fucking principles.

“Oh, Weiss lied to Ironwood! How hypocritical”

*holds up a piece of paper saying ‘That’s the point’*

“Why would it bother Winter that she’s chosen as the Winter Maiden? ANd why does she say that she wasn’t given a choice when she said she was ‘proposed’?”

gee, wasn’t it you guys who claimed Ozpin proposing to Pyrrha wasn’t giving her an actual choice? Hm, I guess things change...when they benefit you.

“Wow, Weiss is so bad for not telling Winter about the Relic!-”

COnversation wasn’t about that and it wouldn’t come up, nor is it a particularly serious thing. But nice try Vexed.

“Weiss runs away because she pains to carve out her-”

Wait a minute, didn’t you say that Weiss was going to Msitral to find Winter? Hmmm, awfully inconsistent of you vexed. Almost you lie constantly for your own benefit.

“HOW MANY TIMES WILL YOU TALK ABOUT FINDING YOUR OWN WAY?!”

Gee, didn’t know that, by your own admission, three times in four Volumes was SOOO awful.

“This is how they treated their relationship?”

As a narrative tool to emphasize a theme of the Volume? Good on them.

“You know, everyone still thinks Weiss is this pampered heiress-”

One guy said that. In the entire Volume. About self reliance and finding your own path.

“Weiss never said a word to Robyn and didn’t support her-”

You know Vexed, what’s the difference between you and a whiny Bumbleby shipper bitching about them not kissing yet? You sound so entitled and so whiny about you not getting your way. Your arguments are breaking down into disjointed bitching, just like an entitled brat.

It’s fucking pathetic.

“Maybe she’ll try her luck doging the coronavirus at RTX! Maybe she was too busy watching Gen:LOCK.”

Aw, what’s wrong? baby didn’t get his undeserved baba?

I can’t believe how much has changed Vexed. You’ve pretty much outed yourself as an entitled fan perpetually whining about the show not being the way you want it. You have no respect earned. You have no principles. You have no standards. You don’t even have an end goal: all you have is your whims.

Pathetic.

[megashadowdragon]

itsclydebitches . tumblr . com/post/180244981260/oz-just-fucks-off-into-oscars-head-this-is-proof

??? Do you really mean this, anon? Is that why it’s in quotes with no further comment? Or are you just fucking with me? Alright. *rubs hands together* I’ll play your game.

First of all, we need to look at the whole scene. Ozpin just watched an HD Color highlight reel of his entire past plus probably filled in some gaps that he didn’t even know were there because of no one else in existence being able to refute Salem’s lies to him. He’s on his knees fucking CRYING in front of all of them, but they don’t show a shred of empathy with their anger after watching the most broken man on earth finally start to shatter in front of them. And they just break him further. That’s fucking NOT okay.

And if we’re gonna talk selfish, let’s also talk Raven, shall we?

Raven is a… very unlikeable and complicated woman. She is the epitome of a selfish coward. She lies to get Yang to side with her, lies to the bad guys so she  gets the relic, and so on. And when confronted on her lies and cowardice by Yang, she tries to turn the conversation to how much SHE has suffered and how much SHE has had to go through before Yang cuts her off.

Ozpin has pulled none of this shit.

The guy has made mistakes and some poorly-thought-out decisions, sure, but he’s never done them with any malicious intent or self-service. He lied about Haven? That’s hardly self-serving. He withheld the relic’s Grimm attraction? If that was truly self-serving then why did he reveal it HIMSELF? And withholding Salem’s immortality, well. That is arguably the only self-serving tidbit he’s withheld, and we’ve seen the damage it causes when it’s spread unwisely. Just look at Raven. Look at Lionheart.

And when RWBYQ confront him about his past, they don’t give him a chance to defend himself. Raven was at least allowed to defend herself before it was clear she was spouting total bullshit. RWBYQ just let Ozpin say what they want to hear in their anger and don’t let him give context. That’s NOT confrontation. As itsclydebitches said in their recap of the episode, it’s an emotional witchhunt.

The kicker? Raven is a character who doesn’t face her past, who is confronted with its consequences and can’t handle it. Yang is the very embodiment of the damage Raven does when she runs away. A girl with abandonment issues who had to lose another mother and felt like she had to fill in the role for her sister. And when confronted by all this, Raven does all she can to deflect or turn the conversation in her favor. But in the end, she’s left with a choice. To step the fuck up for once and take the target away from her daughter, or to leave. She chose to leave.

Now, let’s move to Ozpin. This guy, who is apparently ALSO a self-serving coward, hm? He doesn’t run when confronted by Team RWBY and answers their questions with no bullshit coating like Raven tried to do. They also don’t allow him the dignity of defending himself, but apparently, Raven is afforded that. He sits there and TAKES WHAT THEY’RE DISHING OUT DESPITE ALSO REELING FROM JINN’S EXPOSITION DUMP AND BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF A BREAKDOWN. He only retreats when Qrow, really his only friend, basically condemns him and doesn’t allow him to tell Qrow that what they did wasn’t in vain. You sit there and tell me being disowned by your only friend doesn’t hurt like a bitch. I dare you.

Only then does he decide they don’t want him around anymore, and who can blame him? They’re the ones placing all the blame for everything on his shoulders, does ANYONE think that they’re wanted in that situation? And when he does leave, they say (in again, a very loose paraphrasing of @itsclydebitches recap) how dare you. How dare you defend yourself. How dare you leave so we can’t yell at you some more. How dare you not continue to lead us after we undermined your leadership. How. Dare. You.

itsclydebitches: 

I’d also just like to point out that this is precisely what I was talking about in my other post.  (itsclydebitches . tumblr . com/post/180232247775/on-ozpins-humanity)   Everyone is happy to emphasize the mistakes Ozpin makes as a flawed human being, but he’s not allowed to react like a flawed human being. The expectation here - by both the anon and QRWBY, but particularly Yang - is that Ozpin should be able turn off any emotions when it’s convenient for them and turn them back on when they want their nurturing mentor back. You’re going to have a panic attack now? No, no, no, that needs to wait until we’re finished literally and figuratively punching you. Yang says straight out she’s not done with him yet.

Really, just to recap the series of events here:

1. Ozpin explains to a group of children that he’s a reincarnating immortal and explicitly says he’s spent the last couple thousands years trying to face the consequences of his actions. That’s… his whole character. A man who is facing up to mistakes, both those he really made and those he only perceives as his fault. Ffs Ozpin’s most famous line is ALL ABOUT acknowledging mistakes and trying to deal with the fallout. In what world does this man run from consequences??

2. Ozpin immediately offers up the information that the relic attracts grimm when it becomes relevant and is willing to acknowledge/deal with the girls’ anger right then and there. Ruby only stops them because they’re still being attacked

3. Minutes later Ozpin continues to answer Yang’s questions despite the fact they should really get to safety. He understands their frustrations and is trying to be as transparent as possible while also keeping himself (and by extension Humanity) safe. Ozpin provides a lot of personal information on how the last time he shared his secrets someone betrayed him. And the time before that. And implied who knows how many other times before that. It’s not personal, it’s not a condemnation of who you girls are, but Bad Things Happened the last time I shared this info so I’m asking that you have a little faith in me

4. Yang rejects that

5. Oscar confirms that Ozpin is still hiding things from them - something they already know because he literally just acknowledged that - and gives them the means to take it forcibly

6. Ruby does that

7. Ozpin watches a HD play-by-play of his worst memories, quite literally re-living thousands of years of trauma, including shit he didn’t get to see the first time around like the gods toying with the former love of his life. He comes out of that emotionally gutted, weeping, panicking, and the first thing he sees is people who he thought were his friends screaming at him for not having the answer to an impossible problem

8. Despite having just learned his entire life story, the girls have even more questions. Except now they’re just accusations disguised as questions. Ozpin still tries to talk to them though. He is interrupted/assaulted three times during this: when Yang is yelling at him (interrupted), after he admits to Ruby that there’s no plan (punched into a tree), and when he tries to reassure Qrow (interrupted again). He’s trying to face the consequences in front of him and they’re not letting him do that. Because they’re not interested in having him acknowledge responsibility (deserved or otherwise) because that would eventually lead to absolution. No, they just want to use him as an emotional punching bag right now

9. Qrow then confirms Ozpin’s greatest fear: he’s irredeemable. People are incapable of loving him after they learn his life story. All that projection onto Lionheart? It comes full circle. It doesn’t matter the staggering good you’ve managed to accomplish in the face of seemingly impossible odds. Kept humanity alive and flourishing for thousands of years? WHO CARES. You made mistakes alongside that good so we’re done with you. They make it clear that Ozpin currently has no reason to remain with this group except to let them keep abusing him.

10. So he leaves.

Anyone would have left. It’s human to remove yourself from that kind of situation. But oh yeah, Oz isn’t allowed that.

kagome1991 said: Jesus Christ I feel this with every fiber of my being. Raven and Salem are practically worshipped in this fndm but Oz? Seen as the worst character. Fuck outta here with that.

the-kiwi-is-not-a-pewee said: @kagome1991​ If anyone deserves to be Yeeted out, it’s Raven or Salem, not OZ

kagome1991 said: @the-kiwi-is-not-a-pewee Absolutely. With the way this volume is going, I don’t think I wanna watch the rest unless the Oz/Oscar thing is addressed in the story. I just don’t like where Team RWBY and JNR are going in terms of development. They just come off as not having empathy when it comes to Ozpin or Oscar for that matter.

[bi-naesala]

A successful plan

Padmé and Obi-Wan meet up after the events on Naboo.

((Second part of the Sith Obi-Wan AU))

Can also be read on AO3

“I’d say it worked out perfectly, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

 It would be improper to be found like this, the queen of Naboo and the recently appointed Jedi Knight, but neither Padmé nor Obi-Wan are particularly worried. Obi-Wan has been most cautious in approaching her room, slipping past the guards like he wasn’t even there, and Padmé has made sure to pull enough strings to make sure that nobody except them will hear this conversation. This is a vital point, because what they’re going to discuss is very important. Their whole lives depend on it.

“I’d offer you something to drink, but my quarters are… void of some things,” Padmé apologizes as she goes to lay down one of the two enormous armchairs in the room, the other one being occupied by Obi-Wan, who is quick to placate her.

“I understand. It’s fine, don’t worry.”

 He feels weirdly numb. He supposes he should feel more excited about his “knighting” and, most importantly, for how the first steps of the plan went, but maybe it’s exactly because it was all a great success that a sense of calm has washed over him.

Now he has much to ponder about and plan, and that’s why he’s here. Neither he nor Padmé, who has been in the plot to take over the Republic from the start - Sidious needed some support from somewhere after all - but neither she nor Obi-Wan intend to be tools for his ascension to power. No, they’re using him and his never ending thirst for more.

Their plan has been pretty straightforward: pretend to work for him until the right opportunity to overthrow him presents itself, and in the meantime create a web that will entrap him when the time comes. Things, however, rarely go according to plan.

Not that anything bad has happened, just that now they have more factors to plan for: Obi-Wan has managed to convince Maul to his side before they departed for their mission, and they have found a kid who is believed to be the Chosen One, or at least the deceased Master Qui-Gon believed he is. It’s unlikely, but still something to consider. Besides…

 “You seem to care about the kid.”  

It may sound like an accusation, but Obi-Wan feels no anger as he says it. That’s because he’s not particularly upset about that. He just made an observation.

Despite this, Padmé gets a little defensive, even though she can’t even look at him in the eyes as she replies:

“He’s just a boy and he was a slave! I… I felt sympathy for him.”

Obi-Wan can sense that there’s something more, a bond that has been created between her and the child, but he doesn’t comment on it. One of the things he dislikes more about Sidious is how controlling he is, to the point that everyone who works with him might as well being considered his slave, so he won’t act like him, no matter how much this might come to bite them all later. Who knows, maybe this will actually work to their favor. They still don’t know that.

“He…” and now Padmé’s looking down on her hands, though there is a smile on her face, “He called me and Angel.”

“An… Angel?”

“He said they are creatures that live in moons of Iego,” Padmé explains, why a dreamy look in her eyes that makes her look her age, instead of a kid who has had to grow up faster than she should’ve, “He also said that they’re the most beautiful creatures in the universe.”

Ripples of joy come wash through Obi-Wan via the Force. It’s something he hasn’t felt in a very long time. Sith aren’t supposed to bask in these kinds of emotions, but what can Obi-Wan do about it?

No, he’s genuinely happy for her, because she needs a friend - not that he doesn’t consider himself her friend, just that she needs someone who’s not part of their plot - and he’s glad she’s found one, even though he still doesn’t know what this Anakin’s role will be in the future. What he knows is that Sidious seems to have taken a special interest in him - just like he had taken an interest in Obi-Wan at the time - and that he’ll get to train him, since he has to “carry on” Qui-Gon’s last wish.

 Besides, he isn’t exactly in a place to judge, since he’s been forming his own attachments outside their schemes. Speaking of which…

“So, you and Maul, eh?”

Obi-Wan pretends he doesn’t notice Padmé’s knowing tone. Sometimes it’s best to act innocent.

“Whatever do you mean?”, he asks in fact, but it’s not enough to fool Padmé, whose smirk makes Obi-Wan understand that she’s got him figured out.

“How did you convince him to cooperate?” she asks back, not even bothering indulging Obi-Wan, “And didn’t Lord Sidious explicitly told you to kill him?”

“Yes, he did,” Obi-Wan replies. He remembers that instance perfectly: Sidious said that, since Obi-Wan was working so splendidly, he didn’t need Maul anymore and tried to convince him that he would’ve been only a hindrance to his success, using their rivalry against him. That was a mistake, because their rivalry is something they both cherished - even Maul, not that he would ever say it out loud - and… and Obi-Wan couldn’t bring himself to do it. He would’ve had if there was really no other way, but it would’ve hurt.

It was clearly a test of loyalty, and Obi-Wan knew how dangerous it was to cross his Master, but for his plans to succeed - because it was easier to pretend that he cared about Maul only for the plan and not anything else, though the more time passes the less he believes this lie - he needed him alive. He put everything into the small chance that he was going to persuade him to collaborate, and thankfully, his effort paid, because Maul was convinced.

One could argue that he has managed to do more than just convince him, but that’s something he still has to process - he’s been rather busy lately. Still, they formulated a plan: Obi-Wan would only pretend to kill Maul, which he did, after the two teamed up together to kill Qui-Gon Jin after Padmé led her people away with the excuse of finding another way inside. It was truly the perfect crime: to everyone’s eyes, Obi-Wan’s just a padawan who just lost his master at the hands of a Sith Lord - yes, knowing how much it meant to him, he left the final blow to Maul - and then proceeded to kill said Sith Lord, thus earning the title of Jedi Knight. Only a very selected few knows better.

What Maul has to do now, except laying low and playing the part of the dead man, is to watch the undergrounds; they’ll need some kind of force to completely undermine Sidious’ rule, and what could better serve their purpose than a criminal empire? Needless to say, Maul wasn’t that ecstatic about having to do this quiet work, but Obi-Wan has faith in him and believes that he will serve is purpose.

 As he retells this to Padmé, he sees her smile grow larger at every word. Maybe he shouldn’t have told her how much Maul has captured his interest during their previous meetings.

“And?” she presses him, making Obi-Wan sigh. He knows she won’t relent until he has told her everything.

“And… We kissed,” he eventually admits, making Padmé perk up from her seat in interest.

“Tell me more,” she asks in fact.

“Weren’t we supposed to discuss our plans?” Obi-Wan deflects. Some things are better when left unsaid.

“But this is much more entertaining,” Padmé teases, though she does drop the subject, much to Obi-Wan’s relief. He’s not nearly drunk enough to be having that conversation.

 They keep discussing their moves, and in the end they both convene that the best course of action is to keep a low profile and keep acting as always: Obi-Wan will train Anakin, while Padmé will continue to rule Naboo as queen.

Obi-Wan will keep contact with Maul only ever so often, at least during this first period, but he isn’t too worried about that: they have already established a line of communication made of cryptic messages and code words, and Obi-Wan has made sure that their comms won’t be intercepted by anyone.

With nothing left to add, Obi-Wan stands up, ready to leave and go about his business before someone begins wondering where he is, when Padmé stops him.

“Ah, there’s something Lord Sidious wished for you to know.” Mh. Interesting.

“What is it?”

“He has… plans,” she says, her response cryptic, which is to expect if this is something Sidious has said, “In the near future, he’ll have something that will help us in the war efforts.”

Ah, the war, the next step in Sidious’ plan to gain power. Obi-Wan knows little of what it’ll exactly consist of - Sidious never shows his cards too soon to anyone, which makes counter planning a pain - but if he’s told Padmé that, it means that he’ll know soon. In the meantime he’ll continue to patiently play his part.

After all, great things come to those you wait.