#you all need therapy

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt IV good omens but all i know is i watched three episodes on a stream with you all

Three hours being in a server with good omens fans in the wild *insert random emojis to sound like optimum clickbait youtuber except this ain't clickbait*

Okay I woke up. Before everything just WASHES out of my brain, I'm gonna describe whatever happened last night best as I can, because that's what I do.

Some of you were unable to attend the stream, and were sad. But don't worry I got you guys here's the rundown:

people joined the server. people were confused. i was afraid. i was assured that i should be, which was meant to comfort me.

people introduced themselves. someone said they had worked in a brothel as a bartender, which was cool, they said they had many stories. they did not elaborate for fear of scaring the newcomers. The newcomers, aka, me, were already scared, and it was not of the brothel stories.

I brought an emotional support orange with me. It looked uncomfortable. I thought it would be rotten. It was not, but we would not know that until later.

@thescholarlystrumpet entered fabulously, and started the stream.

i didn't realise the show had started for a good two minutes because there was a random voice over that was telling us about Earth's star sign (Libra) and somehow that didn't compute in my brain as being part of the episode. I thought we were checking audio.

It turned out, the episode had begun, and everyone was acting like this is a completely normal way for a show to start.

We time-jumped from the fall of man to modern day society so fast that I got whiplash.

There were a lot of orgasmic noises. I asked why. I was told in no uncertain terms that those were screams of labour. I'm sorry to everyone who has given birth ever.

There were three babies. I tried to keep track, it was hard. I thought the Antichrist won prizes for tropical fish. I was wrong.

I fell in love with Crowley and his hips and was very gay on the chat. This was heartily applauded.

I didn't realise an hour had passed when the episode ended, which it seemed was to be a common theme. I said nothing happened which everyone found funny for some reason.

I was very concerned about Armageddon. Everyone assured me that it would take place over the course of the season. I asked why we'd speedrun through millennia in five minutes but eight days took several episodes. I was a naive fool. Time is a social construct and this show cares not for social constructs.

They fucked up the mission. This was also to be a common theme.

I begged for a break and had to shake my head to try and get the brain rot out. I did not succeed.

The second episode commenced. The intro concerned me, because the cartoon Aziraphale looked pregnant or like a chicken. I asked if Crowley had impregnated him. He had not.

The pornography scene had to be replayed because I was so lost and had not relished it properly.

There was a lot of crying on the chat. Every few minutes someone would say a normal sentence in English and everyone would respond with crying emojis. Needless to say, I was concerned. This was also to be a common theme.

I asked why we were talking about random children. I was told it was The Them and they were the Antichrist's friends. I liked the hellhound.

I wanted to adopt the Antichrist, and grew more thirsty for Crowley every time he was a casual accessory to murder. I'm relying on this fandom not to use this as evidence with the cops. The chat was not reassuring, they said maybe.

I thirsted for Crowley more. This was also to be a common theme.

Aziraphale was very cute, I realised. That was nice. It was not nice when he had gay panic and said mean things to Crowley and they broke up. This was also to be a common theme.

I got so gay for Crowley that I ate the emotional support orange. It was gaseous. The chat was concerned, and everyone got excited every time oranges were mentioned after.

The third episode was a fucking roller coaster. Crowley and Aziraphale were your average high school couple but biblical for 6000 years.

Both were casual accessories to murder, and sometimes the cause of the murders, before going out for a date. Crowley got horny and he stopped listening every time Aziraphale ate. This was also to be a common theme.

The chat was keeping count of the husband breakups. This was not nice.

The Bentley was silver in many scenes, and people were forced to concede that they saw it. I was smug.

Crowley was sexy. She served gender, or as some people in the chat said, she served cunt. Her hairstyles got better and better. No one liked the 60s one. I did. I like everything she does. I love him.

Things happened. The fandom infected me. Someone mentioned how the book said Crowley felt lonely. I was near tears.

Crowley walked down the aisle for Aziraphale. We all were happy.

The book case, the thermos, the bandstand. I was broken.

Everyone said very emotional goodbyes.

I made a post on tumblr that was absolutely incomprehensible but accurately conveyed my love for Crowley. I fell asleep.

Same time next week, I believe.

I hope this was an adequate summary of the livestream for everyone, I am broken irreparably and if anyone mentions the bandstand I will have to start drinking and not stop till I get a happy ending. I cannot afford alcohol. I will ferment grapes myself if I have to.

[razzz-poutine]

Part of the joy of playing a video game that has a large world in it that is also your hyperfixation is that you'll straight up avoid certain zones, or mute the bgm if you have to go there, because something bad happened to your blorbos there.

[zeropro]

It's a canon event.

[Follow up to this post.]

[weaselweaselweasel]

Funny how Doechii gets left out of most conversations about the Grammies despite winning one of the major categories… Funny how when people claim they’re just dedicating their attention to queer artists she still doesn’t get mentioned despite openly and blatantly stating that she’s bisexual and loves women… Funny how *I am immediately shot by a white queer tumblr user with suppressed anti-black sentiments as they sob into an open mic about how it’s totally not because Doechii’s a black woman and she actually just hasn’t accomplished as much as her other peers this year… somehow*

[luckylarvae]

siff mental health decline speed run GO!!!

under is the meme template so you goobers can use if you want

tada!!!! feel free to use and abuse this as much as you want

you have @wolfepack72707 to blame for this

[owly-lumi]

I wanted to do this meme since I saw the S2 of Earthspark, but I had the inspiration after complaining about It with @sketchy-mf . so:

(ok time to going back to Ao3 reading Fanfiction pretending they're canon in my mind 🙂)

[obsessedoverwater]

Sometimes the doomed old man toxic yoai gets so bad you just have to start writing about fucking revenge guac to get over the pain.

[weekdaysend]

Me when my dad is presumed dead and my entire assets and family fortunes are seized and I find out I have no birth records and legally don't exist </3

[batboopp]

bruce wayne they could never make me hate you. they could also never make me like you either. good god you are fucked up

[clockworkreapers]

Vol 3 Jack really went though it huh

[jadecantcreate]

more krew scribbles: therapy edition

[bet-on-me-13]

Steph's Year of Recovery

So! Danny noticed that a new face had made it's way into town. Two new faces actually, an older lady known as Dr Leslie, and a girl about his age called Steph.

He first met them when he was at the hospital for one of his parents. They had stood too close to an explosion again, and he met them while he was in the waiting Area.

Dr Leslie was a strict but obviously caring older woman, who seemed to be the one taking care of Steph as a kind of maternal figure, or maybe more like an Aunt. She greeted him simply and then walked away to talk with the Secretary, leaving him to talk to Steph.

Steph was a blond girl in a Wheelchair, and he could see bandages piking out of her clothes as he talked to her. She explained that she had been in an Accident a few weeks ago that left her wheelchair bound for a while, and that she had come to Amity for their surprisingly good Medical Centers.

He and Steph got along really well, and by the end of it he asked her for her Number so they could continue talking later. They stayed in touch, and when she was finally permitted to leave the Hospital, he introduced her to his friends. They all got along like a House on Fire, both figuratively and in one memorable case very literally (Vlad had pissed them off okay!)

Eventually Steph recovered enough that she moved from a Wheelchair to Crutches, and their shenanigans got even more chaotic (Vlad hadn't even pissed them off, this time was just for fun)

The only thing Danny could complain about was the fact that Steph was hiding something from them.

She said that she had been in an Accident a while ago, which was why they had come to Amity in the first place. But Danny knew it was more than that.

He could sense lingering traces of Death coming from her after all.

...

Steph honestly loved her current life.

Sure she had lost everything, her home, her health, her friends, her life, but she had gained new things too! Like Danny and the Gang! They were honestly some of the best friends she had ever had, and for some reason they just clicked with her instantly.

Danny was interesting and funny, Sam was vegan and a badass, Tucker was smart and witty, they all fit with her personality perfectly! It almost felt like she bad been friends with them for years. (She ignored the way her heart skipped a beat when she saw them)

But she still couldn't shake the sense that they were hiding something from her.

She knew it had something to do with the Ghost Problem in the town. And wasn't that a kicker, there was a whole Supernatural Ghost Outbreak in this Town and nobody knew about it. Dr Leslie had said that Amity was off the map enough to hide from Bruce, but she hadn't mentioned it was hidden from the Justice League itself!

Danny, Sam, and Tucker definitely knew more about it than they let on however. Whenever a Ghost Attack would happen, at least one of them would rush off with some practiced excuse and return after the Ghost Attack was over all dirty. She could guess what was going on, and she really didn't like it.

(This had killed her, she had died doing what they were doing, she didn't want to lose them)

Eventually she had to confront them, coincidentally on the same day they decided to confront her.

"Are you Vigilantes?" / "Did you die?"

"..."

"What?" / "What?"

[epic-therapist]

(I demand silly goofy time)

*Glitch appeared next to Aarav, slowly lifting uo the cat with a small smile*

I has cat.

*The cat just starts screaming and "MRAAAOOOWWW"-ing. Glitch puts them down and lifts up Aarav, twirling and kissing his cheek*

Hello, my love.. did you sleep well last night?

*Totally not a reference to the last rp*

- @glitchyanon

*he flinches at the screaming cat and covers his ears before giggling at being picked up*

I slept well, why?

[mimikyuno]

i was listening to imprisoned xii and it makes me ache and feel so sick fr my heart is broken 😭 uika put all her most intimate, unspeakable, forbidden feelings in those lyrics and she was about to delete them when nyamu quite literally outed her to the rest of the band by sending them. when she and nyamu went to sakiko’s place and nyamu told saki those lyrics are about her, uika looked away, and the only thing she could tell sakiko when they were left alone was “please don’t hate me.” and then sakiko went and reformed the band basically using wedding vows to tie the 5 of them together and wrote such a heart wrenching melody for uika’s lyrics so uika finally feels happy and accepted by the one she loves the most. who has ignored her for months and abandoned her with not so much as a small note she left on her kitchen table. she read her lyrics and understood her. bc that’s why she reformed the band and gave music to her feelings of desperate love and possession, right?? saki must have seen all that uika considers ugly, unsightly, sinful, shameful, and has accepted it all with love. so now of course uika feels like she can tell saki out loud “i’ll give my life to you” and “please move back in with me”. and she has no idea that saki has not accepted her out of love, but out of obligation and regret and guilt. she was the one who asked the other members to give her their lives and then gave up when mutsumi went dormant. she asked uika for her life knowing that uika loves her. she has ignored her for months. and she’s in pain. and nyamu is calling her out and umiri wants to reform and mutsumi is gone again and mortis wants ave mujica. what choice does saki have? she looks at tomori’s heartfelt messages on the post its she saved. and then writes lyrics for uika’s song. she looks at crychic with love and fondness, and at ave mujica and uika with what i’d say almost looks like resentment. she’s dead inside. life keeps being so cruel to her. she just keeps on losing everything, and her forming ave mujica has ultimately ended in more suffering for everyone. she feels guilty about mutsumi and mortis, about nyamu, about umiri, and about uika. she’s just a rich girl playing band and making messes for her abusive and controlling family to clean up, while her father succumbs to alcohol away from her. sakiko has given up on happiness. and she knows exactly what uika meant in those lyrics. and she recognises her responsibility, and feels chained, guilty. during the performance, uika looks to her hoping that sakiko will gaze back at her and acknowledge her. she does not. only looking at her with a furrowed brow when uika is not looking. i feel so sick. this is the evilest miscommunication. i feel for uika so much. she was forced to show her most intimate and vulnerable self whom she hates and hides in shame, just to be given the hope that she was fully and wholly accepted by the one for who these feelings run so deep. when that is not the case, not really.

[fruity-mond]

Jean: "Please. PLEASE can you consider therapy"

Kaeya, who's about to throw himself into another mission that no one else knows about with so many backup plans to not jeopardize Mondstadt's safety but none that ensures his own : "No??"

[wandering-pirate]

Headcannon: controlling jimmy like your evil little dog. Is he lowkey a psychopath? Yes. Will he do literally anything for you? Also yes

a/n: To the lovely anon who sent this, mwah, chef's kiss🤌🏻 you’ve unleashed something unholy. be warned tho, this entire thing? no thoughts, no logic, just pure, unfiltered degeneracy for our co-pilot (sometimes you just gotta let the intrusive thoughts write the headcanon, y’know?)

So enjoy the ride—you sicko. (cause girl, same.)

Jimmy x Reader

Jimmy Zane is one peculiar man, and somehow, he became your boyfriend. How'd that happen? You better blame your slasher-film obsession as a kid.

Your Human Guard Dog

The man acts like you're gonna get snatched from him 24/7. Imagine being in public with him. Scaring some, unnerving many.

Some guy accidentally brushes past you, and Jimmy’s already stepping up with a cold smirk

“Apologize. Or don't. Been looking for an excuse today.”

You have to grab and drag him away (not helping that the man's built like log) before he ruins a face for the second time this month. “Baby, please, we’re here for snacks.”

But the moment you give him a subtle signal, tho? Oh, it's game over.

Some creep starts chatting you up with a repulsive smile, and Jimmy doesn’t even raise his voice when he appears behind you. Just leans in, looking them dead in the eye:

“You wanna keep those teeth or should I start counting them out.”

You casually mentioned being annoyed at your co-worker for being too yappy and Jimmy?

Yeah, already halfway out the door

“Say no more, princess.”

Physically stopping him was impossible and you wagered with the pervert, all night letting off his steam through you

Your Unhinged Yes-Man

After the restaurant's reception was rude on your friends' night out. You texted him

“Ugh, I’d love to see this place burn to the ground.”

No replies from him, but 5 minutes later, you nearly drenched your friends with the wine you're drinking when you saw him outside, holding a can of gasoline

One time, you complained about someone’s annoying laugh. Jimmy didn’t say anything, just calmly glanced your way with that familiar glint in his eyes.

“Don’t even think about it,”

“What? I didn’t say anything, love.”

Later that night, he casually asked

“How much do you hate that laugh? Want me to rip their throat out? No more ha-ha’s ever again.”

“STOP TRYING TO SOLVE EVERYTHING WITH VIOLENCE!”

The man's pride was more hurt than his face when the pillow landed, you paid for it tho ;)

Your Deranged Liaison

Want something without spending a dime? You can get it by the magic effect of compliments!

"Oh, I love your jacket!" Boom, appeared in your closet the next day, suspiciously smelling like someone else’s perfume

"That scarf’s so cute!" Already folded on your pillow the week after, and you’re 90% sure you saw a TikTok about it missing

“Jimmy, why is there a name tag stitched into this shirt?”

“Souvenirs are better with backstories.”

"Is-- is this blood?"

You finally confront Jimmy: “Isn’t this… someone else’s?”

He just shrugs, smiling sweetly (unnervingly wide) “Not anymore.”