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neopuff · 8 months

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always on my mind

chapter one: have an open mind ships: sasha/milla characters: milla, truman, sasha, oleander, sherri words: 5628 ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53435410

The Motherlobe was huge. Intimidating.

Milla wasn’t sure the last time she’d seen such a large building. It looked lovely - well structured, seemed safe…fire-proof, even - but the size of it made her nervous. Like she was entering the belly of the beast.

The last two years of her life had been harrowing. The Psychonauts had come to her in a time of desperation and she was so moved by the help she’d received that she wanted to learn more and become a part of the organization herself. Truman seemed excited, said she was one of the fastest learners he’d ever worked with, and quickly made arrangements.

But she didn’t share his confidence. This was an entirely new environment she was entering - she was familiar with a few faces and names, but to almost everyone she was a stranger. A stranger who spent a very long time in psychoisolation and still felt jittery around an open flame.

Being out of Brazil was helpful, at least. After high school, she and some friends had spent a summer in Miami, so she had a little bit of experience in America. It would still take some getting used to, but Truman assured her that there were other international transplants working there and they all adjusted quickly.

As he and a mostly silent coworker landed the jet, Milla took a deep breath.

She was ready.

She wasn’t ready.

She didn’t have a choice on whether or not she was ready.

“Milla?” Truman asked, taking a step closer to her.

She glanced up at him from her seat and smiled - he smelled like coffee and had a worried look on his face. “I’m fine,” she answered softly. “Just nervous.”

“Understandable.” He turned and gave a quick wave to the other Psychonaut that’d been in the jet with them, then turned back to Milla. “And I’m sorry I don’t have time to show you around, but I’ve arranged for one of our best and brightest to give you a tour and make sure you feel welcome!”

“Oh?” She’d been under the impression that she was just going to be thrown into the ring. Having a tour guide sounded nice. “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

“Of course! The Psychonauts are nothing if not welcoming!” Truman said with a smile, sounding like he was practicing for a commercial.

He guided her out of the jet; Milla comfortably levitated herself to the ground and found herself staring up at the Motherlobe once again. It was even more intimidating up close. So intimidating that it took her a few moments to notice the lanky man smoking a few feet in front of her.

Truman patted the man on the back. “I see you got my message, excellent!” He opened his mouth to say something else, but suddenly paused and pressed two fingers to the side of his head. He hummed softly for a moment, nodded, then looked back up at the two of them. “Sorry, I’m late for a meeting. Nein, Vodello - Vodello, Nein,” he said quickly, motioning to each as he said their name. “I’ll see you at noon for our lunch meeting!”

The two of them watched him levitate away and the air between them became suddenly, awkwardly silent as they took one another in.

Milla noticed first that he was tall, his skin was a greenish hue, he was levitating a cigarette near his head, and his mind was completely, one hundred percent silent. She felt comfortable around him almost immediately because of that. “Um…hello! Is it…uh, Nine?”

He cleared his throat and stuck out his hand stiffly. “Agent Sasha Nein. And your name is Camilla, correct?”

She gave him a small smile - it wasn’t the first time someone had pronounced her name like that - Ca-mee-yah - and in other circumstances she probably would have corrected him. She'd corrected Truman the first time they met and he was happy to call her Mee-la as she preferred. But Sasha's voice was shaking oh-so-slightly - despite his cool exterior and quiet mind, Milla could tell he was exceptionally nervous. Something about his demeanor told her that he didn’t expect this assignment and probably didn’t usually do this sort of thing. So she decided she’d let it go this time, maybe mention it to him later if they ended up working together a lot.

“That’s me!” she answered with a bright smile, reaching out to shake his hand. His handshake was as stiff as she expected, which made Milla think about how different this man was from Truman. She could tell she’d be meeting a lot of very different people over the next few hours.

Sasha pulled away and brushed his fingers through his short hair. “I have to admit I’m a little unprepared for this. But Grand Head Zanotto requested I give you a tour and answer any questions you have until your lunch meeting with him, so…do you have any questions before we begin?”

Milla pouted as she tried to think. She had a million questions, obviously, but didn’t want to jump the gun or scare this poor man into thinking she was more excitable than professional. “I think I’m a little too overwhelmed at the moment to form a single question.”

He adjusted his glasses and nodded. “I understand. I felt the same way the first time I came here.”

She smiled at him and followed as he motioned towards the door. It opened automatically and inside there was a small lobby with a few tables and chairs, a desk in the middle, and a…something in the back. Milla wasn’t sure how to identify it. Some sort of tunnel, maybe.

“I assume Truman didn’t get you scanned into our Thinkerprint system.”

Milla tilted her head. “I’m not sure what that means, so…probably not?”

Sasha ran his fingers through his hair again - he seemed to do that a lot. “It’s our new security system, you’ll get your picture taken, an employee badge, and your brain will be scanned so you can immediately gain access to any rooms you should have access to.”

“Oh, a photo?” She played with her hair, still a bit insecure about how short it was. She’d had long hair for most of her life, but after recent experiences it was easier to chop most of it off than try to revive it. “I don’t remember the last time I had my picture taken.”

He stared at her for a moment, looking like he wanted to make a comment, but instead he just took a drag of his cigarette. “You can retake the photo every six months if you’re unhappy with it.”

Milla ran her long fingers through her hair, embarrassed. “I might just do that,” she said with a little chuckle. She hoped that didn’t sound vain, but also thought he didn’t seem like the kind of person to take note of things like that.

They took a few minutes to get her set up in the system - Sasha didn’t lie, it was clearly very new because the woman at the front desk was not confident about it. She stumbled over herself and Milla assured her it was fine, but the woman kept glancing nervously at Sasha while she fumbled with the little scanner and Milla could feel a wave of discomfort coming off of her.

It was an interesting thing to notice. Milla wondered if they had history or if Sasha just intimidated people. He was a very stiff and serious man, as far as she could tell. It wouldn’t be surprising if people were scared of him.

A few minutes later and they were in the lobby of the Motherlobe - Sasha took another drag of his cigarette while Milla took in…everything. There were agents floating around, dozens of people chatting both out loud and telepathically. There were signs for normal office building features, but then there was also a bowling alley and a hair salon and she felt the smallest bit overwhelmed by it all. Not overwhelmed to the point of anxiety, but, well. It was a lot.

As she floated and spun around to take in the room, Milla noticed her tour guide out of the corner of her eye. He was eagerly reading a printed sheet of paper and she wondered if it had anything to do with her.

She planted her feet back on the ground and clasped her hands behind her back. “I should’ve asked this before we started…do you have any questions for me?”

Sasha looked up at her, surprised. He quickly folded the paper back up and stuffed it into one of his jacket pockets. “Grand Head Zanotto gave me some basic information about you. But I wanted to check something…you’re from Brazil, yes?”

“That’s right.”

“We don’t have a base anywhere in Brazil, so…where did you learn to levitate like that?” Sasha asked, pointing down at her feet which were currently not in the air. “Just from working with Grand Head Zanotto?”

Milla tilted her head slightly, trying to understand the meaning behind his question. “Ah…yes, I guess so. Am I doing it wrong?” she asked, floating up once again.

He shook his head. “Not at all. It’s very impressive, actually. From what I understand, you’ve only been training your psychic abilities for a few months.”

She smiled sheepishly and shrugged, trying to find a humble way to repeat what had been previously said to her. “That’s true. Truman did call me a fast learner, but I don’t really have anything to compare myself to so I assumed he was being polite.”

“He’s not one for servile flattery,” Sasha said matter-of-factly. “It took me years before I was so comfortable with levitation.”

“I suppose it’s my specialty,” she added. “Truman showed me other psychic powers I could develop, but most didn’t come so quickly.”

He nodded and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’ve always been in tune with more offensive psychic abilities - PSI-blasting, pyrokinesis, that sort of thing. Are you familiar?”

Milla felt an unease come over her at his mention of firestarting and nervously played with her hair again. “Ah…I have trained on PSI-blasts. A bit. Not as much as shielding or telekinesis.”

There was an awkward pause between them before Sasha continued. “And what about pyro-”

“Outta my way, Nein!”

The two of them were interrupted by a short, orange-skinned man rushing through the lobby towards a door labeled Nerve Center. He paused in his rush as he noticed Milla, and took a step back to lift up his hat and introduce himself properly. “Hello, who’s this?”

Sasha scowled. “Morry. This is Camilla Vodello, Grand Head Zanotto’s newest recruit.”

Milla kept her face completely still as Sasha mispronounced her name again, and realized unfortunately that she’d just completely missed her opportunity to correct him without making it into a thing. She wasn’t exactly sure what to do about the situation, but decided there was no point in making a big deal. The way he pronounced it wasn’t unpleasant, so it was fine. She’d find an opportunity to correct him eventually. “Hello!” she said, waving down at the man.

“The name’s Morceau Oleander, nice to meet you, Camilla,” he said with a toothy grin. “I’d save you from Sasha’s boring tour if I wasn’t about to give the biggest presentation of my life!”

She was immediately curious and about to ask when Sasha cut in, using telekinesis to grab one of Morceau’s papers away from him and take a look at it. “What presentation might that be? Trying to steal important research funds for another one of your weapons projects?”

“Not this time!” he responded gleefully, taking a weight off of Milla’s mind that formed when Sasha mentioned weapons. “I’ve been reworking my summer camp program idea for the last few years, and it’s finally ready for Truman’s approval. There’s no way he’ll say no this time!”

Sasha shook his head slowly and Milla glanced between the two of them. “Summer camp program?”

“About five years ago, Morry here came up with the idea of starting a program for training young psychics to control their powers,” Sasha answered, interrupting an excitable Oleander. “The concept isn’t terrible, but he was rejected outright. There wasn’t enough interest or funding at the time.”

“But that’s all about to change!” Morceau added quickly. “There’s already talk about a teen intern program starting up, which means that’s all the more reason to start training even younger! Think about all the psychic incidents we can prevent if kids start learning how to use their powers before puberty!”

Milla tilted her head slightly. Though she understood his points, it was an odd way to phrase it. She didn’t quite know how she felt about the idea - anything to keep children safe was good in her book, but Morceau seemed very…intense.

“I’ve got a bunch of potential locations picked out - all in the middle of the woods, none of them too far from here that they’d be annoying to drive to.” Oleander reached out and grabbed the paper Sasha had taken earlier, stuffing it back under his arm. “After this presentation is over, Nein, get ready to lose your Youngest Psychonaut title! Maybe it’ll go to Abe’s daughter instead!”

Sasha shook his head. “It’s Ah-bey, not Abe. And Agent Bubai’s daughter is two.”

Milla pouted for a brief moment, hearing Sasha correct Morceau’s name pronunciation. She felt the urge to bring up her own name, but she still couldn’t do it. She’d waited too long and now he’d already introduced her to someone else, it’d be too uncomfortable. For everyone.

“Two, ten, what’s the difference? A psychic’s a psychic!” Morceau smiled again. “Anyway, can’t be late, stop distracting me, Nein! Camilla - don’t let him bore you to death, alright?”

“Ah…alright, I’ll make sure he doesn’t,” she answered awkwardly, not entirely comfortable with the level of banter between the two of them. She was honestly surprised that Sasha had such a relationship with anyone at the organization, considering how most people looked at him.

Oleander just laughed and continued to the Nerve Center, leaving the two of them alone again. Milla wondered if Sasha was going to circle back to the conversation they’d been having before, which she didn’t really want to go back to. She didn’t want to dump her traumatic history onto him in the first twenty minutes of knowing each other.

“I apologize for him. He’s…” Sasha paused, clearly trying to find a nicer way to say whatever was on his mind. “...excitable. But he means well. Generally.”

“It’s no problem!” Milla smiled. “I hope his presentation goes well.”

“Yes, well…Grand Head Zanotto is always open to new ideas. But Agent Forsythe will likely be there, too, and she’s more realistic about these sorts of things.”

“Has Truman been the Grand Head for long?” she asked curiously. “We got to know each other a bit over the past few months, but he didn’t tell me much about his history with the Psychonauts.”

Sasha adjusted his glasses and turned around, motioning one hand towards the sculpture in the wall. “I can give you a quick summary of our history.”

They walked over to the mural and Milla stepped close to take it all in while Sasha spoke. “These are the Psychic 6, founders of the Psychonauts. They came to this area in the 60s and opened the Motherlobe in early 1970. Grand Head Zanotto was recruited by the Psychic 6 before they’d officially opened, knowing they needed someone with his background to help.”

“His background?”

“He has an MBA and spent several years working at a large pharmaceutical company before this. None of the Psychic 6 were as…business-minded.” Sasha took another drag of his cigarette, frowning at the realization that it was almost done. He didn’t want to smoke as often as he did, but being thrown into a potentially stressful social situation had warranted it.

Milla nodded, looking at each person depicted in front of her. “Are they all still working here?”

Starting from the left, Sasha answered, “Otto Mentallis - yes, he still works here. His lab is across the Quarry. Compton Boole - his situation is complicated. He is still in the area and occasionally participates in Psychonauts-related activities. Mostly he spends his time in psychoisolation.”

“...is that so?” Milla responded thoughtfully. She was reminded of her own time in psychoisolation and how much she’d love to never go back.

“Ford Cruller - also still works here. But not as a Psychonaut. He was psychically injured in the Battle of Grulovia and can’t maintain his focus for very long. But you’ll likely see him around, in the bowling alley or the hair salon. Or the mailroom, even.”

Milla was confused by that, but kept her mouth shut. She knew bits and pieces about the Battle of Grulovia - she was a teenager when it happened and didn’t pay too much attention to world news, but the reports on that conflict were the first time she’d heard the word Psychonaut.

“Bob Zanotto - the uncle of Grand Head Zanotto.” Sasha frowned, knowing the full story of Bob’s departure even though he hadn’t joined yet at that time. “He no longer works here. Helmut Fullbear - died in the Battle of Grulovia.”

“Oh.” Milla’s eyes focused on the linked arms between Helmut and Bob’s images and she immediately understood what it meant. Her shoulders sank. “That’s terrible.”

Sasha adjusted his sunglasses again, realizing that Milla already noticed something that it took him several months to understand. She was definitely more of a people person than he’d ever been. “And Cassie O’Pia - no longer here. But we still utilize her methods.”

In a sudden mood change, Milla brightened. “Ah, she wrote Mindswarm, right? Truman gave me a copy of that book when we first met. It was eye-opening.”

“Yes, yes she did. She has an exemplary psychic mind,” Sasha noted. “I hope to meet her someday, if she ever comes back.”

They spent the next twenty minutes circling the lobby, Sasha explaining what he could about each location they could see and introducing her to anyone who came up to ask who she was. Milla thought back to the woman at the front desk who seemed helplessly nervous in front of Sasha and was happy to see that the agents they’d interacted with so far didn’t seem to have that same fear. A lot of them made jokes that led to Sasha’s frown deepening, but at least they were attempting to be friendly with him.

He guided them up a ramp and Milla was immediately distracted by a gigantic and beautiful fish tank to their left. She smiled at all the colorful fish swimming around. “This is lovely!” she said genuinely.

Sasha nodded, though he clearly didn’t have the same level of enthusiasm that she did. “The Psychonauts used to have some underwater locations. When they were closed, this aquarium was built to remind displaced agents of their previous offices.”

Milla chuckled at that. “An underwater office sounds a bit scary, if you ask me.”

“I agree,” he said.

The monotone in his voice made her think that he might’ve worked at one of those underwater bases for a period of time. Milla decided she would not be asking him about that, just in case it was a sore subject.

“My office is just up this way.” Sasha likely didn’t intend to sound proud, but it seemed like he had a pretty big office, and that was impressive for someone of his age.

(At least, Milla thought it’d be impressive for his age. She couldn’t completely gauge how old he was.)

They approached the end of the hallway and found three doors staring back at them. Milla glanced at each and turned towards her guide. “Some other offices, I’m guessing?”

“Agent Hollis Forsythe is in the office next to mine,” he answered quickly. “Though I doubt she’ll be here for long.”

“I’ve definitely heard that name before…iIs she leaving?”

“Not at all. She’s been with the Psychonauts even longer than I have, and Grand Head Zanotto has been discussing promoting her to some sort of Vice Head position. I don’t believe it has an official name yet.” He shrugged. “Grand Head Zanotto has been…struggling a bit. With balancing his work and home life.”

“Oh, yes, he mentioned that to me at one point,” Milla added. She understood at the time that Truman was just trying to relate to her and get her to trust him; she didn’t realize until much later that he’d been telling her the truth. “That he and his wife were, um…having issues.”

“Yes, well…” Sasha paused, not sure if the news was out yet, but also not really caring if he wasn’t supposed to say anything. “Now his wife is pregnant.”

“Ah.” Milla wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. She remembered all the things Truman had said about his relationship with his wife, and she didn’t think a baby would be able to fix their problems. Still…it wasn’t her business.

“Despite what Morceau thinks, Grand Head Zanotto’s child will likely be the one to take the title of Youngest Psychonaut away from me,” Sasha said with a slightly humorous tone.

“I wanted to ask about that…how old were you when you joined?” Milla asked curiously.

“Nineteen,” he answered quickly, like he expected this question to come up at some point. “I first learned about the Psychonauts after the Battle of Grulovia - I don’t know how well that was reported in Brazil, but I was still living in Germany at the time and Grulovia is only a few borders away. From there I earned enough money to come to America and sought out the Psychonauts myself.”

Milla nodded along, curious about the details but not wanting to pry. “So you weren’t recruited?”

Sasha shook his head. “My psychic powers manifested at a very young age, well before the Psychonauts were founded. Before joining, Mindswarm was the closest thing I had to a psychic instruction manual.”

She nodded again, not quite sure how to respond. Milla thought it was sad, the way he spoke sounded very disconnected and unemotional, but she wondered if that was his way of coping with something unfortunate. She knew not to ask, though, and kept those thoughts to herself. “Everyone’s experience with joining seems very unique.”

“Indeed.”

As she was about to say something else, Sasha guided her into his office - which turned out to be sort of a combination office and laboratory. Milla wasn’t surprised, he spoke very scientifically, occasionally using words that she had to think about for a moment before understanding.

“There isn’t really much here for me to show you. Many of my projects are classified and I’ve not been made aware of what you have access to yet.” He glanced around, eyes landing on his small office space. He used telekinesis to open a drawer and pulled out a new pack of cigarettes, bringing them over. “If you do ever need anything from me, you can generally find me here.”

Milla smiled brightly at that, more appreciative of the offer than he probably realized. “I just might take you up on that, Agent Nein!”

He ran his fingers through his hair again and tried to think of what else he could show her. “You may have seen that across from this wing there’s a lot of construction going on - previously it was just used for storage, but we’re adding more offices and a classroom down that way.”

They left his office while talking, headed back towards the lobby.

“A classroom? For the…teen intern program?” she asked.

“The intention is for use in Continuing Psychic Education,” Sasha answered, pulling out one of his new cigarettes and psychically lighting it without a second thought.

Milla twitched slightly at the sudden smell of fire, but quickly shook it off. It wasn’t the same.

“CPE is a new program, but important. Making sure that older psychics keep up with new abilities or skills that younger psychics have discovered or developed.” He took his first drag of the new cigarette, inhaling slowly like it was a significantly better experience than the last one. “No one is too old to learn new skills, after all.”

Milla had never smoked cigarettes herself. She smoked marijuana when she was a teenager, but quit all of that when she started working at the orphanage. The orphans were her everything - she gave up partying and anything adjacent to the party lifestyle when she was working there. It’d been the most fulfilling part of her life, by far.

She hoped that working with the Psychonauts would prove just as fulfilling.

The two of them made their way back into the lobby after Milla took another minute to admire the aquarium. As they entered, Milla noticed an older man handing out letters outside the mailroom and pointed him out to her guide.

“That’s Ford Cruller, one of the Psychic 6 I mentioned earlier.” Sasha stared at the man. “I could introduce you, if you’d like, but I can’t guarantee he’ll remember you.”

“It’s worth a shot, right?” Milla asked cheekily. “I like to think I’m pretty memorable!”

She floated towards the mailroom, and Sasha followed her after taking another long, long drag from his cigarette.

They were just a few feet away from Ford when two agents chatting nearby mentioned the time, and Milla glanced up at the nearest clock. “Oh, it’s already noon!”

Sasha followed her line of sight, almost like he didn’t believe her. “So it is. That was a quick two hours. But you should head to the Noodle Bowl for your meeting with Grand Head Zanotto, he probably has another meeting right after.”

“The Noodle Bowl…” Milla repeated, looking around. “Can you remind me where that is?”

He pointed directly behind them and Milla turned around to see the giant sign above the doorway that he’d shown her just an hour earlier. She smiled sheepishly. “Thank you, Sasha. Er, Agent Nein. Or…I’m so sorry, I never actually asked.” Milla felt terribly rude at that moment, though she had a distinct feeling that he didn’t care either way.

“Either is fine,” he answered, smoking again. “I hope your meeting goes well, Agent Vodello.”

Before she could really say anything else, he headed off - right back towards his office. She also noted that that was her first time being referred to as Agent Vodello, and she definitely liked the sound of it. Even though she wasn’t really sure if she counted as an Agent just yet; it was hard to know exactly where she stood until she talked to the person in charge.

She caught one last glimpse of Sasha before he was gone. Milla thought he seemed nice, though not the most personable, and wondered in a brief bout of insecurity if he found the task of guiding her around annoying. She hoped he didn’t have a bad time, at the very least.

But rather than get caught in a loop of self-deprecation and anxiety, Milla took a few deep breaths and made her way towards the lunchroom. Truman was already seated inside and waved her over as soon as he noticed her. She floated towards him and took a seat, surprised to see that there was already a rice and veggie bowl sitting in front of her.

“I took the liberty of ordering for you - hope you like cilantro!” Truman said with a smile.

Milla didn’t get the chance to answer before he continued, though she was excited to eat since she did love cilantro.

“How was everything so far? Good? Interesting? Was Agent Nein helpful?” he asked, shoveling rice from his own bowl into his mouth.

“Ah…yes, it was very interesting! And Agent Nein was extremely helpful. He answered every question I had in detail, and helped me sign up in the Thinkerprint system.” She ate her food much more slowly - it didn’t take a genius to realize that he was probably already thinking about his next meeting. She couldn’t imagine having such a busy schedule.

“Oh good, that’s great to hear!” Truman smiled, a little bit of cilantro stuck between two of his teeth. “He’s not the most social, but I know how much you appreciate a quiet mind.”

Milla nodded thoughtfully. “It was pleasant, I couldn’t get a thought or feeling out of him. Almost made me feel like my old self again,” she said quickly. “And how was your meeting this morning?”

“Excellent! Exciting, even,” he answered quickly. “Well, first there was a not-so-exciting financial meeting with Agent Forsythe. But then another one of our agents came to me with a project idea that I’m really looking forward to working on. It’ll be a big undertaking, but certainly worth the effort if all goes well.”

“Was that Morceau’s summer camp idea?” she asked. “Sasha and I bumped into him earlier and he told us about it.”

“Oh, good, you already know!” Truman took another few bites, and then finally took a sip of his water. “We’re already in the process of building a classroom for training, but it’ll be more useful if we have younger psychics studying and training here.”

“Is it, um…” She took a moment to collect her thoughts. “Did Morceau’s plan seem…safe? For the children, I mean.”

“Oh, yes,” Truman answered, nodding. “Agent Oleander spent a lot of time talking about safety. Especially prioritizing keeping their brains safe, making sure none of the kids get overloaded by all the psychic exposure.” He took a moment to eat again, then added, “He comes from a military background, so I recommended he bring some…softer agents as other camp counselors. For balance, of course.”

She sipped her water slowly, thinking carefully about her response.

“I wouldn’t ask you to help, of course, not so soon after…but if you have any suggestions or recommendations for making sure it’s a kid-friendly environment, let me or Agents Forsythe or Oleander know! We’re still in very early planning stages, it’ll probably be several years before this camp is fully realized.”

“Thank you,” she answered, appreciating his discretion towards her situation. Part of her knew she’d really enjoy working with children again, but…she didn’t think she was ready. Maybe by the time they opened the camp, she would be, but who could say for sure? “I also…I wanted to say I’m sorry about your uncle’s husband.”

Truman froze, fork in his mouth, clearly not expecting that. He put the fork down and cleared his throat. “I appreciate that. Sasha told you all the details of the battle, did he?”

“Not exactly, but he did tell me about the Psychic 6 and showed me the mural in the lobby.” Milla took another bite. “He was about to introduce me to, ah…Agent Cruller, I think it was, but then we realized I was running late.”

“Ford, right. Yeah, he pops up all over the place. Something, something…his psyche was shattered, basically, during all that unpleasantness.” Truman recited the information with some disconnection; it was clearly a sad subject for everyone. “If you do want to learn more, Otto Mentallis is the best man to talk to. Sanest of the six and works just across the water!”

“Sasha mentioned as much, but it’s good to know!” Milla smiled. “I’ll try to focus on the present for now - perhaps I’ll talk to him another time.”

They continued to chat for another few minutes before Truman paused and put two fingers to his forehead, just like he had that morning. He grimaced and let out a deep sigh. “Sorry for cutting this short, but I think I need to go talk to my wife. Hollis is saying she’s on the phone waiting for me!” he said with an insincere laugh.

“No problem,” Milla answered, only halfway done with her food. “I’ll be fine on my own for a while!”

“Excellent,” he said with another toothy smile, cilantro still awkwardly there. “Introduce yourself around, Agent Vodello, everyone here is very nice. We’ll talk more when I’m free again.” And with that, he levitated out of the room.

She stared out of the Noodle Bowl, taking another bite of her food. After a moment, Milla realized she forgot to congratulate him on the pregnancy - but then decided it wasn’t necessary. He didn’t mention it to her, so she’d pretend she didn’t know about it yet.

“Hi there!”

Milla turned her head to find a woman with yellow skin and long red hair smiling at her. “Oh, hello!” she responded, taking another bite from her bowl.

The woman sat down next to Milla and leaned forward on her elbows. “You’re Camilla, right?”

Once again, pronounced how Sasha was saying it. Milla wasn’t sure she had any way to turn things around without making Sasha look like a fool. “That’s me,” she answered.

“I’m Sherri!” she said excitedly, running a hand through her hair. “I noticed you walking around with Agent Nein earlier - now, yeah, he’s a super smart guy. Very knowledgeable. But you seem cool and fun, and he doesn’t know anything about cool or fun. So I’d be happy to show you around some other areas of the Motherlobe when you’re done.”

Milla blinked a few times at that, not sure if she was offended on Sasha’s behalf or if she agreed. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who cared about cool or fun, but Sherri was right - Milla liked to have fun. It would be nice to get to know some other Psychonauts who shared some of her interests. So she decided to take the compliment and the offer. “Oh, yes, thank you - that’d be very nice.”

#psychonauts #milla vodello #sasha nein #truman zanotto #morceau oleander #science party #lunchtime yoga #sashamilla #carrofics #carro art #yayyyy its starting

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neopuff · 8 months

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ALWAYS ON MY MIND

chapter two: at the back of my mind ships: sasha/milla characters: sasha, milla, otto, truman words: 4452 ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53435410/chapters/135363142

[chap 1]

It'd been almost a month since Grand Head Zanotto forced Sasha to socialize with someone new for several hours. He'd not done it again since, but that was probably because they hadn't had any new hires since then.

His two hours with Agent Vodello had been surprisingly pleasant. She was charming and friendly, but not uncomfortably so, and Sasha liked that she listened to what he said. At least she seemed to be listening - he hadn't attempted to read her mind out of respect for her privacy, but occasionally caught the telepathic sound of music playing.

After their tour, she hadn't sought him out for anything. Which was just fine - Sasha was always working on research projects or helping Agent Mentallis with one of his new inventions. He didn't need anything else on his plate.

Still, Agent Vodello waved at him anytime they were both in the lobby. He felt himself awkwardly wave back each time, but she was always, always with someone else, so their interactions never really expanded beyond that.

Which, again, was perfectly fine with him.

On one uneventful Monday morning, Sasha was making his way across the Quarry to Agent Mentallis’ lab when he saw her by herself for the first time in a long time.

She was exiting Agent Mentallis’ lab and had a neutral, almost sad expression on her face. Sasha thought it looked unnatural on her, when she was usually so…smiley.

Just as he thought that, she noticed him, and gave him the bright smile he was used to seeing. “Ah, hello, Agent Nein!”

They both stopped on the same floating pad, just two away from the parking lot in front of the lab. “Good morning, Agent Vodello. Nice to see you.”

“You, too!” She looked positively giddy, clapping her hands together in front of her. “It’s been far too long since we’ve talked - we should get coffee sometime and chat!”

Sasha adjusted his sunglasses, taking that in. He knew that her words were the universal expression of we’ll probably never spend time together again, but said in the nicest way possible. Which was a bit disappointing, but at least he wouldn’t get his hopes up. “Yes…of course. Some time when we’re both free.”

Agent Vodello smiled and waved at him as she levitated away - he watched her for a half-second before turning to focus entirely on the lab. Where his focus was supposed to be.

He stepped through the annoying security room and found himself standing across from Otto Mentallis’ familiar face - the older psychic was alone at his desk, tinkering with something small.

“Agent Mentallis.”

“Ah, Sasha!” Otto smiled and waved him over. “This is a real change of pace - my last visitor was a very lively young woman.”

Sasha chose not to take that as an insult. “I assume you’re referring to Agent Vodello.”

“Yes, that’s her!” The older man stood up and stretched, cracking his back. “Talkative, charming. Pretty, too, don’t you think?”

At that question, Sasha pulled out a cigarette and quickly lit it, enjoying the calm it brought his nerves. “...it would be pointless to pretend otherwise.”

Otto laughed loudly and sharply, surprising the younger agent who stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “I always appreciate how predictable you are, honestly. It makes me feel like I’ve got a good handle on this place. Now what’d you come down here for?”

“I…was interested in how your latest project is going,” Sasha answered, ignoring the other comments. He could genuinely never tell if Agent Mentallis was purposefully trying to get under his skin, or if the man simply didn’t pay attention to some of the things that came out of his mouth. “Have you made much progress?”

“Ahhh…my Distilled Emotions series. No, not particularly.” Otto put a hand to his chin and glanced to the side, where he had scribbles and scratch marks all over the pages of an open notebook. “I’m still interested in the idea, but…it’s slow-going. Nothing has seemed to work so far. But I’m not giving up just yet!”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Sasha stuffed his hands into his pockets, lit cigarette floating near his head. “If there’s any way I could assist…”

“Not with this one, I don’t think. Not yet, at least! I’ll let you know when I make a breakthrough worth talking about.” The older man paused for a moment, glaring at his wall of gadgets both finished and unfinished, then he grabbed one item to show it off. “Did I show you my new Otto-shot Camera?”

“You did not.” Sasha eyed the camera suspiciously - he didn’t have much need for taking photographs, but he was curious to know how it differed from a normal camera. “What does it do?”

“What doesn’t it do would be a better question!” Otto held it up proudly. “You can use it to…well - take photos! But it also has fun filters and can detect hard-to-find figments inside someone’s mind…it’s very helpful.”

Sasha didn’t think any of that sounded particularly useful to him, though he supposed there was no downside to help in collecting figments. “This seems like it would be better suited for someone like Agent Vodello,” he commented dryly, not really thinking about any unintended meaning to his words.

Otto, however, seemed to find that comment very interesting, considering the suspicious smirk that came over his face as soon as Sasha mentioned the lively, pretty young woman again.

Sasha frowned at the older man’s expression.

“You know what, Sasha, you’re absolutely right. She seems very photogenic - perhaps you could bring this to her and she can test it for me!” Otto said, wolfish smile never leaving his face.

Confused, Sasha reached out and took the camera out of his hands. He wasn’t an idiot - he could see Agent Mentallis was trying to imply something untoward and he didn’t understand how acknowledging her existence would justify that. “What are you doing?” he asked uncomfortably.

“Me? I’m just trying to be efficient with my time!” Otto answered innocently, holding his hands up in the air. “I’m an old man, Sasha. You can't expect me to go back and forth to the Motherlobe all willy-nilly.”

Sasha held the camera tighter in his hands. Though Agent Mentallis’ explanation made sense, they'd spent enough time together that Sasha knew he was lying. He didn't understand why Agent Mentallis felt it necessary to make those types of jokes, but it certainly wasn't the first time nor would it be the last.

“...alright. I'll bring it to her,” Sasha said hesitantly. “But I don’t see her often, so don’t expect results anytime soon.”

“Sure, sure. Whenever. I'm in no rush!”

Sasha made his way out of the workshop, feeling a bit like he'd wasted his time. He liked Agent Mentallis and really enjoyed working with the man on machines and gadgets, but Agent Mentallis also had the unfortunate habit of implying that Sasha needed to socialize with people his own age. On more than one occasion, he'd even told Sasha to go get a life!

But Sasha did have a life. He felt extremely comfortable as he was currently living, even if he didn't have many friends. He'd spent the last seven years building himself a career and a reputation amongst the Psychonauts that he wouldn't trade for anything. And those years of focus and discipline had given him the strength and understanding to work through difficulties from his youth. There was no amount of socializing with a beautiful woman that would have any such impact.

Or a not-beautiful woman.

Or anyone, really.

He took a step closer to the Motherlobe and took another drag of his cigarette. It felt like he was breaking some sort of unspoken rule by acknowledging Agent Vodello’s charm. He could only blame Otto for implanting the thought in his mind. But it wasn’t inappropriate to recognize that she was pretty. She clearly took pride in her appearance - she wore makeup, styled her hair, looked at herself in mirrors anytime she noticed one. But Sasha felt still like he was doing something wrong.

As he entered the Motherlobe, Sasha’s eyes were immediately drawn to the woman of the hour - she had started to wear more colorful clothes after getting settled in the new job, and her style tended to include bright colors, which made her especially noticeable.

More than that, though, she was levitating alongside Grand Head Zanotto, and they were headed towards the Nerve Center.

Obviously they were going to talk about something important. Sasha had no reason to interrupt, especially when all he had to give her was Agent Mentallis’ strange new camera. So he made his way back to his office. Sasha had recently completed a short recon mission and still needed to write up his report - there was plenty of work to do that didn't involve anyone else.

He got about fifteen minutes into his report - which meant it was almost done, since the mission had been fairly simple - when he felt a telepathic prodding in the back of his mind.

“Sasha, can you come up to my office? I need your assistance.”

He pouted and adjusted his sunglasses, curious what Grand Head Zanotto needed from him. Especially after he just met with Agent Vodello - Sasha anxiously wondered if she'd complained about him for some reason. Maybe she felt he'd been staring at her and was uncomfortable. Or perhaps Agent Mentallis said something out-of-turn.

“Be right there,” Sasha responded, telepathically reaching back.

Paperwork forgotten, Sasha tried not to feed his paranoia as he made his way to the Grand Head’s office. It was unlikely that Agent Vodello had filed a complaint about him. And it was even more unlikely that Agent Mentallis being inappropriate would lead to Sasha being called in for a talk.

He didn't really have a guess as to the purpose of this meeting, so he supposed he had no choice but to wait and find out.

Upon reaching the Grand Head’s office, Sasha turned to levitate over the water fixture when he heard two familiar voices talking. He was immediately confused and very curious why he’d been brought in when the previous meeting hadn’t ended yet.

“Ah, there he is!”

Sasha landed a few feet in front of the Grand Head’s desk when the older man smiled at him, and Camilla turned around with a matching smile on her face.

“Two times in one day! What a treat!” she said with a little wink.

Sasha took another drag from his cigarette and nodded at her, then looked up at the Grand Head. “You needed me for something…?”

“Not me, exactly. Agent Vodello here has been struggling with some of her psychic powers and I thought you could give her some one-on-one training since you’re not on any assignments right now,” Grand Head Zanotto answered quickly, repeatedly glancing down at the clock on his desk.

“Oh.”

Camilla looked embarrassed and ran her fingers through her hair. “I haven’t had much opportunity to practice certain things and he mentioned you right away,” she said with a chuckle. “I hope it’s not a bother.”

“No, not at all,” Sasha answered, adjusting his sunglasses slightly. “I always have time to help a fellow Psychonaut.”

She smiled again - a particularly bright and charming smile that made Sasha grab his cigarette once more - and then stood up. Sasha had forgotten how tall she was. Though he was still taller than her, it was only by an inch or two. He was used to towering over the average person; it was a nice change of pace.

“That’s great to hear, Sasha!” Grand Head Zanotto was looking through some papers on his desk while he spoke. “The new classroom is finished if you two want to check it out while you train! Or go wherever. Doesn’t matter. Just let me or Agent Forsythe know if you need anything!”

They exited his office and started walking through the Nerve Center, ignoring the dozen Psychonauts levitating all over the room and chatting about anything under the sun.

Sasha noticed Agent Forsythe staring curiously at the two of them walking together and he couldn’t stop himself from smoking again.

“You smoke quite a bit,” Camilla commented.

“It’s been more than usual lately,” he responded as they exited the Nerve Center and made their way into the lobby. “Good for calming my nerves.”

There was a bit of hesitation before Agent Vodello spoke again. “I hope I’m not causing you more stress, I’m sure Truman could ask someone else if you’re busy!”

Sasha turned towards her, one eyebrow raised. “It has nothing to do with you,” he lied, having realized in the past hour that his urge to smoke increased every time Camilla’s looks or charm were mentioned around him. Or anytime she said something especially friendly. There was just something about her - Agent Mentallis wasn’t wrong when he called her pretty, but she was more than just pretty. She was show-stoppingly gorgeous. And she made Sasha feel nervous in ways he wasn’t quite used to. He’d been around plenty of beautiful people, but Camilla had a glow around her like no other. She lit up every room she was in like she harnessed the light of the sun itself. “I can’t pinpoint exactly what it’s related to, but I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“I hope so,” Camilla responded, glancing around the newly updated wing of the Motherlobe. “I haven’t been over here yet,” she said unprompted, spinning around as she levitated.

“I haven’t either.” Sasha watched her for a moment, then turned to take in the new hallway layout. “I suppose Agent Forsythe’s new office will go back here, then.”

She’d poked her head into the new classroom as he spoke - the room was finished being built a week or two ago and was still being filled with the appropriate furniture. So it looked a little empty. Not that it mattered, since the training would all be in Sasha’s head.

“We’ll be training here?” she asked curiously.

Sasha levitated past her and into the room, stopping in front of a set of chairs that had been left in the center of the floor. He pulled a small, colorful door out of his jacket pocket and let it hover above his hand. “I think we’ll cause less damage if we go into my mind.”

“Oh!” Camilla quickly joined him by the chairs. “I didn’t even consider that.”

“Have you…been inside someone else’s mind before?” he asked a little hesitantly, not sure where she was at in her training.

“Truman let me visit his mind not long after he visited mine.” She answered carefully, not making eye contact while she spoke. “It wasn’t for very long, though. I was still…working on some things.”

Sasha nodded, not knowing the specifics but understanding the gist. “I suppose you don’t have your own door, then.”

“I was actually just talking to Agent Mentallis about that!” Camilla answered. “He promised to make mine nice and sparkly.” She chuckled, then reached out to touch the edge of Sasha’s door. “Yours is beautiful. I wouldn’t have expected so many colors!”

He grabbed his cigarette and took one last drag, happy to get his money’s worth by smoking the stick as far as it could go. “Yes. Well. My mind is certainly not as colorful.”

She giggled at that response and took a seat in one of the chairs, brushing invisible dust off her dress and sitting up as straight as possible. “I’m ready when you are, Agent Nein.”

Sasha followed suit and took the seat across from her. He placed the small door on his forehead, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and waited for the welcome intruder to find her way inside. He remembered his first time entering someone’s mind through a door - that person was Otto Mentallis, and that man’s mind was a disorganized mess. It’d given Sasha hives just walking through it, and encouraged him to keep his own mind as clean and organized as possible.

For himself, sure. But also for future guests.

A minute later and he was greeted by the sight of Camilla Vodello levitating around one side of his specifically crafted block of a mindscape.

“Now this is more what I expected,” she said thoughtfully.

He wondered if she meant that literally - that she’d been thinking about him and wondering what his mind looked like - but quickly shook that off. He was usually a master of controlling his thoughts and focusing…Agent Vodello just so happened to throw him off-balance. He needed to get a handle on that.

He adjusted his sunglasses, wondering when his censors would start to arrive. “Which powers would you like to work on?”

“I’m not the best at PSI-Blasting,” she admitted sheepishly. “Or connecting thoughts.”

“My mind is an excellent space for working on your Marksmanship skills,” Sasha responded. “I can set up some thoughts for you to connect, though we’ll have to put them back when we’re done.”

“Of course!” Camilla smiled at him, hands clasped behind her back. “I wouldn’t want to change your opinions like that.” She started to levitate, as she often did, and then went exploring around to another side of Sasha’s mind cube. She didn’t react much to anything - considering how clean Sasha kept it, he wasn’t surprised.

But then she let out a low “oh, hello!” and Sasha mentally focused on her to see what she was doing.

She was watching one of his memory vaults jumping around, making little noises at it as if she was speaking to a dog. It was strange, to say the least. Sasha levitated the vision of himself in his mind towards her to observe it closer.

He recognized which vault it was immediately. “You can open it if you’d like,” he said as he continued to watch her try to pet it. “Especially if you haven’t looked into a memory vault before. It’s a very unique experience.”

“Truman asked me not to look at his,” Camilla answered, reaching down to lightly scratch the memory vault. “Are you sure? If it’s too much, I can-”

“It’s fine.” He meant it, too.

She held eye contact for another moment, just in case he showed any sign of hesitation at all, then reached down and gently pet the memory vault on its head. It made a happy noise and then laid down and opened up for her, which Sasha thought was interesting. Usually he’d smack them or use telekinesis to hold them steady - he’d never watched someone coax one so gently before.

Agent Vodello spent a minute staring at the inside of the vault, and Sasha felt a voyeuristic discomfort from watching her do so. He didn’t have much of a choice, though, whether he stared at her directly or just felt her presence in his mind.

Eventually she stood up, a solemn look on her face. It wasn’t like he was the only person in the world who lost their mother at a young age, but he supposed he could’ve warned her.

She levitated over to him without saying a word, and before Sasha could open his mouth - her arms were suddenly wrapped around his neck and she was pressed up against him.

He didn’t know what to do. So he just stood there, completely stiff and still, until she backed away.

“I’m so sorry, Sasha,” she said softly, her hands held together in front of her chest. “She seemed like a wonderful person.”

Still a bit shaken by the hug, Sasha was frozen for a moment before finally shaking his head and reaching up to adjust his sunglasses. He needed a cigarette again. “I…yes, she was. Thank you for saying so.”

Camilla smiled at him and reached forward, placing one of her hands against his arm. “If you ever want to talk, I’d be happy to listen.”

The amount of affection he was receiving was a little overwhelming for Sasha, and he stared down at her hand for a few seconds before awkwardly clearing his throat and lightly shaking his head. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m fine. It was quite a long time ago.” He felt like he could breathe easier as she pulled her hand away. “Let’s focus on why we’re here - my censors should be showing up any moment now.”

They spent over an hour training in Sasha’s mind - blasting censors with blastokinesis, tossing censors at one another using telekinesis, slowing down time and watching the confusion cross the censors’ faces…it was fun, if he was being honest with himself. Sasha hadn’t had an opportunity to just blow off some steam inside his mind in several months.

One moment that he filed away for later was when he asked Camilla about pyrokinesis. She shook her head and claimed that fire just wasn’t her thing, so they moved on without it. But he was unfortunately quite curious about that. Was she in an accident that involved fire?

Or perhaps she just wasn’t confident at controlling it.

Either way, the subject seemed sensitive and he didn’t know her well enough to ask.

She blasted another small censor and took a deep breath before stretching out her arms and falling back, landing with a thud and closing her eyes.

Sasha levitated over and stood next to her, staring down at the serene look on her face. “Are you alright?”

“Just tired, darling, very tired,” she mumbled in response.

He felt his cheeks heat up slightly, not sure why she’d just called him that. Was she thinking about someone else? Was she so tired that she’d lost her verbal self control? “I…um,” he started, wanting to say something about it. But she looked very peaceful and unconcerned with her own words, it almost felt rude to say something. “...we can leave, if you’d like.”

She sighed again, opening her eyes to stare back at him. Then she smiled. “That sounds nice. I’m supposed to meet with Kim for lunch soon.”

Sasha hoped he didn’t look as embarrassed as he felt. The combination of that nickname and the smile she just gave him made him feel like there were angry butterflies trying to break out of his stomach. “If that can wait a little longer, I actually have something for you in my office.”

Camilla levitated back to a standing position and tilted her head - staring at him like he’d said something crazy. “...you do?”

He glanced away from her, feeling suddenly self-conscious. “Yes, um. Well, it’s from Agent Mentallis. A device he thought you might like to test for him.”

Her eyes widened and brightened at that, and Camilla grabbed her smelling salts and quickly made her way out of Sasha’s mind. When he opened his eyes again in the classroom, she was already standing and ready to go.

“This is the first time Agent Mentallis has thought of me for something like this!” she said excitedly, clapping her hands together in front of her. “What is it?”

Sasha stood up with her and started making his way out of the room. “You shouldn’t get too excited. It’s a camera. A…psychic camera.”

Camilla followed him, floating the whole way. “A psychic camera?”

“He, um…thought you could test it out for him. Take photos of…” Sasha paused, not sure if it would be weird to suggest she take photographs of herself. But that was the implication, wasn’t it? “...anything. It can apparently help you find figments in people’s minds.”

She smiled, though there was a look on her face that seemed more confused than excited. “I did enjoy collecting figments in Truman’s mind. Still, it seems a bit random.”

“Agent Mentallis mentioned something about you being, um…” Sasha reached into his pocket and grabbed a new cigarette, needing it desperately. “Photogenic.”

Camilla laughed and levitated ahead of him. She’d only been to his office once before, but it wasn’t difficult to remember the way there. “It’s not the first time an older man has said something like that about me, I suppose.”

Sasha suddenly felt mortified on her behalf. He stood still, the aquarium lighting up the left side of his face while his newly-lit cigarette lit up the right. “I’ll talk to him. He shouldn’t make comments like that. It’s not appropriate.”

She turned around and had an amused smile on her face. “I like photogenic, actually.” She paused in front of Sasha’s office door, waiting for him to catch up. “It’s kind of nice.”

Sasha decided that he would still say something to Agent Mentallis, whether she wanted him to or not. If he didn’t, the older man was guaranteed to continue making little comments or suggestions or implications and Sasha Nein was not a man who enjoyed being teased or watching his coworker be teased. Especially when there was nothing to be teased about! So he stepped past Camilla, let his office door open, and quickly used telekinesis to grab the camera and bring it over.

“Ohh, it’s cute!” she said with a smile. “Perhaps Kim will let me take photos of her, too.”

He grabbed one side of his sunglasses with his thumb and middle finger, adjusting them slightly. Again. “Don’t feel any obligation to do this right away. Agent Mentallis tends to jump from one project to another very quickly.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Agent Vodello levitated the camera into her surprisingly spacious purse and then glanced at her watch. “I should go meet with Kim now. But I’d love to train more tomorrow if you’re free?”

Sasha raised a single eyebrow. “Um…yes, I’m free. Should we meet in the classroom again at 11?”

“Yes, that’s perfect!” She hopped up, back to levitating as she liked to do. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow, darling!”

She quickly exited his office and left Sasha with the same question he’d had earlier about her use of the term darling. After that second instance, he couldn’t use the excuse that she was tired or delusional. But…it was strange, wasn’t it? The last person in his life who’d called him anything close to darling was his mother, though it admittedly felt quite different coming from Agent Vodello. He wondered if there was a possibility she just talked like that and he hadn’t paid enough attention to notice before. There were a few Psychonauts at the Motherlobe who frequently used slang that Sasha didn’t understand, so…that would certainly make more sense than anything else.

He took a deep breath and decided to move on. There was no use lingering on such a simple little thing.

#sashamilla #psychonauts #sasha nein #milla vodello #truman zanotto #otto mentallis #science party #lunchtime yoga #carro fics #carrofics

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