#yk we're all in this together
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aklfdja;klsjd je blague mais watching and remembering all those collective like songs n stuff 'known' persons did during the lockdown got me thinking myb we need another pandemic lmaoooo
#im not talking specifically abt imagine leave me out of ur small close minded world#cloud nonsense#there's this french song where they said there's no race or religion to be in quarantine#yk we're all in this together#n it's like beautiful paroles#mais a la fois u realize#like#yeah#when diff races n religion come to play#we're no longer all in this together we no longer care#sigh#n i mean let's be real im not even tlking abt the fact tht these ppl are quite financially comfortable or anything like tht#but we werent even all in it together during the pandemic lockdown#bc there were the conspiracy theorists the no masks wearers the anti vaxers etc#like ah#but at least there was the illusion of solidarity ok#sigh sigh sigh
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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you know despite what my posting would suggest im actually very interpersonally functional
#we're going to erev rosh hashanah together. it's not super long and i want moral support for the first time i go to a new temple anyway#and then whatever subset of kol nidre and yk i can like. personally endure without getting upset#so that's all fine#box opener#usually i just do all this verbally over about ten minutes make a decision and then never think about it again#however sometimes i am not in a position to get immediate interlocutor feedback#and that's when i start blogging.
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when you have no spoons to really hang out with anyone, but not hanging out with anyone means you have to hang out with yourself and... that is sometimes worse 😔
#i wish it was possible to exist in friends' presence in person but also maybe. type. instead of talk.#not all the time! bc i love hearing friends' voices and giggling. but sometimes the talking energy just isn't in me.#sometimes i wanna sprawl on a couch with someone with our legs touching bc contact is nice but we're doing our own thing.#i wanna go on a drive with someone going nowhere in particular and grab fast food and quietly people watch from our car.#i wanna floortime in the dark with someone and listen to music or a podcast together.#touching and present but comfy in the silence if silence is most needed/wanted.#i want to be a cat kinda person with a cat kinda person yk
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ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc
#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this#i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space#together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her#i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she#s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked#each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks#and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically#falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her#and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways#literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are#and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk#but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward#it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible#i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn#sorry for this.#film girl saga
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talked to school bestie 2 hours on phone god im out of breath with my chest hurting but it so worth the talk
#she was so patient with me listening about bcg#like i do not talk anyone about my relationship because why would i#but i talk to her and everything related to him flows out naturally#because she's know me since i was 9 and we've gone through all these years together knowing each other's personality like no ones#and ofc i didn't start out of nowhere she really wanted to know she said this is serious for us#and i giggled because yes all the times ranting to each other about silly crushes but this is a serious thing#and i could let her know everything and she was so patient so listening towards me#so considerate so tender i almost wanted to say how i miss seeing her face everyday and talking shit until we're both panting with all the#talking#i miss her being in her life actively#god im so grateful for her#she understands me so much not to mention she knows parts of me better than me#i need to let her know next time this everything i mean i have couple of times but yk#im so full of emotions rn
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i am so weak for my wife its not even funny 😩
#all xe has to do is look at me and i am washed with waves of calmness and tender love#hir hugs fix the worst of moods#literally cant keep my lips shut around her sometimes 😩#she just makes me feel so safe yk? im really happy to have zir in my life#and I'm really really happy i get to spend most days with them yk#it's tight living together in a 1br with 2 cats but also like. im immensely grateful for the life we have because we're doing it together#LMAO sorry im sappy i just had a big explosion abt some feelings
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You know, something I can't stop thinking about is the way 911 is trying to show us that Eddie is as comfortable in Buck's place as Buck is at his. Like, we knew he had a key, presumably since when Buck moved into the place, but most times we've seen Eddie in the loft before this season there was a crisis: Buck was down over the blood thinners, Eddie is feeling bad because Chris was fighting with him, Chim just punched Buck. I'm pretty sure the only somewhat casual thing that happened between them at the loft was the "you wanna go for the title" but even then, there was a crisis, considering Eddie's fight club era and Buck's guilt over the whole thing. But then this season they made a point of putting both Eddie and Christopher at ease over at Buck's, they are playing games while Buck makes them dinner, they are hanging out after picking Chris up from school. And I think that's very interesting in showing the balance between their connection. It's not heavier in any end. None of them is asking for more space than the other is giving, Buck is as comfortable with Eddie as Eddie is with Buck. All around.
#and i think that's beautiful#i feel like we collectively latched onto this ''Eddie's place is home‚ the loft is just a place'' and while i think that's cool#i feel like having both places feeling like home is so interesting#cause it drives the point: home is wherever we're together#and it makes everything better yk.#its required all around#911#911 spoilers#buddie#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#anna watches 911#buddie thoughts
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out-of-context quotes from our last dnd session:
"stoned at the mining camp" (my current nickname in the party discord)
"the clucklefucks" (my most recent contribution to our quotes channel)
#morrigan.text#morrigan plays dnd#campaign: balance of the elements#''the clucklefucks'' is so stupid but I can't stop laughing about it.#I was SO PROUD of myself for coming up with it#honestly it makes a good alternate party name#since our real party name (bad omens) sounds WAY too put together for our pathetic group of fuck-ups.#but bad omens is also SUPER fitting because it's actually a reference to not one but TWO in-game in-character things.#and we're really proud of that#the funny thing is that the rest of the party picked the name for one reason but I thought they picked it for another.#and neither of us remembered the other's reason.#so it really is perfect.#plus yk. we are bad omens#wherever we go shit goes down.#and no one can tell if we follow the shit or the shit follows us.#I think it's a bit of both.#but mainly the latter#especially since we're the subject of a prophecy and one party member is the ex-husband of a cult leader and we made a deal with the void.#not to mention the rest of the party's various connections to important people and events and all-around trouble.
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there's only two things on this godless fuck of an earth i care about and one of them is kazumaji and the other is minedai which means half the time i am eating well and thriving and living my best life and the other half of the time i am clinging to your blog like a lifebuoy and devouring anything even slightly minedai related i see so what i'm saying is thank you for existing and doing what you do, it keeps me sane
my god you really are starving i'm so sorry my sweet summer child i'll do my best to take care of you. very happy to have you around Very Joyed to hear i can keep you afloat my brother
#snap chats#just posted a minedai fic so i mean. if pwp your speed go have fun go check that out LMAO#NO BUT REAL IF YALL LIKE MINEDAI BUT ARE LIKE. /ALSO/ 'PICKY' LIKE ME WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER#despite minedai technically being one of the more popular ships in RGG its just... not really portrayed in a way i like#i could just be really particular tho cause there are minedai fics i absolutely love to bits#tbh it just the n/sfw thats never done in a way that i like BUT that's why we learn to cook yk cooking's a life skill#gotta make what you like <-- cannot write for his life#like Truly most of the sfw minedai fics i read i love so much theyre so cute and lovely or hit me in just the right way#otherwise tho there really is not. minedai stuff huh#like there IS and i am also slorping and sucking on the crumbs but yeah compared to kazumaji uhhh good luck LMAOOOOO#JPN twitter comes in clutch tho they keep /me/ fed.. love the art over there so much UGH i bust at 6AM#and anon my dear im so sorry you gotta see my cringe msada| postings when i do them. unless you got that tag blocked then gg AHA#very unfortunate the western freak makin a bulk of minedai stuff is also cringe very sad day we're all mournful about it#i do love minedai tho. theyre special to me.. i feel immensely about them..#ok i have to speedrun my morning jesus christ i have to drive two hours back to school uuGHHHGH I DONT WANNAAAA#I HATE DRIVING DRIVING SUCKS
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i just came out to a real life person and i think im having a heart attack
#IT WAS SO UNPLANNED I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT ALL I DIDN'T EVWN THINK WE WERW FRIENDS??#she lives in the building next to mine and we go to tui together to divide the auto fare and we've been walking home 2-3 dino se#and she likes kpop and kdramas#but like there isn't that Spark yk like oh ny god i love u best friends forever its a little awkward and formal still#but we were talking about something and oh my god#when we reached home we were standing uski building ke neeche and she was like i want to introduce you to my childhood bestie i think you#two will like each other#and i was like kinda weirded out like um are we that close yet i thought we were just classmates 😭😭#so i asked ki oh why all of a sudden#and she's like 'i like you' and i look at her and laugh and she said STOP LAUGHING i don't meant it like that im straight ok#and idk something in me snapped i was like oh are u homophobic too?#but pls she didn't know what it meant 😭 so i explained ki do u hate gay people then#she said no no ofc not SO I JUST BLURTED OUT KI good cause im bisexual#THE SHOCK ON HER FACE OMG im saying this now in freaking out now but at that time i said it really coolly and proudly without fumbling#my voice didn't drop down to a low volume or waver or anything (which im so proud bc she's like the first irl person ive come out to face#to face??????? i mean obv childhood friends don't count they're all gay#but anyway she was like OH and then SHE FUMBLED she was like oh nice i respect u very much and it was so awkward i was like haan haan shut#up just don't tell anyone very few ppl know 😭and she wasn't done she was like so as i was saying#we're growing old and real good friendships are getting harder to find and i like you (stop laughing!!) and i hope we don't jinx it#and she literally touched a wooden table lying there and said touchwood???? 😭😭😭😭😭#now i am thinking why did i tell her she's so extroverted she talks to everyone we go to the same tui this town is tiny#she could tell everyone my parents could find out#but also a part of me is relieved cause im so sick of hiding something that is such a small yet imp part of me#and if she tells everyone then cool maybe there'll be more queer people i can't ve the only queer person in this town and we could be#friends and my parents eh they'd never believe something like that they'll ask me if it's true and ill say nah just rumors dumb kids#and they'll believe me because they'll want to believe me so bad#so no harm#i still don't feel very bestfriendy with her but maybe my standards are too high 😭 idk ig i can't see myself being friends with her#for a long time if we weren't forced by circumstances and i don't like her that much but im happy i got to say it#literally said it omg 'kyunki main hu. bisexual' FUCK THAT FELT GOOD
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resident favorite mutual if i picked favorites but i obviously don't <3 u are incredibly kind and sweet and funny and u have wonderful taste in media and i dont just say that because our tastes overlap so much its almost scary. i havent been utilizing our psychic connection enough to tell u i love u but I!!! LOVE U !!!! forever thankful that my depression spiral last year sent me to this side of tumblr where i met u <3
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOEV YOU!!!!
anonymously tell me what you think of me
#can you believe we're coming up on one whole year of mutualship#that's one whole year of freaking out about benvi together and swapping couch theory posts and going insane in the gc and#screaming about each other's wips and all that other good stuff <3#ily i can't wait to see what 2024 has in store for us!!#answered#anon#<- well yk#nice messages
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unfortunately very brainrotting about zosan on this beautiful day
#actually fortunately yk what yeah fuckit#btw i'm really unhappy with like .. the attitude toward ships in the OP circles ive seen -_- guys can we b normal please#although ilove zs like . literally every other ship is also cool and i can see the appeal even though its not my personal fav ?#also very Very surprised people r acting like. they all wouldnt have some of the ships mixed in together .... theyre all close friends they#all love each other :((( <3#can we um maybe not be annoyed about this stuff since we're all just having a good time making silly guys fall in love ty ty#anyway imposting more stuff soon im just like Moving Right Now LOL#d.txt
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40 mil is the highest points i've had for gw ever tbh so i am proud of myself so far <3 also !! almost rank 175 >;D
anyways hi just small update/rambles uhm. i've been more productive w school but also school ew !!! and 6.3 is so fucking soon holy shit i am not ready at all & i hope this week i can finally start omori and/or p4g <33
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#still obsessed w p5. ALSO mcr music is so slay AND uh yeah that's mostly it. rlly obsessed w buncha kinds of rock music rn#i looooove rock <3 rock and orchestra are my favorite genres (i'm kinda into all kinds of music tho fr!) hehe <33#i love my fire team now tbh. like. nemone & athena together is perfect imo and i'm glad i realized that a long time ago already#but woa me w having both michael and percival is absolutely amazing hehe#arghhhhhhh ... i wna play nier vv badly but i need to wait for lune yeah ? but anyways in reincarnation i have all the automata characters#which i'm vv glad about >;)) 9s refused to come home months ago but now he has and heheheheh i love him#tbh it's so hard to manage my time now bcs on saturdays i'm busy and then sundays should be my rest but we often go out as rest ??#and i like it but also my gaming time and writing time and whatever time is lowkey a big Rest In Peace <//3#I LOV MY FRIENDS but i haven't properly talked to. quite literally ANYONE for a bit now i'm so sorry#unless they approach me first somewhere that isnt social media of any sort or i've seen them irl bcs of school or yk my family or class#ive fixed my sched quite a lot but also there's still a lot to improve !! by the end of january i hope that i'm happy w my sched then <3#okay small update OVER !! today was a pretty good day so far tbh uh. like bad shit happened but strangely i'm all okay !! <33#like uhh ive been a bit more active in class and actually reciting more! i am usually vv shy and only just comment my answers if ever#BUT YEAH !!! and there was smth that was supposed to happen and my class forgot so i reminded them. and we're like 30 in class#okay rambles OVER !! im anxious still to open my notifs sorry i cant explain why bcs idk how but yeah. uh. if you want to contact me#for anything IDK HOW YOU SHOULD TBH. SORRY. but yeah !!! probably ask for my sideblog for mutuals ??#but tbh i havent checked that in a bit too and just ramble sometimes. SORRY......
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Say something
trying to prove a point. no nuance to this answer just say yes or no.
#prev yeah all of that#has it been established that it's like my treat bc if so obviously not but like when i buy food for people#it's usually ordering delivery with my siblings and it's understood that i'm just the one doing the ordering and paying the delivery fee so#they pay me back. bc i'm not buying food for them we're buying food together yk.#polls#tumblr#lesbian#ink#mensfashion#menswear#sugar#bbygrl#my bby <3
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ugh
#cryptic ramblings#in the tags#every gd time i think/talk abt my celebrity crush i feel like i sound like some creepy stalker fan 😭😭#but very genuinely my crush is like. 'we dont have class together but i think youre cute and seem interesting. id like to get to know you-#'-would you like to go out sometime?'#like i keep comparing it to anime bc thts the main place i see it happen tbh (esp bc im usually a friends-first kinda person w crushes)#like in my mind im like 'based on what ive seen i think we could be pretty compatible personality-wise!!'#n then i pull back n im like dude. i sound like a stalker or smthn idk#i just wanna know what the guy's like when hes not On for the cameras yk?? (and again my brain goes 'thats some stalker shit')#(but its also like. im not going out of my way to find things abt him?? like im not tryna look up where hes living rn or anything like that#(all i know abt him is the stuff ive heard him talk abt in the (v few)#interviews ive seen of his)#so id like to THINK im not a stalker#but it feels like the fact that this celebrity crush is essentially just 'a crush that so happens to be on a celebrity' makes me seem so...#parasocial?? like Actually?? but also im not like. under the assumption that like. we're bonded or connected or whatever#plus like. i myself am a performer/actor just by no means in any way as professional as him (but id LOVE to be a professional ykwim??)#so im kinda like 'oh we're peers but at different points in our careers' on some level (but i also know THATS kinda nothing...)#ugh idk idk ive just been thinking abt it a lot n i wanted to get that off my chest lol#i would not mind thoughts n opinions on the matter in my dms 👀 i just feel sooo 😖😖😖 and anyways ive been on my lunch break too long#post over
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