#yes i post other things than keanu reeves | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

britesparc · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 54 times in 2022

51 posts created (94%)

3 posts reblogged (6%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wilwheaton

@1980sactionfigures

I tagged 51 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#top ten - 49 posts

#movies - 18 posts

#games - 13 posts

#tv - 9 posts

#gaming - 9 posts

#mcu - 8 posts

#films - 8 posts

#marvel - 7 posts

#star wars - 6 posts

#comics - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 109 characters

#look i could have gone with as in being born but i sort of did that in the intro so what else did you expect

My Top Posts in 2022:

Weekend Top Ten #534

Top Ten Tom Cruise Films

So we return once again to the well of Listing an Actor’s Fillums. I quite like doing this, although I do wonder if it’s just going to show up glaring gaps in my film knowledge because I haven’t seen, say, Born on the Fourth of July. But anyway! Let’s plough on!

Tom Cruise, what a guy, eh? One of these genuinely larger-than-life actors, not just a movie star but a force of nature – the living manifestation of destiny, if you will. He’s legitimately good – Oscar-worthy – but he also has with him an aura of other-worldliness. Frankly, what he does seems not just impossible, but, like, implausible. He could make movies without jumping off things. He really could! It’s true! Adam Sandler manages it. But Cruise still does all these crazy things; he can’t fight like Iko Uwais or Donnie Yen – or even Keanu Reeves – but he still manages to pull off scenes that are just insane to behold. His films are events, and even if he’s making sequels to a beloved franchise, really the franchise is Tom Cruise Films.

So he’s a cool, charismatic leading man, with genuine acting chops, who somehow manages to always one-up himself in terms of a unwavering commitment to physically and mentally taxing stunt work (including, let’s not forget, flying jets for real in Top Gun: Maverick). But at the same time he tends to operate at this level of remove. We can’t fault him for his desire for privacy, but even setting aside specifics, he approaches everything with an almost messianic zeal and rictus grin that is, for some, off-putting. Whatever attributes he has – and to be clear, I like him a lot as an actor – he’s not really in that warm and fuzzy Tom Hanks zone, or even the nice-guy action hero mode of, say, Christ Hemsworth (I’m leaving that typo in because I have decided now that Jesus looks like this). He’s like this Hollywood monolith, immense and fascinating but also, in a funny way, alien and unrelatable. He does impossible things for odd reasons but they also, for the most part, turn out to be really, really great.

And here are my ten favourite films of his.

A Few Good Men (1992): oooh, an Aaron Sorkin film tops the list, big surprise David. But this really is an all-timer. A superb – superb – script, fantastically orchestrated by Rob Reiner at the height of his powers, a cast to die for, and Cruise at his best, channelling his two great attributes – cocky wankerism and earnest, soulful humanism – to weapons-grade effect.

The Mission: Impossible Franchise (1996-2024): gah, already I cheat. Yes, I don’t really see the point in splitting the franchise; there would probably be two or three separate films here otherwise. But Cruise’s performance as Ethan Hunt is probably the most iconic of his career, as he acts suave and cool whilst running up things or diving off them or clinging onto them. The variety of tones and styles and the increasingly bonkers stuntwork helps define a franchise that is going to be nearly thirty years old when Cruise finally bows out of it, and arguably has produced better films than Bond or Bourne. Oh, and for the record – with a re-watch sorely needed – I’d rank them Fallout, 1, Rogue, Ghost, 2, 3.

Rain Man (1988): arguably the hardest and most successful performance of his career, opposite Dustin Hoffman’s attention-sucking turn. Hoffman got all the plaudits back in the day, but Cruise’s slow-burn shift from, basically, entitled shit to empathetic and melancholy carer is beautifully, organically, realistically played out – and, I’d argue, has aged better.

Collateral (2004): Cruise has rarely played proper baddies (I’d love to see him in a Tarantino film), but he’s cool as ice here, with his salt-and-pepper do, coercing Jamie Foxx into driving him round an ice-cold pitch-black LA as he goes from kill to kill. A tense, gorgeous film, but a great performance from Cruise as the slick assassin.

Edge of Tomorrow (2014): cruise has an ease with charm and/or smarm, and often subverts it in interesting ways; such as the opening of this film, when he’s the slippery coward getting by on his flash and pomp. This gives way to earnest, hard-won heroism as the film progresses, but it’s a bold move; as is the trippy time-loop plot. Thoroughly underrated, this is probably the closest a Cruise film comes to “cult classic”.

Minority Report (2002): there’s a cold, aloof slickness to Spielberg’s direction in this one – lots of glass and lens flare and a desaturated palette – as Cruise’s grieving cop goes on the run. Cruise is very good at running, one of cinema’s all-time great runners, and he deploys that skill to fantastic effect here, managing to feel like the endangered everyman resorting to all manner of freaky sci-fi trickery to clear his name. Feels a little undersung, this one, despite its pedigree; those funky stun-guns deserve a lot of praise.

Magnolia (1999): a dense and complex ensemble of mixed emotions and varying degrees of tragedy, Cruise is shocking as the utterly hateful self-help guru preaching misogynistic bollocks to his crowds of arsehole followers. Yes, yes, we all remember his dialogue and all the swears, but it’s how his layers are gradually unpeeled by the plot that really hits home.

Jerry Maguire (1996): another case of Cruise undermining his own cool image, here as an agent in the midst of an existential crisis. He owns this film, carries it entirely, with a performance that is almost all outward bluster and internal angst, frantically struggling to keep above water. He utterly sells it, makes Jerry a compelling and convincing character, and I don’t care how cheesy it is, “you had me at hello” always makes me cry.

Tropic Thunder (2008): another shocking and surprising supporting turn from Cruise, here displaying comic chops we rarely see. His performance as an utterly awful mogul might have dated a bit, post-Weinstein, but it’s so completely out-there it has to be seen to be believed. In a film full of out-there stuff, it fits right in, and serves as an indication that Cruise has more range than he’s often given credit for.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999): a very strange and divisive film, I really love how Cruise’s intense, internalised doctor carries the narrative just by wandering round strange places, meeting strange people, and seeing some very strange things. It’s an entirely reactive performance with no show or bluster, very languid, almost serene; the calm centre in a storm of batshit intensity and soft porn shenanigans.

4 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

Weekend Top Ten #529

Top Ten Channel 4 Programmes

I’ve said this many times, but because I often like to tie these lists to things that are happening in the real world, or at least specific dates, it sometimes means that I shunt things around, or have a good idea but it has to get pushed back a bit to make room. So it was a couple of weeks ago, when The Powers That Be decided that for entirely partisan reasons, Channel 4 would be privatised. Like many others, I don’t think this is a good idea; Channel 4 has been home to some remarkable telly for the last thirty-odd years, and the way its funded and the way it develops programmes is not only special and unique, but it’s also specifically designed to foster and promote home-grown content (from the private sector, no less!). Quite simply, I can’t think of an economic or creative reason to privatise Channel 4, unless you stood to gain personally from its sale, or if you felt its exemplary news coverage would become more cowed and fearful under a corporate hand.

Hmmm.

Anyway, all this news has kind of blown over for a bit, as we focus once again on horrors abroad and righteous fury here at home. But it stuck with me, because I wanted to do something to celebrate, to praise Channel 4. For most of my life – certainly the bits where I think of me as me, which is to say from about the age of ten onwards – Channel 4 has been my favourite channel. It showed edgier stuff, funnier stuff; great home-grown comedies and quiz shows, awesome imported stuff. There was a while there where 6pm on a weeknight was almost guaranteed to give you some good stuff, and the whole “comedy from 9pm” thing on a Friday night was a reason to stay in when I was still too young to go out. They showed great films (hell, they made great films), they had interesting and provocative dramas, and – this is genuinely important – sometimes they were a bit rude.

More than just the quality of their programming, though, they shaped me, helped me foster my own identity. I very quickly gravitated towards Channel 4 and BBC2 as I entered my teens, finding interest and solace in the quirkier and edgier stuff they offered, away from the mainstream. Below you’ll find ten series that I adored, and that were hugely influential, and I’ll try to explain why; but beyond that, Channel 4 was a window to a wider world. I graduated from Roald Dahl to stuff like Michael Crichton and Stephen King almost overnight, I started reading Empire magazine, and I’d watch weird films on Channel 4, strange documentaries, programmes fronted by Jonathan Ross, who’d interview scabrous comedians I’d never heard of. It’s all wrapped up, for me, with discovering Quentin Tarantino and Kevin Smith, with hearing Jarvis Cocker and Nick Cave for the first time. Channel 4 was the gateway drug to adolescence, and I don’t know what that would be for kids nowadays. TikTok, presumably.

So here we go. Ten programmes from a fantastic channel. Oh, and by the way, they’ve got so much good stuff to choose from, that I’ve specifically isolated home-grown hits. Stuff commissioned (as far as I understand it) by Channel 4 themselves. Perhaps later I’ll do one about acquisitions and foreign imports, because the importance of watching US comedies on a Friday night can not be overstated. But that’s why Friends isn’t on the list.

Spaced (1999-2001): I came to this a little late, after it had wrapped up, but it immediately became an all-timer. Not just the way it nailed both late-nineties life (all videogames and X-Files posters), not just its depiction of early adulthood, and not just its hilarious scripts, full of clever wordplay, pop culture references, and great gags. It was the style of it all. There was ambition here exploding every which way, with young creatives who wanted to seize it all. it was unlike anything I’d seen on British TV, and in a way it still is; it’s sort of unsurprising that so many of its architects have gone on to be legitimate Hollywood talents, although it’ll always be weird for me to see Tim From Spaced stood next to Tom Cruise.

Vic Reeves Big Night Out (1990-91): “What’s at the end of the stick, Vic?!” Talk about stuff you’ve never seen before, this was a revelation. The most surreal, hilarious, and just plain daft comedy show imaginable; strange games, odd masks, glorious Teesside accents. I was immediately hooked on this weirdo done up like a fifties lounge singer and his strange compatriots, and I followed Vic and Bob avidly from that moment on. they might have refined the act in The Smell of… but its glorious, ramshackle origins were something to behold.

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace (2004): another one I didn’t see till later (quite a bit later, as it was introduced to me when I was at CITV) but blimey, what a good ‘un. Like Spaced, it’s astounding how well it was put together, the pitch-perfect spoof of cheesy eighties TV, of horror movies, of pulp horror; but also just the comedy, the silliness, the gags. In a way it was straighter than Spaced but also more arch, more surreal; moments like the bicycle chase are seared in my brain, lines like “I know writers who use subtext, and they’re all cowards” still generate a giggle. And what a cast!

Father Ted (1995-98): not a revolutionary new format like Spaced or Darkplace, but as a traditional old-school sitcom, Father Ted was nigh-on perfect. Four perfectly cast leads, and – in Ted and Dougal – one of the great self-important buffoon/absolute colossal idiot double-acts of all time. With an Irish background, and having spent a lot of time over there, the various gags about parochialism, Irish culture, and Catholicism really hit home. Above all, though, it’s funny; it’s a bit surreal, it’s got a slightly nasty streak, but basically it’s hilarious. And for that I do have to give credit to Graham Linehan; his script, with Arthur Matthews, is genius, and makes his subsequent descent into batshit bigotry all the more upsetting.

Brass Eye (1997-2001): I’ve always loved fake news; or, rather, programmes that purported to be real. Here we have it done expertly, in a way I’d never seen before. The cod-seriousness, the sensational headlines, the stories that were only just too silly… but mostly it was the pranks and the stunts, the roping in of hapless celebrities, the “made up drug” of it all. It was genius, true, and it was done so damn well; but as a teenager, I adored it because I got the joke. I understood what it was doing and why, and that made me feel smart at an age when you like to feel you’ve gotten there under your own steam.

Whose Line is it Anyway? (1988-99): nothing fancy here, just comedy. Out-and-out, laugh-out-loud comedy. Four comedians given a premise, and away they go, improvising outrageous and hilarious flights of fancy. I loved this so much; I immediately became a huge fan of the likes of Mike McShane, Josie Lawrence, and Tony Slattery. More than that, I wanted to be on the show. It’s probably too much to say watching it gave me the acting bug, but the thought of improvising like that, of being that spontaneously funny, stuck with me. They could really bring this one back. I wish they would.

Black Books (2000-04): another delightfully surreal, skewed view of reality, and another one that’s a joy to revisit as we see the burgeoning careers of film and TV superstars. Dylan Moran’s Bernard Black is a wonderfully wicked creation, a mix of apathy, misanthropy, and wine. The supporting cast of Tamsin Grieg and Bill Bailey offer suitably different shades of sunshine and shadow, and the whole thing just falls together wonderfully. It’s bloody funny is what I mean.

The Big Breakfast (1992-2002): yeah, it’s not all sitcoms round ‘ere. I wondered which I liked best: the breakfast show or the evening show? This or TFI Friday? In the end I plumped for this, a revolution in TV formatting, a handheld whirligig of a wakeup call. Very bright, very loud, very fast, this was the perfect antidote to the smartly-dressed-people-sitting-down format that dominated breakfast telly (and still does, really); a kind of half-grown-up version of Live and Kicking, and much closer in tone to radio breakfast shows. And it had Zig and Zag, for god’s sake. What more do you want in a morning?

Eurotrash (1993-2004): ahem. Yeah, it was a bundle of smut, but it was done so entertainingly: German nudists given thick, matter-of-fact Brummie accents; stories about poop and saunas and folklore, or all three at once; Antoine de Caunes and Jean-Paul Gaultier (Gaultier for goodness’ sake!) trading camp bon-mots. It was so good-natured in its celebration of weirdness and muckiness, an eye-opener in more ways than one. It’s a friendly, warm embrace of a show, deliriously camp and resoundingly sex-positive, but also charming and quaint.

The Last Resort with Jonathan Ross (1987-88): if I’m honest, the show I most associate with pre-mainstream Wossy is Mondo Rosso, the fabulous BBC2 late-night series that dug into the weird filmland esoterica that he so adores. But it was here, in Ross’ debut, that I first appreciated (at far too young an age! I watched this when it first went out!) his humour, smarts, and cheek. Honestly, thirty years ago, he really was something new, a British spin on an American-style late-night host. He interviewed interesting people, told great jokes, and really was a modernised and youth-centric old-school presenter; Wogan for the Young Ones generation. I followed his early Channel 4 career before he jumped ship for the Beeb, eventually becoming Mr. Light Entertainment. I still prefer him when he veers into the tall grass to talk about something odd and random that he really loves, rather than when he’s interviewing Adele or whatever.

There you go, Channel 4. You may notice the focus on comedy and light entertainment here; I think that’s because the dramas, whilst I enjoyed them, came and went for me, even the really, really good ones; whereas the comedy just got sort of wedged in my brain, often watched over and over. So sorry about that, especially when you think about the great Russel T. Davies dramas. But anyway: Channel 4 is just great as it is, so let’s not cock it up.

4 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

Weekend Top Ten #557

Top Ten Tarantino Movies

In 1993 I started reading Empire magazine. I’d probably read it a little bit before then; my mum would pick it up occasionally and I’d have flicked through it (sidebar: several years ago I bought issue 1 of Empire off eBay and thought it seemed familiar; I mentioned this to my mum, and she said yes, in all likelihood she’d bought it in 1989 but hadn’t held onto it. I dread to think how warped my psyche would be if I’d been regularly reading it since the age of seven…). Anyway, in 1993 they put out an issue with Jurassic Park on the cover, and that was it; I was hooked. I’ve had every issue since and have subscribed for nearly twenty years now.

One of the things that happened when I started reading a film magazine every month – one that was, at its core, aimed at adults – was that I was exposed to the wider world of the film industry. The magazine, naturally, took for granted that its audience was familiar with certain concepts and characters from the world of film. Given the relatively irreverent nature of Empire, there was always a sense of fun and playfulness as they threw in references to Burt Reynolds, Satyajit Ray, and Richard E. Grant. It made me want to seek out new films and new experiences, and of course this all took place in my early adolescence, when I was increasingly fascinated by all kinds of things out there in the wider world.

One of the very first things I remember was discussion about the banning of Reservoir Dogs, and how best to source a bootleg VHS of the film. This was, most likely, my introduction to the works of Quentin Tarantino, and let me tell you, nothing will make a young boy more interested in a film than telling him that he’s not just allowed to watch it, but that it would be illegal to do so.

The years went on and the story of this nerd who worked in a video store and wrote fascinating and hilarious and violent scripts full of movie references, and who was now a lauded and respected filmmaker, absolutely lit a fire in me. Tarantino, Kevin Smith, Danny Boyle, even Bryan Singer (cough); these were young guys, who looked like I wanted to look and made filthy, funny movies with a cocky swagger to them. I wanted to be them, especially the likes of Quentin and Kevin who wrote their own movies. I had to write about my hero for a school project and I picked Tarantino, despite only having seen – at most – one film at that point, and being far too young for it anyway. He was probably the only filmmaker who ever rivelled Spielberg as being my number-one favourite, my go-to influence.

The years went by and the gaps between his films became longer. A certain outlandish eccentricity drifted into his direction; the scripts became, arguably, a little less quotable, a bit flabbier. After the blistering intensity of the stylised but mostly-grounded opening trilogy, his films became, quite often, wacky exercises in referencing and imagery and flights of fancy. Sometimes this works better than others. Mostly, though, the violence and grit that I loved so much in the nineties seemed excessive, gratuitous, and juvenile by the 2010s. We – the audience – became more attuned to what it took to put that violence on screen, how the actors were treated scene to scene, and exactly what Tarantino’s relationship with Harvey Weinstein was. It soured the experience a little bit, which wouldn’t have been so bad, but there were a couple of films there that, frankly, disappointed. Far from the do-no-wrong wunderkind, he’s as fallible as the rest, and as prone to egotistical grandstanding as many a director before him.

I can’t talk about Tarantino too objectively because – like Spielberg, or like The Transformers, or really like Empire magazine in general – he’s far too tied into my own psyche and development. And he made three films there in a five-year period that are just outstanding achievements, absolute masterpieces, showing a growing maturity and sense of screenwriting craft that – I’d argue – has been scant in the two decades since. He’s still one of my favourite filmmakers, one I’ll always want to see, one who always excites me; but now his films, like, say, Wes Anderson’s – are their own indefatigable thing. I think you’re either into him or you’re not, and whilst I still think he lets his writing run on a bit, and whilst I think his statements about violence – and his use of violence, for that matter – are nowhere near as profound as he thinks they are, especially given his own complicated history of treating female cast members on set, I think it’s fair to say that Quentin Tarantino will be remembered very fondly.

And, look. His films may be goofier and weirder, but that style was always there really, we just fooled ourselves into thinking he’d expand his flavours instead of doubling down. And once you sign up to the fact that all of his films take place in a parallel universe – where Django freed the slaves and Jewish soldiers killed Hitler – it all makes a lot more sense, and we can enjoy them as what they always were: alt-universe sci-fi movies. Sort of a pity he never did make his version of Star Trek, really.

Pulp Fiction (1994): building on the promise of Dogs, this sophomore film is a multi-layered, non-linear affair, juggling multiple characters across disparate yet interconnected storylines over a number of days. The witty intricacies of Tarantino’s dialogue are best displayed, from French fast food to Vietnamese prisons; it’s his most-quotable film. There are tremendous performances, with regular contributor Sam Jackson making his first appearance. But it’s the strength of confidence, of filmmaking rigour, of a cinematic force coming to full fruition, that lingers long after the stunning soundtrack has faded from our ears.

Reservoir Dogs (1992): one hell of a debut. A blistering, bloody affair, with a great ensemble of mostly non-stars and a taught, tight screenplay based mostly around one location. Drew attention – outside of its violence, which to be fair isn’t as strong as was made out; it’s just got a generally nasty atmosphere – because of its great script, of course, but to marshal such a cast in such limited circumstances – to make five guys in one warehouse seem consistently cinematic – showcased his directorial prowess too.

Jackie Brown (1997): an incredibly rare adaptation from Sir Quent, he nevertheless takes Elmore Leonard’s Rum Punch and makes it entirely his own, a Blacksploitation homage that’s neither gratuitous or foolish, centred on a quartet of aging characters despite Tarantino’s youth at the time. A mature, sensible film that’s also tremendous fun, despite an air of threat and melancholy, it promised a variety of tone from Tarantino that arguably never materialised. Was the first of his films to receive, I would say, genuine criticism despite it being absolutely bloody great.

Django Unchained (2012): ever since Tarantino cameoed in Pulp and unleashed a tirade of N-words, he’s had a complex relationship with race, heavily criticised by Spike Lee and defended by Jackson. After the affection shown in Jackie, he delivered this, his exploration of the slave trade and its place in the history of America. And it’s fantastic, very close to the master of his first three films; a dark, tense tour-de-force of brutality as Django goes on a quest for righteous vengeance. Utilising the tropes of classic B-Westerns – and, of course, the vast Django franchise – Tarantino threads the needle between exploitative cheese and intelligent discourse. Can’t believe Will Smith turned it down; biggest mistake he’s ever made.

Once Upon a Time in… Hollywood (2019): Tarantino’s most recent film feels like a love letter to cinema, and especially the era that seems to resonate throughout his work. Weaving in both real-life cinematic icons of the age – from Polanski to Bruce Lee – as well as one of its most notorious violent crimes feels entirely on-brand for Tarantino. What surprises is both the warmth and optimism of the story; whilst the central characters may be loveable idiots for the most part, they’re not the thieves and killers of prior films. Not since Jackie Brown have we celebrated niceness like this. And as a sprawling nostalgic epic, it’s sublime; it beautifully marries its own fictional story within the wider framework of cinematic history. In fact, I’d argue it would be right up there with the First Three if it weren’t for its misjudged, nasty, over-the-top edgelord finale, with some of the most brutal and gratuitous violence in Tarantino’s oeuvre. Tone it down, Quent; you’re not fifteen and we’re not impressed.

Kill Bill: Volume 2 (2004): after the First Three, it felt like a long time before we got a new Tarantino, and he returned with the epic revenge saga of Kill Bill, something of a gearshift from what came before. And whilst most people prefer the first Volume (see below), it’s part 2 that I enjoy more. Less outrageously exuberant, it still boasts a couple of excellent – and grittier – fight scenes, but it’s got a bit more of the Tarantino wit and wordplay about it, especially in the final scenes with Thurman’s Bride and Carradine’s Bill.

Kill Bill: Volume 1 (2003): so, yeah, Kill Bill is a much cartoonier affair than most Tarantinos; in fact, I think it’s canonically supposed to be an in-universe film. But with that comes some of the most outlandish action that ol’ QT has directed; most specifically a vivacious and violent assault as the Bride gets medieval on a roomful of sword-wielding assailants. It’s shallow and weird and maybe is the beginning of Tarantino running away with himself, but it’s damn good fun.

Inglourious Basterds (2009): this is a film of two halves. One half is an incredibly dark, tense affair, with Christoph Waltz’s eloquent but barbaric Nazi matching wits with vengeful cinema operator Mélanie Laurent. It’s serious, intense, full of Tarantinoid dialogue, and shot through with a love of cinema. The other half – about the titular Basterds and their quest – is looser, wackier, not quite as funny as it thinks it is. These two disparate entities collide at the end (and also, tonally at least, merge in the excellent bar scene featuring Michael Fassbender), a finale which is raucous and ridiculous and scary and, well, quite good fun really.

Death Proof (2007): weird and off-kilter, not necessarily in a good way, this feels like Tarantino in search of structure. The plot – serial killer Stuntman Mike offs people in his car – is fine; but we spend too long with not-altogether-interesting characters before they’re brutally murdered, and also too long, frankly, getting to know our trio of heroes. It has its highs – some insane car chases and stuntwork – and great performances, but frankly it’s a lot better when cut down as part of Grindhouse.

The Hateful Eight (2015): some people really go to bat for this, but I think it exemplifies the worst traits of Tarantino. It’s way too long, full of wordy but not very elegant monologues. None of the characters are likeable, but also they’re not really interesting or fun to be around. He fails to make the single location dynamic or tense in the way he did with Dogs. And it’s really nasty, mean-spiritedly so, with a rather unpleasant misogynistic streak. There are smatterings of fun to be had, and it’s got a stellar cast, but for me it’s long, excessive, and a bit boring.

You’ll note I didn’t really consider films he wrote but didn’t direct, like True Romance or Natural Born Killers. This is for three reasons: even excluding portmanteau Four Rooms, he’s made ten films as director, so I could do a full list regardless; it’s debatable how “Tarantino” his writing credits are, especially Killers, which I think was heavily reworked by Oliver Stone; and, well, it’s been ages since I saw them and didn’t feel it fair to judge (my memory of Romance is that it would sit just after Jackie Brown, if that helps). So there you go.

Now, Tarantino has said that he intends to make ten films and then retire, but he’s counting the two parts of Bill as one entity. So that means he’s got one film left in him. It doesn’t look like it’s Star Trek anymore, if that was ever genuinely on the cards; he’s spoken on and off in the past about doing a proper sequel to Kill Bill, but we’ll see where that goes (apparently he wants to get Maya Hawke to play the Bride’s daughter, who’d have seen that one?). Or maybe he’ll do something else entirely; a romcom or a musical or a Marvel movie. Hey, given how much he’s banging on about Peppa Pig recently, maybe he’ll make a kids’ film. That would be a hell of a way to end a career that began with ear-slicing and Madonna’s sex life.

6 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

Weekend Top Ten #520

Top Ten CBeebies Programmes

Ah, the wonders of timing. A couple of weeks ago, everyone was banging on about it being the twentieth anniversary of CBeebies, and I wanted to get in on that action. But, wouldn’t you know it, Valentine’s Day got in the way of relevance, and so we’re doing a birthday celebration a bit belatedly. Never mind. By the time you get to twenty, you should be able to wait a little bit.

I’ve thought about CBeebies a lot, and some version of this list – or one like it – has been percolating for quite a while. This is because I’ve worked in kids’ TV almost my entire adult life, and especially since my kids have been born, I’ve spent a lot of time working actually for the BBC, oftentimes making promos for CBeebies. So both personally – having small children who watch the channel – and professionally – making stuff for the channel – CBeebies has been a big part of my life in the past decade.

What’s given me pause, though, is the fact that I actually know some people who make programmes for CBeebies. I don’t wanna upset anybody! Especially, y’know, anybody who might want to give me a job. So what I’m going to say here is this is not a list of absolute quality; I’m not saying these are the best. But they’re the ones I’ve fallen in love with the most. That might be because I think the writing or production is genuinely sublime; it might be because we came across them at the right time in the right circumstances. Maybe my kids loved them! When your kids love stuff, really love it, you tend to soften on it, even if you weren’t very keen on it to begin with. This is brought to you by “I have totally come around on Minecraft YouTubers”.

Oh, and yes, there are omissions. That’s because, as my kids have gotten older, they’ve started watching, well, more Minecraft YouTubers than CBeebies shows. I’ve got friends with younger kids who go on about Bluey, which I’m sure – from the sounds of it – I would just flat-out love. But I’ve never seen it! My kids are too old, I guess. Or too into Avatar: The Last Airbender or whatever. Or – let’s be honest – they’re just playing Minecraft, or watching people play Minecraft.

So here we go: my Top Ten CBeebies shows; shows that mean a lot, one way or another.

Hey Duggee: is it the music, the artwork, the voiceover? The tone of wry whimsy combined with heartfelt preschool sentiment? Is it the genuine humour and excellent writing? Is it the raft of in-jokes and references, from The Life Aquatic to Apocalypse Now? Is it my minor role in making The Stick Songgo viral? All of this and more; the best children’s TV programme ever made.

In the Night Garden: simultaneously a very sweet and gentle imagery and music that lulls children into another world and, ultimately, to sleep, and also the most bonkers, batshit, balls-tripping stuff you’re likely to see. Nonsense songs! Size-changing vehicles! Dancing flowers! Symmetrical stone-stacking!

CBeebies Bedtime Stories: Jackanoryfor the 21st Century, the simple pleasure of somebody reading a story aloud will always work. The soft, relaxing presentation adds to the “bedtime” aspect, and a huge selection of impressive celebrity readers makes it an event programme for all ages. I mean, come on; everyone from Dolly Parton to Captain America is here.

Topsy and Tim: creating a kind of soap opera for nippers is a phenomenal idea, introducing them to ongoing narratives and stories about familial dynamics. There are all kinds of cool topics explored, from illness to bereavement, with a keen eye on its audience. The cute family and great performances help too. A common fixture round ours.

Show Me Show Me: I’m starting to think nobody is better at introducing the very young to the world of television that Chris Jarvis and Pui Fan Lee. Gentle, engaging, fun, and a perfect start to the day when your kids get you up too early.

Swashbuckle: the perfect kind of gameshow for young kids; really energetic silliness. But what lifts it up is the bevvy of terrific performances, from Gemma Hunt to the trio of pirates, telling incredibly silly and very funny stories amidst the slapstick, chaotic gameplay. Plus I got to go on set, so it gets extra points.

Our Family: there were a trio of programmes, all made – if I remember correctly – by the same North East production company, following the lives of the very young as they experience things anew. Our Family was one, but there was also a cooking programme and one dealing with “My First…” These were great windows into individual lives and shared experiences, and really sweet preschool documentaries.

Waffle the Wonder Dog: taking the Topsy and Tim preschool soap format but making it way sillier, we now have essentially a comedy-drama about a talking dog and his beleaguered family. Hijinks ensue, lessons are learned, and at the centre of it is a flat-out adorable dog.

My Petsaurus: here we have, perhaps, a lesser-known show, but one which was just huge in our house, albeit briefly. A short selection of shorts, it features a girl and her cute pet dinosaur. That’s it; a simple premise, really well executed. I’m a sucker for an interplay of animation and live-action, and this is a great example, with a really good young performance at its centre. Because my kids were into it a bit more, it’s just eased out the broadly similar Woolly and Tig, which is also brilliant.

Go Jetters: there’s a lot of chatter about Octonauts, which I’m not going to diss, but for my money you can’t beat Go Jetters. A preschool Thunderbirds with a globetrotting bent, where it succeeds for me is in the absolute disco swagger of all-knowing boss Ubercorn, and especially in the moustachioed grump Grandmaster Glitch. Two incredible performances from Tommie Earl Jenkins and Marc Silk.

See, I already feel really bad for having to miss out things like Balamory, Dinopaws, and the educational one-two punch of Alphablocks and Numberblocks. Basically, CBeebies is great.

I've made a very rare edit to this list (I hardly ever edit them after they're posted apart from to correct spelling and grammar mistakes!) because, like a massive idiot, I confused the titles Let's Play and Show Me Show Me - so in the very unlikely event that you were confused by me referring to Chris and Pui instead of Rebecca and Sid, that's why. Sorry to all involved! In fact, Let's Play itself was a very close-run thing, a fantastic show that my youngest especially loved.

13 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Weekend Top Ten #558

Top Ten “Weird Al” Yankovic Songs

In retrospect, I should have done this last week and the Tarantino list this week. But really, what is more Al than just randomly getting something very, very slightly off? Because there’s a fillum out and I want to celebrate. Weird: The Al Yankovic Story stars Harry Potter as “Weird Al” Yankovic in a hard-bitten biopic of drugs and excess that is only available on a streaming service you’ve never heard of that isn’t even accessible in the UK, and is both the true story of Yankovic’s rise to success and also completely made up. And as someone who’s been a huge Al fan for over twenty years, this is incredibly exciting, hilarious, and rather frustrating in equal measure. Anyway: to celebrate, here’s a list.

Yankovic is an incredibly gifted musician and performer, something that I think is often hidden by the fact that he’s most famous as a parodist. But it’s one thing to just change the words of a song to make a joke; it’s another to spend forty years adapting multiple genres and styles of music, as well as expertly recreating famous videos, as well as making parodic references to everything from Star Wars to Santa Claus. The breadth of his talent and musicality, to say nothing of how funny and effective he is as an overall writer and performer, is frankly astonishing; in his career he’s turned is hand to everything, from gangsta rap to piano ballads and all sorts in between, to say nothing of his legendary polka medleys of popular songs.

All this brings us to the list itself, which at the end of the day is just my favourite of his songs. And I tell ya, it was hard! This was one of the hardest ones I’ve done, I think! Like with all kinds of music, really, you veer towards different songs at different times, so how does one compare American Pie to Pretty Fly for a White Guy, the works of Billy Joel to the works of Coolio? So we just come to my basic criteria, which is: how much do I enjoy the song? How funny is it? And, if it is a parody, how well is it doing with the parodying? Because one of the things I love about Al is that, as well as homaging different styles of music or plots of films, he often peppers his songs with lyrics that reference so much stuff. It’s a delight unpacking them from a comedic standpoint. Sometimes it’s not even a reference, sometimes it’s just hilarious wordplay. So that’s all factored into my complex algorithm. And this is the result!

The Saga Begins (1999): whilst I was broadly familiar with his work, this is song that really made me a fan. I remember it being a news story on the Empire website, and trying to watch it on my flaky dial-up at the time – probably the first music video I ever watched online. And I still think it’s just hilarious. I think the funniest thing is that, unlike some other songs, it’s not really parodying Star Wars; it’s actually a fairly straight retelling of the events of The Phantom Menace, just sung to the tune of American Pie. But the lyrics are golden; “My, my, this here Anakin guy/Maybe Vader someday later now he’s just a small fry”. It’s so perfect that it’s not only damn funny, not only a beautiful love letter to Star Wars, but also it just works as a song. I’ve sung it so much I know all the words and it was actually a bedtime lullaby I sang to my kids. And however much I love some of his other songs, I can’t say that about The Night Santa Went Crazy.

Dare to Be Stupid (1985): is it possible that I love this one so much because it was the first Al song I heard? That it is, in fact, featured on the soundtrack to The Transformers: The Movie? Almost certainly yes, but I don’t care. I am not, in truth, very familiar with Devo, so the intricacies of its parody are mostly lost on me; I get that he’s doing a bit on their songs and the video is referencing them too, but for me it’s just a really catchy song full of terrific, hilarious lyrical gags and references. And it’s played when Hot Rod and Wreck-Gar are dancing on the planet of Junk.

Don’t Download This Song (2006): rather than lampooning a specific song, this is a satire on a genre, perfectly parodying the pretensions of those Band Aid-style charity singles by earnest celebrities. As well as skewering the style so succinctly, it also has a tremendous target for the early noughties – the downloading of “free” music from file-sharing sites. Whilst incredibly of its time, it’s full of on-point references, including Lars Ulrich’s famed disdain of downloaded music, as well as mocking celebrity excess. This is all incredibly hilarious for me as, after really getting into Al in 1999, it was finding more of his music via Napster when I was at university that really made me a huge fan of his back catalogue. And don’t worry – I’ve also bought it on CD, too.

Jurassic Park (1993): this song is probably unique in the annals of all parody songs by virtue of it being more sensible and making more sense than the song it’s a parody of. The genius realisation that “Jurassic Park” scans perfectly with “MacArthur Park” is just the start, as it runs through the events of the film in hilarious manner (“I admit it’s kinda eerie/But this proves my chaos theory”). Apparently the stop-motion video was approved by Spielberg himself! Nobody leaves a cake out in the rain, however.

White and Nerdy (2006): talk about your references, this is the motherlode; and, quite frankly, it speaks to me. A veritable spreadsheet full of nerdy ephemera, the hilarity obviously coming from the juxtaposition of edgy rap with, well, Al Yankovic, almost every geeky IP or pastime is namechecked: Star Trek, Wikipedia, D&D, bubble wrap… the exquisiteness of the lyrics and speed at which Al cycles through them means it requires multiple listens to catch all the gags. And it has perhaps my favourite of all his lyrics: “The only question I/Ever thought was hard/Was do I like Kirk/Or do I like Picard”.

Ode to a Superhero (2003): ah, now we’re back to the soft gentle ballads and another recounting of the events of a summer blockbuster. Somehow singing a song about Spider-Man to the tune of Piano Man is perfect; after all, both Peter Parker and Billy Joel are New York legends (one’s from Queens, the other’s from the Bronx). Like The Saga Begins, it’s funny not just because, well, singing about Spider-Man is funny, but also the specificity of the references; like Mary Jane preferring guys “who can kiss upside down in the rain” or Norman Osborn wearing a “dumb” mask but being “scarier without it on”.

It’s All About the Pentiums (1999): another fabulously fast-paced rap about something exquisitely geeky; except this time it’s honing in on millennium-era computing technology. It’s another example of playing spot-the-reference but one thing that I find increasingly delightful in this case is that it’s so fabulously outdated; references to Y2K, newsgroups, “a hundred gigabytes of RAM”, and even the very fact that it’s got “Pentium” in the name. I can’t help but feel that this one’s just gonna get funnier as it gets older.

Pretty Fly for a Rabbi (1999): again we see the comedy emerge from the collision between a fast-paced, hard-edged style of music (in this case, millennial American punk) and frankly ridiculous lyrics. It’s not just the silliness of something as benign as a rabbi being the focus of an edgy rock song; it’s also the incorporation of Yiddish and stereotypically Jewish turns of phrase into the lyrics. Partly responsible for my assumption that Yankovic himself was Jewish!

Amish Paradise (1996): an infamous Weird Al song in that, whereas usually the original songwriters are chuffed to have him parody them, this one actually pissed off Coolio (RIP). But it’s part of the genre of tough songs about silly shit, the gangsta rap ballad of inner-city life and crime transmogrified into the badassery of the Amish, raising barns and milking cows. Perhaps it’s a bit mean to the Amish, in retrospect; but “you know I’m a million times as humble as thou art” is still a cracking lyric.

Bedrock Anthem (1993): I don’t think I’ve really expressed enough just how on point his parodies are; how well he raps, how closely he mirrors the style of the homaged artists, even in videos. But this is exquisite; somehow Al even looks like a Red Hot Chilli Pepper. And it’s just bonkers; I mean, how on earth do you get The Flintstones from Under the Bridge? I’m guessing – and this is just a wild guess based on nowt – that it was doing the “Yabba-dabba-dabba-dabba-do now” to the chorus that spawned the rest of the song, but who really knows? And once again we have lyrics that give me such joy, especially the way he throws in – out of nowhere – references to Bedrock life, such as “got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner”. Joy!

Now whilst I am gutted I didn’t find room for Bob, Yoda, or Santa, I’m also a bit gutted that I never got round to one of his polkas. These are really impressive works, how he manages to translate such a wide variety of songs into a polka style, and then turn it into a big medley, bouncing from track to track and even from genre to genre within the same song. Seriously, the man’s a musical genius. Maybe that’s why only Daniel Radcliffe could play him; he’s used to playing wizards.

32 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

0 notes

takiki16 · 2 years ago

Note

are u entering a jon hamm phase?

#my posts #jon hamm #I'M HONESTLY SO FRUSTRATED AND IT'S LIKE...beyond the USUAL frustration that i feel #when i get suckered into an imdb walk for a very Basic Looking White Dilf who happened to turn a key in my brain under a blue moon!!!!!#the thing is that YES i'm going through a H A M M phase and it is COMPLETELY the fault of unpretty's Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts series #on account of Jon Hamm is their ideal fancast for bruce wayne and honestly it's a GOOD CASTING #but then i remembered that i saw baby driver once upon a time and thought buddy and darling were super hot and now i'm HERE #WATCHING FUKKKKING MAD MEN AND BEING MISERABLE ABOUT IT #it's not that jon hamm is a bad actor - he does a very good job actually! the Emmy was deserved!#it's not even that it's his ONLY good work - he does OTHER WORK and in different genres than '60s drama and he does well!#it's simply that none of jon hamm's work really CLICKS with me in the way I'm looking for when i do an imdb walk #i like to be able to like...ROOT for the character my current fave plays? I like them to be an Empathetic Protagonist?#preferrably in a genre setting and/or with interesting and attractive costuming so I can ooh and ahh?#keanu reeves was GREAT for this. keanu has a lot of suitable Leading Man roles that lent themselves well to imdb walk #but the H A M M -as i have said - seems to EXCLUSIVELY play roles along a very specific spectrum!!!#either he's some kind of Mid to Highly Toxic Masculinity Man who is Handsome (TM) and knows it and is a jerk #or there is Nothing Behind Those Eyes except part of the humor is that it's jon hamm so no one ever like...pegs his himbo characters #the whole point of them seems mostly to laugh at them and never to exploit the appeal of Golden Retriever Boyfriend #it's less of a spectrum than a venn diagram but THE WHOLE THING is that Don Draper is jon hamm's most famous role #and while Mad Men is such an aesthetically pretty show it does NOT SPARK JOY IN ME. EVERYONE IS CYNICAL AND MISERABLE ALL THE TIME #and the rest of the H A M M's filmography seems to be deliberately in reaction to don draper in SOME form #but sadly the reaction never goes to roles that i find the most endearing? WHICH IS SUCH A PETTY COMPLAINT AND MY TASTE IS VERY BAD #BUT LIKE...THAT'S WHY I'M IN DENIAL ABOUT THIS IMDB WALK AND GENERALLY FEELING SAD ABOUT IT

26 notes · View notes

kazemon15 · 4 years ago

Text

Marinette, biracial and whitewashing

Okay, I have been seeing a lot of posts about Marinette Dupain-Cheng from the Miraculous Ladybug series. For those who don't know, Marinette is Half Chinese/Half French-Italian.

She has blue hair and blue eyes, so she looks more "white" than Chinese, but does still have some Asian features to her, albeit subtle. I have been seeing a lot of posts saying she is "whitewashed."

I want to address this because, like Marinette, I am also half Asian, and like Marinette, I have more prominent white features than Asian ones. I am half Vietnamese/Half Scottish-Irish.

I have light brown hair with red highlights due to my Irish side, light brown eyes and look more white than Vietnamese except for subtle Asian features, like straight hair and slightly slanted eyes.

I'm going to break this post up and address each issue.

Issue 1: "Marinette is white washed because she has blue eyes and blue hair! She looks white! Why couldn't they have given her brown eyes and black hair?!"

Okay...

For one thing, that isn't how genetics work. Even if one "gene" is more dominate than the other doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Like I said before, I have RED HIGHLIGHTS in my hair. When I'm in the sun, my hair in a certain angle looks red as heck. It doesn't mean I am any less biracial. I look more like my mom than my dad, who happens to be white.

I have a friend who is half white and half Mexican. She's as white as can be with dirty blonde hair and light HAZEL eyes. I didn't even know she was biracial until I met her mom, who happened to be so dark skinned, I thought she was black, with dark brown eyes and dark brown hair.

Biracial people can look exclusively white. If you don't believe me, look at Keanu Reeves. He's half Chinese and sure doesn't look like it! So yes. It is possible. I will also link some pictures of my family under a cut if no one believes me.

I also want to point out the hypocrisy of this statement. Anime. How many times have we seen anime characters with blonde hair and blue eyes? Yet no one seems to claim those characters are "whitewashed" and they have less chance of getting those features than a biracial person does!

People claim "that's different, it's a stylized choice" ...well, guess what. So is Marinette's blue hair. You can't say one thing for a media and then deny that for another. It's called being a hypocrite. It's even mentioned that Marinette's hair is actually a stylized black and serves as a homage to that kind of style in old comics.

At least Marinette has more chance of having blue eyes than Japanese anime characters, because, you know...she's BIRACIAL.

Issue 2: "Marinette doesn't know her Chinese culture or language/Sabine is a bad parent for not teaching her/She's whitewashed because she doesn't know her other half culture!"

It may come to a surprise to people, but this actually happens a lot. I don't know a lick of Vietnamese or about Vietnamese culture because my dad wanted it that way. He wanted me to fit in, so he never taught me any of it. Does that make him a bad parent? No, it doesn't. He was a great dad (he's long passed now), and I find it insulting that someone who thinks they don't teach their children about their culture is a bad parent. How about appreciating Marinette has kind and loving and supportive parents instead?

Issue 3: "Why make her biracial then if they are just going to whitewash her? What about representation?!"

Yeah... representation. It's still happening. I'm the one being represented. Someone who is biracial who looks white and doesn't know about her culture. Me. And I'm sure many others like it. Just because her "Asian" side isn't being represented as much, doesn't mean she isn't representing.

Issue 4: "Biracial people should look more like their non-white side than white side or else it's whitewashing! Miraculous writers are racist, because they are white!"

As I addressed before...looking exclusively white doesn't make biracial people any less biracial. By saying this and getting offended by "white-looking Marinette", you're basically telling people who look like Marinette that we don't exist or shouldn't exist.

You are invalidating our existence and that, in turn, actually makes you the racist. Being "white" isn't racist. It's just the way people are born. In a time where white supremacy is going around, it's hard to forget that white people can be the object of racism from other communities. It has happened to me A LOT.

Asians are actually EXTREMELY racist at times. I often went to the Asian market to get Asian food with my dad and Chinese friend. Because I was the only "white-looking" person there, I would get stares and whispers from the Asian Community. I have been told I don't "look Asian enough", so I have no say or opinion in how I feel about an Asian issue that involves me, just because I look "white."

ANY race can get racism directed at them, even white people. It's just not as often heard of because "white privilege" or something along those lines. Yes, white privilege exists, but it isn't always prominent. Sometimes white people are the ones who are setup by a minority and those quick to defend a minority will often believe the non-white person over the white person. It does happen.

That is all I have to say on this issue. Thank you all for reading. And as I said, here are some pictures of me and my family, further proving my claim that white looking Asian people do exist.

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #ml fandom salt #whitewash #whitewashing #cultural apropriation #ml salt #marinette salt

1K notes · View notes

screamting · 3 years ago

Text

So I've been thinking about this post a lot and how to make it and I figure I'll just throw a shot out in the dark

Reasons why Bruce Wayne is a multi-millionaire, rather than a billionaire:

pays his workers a reasonable wage with benefits.

the post could literally end here but we'll keep going

a billion dollars is the new shorthand for 'big amount of money' but you don't actually need to be a billionaire to be stupid rich. In mid 2021, Caitlyn Jenner's net worth is $100 million. Beyonce is $500 million. Keanu "I have enough money for the next few centuries" Reeves? $360 million.

Harris Rosen, who provides free preschool and college tuition, living, and educational expenses for any kids in Tangelo Park who gets into post-highschool education in Florida? $200 million.

A 'net worth' is different then 'how much does someone have in the bank.' It includes properties (so most of Harris Rosen's money is probably actually the chain of hotels he owns and the land they are on, which is why the scope of his program is a specific town) and intellectual property licenses (like the Beatles' Discography), etc. This all falls under the title of 'assets,' which are things that are expensive without actually being spendable cash. You could use the worth of an asset to buy things, in the same way you can use your gamestation to pay rent-- you sell it. So Bruce's net worth is going to be a combination of how much he is actively making from his CEO job, and the combined assets he owns. If he owns any stocks or bonds (he has children, he absolutely has a few saving bonds for them) those are also part of his net worth.

Things Bruce owns:

1 v big mansion house & surrounding property

probably a few vacation homes/safehouses in other states and countries

Several tall buildings and research facilities

at least one processing plant but probably more

that's probably at least like. 500 million or whatever in assets. To set up a lab building right now, it's probably 150mil just for the structure, but again, he only owns one very fancy house, and most of Wayne Industries has been built up over a few generations, so it came cheaper to him over time; he didn't buy all of this at once. You wouldn't call someone rich for affording to eat, after all, but if you had them buy all the food they would eat over the course of their life at once? It would be a stupid huge amount of money. So the actual cost of the land and equipment are counted in assets, but the labor, setup, amenities, etc are not. They're part of the cost.

As for income generated, I'm gonna admit right now that I do not know how much any specific business may be worth, but Walmart claims to have made 548 million in revenue in 2020 (revenue is all money taken in; it ignores wages and expenditures like actually buying things to stock shelves with) and that's literally the top of the Fortune 500 list. Sam Walton had a net worth of 8.6 billion in 1992 when he died. Costco, 10th on the list, has founder James Sinegal, whose net worth is.... 1 billion. There are 490 other spots on the list. The CEOs are taking a paycheck out of that revenue gained, minus again, all employees and expenditures. Over time, the CEO paycheck has built up their networth.

"but wait" you say. "Bruce Wayne does the justice league's financials. what about all the JL stuff he's bought?"

So Bruce Wayne does eventually come out as the JL's benefactor, which probably makes his taxes a lot easier to file, but for a long time people didn't know about it, and as they're also I guess a separate business? Or a charity?? they don't count towards his personal wealth. So the JL is absolutely a sinkhole of money, especially because of the Fucking Space Station. This man goes through a lot of money. James Sinegal, while a defender of the 1.50c costco hotdog, has never funded a Fucking Space Station or Zod's damage bill. This bitch literally can't save up that much money.

Like, you could argue that the Watchtower and all the batmobiles/computers/etc aren't assets on paper because of hidden identities, and you might have a point there, but for him to sell them (and thus make money off them) he'd have to first come out as owning them, putting them on the paper, so it feels like a bit of a stalemate for me. Like, you can steal the mona lisa, but you can't count the mona lisa as an asset without admitting you have possession of the mona lisa (which you shouldn't, thus getting you in Trouble.)

So I'm not counting the Bat and Friends stuff. Very strictly the public-facing stuff. That means also that Bruce Wayne has a lot of either very strange purchases on his accounts, or he's hidden the purchases for the JL somehow, which is impressive, considering he had to hide enough money over time to create the Fucking Space Station.

So what I'm saying here is: is Bruce Wayne a billionaire? No. A billion is more than we think and he is too busy spending to hoard that much wealth. But is Bruce Wayne a money launderer? Yes.

#money #long post #bruce wayne #it turns otu a billion dollars is a stupid amount of money #you can do a LOT with less #1 million? not much money #1 hundred thousand million? what the Fuck.#batman #but also #not strictly batman #while researching this i found out nikki minaj is worth 80k mil and went 'lol poor'#and while that was a joke i feel like that's what happens when bruce is less than a billionaire #like no actually he doesn't have to be the richest man in the world to not be poor #he can fund it without being a billionaire #because unlike SOME governments he has Actual Spreadsheets on Spending and Deals With his Internal White Collar Crime >:(

253 notes · View notes

1ddiscourseoftheday · 4 years ago

Text

💙Sat 12 Dec ‘20💙

◟̽◞̽ LIVE FROM LONDON aka “5 TIMES LOUIS NEARLY GAVE US HEART ATTACKS AND THE ONE TIME HE RAISED OUR BODIES BACK TO LIFE” ◟̽◞̽

The hype leading up to the event was beautiful and nerve wracking, with Louis' Walls streams showing the largest gain since release week, new merch dropping (pink! So much pink! It is the color of rock n roll after all...plus it's available in sizes ranging from XS to 3XL fuck yeah, so nice), LTHQ and Veeps whipping everyone into a frenzy with a barrage of tweets, plus Louis tweeted “if you have a speaker round the house plug it in, if you're old enough get yourself a drink. This is going to be special!” (fan: if I do that my mom will kill me! Louis, basically- fuck that, do what you want!), and then he posted the set list which genuinely took my stress levels down like 90% THANK YOU LOUIS, I was able to simply enjoy the cool static-y countdown with its rainbow glitches for a few. But ofc any calm went completely down the toilet the second he walked out with a giant ass H on his chest (the first heart attack) and started singing maybe the best he's ever sung in his life?? My heart was still pounding three minutes later when he sang the softest, most gorgeous version of We Made It, standing in front of a giant rainbow wheel. The arrangements on every song were incredible (the string section? YES!). He did the best version of Through The Dark I've ever heard and that song is already my fucking favorite, That Version of Two Of Us, ACOUSTIC ONLY THE BRAVE, rock Always You, stadium rock Fearless, and we all know about his version of Beautiful War (WOW), listen do I need to list every song? I WILL DON'T TRY ME. But on top of all that-- the NEW SONG!! Copy of a Copy of a Copy is, uh, amazing?? It's just... so GOOD...so.. gestures vaguely at like... all of it. The sound! The lyrics! GORGEOUS, and he really gets into the figurative lyrical territory that he admires so much in others' songs and has said he wants to do more, I love seeing that so much and the results are just... sublime. Truly. Much chatter now about the similarity in sound to Sign of the Times, as if it wasn't terrific enough already. So much to love about it! And I even loved the inclusion of the fan videos on KMM-- they were just on the screens behind Louis, it totally worked with the general cool look of everything and didn't detract at all, and tbh Louis singing directly to the wall of singing louies was actually so lovely and precious. In conclusion, his voice throughout was PHENOMENAL, the band were great, strings included (hire those women Louis take them on the road, please!), the sets and lighting design and direction were awesome, the whole aesthetic was just SO on point, Louis said it best-- “we smashed it”. YEAH. YOU DID.

Other things: you didn’t think I was done with THAT FUCKING H SHIRT did you? It doesn't just have a GIANT H in the middle, above that (like tags!) are five asterisks, *****. YEAH. Look familiar? Yeah to me also damnnn. So, “end it”, “Harry”, or both? Poll time! Hair update: in a combined “you always come thru for your louies” and “you fucking demon troll” moment that's perfectly Louis he DID take his hat off to show us the glorious mane but I'm pretty sure he also trimmed it before the show! And: Hot Oli is already in the rearview I guess; ah we barely knew ye, but a new photog has appeared on the scene: enter Josh Halling (prev worked with Sam Fender) taking show pics today, including a super cool one on Louis' insta. Welcome to the team? Being a better guy than Jordan is a low bar, so just try to clear that one sir? And keep feeding us those great Louis pics! And: WBK Louis likes his backstage vodka redbull (and onstage 'water' bottles), and he confirmed between songs- “the power of vodka for me mate I’m loving it!” (straight? no, gay!). And: was the CK hoodie Louis was wearing in the pre show publicity photo (thanks Hot Oli) Harry's CK hoodie? Or simply a Copy of a…. well you know. And: hey guess what-- I gotta hand it to Veeps, against all odds that stream was flawless! Plus they got rid of the chat which was probably to facilitate that but also I simply appreciated it, good call. The Genius lyrics page for Copy of a Copy of a Copy did crash after the show though so it's cool don't worry; we've still got it. And finally: lots of people are talking now about how cool the show was but do any of them matter except DMAs reposting the pic on insta with hearts?! LOVE that for Louis.

And for the aftershow we got Louis on twitter! He thanked everyone (us, the crew, the band, Charlie, the strings, veeps, “all my personal team”), and answered a Q about doing another one-- “potentially but I doubt it, wanted to make this one special so no plans at the moment to do another.” About Copy he said “it will remain in the set for the tour and live shows but not sure when/if it will be released yet” but also re inclusion on LT2 “Probably but I want to keep all my options open. Very early in the process. Enjoy the moment!”

The rest of the day was pretty slow thank god, just some prerecorded content from Liam (a wizarding world spot) and a tik tok that's just him in the dark, shirtless, reacting to a fan screaming (literally) about how he apparently got relationship advice from Liam via facetime last night. And today's daily alarm, which was actually pretty wild, Liam and Roman reading a whole long rhyming poem about waking up! Very impressive indeed, I especially like when they rhyme “santa” with “banter”, perfectly British! And then also a strange interlude of Roman talking about how to impersonate Keanu Reeves, okay.

#Louis Tomlinson #louis #liam #DNL is the doncaster postcode #Harry with trumpets and Louis with strings is how it should always be what a week we're having!!#RIP the Catfish song but it is one for jumping aorund with a crowd and he made his point anyway #re: coacoac it's not remotely ideal for an account like this but tbh it takes a few days at least for me to #really absorb new music. So I know I'm going to love it I already do but IDK like what I'll THINK beyond that #in what WAY do I love it? I just dont want to say just yet #the H shirt also said 1895 on the bottom PM me and say hi if you just had war flashbacks #am now doubly convinced the five asterisks on the merch were END IT #a knock off rainbow bear on twitter (where else) made waves with an expensive banana dick necklace but it aint louis #probably a knock of necklace for a knock off bear nothing more #cute vogue cover dress though I love that #stuart cameron #aka #hot oli #joshua halling #roman kemp #DMAs #listen I LOVE THIS OKAY #copy of a copy of a copy #12 dec 20 #louis shirts #SBB #did I mention how I would die for that version of fearless? not more than the others but like #I feel like people dont like that song much #but I do SO MUCH #also anyone who isn't noticing me and the intern's title changes (ie everyone literally no one but us cares) is MISSING OUT #they come and go quickly but coming up with various pairs is great fun

329 notes · View notes

asirensrage · 2 years ago

Note

Okay, so I’m rereading the companion fic to TTTotUD. Honestly, I love Max’s POV. Unfortunately, the boys aren’t prone to listening to her about how helpful and badass Kate could be. That’s a shame. 😔 Oh well, as we know in chapter 25 of the main fic, they learned.

Will there be a chapter with Steve’s POV? I would definitely love to see his perspective when he had that first introduction with Kate at the Wheelers’ house and Dustin being there or when she decides to help them with the monster hunting post-concert or even when she invited him to Thanksgiving at her house. That reminds me, what would we find out what happened at the Snow Ball? I remember El mentioning wanting to go but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t touched on in the main fic.

I’m definitely going to do another reread of the main fic. After reading Billy’s POV, I can only laugh and go 🤦🏻‍♀️. Unfortunately for him, he’s only working with the information he has on hand. So he doesn’t know that the Tammy he knows isn’t the same one who had a ginormous crush on Steve. And, let’s be real, Steve wouldn’t give pre-Kate Tammy the time of day. Also, let’s be honest. The reason why Kate is the way she is is because she’s an adult in a teenager’s body. She’s already done all of this before and she doesn’t have time for that kind of drama.

Either way, even if Kate doesn’t have an interest in Steve, she still wouldn’t give Billy the time of day. Mostly because her mental age is older than her chronological one, Billy is probably interested in her because she’s unattainable, and she has other things to do. Also, he can’t compete with Ted Theodore Logan. And really, who can compete with the incomparable Keanu Reeves? He’s just so 👀👀👀😍

I’m still chuckling over how upset he is at Kate’s “boyfriend”.

Anyhoo, thanks for the fics! I’m probably going to reread This Means War too. Matt Murdock and Billy Russo? Yes, please! 😍👀👀🥵😳

Hahaha, yeah, they do and Max will likely tease them about the fact that she knew Kate was the best first.

There will be a chapter with Steve's POV. It's already written but it takes place...a couple of chapters ahead of where we are now. It talks a bit about when the crush starts and how Steve is feeling. We're also going to have a POV from Steve when Tammy's dad comes to talk to him. It's not finished yet but it's planned, lol.

As for Billy, that's it exactly. He doesn't have the whole story and he definitely wouldn't have focused on Tammy if she was herself. It's because Kate calls him out and actively steps forward to give better examples that draws him to her. (Also with the fact that she keeps denying him lol) But Billy is going to go through some things and wanting Kate is going to take a backburner. We'll see ;) We'll also get another pov from him where we see him taking Kate's advice...

That's it exactly. So Steve has his work cut out for him in convincing her to give him a chance once he comes to that realization. Right? Who could compared to Ted? lol

You're very welcome! Thank you for coming and telling me all of this and asking questions. It's amazing! Hahah, TMW is such a fun fic too. I'm so glad you're enjoying it all!

#asks #nemesis729 #tammy asks #tammy thompson takes on the upside down #tttotud asks

3 notes · View notes

saecookie · 3 years ago

Note

WAIT I DID NOT REGISTER THAT HE WAS KISSIN WILLEM DAFOE IN THE FANART?? ok tell me ab ur blorbos in John Wick. The only thing I know is that Keanu Reeves gets mad and kills people over killing his dog or something but I have no idea how they made multiple movies ab that. Hit me

Oh Sunni darling Sunni how i love you. First off, note that when I went on my rb spree after watching the last movie, i looked for Dafoe gifset especially, because I adore his character but also as a nudge nudge will Sunni? Imma rb them again once I've posted this.

Vague spoilers ahead for the basics of each movie.

So basically, John = was the very best of them all assassins, like, bedtime story for baby assassins who've been naughty. retired bc he became a tadam husband to his wife he loves dearly. life is a bitch, wifey dies of illness. john broken. A LITTLE PUPPY DETS DELIVERED TO HIS DOOR! turns out wifey arranged for it knowing he'd need something to keep going on.

As you know, dog gets killed. bad things* ensues. (*bad things = vengeance. but no! i'm not getting out of retirement, just, vengeance.) The movies are hysterically funny to me because they are GOLD at stating that John Wick truly is fucking feared among his peers, everyone is scared shitless when they hear "X killed John's dog, we're fucked" "But we're 56 and he's 1!" "nah we're fucked"

Second film is "oh I heard you're out of retirement turns out you owe me the big one assassin favour the moral code forces you to return" "but i don't want to i was just avenging MY PUPPY" "yes but you have to" it's peak "don't make me do this you're gonna regret it" Also featuring characters I adore, in Gianna d'Antonio and her friend/bodyguard Cassian, that i hc as John "assassin childhood/school friends" because I can.

Third movie is "the one climax from the 2nd movie is the capital assassin offence, no everyone is after you, try to get out of this one" and he does try. it's one big chase featuring yet again people fanboying over John Wick.

Out of the three movies, the first is the most balanced out one, like there is nothing bad to say about this movie it's a fucking banger. The second one's flaw is that it wants to make a second movie so one plot point seems a bit blind to me, but other than that, very funny and OH so pleasing, like there is a not to Enter the Dragon's mirror scene, like a whole fighting scene is in a museum and it's incredible, featuring a deaf character speaking ASL. The third one's flaw is that it's a chase; if you don't mind that it's ok, but it never stops so it's sometimes a bit tiring bc boom boom noises and lights.

The movies are GOLDEN, for who likes me loves action and figth scenes, those are incredibly choregraphed (not surprising from Chad Stahelski aka stuntman, stunt coordinator on Matrix, stunt for Reeves in Matrix, double for Brandon Lee in The Crow 😉).

There are some great characters (i'm getting there), with notably the Receptionist of the Hotel (hotel = big assassin lore point, it's a hotel franchise for assassins, where you pay with assassincoins, and it's "sacred ground" ie = when you're there, no business. everyone is your colleague, it's basically saying PAUSE from the assassin game), but also the barwoman that i adore, the director of the Hotel, Winston, Aurelio the mecanic who's my baby, AND

Marcus (Dafoe). Marcus is a character in the first movie. We don't know much about him (as for basically every character in the franchise : the show don't tell is excellent), beside the fact that he's an old friend/colleague of John. What i'm gonna say next is spoilery for the first movie but I guess you're here for that. We first see him attending from afar John's wifey funeral, and at the end coming to greet warmly John. Then in the first movie, someone puts a contract on John's head, an open one, but the sponsor also asks Marcus personnally bc he's one of the "old" generation, one who survived because he's one of the best. There's an exchange around "no problem killing your old buddy" "for 3M nah" and then he chases John all through the movie. And every time he points his sniper at him, someone is already there to try and kill him, so Marcus either kills the first killer or disturb the scene so that nobody else kills him. Throughout the movie we gather that he's not having an ego trip of "i want it to be ME who kills him" but rather that he accepted because he's a sniper and he just... towers bloody guardian angel John. We don't know why except for the fact that they were old friends, but what transpires is really some warm empathy/compassion/feeling sorry for him and wanting the best for him.

So i guess i just wanted some more content for their friendship but shipping them a way or another in their youth, i'm here for it. comet partners as for my own hc, but to each their own you know. They are so well paired and the movies are just so well directed, i swear, all the characters you can feel that they're not thinly written. THAT'S IT FOR THE BLORBOS and other SCRUNGLOS feel free to ask it's my current brain goes brrrrrrrrrrrrr.

#john wick #sunnibits #♥

7 notes · View notes

deeranger · 3 years ago

Text

Fic Writer Questions!

@oddsocksandstuff tagged me in this, thank you so much, sweetie! ❤️

1) How many works do you have on AO3? I’ve got 40 so far (of which 25 are SPN fics). There’s more to come!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 486,667, apparently. That tells me each of my fics has an average wordcount of 12,166.675… Seems about right. I was never any good at keeping things short.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Uhh… On AO3 I’ve written for Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, X-men (Cherik) and McFassy (James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender). But I’ve written a lot when I was younger that has never made it online, including NCIS, Pirates of the Caribbean, and lots of weird one-shorts starring everyone from Michael J. Fox to Kevin Sorbo from “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”. 🤨

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “A Lesson to be Taught” – an SPN Wincest pwp fic where a dominant Dean fucks (and spanks) Sam and they discover that Dean apparently has a daddy!kink. Comes with a photo manipulation too! There be dick.

“Taking Game” – a semi-dark medieval Cherik (Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr from X-men) AU. Basically, Charles is a poacher hunting on king Erik’s land to his great dismay. And so, he’s captured and gets the choice between losing his life or serving the king for a bit… Dubcon and smut ensues. “Only Like This” – a little SPN Wincest dub-con fic about hopelessly pining Dean doping Sam just so he can touch and kiss his oblivious little brother. It’s okay. Sam won’t remember when he comes to. “It’s Only Carnal” – A dark SPN Wincest noncon fic where soulless!Sam needs to blow off some steam. And when it comes to carnal activities his brother isn’t exactly a novice – so why not use Dean’s body to make them both feel good? “Demonized” – a long and dark af SPN noncon fic written in collaboration with the awesome @palishere. Sam is captured by some nasty demons who use him to lure in his brother. At first it seems the demonic scumbags are just really perverted and have a weakness for sexual torture, but they turn out to have ulterior motives…

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, always. I think it can be a bit demotivating for a reader to leave a comment and get zero response – and so, they might not bother to comment on the next fic. At least, that’s how I feel personally. And besides, I really want to let readers know that I appreciate them taking the time and effort to actually tell me what they think.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oufff… Seriously? How can I possibly pick just one when 99.8 percent of my fics are not only dark af but have gut-wrenching ambiguous endings as well? I, err… I’m gonna have to think really hard about this one, hold on… *Insert buzzing cicada sound*… Uhh… Well, I guess it might be… “Play or Pay” – a dark female!reader-insert Wincest fic where demon!Dean has you and Sam trapped somewhere underground. Sam ends up being on the receiving end of the demon’s cruelty when he tries to save you. Using Dean’s body the demon ends up raping Sam while the reader tries to escape to get help... There’s a little twist in the end. Loads of dead dove here, including death (not Dean or Sam). “The Orange Hour” – where undercover inmate!Dean has to rape CO!Sam in order to save both of their lives and get them out of the jail in one piece. It doesn’t go completely as planned. (Comes with an nsfw photo manipulation). “Demonized” – loads of bottom!Sam torture, full of hurt and absolutely no comfort... It’s just… I dunno, I think I and @palishere had a collective meltdown in the noncon and angst department. Sorrynotsorry.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, I’ve never in my life written a crossover. Usually, I’m too laser-focused on 1 obsession at a time. I can’t multitask, okay?

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes, the fandom purity police has visited me on AO3. The usual self-proclaimed know-it-alls vomiting their bullshit all over the comment section about how “problematic” noncon is and how “sick” I must be. I thought about moderating comments for a while, actually – but I just deleted their follow-up comments until they left me alone. 😤

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes!! Gimme! Usually, I write noncon smut or just good ol’ pwps that feature some sort of dominance. That’s it. That’s my jam. In general, the only smut I don’t write is the cute, fluffy, feel-good, cuddly stuff… My smut’s usually pretty rough and/or some sort of dub/noncon.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone stole “It’s Only Carnal” and posted it as her own on some Portuguese fanfiction site. She even replied to comments, answered questions and talked about how much she loved writing it, etc… Luckily a sweet mutual on Tumblr let me know about it and I reported her for plagiarism. The stolen fic was taken down shortly after and the account deleted. Goddamn thief. 😡

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Honestly, I can’t remember which fic(s). But people have contacted me on AO3 and asked for permission to translate my stuff into Chinese. I have - of course - happily allowed them to. It’s such an awesome compliment to get, I think!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, 2. “Demonized” and the fluffy Ficfacers prompt fic “The Masks We Wear” starring Sam and Dean taking their pranks a step too far. Basically, the brothers get angry with each other and they need to talk it out… No smut in this one, can you believe it?!! But that was kinda the prompt we received. The prompt was literally: “Sam and fluff”. Anyways, both fics are co-written with the lovely @palishere. You can find her AO3 here. 😊

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? Wincest!!! Definitely. Gimme all the brotherfucking, please. No contest. And coming in on second place I guess there’s Samifer – never paired consensually, though. I just love Lucifer messing with Sam’s head and torturing him in all kinds of cruel ways.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Oh, that’s a mean question… I have a noncon WIP where Sam and Dean are in prison. I wrote a whole story outline, gathered my own little dictionary of prison slang, etc… But I never made it past page 10 or something. Sam was supposed to get jumped by a gang of inmates and then Dean was supposed to helplessly watch from the sideline, offering to trade places if they’d just leave his little brother alone… And after that it’s all about a mix of healing and vengeance… But the story has been lying on the shelf for more than a year and I doubt I’ll ever continue it. Oh, wait! I almost forgot – I have a long Cherik WIP sequel to “To Have and to Hold”! Just checked, its wordcount is 18,729! Holy crap…. What a waste, huh? But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever finish it, because I’m not into Cherik anymore. That ship has kinda sunk for me…. So, now I’m hyperfixating on Supernatural, yeah?

16) What are your writing strengths? Description, I think. I just love details and setting the mood. I like to think I’m pretty good at writing in English too even though it isn’t my native language… I wish to be better and expand my vocabulary but I’m doing okay nonetheless.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Description, I think. Yes, you read correctly. I often describe things TOO much. Sometimes to the extent where the pacing gets so slowed down that I feel like the scene loses its ‘feel’. I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but that’s my major concern about my writing. That and my signature ambiguous endings, lol.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Love it. It can be difficult to pull off, but if you get it right it can be magical. Just don’t overdo it and make sure that the reader can follow. I don’t think I have any fics online where I do it, but I’m not a complete stranger to it either.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? Ack, my poor brain trying to go back to when I was friggin’ 13… You know how many years ago that was?! 25!!! Okay!? *Huffs*…. Anyway, I THINK it might’ve been Keanu Reeves’ character in “Johnny Mnemonic”. Or maybe David James Elliott’s character as Harmon Rabb in the early seasons of “JAG”. I dunno. Either way this question makes me feel really old and I don’t appreciate it. Don’t @ me. 😅

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? That’s probably a tie between “The Orange Hour” and “It’s Only Carnal”. They’ve both got nice pacing and that’s my biggest challenge, I think. Also, I love the whole Morse code thing in “The Orange Hour”. I don’t even know what happened or how I came up with it, but hey, I can surprise myself if I want to, I guess! And of course there’s the smutty noncon and all of the hurt… So, those two fics are my personal faves. 😏

I’ll tag @jackandthesoulmates, @pinkoptics, @palishere, @wrenseroticlibrary, @decadent-prince, @negans-lucille-tblr, @juinae and @impala-dreamer and everyone else who feels like doing it! Feel free to ignore, of course.

#dee answers #fanfiction questions #personal

21 notes · View notes

cillianmurphy · 5 years ago

Photo

GIFFING 101 - YOUR ULTIMATE GUIDE ON HOW TO GIF

I have gotten many, many asks before about how I gif and I finally decided to make a tutorial. This is going to be very long, very image heavy and with a lot of details and examples. I mean it, I’m going through every, single aspect of giffing that I can possibly think of. From start to finish. And please read the disclaimer at the very start.

* I use a macbook pro but this should probably work on windows too!

I hate doing this but if this helped and you want to, please consider donating to my ko-fi or if you want, commission a theme or page from me at @amaanat <3

tutorial under cut, I hope it helps!

★★★★★

- CONTENTS

disclaimer

what will you need to create gifs?

how to download videos?

extracting your scene from handbrake using VLC / built in video player

opening in photoshop

trimming, cropping and resizing videos

sharpening

colouring and psds

masks

adding subtitles

editing frames / timeline speed

multiple gifs in one grid.

actions

exporting the gif

last minute tips and extra links.

★★★★★

- DISCLAIMER

First off, this is not meant as a post where I am saying look here, this is the only and perfect way of giffing. Not at all. When I started out, there were many tutorials available that helped me figure out how to gif, and I slowly developed my own style and I would like to create an in depth tutorial that helps you grasp the basics. Heck, make your gifs whatever way you want, go absolutely crazy on colours or whatever, this tutorial is just here to guide you through the process of gifmaking, because I know it can be very intimidating to people who are just getting into it. That is why I made this and why I spent 8 hours writing this, because I want others to know too and this is the kind of in depth tutorial I needed when I was starting out 4 years ago. Thanks for reading, hope it helps and go crazy ahhh go stupid.

★★★★★

- what will you need to create gifs?

photoshop. I use photoshop CC 2020 on a mac and I pay monthly bc of student discount. There are many, many links you can find on @completeresources for downloads. You can use any photoshop you like, as long as you have the timeline option.

Handbrake. This nifty program is used mostly to convert MKV files to MP4, but I also use it to quickly extract the part of the video I want, because opening an entire movie in photoshop can quickly clog up space bc of cache and it’s a pain to find that one second scene you want with that tiny scrollbar. Download it from here.

your video (downloading explained down below)

extras: VLC, just to find how many seconds the scene is at, so we can input the time in Handbrake. You can use any other player though for that step, I use VLC or Quicktime. Download VLC from here.

★★★★★

- how to download videos

Ok so I will quickly go through a few methods here for getting your clips.

1. t*rrenting.

This is the most popular method for getting your film or tv episode. I personally get my t/rrents from rarbg dot to or if I am having trouble finding one, I go to 1337x dot to, because they compile them from different sites. I copy the magnet link and go to the qbittorrent application, import magnet link, choose the files I want and it downloads. Remember, the higher the seeder leecher ratio, the quicker it will download.

But which file should I choose?? there’s so many? Well yes there are many many files for different movies. On RAR, I found more than 40 t/rrent files for Endgame. I think that generally, the 4/5 GB 1080p copies are just fine. I have compared giffing with a 60GB Interstellar Remux (which is directly ripped from bluray) file to giffing from a 4GB 1080 file, it literally gave me the same quality and the 1080 looked crisper. So yeah don’t kill your computers space, just go for those 3/4/5GB files.

hot tip - don’t download from yify, the quality is way worse.

2. movies from twitter accounts such as logolessHD.

these accounts post MEGA links to movies and shows, but you will have to request to follow them to be able to get the links. Then you can download the movie from there. The accounts you can get these links from are here: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4. The quality can be a bit less though compared to t/rrents. Here is a link to a tumblr blog with these kinds of downloads too.

3. downloading from youtube.

ok, use 4kvideodownloader for this. It is incredibly easy to use, you just need the youtube link. Always Always go for 1080p, if you can’t then 720 at the most because otherwise quality gets really bad really fast.

4. netflix / screenrecording

If you don’t want to download / can’t find something, try using netflix and screen recording. In my experience, SC only works on google chrome and not safari so jsyk!! Here is a tutorial on how to screen record on mac (or for quick access, click command+shift+5) and windows.

NOTE: quicktime screen records at 60fps, which is nearly thrice the frame rate of movies and shows, so at the end you may end up with duplicate frames in the timeline of photoshop, so you will have to delete those frames one by one sorry.

★★★★★

- extracting your scene from handbrake using VLC / built in video player

muahaha here’s where the magic starts to happen. Open handbrake and import your video. For this part I am going to use a scene of Keanu Reeves from the 2019 movie Always be my Maybe. I will demonstrate with that scene up until colouring, because then I will show how I colour different scenes!

So when you have opened the image in HB, you get this layout. (link to imgur)

it is a bit intimidating, I know. So basically, first, click on where it says chapters near the top right and click seconds. then, input the time you want to extract from the entire video. For the Keanu scene, that scene starts at 00:57:18 and ends at 00:57:21. These are not exact timings, I usually add an extra second so the entire scene is captured and I heavily recommend you do the same.

Now down below, you can click browse and edit where your new video will be saved and you can also change the name of the new clip. Always ALWAYS remember to keep the .mp4 ending do not cut that part out!!! If the ending says .m4v change it to mp4!!

Ok then I undertake the following steps to ensure the video that will be exported is of the highest quality possible:

Firstly, I uncheck all these three boxes:

Then you see this bar here right? Well I will edit the dimensions, filters and video now. You don’t have to do anything for audio, subtitles or chapters so leaving that alone is best. Lets go to dimensions first.

Here are my settings for dimensions:

The storage size depends on if your file is 1080p or 720p. Most movies are shot in a ratio of 2.35:1, so if it does not say 1920x1080 like a 1080 file should be, don’t fret. The cut off parts are just the black bars you see when watching the movie. Handbrake doesn’t recognise nor convert them so that’s one less thing we have to worry about.

Now onto filters. Literally do NOT change anything there. Leave the settings as they are, which is like this:

Finally, go to video. You will see this kind of window and these are my settings (imgur)

Firstly, leave video encoder at H264 or 265 depending on how your video is encoded. For the FPS, choose same as source for the framerate and click constant instead of variable!!! This will ensure your video is smooth. For quality, bring the slider all the way to the right. RF0 means it will be at the best quality possible. I didn’t edit the settings at the bottom at all so just leave them be.

Now click this green icon (imgur) at the top and your video will start encoding! It does not take long at all and then your video is ready to made into a nice lil gif!

★★★★★

- opening in photoshop

woohooo we got our video!! Ok now open photoshop. Click on file -> open:

now search for the file you extracted from VLC and import it! Now your screen will look like this (imgur). With a different video, of course lol.

★★★★★

- trimming, cropping and resizing videos

ok so firstly, we will trim the video. As you can see in the image I linked in the step before, the screencap you see is of someone else in ABMM, not Keanu, like I want. So use this slider:

and click and drag it to where your scene begins and shows up in the window. Then, click the following button to split at playhead.

This will split the clip and so the timeline and layers section will look like this (imgur) (mine has three sections because there was space before and after the keanu scene so I cut two parts which made three clips)

so now all there is left in trimming is delete the layers of the video you do not need! For me in that image it was layer 1 and 3!

cropping and resizing

This depends on the kind of gifset you want to make. This picture is a handy guide for resizing:

This post is also very very useful for resizing info

Ok now I will crop my gif. Click on this tool:

and now my interface looks like this. I am using the ratio 6 by 4 but you can use whatever you want.

Ok now you may need to crop some black bars but since I don’t have to, I just moved the crop area around a bit and clicked enter to crop it. Just play around with sizes and whatnot, and get a feel of what you like!!

cropping tip: crop as close as you can to the edges. The more you zoom in, the more pixels that will be visible and it will make your gif extremely grainy!!

So now for resizing, go to image -> image size or click command-shift-i

and you will get this window.

A LITTLE NOTE - I personally do not use automatic but a friend who shared her sharpening psd would prefer if I kept it secret, but automatic is what most people use and it is what I used up until november 2019 and it worked just fine.

Ok anyway now I want to make my gif 268px wide so I will input that as width and make sure you click this!! It makes sure your height and width are proportional!

ok now we have this. After you’ve done that, click ok!

congrats, you just resized a gif!! Your gif probably looks smaller now in the main window once you click ok, just zoom in to it! don’t worry about it looking bad quality, sharpening is next!

This is how my gif looks with trimming, cropping and resizing (with 0.05 speed)

★★★★★

- sharpening

Now we sharpen! Make sure your layer is selected Go to filter -> sharpen -> smart sharpen and this window will pop up:

These are my settings which most people use. Just remove gaussian blur

I have more accurate and use legacy checked too!

click ok! Now ... your gif might look a bit oversharpened. That’s why we use a bit of gaussian blur. Go to filter -> blur -> gaussian blur.

now I think most people also use a 1.0 radius so set that and click ok.

But now your gif looks too blurry. Lets fix that. Double click the icon below in the layers panel

and adjust the opacity! My go to is between 25 to 35, just so the gif looks smooth!

Now we’re done with sharpening! This is how our gif looks with sharpening with 0.05 speed:

sweet right? Now .... the best and hardest part ... colouring!!!!

★★★★★

- colouring and psds

First I will shortly talk about psds. They are photoshop files, that save the entire document which means you can share it with someone after uploading it and when they download and open it, they can edit the layers, tweak things just like they made the file in the first place. Many people upload psds of gifs with colouring so others can use that colouring. You can find so many psds on completeresources (I only linked gif psds but they have psds for icons and headers too) or allresources. I do not use psds but colour from scratch every time so I will not be explaining them further, sorry.

So for colouring, I will go very in depth into different styles. Here are the main types of colouring I have noticed people use on here:

simple - I normally use this for scenes with people in it

vibrant, bright - I use this for scenes with lots of colours in them

pale

black and white

gradients - I use this to spice scenes up a bit

colour palette

I only go for simple, vibrant and gradients and never do cp, pale or black and white, but I will link a few tutorials by talented creators who do and after that I will explain the three ways I colour by showing you three different examples :)

Some useful tutorials I have found for pale/bw/cp colouring are:

this pale tutorial by @samecoin. Especially useful read because Tippy explains how to avoid whitewashing in pale edits.

this pale tutorial by @kateausten. Very easy to read and to follow.

this colour palette tutorial by @freddyfreemen. They explain the basics and provide a psd too.

this colour palette tutorial by @stenbranlons. Very image heavy which guides you through every step of the way.

A blog dedicated to pale resources is @finesources and is definitely worth checking out!

this tutorials page by completeresources has many many tutorials on how to do different kinds of styles

Btw, this is a useful website that explains all the different adjustment layers in photoshop if you’re still getting the hang of them

ok now onto my examples for the colouring. I will first do simple colouring for which I will use the keanu gif. For vibrant and gradient I will use two different gifs. I usually put my colouring into a group so first, close the video group layer and click this to make a new group which will contain the adjustment layers for our colouring:

SIMPLE COLOURING

First I will brighten the gif up with some curves. That is this tool:

Then you get this window:

As you see, I have selected that white eyedropper tool. Using that I will brighten the image. Basically, you want to click on the whitest part of the gif using that tool. This is because wherever you click, the eyedropper will turn that part into white and adjust the entire gif that way so if you click somewhere dark, you’ll get this white bright fuzzy mess. So I clicked on the lightest place which imo is the white specks near the glass in front of his hand and now my gif looks like this:

Ok now if you look at the above image, there is a black eyedropper two steps above the white one. You want to use that to click on the darkest place of the gif bc it’ll turn that to pure black. Here is my gif when I did that:

not a massive difference but it balances things out. Now I will add some saturation. Click this icon:

which brings up this window. I have already set saturation to around 15 to make it a bit warmer:

and the gif looks like this now:

I think it looks nice, but I would like to add something extra. That is why I am going to play around with selective colour to make the background pop a bit and make the black colour more dark. So click this icon:

and you get this window and these colours (imgur). You can play around a lot with selective colour and manipulate colours! So if I turned the black dial on reds to +100, they would become wayyyy darker. However because I want the background to pop, I would use the colours magenta and blue (and black for the final touch). For those my settings are this: 1 - 2 - 3 (imgur). So now my gif looks like this:

And now i think we are done! For comparison, this is what the gif looked like with absolutely no colouring or sharpening:

And that was all for simple colouring!! Lets move on to vibrant colours!!

VIBRANT COLOURING

For this I will use an example from Thor: Ragnarok bc thor is my soft bb. I did not do much for this first example except play around a lot with selective colour and I used the exact way of adding saturation and curves as shown before. Honestly just playing around with selective is the best bet to get vibrant colouring. The gif without sharpening etc was this:

the gif after colouring and sharpening is this:

pretty sweet huh? Just play a lot with saturation, hue and selective colour and channel mixer and you can create a lot of styles that way!

GRADIENT

for this I will use another clip from Thor, but from The Dark World. It is a bare clip where it is raining and I will add a gradient on it. This is the gif without colouring nor sharpening:

now we will do the sharpening and colouring. I already applied a basic curves and saturation layer so now it looks like this:

It looks a bit better right? Ok lets get that gradient applied. Click here:

and click on gradient, NOT gradient maps bc those are different things and I honestly dont know how maps work.

now this is what will appear, I haven’t changed anything to this yet:

What style, colours, angle you choose is up to you. I personally am going for 0 angle because I want it going right. Now, to choose colours, double click on the colour shown next to the word gradient. This window will show up:

The fun part is you can do what you want here. Just experiment, click the buttons, adjust opacity etc. When you click at the bottom of the bar somewhere another stop marker appears meaning you can have even more colours! Just click on the bottom markers and edit to your hearts content! Use the top button to adjust opacities. Personally I went for this gradient:

Ok but now we have a problem because our gradient is fully covering the image and you can’t see anything. That is where blending modes come in. Right click on the gradient layer and click blending options. This window will pop up (ingur). When you click blending mode, these options appear (imgur).

Here is a good guide explaining the blending modes

I just recommend playing around seeing which one suits you. I went for overlay, which makes my final gif look like this:

and that was that on colouring!! Let me know if u have questions about it! Onto the next part, masks!

★★★★★

- masks

I will not go in depth here, but instead I will link some tutorials but the amazing @thepunisher who has explained it much better than I ever will be able to. The tutorials are all in this link. If you have any questions do lmk but idk how I could explain it.

★★★★★

- adding subtitles

although we wish we could, we can’t all lip read so we need subtitles also I’m hard of hearing and need them anyway but yeah, I will quickly highlight how I add subs! I use the font Arial Rounded MT Bold Regular.

I will first link to this post because it helped me a lot and may explain stuff better than I do.

Lets take the keanu gif we had earlier. In it, he says ‘fish flakes’. Now what I do is this. Click on this icon:

and drag a box around the gif fully. Add your text. Mine looks like this now:

Well that ... does not look like a subtitle. BTW my settings are:

*when there are two people speaking I change the colour of the second person to #ffff00 - also for 540px gifs I usually use 12/13px text.

Ok now I will add the stroke and drop shadow. Right click on the layer of text, click blending options and change your stroke and drop shadow settings to this and this (imgur). Now just click the move tool or hit V on keyboard to select it and drag the gif down wherever you want. Now my final gif looks like this:

Ok, now if you have two gifs and you want them to be the same distance from the bottom, right click the text layer of the first gif document, click duplicate layer and you will get this window:

now click on destination and depending on what files you have open in PS, you will get this window:

now just choose where you want the text to go and if the gifs are the same sizes itll appear exactly where it did in the first one and you can edit the text for the second. You can do this with adjustment layers, groups etc too!!

Now text is done! Off to the next part!

★★★★★

- editing frames / timeline speed

We are done editing, now time to convert to frame animation and edit the speed!

Ok click on the four bars on the right side of the video timeline. It will bring up a menu. From there, select this:

This will make individual layers of every frame into clips. Now, click this at the bottom left side of the video timeline:

This will convert your video timeline to a frame animation timeline. Now it looks like this (imgur). you’re probably wondering wait where the heck did my layers go well don’t fret, lets click the four bars on the right side again and click this:

now look! We have got all our frames into the timeline! Just delete the excessive frames at the front. Now click the four bars again, select all frames and then click the number at the bottom and change it to 0.05 or 0.06 or whatever speed you want:

Now we are done with this step!

★★★★★

- multiple gifs in one grid

I myself am not going to explain this, instead here are links to a few amazing tutorials that will help you further

this tut by @brolinjosh

this tut by @futurist

★★★★★

- actions

Now actions ... man they make everything so much easier. Basically actions are a sequence of steps you undertake in photoshop that are recorded which you can then save and use on multiple files. This makes the giffing process much much faster!!! For instance, these are the actions I have saved (mind the doubles lol I am experimenting a bit!)

As you can see, I have one for undertaking the entire video timeline to frame animation process and one for sharpening and the subtitles. It has saved me around 75% of the original time I put into creating sets before which is a lifesaver.

I cannot explain how to make actions bc I am really bad at explaining stuff, but here are some tutorials:

- https://helpx.adobe.com/photoshop/using/creating-actions.html

- https://completeresources.tumblr.com/post/66560261468/how-make-action-%D0%B7

- https://completeresources.tumblr.com/post/50583786863/how-to-use-an-action

- https://completeresources.tumblr.com/post/50362731526/how-to-use-actions-on-gifs

https://www.creativebloq.com/adobe/create-own-photoshop-actions-61411918

★★★★★

- exporting the gif

now we’re at the final stage! When you have your gif ready, go to file -> export -> save for web legacy

ok now the next window is this which looks intimidating I know

Well basically, those are my settings above. Make sure the looping option is set at forever. Also on the left size you see how big your gif is, make sure it is under 8mb but tumblr is unstable so keep it under 5MB and it should be fine.

I use different exporting types at times. Sometimes I use selective and pattern, sometimes diffusion or adaptive+dif. Just remember that the gif size depends on which you choose so keep that in mind. Here’s the difference (if u can even spot it).

selective + pattern

selective + diffusion

adaptive + diffusion

Personally I mostly only use selective + pattern!

btw make sure your matte is at NONE!!! This is because otherwise you have those whitish transparent borders on your gif, esp noticable on dark gifs, like shown in this tutorial by the talented @joewright !

And congrats, you have officially made a gif! Now go experiment, have the time of your life and do whatever the heck u want with your gifs. And if you want me to see them, tag me!! I track #usernums !!!

★★★★★

- last minute tips and extra links

man idk what to say here really but here goes:

@completeresources and @allresources are amazing places to learn more about gifmaking, pls take advantage of the opportunity

reminder: quicktime records at 60FPS, so unless you want a laggy gif delete the extra duplicate frames in the frame animation timeline!!

When opening import video frames to layers, do not click skip every second frame!! do not!!!!

Do not steal gifs. Try making them. I know it takes time and it can get frustrating but don’t post someone elses gifs as your own. Even the ugliest gifset in existence made originally by someone is better than a stunning set put together full of stolen gifs from various users. Don’t be that person

Don’t be afraid to ask for help pls just go on anon if u want!!

use the tumblr dimensions!!! I cannot stress enough how important this is because if you don’t, your gifs will look stretched af and lose quality so like .. don’t do that

#completeresources #itsphotoshop #tutorial #resources #gif tutorial #allresources #my tutorials

2K notes · View notes

idjitlili · 4 years ago

Text

W-wait you kidnapped, Jareth?

Obi-wan x reader

(Not my image)

Summary: Dropped into a strange world, pretty much on to a Obi-wan's lap, only for him to take pity on you. What a pity...

Word count:6237

Warnings: Kidnapping of a non-starwars character, tight pants wearing person.../ tight pants/ references to something under tight pants. Post Padme and Anakin reuniting. Some language. Age gap.

Okay, so maybe you had been in another dimension, with no intention,with a bit of a mind flip, you're into the time slip. You don't know how it happened one minute you was sleeping, having one of those dreams when you are falling but you couldn't wake up, until you had shot awake from painful landing.

Well, the landing wasn't painful, two points of impact, under your legs and on your shoulder blades. Opening your eyes suddenly, to see a auburn haired man, his eyes bright, as they starred into yours, yes he was handsome. Some sort of cream wrap tunic, dark brown shirt underneath, hiding his chest. It was hot, very hot, how was his face no sweating, your arm now around his shoulders to prevent you from falling. No doubt your face showed shock.

"Who are you?!"

What else was you supposed to say, other than 'where am I?' It was not long at all before 'Obi- wan' the man who had caught you had taken you to some green guy called Yoda. Aliens, you would not have guessed it, well most people know there are actually aliens, there are so many galaxies. There was no earth in the place, so they had concluded it be some sort of bigger power had brought you were.

Yoda seemed nice enough, basically the Lady Galadriel of this place, insuring you that no harm would come to you. Of course, he had put the top Jedi on the job, Obi-wan, why did you have to put with the handsome ones, you'd end up red faced even if he looked at you. If he wasn't a nice person then he would've just dropped you.

In the short time you had been in this place, you had wondered why you had fallen in this place in your shoes. However, that is irrelevant, you had learnt about Jedi and siths, typical good guys versus bad boys. Not bad boys...not yet, of course I'm thinking about Din Djarin,well he's not evil.

Yoda did have a lot to say, except oh yes just so you know you've just been dumped into a foreign universe and now you are going on a space ship. You had been given a bag, with sets of clothing for you as well as some other supplies. Obi-wan being himself, not that you knew his regular behaviour, took your bag, when you were both walking towards the ship. Not that it was in view not yet.

"W-wait, so we are going into space?" Your voice laced with panic, as you speed walked next to Obi-wan to keep up. He had let out a deep chuckle.

"Where else would we go, little one?"

"Uhm, literally anywhere else, do I not get food before we leave? I just got here! I'm starving."

The ship, now in view, was it floating? Was it just on a platform? Nope it was floating, did you just the force to do that, like an elevator? Looking at the Jedi, grinning as you both got closer and closer to the ship.

"It's not that bad, I won't let anything happen to you, nothing will if I am the one steering it anyways..." Obi-wan whispering last bit, but you still heard him, brows scrunching toward, who else would be piloting the ship? You? Never. That when you saw him, stood on ramp of the ship, assuming he was waiting for you and Obi-wan. His hair short, light brown and spiked. Was that a rat tail? Oh gosh. He was cute, but you could tell he was trouble.

"Oooh, Master, I thought you said no attachments." Obi-wan had scoffed at the boy, as you both got dangerously close, the boy looked at you with a smirk, his cheeks bunching up like a clown. That he was indeed.

"This is Anakin, Anakin, Y/n, she will be coming with us," Obi-wan looked at Anakin who still was looking at you, only at his master briefly. When he did Obi-wan's face could only be described as that face off Zoolander, Blue steel. Why was he pursing his lips, was he expecting a peck or was that just his stern face?

Of course when you held your hand out to shake his, he had took your hand in his pressing his lips to your knuckles. You looked at Obi-wan wide eyes, was this legal? Was Anakin even an adult? Only just, but still, he was not your type.

"Anakin, that's enough, what have I told you?" Pulling Anakin from you , pushing him into the ship, Anakin turns his face to you sending a cheeky grin. Only for Obi-wan to give him another shove out the ship. Obi-wan gesturing you for you to get on before him, with a small smile. "Thank you."

You weren't sure where you were going, hell, you didn't even know what planet you had just been was, but now you say in a seat gripping it, as Obi-wan began to pilot the ship, is that what it was called? Was called something different? You weren't sure, all you knew is this was scary. If you crashed there was little chance of survival, there's no oxygen in space.

Anakin sat next to Obi-wan, both focused on the darkness in front of them. You sat on seat that you could only describe as one of those joint seats at the back of a bus, an British bus. Maybe it's the same for different countries? The chair against the wall, you had strapped your bag down in the seat next you , as well yourself.

You had completely forgotten that you were wearing a baggy t-shirt with trousers, and shoes. That night you must've been so tired that you didn't change, you don't know what happened that night. You must've looked very out of place, especially with what you had seen everyone else was wearing. Why were they all dressed as Jesus? You were surprised they were surprised they weren't wearing sandals.

"So, where are you from?" Anakin had spoken gently not taking his face from his position, had made you snap out of thoughts.

"Y/h/c." You weren't sure if he meant planet, you had just stuck with your home country. Anakin had clicked his tongue, thinking, before he could say anymore Obi-wan had stopped him.

"She's not from this galaxy, Anakin." Obi-wan spoke like Anakin was supposed to know that, well you was wearing a shirt that literally had Keanu reeves face on it.

"Well then, how did you get here?"

"I was sleeping in my bed, and then I was falling somehow, whoa Obi-wan happened to be standing below me, and caught me, the end." Anakin had let out a loud snort turning to his master.

"No attachments, well, Master, if I didn't know better, I would say this was the beginning of something that was meant to be." You swear you saw Anakin raise his eyebrows at Obi-wan, though you couldn't see properly from sitting behind.

"Keep your forked tongue behind you teeth." Why did that sound so familiar... Obi-wan was harsh to his Padawan, he didn't seem to be repulsed by you, maybe he felt uncomfortable by the tone of Anakins voice. W-wait did he just quote Gandalf?

After that everything was silent, for a while anyways, Obi-wan soon told you to go to the bathroom thing in the ship, you had already forgotten what he called it. Informing you that you should change into a set of clothes you were given; so that you would not stick out.

Clothing choice was good considering; you didn't know where you were going but you were glad you were given trousers for walking. Especially what you had been heard, you did not fancy being killed because you had tripped on the dress you were wearing.

The only reason they had took you to this planet was for them to negotiate with someone, you could swear you saw one of them talking to someone on a hologram, why didn't they just do that. When you did arrive, you had to walk far into town. Security reasons, but the ship stood out more on it's own.

You were definitely not expecting to end up in pub, where else would they find a bad guy. It wasn't high tech like you had thought, it was a tavern, old fashioned. For a hot climate the bar was quite cool.

Strange that Obi-wan had made you sat at a table alone, there was a open space, you assumed for dancing, sat at a booth, you had perfect view to the little stage. Though there was no one there. Obi-wan and Anakin had went searching in the bar for the man or woman , or them, you weren't sure. You didn't understand how it was safer for you to be alone.

Twiddling your thumbs bored, the chat of bar was considerably low, it had already began to get dark. Soon enough the pub would be packed. You hadn't seen the man make his way on stage, standing in front of a microphone, while a couple of other people set up behind him. He did not look the band sort, but those other men were there to play the instruments, since there was only one mic.

It was only when the music began to play did you look up, a skinny man, stood at the microphone, his eyes the brightest blue, though his left pupil bigger than the right. His eyebrows had no ends, eyeshadow flicked up into an wing , the end facing his hairline, his cheekbones clearly highlighted. His hair huge , blond, long as well as being a mullet.

His shirt crisp white,with a leather brown vest, his sleeves puffy. The vest only went above his hip bones, beneath that was some very tight pants. They were almost leggings, the grey clearly presented his package. The boots what a slight heel on them reaching up his calves.

This man was clearly handsome, but he reminded you so much of Bowie, you couldn't help but feel drawn to him.

"There's such a sad love

Deep in your eyes a kind of pale jewel

Open and closed

Within your eyes

I'll place the sky

Within your eyes."

His gloved hands on the microphone, as your eyes were glued to him, his eyes gliding over the bar before meeting yours. His eyes eyes latching onto y/c ones, a grin spread across his face, showing his slightly croaked teeth. You quickly looked around making sure he was looking at you, glancing at Obi-wan and Anakin who were busy arguing.

"There's such a fooled heart

Beatin' so fast

In search of new dreams

A love that will last

Within your heart

I'll place the moon"

As your eyes went back to the man, his position now moved, instead of a microphone, he had a mouth piece, a few people waltzing together on the now on the empty space from earlier, but now it wasn't empty. Your heart raced as the man continued to sing, heading your way slowly, dancing with others as he did so.

"Within your heart

As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill is gone

Wasn't too much fun at all"

You don't what possessed you to stand up, but you did. Your feet pulling you towards the dance floor, a smirk upon the mans face as he saw you approaching him, you had blinked and with that he had disappeared. Your eyes searching the crowd, he was still singing.

"But I'll be there for you-ou-ou

As the world falls down

Falling

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling in love."

You were feeling embarrassed when you could not find the man, especially being on the dance floor alone. You had almost had a heart attack when someone had placed their hand on your arm. Turning around you were face to face to the grinning man, offering you his hand. Your hand in his gloved one, the other on his shoulder, his on your waist.

"I'll paint you mornings of gold

I'll spin you Valentine evenings though we're strangers 'til now

We're choosing the path

Between the stars"

Smiling up at the man, you felt like nothing else matter, as you waltzed with him, your movements so smooth that his hair didn't even know. Maybe he wore a lot of hairspray. Your eyes never leaving his, you couldn't remember knowing how to waltz.

"I'll leave my love

Between the stars

As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill is gone

Wasn't too much fun at all

But I'll be there for you-ou-ou

As the world falls down

Falling-"

What you did not notice was the two Jedi's calling your name, as they searched for you, only for Obi-wan to lock eyes onto you, getting Anakins attention, as he sighed. One rumb of the moustache and both of them started heading your way.

Jareth at eyes finally left yours, he had stopped singing, he had not let you go though.

"What are you doing, Y/n?" You had instantly unlaced your hand from the man, turning to face Obi-wan's disapproving glare, Anakin sniffled under his hand, glad he wasn't getting in trouble...again.

"Dancing?" You had even had a second to react when Anakin had stroked his moustache again, and the man was cuffed. Pulling you gently by the arm, you all made your way out of the bar, no doubt that was embarrassing. You had accidentally gotten the guy captured because you danced with him. Then again, Obi-wan would've spotted him singing as well, so maybe it wasn't your fault. Little nervous to why they wanted him, hopefully not for murder.

Once you did make it back to the ship, Anakin was to fly the ship, while the strange man sat next to your bag, and you next to Obi-wan across from him.

"I don't understand, I'll did was dance with him, he didn't try to kill me, so what's the problem?" Obi-wan scoffed, staring at the man, not turning to even look at you.

"The problem is that he kidnaps children."

"No, I take the unwanted ones, those that are wished away." That sounded familiar, the hair, the pants, the David Bowie everything, it was clear who this man was.

"Ben, you can't speak him like that, do you not know who you have captured? He's Jareth, the goblin king!" Jareth had just smirked at Obi-wan, quite frankly the outburst had made Obi-wan jump. No one called him Ben.

"W-well, I've heard stories of The Labyrinth."

"I'm sorry, how did I not see it before, the hair, the music, the very tight pants , the-"

"Why were you looking at his trousers?" Obi-wan now had turned to face you, his eyes eyes searching your face for answer, his voice stern, your face blushed. You really needed to stop talking about pants all the time.

"Do you want her to look at yours instead,Master?" Obi -wan had choked his bearded face reddening. His eyes now off your face.

"Oh, I've already looked, what about some tighter pants , I must say you have lovely arse though." Placing a hand on Obi-wan's lower thigh, if his face was red before it was now, he couldn't look at you. A gentle squeeze of his thigh, and he had to excuse himself.

Once Obi-wan was out of ear range, the three of you laughed, though Anakin hadn't seen nor knew what tipped Obi-wan over the edge. However, Jareth had smirked at you, he knew very well what you had done. You had barely had known Obi-wan for four days, and he already felt like he was breaking the rules.

It was very clear why Obi-wan actually left the room, his trouser were now tight on him.

"So, love.." You were surprised, obi-wan had taken the cuffs off Jareth in the ship and left him with you. One of his legs , thrown over the end on table, as if it was an arm of a chair.

"Stop that." Anakin's voice stopped Jareth saying anymore.

Before you knew it, you had been talking to to Jareth the whole journey back, Obi-wan had came back shortly after; sitting next to Anakin.

It was not like you had anything better to do other than speaking to the fae, Obi-wan just criticising Anakin. 'He's overly critical.' What do you want Anakin, a kiss on your cheek, oh sweetie you are doing absolutely amazing at killing the guys on our side.

Stepping out of the ship, Jareth now singing another song, like he was in a movie or something. You had caught eyes with about her man in robes, another Jedi. Hold on, that couldn't be Samuel L Jackson?

"Hey, Jareth?"

"Yes, love."

"Can't you just magic yourself out of this situation back to the your castle?" Jareth's hands weren't cuffed still, he had turned his face towards you with a grin, looking back at him, you felt bad he was only helping he wasn't killing people or anything. He was a lovely guy.

"Yes, I can, I was just waiting for a kiss goodbye." Pointing to his cheek, your pinks slightly pink as your pressed a kiss to his soft skin. With that you had pulled away, one last smile, he had turned dramatically, spinning his cape with him, glitter flying everywhere. Off flew a a light brown owl. He was gone.

"Mother fucker." Your lips turned up slightly trying to prevent a grin, as you turned back to the Jedi's that did not look impressed. Well, Anakin he did not care he just smiled, knowing you were probably were going to get in trouble. You literally didn't even do anything, all you did was kiss the mans cheek.

"What did you do?" Obi-wan eyes on you , his words like a sharpened butter knife, you could say unnatural...even supernatural. This hands on his hips, pushing his robes back.

"W-what? Me? I told you he was bloody magic ;but no, you didn't listen."

"Control yourself, now come, Master Yoda requests all of you." Did he just tell Obi-wan to calm himself , he just called Jareth a motherfucker.

The meeting with Yoda, Windu and the three of you, wasn't with the Jedi republic. According to Yoda, this matter wasn't of importance, he didn't expect You'd been able to hold Jareth for very long. Master Windu, didn't give no shits, he was disappointed.

It wasn't like he killed a bunch of kids, not like Anakin was going to. Not just the men, but the woman and the children too. Jareth basically had loads of Goblin children living their best life's in the goblin city, that wasn't threatening. So, the Goblin king got away, why don't you go kill bloody Palpatine.

The next few weeks were not as eventful, stuck in your room bored, it was awkward to go out you didn't know anyone. Especially not Obi-wan you were pretty sure he hated you at the moment. You did not want to have to get involved with him and Anakin training. Exercise...no thanks.

You really did feel bad for how you acted towards Obi-wan, he was a Jedi you couldn't touch him like that. So, when he turned up at your room in the evening, with your dinner, it was surprising. Normally you'd get brought to dinner by one of the younglings.

Obi-wan stood in front of you with a small smile as he held the tray. The tray with two plates of dinner.

"O-oh, hi," pulling the door open with the door handle allowing Obi-wan into your room, before shutting it behind him.

"I thought maybe you wanted someone to eat with you," He did not expand further. Obi-wan was a kind man, he took a pact basically to have no family no nothing, just to protect the galaxy. With a high chance of death, he was a noble man, you couldn't think of anyone you knew from back home that would do that. You should not have gave him a boner.

Placing the tray on the table within your room, but instead of sitting down, he had lifted the whole table towards the balcony. Obi-wan has , went to Yoda before coming to your room, stating this was strictly professional nothing more. Yoda had just laughed. "Dine with her , you will."

Seeing what Obi-wan was doing, you had grabbed a chair too, onto the the stone of the balcony. The view of the planet, Coruscant was not the best, but it was better than looking at a wall. Ten again you'd be eating in a moment so you wouldn't have to look at either. Fresh are was good though.

Sitting down at the round table with Obi-wan was weird, you really felt guilty for your behaviour it was eating you up, whilst you both ate your dinners up. Looking up to Obi-wan, his eyes fixed to his plate as he struggle to cut a potato, his golden hair tucked behind his eyes. Orange light from the setting sun shined into his hair, as well as his cheeks, his eyes glistening.

"The way I acted on the ship, was completely inappropriate, I am so sorry, there is no excuse for my behaviour. I admit I'm glad you are here now. I don't expect you to forgive me."

Obi-wan's eyes now looking back into yours, his eyebrows frowning together slightly, his knife and fork on his plate, as he lent back in the chair. Rubbing your sweaty hands along your trousers roughly, a small laugh let his lips.

"I must have missed something, you complimented my behind and squeezed my knee. That's hardly anything to apologise for, if anything I would've expected an apology for not listening to my orders." That guilt did seem to fade away, mostly. Your cheeks reddening, as Oni-wan continued to look at you.

"I'm sorry for not following your orders, especially when in a pub on a strange planet."

Smiling at each for a moment before going back to your dinners before they got cold. Not speaking fully until you had both finished eating.

This became a daily occurrence for weeks, then months. You were still not returned home, you were stuck. You didn't feel alone not like you did when you first arrived. You did miss home very much, but nothing could be done about that.

Sometimes, sorry, every time Obi-wan went out of Coruscant you went with. Even if it was dangerous, either you'd stay in the ship or simply go wherever with him. It wasn't hard to see how close you had gotten to Obi-wan, the Jedi council did not like it one bit, not that you knew that. Obi-wan had insisted that he had been assigned to protecting you and that was what he was doing. Not that was far from the truth.

No attachments, Kenobi? Okay.

What makes matters worse you had no currency, it wasn't hard to guess who would supply you with clothing's such. Obi-wan would take you to the market to buy you anything you needed. In return, well, there wasn't much you could do, certainly wasn't safe for you to go off on your own, especially not being from this universe. So, you just kept him company.

Anakin being Obi-wan's padawan he came along too, not to the market but on missions, but that was obvious. You had felt like a burden , you really did, being reassured you weren't, Obi-wan had given you a role. A purpose. You were their healer.

Not Obi-wan purposely getting small injuries, he'd argue wit himself and sometimes Anakin, that it wasn't on purpose and if it was it was only to make you feel like you part of their team. Not that Obi-wan longed for the soft touches of your skin on his.

However, he was not expecting you to get hurt, no he would not have, he had sworn to protect you and he had failed. You had arrived on this strange planet for 'negotiations' for this clan to basically team up with the republic, but Darth Maul had gotten there first. Of course, you had been kidnapped, since Obi-wan told you to stay in the ship.

Darth held you off the floor by the back of your neck, holding the lightsaber out ready to kill you, not really just leverage. Obi-wan and Anakin in front, they really had no plan. Well, Darth Maul almost stabbed you, but you had the higher air and took a blade from your pocket and stabbed yourself. Blood pouring out of your Abdomen, as your eyes watered, your throat blocked up.

Dropping you to the floor, Darth Maul had laughed. "Oh, I like her." Obi-wan did not like that at all, seeing you face down on the cold floor him an Anakin activated their lightsabers.I could describe the whole fight sequence, but you already know Darth Maul wiggled himself out of that situation back to the Sith, not surprising, you wouldn't remember anyways, you had passed out.

The clan now on the republics side, only because the Jedi's had saved them and promised protection.

Obi-wan had carried you back to the ship with Anakin, who began to start the ship. He felt guilty to wake you up, he would rather stitch you up when you were unconscious.The thought of hurting you plagued his heart, maybe he should get Anakin to do it. No, he couldn't go through with someone else hurting you.

Grabbing the medical kit, Obi-wan had made his way back to the bed, your body still, he would've been happy if this was Anakin. The thought crossed his mind, to stab Anakin, so he'd bloody shut up. Our tunic now drenched with blood, he could clearly see the tear in your shirt. He was not going to wake you , deciding just to cut a square out of your shirt.

You wouldn't be surprised if that shirt wasn't fashion back home, you know people wearing bandanas as shirts, here's what hot now, reveal your hip and your abdomen with a square hole! Who knows, I don't know anything about fashion, except I dress like David Bowie. Shut up , no one cares.

Your face was already laced with cold beads sweat, like Obi-wan but he felt like furnace, his long hair pushed back, his lips squished together as he grabbed the anaesthesia, pulling up your sleeve carefully before injecting it quickly. Then he had gotten to work, soon enough, you was stitched up.

Only problem was, that Sith had damaged the ship, so Anakin only got the three of you so far before having to land on freezing planet. But, it gets better, Anakin being really great, and supposedly a great pilot had hit the side of a mountain. Snow had covered the ship, you were trapped by an ocean of snow.

Of course, R2 hadn't came in this trip, just luck, only thing that was working was the heating and lights, the signal had gone. No way to contact anyone, however, someone was bound to notice in a few days something had gone wrong.

This was not going to be like without a paddle, where you'd all be in your underwear and spoon. We do not shaggy here, um? Get it before Shaggy is in that movie?

Eventually, you had woken up, a little dizzy, probably would not have if Anakin wasn't having a tantrum. You didn't even question how you got back to the ship, your shoes tapped quietly against the floor , as you made your way to the cockpit. Both Obi-wan and Anakin were stood in the centre of the room, Anakin point and clenching his fists, Obi-wan just stood there.

You got a feeling that Anakin was not good at keeping his emotions in check, why was he always so emotional. Obi-wan was now sipping juice, no blue milk, yuck, Anakin still shouting.

"You're jealous, master. You're afraid I am getting too powerful, you want me to fail!" Placing his drink down, Obi-wan had caught your eyes, his face lightened into a smile from his frown. "Mum, you think I am ready to be a Jedi Master, right?" His eyes soft on the sight of you, coughing slightly, you had looked back at Obi-wan who turned to you in a swing, now amused by his Padawan.

"I'm sorry, aren't I a similar age to you?" The cold temperatures from the snow, had transferred into the ship, but Anakins cheeks still burned. He just stood looking at you unable to speak, Obi-wan had laughed patting his Padawan on the back once.

"Don't worry about it; he does it to everyone. When he was younger, it was difficult to convince him to stop calling me father. Sometimes, he still does."

"Liar, I do not. You treat me like a whore ; calling everyone my father. I do not, it was mistake!" Anakin was overwhelmed, his voice defensive and loud as he left the room, leaving you with Obi-wan, who's lips were twitched into a large smile , as he stroked his moustache.

For a few moments you both stood in silence, before you had looked down to the ache and coldness on your lower abdomen. A hole on in your shirt where you we're stabbed, now stitched up.

"Oh yes, sorry about your shirt." Your finger tips tracing the fabric, then touching the wound, pain shot through your body, letting out a welp. Obi-wan eyes had widened, stepping close to inspect the wound again, why would you poke it?

"It's just a shirt, it's not like you don't buy them all anyways, thank you for that again, also thank you for stitching me up , that was you?" Your voice quiet, under his gaze, a deep chuckle had left his mouth.

"Yes, I did, I hardly trust Anakin's flying, how are you feeling? That was very well done back there, but I do recommend you don't do it again." You had scoffed, letting out a short laugh after, Obi-wan looked at you rising his eyebrows, to warning you.

“Oh, yes, I plan on stabbing myself again, who do you think I am? Loki? Okay, maybe I’ll fake my death for attention too.” Obi-wan’s hands gently placed on your shoulders, squeezing lightly , as he looked into your eyes. His blue orbs intensely on yours, his hair neatly tucked back.

“I wouldn’t allow that, from now on you don’t stay in the ship alone, If something happens to you I’d never forgive myself, and I believe that you were sent here for a reason. Not to die.” His hands had left you , smiling at you once more, before leaving the cockpit.

Not only after that you had retired to your bed, in clothes without holes, your now many blankets covered you. Thanks to Obi-wan again, since you all spent so much time on the ship, it was necessary for situations like this. Of course, as long as the ship wasn’t blown up again.

Though the heating was working, it didn’t stop the cold from the outside. Curled up so tight in your blankets, trying to retain heat, you could not get comfortable to sleep. The cold nipping at your feet and cheeks, your nose was probably red too.

Only an hour or two from when you first got into bed, sighing , all your blankets wrapped around you, stepping out of bed. Quietly, making your way around the ship, just to tire yourself out, or to make yourself really cold. So, when you would get back into bed you’d be like ‘oooh warm’ and fall asleep.

You had meant to wake in on Obi-wan sat in his chair in the cockpit, wrapped up in his robes, seemingly fast asleep. His arms crossed, his auburn hair covering his face , neck cranked forward. He was going to have a sore neck in the morning.

Turning on your feet, slowing walking out of the room, pulling your blankets tighter. A sigh had left Obi-wan’s mouth, not loud but you heard it. Your movement now softened, you continued with tiny steps.

“I know you are there, Y/n, come back.” No doubt you almost peed yourself, hearing Obi-wand raspy voice, he had been a sleep, you felt horrible. Walking back from the door way, Obi-wan had turned to chair to look at you.

“I didn’t mean to wake, I didn’t know you was even in here.” Obi-wan opened his mouth yawning loudly, before looking back at you, snorting a laugh, at your choice of clothes.

“What are doing up?” Shifting on your feet, covered with socks, the icy floor numbing them.

“Can’t sleep, aren’t you cold?” You wondered if Anakin was having trouble sleeping too, he must’ve been fine, since he left Obi-wan in here. Obi-wan probably never meant to fall asleep, waiting for anyone to contact. Shaking his head, he had opening his arms up gesturing you over.

“Come here, darling.” Not sure on what he was going to do, yet you still walked towards him, you trusted him. You were glad if you were stuck you was stuck with the Jedi. Pressing his palm around your clenched hand that held tightly onto your blanket. His hands were really warm, like had them between his thighs. His lips moulded into a circle shape, inhaling sharply.

“Oh, I should’ve brought you more blankets.” His hand still on yours, looking up at you, a small smile on your face, your teeth felt like ice cubes, a few moments went by, you weren’t sure what he was waiting for or what you were waiting for.

“ Do you think I could stay here...with you?” Your cheeks now felt hot, the words barely a whisper, you shouldn’t have asked, it’s completely inappropriate. “I-I can go back to bed-“

“Nonsense.” Obi-wan had pulling you into his lap, okay, so maybe you thought he would’ve been like yeah and you would’ve sat in the chair next to him. You head resting against his chest, his stubble tickling upon your head. Obi-wan’s arms wrapped around you tightly, sealing the blankets. Yours around his waist, feet tucked up on the chair, as well. Obi-wan warmth surrounded you with his scent, the soft touch of his lips against your temple.

“Am I allowed to love you, Ben?” Your eyes fluttered closed, your voice barely above a whisper, Obi-wan’s heart hitched into his throat. He flirted too often and he knew it, and he knew that his feelings weren’t platonic either, he wouldn’t have spent dinner every night alone with just anybody.

“No, I suppose you’re not.” What would the council feel about this, he wished he could blame Yoda for making him guardian over you and that first dinner with you.

“If you aren’t supposed to have attachments, then what am I? You promised Master Yoda to protect me, isn’t that an attachment. Would anyone be able to tell? You have to be with me pretty sure all day anyways.”

Your words made him ponder for a moment, he knew you were right, you had already acting like you were together for a long time, not directly in front of council though. It was clear Anakin saw it too, he wouldn’t have called you mum, that was weird though. Maybe he has a kink think because he hasn’t seen his mum since he was 9.

Obi-wan looked over you all the time, brought you everything you needed, ate dinner with you, kept you warm, stitched you up, protected you from strange people. There were times where you’d turn up to his room crying, or upset or missing home, he’d comfort you. Similarly to this situation, you’d end up in his bed, not like that, you in his arms stroking your hair, pressing a kiss to your temple as you fell asleep. It was not new.

“You are right, I love you.” Looking up to the Jedi, as he smiled down at you.

“You do?”

“I do.” He may not have kissed you then, but you had time, you weren’t about to let Anakin take him from you. What mattered was you were together, even being away from your home, you had another. With Ben and a ‘son’ that was older than you.

Oh , Anakin was so cheeky when he had awoken in the morning seen you against his masters chest.

“I knew it.”

63 notes · View notes

ficsnroses · 4 years ago

Text

Different - Keanu Reeves x Reader

[not my gif]

summary : you attempt to explain social media to your oblivious boyfriend, Keanu, during a cute impromptu evening cuddle session.

warnings : loads of fluff! age difference [not specified], x f! reader.

words : 1.9k.

notes : slowly working through my requests. this was requested by a lovely anon. lemme know whatcha think! as always, feedback is so so welcome.

“Hey, babe, you wanna go on a motorcycle ride?” A pondering Keanu wonders, worn out arch hat held in thick fingers. “There’s supposed to be a killer sunset soon.” Long hair outgrown freshly, his shining threads of raven hair had begun to host sporadic specks of silver; managing an appearance all the more handsome.

“Yeah, sure.” You return, eyes focused to the black mirror screen of your phone; inattentive to say the least. Eyes absorbed to the blue screen below, your breathes move slow, deliberate; relaxed. Normally, you weren’t one to centre immense attention to social media, or the raging world at your finger tips. Nonetheless; your feed just happened to be far too fulfilled today, far too many intriguing eye catchers spattered upon your personalized canvas.

“Where did uh-…” You start, eyes still motionless, caged to your device. “Where did you uh…wanna,” Paused, brows thread slight, absorbed. Eyes scrunching with your head shaken slightly, your mind struggles to produce the proper word, momentarily consumed by the images in front of you. “Go.” You blink, snapping; slight emphasis on the word when it finally finds your tongue. “Where did you want to go, baby?” Sparked interest, your tone holds curiosity; attentiveness. All hues you’d hoped Keanu understood you did have in the moment; just momentarily distracted. “You said something about motorcycle…?”

“Yeah, a ride…” Keanu begins again, observing your occupied form situated on the crème couch of his home. Keanu and you were still quite fresh, still adjusting to life together. Merely a firm 4 months into your relationship, you’d figured out one thing quite swift.

You’d keep each other around as long the universe would allow, as long as the skies let. Love is blind, you’d heard; and blind it would stay. The age difference was a factor you’d had to talk out, factor into what had grown. Yet one datum would ring true, triumphant above all.

You love him, and he loves you.

It was as simple as could be.

“Yenno, a ride down sunset maybe,” Keanu speaks, distracted to his train of thought when your eyes stay intent to your screen. “Up the hill to our favourite spot and…uh…” Stocky hand ran through his hair, Keanu’s voice retracts, baritone gently higher when he asks aloud. “Hey, babe, are you even listening?”

Breathing a deep inhale, your eyes flutter to your tall, deliciously handsome boyfriend. In blue jeans and a simple black shirt, he miens delectable; soft features with his full beard tamed to a beautiful fresh groom; your heart races by the second. “Of course I’m listening.” You giggle, patting the vacant spot beside your frame. “C’mere.” You smile, cellphone discarded to the fluffed cotton of the opposite pillow. Keanu carefully situates himself down adjacent, sighing with his heavy palms rested to his jean clad thighs.

He smells of pine, and a cigarette smoked hours ago. Lingering, the scent of your special shea shampoo radiates off his mane; you’d been leaving considerably more of your belongings at his place recently.

“Motorcycle ride. Sunset.” You chime, arms wrapping delicately snaked to his neck, with a gentle kiss placed to dark, stubble ridden cheek. “I was indeed listening.” Finishing, your head rests softly just under his neck to the broad of his chest, arms finding refuge wrapped around his toned torso. Keanu sighs, his own arms finding your body when they engulf around your waist, one hand rested to his thigh as his other soothes gentle, caring brushes to your hip.

His heart thuds gentle, a quiet pacify;

calm as that first pepper of dew on damp earth, and you sigh,

similar to the way mother earth gratifies to the feel of fresh rain,

kissing her roots.

“Gosh I feel old seeing you so…” His voice is full, a heavy drum like the confident sky that brings deep puddles, clear velvet gold. “…fixed on that thing.” He laments, and your hand moves to rest to his chest; offering gentle, tender rubs with the soft pad of your thumb.

“Hmm?” You wonder, gazing up to his chocolate eyes in question. He silences a moment longer, before enduring. “What even is so…interesting about that stuff?” He asks, his own palm moving to rest over yours that stills to his chest. “I mean, I’ve heard about that uh, Instant-gram thing?” He offers, hearing your soft giggle below, against his chest. “And Tweeter, I know Tweeter. Some friends use it.” He justifies, stare locked to the ceiling above. “But what even is the big deal, yenno?”

Quiet, and discreet; your chuckles struggle to contain hearing your boyfriend absolutely butcher the names of rather popular platforms. He’s adorably oblivious, and you feel yourself fall a little harder for him by the second. With a tender squeeze to his arm, you correct. “Instagram, honey. And Twitter, not Tweeter.”

Keanu throws his head back against the couch, a thick smile creeps his lips midst his own blunder. You smile a simper, fingers reaching up to scratch his abrasive beard in a tender stroke. “Also, what do you mean, Ke? It’s just…yenno, social media. It’s fun, keeps me entertained.” You explain, head still rest to his chest with your fingers mindlessly grazing, scratching his cheek. “You know, how you read books when you’ve got time to spare?” You attempt a connection.

His hold on you tightens. “I guess I just don’t get it.” Frowned, his fingers lace with yours toying; gently twining your much softer ones. “I’m too old for this stuff.” He chuckles, head thrown back yet again in a deep sigh.

You recognise Keanu often beats himself up for being older than you, habitually worries he won’t be able to give you the fun, exhilaration, adventure he would have been able to offer easier when he had been a decade fresher; less drear to his timeworn bones, scarcer gray to showered his beard.

Consoling, your grip to his delicate palm firms. “Hey. You know what, lemme show.” Reasoned off your pink stained lips, a soft kiss embeds to his shirt arrayed chest, figure stretching to grab the bulk of your phone. Excited, you open your screen, routinely beginning with Instagram. “Alright.” You enthuse, holding the phone out in between your interwoven bodies. “So, this is my feed. It contains all the accounts I follow, so I can easily see what they’re up to.” You explain, soft padded index scrolling through the stream. “In turn, people who want to see what I post follow me as well. They’re called my followers, see?” You enlighten, showing him your wide compilation of names.

“So you mean like…trackers? These are your trackers?” Keanu’s eyes squint as he gapes the screen, russet eyes struggling to focus on one certain aspect of the screen. It was all much, all new.

Intriguing, but very new.

Already, he’d been struggling to keep up. “No, Ke. That’s weird, and creepy.” You correct. “Followers, okay?” You emphasize, shifting to position your legs up on the couch in a cross seated station. “Anyway, so, I scroll through my feed, and see what people post. I can also give them a like, to show them that I’ve seen it and like it.” His head nods slowly in captivation, although those tender, chocolate eyes still break muddled; wonder dense to his brain. “Alright, and this is my explore page. It has customized posts just for me, complied of all the things I like.” You smile, showing him the screen.

“How does it know what you like?” He genuinely asks, hand raked through his generous, roasty strands. Leaning forward, his figure looms beside you, fully engaged.

“It…it just does. It sees the stuff I usually like and just…does a thing.” You half successfully explain, shifting yet again to get more comfortable.

“Well, sweetheart, that doesn’t sound too safe.” Keanu quietly doubts. “Are you sure this is safe, Y/N?”

Giggling, your arms capture around his bicep, tugging his warm, broad body closer. “Yes, grand dad. It’s safe, the entire world uses it.” Teasing, your eyes scrunch to offer him a bantered, playful expression; a smile vast situated on Keanu’s thin lips in return.

“Alright, here hold it and give it a scroll.” You offer, watching the way your phone appears rather small; dainty in his heavy grip. Keanu grasps the casing with one hand, from the base; similar to the way a middle aged women perhaps would, scrolling very slow through the page with his index finger of his spare hand accompanying.

“Why is the world dissolving?” He timidly, low toned asks, in reference to an Avengers meme. Chuckling, you rub his bicep to a beaming smile of his inability to understand internet culture, allowing his eyes to scan further in.

“Oh! Lemme show you tiktok.” Beaming, your fingers retract the phone, opening the app for him to see. Nonetheless, upon arrival to your home screen, a baffled Keanu gasps, deep baritone questioning in query. “Why are they all screaming?” He ponders, baffled with the device in grip,

and with a raging laugh, your hands exit the screen, leaving your phone to discard to the table below, yet again. “Alright, maybe we’ll save the world of tiktok for another day.”

Sighing, Keanu positions back on the couch, opening his toned arms for you to snuggle into, yet again. Against your cheek, his deep tone rumbles, voice certain with statement. “I still don’t get it.” He confesses, a gentle chuckle apparent to his suave tone. “Hey, sweetheart,” He assures, your hand taken in his. “I’m sorry these things aren’t really what I’m into. I know you like them, and care about them. I’m a little lame.” He jokes, gentle exhale to a rasped chortle.

Awed, your frame moves, just enough to tower over him slight, yet still staying situated in his embrace.

“Well,” poking his chest, you smile. “I think I like you better anyway.” Slow; gentle, your legs drape over his thighs, situating your body to straddle in his lap, arms loomed around his chest, you warmly beam between delicate kisses to his visage.

“You make me laugh more,” a kiss to his cheek,

“You keep me company,” a kiss to his forehead,

“You listen to me when I need you,” a softer one to his nose,

“And, you kill spiders for me.” A final, gentler one to his silken lips; the most luxurious delight you’d ever relish in. “You live in the moment. And that’s pretty freaking cool if you ask me.” Heavy palms place to your hips, his love drunk gaze watching you shower him in nothing but pure, unconditional adoration. And he smiles,

he smiles, wholly. Knowing he had the woman he’d been waiting for, for countless lonesome nights and secluded days.

“You want to take me on a motorcycle ride to see the sunset, because you know it’s my favourite. You really are something else.” You quietly express, awestruck. “Something special grows inside you.” Sincerely, your eyes pierce into his soul, illuminating. Quiet, content, gratified, you pull him closer, whispering; “You’re really something else, Ke.”

Finally, to the sound of his appreciative hum, you soothe, flattening a wrinkle on his shirted chest, grinning. “Now. I believe you owe me a sunset, Reeves.”

And to the sound of your silken tone; fresh as summer flowers and soft running water, Keanu grins, his voice a knowing smile, gentle kiss daubed to your forehead.

“A thousand sunsets fall nothing compared to you, baby.”

➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴

My taglist will be posted in reblogs, let me know if you want to be added or removed! :)

#keanu reeves x reader #Keanu Reeves #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves x you

338 notes · View notes