#yes he's superman

[frownyalfred]

today in "the DC subreddits are talking about so I will too": the inherent tragedy of Clark being insanely fast as Superman, able to save people in the blink of an eye, but because he was surprised by Lex's plan in BVS, he could only stand there in the subsequent explosion at the hearing because he couldn't see the bomb. he's all powerful but not infallible. he was too slow to react not because he wasn't paying attention, but because he truly didn't believe he needed to. who would hide a bomb in an injured man's wheelchair? who would hide a bomb behind lead shielding? and when the explosion hit, you can see how instantly crushed he is. he didn't take off right away, and he didn't try to save anyone (even though there was likely no point, inside the hearing itself). he just stood there for a beat, crushed by his own failure, crushed by this failure in humanity, devastated that being Superman still isn't enough.

[arkangelo-7]

Bruce, to the Justice League after a botched mission: You deliberately disobeyed me! And worse, you put Clark in danger!

Clark, who is legitimately indestructible: :(

[if-you-like-pina-colada-s]

I feel like both Clark and Diana talk abt Bruce like he's a skrunkly wet cat. However, they show their affection for their bestie very differently:

Diana, holding Bruce up by his cape: stinky stinky bastard man >:)

Clark: Noooooo! D! Don't be meannn! He's not stinky 🥺

Bruce, wondering what the fuck is happening: ...

[sully-s]

Space And Earth Chat

Bruce: Will you watch when the sun swallows the earth? Clark: Bruce, that's in five billion years Bruce: ... Clark: No Bruce: I would Clark: Morbid Bruce. Bruce: I understand why you wouldn't- Clark: I wouldn't becuase I won't let it happen. Bruce: It's physics Clark, you can't stop it. Clark: I can. Bruce: How? You're going to feed it more hydrogen? Clark: Sure, why not. I am a farmer's son.

[azulhood]

Seen a few posts where Superman thinks Danny is his clone.

But what if it was Dan instead of Danny?

Dan doesn't look exactly like Superman so the JL think that Batman and Supes DNA got mixed, the proof is in the matching scowl.

And Dan's like "Well, I've got nothing better to do, so why not? Lets mess with this guy."

The second Dan learns about Connor (and Supe's treatment of him.) it becomes personal.

Goes out of his way to ruin Superman's Day.

Looking awesome while saving the day? Nope, his cape gets wrapped around his head and then that picture gets into papers and every social media platform.

About to hand over thug? Mysterious farting noises.

and so, on so forth.

JL: So we just need some blood for a DNA test.

Dan:...Sure.

Later

Dan: Hey Clockwork you mind messing with some test results for me?

Clockwork: Already done.

Meanwhile Batmans out there trying to be a good dad to his clone son and trying to introduce him to the family while also hoping that Clark doesn't screw anything up.

[morganbritton132]

I was thinking about how kids don’t have filters and will just be out telling everybody your business but specifically about 9 year old Dick Grayson telling Superman literally everything about Batman except his name.

[spidey-webs]

Not to get into it again, but adding on the Tower of Babel thing: the "Bruce looks down on Hal" thing is so lame compared to their canon dynamic between the 90s and 2010s, aka Bruce spending over a decade of comics being fucking terrified of Hal.

It's so much less interesting than the reality of Bruce being terrified of Hal and what he's capable of. Bruce spiraling into crippling paranoia every time Hal does literally anything, whether it's rewriting reality or doing Spectre-stuff or talking to his ex-girlfriend. Bruce squirming and gnashing his teeth and losing all rationality over the slightest suspicious Hal-related activity. Brcue being vulnerable to Parasite!Parallax's influence because of his paranoia about Hal. Bruce constantly jumping to the worst possible conclusion about Hal, and sometimes being right, and sometimes being wrong, and how that fucked with Bruce on the deepest psychological level and took a lot of time and conversations with other heroes to get through.

Just...Bruce's inability to cope with Hal's plunge into supervillainy bringing out the worst him. How he doesn't dare hope or trust again so instead he doubles down on what he knows are his own worst tendencies.

Bruce saying shit like:

The feared Batman fearing the man without fear!

This dynamic is infinitely more fun and interesting than anything I've seen made that’s based on 5 minutes of animated movie (that doesn't even know how Green Lantern powers work), or fandom osmosis (have no idea how powerful Hal Jordan is), or some infamously out of character comic they saw out of context on tiktok one time (really, really doesn't even know how Green Lantern powers work or how powerful Hal Jordan is)

But obviously dealing with the baggage of Parallax isn't for everyone, but even after everything got rebooted, it's not like Bruce doesn't respect Hal:

Or, you know, there's other aspects of their dynamic that are really really funny:

High Drama Bickering!

Sulky Batfrowns!

Bruce's many, many "YOU'RE NOT A GOD!" moments!

And Clark being so so so sick of Bruce's Hal Issues!

[liketolaugh-writes]

In the rush to punish and embarrass Superman for his actions in Young Justice (2010), the DPxDC fandom has forgotten that Danny may also have complex feelings about the invasive and horrific events leading to Dani's creation. This narrative denies him the right to process his trauma and indeed normalizes the idea that a teenager can and should be okay with a child being unexpectedly forced upon them. In this essay I will-

[arunneronthird]

one of the funniest things about grown up jon is he hasnt gone to school for 7 years and if no one else used this knowledge i will

[evilminji]

You know what? I just had A Thought(tm)~☆

Danny. Our bby boy. MINDING HIS BUSINESS. Maybe visiting one of his buddies in the Realms after he graduates. When he just?? Get full on tackled from the sky.

And like?

Huh.

THIS hasn't happened in a bit. Not since he's become king. Legit, no one dares. He's honestly kinda missed it. Alright, square up... Mr. Uuuuuh.... Who are you?

And it's this barely formed New Ghost. Still in that glitch-y goopy blob phase and everything. Is Baby. Why... why does this infant Want To Fight God? I mean. He Respects It(tm), no lie, but? Not exactly usual for him?

And it turns out? This dude is some rando hero. He basicly JUST died. By all rights SHOULD be resting and gathering his strength to Form Right. But he's so worried for his team mates and everyone else he CAN'T. Recognized a fellow Hero's Costume even at a distance.

Please. PLEASE! You have to help him! We have to WARN everybody!

And Danny is just? Oh no. This Actual Infant Baby is gonna Anxiety himself to Actual Second Death at this rate. Yes! Sure! Just CALM DOWN! Anything you need buddy! BREATHE.

And this dude? Who died? Is legit a minor player who got WAY too deep but refused to abandoned People In Need(tm). It happens. It HURTS. But he saved a LOT of lives before he went down. Him and his team were just some Minor Heros from Belarus. How they ended up in deep space? Even THEY couldn't tell you.

They couldn't even bring him home.

He forgives them.

He could NEVER blame his friends. Not for this. The planet is in danger. Some... some THING. An invasion. The League has to be made aware. He DIED helping a planet try to evacuate all that they could. He... at least he...

He can't remember if the Eggs got out. They... they're like babies. A whole room full of toddlers who couldn't run. They had to de-connect from the main building to lift it out. He can't... can't...

He saved them... right? Held on.. long enough? Why can't he.. he...

Danny has to make him focus be for the kid spirals. Don't think of your last moments. Purpose. You NEED to do something right now, right?

Right! The League! We gotta warn them! And... okay. Danny can totally do that. (What LEAGUE??!) He DEFINITELY knows who you are talking about and will tell them Right Away. YOU however are gonna rest up.

So he leaves the kiddo with Lunch Lady. Mother and Frightening Matriarch Extraordinaire. Lunch Box promises to SIT on him if he tries to sneak off. Good kid. Now eat your soup before you BECOME soup.

Time to bully the eyeballs. Whoms't the F*ck is this "league"? And where does he find it? Talk. He has sand and he's not afraid to use it. Don't MAKE him get out the pepper grinder! Yeah. That's what he THOUGHT.

After much, prolonged and unnecessary, whining and dramatic threatening... he gets a printed out map. Cheapskates even used flimsy paper. He gets there. Jaunt is even kinda nice. He says hi to a few folks he hasn't seen in a while.

Opens a portal.

Steps out.

Gets punched in the face. RUDE! He punches the flying blue man back. Dents their wall. Not even a LITTLE sorry about that now! See if HE does you a favor aga-... is that his Ex? John?

John! Constantine you B@STARD. YOU OWE ME 20 BUCKS. *Ten different hands slap a twenty on the table at his feet, including Constantine. Who is refusing to look at anybody.* Well, okay then. Debt payed. Gonna buy himself a shake or something, after this.

ANYWAY~ Good News Or Bad News?

He is met with silence. It's like they've never seen an ethereal, giant, glowing man with a suit that looks like a cut out of the night sky, step out of an eye searing rip in reality before. Man they're lives must be boring. But frankly? Danny can wait. It's not HIS reality that's gonna get messed up. He can take care of it if the wanna be Wah Babies. Good News or Bad News??? Pick one.

He sits back in the air and waits.

@stealingyourbones @cyrwrites

[frownyalfred]

Superman is good because Clark Kent is good. And Clark Kent isn’t innately good simply because he’s powerful or Kryptonian. He is good because his ship had the good fortune to crash on the Kents’ farm one fateful night. Because they raised him.

[arkangelo-7]

I think the scariest part about Batman is the loyalty he inspires. Like this motherfucker has an army of children who might at any given time hate his guts, but are still 100% willing to throw hands for him if Bruce needs them to. And then there’s the Justice League, who also at any given time might hate his guts or find him insanely irritating and/or weird, but will also fall in line and listen to his plans if the need arises. And that’s like the most intense form of power someone can wield—voluntary obedience from people physically more capable than them.

[kiwibirbkat]

Dick: So you ever just want someone to hug you? Like, just because they WANT to. They actually care about you and don't have an ulterior motive. And I know a lot of people have aversions to touch, and that's why they don't hug me very hard or at all, but sometimes I just want to be pulled into a bone crushing hug because they CARE about me and not because they're trying to hurt me, or manipulate me, or stop me from escaping. Is that weird?

The justice league (-Bruce), who get physical affection often:

Bruce, who has not hugged Dick in years to not overstep his boundaries:

All his siblings (barring Tim and Damian), who thought he was the most mentally stable:

Tim, who knew something was wrong already but didn't wanna mention it in case of upsetting him:

Damian: ... *Slowly walks up to him and hugs his leg. (He's short)*

Superman: *Flies behind him and pulls him into a bear hug probably strong enough to suffocate someone without Bat-Training™*

[bunnyskull152]

“Joker stop- Joke-Joker seriously stop.”

“No! All your time spent with this- this thing! I won’t stand for it Batman!”

“Batman get him off I- Batman, he’s- HES BITING. HES BITING- BRUCE, HES BITING!-“

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 107

“Hey uh pal, what you got there…?”

Grundy hummed a rumble, blinking slowly as he turned slightly towards his… what were they… Not an enemy, not a threat… they were… friend! Yes, they were the friend that didn’t mind that whenever he came back he came back different. 

He uncurled his arms slightly, proudly showing his friend what he’d found splashing in the water growling angrily. His friend blinked, mouth opening and closing for a few moments as he waited patiently, careful not to drop the squirming duo. 

“Babies,” he proudly declared as they let out squeaky roars. 

[jewelsli]

Not that I don’t love when Bruce’s kids outperform him and give him heart attacks, but I think it’s funnier when the kids think they are better fighters/spies/infiltrators/etc. then him but he’s just so proud so he lets them think that they are.

I think that Babs would be a really good hacker, the best in the family, but Tim, who thinks that he is the next best(and is still scarily good) has no idea that Bruce only let him think that he broke his record of hacking into secret organizations.

Dick is amazing at acrobatics, and centers his fighting style around it much more. He even won gold in the Olympics for gymnastics! Bruce doesn’t want to tell him that he trained under several gymnasts, contortionists, even ballerinas!!! and has the acrobatic fighting style mastered, so he (within reason) let’s his kid win on most occasions, he doesn’t need to fake loosing on trapeze though(I am still giving the kids SOME things they are better at…)

Cass knows that nobody can lie to her, she can spot everyone’s tells and knows most people better then they know themselves. Bruce is, however, extremely paranoid and also has a kryptonian he works with regularly. He lies so well that he can convince himself he’s telling the truth(which is literally the point in case of advanced lie detectors), and so what if he lets some of his tells be more obvious around his baby, he’s so proud of her for picking up such small things! And while Bruce is AMAZING at reading people, he can’t beat Cass, it is however much closer matched then the others think.

Let’s be honest, Bruce is banned from the kitchen and isn’t good at cooking… or so everyone thinks. While he’s not as good as Alfred or even Jason he could whip up something Gordon Ramsey would be proud of if he actually tried to.

Damian in the best fighter with swords, this is undisputed. Bruce just hopes none of his kids find his crate of custom katanas in the attic, if they do then he’ll say they are for Damian.

Tim is an amazing investigator, so good in fact, that Bruce has trusted him on his hardest cases. Everyone assumes this is because Tim is a better detective then Bruce, but he just loves seeing how proud his kid gets when he gets a breakthrough.

Batman doesn’t kill, Red hood does, everyone in their right minds knows that’s a lie. Before Robin came along, leaders of drug operations or terrorists would disappear into the night, never to be seen again. The only people who don’t seem to know this are the Bats children themselves. Sometimes you can still hear a cut off scream in the dark before the news announces a missing person that everyone just knew was doing something horrible, criminals are more wary on nights that the Bats brood are in. And people running trafficking rings pray that it’s the Hood when a knock sounds, the bat doesn’t give those people the mercy of death.

All of the bat kids know more languages then Bruce, and they keep learning more to throw him off, for a family of detectives they really should have thought about the fact that Bruce traveled the entire world, he knows ancient languages and the words that world in other galaxies use, if he could speak Martian then he would have learned it by now, he still does know that part that he’s able to learn.

Idk I just need more of Bruce being skilled at SO many things while his kids are like “oh yeah Bruce? He’s good but I could defeat him easily” and Bruce just so proud of his babies when they do ANYTHING.

Bonus:

Tim made a plan to neutralize Superman at some point, it wasn’t as good as Bruce’s but he replaced it so fast. When he later uses it to take down mind controlled or something Supes Red Robin is watching.

Nobody notices that Batman whispers something to Superman before he goes deathly pale and acts like the plan is working so well he immediately gets defeated. As for what Batman said to him? It was basically ‘Clark(they aren’t supposed to know identities here btw) my kid made this plan and I swear to every mortal and immortal force that if you don’t take the fall right now you will regret it for the rest of your life” and Batman was usually scary but this was like, God will cower before him terrifying and it scared evil Superman so much he went along with it.

Res Robin was smiling so brightly that later Clark honestly couldn’t be mad at the Bat.

Edit: I forgot to add this but unbeknownst to EVERYONE (including Alfred somehow) Bruce can and will stay awake longer then Tim and his drinks are somehow worse in terms of caffeination. The difference is that on the fourteenth day with no sleep everyone thinks it’s only been three even though he is Vividly hallucinating. The ability to hide his lack of sleep for the first week and a half leads them to believe he’s actually the worst at staying up since on what they think is his fourth day of no sleep (it’s his seventeenth) he’s talking to an apparently very vivid hallucination of Alfred the Cat in a suit and a Tiger named Tawny(he had met the tiger earlier that week) and having a civilized conversation with them