#yeah yes pathetic but that’s MY pathetic tragic gay

[thetorturedlovergirl]

When I think of The Master my mind can either make a whole ass tragic beautiful analysis or just say “that’s my lil wet pathetic bitch❤️”

[brotherwtf]

I should be working but instead my every thought is consumed by these tragic little gay men! All seriousness though would really love some Gale riding John, John looking worshipfully up at him promising to give him whatever he needs, “everything, anything don’t stop baby” style… I just feel service top/topping from the bottom John in my SOUL. Of course Gale is an incoherent, pleasure chasing mess to match. I just want them desperate, messy, and deeply obsessed with each other. Please and thank you!

me every goddamn day I will never be free from their fuckery

and ANON??? THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL PROMPT OMG IM FERAL IM BITING THINGS

----

"Fuck, FUCK, Gale you're so fucking pretty, God you're so fucking pretty," John whines and Gale knows he gone.

He pushes John down to the bed, hands on his shoulders as he grinds back onto his cock, squeezing his eyes shut as he moans open mouthed. From this position with John's hair fanned out on the bed, he looks even more pathetic than usual.

"Yeah? You like that baby? You like when I take control? Fuck, God John you feel so good," Gale groans, uses John's shoulders as leverage to push back onto his cock, looking back over his shoulder to see John desperately rutting his hips up into him, trying to get any sort of pleasure from him.

Gale can barely think, but the glazed over look of John's eyes proves that Johns not much better, hands messily finding Gale's ass to aid in pushing him back down, lube messy and loud from how messily John fucked into Gale's hole. It's so wet, so hot, so good, and Gale's loopy with it.

"Fuck, you're so good for me, you're so fucking good. All mine, huh? Your cocks all mine," Gale says, grinding down even harder, thighs clenching from the pressure.

John looks like a man in worship, mouth lolled open and eyes trained on Gale's, nodding desperately to the words, biting his lip as he moans at Gale's new speed. It's fast, fast and good, and Gale's going delirious with it.

"Yes, yes, all yours. Don't stop, baby, please don't stop," John begs and Gale hangs his head, moaning in tandem with John now.

Gale moans when John messily thrusts up, reaching even deeper than when Gale was only grinding. It's so good, it's so fucking good, and Gale's so close.

"I'm close, John, please, give it to me, give it to me John," Gale whimpers and John whines alongside him, hands moving up to grip his waist, fingertips spanning across his lower back.

"Anything, everything, doll, fuck I'm close too," John groans, throwing his head back to expose his neck.

Gale can't help himself from bending over, more collapsing than anything, and placing a wet kiss on John's neck, licking and sucking as John thrusts messily up into him. He moans continuously, hands gripping on John's shoulders as he shudders through his orgasm, come spilling between where their stomachs are pressed together.

John keeps fucking into him, though, something brutal and desperate and Gale can't help the embarrassing sounds that spill from his mouth, high pitched and pathetic as John just won't let up, won't stop fucking him. It's too much, it's almost too much.

John finally comes with a prolonged groan, hands gripping even tighter on Gale's waist until it's almost bruising, body tense and tight before he melts into the sheets, throwing his head back as he groans in pleasure.

"Good, huh? Sweet boy," Gale mutters, pushing a stray lock from John's forehead and pressing a gentle kiss to it, smiling when John still hasn't said anything snarky or stupid in return.

"God, Gale, I'm so fucking lucky to have you," John says and doesn't give Gale a chance to speak before he wraps his arms around Gales shoulders and pulls him in for a sweet kiss.

[nikosasaki]

talk about you thg ocs!! i want to hear about them!!

yes yes yes, thank uuuu!

all of this will have spoilers for my hunger games verse which is only a bad thing if you care about those kinds of things but be warned i guess;

okay so Julius first; his full name is Julius Alexander and he is the older brother of Cato from the 74th Hunger Games. he is from district 2 and is by all definitions a true career tribute. he volunteered for the games at age sixteen and for most of the games he is downright ecstatic to be there. he was a tribute in the games the year before his brother, and was generally a ruthless and fierce competitor. he won his games eventually by killing his partner from district 2, smashing her head against a corner of the cornucopia. in total he killed seven of the tributes, making him one of the more deadly victors in history. his arena was a constant dark forest, and several of the tributes died accidentally by falling. once he is back from the games he thinks he is genuinely doing great like yeah he can't sleep with the lights off anymore but who cares he won! it isn't until the end of his victory tour at the celebration in the Capitol that he meets Fletcher, a previous victor, that he starts to consider the things he's done and the role he's played in the Capitol's games. by the time the 74th games come around he's grappling with the fact that he might not be doing as well as he originally thought, which is the moment that he is tasked with mentoring his younger brother in the games. Fletcher Hunt is a whole different story; he's from district 7, and competed in the 68th Hunger Games at fifteen years old. he is anxious and awkward by nature and when he is reaped everyone is pretty convinced he's going to die first -- including Fletcher himself. he survives mostly by pure luck and force of will. his arena is a diseased swampland riddled with poisonous plants, so many of the tributes that year die of poisoning or disease, and Fletcher only ever kills two people during his game: a young girl from district 9 that he kills on accident, and his final competitor from district 1. it was a horrible and bloody affair, and one that Fletcher still has nightmares from to this day. he only really goes down in Hunger Games history as the most pathetic winner. he does still get invited to Capitol affairs and most of the times he attends them if only to get out of his house. he does the same thing as at home, though, which is sitting in a corner of the room and trying not to be too depressing. it only sometimes works out. when he meets Julius during his victory tour party, it's Julius who approaches him first, and questions why Fletcher isn't having fun at a party in Julius's honor. Fletcher, quite genuinely, tells Julius that he has a hard time not remembering the deaths whenever he's back at the Capitol, and that he always struggles to play nice with the people who so readily wanted him to die for their own amusement. to which Julius is like... damn dude. maybe lighten up? the two end up forming something of a connection and the things Fletcher says cause Julius to rethink many of the things he was raised to believe. there are many, many bumps in the road, but when the two of them both become mentors for the 74th games they have more time to bond and eventually become quite close, especially when Julius's brother dies and he threatens to drown in his own depression. they both get reaped in the quarter quell and are tragic and gay about it for the most part but also Julius meets up with Haymitch asap to be like hi bestie. let's rebel. and Haymitch is like... way ahead of you. so they help Katniss et al. get out and it's only in district 13 that they finally confront the fact that they're in love.

[impishtubist]

Mrs. Zabini informs Remus he’ll be her sugar baby for a while, and Remus is all “I’m gay??” She responds “yeah, I’m bi but with a leaning toward girls. Can’t wait for you to meet my girlfriend” and refuses to tell him who said girlfriend is bc she thinks it’ll be funnier if Remus knows nothing ahead of time (tragically for everyone else, a very common trait among the darker purebloods is assholery of all kinds. Mrs. Zabini and Sirius may not be blood purists, but they are a unique breed of asshole that is only present among those purebloods). The family dinner is at the Belgian cottage, as Prongsfoot was on a job there and Lily tagged along to a) make sure they all spend time with Harry bc the job’s not dangerous so it’s fine and b) she’s really interested in this particular curse and is planning on doing research on it later so she’s also along to help them and for academic purposes, so Remus has never seen the place and has no idea who he’s about to see. He does know it’s her girlfriend and her two best friends, but he doesn’t know their identities. Mrs. Zabini hollers “the most fabulous member of our quartet as arrived and I come bearing a gift” as she enters (Remus is all “this is a cottage????” bc the damn thing is like 2 or 3 stories and has a marble entryway. Mrs. Zabini gives him a look and replies “I said I was rich, didn’t I? I wasn’t lying, but this is just for the Belgian work my friends do.”) and they all come trooping in to say hello and see what the gift is. Remus is shell shocked to see those two and even more surprised to see Lily.

I love all of this but mostly I am here to push the sugar baby Remus agenda. I don't understand why Sirius and/or James are never the sugar daddies in fics? It's always Remus? And he's also the one always getting called "Daddy" in fics when clearly that would again be Sirius and/or James????? WHO looks at that pathetic damp loser man and thinks "Daddy"??? Honestly 😂

Sorry, I digress. Yes to Remus being Mrs. Zabini's sugar baby and the only "husband" she never ends up killing.

[wings-of-flying]

finished lockwood & co! thoughts time!!

the more comprehensible ones first. the visual direction on this show is fucking genius!! some highlights include: lockwood's outfit (i want that coat), actually being able to see shit during the nighttime scenes, the design of the house, the choice to make lucy wear blue all the time, the stupid little uniforms that kipps and his guys wear, the design of the ghosts, the dream sequence in like episode 2 (?), the red room, etc.

also i called joplin being bad from the second she opened her mouth, i think it was the music that clued me in. hate her. the show did a great job making me extremely uncomfortable when she was around.

i love lockwood. asshole in a suit, and he's got trauma that causes him to be cold and arrogant and distant? sign me the fuck up! he looks good with his own blood running down his face (and i can say that bc his actor is 20)

i knew norrie was gonna die (or something similar) the moment they started talking about future plans in ep 1. still broke me when it happened. the 3 years earlier sequence was probably the most intense introduction to what i thought was gonna be a somewhat typical ya tv show i've ever seen

love that the show doesn't pretend to be self aware, and in fact leans into a lot of tropes and clichés bc it works! if they were too afraid to be seen as too cheesy it would've ruined the whole show, so i'm really glad they weren't

flo <3

i really like the writing. it felt very natural to go from one arc to another, the characters felt tangible, their actions completely within reason for who they are and what they've been through. could've fleshed out winkman (?) a little. he felt a little flat, though maybe he'll make a comeback in another season

they're fucking children. this whole world is fucked. they make children fight fucking ghosts. fucked up world. hope that if they make more seasons this will be addressed in depth. they hinted at it here and there, but i need them to have a full a-plot conflict about it. i haven't read the books but i'm assuming this is a thing that happens in them (and if not they really fumbled the bag)

sorry thinking about flo again.....

thinking about lockwood again. he needs to be bashed in the skull with a 2x4. maybe that'll make him normal. i love him <3

god george reminds me of michael from be more chill. no clue if you've seen it, or listened to the soundtrack, but they're the same person

since we're on the topic of george, that guy is so fucking autistic holy shit! so is flo. autistic in two different directions

i'll probably have more thoughts in a few days, once i've allowed myself to process the show in it's entirety. meanwhile enjoy... whatever this is :3

yessss!!!! so glad you enjoyed it, i'm literally so insane about it at the moment!

all the stuff about the costumes and set design and lighting is just like!!! hell yeah!! we can actually see at night, which is great because that's when the majority of it's set

the characters are all so so great and i love them and they have so much depth and interesting things about them!!! have you picked up on lockwood's socks yet? they start off pink and then as the series progresses they go to blue to match with lucy!!!

and the world building!!!!! you've probably gathered by now that i'm a sucker for good world building and this show!!!!!! has it!!!!! i really fuckin hope we get another season so we can see more of it (but also i'm gonna read the books soon so i'll know if the shit's all addressed)

george is so so autistic. and i get what you mean about flo, very true tbh

how did you feel about the slow burn romance? because i'm obsessed with it! how their hands always touch for a little too long etc

also i can fix kipps. yep. i can make him better. he grew on me towards the end and now i love him. pathetic man. falls exactly in my type

AND YES!! the intro shit was so!!!!! it was just!!! ahhh!!! norrie and lucy 100% had some gay shit going on. and it was so tragic and ajaavqghshshshs

the skull!!! i love/hate it! it's just so funny and silly and evil and manipulative!

and yeah with joplin i had a feeling from when she started talking with george. i was literally calling out 'grooming! grooming moment!' whenever she was with george. and the ending with the bone glass!!!! omg i went insane!

the winkman shit was terrifying, especially the auction. literally gave me goosebumps. but it was all worth it for the locklyle scene with lucy calming him down when he had a panic attack!

anyway as you can tell i'm not normal about this show

[jestroer]

19, 21?

Hello! Thank you for your ask! :D Sorry its this late, i couldnt draw for a while and then i forgot a bit so yeah ‘:)

21. draw one of your original characters

Heres my 40+ years old catboy with 5 eyes his name is Azard. He exists for four years he was thru a lot. In my brain

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,919 Words

Summary: A new friend moves into the dorm.

Warnings: Death Mention, Abandonment Mention, Orphan Mention, Disownment, Cursing, Injury Mention, Blood Mention, Caps, Food Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Existence Is A Prison  Aizawa: feral cat dad, Aoyama: gay salt, Hagakure: ranch flavored jello, Tokoyami: foil-mecha, Shinsou: farmer toshi, Kuroiro: life is a nightmare, Shiozaki: saviour, Tsunotori: schrodinger better run, Honenuki: pure, Monoma: nat20, Yamada: President Megaphone, Bakugou: deku-deck-you

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 5

6:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

President Megaphone: Alright, you might have noticed dorm 10 is occupied this morning. You guys are getting another fellow dormmate.

gay salt: mon dieu. Who?

President Megaphone has added Bakugou

Bakugou: Hi, I guess.

farmer toshi has changed Bakugou's name to deku deck-you

deku deck-you: I'd kill you if you didn't risk your life for my teacher.

farmer toshi: Come kill me then, coward.

deku deck-you: No, I'm too tired.

schrodinger better run: Hey, Baku, what's your tragic backstory?

deku deck-you: What?

foil-mecha: Well, about 60% of us in here have a tragic backstory for being in the dorms. Monoma's mother abandoned him in Japan, Hagakure and Shinsou are orphans, Kuroiro's parents hate her, and Honenuki's been disowned. Me and Shiozaki are only here because our commute to and from school would have been horrible and Tsunotori and Aoyama are exchange students.

deku deck-you: It's stupid. I don't want you to think I'm pathetic.

gay salt: If anyone makes fun of you, I'll personally kick in the teeth. Besides Shinsou, he gets a free pass only because his teeth are already fucked this week with wires.

deku deck-you: Well, my old hag mother wanted me to drop from UA because it's too dangerous for her liking but I wouldn't do it so she kicked me out and disowned me. She beat me pretty bad, ended up breaking my right kneecap and left a bunch of deep cuts on my arms and almost severed my arteries in my wrists with some glass from a vase she broke before she threw me out of the house.

deku deck-you: I'd have used my quirk on her if it wouldn't be considered unwilling quirk usage against a civilian and, with my quirk, I'd be put in jail for how dangerous me using it in a fight could be, especially if she claimed I hurt her. I can't even go to class this morning because she threw my blood on my UA uniform so I wouldn't go back.

farmer toshi: Can't say it'll completely fit you, but my uniform is clean in room 6 in the top drawer of my dresser. Use mine for today since I'm not allowed to go to school today still. I threw up last night so I'm being held yet again for observation.

deku deck-you: Thank you. Who all is even here?

ranch flavored jello: Oh yeah, introductions. You weren't here for them.

ranch flavored jello has quoted 21 messages

Aizawa: Shouta, he/him, I'm gay, married, depressed

Shinsou: Hitoshi, he/him, I'm gay

Monoma: Seiko, she/they/he, pansexual/genderfluid, if you have a crush on me, you're some kind of gay

Hagakure: Toru, she/her, lesbian

Aoyama: Akemi, she/they, trans mtf/lesbian

Tsunotori: Pony, she/her, lesbian

Shiozaki: Ibara, they/them, asexual/agender/aromantic

Kuroiro: Kageya, she/her, trans mtf/bi

Tokoyami: Fumikage, he/him, trans ftm/bi

Honenuki: Juzo, she/her?, bi

Kuroiro: Ah yes, our girl, Honenuki Kiyomi.

Shinsou has changed Aizawa's name to feral cat dad

Shinsou has changed Aoyama's name to gay salt

Shinsou has changed Hagakure's name to ranch flavored jello

Shinsou has changed Tokoyami's name to foil-mecha

Shinsou has changed Kuroiro's name to life is a nightmare

Shinsou has changed Shiozaki's name to saviour

Shinsou has changed Tsunotori's name to schrodinger better run

Shinsou has changed Honenuki's name to pure

Shinsou has changed Monoma's name to nat20

feral cat dad has changed Shinsou's name to farmer toshi

deku deck-you: Well, I'm pansexual, he/him, trans ftm, just please don't call me Bakugou anymore, I don't want that hag's surname.

feral cat dad: I'll fight your mother, don't tempt me.

feral cat dad: Also how about Aizawa Katsuki?

deku deck-you: I'm going to start crying.

nat20: Looks like Mr. Aizawa is adopting another kid with bad parents.

President Megaphone: Yeah, I'll get the paperwork on the UA twelve hour adoption from custody transfer.

deku deck-you: Oh my god, I can't believe this is really happening.

farmer toshi: I'd kill a transphobe for my brother, your honor.

deku deck-you: I have a family? Really? A real family that won't hurt me?

President Megaphone: As your uncle, I assure you, nobody here will hurt you.

feral cat dad: Katsuki, I would never hurt my son.

farmer toshi: Yeah, dude, I wouldn't hurt you, ever.

ranch flavored jello: I have a brother! I wanna paint your nails!

deku deck-you: I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.

farmer toshi: I'm glad you're happy, Katsuki.

deku deck-you: You're all so nice, thank you.

gay salt: We'd be nice to you regardless, Kats. We're happy to help you whilst you're settling in and finally getting to feel safe. We're proud of you for being brave enough to reach out for help when you needed it.

deku deck-you: I need to get dressed before y'all keep making me cry.

deku deck-you is now offline

7:50 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: katsukiinhisschooluniformwithorangehair.jpg

deku deck-you: Toru helped me because my arms still hurt a lot when I grab things.

ranch flavored jello: My boy, Katsuki, looks like a god.

deku deck-you: I finally don't look like my mother anymore.

farmer toshi: I'll punt kick her for you, bro.

deku deck-you: Don't make me cry.

ranch flavored jello: Get to class, Kats. I'm waiting for you.

deku deck-you is now offline

8:15 AM

Existence  Is A Prison

ranch flavored jello: katsukisnewhair.vid

Video Transcript

Oh my god, Kacchan? -Unknown

Let me fucking explain maybe before you all just gang up on me and make me even more uncomfortable. -deku deck-you

My hag mom threw me out because I wouldn't drop from the Hero Course because it's too 'dangerous' for her liking now. So I'm living in the dorms, if you make fun of my hair, I'll have to kill you because Toru worked hard to make it look good on a time constraint -deku deck-you

I think it looks really good, Kacchan! - Unknown

I will still deck you, Deku, you damn nerd. -deku deck-you

[the camera shows that Katsuki is actually happy and smiling at Midoriya and he's being hugged by Aoyama as Aizawa comes into the room bandaged to the point of looking like a Halloween mummy decoration]

Transcript End

President Megaphone: God fucking dammit, Shouta!

farmer toshi: DAD!

ranch flavored jello: What's wrong?

President Megaphone: He wasn't supposed to start teaching again yet since he's still too injured for Recovery Girl's quirk to work on him.

gay salt: Don't worry, us dorm kids will make sure he doesn't do anything too dangerous.

President Megaphone: Fine, I guess.

3:15 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I'm officially going back in the dorms, Aunt Nemuri came and got me. They knocked my hold down to twelve hours since I threw up since I haven't had anymore nausea or vomiting.

farmer toshi: My stubborn ass is at the store before I go home, do you guys need anything?

President Megaphone: Make sure you pick yourself up things that are liquid for the next couple days while you're on the mend before Recovery Girl can heal you.

farmer toshi: That's the plan. I've already procured blueberry yogurt drinks and silken tofu and soft ice cream and jellies and stuff. I wanted to know before I check out if anyone else needs anything.

gay salt: Yeah, grab me some boiled octopus and crab sticks if you can. I'm craving them.

foil-mecha: jagariko please, whichever one you find.

ranch flavored jello: Enoki, a bunch of them, and thick white bread.

feral cat dad: Just grab some extra jellies.

life is a nightmare: ham, bean sprouts, tofu, and eggs.

pure: Tofu and spam.

schrodinger better run: Milk, bacon, and eggs for my breakfast tomorrow.

nat20: cheese sausages and kimchi ramen, please.

saviour: Just tofu and edamame.

President Megaphone: aloe yoghurt.

farmer toshi: Got it. I'll be home in like a half hour. Be waiting for your groceries.

8:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

schrodinger better run: @everyone I've made everyone breakfast! Even you, Shinsou and Mr. Aizawa. I made you two's food liquid for you.

schrodinger better run: Breakfast is eggs, pancakes, bacon, and tofu. I made the pancakes vegan friendly and I tried really hard to make the tofu like sausage for Toru and Ibara!

saviour: Thank you, Pony, I'm sure it'll be good no matter what.

ranch flavored jello: Thanks Pony, you're the best.

schrodinger better run: No problem!

schrodinger better run: And for Mr. Aizawa and Shinsou, I made you two your smoothie bags and some of the juice I made for you!

farmer toshi: Which ones?

schrodinger better run: For you, the vanilla coconut, chocolate peanut butter jelly, and guava orange juice. For Mr. Aizawa, spinach peanut butter banana, citrus berry, and guava orange juice.

feral cat dad: Thank you, pony.

feral cat dad: No, capitalize pony.

feral cat dad: Fucking speech to text.

feral cat dad: Pony. There we go.

schrodinger better run: Love you, Mr. Aizawa.

feral cat dad: Love you too, kid.

2:30 PM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: Katsuki, Recovery Girl says she can likely heal you now that you're feeling better.

deku deck-you: Yeah, sure.

3:45 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: You feel okay, Kats?

deku deck-you: Yeah, just tired. I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up for dinner.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:45 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Jeez, you get up early. I'll try to run with you tomorrow.

deku deck-you: I'm good running alone, Shinsou.

farmer toshi: Oh, okay.

deku deck-you: I mean, if you wanna, then go ahead, but I know you don't sleep well. Plus you have to rest up so Recovery Girl can heal you.

farmer toshi: I know, but I also know it sucks to run alone sometimes.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Shoot, I slept past my alarms.

deku deck-you: It's fine. As long as you're getting sleep, you don't have to run with me, Shinsou.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Fucking alarms weren't set.

deku deck-you: You needed the sleep, Shinsou. You were up late.

farmer toshi: Fine. But I'll catch you one of these mornings.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I'm getting closer, you early bastard.

deku deck-you: Keep thinking that, Shinsou.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

5:55 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Now you're taunting me.

deku deck-you: You wish. I'm just good at waking up early.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

5:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I JUST MISSED YOU!

farmer toshi: Get back here little bastard!

deku deck-you: shinsousprintingafterhim.jpg

life is a nightmare: What a wholesome ending.

deku deck-you: shinsoufellonme.jpg

President Michael: You good, kids?

deku deck-you: Yeah, we're good. My knee is a little achy but I'll be fine.

farmer toshi: Don't worry, I'll force him back if he's hurt, Uncle Zashi.

Taglist: @everythingisstardust

[flying-elliska]

Just watched The Old Guard yesterday....I have Emotions. Compelling characters, excellent rep, great action scenes. I see why tumblr is obsessed with it.

SPOILERS + lil essay incoming

It's not perfect obviously. It drags in places and I think it needed more flashbacks for the immortals that would have given that extra oomph (maybe they definitely couldn't afford that - the few historical flashbacks we got looked kinda cheap tbh). You feel like there is so much interesting stuff under the surface that isn't explored fully - how they got where they are because it does, at times, seem even more compelling than the present (which is already quite interesting, don’t get me wrong). The bad guy doesn't feel as scary as he should be, either - he lacks presence, he could have been more pathetic or more unhinged. The dialogue was a bit overly sparse in places. But overall, I loved it. Charlize Theron as queerish action queen badass with a gruff exterior but a core of goodness is like...my jam. And it NEEDS a sequel.

Some more thoughts :

- The tone of deep melancholy and sadness that pervades the film is so interesting. Yes, most of the main characters are the gruff action hero type who say little ; but there is so much underlying emotion there too, love and loyalty and loss, in the way they are played and interact with each other. So it doesn’t come over as the stereotypical macho cliché of ‘gotta repress those feelings and BE TOUGH’ - you really feel as if 1) those characters have spent so much time together that they function really well as a unit, they don’t need to talk a lot of the time, they just understand each other and 2) there is so much real grief and sorrow there that words wouldn’t properly adress it and it’s no use trying. AND at the same time, they still get an arc of ‘caring about the world is still good, actually.’ As an action movie fan who hates the ‘cardboard stoic is the only way to survive’ tropes of the genre, this movie just made me very happy. They have this intimacy within the group that feels so real and like...battle forged found families, again, my jam, but they’re also tied together by loss and loneliness and having no one else who understands. It’s so JUICY in terms of character dynamics. Nile’s more innocent but still a fighter thing fits very well with the older, more cynical ones. The ending, where they punish Booker with a century of loneliness for betraying them but ultimately still recognize why he did what he did and that he’s still part of the team...but that he might not ever see Andy again...my heart. 

- Also, it reminds me of this essay I read about how violence/battle/injury in film is often used an excuse to show male intimacy in a way that is not allowed anywhere else but in this movie, you both have platonic intimacy (and also between Andy and her team, which is cool! love a good m/f platonic soul bond!!!) AND you have a couple of dudes who both fight together and are actually lovers, which is awesome. The scene in the van is just so bloody brilliant because you have that idiot soldier who is at the level of homophobic taunts, ‘haha is he your boyfriend’ as if that was supposed to threaten their masculinity (because in their world it would). But Joe and Nicky are just way beyond those puerile games - they also met in this context of violence but because of their immortality, they were able to turn it into love. And it’s the thing that allowed them to survive the centuries with a relative level of happiness compared to the two others because they have each other. I love this because it 1) grounds gay love in history and clearly shows it as something that has always existed and can be an epic love able to withstand almost a thousand years (whereas gayness has been so often coded as something both modern and ephemeral) and 2) presents it as wiser, deeper and a lot more badass than the path of repression and violence as a baseline for men to interact even as a lot of male socialization is build up as brutal to avoid it so like YEAH !!!!! GOOD!!!!

- This is another movie that really REALLY shows the importance of having ppl who are not white and/or dudes behind the camera. (It was still written by one but I still feel a difference).The two leading ladies are never objectified, and their main emotional dynamic during the movie is with each other. The audience surrogate, who is also the emotional pivot of the movie who causes the other characters to change, is a young Black woman (especially since apparently Nile’s role and her relationship with Andy was expanded from the comics). Andy is the leader/main badass and mystery of the story in a way generally reserved for men. There is that scene, too, where Andy gets her wound patched up by a random woman in a pharmacy, which causes her to reflect on the good of humanity and the importance of good actions in a chaotic world. Chiwetel Eijofor’s villain being allowed complexity and a sort-of redemption. But it’s also more specific things in the way the movie is shot - especially in the non-Western countries. In action movie tropes, you have this cliché of ‘picturesque but dangerous’ ‘exotic’ locales, who are often used as the backdrop for action scenes, which is...not awesome tbh. This movie does take us to those countries, and there is action, but it’s also shot in a very humanizing way that reminds us that this is a real place where real people live : Nicky saying hello to the locals in South Sudan in their own language, Nile asking the Afghan women for help in the beginning, shots of kids playing with balloons, etc. The team accepts a mission in the beginning to rescue kidnapped Sudanese girls in the beginning - in most action movies often the populations to save are white/Western whereas locals/POC are shown as ‘tragic but acceptable collateral damage’. Or for instance, that scene in Marrakech’s Jemaa El-Fna square - a lot of the time foreign markets only appear as a ‘chaotic, dangerous’ backdrop for action to be ransacked through without a care ; here it’s just a cool lively place for the team to meet their contact, normalized instead of exotified. It’s shot the same way as the scenes in France, it’s interesting to look at and the shots take advantage of the beauty of the location but there are no weird color filters or shots that suggest that the place is bizarre, threatening, Otherized, etc. (Also interesting that most of the scenes in France take place in abandoned buildings like a church that’s half in ruins, a mine, etc...interesting reversal lmao.) The movie is not anti-imperialist by any means but it’s still...a tangibly different gaze, especially for an American movie, and it makes it a lot more humane and interesting.

- Overall, it left me wanting more, mostly in a good way. This could have made such an excellent series too. They seem to be setting Quynh as a villain for the next movie and that could be really interesting but I really hope they’re going for a ‘tragic villain gets redeemed in the end’ (with a side of lovers to ennemies to lovers with Andy...their story seems to have so much potential in such an epic tragic way) instead of ‘psycho lady too far gone to save’ thing. And that we get more flashbacks from the immortal’s pasts. Since it seems very successful, I hope we do get that sequel once the film industry starts again.

[raspberry-arev]

And they were roommates! (Snowbaz fic)

My writer self is back, armed with a cringe title and a whole lot of angst. Ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary folk, I bring you a second part of the only fanfic I have ever written: And there was only one bed! (full of me projecting onto Baz because I can)

Summary: Baz and Simon have been sharing a bed for quite a while now, but their relationship is not progressing at all. Who will make the next move? Can they just talk to each other like normal people? Find out for yourselves!!

Word count:  7,5k

Tags: sharing a bed, kissing, unholy amounts of angst, heartbreak, oblivious gay energy, Penny the emotion translator, eventual fluff, Baz being a tortured soul x10

BAZ

What followed was silence.

Approximately five weeks passed since the time Snow exploded at me – this time in verbal form – and demanded we keep sleeping in the same bed, for no better reason than he wants to. (Look at pretentious I am, saying “approximately” like I haven’t been counting every single night.) 

Each sunset marked the time Simon Snow would come from the bathroom, breath smelling of peppermint toothpaste, and lay down in my bed. Sometimes I wasn’t there to witness it, as I was at football practice or feeding underground, but I assumed it would always happen like that. I could see him there, waiting for me, every time I closed my eyes.

I didn’t even have the energy to call myself pathetic at this point. I was too far gone.

The issue I had with this was that we – upon previous agreement, you could say – didn’t ever talk about it. At first, that seemed ideal. Wouldn’t it be dangerous to get too close? We might as well avoid it. Not give anything we were doing a name. What an adventure,I thought like the idiot I am. We would be secret lovers that didn’t call themselves secret lovers for the safety of it.

Now, I desperately wanted something defined. Something I could name and understand.

Snow and I… were stagnant. Each night was the same as the last. He was there, and however late I came, I sunk into the strange familiarity of his arms. (I hated the way I adored him even if he was snoring next to me with his mouth open.) But there was nothing else happening – just the sleeping, as he had said before.

Was I hoping for, at the very least, weekly make out sessions? Yes. Like bloody hell I was, who do you even take me for?

Admittedly, I was hoping he would say something, too. I was hoping he would try to give me more hints at whatever he was feeling when we were together. And he did not. Night after night, he did not, and I am a coward, so I surely wasn’t about to go first. Contrary to what it looked like sometimes, I did not have suicidal tendencies.

One thing did change, and I felt like it would be only a matter of time until people got suspicious. We stopped fighting. After all, rowing all day and cuddling all night was too great a contrast. I wouldn’t be able to keep that up. All our name-calling, playing tricks and consequent bursts of anger were replaced by strange, polite indifference. Snow mostly ignored me outside our room, perhaps besides the occasional staring across a room that I reciprocated as soon as he looked away. And I attempted to ignore him, painfully aware of the weird looks Dev and Niall were exchanging when they thought I wasn’t paying attention. I dreaded the day they would start poking their noses into it.

What pissed me off then was that even when we were alone, our conversations were never more than small talk. Not more than asking about when the other was coming back as he was one foot out the door. “You’ll have to spell the bed again, I think.” Asking whether you can open or close the window. Maybe a couple of: “Sorry, am I laying on your hair?” Or: “Can you move, my arm is asleep.”

And, who could forget, talking about fucking homework.

I distinctly remember this one time when I laid down next to him and he hid his face in my shirt, arm thrown over my body. I got comfortable and pulled him closer, just a tiny bit, so I wouldn’t look too desperate for contact. As I was thinking disgustingly gentle thoughts at him, he suddenly pushed me away just a little so he could look at me from under his heavy eyelids. “Baz?” he said, his voice deeper than usual. I swallowed. “Yeah?” I whispered almost without moving my lips. I thought I knew what was going to come next, and my stomach did a flip. Nay, three flips at once.

And then he asked, “Was there homework for Greek?”

I thought I would slap him. That was the closest I came to yelling at him – I called him stupid and lazy at the very least, because of course there was, firstly, and secondly, how dare you be so ridiculously oblivious, Simon Snow? How dare you?!

He didn’t understand why I got so upset.

I didn’t care to give him lessons in taking a hint.

I tried to think of it like this: what we had was already more than I ever thought I was going to get in my life. And thinking about that usually made me smile just a little. Who would have thought, right? Tell that to my younger self and he would probably pass out. In a good way.

(Can one pass out “in a good way”?)

(Do vampires have to worry about fainting? I didn’t get around to testing that out just yet. Maybe if Snow kissed me…)

These days, I kept thinking about all that the two of us could be. About… about “together”. And I knew I must be delirious, yes, but oh Crowley, it all must’ve meant something, right? Maybe, just maybe, Simon was thinking the same things I was. Maybe neither of us was brave enough and we were just playing this charade of “casual” because we thought the other didn’t care. Maybe we were bothclueless idiots and we couldn’t take a hint.

I felt myself growing more hopeful.

I felt like with all that life was throwing at me since my early years, this would be the one good thing that happened to me. This would save me and outweigh the tragic rest. If I just took the chance.

Soon.

Soon, I would.

Maybe not today – or tonight – but when I felt the time is right. On Morgana, I would.

***

Another day. Another day just like the others, full of schoolwork, stolen glances and talking about nothing of importance.

I was gathering my things for practice, while simultaneously burning a hole in Snow’s scalp with my eyes. Why wouldn’t he just talk to me? He was usually friendly with people. But then you let him sleep in your bed and he pretends you don’t exist…

Well, actually, no. I was being unreasonable. It’s not like I knew what to talk to him about either. Nothing seemed important enough to even hassle with. I wanted to talk about the two of us, about kissing, about dates, about more, morethings than just schoolwork or who uses the bathroom.

I couldn’t stall any longer. It wasn’t like Coach would be mad at me for coming late; after all, I was one of his best players, and if all else failed, a single mention of Mother would put him back in line.

But why would I wait here? What for?

Just as I turned my back to him, he glanced at me from his bed. (The only time he used it was when he was lounging during the day.) “When are you gonna be back?” he asked me. His tone was about as intimate as a landlord’s. I fought the sinking feeling in my chest.

“Late,” I replied. I needed to hunt today.

“Ok. Bye then,” he murmured, and I closed the door behind me without a response. I had to stop in the middle of the corridor to take a few deep breaths. I was so, so annoyed with him. And with myself. What was it I even expected him to do? A dramatic declaration of unyielding affection as I was off to practice? Was I stupid?

Yes. Stupid in love. There was no use in pretending I wasn’t. I thought of Simon Snow, as I did most of my waking hours, and let the warm feeling spread throughout my body as I descended from the stairs and walked on to the school grounds.

I cared so much. And I felt so alive for it. But I was also… frustrated? Sad? Desperate? All of the above.

Was I ever going to have him? Oh, I so desperately wanted him. I missed those days when I listened more to my sense of rationality than my heart. When I could see that to keep him safe at least a bit, I had to keep away from him. And to keep myself safe, too.

Now, I wanted to battle the odds.

Fuck the odds, fuck all prophecies. I only had limited time. “Saving the world” would get in the way. Someone else would get in the way – what was the deal between him and Wellbelove now, anyway? I didn’t know! Or maybe we would both live to graduate… and he would go out into the world doing Crowley-knows-what and I would be out of chances.

I refused to let myself run out of chances. Not this time.

Stood directly in front of the changing room, a couple of lads trailing behind me, I stopped. I turned on my heel and stomped back toward the dorms, waving off all confused shouts that came after me. None of them was Coach. Not that I cared. There was something I had to do.

My legs brought me back to the Mummers House, up and up and up all those stairs. Ran to the door. Swung it open. The impulse that brought me here was buzzing in my body. What was I doing? Who knew. Not me.

Snow didn’t move from his bed in those ten minutes I was gone.

He sat up straighter, his eyes asking me tens of questions. But before his mouth could ask some too, I was looming over him.

“Get up!” I ordered.

There was a flash of wariness in his expression. He did what I asked. Slowly. I noticed his hand hovering over his hip. That bloody sword of his. Yes, Snow, get it ready, I’m fine leaving this world like this. After this.

I let go completely. Sometimes, the crashing of all the walls you built to protect yourself can sound like a single sigh escaping your lips.

I grabbed his face and kissed him. Shut my eyes as tight as I could and leaned into him, and he was burning hot, so undeniably, amazingly real. I was kissing Simon Snow and I didn’t care that I didn’t know what to do with my lips now that they made contact with his. It… it seemed easier in my head. I had never kissed anyone before this. Like whom? Who could ever be enough to replace him?

For a split second, or maybe split ten years, nothing happened. And then his lips moved against mine. Took the lead. I let him. I felt him grab a handful of my shirt and I was ready to melt, ready to burn –

Movement.

Something moved at the door.

I opened my eyes, which was precisely when his hands pushed me away so hard I almost landed on my ass. All disheveled and confused, I looked around.

And I met with two eyes opened wide, in utter disbelief.

The eyes of Penelope Bunce.

There are and never will be no words to describe the terror I felt.

Fuck. Fucking shit, I was dead. The world was positively over.

I glanced at Snow in panic, as if asking him what to do, how to handle it, how to lie, what to say, please Simon just–

It wasn’t an exchange of glances. It was me looking and him trying not to vomit, I’d say. His face was wild with emotion. I couldn’t identify it, but it wasn’t a good one. It felt like he had shattered every bone in my torso, just like that.

His head whipped around towards Bunce.

“It’s not like that at all,” he exclaimed, reaching out to her as if he was urging her not to run away.

It’s…

It was not like that. Like that. At all.

Crowley, I was a fool. I was a fool. Somebody shoot me. Burn me and put a stake through my heart. My life was over anyway.

Don’t cry. Just don’t cry, you stupid fuck, don’t cry.

Bunce was just opening her mouth to say something, but I already dashed forward. She jumped to the side with a yelp as I pushed through the door and left. And almost rolled down the stairs. And slipped onto the school grounds and I ran, I ran, I ran for the forest as fast as I could, as if I had a horde of villagers with torches behind me, which would probably be a better fate than the one that was awaiting me.

My chest was aching. As if somebody was stabbing little pieces of glass into it.

I didn’t think it would feel like that. I hadn’t thought about anything at all, period. I never would have done it if I had.

As I stumbled between the trees into the eerily dim woods, everything was screaming in my head, everything was so loud, every sight and memory so bright, but the brightest and loudest… that would be his face. The one he made after he pushed me. When he said… When he denied everything…

Suddenly, my legs gave in and I collapsed onto the ground. My chest was so tight. It hurt so much, Crowley, what was happening? It felt like my heart was actually, physically ripping in half. Could it? I might be the first person – creature– to experience it. Violent sobs came out of my throat and I was not just crying, I was screaming like an animal into my hands, and the sound was so foreign as it echoed in the misty forest that some part of me found it unlikely that I was making it.

I stayed there until dark and then hunted and cried and hunted again. And the entire time, at the back of my head, I was thinking: I didn’t know it would feel like this. I didn’t know he could break me any more than he already has.

SIMON

Days continued to come and pass, and I was mostly carrying on as usual. But I couldn’t really escape the obvious: something was very wrong with Baz.

I lived with the guy my whole teenage years, you know. He always had this air about him, like he’s something better than you and he knows it really damn well. He was posh and graceful and unbothered; I was never totally sure if it’s just an act, or a genuine, unrehearsed thing about him.

Suddenly, all of that got lost. After… well, after.

I didn’t really try to talk to him or anything. Didn’t know what I’d say. But he wouldn’t even meet my eyes when we passed each other, anyway. It felt like he was hiding inside of himself, if that makes sense. From me, or maybe from everyone. He skipped meals and afternoon tea, nobody had seen him at the pitch for weeks. He looked like a beaten dog most of the time.  Something told me it was my fault. Although that seemed impossible. He always looked like he couldn’t care less about what I said or did. I was pissing him off by just breathing, basically.

But then… The last month or so, I didn’t know what to make of him.

I didn’t know what to make of myself, either. I solved that by just doing what I liked doing and not over-analyzing why I want to do it. Case in point, sharing my roommate’s bed. As long as he was up for it… (It’s not like anything gets solved by just thinking about it until you go crazy. You gotta let things go.)

However… I caught myself way too often staring into the distance and absentmindedly touching my lips. The kiss was still pressed into them.

I… look, I really don’t understand what happened there! Or rather, I somewhere deep in my soul I did, but going down that road positively terrified me. A week ago, a bloke kissed me like it was the end of the world and then ran away. No, wait – Baz kissed me, not just “a bloke”. That was, somehow, different.

But that’s where I would have to start asking myself questions. And honestly, I didn’t have that kind of time.

Of course, then there’s the situation with… Penny just… walking in on us. Like that. I kind of wished she would tell me what was going through her head, but I also desperately prayed to never have to talk to her about it. Maybe she would spare me and we could forget about it…? Penny wouldn’t tell anybody. I knew she wouldn’t, but I… I never talked to her about the whole thing. I promised Baz I wouldn’t tell anybody about what we were doing. It’s not like we did anything, anyway, but I couldn’t even imagine the chaos that would take place if the word got out… Everyone would start assuming things and…

It’s understandable that I didn’t want that, isn’t it? As if I didn’t have enough issues to deal with.

Penny didn’t say a single word about it for a very long time. I almost got my hopes up, almost allowed myself to carry on like usual.

Until one afternoon, when we met up for a study session. As in, Penny helps me with my schoolwork and I tell her whether her essays make any sense, although they are always very well-phrased and generally perfect.

(We used to bring Agatha, too. But she didn’t really talk to us anymore, since we took our “break”. Just a fancy word for a breakup, basically.)

(Did I even miss her?)

(See, another question I wasn’t keen on answering.)

After she managed to cram some of our Political Science study material into my head…, she made a vague comment about the “last time she came to my room” being “interesting”. I could see curiosity bubbling just below the surface of her face.

Oh no, please don’t, Penny, I thought. Out loud, I said: “I really don’t know if Baz has reported you know how to get to the boy’s dorms, sorry. I hope he hasn’t.”

She gave me a look, like I see right through your bullshit.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” she assured me, “but you know I’m not talking about myself here.”

I felt my cheeks getting hot. I hunched and started picking at my uniform.

“Simon? Are you okay?”

Did I really want to tell her? I could feel she truly wanted to listen… she was Penny after all. We were a duo. A team.

“Look, I just…”

And then I spilled. Like an idiot, stuttering and getting tangled in words that had just too many syllables to be mumbled at an extremely high speed, I told her about everything. About my nightmares and the damn fire that I lied to her about out of embarrassment, about Baz’s offer to sleep in his bed, about how long it’s all been happening. I left out the kissing… I didn’t know what to say about that.

Penny was usually a pretty stable person. Not the type to get over-excited or freak out. But this time, her mouth was gaping open. She couldn’t believe her ears, and I didn’t blame her. It all sounded like a fever dream.

“So… that’s that,” I concluded and put one of my hands in my hair. “We’ve been sleeping together until… well, until that time. You know.”

“Wait,” Penny almost slammed the table. “Wait, sleeping together?!”

Sleeping…Oh god. Oh god, why can’t I talk like a normal person? “No!” I waved my hands, ears burning. “No, I mean literal sleeping. Literally!”

“Oh. That makes more sense, to be honest. Although I don’t judge…”

“Penny! For Crowley’s sake!”

She chuckled. There was a bit of silence. But then she looked at me with her kind eyes. Like she was looking at a kid. “But there was kissing?” she nudged me.

I looked away. “Only what you saw.”

“Oh. Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“No, no…” I shook my head. My brows furrowed as I tried to think of what I wanted to say. I just knew I wanted to say something. To not give her the wrong impression. Although, I didn’t know what impression would be right. “I don’t even know… whyhe did that, you know? To be honest, at first I thought he was going to punch me.”

And then he kissed me. And he was cold and firm and grabbing my face and nothing like anything I felt before.

Penny smirked and clicked her pen.

“Not really surprising,” she assessed. “Baz seems like exactly the guy to be mean to his crush.”

“Wait, uh… Crush? You… you think he likes me like that?”

She gave me an absolutely bewildered look and leaned towards me.

“Simon! He made out with you!”

All blood started boiling inside of me. I sunk into the chair. It… yeah, it made sense, but to think of it like that was…

Was I his crush?

Was he my crush? How would I know? Like, how can I be sure?

“Simon… have the two of you talked about what happened yet?”

I just shook my head.

“I don’t want to get nosy or anything,” she pushed up her glasses, “but I think it would be better if you did. Clear communication helps a lot, you know?”

Yeah?

And what would I tell him?

I didn’t have any answers. What was I feeling? Why exactly did I like when we shared a bed? Would I kiss him again? Did I feel something for him? Did I feel something for a boy?

What did I want from him?

I buried my face in my hands. I heard Penny get up immediately and rush around the table to my side. Before she could say anything motherly and soft that would just make me hurt from the inside, I confessed to my empty hands:

“I have no idea who I am anymore.”

BAZ

I was sure this was where I would stop loving Snow.

Up until now, I would have thought that was impossible to achieve. That somebody would have to kill me in order to stop me from loving the boy… I had been wrong about plenty other things before this, it was no wonder I was wrong about this, too.

Dear Morgana, I felt ashamed of myself for how utterly shitty I was feeling.

I thought I would be… well, sad at best if I were to be rejected. I had expected it, hadn’t I? I thought I’d be quietly, promptly devastated, and then not anymore, just to stand tall and undefeated when the inevitable backlash comes.

There was no consequence for what I had done, surprisingly. But I couldn’t relish in the thought, because…

Well. As previously stated, I felt like shit.

I could not sleep. Contrary to popular belief, even undead creatures need sleep to function, and I would get four hours of shallow slumber a night at best. I was being haunted by… well, not nightmares in the traditional sense… just dreams. Bad dreams. Bad, because Snow was in them, bad, because whenever I saw him, awake or not, my chest started hurting again (which was completely of a psychological origin, yes) and I genuinely felt like crying. But I could not, not even when I woke up sore and exhausted and with an overflowing fountain behind my eyes. I could not cry, because after all, the person who caused this was my roommate. And I had my pride. To the extent that I wouldn’t let him see me break down completely.

If sharing a room with him felt impossible before, I don’t know what it was now.

Absolute hell. My personal brand of it.

I couldn’t even look at him. I couldn’t bear being in the same space as him. Golden boy. “It’s not like that.” I wasted so much of myself on him. “At all.” Not that I was worth much to begin with, but still.

I hated him. I hated him, I was hurting, I was crying my eyes out when nobody could see or hear me, I hated myself, I kept hurting and not sleeping and not eating and I wished I would just stop existing too.

It’s been a while since it’s been so bad. The way I felt.

But maybe it was for the best. Because with all the hate and hurt that was filling me, how could there ever be space for more affection?

Maybe this would really be when I broke free from him.

If I survived to see the day, that is.

***

Time seemed to happen to everybody else, but not to me. I was not even sure how on earth I was keeping up with all of my assignments. I didn’t remember finishing them or turning them in, but there they were. Guess I had been working on autopilot.

But one of these identical, bleak afternoons, something ominous happened.

First of all, it was all a fault of bad timing on my part. I was passing the dining hall when afternoon tea would be coming to an end. I realized my fault as soon as I turned into the corridor and saw my classmates slowly leave the room. Chatting in groups. Everywhere. I tensed up – I knew hewouldn’t be far, as he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to ram cherry scones into his mouth. Just the thought of him made me ache a bit…

Then I caught a glimpse of rapid movement.

Unfortunately, I looked.

And Crowley below, it was Penelope Bunce. Waving at me. I didn’t even try to look over my shoulder to see if she means somebody standing behind me... Her gleaming dark eyes were fixed on me alone.

Cold fear gripped my lungs and squeezed the air out of them. This was it. The consequences were here. Invasive questions. Possibly ridicule or threats, who knows? My mind was giving me plenty of possible catastrophic scenarios. But I couldn’t not pass her in the hall – there was nowhere else to go, besides run in the opposite direction as if my life depended on it.

What did she want?

I would ignore her. I would just walk and ignore her.

I did make an honest attempt… but Bunce caught my elbow when I was trying to squeeze through a group of younger students. My try at the “get your filthy hands off me” glare went in vain.

“Hey!” she said to me. She knew damn well how weird it was to pretend that we just casually greet each other like that, but went on anyway: “I just hoped we could talk for a minute.”

“Well,” I retorted and yanked my arm out of her grip, “I definitely didn’t.”

Bunce let air out of her nose. Not exactly like an angry bull. An exasperated bull would be more like it.

“Just keep it civil for once, will you,” she looked up at me. “It won’t take long, I promise.” And then, as if she had been reading my thoughts: “Simon’s gone to Ebb’s today, you know.”

Crowley bless the weird-ass goatherd.

I jutted out my jaw. I was still feeling very defiant, but maybe hearing her out would make her leave me alone sooner. And as much as I didn’t like to admit that, Bunce was always sensible. Slightly terrifying and intense… but yes, sensible.

“Alright?” I reached up and put my hair behind my ears. It was greasy. Bleh. When was the last time I washed it…? “Go on, then.”

“Not here. Come,” she ordered and simply started walking. Her audacity was almost impressive. The only interactions we ever had was when she was breaking up fights between myself and Snow… she was in no position to tell me what to do, and yet, there she was.

Commanding. Bossy.

I followed her because she reminded me of a part of myself I couldn’t really find and dearly missed.

After turning a few corners, she tried to open a door of a classroom, seemingly at random. The door was unlocked somehow. She let me in first.  I made sure to stand very close to the exit, in case I needed an escape route.

Once she was facing me, I made a simple gesture in the likes of “what is it”.

“Okay, so,” she started, “it’s about that time you saw me come into Mummers House.”

My hand twitched toward the door. I had to admit, she phrased it quite nicely though. As if her breaking the Watford code was a graver situation than me and Snow… No, I couldn’t even finish that thought on the inside without feeling my chest tightening. Fuck.

“What about it?”

“Well, I thought that we could just make an agreement here. Since it looks like you didn’t go and report me.” She hops onto a table and swings her legs back and forth. “I won’t talk if you won’t, that sort of thing.”

I snarled. What a sneaky little…

“Mutual blackmail? I’m touched.”

Bunce looked at me in a very strange way. “No, I didn’t mean it like that at all,” she assured me. “I can magically swear it if you want. It’s not my thing to tell, anyway. I would never.”

Tell the tale to someone who believes it, I thought to myself.

But I couldn’t really say anything out loud. This was the one person – apart from Snow – that knew what happened. Nobody else could ever know. But… but she did know already. By accident, but she knew.

Something in me was meekly calling out to her.

Say more. Please. Let me… I don’t know, let me break and spill all over the floor like broken shards of a porcelain figure. Please, could I…? Just once, could I stop holding myself together…?

Except I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t rest. The pretense was all that I had left to do in life. Always acting, always hiding, always keeping everything locked in.

“Other than that, I…” Bunce added and I kind of jumped, not really realizing she was still there and it wasn’t just me, lost in my own mind. “I wanted to ask if you’re feeling alright?”

I gave her a quick look before turning away.

“That’s honestly none of your business.” The tone of my voice was all wrong. Too fucking vulnerable. Bunce replied simply: “I know that.”

We looked at each other. Two completely different people who existed only in the background of the other’s life. But it felt like now, we were connected. However insane it sounds. Maybe we were connected by knowing I kissed Snow and got my heart broken. Maybe by more than that, whatever that “more” would be.

Bunce sighed and tapped the other end of the table with her hand. My eyes fixed at the window behind her, I approached and lightly leaned on the desk, still leaving a few feet of space between us.

“Look,” she said, looking straight ahead, “don’t get me wrong. I love Simon to bits. But the truth is, my best friend is often quite a dumbass.” Then she corrected: “Usually.”

That, I could agree with. But I said nothing. I was busy biting my tongue and refusing to look at her.

“He reacted pretty badly then.” She crossed her legs at the ankles. “But just… wait it out. Simon will come around as soon as he’s done figuring out… well, all of it. He is on a good way.”

I felt a lump rising in my throat. I swallowed. So they were talking about it? What else did the girl know? And was I even mad about it at this point?

What I was more interested in was…

“Bunce… why are you even telling me that?” I asked, giving her a puzzled look (mixed with my general despair look, I presumed).

But really. What good was it to her to tell me all of this?

Not to mention she was giving me hope. I could not afford that. Not again, not ever again.

She smiled at me. Way too kindly. It hit me all at once how odd this tête-à-tête was. “Well, Pitch, that’s simple,” she retorted. “I know that you care about Simon a lot. In your own way. That includes pushing him down the stairs from time to time.”

The corners of my mouth twitched upward.

Nothing like the memories of good, simpler times.

“And don’t get me wrong,” she suddenly continued, “but you’ve looked like absolute hell lately. That was a factor too.”

That actually made me smile for a second

“Thanks,” I told her, and when we looked at each other, she was grinning. “Pleasure,” she nodded at me, then jumped down onto the floor and formally extended an arm towards me. I rolled my eyes, but I gripped it and shook it a couple times, as if we had just concluded a business meeting. She put her hands in the pockets of her blazer and, instead of a goodbye, wished me: “Good luck out there.”

That created another crooked smile on my lips. I decided to mark this experience as less ominous than previously expected. As she turned her back to me and reached for the door handle, curiosity started growing in my mind. I couldn’t keep it all in.

“Bunce?” I called out to her.

“Yes?”

“This wasn’t… He didn’t send you to talk to me, did he?”

“No, he wouldn’t. But I figured, since I was already guiding one idiot through his love life, I might as well help another.”

SIMON

In the course of the following weeks, I had more deep emotion-related conversations with Penny than I had in my entire life before that. I mean… when it comes to feelings and relationships, she knows way more than I ever will, I think. I told her she was wise once. She laughed at me.

But basically…, I had been thinking.

And I was not ready to say anything definitively… I had no labels or anything yet, that stuff was just too confusing and I didn’t really need a label on my attraction and whatnot to function. But I settled on one thing: I so had a crush on Baz. And in a weird way, I think I had had it for a long time, but I just didn’t realize what it was.

I just kind of thought that I did not like boys, period. Because that was different. And if you were feeling that different, you would just know immediately, wouldn’t you?

Turns out that liking Baz is a very normal, right, non-dramatic feeling.

That reminds me… earlier that week, I went to see Ebb again. She was in quite a good mood that day, and she was concerned about how quiet and lost in thought I seemed. I started this vague conversation about “what if you liked someone that you maybe, uh, shouldn’t date or anything”. After a while of letting me spout absolute confused nonsense, she quietly asked: “Could this be about Natasha Pitch’s son, Simon?”

I almost choked on the stale pastry she gave me to munch on. I demanded to know how she got that so fast, and she just assured me that nobody is that obsessed with another person without a good reason. “I remember when you came to me once in your third year,” she laughed, “and talked about the boy for full two hours. That’s when I started to have an inkling.” Her eyes got misty. “You were so cute back then. And look how you’ve grown…”

My mind racing, I pushed on: “Why didn’t you talk to me about it then?” And Ebb answered with her own gentle question: “Were you ready to be talked to?”

No. No, I wasn’t, not then. And I still fully wasn’t now.

But maybe I just had to dare.

Ready or not, here I come.

***

Just like that, it was evening. Baz had quietly slipped into our room after dark and went straight to the bathroom.

I turned on the light.

Couldn’t sleep, anyway. Also, this felt like a giant déja vu.

Breathe, Simon, keep breathing…

I stood up as soon as Baz returned into the room, twisting his wet hair in a towel. How could he look so hot with wet hair? It wasn’t fair.

Baz stopped in his tracks and took everything in. Me in just my pajama bottoms standing there… the nightlight dimly lighting the room… me again, this time like he was calculating what was the catch here. Then he threw the towel over his chair (weirdly disorganized of him) and went to get to bed.

“Baz?” I spoke to him.

He twitched, as if he couldn’t decide between turning to me and ignoring me completely. But when I made a step towards him, he suddenly whipped around. I noticed the wary, hurt look in his eyes before he was able to conceal it. Crowley. I really fucked up, haven’t I?

I hated the way he was coiling up and leaning away from me, inch after inch. I didn’t know him like that. Oh please, let me fix this. All of this.

At first, I meant to just talk to him… as Penny said, open communication and all that… But being here with him, I made a quick change of plans and reached out to him. To cup his cheek in my palm. He almost turned his head away. But then, he closed his eyes and let me touch him. I wanted to erase all the tension in his face. I slid my hand to the nape of his neck, fingers brushing his wet hair, dark like the night sky outside…, and stepped closer.

Not as close as I would like, but closer.

Baz refused to look at me.

“I would tell you to get up,” I teased him lightly, “but you’re already standing, so…”

Then I tilted my head, to the side and up, just so I would reach his pursed lips.

BAZ

He was going to kill me. I didn’t want to make it so easy for him… I didn’t want to just let him waltz back into my personal space like he hadn’t made me feel the worst kind of way before this. But…

But as soon as his lips touched mine, the electric impulse brought me back to life. I felt lightheaded. He kissed me again and my lips turned soft and welcoming in a millisecond. I had no dignity. None. I kept myself from intertwining my limbs with his, from pulling at his curls. I wouldn’t give myself too easy… I wouldn’t…

Who was I kidding?

I didn’t have much of myself to give. He already had me.

SIMON

We pulled away from each other, breathing just a bit quicker than usual. Baz’s face was still difficult to read, but his eyes were wide, almost childlike. I couldn’t keep myself from smiling.

“Sorry,” I said. “It took me too long, didn’t it? Penny says that I should hire an emotion translator.”

He smirked. “She did say something along those lines, yes.”

I dropped my hand from his face and blinked about a hundred times. “Wait. Wait, since when do you two… I mean, she talked to you? Or youto heror… what?”

Baz cocked an eyebrow. “Well, Snow, I’m stealing your friends one by one. Watch out.”

Morgana help me, he could be so arrogant sometimes… I was annoyed just listening to that tone. And attracted. Somebody should explain the science behind all that.

“You’re an ass,” I pointed out.

He gave me a slow stare-down.

“Is that all you were going to say to me?” he wondered.

I felt my palms start sweating immediately.

No, I’m fine, I reminded myself. This is fine.

“Ah. Yes!” I nodded. “I, uh. I like you? If that’s not obvious by now. I didn’t really know before, but I like you a lot and… Yeah. I don’t know what we will do with that, but… Yeah.  I mean…” I stammered. “If you… Do you?”

Not smooth. Definitely the least smooth confession in the history of confessions. I should have stayed at the kissing. That’s clear communication enough, I think.

Baz looked at me without blinking. At the last two words, he gave me this absolutely confused look, as if he didn’t know what language I was speaking to him right now.

“Crowley, Snow,” he sighed. Absolutely done with me.

Then, he grabbed my shoulders and hauled me back first into a wall. Before I could even think “he’s attacking me” out of habit, he was already pressing his body into mine and kissing me like there was no tomorrow. He always kissed with intent, like the whole fate of the world depended in it.

I could do this all night. I would if he let me. I broke away only to whisper: “You are confusing the Anathema, I think.”

His cheeks turned a bit pink. “Shut up,” he snapped and went for my lips again. I turned my face away, just to tease him.

“No, but really,” I laughed. “You’ll have to be nicer to me now, won’t you?”

Baz looked me in the eyes.

His were beautiful. So damn beautiful. Like storm clouds.

“Snow…” he whispered gently.

BAZ

I couldn’t handle it. He made a stupid joke about the Anathema… and we were standing there in the soft yellow light of the night lamp and he was laughing so sweetly, he was like the damn sun, so warm and bright.

And I loved him.

I loved him so much I felt like it was going to rip me in half.

“Snow…” I managed to breathe out.

And then I felt tears rolling down my face.

He was about as startled as I was.

I immediately turned away from him and tried to breathe, but lately it was difficult for me to stop crying once I started. It was… it was all just a lot. Simon Snow came back to me. I was kissing Simon Snow just now. I didn’t deserve this, did I? I bet he didn’t mean it. I bet something would take him away from me again… and I would just be alone, completely alone again. I was so scared. Scared to be happy, because once you find that happiness – especially if it’s a person– it can be taken away from you.

“I… Baz? Did I say something? I’m sorry.” He tried to take a look at my face, but I tried just as hard to hide it.

“No,” I blurted out and looked up at the ceiling. “Crowley, no. I am sorry. What the fuck is even wrong with me…” I staggered sideways and leaned on the writing desk. I covered my eyes with one hand and pushed my fingers into my eyes, as if I could physically push the tears back.

“Hey, come on,” Snow cooed. I didn’t even have the willpower to try and fight him off when he put his arms around me. Making sure I wouldn’t start openly sobbing took all I had. “Really, did something happen?”

I tried to answer normally. But what came out was a half-sob, half-laugh, before the words began rushing out. “I just… I never thought this would happen,” I admitted. “All these years, I thought I could just never have you and… Now look at me. Crowley. Way to ruin the mood, right?” I felt like I could die.

“I didn’t… You’re not… You haven’t ruined anything,” he shook his head and rubbed my back to comfort me. But I could feel him not being sure what to do. Then he apologized: “Sorry, I’m rubbish at this, too.”

I dared to lay my forehead on his shoulder.

“We’re both pretty rubbish, I think,” I croaked. “And I’m the one making things awkward.”

“Well then, you could just push me against that wall again. Would that work?”

“Ha ha,” I said sarcastically, but then, I couldn’t help but laugh just a bit.

He brushed my hair out of my face.

I slipped my arms around his waist.

“Baz?”

“Yes?”

“Just… just wondering. How long have you liked me for, exactly?”

Funny you should ask.I lifted my head up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. The answer was simple. Straightforward.

“Always.”

He looked guilty for some reason. He pressed his forehead against mine. “Sorry it took me so long, then,” he almost whispered, and I couldn’t help but smile the widest smile in… Well, in years, I think.

“It’s okay,” I told him. “I think it’s okay now.”

[calmedflames]

 ----- OH GOD how do you rp again?? hm anyWAY the name’s ria ( believe no one else mads when they say otherwise ) 22 , in the worst timezone possible and p much always confused !! but i have some probably not helpful info about two precious children under the cut so YAH

『    JAMIE MOON  ||     28     ||       FLOWER SHOP CLERK / BARTENDER     』

 god she’s so pretty i cry BUT ANYWAY y’all ready for some tragic bs story? well get ready. 

so jamie’s adopted ----- ok not as dramatic but like lstn ,, she was born in busan, south korea into a pathetic excuse for a family , cue abusive dad and helpless mom and poor af but like she made peace with it only cause she learned how to shut off her feelings and lived in denial p much

but one day her dad gets an offer from one of his work colleagues to move to the US and be the head of the office there ,, they just have to pay a “small” fee and other expenses like visas and shit but being the idiot that he is , sells off everything they have so that they can move and when they reach washington , there’s nothing --- no office no people ,, nothing

they don’t know the language , have no house , no nothing SO OFC the only logical reason was for him to kill himself and mom followed suit and now our 14 yr old girl has no where to go :) 

jamie now somehow has to learn to live in a new country all by herself ,, fantastic -- but she does... sleeps on benches or finds people here and there who sometimes help her or rob her OH WELL but yeah eventually a store owner takes pity and lets her work for some food and eventually they help put jamie in the system 

YA GIRL GETS ADOPTED BY A RICH ASS FAMILY 

her adoptive parents are nice and all but after her, they adopted another younger child and later had a child of their own so hello insecurities of being kicked out anytime soon 

so eventually she worked and borrowed some money from the fam and moved out and now yeah now she’s just chillin’ 

that’s all i got okay be nice 

oh also lesbian af

  WANTED CONNECTIONS                            

past reflections :  maybe some people she met during the time she lived on the streets ... people who helped her or who she stayed with for a couple of days or someone took advantage or robbed her or whatever 

thicker than blood  :  gimme her two younger siblings thanks 

exes and ohs  :  did someone say ex-girlfriend? yes. 

a (girl) crush  :  someone she likes but is obviously straight but she’s just heart eyes

a (boy) crush  :  some guy she probably dated a while back to make her parents happy but obviously had no future w cause she gay 

regular mistakes  :  ayeee friends w benefits bc who doesn’t want that 

idk man anything you can think of lmk

『    RICK SULLIVAN   ||     37     ||       ANIMAL SHELTER OWNER        』

ok but how cute is he 

imma be honest there’s not much exciting to his background and that has nothing to do with the fact that i literally created this character under peer pressure ( ahem mads ahem ) maybe it does

so he was born in a small town in texas , loving mom and dad and eventually had a little sister who he adores with all his heart and picture perfect family ----- i mean all families have their issues but it was mostly good 

their mom stayed home and looked after the kids and their little farm while their army man dad bravely fought wars 

but ofc , one day the letter of their dad’s death comes and the responsibilities of being the man of the house fall on poor 16 year old rick 

and he did what he could to help out , small odd jobs that earned some money while balancing school and all that ---- but it turned out good , eventually making enough money to take his little family and move to elms and start his own little animal shelter 

BUT SO our boy rick is a simple man , kind , sweet , handsome , helpful , likes to travel ( although has never been anywhere ), likes to paint once a while also is romantic and likes long walks on the beach 

OH ALSO i forgot to mention , the one woman he fell in love with left him at the alter :)) 

so yeah , after that he was a little broken , his sunshine personality took a hit and he went on a drinking binge for a bit but yah mads just hates all of my characters and does this every time 

WANTED CONNECTIONS  

little one  :   his younger sister please , i imagine they have a good relationship but lets talk about it for sure

mother knows best  :  well yeah , his mom , pretty straightforward. she took good care of ‘em as children but also put a lot of pressure on rick’s shoulders at a young age and they’re good for the most part and he’s super protective of her , sometimes annoyingly but in good faith

best buddy  :  everyone needs a best friend you guys

bad habits die hard  :  so like i said , rick is goody two shoes but went in a “bit” of a spiral after the whole wedding thing so probably someone who taught him to drink and become a. as rick would say a “ hardcore baddie ”   ---- god he’s so lame

animal shelter employees  :  who wants to come hang out with cool old man rick and his adorable puppies 

[nadziejastar]

OMG, thank you so much for sending this! And thank you to the person who translated it! This story proves to me that Lea and Isa were just too gay for the mainstream Kingdom Hearts series. Seriously.

We thought we could save that girl. I don’t know why we felt that way.

The little story is very nice. It’s about as good as it can possibly be given the shitty source material that is KH3. I thought it was hilarious how Isa has pretty much nothing to say about Subject X. Oh yeah, she sounds so important to him here, doesn’t she? Isa sacrificed everything for her, lol. Maybe you just wanted to help her, Isa, because you had a good heart. Ever think of that? 

But for real, what a crock of shit that whole idea is. Skuld was just shoehorned into their story because Axel and Saïx were too gay otherwise. That’s all it its. Just blatant homophobia, and I’m disappointed in Square and Disney for it. It’s okay to shiptease popular same-sex couples, but as soon as there’s an actual same-sex couple, they go out of their way to fuck it up like this. Pathetic.

Yes, I thought that I didn’t need you with me anymore.

So, yeah, Isa doesn’t give a shit about Skuld. They can’t even force him to seem like he cares. On the other hand, Isa sure had TONS to say about Lea in this story. I’m not surprised that there’s all this subtext hinting that Isa really loved Lea. That’s my favorite part about this story. It’s just so gay. Isa said his life had no meaning if Lea didn’t need him. Lea was his purpose.

“Kairi…? Oh, I expect she’s catching up with her friend from the darkness,” he said as if it were nothing of much concern.

“What’s that mean?!” Sora demanded.

“She doesn’t need you anymore.” Saïx smiled, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes.

It just makes me even more pissed off over how badly KH3 ruined Isa. There was so much wasted potential with the LeaIsa relationship. IMO, it’s still the most complicated and interesting relationship in the series. At least before KH3, anyway.

Ultimately, what is a heart?

What are friends?

Is there any meaning to making connections with your heart?

I’m not blaming the writer of this story or anything. They did the best they could with the cruddy source material. But I gotta be honest, this story still sounds like it’s written from Saïx’s point of view, not Isa’s. He just sounds so…robotic? If that makes sense. Like, he still doesn’t sound fully human here, if you ask me.

It was just that if he went back and reported that he couldn’t find anything, he would have to deal with those attempts at “personality”—the sneers, the snide remarks, the only trappings of human emotion that Saïx ever showed. Not that Saïx was even capable of annoyance or disappointment, of course, what with the lack of a heart and all.

Saïx was very, very cold and unfeeling. He couldn’t understand friendship or what it meant to have a heart.

In a way, Saïx put more effort than any of them into pretending he had a heart, Axel thought. And yet, he was more lacking than any of them.

He was the most Nobody-like organization member. There was a distinct lack of humanity with his personality. He didn’t even want to be that way. He desperately wanted a heart so he could feel like a normal human again. He was a tragic character. A victim. But…there was clearly something very, very wrong with him. He was NOT normal. And this never gets addressed. It really bothers me.

“I know I won’t forget you. Believe me, I try all the time,” Isa replied with a bit of humor in his tone.

“See? I’m immortal!”

“You’re obnoxious.”

I gotta say, I don’t like how Isa is now being written like Saïx, as if that was just his natural personality. In BBS, Isa actually seemed VERY sensitive. He simply seemed reticent with his feelings. He seemed like he had very strong affection for Lea, but was too shy to express this outwardly. So he teased Lea all the time.

Lea seemed to understand that Isa’s teasing was simply his way of showing affection, so he enjoyed their banter. A lot. Although Isa was shy, he still gave me the impression that he was a totally normal kid, like Lea. He had a good sense of humor and acted playful. He didn’t seem to be so…stiff or unable to understand emotions like he does in this story.

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore. It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

Lea was a normal human kid. Axel was a normal Nobody. Isa was a normal kid. Saïx was NOT a normal Nobody. So why would Isa be so different from Lea? IMO, there’s no good explanation for why Isa changed from a normal shy kid in BBS to what he became as a Nobody. This…unfeeling blob of a man. At least a backstory as a human test subject would make his personality understandable.

“Say something. Have you even thought that maybe I can’t erase Roxas?” Axel said, in a playful tone, and Saix finally looked up.

“It’ll be all right. ‘Cause I’m tough.” Axel puffed out his chest.

“How stupid,” said Saix, and for a moment he smiled.

It feels like KH3 had to sugarcoat Saïx a lot, in order to portray him more sympathetically. Saïx had a few moments where he showed genuine emotion and love for Axel (feelings that I don’t even think were his). He acted shy in this scene, for instance. He acted more Like Isa here. But generally, it was very, VERY hard to get anything out of him, no matter how hard Axel tried to connect with him.

After a while I became selfish, and turned into a foolish person.

I cannot say enough how much I loathe how KH3 handled Saïx. He was deprived of all the complexity and sympathy he could have had if he had been an abuse victim and human test subject. And at the same time, they also had to try and whitewash his character in order to redeem him. KH3 writes Saïx as just this normal guy who is a bit bad with expressing his feelings and as a result, acted selfish when he lost his heart. His personality as a Nobody was just an extension of his personality as a human.

Saïx: He won nothing and is nothing. He couldn’t stand the emptiness of being without a heart, and that led to his demise. He was foolish and weak.

But that’s just not true. Saïx wasn’t just a bit brusque. He was a monster. His moniker was “Demoniac Dancing in the Moon”. He was demonic. There’s no need to downplay this. He was not just this tsundere guy who just needed to apologize for being a bit douchey. He was savage and acted downright evil much of the time. Being bad with emotions doesn’t even begin to describe him. Nor does it explain why he acted the way he did, especially with Axel.

Saïx: All I did was find a place to send everyone who was getting in the way.

Axel: Well, it’s nice to know where I stand! Sheesh…

Saïx: Did you come back in one piece or didn’t you?

For instance, it’s never explained WHY Saïx pushed Axel away in the first place. In KH3, they’d have you believe that all the problems started when he became jealous of Axel’s closeness with Roxas and Xion. But that’s obviously not true. Saïx was messed up long before Axel got close to them. And the only reason Axel spent all his time with them was because Saïx had already changed and pushed him away constantly. There’s no explanation given for why Saïx acted so cold with Axel all the time. None.

In canon, Saïx’s personality just makes NO SENSE. Why did he abuse Axel if he felt like Axel gave his life meaning? It wasn’t just because he had no heart, because Axel didn’t have one, other. And if they both loved each other, they should have been able to grow hearts rather easily, anyways. So why did Saïx have such a black hole for a heart? In KH3, they’d have you believe that that’s just how he was. It was just his flawed personality and possibly him being upset that Axel wasn’t as obsessed with finding Subject X as he was. Not because his heart was swallowed by Xehanort’s after he was a human test subject.

Yes, I thought you didn’t need me anymore. If you didn’t need me, then I no longer held meaning. That’s why I sacrificed myself to that man.

He said he sacrificed himself to Xehanort because Axel didn’t need him anymore. But what I wanna know is, why he thought that! Axel never pushed Saïx away. Ever! He tried and tried and tried to get close to him. But Saïx always pushed Axel away. I hate how KH3 almost makes it seem like Saïx was justified to feel abandoned by Axel and hate him. I think that’s totally unfair to Axel. He did everything he could for Saïx. Axel almost killed Roxas and Xion for Saïx’s sake. And Saïx was never grateful to him or anything.

You’re ultimately still a crybaby, but you don’t need the marks anymore.

Saïx’s personality in KH3 just feels so random to me. In canon, there’s just no depth or substance to him as a character. He’s just this weird guy who is really bad with his emotions. I swear, there was so much more going on with him that was left on the cutting room floor. Like, why does he call Lea a crybaby? What is that all about? I have my theories, but still. Nothing about Axel and Saïx’s canon backstory made any sense. It pisses me off so much.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jude & Jac

Jude: [sends her the snaps as if she hasn't seen that the fuckboy posted them like obvs she has seen them if you have gal but okay] Jude: ?! Jac: yeah Jac: bit rude he didn't tag us, I guess Jude: he never tags anyone Jude: idk if he knows how Jac: I'm sure I'll still get the ❤s Jude: & the dms Jac: alls well that ends well then Jude: at least your night didn't end in 🚔👮🚨 Jac: the joys of being of age Jac: what party got shutdown then Jude: Amelia's Jude: 🏡👀👵 Jac: No shit Jac: it's like throwing a party in a nursing home Jude: 🤣 it was decent before then though Jude: I'd give it an 8 Jac: @ her Jac: you know how to do them Jude: she ain't gonna take it on board when she's losing points for not enough straight boys Jude: just take it as a 🥇🏆 Jac: what do you expect Jude: 0 expectations Jac: yeah, that's something to shout about Jude: like you've got a leg to stand on there but alright Jac: ?! Jude: you were always going on at me about my rep before & you're not even bothered about yours now Jac: how do you know I'm not bothered Jude: ⬆ Jac: I'm not bothered about talking to you about Amelia's party Jac: that has no interest for me Jude: I only mentioned my 🏃 & my rating Jac: why? Jac: I didn't ask Jude: obvs you're 🤐 Jude: why would I wait for you to ask Jac: heaven forbid we aren't subjected to a never-ending stream of consciousness Jude: my bad for checking in, like Jude: 🙄 Jac: where, where'd you do that Jude: ⬆ Jac: you mean when you talk about yourself again, yeah, cool Jac: where would I be without that kind of care Jude: oh come on Jude: you don't have to @ me if there's owt you wanna say Jac: and clearly there isn't Jac: so don't bother rolling your eyes, you came into my inbox Jac: so you say what you want to say then piss off Jude: what are you so fuming for? Jac: Jesus, you're self-absorbed Jac: why the fuck do you think Jude: I 🤔💭 you know what he's like Jac: blame me then, that's a hot take Jude: nah, you don't do anything without your own 🥇💡 for every way it can play out Jac: and what possible reason would I have for doing this Jude: idk Jac: sherlock you ain't Jude: never said I was Jude: you're the 🧠 Jac: then you're chatting shit Jude: I can be the 🥊 if you want & you are bothered by the shit everyone's gonna chat Jac: I can handle it Jude: alright Jac: people are just jealous Jac: he's the hottest boy still at our school Jude: yeah, that's undeniable Jac: they judge but they all would if they could Jude: no shit Jude: how he gets away with being too thick to @ Jac: not as if I was there to do homework Jude: he has people he 💰 is what I heard Jude: for the homework bit Jac: yeah he's loaded Jac: might go out with him for the presents Jude: like I said 🥇💡 Jac: obviously Jude: I got asked out last night an' all but it was a no Jac: there were some straight boys that weren't our brother then Jac: interesting Jude: mates of mine Jude: or so I 🤔💭 Jac: that's all boys want Jude: it's whatever, I can handle it Jac: sure Jude: ? or ! Jac: . Jac: ... if you really wanna get a sense of my disbelief Jude: 👌 Jac: Cool, you can tell Jesse he's a traitor too Jude: he's not here Jude: hang on 📢🗨 Jude: probs helping her 🧼🧽🧹🗑 before her mum & dad get back Jac: Tragic Jude: bit weird that they're best mates now Jude: she 👻 us for ages after you fell out Jac: it's not weird, just sad, as aforementioned Jude: she loves his new 🎵 that'll do him Jude: 💃 to whatever the 💊 she was on though Jac: if you have to buy your fans with 🧼🧽🧹🗑 you can't be any good Jude: 🤣 Jac: 🙄 Jude: maybe he just can't get his head through her door Jac: yes, playing a party for free is really impressive Jac: especially when the host has no friends Jude: 💔 you're not 📢🗨 to him Jude: be a decent ego check, that Jac: I have no desire to talk to him either Jude: I know Jude: called him a traitor & then dragged him Jac: I'm glad that's clear Jude: 💎 Jac: then I won't have to hit him again Jude: & none of us will have to put up with him 😭 Jude: tah for that Jac: hardly my fault he's a pussy Jude: not getting the 🎻 out Jac: makes a change Jude: he had a go at me for being there Jude: such a dickhead Jac: wants his new best friend to himself Jac: has no one told him she's actually gay Jude: he'd have to be thicker than your new bf not to work it out Jac: probably thinks everyone puts it on like he does Jude: she's never got with a lad has she? Jac: I don't know Jude: it's what everyone says but loads of what they 🗨 is bollocks Jac: makes no odds to the fact everyone will be saying that he clearly fancies her Jude: yeah Jude: do you reckon he does? Jac: why else would he do that for her Jude: she's got no mates, might just reckon she needs one Jac: sure Jude: like when you took Savannah in Jac: not really Jac: she had friends Jude: not proper ones Jac: still, she weren't begging for friends Jac: or approaching the kind of pathetic Amelia is these days Jude: I guess Jac: there's no question Jude: she did seem really 💔😭🎻 Jude: I'd be well chuffed if mum & dad pissed off for the weekend Jac: you know they're weirdly close Jude: I bet her mum has shut down loads of parties she's 👀👂 in everyone's business Jude: bit of karma there or whatever Jac: surprising they've gone away Jac: she's clearly miserable with her life Jude: her house is wild Jude: I'd never been before Jac: if wild meant insanely boring, yeah, sure Jude: nursing home is right Jude: that's what I meant Jac: I know Jude: my mates who don't have 🐶🐱 live in 🏠 that look like they belong on the telly Jude: not that Jac: like I said, her mum has no life Jac: when she's not got her nose in everyone's business, she's making ugly shit for their house Jude: making it? Jude: 🥉 Jac: pinterest Jac: hope Jesse knows the future he's signing up for Jude: not 🤘🎸😎🏆 Jac: 🔪👀 🤯🔫 more like Jude: *🤪👵 Jac: if you think her mum is miserable, imagine how her dad feels Jac: is my point Jude: god yeah Jude: 💀 Jac: no wonder she's dating girls Jude: I wonder if she is going out with anyone Jac: why would you care Jude: if Jess does Jude: he's a dickhead but I don't want him to be 💔 Jac: 🙄 Jude: is dad down there with you? Jac: no clue Jude: is his 🚪🔐? Jac: they never forget now they're obsessed with trying to imprison me Jude: ugh Jac: still, I'm going out Jude: let me out with you, I g2g & mum's being aggro about it Jac: why would I Jude: why not? Jac: because I have no reason to help you Jude: 🤔💭 of a reason then Jude: I'll do it if you help me Jac: there's nothing you could offer me, thanks Jude: come on Jac: why do you think they're any more likely to let me out Jude: cos they do Jude: you're officially off the rails Jac: no, the difference is, I don't care if they say I can or not Jac: that's your problem that you do Jude: I still have things I care about that they can take off me Jac: sucks to be you then Jude: cheers Jude: top quality sisterly advice Jac: I don't care about you Jude: I got that cos you keep saying it over & over Jac: Why are you still here Jude: what else am I gonna do? homework? Jude: not allowed to go nowhere Jac: might be an idea Jude: 💩💡 Jac: you'll live Jude: 🤏 Jac: you're all so pathetic Jude: it's you acting so hard done by Jac: yeah Jac: how'd you work that one out, genius Jude: the whinging happening Jude: just mute me like you have irl Jac: I'm not the one begging to go out Jac: but sure Jude: I asked, once, but alright Jac: and now you're moaning about having to do homework, which you won't do anyway Jac: and this whole time have been talking about things I don't care about ad nausea Jac: but you're SO right Jude: nah, I answered that I'd rather stay here 🗨 than do it since you asked Jac: you're boring, Jude Jude: you can't be bothered to chuck out a decent insult, nowt to do with me Jac: it's just the truth Jac: you wish there was anything more colourful to call you Jac: you just are Jude: you wish I was 💔😭 like Jess when you start on him Jac: if you get it, like you say, then you'd realise I literally don't think about you at all Jude: I get that you want me to piss off rn, it ain't happening Jac: I want you to piss off, that's about your lot Jac: so have at it Jude: yeah yeah Jude: just said that myself Jac: then do it Jude: what you gonna do 🥊 me? Jac: don't start or you'll find out Jude: you start everything Jac: so? Jude: so 🥊 me Jude: idc about that Jude: I'll smack you back Jac: then I'll fucking kill you Jac: leave me alone, I have nothing to say to you, I don't want to hear anything from you Jac: it's as simple as that Jude: but why? Jude: you've never said Jac: I don't like you Jude: it's more than that Jac: What could be more than that Jude: you didn't like me before, we still 🗨 Jac: and what was the point Jude: you're my sister Jac: and Jude: and you used to be bothered about it Jac: not now Jude: what happened? Jac: I got bored of you Jude: alright Jac: great Jude: [no reply I can really give so I'll just leave that there lol]

[faunusrights]

‘AFTER THE FALL’ - LIVEREAD III

The more I hear about the latter half of this book, the more depresso espresso I’m drinking. Let’s see how it goes, huh?

(Since there’s more chapters in the latter half than the first half, short chapters will probably get combined together for the sake of. I’m lazy.)

CHAPTERS EIGHT AND NINE

I love that Velvet’s the one who enlisted Weiss and Yang, expecting shit to go sideways. She saw these two gays on main and went ‘they look like they can party’. Was she wrong? No. Did she invite Cinder for the express purpose of drama? Yes. Can you make me stop shipping Sinnamon Bun? Also no.

Okay, this book has read my mine though!!! Ruby pitches a Beacon Battle Club where they play music as they fight, and no word of a fucking lie, that happens in Great Weiss Shark AU! I am not kidding! I had this whole story planned out! This is theft of the HIGHEST order.

“Doilies are absurd and elitist,” Yang said.

This is simultaneously the least Yang-like line and also the most Yang-like line I’ve ever heard. The duality of idiot, I suppose.

I like Fox! I really do, actually! He’s my son now. Although, the bad news is I dunno if I can replicate him in The Frapp Logs, so he’ll just have to keep dragging Coco to the ends of the earth. Same thing, right? R-right?

“Leaders can’t be the comic relief.” Fox raised his eyebrows. “Jaune.”

Is this the second time Jaune’s been dragged? I’m living for it. Also, sleepy Blake! And CFVY knowing she’s (they’re) a Faunus! And the second book behind a book! I love you, Blake.

Velvet correcting Yatsu’s ‘catnap’ joke! I wrote a ficlet about this exact thing once, so I TOLD you my Velvet’s NEARLY CANON. SHE JUST NEEDS TO EAT MORE PROTEIN IS ALL.

Onto chapter nine. God, these chapters get thinner by the second, huh?

BACK TO THE DESERT WE GO, and there’s... fog? Which is now gone! Wow! Is this a plot device? Foreshadowing? I sure hope so, because why on earth it would warrant a mention we’re just not too sure!

A sandstorm is incoming and hidden tracks are gonna get blasted away. I’m trying to figure out if this is all pathetic fallacy or if I’m reading too much into handy-dandy plot devices. Why not both?

Heart-to-heart with Coco and Yatsu... and we’re back to Yatsu giving Velvet all the hugs. Now that I’m sensing the Velv/Yats vibes, I’m extra suspicious. You stop that. Let Velvet have a fashionable GF at least if you won’t let her kiss Weiss!!!

‘[...] even the women were down to halter tops. Focus, Coco, she thought.’

Ah, lesbian as always. I’m soothed. Carmine enters the tent and Coco gets even gayer. I’m very soothed.

‘What was Jaune doing after losing a member of his team, a friend... someone he clearly cared about.’

I don’t care about what Jaune feels. Why the heck would Coco even care? There’s literally so many more people that impacts than just Jaune, lawd.

CHAPTER TEN AND ELEVEN

Back to Fox, who is honestly the shining star of this book by now. I love you, my blind and sassy son.

I love Ada and the battle mechanic she has! I’m really enjoying how Fox interacts with the world around him and using his Scroll and AI as an accessibility device. It’s neat! I didn’t expect them to go as ham on him as they did, but they did.

“Update,” Ada said. “Weapon has projectile capabilities.” “You mean it’s also a gun.”

Obligatory gun meme.

Combat stuff happens, Fox wins a fight against a confused Edward, and it turns out Gus is the one summoning Grimm and Fox just got jumped, so we slide into another flashback for chapter eleven. Lemme tell ya, this book ain’t afraid of moving fast.

“I guess you slightly oversold your ability to track the survivors,” Coco said.

Again, this is one of those lines that reads as very... callous? Kinda mean? I’ve always had Coco in my head as someone who very broadly puts her team (and their feelings) first, even if it’s rough, so lines like this make me go 🤔

Velvet falls, Yatsu panics, Coco gets up in everyone’s grill. There’s a lot to this dynamic I am not enjoying right now, and even then this seems inconsistent with the CFVY we’ve seen in the book itself. I know the author’s trying to communicate that Coco is tired and frustrated, that I get, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t how... it would really happen given her character? I dunno. ‘S weird.

Was that a fat joke I spotted there? From Coco? I need a nap. Also COCO LET VELVET DO THINGS JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!!!!!!!!

Coco has claustrophobia! I wrote her as having agoraphobia, so this is a hilarious turn of events. Also Coco has two brothers, not one: Mate and Toma.

Coco is fighting Grimm in a cave with CFVY, but still finds time to criticise Velvet in combat. Hey, maybe if you let her do things, she’d prove you wrong, dingus. And then she does! See!

Aaaaaaaand the six survivors are all dead. This was a pretty traumatic event, all told, which makes it weird that they look... less affected in the show? Still, this chapter was VERY weird for the characterisations because Coco seems especially inconsistent, alas. Anyway, onto:

CHAPTERS TWELVE AND THIRTEEN

The sandstorm is approaching and catching the wagons, which I have just realised are actually vehicles that use fuel. Mostly because that’s the First I Heard Of It.

‘Velvet noticed a pistol tucked in the back before she closed the door.’

Hi, can Chekhov please pick up his gun from aisle twelve? Thanks.

GIANT SAND TURTLE. AVATAR AANG C’MERE Y’ALL GOTTA LEARN HOW TO DEFEAT THE FIRELORD.

“You said it’s big enough to ride on?” Velvet asked.

Maybe this is why Coco dismisses Velvet so often. She only pitches the craziest ideas, which is why I love her. That said, Coco finally lets Velvet do something! It’s a miracle of man! Climb that turtle, bihh!

Yatsu calls Velvet V. I’m so used to Velv that V sounds entirely too cool for this idiot.

Everyone’s pissed again, but-- IS THAT THE SAND WORM THING FROM ARRAKIS?! What A Tweest!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody coulda seen THAT coming!!!!!

So let’s go to chapter thirteen, where Fox has had the shit beaten out of him behind a Denny’s. Sound about right.

So what’s-his-name-- Bertilak, whomst from now on shall be called Bert because what sorta water tribe name even is that (wow the ATLA references are on fire today). Anyway, Bert is being paid by someone else to deliver people with Stronk Semblances like summoning Grimm! Gee I Wonder Who That Might Be (I don’t actually know but I’m honestly not going to be surprised either way).

“Yeah, [Bert]’s a real bastard.” “Even I can see that,” Fox sent.

I love it. Fox really has been the highlight of this book for me.

Fox is on the ground and the referee is counting him to ten, so it’s mid-chapter-flashback time! We learn how Fox’s parents died (sinkhole) and how that became his motivation for... going to Beacon? Okay, tenuous link at best, but I’m going with it.

Carmine is full of trouble and Fox is determined to take Bert with ‘em. Let him DIE.

I’m gonna keep going since we’re not four chapters from the end, so:

CHAPTERS FOURTEEN AND FIFTEEN

Flashback time! Again! Only it’s CFVY’s POV of their return to Beacon. I wouldn’t mind this if like. We hadn’t already seen this from RWBY’s perspective in the show? People know this from my tastes in fanfic, but I’m not a huge fan of retellings of canon events, it’s soooooo boooooring. So I’m just gonna grind through this asap.

(I do like that RWBY and CFVY have all these parallels being called to. As they should.)

Okay we’re past the recap and OH LAWD I HEARD OF THIS BIT. Goodwitch is here (I love u Glynda no matter what) but yeah, I’ve heard this part is Big Oof so uh, let’s see this happen go down. Velvet is being requested to see Ozpin so /buckles down.

Velvet’s being questioned alone for the Whole Thing, and team CFVY have burst into the office demanding to know why, and Velvet’s a crying wreck! I’m still very >:I for everyone being overprotective of Velvet, c’mon, but also: Oz, can you please have tact? Just once in your life? Tact? Do you has it?

Anyway, CFVY have reconciled and we turn to chapter fifteen, in which: Yatsu.

Carmine has Gus, everyone’s on the Turtmobile, and shit’s hitting the fan. Yatsu’s going after Gus and Carmine alone, and I’m still waiting on Chekov’s Gun to Chekov its way right into someone’s butt. Unless it’s Chekov’s Red Herring.

Here comes a fight scene! I never have much to say during fight scenes, so, uh, yeah. There’s some real last-minute exposition in places, though, where it really shouldn’t be.

Eey, Carmine is telekinetic! Very powerful and also OP, gotta nerf that shit right down, Edward.

Yatsu’s very nearly defeated, Bert is back, baby, and shit’s getting real. Time for chaaaaaaaaaper sixteeeeeeeeeen.

CHAPTERS SIXTEEN AND SEVENTEEN

Today’s livereading soundtrack is Simple Things by Zero 7. The whole album, I mean. This is a fun little fact to make sure you’re still awake and aware, ‘cause I sure ain’t!

Roy Stallion of BRNZ is presumed dead, along with the whole team, so big RIP to May, who was cute and deserved better. Swear to God if ABRN are dead too I will kill a man. Two men, to be specific.

Velvet admits she never wanted to come to Vacuo, Coco promises they’ll return to reclaim Beacon in future. This reads like a protagonist’s last speech on hope and strength in friendship... and it should, as Coco gets swallowed by a worm! Straight up just down the hatch! This should be a tragic beat, but this is honestly so funny. Coco, pick better ways to die.

Anyway, we’re onto chapter seventeen. I was very kindly given this message:

And I-- OH HELL YES! HELL YES IT’S A SCHOOL DAY TIMETABLE!!!!!!!!!! THE LORE! THE CLASSES! THE NAMES! THE FACTS! THIS IS THE BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE BOOK SO FAR WHICH REALLY GOES TO SHOW I HAVE NO HOBBIES!

Is this a... flashback? Flash... forward? I’m not sure, actually. Either way, CFVY are in Beacon clearing the place of Grimm. Actually, this must be a flashback to before they went to Vacuo, I suppose, which would make sense to follow Velvet’s little admittance last chapter before Coco got swallowed like a paracetamol tablet.

Velvet waited for someone to ask her what she thought, what she wanted, by no one did.

Now I’m SAD why won’t people be NICE to VELVET just ONCE!!! God, this book really just gives her the short end of the stick every time.

Off go CFVY to Vacuo. Bye.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN AND EPILOGUE

Heremst we go.

Coco’s alive! I mean, no surprise. And full of the Joques as ever:

Coco figured sacrificing your life for a teammate was one way to be remembered as a good leader, but maybe that was just cheating.

RIP Coco and her claustrophobia! Hey, now that was good foreshadowing! That gets a whole Murphy Cookie of Approval. 🍪

Coco loses her Scroll and her hat, but Velvet swoops in to save the day! Meanwhile, Bert has been convinced that Carmine double-crossed him, so they’re battling it out! Basically, Gus cast frenzy. Finally, it works in everyone’s favour.

“I can’t believe I thought you were cute,” Coco spat.

Some lines in this book haven’t been very good. This one, on the other hand, very much is.

So Carmine goes underground and starts creating sinkholes everywhere like a weird desert gremlin, and Edward manages to block her Semblance and like. Carmine flat-out nearly suffocates herself to death. Another death I would have found both gruesome and hilarious for its irony. But Velvet uses Flynt’s trumpet to quite literally doot the sand away, and-- I’m so sorry, this line has me literally laughing to myself. She fuckin’-- doots the sand. Oh my god.

Anyway they win, catch up with Slate and the Nomad Fam, and meet team SSSN! The boys are back in town!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Things are looking good.

Epilogue time. I’m still laughing about the sand-dooting.

So, we don’t know who paid Bert and Carmine, I guess? I do believe there’s maybe a sequel or something in the works, apparently, so maybe this is part of an overarching plot type thingie. Still.

Ah, yep, Coco confirms that they’re not through with this line of investigation yet, But, Velvet wraps it up with a heart-felt, if not a little bit cheesy, segment about home being wherever CFVY is, and so the book comes to a close.

WRAP-UP

So, I’m definitely gonna have a second read-through of this without having to constantly stop and do a liveblog, but the book was... okay, I guess? I feel like this plotline wasn’t the greatest one for CFVY, and that the author doesn’t have a crazy good handle on the characters -- he’s likely more suited to original content, which is valid. It’s a good romp and we do get new lore, but as expected, I feel like CFVY would be best used in the show that conceived them in the first place. A book is nice, but I’d love to see their return in RWBY itself, especially since this book wasn’t really... long enough, I don’t think? Seriously, y’all’ve met me. I do write hundreds of thousands of words in this world and I still haven’t written everything I wanna yet! I’d also like to see more Velvet as seen in RWBY Chibi, in which was she Cool and Good, and maybe less Yatsu alongside her directly. But! It’s a book! It’s decent! It’s CFVY! For most people, it’s Good Enough. And they’re valid too.

[fgodestinyawakenings]

EOR SE.RA.PH Singularity: Act 4

Leaving the final Act and epilogue... Hopefully this can be done before going back to JP, especially given Reines Case files is ending way earlier than Seraph. I’m heading out for Doujima in the weekend, and grinding for Eater X is going to be hell

Act 4 (1/4)

After beating Caesar... It’s still not surprising that there’s more Servants left on the rear side, Cat. Then again... At least no one fell for his smooth-talking this time round. If anything, yes, Cat is one of our iron chef in Chaldea Kitchen!

Gaining Lip immediately as Tamamo Cat’s next disciple... Thankfully she avoided going to actual Beni-Enma’s Hell’s Kitchen to learn. Seeing Melt happy for Lip being able to speak up without worrying on other’s opinions, she eventually appreciate Gudas for not killing her back then. And that’s no way to shoo Emiya Alter away, Cat!

Cat’s case is still surprising for me so far. None of them are Alter Egos class yet potentially to be one... Or given in Lostbelt there’s already one debatable to be either Assassin or Alter Ego. Something that surprise Melt never realized it until now, except Lip

Melt then explained to Cat what part of BB they were based on as she and Lip are completely different from each other. In basic term, Melt is a sadist and Lip is a masochist which hence they are a good pair to each other.

Emiya Alter returns once Melt finished revealing more about herself, asking if Suzuka is the only Sentinel left. With Melt’s guess on where Suzuka is, our next destination is to head for the spine

Before Emiya Alter suggest we take back BB’s advice to defeat Suzuka again the same way we defeat Lip. But, aside from the issue Suzuka has with the original Tamamo... Hope Tama Cat has a way to beat her down then

Act 4 (2/4)

A dead end instead of a path to the Spine... A good question to learn.... It turns out Sakurament is basically QP where BB make us do the dirty work to collect all even if it’s not necessary. Yeah, I didn’t church allowed sending asshole Arnold to talk to us too, Cat

No shit, we don’t even know about Seraphix in the first place. Anyway, looks like Arnold got the map of the Planetarium we’re looking for. I think he’s more than just cog in the machine, Emiya Alter.... But, we’ll need to settle that later. I think there could be worse people to be in charge, Melt...

Though, we got 25 hours+ left aka 15 minutes before Seraphix sink to the bottom. Thank you for your concern, Lip. But we need to focus on the bigger issue to find Suzuka and get to the planetarium. Guys, Gudas really appreciate your concern for them, BUT LET’S NOT DO SOMETHING CRAZY AS DECIDING TO THROW THEM OUT FOR SERVANTS TO EAT AS MUCH I’D LIKE TO!

And despite their bickering or so, both Lip and Melt are really close to each other. Or, at least once they develop more sense of self and others, they really care for each other a lot. Also again, you’re hiding something, aren’t you, Melt? Nevertheless, we’re still trusting you, no matter what

After Melt giving another talk to the Gudas about herself, we move on to find Suzuka!

Act 4 (3/4)

Reaching to the temple soon... We’re definitely close with Tama Cat confirming her presence. Emiya Alter briefly mentions about who Suzuka is and her historical deeds in the past. To be honest, I don’t know who’s real or not but Tamamo originally IS a nine-tail fox.

Lip’s turn to mention about her tragic love story that she was known for. Yeah for someone supposed to be intellect, I’m guessing all of it went to her high school chunnibyou. Though have to admit, her strength is something with her bloodlust craving for fights.

At the mention of Masters.... WE DEFINITELY HAVE NOT SEEN A SINGLE ONE ASIDE FROM GUDAS! What the hell?! This is still one of the biggest mystery that has been yet to solve...

Anyway, reached her temple at last. Suzuka is right there all ready to kick our ass again. Before that, where’s your Master, Suzuka? .... Okay, looks like she don’t even know who her Master is.... Regardless, we’re not letting you touch Tristan to settle your score for the Holy Grail.

5~6 turns later... That’s some fucking gimmick to keep herself alive until the finals of the Holy Grail War. Wait Melt... Before we throw that key away, there should be a way to use it from that defective AI. And shut up, Arnold! Spectators should just keep quiet and watch!

And you, Suzuka! Are you okay being that stupid, useless and inferior AI’s Servant?! YEAH, I’M CALLING YOU A FLUNKY, CHUNNIBYOU! Tama’s right, you’re nothing but a puppet to that stupid AI right now! If you’re really planning to follow your Master’s wish, then let’s end this properly!!

Thanks to Tama Cat’s trap... Time to unlock her heart! I’m feeling sorry for Hakunos at this point.... Relax we don’t event want to do this. Blame the fucking writer who needs everything to be a sex scene.

One showdown of Suzuka and her boyfriend Hijikata later.... Not so fast on the dramatic suicide, Suzuka! Yeah, you’re definitely way too dramatic, Suzuka! There’s such thing of people dying of a broken heart... But, you’re perfectly fine! For a previously married divine goddess, there’s nothing about you like a high school girl...

Argh enough drama! Cat, do your job and smack-talk some sense into her! And we’re the winner, so we decided you get to live or not. And, we take the former of you living to join us! I’ll pass on your friend request... Social media been avoiding weird people to add later on Facebook in particular

Before we go back, another earthquake? Wait... This is..... The Demon God Pillar Zepar!! Why the---What the fuck?! It turned the whole area upside down!! We’re saved, but Melt took the hit for Gudas!!!

I don’t think they can understand us, Lip! And if we’re at the lowest... Oh fuck that’s where Zepar is supposed to be reborn!!!

Eight hours before we bottom! And we’re already long before you start yapping, Arnold! We’re going to save Melt, so no, we’re not going back without Melt! Lastly, you’re not even the boss of us so peace out!

Suzuka’s direction is helpful now we can get back to business. Enough of arguing who’s coming, and don’t you implied Lip’s weight, Suzuka! It’s just you and Gudas, so do your job properly.

Meanwhile, Melt woken up to remember she fallen while saving the Gudas. The Rejection Calf aka the Disposal area... Her legs broke from the fell back there. Her body has really hit her limit ever since the arrival of Gudas. Closing her eyes, she reminiscence her memories with the Gudas and more about her true thoughts.

Thankfully, the Gudas picked her out of there before she got destroyed once and for all. Gripping tight of her hand and ignoring the harem yapping, we got to get out of there before 3 Shapeshifter, 3 Eaters and 1 fucking giant Rider boar coming at us!!!

.... And there’s more! Yup, I agree with you there, Suzuka. THIS IS COMPLETELY FUCKING BULLSHIT!!! Hey, don’t forget the rope to get us out of there!! And... The rope was cut?! What the hell?!!

But... Tristan is here and he managed to save us! Oh right, you flew with that harp of yours in Halloween event.... That’s another way to get us out of there, or not. Let’s create a camp session until someone picked up up. Tempting to beat Arnold, but that’s a goner. Wait, Cruel Thenar... Melt’s former workplace? .... I guess a pathetic AI decided to use her brains for once to save us

Ah typical loser who decided to squish the final two contestant just to get her reward. Well, where’s our supposed next battle with you? Now? Yeah yeah, you may have a certain thing like Tiamat, Goetia and so on. You’re in the end just an AI who felt the need to better herself than everyone at how fucking weak you really are. A sad case, truly.

Hold on, mistake? Weren’t you the one started this whole stupid mess?! How the hell did things fucked up!! And knew it, obviously she’s going to send us down than up

Meanwhile... Good thing Arnold’s not a Master, otherwise, I’d like to see him the first Master get betrayed and screwed by his Servant. Considering he heartlessly get both his Director and Deputy Director killed... And now trying to get Gudas to obey him by force

And since Emiya Alter is here? Or the one who betrayed us too.... Yeah, thank you for doing everyone a favor to kill him. It’s about time someone needs to kill off that irritating character. And Mable? Oh why her?! Wait... You killed them to prevent Animusphere experiment...?

But the voice that attacked Emiya Alter... OKAY WHAT THE FUCK? That’s like an interior of a demon pillar! I thought we killed that!! This person talking to Emiya Alter is someone he knew well, given how they now spoke about themselves...

And the bloodied past, of Emiya Alter... Taunting him as the whole screen now turned bloody too. So, they are the ones who killed Gawain too! Whatever Emiya Alter have his reason, he needed to kill them in our world since he already know what they will be like in a certain distant future.

Act 4 (4/4)

Definitely right at the bottom of where Melt’s workplace originally is... At the most painful landing ever. Melt then explained Cruel Thenar was once a place to excavated oil... Aka finding leylines in truth. Oh, you want us to enter your heart?

That makes things easier in a sense. Nah, it’s fine, it’s more annoying to beat around the bush, Lip. Yeah we got the key after we ripped off from that AI before falling down. Well... At least, we got a job to do. Oh please, not all of Gudas are interested in woman. There’s this called of “I’m gay and my life is hell in a harem manga”, so there. With Lip’s advice, time to enter her heart to unlock this area!

And WE’RE FUCKING DONE WITH HER! DW just give us a fucking Anti-Alter Ego class already!!! But with that down, Melt then showed us a way to the Planetarium via her territory. And.... We’re back at the front! That’s enough rest, you’re coming with us back to the church. So keep quiet or we’ll drop and break your legs here!

No one is here to greet us... Where did Mable and Arnold go? What the... Emiya Alter is not even here! Before that... Some AI dropped a nice invitation to go beat her up. Hey, it’s not like we didn’t beat her over and over again like she deserved it under Martha’s punch.

That’s right, Tristan. It’s gone far too long for this Holy Grail War. With Melt back at the chapel resting, we head off to the core to get Ruler Martha, Amakusa and Jeanne to gang up on her.

After we left, Melt then begans her own monologue. Thinking there should be a way out for Gudas, she hope Suzuka, Tristan and Cat eventually found a way to do so.

And really done for the day... Literally.... Because all my energy was wasted in walking with an eventually broken shoe, running back to my house to wear a new one before heading for my interview is gone. Plus, today’s also happened to be one of the many worst days.... I’m going to need sleep before grinding some quest for KP

[llycaons]

39. the bitch is dead!

what is present-day yi city arc but four middle-aged gay men and one ressurected bisexual duking it out in a town full of dead people

the dialogue in this first scene is nigh incomprehensible and I hate the fog, this is such an unsatisfying fight until a-qing gives away xy’ss position and lwj gets a hit

I forgot he rips off xy’s arm lol

jgy knew xy was here since he sent ss to go and grab him. was xy just not taking any jobs from jgy these three years? he was like “yeah boss I’m taking a leave of absence to spread evil and misery in this town and steal things from the farmer’s market and continuously lie to my old enemy and this little girl” and jgy was like “oh sure you have your own life to live I won’t blow your cover”

if there’s something lacking in cql xy as a villain, I think his background got lost among everything else about his character. at his core I feel like he was supposed to be this feral, looked-down on delinquent but he really only talks about it a few times? I actually loved his rebuttal to sl calling him a beast over and over of “wow, educated people only know a few curses? pathetic”.

I mean it does come up with his obsession with his finger being lost? I guess? maybe I’m thinking of the novel too much. novel xy was also fucked up but the theme of him being a hooligan and a dog were a lot stronger. hooligan isn’t the right word, it’s a much worse insult. i can’t find the post talking about the translation

anyway the poetic justice of lwj bringing xy down and SL landing the killing blow...gay rights won

the camera choices were bad early in this episode but everything from here on is fantastic. like the reflection in the blood pool?

the rest of the flashback is xy’s POV rather than a-qing’s. given that he’s dying, the the chaotic and nonchronological sequence of events we are presented, and the fact that many of our questions remain unanswered (such as how xxc finally learned of xy’s identity - did a-qing tell him?) actually work brilliantly to give a sense of the disjointed confusion and misery and despair and terror that everyone in that situation went through. it really felt like his dying thoughts

is this fun for you? xxc asked him when he learned, was it entertaining to trick me? and xy goes yes, of course it was! how despicable those three years in xy’s cheerful company must seem in retrospect

xy legitimately thinking that xxc would forgive all that he did once he heard his tragic backstory is pathetic.

notable that xxc does not deny xy the right of revenge. wwx said something similar about the wens to the jins. take reasonable revenge, and then let it rest. do what you must but don’t go too far with this, involving innocent people. wwx himself was allowed his gory vengeance of wen chao. that’s a more nuanced/flexible view of revenge than I usually see in media, and I really appreciate it for having its most upright and righteous characters naturally acknowledging that sometimes retribution is just and fair. and it makes sense for the ancient setting. blood debts

xxc’s quiet “is that you?” that turns to panicked questions, begging for answers, that turns to desperate sobs while xy laughs and laughs and laughs...

all the grief and regret crashes down and xy turns it around on him and says look, you naive fool, you are the reason I’ve done all of this, you are to blame for your own misery. we’ve heard that before, haven’t we?

(in order to be a major secondary character in the untamed you must have minimum ONE (1) parallel to wei wuxian (or lwj) OR a significant personal relationship with wwx)

xxc’s actor’s performance here is genuinely disturbing - we’ve never seen him as anything but calm, mild, self-assured, at peace with himself, gentle, and good-humored. to see him break, collapse in on himself in horror and grief and shame, to hear him scream as he realizes he’s murdered his best friend, his face twist in disbelief and agony...it’s a hell of a scene

and then xy has his own breakdown over realizing his actions have consequences and yes he’s really dead, and we’re all like hang on, what the hell was he going to do there if he wasn’t going for a kiss? etc.

something I forgot to mention in 37 - his voice breaks when he asks wwx to bring back xxc. maybe there was something under his distain and contempt and cruelty and obsession, but it never deserved to see the light of day

ending his flashback with the candy on the bed scene was a stroke of genius imo...the wish fulfillment, the implication of intimacy, the shot to the candy in his hand as he died. damn

hell of a villain. no weaker character would have bee able to pull that off. hope he rots

SL taking xxc’s spirit and sword - wandering the world defeating evil! alongside xingchen. the white strap makes him look perpetually in mourning

(xxc gave sl his EYES after sl rejected him and sl spent most of his adult life searching for xxc to apologize and make amends like they loved each other so much...I know we know this but soulmates...)

the novel made it clear there IS a chance that xxc’s soul can recover and it offered the barest silver lining of an incredibly bleak arc so I don’t know why cql cut that out!

also it cut the line where Sl was like “when he wakes up I will apologize to him” and it was SO GOOD for all the diehard novel fans complain about the drama adaptation that’s never something I’ve seen people mad about? really? they’re too busy complaining about lwj having priorities besides having sex with wwx or lwj being a twink ig

also, where did xxc’s body go? is SL no longer a corpse person? every postcanon fic I’ve read assumed he still was, but there are no black lines on his neck. he looks regular again

wen ning hanging around wwx when the juniors are there? did they not ask who he was? he looks SO suspicious

a-qing :(

end of yi city. 30/50 episodes are flashback and then yi city is half flashback and then we get like two MORE episodes of flashback with jgy and nmj later on

cql is really like “to understand the present day, in which maybe one significant event will occur, we will need several hour’s worth of background” and yet barely ANYTHING for lan wangji, the secondary main character and love interest. that lotus pod extra from the novel was actually really sweet

anyway. junior time. lwj and lxc were raised strictly and lwj’s personality is naturally very reserved and solemn so it can be easy to forget that lan kids like to run around and have fun too. jingyi and sizhui did have a childhood with toys in cloud recesses! and CR raising a person like jingyi must have been such an adjustment for the clan, especially if lwj was intervening to lighten up on punishment for rulebreaking (which is entirely speculation lol we just don’t have any lan kids from his generation to compare to) anyway I love jingyi so much. the nhs of the lan clan. supports his buddy in buying little-kid toys if that’s what he wants

the city at night is so pretty...wwx and lwj’s quasi-date night is fun - wwx will ask for things he expects lwj to refuse bc they’re outlandish or unrealistic and lwj is just like “sure”. bunny lantern :)

it’s so nice to see their dynamic in regular situations where they’re not fighting or in terrible circumstances or miscommunicating due to trauma. it’s so nice

lwj made lsz hold the lantern for them but then we never see it again? I’m sure it’s in the jingshi somewhere. I don’t think he gave it to lsz to keep

lxc and wwx being on pretty good terms right off the bat even though lxc and his clan was attacked at nightless and he didn’t do anything to help wwx as he and the wens were being persecuted. forgive and forget? wwx is probably easier on lxc since he’s lwj’s family. in general he’s a lot less impulsive/emotionally driven and thinks things through more carefully since his return. and I think he wants to move on from that

I don’t find JL’s violent reaction to hearing wwx’s name to be unreasonable. like, growing up surrounded by authority figures who constantly encourage his anger and resentment against wwx, and living in a setting in which revenge/justice for family members (and especially for fathers) is an incredibly important duty, plus his own personal struggles with bullying due to not having any parents, of course he’d do everything in his power to live up to that. to the extent he even calls wwx wei ying. damn

this was a rough one but good things ARE coming

[exofrog-blog]

My opinion on slash

I don't like it, and please let me explain why.

Now, I'm sure most of you are typing a list of reasons as to why I'm homophobic or some bullshit, but just hear me out.

Now, let me make some things clear. I have absolutely nothing against homosexuals. If you're gay, that's great. Just don't expect me to be the same and we'll still be great friends. Just please, don't get all lovey dovey and crap around me. Same if you're heterosexual. It makes me embarrassed and uncomfortable to be in the room.

Now that that's out of the way, let's move on to the actual topic: Why I don't like slash.

1) It turns homosexuality into a fetish.

Here we have what pisses me off the most about slash. It makes homosexuality seem immoral. You can make a hundred reasons as to why I'm wrong but let's face it. A majority of slash fics have two men having sex after just a couple of paragraphs and that's about it.

Now let me paint you a scenario. There are three characters: Character A, B, and C. Character A and B are extremely close to one another due to being friends since childhood. Character B tells Character A about how they feel for them, and Character A gladly accepts. Eventually, Character C suddenly joins in and has some interactions with Character A. Now a "fan" of these characters comes in and attempts to get rid of Character B completely, even wishing death upon them, and declares that Character A and C must be together and makes have sex immediately despite the fact that Character A already has a relationship with character B. Why you may ask? Because Character A and C are both men, and Character B is a woman.

Now I know not all Slash writers do this, but they're so few and far between that this kind of slash writing completely overshadows it, which also makes it kinda sexist when you really think about it.

So yeah, most of the time, it's basically an excuse to have two men have sex whether they're straight or not, which brings me to another point.

Ooc (Out of Character)

You people know what I'm talking about, no matter how cool or badass a character may be, slash writers turn them into pathetic little flowers that even Bella Swan would cringe at.

In the vast amount of fiction, changing your character's looks, personality, likes and dislikes is known as OOC, and is despised. Shouldn't their sexuality be included in that list? Because I've met people who have left new authors in tears for forgetting that a character likes honey, and at the same time written the most OOC pairings.

First of all, it's amazing how deceptively lazy, even in good stories, the romance can get. And you don't even notice. Both characters are happy - let's hug and kiss while proclaiming that we love each other! The character is sad and the other one needs to console him - let's hug and kiss while proclaiming that we love each other! Both characters are sad and exhausted after a tiring event - let's hug and kiss while proclaiming that we love each other! Etc., etc., etc. Oh, and they keep crying, too, even if they never did to begin with, and calling each other sweeties and darlings, all the while pointing out how they love each other. It's amazing how much character, motivation and interaction possibilities are lost in the process, even by the authors who don't make the same mistake in the non-paired characters' interaction. Basically, when they are not talking about the other characters or someone's sad life stories, they just talk about sex all the time, and that's not how real homosexual people interact. It you try to take the slash out of these scenes, there's basically nothing left.

Secondly, characters are butchered. Yes, I've already mentioned that. But for some reason, if a male character's sexuality is changed, he suddenly turns into a pile of pink goo, unable to keep himself from bawling his eyes out on every suitable occasion. Oh, my partner is talking about his son's death and crying, so let me forget that I have shown myself to be a strong leader, capable of thinking straight and not losing it even in the wake of my best friend's death, and just start crying too while proclaiming how sorry I am - oh, and that I love him, let's not forget that. Those scenes just drive me crazy with their sappiness and with how they are just recycled over and over.

when non-paired characters are interacting they are actually seem capable of expressing other emotions, even if, again, it's only the same "tragic past" thing. They can be supportive while expressing ire, guilt, helplessness, genuine interest, gratitude, shock and sympathy - and all of that without breaking into tears. Why is that? Why are slash stories so horribly stereotypical, even when they are written by authors who can and do better? Why is the damned romance obscuring and smothering every damned natural emotion?

3) When hetero does it, it's bad, when homo does it, it's good.

I'm not going to bother explaining this one.

Whenever you ship a gay male with a straight female, you'll be harassed and attacked by homosexuals calling you homophobic and saying that it's gay erasure, but if you ship two straight men together, it's okay because "it's representation". No. It isn't. It's a little something that I like to call fetishization.

Not to mention the infamous fanfic "My Immortal". Draco and Enoby get together about twenty seconds after kissing. This was seen as bad writing when it was het, but when its slash, it's okay. Why? Because slash is almost always crack. It's offensive to real LGBTQ.

All and all, I don't like slash. As a straight guy who supports the LGBTQ community (or at least as best as I can anyway), I and many other straight allies along with real LGBTQ people just find slash offensive.

Now before I close this post, I just have one final thing to say.

Respect my opinion and I'll except yours.