#pls get a room I cannot see u cry

[thetorturedlovergirl]

When I think of The Master my mind can either make a whole ass tragic beautiful analysis or just say “that’s my lil wet pathetic bitch❤️”

[trulyhblue]

Baby England (Part Three)

Jordan Nobbs x Young! Reader (platonic), Leah Williamson x Young! Reader (platonic), Lionesses x Young! Reader

warnings — angst fluff, coarse language, mentions of anxiety.

A/N — Baby England’s Back!!!!! Half of this was deleted and I wanted to cry so bad but here it is. And do I have a twist for you… didn't expect it to get this long, but I have to make up for the hiatus somehow xxx

Masterlist

___________________________

It was a few days before the Semi Final, and you were sat amongst a pile of paperwork.

lionesses

Liked by yourusername, alessiarusso99 and 43, 526 others

lionesses — semi final prep with baby England 💪🏻🙌🏼

Watch our clash with Sweden on the 27th @ Sheffield Stadium — 6pm GMT 🌟

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Comments:

yourusername — ❤️

*liked by lionesess

user1 — she is so adorable

^ user2 — she's so pookie.

georgiastanway — yeah the spiky hair

^ lionesses — stop bullying your little sis

^ georgiastanway — y/n get off the account

^ user5 — 💀

chelseawfc — love to see it 🙌🏼

^ user8 — UM WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

User67 — I NEED TO KNOW WHERE SHE’S SIGNING

^ user45 — apparently Man U want her

^ user9 — atp, EVERYONE wants her

^ user10 — imagine her in a barça jersey 😋

^ user 11 — gurl pls… imagine her at UNC 😍

User12 — I really hope she starts for this game

^ user13 — I doubt it, I think she’ll be a super sub

^ user25 — she started last match??? And she got potm… surely she starts again

^ user13 — 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

arsenalacademy — absolute gun(ner)

^ user7 — lets be honest, arsenal will NEVER let Y/N leave

^ user89 — she's a free agent after the euros. They technically cannot keep her if someone's willing to pay more for her

__________________________

You had been training pretty much every day, save for the week that had been dedicated fo media roles and interviews. You were switching between teammates for a while. One interview was with Leah and Beth, another with Alessia, Lotte, Georgia and Ella.

At training, the coaches worked the team tirelessly. You were struggling to keep a straight face when you were told to run laps before you were sent back to your rooms. A large part of your weariness was mental. It had been a day full of apprehension for the days to come. Making it so far into the Euros was an achievement in itself, but a home euro was something else.

You hadn't seen your family for weeks now, and you were starting to miss your childhood bedroom. Despite the long hours spent chipping away at school work, you missed your friends at home and your teammates back at Arsenal Academy. The Lionesses quickly became your favourite people in the work. Many of them were family to you. But the subtly of your dismay and expression of homesickness proved more and more apparent as the days went by.

This feeling was not to be mistaken with ungratefulness. Being apart of your National team was a dream come true. This was what you worked for, lived and breathed for. You had finally attained your dream — this was all you ever wanted. You were eternally grateful for the opportunity, the chance to bring football home. A home tournament was a once-in-a-lifetime possibility, and here you were experiencing it. Every day you woke up wanting to pinch yourself. This couldn't be real.

But school was pretty much impossible at a time like this. When all you wanted to do was kick a ball around, catch up on sleep, and actually socialise. You know, like every other one of your teammates. It seemed as if you were the only one encapsulated by the realm of education, despite many of the girls attending University. You weren't indifferent to your current situation. Being a student and playing in one of the biggest football tournaments in the world was going to be difficult. But you felt like spending quality time with your friends would do you well. You wanted to stop worrying about your stupid equations and do something worth your while.

You had been saying this since the Euros began.

In no way did you mean for it to change for the worse.

But the universe was not in your favour.

“You should choose what makes you happy.” Jordan soothed, milking out the same string of sentences you've heard all week. The two of you sat in a cafe not far from Sheffield Stadium, sipping away at your hot chocolates, having already finished your macaroons.

Your agent had sent you the multitude of contracts you had been offered from different clubs. Tomorrow, you were playing against Sweden in the Semi-finals. Sarina thought it’d be good if everyone had the day off before the havoc set in. You had spent the morning in your room, finishing off the rest of your History Essay. Jordan had picked you up not long after noon, bringing you away from the stress chipping you away.

“It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks,” The older woman held your hand, and you managed to feel her subtle squeeze.

“What do you think I should do?”

“Its not my—”

You cut her off, huffing in exasperation. “Jordan, please.”

Jordan’s face was impassive, a prominent knot creasing the space between her eyebrows. Her hair was flipped over one side, concealing the half of her face which she leant against her hand. She was struggling to find the words that had the capacity to encapsulate both truth and love — two things you needed to hear as you sat in the near-empty coffee shop. You wanted her to be honest, you thought. You needed her to tell it to you straight.

But this was Jordan you're asking. The kind, restful, reticent woman you had known forever — a woman while true to her word, could only speak subjectively, with emotion muddled into words. She was the personification of empathy. You loved that about her. But with your mind in a haze, despite your unrelenting apathy to stay independent, you really wanted to hear someone else’s opinion, for you had thought it over too many times to comprehend.

Your first option, of course, was Arsenal. It was your childhood club, your parent club, your home. For many years, it stood as everything you loved. You grew up watchings greats like Kelly Smith and Leah paving the way for your generation. You felt more at home at Arsenal than anywhere else. Though, it goes without saying that you haven't been anywhere else to compare it to.

And Leah would be hell-struck if you didn't choose Arsenal, even if she wouldn't directly admit it.

Spurs had taken interest in you since your youth ages when you had tried out for both North London teams at the ripe age of six. It just so happened that you chose Arsenal since it was closer to home, and you often wondered what it would've been like if you had chosen Tottenham instead.

United was next. A great club full of incredible talents like Ella Toone and Alessia Russo, two of your close friends when it came to International duties. The Manchester Reds were brilliant, tough competitors, but you never found much affiliation with them. Sure, they were amazing, but was it for you?

Lotte and Alessia both spoke to you about UNC, and you were definitely looking into playing there as a second alternative. You knew your parents thought this was the best option, but with the offers you were receiving, it wasn't at the top of your list.

You waited for Jordan’s response, already knowing her answer. There was one club you refused to think about. One club you couldn't set your mind to.

But the contract looked all too appealing.

“Chelsea.”

Three years — you’d be eighteen when it ends. Just shy of 250k a year, not including bonuses, increasing at a negotiable rate. You were a free agent after the Euros, and your contract with the Arsenal Academy was ending at the start of August. The Blues had a fantastic team and were worthy opponents for the cup title. You were guaranteed as a regular sub and promised to be looked after and rehabilitated to full strength if injuries occurred.

You hadn't thought over this option much during your senior debuts. It was pretty much embedded into you that you were a Gunner through and through. You had grown up playing against your London Rivals, and the team’s hatred only intensified as the game got stronger. It stood as a testament of its time.

But there was only one more thing that was stopping you.

“What about Leah?”

Jordan sighed. She knew Leah was a Gunner through and through. She knew that Leah saw herself in you — going through the academy, debuting at a young age. Choosing a pro contract was bound to happen to you the moment you were called up. No one even thought you’d gain minutes. But with Jordan’s injury, and your inevitable image, clubs were reeling in the prospect of a prodigy.

“This isn't her career, chook,” Jordan muttered, taking a sip of her drink. “Wherever you go, you have to take different things into account. Whether you’ll get minutes, if they value younger players as much as their originals, y’know, its a lot to think about.”

“You think I’ll get minutes?”

“Maybe not as much as Spurs, or North Carolina, but it's in the club’s reputation. They're known for their attack, and so are you.”

“I don't want to be the one to tell her.” You cringed. Leah was your older sister, in sorts. You valued her opinion over anyone else. To tell her you were transferring to her rival club felt like a slap in the face to all that she's done for you, not to mention you’d verse her in the League.

“Well, it’d be worse if she found out over the media.” Jordan quipped, through light to the situation.

“How would I bring that up?” You scoffed, hiding your face in your hoodie. “Hey, Leah, I know I've played for Arsenal forever, but I think I should just betray everyone and go to their biggest rivals. Sorry ‘bout that.”

Jordan shook her head. “She’d understand.”

Your eyebrows raised. “Would she?”

“I’d be livid at her if she wasn't,” Jordan spoke, her tone much sterner. You sat back in your chair. “It's not like you're signing a life-long contract with them, anyway. It's three years. Three years where you get to improve your skills and expand your career. Leah loves you too much to be angry at you for more than an hour. In fact, that woman has never been angry at you a day in her life.”

“I guess I’ll break that streak when I tell you.” you muttered, looking down at your empty cup.

“Stop that.” Jordan huffed, crossing her arms. “You've got two more weeks to figure it out. But let me tell you this. Arsenal will always be there for you. You don't need to stick with them for your whole career to know that they will happily welcome you back with welcoming arms. That goes for all the girls… including Leah.”

“Right.”

“And I’ll tell her that straight if she even thinks about doing anything otherwise.”

________________

yourusername

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yourusername — bit of life 💙

tagged — jordannobbs, maryearps1, and yourfriend

Comments:

jordannobbs — my daughters growing up too fast 😭

^ yourusername — thanks mama 💗

jordannobbs — look at you glowing 💙

^ yourusername — all you

jordannobbs — proud x

* liked by yourusername

user1 — I'm loving Jord’s spam! She's so proud of her 🥲

^ user2 — literally mother daughter goals

wosofan — this is the first time I haven't seen leah in a Baby Eng dump

^ user9 — omg ur right

user78 — loving the blue theme

^ user8 — are you thinking what I'm thinking

milliebright — beanie gal 🤭

^ yourusername — meanie

^ milliebright — you’ll get used to it

^ user8 — UM HELLO

samanthakerr — where’d you get that jumper from in the third photo?

^ yourusername — dunno

^ user98 — HOW DO THEY KNOW EACH OTHER????????

maryearps1 — caught me off guard with that

^ yourusername — you asked me to take the photo 😂

^ ellatoone — HA! Caught.

^ mearyearps1 — 😒

user89 — WHATS WITH THE BLUE

lionesess — our put together baby 🌟

* liked by yourusername

georgiastanway — i didnt need to see the bottom of your shoes

^ yourusername — you see them all the time in training 🤷‍♀️

^ georgiastanway — dont.

chelseawfc — matching attire?

^ user78 — HUH IM SO CONFUSED

^ wowwoso — WHY IS CHELSEA HERE

^ user6 — WHAT IS HAPPENING

________________

Sweat was beading across your forehead, the nerves of half time creeping up to the steady beat of your heart.

You hadn't told Leah about the decision you came to with Jordan. You had been so caught up in how she’d react, mixed with the stress of this upcoming game, that you weren't in any stable condition to go through with it.

In addition to that, you were still making your final decision, the finality of Chelsea not truly setting in.

Beth and Lucy had already sent the ball flying into the back of the net, and Sweden had yet to take a chance to extend their stay into the finals. You watched from the wing anxiously, threading the ball to the more experienced players, staying in the pipe ways as you did so.

You had started, which still came as a surprise to you since. Your game against Spain was still fresh in your mind. You wanted to stay consistent in your performance while also keeping up with the newfound intensity of the game, but something just wasn't clicking for you.

England was doing great, up by two goals by the second half. You had kept yourself distanced from the vigour, passing out when needed, mainly staying on the wing in order to keep as much distance from making more mistakes.

You had been pretty reckless with your passing. Obviously not too catastrophic, but enough to send winces across the crowd.

Your passes weren't sloppy, but they weren't precise either. You didn't leave much opportunity for the forwards and were starting to rely on your defence too much.

There was simply something about your gameplay today that didn't mould with the rest of the team. You didn't want to be subbed off. You wanted to make an impact.

But it just was not clicking.

Ellen had just been subbed off for Alessia, who was wiping her hands over her shorts, watching the ball tread through the outskirts of Sweden’s half. You could hear the crowd’s apprehension linger when you were passed the ball by Leah, using all your strength to peel away from Blackstenius.

Your first touch wasn't the greatest, and Stina was pressuring you out near the line. In every other game, you were known for your cool persona when encountering stress. You could collectively juggle the presence of a marker while dribbling the ball down the line onto a seeking prospect.

But as soon as the Swed’s studs hit your foot, you were sent to the ground. Hot flashes of pain sprung from your ankle. It was nothing that wouldn't surpass after a few moments whining about it on the ground.

Nonetheless, the whistle blew for a free kick, and Leah’s figure was knelt beside you in an instant.

“You alright, kid?”

Leah wasn't dumb. She knew that you had been ignoring her these past few days. You were distant, passive, and overall neglectful of her efforts to talk to you.

You would usually knock on her door after dinner to play some card games or help you with schoolwork. You would squeeze yourself next to her on the bus rides, and partner up with her at training.

Leah would pretend to be annoyed, and you would act all innocent like it was second nature — because that is what it was.

But you refused to meet her lingering eyes during meals and chose to partner with Millie any chance you got. You’d sit with Georgia at meals, and Jess Carter during Bus rides. Hell, even during free time, Jordan would pick you up and take you out, and she wasn't even on the team.

Leah knew something was up, and you knew that she had caught on. Jordan wouldn't tell her. And you hadn't spoken so much as three sentences to her for the past week. So it was no wonder that you were struggling. There was so much pent up tension in your shoulders, you looked so apprehensive.

Leah pulled you up by your shoulders, holding out her hand to stroke your face.

“You tell me you want to go off and I’ll find a sub for you.” Her words were harsh, but there was good intention behind it.

You gulped, shaking your head. Leah was watching your every move like a hawk. This was the perfect opportunity for her to ask you what was wrong. She could see that you needed to get something off your chest.

“I'm fine, keep me on.” You put it soundly, sighing as Leah brushed off the grass that was left on your jersey.

“Don't think that this is the end of the conversation.” Leah retorted, refusing to let your longest interaction in days go. “You’d be barmy if you think I’d let you get away with this easily.”

“I'm not Barmy, Lee. I'm fine.” You replied.

Leah could tell by your smile that she had hit the sweet spot. You were willing to play, the injury minuscule with its attempts to shake you. Your captain kissed the top of your forehead, bringing you into a quick hug.

“Alright then, Fine. Go on and take that free kick.”

You pushed past her lightly, the uncertainty lingering in your body slowly sinking into the grass with every step you took. Everyone had taken the time to huddle together as a team, moving back to their respective positions on the field after you had collected yourself up off the floor.

As the match continued, it was as if you had a fresh set of legs. Everyone got whiplash from your sudden switch of performance that not only enhanced your gameplay but the flow of the game altogether.

You became more involved in the game, passing into your central attackers, and sprinting down the wing to create more changes for a wider goal difference. Georgia and Keira gained more traction with your involvement, and it somehow paved the way for the defenders to find a more secure backline.

The next time you found yourself marked by Stina, who had apologised for your minor Collison, you were lightning on your feet. The pace you set was incredible, and the ball was yours for the taking.

You weaved past her and one of the midfielders, glancing up to see Georgia’s figure near the box. Without thinking, you propelled the ball over the heads of both teams.

Wincing when it passed Stanway, you felt your shoulders collapse. Russo wasn't ready for your explosive play, only just managing to retain the ball at her feet. You sighed, running your hands through your hair when Alessia’s attempt was blocked.

You were about to run back, ready for Sweden’s possession, when the crowd suddenly flung off their seats. You were a good fifty metres away from the rest, Alessia’s figure much harder to find among the number of players congregating by the goal. You noticed Lessi run out near the corner, holding out her arms with a winning smile. Georgia soon clambered over the top of her, patting her shoulder with a matching grin.

You looked up at the scoreboard, catching onto the replay from one of the cameras. From what you could see, Alessia had backheeled the ball past the defenders, leaving the goalkeeper stranded, the ball falling easily into the goal.

Even years later, people always find your late reaction funny. Many of your teammates had already congratulated you on the assist before it all clicked for you. It was rare for a team to be dominating this much in a semi-final, and you weren't quite sure how you managed to pull off what you had just done.

You found Alessia’s shoulders and pushed up on them, swinging your legs around her waist and hugging her from behind. She squealed, pushing you off.

“You're incredible, Russo, seriously.” You screamed, out of breath from the seventy minutes of nonstop running. Less grabbed your arm and spun you round. “All because of that brilliant assist, Baby England!”

You were on such a high for the rest of the game that nothing you did was fully comprehended. You had so much faith in the team that everything moulded with so much chemistry, it was second nature. Three Swedish substitutions meant that you were bound to be taken off any minute. Leah had been holding you accountable at the back while Beth was pushing your talents forward in the middle. You were sure that this was the most you had ever run in a match. Your cheeks were flushed, your muscles were surely overworked, but you were running with so much adrenaline that it didn't affect you.

England was on the home stretch now. Keeping both offence and defence strong, making sure Sweden wasn't offered any thrilling opportunity. You heard Keira shouting directions from the other side of the pitch. Georgia was passing short, timeless passes to you. Rachel had her arm outstretched, ready to propel forward if the ball was coming her way.

You knew that Georgia was just time-wasting now. You just needed to win now, the goal difference didn't matter. You felt someone’s presence up behind you, forcing you to cross the ball back to Leah since both Gee and Kie were covered. You had been staying in the middle and towards the back end of the pitch all game, so it was a surprise when you burst forward past Sweden’s second-last line of defence. Leah had kicked it over to Lucy, who hadn't seen you leave. Georgia took the ball, marking her opponent while searching for your unknown whereabouts.

The only person to have seen you was Beth, who called for the ball and received it a second later. With one, quick, first touch, Mead sent the ball flailing over the top, towards where you were waiting, just outside the box. One of the defenders had caught on, and the goalkeeper hadn't prepared herself for your sudden attack. You watched the ball hurl a few metres to you left, leaving you no choice but to chase after it in a rush. Almost everyone was twenty metres behind, unable to come to your aid. You held your own, forgetting the people around you, and jumped just as the ball met your head. You had no idea how close the goal was, or if your header was even near where your direction was intended.

You winced at the contact of someone in your side, groaning with your arms cradling your head. The impact of the ground winded you, sending you gasping for air. But the crowd’s booms at Sheffield was enough to leave you breathless.

You had scored.

People piled on top of you one by one, yelling all sorts as you struggled to realise what you had done. Everyone was rounded, cheering, standing. You could hear Georgia swearing, and Leah telling everyone to keep their head on. You listened to Alessia and Rachel cheering with each other, and Beth pulling you up by your shoulders. Everyone collapsed into a hug around you, making it difficult for anyone to catch onto your tears.

You loved this team too much to ever let this moment go. Your tears were mixed with the sweat of the game, coating your cheeks, exhaustion setting into your shoulders. Your breath had caught up to you, but the daze was expressed.

You looked out to the crowd when Ella ran on to replace you. Everyone was on their feet, clapping boisterously as you waved them off. It was a tedious feeling that you couldn't quite shake. There wasn't a single person there that made you feel like you hadn't tried your best.

Nothing in the world could beat this feeling.

***

The celebrations of England’s win set off as soon as the full-time whistle blew. Fans rose from their seats, players crowded the pitch. You found your figure running towards Leah, tears already streaming down your face at an embarrassing rate. Your cheeks were flushed, and your body fell limb against Leah’s chest, eloping the serenity of her embrace with quiet sobs.

She held you close and tight, combing her fingers through your hair, breathing in the electric atmosphere that infiltrated the stadium. She could hear you crying into her, and she tried hard not to cry herself. She held a protective arm around your shoulders, sheltering you from the public eye as best she could. Leah looked down at her armband, feeling proud of her nation, then glanced at you, and felt even more emotion than ever before.

Over the years, Leah would find herself falling more and more defensive of you. She wanted to shield you away from the inevitable hate. She watched you grow into a spectacular player, a brilliant teammate, and a beautiful girl. Everything you did was at the discretion of the older woman, and Leah came to realise that you were somewhat of a daughter to her.

She was a Captain of her country and club. She was an idol to thousands of girls across the globe. But she was everything to you as you were to her, and that was more than enough.

“Played so well, Y/N.” She whispered into your ear, leaning down so that you could hear her over the chants.

You glanced up at her with watery eyes, clinging onto the woman and grinning. “Love you, Lee.”

“Love you, too, my girl.”

The two of you stayed like that for a little longer. Millie eventually pulled Leah into her own embrace, and you were making rounds across the field, congratulating your teammates and celebrating with them too.

England fans still banked up the stands, holding out their pens, phones and jerseys. Some people gave you some friendship bracelets, others asked you to take photos. Everyone was reeling at the huge win.

You end up finding yourself nearing a full walk around the field, and nearing the loop, where fans were starting to disperse. The last fan was a little girl in a wheelchair, with dark brown curls and green eyes. She was a little younger than you, but it was easy to fall into a conversation with her. She congratulated you, you thanked her for coming. It was by the end of your interaction that you slipped your shirt off, bringing the girl into a tight, gracious hug.

Many of the girls were already celebrating in the changing rooms. Champagne would've already been distributed. You wanted to make sure the fans were all aware that you were very thankful they were there to watch your team play. This was your first major tournament, and people commended you for always staying back. Though you didn't do it for the praise.

“If it isn't the Baby herself.” You heard someone call from behind you, causing you to turn.

You found Lucy and Sarina standing side by side, sharing big victorious smiles wider than you had ever seen. Lucy had already ushered you into a bone-crushing embrace, guiding your head into her chest — her arms wrapped around your shoulders. Sarina patted you on the back, mumbling something about performance and outcome, before you fumbled your balance against Lucy’s figure.

What you hadn't noticed until then was the man who was standing with the two women. He was not old, but not young either. His hair was dark brown, and he had a stubby beard. His posture was neat, his coat crowding his figure tightly for no cool air to leak in. If it wasn't for the intensity of the game you had just played, you would've agreed to say it was cold. But you were sweaty, fatigued, and starting to feel the effects of a semi-final.

The man was sporting a civil grin, holding his hand out for you to shake. You were completely oblivious to who he was, unable to decipher his identity from any of his features or appearance. It was only when he spoke that you heard the trail of a Spanish accent seeping through his endeavoured English.

“You are a talent, young lady.” He commended. Your cheeks flushed at the compliment, shaking it off with a bashful smile. “I must say, you are one of a kind, truly. That header was spectacular. A goal and an assist? Incredible.”

“Thank you but I couldn't have done it without the others.” You mumbled, trying to remember Jordan’s advice to keep eye contact when you were speaking to an adult. “My first half was poor. I don't think I deserve the recognition when my opportunities weren't used wisely.”

“Oh, shut your mouth.” Lucy scoffed, ruffling your hair. “I can remember my first Euros. I definitely didn't score off a header from outside of the box, that's for sure.”

“You're the best defender, I know.” You replied hastily, trying to reiterate the fact that you were pretty much a forward, and it was expected that you were to score.

Lucy sighed, shaking her head. “Bet you wouldn't say that in front of Leah.”

“Oh, wait!” Your mouth fell slightly agape. “Don't tell her I said that.”

The three adults chuckled from around you, making your cheeks go a little more red.

“I must agree.” The man stepped forward, shoving his hands that were once crossed over his chest into his pockets. From there, you caught sight of the Barcelona emblem embedded in his jacket.

Your face must've given away your realisation. “You're Jonathan? Barca’s head coach?!”

Lucy laughed harder than before, looking at the two coaches with the click of her tongue. “I told ‘ya she wouldn't recognize him.”

“I am,” Jona replied. You shook his hand for the second time that night. “You seem to be surprised at that.”

“What? Oh! No, um.” You became a nervous wreck. “I just, oh my god, does that mean you know Alexia Putellas?”Despite your North London spirit, there was no doubt that there was a fangirl within you at the knowledge of the Spanish team. You had grown up with the greats in Barca, and almost everyone in the England squad knew of your explicit crush on a certain Spanish captain, who just so happened to play for Barca.

“I mean, she is the captain, so you’d hope so.” Jona chuckled. “In fact, I was talking to her just a few hours ago. We were discussing the transfer season and some new contracts coming up.”

You instantly looked up at Lucy, who rolled her eyes at your oblivion. Sarina shook her head, glancing at you knowingly while Jona sighed in deliberation.

“I'm sure you have mulled over some of the offers you have been given from some of the clubs, no? I heard from somewhere that Chelsea are outbidding Arsenal.”

“Oh.” The thought of a professional contract, and making a denounced decision was long a foreign concept to you at that moment. You were presented with the complexity of the question, and could only shrug in response.

Jona reciprocated your affliction. “It is always a tough decision to make. But you have a very bright career in front of you. Everyone is expecting great, great things.”

“I'm tossing up between Arsenal and Chelsea.” You admitted. “They are my best offers.”

“You think so?” Jona looked complex, his eyebrows rising. When you nodded, he tutted, his head low. “Sarina and I were just questioning the fee being offered… or lack thereof.”

Your back straightened. “What do you mean?”

“300k for a three-year contract is hardly reasonable for a player like you.” He stated, rolling his sleeves up with a grin. Lucy and Sarina were in quiet conversation to the side, still active in what you were discussing but in their exclusive bubble.

“If I were to put in my bid, it’d be at least 800 thousand.” He continued. Your eyes nearly budged out of their sockets, unable to reply. “But it’d end up being just short of a million with the transfer fee.”

“My academy contract ends in two weeks.” The money Jona had just described was unattainable from your perception. “I'm just glad I got the offers in the first place. Your bid is too generous.”

There was no way you, a youth player, and academy girl who wasn't even had a club debut, was expected to be worth that much. He must've been pulling your leg, taking the piss like Tooney often did. It was not in the slightest chance that you began to unravel the weight of Jona’s words, and his intention behind the conversation you were just having.

“Are you saying you wouldn't accept it?” He asked.

You were so fucking dumbfounded that you started to laugh.

“You could offer me a job for nothing and I would take it.” There was a joking tone behind your statement, but you knew that there was an entire truth planted within your declaration. “Not that you would, but yeah, of course I would. The only thing I’d contemplate is learning the language.”

“I can get you a tutor.” He responded. “And the girls are lovely.”

You swooned just at the thought of the Barcelona team. “You're just being mean now.”

Jonathon looked at you in confusion. Lucy had overheard the last of your conversation, with Sarina off to find someone else. She scoffed, finding your idiocy a painful trait of yours. You glanced between the two of them, waiting for them to continue the blasted joke of you joining the best team in the world. You waited for them to ask you how Chelsea Blue was going to look on you, of if Academy was where you wanted to stay. Hell, you were expecting them to ask when you were moving into your own apartment due to the absurdity of Jona’s hypothetical posing.

But they stood there looking at you in silence. They were waiting for you to catch on.

And you did. Even if it was after several long moments of pause and silence. Even if you had dropped your jaw to the floor in utter shock, simply not believing that what was happening was actually happening. The thought of playing for a single minute was eradicated from your mind, instead replaced with a newfound excitement that left you jumping up and down.

There was no way, you thought. Nothing could've prepared you for this.

All thoughts of Chelsea, of Arsenal, were gone. Letting the news transfer to Leah was a distant memory.

You were no longer hesitating about what anyone else thought about where you would go. There was not an ounce of regret in your body that screamed out to you, telling you to think this over for even a second. You were not want to wait, to talk, to act, you were just waiting for this all to be a dream.

You knew that this was an inevitable choice. A feeling so right, so just, full of hope and solidarity, clung to you as you shook Jona’s hand yet again. Not filling registering his words, skimming over the implications of it all, aimlessly giving him your Agent’s number. It was all a blur from there.

It did not matter the money that went into the contract, or the financial gain that would equip you throughout the three years you were about to live in Barcelona. Nothing else mattered except the smile on your face, and the righteousness in your chest.

With the win of your National Team, you home, and the club you were bound towards, there was nothing stopping the bounce in your stride.

_________________

arsenalacademy

liked by babyengland, milliebright, and 207,367 others

arsenalacademy — After a standout performance in the Euros so far, Arsenal Academy Star, and England’s youngest, Baby England has signed a record-breaking fee of $3 Million, for a three-year contract with reigning Champions, Barcelona FC.

“I'm excited for this new opportunity. The Euros are massive, and winning with the girls against Sweden was a privilege I still can't put into words…

I have to thank Arsenal for making me the player I am, because they have taught me so many things, and I wouldn't be standing here today if it wasn't for them.

I also want to thank Jordan, Leah, and all the Lionesses for helping me with this. They have always wanted the best for me, and I couldn't have done it without them.”

The fifteen-year-old will begin training with the Spainish Team for the 22/23 season effective immediately.

Congratulations on this new chapter!

Tagged: yourusername

Comments:

soccerdonna — New Update: Chelsea had outbid Arsenal by $150k, and Barca by an extra 200k, as well as an increase in salary, which is negotiable.

User7 — I THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA ANNOUNCE IT AFTER THE EUROS

^ user8 — WHEN HAS MY GIRL HAD TIME FOR THIS

^ user112 — FR MY GIRL’S FIFTEEN, A STUDENT, A FULL TIME ATHLETE, AND A BABYGIRL LIKE PLS

User5 — JONATAN WAS AT THE GAMES AGAINST SPAIN AND SWEDEN!!!! MAYBE THATS WHEN

^ user90 — THAT’S SO SOON THO HOW COULD HE HAVE DONE IT

ingridengen — welcome 🩷

*liked by yourusername

racheldaly — no villa talk 🤣 see you on the pitch soon chook 🩷

^ yourusername — thank you Rach 🙃

user6 — FIRST LUCY AND NOW BABY ENGLAND! WHO’S NEXT, KEIRA????

alessiarusso — big things!!!! proud of you like crazy 🙌🏼

^ yourusername — love you lessi bear 🧸

user1 — are you fucking kidding me? ARSENAL WHY DIDNT YOU KEEP HERRRRR

^ user67 — THE FACT THAT THEY WERE ONE OF THE LOWEST BIDDERS UGH

alexiaputellas — Bienvenido, guapa!

^ yourusername — omg ily

^ user77 — shes so real

user23 — I'm in mourning.

user8 — WHAT ABOUT LEAH

^ user4 — AND JORDAN

^ user7 — SHE WAS OUR ARSENAL BABY

jordannobbs — big things coming! So proud of you! 💙❤️

* liked by yourusername

user37 — the fact that we all thought she was going to chelsea

^ user27 — she really had us all fooled

leahwilliamson — smash it, my girl!

^ yourusername — love you lee 🤍

^ user78 — screaming into my pillow I cannot deal with this hurt.

^ user99 — I need to know if she told Leah before or after she signed 😭

^ user12 — the edits about to go crazy

^ user8 — “let's not forget, that no matter where she goes, Baby England will always be Arsenal.”

barcelonafemeni — Stargirl 🌟

^ user4 — you don't deserve her.

^ user90 — SALT IN THE WOUND

^ user3 — Idk about the rest of you, but I cannot wait to see her in the home jersey

^ user6 — ur the only one.

Lionesses — baby england growing up too fast 🥲

user5 — I'm still so confused on how she signed a contract in the middle of the fucking euros

^ user64 — it practically meant that Barca would've not only had to pay her the contract, but also pay Arsenal a transfer fee

^ user65 — I might be crazy but wouldn't that make her the most expensive transfer? With both the transfer money and the contract

^ user5 — it adds up to be just under $1 million 😀

georgiastanway — congratulations!!!!!!

^ yourusername — thanks gee!

ellatoone — you would've looked better in Manchester 😒

^ ellatoone — jkjk look at youuuuu 🩷

*liked by yourusername

____________________

A/N — HA! You thought she’d go to Chelsea… yeah right. Hope you enjoyed!

[fawninthesnow]

could u please do a fem dom x geta fic were reader is comforting him while crying or something like that i love ur fics sm 🙏🙏😭😭

Of course!! Here is something short for that <3

𐙚 Emperor Geta x Fem Reader! 𐙚

Summary: You are a lady of the court who Geta has grown emotionally acquainted with. Today, you decide to help the emperor with the new senate election.

Warnings: fluff, fem! dom, sub! Geta, sub male, not proof read

Word Count: 600~

More on my Master list! + follow & like pls

“Geta, sweetheart?” The emperor perked up from his seat across from you, “Hand me the scroll with Cornelius on the edge.” He went through the rows of scrolls, “It should be right on top.”

“I, I cannot find it, my lady.”

“Just look on the top row.” He looked back at you and then at the scrolls. “Take your time.” He wanted to be efficient, and quick for you. You stood from your chair and went behind him. Your height, your body, engulfed him as you went through the scrolls. The heat from your body behind him made him bite his lip. As you read the names, your head tucked beside his. “Here.” You grabbed the scroll from the rack.

“I am sorry. I- I must have missed it.”

“That is entirely possible.” You said as you went back to your chair. The tension across the desk was palpable and he could only wait. “Geta. Do you mind? I’d like some tea.” You had gotten a cold due to the weather and that alone made him want to pamper and care for you. “And sweetheart? Light sugar.”

“Ok!” He immediately stood from the desk and quickly made his way towards the kitchen. You had expected him to ask a servant in the hall for your request or even pass it along to a guard but instead, he went to the kitchen himself!

Upon his entry, chefs and prep cooks bowed and excused themselves.

Minutes passed before he carefully returned to the room. He stepped gently towards your desk. “I made it myself. I hope-“ His wet fingertips slipped, spilling the hot tea over your gown and scrolls.

“Geta!” You groaned and pushed your chair out from under you.

“I am sorry!” He offered the clothes from his back to you, cleaning up the wetness from your skin and table.

“No. Do not smear the ink! Are you not educated?!” The emperor froze, unsure what to do. When you looked him in the eyes, his lips began to tremble, and his eyes squinted. “No, no. Geta.” He tried to hold back his tears, but they flowed down his cheeks. He faced the ground and left the room, closing the doors behind him.

You waited a few moments and left your scrolls to dry before looking for him. “Geta? Sweetheart?” A servant directed you towards the emperor’s lounge room. You gently closed the door behind you. “Geta?”

“I am not ready to talk.”

“I understand.” You heard his voice; however, he was nowhere in sight. “We do not have to talk. May I see you?”

From the marble ledge around the perimeter of the room, his voice echoed. “I do not…uhm, think you can get up here.” He peeked over at you. You took off your shoes and used the fireplace as a step before walking onto the ledge. “Never mind.”

You sat beside him. “Thank you for making my tea.” He continued to look away from you, “There was a bit left in the cup and it was delicious.” He wiped his nose and stared at the statues below him, “I know that you are trying your best. You are doing an amazing job, Geta. Just know, I am not frustrated with you. I was only scared. I should not have said the things��I- I regret the way I treated you.” Your hand went to his back, gently touching him. “Is this ok?”

“Yes.”

You move closer to him and hold his side. “I need you to know that I am not angry.” He leaned onto you. “May I hug you?”

“Yes.” You held onto him tightly and kissed the side of his face. The young man blushed as he hugged back.

"Come closer." He fell into your arms, a serene expression settling across his face as he finally found comfort in your embrace.

More on my Master list! + follow & like pls

[wegc]

Idk if ur hard hours r open but 🤭

I had a thought about my pookie baby pie Lee Minho <33 and they’re all filthy <33

I feel like Minho would be soooo into spitting but maybe I’m projecting; he’d totally take you by the throat or jaw and pry your mouth open with his fingertips just to spit into your mouth; maybe calling you “his good slut” and talk about how “obedient you are for him.” He’d also spit on your face, swearing in into your makeup and tears as he punishes you for acting like a brat all day.

And Minho who is totally whipped for you— like I mean whipped. Down horrendously, wants to worship the ground for this u walk on. He’d still tease you and do the usual Lee Minho shenanigans but like??? He’d also be so sweet and kind and gentle with you. Which leads me to fluffy sex with him <33 just adores you and is kissing all along your cheeks, swiping away the tears of overstimulation (though you don’t want him to stop). Maybe if the mood is right HE’D EVEN CRY??? Like mid “I love you” and he’d sob softly; I’m thinking post argument sex?? I need this man so bad……

ANYWAYYY IM NOT GONNA BOMBARD YOU WITH MY HORNY THOUGHTS SO 😭 HAVE THESE <33

I hope ur having a good day and pls drink water and your writing is so good I can’t wait to read more <33 and if it’s okay could I be your first anon? maybe 🫧 anon if I could !

LEE MINHO IS THE RESIDENT SPIT KING IN STRAY KIDS!!!!! i do not make the rules but you cannot deny the truth—i’m glad we see a similar vision 🫧 anon!!!

lee minho’s cock throbs when you tell him you want him to spit in your mouth. he’s thought about it so many times and considers doing it every time the two of you have rough sex but can’t seem to muster up the courage to do it because he doesn’t wanna scare you off :(

it’s an ownership thing for him and also because of how intrinsically degrading it is to spit in someone’s face. it just drives him crazy every time you open your mouth, signalling to him that you want him to defile you. you’re so obedient and needy, and isn’t it so fun and satisfying to demean you when you start acting out?

in addition to a spitting kink, minho has a slapping kink and would get a kick out of slapping you and being slapped whenever either of you deserves it. nothing gives him more euphoria than the sight of your eyes rolled back, face flushed (from embarrassment or from the sharp smack on your cheek, who knows?), all wet from min repeatedly spitting in your face, calling you his dumb baby who can’t do anything without him :(

sub!minho being slapped is also a delicious thought if anyone wants to talk about it hehe!!!!

minho who uses his spit to smear your mascara and lipstick all over your face after you make him jealous!!! telling you you’re the prettiest when he’s turned you into his stupid cock-slut!!!

i think fluffy sex with minho would be slightly rare (he’s a fucker!!!!) but post-argument sex would have him tearing up and sniffling into your neck a little because while he acts like you don’t affect him much, he genuinely cannot picture a life without you (remember minsung two kids room i think where skz was like lino can’t live without jisung YEAH!!!).

minho calling you his pretty little thing, his good little girl, softly kissing your ankles as he fucks into you, twirling your hair around his fingers AAAA

food for thought!!! minho buying you an anklet with his initial on it that jingles every time he thrusts into you <3

[sqtorux]

first angst drabble!! i cannot write angst without tryna cryy :(

okk here it goes HELP srry this took while say i had go school to catch up works i miss when sick

imagine nanami sending you texts every time when he goes out for mission it start with "hey how are you?" and at night he give you heads up "mhm comin home late." it's always was a routine, one mission was going be his very last he text you sweet messages how he Forgot kiss the kids good Moring since he went early but he promise to you when he comes back he give them a sweetest night kiss, you guys texted back and fought before he had to go, he sent you a message d before he had to go, you were to focus on the Kids you didn't see it pop up, minutes went hours you were so worried you texted your husband wondering where he is, you saw a text that you missed "if anything happens, I love you." you reply back "promise?" why reply to someone who not on earth anymore?

WHHE2321MNEWD

(this was a diff idea i wanted when everyone was using reader and when she finds a boyfriend, Gojo he just like the same and uses her too tell me if u want this drabble to i thought it was bit mean!!)

-🐱 anon

honestly could go a little something like-

the day starts with the lovely morning text from your husband as usual, smiling to yourself at the endearment he called you and the apology saying he forgot to kiss your lovely daughter before he left. he'd make up for it when he arrive though, you had no doubt.

checking your phone right after you wake up to read your husband's text was your daily routine even before kento became your husband. it just didn't feel like your morning was complete without doing so.

this particular morning however, you find yourself crying for a reason you can't find yourself to pinpoint.

you: i think my period is coming, im getting emotional for no reason. come kiss me better when you arrive!

✓ 6.54 am

you set your phone down and take a moment to bask in the small rays of light falling from your windows into your room and sigh, wiping your tears away. you could really use morning kiss right now.

"mama!" your daughter scurried over to your bed and threw her tiny body over yours earning a giggle from both your mouths. you place a chaste kiss on her forehead and a second one, for kento. it was a charming moment until your daughter's smile disappeared.

"mama are you crying again?" you find your hands rubbing away the tears that happened to run down your cheeks. what is up with that?

"momma's fine, baby. how about we surprise papa with his lunch today? he forgot to give you your morning kiss hm?" you tuck her hair behind her ears, her own eyes slowly turning teary.

"you're doing it again" she pulls away from your hold, a frown now found itself on her adorable face.

"doing what baby?"

"talking like ... like papa is still here. i don't like it."

that's when it hit you. her papa, your husband wasn't here anymore. you knew it, you do but somehow it does not make sense. how could nanami be dead when you've just received your morning text like you always used to when he was here?

you scrambled among your sheets desperately searching for your phone to prove to yourself, more than anyone, that nanami was alive and well. of course he has to be.

however you were only met with disappointment and that nauseating feeling of jumping off somewhere high when you opened your chats to his number.

you: i think my period is coming, im getting emotional for no reason. come kiss me better when you arrive!

[message not sent. this number is no longer in use.]

! 6.54 am

ah. it wasn't for no reason that you were emotional first thing in the morning. it was your body mourning for the love of your life that your mind forced itself to forget about his death.

omg this concept of reader imagining/hallucinating beloved used to be one of my favourite tropes!! pls the way my world paused when i read your drabble because i knew it was angst but i didn't know it was about THIS topic crying crying

also im so glad to know you're better now, enough to go to school hehe i hope the workload isn't too heavy to catch up on <3

[nqify]

CAN U PLS DO HCS OF MILES BEING HORNY IN PUBLIC OR SOMETHING AND THE READER GETS FLUSTERED EASILY AND HE TEASES HER FOR IT ?? with some dirty talk maybe as well 🙏

AAAGIRL OMOGMOGFMKGGM THIS REQUESTA!!!

public sex. — miles quaritch ☆

pairings. na’vi!miles quaritch. fem!reader

content warnings. oral for f!reader. daddy kink. dirty talk. risky sex. lil degrading

note. whoever requested this needs there ass ate

this guy will find anything, and I mean anything to just get into your pants. like ur out on a date, boom horny, ur wearing a skirt, boom horny, u have ur hair tied up, boom horny. he’s just so obsessed with u!!!

but when y’all are in public, it is way worse. imagine your just walking around the store, your hand holding miles’ pointer finger. this fucker looks down at you, eyeing the movements of your hips, the way they sway side to side….girl u better run. he’s already ready to go!!!!!

he leans up REALLLL close you, bends down and whispers, “mama u ready to go??” likes he’s hinting at u and everything. your oblivious ofc and can’t see the MASSIVE bulge right in front of your eyes, “noo, I wanna stay a little longer pls!!!!” he can’t say no to u!!!

you’d be going through a rack in a store and he’d come up behind you and slowly rub his bulge on ur back. MF UR SHOCKED?!:$, “miles!!!” u whisper shout. he chuckles down at you, “nah baby, it’s all ur fault, u had me hard with the way ur hips were moving mama” GIRLOMG “not here!!” oh yes here mf

you’d think it was over, eating ur lunch in a crowded area before this fucker grabs you by ur waist and makes u sit on his lap. now you can feel his aching dick!!! OMGGG. “you gonna deal with this mama?? your gonna let me fuck u right here huh?” ur so flustered, ears turning red and ur cheeks blushing. OH HE LOVES THIS!!! The hands that were placed on ur hips guided you to grind ur ass on his dick. “mm m-miles!! ppl will notice!!” u whine out. “and?? I know a slut like you would love that mm?? you’d like me fucking u in front of everyone here right mama??” YESYEYYSYES

hes just teasing you over and over again until you break!!! you’d try stuff on for him, coming out of the changing rooms with him sitting on one of the couches. His legs spread and his arms crossed. pussy is aching rn. “gimme a twirl mama” and u did!!! “looks hot asf” he’d walk closer to you, “but yk Ima just rip this off you when we fuck right???” Omg HES FINALLY BROKEN YOU!!!!

now ur ass is in the changing rooms, trying so hard to cover ur moans!! this fucker is eating you out. he’s got ur body slammed on the wall, one leg on his shoulder while his head was buried in your thighs. “fuck baby, why didn’t u let me do this earlier?? needed ur pretty pussy so bad!!” HE IS WHINING FOR U!!! all u could do was let out a pathetic whimper, “aw look at that, can’t even keep herself quiet, such a slut” AAAAA

ur so close omg!! LIKE GIRL!! HE KNOWS!! “you gonna cum baby??? u gonna cum for daddy yeah??” ur nodding!! He pulls away from ur pussy, “too bad mama” ur crying RN FR!! whining and complaining!!! “awww baby is crying now, sad u can’t cum?? cuz all u do is cum right? just a fucktoy for daddy huh??” he is so into it now lorddd.

now ur pressed up against the wall, legs wrapped around miles’ waist and hands laying on his shoulders. “s-shit this pussy was made for me right baby??” ur nodding and whimpering!!! “yeah it is??? just for me? for daddy?? yeah baby f-fuck, I own this pussy” ur trying so hard not to be loud omg!!!

this guy cannot get enough of u, “who owns this pussy baby” miles says as he flicks ur clit. Your head is so empty!!! u can’t seem to say anything!! “cmon mama, u wanna cum right?? answer my fucking question slut” his thrust become hard and deep, “y-you do!!”, “what was that baby?? I couldn’t hear you??” now he’s just playing games!!!!

“mmm f-fuck daddy does!!” he’s grinning and shit. “yeah I do, I own this pretty pussy, ur only gonna let me fuck it right? only me??” YSSYYEYSSS

ur gripping his back, crying out for him!!! “s-so close daddy!! lemme cum pls” he doesn’t answer, HES JUST DRILLING INTO U NO!! he wants u to cum he NEEDS IT!! “f-fuck me too mama”

u flutter around his dick, legs shaking and eyes rolling back. he pulls his dick out of you and cums all over ur stomach!!! “s-shit baby, ah, this pussy does fucking things to me” omg girl!!!!!!! you both put ur clothes on and do the walk of shame. GIRLAHHA

he leans close to ur ear, “mama we gotta do this more often!!!” he’s smirking and shit. You just slap his shoulder, “what baby?? weren’t u the one whining for me??” yes u were….. “weren’t you all like, “a-ah daddy!!! feels so good!!! daddy wanna cum so bad!!” OMG UR SO EMBARRASSED

[fizzywashere87]

Erm... Trans Masc reader x R!Mikey fluff? Pls?

TM!Reader x R!Donnie fluff?

TM!Reader x R!Leo fluff?

TM!Reader x R!Raph fluff?

Any fluff pls

Im feeling low-key melancholy (u know why) and I need comfort

Or if your cool with it, gut wrenching angst that will make me hurt to the very core of my being and make me cry like a baby?

-xoxo Nardo

notes: yes. just yes. okay, i apologize in advance if these are not what you wanted/posted too late... but i hope you enjoy pookie!! i'm gonna write them as hcs so you get all in one AND it's not built like a script!

Hehe just in time for Pride Month! :3

HAPPY PRIDE!

Masterlist

Warnings: male reader, male pronouns used, cussing?, fluff!!

RotTMNT x TransMasc! Reader

~Raph-a-Doodle~

Okay, we all know cuzzo's like the biggest sweetheart-

He's going to love you unconditionally for two reasons

One, in his mind, nothing can be worse than his whole.. situation.

Two, you're literally the most majestic, the most gracious person and lover to ever walk the earth! In his eyes strictly- not mine /J /NS I JS WANTED TO BE FUNNY

Raph's gonna support you no matter what decisions you make in life and he's going to follow your every move :3 -seriously he cannot live without you-

Is on top of your pronouns and will threaten anyone who tries to a fuckass skank

TAKING YOU TO PRIDE PARADES

He'd get you like the Transgender flag but like the big one so you can wear it like a cape! -He says you're his hero and heroes have capes :3

Also gets you tinier flags and pins so you can wave 'em n wear 'em -hehe see what i did with the alliteration?

You can sit on his shoulders 'cuz you know he's tall and stuff

Best experience ever bro

He is also adorned in the Pride Attire™

OMG yk like the lil corks they put on sharp things?

You put some of those on him but like it's pride (cuz you know- you gay an stuff /ref) and now it's a festive safety feature!

Proudly displays you to the world an' I wanna make that so clear

"This is my s/o! Ain't he just the handsomest?"

Yeah he's cute

Helps you with anything you need

If you choose to bind he'll help make sure it's on safely and shit

Raph always makes sure you're comfortable and happy

If you're happy he's happy!

Raph loves you and he'll treat you the same (just with these added perks) no matter what- as long as you're happy my boy is thriving

~Neon-Leon~

Now this one-

This one...

Motherfucker's gay as shit we already know-

Yeah no fucking surprise there when this one came outta the closet

He's probably TransMasc too :3

"It's cause I'm gay isn't it?"

Yes tf-

Okay but like he's good to you and that's all that matters

Again, he doesn't treat you all that different besides the added perks >v<

He's such a simp for you don't let his annoying attitude fool you

Bro's gay and homophobic for you /ref amor would understand

Helps you with whatever you need, seriously

Call him and he's a portal away

Big help with transitioning

His room's got a big ass section dedicated to pride

Flags, pins, posters, uhm- what's with the sock and why is it hard as a rock?

"DON'T TOUCH THAT-"

"EW YOU FUCKING WANKER WHY DID YOU LEAVE THAT THERE?!"

aw what the shit man.

Don't speak of that with him he'll get pissy and you don't wanna deal with Pissy Leo™

PRIDE PARADE!

Y'all have the most Gender Fits™ istg

ADORNED IN FESTIVE CLOTHING FOR THE FESTIVE EVENT!!

Both of you guys are wearing the flag-cape thingy I'm not sure what to call

You went with the Transgender Theme and he went with the Gay Theme

Says it suits his color n he's not lying

Another one to proudly displays you

"MAKE WAY FOR MY MOST HANDSOMEST BOYFRIEND PEASANTS!!"

"Nobody's in the way Leo." April would roll her eyes alongside the rest of his brothers

You'd either match Leo's energy or tell him to stfu-

Back to the pride parade-

Nobody actually gives a fuck he's green

"I know a place," Ahh boyfriend

You guys have a blast marching around and the Gender Fits™ are your new favorite outfits

He loves you so much and he will show it through his one liners/pickups lines

It's really bad-

"Are you testosterone because you're testing my heart strings!"

*Receives the window treatment*

Gayest couple in New York but you guys OWN IT

~Othello Von Ryan~

Bro is literally indifferent

It's not that Donnie doesn't care- no he cares tenfolds and it shows

But he also doesn't care

Like he doesn't make as big of a commotion about it verbally

He does show you off literally everywhere tho-

"Ah yes, my superbly handsome s/o, [Name]!"

And he does have a pride section in his lab :3

He's just Autistic ∞

Is on top of allat medical shit for you

And also will help you with literally anything you need

"Donnie, it's Pride Month, you know what that means!" "Huh? Do you want me to like- make gay tech? What?" /reffff

Yes tf

And he does just that

He ended up making you a Lil' Reminder Guy

It reminds you to like- do stuff

Ion wtv tf you want

Just tell it when it needs to tell you to Do Stuff™ and it will

Take meds, walk the dog, eat, drink water, SLEEP

And it's gay LMFAO

Also probably created a pride flag printer :0

He's literally the best omgie

He's smart and hot?

insert ring on finger plz -><-

Except you giggle cause 👉👌

PRIDE PARADE!

Donnie picks out your Gender Fit™ because he needs "his handsome significant other looking his best!"

Any of them masturbators wanna be dickheads? There's now a virus taking over their whole ass phone and it spread to their computer

He swears it wasn't him and it happened to be convenient timing

You let it go 'cause what the fuck they had it coming

Man the love is seen and is On The Brain™

Donnie does literally anything for you and will do it with Pride~

~Magic Mike~

Mans is all for it but in uppercase letters

Mikey's second favorite thing about Pride is defo the colors

The first being people being able to be themselves and all the happy faces :3

It's pretty much his scene

You give him literally the biggest excuse to be A r t i s t i c

Drawing on you 24/7 hkhuyhgygti-

Displaying you like his biggest achievement

In his eyes, you are again, his eyes, not mine /J AGAIN SORRY IM NOT FUNNY-

"Look at my adorable s/o, [Name]! Isn't he sososos adorable?"

The threatening stare he gives after makes anyone shit their pants and they will not DARE to disagree

Mikey will do literally anything for you and is another one to do it with Pride~

PRIDE PARADE!

He won't fully leave you to pick out the fit but he is definitely pitching in A LOT

"You would look so amazing and handsome if you put it with this!!"

Places the cape on you so dramatically you laugh every time

Paints your face for the occasion

Cannot convince me he doesn't make a face while doing it LMFAO

Dating Mikey means you've got yourself a guard dog

Should anyone imply that you're anything besides amazing?

He's sending their fuckass twinkass self beyond where they came from-

Heavily assisting in your transition

Whatever you need is there as fast as he can possibly cause it "cause it"?

Mikey makes fun in all the annoying and uncomfy stuff you'd have to get through and you're so grateful you have him there to help

Also has a pride section in his room

It's so bright and colorful between all the flags and posters and pins

He collects those pins like they're sports cards

You literally give him an excuse to be so A r t i s t i c

His muse istg-

"My handsome angel face!! Look what I made! I seen something that made me think of you, and then it gave me an idea to paint this!!"

Your heart fucking melted oml

He's so precious bro

Holds you extra tight because he loves you so much

He'd do anything and everything for you

No matter what you do or say he'll always stick with you <3

don't click see more to see the tags. i had a lil too much time on my hands-

[starofhisheart]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR OFMD S2 EP6-7 under the cut

Ok, that was A LOT. I have so many feelings but no coherence so i'm gonna do this bullet point form but def not in order, just in order of me remembering wtf happened lol

-IZZY AND WEE JOHN IN DRAG!!!!! Wee John looked STUNNING with that Divine-esque appearance and Izzy had that transmasc drag king kind of thing going on (iykyk) that made me love him even more

-Izzy singing LA VI EN ROSE took me tf out!!! i'm glad he got to finish it after the *ahem* distractions bc Con's voice is so beautiful I could listen to it forever. We better get it in the album!!! Also someone posted the lyrics translated and i cannot get over the lyrics:

"It's him for me,/And me for him, for life/He told me, he swore to me, for life"

-But not only was he singing the second half had fucking gentlebeard doing the dirty in the next room asdfghjkl which.....was hot, ngl. The passion was electrifying. I'm sorta glad we didnt rlly see it with everything that happened after bc it all kinda left a bad taste in my mouth.

Also Stede Bonnet canonically gets turned on by violence confirmed

Or trauma. Whatever.

-What else happened in ep 6 cause all i can think of is drag and singing and sex-

-oh yeah there was that shortlived sexually-charged torturer who i distinctly recall him being in another scene in the promo so unless that got the cut perhaps he's not dead...?

-Lupete missing all the action cause they were doing the nasty all night lmao so real

-Jim best wingman (gender neutral)

-Stede...Stedey boy, can I call u that? Now i'm gonna say this nicely, but WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? Stede in his white guy w undue confidence era fr. Zheng Yi Sao was so right for what she did truly

-But in all seriousness i feel like this whole thing in ep 7 was such a parallel to s1 but also a very necessary bit of conflict in their journey together that was bound to happen. THey want different things and neither is wrong or right for that. Stede did react poorly tho but like he just had sex w the love of his life, his first man, and Ed the very next day is like "aight i'm out". I'd be pissed too. After killing someone which we know is a big trigger for him historically.

But Ed also had a valid reaction. He's wanted to retire for a while and stede knows this but it hasn't seemed to have sunk in quite yet. He fears that Stede only sees Blackbeard and...its fair of him to have that impression tbh. These are two messy, traumatized dudes who have never had a real relationship and there's gonna be bumps. I hope we get s3 so we can better explore that like Djenks wants.

-Ok back to the fun stuff:

-Izzy barging in on GB and the docking joke. love his cringefail ass.

-IZZY IS HAPPY FOR ED EVEN IF ITS NOT WITH HIM

#growth

-the edizzy apology which was so typical of them. i expected it but bc i'd been building it up in my head all week w twitter pals it felt a bit anticlimactic but thats not the shows fault. it was very much in character and if they're satisfied so am i. i always have fic for more

-stizzy commiserating over losing ed pls thats all i've ever wanted!!!!!

izzy: "when i told him i loved him he-"

stede, like he's heard this story before: "shot u yes"

and the look they gave each other after!!!!! stizzy nation how we feelin?!

-izzy being like "stede no" when he was on his macho bullshit w zheng yi sao (also motivated by trauma bc he just lost ed, he cant lose MORE family!!!). i just like how protective iz seems of stede now.

-izzy''s "you're good for him" CRYING THROWING UP ETCETERA

-ed catching 1 fish and deciding thats his life now. adhd realness fr

-the swede whew is it hot in here or is that just jackie's effect on her husbands?

-jackie and ed actin like old friends. swede highkey shading ed adfghjkl

-anyway im sure there's more but i need to rewatch. there r things i wont go into bc its possible spoilers for the finale (tho its mostly just speculation some is based on bts not everyone may have seen). i am looking forward to and terrified for the show to end next week thats all i'll say

[imrllytootiredforthis]

https://twitter.com/txt_members/status/1611998938080636930?s=21 cy have u seen this?..... these made me think about bunny play yj who got all flushed after crying from overstimulation 😫😫pls why is he so— THE AUDACITY HE HAS TO SAY ITS A PRESENT??? it's a goddamn torture i cannot do everything i think about to him😩

also, can i be the 💘 anon? i also sent an ask abt felix recently!!

absolutely you can<33

the flushed cheeks-the ears-the cute little cotton tail-they have me going feral😫😫

and calling it a PRESENT?!?!?!

no bc imagine you've been stressed with school/work/whatever lately and he could tell bc you've been acting more closed off, more tired

so one day he texts you saying he has a present for you back at home so you should hurry up and get back

get home and you can't find him, looking around in the living room, the kitchen, calling out his name before heading to the last place he could be, the bedroom,

and LO AND BEHOLD

he's sitting on the end of the bed wearing the cute little bunny ears and an oversized hoodie with nothing underneath, the little cotton tail just peeking out from under it

and he cutely tells you that this is your present, that you can take out all that stress that you have out on him

cute little bun is in for a night full of exactly that.

you take him right to the edge and stop as he cries out in anguish, telling him he can't cum until you say he can. edging him until he can't take it anymore and he breaks the rules and does it w/o permission😩😩

seeing the angry look on your face and quickly apologizing, but the damage has already been done. overstimulating him for the rest of the night until he's a pretty flushed crying mess<33

sorry i went a bit overboard😅

[quodekash]

AAAAAA HIDDEN AGENDA ITS FINALLY HERE

I CRIED WHILE WATCHING THE TRAILER TWO WEEKS AGO AND IM STILL NOT SURE WHY, BUT I DO KNOW THAT IM FREAKING EXCITED FOR IT SO LETS GOOOO

friends and foes, ladles and gentlespoons, humans and robots and aliens, i present to you: the very first line in this entire series.

truly eye-opening.

same.

also LOUIS

HELLO LOUIS

ILY LOUIS

dunk with glasses is a gift we dont deserve but we do love it and are eternally grateful for it

boy you're whipped already

IM CRYING

WHY AM I CRYING AT THAT

HES JUST STARING AT HIM WHY IS THAT CAUSE FOR TEARS

why are people attractive.

we have this bitch. we have dunk in glasses.

im dying over here.

"i booked the studio. and you're over by 5 minutes. how would you pay me back?" idk man, i think you should make out for 5 minutes. it only seems fair.

BRO I WAS KIDDING WHY ARE YOU STEPPING THAT CLOSE TO HIM

OISHI SPONSORSHIP

(welcome to my blog, im obsessed with oishi despite never having tried it (YET, ill find an asian grocer with it one day))

THEM

IM PRETTY SURE THEYRE ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I CRIED DURING THE TRAILER

I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH

is this the library from my engineer.

it is not the library from my engineer :(

ITS SUCH SIMPLE HUMOUR BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

bro louis' character is such a mood in this

what is it with characters called pat and being me-coded

interesting book placement, right next to the book theyre looking for

i get that its in the political section but i like that 'gender violence' and 'violence against lesbians and gay men' and 'breaking the silence: violence against women in asia' are just right there, like gmmtv is trying to say something

idk what theyre saying, im too tired to decipher it, but i think thats pretty interesting

anyway

AJ IS SO TALL AND LOUIS IS SO SHORT AND ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

dO YOU MEAN PRANSOCOOL????

pls theyre gossiping about him on the bus and they have no idea that HES ON THE BUS and his reactions are so funny, i love him so much

nice. very casual. he'll have no idea that you like him.

THEYRE BOTH SO PRETTY

AND ALSO HOT

AND ATTRACTIVE

AND SO PRETTY

I LOVE THEM

I LOVE PEOPLE

IM TOO PAN FOR THIS, SEND HELP

WITH WHO???

IS IT PERHAPS WITH UH

THE CHARACTER PLAYED BY AOU? i forgot his name

g u y

not kidding, guy is literally his actor's name

G U Y

i think it's entirely unfair that joong is so pretty and attractive AND he's so talented at singing. its very rude

awww he caught him

REASSURING BACK RUBS WHILE HE THROWS UP THATS SO SWEET

IF THIS LINE GETS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT IM--

oh you think he's so cute (you're right)

HSDFSDFSHDFDS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS

that conversation was literally

"punch yourself" "okay." "wait dont punch yourself" "so youve forgiven me?" "nope. now come with me to a room where itll just be us two and i'll probably end up serenading you with my voice and guitar, and itll leave you feeling really confused"

like. what the hell.

HIS HAIR IS SO PRETTY

kiss.

b r o

theyre so queer and i cannot deal with it

ITS SO UNFAIR HOW PRETTY HE IS

bro is just being so upfront about stuff, gosh damn. i could never.

also that line reminded me of "i just like to see your face (when you lose)" from bad buddy

THE EPISODE IS OVER ALREADY??

he's gay, hun, that's gonna be a little bit difficult

THAT WAS A LOVELY START TO THE SERIES

im not quite obsessed with it yet, but i suppose thats because there hasnt been a side couple introduced yet, and i am an unfortunate example of Side Couple Syndrome, BUT as of currently, joke and zo are lovely and joongdunk are lovely and this series seems lovely, and i am very excited for episode 2

[xxpeppermintxx109]

Dearest Mint,

Haven't been on tumblr since it deleted my account a while back (rest in peace anonymousgothic) but I simply had to get back on here to commend you on your work. You've done it, once again. Another hit. This 3rd gen book has punctured one of my organs and rotted my brain -- that is how deeply it managed to nestle its way into me. Like I genuinely have to break bones to make room for it.

First, we must discuss Laena. There are no words in the English dictionary that can describe how satisfying it is that a Targaryen/Lannister baby has been born and bred within the walls of the red keep -- with Tywin and Robert and Cersei none the wiser. I wish so badly for her to know her true identity and understand her worth; I want so much good for her. I find it so thrilling that you chose for her to be based in King's Landing (for now) -- and do not think I didn't pick up on the fact that she's mapping out Shaemond's tunnels and yearning for the sea! I miss nothing!

I also cannot wait for her to know and love Jaime, but I am nothing if not a patient woman when it comes to you and your perfectionist pacing, Mint. I see a Daemon x Shaera dynamic in their future (and a very angsty journey à la Jaime-held-captive-while-Laena-sleeps-with-a-wolf-king!) and that hope alone will keep me sustained for now.

Second, Brynden. If I had a nickel for every time a bastard believed himself to be the son of Ashara Dayne, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice! Am I worried that Dany will take this betrayl even worse than she took Jorah's? Yes. Am I hoping the power of love overcomes? Also, Yes. Cannot wait for him to meet his aunt (who I know you will do right by) and his uncle (truly the most beautiful Targaryen, if only his personality matched). His history with Jorah and honesty just his background in general intrigues me, Arya would worship the ground he walks on, I already know. Also, whilst I see much of Rhaenyra in Laena's demure and yet childishly wild persona, I see so much of Arthur in Brynden. All of that honor -- um, career choice aside!

Third, the TRUE heir to the iron throne. Rhaegar's emo boy complexity is strong in this one. Quite possibly the most original storyline to ever be given to a Game of Thrones original character. And by far one of the most enticing. He's so morally grey and to see that clash with Jon's annoyingly fierce sense of honor will be...delicious. The fact that he wields Dark Sister honestly put me in a coma, and I only awoke to type out this novel-length review (Do not attempt to contact me once you finish reading this for I will be falling back into my state of prolonged loss of consciousness).

Also do I have a major soft spot for him because he is eldest daughter coded? Do I love him because of how much he mirror Viserys -- the older siblings who remembers everything and has been left with nothing on the outskirts of the kingdom he was due to inherit? Answer is maybe.

In short; wow. Truly, Mint. You created a multiverse that puts Marvel to shame. I cherish each and every one of your characters, and can do nothing but thank you and remind you of how powerful you truly are. I still have people emailing me about your work -- and it takes all the power in the world to simply point them in your direction and not go on a 10 page rant about how much they're gonna love it.

All my love, your biggest fan,

Anonymousgothic

excuse me while I go scream cry and throw up, I love you for this so so so much, I can’t even articulate it (and I’m so sorry I can’t put it into such beautiful words how grateful I am for this cause I am deceased by how big my heart is for you, and for this). Thank you for picking out the smaller details and thank you for the love and support. Pls know u are adored (by me hehe)

- mint

[pondslime]

I've been absent from Tumblr for a couple of days and somehow my FYP is full of Sinclair thots??.?? Is this some national holiday?🥶🥶🥶🥶 I have so many that gnawl at my brain at night.

Imagine calling Bo Beauregard for the first time🤐🤐🤐 You're either trying to be serious and have a real conversation with him for the first time since settling in Ambrose (spoiler: this is impossible. He's misogynistic and a firm believer that there's nothing to talk about with girls🩷🩷🩷🩷 he gives off that TikTok vibe "Do girls even have hobbies?" Like bro, drinking bear and crying ain't a hobby either), or you're so exhausted with his neanderthal shenanigans that you just sigh "Beauregard...." while absolutely pissed off and annoyed.

I just KNOW mama Sinclair would call him Beauregard in that no-nonsense tone when he would rip a hole in his dress pants before church , he must have PTSD from hearing his own freaking name. He's so used to being just Bo, that the only times he even acknowledges his full name are when he's either being scolded by his parents or when he's arrested and sees it on the paperwork.

So yeah, long story short I doubt he'd be amused by anyone calling him Beauregard. RIP MC.

*bonus crack thought* I remember talking here with someone about how Fucking Funny™ would it be to call Bo Robert. I'm not a native English speaker and I honestly never heard of the name Beauregard before😭😭😭 I just assumed Bo is like Bob, which is Robert😂😂😂😂 I'd get smacked on the head with a wrench for trying to be cute and calling him Robert. End scene

omg jhdsjhfjd not the fyp being inundated w/my dumbassery 💀

I lowkey felt like I was spamming the dash last night. BUT idk what came over me, I've had a couple days off work and I'm in a chatty mood hjhdsjahjhsdjh like. I just wanna TALK about this goofy ass movie?? **note to all the poor souls that might be following me rn: pls feel free to block the tag "sinclair brainrot hours" if u would like to save urself from my shenanigans**

this ask is killin me dshjhdfsjhj DRINKING BEER AND CRYING AIN'T A HOBBY BOY

I'm unfortunately part of the Anti-Beauregard Sinclair Hater Nation. I am, after all, the graphic designer responsible for THIS abomination:

context for this can be found here, with poki's galactic big brain take

I also love this take on what his real actual name is 🐔🧊

I just CANNOT buy this guy as a beauregard hdjhdfjh I simply cannot

HOWEVER. I do this thing w/ppl I'm fond of where I'll lengthen their names in ridiculous ways. like just add in entire syllables and letters that just. wholly don't exist. and I could see one of two situations playing out w/bing bong

scenario one: u drop a "beauregard" out of the blue one day. maybe you're trying to be cute. maybe you're trying to piss him off. he looks over @ u. crinkles his brow and gives u the bitchest lil expression. u best be glad u make good pork chops, WOMAN. bc u can't even remember his NAME. who tf u think ur talkin to??? one of ur fancy shmancy city boys?? get outta here!! just grumblin' around the living room abt how if u want some prissy ass boy w/a genteel ass name like that, his brother's right downstairs grumble grumble mutter mutter

scenario two:

he's been slurpin up that good ambrose moonshine (some crazy ass shit that comes in a jug w/x's on it. u know the one. lester labeled it as "ambrosia" and walks around saying it's the "fruit of the gods" and slappin his knee. bo has no fuckin' idea what he's saying.) and despite his high tolerance, boy's a bit sloshed. so are u. u drunkenly crawl into his lap and call him beauregard. he thinks this is v heehaw funny. whatchu think I am girl?? some kinda royalty?? that pretty lil head of urs is all kindsa messed up!! figure I AM like a king here hehehehehe

both equally as annoying😔

[hyunverse]

omfg the duality of skz alone makes me insane but when it’s hyunjin it’s just 😩. bc he’s so sexy as is so when he acts all cute and shy it’s like BOOM whiplash !!! me too. like let me squish your face and smooch you but also like sit on your lap and bite your bottom lip 😋

i am SO excited for lollapalooza. they’re going to do so amazing and i’m so happy to see them get so much recognition lately. YESS HYUNLIX IS SO PARISSS and hyunlix w vocalracha combo is just so cute. i bet there was lots of giggles that day and that just makes my heart warm hehe. i wanna go on a museum date w hyunjin, then go take cute pics w felix, then eat bread w jeongin the bread king himself, and then go shopping w seungmo muahahaha. i have it all planned out. and you better come too 😠

hyune air thrusting will be BACK i swear on it. no more changbin popping is what’s gonna break me. need to see those hips in action ASAP !!!!!! and i want mischievous minho back pls and thank u

also unrelated but saw a clip from chans room of him scolding stays for like hating on jyp company and oh my god he wasn’t even being that serious or mad AND I WAS ACTUALLY GONNA CRY. i understand why they say he’s scary when he’s mad bc if he ever talked to me like that omfg i’d be sobbing 😭. i used to jokingly say he’s the type where you get him mad on purpose bc it would be hot to see his reaction but i have since changed my mind !!!!

kisses 4 u bc ur the light of my life and u belong in my pocket RN !!!

URE SO REAL LMAO I WUD DO ANYTHING FOR HYUNE... LEMME KISS THAT MAN DAWG... 🙏feel like he's the type of boyfriend who wouldn't mind kissing for hours. he just gives off that vibe hehe.

I KNOWWW THEY'RE GONNA BE PLAYING ALONG INTERNATIONAL ARTISTS!! LIKE THAT'S SO CRAZY. i will come with u bae 🫡 wud love to spend my day with bokseungah + hyune. it feels so fun and just, bff vibes yk?? talking abt bread mm im craving for toast. toast with scrambled eggs and cheese. yum yum. i love english breakfasts <3

hyune cannot go a single concert without thrusting the air. like mister sir this is a kfc drive thru. his hip swaying is so sexy doe... like that time when they were performing fam. hanji's reaction is me fr 🤌mmm changbin's poppin <333 HE LOOKS SO GOOD DOING IT LIKE SPARE US ALL SOME MERCY?? need 2 see minho smacking they asses even more bcs those clips always make my day 😭

YEAH OMG THAT VID IS SCARY LOL maybe im just sensitive towards harsh tones but i felt like i was personally getting scolded 😟 omg i feel like the member that would look hot when pissed is minho. and seungmin omg i feel like they'd get hot when angry. i think felix on the other hand just cusses LOL.

i whole-heartedly accept the kisses!! sending u smooches back hehe

[betweenthings2]

okay right. it is Fic Ask time 🙂‍↕🙂‍↕🙂‍↕ YAHOO greatest fears, wringing hands, loudest silence here i come. also sorry this is a little late !! if ur birthday was before i sent this then i hope u enjoyed and if its after then i also hope u enjoy !!! ☺️☺️

"I-" Matty chokes on a sob, "I'm gonna do it, George. I think I'm gonna do it."

never write another word again or i fear you may kill me. GOOD GOD. :( <- me atm

"I've heard it doesn't hurt--do you think that's true?" Matty asks. In the background, George can hear the sound of packaging being opened and George knows.

I FEEL SICK. no it is Not true matthew stop pls im gonna start sobbing. george knows :(((

"Sorry," Matty mumbles. "Sorry for botherin' you."

okay well 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i actually forgot how sad this is. i blocked it out the same way womens bodies supposedly do after pregnancy. i am going to SCREAM AND CRY

Matty is quiet for a moment, then he says, "Do you think it'll stain the grout? Will my mum be upset I ruined the tile, do you think?"

ohhhh the way hes more worried about how she'll react instead of worrying about himself:(( my chest hurts pls

"There's so much, G," Matty says, something like awe in his voice. "Do you think my mum will be upset?"

google how do i be normal. i genuinely might just sob. :(( i just can't get over how u managed to get that. like. the sort of innocence to it ??? like hes so out of it he cant understand it properly Ohhhhhh :(((

OH THE LETTER NO NO NO NO NO

You deserve something.

i am going to explode thank you

I don't think I'm meant to make it, G. It's ok, though. It's been good. You made it good, but I'm tired and I'm sad and everything hurts.

there are no words in the english language i could possibly use to describe how this hurt me

I know this is happening to you, not me, not really, not anymore.

YOUR DEATH IT WONT HAPPEN TO YOU IT HAPPENS TO YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR FRIENDS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i just absolutely cannot comprehend how you put so much sadness into this. im going to sob

And then George is ugly crying in the waiting room. It's big, heaving sobs and it's all he can do to get himself outside so he doesn't bother anyone. Dimly, he thinks that this is the worst day of his life, then immediately tells himself off for feeling sorry for himself when he doesn't even know if Matty is still alive and if he is, then he's somewhere alone and hurting and instead of being there for him, George is feeling sorry for himself.

i had to put my phone down after reading this paragraph and go and scream silently at my cat over it. this pain transcends species. :((((((((( the way uve gotten the idea that it just makes everyone feel shit and then they feel bad for feeling shit and just OHHHHH. ☹️☹️☹️

Regardless of the semantics, Matty looks peaceful. His arms are wrapped in gauze from wrist to elbow, there's an IV in the back of his left hand, and he connected to several other machines, but he looks peaceful, like he's getting long neglected rest.

i need this tattooed like you know how some people get ones that go around their arms all the way like a bracelet im gonna do that but ill do it somewhere that can fit this entire paragraph and im gonna show it to every single person i meet. what the fuck. peaceful ohhhhh what if i sob. ive also been seeing a lot of stuff about divine machinery or whatever it is and this made me think of that? just the image of him in a bed with wires all going to him . im going to explode

"I should say that to you," George counters. "You were going to make me listen to you die."

☹️ I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

"Why couldn't you just let me die?" Matty repeats. "'s not like I'm worth it. I'm not worth it, G. You'll be better without me. You'll all be better without me."

tears in my stupid gay real person fiction painted eyes. u cannot just WRITE THAT oh my GOD. ☹️☹️☹️ they will most definitely not be better without u matty pls :(

"You say that," Matty says, his voice thick, "but you don't mean it. You don't want me around when I can't get out of bed, or when I can't seem to stop talking, or when I loose things and double book myself and forget we had plans and give up on things 'cause they're not interesting anymore, or when I try to control everything, or when I fuck something else up, 'cause I will, or-"

my heart hurts. i just cannot deal with this. im going to be in a hospital bed in a minute Oh this is so :((((((

It takes a while, but eventually, George scrubs the blood from the tile, revealing the stains on the tile and grout. Kneeling there, slightly sweaty from the frenzied scrubbing and on the verge of tears, George remembers Matty's worries about the grout. Suddenly it's so ridiculous that George has to laugh and a bird's eye view of himself pops into his head and he has to laugh harder. When he dissolves into tears he'd tried so hard to fight, he starts scrubbing the floor again, but the stains are stuck, so he gives up. It's only when George is done in the bathroom and he goes to leave that he realizes that there are more boot prints through Matty's room and across the plush cream colored carpeting Denise had put in as soon as Louis wasn't a toddler anymore. George doesn't have it in him to clean that, too.

hey so did you know i actually cannot deal with this. i just cannot. the grrroooouuuuuttttttt :((((((

The third thing is that Matty is retrained.

:(

"Matty's not violent."

MATTYS NOT VIOLENT 😭😭😭 crying into my latte pls omfg. the way he sees him at his best even when its probably wrong IM GONNA CRY

"Still," Matty protests. "I didn't want you to see the mess I made."

my cat got in the way of me reading this and now she has my chin on her back and is 'reading' along with me. maybe i shouldve chosen something happier. character development. anyway i am Losing my fucking mind oh good god

Matty raises his eyebrows, saying, "Who knew that's what it took for you to start yelling?"

matty brings out the best and worst in him and its making me sick. OJ MYCGOD

I was gonna take pills, but it was right there and I've heard it doesn't hurt if you use something sharp enough, so I called you, and I wanted you to be the last person I talked to."

THIS IS NOT OKAY I AM NOT OKAY NOTHING IS OKAY NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY EVER AGAIN. :((((((( i cant even explain how this affects me

"I spent an hour and a half last night trying to bleach your blood from your bathroom tile," George continues, "and the only thing I see when I close my eyes is what it looked like when I got there and bloody fucking tracks across your mum's nice carpet and you, in a fucking casket, and all I can think is that everyone failed you and that I failed you, and I love you, Matty, and I know everything's kinda a mess in your head and I know it's not about me, but please, for just a minute, think about the people who love you."

i cant put into words what im feeling while reading this but just know this is what i look like

I CANNOT FUCKING DEAL

"I'm gonna fight for you," George says, a little softer. "Why can't you fight for you, too?"

"I don't have the energy to fight," Matty answers quietly.

"Will you let me?"

OH WHAT THE FUCK CAN WE STOP THIS. IM GOING TO SCREAM. u put So much. sad. into ur writing. and its so impressive. i am going to explode. will u let me THERES TEARS. STOP (do not)

George wants to yell at them, tell them that sedating Matty doesn't solve anything, that he's small enough that he's not a threat to anyone, that sedation is half of Matty's problem. George doesn't say anything, just watches.

SMALL ENOUGH TGAT HES NOR A THREAT RO ANYOEN STOP THIS MADNESS IMMEDIATELY. OH MY GOD 😭😭😭😭😭 i actually need to see a doctor im going insane

Sometimes, they all go together and it breaks George's heart to watch Matty trying so hard to be himself for his brother. At some point, Matty's stitches get removed, but the cuts are still red and angry and tender and Matty opts for long sleeves so no one sees them, himself included.

. tears in my eyes .

this is not okay

im going to die

"himself included" :((((( im unwell

"Did you, did they, at the hospital did you, uh-" Matty cuts himself off.

"Did they give me your note?" George fills in.

im feeling very normal about this. the most normal. oh my god. i feel like this emoji ☹️ i CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

"It broke my heart," George admits.

READING THIS IS BREAKING MINE ☹️ sob sob sob sob sob im going to explode

"You think my life is worth saving," Matty continues, slowly.

i genuinely might start sobbing. death and destruction and pain and OH MY GOOOODDDDDDDD 😭😭😭

George would want to wake up like this forever if Matty didn't look so vacant.

there used to be a heart in my chest but its since shrivelled up and DIED. this is for real going to kill me. pls im SAD ☹️ i love this so much

"Mostly that I really, really love you," Matty mumbles, sheepish. "And about what we talked about last night."

☹️ he loves george so much it makes me SICK. and u know what else makes me sick. how sad. this fic. is making me. but in a good way. im so obsessed im going to CRY

Matty gives a minute shake of his head and says, "I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna wake up and fucking brush my teeth and, and try so hard to do everything right and be enough and still fucking fail. I'm tired, George and the meds make it worse and everyone looks at me like I'm about to lose it and my mum keeps fucking apologizing and I've got these fucking scars that I'm gonna have forever and everyone will know how fucked up I am."

screaming crying throwing up im going to my library and telling them about you and making them tell everyone that comes in about you. this is terrible for my heart but so wonderful for every other part of me. my heart hurts. i love this so much

Matty shakes his head again. "You just look sad."

:((((((((( he just looks sad :(((((((((

"It's fucking hideous. And I did it to myself," Matty argues. "I cut myself. And then I tore the fucking stitches out. Who does something like that?"

im printing this and binding it or like sticking it to my walls and making it into a poster. oh my FUCKING GOD this is so sad and ohsjkwkdmdxkewkdkoeod i need to be SEDATED

Matty groans, ever the dramatic, but agrees, "Fine."

:'))) he still has parts of himself left :'))) he might be terrible mentally but he is Still Matty !!!

Years from now, when they're sitting in a house George has cleaned top to bottom, in a kitchen where the strongest thing is a single pack of ibuprofen and even the cooking wine has been thrown out in the wake of Matty's time in rehab, George will tell Matty of this victory. Matty will cry and apologize and cry some more, and George will hold him and try not to think about the scars, silvery and faded, on Matty's forearms.

I ACTUALLY CANNOT COPE WITH THIS. !??!??!?!??!?!??! how do you just Casually say the most...beautiful sentences...and act like its the same as any other. im in AWE of you. !!!!!!! so sad !!! so happy !!!!!! so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In one of the fights that will become more frequent in the coming months, Denise will yell at Matty about how much it cost to have the carpeting and bathroom tile replaced.

DENISE...BE NICE...STOP. im gonna die. oh my god pls no sTOP IT

"Am I," he pauses, "am I gonna be ok? I think I wanna be ok."

fighting demons to Not Cry atm. oh my god. i am. just. oh my god. :( he wants to be okay :(

Matty keeps wearing long sleeves and George can't help but be afraid that Matty break if he's not gentle enough.

never speak again or you Will kill me. oh my god. the way he loves him makes me die inside but in a happy way. do u get the vibe. i hope u get the vibe. i love this in a way that only Vibes can convey

This isn't Matty from before, but it isn't the Matty that wrote the suicide note George can't bring himself to throw out.

hi what the fuck. this is gorgeous and i need it engraved in marble under like. a carving of you or something. oh my FUCKING GOD i swear im putting this somewhere idk where but its going SOMEWHERE

They're sharing a joint and hiding out in Matty's bedroom when he speaks up.

i know its sad and all but this is making me so soft. like. its so intimate i just love it so much :((( sharing a joint even when theyre meant to go on some huge tour ohhhhhh my HEART HURTS. also the image of teeny tiny mini matty being so sad ??????? stop ??????? pls i didnt realise he was meant to be that young im :(((((

this is the most wonderful thing ive ever read and it genuinely should be shown to everybody who even knows what suicide is or something. just everybody. i love it so much and u HAVE to know how amazing it is like omg. i also just realised i didnt give it kudos the first time ?? past me was a little freak. i did like it though i remember that, i think i was just shy, anyway, its amazing and u have to know that. ok. enjoy the rest of ur birthday month and think lots about sad matty i love u u are the best

Fic thoughts!! Thank you so much! My actual birthday was unexciting--I just went to class--but I'm seeing Charli xcx soon and it's still birthday season, so I think that counts for something =)

Anyway, fic time!

Poor fictional!Matty--he's so desperate and scared--and poor fictional!George, hearing him like that =(

George knows!!! !!!! He knows but he doesn't want to know but he can't make himself not know!! They are so very, very tragic.

Fictional!Matty thinks he's a bother!!! He just wants a little bit of comfort in the end from fictional!George, but he still just thinks he's a bother.

He's still so sure he's a bother and the problem =(( Fictional!Matty is just trying to stop being the problem and here he is, certain he's causing another one.

(If I knew how to be normal I would tell you, unfortunately, this fic came from my little head, so normal is kind of out of the question.) However. Fictional!Matty is mostly impressed that he managed to do it and impressed that all of the blood was inside him. He's lost too much blood to be logical about anything, but he's impressed with himself.

The letter!! Fun fact, the letter was almost not a part of this fic because I didn't know how to write it.

Fictional!George does deserve something! He deserves everything, fictional!Matty just doesn't know how to give it.

Hurt was the goal, if I'm being honest. Sorry. I'm glad it worked, but sorry.

I will admit, "I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)" was very much the foundation of the letter. Fictional!Matty knows he's not the one it's happening to, but he just doesn't know what else to do.

Poor, poor fictional!George =( =( He's so in love and he thinks he might have just lost the person he loves and it really is the worst day of his life, but what about fictional!Matty? What's happening to him? This is probably the worst day of his life, too. (I hope you and your cat have recovered. My goal was never to upset anyone's pets.)

Poor, poor fictional!George that this is how fictional!Matty looks peaceful. And the divine machine is such a good concept!! I'll be thinking about that for the foreseeable future =) and oh my god, tattoo my writing on you? That's too much of a compliment. I don't know what to do.

I think this fic could boil down to poor fictional!George. He was going to have to listen to fictional!Matty die!! They're so sad.

It could also boil down to poor fictional!Matty, too. He's so convinced everyone would be better without him and fictional!George doesn't know what to do about it =(

Fictional!Matty hates himself so much and he absolutely cannot reconcile the fact that fictional!George loves him so much. He can't help but think fictional!George is blind.

The grout!!! There's a piece of writing advice floating around out there that essentially amounts to the bigger and more dramatic the thing you're writing about, the smaller the thing you focus on should be as a demonstration of how big that thing is. Suicide and self-loathing are massive things to tackle, the grout is a near microscopic demonstration.

Love that my typo on restrained is committed to memory now. Anyway, fictional!Matty is restrained! He's a danger to himself!!!

The only person fictional!Matty has any kind of violence for is himself!!

I hope your cat is doing ok =/ Tragedy can be build character, maybe. I am of the opinion that tragedy is good for us, actually.

Fictional!M+G are the best and the worst of each other, I would argue. They have, in this fic, loved each other nearly as long as they've been real people. Of course they bring out the best and worst in each other. That's what they are.

Fictional!Matty is so, so certain he's been horribly selfish, but fictional!George is so ridiculously grateful he was able to save his life. Fictional!Matty is also terminally curious, so of course he'd want to know if it really hurt. (He hoped it wouldn't--he doesn't handle pain well--but it did.)

I would tell you what I looked like writing this, but I cannot remember what I was thinking when I wrote this, but again, poor, poor fictional!George. He's angry, but he's pretty sure he doesn't have the right to be, but god, he is.

I will never stop writing angst. Of all the things I'm actively working on (so many, so, so many), there are about three that aren't angsty, two of which are smut. So. There will be so much more angst.

Fictional!Matty is little tiny! The orderly could just put fictional!Matty over his shoulder and carry him out but he doesn't!! Ahhhh

Fictional!Matty still hates himself, hates what he's done to himself. Fictional!George wouldn't tell him, but he hates seeing the scars, too, so he's not going to complain about the long sleeves, just grieve everything that's happened.

The letter! Originally, they were just going to have a conversation about it here, but then I actually wrote it, so they're just sad here.

Fictional!George probably needs therapy after this--he's so sad, endlessly sad, but at least fictional!Matty is alive.

Fictional!Matty is there, but he's not really there, but at least he's sort of there =(

Fictional!Matty loves fictional!George so much!! He just might hate himself more.

Tell everyone in the library about my sad fics?!?! I am very touched, but that might be too much--I'm just some guy. But, hopefully my next fic hurts less.

They're just sad!!!!

Poor fictional!Matty is angry now, too. He hates what he's done to himself and literally all he can do is live with it. =(

He's still himself! That's what makes it worse for fictional!George--it would be easier if fictional!Matty was just. absent, but he's not and it's heartbreaking.

They will ever, ever escape this. They will live under the shadow of this one thing forever because fictional!Matty will literally bear the scars forever.

Fictional!Denise doesn't know what to do with this either!! Fictional!Matty just fights with her in a way that he doesn't with fictional!George. In his defense, living with your parents in your early twenties is a little bit rough sometimes.

Fictional!Matty wants to try, he just doesn't know how!!

I do get the vibe!! It's a good vibe!!

I do not know what the fuck, I'm sorry. I do know that fictional!George will never throw the letter away. Fictional!Matty will find it at some point, ten or fifteen years down the line, and he'll read it and cry, and then fictional!George will find him and then they'll cry together.

They're so young!! They're too young for this, too young to figure out how to cope with this, but they have to. They have to and maybe that's biggest tragedy of it all!

Here's a fun fact that's maybe not very fun--this fic was originally going to titled "Call Your Mom," because that's the song that inspired it, but it didn't seem quite right when I finished it.

Thank you so much for reading and your thoughts and all the compliments!! I'm so touched and I promise I'm actively working on the fictional!George in a skirt fic.

[madstronaut]

I have updated this comment because I have been ramble-typing in my notes about how it literally arrested me and threw me in angstyhorny jail (bonk) and also I want to add it to my faficorantlist

BE WARNED, ABANDON COMFORT ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE (angst fic lovers, flocketh yonder), lol I told greeny going back to point out my favorite parts was akin to ripping open stitches, and also putting myself back into my unreliable narrator mode this fic had me recalling from when I was screaming on a similar emotional rollercoaster several years ago...

how do you even describe the weird mishmash of experiencing an immediate crush AND heartbreak and then the fucking theater of having to hide/pretend while having the two clashing feelings roil in your stomach like vomit??

"You laugh and slap her arm playfully as you leave the room. You’re an expert at that now" YEP THIS IS HOW humor can be such a mask sometimes

"On the off chance Soap arrived when you were coming out of the shower, he only ever looked at your eyes and quickly got out of your way." the absolute dissonance when the heart and mind war with each other...one pointing out hey this is why they appeal to us but also the other realizing simultaneously this is why we will never appeal to them PARADOX THY NAME IS READER (and 2018 me) 🥹

all the little bits about soaking up crumbs of attention while watching the flatmate feast - and seeing soap act so friendly with reader because they love them through the friend and feel safe with them - shredding my pillow, sheets, all the linens in my apt in angst for reader </3 </3 </3

"You put the chocolate in a drawer because you didn’t want to get used to tastes you couldn’t indulge in."

"He smiles, you smile. He leaves, you remain."

reader going outside to talk directly with price, the convo opening with "It was cold outside, bitterly cold."

"You knew better than to beg, to make compromises, to ask for a chance. Nothing would convince him. Maybe another woman could. But not me. So you turned to humour because it was safer than being vulnerable."

With wet eyes and a wobbly voice that you couldn’t hide, you say “so you think I’m pretty?” 🥹🥹🥹🥹 reader pls let me give u hugs, pep talks, set u up with someone-

He hits you with a look that you’ll never forget.

RAGGGGGHHHH THESE QUOTESSS I NEED A FUCKIN MEDIC

“In another life-“ he quietly began.

You cut him off, agreeing, “in another life.”

me, everytime I see fic title pop its head up in the story 😂😂

also me, consoling myself while consuming angst: there IS another life, and that is the fan-fucking-tastic universe of fanfiction, bless ye, fanfic writers, bless ye

You wish you could be in someone’s inner circle, but instead you were grateful you could float around theirs. once again crying for reader and also who has not felt this before?? picturing my emo highschool self, listening to linkin park while commuting on my sony discman, pre-finding my people in college. if I could i would go back and let madstroteen know it's gonna be okay (I wouldn't actually do so, of course, because rules of time travel duh)

"your flatmate shouted at the top of her lungs “you and the Captain huh?! Practically undressing each other with your eyes!”

“You never told me what happened with you both that night.” She asks, brows knitted in concern for you while her heart was shattered.

also god the angst is so palpably good like i can chew on it because both flatmate and soap, individually and together, are so well fleshed-out and are good friends - and a great couple - WHICH OFC ONLY ADDS TO TEH FUCKING ANGST AND DRAMA OF IT ALL

‘What cannot be said will be wept’ - truer words have never been spoken, when reader starts to sob right afterwards under the guise of "soap was so good to flatmate" like ugh the heartbreak but also the relief of finally being able to let out her feelings, even if its veiled - UGGHHHHH yes let it outttt

reader overhearing the wild monkey sex and yearning/getting off only to end in wallowing...my GOD reminded me of the total ouroboros of despair of 'need to get rid of feelings so I can heal and get new feelings for someone else and move on - but fuck i can't look at all these feelings currently taking up space - oh whats that are they growing FUCK - i need to get rid of...'

good news tho, friends - IRL this cycle can and will be broken, the power of Christ compels you- no but really sometimes it takes some painfully slow and steady exorcism-level intervention by yourself+community to do so

--------------------------------------------

This fic fucking destroyed me in the best way

i haven’t been in this exact situation (thank FUCK i think my innate love and loyalty for close friends would physically/spiritually/chemically/legally/emotionally not allow my mind and heart to even entertain the thought…so far, and hopefully forever) but I have definitely found myself with feelings for unavailable people (i am absolutely religious about respecting/keeping certain boundaries IRL but…sometimes with just the right and random cocktail of circumstances, situations and interactions, feelings just fucking bloom) and coming to terms with that with myself and ruthlessly working to destroy those feelings (while also feeling like I couldn’t confide in anyone/talk about it openly out of shame) was fucking brutal in every sense of the word

looking at you 2018-2019 situationship where I heard [redacted]’s voice before I saw him and fell hard at first sight hearing; discovered later he was Not A Good Idea™️🙃 after he came on way too strong and raised all the yellow-reddish flags, but maintained what turned into a close friendship (that everyone else thought was more than) to see where it went organically but because our heartspace/heartpaces were different had to watch him fall in love with someone else that people said was a clone of me… maybe this fic was closer to home that i thought 😭

i avoided certain songs foods fuck even places and movies for the longest time because i had to take time to untangle it emotionally from the other and heal from the scars of ripping it away from myself…BUT IT IS POSSIBLE DEAR READER 🫂🫂🫂 (i will give reader a happy ending in the multiverse of my mind lol)

I would like to give both reader and evergreeny a huge-ass hug and a long uninterrupted walk together through the cherry blossom colonnades/around the reservoir in central park in springtime to pep talk and decompress and process 🌿🫂💚🌸

------------------------------------------------------------

so that lil bit between the lines was my original comment but then ofc the beauty of fandom and tumblr is the interactions and community and had to add some thoughts after the ever lovely @evergreenfields reached out and messaged me and basically was like i love that my fic killed you but ALSO ARE YOU OKAY lol

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way but as I told greeny, In Another Life holds a special position in my mind palace halls with a couple of stories/movies that I have vowed 'Once Was Enough, Never Reading/Watching Again' because of how heartrending/devastating it was, how it will haunt me for awhile, and because it helped to purge some incredibly strong feelings in a surprisingly healing and draining (good) way - truly, a cathartic work of art

(I re-read it again tho just for you greeny 💚)

I love happy endings but i am just as much a sucker for standalone powerful tragic stories when told right (and FUCK WAS THIS DONE WELL) because as the late, the great Tony Stark once said, "a part of the journey is the end" and also cos hindsight is 20/20 (are these quotes corny? yes. do I love them? yes.)

One of the reasons this story hit me so much in the feels for me is that I was reminded not just of IRL heartbreak and defeat, but IRL healing and victory afterwards - slowly, surely, to a degree that really eclipsed the heartbreak in a really spontaneous, beautiful, unexpected, and eucatastrophic way (shoutout to my IRL beloveds) - the wisdom and perspective I have now, I would not have earned without having gone through what I went through - truly, something money cannot buy. Healing is possible and can happen even long after wounds have scarred over <3 (also tbh the alchemical powers of writing/fanfic when an author's work meets the reader and the various lifelens by which they absorb the fic - the result just creates emotional IRL magic and fireworks basically)

I will end my rambles with two quotes this fic reminded me of:

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.” - Ernest Hemingway

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis

(yes the narnia dude, I fucking love narnia sue me ok)

In Another Life

Hurt, no comfort, angst, I’m ready to break my own heart.

Your flatmate is dating Soap and he’s everything you want.

Pairing: Soap x your female flatmate, one sided female reader x Soap, Captain Price x reader.

CW: MDNI! low self esteem, character death (spoiler, not explicit), catcalling, voyeurism, masturbation, PIV sex.

A/n: I hella projected lol. Reader is broken.

——

Soap is dating your flatmate.

Most men that your flatmate brought home were wet wipes, but this guy was some kind of special forces. His eyes were electric blue and he had the thickest eyelashes, he went by Johnny but he also went by Soap, you never learned why. You had to mentally pinch yourself while staring at him, he was everything you wanted in a partner. You hated the creamy mess in your underwear when you were in his company.

He was muscled and shaped like an upside down triangle, you had to look away when he would pop out from their room in the night. Muttering “sorry ‘scuse me” as you squeeze past the narrow corridor, ignoring the rumble of his “no no, I’m taking up all the room, lass.”

You caught his thighs and bulge in his compression shorts when he left for a run in the morning. Later, your flatmate traipsed into the kitchen muttering “I can hardly walk after last night, let alone run!”

You laugh and slap her arm playfully as you leave the room. You’re an expert at that now. That’s not to say you were never happy for her, but your phone was currently not blowing up with your latest dating app matches.

——

On the off chance Soap arrived when you were coming out of the shower, he only ever looked at your eyes and quickly got out of your way. He only had eyes for your flatmate. You got to your room and stood in front of the mirror and wondered what your flatmate and other women had that you didn’t.

——

Soap was full of energy, ready for a laugh but very protective. You would listen from your room when he dropped her off late at night after a raucous night out on the town.

“Call me tomorrow, alright?” His voice is muffled.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just call me when you wake up. You look like you need a lie in tomorrow. I’ll bring you breakfast.”

Tomorrow morning comes and Soap is early with a bag of food from a brunch spot nearby, he even brought you a coffee too. You thank him too much, maybe it wasn’t the coffee you were thanking him for.

——

Your flatmate and Soap came home late one night absolutely drunk out of their minds, they wobbled through the front door trying to dance to a song playing on his phone. They see you and it’s like they have heart eyes.

“Y/n, it’s y/n, THE GOAT!” Your roommate yells.

“The GOAT!” Soap hollers.

They both flop into the sofa either side of you. They’re too drunk to notice your teary eyes. You pushed the soggy tissue into your sleeve.

A dance tune starts up and before you can even recognise it, Soap bounces up with hands held out towards you both.

Your roommate grabs one hand.

You’re next.

You take Soap’s hand and you arc off the sofa, he’s strong.

You’re pressed up against his side. He’s hard, large and warm, you try not to enjoy the bodily contact as you all boogie to the song. You start to smile until you remember he isn’t yours.

——

“It’s only 2 days but I’m so excited,” she talks about her friend’s wedding in the south of France, “I’m wearing this dress” she flicks through her phone gallery “and Johnny is going to wear a kilt!” Muscled calves, big smile and rugged hands clasped at his front, Johnny looked like a million bucks.

“I love it, you’ll match!” You managed to squeeze out. You imagine the memories they’ll make and photos they’ll take. That night you have a 2nd date, you are excited by the fact he has asked you out again. It filled you with something resembling happiness.

You are meant to meet at a station out of town but you couldn’t find him at the small station and the path towards the car park was unlit and dodgy. When your date found you, he was annoyed that he had to pay for parking. He kept throwing red flags at you.

But still you slept with him because you wanted to feel touched and desired. You regretted it and then you had to take the train home later that night because he “had an early start to work tomorrow.” You wrapped your jacket around yourself to keep out some of the cold, trying not to be annoyed that he didn’t even attempt to make you orgasm or show any aftercare. You delete his number from your phone.

Later that weekend, the duo arrived home.

“We bought you back some chocolate!” Your flatmate says, Johnny swings his bag off his back, he passes it to you with 2 hands like it's a bar of gold. It could have been, with the way you looked at it.

“Aww guys you didn’t have to.” Your mouth is dry.

“Johnny found it, I didn’t know you were a sea salt and caramel fan!”

You put the chocolate in a drawer because you didn’t want to get used to tastes you couldn’t indulge in.

——

“He’s a prick, forget about him.” Your flatmate says pointedly about a new guy you were dating.

“Oi who’s a prick?” Soap walks into the kitchen, taking your flatmate’s waist in his hand.

“No one-” you turn away.

“A fuck boy that y/n isn’t seeing any more.” Your flat mate sounds proud by what wasn’t her decision.

“He isn’t a fuck boy.” You know you’ll regret clarifying the point, “we didn’t fuck, so he’s not. He’s just a prick.” You and the conversation. Soap whistles.

Later that night when you’re washing the dishes, Soap approaches you.

“Listen, forget about that guy,” he says low, you’d follow that voice anywhere.

“Thanks.” You squeak quietly.

“You will find what you're looking for, keep pushing and you’ll look back on this shite with a smile, maybe a misty eye, ey?” He bends forward to catch your eyes as you were trying to avoid them.

He smiles, you smile. He leaves, you remain.

The suds disappear and you turn off the tap, left in silence.

That night, they have muted sex, you hear their attempts at muffling moans and stifling strained grunts. You hear the bed frame squeak on the last hardest thrusts, then silence for a while. You imagine they feel warm, tingly and flushed, chests heaving. Eventually you hear footsteps come and go from the bathroom, the toilet flush going and the door shuts again. You wait for your heart rate to stabilise and your heart ache to subside.

——

“We’re going to the pub, wanna join us? Johnny’s friends are going to be there.” Your flatmate asks you.

You wonder if they’re as hot, funny and protective. You tell yourself you’re just going along for a chat, but part of you hopes it leads to something more; you put the hopeless in hopeless romantic. Put yourself out there, that’s what everyone says.

You wear a nice outfit that makes you feel pretty, your confidence isn’t abundant but you’re feeling yourself.

You arrive at the pub, you meet them, you chat, you drink, you leave.

Nothing about the evening was bad, his team were really nice, all huge and charming in their own ways. Their Captain was a greyhound with an intense gaze that seemed to follow you. Gaz’s girlfriend arrived and you thought you heard some rumblings about Ghost being pushed to date.

The Captain was receptive to you, leaning in to listen, you thought you saw him glance at your lips and legs. He helped you off the tall stool you were sitting on, taking you by your waist to help you down. You know not to push, men hated when women pushed. Well, they hated when you pushed. And you didn’t want to make anything awkward between you and your flatmate. So you left without asking for his phone number or a date, but he hugged you tightly and held your gaze for longer than you thought usual.

When all three of you got home, your flatmate shouted at the top of her lungs “you and the Captain huh?! Practically undressing each other with your eyes!” You laugh and immediately feel your ears going red. You were stoked that someone else noticed because you thought it was all in your head, as it usually was.

You didn’t notice Soap put a hand out to stop her.

“Babe. Babe-” he says “don’t go there.”

Your heart tightens. Your flatmate puts her hands on her hips, confused and a little offended as if to say ‘I know what I saw.’

“It ain’t like that, the Captain is… Price is… Look, he’s married to the job.” Brows knitted, the jovial spirit replaced with seriousness, “we don’t sit around and talk about it but he ain’t the type to mess around.”

You play it off “we were just talking, it’s not a big deal.”

It hurts when Soap says “good, because he’s a lifer.”

You close the door to your bedroom and mull Soap’s words in your tormented mind. The fuzziness you felt replaced by emptiness.

Part of you willed it to be wrong, that you were the woman to pull the Captain out of his self fulfilling and self imposed prophecy. You almost laughed at your audacity.

“I can’t even get a text back, why would he be interested?” You stare at the ceiling, the alcohol left your system and the room was uncomfortably still.

——

“You like tha’, lass?” you hear Soap rasp, you’re not sure if he’s taking her from behind or if he’s on top of her. The faint slaps, skin on skin, indicate it’s either doggy or the standing position your flatmate had once whispered about. The loud moans indicate it’s good.

You don’t breathe. You just listen.

“Oh god, Johnny please!” Your flatmate whines, the force of his thrusts evident in her stuttering voice.

You close your eyes and see yourself with Soap under you, knees folded under his bulging arms, hips pistoning into you with ferocious need. You argue with yourself but then you quickly surrender and slip your hand into your knickers. You draw tight circles on your clit while your eyes burn with tears unfallen. Undiluted shame and need fills you. You breathe sharply through your nose and then hold your breath, staying as quiet as possible. Both of your hearts raced, thumping against your ribs.

“Tha’s it,” you hear his muffled voice grunt. You imagine his massive hand grasping your breast, your hand follows. Their bed frame groans but yours is silent. Your flatmate’s voice gets higher in pitch and she comes loudly, he grunts, swears, the mattress squeaks. You push two fingers into yourself and quickly find your spongy spot, electricity rolls through you.

You come undone shakily and silently, tears springing immediately from your eyes as you ride the wave of your orgasm. Your hand clasps across your mouth as you try to stem the noise of your sobs. You feel disgusted and disgusting. You wipe your eyes with your sleeves. You check your phone, no text from him. You manage to fall into a restless sleep.

——

One night, you and your flatmate encountered an asshole at the station.

“Nice bit of skirt, that.” He leers at your flatmate.

“Fuck off, you prick!” You shout back without breaking stride, not caring he was bigger than you. This confidence was new to you. Or was it anger?

When you arrived at the music venue, your flatmate told Soap what happened, you couldn’t hear them as the music was loud and you were at the bar. You could see the look of concern and regret on his face. He stormed over to you and he pulled you into a bear hug.

“Thanks for taking care of her,” he says to your temple. He releases you but keeps his arm around your shoulder as you wait at the bar, his weight is comforting and protective. He then helps you carry the drinks over.

He adds “I’m sorry Gaz and Cap couldn’t make it, paperwork.” You’d heard that one before but this time you gave yourself the benefit of believing it.

During the gig was a slow acoustic song that hit a little too close to home so you snuck out to the toilet to wait it out.

But you could still hear the music as you leaned against the stall and picked at your nails, doing breathing exercises you’d read about, through your tears.

——

You began to feel like the only man in your life. You even treated yourself to a massage because the touch deprivation reached a fever pitch.

You scroll through the website trying to find an available masseuse. Their headshots were small but you were on the lookout for a man with a thick neck and prominent traps, you knew the silhouette you were looking for. Your masseuse didn’t have a Mohawk but he was close enough that when you closed your eyes, his hands, his pressure and weight became Johnny’s.

——

You were invited again to a party with the squad, moods were good but there were hints of them being away for an extended mission. While you heeded what Soap said about Price, you wanted to know it from the horse's mouth. You bantered with the Captain, and he bantered back, at first. It turned to flirting and you playfully slapped his bicep, joking that you could drink him under the table, knowing well enough that you couldn’t. You ignored the looks from Gaz and Ghost - it’s like they knew something you didn’t. And they did.

You found yourself outside with Price. He’d asked only you to come outside, you felt giddy at the prospect of him wanting to be alone with you. He was smoking a cigar, you stared at the lit end, hoping it revealed some kind of secret you could finally be privy to.

It was cold outside, bitterly cold.

“You’re a lovely girl, y/n, you’re, smart, pretty, ballsy,” he says, almost to himself. You’re immediately familiar with the tone. What came next would hurt. Your breathing quickens and there’s a pit in your stomach.

“I’m not in a place where I can give you what you want, what you deserve, darlin’.”

The alcohol seemed to dissipate from your system. Rejection was one hell of a way to sober up. You look down at your shoes and chew your lip to stop it from trembling.

You knew better than to beg, to make compromises, to ask for a chance. Nothing would convince him. Maybe another woman could. But not me. So you turned to humour because it was safer than being vulnerable.

With wet eyes and a wobbly voice that you couldn’t hide, you say “so you think I’m pretty?”

He hits you with a look that you’ll never forget.

“In another life-“ he quietly began.

You cut him off, agreeing, “in another life.”

You both went indoors and you summoned a smile from the deepest recesses of your being. You left early that night.

——

It was with bated breath that you left your room ready for your date. You were in a beautiful outfit that did wonders for your confidence. You spun around a few times in the mirror.

Johnny was at the foot of the stairs and he looked at you with his big blue eyes, you’re sure you saw his pupils grow. Your phone buzzed but you ignored it because you enjoyed being under his gaze.

“Look at you! He’s a lucky lad!”

“Wait, let me see!” Your flatmate's voice came from the kitchen.

Your phone buzzed again. You pull it out to see a stream of texts from your date.

“Oh you look gorgeous, girl!” You barely hear your flatmate. Blood rushes to your ears.

You read out the text message.

“Sorry can’t make it, hungover lol.” You sound distant, as if it wasn’t related to you.

“Fucking prick.” Soap says with no hesitation.

“Y/n…. Babe.” Your flatmate pulls you into a hug but you’re limp and embarrassed.

“Fuck it, I’m going out anyway!” You exclaim, pretending to be okay you practically rush out of the door.

The door shuts behind you. You want to cry but you squeeze your eyes shut and start to walk towards the station. You don’t last long, your vision is wet and nose runny. You end up at a riverside cafe, watching the world go by without you. What a shitty year, you tell yourself.

——

You hear a hushed conversation a week before Soap is due to leave for a few weeks. You kept your headphones on and nodded at them when you walked past, giving them privacy.

You wish you could be in someone’s inner circle, but instead you were grateful you could float around theirs. You put a mental reminder in to take your flatmate to dinner while Soap was away and to keep her from watching the news.

——

“Turn it down!” You yell at your flatmate while you go to answer the door, the radio is on blast while you both cook.

Through the peephole you see the unmistakable beard of Captain Price.

“Oh John, hi!” You can’t hide that you’re happy to see him. But then you notice his grave expression.

“Hi love, sorry to come by unannounced,” he’s standing straighter and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Is your flatmate around?”

“Yeh, come in.” Your stomach drops. You didn’t need to call out, your flatmate is already by the door.

“No,” she recognises the look.

“I’m so sorry, love.” Price says quietly.

“Oh god no!” She cries out and sobs, her entire body shakes.

You put your arms around her but your eyes are on Price, wet and unflinching, waiting for the confirmation of the news.

His blue eyes are overcast and tired, he nods and looks down.

“We’ll have to take you onto base if you wish to go through matters,” Price says quietly. You helped your flatmate get her coat on, understanding that you couldn’t go with her.

Price dropped her home later that night, you plated up some food for her but she couldn’t eat. You hugged each other on the sofa until one of you fell asleep first.

It felt like Soap would be bursting through the door with his infectious energy at any moment, but the silence was deafening.

——

You weren’t invited to the funeral as it was behind closed doors. You didn’t know what to do with yourself, you went from crying to intense panic attacks to bouts of guilt. You missed him, you missed his presence. You thought about the way his eyes would light up when you suggested shots at the pub, how he’d walked you both home and how safe you felt. Sure he wasn’t holding your hand but for a moment, you felt wanted, taken care of and significant. You felt terrible for mourning someone else’s partner so deeply and intimately.

Price came by a few times in the next few months, sometimes you were home, sometimes you weren’t. When your flatmate finally came out of her room, her eyes red and complexion weak, she would walk around the house like an apparition.

“I can’t do this without him!” She would plead, “I miss him so much.” You rubbed her back, silently wiping your tears, telling her you were sorry, over and over.

“John came by today, he sends his best.” She says.

“Bless him,” you say quietly, trying not to read too much into it, because all the meaning you longed for wouldn’t come.

“You never told me what happened with you both that night.” She asks, brows knitted in concern for you while her heart was shattered.

“Soap was right about him.” You said, “and that’s okay.” You breathed, hoping the more you said it the more you would believe it.

——

‘What cannot be said will be wept’ you read the quote over and over, you’d seen it online and it immediately brought Price into your mind.

His visits became less frequent, but he came by again to check in with your flatmate. He looked like he was carrying the world on his shoulders and you wanted nothing more than to pull him into an embrace and comfort him.

“Come in, she just got in the shower, want a tea while you wait?”

It had been 6 months since the news.

“How are you holding up?” Price asked.

“M’okay, trying to be there for her as best I can.”

“I know it isn’t easy for you either.” He said, “you’re doing good by her, you’re a good friend.”

Guilt and shame rushes through your system, you didn’t feel like a good friend.

“He was so good to her-” you start to sob, hands across your mouth, willing it to stay inside so you never have to confront how you really felt about him.

You’re surprised to be suddenly in his embrace. John consumes you, you’re completely surrounded by him. You grip his jacket, afraid to let go. His right hand rubbed your shoulder blades and his left hand held onto your waist tightly.

“I’m sorry love,” he whispered, “and I’m sorry I wasn’t good to you.”

“You don’t have to apologise for anything John, you haven’t done anything wrong.” You sounded throaty.

“I made you believe in something I couldn’t give you.” His voice is quiet, you feel it against his chest.

“In another life,” you manage to sob his phrase back to him, he can feel you inhaling hard, trying to catch your breath.

“Another life.” He says back, kissing your head.

“Take care of yourself, John” you say with a ragged voice looking straight into his eyes. You grab your bag and push past him out of the door. You can still see his sad eyes in your mind.

Immediately you regret leaving while he was still available and present. But then you think if he wanted to say more he’d have done so. Life is choices, he made his choice. And I wasn’t one of them. Your legs take you away from him, into the bitter cold.

[finneysbaseball]

headcanons of being on your period and how i think the ghost boys would react

(im on my period rn so this might be self projecting)

literally supposed to be cleaning cus I'm getting a new bed today but like

finney blake

now ik this boy would be so sweet

but so clueless

he had a mom but she didn't teach him anything about this stuff

he did research about it because gwen has her period

and he does the best he can

now he will get you pads, but he'd probably have gwen actually buy them.

he would rub your stomach if you asked

he'd let you cry on his shoulder if your pains get too bad (me rn bro)

he would be so scared of u

like you're mood swings

he'd be hiding from u bro

thats it's for my lil anxiety filled boy

robin arellano

ok for robin

he'd be so nice about it

like if u bleed on his bed? its ok! he'll get new sheets it wasn't your fault

he would def get u pads

he dont gaf whos looking

he'd be like "tf u looking at🤨" if someone even questions him

he'd lay with u in bed all day<3

and he'd lend u his jacket if u bled thru your pants

and if someone sees the leak and says someone about it?

oh god just pray for them

bruce yamada

IM LITERALLY GONNA AHHHH

this man would be sooo nice about it

likeee

he'd def go out of his way to get you everything you need

a new heating pad? done.

candy? snacks? drinks? also done.

pads? tampons? already had some in his personal bathroom for you.

wanna cuddle all day doing nothing?

UH YES

if someone said something ab you being moody he'd cuss them out

like this boy is nice

like even nice to ppl he doesn't like.

but if someone is being mean to you?

he is not taking that bro

also he'd be so nice ab your mood swings

vance hopper

ok first things first.

i hc that he has only sisters.

no boys just all girls and then him

maybe ab like 4 sisters yk

and he is absolutely a mamas boy

u cannot tell me other wise

and since he has 4 sisters he knows alot about this stuff.

know, i dont particularly think he would go out to get u pads unless he absolutely has too

and since he has 4 sisters who all have their periods (expect his youngest sister who is 6)

they would be stocked up on feminine hygiene

and his sisters would LOVEE YOUUU

you'd cuddle in his room

ok so mood swings

yk he has a temper so you would be arguing bro

his sisters would be like "🍿🍿"

while you 2 we're arguing

yk i think it would be bickering

not like "oh i hate u arguing"

like old married couple arguing

billy showalter

now i don't know much about him so pls bear with me

he wouldn't be over nervous but he wouldn't be that calm either?

you and him would go to the store and get all that you needed, his mom took you both

know imo i think he'd be just a tad embarrassed to be seen getting pads?

idk

he'd still be sweet about it

he'd make you any kind of food (well his mom but yk he poured your drink give him cred)

and then you'd both go into his room and cuddle while he read a book to you:)

ok thats it my lovelys i hope u enjoyed!

also feel free to send me headcanon requests i love making these when i have time!