#yeah i made myself upset making it
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finiteuniverse13 Ā· 12 days ago
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if i get too close
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and i'm not how you hoped
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forgive my northern attitude
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oh, i was raised out in the cold
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the cousin to "hozier makes me feel feelings about sas:rh";
noah kahan inspired me to make sad sas:rh posts part 1
hozier part 1 part 2 part 3
noah kahan part 2
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lazylittledragon Ā· 2 years ago
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i'm going to scream i got accused of being a transmisogynist by someone on twitter because of this specific part of my t4t steddie art
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mcsiggy Ā· 7 months ago
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if im honest, im trying very hard to not publicly be upset about how the internet censorship has ruined so much for me and every other adult creator's income out there where i feel like the moment i cant post nsfw on patreon, i feel like that's it for me. i don't have anything else outside of what i do now and i'm just, tired.
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swinging-stars-from-satellites Ā· 5 months ago
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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions Ā· 7 months ago
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like on the one hand language matters and i too sometimes find slang trends annoying and/or concerning and on the other hand sometimes women do actually make jokes and talk shit on the internet with their friends and it is not actually that deep and commentary on phenomena gets to a weird point where iā€™m like i donā€™t know how ā€œthese idiot losers on the internet using a two to four word phrase they will have moved on from in a year are basically the primary cause of patriarchal oppressionā€ is the feminist take. like sometimes i start to think the plot has been lost.
#girl dinner sort of radicalized me on this#but i recently saw (canā€™t remember where) a really impassioned and genuinely angry and upset deep reading of ā€˜iā€™m just a girlā€™#which more than anything made me think of the anti taylor swift redditors who think itā€™s super weird when swifties call her mother#bc theyā€™re online but in that particular reddit way where theyā€™re still offline enough to like. think swifties invented this#and that it came from their troubling psychosexual obsession with taylor swift#and is uniquely revealing of the swiftie mentality#instead ofā€¦ well i donā€™t have to explain it to you.#like are there people as accused in wherever i saw this trying to use ā€˜iā€™m just a girlā€™ to dodge accountability or refuse to grow or w/e?#yeah probably. people with bad personalities do all kinds of things!#i donā€™t really believe in the hypothetical adult woman who would be learning and growing if only she had not encountered#people on the internet saying ā€˜iā€™m just a girlā€™ who gave her permission to thus infantilize herself#i think thatā€™s making up a guy to get mad at. girl to get mad at. whatever.#and like itā€™s complicated and if for example you said girl math to me i would become the joker instantlyā€¦.#butā€¦. idk. sometimes it feels weird! sometimes the vibes are off!#also i should be sleeping but i have had the HICCUPS#although working myself up about this seems to have distracted me while they calmed down
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rolex-kaard Ā· 3 months ago
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it's actually so stupid
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plaguery Ā· 2 months ago
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i was on the phone with an IT guy for an hour and 30 minutes. what if i died
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seventh-district Ā· 9 months ago
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. tasteā€š biasā€š lore-knowledgeā€š differing levels of chronic-online-nessā€š etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i saidā€š being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneckā„¢ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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daincrediblegg Ā· 17 days ago
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Rarely I ever ventpost on tumblr but when I do itā€™s because the chronic pain induced insomnia is getting to me and Iā€™m ready to morb about how itā€™s so bad sometimes that it takes me 4 fuckin hours to get out of the house
#also Iā€™m just kindof upset because itā€™s like. ok. iā€™ve suspected for a couple years now that the shit that has been going on has been endo#or perhaps pcos that has gotten out of hand. and like. Iā€™ve been dealing with this shit for 7 years and nobodyā€™s done a damn thing about it#and itā€™s frustrating because like. I know Iā€™m not making it up. I have back aches all the time. the flare ups are consistent and there is a#pattern to them that doesnā€™t match anything else that docs have suspected. the pain is real and the insomnia from it is so fucking#debilitating. but like I was just looking at an old ultrasound I got a year ago and they said like ā€˜everything normalā€™ and Iā€™m like??? what#and I have another appointment with a new gyno place that doesnā€™t have a terrible reputation for not doing a damn thing with their patients#but thatā€™s not until juneā€¦ and Iā€™m really at my wits end NOW#and itā€™s like nobody listens. nobody cares. meanwhile this shit made me contemplate suicide 5 years ago#and Iā€™m scared that Iā€™m just doomed to this suffering forever#ā€¦ starting to think it may have been a mistake to stop my antidepressants lmao#even though they gave me a lot of issues too#oh yeah and my old therapist bailed on me today and Iā€™m upset about that too because I was really looking forward to seeing her. sheā€™s#extremely helpful when I see her but lmao this week just told me to go fuck myself I guess#and like no wonder Iā€™m deeply reaquainting with lotr again that shit got me through high school
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s-ccaam-era-crepe Ā· 1 month ago
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aurhrhrgrg I hate homophobia I hate needing to teach just to live my life
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will80sbyers Ā· 2 months ago
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thinking about people that constantly made me feel guilty for not wanting to be physically affectionate with them even if we were close friends and even when I explained that it was just a sensory thing and how I was with everybody unless I'm literally dating them romantically and it's not something personal and it takes a lot for me to feel comfortable to do certain things with friends even if I love them and express it in other ways, the guilt tripping came back every time lol like yeah of course I couldn't feel safe to do it with you, you didn't really care about me or my boundaries or even liked me as a person most likely since you think I'm wrong for literally just being myself and needing to feel safe, now I get why my body was against it and instead I now would be affectionate to other friends that actually took time to respect me first of all and made me feel okay with it either way !
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lightblueminecraftorchid Ā· 3 months ago
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Donā€™t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean Iā€™m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ā€˜yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.ā€™#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and donā€™t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and Iā€™ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I canā€™t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I donā€™t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like Iā€™m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and Iā€™m In The Vicinity. even when theyā€™re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I donā€™t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything theyā€™re upset with me for. which isnā€™t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I canā€™t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. Iā€™m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and itā€™s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. Iā€™ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ā€˜well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you wereā€™.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesnā€™t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. Iā€™m not. Iā€™m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that theyā€™re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that theyā€™re probably right#which is why Iā€™m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now Iā€™m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know itā€™s draining to talk to someone who doesnā€™t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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hannibal-confessions-nbc Ā· 1 year ago
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I hate when people say Hannibal "ruined" Will's perfect life with Molly shuuut up Will made his own choices. Will conveniently walked his dogs when Jack was there and left Molly alone with him knowing he would show her crime scene photos and she'd try to make Will go. He said he knew what he was doing going back after Molly got hurt. Hannibal told him not to come back even and Will ingored it! We need to acknowledge Will is a manipulative person and makes his own choices
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#anon i am so sorry i took ages to post this. its been over a month i hope youre hanging in there#hannibal confessions#nbc hannibal#hannibal#im so sorry for ranting here! couldnt help myself.#about hannibal telling will not to go back... he did say that BUT because he knew will wouldnt#listen to him. will has problems with authority god damn it. course he wouldnt listen. i think im more upset with molly in this scenario#because she pushed will to do something he expressed uneasiness for. she pressured him. he guilt tripped him into going.#ik will makes his own choices but as someone who has been guilt tripped frequently by someone im supposed to trust. its not easy to ignore.#doesnt matter if its intentional or not.#guilt tripping is not easy to ignore at all. so yeah im mad at molly for that. BUT THEN. im mad at jack for guilt tripping molly into guilt#but then im not mad because jack was just doing his job. he wanted a way to catch the ripper and he was relentlessly out for his ass#and would stop at almost nothing to get there. including putting his agent-made-ex agent-made-agent again's life and wellbeing on the line#yeah. will is a grown man. he makes his own choices. hes manipulative. hes a good manipulator.#no matter how manipulative you are you can still be manipulated. and easily. will has an unstable sense of self and im 99.9999999 percent#sure he struggles with a dissociative disorder outside of the encephalitis. among plenty of other things. his sense of self is not stable.#that makes him malleable. he can close himself off all he wants to avoid being susceptible to manipulation but he's still malleable.#chiyoh said it. she's not as malleable as he is.#will graham#hannibal lecter#molly graham#jack crawford
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arrietty-rune Ā· 2 years ago
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Sometimes i feel useless and annoying
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the-ipre Ā· 7 months ago
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hey hey hey tell the people more about dbd smbts au :3
hello i will be using this to give a broad overview and then go more in depth with another ask >:3c
so! sore must be the storm is a magical girls ttrpg i ran that lives forever in my brain, and the gist of it is that a gaggle of teens have been chosen to become Magical Heroes to fight against the Gunge, a massive force of despair that has been bubbling up around the edges of reality and turning folks into magical villains by preying on their emotional vulnerabilities! dont you want to give in? dont you want to be angry? dont you want to stop fighting to be Good all the time? the gunge whispers in your head and takes over when you accept, puppeting you to act on your worst impulses, because whats the point of holding back!
although they do not know at first (and are quite thrown off by their magical companion being a weird pigeon with cartoon physics), the source of their powers is Hope and its the opposite Elemental Force to the gunge. hope itself cant defeat all the despair that swells in the world, but it can give you the courage to fight back against it!
in the dead boy detectives au, our heroes are charles, edwin, crystal, and niko, who all attend the same boarding school. the cat king is their magical companion, who more often than not is in cat mode, providing terrible advice and encouraging bad decisions <3 niko, still caught in her grief, refuses the call at first and ends up Gunged (dandelion sprite arc!). crystal, edwin, and charles all team up, transform, and fight to save her! she realizes she is not alone, and agrees to join the team! she has always wanted to be a magical girl, after all-
esther finch is the big bad who has found the spigot from which the gunge flows into our world and has broken it open. despair is good for business, after all, because people who have given up hope wont put up a fight <3 fun fact in the original story the big bad was the manager of an amazon warehouse (peter andora aka p. andora, open up the box of his warehouse and what is left!) and i think esther can be the absolute worst boss, so <3 she ends up making monty as a construct out of gunge, ripping a chunk off of this vast elemental force of Despair and giving him form as a boy to go spy on those strange magical heroes and see who is throwing a wrench in her plans!!!
these are broad strokes but know there is So much there. tragic mick is the english teacher and was previously a magical companion before Things Went Bad. the cat king can cartoon-physics splort into smaller cats. jenny is the dorm mom. edwin and charles are roommates who bonded last year when they remained on campus over the break. crystal just transferred from a different school and is trying to reinvent herself. kingham and litty are there as small gunge constructs. monty, the cat king, and tragic mick are all various points on a timeline of similar entities. there is Lots Going On Here please ask more-
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seilon Ā· 6 months ago
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shouldnā€™t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!
#Iā€™m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because sheā€™s never going to make her own fucking account#itā€™s been like a year since she said she would and itā€™s just not gonna happen#she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ā€˜what you think I wonā€™t pay you back?ā€™ no!!!!!#no I donā€™t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because thatā€™s what she owes me at the very least#even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever thatā€™s still. thousands of#dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore#because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to#contribute to that but haha! no I donā€™t! itā€™s fucking gone!#and Iā€™ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours theyā€™re scheduling me so that does not fucking help#my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. thatā€™s fucking depressing#anyway Iā€™ve given myself a headache#Iā€™ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and itā€™d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious#not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did#if I donā€™t make a new checking account that she canā€™t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate#my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesnā€™t even matter i just lose money constantly#I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance#and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late#as possible and it . doesnā€™t even matter#im going to kill myself I swear to god. thereā€™s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs#vent#like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount#through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore#not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground#I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesnā€™t have giant holes in it#I canā€™t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst Iā€™ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating
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