#and like it’s complicated and if for example you said girl math to me i would become the joker instantly….

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

like on the one hand language matters and i too sometimes find slang trends annoying and/or concerning and on the other hand sometimes women do actually make jokes and talk shit on the internet with their friends and it is not actually that deep and commentary on phenomena gets to a weird point where i’m like i don’t know how “these idiot losers on the internet using a two to four word phrase they will have moved on from in a year are basically the primary cause of patriarchal oppression” is the feminist take. like sometimes i start to think the plot has been lost.

[sindri42]

What books or graphic novels do you most frequently recommend? What are your all time favorite books or series?

That's a complicated question, and my memory is shit so I'll probably come up with a dozen better answers the moment after I hit post, but off the top of my head...

Basically everything by Seanan McGuire/Mira Grant is gold. Most of it comes in long series which are a big investment and have their ups and downs, and which will have different value to different people and mindsets, and I haven't read all of them because she just writes too damn fast, but I haven't encountered a single book from her that wasn't great. If you're looking for a one-off, Middlegame might be the best; it's about a couple of artificial people created by an ancient conspiracy attempting to attain godhood, and math, and language, and time travel, and what family means, and doing the same thing over and over thirteen thousand times in search of a better result. I'm also especially fond of Alien: Echo, which starts out as a cute little YA gay romance set in a sci-fi colony world, until halfway through you catch the name 'Weyland-Yutani' and abruptly remember which franchise the title is referencing and realize how few of these plucky teens are likely to survive to the end of the week.

You should probably read everything by Naomi Novik. The Temeraire series, starting with His Majesty's Dragon, is an alternate history of the Napoleonic Wars (officers and gentlemen, wooden ships and iron men, all that jazz) except that aerial combat is much more prominent than in our timeline, which gradually expands out into building a whole different earth exploring how numerous cultures and regions were affected by humanity not necessarily being the dominant species. The Scholomance books, starting with A Deadly Education are kind of like your standard magical boarding school, except unlike certain more famous examples of the trope actually makes sense; also it's consistently hilarious whenever it's not being horrifying as the story follows a girl who is clearly born to be an evil empress and who is very definitely not dating this stereotypical dashing hero guy, no matter how many times they save each others' lives. As standalones go, she's done Uprooted and Spinning Silver, both of which put wonderful new spins on classic fairy tale tropes and popular myths but this paragraph is already too long for me to elaborate.

The Murderbot series by Martha Wells is not only great as a sci-fi action series and as a worldbuilding exercise, but also the most realistic depiction of an anxiety disorder I've ever read. It starts with a security droid that hacked its own governor module to get the ability to disobey orders, but then because change is terrifying it continues to go through the motions of its terrible job, but now streams thousands of hours of media in the background while standing guard between crises; unfortunately, when something starts trying to kill the scientific survey team it's currently contracted out to, it discovers to its horror that it's actually starting to care about what happens to them.

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones is a classic for a reason. Maybe you've seen the Miyazaki film? Doesn't matter, read the book anyway. It's a completely different story. (somebody described it to me as 'the book is what Sophie remembers, the movie is how Howl describes it after the fact')

If you're looking for books on tumblr you've probably heard of Tamsyn Muir's The Locked Tomb series by now; no need for me to elaborate on what others have said better.

Ooh, pick up Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Stugatsky; it might be the greatest Soviet sci-fi novel, and has had a huge cultural impact around the world. After you read it you'll realize that you've been seeing it everywhere, not just in a whole bunch of other sci fi literature but also from video games to anime to tabletops.

Moving into things that I personally love but don't necessarily recommend...

I want to tell everybody about The One Who Eats Monsters by Casey Matthews. It's a near-perfect blend of the adorable and the horrifying, and one of the best non-human perspectives I've encountered, following an elder god who could be mistaken at a glance for a teenage human girl as she simultaneously tries to figure out how to navigate "civilization" and fights a monstrous conspiracy to protect an (actual) ordinary teenage girl that she accidentally swore an unbreakable oath to defend because the moon was very full and she smelled very nice. It's great. but if you read it, then you would be in the same position that I am, waiting for the second book in the series, which was supposed to come out six years ago.

I love the Arcane Ascension series (Sufficiently Advanced Magic, On the Shoulders of Titans, The Torch that Ignites the Stars, and The Silence of Unworthy Gods) by Andrew Rowe; it's basically about an artificer attending a school for battle mages, using every trick and trap and gadget and clever scheme he can think of to keep up without having any direct combat magic of his own. The reason it's probably not for everybody is that as the story gets bigger and more elaborate, it starts interweaving with at least two other series of books by the same author (one of which initially looked like a completely different setting, and definitely operates on a completely different magic system), and none of the three are finished yet. Also the systems involved are intricate and there's a lot of little details going on, so you kiiiinda have to get obsessed in order to keep track of it all.

The Witcher books by Andrzej Sapkowski might be the best you'll ever find in the gritty "grimdark" fantasy category. The netflix series that everybody was obsessing over for a while before it shit itself too badly? Everything that they did right, is something that was better in the original books. Most of the best parts of the original books were removed entirely and replaced with complete garbage. The video games are a better adaptation, but still fall a bit short in writing quality and character depth. But it definitely leans into the Grimdark, possibly more heavily than you want to deal with.

The Valhalla trilogy by Ari Bach is good... conditionally. You can read just the first book like it's a standalone, and get a cool story subverting the classic Coming-Of-Age 'girl who never fit in is recruited by a secret society that tells her the thing that made her Different is exactly what they need to save the world' trope, except that the thing that makes her not fit in is her propensity towards brutal, remorseless violence. But you can't read the second book (which elaborates on why maybe maintaining world peace by deploying a secret society of ultraviolent killers with no oversight might not be a good idea) without committing to also reading the third, because the end of the second book will make you want to stop reading, and if you take the whole trilogy together then it's great but if you let the end of the second book be your last memory of it then that'll leave a bad taste in your mouth forever.

Jim Butcher's Codex Alera is six books, and five of them are absolutely magnificent. Unfortunately, the first volume is, in my humble opinion, dogshit. You can't skip it either, or you'll miss a bunch of vital setup and introductions. There's nothing you can do except push through a bunch of stuff ranging from simply dumb to downright offensive before you can get to the great part.

[aemondsa]

Whats wrong with shipping Aemondsa tho? I feel like its the number #1 Sansa crackship rn (at least in my pov) like I want to ship Sansa with all the fictional characters I like. Heck, i'm honestly just here in the shadows patiently waiting for some big brain author to write a Gojo x Sansa or Geto x Sansa fic 😂

Same! Sansa is my favourite character in fiction and I just like the idea of putting her together with unexpected people and seeing where the vibes take us. ✌️💗

Ooooh, I would be down for a Sansa in JJK universe fic. It could be a fun concept! I know there is a Sansa/Sesshomaru fic and a Sansa reborn in Naruto ‘verse fic. (haven’t read either, but it’s marked for later)

Personally, I like crackship more than any canon ships—they can never let you down, unlike the ships that are fighting for the canon crown. However, as there is an unexpected influx of people who dislike the ship, I made that previous post. I’ll put more details under the cut, so it’s easier to read.

To preface, if someone doesn’t like the ship, that’s okay. I’m not saying everyone should like it. However, lately people have been acting in a way that makes me think ‘damn, y’all really will do anything to be a hater, huh?’

Here’s a break down of some of the things that happened:

There is a… cluster of twitter users who occasionally make posts like ‘if you ship sansa and aemond, I know you have mental problems’ and ‘sansa x aemond shippers are genuinely insane.’ That’s a very odd thing to say about strangers online over a non-problematic ship that exists because people decided to put their favourite characters together.

Same contingent of people insists that J@ce/Sansa is the better ship, and a) somewhat suspicious that you only bring up J@ce/Sansa as a contender when you are putting down Aemond/Sansa; and b) well, if you feel so strongly about J@ce being Sansa’s ‘gallant, perfect prince’ then why not write that yourself? Be your own hero, make the content you want to see in the world. Nothing is stopping you.

Not for the first time, people on tiktok make videos of the ‘why does this ship exist? ew’ variety, but recently, one reposted art and spoke about the context negatively, and had the gall to say ‘found on pinterest, credit to the artist’ and ???? google reverse image search is free and not that hard to use? Fine, you don’t like the ship, but don’t repost an art without credit. Someone with skill and talent spent time and energy to draw and fully render a complicated piece. Creditless reposting is a dick move. (OP eventually deleted their video.)

Another tiktok came out and it used Aemond/Sansa as a punchline of their joke. And fine, whatever, it’s a comedy sketch and not particularly deep, and sure the scandalised ‘Aemond and Sansa?! 😱😱’ were annoying, but it’s the lying that got me. They said ‘I know people get frustrated because [Aemond/Sansa] are all over the main Daem0n/Rh@enyra tag.’ and that is just… not true. Something that can be disproven with basic math: Aemondsa has 78 fics total of which 23 fics are tagged with Daem0n/Rh@enyra ship. Daem0n/Rh@enyra tag on ao3 has 5,272 fics. 23 of 5,272 is *dun dun dun* 0.436%. Not even half a percent. Sooooooo, how exactly is that ‘all over the main tag’? It’s the lying that gets me, you know?

And of course, the casual ‘oh, why is this a ship?’ / ‘I can’t believe people ship this’ / ‘free my girl Sansa’ tags that people add to posts. Why do we ship them? Cause we can. We’re having fun.

(These are just some examples of recent events that irked me.)

TL;DR: People are strangely threatened by a crackship with less than 100 fics in their ao3 tag, like 10 authors to its name, and necessitates time travel to function. Is it really that serious? Why are people more pressed than a juice that a group of Sansa fans also like Aemond and are exploring the idea of them together? We’re practically a fringe movement, given our numbers—it’s not that serious that we exist. We are just having fun with our friends and gushing over our faves. Mind your business and stay out of ours.

[craby-bouquet]

Prince Minyun {CH}

~part 3~

Lee Jihoon x Reader

Romance, Royal!AU, Teacher!AU

3k words

Masterlist | SVT Masterlist | CH Masterlist

Pt.1 | Pt.2 | Pt.3 | Pt.4

You were reading a book in your room, when, a quarter to one, someone knocked on your door. You frowned, you knew someone was picking you up, but would they really come this early?

You opened the door and looked right into the face of Dominick.

"Yo." He greeted.

You shifted your weight to one of your feet "Hi. I'm sorry, I can't hang out or anything, I'm about to get picked up by someone."

To your surprise he laughed "I know. I'm here to pick you up, miss."

Your eyes widened "You're the one to pick me up?"

"You sound like you think I'm too incompetent for such a task."

"Of course that's not what I think, I just- I hadn't expected you…" You looked at your feet, flustered. Why?

He chuckled "Is that a blush I spot on your cheeks?"

You frowned, blush only getting worse "No."

He was enjoying himself a little too much.

"Anyway," You got yourself together "I was told someone would pick me up at one, so I'm afraid I'm not quite ready to go yet."

"Someone would pick you up around one, yes. This is around. We have to be there at one. Anyway, get ready then." He waved you away.

You turned around to get some pens and paper, for notes and whatever else you would need them for. You had realised before that you had no idea what you were expected to do, you had no schedule for the year nor information on what the prince had already learned from other teachers. You couldn't imagine the seven year old prince not getting any lessons until now. You had hoped to get a schedule or anything from whomever came to pick you up. You decided to ask him about it on your way there.

"So, what are you gonna do with him today?" Dominick asked, "Are you gonna bombard him with maths on your first day, or do you want him to like you?"

You closed your door and locked it “That’s actually what I kind of wanted to ask you… Do you know whether I’m going to get some sort of schedule? Or at least a brief update on what the prince has learned before?”

Dominick took a deep breath, thinking, “Ooh, I don’t know I’m afraid. That would be up to either master Kwan, or the crown prince himself. I don’t go over that, and they didn’t hand me anything for you, so…”

You nodded “Alright, thanks.”

He laughed “Master Kwan is busy now, but don’t worry that’s gonna be over the day after tomorrow.”

You chuckled with him “We’ll see. I got the feeling he isn’t really the type to… relax.”

He gasped dramatically, “I’ve been saying he’s due for a spa day! But he doesn’t agree.”

You paid good attention to the way you walked, hoping you could walk it yourself some day. It was complicated though, you were surprised he could find his way through the maze that were the hallways.

You stopped in front of a wide hall, it looked a bit fancier than the rest of the hallways. More expensive paintings, bigger plants, and even more gorgeous chandeliers.

“We’re stopping here real quick, because I’m supposed to tell you you’re not allowed here. These are the royal quarters, and as a member of staff, you’re only allowed here with an okay from the queen herself.”

You looked from him, back to the hall. It felt weird, knowing how close you were to the prince. You never imagined being here, so close to the bedrooms of the royal families.

“Anyway,” Dominick turned around again, “We’re almost there.”

After you walked back a little bit, Dominick knocked on a door.

“Yes.” a voice from the other side said.

He pushed the door open, revealing a charming room. It wasn’t super big, but it wasn’t particularly small either. One wall was a bookcase, filled with all kinds of books. On a little cabinet, there was a decorative earth boll together with maps, and other kinds of miscellaneous things to learn from. Most of the room was taken in by a big table, however. Multiple chairs surrounded it, two of them were occupied at this moment. By the young prince, and his brother, crown prince Jihoon.

The moment prince Jihoon and your eyes met he realised who you were, the girl he bumped into this morning. He stood up, his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"You must be the new teacher." He didn't ask it, it was more of a statement.

You bowed, "Yes, your highness."

He didn't say anything else, just sighed and whispered some sort of goodbye to his brother before walking to the door. He stopped right in front of you, way too close. Just looked at you a little while before walking away.

"Hello little highness." Dominick greeted prince Minyun.

The prince smiled "Hey Dominick, are you here to play?"

Dominick laughed "Not today, highness. I'm here to bring someone to you, but we can play this weekend."

The young prince sighed "But that's two more days!"

Dominick nodded "That is true, yes. But you have to learn things today. Anyway, I have to go."

He bowed to the prince and winked at you before walking out.

You turned to the prince, who was inspecting you with his eyes, and bowed, "It's a pleasure to meet you, your highness."

The prince sighed "I don't want to learn things…"

You chuckled, you couldn't count all the children who had told you that before. And you always had the same response.

"But then you won't know anything, and you need to learn for your future."

He pouted "But the future is so far away. Can't I learn later? I want to play now."

You say down in the chair beside him, still warm from when his brother sat there, "What if we learn now, and play later? We can always make learning fun."

He looked up at you, frowning "You can?"

You nodded "Sure! We can turn learning into games. But today, since it's our first lesson and we have such little time, I thought we could get to know each other. So tell me, what do you like to do? What's your least favorite thing to do? What are your favorite and least favorite subjects? What would you like to learn?"

His nose scrunched up as he thought. You got your notebook to write everything he'd say down.

"I like playing outside. Oh, and the piano, the teacher before you started teaching me how to play and I really like it. I don't like maths and cleaning my room. The cleaning people are supposed to do that for me but my mom says doing it myself will teach me discipline. But it sucks. My favorite subject is art and music and I hate maths."

You smiled as you wrote down what he just told you, smiled to yourself “I’m guessing you don’t really like maths, your highness.”

He shook his head, making a disgusted face.

“See, now I can keep that in mind in future lessons.” You tapped your notebook with your pen and smiled up at the little prince.

He was quite a lot younger than his brother, but you could see such a resemblance. Their eyes were almost identical, though prince Jihoon’s eyes stood a lot sterner. It was clear they were brothers, just by looking at them.

“So… Now you won’t teach me maths?” he glanced at you from the side, his expression made you laugh.

“I’m sorry, your highness, I’m afraid I have to teach you maths.”

That made him pout.

“But, before we start anything, let’s introduce ourselves. Have you been taught how to introduce yourself in a polite and formal manner?” You got up, and he followed your example.

“Yes, I have! Do you want to see?” He smiled excitedly.

“Please, highness.”

He cleared his throat and straightened his face, he looked adorable, trying to seem formal.

“How do you do, fair maiden? I am prince Minyun Lee, second prince of Aphate. It is an honor to make you acqainktents.” He took your hand, and kissed the top of it.

You chuckled, “Very good, I think…” This is not how you learned to formally introduce yourself, “I just think you meant: ‘It is an honor to make your acquaintance.’ But, that is a very difficult word.”

He nodded, pouting again “It is! Being a formal prince is very hard.”

“I can imagine, highness.” you made an extra serious face.

“Now you respond back to me.” He pointed his finger in a stern and commanding way.

You curtsied “As you wish, your majesty.”

You cleared your throat in a similar fashion as he did before his introduction, “The honor is mine, your highness, royal prince Minyun.” and proceeded it with your name, as you bowed deeply.

He started laughing loudly, holding his belly, “That sounds so funny! You speak funny!”

You laughed too, his laugh was very infectious.

“Who taught you to introduce yourself like that?” you asked, still laughing.

“Dominick, he’s my friend.”

Of course. That explained a lot.

The both of you sat down again, and strangely enough your mind immediately calmed down a little bit. You were glad the prince seemed to like you already, you hadn’t realised it, but apparently you had been worried about that.

“So, prince Minyun. What might I call you? Is ‘prince Minyun’ okay? Or would you perhaps prever ‘your highness’? Or something else?” you figure with this, asking him would be the best way to go. He was seven, even if this question was considered rude to ask a royal, he wouldn’t know that. And you wanted to make sure he was comfortable with what you called him.

His hand went to his chin, in a similar way you had seen prince Jihoon do yesterday, as he thought about that.

“Hm, I guess ‘prince Minyun’ is fine. But…” he sighed, clearly thinking hard, “Dominick calls me ‘little highness’ and I like him saying that, I don’t know if I’d like you saying that. But I like you, so… maybe…”

You nodded understandingly, getting the dilemma, “Maybe I should try calling you that once, and you can see if you like it or not?”

His nose scrunched as he nodded “Yeah… that sounds like a good idea.”

You sat up, straightening your back and clearing your throat, knowing this was important to him, and wanting to show you you respected that, “Little highness.”

He turned his eyes up, thinking about it, “Can… can you maybe say it again, but a little bit slower?”

“Sure.” you suppressed an adoring smile, “Little highness…”

He nodded, still a very thoughtful look on face, “Yes… I like it.”

That made you smile, “Good, then from now on I will call you ‘little highness’, too.”

He nodded again, smiling brightly this time.

You took your notebook and pen in hand again, realising work still had to be done. You were enjoying your bonding time with the little prince, but school was the whole reason why you were here. Maybe you could spend some fun time with him during the weekend, you caught on that Dominick sometimes hung out with the prince, maybe you could join them some time.

“Let’s continue, little highness.”

He let his shoulders hang, but you could still see a smile on his lips “Alright…”

You had continued asking him questions for a while now, you had nothing prepared so you just made them up as you went along, but you had learned an awful lot about prince Minyun so far. One thing you learned was that he really loved, and looked up to, his brother. He also really loved learning the piano, which, since his previous teacher had left, prince Jihoon had been helping him with.

You also learned, the boy had a very limited concentration span. But you knew you could work with that. In the past, you’d had many children who just couldn’t pay attention for too long. Sometimes you’d wished you could give them lessons one on one, knowing that would help them in their learning process. But since you couldn’t, you had to find other ways around it. And you had found many. All that was left now, well, in the span of the next few weeks, was to find out which were good for the prince and which weren’t.

After a while, you realised you’d really been asking him things for too long, his head was laying on the table, and he was picking at his nails in a bored manner.

So you put down your pen, and turned to directly face him, “Alright, that was it little highness.”

He lifted his head, looking hopeful, “Really?”

You nodded “Yep, on my part at least.”

He frowned, but you had him interested again.

“You see, I’ve now learned so much about you, but you still don’t know anything about me. So, would you like to ask me questions? Now’s your chance, highness.”

That got him very excited, he sat up straight again, “Okay!”

“Shoot.”

“What is your favorite class?”

That was an easy one, “I love biology, it’s always been my favorite.”

Especially the chapters about behavior, not only did that teach you about animals, it made you understand more about human behavior, too. It helped you a lot in your work as a teacher.

“Biology, really? Ew.”

You gasped dramatically “What ‘ew’? Why is it ‘ew’?”

He frowned “Biology is about all kinds of yucky things like blood and broken bones and stuff.”

“Well, you got a point.”

“Yes. I do.”

That made you chuckle.

“Next question,” It was so funny to you, how seriously he took this, “What is your least favorite class?”

You were expecting this one. You widened your eyes, looking around you as if it were a secret, bowed yourself more to him and whispered: “Maths.”

That made him gasp really loudly, “Maths is so dumb, right?”

You nodded, agreeing with him, “Yes it is.”

“So… what if we just don’t do it?”

That made you want to smile, but you kept it in and clicked your tongue, “I’m afraid we can’t, little highness. It is an unmissable part of your curriculum.”

He frowned “Cur… crruri… Curri… What?”

“It’s something you have to learn in school. Sometimes we don’t want to do things, but we still have to do them. And math is one of them.”

“That’s too bad.”

“Next question?”

He nodded, looking away, suddenly seeming a bit nervous.

“Do you know about the party tonight?” he asked softly.

You nodded, “Yes I do, little highness, it’s your first party, right?”

He nodded again, “Yes. Will you be my date?”

It took a while for that question to sink in. You blinked twice, very slowly.

"Excuse me, what?" You chuckled nervously, not at all sure what to react. Not even sure if he meant it.

"My date." He said matter of factly.

You frowned "What do you mean with 'date', little highness?"

You wanted to know what he meant, maybe he thought it meant something else.

He frowned, thinking hard about how to answer that.

"Well… I don't know how to explain it but I want you to come with me to the party."

You didn't know how to respond to that. Were you even allowed to go? You couldn't just say no and hurt his feelings either…

"At first I wanted to ask Dominick, but then I met you and now I want you to go with me."

"I'm honored, prince Minyun, and I would love to go with you… but I don't know if I'm allowed to… I wasn't invited, and I'm not of an important status..."

He frowned "Are teachers not important?"

"No, no! Teachers are very important." You hurriedly said before he had the chance to consider if education was important, "I mean that I'm not royalty."

He nodded understandingly "But… I'm inviting you. Everyone is taking a date!I don't want to be the only person to not have a date!"

"I'm sure you wouldn't be the only one without a date."

He crossed his arms and pouted angrily "I'm the brother of the birthday boy, I can't show up without a date."

Was that true? Some sort of rule you didn't know about? Oh, why was this today out of all days? You hadn't at all gotten used to anything and you had no clue how anything worked around here. Yes, you were here to please the little prince, but you couldn't just go to a fancy party like that, right?

Then again, you were technically invited by a prince. Wouldn't that count as a formal invitation? You wished you could ask someone else.

He looked up at you, with massive puppy eyes "Please?"

Working with children of his age for years now, had made you immune to the effect that puppy eyes had. After all, every child uses them.

But these were different. Maybe it was just because he was the only child in your class, maybe he was just extra cute, but something about them made it impossible for you to say no.

You smiled kindly "Alright, your majesty, if that is what you want, I will accompany you to the party tonight."

You remembered packing your prom dress before coming here. It seemed kind of strange at the time, but you figured that since you were going to the castle, you might need formal wear for something. That thought didn't seem so silly anymore.

Your answer completely lit up his eyes, a bright smile forming on his face just as the door of the room opened.

"Your highness, I am here to escort you back to your room." A woman you didn't know, but was clearly from the staff, said.

Prince Minyun got up and bowed to you, "I will pick you up at a quarter to eight."

You nodded, "I'm looking forward to it, little highness."

As he walked out the door, you got up and curtsied to him. All the while thinking how fast the time had flown by, and how extremely weird the idea of you going to a royal ball was.

Masterlist | SVT Masterlist | CH Masterlist

Pt.1 | Pt.2 | Pt.3 | Pt.4

[drummergirl231-2]

Happy Autism Awareness/Acceptance Day 2020!

To me, true awareness and acceptance go hand-in-hand. I still don’t mind the word “awareness,” since most people, even people who think they’re spreading Autism awareness, aren’t totally aware of what it is or what it’s like. But I also love calling it Autism Acceptance Day, because that’s what we need more than anything. 

To spread some awareness, I’d like to address some misconceptions about Autism and share some other thoughts I wish people knew/understood.

1. Autists/Aspies do not lack empathy. 

I found this thing and it explains it super well so I’ll just leave it here:

Imagine a scenario where you say something totally innocent and it triggers the person you’re talking to. They start flying off the handle at you and you don’t know why. But because they’re angry, you are, too. But since you don’t know why they’re angry, you don’t know why you’re angry, either. It’s crazy overwhelming and confusing. And you want to fix whatever you did because you don’t want this other person to be angry or hurt, but you don’t know how, because their all-consuming rage makes it really hard to think and try to put yourself in their shoes. Also, you’re scared on top of it all.

That’s what having high affective and compassionate empathy and low cognitive empathy is like. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s that we care too much, and all the super specific nuances of socializing are things we have to learn one at a time, through either our mistakes or others’ mistakes. These things don’t come naturally to us, but it’s not like we can’t learn. If I were to compare math to socializing, it’s like you all have calculators or other doohickeys to do all the math for you and we just have paper and a pencil... and no eraser. 

2. Autism is not a mental illness to be “cured.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am ALL FOR people finding ways to help us be able to deal with the world better, whether that’s a better diet, items to block out sensory stimuli or items that stimulate, or counselling that can help us navigate social situations and talk through anxiety and/or depression. But those things don’t “cure,” us because Autism isn’t a disease or something wrong with us. Autism gives us different challenges, sure, but neutotypicals have their own challenges. 

The symptoms typically associated with “low-functioning,” Autism don’t necessarily have to be a part of Autism. Many non-verbal kids grow up to be verbal. That doesn’t mean they stopped being autistic. There was a celebrity mom years ago who claimed to “cure” her son’s Autism with a gluten-free dairy-free diet. He’d been so trapped in his head, he couldn’t engage with the world around him. She altered his diet and one day he laughed at Spongebob, and that was a turning point. He became able to interact with people and react to things on TV. It was a huge breakthrough. But he was still autistic. If you were to have plopped me down on a rug as a toddler next to a toddler like this celebrity’s son before his altered diet, you wouldn’t think I was autistic at all by comparison. But I was, and I am.

Autism is a different neurological blueprint, and yes, brain-healthy diets and detoxes can do wonders for us because it seems like our brain type does make us more susceptible to negative effects from neurotoxins. But if you think someone has lost their Autism just because “the bad parts,” went away... no. That’s not how it works.

3. Not everyone is “a little autistic.” 

When I was newly diagnosed and trying to process it, someone told me something along the lines of, there there, we’re all a little autistic. But that’s not true. There are a lot of traits associated with this brain type, and yes, a neurotypical person can have a few of them. That doesn’t make them a little autistic. To be considered autistic at all, you’d have to have a large number of quirks plus social delays (not associated with excessive technology use), odd or repetitive behaviors, unusual and intense interests, communication struggles, and unusual sensory processing. Suppose you’re white. If you are white, this should be easy to imagine. Say an African American just told you about some of the challenges they’ve faced, whether it’s race-based bullying in school or racial profiling later on. Would it be appropriate to say, “There there, we’re all a little black?” NO. One, it’s false. Two, while all people struggle with stuff because to be human is to struggle sometimes, the struggles of different groups of people are totally different, and you can’t say you know exactly what it’s like or pretend everyone’s the same. We all have equal dignity and worth, but beyond that, everyone’s different. Don’t pretend differences don’t exist. Just value them.

4. Autism doesn’t have a “look.”

When I tell people I’m autistic, this is usually what I hear: “Wow! I wouldn’t have guessed! You don’t look autistic.”  ...What does that even mean??? Is it supposed to be a compliment? Because if it’s a compliment I “don’t look autistic,” then that’s kind of an insult to other autistic people. Or do they mean it like, “I don’t believe you’re really autistic because I have a preconceived idea of what an autistic person looks like and you don’t fit the bill so I’m not going to give you grace if you act weird?” I don’t know. Y’all say weird things too, sometimes, ya know? But Autism doesn’t have a look. There is a sort of distant intensity in our gaze sometimes... and I can legit see it when Jim Parsons plays Sheldon Cooper, but when I see an interview with him as himself, it’s gone. It’s not a fixed feature of our faces, and a talented NT could totally put it on.

5. Autism presents itself differently in boys and girls.

You know how not a lot of people know the symptoms of heart attacks in women because mainly people only talk about what a heart attack is like for men? It’s kinda like that with Autism, too. Typically when you hear about Autism, you’re hearing about the signs and symptoms in boys. Even most pediatricians only know to look for the way it presents in boys, which is how so many girls don’t get a diagnosis until later in life, if ever.  One difference is that, for whatever reason, girls tend to be better at nonverbal communication and taking hints. We’re mimics. Chameleons. We take on the mannerisms of those around us and who we see on TV as we force ourselves to adapt. Verbal boys might speak at unusual volumes or with an unusual voice, rhythm, or cadence, but verbal girls learn to mimic the speech patterns of others. Our special interests/obsessions aren’t typically seen as strange given our age and sex. For example, a six-year-old autistic boy might be fascinated by WWII. I was interested in fetal development. People thought, “What’s so weird about that? She’s a little girl who loves babies.” We often play with Barbies or other dolls long after our peers have stopped. It helps autistic girls process social situations. When I was shamed out of liking Barbies, I started writing stories in notebooks or in my head. Autistic boys usually struggle with social communication from an early age, but autistic girls usually don’t have any major communication struggles until adolescence, when relationships, platonic or romantic, get way more complicated.  Since little autistic girls can mimic their neurotypical peers, and since some doctors only know how to look for Autism in boys, we tend to fly under the radar, causing that huge gender gap in diagnoses.

6. Mental illness is common with Autism, but NOT part of it.

I read an article by an autist in the UK who struggles to get help for his anxiety or depression because therapists have brushed him off, saying “Well, that’s just part of being Autistic, so it can’t be helped.” NO! Just like neurotypicals can be mentally healthy or unhealthy, Autistic people can be mentally healthy or unhealthy. Just because something is common for us doesn’t mean it’s how it’s supposed to be, or that it’ll always be that way, or that it’s part of who we are and we need to embrace it. People with mental illnesses should be embraced (literally or figuratively, depending on what they’re comfortable with). Mental illnesses should not be embraced. Ever. Because autistic kids and adults often face abuse, bullying, discrimination, and are ostracized, anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression are common for us. In more serious cases, especially in autistic teens and young adults, dissociative disorders can develop. What’s worse, it doesn’t take much looking to find the dark corners of the internet where people, autistic or not, are encouraged to embrace their developing dissociative thoughts and feelings. I once saw an interview with someone who found healing from a dissociative disorder, and she gets emails every day from others with the same disorder she had who regret some of the things they were talked into doing while living with the condition and  who want to find the healing she did. She said many of them are autistic and under the age of twenty-five. Autistic people with mental illnesses shouldn’t be talked into believing their mental illnesses are a part of them, or not mental illnesses at all, or something to celebrate and cling to. I reject the notion we should have to settle for being ill in any way. We deserve to be as healthy and whole as anyone else, and it makes me sick there are so many internet predators preying on us in this way, and that there are therapists who think Autism and mental illness has to be a packaged deal.

7. If LGBT people were treated the way autistic people are by the media, it’d lead to outrage. But it seems like no one is outraged on our behalf.

We’ve seen the news stories, haven’t we? A couple invites the news over to their house, upsetting their autistic child who then has a meltdown, the meltdown is filmed and aired, and the parents are just like, “This is what our life is like because of Autism. And it sucks. Pity us.”

There was one video I saw... I’m just so enraged by it, even after two years. A mother was praised for her open honesty as she vilified her autistic son and complained about how he ruined her life and how hard it is to go out and have people stare. I’m sorry, hard for WHO??? I don’t even want to go into the details. I know only sharing this much doesn’t make it sound like that bad of a video, it’s just... ugh. Guys. It’d be a whole separate post. I can’t deal with it right now. 

If parents went on the news after their kid came out to them as gay, and wept and begged for pity and said some of the things this woman said of her autistic son (wondering what she did wrong that made her deserve this or that led to this or saying she doesn’t believe in God but finds herself praying anyway that God’ll “fix him”), America would call them the worst parents ever. But parents of autistic kids who do this are praised for their openness and vulnerability as they publicly shame their child.

Another time, after a mass shooting carried out by a teenage boy, the news reported that he was autistic and that might have contributed to the attack (there they go, combining mental illness with Autism as one and the same again).

If a pedophile were arrested, and they said on the news, “And we just got word that he’s gay, so that may be why,” there’d be a riot. But the news can pin autists as mass murderers and no one bats an eye!

All of May last year working at a clothing store, I watched as various departments filled up with pride t-shirts to get ready for June, and I couldn’t help but think,

Where were the Autism acceptance t-shirts in March to get ready for April?

I probably shouldn’t be so surprised with the media painting us as life-ruiners and life-enders. 

I know it’s a vile and disgusting thing for me to be jealous of LGBT people in this way, especially since they have their own struggles, too. I just wish society had our backs and celebrated us instead of wanting us “fixed,” for their own convenience, ya know?

8. Almost all of us hate Autism Speaks, and those who don’t are probably just new. XD

I used to be all “Light it up blue!” as well (even though that seemed weird to me, given blue lights might be overwhelming to some people on the spectrum). But then I read something on their site that made me feel really betrayed, and down the line, I learned most autistic people hate them... some because they saw them say the opposite of what I saw they said. Basically we all have different opinions but Autism Speaks spouts whatever information their donors want them to (sellouts), and that donated money doesn’t go towards helping us, but toward more fundraising or research on how to prevent people with our brain type. I guess they’re not fond of the artistic and scientific advancements we bring to the table. They should change those puzzle pieces from blue or multi-colored to white with black specks because they want a world that’s vanilla. 

9. Some of us still like the puzzle pieces, even if we hate Autism Speaks.

I’ve talked about this in a fanfic, but I’d love it if we could redeem the puzzle pieces, because they’re still a good analogy if you assign a different meaning. Autists and NTs are puzzling to each other, no sense denying that, but the more time we spend together, the more we start to understand each other. Also, Autism does have a lot of pieces, and figuring out I was autistic was like solving the puzzle of my life. The missing pieces came together and things became clearer and made more sense. Also also, some autistic people are really good at puzzles. And then there are autists like me who aren’t necessarily good at puzzles, but get totally absorbed in working on them anyway (my parents have been doing some puzzles during the quarantine lol they’re traps! TRAPS I SAY!!!).

Nevertheless, I understand why other autistis don’t like the puzzle pieces and prefer the rainbow infinity symbol, and I quite like it, too. It’s very pretty, and the way the colors fade together is a nice symbol of how it’s a spectrum.

It’s a sign of the infinite possibilities in our lives when we’re empowered, because we can do and have done good and great things in the world.

[polaristranslations]

The Twelfth Box

   ■   ■

Well, we've come a long way, but my story is finally reaching its climax—however, as for what lessons you'll take away from this story, I do not know. Calling it a lesson might be a bit of an exaggeration, but a tale, no matter its nature—as long as it is a tale told from one person to another—is a conversation. Even if the listener is listening in silence while the speaker is speaking, I believe it is still a conversation—I believe they are still exchanging words. Until one day in the future, when science has further developed and tales become entertainment that is machine-generated, I believe that tales, or episodes passed down from generation to generation, are a means of communication.

Even this story revolving around Hakobune Middle School's 66th Generation Student Council Executive Committee—it's a tale that's an unpleasant memory, a painful memory, and, in some places, a bittersweet memory for me. But in the end, it was not so much what was told but the act of telling it that was more meaningful.

And there was meaning in you listening to it.

So what I want to say is, thank you for listening to me.

   ■   ■

Chinu Namaji told me.

The reasons for my loss in the Formation Game.

"Well, I've been beating around the bush, but it wasn't any particular strategy worth putting on airs about—I'm sure even you've managed to guess at most of it, Kurokami-chan. You gathered only strong players, and I—well, it would be a bit mean to call them weak, but it might even be too presumptuous to call them players—I gathered only amateur players. If you think about it normally, your team had the overwhelming advantage, but the reason my team was able to win was exactly that—the reason it seemed like an advantage and actually was an advantage was the reason you lost, Kurokami-chan."

I listened to Chinu-senpai's words. I simply stayed quiet and listened.

Part of it was due to wanting to hear the reason I lost, but it seemed to me that she was trying to tell me something else, and if that was the case, I couldn't miss a single word of it.

That was the conversation between me and her.

Although, to that attitude of mine, Chinu-senpai laughed.

"Ahaha, it's not something you need to listen to so attentively. You'll be disappointed if you concentrate so hard—the point is, gathering only the strongest people does not make a strong team. This is why the theoretically viable all-star team is not necessarily the strongest team in the world. It's all about balance."

"Balance—are you saying that if everyone is at the same level of strength, then balance comes naturally?"

"Sort of, but not quite—strength is after all, limited to just one position. Even if you gathered nine pitchers that could throw a fastball at 150 km/h, that team isn't going to win the Best Nine Award, right?"

At the time, I didn't know very much about baseball, so I didn't understand the example itself, but now, there wasn't a metaphor more apt than this—of course, a metaphor was just a metaphor, so it wasn't like it applied directly to basketball.

But it was true that I hadn't thought about balance.

I simply called out to seniors that seemed to be athletic—maybe that would've been fine for individual games, but because it was a team game, it apparently backfired.

Backfired?

No, that wasn't it.

That sort of plan wouldn't just backfire normally—normally, anyone would gather players just as I did in order to form their team. That was the obvious strategy, and in fact, Chinu-senpai herself had guided me into following that strategy. She explained the rules of the game as if who I scouted was important—thinking about it, her going on about all-star teams and so forth was preparation, laying down the groundwork, wasn't it?

On the other hand, she must have quickly finished gathering her members in order to use the time spent waiting for me to instruct the five people she gathered on how to fight as a team.

How to handle the ball and pass it—in other words, teamwork.

Normally, if she were going to discuss why she won, that would be all—but the real reason she won was because she was able to make me not realize that this game was a team game. She'd made me think that it was an extension of an individual game—and, with me not seeing it as a team game, there was no way that frame of mind would be enough to beat her.

Rather than backfiring.

It never fired to begin with.[?]

"Well, in this case, your strong players ended up getting a bit arrogant, which made them unsuited for an off-the-cuff team game—in contrast, my weak players knew their own limits, and thus were able to follow my instructions perfectly. But that might just be secondary—after all, when I lost to President Kumagawa, we were definitely trying to face him with our teamwork."

"When you—lost to President Kumagawa?"

"If I said that, would it be a bit misleading?"

Chinu-senpai said.

With a lighthearted tone.

I wondered why she was being so lighthearted, but perhaps it was to keep the atmosphere from growing too heavy—in that sense, you could say her attempt was fruitless.

"After all, after that match ended, he said something like this—'Again, I couldn't win'."

Again, I couldn't win.

Chinu Namaji had said she'd lost, and Kumagawa Misogi had said he couldn't win.

In that case—it was a game with no victor.

Of course, it shouldn't need to be said now that that was basically Kumagawa Misogi's forte, but at the time, I couldn't believe that it was possible for a game to end with those results.

"By the way, the game we played was a game based on rules quite different from those of the Formation Game—however, the strategy he used was mostly the same. I... No, the girls' basketball team ended up being thoroughly beaten by his 'weakness'. We were beaten to a pulp, beaten so badly that we couldn't get up again—and then everybody quit."

"Quit—the club?"

The deserted gymnasium.

The solo club activities.

I figured that was the reason, but the reality was slightly different—the members that had been beaten up by Kumagawa Misogi were no longer here, not because they had sent in their resignations from the club.

They hadn't even sent in their resignations.

"What they quit wasn't the club, but basketball itself,"

said Chinu-senpai.

"They were unable to renew themselves, to flip the switch on their lives—they're still being dragged along by their defeat. Being dragged along slowly, and continuing to live slowly... No, continuing to lose slowly—it's tragic."

That's why I'm here,

said Chinu-senpai.

"That's why I resigned as Student Council Treasurer—I guess if I wanted to say it in a cool way, then I wanted to make sure they had a place to return to, I guess? But it's not anything that cool. It's more like atonement."

"...And by atonement, you mean?"

"So basically, I ended up getting those girls mixed up in the match between me and President Kumagawa—although the actual circumstances were a bit more complicated."

From then on, she began to speak evasively. Instead of getting to the point, her explanation felt far more ambiguous than her prior explanations—so at the time, it was a little hard for me to understand, but now, I understood the circumstances. And I understood why it was so hard for her to speak.

To sum it up, it was like this.

Chinu Namaji, who had been appointed as Hakobune Middle School's 66th Generation Student Council Executive Committee Treasurer, was also a major player in the girls' basketball team—it didn't seem like she was forced to make a decision between the two, but I suppose it depends on how you look at it. The facts may not be so simple, but it was likely the club members thought that if Chinu-senpai were not involved in Student Council activities, she would concentrate more on basketball—it was likely they even wanted her to quit the Student Council. So, it seemed that the Student Council and the basketball team collided. The actual details were a bit more complex—perhaps Chinu-senpai couldn't excuse her teammates getting involved with the Student Council Executive Committee led by the infamous Kumagawa Misogi—basically, the girls' basketball team recklessly bet everything on their team leader, Chinu Namaji, and challenged Kumagawa Misogi to a match.

And then—they lost.

"...Well, this doesn't just apply to athletes—anyone who normally puts in the effort and works hard would think like this. No matter how much you may regret losing to someone better or greater than you, it's not impossible to accept that loss. It's just a math problem. It's natural that 2 is bigger than 1—and if you reflect upon not having been 3, not having been able to become 3, then that can become your next goal. But, if you're 2 and you lose to 1, or even lose to a minus, then what is there to reflect upon? How can you use that loss to proceed? Do you just accept that the world is like that and give up? Just accept that being better is not always rated highly, that excellence is not always recognized? Yeah—and so, everybody gave up."

No, not everyone.

After all, there's me,

murmured Chinu-senpai.

"Being better is not always rated highly, and excellence is not always recognized, but whatever—I can deal with that. Even if the world doesn't understand, it's fine as long as I understand—or so I put on a bold front. But what I can't deal with is when something that's stupid or worthless is given a high rating by society—that just kills my motivation to live. I wasn't able to accept my powerless defeat. It felt like all my effort, all the hard work we'd put in together—it all came to nothing. Like I'd been thrust with the idea that our lives were meaningless. And I lost all motivation for everything."

Born without meaning, live without relations, and die without worth.

That was what had been said.

By Chinu-senpai—and by Kumagawa Misogi.

"Well, ironically enough, with that as the reason, I was able to resign from the position of Treasurer, and keep watch over the basketball team. So in that sense, President Kumagawa wasn't able to win."

That was true.

He hadn't achieved the results he wanted—with the result being him losing one of his officers, what exactly was he trying to do? As a result of the match, both the basketball team and the Student Council Executive Committee had experienced losses. Well, that was more or less what Kumagawa Misogi was made of—but to me at the time, it just seemed like an uncanny act.

"Basically, that's why I quit the Student Council Executive Committee—and why you became my successor, Kurokami-chan. Do you understand now?"

"......"

I had no choice but to respond that I did understand—it wasn't like I could just deny her past. However, it was hard to tell what exactly I did understand. I had certainly wanted to learn why Chinu-senpai had quit the Student Council Executive Committee, and why the girls' basketball team was in this state... But now that I'd learned it, now that I'd understood, all that was left was a feeling of dissatisfaction.

No.

Perhaps I was angry.

Not at President Kumagawa—but at Chinu-senpai.

It might be a bit irrational, but why didn't she try and face President Kumagawa again, try and have a rematch with everyone in the girls' basketball team?—I may have felt that way.

It wasn't the time to give up, it wasn't the time to just wallow in your powerlessness—I may have wanted to say something like that.. But I couldn't. There was no way I could. So that I couldn't say something like that, she had made me play this Formation Game—in the same way she lost to Kumagawa Misogi, she made me suffer a defeat.

And that was probably a fraction, less than one-hundredth, of the "sense of defeat" experienced after coming face-to-face with President Kumagawa—at the very least, after having felt it, I couldn't bring myself to criticize the members of the girls' basketball team.

"Well, no need to concern yourself with us—that's our problem. It's not like I'm trying to tell you to take down our foe for us, to get revenge for us, or anything like that."

"Eh—but!"

Revenge was a strong word, but.

I'd been sure that that was what she was trying to say.

After all, Chinu-senpai had just said something to the effect of "taking Kumagawa Misogi down"—hadn't she? With even the condition of "using that same method"—so, that's what I had assumed all this time.

However, that wasn't it.

Instead of that—it was, to say the least, for her junior.

And for her successor, some pertinent advice.

"In the near future, you'll end up facing off against President Kumagawa—I don't know how it'll happen, and I don't know what will cause it, but there's no way a person like you and a person like him won't collide at some point. But when that time comes, challenging his 1 with your 2, challenging his minus with your plus—that's all meaningless to him. He won't take any damage at all from that. Kurokami-chan. If you want to win against Kumagawa Misogi—you will first have to begin by losing to him."

   ■   ■

Chinu-senpai's words were like some sort of Zen dialogue, so at the time, it was hard for me to comprehend them—and rather than a Zen dialogue, it felt more like an impossible dialogue. However, it was still frighteningly pertinent advice.

In fact, when the time came for me to settle things with Kumagawa Misogi here at Hakoniwa Academy, we unexpectedly ended up settling things in such a way—Former President Hinokage's "Evilize Training Camp" was made with that in mind, too. However, this basically meant that I had been unable to follow or make use of the advice given to me in middle school, which meant that I'd failed to fulfill the request of Chinu-senpai.

I'm ashamed of myself.

After losing the match, I couldn't even carry out the request that I got as the penalty—if the news would reach Chinu-senpai's ears that belatedly... After three years, I was able to settle things with him, then it would be a great comfort to me.

However, there was nothing special about Chinu-senpai.

In the sense that she had been a part of the Student Council Executive Committee, she was a special case, but like her, there were students all over the school whose lives had been turned upside down by President Kumagawa. There were students all over the school, including myself, who were ruined by the mixture of good and evil, mixed with victory and defeat.

I'd even go so far as to say that the entire school was like that—

With the exception of my brother and the Vice President.

However, it went without saying that when I heard the story from Chinu-senpai—when I heard the story from her through the form of a competition—it was a clear turning point for me.

The next day.

After school, I headed for the Student Council office.

Of course, I'd gone there once early in the morning, but at that time, the office had been empty—despite mustering all that motivation, it felt like a huge letdown in the end. But I didn't falter, pulled myself together, and opened the door to the Student Council office after school.

This time, President Kumagawa.

Kumagawa Misogi was there.

He was alone—neither the Vice President nor the Secretary nor the General Affairs Manager was there.

I hadn't intended on changing my plans had anyone been there, but this was certainly a favorable situation for me.

If I was going to confront him, then one-on-one was ideal.

「Heya, Medaka-chan—what's the matter? With such a dignified look on your face,」

President Kumagawa said.

「Although, Medaka-chan, I guess you're always making that dignified face, aren't you—even though you'd be better off living your life a bit more cheerfully and loosely. Then you'd be more popular.」

To those cheerful and loose words of his, I said,

"President Kumagawa."

It was a proclamation.

"The responsibility of the Treasurer position of the Student Council Executive Committee—I will humbly accept."

「...Huh? I thought we'd already finished discussing that matter?」

"No. To me, this is the starting line."

It was true that I'd been performing my duties as Treasurer in the Student Council Executive Committee for a couple of days now—but now, I was truly determined to fulfill my duties.

It was this very moment that I was truly "promoted" as the Treasurer, in the truest sense.

That I decided to work under Kumagawa Misogi—that I decided to fight against Kumagawa Misogi.

As a comparison, it was sort of like how a shogi piece gets "promoted" after entering enemy lines—although it was more like a betrayal than a simple turnover.

「Hmm. I'm just thankful to hear that, but... What led to this change of mind? Should I hear it?」

"I spoke with Chinu-senpai,"

I said. I had no intention of hiding it from him.

"I learned—about my predecessor, and the details that led to her being relieved of her position."

In actuality, instead of being relieved, she resigned on her own—President Kumagawa actually tried to hold her back—but this was neither a misunderstanding nor an attempt to mislead.

But even so, I expected a rebuttal.

And yet,

「Chinu...?」

said President Kumagawa, tilting is head.

「...Who's that?」

That was.

The reaction of someone who'd heard the name for the first time—as if he wasn't even sure that the word was supposed to be a name.

「Also, what do you mean by predecessor? The 66th Generation Student Council Executive Committee's Treasurer has always been only you, Medaka-chan.」

"...Is that so."

There was no meaning to disputing it.

Whether he'd actually forgotten, or whether he was simply concealing it, I had no desire to even think about it—however, I keenly felt it.

From now on—this was the opponent I would have to fight against.

I resolved myself to face off against Kumagawa Misogi—the Minus that crawls from chaos, Kumagawa Misogi. It was like a joke, pitting a Treasurer against an incalculable man, but this was my reality here at Hakobune Middle School.

「Is that all you wanted to say? Then, get to work, Medaka-chan. Maguro-chan and Kouki-chan will be here soon—along with Anshin'in-san, too.」

"Anshin'in-sa—"

「Don't worry, you might not be used to it in the beginning, but I'm sure you'll get the hang of it in an instant, Medaka-chan. I look forward to our long relationship together.」

Kumagawa said with a smile.

It was a smile with no emotion behind it.

「I'm sure it'll be an unforgettable experience.」

   ■   ■

And so, Hakobune Middle School's 66th Generation Student Council Executive Committee was established. What happened after that, you should know very well—we fought, we broke down, we rampaged, and we became a mess.

There were disagreements, there were misunderstandings, and there were mistakes.

Things didn't go the way I planned, and of course, Kumagawa Misogi never had any plans to begin with, so we never arrived at a future that had been predicted by anybody—power and intrigue only swirled, finesse only flailed, and eagerness never saw the light of day.

It was out of anyone's hands, and no one could be held responsible.

A battle with no victors, that would make no one happy, began and ended.

No, it failed to even end.

It simply carried on, unsettled.

I didn't know what Chinu-senpai felt as she watched it happen—perhaps she was disappointed in me, or perhaps she never expected anything from me to begin with, thinking, "Ah, of course".

At any rate, I failed. And I don't think I managed to recover from it here in Hakoniwa Academy. That—those things—were a failure that cannot be recovered from.

There were too many things that couldn't come back—and there were too many people that couldn't return.

And so, for you—for you all—I want you to not repeat the same mistakes I made. That's what I wish. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that you don't make the same mistakes again—I know you're going to say that you would never do something like that, but you know, something like that can happen to anyone.

Just like how Chinu-senpai wasn't anyone special.

Kurokami Medaka and Kumagawa Misogi weren't anyone special, either.

When two people meet and get involved, a tale is born—though the two of us in middle school could only produce a bad ending like this. But even if it's a bad ending, even if it's a childish, or even juvenile—there is no doubt that it is still a tale.

As long as I can tell it to you like this.

Torai Kudaki.

Hakoniwa Academy's 100th Generation Student Council Executive Committee General Affairs Manager Torai Kudaki—I can no longer participate in whatever Student Council activities you'll perform now, but if there's any advice I can give you as a pioneer on the front lines and as a defeated soldier, it is to be the hero of a tale that you can tell, a tale that you are willing to tell to someone else.

And then, someday, you should tell it to a junior that admires you.

The battle you fought—and, of course, the happy ending you achieved.

   ■   ■

Hm? Chinu-senpai?

What happened to Chinu-senpai after that?

She's still well, even today—in Hakobune Middle School, the basketball team never managed to be reformed, but she was able to move on to high school as a competent player, running across the court even now.

Yes, that was one thing that President Kumagawa taught me.

Even if a tale ends with a bad ending—

People do not end with a bad ending.

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCILLE BALL: NUMBER 1, BUT STILL TRYING HARDER

July 29, 1974

Editor's note: following is the final part in a series of eight profiles on America's self-made women.

By PHYLLIS BATTELLE 

“Success - whaddya you mean by that?” rasps Lucille Ball in that rowdy voice which strikes adoration into the hearts of Lucy lovers. 

“If your concept of success is happiness in what you’re doing, in being a mother, in being a wife, then I’m a success. I’m also damned lucky that I have my health and guts life takes guts and that my work paid off. 

“But if you’re talking of the kind of success that’s about dollars and cents, forget it. The real wealth is not out here in Hollywood. Its all highly taxable, honey, and who cares? Money has never been important to me. I hate looking at bills. I hate math. I’m a typical Leo: money-blind. What I’m saying is that not one of us out here has more than $25,000 to buy a stamp with! 

“Pennies, Pickles Or Something" 

So much for Lucy’s petty cash. Aside from stamp funds, she has assets: a million-dollar home in Beverly Hills, another in Palm Springs and an apartment near Aspen, Colo.; investments resulting from the sale of her Desilu Studios to Gulf & Western for $17 million in stock, her own Lucille Ball Productions Company: earnings from 23 years of “Lucy” series (now running in 77 countries); a percentage of “Mame”, the new super-movie musical; not to mention the proceeds from diligent work dating back to 1913, when she was two years old in Jamestown, N.Y., and spoke little pieces at the grocery store for pennies or pickles or something. 

At 62, Lucille Ball Arnaz Morton is No. 1 - but still trying harder. (1) Husband Gary Morton says proudly, “Her work is an obsession and a labor of love, and as long as the public likes her shell never retire.” 

Lucy recently did terminate her “Here’s Lucy” series, at least temporarily, but will hold her "business family” (about 500 staff and cast members) together while she produces TV specials. Now, she leers at her orange-haired image in a dressing room minor and says, “I’ve loved to work, always. I discovered very early that the way to please people was to make them laugh at me. So I appeared at church, school, Girl Scouts, anything and anywhere. Made the tickets, sold them, starred in my own shows. That seems backward now. That’s gone out. The business has been hanging itself, and the kids with it, by making stars and superstars out of strange, young people who don’t know their craft."

Drums And Records 

An example, Lucy says, could be found in her own son, Desi Arnaz, Jr. "When he was nine, he was very good on drums. Used to beat them while the records played as background. He got a group together with a couple of kids at school Dino Martin and Billy Hinsche and they called themselves Dino, Desi and Billy. Then Sinatra heard them, and they made a record and had a hit. 

"A magazine took off on them, and they went on tour. Poor waifs - thank God, they didn’t have any more hits. But it left its mark, this being made a star when you don’t know anything at all, and after two years it was damn hard for Desi and the other kids to get back to doing their homework." 

That sort of "big payoff for mediocrity" was not what happened in Lucy's own youth. Her family in Jamestown was "lower than middle-class, hard working, had a truck garden and was never hungry." 

Most Influential Man 

Lucy's father, a mining engineer, died when she was four. (2) Her stepfather was the most influential man in her early life. To encourage young Lucy’s "flair," he took her to see Julius Tannen, a monologist. (3) “When I saw Tannen sitting on a empty stage in a dark theater, making people cry and then laugh - oh, it was magic, pure magic," she recalls. 

At 16, she went to New York, where her stepfather entered her in drama school. "I found out how shy, awkward and unable to cope I was. The teachers put me down, said I had no talent whatever.” Lucy's blue eyes flash. “New York frightened me. Still does. You have to take me out of the hotel on a leash to get me on the streets of New York today. Being tall, lithe and well-sculptured, Lucy took up modeling. But then, almost tragically, she contracted pneumonia with complications and was bedridden for eight months. It took three years of convalescence before she regained complete control of her legs. At 21, through an agent, she was hired to become a Sam Goldwyn showgirl in Hollywood for an Eddie Cantor film, “Roman Scandals”. 

Would Take Any Part 

“Out here in California, I knew as much as the rest of the girls in movies, which was nothing,” she says. “The difference was I would take any part. I never sought to be a star. I didn't mind being typed. I wanted to be typed. One of the greatest thrills of my life was hearing a director say he wanted a Lucille Ball-type for a picture. 

Of course, later it was different, she growls, "when they said they wanted a young Lucille Ball-type. 

In 10 years as willing “Queen of the B movies," Miss Ball was out of work only two days. 

In 1939 she met a young Cuban bandleader named Desi Arnaz, and they married in 1940. From the beginning, their marriage was a difficult venture: Desi toured the United States with his group, while she stayed in Hollywood making movies. Then Desi served in the army, while Lucy starred not in films but a popular radio series, “My Favorite Husband”. They split. They tried again. 

Finally, in 1951, in a desperate move to keep their marriage alive. Lucy sold CBS on what, at the time, seemed an unlikely television series: "I Love Lucy.” 

It was the beginning of greater professional success, but not the end of domestic upheaval. Their first child, Lucie, was born when her mother was 40; Desi was born when Lucy was 43. But the much-adored children were not to save the marriage, and in 1960 - tearfully, knowing her diligent efforts had failed - Lucille divorced Desi, citing his outbursts of temperament, instability and violence. Desi did not contest the action. 

In parting, they split a $20-million television empire. They are better friends today - at arms length, with new matrimonial ties - than they were during the 19 years of marriage. 

Today, Lucy’s sense of well-being with one-time comedian Gary Morton (who is executive vice president of her production company), is obvious and delightful.

"It s really a super life, grins Gary, living with a thoroughbred." Says Lucy, I guess its very possible to live without a good man. Possible, but no fun. To bake a cake is no fun without a man. It’s no fun to make a garden without a man to watch it grow." 

Lucy also is, and always has been, a proud and over-protective mother. Is that bad? I don’t think so." 

A Share Of Problems 

But despite Lucy’s mother-hen" closeness to Lucie, now 22, and young Desi. 20, the Arnaz offspring have strayed into their share of problems. Desi and actress Patty Duke had a much-publicized affair when he was 16 (and Patty was 28); later he became engaged to Liza Minnelli, but that broke up last summer. Lucie was married in 1971 to actor Philip Vandervort, but the couple quickly split. 

Lucy is convinced her daughter, who is featured on “Here’s Lucy," will be a star. “Lucie," her mom says, “has all the material of stardom - ability, inclination, vitality, intelligence, beauty, good sense and good taste. 

“Wholesome Movies Alive" 

In fact, one reason that Lucille Ball finally agreed after three years of rejecting the role to star in the movie “Mame” is that Gary convinced me it could keep wholesome movies alive for talented people like my daughter. 

"This industry," Lucy shudders, “has turned into a sex-and-violence factory. The whole thing’s ugly, with thousands of ugly people ripping-off their clothes and ripping-off the public. If that’s what makes good box office, and if box office is what they mean by success, then success is out of kilter!”

#   #   #

FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) The advertising slogan “We Try Harder” was developed in 1962 for Hertz Rent-A-Car company, who was perpetually number two in popularity to Hertz Rent-A-Car. Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett satirized the campaign on “The Carol Burnett Show” on October 2, 1967. 

(2) Henry Ball, Lucille’s father, was actually a telephone lineman, not a mining engineer. One story had Hunt as the executive of a mining company in Montana. his death certificate listed him as a ‘laborer’. 

(3) Julius Tannen (1880-1965) was a monologist in vaudeville. He was known to stage audiences for his witty improvisations and creative word games. He had a successful career as a character actor in films, appearing in over 50 films in his 25-year film career. He is probably best known to film audiences from the musical Singin' in the Rain, in which he appears as the man demonstrating a talking picture early in the film.

[mauserfrau]

Eyeshine, Part 1 - Bordertober

HEY KIDS WHO WANTS TO SEE THE TWINS ON THEIR SHIP HEADED TO PANDORA.

IT’S REALLY TINY.

AND THEY’RE HAVING ENGINE TROUBLE.

...or are they?

Lots of Tyreen eating and some other general nastiness from her.  Appreciably Claustrophobic.  

The jump brought them to a space so empty it didn’t even seem black.  No— darkness rested between other stars, far off and distant.  Here was a clear nothingness, out of reach of the rest of the universe.  

Tyreen drifted at his shoulder.  He could feel her fuming.

Neither of them had made much sound since they’d stopped.  The lights were low, the gravity still off and wherever they were now, it seemed like there hadn’t been a sound there since the galaxy formed.  A word from either of them would disturb this.

Besides, this wasn’t Pandora.  This wasn’t even the Pandoran system.  Or any system.  This was nothing.

“Stars move, you know,” Troy said, fumbling the silence apart.

“It’s only been like twenty years,” insisted Tyreen.  “They can’t move that fast.  We should at least be able to see it!”

He gestured a spiral with his hand.  Did she even care that the star cluster where Nekrotafeyo had grown spun opposite this one, that they were blue-shifting verses each other and that had choked the navigation system?  He decided to summarize.  “I think the computer’s a little off and umm...”

“Umm what?”

“I might have overcompensated for stellar drift since I ended up doing it manually.”

“Troy!” She made his name sound like she’d broken something.  He half-expected a slap.

“Look.” He forced calm into his voice and turned to face her as he spoke.  

She was livid, her whole body tense and her hair standing on end.  

“We can’t run out of power.  We jumped just fine.  We have water.  We have food.  We have a working toilet.”

“And where are we!”

“I’m gonna run an extrapolation and figure that out while the jump drive resets.”

“Can’t you math it in your head?”

“Um.” Sighing, Troy turned back to the view screen, focusing first on the blank reach where their ship rested, then letting his vision float to the stars.  The blackness lived between them, but in some strands there was no between, only points of light thick enough to make mist out of each other.  “I kinda don’t think so.”

Tyreen groaned and swam off towards the bed.

*

Tyreen moved better in zero g than he did.  Troy was always twisting around to his left to push, pull, founder.  Still, he hated to turn the gravity back on.  There was something about watching her float above the bed with the covers billowing around her.  She seemed so right like that, singular and and easy and in this case put out.  

Her Coeus reader was flickering lately.  She ended up groaning and setting it loose to float through the cabin where Troy caught it.

She also said— “Hey, turn the heavy back on.  I gotta piss.” 

“Alright.  On three.  Three.” Troy threw the switch.  His back crunched as weight returned to his spine through the seat at the command console.  His sister landed with a thump.  Their foodstores yelped and howled and shed feather-forms along the floor.  Tyreen caught herself with a huff and pulled herself into the water closet, giving the cage of spindly hexlings a sour look before she shut the door.  One of them shrieked after her.  Troy shushed it and went back to the console.

The keys pressed easier with weight back in his body.  He pulled up the extrapolation program.  Another likely set of coordinates failed a final round of testing and ticked away.  The system was working to match the spectrographic information of visible stars to known clusters as far as he could tell.  Color seemed such a tenuous way to determine place, but that might have been the emptiness intruding on his thoughts more than anything rational.  Besides, he kept thinking he had somehow spied the white supergiant that held Pandora out among all the other points of light.

Troy was tempted to ask his sister to try.  She was the siren.  She might be able to do it if she listened across all the dark matter between them and that place.

She was still in the water closet.  

Troy let the extrapolator run in the background and idly tabbed into the superstructure of the ship’s hard drive.  It had been made to be piloted by someone with little skill, all of the command icons in welcoming jelly style art with three to four clicks needed to access any functions more complicated than the gravity or the sublight engine speed.  He’d picked the interface up fast enough, but modifying the OS to accept a jump drive had been more hours of frustrated keystrokes than any actual handiwork.  

Every system responded in good order.  He’d done the same check once they’d cleared Nekrotafeyo’s gravity well and before the jump.  The only difference was thousands of light years to nowhere and the bottom falling out of his stomach halfway there, not more than a heartbeat.  

He even dug into the audio system.  If Tyreen asked, he wanted to be able to tell her literally everything was fine.

A handful of loose example recordings bothered the top folder.  Troy thought about moving them, but the system considered their poor placement de rigeur and complained when he tried.

Tempted to try, he clicked down the list, which was when he realized: one of them had a different date than the others.

He leaned over a speaker and hit play, curious what had been loaded on this particular sound test file.  Since that was probably it.

Instead, he heard Dad say, “Well, if it isn’t my favorite little minx.  Yeah, that’s a good girl.  Let me see those eyes shine.  I love it when you...”

He slammed stop.

There was somebody else on the file too.  They were laughing that bubbly way he knew happened, but he barely remembered as something he’d experienced in his own life.

Troy stared at the file.  He breathed again.

A thump sounded behind him and Tyreen came tripping out of the water closet, pants around her ankles and her underwear yanked up in her fist.  “What the hell was that?”

“Ah, system check.  Since we’re here, you know.”

She growled and she sat down right where she was and in the puddle of her pants.  “Warn me next time.”

“Your intuition didn’t tip you off?”

Those words didn’t even merit an answer.  She closed her eyes and turned her back to him.

The ship was so small he only would have had to lean out of the chair and he could have had his hand on her.  She wasn’t in the mood though, not about that, not about anything to do with Dad and definitely not about playing siren anytime before they made planetfall.

And well, then she wouldn’t be playing anymore, would she?

*

Maybe that fact had settled funny someplace in her stomach.  Troy just knew that after a while she stole her Coeus back and stood in the corner, smacking the screen.  The extrapolation program ticked off another hundred coordinates that didn’t suit, approaching 50% complete at a crawl.

Tyreen peered over his shoulder, but said nothing about the progress bar.

It looked like half of their chances for finding themselves had been spent.  Troy thought it was more of a best match situation.

He wondered what he would do if he was wrong.

The jump drive ticked down to usable quiescence.  Tyreen swore and started to get back into bed.  Instead she kicked her pants off and stretched out belly-down on the floor which was chalky with the bookmarks of the night they’d left.

It had only been two days.  He thought.  The active time on the sublight engine monitor was somewhat misleading.  Startup had taken so long, but he’d been fumbling all over himself, movements thick with the shock of what he was about to do.

What Tyreen said they were doing.

Like, she just… dragged him.  Now?

Now there his sister lay, looking like she’d melted into the ground.

“What’re you staring at?” she muttered without looking up from the well of her arms.

“Mm.  Nothing,” Troy murmured.  “I was thinking about when we were kids.  That game we’d play about not getting off the bed back when we only had the one and...” Well, he thought about that a lot, even though it hadn’t been bothering his mind in that moment.

Tyreen sat up, still hunched over.  Her Coeus rattled in her grasp.  Eventually, she tipped it into one of the charging slots.  “I’m eating now.  You want in?”

“Sure.”

Food was something to do anyway.  Troy hauled himself out of the chair and got himself into the cupboard after some of the stale rye bread they’d taken from the stores back at the homestead.  He checked it for mold and then also took a plum.

Tyreen picked over the cages with a tongs.  Did she want manta eggs? A hexling or two? A flush of air coral and sprat? One one of the lonesome baby Djira mewing in their own slime?

She took two eggs.  

The two of them hunched together on a sheet of tanned air algae.  Troy’s plum was sour, but he sucked the pit clean while Tyreen stared at him.  As he reached for the bread, Tyreen shoved one of the eggs at him.  “Open it for me.”

Troy sighed.  Speaking of games from when they were children— Tyreen could have eaten the egg regardless, but he’d gotten awfully good at spinning the tops off with his knife and one hand.  He smiled and he did this for her now, placing the egg on a spare sack so that his sister’s leavings would spread through the ship, get into the Instruments.  

The egg squished as she pressed her fingers inside.  It turned to dust and glass.  “Hmm.  That was fresher than I thought.”

“Good.  Want me to do the other one too?”

“Sure.”

So, he sliced again.  He was going to have to wash his hand before he finished his own super as much as the second egg leaked.

This time, his sister stared at her dirty knees.  “Are you sure you didn’t fuck everything up?”

“If I did,” Troy said softly.  “Then we’ll deal wi-...”

Tyreen sucked the other egg down, sloppy now, sand leaking between her toes.  She grabbed the piece of rye and stuck it in Troy’s mouth before burrowing into the bed and covering her head with the pillow.  

Troy chewed thoughtfully and then moved to clean up.  The baby Djira chortled in their cages as though night had fallen.  Well, it was that time by the engine clock.  

*

[loki-the-trikster-god]

clyde is me

i am clyde

we that does sounds gross. is it like cooked pasta that is frozen or not cooked pasta frozen? i don’t get the purpose of freezing either version though

the muffins are so good tbh i’m glad u enjoyed hehe

oh oki i thought it was literal for a second like-

ikr if people think i’m the maximum intelligence then humanity really is doomed

asdf ikr. science is like so interesting on the magic school bus but i want to die during science class. just another example of how fucked up society is

literally tho everything sucks more when it’s virtual

except for procrastination, because at home i have tumblr, it’s blocked at school

gasp a win win scenario murder is now encouraged as long as all utensils are cleaned afterwards

mental note: get a sword

hehe ty. my hair is overly thick like if i grow it even a little long i get a massive headache

hehe some books are good (i have the best ones in real copies so that’s pretty good too)

idk if it’s a saying but it’s weird either way.

homework sucks. not that i have too much (actually i have a lot what am i saying?) but it still sucks.

ooh u seem to be into medieval... and ballad stuff

sounds interesting. ahahaha it’s pretty solid reasoning i love it

it sounds so mature compared to my favourite book which is called the extraordinaries by t j klune and is literally 400 pages of gay superheroes, and gay sex jokes. it’s fricking hilarious i can’t read it in public or else i’ll start laughing too hard that ill get weird stares (i speak from experience)

oh definitely duel them to death. or u know roast them really badly that works too. gunshots are too loud and too messy. knives... eh flying daggers are badass but slitting throats are messy too. duel to the death sounds efficient and it’s a challenge and who doesn’t love those?

hm. questionnnnn: what’s ur favourite hobby? besides writing and reading.

asdfhjk ikr they even had to like sexualize her and make her all skinny and stuff bc “that is what girls are supposed to look like”. i didn’t see this while watching it but i bet they gave her breasts too (breasts is a weird word) and i bet she’s wearing a dress. seriously tho. like u said, they are fricking mountains!!!

anyways. clyde, out

until next time :)

Clyde is you! And cecil is me.

Sorry it’s taking so god damn long for me to respond to these - I promise I’m not ignoring you or anything it’s just a mixture of executive dysfunction and school. :(

It’s like frozen and then you cook it and it’s like normal pasta except lamer. I miss vegetables.

Muffins are important

The other day I forgot my own name when asked so if I’m the pinnacle of intelligence then,,,,fuck.

God fuck society man. Also fuck school. In math today I got questions wrong cause I wasn’t supposed to reduce radicals so I got 9 and the answer was radical 81. And like,,,,,,,,, it said fully simplified. So fuck that. Anyhow,,,,

Boring classes are better for me online cause I can fool around instead of losing my mind so that’s a thing.

You should absolutely get a sword. Stab your enemies, seduce people, be awesome. Also extra ✨dramatic flare✨

Oof thick hair. V fluffy. Can I touch (it’s ok if i cant)

You can floof my hair it’s v floofable

Homework is the worst I am incapable of doing Things. I don’t have loads of it ever so that’s ok but it’s like rrrheg.

I am into medieval stuff and like ballads and stuff I’m an old poetry person. I once read the Canterbury tales in Middle English. It was so fun.

Your book is extremely valid I’d love to read it,,,,,, I’ll put it on the list. I would never think less of someone for reading a less “””mature””” book or liking less complicated things. People like what they like and there’s as much value in a good comic as there is in like Keats or some shit. And comics are more fun. Anyhow that’s my rant.

Alright! Seeing as I have your consent, I shall have at them! My sword is a little heavy for a dueling blade but fuck Josh I don’t really care. Proper dueling etiquette dictates that I must give him a days notice, so I shall be texting a warning in the group chat. (I’m joking btw I won’t stab my costar)

My favorite hobby,,,,,, besides reading and writing would be cello probably. I’m not serious about it but it’s really nice.

Mmmmmmmm yes get me them mountain tiddies /j

But seriously wtf. Chill out homies.

My question for you is: favorite weather

Until next time bro!

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[13-reasons-ideas]

Finding Peace In Another Part 18

A/N I’m so sorry for the delay once again. I had issues writing this part. 

My schedule was pretty open before I was due to meet Scott at Rosie’s, so I had time to run home and change. I settled on my old Levi’s and a plain black t-shirt to keep things casual. It wasn’t super nice but still more appropriate for dinner than the sweatpants and tank top I wore earlier in the day. I arrived at Rosie’s about five minutes early and waited for Scott in my car. Scott’s hair was still damp from his post practice shower when he met me, so it flopped down to cover his forehead slightly. He shook his hair out playfully so some of the droplets hit me and I laughed. We sat down at a table close to the door and we fell into easy conversation as usual. I perused the menu absently while we talked. “Now that you’ve gotten me covered in water, how was practice?”

“It was good. I would explain what we did, but I don’t have any crusts or apples to use for examples.”

“That’s fair. Truthfully, I still have basically zero understanding of the game so it would be a waste of time.”

Our waitress arrived a few moments later to take our drink orders. I ordered a hot chocolate and Scott ordered a strawberry shake.

“Let me guess you’re going to get the turkey sandwich with nothing on it?” Scott asked teasingly

“Maybe. Are you going to judge me if I do?” I smirked back.

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

“Fine then, master of sandwiches. How would you order a sandwich?”

“I would order your turkey sandwich with Havarti, sprouts or lettuce or arugula, tomatoes, pickles, pesto, and if I’m feeling fancy, banana peppers. On white bread.”

I tried to mask my disgust, “what do you think this place is? A fucking Subway?”

“No, but I am not opposed to customization.”

I shrugged in response. Before I could concede to his point, our waitress came back with our drinks to take our order.

“Can I get the turkey sandwich with no tomatoes on whole wheat please?”

“And can I get a chicken club with avocado please?”

Our waitress nodded and left us to our conversation. “Anyway, I see your point but still. Why make a sandwich more complicated than it needs to be? The beauty of the sandwich is its simplicity.” I asked.

“Exactly what you said only the opposite. It is customizable. That’s the beauty. Being able to make it as simple or as complicated as you want.” Scott explained.

I chewed his answer over for a moment before accepting his point. “Now that you have taught me about superior sandwiches, tell me about your day?”

“It was alright, nothing too special. Don’t think I didn’t notice you falling asleep in math class though. You know, when you weren’t trying to be discreet about texting.”

“Oh, like you’ve never done it. That class was boring. I already learned and understood this stuff in the eighth grade.”

“That’s fair. I feel like I ask all the time, but you intrigue me, and your stories are great. What was it like back home? Obviously, it was cold and stuff. And your math curriculum was better, but besides that.”

“It wasn’t cold all the time. We usually got about five to six months of nice or at least decent weather. Maybe once a year we got a week of minus forty degrees but other than that, the weather isn’t awful. Yes, our math curriculum is better.”

“Oh yes. That’s just a nice way of saying it’s cold more than not. Tell me about your friends. What were they like?”

“My friends were… trouble. But they were also some of the sweetest people I know.” I smile fondly.

“They couldn’t have been that bad Becca. They were friends with you.”

“Scott I was the mom friend. I got them out of binds. Some bigger than others, legally I can’t talk about those.”

His eyes widened briefly, “That bad then. You’re right. Was there a more than friend? Bailey perhaps?” he asked, suggestively.

“There were some more than friends over the years yes. Never Bailey though. He was more of a brother to me. He’s my best friend.”

“And the mom friend had game. More than one you say?”

“Not at the same time! Some of them were closer to the breakup than not, but never together.”

“I assumed separately.”

“Some were also… better than others.”

“How so?”

“Let’s just say there was stuff that went on that I didn’t tell my brother or Bailey.”

Scott smiled at me sadly, “I’m sorry Becca.”

Our food arrived and we took a break from talking for a few minutes.

“Anyway, so you were single when you moved, I gather?”

“Yes, single as a pringle.” I smirked.

“You’ve been here a while now. Has anyone, I don’t know, caught your eye?” he asked, his eyes shining coyly as he smirked playfully.

“There may be someone, yes.” I replied, smirking back. Be subtle. You can’t flirt too much. But you can’t ignore it either, he will know something is up.

“Would this person happen to, oh I don’t know, know you exist as more than ‘new girl’?”

“He would. I’m definitely more than new girl to him. I would even say we are friends.”

“Hmmm… I see.” He smiled and raised his brow at me, “I know him?”

I was mid-sip and choked slightly. I coughed slightly before collecting myself again, “You might. Small town and all.” I said, hoping that would appease him.

“I see, that’s how you want to play it Samuels.” His voice is fucking dripping sex appeal. I can’t really come out and say ‘yeah I’m seeing your best friend. Don’t worry though. I won’t tell him you hit on me all night.’

“Why so interested Scotty?” I asked, raising my brow suggestively.

“Just curious Becca. You’re very private. That makes you interesting. It’s refreshing for this town. But also infuriating because I don’t like not knowing things.”

“Well, I can assure you I intend to keep playing it like this.”

“Then I intend to keep peeling.”

“Be my guest.”

We ate in silence again and I thought Scott might drop the subject for now. Turns out, he was merely thinking about all the men he knew in town that is around our age and into girls.

“So yesterday morning was intense. I haven’t seen Monty that mad in a long time.” Scratch that, he was thinking about one man.

“You would know that better than me.”

“I would yes. His more violent tendencies have been almost non-existent recently.”

“So Bryce said yesterday.” I replied, wondering just where this was going.

“If I had to estimate a timeframe, I would say it was… shortly after you got here. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts. “Should I?”

“Do you always answer questions with questions?”

“Do you always speak in cryptic implication?”

“Only when I’m trying to figure someone out.”

“I’m a riddle to figure out now?”

“Not a riddle. More of an onion. You have layers. I need to peel them back.”

“Ah, the old onion analogy, clever. To answer your question, no. I don’t think I have anything to do with his behaviour change. If I do, it would be news to me. Like I said yesterday, he is my friend. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. Could be the introduction of estrogen into his circle. Balances out some of the testosterone.”

Scott made a noise that seemed to imply he didn’t believe me, but he was done with the Monty/Becca inquisition. We finished our meal with playful banter and random conversation. At the end of our evening, we parted ways agreeing to do this again and we would text each other when we got home. He didn’t want to worry about losing the estrogen shot in the group. Pretty sure that was code for Monty’s maybe girlfriend. I kept to our word and texted him when I got home before calling Monty for the night.

“Hey beautiful. How was dinner?”

“It was good. Scott made fun of my order and we talked. So basically, lunch only without Matt and Bryce making stupid jokes, and people yelling at each other.”

He chuckled on the other end of the line, “sounds like a fun night. What’d you talk about?”

“Just stuff. He asked about my friends at home and Bailey.”

“That’s it? That’s what you spent 2 hours talking about?” He asked, playfully.

“Well… no. He asked about you. And your behaviour changes.”

“I see. What did you tell him?”

“I didn’t say anything about us. I chalked it up to having a female friend balancing out the testosterone.”

“Alright. I mean, it’s not really wrong. Not super believable but at least I can fall back on it if I have to.”

“I know but I didn’t know what else to say. How was your night though?”

Monty paused, his tone changing almost immediately, “it was fine. Nothing out of the ordinary happened.” I heard yelling on the other end of the call.

“Do you want to come over?”

“Nah, I’m alright. Wasn’t anything too major.”

“Okay. You know you can come over any time so if you change your mind….”

“I know Becks. But really, I’m fine.” he yawned loudly, “I’m pretty tired though sweets so I think I’m going to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay baby. See you tomorrow.”

“Night Becks.”

“Night night Monty.” After he hung up, I added “I love you” to myself into the quiet stillness of my bedroom.

[alizrak]

Thrawn Treason Review

You know me. You know how much I love Thrawn and Zahn, but I’ll try to be as objective as I can with this.

At first I was going to give it a 8/10 but having these few days to go over my feelings and putting the issues I found to words, I believe I’ll have to make that a 7.5/10.  I liked Treason, but I liked Thrawn and Alliances better.

This is my spoiler free review comparison:

Thrawn 2017 - 9/10 I loved the heart this book. Just watching the struggles that Thrawn and Eli faced to get to the top was worth it. I was surprised by the revelations and implications the story had for the Galaxy at large… but especially by how emotionally charged the ending was.

Alliances - 8/10 Anakin and young Thrawn were amazing and so fun. There were several emotional scenes and a HUGE setting up for potential story lines now that we know Ezra and Thrawn are lost out there in the UR, but I’ll be honest and say I had a few problems with some slow parts.

Treason - 7.5/10 What I loved about Treason were the characters. I wish we could have explored them more but the plot didn’t allow it. If I had one request for Zahn in the next book it would be less math, more character development. There are other issues but I’ll explain them below the cut.

Now, the full review:

 [SPOILERS FROM THRAWN, ALLIANCES, OUTBOUND FLIGHT AND TREASON AHEAD]

Positive:

The story was very fast paced. There was always something going on, people doing a thing, going places, trying to stay a step ahead, not a moment to spare. Some parts from the previous books felt like they were dragging their feet so this was a change of pace. 

The book was mostly serious compared to the hilarity we got from Anakin and Thrawn, and even Vader and Thrawn in the last book, although there are a few fun gems too with Ronan and how everyone reacts to Krennic.

Zahn also did a splendid job to establish the grysk as a -real- threat. In Alliances I couldn’t help but feel the Grysk were too similar to the Vagaari but with more black mail. Now, we get to partially see how they keep their slave/clients in control which is… scary. Really scary. I even think there might be some Force domination at work but I guess the only way to be sure would be for Ezra to confirm it if he ever gets to meet them in the future with Thrawn.

The book it’s at its strongest when the main characters interact. I liked the personality of the new characters and they feel very distinctive from one another. Ronan was a rollercoaster of “I like him- I hate him”. Ar'alani was amazing to have back after reading her in Outbound Flight. Every time she talked with Thrawn, Eli or Faro it was a top notch experience. 

Faro is having second thoughts on her competence because she thinks she might have let down Thrawn in some way, Eli continues to be the goodest space cowboi in the Galaxy which I love and cherish, and Thrawn… well, Thrawn is Thrawn, which is both good and bad. Also the new Chiss girl was interesting but I hoped we could have learned more of them.

My issues:

The plot quickly shifts from a politically charged bet to get rid of pests, to a big conspiracy to con resources out of Stardust, to overly complicated battle plans against an invasion force that you must follow closely word by word to try to visualize and understand what is happening... or you will get lost. That’s going to be a problem for a lot of people. I struggled.

I actually felt tense and exhausted because there was no chance to catch your breath before we got another invisible Grysk ship or complicated puzzle to solve with science. When Thrawn explains a plan I honestly feel like I’m getting a class on astrophysics and thermodynamics. I didn’t need every little detail of how everything will work down to the angles because I started to get lost. Looking back I realize that perhaps a good third of the book might be comparing data, analyzing said data, making an intricate mathematical plan, revising the data and applying it. I commend Zahn for his amazing descriptions at how they get to a solution, but even for me it was a little too much. I feel a bunch of that time could have been used to develop a few other issues that we were misled to expect…

For example, we were technically lied in the premise of the book. The premise at the back was the one it was marketed by the publishers and SWs and speaks how Eli seeks out Thrawn to warn him about a big problem in Csilla… and that never happens. Not even close. They stumble into each other by accident when their respective “prey” encounter each other. That was a let down. I expected more information on Csilla and interactions between Eli and Thrawn. In fact, they were barely in the same room, let alone... alone. I’m starting to fear steps were taken from high up to tell Zahn to “tone them down”, going as far as hinting a possible female interest for Eli because Eli and Thrawn have undoubtedly gained certain popularity. I’d think this is the case, as even Zahn wrote Eli wondering why was Thrawn being so aloof towards him and chalking up to having to be professional in public. That’s too much of a coincidence. In any case, many of us came hoping to see how their friendship from the first book had evolved after such a long time... but it just fell flat.

Next is the inconsistencies with time. Those who are also fans of Rebels know that from the moment Thrawn leaves Lothal a number of events happen that critically endangered the TIE Defender project. We get at the beginning of the book one such scene: Thrawn speaking with Tarkin, asking him to come to Coruscant. We get it from Faro’s pov, allowing us to have another look at that talk and a little more of Thrawn’s insight on what might happen if they leave Pryce in charge. He assumes the Rebels will attempt to rescue Hera and might succeed given Pryce is emotionally compromised. The moment Thrawn left Lothal, a timer started in my head to the next scene linked to these events in Rebels: the very next day Thrawn would have a holocall and confront Pryce for her incompetence, he would look more than just displeased… he would be angry. A type of frustration that carried on to the finale where he seems ‘incredibly done’ with everything and he’s trying to salvage the situation as best as he can. That’s… that’s a big thing if we are talking about Thrawn. 

As a lover of Rebels and the Thrawn books I expected to get the answer that explained why Thrawn was acting like that. So, as the plot developed, battles were won, puzzles were solved and treasons were unearthed, I started to realize the book was running out. I wondered if something would happen at the end that messed everything up and his call with Pryce would be the last strand. But there was no call. The book ended. A whole week had somehow passed already. I was aghast. At no point it felt we were witnessing the events of several days. The book talked of hours passing by so I assumed this would be “Thrawn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”… but instead he seems satisfied with the results even though he lost the bet on a technicality and, just like that, Thrawn states he must return to Lothal in the brevity. So in the end, Thrawn simply gets a holo meeting with the Emperor who is not exactly satisfied with his results and questions a his loyalty a little, so they will talk about that after Thrawn gets the Jedi chamber into the Chimaera and brings back Ezra to him. Aaaand the book ends. I was… stunned.

There were no answers here. And Zahn didn’t seem to align the most important story arc of Rebels and how it affects Thrawn other than a mention at the beginning and the very end. For someone who is painfully detail oriented with their battles, this was a huge oversight. You could even argue this plot could have happened at any point in S4 but Zahn saw an opportunity to patch it right after Jedi Night. 

In any case. While we get a few lovely scenes with Eli and the Chiss… there’s one thing that has become what I regard as emotional highlight for the last few Thrawn books: even though Thrawn wins, he loses something that you could regard as personal. In Thrawn (2017) he loses Nightswan, a rival and almost an equal he hoped could become and ally, as well as “losing” Eli by doing the best for him by sending him away. In Alliances he let’s go of Anakin, both in the past and the hope that he can bring him back in the present. Even more importantly, in Outbound Flight he loses Thrass. But there’s no such thing here. Thrawn wins the battle but loses the funding bet and still doesn’t look phased.

Also, compared to the previous books, there was no point in which Thrawn wasn’t in control of the situation. In the first book Thrawn was a little at a loss with the politics and society which is why Eli was always doing his best to help him. In Alliances, the real danger was the possibility of Vader having the last word on whether or not help him retrieve the girls and stop the Grysk. It was something out of his control, and it showed. I hoped the third book was Thrawn facing an impossible choice, hence Treason. But it wasn’t. It was Thrawn slightly bending Imperial protocol and rules like we are used to by now. I suppose that’s on me. I wished we had seen *something* that Thrawn can't face with logic. Treason ends there, just as Ezra was about to become that *something* immediately after you close the book. 

Overall, the enjoyment of this book may vary at certain points if you don’t like math battles or care too much about the timeline. I don’t feel there wasn’t any big revelation like in the two previous books like Thrawn saying there were bigger threats than the Empire lurking int he UR and that he playing the long game to replace the Emperor. In Alliances we got the bomb with the Chiss navigators and how their powers work different than the rest of Force Users. I don’t feel anything in Treason gets to that level. Nothing happens that changes your perception of the Galaxy at large or even the story that was happening parallel to it Rebels. You could arguably skip this book but you would be missing some great Eli, Faro and Ar’alani content that makes this book truly shine.

I’ll reread it soon but now I’ll likely skip on the battles and focus on the characters because ELI IS JUST THE BEST AND YOU ALL KNOW IT. xD

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Red String (1/4)

Summary: When T.J. was 8, he read a book about the Red Strings of Fate. And when he was 10, he started seeing strings EVERYWHERE.

A/N: I've always loved the idea of being connected to your soulmate with a Red String of Fate. I did a bit of research on them and I've read some manga that have them as a theme. So, I took some liberties on how they work here and I'm still figuring it out along the way but I hope I'm able to convey them in a justified manner.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Chapter 1: Black String

When T.J. was 8, he stumbled upon a book in his mother’s bookshelf. The cover was pretty – it had flowers, a cat, and a funny looking face and it was splashed in colors of black, white, and red. When he opened it up and started to read, it talked about something called “The Red String Of Fate”.

This string or thread runs from your heart to your pinky finger and stretches further on through time, space, and distance. And at the end of that string is your fated person, someone who is meant to stay by your side for the rest of your life.

The concept excited 8-year-old T.J. that he ended up tying a red piece of thread in each of his parents’ pinky fingers. They had been fighting a lot and he hoped that the string would keep them together.

When T.J. was 10, his parents divorced, he moved with his mother to Shadyside, and he started seeing strings…everywhere.

Some were red, others were blue, and there were some black ones. Some were strong and firm, others were tattered and hanging by a thread (literally), and some were broken beyond repair. Some people had multiple strings on all of their fingers while others only had a few, even just one.

By this time, he was old enough to know that this was something that only he (as far as he knew) was able to do: see the strings of fate. It was strange and he had no idea why he could see them and what any of the colors meant. There weren’t exactly books that detailed such an ability, aside from the one he found about the Red String, and the internet was no help, either. And it seemed like the strings were more complicated compared to how the book he read when he was 8 described them.

T.J. may not be the smartest kid in class, but he wasn’t exactly dumb. So, he made his own observations, jotting them down in a little notebook.

By the time he was 13, he almost figured everything out.

Red strings were for love, obviously, and they’re on your pinky finger. Blue strings were for platonic love like family and friends and usually found on your pointer or thumb. And black strings were for hate, tied around your middle finger.

Sometimes, strings would break and re-thread with someone else. For example, his mother’s red string was broken after the divorce and for a year, just limply hung there. And, then, one day, she came home with a smile and a brand new, re-threaded string. She had just met her soon-to-be boyfriend who was going to be like a second dad to T.J.

Sometimes, strings would change color and slowly move its way to another finger. For example, his father’s red string had faded into blue and moved to his thumb. Right after that, he filed for a divorce.

And, sometimes, strings would disappear forever. Like T.J.’s fourth blue string when his grandfather passed away.

And he discovered that the stronger the feeling, the brighter the color. But when those feelings start fading, so did the color of the strings.

T.J. had three – blue for his parents and his grandmother - all on this thumbs. Black strings would appear now and then on his middle finger but would eventually disappear when he stopped caring. However, his pinky finger remained empty.

Soon, seeing strings form, break, and disappear just became another normal day for T.J. He never interfered in anyone's business, though. It was up to those people to maintain the quality and strength of their strings, not his.

Sometimes, though, he found himself jealous of people with so many strings that you couldn’t even see the tips of their fingers. Despite having “friends”, none of them developed a blue string with him. That was how he knew they weren’t genuine and they were all just using each other, somehow. Sometimes, T.J. wished he didn’t know. Sometimes, he wished he couldn’t see the strings. They burdened him, sometimes.

Kids his age were starting to have their red strings appear. And even if they couldn’t see it, T.J. could. He could see the girls giggling among themselves when a friend’s crush passes them, their strings bright and connected because the crush was mutual, but they didn’t know it. He even witnessed a boy’s broken red string sadly hanging from his pinky as he stared at another boy across the hall, talking to a girl. 

A lot of red strings were broken, in fact - unrequited crushes. Normal for middle-school kids. Most of those strings would disappear, eventually. And, sometimes, a new one would pop up - a new crush.

Meanwhile, T.J.’s pinky remained empty. He wondered if he was ever going to have his own red string. Not even a broken one for him. Maybe because he didn’t really like anyone.

And, then, one day, he developed a new string but not one he expected: a black string. He hadn’t had a black string in a while. And all because the basketball team’s new player, Buffy, was better than he was. He could see the feeling was mutual. Along with several blue strings and one red one, he could see a black string on her middle finger.

He watched as she lined up for breakfast with a friend, wondering how to approach her when he loathed her presence so much. As he walked closer, he gave his own black string a small tug. She raised her eyes in his direction and rolled her eyes.

“Incoming,” she murmured to her friend.

“This is how it is, Buffy,” T.J. spat out. “You have to tutor me.” He tried to look more intimidating. “I’m team captain.”

She smiled with poison at him. “Sure, T.J. Here’s your first lesson: X times Y equals ain’t gonna happen!”

And it resulted in another bickering session between them. He didn’t know why she rubbed him the wrong way but she just did. Maybe his insecurities flared whenever she was around. Maybe he was jealous of all those strings on her fingers. Whatever the reason, he couldn’t back down.

He ended up making a deal to pass the ball to her in exchange for tutoring. As well as one more thing.

“You get my friend, Cyrus, here, a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin.”

She pulled said friend to her side. The smaller boy squeaked in surprise, his brown eyes connecting with T.J.’s. What a funny little guy. His fingers were covered in blue strings and his pinky had a lone broken red string.

T.J.’s own fingers twitched.

“Then we have a deal.”

“You can’t get your own muffin?” T.J. blurted out, amused.

“I didn’t need this extra level of humiliation,” the boy said to Buffy before turning to T.J. with a sheepish smile. “But, no.”

T.J. didn’t know what made him do it. It was so easy to just walk over, grab him a muffin, and the deal was done. But he ended up teaching the kid how to fish, to walk to the muffin like it was his, and just take it.

And he didn’t know what made him stalk over when the other students began protesting and announce, “He’s with me.” Even though this kid, Cyrus, wasn’t with him. He was just using him to get Buffy to tutor him so he could pass his stupid Math class.

It wasn’t until he was at his locker, switching his books, that he finally noticed it. He couldn’t believe that he didn’t even feel it. And he was more confused than ever at seeing it.

A short pink string was hanging from his pinky.

[writingonjorvik]

hey, do you have any thoughts on the inconsistency in writing character reactions in their quests sometimes, for example *gasp*, (you gasp) and -gasp- (i think i've seen a :O somewhere too)? (sorry, english is not my native language). love your blog x

I sure do but first: Your English is great, don’t apologize for it. English is a dumb, stupid language and half of its rules are based on math because people thought it was going to die off. I majored in English, so trust me on this, I speak a dumb language. It’s complicated for zero reason other than people are short-sighted and English-speakers have historically had an issue of not standardizing. Anyway.

As for the inconsistencies, that can have a lot of factors. You are remembering that correctly though, there is a dialogue box that has just :O as the text. And it was in a major story beat too! When we found out Anne was also in Pandoria, with the whole “One does not simply walk into Pandoria” meme reference.

And there’s the sticking point. A lot of SSO’s writing has gone through phases. Very early quests said damn before it was censored out for I imagine only the States (largest market to be fair, but still). There was a long period of time where spelling mistakes were very common (and still are in older quests). Now you’re more likely to hit a technical error and your name won’t load in properly, but not so much spelling mistakes. Early quest writing, like the very first stuff, was pretty basic, or kinda campy. Then it transitioned to being “Modern” with a lot of hip references (see the Mordor meme from earlier), and then there were parts where SSO came down hard on tropes. Loretta and Tan are the biggest relics of this. A lot of it has been rewritten now, but there was a time where the first time you met Loretta she was just kinda…meh, most popular girl but not awful to now where she’s a prime drama queen, It Girl trope. 

On the gasping thing, that seems to be a combination of these phases and also kinda a fault in storytelling for games. At least on a budget, which SSO, for an MMO, kinda is a lower budget game. Like film, you don’t really get in the head of the player character as much because unless it’s a character-driven narrative where the player isn’t just self-inserting, you can’t really do much on stage-direction. For comparison, Life Is Strange is a very character-driven story. We get a lot of thoughts in their heads because we’re not supposed to be Max, we are experiencing Max. Compare this to, say, Breath of the Wild, where Link is just a player insert and his personality is a moot point. So if everything is dialogue, how do you indicate stage direction, or actions, in just text?

Now, this is why I say SSO is kinda low budget. Because most game companies would animate the stage direction. Or if they don’t animate the models themselves, they would update the character icons in the text box, like in Harvest Moon games or in dating sims. The illustration indicates the mood, which removes the need for stage direction because it can be inferred. Or they would use voice acting to make the intent clear. And SSO does none of these things, so they have to write out a lame stage direction like gasp, which, just as a side tangent, takes away the dramatic reveal’s effect if we’re told we’re supposed to be surprised.

But as for that, and generally all of it being inconsistent, it’s because there isn’t a writing team for SSO, or at least it’s not listed anywhere on SSO’s credits. Which means whoever is doing the writing has another job too. There is no one dedicated just to writing, which isn’t uncommon in the industry, but it’s really stupid for a game like SSO where the primary focus is the story. It’s possible they bring in ghost writers, therefore they don’t need to credit, but that furthers the point of inconsistency. And I get to double back to my points about English and how SSO has no standardized tone to their storytelling. This doesn’t mean that their story is bad, but because they are dealing with a massive world that needs to be filled and there don’t appear to be any overall rules other than “Don’t be offensive” in the writing, style kinda gets thrown all over the place. There is no professional team, a group of writers, researchers, and editors, whose sole job is to write SSO’s quests and make sure it’s consistent with itself. So the job is likely pushed randomly onto artists and coders who are putting the text in themselves to write that dialogue. And when it’s their turn to do it, all they have to go on is their past times doing the writing. This later part is mostly speculation, but it’s based on how other companies have done this in the past.

If you do what to see what having a writing team can do for consistency and worldbuilding, might I suggest Skyrim. It’s a little broad for everything to be to be masterpiece writing, so there isn’t very much that I would consider particularly deep, but there is a massively wide area of topics covered and the writing is consistent within the world, even if some of it is subjectively bad. And it’s done by eight people. Here’s a fun video on it.

So, there are some thoughts.

[daisywords]

all my wips on the back burner, in case anyone’s interested

Glory: alternate world epic but w/o magic based on ancient Near East/ Mesopotamian civilizations, with duel narrators, who happen to be involved in an enemies to lovers arc. Contains wars, aftermath of wars, secret identities, crumbling civilizations, political intrigue, a girl who hits people with a stick, and more.

Unnamed steampunk/clockpunk-ish thing set in a city with three distinct levels: the lowest class of people live entirely underground and work in factories, the middle class live on ground level, and the upper class live in high towers connected by bridges. At the center of a story is the city’s clock workshop/emporium, because no matter how rich or poor you are, you need to be able to tel the time. Contains: a found-family of children, soap-opera worthy romance shenanigans, a mysterious girl, the socially-awkward clockmaker himself, revolution, and more.

Children of the Red Sun: Weird scifi kind of deal that takes place in the near future, where kids from all over the world are drafted into the space war at age 17. Featuring: stuck-up genius cyborg boy, soccer player girl who didn’t ask for any of this, maybe aliens, and more.

really stupid just a collection of kids who go to a posh boarding school and some of them are v rich and some of them aren’t. that’s it. no plot.  don’t ask me about this one I'll most likely never finish it and it’s just kind of my self-indulgent one.

fairy tale retelling except it combines a ton of different fairy tales in weird ways. too complicated to explain very well here, but for example: 7 league boots and glass slippers are one and the same, princess is locked in a tower to keep her safe from the curse put on her as a baby, etc. featuring: sassy witch boy and naive anger princess.

probably have abandoned this one for good as well, but low fantasy  featuring a set of twins: the girl can walk into mirrors and the boy can walk into shadows. There’s also a woman under some kind of spell where she’s immortal but can manifest as any age. that’s pretty much it.

weird regency/gaslamp fiction that may or may not contain fantasy elements: this one pretty much has no plot either, but it’s a petty rich family and two servants. rebellious middle child befriends said servants, shenanigans ensue. may feature: arranged marriage, treasure hunts, political intrigue and I don’t even really know what it is anymore

shady tech organization recruits a group of geniuses who happen to be young girls. Said girls are intended to be secret agents to combat an opposing shady tech organization. One of them has a perfect memory, one of them is pretty much psychic but also suffers from constant hallucinations, and one of them is a master strategist who’s severely depressed. And then the other two are a crazy-talented acrobat/martial artist/gymnast and just literally a really really good actress. I have no idea where I’m really going with this one either.

Magpie Jones: sappy bittersweet na/ya? romance. titular character is the first one in her family to go to college, and is back for the summer after her freshman year. falls in love with childhood friend/neighbor. lots of identity crisis happening.

Vampires: this started out as a joke and was inspired by a lot of Tumblr posts, actually. basically this guy, who’s only been a vampire for like a year, turns this girl into a vampire to save her life. Except vampires aren't supposed to turn people without permission. (for a really good reason that is a spoiler and is the entire premise so it’s a secret): cue them being on a wild road trip chase and figuring out how to be vampires in the real world, while on the run.

Contemporary YA: Really talented violinist girl who’s dad just died, math nerd/artist girl, writer boy in a bad situation, and jock boy become friends. No plot to speak of in this one.

Fantasy: Reigning monarchs of several small countries are poisoned, along with their heirs. Now all the second children are running things, and are very unprepared.

[uldren-sov]

lesson

Just some comfort writing after having some fun stretching out across writing genres lately

Not set in “current” day but definitely some day.  :)

Karo Caya is the lovely @damarlegacy‘s, thank you as always for letting me write him. Elora is mine

The soft patter of rain lent the only sound that pierced the silence of the room. The wall of reinforced windows revealed the streaks of gray and softly rolling gray clouds. It was early evening, the rain slowly starting to let up, as two Sith sat in a red sand covered area. A square of what was once a section of dangerous training implements and complicated obstacles was now a shallow pit covered in the red sands of Korriban. An unfortunate but necessary change for the Sith’s current partner, especially when the Sith wasn’t … quite a Sith. Not for about a decade yet. No, from beside her, Elora felt her partner fidget and sigh and make frustrated hums instead of use the time to start concentrating on some form of control in the Force. Even though this was, most importantly, to start winding down from the full day they had.

But it seemed that’s not going to happen tonight.

She peeked an eye open, spying on the child beside her with a smile. The young girl, now four - and a half, as she liked to remind them - was screwed up in furious concentration before sighing with her whole body, deflating and letting her hands slap down onto the sand. She sagged, grabbing a handful of it and watched it fall through her fingers. Dusty dark brown hair was done up with a french braid, the only thing that kept her bangs in check, and a big red bow that she now pulled off to play with instead now that the sand was boring too. Elora made a motion, just subtly shifting and bumping her side. At that, the girl immediately straightened back up, neck long, eyes closed, bow discarded, and shoulders square. It was all she could do not to laugh as she saw her daughter turn and cautiously check on her. She stared right back and arched an eyebrow in a mock stern look.

“I’m done meditating, mama,” she said without hesitation, apparently changing her tactics in the face of potentially getting caught.

She didn’t even look sheepish, just clear blue eyes watched her expectedly. The cheek and attitude she was growing into gave her such a strange mix of pride and affection. Maybe she should have a bit of worry too, but she couldn’t be bothered to care when she was so amazed to see the ways she changed each and every day.

“You are? Did you think real hard about something?” She said, settling down to sit on her heels as an eager nod was her reply. “What did you think about?”

“I thought about the rain, and I thought about the plants that use the rain to grow, and I thought about the gym-nas-tics and-and how teacher used me to show an example!” she got up halfway to show the run for the fourth time that night, but she stopped herself. It was an improvement, this time was to be still and quiet, not training. She did slowly slide down into a split, resting her chin on her propped up hands to sit back down.

“And I thought about Zathrian -” she continued, Elora had to remind herself it was a boy from the same group under her maths tutor “- and how mean he was today.”

“What happened with Zathrian, dear?” A chill settled in the pit of her stomach, a subtle dread of consequence. While her relationship still wasn’t advertised, certain, vetted, people still knew about them. It didn’t take a clever person to know who had a hand in her birth, not with the green undertones to her already olive skin.

Karo and her were lucky with their daughter, it was true, but still she worried for her sake and just what she’d have to face.

“He thought my bow was stupid and said he was smarter than me,” she huffed angrily, glaring at the memory as a small snarl curled her mouth. The relief was immediate, but even so, a problem was a problem.

“Darling you know that-”

“And he shoved me too!” she snatched her bow up again and started to tie it back to the bottom of her braid. It quieted her for a moment. The answer to Elora was clear, whether or not it was the right one … she’d have to see.

“You know I told you that-”

“You told me not to hurt other-!” but Elora held a finger up in a silent ‘wait.’ A gentle reminder she had to also wait her turn to do things and listen. For Elora, it was just a bad habit to start making her aware of.

“Listen to me,” she said gently, “you are very gifted, and it’s true you should not attack the kids to show off or play around. But, if this Zathrian - or anyone else - wants to shove you? Or hurt you? You fight back, okay?” With that she saw those bright blue eyes start to light up with recognition. No doubt she’d be looking back at this moment and kicking herself for it but that was a problem for another day. “What they’re doing isn’t nice, and if your tutor isn’t doing anything about it-”

“He’s not!” Which might be the correct way to approach this further, going forward; just why was this tutor allowing it in the first place?

“-then you shove him right back. Why?” she asked. Having since turned to her, she fixed the bottom tie of her hair with the bow once again. Big, red, satin, with a pattern on it - belonging to her favorite stuffed krayt dragon and she kept it with her when she couldn’t bring the krayt dragon to tutoring or any other of her studies and practices.

“Because, because it was bad. And if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you,” she recited that half of the simplistic rule.

“That’s right.”

“But if I shove him, isn’t that also a bad thing?”

“No,” she wavered, scrambling as she cleared her throat, “because you did it as the thing that followed the bad thing. It doesn’t count”

“Oh, okay,” and then a pause. “But-” thankfully the front door chimed in a familiar tone and her little head whipped around. Gasping in delight with the biggest smile on her face, she just checked once with Elora. With a wry nod her daughter scrambled out of the sand and sprinted full tilt out of the room.

Thank the stars she wouldn’t have to keep up that line of questioning.

She brushed herself off as, within seconds, there was commotion from the front of their penthouse. She smiled to herself, following the sandy path out the door, down halls, and to the front room to see their daughter had crashed into Karo’s legs, clutching on as she grinned wide in the face of his smile.

“Baby girl, I was just gone for an hour,” she heard him say as she emerged into the room. They found each other’s gaze. A shake of his head and he looked like he was just about to burst with the onslaught of affection as their daughter still held onto him.

“I know! But I did really good tonight! And I wanted to tell you before I went to sleep!” She shot her arms up to be held. Something that they were trying to break her of doing since she was two but still, she was picked up and immediately small limbs were thrown around him. There was a shared look between Elora and him but whatever, it wasn’t a big issue.

“Yeah? You did what mama said?” he said, finally allowed to walk. They met halfway into a quick kiss, it might have only been an hour on a business call but business was still business. His line of work would never not have dangers in it - no matter how good he was. He jerked his head toward the corridor and she nodded: was it time to put her down? Yes it was, the two of them were done for the night.

“Yeah!”

“Yeah?” Elora adjoined with the all-too-innocent answer.

“Well … Sorta,” and at that she looked to her approval; both of them did. Elora gave a half-hearted nod in reply.

“I’ll give you a sorta. So long as we try a bit harder next time?” she said. Karo led with their clutched daughter into her own room, Elora following in tow.

“Okay. Papi, I’m going to shove Zathrian!” She pulled back, looking triumphant as she met Karo’s gaze; the same gaze that slid from their daughter to now pin her with a look. She, on the other hand, didn’t quite have her daughters nerve, instead just holding her hands up slightly. Just wait.

“Why would you shove him?” He masked whatever displeasure he might have had well as he put her down and went to one of the chests of white and orange drawers, pulling out a long pajama shirt which she quickly snatched away. He simply closed the drawer as she got ready for bed all on her own - now that he was here.

“Because he shoved me! And if someone does a bad thing then bad things happen,” she said, a surprising amount of steel in her voice and an impressively righteous look on her face. There was a pause from Karo and an enduring nod. Again Elora shared a look with him, smiling to herself.

“That’s right,” he said as he bent down and kissed the crown of her head. “You did everything? Wash your face? Brush your teeth?” She nodded and he clapped once, rubbing his tattoed hands together. “All right, bedtime.” A quick rush as she scurried to get under the covers. Karo leaned over, tucking her in tight, putting the stuffed and badly worn, thoroughly mended, krayt dragon by her side, and gave a kiss to her cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you. Love you, mama!” she called as Elora still hung by the door and blew a kiss.

“Love you, dear. Good night, sleep tight,” she smiled and waited for Karo to take her hand and lead her out the door before turning the lights off and letting the door close behind them.

“You can tuck her in, you know,” he said, both of their hands finding each others as she arched an eyebrow.

“No, I can’t. Because you do it better, so only you can do it,” she recited their daughter’s words wryly and he responded with a huff of a laugh. “Everything work out all right?”

“Same shit as always, not sure if it’ll be worth it but we’ll see when I get an actual contract,” he said, “I’ll make sure I won’t get calls around this time though.”

“Thank you. Now come here, she’s not the only one who missed you,” she teased warmly, drawing him into her. It didn’t take much for that warmth to spark again between them, as she drew her hands up his arms and pulled him tighter against her, walking him back against the wall. She felt the pads of his fingertips draw along her back to her hips as what was at first, just something playful, started burning into something hotter. She pulled away, dragging her fingers through his hair.

“You don’t mind what I told her?” she had to check for sure, though, before anything else.

“No. She’s gotta defend herself,” he gave a bit of a frown and a shrug, “for better or worse. Might as well start it when it’s starting to happen.”

“My sentiment exactly,” she said before curling her fingers over his scalp and dragging him back into a kiss. Leaning into him to keep him pressed back, she kissed him until he moaned, until he ducked down to tug her leg onto the curve of his hip.

Invariably there was now always the thought of how, well, now one was out of the way. What about one more?

But siblings were a tricky subject for both of them and, as they managed half-dressed, to make their way into their bedroom, she figured that could be a conversation for another night.