#awful thing to say and think but idk what to do anymore for myself

[mcsiggy]

if im honest, im trying very hard to not publicly be upset about how the internet censorship has ruined so much for me and every other adult creator's income out there where i feel like the moment i cant post nsfw on patreon, i feel like that's it for me. i don't have anything else outside of what i do now and i'm just, tired.

[girl-bateman]

Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍

[whenthegoldrays]

Hmm

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[todayisafridaynight]

grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet

[zipquips]

.

[lovecrazedpup]

i dont want to sleep

[darnell-la]

Logan in a rut has me brain rotted. I’d love if you could write something about this. I think he would try and isolate himself not matter what but it gets to the point where he can’t hold back anymore and needs relief. Idk if he would be more possessive and rough or if he would end up whiny and desperate almost subby.

note: this is a younger Logan Howlett who ends up a bit subby. he would 100% beg the reader to help him because he would be too embarrassed and shy to just man up and dominate her (we have different thoughts of Logan almost every day).

we will be worrying more rut!logan once we get caught up with our college work. we wanna make bro nasty…

———

Logan’s time has come. He hoped it wouldn’t show, but every day that passed, it gets worse. The first day, all he had to do was rub one out, but after the second, he knew he was fucked.

He couldn’t help himself. He fucked his pillow. The man was beyond fucked up that night. He had ripped his pillow open with his claws and buried his cock inside, moaning the girl's name like he’s never before.

Y/n and Logan had been friends for years. A little flirting here and there happens. They might even get a bit touchy but never have they sat and talked about what they were. Especially since the man was known for keeping his flirt up with Jean.

Logan wasn’t surprised when the only person he could think of was y/n. She was pretty, her body always sent a shock through his own, her eyes would have him lost in seconds, and she was the only one around here with common sense.

At times, he hated all those good things about her. Like now. He’s sitting across from her in the kitchen, watching her sip on her drink and watch YouTube on her phone.

All the innocent things she does, makes him so damn hard. He can’t help himself. “G-Goodnight,” Logan said as he got up to leave. He needed to rub one out again. Maybe he’d sneak into her room and cum on her sheets. He needed something that was close enough to her.

“Aw, I was gonna ask if you could walk and get some wood with me, but I’ll get it myself. Goodnight, Logan!” She smiled at the man before he turned the corner, needing to get out of there.

He hoped he could get himself to go upstairs without struggling. Without turning back around to beg Y/n, he couldn’t hold it after her thought of her saying she’d be getting wood tonight.

It’s been almost an hour, and Logan is sitting on the stairs, cock pulsing through his thick jeans. He swore his balls were blue already.

He almost got up to get this over with and grab y/n, pulling her somewhere to at least cum on her face, but he heard the lights cut off in the kitchen.

He peaked around the corner, seeing y/n walk down the hallway and out of the mansion to do her night walk for some wood.

“Fuck,” the man groaned, already thinking of how good he’ll be feeling once he gets his hands on her. He needed to touch her. It’s only been a few short days, but he can’t control it anymore.

The man stalked behind y/n, making sure she wouldn’t sense anything behind her as she walked through the woods with a huge bag to carry back a few dry sticks.

Logan shook his head at the sight of her headphones, knowing she couldn’t hear a thing around her. This was a safe place, but now that he was going through this feeling from hell, it wasn’t anymore. At least for her.

Y/n placed her bag down and took her headphones out before picking up thick and dry wood that she could use for the fire tomorrow night. The way she sang, only made the man want her more. He needed her now.

“Hey, y/n?” Logan spoke, making y/n jump from the unexpected presence of someone else. “Oh, god! Hey, Logan,” the girl smiled up at him as he walked towards her, looking down.

“I-I know this is kind of a weird time, but I need to ask you a question,” Logan said, feeling nervous now that she’s right here. “Yes, ask me anything,” she smiled as she shifted her body towards him.

“Fuck, I — Y/n, I’m going rough a rut,” the man blurted out. This was not a part of his plan. He was going to turn y/n around and shove his cock in her mouth before carrying her back to the mansion, but now he’s stuck.

“Oh — I-I don’t really know what that means, but I can still help you,” she said. “Y/n, it hurts,” the man spoke. His voice came off as a beg which made y/n feel sad for him, even though she had no idea what hurt.

“What is it, Lo? Tell me, and I’ll help you,” she went to get up, but Logan stepped towards her and placed a hand on her head, softly pushing her back down. “It hurts,” the man shifted her head just a little, making her realize his print was right in front of her face.

“Logan,” she said, loss of words at the sight of how hard his cock tried fighting through his jeans. “I-I don’t know what to do about that. Maybe take some pills. Cool it down?” She suggested, but he shook his head.

“Need you, y/n. I need you,” the man said low, needing her to touch him. “I-“ the girl cut herself off, taking a deep dive into her thoughts. The man sounded like he was in horrible pain. He was a friend, so this wouldn’t be bad, right?

“Okay, but I don’t know if it’ll help,” she said, not knowing that this would be more than enough. Y/n slowly reached up to unbuckle his belt. She could see his legs shaking a little from how nervous he was.

He had no idea what came over him. At first, he was going to get what he wanted. Use her like an animal, but now — Seeing her like this and willing to help him, made him feel better. She was going to take care of him.

“P-Please hurry,” the man begged as her hands slid down his clothes cock through his boxers after his shorts fell to his knees. “Did you cum?” Y/n asked, confused but the wet patch was only pre cum. A lot of pre cum.

“P-Please, y/n, fuck,” the man balled his fists, trying to keep himself from crumbling right then and there. He needed to leak in her mouth. No place else. Only her mouth.

“Okay, okay,” y/n worried as she finally pulled his cock out, and god, was he hurting. The veins that covered his cock, showed like crazy. His tip was sticky. His balls were stiff and ready to explode.

“Baby, please!” The man begged louder. Y/n quickly wrapped her lips around his cock and sunk down to take him all in. Well, as much as she could. He was very big.

“G-God,” the man breathed out as his head tilted back. “Oh my god, thank you. Thank you so fuckin’ much, baby,” Logan covered his face with his hands as his heart raised, feeling himself close.

“Oh, fuck, baby — yes,” the man moaned as she quickens her paste, slurping and coating his cock with her spit as she sucked a big roughly.

“Baby, please, let me cum. P-Please, I need to cum,” the man begged, wanting her to decide what he could do. Y/n nodded her head, not knowing what else to do, but she wanted him to cum. Have wanted to make him feel better.

“T-Thank you,” Logan moans loudly as his col twitched, spilling down the girl's throat. Y/n continued, sucking the man as his eyes crossed from the feeling of her emptying his sack.

“G-God,” he couldn’t keep himself together. She was so good at this. He wished he could have this every night before he went to bed.

“S-So good, y/n. So fuckin’ good,” the man let the woman know how great she was. Y/n’s glossy eyes looked up at him, feeling herself grow wet, but she knew she could deal with it herself.

“Get up, baby. Needa takes you back to my room,” Logan pulled y/n to her feet. Confused, the young lady allowed him to throw her over his shoulders.

“I can smell you, and I don’t want to leave you leaking for the night,” Logan said as he walked back towards the mansion. “I’ll be fine, Logan. I-I need to head to bed,” y/n spoke, a bit nervous about this all.

She thought that after she did him this small favor, that would be it. He had other plans. He wasn’t letting her go.

“You’ll sleep with me tonight. Tomorrow we’ll move your stuff to my room so you can sleep there every night,” the man thought way further than she thought.

“I don’t know if we can do that. We’ll have to tell Charles about our shared room, meaning everyone has to know, and I don’t know-“ she tried saying, but he cut her off.

“Baby, please. I’m fine with everyone knowing about what happened tonight. I can’t ignore how much I need you anymore,” Logan admitted.

“What if this happened again? What if I couldn’t walk to you from how hard I was? You do this to me, baby, so I need your help — I need you,”

Y/n sighed to herself then accepted what he wanted. Logan gave the girl a small peck on her side as he continued walking towards the mansion.

[coco-loco-nut]

Hii!

Can I please ask for an angsty fic with Max, where the reader defends him from Jos after not finishing his race in Melbourne...idk if you remember when Max kept his helmet for four hours after a race because he was afraid of what Jos would have done to him after not winning...and the reader basically tells Jos to get lost even if she's like 5'4 and definitely not as intimidating as them both lol.

And then maybe after the win in Suzuka, they "reconcile" but she still reminds him to act right around her boyfriend, who's now a man and not a little boy he could pressure like he once did.

Sorry if it's too long!! Thanks for taking your time and reading my request!

Guard Dog

Pairing: Max x Reader

Summary: You are sick and tired of watching Max take Jos' shit

TW: verbal abuse

A/n: thank you soooo much for the rec, I love writing these out so much <3

requests open masterlist

----------------

"Maxie... are you okay?" you wait patiently by the door to his driver's room, careful not to barge in like Jos would, as you have for the past year since you first witnessed Jos' beratement of his son. He is sitting on the couch with his helmet between his hands. The fire causing an unpleasant start to the race, and you are just glad you got here first.

"I'm okay," his voice cracks and you step into the room, closing the door behind you. "I know it wasn't my fault, but I can't help but feel like it was my fault," Max looks in your eyes, the fire brewing behind them. You were genuinely the sweetest girl he's ever met, and to get you mad took a lot. God help you if Jos shows up, you are tired of Max feeling bad even when he podiums.

"You're right, you didn't do anything wrong, the car failed you today," you stay calm, sitting beside him and cuddling into him. Max stays quiet, enjoying your warmth, and decompressing from the start. He can understand why the fans were so happy to see him lose, in fact, if he wasn't himself, he would join them. No, the fear of his father is what has him on edge. Rightfully so, because a few seconds later the door is slammed open again.

"Max, what the hell did you-" Jos starts and you launch yourself off the couch. Jos and Max were big guys, and you were average height for a woman, 5'6 or so, but you didn't seem like it in that moment.

"Shut the hell up and leave. You have nothing useful to say and you are going to shift blame to Max who had NO fault in the DNF," you snarl, setting yourself up as a barrier between the two, Jos still in the doorway and Max on the couch.

"Girl, I don't know who you think you are, but I am Max's father, and I can-," You cut Jos off before he can continue.

"No, you aren't his father. A father doesn't talk to his son like that, you are simply a man who shares the same last name as Max. A father is someone like Carlos Sainz Sr or Lawrence Stroll. No, you are a man- sorry a boy in a man's body- who can't cope with the fact that he doesn't race anymore and wants the man who shares the same last name with him to be impossibly perfect and win every single race, even when the car breaks down." You sneer at the man. "You need to leave, before I call security and make them remove you," you don't back down, instead you step closer. Max watches in both awe and fear.

"I-"

"Leave, Jos, now. Don't make me repeat myself," you say, practically slamming the door behind him. You turn around and look at Max, seemingly calm and normal. He looks at you bewildered.

"That was the sexiest thing ever. Thank you, Schatje, you didn't have to do that," Max hugs you, a large weight off of his shoulders.

"Of course I did, who else will be your guard dog?" You smile at him, squeezing him tighter. "Now, get changed and get back to the garage," you tell Max, stepping out to the room. You let out a deep breath, surprised with how you treated Jos and stood up for Max. A couple minutes later, Max rejoins you, quickly stopping inside hospitality for a snack.

The two of you avoid Jos, going extremely low contact, not that he was trying to. Jos would never admit it, but he was embarrassed at how you spoke to him, and his retreat allowed him to ignore it. Instead, you and Max enjoyed your time together in Japan. The both of you were aware Jos was there, but chose to ignore it. After Max won, Jos warily approached the two of you.

"I wanted to congratulate you on winning. You drove well," Jos says stiffly, silently calling for a truce. You let Max take the lead on the conversation.

"Thank you," he says, feeling like a little boy again, but accepting the temporary truce.

"It was good seeing you Jos, but we need to go," you interject, sensing the still tense atmosphere. The older man, still a little scared of you despite your sweet demeanor, lets you go, not quite willing to cross you again.

"Love you, Maxie"

"Love you too, Schatje,"

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

tsc thoughts while reading (beware of spoilers) starting with -

david wymack my fucking beloved

also i never rlly liked/cared for thea but her scene with jean and her nickname for him was cute

chapter 3 thoughts:

jeremy being in awe of neil and the foxes is giving me life

fanfics with alvarez in them gonna go crazy now that we actually have a first name for her (and don’t have to invent one)

oh they rich rich (in reference to jeremy’s family butler?!)

jerejean first interaction!!!!

chapter 4:

omg sunshine court mentioned

having the sudden realisation that i can never read fanfics that have jean’s perspective or anything about the how the ravens work, raven!neil/aftermath of the kings men in the same way again

my neighbours are having a party and while i’m loving the music and absolutely jealous i’m not there, it’s really distracting me from reading

ngl i rlly miss neil and andrew and the foxes please let me see my family soon

‘ what you hold onto is less important than the act of holding on itself’ nora sakavic shut the fuck up you philosophical genius i’m gonna cry this is so real to me

renee i love u

WIT WTF JEAN IS NINETEEN I DIDNT KNOW THAT OH MY GOD BABY HE JOINED THE RAVEN LINEUP AT SIXTEEN WTF

i’m drinking red wine while reading and i think that’s appropriate… also i’m listening to that jean moreau playlist someone made and it’s mega depressing https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5zlPt63Ap0AjJQ1Ff5OKrd?si=75oEzLE8SO-bfJwewM8Evw&pi=a-ge04jIlVTJGY

this is so funny to only me but i’ve been hyperfixating on one direction again and zayn just dropped new music so everytime i read about jean’s raven roomate zane i think of one direction and confused myself a bit about what fandom i’m reading rn

fuck riko u sick fucking fuck u put jean into a box with a singular hole for air and left him to die u fucking cunt

KEVIN ASKING JEAN TO PROMISE NOT TO KILL HIMSELF AFTER NORA WROTE COUNTLESS DRAFTS IN WHICH JEAN KILLED HIMSELF WHILE ON THE PHONE TO KEVIN AND THE ONLY TIME SHE DIDNT KILL JEAN OFF IS THE VERSION SHE PUBLISHED AND THE REASON WE GET TO HEAR HIS STORY TODAY IM SO BROKEN

jean’s ‘gift’ from the ravens with his broken magnets, blacked out postcards and angry letters is making me cry he deserves so much better

slowly realising that this book is gonna be super triggering lol whoops

a cool evening breeze 🥲

THAT CREEPY LITTLE GOALKEEPER IS MY FAVOURITE GUY OK

‘kevin saw nothingn but the court, but jean had stopped hoping for more than that years ago’ shut the fuckkkk uppppp i cant do this anymore kevin/jean relationship is so deeply important to me (i say this about everything)

chapter 5:

SECOND NEIL/ JEAN INTERACTION OF THE BOOK IM SO FUCKING EXCITED

‘of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent’ ‘good morning to you too’ is so ‘morning sunshine’ ‘fuck you’ coded (neil and matt bromance confirmed)

the amount of mitski on this jean playlist is making me sick

FUCKING SCREAMING OMFG THIS IS THE JEAN/NEIL CONTENT I YEARN FOR

‘abominable cockroach’ aww jean u say the sweetest things 🥰❤️ neil loves u too babe

literally devouring every last scrap of information jean feeds us about neil - his slow, hungry, hateful smile and the madness in his eyes (neil baby i love u never change)

oh jean don’t diss aaron, do u know how many fanfics have been written about u two

tsc is confirmation that jean moreau will come into ur house and judge u based on the contents of ur fridge (and then throw out ur stash of lollies)

‘to have a real match as a palate cleanser’ jean is really trying to win my favour by borrowing neil’s sassiness huh (no wonder i love them so much together) ((and yes i know he’s BEEN sassy ok))

jean reaching for the tv screen as if he could save neil and describing andrew running for neil as if hell was on his heels is making me absolutely giddy idk whether to scream or cry i’m doing both and i’m giggling

I bet on losing dogs is so jean moreau coded omg

holy fuck nora, the moments after the raven/fox match when riko tries to kill neil is fucking amazingly written. reading from jean’s perspective as he watches the game on tv, the tension, the breathless anxiety and confusion of the scene is palpable i coukd fucking taste it, my chest is tight just reading it

JEAN SAYING ANDREW WILL BE COURT IS IMMACULATE

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Erm so I. Accidentally started ranting. Oopsies

I think it's silly to draw Killers soul in a constant target shape in erm found family kinda trope. Yk. When everyone gets along and is happy and they also jokingly bully Killer and excessive amount. And Killers in stage 2 through all of it. How honest is Killer truly being?

And also (going off track) why does he get bullied an excessive amount, because I see no love coming from that,, to like jokingly shit on someone, yeah, sure I understand, people do that, it can be funny, but it's just.... so much..... like. Killer can't even breathe without being shit on. Maybe saying he's getting shit on is not the best way to word it but,,,,,,, anyways Killer gets bullied so much I don't even. I can't even see it as funny anymore. He gets bullied, and no affection given, and it's even more deprivating seeing how the others who surround him, the group he's supposedly a part of, is all love and affection and they obviously share affection and all 'at

And then there's Killer. Only there to mess things up and harass everyone. He talks too much, and when getting ignored he starts talking about sensitive topics for something to come out of the other. Just something to say he's real, something to show he's somehow still a part of whatever this is. He's not treated as an outside, but he sure as hell ain't being treated as someone that matters. It shouldn't bother him though. The treatment isn't new, he's used to this, he's fine. He shouldn't be petty about not getting a lil affection

Killers literally so hated that the version of horror that's so desperate to keep everyone healthy and to not let anyone starve, literally leaves Killer to starve for a day. Sighs idk I'm just not dealing with Killer constantly getting bullied all the time,,,, it's funny every now and then but Jesus it's so excessive I can't even— anyways I have no solution for this because the best situation is to leave the ones hurting you but. Sighsssssssss

I'm just. Stopping myself here, imma go eat

No, i completely understand you, anon. I used to also be a target of excessive bullying (both in school and in my family unit), so that shit doesn’t appeal to me. It’s not funny or cute, especially when it’s done to a character whose use that type of treatment and far worse, and keeps seeing examples of what the dynamic should and could be, but for some reason he’s not allowed to experience that??

I also hate it when in Bad Sans Family dynamics they treat Killer like he’s an idiot or an annoying child, always messing things up and everyone just fucking hates him for some reason despite claiming not to??

In my mind, if Killer is excessively in Stage 2 during these types of dynamics, then his ass is just playing along. They treat him like shit despite claiming to care or be family or be friends, no different than what Chara did, there’s no way he’d allow himself to be in Stage 1 around them. He can’t trust them not to fuck him up anymore than he already is.

And Stage 1 is excessively a lot more emotionally fragile and sensitive than he is in Stage 2. Killer doesn’t need bullying and degrading comments when he’s in such a vulnerable, fragile state. That’s not a sign of love or affection for Stage 1.

A lot of people don’t seem to understand that Killer is a victim of awful, prolonged abuse and torture—he’s not just a violent stupid serial killer, he is a victim of forced perpetration. He is not going to react to these things like Horror or Murder would.

In fact, even with a Bad Sans Family, his circumstances still mirror the one he had with Chara—killing people, hurting people, doing it with people who claim to be friends or family, even all those violent bloody fights people portray Killer and Murder having is no different than what likely happened with Chara.

Stage 1 is not going to be stabbing people to show affection or licking blood off knives or doing anything that he does in Stage 2. Because that is a version of Killer that is more Sans-like, you know, a Sans that never wanted any of this. A version of Sans who is constantly filled with overwhelming fear, guilt, shame, pain, longing for his home and his brother. Who is still out there, looking for him.

It reminds me of a quote a came across, but can’t quite remember. Something about how a girl wakes up in her bed in a house, screaming and crying about how she wants to go home—but the speaker and the family is confused, because she already is home.

[miskamix]

Young Love [Chapter 2]

I forgot to add TW's on the last chapter but i don't think it needs any

TW: Smut, my horibble writen smut, alcohol??, idk tell me if i need to add more ig

You can read all the chapters i've made so far on my wattpad

https://www.wattpad.com/1378942229-young-love-chuuya-x-reader-x-dazai-chapter-2

______________________________________________________________

Y/N's POV:

After a few hours i finish unpacking my stuff and check the clock on my phone. "its only 16:34?" i say to myself 'might as well go buy myself some food since i don't wanna eat chuuya's or dazai's food' 

When i walk out of my room is see chuuya and dazai have changed their outfits 'are they going on a date or something?' "where are you two going?" i ask them.

"Oh! Hey Y/N, me and Chuuya are going on a date so we will be gone for a few hour!" Dazai says happily. "oh nice, i was just about to go get some food for myself" i say and start to put on my shoes. 

For some reason when i bend down i feel like someone is watching me from behind but i don't think much of it.

A few hours later

I'm just laying in my bed and listening to music while pretending to be in edits and also singing along to some songs.

When ever my favorite songs come on i start dancing or just walking around in my room. "Bernadette, You are my liberty. I celebrate the day, That you changed my history. Oh, life and death. Will always lead you into love and regret. But you have answers, And I have the key For the door to Bernadette~" i sing praying to god that Chuuya and Dazai aren't home yet, because 1, that would be embarrassing and 2, i don't have the prettiest singing voice in the world.

After the song ends i lay back down in my bed waiting for the next song to come on, but realize that my headphone are dead "aw man.." i say and start looking for the changer to the headphones.

Dazai POV: (3rd person)

Dazai and Chuuya are sitting at a bar drinking. (its around 23:00pm btw) 

"Chuuya~ you really shouldn't be drinking this much~ you know you can handle your liquor~" Dazai teases him. "Shut up! i can handle my alcohol very well!"  Chuuya says and chugs down a glass of wine. "oh lord" Dazai says and sees that hes starting to get drunk. 

Suddenly Chuuya gets up and goes over to the karaoke area of the bar, picks up the microphone and starts singing his heart out.

Dazai is giggling and recording the whole thing for later blackmail.

After a while everyone starts leaving because the bar is closing. "Chuuya, baby its time to get you home" Dazai says and picks up the drunk Chuuya.

Y/N's POV:

When i walk back into my room after getting myself some water from the sink i hear Rasputin playing and a young man yelling "COME ON FYODOR, YOU CAN DO IT!!" from the dorm next mine. 'i guess someone's having fun' i think and chuckle to myself. 

I put my glass of water on my bedside table and sit down on my bed and look out the window.

(this what the room looks like with a bigger window and more room + some of you're own thing)

While looking out at the dark street, i see Dazai and Chuuya walking back, or more like Dazai is carrying Chuuya on his shoulders. "he's probably drunk or something" i say to myself.

I put on my headphones and start watching something on my computer.

after sometime i go to the kitchen to get water but stop as my jaw drops 'WHAT. THE. FUCK!?' i think as i see Dazai and Chuuya making out in the kitchen. I almost drop my glass "okay i think its time for me to go to bed, i can't deal with this anymore" i say as i walk back to my room, praying they didn't notice me.

As i walk into my room i turn of the lights and start taking of my clothes, going to bed in only my bra and panties. 

As i try to sleep i hear Dazai and Chuuya going into their bedroom to probably have sex or something, i feel myself start to get pretty horny from just listening to them. 

I just lay there listening to them. I feel myself get flustered hearing what i believe is Dazai's cute moans and whimpers as Chuuya fucks him.

Dazai POV:  

"AH~ hm~ chuuya!~" i moan like a slut as is Chuuya fucks me from behind, and choking me. "fuck, such a slutty boy you are~" Chuuya says in my ear as i cry from the pleasure. 

"please~ i'm a good boy!~ please be gentle~" i plead as the pleasure becomes to much to bare "please let me cum..!~ i'm so close chuuya~" i cry into my pillow.

"No~ not yet, little slut~" Chuuya's thrusts get much faster and rougher, and it's hard for me to not cum right then and there. "p-please!~ Chuuya..!~" i cry and feel his teeth bite my neck.

"cum." Chuuya says in a commanding voice and i cum all over the bed. " good boy~" Chuuya says and kisses my forehead. "you did so well little slut~" he whispers "but its not over yet~" 

Y/N's POV:  

After what feels like forever they finally stop whatever they were doing. I check my phone and see its 5:23 am. "four hours!? damn they are like bunnies in heat.." i say as i try to sleep again.

Next morning: (Y/N POV) 

The next morning i come out of my room looking like shit. when i walk into the kitchen i see Dazai hugging Chuuya from behind while he cooks.

"Next time try to not wake up the whole campus with all of your noises" i say to them in a pissed voice while i make myself some coffee. They both turn to look at me in surprise. "what..?" Chuuya says while nervelessly laughing. "if you're gonna have sex don't be so fucking loud" i walk back to my room while they just look at me in shock, they both must have forgot i was in the apartment and didn't think to try to be quiet. 

After drinking my coffee i start to put on my clothes. 

'looks nice' i smile while looking at myself in the mirror. I'm wearing a white dress shirt, a black jean skirt that goes to my ankles with a slit at the bottom reveling my legs(it can be pants to if you want) a  black west with white stripes and black leggings with small heart on them.

When i walk out of my room i see Dazai and Chuuya eating breakfast, 'that looks kinda good' i think to myself as i put my shoes on.

"aren't you gonna eat something before you leave?" i flinch as i hear Dazai talk to me. "a-ah, no i don't eat breakfast, it makes me want to throw up" Dazai looks at me "okay.." he says as i walk out of the dorm. 'phew' i think as i walk down the hall.

"COME ON FYODOR! CAN WE PLEASE GET ANOTHER RAT?! RATATOUILLE NEEDS A FRIEND!" I hear the same young man from last night yell again. 'isn't that the one who yelled "you can do this fyodor!!" last night?' i think. 

When i turn a corner i see a tall man with white long hair in a pig tail and a scar on one of his eyes, a man with pale skin and black hair to his shoulders and a man with a Christmas tree looking hairstyle and his hair being half white, half purple. 'What the actual fuck is that hairstyle' i think as i look at the poor man. 

All three of them notice that i'm looking at them and the white haired speaks "Oh, hey! you must be new here!" he says and runs up to me "uh.. yeah i am.." i say. "i'm Nikolai, Nikolai gogol!" the white haired man says. "this here is Fyodor, my dear friend!" he says and points at the black haired man. 'the way he said dear seems like they are more then friends' 

"and this one here is Sigma!" Nikolai points at the white and purple haired man. 'there's no fucking way is his name Sigma'. "uh.. i'm Y/N" i say. "hello Y/N, its nice to meet you" Fyodor says in a thick Russian accent and shakes my hand with his cold one. "its nice to meet you too" i smile "i think i heard you guys last night, you guys were playing Rasputin" i laugh.

"OH! yeah we were playing just dance!" Nikolai says happily. I look at Sigma who looks a bit nervous. "uhh.. sorry if we bothered you last night.!" he says. 'poor man' i think 'he probably lost a bet to that Nikolai guy and had to get that haircut'. 

"Oh, no i didn't bother me at all, it made me happy to know someone was having fun" i smile at him. "oh.. okay" he smiles back.

Nikolai goes back to begging Fyodor to get another rat and i walk up to Sigma. "Y/N" i reach out my hand for him to shake "Sigma" he says while shaking my hand. "not to be rude or anything, but is Sigma your real name? isn't it a Greek letter?" i ask "..its not actually my real name.. i have amnesia and forgot my real name.. so i just use that.." he says while scratching the back of his head. "oh i'm so sorry! that must have sounded rude!" i say while panicking a bit "no! its okay! really, a lot of people ask me that, so i don't find it rude anymore" he says trying to reassure me.

'phew' i think. "uhh.. do you want to be friends or something..? i don't really have any friends at the moment.." i ask him "sure" he smiles at me.''

"so.. how long have you been friends with Nikolai and Fyodor?" i ask "about 3 years" he says. i smile at him. "oh, can i have your phone number? you don't have to if you don't want to!" he says "yeah, here its xxxxxxxx" i smile at him. "thanks mine is xxxxxxxx" he says.

"ooo~ is Sigma getting himself a partner?~ its about time~" Nikolai teases him. "WHAT!? NO! WE ARE JUST FRIENDS!" Sigma starts blushing and he feels embarrassed. "Sure~" Nikolai teases him more. "uhh.." i feel a bit uncomfortable, since i'm not really looking to be in a relationship. All of the past relationships i've been have quite toxic or abusive, so i don't really trust anyone anymore. 

"Are you okay Y/N..? you look a bit uncomfortable.. did what Nikolai say make you uncomfortable..?" Sigma asks me "huh? oh, no! not at all! its just that its weird for me to be teased! thats all!" i lie. 

"oh okay.." Sigma says and we start walking somewhere. "so do you want to go somewhere today to get to know each other better?" Sigma asks "sure" i smile.

(i hope yall liked this chapter👉👈 i didn't really have any ideas for this chapter lol. also please give me some ideas for the next chapter, idk what to write in it)

[laylawatermelon]

Y'all i just cracked the davinci code and idk if you're gonna like it.

As a Buddie fan devastated obviously, as a 9-1-1 fan devastated obviously and as a writer absolutely blown away by the finessing they just graced us with.

They literally found a way to make Eddie straight and by God they've done it successfully.

Lemme explain.

I was locked in when he was having the speech with Shannon and didn't get to deep in the emotions (heinous ik but I wanted to hear what he was feeling).

I did get some water wobbles in my chest but that's neither here nor there. I did scream horrifically at the cliffhanger of the show.

Guess the nun did scare the life out of her (and me!) after all! Heeh should've seen that coming honestly but I didn't think they'd go there.

So there's two things I think is gonna happen, one Eddie's gonna go on more straight woman dates (yay 😮‍💨) and Chris is leaving.

Now the second one I'll address first and don't bash me if it's not trueee.

I'll get the Chris one over with. First Gavin, Chris' actor, family moved. Since he's become a main he's had little to no screentime in the show.

What I think has happened in real life it's that Gavin will step away from the show. They have him main to show his importance in the cast and storyline (i can also guess pay raise but I'm not saying that's unreasonable really) before his send off.

Realistically he's a disabled person, a child/minor at that, who i assume has a lot of equipment and things he has to travel with. I can imagine it's not that easy to consistently travel across states with equipment, doctor's appointments, schoolwork etc.

So this is probably his last season for a while.

The birthday party (which can also double as a send off or until next time message) and the promotion/upgrade in role despite not being written as such or having storyline outside of the adults.

(off topic but I'd love a mini 118 hijinks b story with all the kids or a low stakes disaster where they all team up until the 118 get there)

He's been hypocritical to him about cheating and even tarnished his mom's legacy by bringing a fake version of her in his house.

The reason i can say the story can effectively write him off for the first half of next season is that Chris will go with his other family because he feels betrayed by his dad.

He doesn't feel safe anymore (😞😭 I'm making myself sad) so he opts to leave until his dad gets better.

The hospital scene is Eddie realizing what his kid needs isn't a new mom but to trust in his parents and that's now shattered (ooh this starting to feel personal be gone trauma!).

So he'll throw a tantrum (a rightfully deserved one that's my boy😤) and say in anger he doesn't want to be with his dad.

Buck will obviously be there cause yeah Eddie (delusional hubby) clearly needs help in his hour of need and so does Chris.

Eddie will do self isolation. Buck will be there for him (Tommy probably staying too but I'm neutral for this post) but with everything Eddie going through he's gonna be wrecked.

And because Eddie's a (good? Eh so so right now) dad he'll let Chris decide when he wants to return.

Hence the heartbreak.

Boom it solves the Gavin problem where he can probably stay during the summer so maybe mid season 8 or limited role like how they did this season and his family can focus on him/life.

Now the Straight Eddie!

By God he's done it!

You've pulled a real good one. Tim I salute you truly.

Idk how you made a straight man out of him but by his you've done it!

(so did you Ryan I'm watching you!)

Since buddie isn't on the table this season the platonic hasn't been more platonic-er since season 7 episode 1.

The way he did it was so easy and smooth I'm in awe.

This is how he kept and can probably enforce straight Eddie.

This is also how he can not enforce straight Eddie (haha got you).

The line you were the love of my life but I'm living it without you now stuck out to me.

That means he's going to find himself and what he really likes without a partner. Therapy, hobbies all that good ish. Maybe a few dates but def church.

Here's why.

Church has been something he drift away and let's be honest American tv and society is still founded in Christianity and all of its adjacent branches.

You must have God somewhere in there for the older audience to tune in/connect with of it's getting a lil secular (aka the bundle of lgbt characters. They're probably saying at least one of em knows God😮‍💨😮‍💨) /hj

The book of prayers symbolizes him going back to God to find answers about himself.

Anyways for the straight Eddie he can get closer to himself better in his faith and get a nice Christian girl who he matches with and (maybe) even has a kid/ similar background.

Since he's been to therapy and he's let go of the love of his life he's now free to find love in someone else. A new woman. (And truly this time)

(or a man, or they/them)

Yes my queer Eddie agenda rises!

Go FORTH!

BE ONE WITH THE SKITTLES SQUAD!

But seriously though the other way it can go is that he's discovering stuff about himself away from romance. He becomes more comfortable with religion but when confusing feelings (attraction to the same gender anyone for $10?) arise then he'll maybe start to fight his Catholic guilt about it since he's gotten closer to it.

Then he'll have to ask for for forgiveness but not permission for the live he wants to live.

(with buck in a house on the waves! Let me be delusional! I've kept it under wraps this long!)

But anyways they've truly dodged the lgbt fruity storyline.

They've also shown us that yes, Buddie was NOT platonic because I've never felt more friends energy in my life this season.

And what the AuDHD brain says is canon/not canon I vibe accordingly.

The vibes were low. Like a suspiciously low.

Dare I say subtextually low.

That's not happened in the history of buddie this is a code red!

CODE RED!

Okay I'm done btw hate me or whatever! /big J

[todayisafridaynight]

#ANYWAY LET ME COOK. im not a good chef but i can at least cook an egg lemme see what i got...

This is leagues ahead of Jo as per Substitute Father so I'm sure you'll do great <3 NOT TO SET THE BAR LOW... Arakawa POV part of that was sooooooo cute but I am of course VERY MUCH LOOKING FORWARD regardless of what you've got in the oven :] I think it's funny we always end up with roughly the same concepts but I just shoehorn RGGJo into it instead

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THOUGH WITH HOW THE MARKETING FOR YLAD KEPT HAMMERING IN THE SON THING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER... BUT THE SCENE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT IS FUNNY and honestly half of the things Westerners [<- counting myself just this once] find funny in RGG apparently aren't intentional so what's one more

Substitute Father haunts me since i really don't like it but i also know that One (1) person really enjoyed it so i don't want to delete it SOOO the most i can do at this point is try to write something better as an apology and try to forget.. and hopefully let arakawa FPOV in a better fic..

BUT YEAH LMAO they really werent subtle bout it in retrospect.... teehee..

[gffa]

The thing I really miss about Star Wars novels is exemplified by being two-thirds of the way through Inquisitor: Rise of the Red Blade and how I think I'm legitimately enjoying it, but in a very specific way, and I think there's actually a ton you could dig into the structure and bias of the narrator that I think is done on purpose and that I can find sympathy for a character actively falling to the dark side and what she's going through without validating the people she's demonizing in her head because I've been there, I have had my brain lying to me all my life, telling me things I know aren't true, making me believe them despite all evidence otherwise, and do you guys KNOW how much I love hot messes of a disaster lady? I fucking love a woman who is just an awful mess and doesn't have to actually be perfect or nice and maybe just once or twice says a kind of catty thing, NO, SHE IS A WHOLE ASS MESS and I LOVE HER!! But also I'm kind of in the position of how I'm tired of getting stories of characters falling to the dark side being the vast majority of what stories explore with the Jedi, I enjoy them, but not when that's all there is, and I have spent YEARS AND YEARS going back and forth with the discussions about the Jedi and I am so tired of it, I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE. I just want to write my commentary and thoughts down in the vein that I have them and have that be it. I want to say, "This is a really glorious unreliable narrator here, because everything she says is contradicted by what the Jedi actually say/do, and she is explicitly a character designed with neurodivergent/mental health issues aspects in mind and you can't divorce that from her character." and like I don't even want to discuss with other Jedi fans about what the author may or may not have said (I read one interview from her at the beginning, enjoyed it fine, and AM NOT INTERESTED in knowing or hearing anything further) or how annoying it is to have a book like this, I JUST WANT TO DIG INTO A STORY and not have to worry about bracing myself for combat. (And also the thorny issue of how this isn't precisely a recommendation because I'm not sure others would enjoy it, like even if you agreed with me, I'm not sure it'd be something in your wheelhouse, but I don't want to even get into that, it feels exhausting, like, just I want to talk about how I'm enjoying it, but not have to articulate why I think others possibly wouldn't, just leave it at "nah, I don't think you'd enjoy it".) I know this is some IRL stuff spilling over onto my reading of this book and I'm aware of the state of a lot of creators in SW right now hold opinions that have made me stop reading their works because I am no longer interested in anything they have to contribute, but also like. Sometimes I just want to enjoy a book on my own terms and not have to feel like I'm arguing a case, but instead reveling in the glorious hot mess of a central female character that maybe I relate to and have sympathy for even while recognizing that she is painting a very unreliable portrait within the book, because I Have Been There. Idk, I'm not saying this very well, and a lot of it is outside factors, but I have this giant tangled ball of "I just want to enjoy something for once, not examine why it might actually be doing my Blorbos all wrong", like aren't we supposed to be in fandom for the enjoyment of things, not to constantly argue with people? /tired and hasn't been sleeping well and has been thinking about this instead of wrenching irl stuff

[hiroshotreplica]

im sorry you probably dont want this in your askbox but i dont really think it makes sense to talk about madness and leafi the same way for a lot of reasons. Idk maybe im just seeing a transgirl getting relentlessly dogpiled because of old screenshots and having an over-empathetic response but fuck man she was 13 when those screenshots were taken. Shes not even 18 right now shes crazy young for her level of play (like literally should be community banned for lying about being 13 for multiple years during splatoon 2 to get around discord community guidelines but thats a tangent). She said in her apology she was trying to fit in with a real shitty group of people she doesn't associate with anymore and fuck man im probably giving herself way too much grace cause i seeing a terrifying exaggeration of something i went through on a public scale but like people are editing HER face onto memes and talking shit about HER and constantly misgendering her when madness is not only an actual adult but has been ACTUALLY DOING THIS SHIT RECENTLY. im not saying the shit she was saying wasnt heinous but fuck man this isnt gonna help her and i dont want the dumass bullshit she said when she was a middle schooler to ruin the rest of her life. sorry for the white girl mental illness blast but there is important context in this ranty anxiety and projection goop

anon asked for a tldr for the situation w/ jackpot as a whole, which included leafi's part in the situation. as the post was about how jackpot as a team has made racist statements. i chose screenshots that put my point clearly, which just so happened to be screenshots with madness and leafi. i'll go more into it here, though

i did not mean to compare her to madness when including screenshots of her old statements. i was compiling the most blatant screenshots from the thread i had originally linked in a prior post. i was going to include other things, but didnt have the time to compile them and was beginning to get stressed about being the source of this info on tumblr.

i was also going to include this video of her saying racist statements in 2024, but i didnt want to include a twitter link for an anon that couldnt access twitter. im realizing i shouldve done so

i do feel bad for her getting involved with a group of people THAT bad if she was truly that ignorant when she was younger, but thats where my sympathy ends. she still acted racist and still associated with clearly racist people even when she was older and more mature. ive learned since making that post that she was born in 2007. 16 is still an age where you should be mature enough to understand that those comments are racist, even with america's shitty public education system glossing over racism.

i definitely see why this can look like people dogpiling on a trans woman though, and the people doing memes and editing her into them in general about this situation are disgusting. i had no idea she was trans and that people were misgendering her. anyone making this situation about her being trans are awful and not people i stand by.

but all of that, including her being skilled despite her age, still doesnt forgive or erase her actions. nothing like that does for the other members of jackpot that have also stated racist things. nothing like that does for any other comp splatoon player that has said anything similar. the apology she put out was needed, but from what ive heard from others, it wasnt the best. she is writing another apology, though, so it couldve just been rushed.

no one has to accept her apology, either. as a white person myself, im not one that should even be one to accept her apology. it wasnt an apology for me, and it isnt one for you, either (if you are white as you say but i might be misreading). people should not be painted in a negative light for not accepting her apology even if it were an amazing one.

the way some people are reacting to this situation is not okay, but she still did awful things that she should be held accountable for. the other guilty members of jackpot are not better than her, but theyve all still said fucked up things. none of them have done anything to prove they arent racist, and theres only more evidence coming out that proves that they have been, so its hard to process at the moment.

could things change? yes, of course, but as of right now, leafi has stated racist things as recent as 2024 and put out a poor apology trying to defend herself. people are handling it poorly and trying to make it about her identity and making memes on it when it is not the right thing to do. these racist claims are being put w/ other racist claims made by other jackpot team members so it was included in my tldr post about the entire situation.

i apologize for poor wording in this, im not the best w/ these kinds of posts