#ye olde Borax

[shiftythrifting]

[lemonlushff]

A-Yuan has a favorite scientist youtuber. He's fun and funny and makes science exciting. What he doesn't realize is that this youtuber and his baba share a past. At least not until his uncle gifts him con tickets to meet him in person.

(originally posted to twitter. Still being threaded there. Also being cleaned up on AO3)

LZ can hear A-Yuan on his laptop. Or more exactly - he can hear "WWX" on A-Yuan's laptop. A-Yuan isn't making any sound, aside from munching on a bowl of spicy crayfish potato chips.

He only buys them for A-Yuan, and only after a kid from school gave them to him.

'WOAH THAT'S SO COOL', he hears WWX say - his voice a little tinny through the old and small speakers. 'LET'S TRY IT AND SEE IF IT WORKS...Now kids, remember - if you're doing this at home, make sure you have an adult there to help you.'

LZ smiles, slicing through a napa cabbage

"What is WWX doing?"

"Borax crystals - it's an old video," A-Yuan explained. "I wanted to make some when Bofu comes for my birthday."

"You have discussed this with him already?" LZ replied, arching a brow. He's unsurprised that this is what A-Yuan wants to do for his birthday.

LH is always very accommodating of A-Yuan's desire to experiment. LZ doesn't mind, so long as his house remains intact. He's always preferred to be the one behind the camera documenting the process.

He's rather pleased, really, that A-Yuan shares such a deep connection with him.

A-Yuan had such a hard life, prior to his adoption - LZ would do anything for him.

"...No," A-Yuan smiled sheepishly. "I wanted to ask you first?"

"Is this you asking me?"

"...Yes?"

LZ pinned him with a look and A-Yuan straightened in his seat.

"Baba, may I make crystals with Bofu?"

"Mm...You may. Let me know what you need and I'll get it."

A-Yuan's shoulders visibly relaxed as he eagerly nodded yes, before grabbing another chip and popping it into his mouth.

He unpaused the video, and WWX's voice filled their kitchen as LZ returned to his cabbage.

This man's voice had become the backdrop of their lives - a soft yet vibrant sound that was always around.

The first time LZ had heard it, there was an air of familiarity to it that made his heart twist into a knot. It made him remember someone from his past. Someone with bright eyes and a brighter smile. It had taken a long time for him to convince himself that WWX was not WY.

After all, what were the odds? It was merely a coincidence. One in a million, at best.

His heart was just grasping straws against his better judgment.

'OK! Now it's time to wait...' the video continued, and LZ focused on tossing the cabbage into the pan.

LH was the one who had introduced A-Yuan to WWX, back when his adoption was still fresh. LZ hadn't approved of the computer use at the time, but LH had insisted that a little screen time wouldn't hurt anyone. And WWX was fun and educational. A Bill Nye for a new generation.

His steadfast insistence turned WWX into a them thing, curled up on the couch together until A-Yuan was old enough for LZ to allow him to use a computer without someone there.

Parental restrictions in place, of course.

'...And 24 hours later, you have this! WOAH!! It really works! Isn't that awesome?! Let's try it again with some food coloring!'

"Dinner will be ready soon," LZ reminded A-Yuan as the chip bag crinkled, tossing the stir fry he was making in the air.

The crinkling stopped.

"Is the video almost over?"

"Yeah, but I can finish it later," A-Yuan promised, pausing WWX midsentence to set the table.

"After homework."

"After homework," he agreed. "Can I call Bofu first?"

LZ already knew his brother would say yes, but that didn't matter.

This was a teaching moment, and LZ prided himself on those.

"Yes. Wash up - dinner is ready."

***

LZ was wiping down the counter when the doorbell rang.

*"Xiao Tuzi guaiguai, bamen er kai kai! Kuai dian er kai kai, wo yao jinlai!"

Ah. NMJ was here.

*"Good little rabbit, open the door. Open it quickly I want to come in!"

Part of a Chinese nursery rhymehttps://www.youtube.com/embed/Tkjs_O2Xj5U

"I'll get it!" A-Yuan announced, not quite running down the hall to the front door...but it was a close thing. "Bobo!"

"Xiao tuzi!" NMJ boisterously greeted, throwing A-Yuan over his shoulder as he entered. The house filled with A-Yuan's squeals of delight.

"Careful, Mingjue," LH cautioned, trailing after them with a wide grin on his face. "You'll never be forgiven if something happens to that boy..."

"Boy? What boy? There aren't any boys here - just my xiao tuzi!" NMJ corrected mischievously, earning a giggle from A-Yuan.

"Isn't he getting a bit too big to be your xiao tuzi?"

"Don't be ridiculous - so long as I can pick him up, he's my xiao tuzi."

"Given what you lift, I don't think he'll ever outgrow the name," LZ greeted, coming around the island to shake NMJ's free hand.

"Figured out my master plan, did you?" NMJ grinned cheekily.

"At least they don't play airplane anymore," LH chuckled, giving LZ's shoulders a squeeze.

"Mm...I was worried about holes in my ceiling for a long time," LZ agreed.

"I miss airplane," A-Yuan pouted.

"I bet I can still do it..."

It, being toss his son into the air like he weighed nothing. LZ had made him stop when A-Yuan turned 7 out of a fear of injury. He wasn't as small as he used to be, even if NMJ could deadlift 4 times A-Yuan's current weight.

"Perhaps we don't throw my son into the air like a stuffed animal?"

"Not a stuffed animal," NMJ corrected before spinning around in circles. "A xiao tuzi!"

Peels of A-Yuan's laughter bounced off the walls around them, and LZ snuck a glance at LH as NMJ ran with A-Yuan to throw him onto the couch and attack his sides with tickles.

LH's face was soft and filled with longing.

"He will make a good father," LZ commented quietly.

"One day...For now, he makes for a good uncle."

"Mm...A-Yuan is fortunate to have two good uncles in his life," LZ replied, and LH bumped his hip into LZ's.

"Do you need help in the kitchen?"

"Everything is prepared already," LZ replied with the shake of his head.

"I wanted those two to get out some of their energy first."

"Well. That could take some time...I suppose now would be a good time to talk about our present to him?"

LZ arched a brow inquisitively.

"There's this comic con coming up in a few weeks."

LZ's other brow arched.

"Did you buy him tickets to a comic con?"

"There's a science section," LH explained. "And they have a special guest. WWX."

Oh...A-Yuan would love that. Seeing his favorite youtuber in person was like a dream come true for him.

"That's very generous of yo—"

—The loud sound of NMJ blowing raspberries into A-Yuan's stomach, followed by squeals of delight interrupted LZ. LH released a deep exhale, and LZ squeezed his shoulder.

"Soon."

"Soon," LH agreed. "Water?"

"Of course."

LH followed LZ behind the island and accepted the glass LZ handed him.

"This comic con," LZ continued, picking up the thread. "When is it?"

"The weekend of the 29th. But Mingjue and I already discussed it and you don't need to go, if you don't want to."

They knew about LZ's great dislike of crowds.

"We're more than happy to, and I'd love to see this guy in person too," LH confessed.

"Mm..." LZ pondered, watching LH fill the glass with water. LH *should* be the one to go. WWX was his special thing with A-Yuan.

NMJ had sports and using him as a free weight.

LH had WWX...

...And he had him as a son.

"Take him," LZ decided, and LH paused, glass inches from his lips.

"Really? You don't mind?"

"You're Bofu. Of course I don't mind."

"Thank you, didi," LH replied, taking a sip of his water as A-Yuan escaped NMJ's clutches, barreling head-first into LH's side for protection.

"Bofu save me! Save me from Bobo!"

"Save you from Bobo?" LH echoed, a sly smile slowly spreading across his face. "But then who's going to save you from me?"

LZ watched as LH and NMJ chased A-Yuan around the room, a warm happiness curling in his stomach. The sound of his family's laughter filling the room.

He watched as NMJ cornered A-Yuan on one side of the couch, while LH took the other side, the two of them teaming up to stock A-Yuan like he was prey. A-Yuan knew there was no escape - it was hard not to. Still, he did his best to hide his smile, biting down on his lower lip.

He was going to go down fighting.

NMJ was the first to make a move, pouncing on A-Yuan and tackling him to the couch. He cradled his head and kept most of his body weight off of him, careful to not crush the boy.

Pinned to the couch, NMJ began blowing raspberries into his neck, while LH seized the opportunity to descend on A-Yuan and press kisses to his cheeks.

They *would* make such great parents one day. The two of them, working together to raise a child...He was...

LZ was envious.

The way they complimented each other. The way they worked as a team...The way they so clearly loved each other...He wanted that.

LZ loved his life, he did. A-Yuan was his light, and he had accepted that it would probably be just the two of them when he adopted him.

That didn't change the fact that there was a part of him - a very real part - that wished he had a partner in this.

Someone to help *him* chase his son around the couch. Someone to help *him* press his son down and cover him in kisses...Someone who would take care of his own needs as well. Emotionally.

...Physically.

LZ knew he was lonely (romantically). Sometimes, when his brother and his husband were around, he was just more sharply reminded of that.

It was fine though! He wouldn't trade this life - his happiness with his son - for anything...

And if someone wanted him, they would need to want them both. LZ turned away from the scene on the couch and busied himself with rooting through his fridge, taking out all of the vegetables he had sliced earlier for dinner. It would give him something to do.

Something else to focus on.

The laughter never died down. It filled the air all through dinner, carried in the edges of their voices and behind the words they said.

It made the food that much better, and the smiles that much wider.

"Mingjue," LH began once the plates were cleared. "Do you think we should perhaps give Xiao Tuzi his present?"

"Present? What present?" NMJ blinked innocently. "Were we supposed to bring a present?"

"Well, it *is* his birthday..."

A-Yuan was squirming in his seat, eyes darting back and forth between his uncles like he was watching the most fascinating tennis match, eager to know who would win - what the outcome would be.

"It is? I completely forgot! Xiao Tuzi, is it your birthday?"

A-Yuan vigorously nodded, "Yes, Bobo!"

"It is? That can't be right...didn't you just turn 9?"

"That was last year!"

"Are you telling me you're already 10?? A-Huan, are you hearing this? LZ, surely you got the dates wrong!"

"Mm. A-Yuan is telling the truth."

"10 years old...Well...I suppose he should have a gift, shouldn't he..." NMJ agreed, patting down his pockets. "I think I have something somewhere..."

LZ hid a smile behind his glass as NMJ took out a stick of gum from his pocket and handed it to A-Yuan.

"There! Happy birthday!" NMJ grinned widely. "It's from Bofu too, so don't rush through it."

"T-thank you, Bobo," A-Yuan replied, doing his best to look appreciative.

"Da-Ge," LH cautioned with a teasing smile.

"Alright, alright, I'll look again," he relented, "I may have something else in one of these pockets..."

"Perhaps the left one?" LH suggested in amusement, and NMJ shoved his large hand inside. The sound of paper crinkling made A-Yuan sit up straighter.

"Oh? What's this? I think LH may have been right! I think there might be something in here after all!"

A-Yuan's eyes went wide as NMJ pulled a bright red envelope out of his pocket.

"Now I wonder how that got in there!"

"A true mystery," LH agreed, as NMJ handed it to A-Yuan.

"Happy birthday, Xiao Tuzi."

LZ watched A-Yuan bow to both of his uncles before they urged him to open the envelope.

"Bobo...Bofu...Thank you..."

"You're welcome, Xiao Tuzi," NMJ grinned. "We thought you might like some spending money for the other part of your gift."

"The gum?" LZ asked, despite himself, earning a low baritone chuckle from NMJ.

"Something else," LH corrected with a slight shake of his head as he reached into his own pocket. "Happy birthday, A-Yuan."

It was another envelope in pale blue this time, and A-Yuan tilted his head curiously.

"Open it up," LH encouraged, and A-Yuan tilted his head to the side.

"Tickets?"

"To the Gusu Comic Con. We thought you might want to go. Keep reading," LH encouraged.

"...No way," came A-Yuan's whispered shock. "WWX is going to be there? I'm going to meet WWX?!"

"And get his autograph!"

"Bofu!" A-Yuan cried, leaping off his chair to run around the table and wrap his small arms around his uncle's neck. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou both!"

"You're welcome," LH replied into A-Yuan's hair as NMJ leaned down to join the group hug.

"Can I call Lan Jingyi?" A-Yuan asked when they broke apart, and LH gave him a little nod. "Go ahead."

"Thank you Bofu! Thank you Bobo!" A-Yuan exclaimed, running to his iPad in his room

"Well," NMJ began with a chuckle, running his fingers through his hair. "I think that gift was a success."

"Mm...It will be hard to top," LZ agreed. "Thank you - it made his night."

"Don't mention it, I'm glad we could do it. I just wish Huaisang would have told me he knew WWX sooner."

"NHS knows WWX?"

"I know right? I was surprised too," NMJ laughed. "My brother? Friends with the science guy? But apparently they've been tight for years."

"I didn't know that," LH blinked. "Ah...well. I suppose your brother has friends everywhere. How did they meet? I'm curious now."

"School? I think? He was a little vague on the details, but WWX is his internet name. Like a stage name."

A stage name.

WWX was a stage name.

"Really? How interesting...I wonder why..."

"Probably to keep people from finding him. But...I don't know, I feel like WWX is much easier to google than WY."

Loud ringing. There was a loud ringing sound filling the house. Or at least LZ's head.

"Did you," he swallowed. "Did you say WY?"

"Yeah...Why?"

All LZ could do was stare at his water and ignore the meaningful look from LH across the table.

"I should get the cake ready. Excuse me," LZ replied as LH placed a hand over NMJ's wrist.

"Was it something I said?" NMJ whispered (if you could call it that) to LH. "He looks..."

"I know," he heard LH reply. They weren't doing as good a job of staying quiet as they thought.

"I'll tell you in the car."

There was nothing to tell. WY was...A friend from his past. If he could even call him a friend. He wanted to. Or, had wanted to, at the time.

He'd wanted to call him more than a friend.

But right when LZ had worked up the nerve to do something about it, WY had moved, along with his siblings. It wouldn't have mattered. WY didn't see him that way. That's what LZ always told himself.

WY was a bright boy with a brighter smile, and he shared it with everyone.

He had the power to make you feel special to him, even if you weren't.

And LZ wasn't. He was just someone WY enjoyed to fluster. He flirted with everyone. LZ wasn't unique, in that regard.

Still, there had been a time when he'd hoped...That if he just asked...

"LJY is so jealous!" A-Yuan announced, putting an end to LZ's thoughts on the past. "He wants to meet WWX too!"

"Really? Well - maybe we can find a few more tickets," LH mused, and LZ nearly shoved his fist into the cake along with the candle. His brother knew what he was doing.

Taking a steadying breath, LZ replied as evenly as he could, "I'm sure LJY would appreciate that, brother. Who's ready for cake?"

***

LZ's phone chimed beside him in bed, and he flipped it over so it was face down against the mattress.

he knew what it was going to say. He didn't need to read it.

*"And as always, if you enjoyed this video, don't forget to like and subscribe. Now let's get started!"*

It shouldn't have surprised LZ, in retrospect. The signs were all there. The voice. The child-like antics. The jokes.

Maybe a part of him had always known and he just hadn’t wanted to face it. The real mystery was how he hasn’t seen WY until he looked for him in his videos.

Then again, that should have been obvious too.

Most of WYs videos were focused on his hands and the project. The introductions had him looking at the camera, but otherwise on screen appearances weren't a gaurentee…and he had never been the one actively watching WY’s videos.

LZ only listened to them in the background. A-Yuan and LH were the ones in front of the screen, and LH never knew what WY looked. He was already in college by the time LZ met WY.

LZ clicked onto the next video about magnets.

WY looked…

Good.

Older. No less handsome than the last time he had seen him.

His face was more angular, having lost the round softness of his youth. Otherwise, he was the same. Same laughing eyes. Same smile that made his heart skip a beat.

Shorter shoulder-length hair though. When he had last seen WY it brushed against his rather shapely bottom.

LZ could only assume that the change was due to either his chosen profession, or the desire to mix up his personal style.

He looked well, though. It was hard to stop scrolling through his videos now that he knew.

LZ's phone vibrated in a call pattern from its place on the bed.

He couldn’t avoid him forever, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Ge,” LZ greeted, picking up the phone.

“Didi…” LZ steeled himself. “Come to the con with us. We can get you a ticket.”

LZ inhaled, counted to 10, and exhaled.

“I think A-Yuan would enjoy himself more with you.”

“And I think you would enjoy yourself more if you came instead of moping around at home wondering what we're doing and if we've seen him yet.”

“I have plenty to do to keep myself occupied.” He didn’t mean for it to sound as petulant as it had.

“LZ…” LH sighed into the phone. “Meal prep for the week won’t distract you from thinking about WY. Wouldn’t you rather reconnect with him? Find out what he’s up to?”

‘Yes, yes, yes…’

His heart was a traitorous thing.

But…

“…What if he doesn’t want to see me?”

They hadn’t left things on bad terms but…it had been well over a decade - nearing two - since he had seen WY last. “What if he doesn’t even remember me?”

His soft confession perhaps bared more than he had been willing to show.

WY had been popular in high school - he knew so many people...who was to say he would even remember LZ? Especially now that he was internet famous. He didn't know if his heart could take it.

He could live with pretending their...acquaintance meant something to WY. Knowing what their...relationship had meant to him in actually, however, was a pain he wasn't sure he was prepared for.

"Oh...Didi..."

"It's been a long time, Ge. It's possible."

LH was silent for a long moment.

"It is," he finally agreed. "But...wouldn't you rather find out you're wrong than always wonder?"

He really hated his brother, sometimes.

It would gnaw at him and fester. Knowing he had been so close to WY again, and he had said no...

In time, it would crush him and they both knew it.

His heart was already betraying him.

Showing him a vision of standing in line, waiting for A-Yuan to meet WY...Then he would look up. Their eyes would catch. WY's bottom lip would drop ever so slightly in delight and surprise.

He could practically hear WY's high-pitched exclamation of "LZ!"

He released a long slow exhale, as butterflies fluttered their little wings in his stomach.

"...You said it was the weekend of the 29th?"

He could feel his brother's smugness from the other side of the phone.

***

LZ hated cons. He had hypothesized this prior to attending his first one. But now that he was here, he knew that he was right.

There were. *So* many people. The line to get in wrapped the block. And it was *loud*, as was expected when in a crowd.

Still, LZ has to admit there was magic here. He could feel the excitement in the air. The prickly hum of anticipation beneath his own skin.

He hadn’t stopped thinking about WWX in the last few weeks. Not since he learned who he was. He just hoped coming here wasn’t a mistake.

As the line slowly inched forward, LZ tried to do his best to distract himself. They played games. Made arrangements for dinner that night.

Still, it was hard when his heart kept beating “WY, WY, WY…”

When they finally made it past the first security checkpoint, LZ felt like he was about to vibrate out of his skin.

“So,” LH began innocently. “Where should we start? There’s a danmei panel that sounded rather interesting…or we could head down to the main hall and walk around. Check out WWX’s table times?”

He knew what he was doing.

LZ hoped he was pleased with himself.

“Perhaps A-Yuan should decide?” He was deflecting. He knew it. LH knew it.

It backfired.

“Can we walk around the hall first?”

“Yeah I want to see WWX!”

Children were terrors.

"A-Yuan and I have it all planned out," LJY continued, darting ahead of the group to lead them toward a pair of escalators. "We want to walk around for a bit and see WWX, then we want to go to the Star Trek panel, then the one with the guy who voices all those superheroes..."

LJY's voice faded as LZ stepped onto the escalator, and tried to ignore his suddenly very clammy palms.

It was fine. They were just going to walk past WY's table. There was no guarantee he was even going to be there.

He was nervous for nothing.

The hall was buzzing with life when they entered. The air was heavy with laughter and the music playing from different booths. LZ could smell popcorn and something fried coming from somewhere. It was an odd combination that vaguely reminded him of an amusement part.

Only he didn't find people dressed as a bottle of Ajax walking around saying "What's my name?" at the amusement park.

"Booth 395 is here, so that means...The autograph area is this way!" LH pointed, looking comparing their location to a map.

"He isn't in Science Valley?"

"Baba, he's a *celebrity*," explained, like it was obvious, and LZ realized it should be.

LZ knew that WY was internet famous, but somehow, hearing it so plainly made him feel off-kilter.

"Come on!" A-Yuan grabbed LZ's hand, pulling him forward, and LZ tried not to trip over his own feet as A-Yuan led him through the crowd - LH's amused chuckle trailing behind them as he watched over LJY.

LZ could barely hear it above the thundering in his chest.

He squeezed A-Yuan's hand tighter in his, telling himself it was so he wouldn't lose his son in the crowd. It wasn't a feeble attempt to calm himself in the slightest.

"LY, this way!" LJY called, grabbing A-Yuan's other hand and pulling them towards a corner in the back. "I see his table!"

"Is there anyone at it," LH asked as they approached, weaving their way past a group of storm troupers. "I can't tell - are all those people waiting in line to see him?"

There was a small crowd weaving it's way well into the aisle, all leading towards WY's booth.

"It looks like it," LZ agreed. There were a few people standing behind WY's table, but he wasn't among them. He couldn't decide if the feeling in his chest was relief or despair. "Perhaps we should come back later?"

"Hm..." LH mused, eyeing the line. "Or we could split up?"

"Never split the party!" a man wearing a gremlin mask and a black hoodie advised from behind them. "You never want to give the dungeon master the upper hand."

"Ah...Thank you for that advice," LH grinned. "We were just weighing our options."

"It's quite the line," the gremlin agreed. "Are you on a tight schedule?"

"We want to go to a Star Trek panel," LZ confirmed, trying to place why the gremlin seemed familiar.

"But we want to see WWX first!" A-Yuan interjected.

"You do?" the gremlin replied, shoving his hands into his back pockets. "Are you a fan?"

"Yes," A-Yuan nodded vigorously. "Bofu and I watch his videos all the time."

"Really? And is Bofu a fan?" the gremlin pressed, looking LZ in the eye with eyes that he thought he recognized.

"I am," LH replied, and the gremlin released a surprised sound.

"Really? And what about...Baba?" he asked, as if he weren't sure LZ was A-Yuan's father.

"I think WWX does the world a lot of good with his videos. I admire the way he's inspired my son to take an interest in the sciences over the years."

The gremlin squeaked and bashfully toed the ground with his shoe.

"Ah...Ha...You think so highly of him, huh?"

LZ could only nod.

"Well...it only makes sense that such esteemed, dedicated fans should get to meet him," the gremlin nodded. "Perhaps we should cut everyone in line then?"

"That doesn't seem very fair..."

"LY," LJY hissed.

"But...They were waiting for longer..."

"Ah! No...Your friend is right. It wouldn't be very fair to everyone else," the gremlin laughed, gently reprimanding himself.

"But it would be a shame for you to miss your panel. Alright...How about this..." he mused, tapping his chin through his mask. "What if we get dinner tonight instead?"

A-Yuan and LJY tilted their heads to the side in confusion as it hit LZ why the gremlin seemed so familiar.

"That is, if you have time for an old friend?"

"WY..."

The gremlin tilted his head back and laughed, the sound muffled slightly by the rubbery plastic mask.

"Ah...figured me out, did you?" he grinned, removing the mask. "Hello, LZ. It's been a while..."

"Baba...Baba it's him," A-Yuan whisper yelled, tugging on LZ's hand. His little eyes were round saucers as he gazed up at WY in disbelief.

WY just threw his head back, laughing and—oh...oh LZ's memories and WY's videos paled in comparison to the real thing.

"It is! I hope I didn't give you too much of a shock," he grinned, running his fingers through his hair to smooth the strands back into place after walking around with the mask on. "It's easier to go where I want with one of these on," he winked.

"Mm..." LZ swallowed, utterly captivated by WY's smile. "I can imagine..."

"Well? What do you say? Dinner? I'm sure I can move some things around!"

Could he handle dinner with WY? It had taken so much mental preparation just to work up the nerve to come today...And if he had plans...A selfish part wanted WY to cancel and spend time with them, but he also didn't want him bending over backwards to spend time with them either.

"Or lunch, if you already have plans?" WY rushed to suggest, as if he could sense LZ thinking about telling him no.

"Baba," A-Yuan whispered, tugging LZ's hand. "Please?"

"Please?" LJY joined, taking LZ's other hand. "We'll be so good!"

"Were you not going to be?" LH asked in amusement.

"We'll be even better!" LJY corrected, making LZ huff a small laugh.

"Aiyo! LZ! Was that a laugh? Do you still laugh the same? I need to know - I want to know everything you've been up to! You can't say no - we won't let you. I have a break around 1:30. Will that work with your schedule? Say you can meet me?"

"Please Baba?"

A-Yuan's voice was so small and filled with so much hope and longing. Regardless of his own nerves, he had to say yes.

For A-Yuan, if nothing else.

And if he was using his son as an excuse, that was his business and no one else's.

"Mm..." LZ relented, tilting his head. "We can meet you for lunch."

"Ah! That's great! Alright...lunch it is. Can you meet me here? Just come up to the booth! I'll tell security to let the most handsome man in the world pass with his son and brother and...nephew?"

LZ felt the tips of his ears burn bright red as LH replied "Distant cousin," on his behalf. Which he appreciated since he seemed to have lost his tongue.

"Right! I'll tell them to let the most handsome man in the world pass with his son and brother and distant cousin then."

"That would be appreciated - thank you for joining us! We are looking forward to it," LH smiled, still speaking on LZ's behalf. He could probably tell he needed the help.

"Ah," WY grinned, catching LZ's eye meaningfully. "Me too."

The panel passed by in a blur. If you asked LZ who spoke and what it was about, he wouldn’t be able to tell you. He wouldn’t be able to tell you where they went after or what they did.

All he could focus on was the erratic beating of his heart and the anticipation of getting lunch with WY.

WY…

He remembered him. He wanted to *see* him again and catch up.

He looked good. Better in person than in the videos. He had been so shocked when WY has removed the mask that he hadn’t been able to appreciate being with him in person.

All he was left with now was the fresh memory of his features tinted by surprise.

The bow of his mouth curving up in a delighted smile when he had agreed to lunch. The dancing light in his eyes…and LZ was going to see him again. They had *plans*. He’s be able to appreciate him better and not be overwhelmed by shock.

As bad as the anticipation from before had been - the not knowing if WY remembered him - it was even worse now that he had plans with him.

By the time 1:20 rolled around, he was practically vibrating out of his skin while leading them back towards WY’s booth.

"In a rush?" LH teased as they made their way across the main aisle, dodging past a wild group of pokemon.

"To be early is to be on time." One of the many principles they had been raised on as children by their shufu.

If they just so happened to be early to a lunch with WY...Well.

Was that really the worst thing in the world?

"Ah...Yes...Of course. My apologies," LH replied in that all knowing way of his that made LZ's ears heat.

He loved that his brother could read him like a book. He had never realized how much of a double-edged sword it could be until now.

If LZ had thought the line to see WY was bad before, it was worse now. It had only been a few hours, but somehow the line had doubled in size, splitting in half to continue on the other side of the aisle so people could still walk down the row.

Con Volunteers ushered a few people from line two into line one as WY waved goodbye to a few fans. It was interesting to watch them patrol the area like they were WY's personal body guards.

LZ he known WY was internet famous - of course he had.

It just didn't hit him until now exactly *how* famous he was. At least in this setting.

"Baba, can we go see WWX now?"

LZ glanced at his watch. 1:28. It was a little early still, but...It's what they had come here for. And WY had been talking to Mario and Peach for a while.

"Mm," he inclined his head, taking A-Yuan's hand and leading them around the thick crowd to come up the side.

A man wearing a black shirt with "SECURITY" written across his chest in thick block letters quickly cut in front of their path.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"We're here to see WWX."

"Of course," the man smiled, gesturing to the side in a way to draw his attention to the other side of the aisle. "The line starts back there."

"It does," LZ agreed. "However we're friends of his."

Friends.

The word still made him feel giddy. "He told us to meet him at the booth for his lunch break. He mentioned speaking with security to let us through?"

"No one told me anything about this. I'm sorry sir, but I'm going to need you to take your group to the back of the line."

LZ released a slow exhale. He didn't want to start a scene, but WY wanted to see them. His instructions had been pretty clear.

"Could you perhaps speak with someone? Perhaps another member of your team? Or tell WY that LZ is here?"

The man's face turned stony.

"Sir, as I said before - if you would like to see—"

"—LZ! Lan er gege!" WY called, waving his arms in large wide sweeps.

LZ wasn't a vindictive person, exactly, but he had to admit that there was a certain amount of warm satisfaction curling in his belly when he saw the shocked expression on the security man's face.

"LZ!" WY called. "Come here! I'm almost ready!"

"If you'll excuse us," LZ cooly smirked, trying to not feel too self-satisfied at the security guard's expression as they walked past him to WY.

"You see that man right there?" he heard WY tell Wonder Woman as she stepped up to the booth. "Isn't he so handsome? Can you believe he agreed to have lunch with me? Aiyo, you have no idea how hard it was to get him to say yes! You would think he didn't want to see me."

WY's over-dramatization made her blush as WY accepted her phone. "I—yeah!" It was sweet how her hands shook as she turned around for a selfie with him.

LZ watched WY wrap things up with Wonder Woman, talking with her about where she was from...how many siblings she had...and even graciously accepted a fan art she had drawn of him as a gift.

WY's world was drastically different from his.

He was grateful he could spare a moment away from the chaos for them - even if it was just one lunch.

“Have a great con!” WY waved as she left before turning the full force of his smile onto LZ. “Come back behind the booth - let’s leave this way!”

WY pushed the curtain back, holding it open for the small party to pass through before dropping it back into place. Hidden from the public’s prying eyes, he reached for the hem of his hoodie and lifted it.

LZ felt his breath catch in his throat as the hem of his T-shirt caught on the fabric of the hoodie, pulling up to expose the edge of a tattoo across his ribs. He wanted to ask WY what it was.

And if he could press his mouth against it to find out if it was a different texture.

WY balled his hoodie up and dropped to the floor to shove it into a gym bag.

"So how was that Star Trek panel?" WY asked, riffing through his bag for something.

"It was *so* cool," LJY burst, and soon he and A-Yuan were talking over each other as they told WY all about it.

"It sounds like you guys had a great time—Ah ha! here they are!" WY announced, pulling out a pair of oversized fake glasses with a giant nose and put them on. "What do you think? Totally inconspicuous right?"

It made both the boys giggle, and LZ couldn't help his own small smile.

"Mm...WY is a master of disguise."

"One might even say the grandmaster of disguise," he teased, waggling his eyebrows. "So...Where are we headed?"

***

They ended up at a little hot pot place 20 minutes from the convention center. They could have stayed closer - perhaps it made sense to, from a time standpoint - but WY could be recognized, and selfishly…LZ wanted him all to himself. No interruptions.

Or as to himself as he could get with two preteen boys, and his brother in tow. They had spent the whole lunch talking about science with WY.

“We want to cast animal tracks next,” A-Yuan told him.

“Then make a carbon sugar snake,” LJY nodded. “It’s so cool!”

“You just want to make things explode…”

“That’s because it’s *cool*!” LJY replied, his cheeks turning red.

“It is!” Wei Ying nodded, leaning forward to prop his chin up on an arm. “You know what really got me into science?”

The boys shook their heads, silent and wide-eyed.

“Baking soda volcanos. I made one for a science fair when I was your age and it was a *mess*. I added too much of everything and it went *everywhere*...and I wanted to do it again. So I did. And this time I went even *bigger* with it.”

The boys were hanging off of WY’s every word. It was precious. They had been the whole meal.

“How did you become a youtuber?” LZ found himself asking - perhaps the first question he’d had for WY since entering the restaurant.

“Oh…well…I was just messing around in college, filming experiments and documenting the results…And then one day I realized ‘oh wow, people actually kind of like me??’

and…I dunno…I just started focusing on that more. Especially when I realized that most of the people watching were kids in school. I decided I wanted to teach them something, you know?”

“Mm,” LZ nodded. “It’s very admirable.”

“Ah…Lan Zhaaan,” WY blushed, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing down at the table sheepishly. “You can’t say those things so sincerely! Don’t you know what it does to my poor fragile heart?”

No.

But he wanted to.

“Boys…Why don’t you come with me to the bathroom,” LH suggested, shooting LZ a knowing smile. It made him want to squirm in his seat.

“But—”

“—No buts. We should use the bathroom before we leave - it’s been a while and they’re cleaner here than at the con. You’ll thank me later when the line is wrapped around the side like it was earlier.”

“...Yes, Bofu,” A-Yuan deflated, taking LJY’s hand and following his uncle to the bathroom.

“He will make a good dad one day, won’t he?”

“Mm…A-Yuan is looking forward to having a niece or nephew.”

“And you? Aiya…I feel like I’ve been talking this whole time and haven’t been able to ask you anything. What a horrible friend I am…”

“WY is not horrible - you were indulging my family. I’m grateful for your generosity.”

“My generosity,” WY replied slowly, blinking at him.

“Offering to have lunch with us.”

“Oh…Oh that,” WY laughed, threading his fingers into the roots of his hair and shaking it.

“It was nothing, LZ. Selfish, really. I just wanted…” he trailed off, glancing down at the table and grabbing his water. He took several large gulps of it, and LZ watched the knot of WY's throat bob with each swallow, clenching his hands together to keep from doing something...

Foolish.

He couldn’t forget himself.

Pressing his teeth too it wouldn’t do him any good.

WY placed the glass back down onto the table, running his fingers up the side - dragging them through the beads of condensation on the sides. “I just wanted to catch up with an old friend,” WY finally said. “I guess that hasn’t really worked out, huh?”

LZ remained silent. He didn’t really care what the reason was, or what they were doing. He was just glad that he was able to see WY again.

“Well - I guess we have a few minutes before they get back for me to fix that, right? Tell me - how’s Mianmian?”

“MM?” LZ replied slowly, wondering why she would come up in conversation. “She is well. Pregnant again - motherhood looks good on her.” He just attended her baby shower the other week.

“Ah! That’s wonderful! How amazing! Truly…I couldn’t be happier,” WY swallowed. “Is it a boy or girl?”

“I don’t know - she wanted it to be a surprise,” he replied truthfully.

“That’s always fun. The mystery of it all. Maybe it will be a girl this time!”

She had a girl last time, and was hoping for a boy, not that she would be upset with another girl.

“Hey…Listen. This might be…Well…I have an idea…Since we couldn’t really talk and all…But. I’m going to be in town for a few more days after the Con. I was planning on checking out some old haunts and stuff. Would you maybe…”

WY rubbed the side of his nose, looking off to the side. “You don’t have to say yes but…Would you want to…Would A-Yuan want to help me record a video?” he asked hesitantly - like he was about to ask LZ something else, and changed his mind at the last second.

“Yes - he would love that.”

“Great! Cool! Wonderful! MM won’t mind, right? Maybe she can help!”

LZ blinked slowly.

“I can ask if she would like to come.”

He wasn’t sure why she would mind. She may be busy with the nursery though.

“Yeah! Great - Wonderful! Perfect! Ask! I’d love to see you again. If that’s. I mean. If you guys don’t mind…”

“WY,” LZ said in a way that made WY stop fidgeting in his chair and give LZ his full attention.”We would love to see you again.”

“Oh,” WY exhaled shakily. “Ok then. We should…You should give me your phone. So we can exchange info.”

It didn't take more than a few minutes for LZ to enter his number into WY's phone, and within seconds he was looking at a text from him.

He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so giddy.

"Come here, LZ. We should take a photo together! For contact pictures," WY decided, wrapping his arm around LZ's shoulders.

He felt himself stiffen as WY pressed against his side, tilting his head toward LZ's.

He smelled so good. Clean, but manly. He wanted to turn his head and press it into the crook of WY's neck.

"Ah...Sorry. I guess you still don't like to be touched."

"No," LZ rushed to say, forcing himself to relax. "You caught me by surprise. I don't mind you touching me."

"Really?" WY blinked in surprise, and LZ realized his mistake. "Well - maybe I should do it more then, hm?"

"Shameless," LZ blushed, the tips of his ears turning bright red. WY laughed and—

—Oh...Oh he really missed that sound...

"Always," he grinned cheekily. "Teasing a married man..."

Married man? Did he...

Did WY think...

MM...

"Smile for the camera, LZ!"

"WY," LZ said as WY snapped a picture. "I'm not—"

"Ah! No talking, you'll ruin the photos."

"But—"

"Just a second! Smile, ok?"

"I'm gay!" LZ blurted.

"Are we...Interrupting?" LH asked, holding A-Yuan and LJY's hands. LZ hadn't even noticed them return.

"Ah...Ha...No...sorry..." WY replied, pulling away from LZ and licking his lips. "We were just...You're gay?"

"Why don't we...go and ask for the check?" LH suggested.

"And a car," LZ nodded.

"And take your time," WY added, not looking away from LZ's face. It was like he was trying to puzzle LZ out.

"I'll call?"

"Or not," LZ replied.

"Why don't we meet you back at the Con?"

"Yes. That," WY agreed. "Best idea I heard all day. Truly brilliant, LH. Top marks. 10/10."

"Mm, Gege has always been wise."

"Bofu," A-Yuan whispered loudly. "What's going on?"

"Oh...Nothing..." LH replied, leading them out "You're just going to have some Bofu time for a while

"So..." WY began, once they had made it far enough away from the table.

"You're gay?"

"The last time I checked," LZ replied wryly.

"Yeah? And when was that?"

It was a risk, but...

"This morning, when I saw you again."

“Oh…” WY swallowed, wide-eyed. “Oh that’s…ok...yeah that’s great! Gay is wonderful. Fantastic. I’m also…Oh…Oh no…Does MM know? LZ…LZ you need to tell your wife!”

“My…wife…” LZ exhaled. Either WY was being intentionally obtuse, or he simply wasn’t grasping this. “WY,” LZ began again, “I adopted A-Yuan. By myself.”

“By yourself…” WY repeated slowly, blinking at LZ like he couldn’t grasp what he was telling him. “You’re a single father?”

Yes. He was.

“Mm.”

"Like...Single single?"

"WY..."

“I’m sorry but…” WY tilted his head to the side. “How? How are you single? I just…I’m sorry, I don’t understand…Do you not want…I just…Do you not want to be in a relationship? Did something happen to make you swear off men? Oh my god I’m being so rude...”

WY blustered, covering his face with his hands. “You can’t just ask people why they’re single. I just. I don’t understand. You’re so perfect…I don’t understand how someone hasn’t like, married you on the spot. How are you still on the market?

Unless you don’t want to be on the market. LZ. Lan Zhaaaaaaaan…Please say something and shut me up. I need you to say something or else I’m going to do something even stupider like ask you if I can change your relationship status—”

“—Yes.”

“...Yes?”

“Yes, you should personally change my relationship status.”

“Oh…Personally, huh?” WY replied, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “LZ…did you just ask me out?”

“I believe you asked first,” LZ pointed out, and WY buried his bright red face into his hands.

“Aiya…You can’t accept that as a real…” he mumbled into his palms, voice muffled. “LZ, it was horrible…You shouldn’t accept that! LZ! You deserve to be properly asked out!”

“Then you should do it. Properly this time.”

WY spread his fingers apart to peek up at him through the gaps.

“...Really? You want me to try again? But what if you say no? I have you committed right now, you know.”

“I’ll say yes again.”

A wide grin spread across his face as WY sat up. Hopeful silver eyes flit across his face as he bit his lip in an attempt to make his smile smaller. LZ wanted to smooth his thumb across it and tell WY that he shouldn’t ever feel like he couldn’t smile.

“Ok - there’s no taking it back now, LZ! You promised!”

“Mm.”

“Ok…Alright…Are you ready? You’re about to be wowed.”

“I am ready.”

“Are you sure? This is serious business you know.”

“It’s a good thing I’m serious, then.”

“LZ!! And people call *me* a flirt…”

“WY…”

“Alright, alright, alright,” he nodded, composing himself and taking a calming breath. “LZ…I’d like to take you to the movies, but they don’t let you bring in your own snacks…So…Want to Netflix and chill at my place instead?”

“WY…”

“Yes?”

“...That was terrible.”

“Ah - yes. But is it? Because I totally managed to slip calling you a snack in there, and you aren’t saying no…”

LZ blinked slowly at WY.

“Oh my god tell me you got that…”

“I did, but I did not think it warranted a response.”

WY burst out laughing.

“Ah…LZ…Way to let a guy down gently…”

“I don’t plan on doing anything gently,” LZ replied, taking a sip from his water as WY started sputtering and turned bright red.

Oh, this was going to be *fun*…

***

“Baba, I don’t want to be late!”

“We won’t be late,” LZ reassured, turning to look at his profile in the mirror.

LH had said causal. He hoped this was casual. It was just a cuffed pair of jeans and a white button down he’d rolled up past his elbows. He’d left a few of the top buttons undone and paired it with some white tennis shoes.

They were headed for a beach after all.

He had no idea what WY’s elephant toothpaste would entail, but comfortable shoes seemed like a safe bet.

A-Yuan shifted nervously on LZ’s bed, gnawing at his bottom lip. LZ wasn’t sure who was more excited about seeing WY again. Him or A-Yuan.

A-Yuan had positively lit up when LZ had told him that WY had invited him for a video, and LZ had plans with him alone after. It was going going to be a full day of WY.

He couldn’t wait.

He was glad LH had dragged him to the con. Even if he had been insufferable after.

LZ smoothed his hands over his jeans, wondering if they were perhaps a bit too tight. He used to love the way they hugged his ass and his thighs but he had switched up his workout routine and now they looked a bit...Like he had been poured into them.

"...Baba?" A-Yuan pressed again, fidgeting with the hem of his pants leg.

LZ glanced at the time and mentally winced. He was going to stick with these pants if they wanted to be there on time. He couldn't spend all day preening.

"I'm ready," he reassured A-Yuan, grabbing his watch from the nightstand. "Let's go."

***

It was a short drive to the beach, and a short walk to the shore. It's a beautiful day - the sun shimmered off the waves and every time LZ inhaled, his lungs filled with salty air.

The most beautiful part though, is WY.

He's already there when they arrive, and a part of LZ is surprised. He used to be late to everything in school. He doesn't want to read into him being here now.

When they arrive, he's sitting on a blanket, legs stretched out towards the ocean as he plays on his phone.

He's pulled his shoulder-length hair back so it's half up, and he's wearing a pair of jeans and a witty science shirt - "let's TaCo 'bout science", using the table of elements to spell out taco.

It's perfectly WY, and LZ loves it.

"WY!" A-Yuan calls as soon as he spots him, and LZ can tell he is barely restraining himself from running over.

WY glances up from his phone to the pair, a smile spreading across his face when his eyes meet A-Yuan...Then slips off his face when he sees LZ.

"Hey," WY greets when they get close enough and pushes himself to stand. "You're right on time! I wasn't too hard to find, was I?"

The beach is nearly deserted, due to the time of year and location. WY was very easy to spot.

"No, not at all," LZ reassured, and WY exhales, shoving his hands into his back pockets.

"Good! That's great! I was a bit worried about that...But I guess I should have been more worried about what you'd wear. LZ. *LZ.* What is this?" WY demanded, gesturing at LZ's outfit.

"Are you trying to distract me? Aiyo...You don't wear this to make elephant toothpaste! I need to make sure the measurements are right and this won't help...and now you can't help!

You look too good! I'm going to need you to stand far away from this, LZ. What happens if it gets on your nice white shirt, eh?"

He had a reply for that, but he didn't think his son should suffer through hearing his father talking about removing his shirt.

He didn't want to scar A-Yuan, after all.

"I'm sure we can find a solution for that, should it happen," he said instead, drawing his eyes down WY's body, allowing his eyes to display a fraction of the want he felt for WY.

It had the desired effect on WY - he sharply inhaled and bit the side of his cheek.

"Right...Right...well then...A-Yuan, do you want to help me set up? I'll explain the experiment!"

"Yeah!"

The experiment in question, apparently, was to figure out what produced the largest and fastest growing elephant toothpaste by alternating the chemical reacting with the hydrogen peroxide…And then using that formula to create a giant sand volcano.

A-Yuan was beyond excited to help. WY had done most of the setup prior to their arrival - the chemicals were premeasured in containers on a table. He mostly needed help constructing the volcano, which A-Yuan very enthusiastically agreed to.

“Now LZ,” WY guided, handing him a second camera. This one is so you can follow us around, alright? I need you to film my intro first, and then A-Yuan and I will start experimenting like the mad scientists we are.

Once we have our recipe, we will make the volcano, and then it’s time for an outro. Easy enough, right?”

“Mm,” he nodded, taking the camera WY handed him and allowing his fingers to brush against WY’s. “You’re making it very easy.”

His words lingered in the air in just the right way, making WY’s whole face turn bright red.

“LZ! Lan er-gege! You can’t say those things to me when I’m supposed to go on camera! You aren’t supposed to distract me like this! Ayio…How am I supposed to film when you say these things? Do I need to send you away?

Should I appoint A-Yuan as my official cameraman and assistant? LZ - I need you to behave yourself!”

“Do you?”

WY began sputtering.

“A-Yuan,” he said very seriously, once he could form words again and was no longer doing an excellent impersonation of a kettle. “Tell your father to behave himself.”

“Baba…Stop being weird.”

LZ could only huff out a laugh, and turn on the camera.

“Mm…I’ll stop being weird. Are you ready, WY?”

“Yeah…Yeah ok,” he exhaled, jumping in place a few times and shaking out his arms. “Now don’t say anything…And count me off.”

“In three…” LZ nodded, holding up his fingers, lowering them as he silently counted down.

“Helloooo friends! Today is a very special day - the sun is out, the birds are chirping and—Oh…did you notice that? There are wave in the behind me. Why you ask?

Because I’m here with my new friend to experiment with elephant toothpaste, and see if we can’t make the biggest, baddest explosion we can to create a sand volcano. Now before we get started, don’t forget to like and subscribe. Let’s get started.”

***

"Xiao Tuzi!"

"Bobo!" A-Yuan laughed as NMJ swept him over his shoulder, spinning him around. A high-pitched squeal of delight cut through the air as A-Yuan's legs and arms flailed about.

"Da-Ge," LZ greeted, watching the pair in amusement. "Ge."

"Brother...WY...Did you have fun today?" LH asked as NMJ tossed A-Yuan into the air. "Careful, Mingjue - LZ won't let you near him again if you hurt him."

"Hurt my Xiao Tuzi?" gasped, blowing a raspberry into the side of A-Yuan's neck, making him shriek.

"Never! A-Yuan, tell them I'm not hurting you," he demanded, blowing another into his skin.

"No! Bobo!" he laughed, "Not in front of WY!!"

"Oh I see - am I not cool enough for Xiao Tuzi now?"

"Bobo!" he shrieked in delight, and LZ chanced a glance to WY.

His gaze was soft and...if LZ was reading his expression correctly...Filled with longing. Maybe he was seeing what he wanted. Superimposing his own wants and desires onto a fleeting expression.

There one moment, gone the next - his smile shuttered back into place as if WY could feel LZ's eyes on him, successfully concealing whatever it had been.

"Don't you know A-Yuan?" WY demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's an uncle's sacred duty to embarrass their nephews. I do it to mine all the time!"

"You have a nephew?"

"Ah - yeah. He's only a few years younger than your son," WY nodded, shoving his hands into his back pockets and rolling back onto his heels. "He's a good kid - even if he does have a peacock as a father," he continued, muttering the last part under his breath.

A-Yuan released another high-pitched shriek as NMJ positioned him onto his shoulders, earning a few questioning looks from people walking past them on the boardwalk.

The plan, as arranged with LH, was that they would take A-Yuan for the evening.

It had been LH's suggestion. He had gone on and on about how it had been so long since they'd had a proper sleepover with A-Yuan, and didn't LZ know what he was doing to NMJ by withholding his son from Da-Ge? Did LZ want LH to suffer?

Really, LZ would be doing him a favor if he said they could take A-Yuan for the night.

His brother was not subtle.

All the same...he appreciated what LH was doing for him.

"Perhaps you can catch up now when we take A-Yuan," LH suggested, drawing A-Yuan's attention at the mention of his name.

"I'm going with you? Where are we going?"

"I don't know," NMJ hummed dramatically. "I was thinking...maybe we could go furniture shopping..."

"Oh," A-Yuan wilted, and NMJ barked out a laugh.

"What's wrong? You don't want to help Bofu and me pick out a new couch?"

"No, I'll do it," A-Yuan reassured, putting on his most serious face, and WY choked down a noise LZ couldn't identify.

"Mingjue," LH smiled, warning him gently.

"Alright, alright...we thought we would take you go-karting and go from there - But only if you behave yourself!"

"Aiya, behave himself...it's like they don't realize he's your son, LZ," WY teased.

"Mm...I have wondered more than once if they would kidnap him."

"I'm sure it's tempted them - I'm half tempted myself. Not that he needs another father. Lucky kid has three!"

LZ had to bite the tip of his tongue to keep from saying that WY needn't resort to kidnapping to become his father.

Marriage was far easier.

ending it here for the night!

“Mingjue may beat you to it,” LH replied, almost wistfully. “We should go if we want to have enough time for everything. You’ll text me if you need anything?”

“Mm,” LZ nodded, feeling his ears heat at the pointed look his brother gave him. “Enjoy your evening with him.”

“You too,” NMJ smirked, and LZ reminded himself that his brother and son would kill him if he killed NMJ.

“So,” WY began, shoving his hands into his back pockets after they bid farewell to everyone. “Do you mind if we go back to my hotel first?”

"Not for that!" he rushed as LZ's eyes widened - the flush from his ears spreading down his neck. "Oh my god...I'm sorry. I just heard it how you heard it...I think I did at least...and I just...I'm dirty and gross and really need a shower after the beach...

I won't make you wait in the lobby - promise! You can come watch TV and hang out in my room. It shouldn't take long. If you don't mind, that is? We don't have to though. If that make you uncomfortable or anything. You know what, why don't we forget tha—"

"—Alright."

"...Alright?"

"You feel uncomfortable. I don't mind waiting for you."

He had waited 16 years for this date. He would wait another 16, if he had to.

Giving WY time to take a shower so he was more comfortable didn't bother him in the least.

"You're sure?"

"Mm."

***

WY's room somehow surpassed all of LZ's expectations. He expected it to be a chaotic whirlwind.

He didn't expect it to look like WY had exploded everywhere. Why was there a sock on the lamp? How did it get there?

And why did he find it endearing?

"Sorry about the...ah...well...I'd call it a mess but this is a bit more of a mess, isn't it?" WY chuckled nervously, grabbing the sock and hiding it behind his back...And LZ did the courteous thing and pretended he had never seen it.

"It's lived in," LZ smiled wryly, assessing the room for a clean place to sit.

"Ah...Ha...Yeah...that's one way of looking at it..." WY chuckled humorlessly, rubbing the back of his neck. "You'd think with as much as I travel, I'd learn to not spread out as much..."

"You travel a lot, then?"

"Yeah...for work, mostly. Not really for pleasure. It's always a nice surprise when the two can overlap. Like this trip! The convention was work, but you're pleasure."

"I'm...Pleasure..." LZ repeated slowly, and WY released a high-pitched...something. He did an excellent teapot impersonation. He hoped A-Yuan never learned how.

"Ah! Ha...sorry...that sounds...Ah...No...You're not pleasure...I mean you are!" he rushed to correct.

"I've been looking forward to this ever since I saw you! I just...Ayio...I sound like NHS...I just mean...you know. You're. This is. Personal. You know? It's nice. I don't get that often."

"Mm," LZ agreed, inclining his head. "I'm glad I could be pleasure, then."

LZ watched with delight as the blush on WY's face spread down towards his neck.

"Yeah...Yeah me too," WY laughed nervously. "Do you maybe...How about I...You need a place do sit, don't you?"

WY glanced around the room. Everything was covered, except, miraculously, the bed.

If housecleaning hadn't come by, it may not have been much better.

"Do you mind sitting on the bed? Or I can throw things around..."

"The bed is sufficient."

LZ normally didn't like to wear outside clothing on a bed. He supposed this time, he would have to make an exception. If it was fine with WY, it would be fine with him.

"Great! Perfect! Wonderful! You're the best, gege...Do want to watch TV? Oh! Or, you know what? If you want...I can pull up the footage we shot earlier? If you want to have a peek at that? I always love watching everything after shooting."

"I would like that."

"Great! Perfect! Fantastic! Sit down and I'll just...Get that set up...Let me just..." WY laughed nervously, grabbing his computer off his desk while LZ sat as requested.

The mattress shook as WY plopped down next to him, rooting through the bag he'd dropped on the floor at the foot of the bed for the camera.

"Here," WY said, handing LZ his computer as he wrangled a mess of wires. "Would you mind opening up iMovie for me?"

"Mm," LZ nodded, and opened the lid to his laptop...

...only to be greeted by a photo of himself from five years ago on his Instagram page.

Ending it here for tonight!

....Nothing to see here. As we were.

It was his first family vacation with A-Yuan. A gift from LH and NMJ so they could all spend some time together, bonding as a new family in a tropical resort.

It had been...terrible.

LZ had spent the majority of it stressing over A-Yuan. The flight had been a nightmare - the change in altitude making A-Yuan cry when his ears refused to pop. The time change was horrible, throwing off his sleep schedule and snack times.

Then there were the mosquitoes…The sun burn despite the ample and liberal use of sunblock. The seasickness on the boat for snorkeling.

He’d even pulled back the sheets to reveal a lizard lounging in bed.

When the last day rolled around LZ was ready to go home, and the very one agreed they’d just spend the day by the pool.

They didn’t leave it once. Not for food. Not for drinks. Not for the ocean. They’d just claimed a few chairs by the edge of the pool and swam.

Just before sunset, LZ felt the strain of the trip and of being a new parent get the best of him. For the first time in his adult life - save for illness - LZ took a nap.

There were two hammocks tucked off to the side of the pool, crowded by plants and covered by a large white swath of fabric. LH and NMJ had encouraged him to go - saying they would be happy to look after A-Yuan for an hour or so.

When LZ woke up, it was to the swaying of his hammock as a small A-Yuan climbed, wrapping his flushed body tightly around LZ's torso - using his shoulder as a pillow.

That was the first time it had really sunk in that A-Yuan...this small, tiny person, was his son.

That this child wanted him as much as LZ had wanted A-Yuan. He could have gone to the other hammock - it had been empty...But A-Yuan had chosen to be with him.

LZ didn't move for a long time, almost too afraid to breathe.

…and when A-Yuan snuggled just a little closer to LZ, burying his face into LZs damp skin, breathing out, “Baba” for the first time…LZ was sure that breathing wouldn’t have mattered because he had forgotten how.

That’s when LH had taken the photo. With LZ’s lips pressed to A-Yuan’s head, holding him tight.

In the end, that vacation had been...

Wonderful.

Simply wonderful.

"Ah ha! Ok - here it is. Let me just—Oh..." WY said, his voice swinging from triumphant to nervous. "I...ah...I can explain that..."

LZ's eyes flicked to WY as he squirmed next to him, making the bed shift beneath them.

"I...Ah...So...Would you believe me if I said I fell asleep on the keys? And then woke up and realized the time and that I was running late and then bolted for the door and called a car?"

He would not, and he thought that this was adorable.

"Mm..." LZ replied noncommittally, his lips quirking up into the smallest of smiles. "And you were on my Instagram page because..."

WY squeaked and somehow turned redder.

"LZ. Lan Zhaaan...Can't you let a guy save some face? Alright. Look. If you must know, I just...I missed you guys. After the con and everything. And I was hoping...Ah...well...It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

WY shifted on the bed beside him, nervously winding the chord around his fingers.

"I just thought...maybe if I scrolled through your pictures, I could learn more about you guys. And if I could do that, maybe I wouldn't miss you as much. But...I'm not a very smart man, you see,"

WY explained, taking a deep breath and turning to meet LZ's gaze finally. WY's eyes were so open. So sincere...Silver pools of raw longing. It made LZ's heart ache that much more.

"It just made things worse."

"Worse," LZ whispered, the knot of his throat bobbing as he swallowed around what had to be his heart.

"Yeah," WY replied, his eyes dropping to LZ's lips. "Worse."

"Why?"

"Ah...gege...Don't you know?" WY smiled in wry amusement, twisting the cable between his fingers.

It seemed to draw his attention back to the task at hand.

"I should set this up and shower, hm? Look at me, wasting all this time..."

"Time spent with you is not a waste."

WY huffed a laugh and took his computer back from LZ, connecting it to his camera.

"LZ, you're dangerous. Do you know that? When did you become so smooth, hm? You should be careful or you'll give a guy the wrong impression."

"What if it's the right one?"

WY huffed a laugh and refocused on his computer.

"Dangerous. I should have written my will before this date."

"Worried I'll kill you?"

"Worried I won't survive tonight, yes..." WY nodded, opening the footage - adamantly keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Ah ha!" WY cried triumphantly, as his intro began playing through the small speakers. "Success! This is for you," WY said, sliding the computer into LZ's lap, "And I'll just go and shower quickly and then we can...Ah..." he paused catching LZ's eye. Swallowing.

"Yeah. Right. Right! Showering."

This time, it was as if he needed to firmly remind himself.

"Mm...hurry back," LZ encouraged, making WY swallow and scramble off the bed.

"Dangerous, gege! I hope you know that," he teased, disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door behind himself.

LZ heard a loud thump against the bathroom door and smiled to himself before trying to turn his attention back to the screen.

It was hard though. Knowing that he was affecting WY - who had flirted with anyone and everyone - like this...It was powerful.

He wondered if he made WY blush hard enough, if it would spread to his shoulders too.

Maybe, if he tried, he could get that blush to spread down to his chest.

...Or perhaps, if he couldn't make him blush, he could make his chest flush all the same. He wondered what that would take. What he would have to do.

The rush of water from the shower started, drifting out from behind the closed door, and LZ was suddenly struck by the thought that he was here.

Alone with WY...Who was completely naked in the next room. Vulnerable. He could surprise him right now, if he wanted to. Abandon the laptop on the bed. Push open the bathroom door. Pull back the curtain...

He wondered what WY would do.

He wondered what WY would look like, completely wet.

Shoulder-length hair clinging to his skin. His neck. Water beading on his skin...shimmering in the dimly lit bathroom. Steam swirling around him. His body warm and soft—

—A-Yuan's high-pitched shriek of laughter brought LZ back to the computer he was grasping in a white-knuckled grip on his lap, and he shifted uncomfortably on WY's bed, trying to not think about the implications of where he sat.

This was a fantasy he would wrap in a bow and tuck away for later. At a time when he was more alone and less likely to find himself in an embarrassing situation later.

LZ counted to ten, exhaled slowly, and watched the delight bloom across A-Yuan's face as they moved from the first experiment to the second.

LZ loved this part.

WY was reaching down below to grab the bottle of soap, only instead, he scooped up a small handful of sand and flicked it over at A-Yuan's shins.

The next five minutes had been A-Yuan chasing WY down the beach until WY had let A-Yuan catch him.

He allowed A-Yuan to tackle him, falling to the sand and taking A-Yuan with him.

The ease of the whole interaction...Of how WY protected A-Yuan's small form as they fell...Of how they teased one another...

LZ exhaled shakily, closing his eyes.

This was what LH and NMJ had.

This was what LZ had thought he could never have. This was what LZ wanted.

More than anything.

LZ heard the shower turn off as A-Yuan and WY had returned to the table, shaking out their clothes from the sand, and noticed again the hint of a tattoo peeking out across WY's side.

LZ, so absorbed in the scene, hadn't realized he'd zoomed in when WY had lifted his shirt - like he was trying to get a better look at the art.

"Alright, alright...let's be serious now," WY had reprimanded, a bright twinkle in his eye as he winked and bent over to pick up the soap.

He didn't remember zooming in on WY's ass either...And he was mortified...and glad that he had.

It was so.

*Round.*

And.

*Firm.*

"See something you like, gege?" WY teased, startling LZ into snapping the laptop shut and straightening his neck, putting a kink in it.

He didn't remember tilting it.

"LZ!! It's ok - I don't mind," WY laughed. "I think it's one of my better features."

LZ exhaled slowly, turning to apologize to WY and felt all the air get punched out of his lungs.

WY was standing there. In his hotel room. Soaking wet and rubbing one towel through his hair...while only a second one was wrapped dangerously low on his hips.

LZ couldn't stop himself from dragging his eyes over WY's body - watching as a drop of water journeyed down from his wet hair across his chest. Skipped past a dusky nipple. Rolled down the planes of his abdomen, disappearing into his towel.

"Sorry, I...ah...Kinda forgot to grab some clean clothes before I showered. I hope you don't mind," WY continued, and LZ had to tear his eyes away from the towel to meet WY's gaze again.

"No."

"Good! That's great then. That's like. The last thing I want to do. Make you uncomfortable, I mean."

"I'm...Fine."

If one could call this fine. It was taking every ounce of his willpower to behave himself - not do something he was sure he would later regret.

"Great! Wonderful! Love that," WY grinned, dropping the towel he had been using to the floor...and revealing the tattoo across his side in full.

LZ froze at the sight of it.

A rabbit wrapped in peonies.

"I won't take long," WY continued, walking around to rifle through the pile of clothes on the chair.

"WY," LZ croaked, and WY looked over his shoulder at LZ.

"What's wrong?" he asked, straightening and giving LZ his full attention. "Are you ok?"

"I," LZ swallowed, looking for the words. "Your tattoo."

"My...Oh..." WY blushed, covering a small portion of it with his hand. "That..."

"That," LZ repeated, frozen in place - wanting to go to him and peel his fingers from his side. Look at it better, Touch it.

"I forgot it was...that you would...See it. When I came out. I guess I wasn't thinking," he chuckled nervously. "Do you...remember?" WY whispered, rubbing his thumb along the length of the tattoo. "You probably don't. It was such a...It was so meaningless. To you, I mean."

Meaningless.

How could he think that?

"It was in school - Do you remember how I used draw on myself all the time? And then I started to let all of my friends do it too. It started with NHS saying he could do a better job and he drew these lotus flowers all over my arm..."

"And then JC started doing it. And then it just sort of snowballed from there...But one time I...Ah...I bullied you into it. I told you that all of my friends were doing it, so since you were my friend—"

"—I had to do it too," LZ finished. "It was just before spring break. We did it on the field by the track team."

"Yeah," WY chuckled, releasing his side. "You...ah...You remember..."

"Mm..." he nodded, eyes combing over the tattoo - just as he remembered drawing it.

"I remember."

He didn't think he'd ever be able to forget it. WY had been doing homework with LZ at the time - working on a group project for history class together. His arms had been littered in drawings from people, but he insisted that LZ do one too.

"Where would it go?" he'd asked. "There's no room."

He'd thought that argument would get him out of it. Instead, WY had just lifted his shirt and pointed to his side.

"How about here?"

In the presence of that smile...of all that *skin*...LZ had been helpless to say no.

He'd tried to be so careful when he did it - tried to make sure his hands weren't shaking. That WY wouldn't see how overwhelmed he'd felt being allowed to touch him like this.

He was rather proud of his ability to keep himself together, at the time.

"Why?"

"Eh? Why what?"

"Why did you tattoo it?" he clarified, and WY shifted his eyes to the side.

"Ah...It's stupid, really...Not all that important..."

"It is to me," he said for a second time, and WY released a breathy chuckle.

"Cruel, LZ. You're a cruel man. Everyone thinks you're so kind and just and a virtuous pillar of all that's good in this world, but it's all to hide how cruel you are, isn't it?"

He was trying to be aloof. Teasing.

He was coming off as scared. Nervous.

"The worst," LZ agreed. "WY...please?"

WY gnawed at his lip for a moment before sighing, "Alright. But it's...it's stupid. And you can't make fun of me, alright? Promise me you won't make fun of me?"

"Never."

"Yeah. Yeah...Ok..." WY whispered to himself, then, steeling his nerves said, "Most people, when they drew on me, they were quick about it. They rushed through it and drug the pen into my skin which - it's not like I minded or anything...But when you did it...The way you..."

A sigh. A steadying breath.

"The way you did it was soft and gentle. And you were so careful about it. You really took your time with it and it...It just...You made me feel...special," he whispered.

"Like you didn't want to rush through it, because you really wanted me to like it. It just...I...I felt special. Like I was worth..." he drifted off, looking down at the hotel room floor. "Anyway...You said you wouldn't make fun of me, so you can't make fun of me, alright?"

"You promised."

"Never..." LZ whispered, rising from the bed and moving to stand in front of WY. "I'd never make fun of you."

"Oh..." WY exhaled shakily. "That's...yeah. That's good, then. Good. I'm glad. Thanks, gege..."

"You still haven't told me why," LZ pressed, eyes glued to the tattoo.

"Ah..." WY chuckled nervously, "I suppose I haven't...I just...Don't laugh but, I just wanted to remember feeling that...that special," he admitted. "And I guess I...I wanted something to remember you by."

"You were really important to me, you know. But you never told me why you picked this - don't I deserve an explanation, gege? After all this time?"

Ending it here for the night - it's 12:30 am. Back to top!

"You tattooed it on your body, and you don't remember what it means?" LZ exhaled, swallowing down the small hurt that bubbled up from the pit of his stomach.

So what if he didn't.

WY had done this for other reasons - reasons that made LZ feel like WY had cracked open his chest cavity, carefully scooped his heart out, and tenderly wrapped it in soft blankets.

"Remind me, gege," WY whispered, the knot of his throat bobbing as he swallowed.

"I had a violin recital...Do you recall it?"

WY exhaled slowly, "Yeah...Yeah it was so hard to get you to tell me about it...You didn't want me to come at first."

"I didn't want to be distracted."

"Afraid I was going to start yelling in the middle of your performance?"

"I was afraid I'd see how beautiful you were and I wouldn't be able to focus."

WY inhaled sharply, his face looking like LZ had just knocked the air from his lungs.

"Oh...LZ...LZ you can't say those things and look like at me like that," WY replied, voice trembling. "What's a man supposed to do with that much sincerity?"

"Listen to it," LZ replied, reaching out and tucking a strand of damp hair behind WY's ear.

"Why did you tell me to come, then? If I was going to be such a distraction?"

"Knowing you wanted to be there and weren't would have been equally distracting," LZ replied, running his knuckles down along the edge of WY's cheek.

"Ah...I...I see..."

"Mm," LZ replied, not sure if WY did see. "You have always been very good at distracting me, just by existing. I couldn't stop thinking about you..."

"LZ...You'll give a man a complex..."

"You should have it."

WY's eyes scanned LZ's, lips slightly parted.

"And...ah...What...ah...Does this have to do with...Oh..." WY breathed. "Oh the peonies..."

"Mm," LZ nodded, his hand drifting from WY's cheek to his side, hovering lightly above WY's skin. Close enough that he could feel the heat of WY's body, but not close enough to touch. "The peonies...And the rabbit."

WY had been standing at the back of the crowd after, hopping from foot to foot, waiting for everyone to finish shaking LZ's hand, with a bouquet of peonies and a stuffed rabbit.

"I can't believe you remember that," WY murmured, leaning forward just a hair, making LZ's hand brush his skin.

"Why wouldn't I? You made me feel special."

"LZ..." WY exhaled shakily. "I don't care if this is a first date - if you don't kiss me right now, I swear I'll never forgiv—MM!"

LZ gripped the side of WY's waist tighter, pulling WY's body to his and crashing their lips together before he could finish the thought.

LZ felt WY's body tense against him in surprise before relaxing, allowing LZ to pull him closer. WY's lips were soft against his. Pliant.

He allowed LZ to take the lead - allowed LZ to work his lips open before pulling back, drawing a whimper from WY.

The feeling of WY's lips lingered against his as he rest his forehead on WY's. It felt so sureal. It felt...

Good.

"Oh," WY breathed. "Oh, you should do that again. Like. Right now."

LZ huffed a laugh and kissed WY again. This time it was softer. More tender, but no less invigorating. LZ felt WY wrap his arms around his neck, pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed flush.

WY's finger's trailed up the back of his neck, making him shiver.

It felt like his every nerve ending was waking at WY's touch - the slide of his fingers along his skin exquisitely sharp.

It made him shudder and walk WY backwards until his back hit the wall a few steps away.

It made him shiver which only made LZ's heart pound that much harder in his chest cavity. It was a wild creature - ready to burst free of its cage.

LZ's fingers dug deeper into WY's side, while his other hand wound through his wet tresses - tugging.

WY's mouth parted in a near-silent gasp, allowing LZ's tongue to slip inside and LZ moaned. Distantly, he was in disbelief. Distantly, this felt like a dream.

Presently, he felt WY's fingers tugging his hair, trying to kiss LZ back as hard as he was being kissed.

LZ felt like he was melting - boiling from the inside out wherever WY touched him. Absently, he wondered if WY felt the same way. If he was as overcome with arousal as LZ was.

If he craved more of LZ's touch the way LZ craved more of WY's.

LZ pushed further into WY - needing to be closer. Needing to touch more of him. He wedged a leg between WY's thighs, and WY's hips thrust up against LZ of their own volition, allowing him to feel that he wasn't the only one who had become hard.

"LZ," WY breathed as LZ kissed the corner of his mouth when WY pulled away to breathe. "We should...Fuck, LZ..."

"Yes. We should," LZ agreed, mouthing at WY's neck.

"I..." WY blinked through the fog, his breath hitching as LZ pulled his earlobe between his teeth, lightly nipping it. WY shivered in his arms, and LZ couldn't stop the groan of approval even if he wanted to.

"Oh..." he breathed, "Oh but I can't...LZ..."

LZ paused, lightly holding WY's earlobe between his teeth until WY turned his face. It was the first time LZ had really looked at WY since they had started, and - oh...Oh he looked...

Debauched.

His damp hair was wild from LZ's fingers pulling at it. His lips were spit-slick and full from when LZ had licked his way into WY's mouth. His pupils were dilated, making the silver of his irises appear pewter. His face was completely flushed.

If WY hadn't just said "I can't", LZ wouldn't have been able to keep from kissing him again.

"Ah LZ...Didn't I tell you? I have a date tonight with the most handsome man in the world. A true, rare beauty...What will he think of me? Spreading my legs so fast..."

"What happens if he just wants to fuck me and leave, and then I don't see him again for another 16 years, hm? I don't think my poor heart is strong enough for that, LZ..."

Oh...Oh WY...

"Never," LZ reassured, allowing his eyes to express just a small fraction what he felt show.

"Oh..." WY breathed, trembling.

"I wonder what my date must think of me," LZ murmured, allowing his hand to drift over WY's tattoo again. "Throwing myself at him...Taking anything he's willing to offer...Wanting him so much I can't control myself...What must he think..."

"Maybe he wants that," WY swallowed. "Maybe he wants you to lose control."

He slowly drew his hand up the side of LZ's neck, cupping it to hold him in place.

"Maybe...He wants you to take what's always been yours."

LZ crashed his lips back into WY's - teeth and tongues clashing together as he worked WY's mouth back open. WY moaned and trembled beneath him, and LZ greedily drank every sound - every gasp and whimper - like he needed them to survive.

Absently, LZ was aware of WY's foot running up along the line of his calf - too distracted by the feeling of WY's warm, pliant body pressed against his until WY's leg wrapped around his waist.

Suddenly, the damp towel that had once been wrapped around WY dropped to the floor as LZ found his hands under WY's bare thighs, helping hold him up.

"I promise," WY said between kisses - hands tugging LZ's head back, "it's normally much harder to get me naked."

"I look forward to the challenge."

"Fuck, gege," WY whimpered as LZ's fingertips pressed further into WY's thighs digging little crescents from his nails into his skin. "You too. Too many clothes."

"Then get rid of them," LZ managed between fevered kisses, sucking a mark into WY's neck, just below his jaw.

"So wise. So smart. Ah! LZ...*yes*," WY mewled as LZ sunk his teeth into his skin. "Fuck, why is that so good?"

LZ didn't have an answer for him. He didn't think he could formulate a coherent reply as WY's talented fingers somehow wormed their way between their bodies and pulled at the buttons of LZ's shirt.

"Come'on...Off, off, off..." WY chanted, hips spasming forward as LZ scraped his teeth against the knot of WY's throat.

"Rip it."

"What?"

"Rip it off," LZ repeated, kneading the muscle of WY's thighs. He needed WY on a bed.

Now.

(More to come! This post is a back up of the original thread, and will be continued in conjunction with the original thread to ensure I don't lose my work and people can still follow and get updates of the very very rough draft!)

[triflesandparsnips]

Not an ask, but I made your orange blossom lip balm! While I was at it, I made the face pomatum too. The lip balm seems great, although I couldn't get it to colour at all and it smells more like coconut than anything else. Oh well. The pomatum is, uhm... trickier. It's way more waxy so harder to apply, I can't imagine using it on my face. But I did my elbows and it seemed fine for that. Anyway, thank you for the happy little piratey lunacy!

YESSSSS

So the lip balm:

With regard to color, the only experiment I really tried with that was adding colored mica, and I only did it the once. I've never tried alkanet (because Potential Liver Problems), and while I've considered trying tumeric or similar I've largely shrugged and backburnered that aspect for now. However, you can see a bit in this photo the color differences between the first batch (with the mica) and subsequent:

Figure 1. The first three versions of the lip balm. Bottom left (v.1.1) has the mica, and is slightly more orange-ish than the other two.

With regard to the coconut smell, I've found that I have to be very generous with the orange-blossom water at several stages of cooking in order to keep it present as a scent. While my initial recipe calls for only two "spoonfuls" (which I decided meant a soup spoon of some kind), as of version 3.0, I now specifically use 2+ tablespoons (2 in the original mix, enough extra for the arrowroot, and then... idk, a bit more to Vibe as needed, so it really comes out to more like 3 Tbs). I have notes for 3.1 to up the count to 4-5 Tbs, though we'll see what that does to the consistency.

I also pretty much always make two variants these days: one with coconut oil, and one with sweet almond oil (as described in the original French recipe!). So that might be a fun avenue to try in future.

ON TO THE FACE POMATUM:

I am deeply interested in what your consistency ended up being -- version 1.0 (which I have completed THIS VERY EVENING, and for which I must write up proper notes, because GOSH) is what I'd call a Ye Olde Cold Cream rather than a more modern facial lotion (which tend to be moisturizing without being heavy, as opposed to this, which is easy to use, deeeeefinitely moisturizing, but, uh, will definitely get that moisturizing goodness on anything it touches, goddamn).

Anyway, mine came out buttery af, and seems to still be so, but somewhere between removing it from the water and adding the borax, the fucker got itty bitty granules in it-- just enough to be annoying. Bah. Further research is required.

Figure 2. A smooth(ish) operator pomatum; aka, a sneak peek into later apothecary revelations.

ANYWAY. Thank you @ivoryfeathers for joining in the gay pirate mad scientist experimental fun!

[bookwyrminspiration]

Quil I remember seeing you post about burning the mystery orange powder and I was slightly concerned despite that happening years before I read that post so I’m glad you used it for gay science. I have also done the rainbow fire experiment and can verify that rainbow fire is indeed wonderful and more people should set rainbow fires! (/not encouraging arson)

Also I would love to accompany you in your board gaming! What is your favorite board game? I have a soft spot for chess because it’s an old hyperfixation but I also love clue!

- Amethyst

~

Hello, Amethyst!! If it helps, I suspected the mystery powder was borax? I think there was a sharpie label, but also we don’t keep borax in the house and it was packaged a little weird and I didn’t know where it’d come from. So I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t that reckless, I was mostly confident it would be fine.

And yes!! more gay fires!!

As for board games, one of my current favorites is this card game, Skyjo--it’s a combo of luck and strategy where you have 12 face down cards before you, each with a point value from -2 to 12. The goal is to try and earn as few points as possible by switching out cards with either the top of the discard or from the draw, but of course you don’t know what values you start with. Each turn you either draw (from the discard or draw) and exchange it for a card, or you discard what you drew and pick a face-down card to flip. There’s of course more to it than that, but the general premise is try to get a bunch of low value cards, which is made more difficult because you can’t see a card’s value until you flip it, and who knows if you made the right call to switch or discard? It’s very quick and simple, and I have a lot of fun with it :)

I also love chess and clue! I’m not the best at chess, but I also don’t have a lot of practice. I know a few things, like how your first goal should be to establish control of the middle squares. And clue’s always fun--another classic I go for a lot is scrabble, which is probably unsurprising.

Board games are such fun, I’ve also got some more niche/complicated ones I adore, like fox in the forest duet or catan!

[liopleurodean]

Season 5, Episode 4: The End

Oh boy

Yes he has

For security

Interesting analogy

Oh, Cas

Ey, good old KC

Let him get his beauty sleep

Oh, Cas 😂

Hi, Sam

That's one way to put it

Fair

Also fair

Oh, Sam...

That's a sad thought

He's lying

Doesn't mean it's not worth it

He... kind of has a point? But also not really

Uh...

Whoa. Apocalypsetown, USA

Did that theatre say it was showing Route 666?

That's some freaky sound design

Don't do it, Dean

Yikes

That's not good

Whoa, crazy Dutch Tilt

Run, Forrest, run!

Come on, Dean, you've parkoured worse before

Blood bath

Time travel!

So reliant on cellphones, smh

Boo

Pretty sure that's a Bill of Rights amendment, but okay

Whack

Biblical numbers!

Angel disappearing act

Oh, no...

Ooh, secret compartments!

That's a weird photo

Baby! I almost didn't recognize her 😭

Of course he gets clocked after getting distracted by his car

That's a new development

And how do you think you're gonna convince him of that, Dean?

Did you try Borax?

Yeah, that'll do it

I don't know what he expected

Ooh, this'll be good

Actually, I didn't want to know that

Yeah, that's about right

Uh oh

Are you with him now, Dean?

Don't just leave him like that

Pfft. No

What does that say about you, Dean?

That's resourceful

Oh boy

Uhhh

Dean.

Even in the apocalypse, he still gets around

What is that supposed to mean?

Whoa, Cas is getting some!

Asdfghjkl he just said it. Out loud 😂

So he still has angel powers

Nice

I don't think I like this Cas

That explains it

Huh. I don't think I've ever seen someone do that one handed before

Oh, Dean screwed this up

That's probably fair

Again. Fair

Yeah, no kidding

Oh...

Now Dean's getting it

Yup

Nice

Oh, Dean...

Dean, don't- don't start

Of course, yeah

Definitely!

Maybe? Probably? No? Time travel is weird

Ahh yeah

Hah! Dean knows himself too well

Oh crap

Yeah. Dead.

Come on Dean, use your thinking brain

All these years, still the same Dean

This seems a little off

Planet's gonna die anyway

Again. He knows himself

Chuck foresees Covid

Oh, he will

Not until he knows what it is

It's a little too far out methinks

He lost his grace?

Yikes

Thanks, Cas

Yeah, still don't like this Cas

Riiight

Risa is definitely gonna die

Yeah, obviously

Liar

Yeah, I was wondering that too

Cannon fodder

Wasn't it obvious

I can't believe Dean is idealistic

Is that the bunny blooper?

Hi, Lucifer

Not really

Oh, he knows

"shape"

They're misunderstanding the point

You might wanna listen, Dean

We are God's favorite children. This has caused problems, historically

Rolling Stones

Yeah, pretty much

Heh. Snake joke

They don't actually kill him, do they? They just lock him up for eternity

I think I've used that gif

He is wrong!

That's freaky

What do you think, Dean?

He won't. Not yet, at least

He's learned something

What.

Nice, Cas!

Dean and I agree

That's a desktop screensaver if I've ever seen one

Princess-Bride-esque music

Always Dean

Angels

Yeah.

That is true

[brokestminimalist]

Broke Laundry: updated 2021

For the time being, let's skip talking about how almost all of us have too many clothes.   The clothes that you have get dirty, and must be washed.  I am going to assume you have access to a modern washing machine, either at your house or a laundromat. We'll call step one sorting:

Sorting: Ain’t nobody got time for this.  This is an extra chore that is 99% not necessary.  Unless you have specialty fabrics or are particular about how white your whites are, it’s just added  stress and a waste of time.  I don't actually own any white clothes anymore, but if I did I'd run a load of whites with a cup of bleach once a month. I do not own things that can’t survive the washing machine, either.  No delicates, no dry cleaning.  I wash towels with clothes, and sheets together with bedspreads. Cleaning rags and towels have their own basket and get washed when it gets full.

Laundry Detergent: Avoid the very cheapest for the sake of your darks, but there is no need to spring for the most expensive thing on the shelf.  In fact, I make laundry detergent from one part washing soda, one part Borax, and one part soap. A double batch is enough detergent to last three months for a single person. Good recipes can be had all over the internet, so go forth and find yourself one.  If you’re washing in cold water and your tap water is very cold, such as in the winter, you may find it necessary to stir your homemade detergent into a cup of hot water before putting it into the machine. Out of detergent?  A spoonful of dish soap will do in a pinch.  Regardless of whether you’re using store bought or homemade, don’t use too much detergent; it’s bad for the machine, the environment, and your clothes.  We do not want to buy new clothes until we absolutely have to, right?  Right.

Fabric Softener: I recently saw a headline about how Millennials are killing the fabric softener industry.  The truth is, they are prioritizing groceries and lights over luxuries like Downy.  If you must have it and can afford it, go ahead.  Measure carefully but don’t dilute unless the package says so.  Fabric softener sheets are a good alternative, if you are using a dryer.  Here at Brokest Minimalist, we use a Downy ball with white vinegar in it.  The vinegar cuts soap residue, softens most fabrics, and is much cheaper.  Plus it’s versatile enough to be used for cleaning as well.  An added bonus is that it doesn’t reduce the absorbency of your towels like regular fabric softener does.

Water:  Set your washer on Tap Cold. Yes, really.  Unless your clothes are very greasy, almost anything can be washed in cold water and will get just as clean.  It isn’t so much the temperature of the water or even the detergent that does the washing, as much as it is the action of the clothes rubbing against each other inside the machine.  Anything that’s machine washable can be washed in cold water, period.

Settings: On our machine at home, clothes go on “casual” and sheets/bedspreads on “heavy duty”. Don’t stress too much about this.  Choose a water level that is appropriate to how full the machine is, add your stuff, and go ahead.

Drying:  Here at Brokest Minimalist, we don’t dry anything in the dryer.  Why?  Because air dries stuff for free, that’s why.  Clothes dryers are one of the most frivolous uses of electricity in the modern world.  They are also one of the number one causes of fire in the United States, after candles and cooking fires.  Unless you are in a huge hurry, hang your clothes to dry. Outdoors if possible, as sun dried clothing smells much better than any fabric softener does.  You don’t even have to spend all afternoon pinning stuff to a clothesline like your great-grandma did, either! Our system is beautiful in its simplicity.  We take our clothes out of the washing machine, hang them on clothes hangers, and then hang the hangers on the clothesline.  If you have a smooth line, tie knots in it or use clothespins to keep stuff from sliding back and forth in the breeze.  If you don’t have a line, put one up or buy a portable or retractable one. In summer your clothes will be dry within an hour in direct sunlight, which is a comparable time to many dryers.  If it’s raining, you can hang them indoors over curtain rods, from your mantel, or on your shower curtain rod.  Even if it’s freezing outside, in direct sunlight your clothes will dry within a few hours. For free.  No kidding.  And UV light is a great sanitizer if you’re worried about germs! Here we hang our and towels and unmentionables on racks purchased from Amazon, such as this and this.  Another tidbit we have figured out, is that there is no need to wait until daylight to hang your clothes. In the old days it was nigh unheard of, but there’s no harm.  The morning dew won’t make your wet clothes wetter.   Do you work nights?  Do a load of laundry after you get home from work and hang it out to dry, even if it’s midnight.  It will be dry by lunchtime tomorrow.   This saves wear and tear on your clothes, it saves electricity, it won’t create extra static like the dryer, and hanging stuff is kind of a nice, meditative way to spend a few minutes. Take some deep breaths of fresh air, reflect on your day, let go of some anxiety.

Does all of this sound too complicated? Written down it’s a lot, but let us take you through a load of laundry we just did.  For the record, it is currently one o'clock in the morning.  It’s 31 degrees outside.

1) Put clothes in washer.  Not sorted, just all the clothes in the hamper or off your floordrobe, dumped into the washing machine.

2) It’s cold out, so put a tablespoon of detergent into a cup of hot water and stir.  Pour in washer. Put white vinegar in Downy ball, toss in washer.

3) Push start button and go do something else.  Read, take a nap, cook, clean bathroom. Write a long-winded Tumblr post.  Whatever.

4) When load is done, hang everything on hangers/racks still wet.  This is the longest part, and it takes 5-7 minutes, max. You can do it while watching tv or listening to music.

5) Carry your hung up clothes outdoors to the clothesline and hang them up, or to whatever indoor location you have deemed fit if it is raining.

These will be dry in a few hours except for very heavy things like thing hoodies or jeans, those may take longer.  Yes, even if it’s cool outside.  As long as there is direct sunlight, they will dry.  When you’re ready, bring them in. All the clothes are already on hangers, so just stick them in your closet.

Once upon a time we had a lot of drama about laundry.  We had fights over whose turn it was, how much Tide to put in, and who was going to clean the lint trap.  When the dryer broke, I absolutely agonized over the three hundred dollars it would take to buy a new one.  That three hundred dollars meant going without cable for two months, it meant scrimping for groceries and paying a late fee on the phone bill.  It was more than an entire paycheck, just to dry clothes!

Today that same dryer is sitting in our laundry room in disuse.  We have it, for emergencies.  A drink spilled on a work shirt, perhaps, that needs to be worn in 30 minutes.  It’s good for fluffing up pillows, on the no-heat setting. It wasn’t worth the stress or the tears or the three hundred dollars we put into it all those years ago.  It’s basically a glorified shelf for our detergent now:

So today, I challenge you, broke person.  Don’t wear those grungy jeans for one more day.   Do a load of laundry, as frugally as you can.  Measure your detergent carefully, hang your clothes to dry.  Your clothes will last longer, your utility bill will be lower, and you will have a few minutes of peace and quiet outside.  It’s less wear and tear, less electricity, and less stress, and that’s a minimalist win.

If you do choose to dry your clothes in a dryer, beware of over-drying as that can cause static and extra wear and tear on your clothes.  Clean out your lint trap, it will make your clothes dry faster and reduce the risk of fire.  If you are too broke to have dryer sheets, wool dryer balls are pretty cheap and effective for fabric softening and reducing static.  We have also heard that you could use tennis balls or a couple balls of wadded up aluminum foil for this purpose.

Happy washing!

Some links: homemade detergent at TSD, and Mr. Electricity’s opinion on dryers.

[themanwiththecrown]

NAME :   richard “dick” roman NICKNAME :  DICK, big daddy chomper & variety of dick insults AGE :   called old ones for a reason, kiddo SPECIES :   leviathan

PERSONAL !

MORALITY :   lawful evil? RELIGION :   fuck god, worships himself SINS :   greed / gluttony / sloth / lust / pride / envy / wrath VIRTUES :   chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice KNOWN LANGUAGES :   many, knows the language of anything he eats SECRETS :   monsters are real, shh

PHYSICAL !

BUILD :   scrawny  /  bony  / slender  /  fit  /  athletic  /  curvy  /  herculean  /  pudgy  /  average  /  fat HEIGHT :   6′1? i don’t actually know SCARS / BIRTHMARKS :   flawless on the outside, baby ABILITIES / POWERS :   regen, invulnerability, immortal against everything but one thing, shape-shifting, reading others, his ability to lie is a superpower, superhuman strength & speed & stamina, this isn’t even his final form, super senses, superhuman intelligence, possession, limited spell-casting, negating angelic powers RESTRICTIONS :   bone of a righteous mortal washed in three bloods of fallen, for starters. borax/acidic elements and an extreme amount of fire will eat away at him.

FAVORITES !

FOOD :   humans dipped in garlic sauce PIZZA TOPPING :   humans, onions, some garlic powder and pepper flakes COLOR :   yellow, so good to see the sun again - red is also nice and carnal MUSIC GENRE :   rock primarily, but he likes a range of music MOVIE GENRE :   he hasn’t had a change to watch too many just yet. horror will probably be a comedy to him, though. he’ll likely enjoy documentaries a lot, especially more creative ones. CURSE WORD :   he’s a variety pack when it comes to curse words. depends on the day. SCENTS :   cologne and probably something just natural... like a stream in the woods. airy, i guess?

FUN STUFF !

TOP OR BOTTOM :   preferred top but can be persuaded into a bottom eventually SINGS IN THE SHOWER :   hums at most. LIKES PUNS :   his name is dick, guys. he chose that. so yes.

tagged by : @limlnal (thank you friend <3)

tagging: well you got this far so do it.

[agentmothmanstrikesagain]

Mean Green Mothers and Diverging Timelines

Dib #5 lay sprawled out on the bed in his room, holding a tablet up over his face and observing the contents of the info displayed on it with growing concern. 

“Five timelines.” He mumbled quietly to himself. “I’ve split off into five timelines. Five different versions of myself.” He traced a finger along the screen of the tablet, pulling up images of the four other different versions of his exact self. 

A raging xenomorph.

A crying mess, on his way to save an old friend.

A Nightmare Irken, oblivious of his future role.

And #4.. he’d split off before the others had ever become aware of the divergence. He stood alone, surviving by himself in a desolate wasteland. His story was unclear, but one thing was for sure.. he wasn’t healthy.

#5 felt a slight sick feeling in his gut. The convergence point was several months away. Several months before each Dib would find a way to the same spot, the same moment in time, the same scenario. Several months before they’d all join and become whole again, before their timeline would smooth and flatten out again, unbroken and unbothered by whatever fuckery was at hand in this universe. 

Not that fuckery had become surprising or new at this point.

#5 hoped things would just, work out. It appeared they would, but he was never too sure, because at any given moment everything and anything could go to shit faster than a sausage in a blender.

Perhaps the mere thought alone had jinxed him, because no sooner had it crossed his mind than he hear a loud crash coming from the living room area and a shrill scream.

#5 scrambled to his feet, grabbing The DayBreaker and charging out of his room. He was just in time to see Audrey 𝐈𝐈 scarfing down the tail end of someone’s legs with sickening crunch. Dib flinched in disgust, still not entirely used to the gruesome sight. Twoey was at the point where he was more than big enough to swallow a person whole, taking up a whole half of the kitchen. The kitchen table had basically been scrapped entirely. 

“Jesus Christ Twoey do you ever even look before you eat someone!? What if that was someone we knew!?!?” #5 practically yowled in distress, picking up the apparent mail bag full of never-to-be delivered letters. “I fucking feed you Audrey 𝐈𝐈, all the goddamn time! I steal packets of blood, corpses, kidnap criminals from prisons, lure escaped and evading felons here all the fucking time for you. You don’t need to eat all our mailmen and pizza delivery guys! It’s hard enough covering my tracks just to feed your ass without random disappearances happening as soon as anyone comes near our house!” He snarled at Twoey, clutching the mailbag with iron-hard angry fists.

“And I’d sincerely like to thank you, and you personally.” Audrey 𝐈𝐈 chuckled smugly, or rather it was more like a deep rumbling bellow. “But uh, tch tch tch, you’d better watch your tone boy.” He rumbled, his voice gaining a rather threatening chime to it, his tendrils and vines lashing about in agitation.

That was it. #5 had just about had it with this sassy animate rafflesia. “You Listen here you gluttonous oversized venus flytrap!” He snarled, seething with rage. “The only reason you’re that big, and the only reason you’re still around is because of Zim! And I swear from Jupiter to Vort that he’ll set your whole damned world on fire if you so much as lay a tendril on me. So don’t you dare threaten me you got that? I’ve quite literally got bigger things than you to worry about ya sassy songbird. Just you fucking remember Audrey 𝐈𝐈, that I’m not Seymour.” 

The massive plant gave a loud grumble that almost shook the whole room, startling the rest of the resident animals in the household. Audrey 𝐈𝐈 sent a tendril flying towards Dib faster than he could react, wrapping it around him like an overactive reticulated python. He yanked Dib up to his face, a mere few centimeters away from his toothy meat-scented maw. 

“FOR THE LAST TIME KID-” He bellowed out, practically almost blowing Dib’s eardrums away. “I’M NOT GONNA EAT YA.” He hollered. “Besides, if I did, I’d keel over flat on my roots, cause your scrawny twink ass is like a ‘thousand milligram pot cookie. Enough to throw a motherfucker forward five years. Not to mention all the bullshit you insist on consuming. Orbeez, melted borax, random rocks you find off the street, asphalt poptarts, d20′s. The list is quite extensive. Shall I go on?” Audrey 𝐈𝐈 growled, annoyed out of his mind. 

#5 opened and closed his mouth for a second, too shocked for speech as Twoey lowered him to floor.

“You still don’t trust me you brat.” If the massive plant monster had eyes he’d be rolling them. “As for the “mail man”” He hissed, ripping the the mail bag out of Dib’s hands and dumping the contents on the floor. A large fair sized package fell out onto the floor with a dense sounding thud. A well wrapped package of drugs no doubt, let alone all the mail envelopes empty and unmarked without addresses or even stamps. 

“I-” #5 couldn’t speak, his mouth hanging slightly open. 

“No you ain’t.” Twoey grumbled, cutting him off. “You ain’t sorry at all.” He bitched, scooping the drugged package up and tossing it into the garbage disposal. 

#5 got up off the ground and threw his arms around as much of Audrey 𝐈𝐈’s massive snout that he could, tears already streaming from his eyes. “YeS I aAaMmM!” He sobbed wildly, sniffling and hugging on to Twoey. 

Twoey was taken aback for a moment, clearly surprised. “AaahahahaawwwsHUCKS, be quiet you.” He growled shooing Dib away with his massive leaves. “Go get me some blood before I start having an emotion.” He grumbled in a begrudging manner. 

[teampart25-blog]

eight Dangerous And Shocking Components Hidden In Your Foods

As a knowledgeable personal instructor together with well being coach I've assessed a lot of diets and dish plans in the past. My partner and i always ask "So what is definitely your diet like? inches And the most typical response is definitely... "Oh our diet's excellent actually. very well It's not really until all of us delve deeper into what exactly people are taking in upon a daily basis wherever we learn to realize of which their diet had not been that healthful after all. Must be food product is resting over a supermarket shelf isn't going to signify it's OK to try to eat. Think about it... Little ones can eat colors nonetheless we avoid call up crayons food. Consequently , precisely why are we putting thus a lot of lifeless and nutritional devoid foods as properly as many identified waste into our bodies all these nights? The food firms absolutely don't make it easy. A lot of the meals brands don't make much sense due to all the requirements and unpronounceable companies. But did you know of which there are authorized methods where companies can add specific materials and substances in order to the product, but condition on the label that will the item doesn't incorporate those ingredients at all of? Absurd isn't the idea! While you read on likely to come to realize why additional and more people start to eat fresh and even wholesome unprocessed meals to help avoid all these disgraceful ingredients. Below We have outlined 6 dangerous and even shocking ingredients hidden in your own meals that you should become aware of. one Anti-Freeze Yes you read correct... Anti-freeze is what proceeds into the rad connected with your car so it refuses to over heat but will not freeze up in colder weather. It's called propylene glycol, also known while propane-1, 2-diol or E1520. It's a chemical that will has many industrial works by using for instance Corexit, which is an oil dispersant utilized for oil leaks throughout the ocean. It's furthermore used in pharmaceutical prescription drugs plus cosmetics, right via to many snow treatments. Luckily for the people in the European Partnership, they have not really cleaned propylene glycol while a new food additive or meals grade product. My tips, make your own ice cream and forestall consuming products that contain this kind of substance. 2. Human Curly hair Healthy proteins are the building prevents associated with life and are made up of proteins. Although they are excellent for your health, I'm certain you'd agree that there needs to be a better technique to extend the space life of some goods other than using human hair or duck feathers. This amino-acid L-Cysteine is usually used to prolong this shelf life connected with numerous products such as industrial breads. The L-Cysteine utilized to extend these food items frequently comes from shift and rooster feathers as well as horns via cows that have been slaughtered. However the many commonly used version emanates from human hair. Yes, you read that correctly. Reports have shown that the particular frizzy hair employed to derive L-Cysteine mostly originates from China and taiwan, exactly where it's collected from locks salons and even barber stores, then refined. Most rapid food chains add this particular form of L-Cysteine for their burger buns and comes. To avoid consuming human being hair as well as duck down in your foods, try out acquiring home baked breads out of your local baker as L-Cysteine isn't in the particular flour, but added to the mix during manufacturing of breads and typically the like. Best of all, make your own own. 3. Strychnine Curare is a known carcinogen, which means that that causes cancers in dwelling tissue. Typically the unfortunate factor about this harmful factor is that it appears to be to hold showing up inside our food materials. It can in everything from breakfast cereals and rice, to fruit fruit juice and your current drinking water. Sometimes at amounts about 2 - three or more times what on earth is considered risk-free. It's also been revealed to be in many protein powder-based products. Indeed, foodsdaily.com read that accurately seeing that well... those high-priced health proteins powders that quite a few guys and women waste their funds in have been revealed for you to contain this toxic factor amongst others. Quite a few wine beverages together with beers have likewise been shown to consist of arsenic, mostly the sharper ones. To filter these beverages they use diatomaceous earth, which is a natural product however this contains iron and other factors, such as arsenic. So to stay away from this toxin, get a new good quality water filter for the house and drink vino or beverage that is usually unfiltered. The unfiltered wine beverage in addition to ale also include more nutrients. 4. Fecal Boucles This one sounds nice does not it... Fecal glands any person? No thank you! Most people don't know the fact that some of the tastes utilised in your favorite glaciers creams among other items, comes from typically the castor sacs of beavers, which often is located at their rear end of the animal. That secretion is usually called castoreum and it is utilized to mark the beaver's territory. Due to typically the close easy access of the castor sacs into the beaver's anal boucle, castoreum may be the combination of pee, secretions from typically the castor boucles as properly as secretions from the fecal boucle. Castoreum will be used to be able to flavor vanilla, raspberry plus strawberry snow cream and is a new Food plus Drug Administration (FDA) accredited food chemical in quite a few popular glaciers cream brands. It's in addition accustomed to flavor many refreshments for example protein and food substitute drinks. You will generally still find it labeled since "Natural Flavoring". Isn't very the fact that great, so for everyone a person know, several of these apparent "natural" ingredients may be perineal secretion by other animals. My personal guidance... again, make your very own ice creams so a person no longer take beaver waste. five. Borax Borax offers been prohibited as a new food additive in Europe as well as the U. S. although is allowed in the particular European Union, even though they listed it as a good substance of very high worry. It's commonly used to make cosmetics, detergents, teeth enamel glazes, fiberglass, to be a flux in metallurgy and is particularly made use of in fire retardants. From the food industry it's known by it's E quantity: E285. Borax is utilized regarding acidity control, toning broker and preservative. The idea can be obtained from some caviars, noodles in addition to depending on location can be included a good wide variety of dishes to be able to add a firm texture. Borax has been taking into account the revised classification while dangerous for replica : category 1B. half a dozen. Coal Tar Doesn't this method smart appetizing? No way! You may be thinking what on earth would likely coal tar be performing in food? Nicely the great old processed food industry reaches it once again. So many of the processed food items of which grace the store racks these days contain a new long list of foods inorganic dyes. Most of all those food chemical dyes are made from coal tar and even it is listed because a regarded carcinogen (causes cancer inside of living tissue). It's used in such factors as road manufacturing, road and pavement sealing layers, cosmetics, shampoos and prescription drugs. In foods and even beverages it's known since E102, Tartrazine or perhaps Green #5 and can end up being found in soft drinks, flavored chips, pickles, cheese distinctive flavored products as well since many other food items in addition to beverage items. It is just another reason to keep highly processed meals away through your body in addition to these of your loved kinds. 7. Rodent Hair Would certainly you like some rodent hair with that? Now i'm sure it is something the fact that you usually sprinkle more than your freshly made healthy meals... Not. Well according to the Food and Drug Management (FDA) it's fine to get some rodent hair in the food. Due to many food manufacturing being manufactured through large industrial features, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has an permitting for rodent hair around many solutions, about what they will term "unavoidable defects". They make it possible for 1 rodent hair per 100g regarding chocolates, 5 rodent hair is for every 18oz peanut garnir vessel and 22 rodent hairs per 100g cinnamon. That will sure keep me personally away from processed food for a while. 9. Boiled Beetles This only keeps getting better doesn't it? Now so why do you need chunks of beetles in your food an individual may ask? Known while carmine, natural red-colored #4, crimson pond or perhaps E120, it's some sort of foodstuff color made by way of cooking meals cochineal insects in a salt carbonate or maybe ammonia option. It's used to create plastic-type flowers, inks, inorganic dyes, chemicals and cosmetics. Found in food and beverages is actually accustomed to color ice cream, candy, natural yoghurts and particular fruit juices. Ways to revealed to cause anaphylactic shock and severe sensitized reactions in some people. Different dyes used instead associated with organic #4 are artificial options such as: green #40 plus red #2. These are derived from oil production. My guidance, continue to keep this garbage away through the body as much while you can. We often wonder why that even while we are more computer advanced than any some other time in historical past, humans will also be more ill and unhealthy than virtually any other time in record. To me it's because simple as day. This will be items that I've truly mentioned and the thousands of other food ingredients, flavors, colors and preservatives that our leaders enable manufacturers to add to the particular foods people feed on that is helping to bring about health issues world wide. Thus it really is for you to decide. As Hippocrates said centuries ago: "Let foods be thy medicine and treatments be thy food" Thus be smart and select your food sensibly.

[stimtoybox]

what do we do if we're in a country where it's illegal to sell borax, in any shape or form ? (it's not present in eye solutions, those are just saline water) ?

When it comes to traditional slime, anon, you’re stuck. I wish I had a solution for you, but I don’t. Slime is made with the reaction between PVA (either glue or peel-off face masks) and either sodium borate/borax or boric acid, so it’s difficult to make a good, stretchy slime without both of these things. There really isn’t anything else that you can swap in.

(Certain glues will activate from some brands of shaving cream alone, but you need so much shaving cream to such a small amount of glue. I’ve never had any locally-available glue be able to activate with locally-available shaving cream this way; I cannot advise on which glue and shaving cream combinations will work.)

I don’t understand the reaction to borax or why it is so inaccessible in certain countries. Boric acid is the more dangerous chemical, diluted in laundry detergents, floor cleaners, contact lens solution, liquid starches and other similar products. Oddly enough, those activators are often billed as “borax-free” by slime makers hence and “safer” than sodium borate solutions, but the MSDS for sodium borate/borax gives it the same hazard rating as table salt. Obviously, you don’t want to eat it, but it’s no more dangerous to handle than baking soda. We handle more dangerous chemicals in cleaning products all the time, so this fear of borax baffles me.

(This old post of mine talks about slime safety, data sheets, the PVA-and-borate-ion reaction and other bits about slime-making, with links to more resources.)

In my opinion, making slime from PVA glue, water and dissolved sodium borate is safer than using PVA glue and laundry detergent, liquid starch, lens solution or floor cleaner for slime, because you don’t have any additional detergents, dyes, fragrances or chemicals added to the slime–and most of these cleaning products are not designed for prolonged skin contact. Yes, you don’t use a lot of these activators to make slime, but I’ll choose the method that is cheaper and limits the additional chemicals in my slime, giving me more control over what it contains.

This, of course, isn’t helpful if you can’t access borax!

I have a special interest in slime, anon, and based on the many videos I’ve watched, while there are various tutorials for slimes made from dishwashing liquid, shampoo, toothpaste, glue-stick glue, packing peanuts and acetone, nail polish, water and hand soap, none of them work that well, and even the ones that kind of work require very specific brands–and, I suspect, a little YouTube trickery. Even when they’re not faked, they seem to be talked up on camera more than they actually work in the presenters’ hands, in terms of making a nice, clean, stretchable borax-comparable slime. Many presenters seem to think “gooey” is good enough, but from a stimming perspective, I cannot recommend a good non-PVA-and-borax alternative. I’ve tried a few myself with no success, and others haven’t performed well enough on camera for me to even bother experimenting.

(Please don’t make the packing peanuts and acetone slime, followers! Acetone–and this slime requires pure acetone–is far more dangerous to you than borax.)

You might like to try, anon, some of the edible slime recipes using psyllium powder, but they’re a little more oozy than stretchy, and they don’t keep as well as glue-based slime. I’ve also got several video tutorials under the #edible slime tag, but many are only good for one-time or short-term usage, making them less suitable for stimmers.

In all honesty, if you can’t get any borax/boric-acid containing products, I wouldn’t bother with trying to make your own slime. I’d buy it online, endure storebought slime or, if you want to DIY something yourself, look at making doughs for stimming. I’ve featured plenty of handmade playdough recipes on this blog, and a no-cook stimming dough is easily made by combining dishwashing liquid/conditioner/hand soap/lotion (any of those) with cornflour/cornstarch. It won’t keep forever, but it’s easy to make and replace every couple of weeks, and you can use basic supermarket ingredients.

(Put cornstarch in a bowl, slowly knead in soap/conditioner/lotion until you have a dough-like consistency that isn’t too crumbly, store in an airtight container.)

For doughs, check out the previous DIY master posts: one ⁕ two ⁕ three ⁕ four. I’ve got at least a couple of dough or putty tutorials on every page, using a variety of ingredients and cooking processes, so there should be at least one that works for you.

I know dough doesn’t have the texture and stretch of handmade glue-and-borax slime, but I am aware of nothing that replaces the borax/boric acid. For a DIY toy with the same add-scent-and-glitter potential for stimmers, it’s as close as I think you can get.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 7X6 Slash Fiction

oh a Robbie Thompson episode I believe

I mov in tomorrow this is Fine I'm doing great this is fine

Dean is flirting

and like it's cute, genuine flirting, it's decent

god fucking damn it what

they're robbing the bank??

"your money's insured so no heroes" isn't that a reference to something

...this deeply feels like that one episode in kripke seasons

the one with renegade

ah same scenery

THEY SHOT THEM?? WHAT ?????

haha "oaky"

"a mensa mosnter"

Camp Cas

"we can't be killed" yeah probably a wanna bet scenario

first robbie thompson ep actually

APFA THE NEWS

[echoing] IT WAS THE HAIR

LMAOOOO

"you fuckers are stupid let me explain how badass we are"

Dean this is a bad idea you're wanted by EVERYONE

you fucking morons both of you

"if you're gonna be stupid might as well be smart about it LMAOOO

ooo nice visual

bing bongs sing songs

yeah they've been clocked

is it them? I genuinely can't tell

yes Sam, he knows who you are

"the cashier just made me, drive" damn

I really love the presumed dead and now they just start killing

THEIR FACES LMAOOO

the door swings open

So Anyway I Started Blasting

"do you have a teleport" "no..sir..we don't?"

"my condolences on the doppelgängers"

DEAN'S LIL BACKTRACKS ARE SO FUNNY

yeah he's insane

LMAO NUMBER TWO MOST WANTED FASTEST CLIMB

"cuba's nice this time of year"

"no more rock shoutouts" aw

breaks his laptop huh

yep

boy I sure hope that's backed up Sam

"no problem! you owe me 5000 cash" LMAO

BOBBY IS GOING APESHIT LMAO

this evil man is FUNNY though

"hot damn...well that's something" AHAHA HE DIDN't EXPECT IT TO WORK"

"there is no such thing as a random series of murders by your set of evil twins" said DEADASSSSS

I love this character he's so funny

"ditch your car" "no"

Jody?

bobby goes to therapy?

"I'm a cop, remember" I love her

Jody: bobby accept help and don't be a little shit

Bobby: fine but only a little

lmaooo

HE LOOKS SO CONFUSED

Well that's disturbing

CHOPS IT OFF AGAIN

AHAHA NEW CAR

MLP AIR FRESHENER

DEAN DON'T CHOP IT

"nobody puts baby in a corner"

"swayze always gets a pass" DEAN

...RObbie...is a bi dean truther

DEAN KNOWS THE WORDS WHAT

SAM'S FACE

this is so good

BI DEAN TRUTHERS RISE

AH in order from season 1

oh that's a NEAT CALLBACK ACTUALLY

don't tell me they shoot up conner's diner

Dean and his love of burgers

SAM AND HIS LOVE OF SALADS

Hero complex

"applications for sainthood" jesus christ

he idealizes everyone around him self loathing+seeing the better in everyone else, so yikes

ah Jo, Bobby, even Ellen

yikes, same thing their dad did kinda, he internalized it

tHEY"RE ROASTING THEMSELVES

"how are these guys even a threat" LMAAOOOO

"I like this one's hair better" AHFISDAPFH AHAHAHA

they know their places

Jeez these guys are intense

SHIT SKIN CONTACT

BOBBY NO

AH GETS HIS MEMORIES

aH THEY SEE THEM

BOTH OF THEM

WINKS AT HIM

ok tries to get under his skin

"a man's reach should exceed his grasp" ooo robert browning

"I like that" oh that's nice

SOAP?? CUZ THEY'RE GREASE?

ok a kiss fine, fine then

AMONG US

Sodium borate

everything with borax?

"you want me to housewives these mother[fuckers]"

he would swear

I'm pretty sure insanity would actually work

ah he sees the swap

ah Fake Dean

Dean Adjacent

IT TOOK SAM BEING TOLD, IT TOOK DEAN N O T H I N G

Parent

YEET

FINALLY MENTIONS AMY

well that felt good DEAN??

Ah yes Sam has complexes

paperwork, again

aw she's sweet

Bobby you gave her the head??

BOBBY COME ON

cheek kiss ok fine perfectly good

of course they die

...this one...also felt...like that...henriksen episode

THE ECONOMIST AHAH

CROWLEYYYYYY

brought him...body parts?

dick...LMAO

...are...they flirting...

flirt.fighting?

what the fuck

well that didn't go well

ah yes Amy

ah yes the angsty storm off

this feels like Old Plot Points again

1. AH meant to mention: the big brother is watching thing, monsters among the government, among us...yeah 9/11 is in there isn't it

2. the presumed dead but aren't but are but aren't is HILARIOUS, like these fuckers are straight up cryptids. Like they end the episode dead. again.

3. Frank: I fucking love him. He was ABSOLUTELY INSANE THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH, I LOVE CHAOTIC INFORMATION PARANOIA MAN

4. BOBBY THE WELL READ DUDE! I THINK THAT'S SO FUCKING COOL AND THAT QUOTE SLAPS. Also gives her a head lmao

5. IT took Sam being told, it took dean NOTHING to recognize

6. Dean's Hero complex, guilt complex, that "applications for sainthood" line is just. So Much. Jo, Ellen, Bobby, it's true he venerates the people around him, and he hates himself, he's the marytr. Also. *kills his doppelgänger* "wow that feels good" half "I want to be me", half self loathing?

7. actual callbacks! to the episodes, to what happened. And also like...repeating plot points Like could be bad, but I like the new context in some cases and it's just aCTIVELY HILARIOUS in places. could be good for bookends

8. does Crowley come back

[brokestminimalist]

Broke Laundry

We will, for the time being, skip talking about how almost all of us have too many clothes.  This is a related topic, but one that deserves its own discussion.  The clothes that you have get dirty, and must be washed.  We are going to assume you have access to a modern washing machine, either at your house or a laundromat. We're going to call step one sorting.

Sorting: Look, ain’t nobody got time for this.  This is an extra chore that is 99% not necessary.  Unless you have specialty fabrics or are particular about how white your whites are, it's just added  stress and a waste of time.  We run a load of whites with a cup of bleach once a month to keep them pretty, but otherwise we do not separate colors.  We do not own things that can’t survive the washing machine, either.  No delicates, no dry cleaning.  We wash towels with our clothes, and sheets together with bedspreads. Done and done.

Laundry Detergent: We would avoid the very cheapest for the sake of our darks, but you also do not need to spring for the most expensive thing on the shelf.  In fact, we make our own laundry detergent here from one part washing soda, one part Borax, and one part soap. A double batch is enough detergent to last three months here. Good recipes can be had all over the internet, so go forth and find yourself one.  If you're washing in cold water and your tap water is very cold, such as in the winter, you may find it necessary to stir your homemade detergent into a cup of hot water before putting it into the machine. Out of detergent?  A spoonful of dish soap will do in a pinch.  Regardless of whether you're using store bought or homemade, don't use too much detergent; it's bad for the machine, the environment, and your clothes.  We do not want to buy new clothes until we absolutely have to, right?  Right.

Fabric Softener: I recently saw a headline about how Millennials are killing the fabric softener industry.  I think the truth is, they are prioritizing groceries and lights over luxuries like Downy.  If you must have it and can afford it, go ahead.  Measure carefully but don't dilute unless the package says so.  Fabric softener sheets are a good alternative, if you are using a dryer.  Here at Brokest Minimalist, we use a Downy ball with white vinegar in it.  The vinegar cuts soap residue, softens most fabrics, and is much cheaper.  Plus it's versatile enough to be used for cleaning as well.  An added bonus is that it doesn't reduce the absorbency of your towels like regular fabric softener does.  Our towels soak up ALL THE WATERS, no questions asked.

Water:  Set your washer on Tap Cold. Yes, really.  Unless your clothes are very greasy, almost anything can be washed in cold water and will get just as clean.  It isn't so much the temperature of the water or even the detergent that does the washing, as much as it is the action of the clothes rubbing against each other inside the machine.  Anything that's machine washable can be washed in cold water, period.

Settings: On our machine at home, clothes go on “casual” and sheets/bedspreads on “heavy duty”. Don't stress too much about this.  Choose a water level that is appropriate to how full the machine is, add your stuff, and go ahead.

Drying:  Here at Brokest Minimalist, we don't dry anything in the dryer.  Why?  Because air dries stuff for free, that's why.  Clothes dryers are one of the most frivolous uses of electricity in the modern world.  They are also one of the number one causes of fire in the United States, after candles and cooking fires.  Unless you are in a huge hurry, hang your clothes to dry. Outdoors if possible, as sun dried clothing smells much better than any fabric softener does.  You don't even have to spend all afternoon pinning stuff to a clothesline like your great-grandma did, either! Our system is beautiful in its simplicity.  We take our clothes out of the washing machine, hang them on clothes hangers, and then hang the hangers on the clothesline.  If you have a smooth line, tie knots in it or use clothespins to keep stuff from sliding back and forth in the breeze.  If you don’t have a line, put one up or buy a portable or retractable one. In summer your clothes will be dry within an hour in direct sunlight, which is a comparable time to many dryers.  If it's raining, you can hang them indoors over curtain rods, from your mantel, or on your shower curtain rod.  Even if it's freezing outside, in direct sunlight your clothes will dry within a few hours. For free.  No kidding.  And UV light is a great sanitizer if you're worried about germs! Here we hang our and towels and unmentionables on racks purchased from Amazon, such as this and this.  Another tidbit we have figured out, is that there is no need to wait until daylight to hang your clothes. In the old days it was nigh unheard of, but there's no harm.  The morning dew won't make your wet clothes wetter.   Do you work nights?  Do a load of laundry after you get home from work and hang it out to dry, even if it's midnight.  It will be dry by lunchtime tomorrow.   This saves wear and tear on your clothes, it saves electricity, it won't create extra static like the dryer, and hanging stuff is kind of a nice, meditative way to spend a few minutes. Take some deep breaths of fresh air, reflect on your day, let go of some anxiety.

Does all of this sound too complicated? Written down it's a lot, but let us take you through a load of laundry we just did.  For the record, it is currently one o'clock in the morning.  It's 31 degrees outside.

1) Put clothes in washer.  Not sorted, just all the clothes in the hamper or off your floordrobe, dumped into the washing machine.

2) It's cold out, so put a tablespoon of detergent into a cup of hot water and stir.  Pour in washer. Put white vinegar in Downy ball, toss in washer.

3) Push start button and go do something else.  Read, take a nap, cook, clean bathroom. Write a long-winded Tumblr post.  Whatever.

4) When load is done, hang shirts and pants on hangers, towels on a rack, and underwear/socks on one of these things.  This is the longest part, and it takes 5-7 minutes, max. You can do it while watching tv or listening to music.

5) Carry your hung up clothes outdoors to the clothesline and hang them up, or to whatever indoor location you have deemed fit if it is raining.  Stick the towel rack outside too, if you like.

These will be dry in a few hours except for very heavy things like thing hoodies or jeans, those may take longer.  Yes, even if it's cool outside.  As long as there is direct sunlight, they will dry.  When you're ready, bring them in. All the clothes are already on hangers, so just stick them in your closet.

Once upon a time we had a lot of drama about laundry.  We had fights over whose turn it was, how much Tide to put in, and who was going to clean the lint trap.  When the dryer broke, we agonized over the three hundred dollars it would take to buy a new one.  That three hundred dollars meant going without cable for two months, it meant scrimping for groceries and paying a late fee on our phone bill.  It was more than an entire paycheck, just to dry our clothes!

Today that same dryer is sitting in our laundry room in disuse.  We have it, for emergencies.  A drink spilled on a work shirt, perhaps, that needs to be worn in 30 minutes.  It's good for fluffing up pillows, on the no-heat setting. It wasn't worth the stress or the tears or the three hundred dollars we put into it all those years ago.  It’s basically a glorified shelf for our detergent now:

So today, I challenge you, broke person.  Don't wear those grungy jeans for one more day.   Do a load of laundry, as frugally as you can.  Measure your detergent carefully, hang your clothes to dry.  Your clothes will last longer, your utility bill will be lower, and you will have a few minutes of peace and quiet outside.  It's less wear and tear, less electricity, and less stress, and that's a minimalist win.

If you do choose to dry your clothes in a dryer, beware of over-drying as that can cause static and extra wear and tear on your clothes.  Clean out your lint trap, it will make your clothes dry faster and reduce the risk of fire.  If you are too broke to have dryer sheets, wool dryer balls are pretty cheap and effective for fabric softening and reducing static.  We have also heard that you could use tennis balls or a couple balls of wadded up aluminum foil for this purpose.

Happy washing!

Some links: homemade detergent at TSD, and Mr. Electricity's opinion on dryers.

[crashdevlin]

Good Things: Part 2

part one 

You were lucky, when the demon started making its way through the wake, to be wearing a silver anti-possession amulet. Elvis, Alicia and Jody weren't so lucky. 

At one point, you were searching the manor with Mary, the stunningly beautiful and young mother Winchester. "I saw how Dean was looking at you. His father used to look at me like that." She said, quietly, not looking at you. She concentrated on clearing the room.

"Oh?" You couldn't think of anything better to say.

"I rejected John when he first asked me out. He was a Marine. I didn't want a soldier. Spent my whole life around hunters, didn't need more of the macho BS in my world." Mary finally turned to look at you. "Dean looks at you like he's trying to figure out how to win you over."

You cleared your throat. "I... don't... Dean has a reputation." You weren't sure why that was what came out of your mouth.

"I've heard." She confirmed.

"And I'd've been fine with that rep, but he was talking about some chick he had a connection with and I'm not the kind of chick guys like Dean cheat on their girlfriends with... I mean... I can't... Look at me."

"He doesn't have a girlfriend." Mary put her hand on your shoulder. "You should talk to him when this is over."

You did. After the exorcism, as you were watching Asa, Randy and Elvis being sent home in smoke, you bit your lip and approached him. "Thought I should actually say 'Goodbye' this-"

"You should come to breakfast with us." He interrupted. "We're takin' Mom to get some bacon. What do you say?"

You smiled. "Well, does this look like a body that says 'no' to bacon?"

You sat between Sam and Jody in a diner booth in North Dakota. Dean sat across from you, sharing a large plate of bacon with Mary. "Okay, craziest thing you've ever hunted?" Dean asked.

"Uh, probably the transsexual witch who cursed her community college to wake up in the body of someone of the opposite sex so they'd understand how she felt." You answered, before taking a bite of pancake.

"When you say 'she'..." Sam trailed off. It was a genuinely curious question.

"Born 'Michael', became 'Michelle'."

"What'd you do with her?" Mary asked, drinking down some coffee.

"Well, she hadn't actually hurt anyone, just confused the fuck out of 'em for about 16 hours, and she did it out of an overwhelming desire to be understood, so I put her in contact with a Wiccan priestess I know. Last I heard, she was flourishing in her new coven, really embraced the 'Harm ye none' thing."

"Wicca is new agey white-" Dean started to explain, but Mary shot him a death glare.

"Gardnerian witchcraft has been around since the Fifties, Dean. 'Wicca' replaced 'Witch' because the hippies wanted to beat the negative connotations, wanted everyone to know they weren't wart-covered crones in candy houses trying to curse everyone and eat little children."

"Oh, we met her." Sam spoke up.

"Who?" You and Jody chimed in together.

"The witch from 'Hansel and Gretel'. She was turning crappy adults into shitty kids so that she could eat them. Hansel was in on it."

You looked between the brothers. "You're bullshitting."

"Swear to God. She was one of the last old-timey witches from the Grand Coven. Probably only a small handful of 'em left. Rowena doesn't count." Dean answered Sam's unasked question.

"Who's Rowena?"

"A tiny Scottish ball of fury and dark magic. Not really evil, but definitely not one of the good guys." Dean responded.

"She got kicked out of the Grand Coven for being too ambitious." Sam followed up.

"Not to mention: you know Crowley? That's his mom."

"Crowley, the demon?" You asked.

"Crowley, the douchebag." Jody snorted derisively.

You laughed. "Okay. Somebody else, weirdest hunt you ever been on?"

"There was a Shifter who spent a year following Paul Simon's tour. He was killing people who had tickets to the shows so he could take their spot." Mary said, around a piece of bacon.

"Being the reason Bobby Singer found out Leviathans are allergic to borax was pretty weird." Jody provided.

"What's a Leviathan?"

"They almost ate the world, what, five years ago?" Sam asked Dean, who nodded. "They were seriously low-key about it, though. I'm not surprised you haven't heard of them."

"You sound like a hipster." You laughed. "So, what about you two? The legendary Winchester Brothers must have been on some ridiculous hunts."

"Oh, all kinds. Let's see, top of my head. Bloody Mary, killer clown ghost, haunted movie set where I got really into my role as PA, we killed Santa, the angels once wiped our memories and gave us new identities working office jobs. There was that time with the dragons. Oh, and when we went back in time and met Samuel Colt and killed a phoenix." Dean went through the list alternating between excitement and boredom.

"Not to forget everything Gabriel did to us. That was all ridiculous. Oh, and that alternate universe Balthazar sent us to where our lives were a moderately successful primetime TV show." Sam added.

"And Chuck's books about us."

"And finding out that Chuck was God."

"And not dying in the dust-up between God and his sister." Dean turned to Mary with a smile. "And getting Mom back as reward for mediating a reconciliation between them."

You stared at the table, going through everything you just heard. "Holy shit." You gasped out, finally. "I... I knew you guys started and stopped the apocalypse a few times, but... holy shit. Back and forth through time, alternate realities, you know God and he has a sister?!"

"You should stick around. We're bound to blow your mind some more. Crowley and our angel friend, Cas, are working together to find Lucifer, who was most recently seen in the body of has-been glam rocker, Vince Vincente."

"Oh, holy... Lucifer was in Ladyheart."

"No, Lucifer was in a dude who was in Ladyheart." Dean corrected.

"Wow. Your lives really are legendary."

"Well, you never know. Stick around. It might rub off on you. Then, you could be a legend." Jody nudged you, lightly, as Mary looked down with a smile. The moms were conspiring together.

"Yeah, well... I'm not sure if I could handle that."

"You don't know til you try, do you?" Dean smirked at you from across the table.

You took a deep breath. You had one more tool in your tool-bag to try to fend off whatever the hell was happening here: blunt, honest confrontation. "You are putting in a lot of effort here to get your 'I Fucked A Fatty' badge, aren't'cha?"

Everyone at the table jerked and the mood immediately fell into a limbo of apprehension as Dean blinked at you. "What?" He said after several long seconds.

"Oh, come on. This is obviously some Playboy Scavenger Hunt, right? Your list of conquests, a 'Fuck-it List'?" You took a bite of your pancake and looked pointedly across the table at him. "I'm a novelty, right? Bang a black chick, bang a latina, a milf, a mature... twins?"

Dean nodded, slowly, and licked his lips. "You think I've been flirting with you, trying to get you in bed, so that I can cross 'fat chick' off my list? Just makin' sure I got this right." You took a drink of your coffee and returned his uncomfortable gaze. He nodded again, then leaned forward. "When I was twenty-three, I met a chick named Ursula Green at a bar. She was five-foot-nothing, three hundred pounds, wearing a red halter top and a skirt with a split in the side clean up to her hip. She danced like no one was watching and threw a beer bottle at the redneck who told her to 'take her fat ass home' and I grabbed two nice big handfuls of her ass when I took her back to her home that night."

You swallowed. His green eyes bored into your soul as he continued. "She crossed 'fat chick' off my list." The way he said it was like he couldn't believe he was saying those words. "Now, I don't know what you've heard about me and I'm sure that I've earned a bit of that reputation... but I am not gonna sit here and let you think that I've been talkin' to you just because you're a little on the chunky side and that makes you a novelty. I don't know what kinda men you generally let into your life, y/n, but I don't play games like that."

You opened your mouth but no words came out. The other three occupants of the booth table all looked very uncomfortable, so you cleared your throat and stood. You threw a ten dollar bill on the table and walked out of the diner. 

"Where the hell are you going?"

"I'm going home, Dean." You grabbed the handle of your driver's side door and pulled your key.

"Yeah, I got eyes, y/n." He growled, putting a hand on your car door to keep you from opening it. "Why?"

You turned to him, exasperated. "Because I don't know what to do!" You shouted, pulling away from your door and leaned against the backseat window. 

"I've never had a man want me for anything more than a single-night novelty fuck, or worse a pity fuck, Dean, and I don't know what to do about a man like you wanting-"

"What do you mean, 'a man like me'?" Dean interrupted.

"A preposterously handsome biblical hero who shouldn't even look at a woman like me."

"What do you mean 'a woman like you'?" Dean shook his head. "Look, y/n, more than what I saw from you last year and-and what I saw from you with Jael last night, I have asked about you. Every hunter I've talked to since Spirit Lake has a story about you, some way that you've helped them in the past." You opened your mouth to argue that you weren't anything special and you'd always just done what any hunter would do, but Dean stepped closer to you and you were suddenly struck with how tall the man was. "You think outside the box, you put others first, you are the epitome of selfless and goddamn it, you're gorgeous."

You looked down. "That's not true..."

"Stop acting like you don't see it." Dean demanded.

For some reason you needed to resist him. "See what? I've got mirrors in my house, Winchester. I see-"

"You obviously don't see. You don't see what I see."

"Are you kidding me?! You really expect me to believe that you met me, spent two days with me, and I-I somehow impressed you enough that you've spent the last year with me on your mind? I'm not an idiot!"

"Yeah, not an idiot but you sure are blind." Dean took another step closer to you, looking down at you with a confused annoyance. "Fuck, y/n. Why the hell won't you-"

"Because it's too good to be true!" You exclaimed, pushing off from the side of your car and standing up to him, ignoring that his height was so intimidating. 

"Good things don't happen to me, Dean, they never have. So when I have a stunningly handsome man telling me I'm gorgeous, it sets off my bullshit alarm."

"Good things don't happen to you because you run away as soon as they start!" Dean insisted. "You think those extra pounds around your middle are your defining characteristic, but they aren't. That weight is nothing and you need to stop focusing so much on it. I didn't even clock you as fat until you started that shit inside. This isn't bullshit, y/n. I leave my lies for when I'm on a hunt."

You bit your lip and looked up into his stunning green eyes. "Dean, I-"

His face softened. "I'm not trying to get you to jump in bed with me, y/n." He reached out and brushed a stray hair out of your face. His hand rested against your ear and his fingers twirled your hair. "But don't run. Stay. Let the good things happen... in their own time."

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and presented it to him. "Put your number in. I'll text you."

"You're still gonna leave?" He asked, disappointed, as he took a step back and took the phone out of your hand.

"I've got a hunt in Tennessee. Only reason I'm not on it already was for Asa." You answered. "But... I'm interested in... letting the good thing... this good thing... happen."

"The cautious approach. I'm all right with that." He said, tapping his thumbs against the screen of your cell phone. "I just texted myself so that I have your number, too. A warning: I drunk text." He smiled as he handed your phone back.

"Okay. As long as you don't send pictures I haven't requested... I'm okay with that."

"There gonna be pictures you do request?"

You chuckled, turning your forgotten key in the driver's door. "Maybe, Winchester."

"Can I request pictures?" He asked, as you got into your car.

"Not yet." You smiled as you turned your engine over and headed out. 

Part Three

[leonorakidd93]

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[words-writ-in-starlight]

So your rant on Supernatural? Also I fell in love with the story you're talking about and basically want to know more. Sorry.

My buddy, you have made An Error, but let’s do this shit.  To any SPN fans who have wound up herethrough Ye Olde Search Function, I encourage you to stop reading now.

I watched up to about halfway through Season Five before Idecided that I could Do It Better (I think this is the novel you’re talkingabout, anon, unless it’s Earth is where the trouble comes from), and draggedmyself up to about halfway through Season Seven before I packed it in and gaveup, resigned that the parts of the show I loved were about four to five seasonsdead.  So like that’s the information I’mworking on here.

So, obviously, lots of people have lots of legitimatecomplaints about Supernatural,including treatment of queer characters, characters of color, and women, aswell as their fairly rampant history of queerbaiting.  And lots of people have covered this in morecompetent detail than I could ever manage, so like google “sexism in Supernatural” or something and you cando your own reading there.  Hell, if youwant to do it the lazy way, you can knock out two of the above with this onearticle in friendly, easy-to-read Buzzfeed format.  To the nominal credit of the people involved,I will add that the cast seems acutely aware of these problems and finds itdistasteful, HOWEVER the problems persist and therefore that credit is minimal.  Anyway. These things are covered much more thoroughly by many other people whoare far more cogent than I could hope to be, so I’m going to leave those alone.

Instead, my rant is mostly summed up as “YOU CALL THIS SHITSTORYTELLING.”

So there are four basic parts to this rant, or rather fourbasic flaws that form the fundamentally weak foundation of Supernatural as a narrative.

Failure to commit to a single cohesive narrativearc, also known as “SOME OF THAT AND SOME OF THAT AND SOME OF THAT AND SOME OFTHOSE” syndrome

The persistent and erroneous belief thatcharacter death = character development and narrative progression

Inability to commit to a major change ofparadigm, also known as out and out narrative cowardice, which I personallycall “flinching during Plot Roulette”

Total incapacity to put their characterizationwhere their script is regarding the Winchester brothers and the other major players

*cracks knuckles*

POINT THE FIRST

Right, so first it’s the story of Sam having strange powersand their dad being MIA, which segues pretty naturally into the story of Sampotentially being the Antichrist, and then there’s Dean’s sacrifice of his soul,which at very least holds up even ifit sort of acts like the previous plotline about their dad’s soul didn’t happen.  Upuntil this point, I was pretty comfy.  Ihad some complaints covered below, but I was copacetic.  Season Three is largely about getting rid ofthe contract on Dean’s soul.  Okay, seemslegit, you have a tangible problem with potentially serious consequences.  Now, having had not one but TWO seasons whichwere easily summed up with ‘so Sam is mebbe the Antichrist or at very leastAntichrist-adjacent,’ I made what I thought was a logical leap and went “well,gee, if I was mebbe at the very leastAntichrist-adjacent, I would leverage the fuck out of that to do somethingabout my apparently beloved brother’s soul.” Even when they didn’t go withthat (news flash: I wrote that novel mydamn self and amazingly it worked out 100x better, narratively speaking,because it’s fucking logical), I wasstill kind of like “gosh sure is a good thing they remembered that they spenttwo entire seasons building up to Sam mebbe being Antichrist-adjacent.”  And there’s the whole drama with Ruby which Ijust…am very uncomfortable with for a lot of reasons, not least of which isthat it’s a very thinly veiled endeavor to rehash the same ‘Sam being afraid oflosing touch with humanity’ plotline as Seasons One and Two but without havingto worry about really altering the paradigm, see Point The Third, and alsobecause it’s really intensely literal about the concept of having a femalecharacter exclusively as a prop for consumption.  And Castiel shows up and a thousand ships arelaunched, blah blah blah, and then after the end of Season Four…we never hearfrom Sam’s powers again for more than a couple lines.  

As of about Season Four, the focus of the show abandons Samand shifts tangibly onto Dean, who is now The Interesting Character because hehas Been Through Hell (literally). Furthermore, we are now given Dean’s POV on any quandry between him andSam, which is a personal complaint because I honestly just think it’ssloppy.  Season Four is mostly dealingwith angels being assholes, which is really not as original as SPN likes tothink (Good Omens did it first and Good Omens did it better, get out of myface), plus Dean being the Righteous Man and the question of the oncomingApocalypse (sure is interesting how we spent two seasons building up to Sambeing Antichrist-adjacent).  The Apocalypseis less oncoming and implied to be more ongoing by the end of Season Four.  So Lucifer escapes and Season Five is prettymuch About That, involving the fairly unhelpful description that Dean isMichael’s ‘sword’ and they’re the true vessels of Michael and Lucifer,culminating in Sam being locked in the Cage because presumably someone realizedthat, hey, we have two maincharacters and we must make them both Interesting Characters.  Season Six is 50% about finding Sam’s souland figuring out how he got out of the Cage (sure would be helpful if we’dspent two seasons building up to Sam having inhuman powers and beingAntichrist-adjacent) and 50% a wickedinexplicable plot about the Mother-of-All and some kind of fucking jigsawmonsters and…Alpha monsters?  But thatnever really gets explained in a pertinent way except that they needed to anteup because they beat the Devil at theend of Season Five.  Oh, and a bonus 50% of some bullshit withCastiel and Crowley and ~Scheming~.  Andthen Castiel gets possessed by Leviathans (?) from Purgatory, which he openedwith Crowley (??) who he then betrayed (???), and Castiel decides He’s God Nowand also dies (????), and somehow these metaphysical more-powerful-than-angelsbadder-than-Lucifer things are sensitive to fuckingBorax.  

And it was at this point that I stopped the show in themiddle of a fight scene like 1/3 through Season Seven and actually said outloud “Gosh it’s almost like you needsomeone who’s Antichrist-adjacent to help you out here” before turning off the TV. And then I stopped watching and got better taste in TV and blew throughwriting a 250K novel in 18 months of being a full-time student because I waspowered by pure bitter spite.

Now, here are the two major things that matter about thiswhole deal.  First of all, the firstplotline is the most reliably coherent, although some degree of cogence lastedup until about Season Five—we understand why Lucifer wants out of Hell, weunderstand to some extent why Dean and Sam matter on the cosmic scale, we getpretty bored of watching Castiel do heel-face and face-heel turns like he’s ona Lazy Susan but like logistically it all makes a reasonable degree of sense.  That being said, the whole plotline ofSeasons Four onward would make a lot moresense, would it not, if they remembered that they’d spent a good solid twoseasons and change (Season Three, intermittent, Season Four, major) designingan Antichrist-like character who is now the last survivor of that batch ofexperiments.  Then, instead of having Samand Dean just be Inexplicably Special, you have Dean (who can still be theRighteous Man!) acting as the foil for Sam being forced into increasingly darkchoices, and Sam who’s a viable candidate for Lucifer-puppet because he’s partdemon.  Or, alternatively, Sam whomaintains his stance as the gentler of the two despite his demon blood, which would add a lot more depth to Supernatural’s fanatical hardon for theAngelic Asshole trope.  Honestly Irewrote the entirety of this show one time, predicated on the assumption thatthey actually went with the idea of Sam as the Boy King, and I think it wouldbe much less haphazard.  (Basically: hey,what if Sam actually used his status to strong-arm Dean’s deal into beingdissolved, as it’s implied that he’s totally capable of doing that and totallywilling to sacrifice his own humanity for his brother, and then Heaven sentCastiel to kill Sam, which would add a fuckton of legitimacy to Castiel’s LazySusan and Dean’s antagonism.  But no. Instead there’s monsters whose only vulnerability is fucking Borax.)

Second, and far more critical, is the total failure tocommit to a single plotline.  Okay, Sam’sstatus as the possible Boy King is a major plot point for two seasons, not somuch for the third season (he literally…a demon straight up tells Sam that he could have an army if he took up hisposition and it never occurs to himthat he could use that to help Dean), more so in the fourth season, and then itnever comes up again.  Even when it is unarguably pertinent to thesituation—Lucifer!  Fucking Luciferpossesses Sam and drags him to Hell and he comes back soulless and yet none of the writers ever, not once, went “Gosh, maybe we should remember those seasonswe spent developing Sam into sort of the Antichrist?  Maybe including at least a minor nod to thator somehow wrapping up the plotline would help cohere our current trainwreck ofa plotline?”  Nope, it’s just left as aloose thread, flapping in the breeze with all the subtlety of a limp dick.  It’s like Supernaturalis actually a Frankenshow of two shows with the same characters but totallyunrelated plotlines—maybe when Lucifer escapes he shunts them all sideways intoan alternate universe and there’s another show somewhere with a Dean whosebrother has never been even a little bit demonic and died through normal huntershenanigans suddenly having to deal with Sam the possible Antichrist, andthat’s the show that an alternate me is still watching.

And this is an ongoing problem.  Sam’s powers are just the major point that Ialways latch onto, because, first, I always think the phenomenon of “well fuckme sideways I might be obligated to end the world and ain’t that a messy thing”is pretty great (I really, reallylike Hellboy), and second, IT’S FOURSEASONS OF WORK YOU CAN’T JUST ABANDON IT.  But seriously.  Just. Throw a dart, you’ll hit a loose end. Because Supernatural is theequivalent of that one fucker we all hate in sitcoms—you know, the guy who’sdating a great girl he totally doesn’t deserve, but he can’t ~commit~ sothere’s all this ongoing Drama™.  Exceptthat in Supernatural, not only canthey not commit, they accidentally defeated their biggest gun—the literal Devil—less than halfwaythrough their series!  Whoops!  Quick, someone call up Satan’s cousin twiceremoved who’s even worse and more evil than he is!  And sensitive to Borax!  

No, no, I’m kidding. We all know that Satan’s cousin twice removed, who’s even worse and moreevil than he is, is actually named Metatron.

Fuckin’ Supernatural.

POINT THE SECOND

I know this is going to come as a shock, but rampantcharacter death does not actuallyqualify as a legitimate way to progress your narrative or develop yourcharacters.  In order, the major players(nominally on the Winchesters’ side) who die or seem to die in the first fiveseasons are Sam’s girlfriend, John Winchester, Ash, Sam, Bela, Dean, (Deanseveral times in Mystery Spot), Ruby,Castiel, Jo, Ellen, Sam, Anna, Sam, Dean, Gabriel, Castiel, Bobby, and sort of Sam with the whole Cagething.  And those are just the peoplewith arcs that extend over more than a season (except for Sam’sgirlfriend).  It’s entirely possible,even probable, that I missed some.  Thatdoes not include the one- ortwo-episode characters whose deaths we’re supposed to observe as emotionallywringing, nor does it include the frankly vast numbers of civiliancasualties.  So, for the ease of reading,we’re going to divide ‘character death’ into ‘reversible character death,’which is largely the prerogative of the primary trio, and ‘permanent characterdeath,’ and we’re going to talk about why there are real problems with the way Supernatural treats both of them.

First of all, the problems with reversible character deathare obvious—there are no fucking stakes! Like, arguably the stakes are ‘the whole world,’ but obviously not (seePoint The Third), so practically speaking the stakes should be life or death, because the show tells you that the stakes are life or death.  Now, sometimes resurrection is an importantplot point, I get that, in my spite novel there is, in fact, aresurrection.  But here’s the thing.  Either you have to straight up establish arevolving door policy and change your stakes (example: the show Forever, where the point is that the MCis immortal and would very much like to not be immortal anymore), or you can only use that resurrection once.  You use it once, and you still get theemotional gut punch of “Oh God, they’re dead”and the flood of relief when it proves that they’re not dead after all.  You use it more than that, and the audiencebecomes complacent that, well, you won’t reallykill them.  By the time you’re on a levelwith Supernatural, it just…doesn’tmatter?  A major character dies, but youraudience has already hit compassion fatigue because of the death rate, whichI’m about to cover, so there’s not really any oomph to it.

The problems with permanent character death aresignificantly different.  Now, I myselfam a Happy Ending person (like…the world sucks …let me have my happy fiction),but even I recognize that a certain percentage of the characters in a story orshow like this one are basically just cannon fodder (it would be great if itwasn’t so consistently the women, POC, orLGBT folks, but whatever).  Theproblem is that it’s constant.  And not just “well that person’s a corpsebecause that’s what vampires do to people” or “some kid pissed off the localspirit and now they’re six feet under,” it would be totally fine and reasonableif that situation was an every episode thing (it…kind of is, that’s kind of thepoint).  But every few episodes, we’reexpected to get attached to a one-off character and then be deeply affectedwhen they die.  Take, say, Season Three:you have the hunters Isaac and Tamara in the first episode, Casey and FatherGil in the fourth episode (some flexibility as they’re demons, but we’resupposed to be shocked and horrified that Sam kills them both), Callie in thefifth episode, Gordon in the seventh episode (again, we’re supposed to behorrorstricken that Sam kills him, even though it’s clearly self-defense), all the civilians in the twelfthepisode, Corbett in the thirteenth episode, and finally Bela, who admittedlyhas had some nominal presence for a while. This does not include any Winchester trauma, which you’re always supposed to be deeply affectedby.  I’m sorry, but after a season or twoof being expected to work up that kind of emotional upset between five and tentimes over the course of thirteen to twenty episodes, your audience is going toburn out and start to lose emotional engagement.  

So, basic summary: the Anyone Can Die trope does not playwell with main characters who are on a Revolving Door of Death, because itmeans that minor characters don’t matter because Anyone Can Die, while majordamage or trauma to the main characters doesn’t matter either because they’reon a Revolving Door.  You can’t kill yourmain characters once (or more!) a season and expect people to still…worry aboutthem.

On a more strictly structural note, using character death asthe primary way to drive character development is just fucking lazy.  It’s just an indicator that the writers don’tactually know how to progress their character development in any other way,which is a major problem because, since they only develop the charactersthrough the deaths of others, they have to hit the Personality Reset buttonfairly regularly to make it look like things are actually happening to thepeople who are supposed to be developing. Which, in case you were curious, is why you feel that overwhelming senseof déjà vu when the Winchesters getinto a huge blowout fight about ‘don’t sacrifice yourself’ in about thethird-to-last episode, followed by one of them sneaking out to sacrificethemselves, followed by the other onebeing angry about it.  It’s the samegoddamn script, it’s just that Sam’s hair is probably longer and Dean isprobably scruffier.  Furthermore, thefixation on developing characters with the deaths of others means thatbasically every character is fair game but NO ONE’S DEATH HOLDS MEANING,because of the above, which means that SPN’s ‘character development’ turns intothis recursive self-congratulating circlejerk of killing someone, developingSam and Dean accordingly, and then somehow regressing them so that the writerscan do it over again and be proud of themselves for Such Dynamic Characters,Much Develop, So Change, Wow.

And I feel like the reasons that character death =/=narrative progression should be pretty clear from the rest of this rant, butbasically if you’re killing someone to progress your plot, it needs to be asolveable death (emotional payoff is what makes walking away from a booksatisfying, such as catching a murderer) or a terrible tragedy that drives thecharacters to great acts or both.  Supernatural is basically a horror/fantasymurder mystery, so it would be fine if they stuck with that model, but theykeep trying to sell the deaths of any number of major players and many many minor players as this greatand terrible tragedy that’s pushing the Winchesters forward.  And like, I’m sorry, but if you commit withinthe first episode to a dead mother anda dead girlfriend and a missingpotentially dead father, you’ve already pretty well maxed out your terribletragedies.  Find a different motivator,or else it looks like your characters just leave huge amounts of collateraldamage and refuse to take responsibility. Or, alternatively, it looks like the individual deaths don’t matter toyour main characters, which is NOT going to help with making your audience giveeven a single fractional fuck.

TL;DR: Character death is a powerful tool that rapidly losesits weight and import if you overuse it, and can make your audiencedisinterested and emotionally detached if they’re expected to care every time.  Slow your motherfucking roll, stick to aMAXIMUM of one resurrection per character unless their immortality is anexplicitly discussed plot point (at which point their deaths need to not mattermuch anymore), and remember that you can progress your plot in literally anyother way before you go for a shock-value death.

POINT THE THIRD

Don’t be a little bitch in your writing.  Honestly it’s that simple.  I’m gonna get into it some more, but that’sthe gist of it.  If you already know whatI mean, great, skip to the next point, because the TL;DR is “don’t be aninfant.”

This is something that plenty of shows are guilty of(Merlin, anyone?), but SPN is terrifiedof actually changing the paradigm.  Theshow must always include a certainlist of things:

The Winchesters in the Impala, which, sure, I’llgrant you that

A home base, also totally reasonable

Monsters to fight, fair enough

A masquerade (meaning ‘civilians do not knowabout magic’), which should honestly have broken down after, like, Season Twowhen they accidentally release massive numbers of demons into the world

A world to have the show happening in, which isa problem since they started theApocalypse in Season Four

Now…listen.

It’s fine, even necessary, to have some fixed points in anarrative.  It offers a way to anchoryour characters against the ongoing changes that the plot demands.  That, however, is very different from beingtoo much of a coward to alter the paradigm of your story when the major driving force is a change ofparadigm.

The first major change of paradigm they cop out on is Sam’spowers.  If Sam was the Boy King, thishypothetically Antichrist-esque position in the cosmic dichotomy, that would radically alter the dynamic.  Sam would automatically be the most powerfulbeing in any given room unless he was in a room with a respectably high-rankedangel or demon, and he would certainly be able to go toe-to-toe with most oftheir targets on their own terms. Telekinesis is an exceptionally goodpower, guys, like, as powers go—even disregarding his position in thehierarchy, Sam would be pretty strong in his own right.  Which, I’d like to point out, can be a reallythrilling change to a narrative, because it means that you have this additionallayer of ‘well, how do we deal with the fact that Sam doesn’t like being this strong, how do we dealwith the way demons and monsters have started to view him as more us than them’ and would give a much more legitimate basis for the questionof humanity that they shoehorn in later with the Ruby plotline.  Buffyhas its flaws, but at least it frequently brings up ‘hey, Buffy might be ostensiblyhuman, but she operates on the level of her enemies more than on the level ofher allies’ as an issue that she thinks about. But they don’t do that in Supernatural,they bail completely on the Sam plotline because they panic about theimplications of having such a powerful character.  And then they bring in fucking Castiel likethat’s not exactly the same problemcloaked in ‘well, noninterference.’  Like, please, that ship has fucking sailed,choke down your anxiety and figure out how the rules of your powerful characterwork, and then let them be powerful. It’s gonna be okay.  Deepbreaths.  If you make an OP character,that’s fine, you just have toactually deal with it rather than having their powers be an asspull every timethe main characters are in Real Trouble (*angry sigh* Merlin).

The second one they balk at is the unveiling of thesupernatural world and oh my God it is constant.  But let’s deal with the biggest and mostimprobable of these here: Season GoddamnTwo, where they bust open the doors of Hell and unleash some thousands ofdemons into the world.  Like, is that asmany demons as it could be, in comparison to your six to seven billionhumans?  No.  But it’s still a huge population and is implied to be accompanied by a huge uptickin various other supernatural happenings and is furthermore really visible.  The Devil’s Trap is suggested to pass throughat least a couple towns and it’s a big flashy event, so like…sure, maybe peoplewrite it off as swamp gas or what have you, but sooner or later people who havehad demons exorcised or seen some vampire/werewolf/etc shenanigans and lived totell about it are going to start running into each other.  They start hearing people say “it’s likeshe’s a totally different person” and they take that seriously rather thanwriting it off.  They were maybe saved bya hunter who confirmed that the supernatural exists and they maybe tell thatperson that, hey, something like that happened to them, maybe they could cometake a look around.  Maybe they couldcall the person who helped them out.  Andyou end up with this fucking Ponzi scheme of The Great Truth, where each personwho’s in the know finds one or two more people who’ve seen evidence and brings them into the loop, and then they find one or two more people who’veseen evidence.  And for every personwho’s determined to call it bullshit or think they’re insane, you’re going toget one who saw that person turn intoa hairy monster and murder someone, or who waspossessed by a demon, or who witnessedblack smoke merge with their spouse and turn them into a killer.  So you get this whole rickety network ofamateurs who’ve…kind of learned the thing. And like any Ponzi scheme, sooner or later it collapses.

Basically the point is: there is a limit to the parts permillion of The Great Truth that can be present before that shit becomes commonknowledge.  Look at any availablegovernment conspiracy for confirmation. The more people you tell, the looser the rules of ‘secret’ become, so ifyou have a big flashy visible disaster that involves drastically increasing the number of uninitiated civilians who areaware of The Great Truth…you’d better be ready to deal with that.  What I’m saying here is that by Season Seven,you’ve not only had this whole demon situation for a while, and increased those numbers several times with variousdisasters, but you’ve also had at least one big flashy disaster in a city.  So the Winchesters should pretty much be ableto walk into a given town and wander into the church or the bar or somethingand go “So, I heard there’ve been some weird murders” and have at least oneperson come up to them later and be like “Yeah it’s a ghost here’s all theinformation but I have no idea how to get rid of them.”  And when the Winchesters go *gasp* “How do you know The Thing” theperson should look at them like a fucking moron and go “It literally rainedblood last year, everyone in this time zone knows The Thing and also it’sevident that the end is pretty seriously nigh, so get on that.”  Commit to your big flashy disasters, youcowards, or at least have the decency to make it an ongoing Sunnydale joke.

Far more crucial is the fact that they bail on the end ofthe world…let’s see.  End of Season Fouris when the Apocalypse properly gets underway, so they balk at the end ofSeason Five (Lucifer and the Cage), end of Season Six (Mother of All andPurgatory), and like minimum once bythe middle of Season Seven (Godstiel) as well as at the end of Season Seven (Leviathans, I am now past where I kept watching),end of Season Eight (Metatron, angel tablets, falling angels), presumably endof Season Nine from what I understand of the summaries online (some…war onHeaven nonsense), and based on the trend I’m guessing that Seasons Ten throughThirteen keep to the model, do youunderstand my point here.  Thesearen’t even all the near-Apocalypses that they avert.  Off the cuff, I can think of the Croatoanvirus (…twice?  Three times?), as well asthree out of four Horsemen within episodes of each other.  They’re probably averting the Very Seriousand Catastrophic End of Days two or three times a season by Season Five, and that number only goes up.  This is very similar to the character deaththing: quite simply, if the audience is expected to get that worked up multipletimes a season, and brace for thatkind of disaster multiple times a season,you are inevitably going to bore them.  Yourplot has to be intensely recursive sothat you can ‘reset’ and avoid a new Apocalypse the next season, which getsboring, because it feels like you’ve been there before, similar to how usingcharacter death to advance character development demands that you hit thePersonality Reset button on the regular.

Furthermore, repeating the same level of disaster over and over and OVER again means that it starts to lack emotional weight, and yourcharacters start to seem really, really stupid if they don’t start to treatthings accordingly.  One of the things Ithought of constantly during thelast, say, season and a half that I watched of Supernatural was a quote from Buffy,specifically from Riley who I usually very much dislike but who NAILED thisparticular thing.  “When I saw you stopthe world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you.It turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural ofapocalypse.”  And that’s the running jokein Buffy!  That they literallydeal with an Apocalypse every few episodes, and they lampshade it, and thecharacters respond accordingly—Buffy and the Scooby gang start to act cavalier,almost unimpressed, about each new disaster. Like “well, we saved the world, I say we party.”  That’s a direct quote from Buffy (IN SEASON ONE NO LESS), and Supernatural could stand to take a pageout of their book with that one.  BySeason Seven, the Winchesters seem like they have somehow missed out on thelast decade of their own lives because they always act so shocked and horrifiedthat somehow someone could try to endthe world.  Like!  Yes, yes they could and yes they would,welcome to the party boys!  Please try toget in touch with your own history on this subject!

So the highlights here are: don’t be a fucking baby aboutyour writing.  If you’re writing toward abig paradigm shift, you need to recognize that you’re playing Plot RussianRoulette, and you have to pull the trigger. Change the paradigm of your narrative and deal with the fallout like afucking adult, you tepid fools, you limp-necked cowards, you ink-stainedwalnuts.

POINT THE FOURTH

Listen very carefully. Do you hear that?  It’s the soundof the Winchesters promising eternal brotherly devotion and saying things like“you’re my brother, man” and vowing to always have each other’s backs.  

Now wait a moment longer, and listen very carefully.  Do you hear that?  It’s the inevitablesound of the Winchesters stabbing each other in the back and/or throwing eachother to the wolves because they’re feeling pissy, and then getting a whole(static! See Point The Second!) “character arc” about how distraught they are.

All right, y’all, I don’t have siblings so maybe I’m wrong, but I do write a lot and I think I’m right, and you should probably put yourcharacterization where your script is. If your primary relationship that you expect people to care about isfraternal devotion, you should maybe nothave those people cheerfully feed each other into metaphoricalwoodchippers.  Like.  Okay, maybe you get ONE chance to have adramatic falling out.  ONE.  And then when they repair the relationship,they need to actually sort their shit out and not keep having the exact same dramatic falling out because thatshit gets boring and is a sign of lazy writing and—shocker!—lack of character development.  Next time they fight, it has to be aboutsomething demonstrably different, notjust the same issue with a new set of tits (c’mon y’all, this is Supernatural, it’s always a set oftits).

Let’s do a real fast recap. There’s a one episode plot in Season One about the two of them fallingout over the question of whether they should follow their father’s orders.  Dean spends a good percentage of Season Twotaking his guilt over their dad’s death out on Sam, but we’ll give a passbecause they explicitly acknowledge it and take steps to resolve theproblem.  A major plotline develops inSeason Two that hunters have started trying to kill Sam, and Dean reliably,consistently has his back.  Props.  Season Three is kind of a mess (if you have a big visible semi-Apocalypseyou should probably deal with it, see Point The Third), but whatever.  Pertinently, Dean’s big ongoing concern isthat Sam isn’t acting like himself, because he’s being much more ruthless(something Dean has consistently told him to do), while Sam’s ongoing concernis that Dean is being reckless (justified, he has a death sentence onhim).  Season Four is when things startto break down.  Castiel shows up and Deanresponds with aggression, Sam gets his rehashed ‘humanity’ plotline with Ruby,there are a lot of really incredibly poor decisions made and a lot of lies toldwith minimal regard for the trouble that’s gotten them into before (@Sam).  There’s a fight that includes Dean callingSam a monster, which has been canonically identified as the thing Sam is mostafraid of, and acting like this whole demon blood thing is a terribletremendous shock, despite the fact that Dean…knew and totally failed to reactin any way except to penalize Sam (for trying to save him!  Much like Dean sold his soul for Sam!  And got pissy about Sam being pissed offabout!).  Cue Lucifer.  Apocalypse, possession, Horsemen, etc, etc,more Lazy Susan Castiel, infighting about who should say yes to what in orderto save whom, whatever.  

And then Sam apparently dies in the Cage and Dean…goes offto get a nice white picket fence? Um…this is not consistent with the characterization of a dude who soldhis soul to resurrect Sam literally just three years ago.  Their falling out has never been intenseenough nor consistent enough to justify this. Even if you say that Dean’s honoring his brother’s final wishes by nottrying to resurrect Sam or anything, Dean should be drinking himself to deathor something similarly dramatic, because allthe drama in this show comes from the relationship between the Winchesterbrothers.  

Basically, here’s the problem: the show spends a lot of time and effort on telling youthat the Winchesters would die for each other. And while they do use that trope a lot (John dies for Dean, who dies forSam, who sacrifices his humanity for Dean, who risks his life for Sam, whojumps into the Cage for Dean…), they seem to have forgotten that, generally,you’re only willing to die for people who you actually like.  Like, peopleto whom you are genuinely emotionally attached,not just people who are your family because Blood Is Thicker or whateverbullshit you’re trying to pull there. And by Season Five, I’m just…not convinced the Winchester brothersactually like each other anymore.  Andthat never gets dealt with, they just expect you to believe that the Winchsterslove each other because the show says so,and listen, I hate the saying of ‘show, don’t tell’ as much as the nextperson who’s suffered through a college writing class, but honestly.  Supernaturalneeds to stop telling its viewers that Sam and Dean care about each other andactually…demonstrate that shit on a regular basis.  

Example: there’s the incident at some point where someoneplants a phone call on (I think) Sam’s phone, apparently from Dean, telling himthat he’s a monster and he should go do an incredibly stupid and dangerousthing because the world and Dean would be better off if he was dead.  Which Sam then believes and listens to.  This seems totally justified based on therelationship they’ve had for the past season. Pro tip, kids.  If your majordynamic includes two people who readily and easily believe that the other isliterally calling them an inhuman abomination and telling them they should justdie, that…that is not a Loving Affectionate and Devoted Familial Relationship.  And if you’re pitching it as one, A, you needsome therapy, probably urgently, and, B, your audience is only going to stickit out for so long before they give it up as a lost cause.

The point of this whole thing is that you better be ready toput your money where your fucking mouth is, and keep your characterizationsconsistent with what you’re telling the audience.

ANYWAY.  

The ultimate TL;DR here is that Supernatural’s storytelling is approximately as competent as thenovel I wrote when I was eleven, which I have hidden in a deep dark hole neverto be seen or discussed ever again.  Less competent, even, because at least Icommitted to a single individual plotline and dealt with the fallout of majorchanges to the universe.  And it’sfucking tragic, because this was a show with some real potential buried underall the chaos.  If you ever want my fullrewrite, please do ask and I will tell you, but this is now over 6K words andon its tenth page, so I’m going to stop now.

Long story short?  Supernatural: What The Fuck.

[trufreak89]

When my 12-year-old autistic nephew tells my sister she needs to buy him borax...

Sister: What the hell... 

Me: YES!! Slime! I know a recipe without borax though.