#wtf he doing at home depot

[dsemulator-00]

the king on his rightful throne

[ohtobeleah]

I was having such a relaxing evening and now I’m stressed. 🥲

Thought I’d used this ^^ as our update post because it was too good not to hahah. As always, here’s the Terms of Endermeant Masterlist if you need to catch up. (Fun fact, this is the 20th chapter of ToE wtf…..

Warnings: Mentions of domestic abuse & violence. Gun related themes. Bradley Bradshaw x F!reader.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~*

“Hangman’s Direct Hits?” You chuckled softly at the name of the playlist Bradley showed you on his phone. The one he was listening to out loud, the one that filled the void. The one Jake had made in his spare time. “Is he actually that sure of himself?” He couldn't be helped, at this point Jake Seresin was a lost cause. 

“Man has two air to air kills, he’s gotta be.” Bradley mumbled back as he watched your eyelids fight to stay open. “None of us are gonna boost that ego of his any higher than it already is.” It was late, your hospital room was dark, and you’d been given some pretty stellar painkillers for your shoulder. “You know, you should get some rest bubs.” 

Bradley liked to use his time in the hospital working on his laptop. He had a grand plan. He’d managed to swindle the blueprints and schematics of his home from the realestate the Navy went through. He was, as he sat with his feet kicked up at the bottom of your bed with his hood pulled over his head, rendering a 3D digital composite of Odette's new room. The one he’d promised her. The one he was going to make perfect for a perfect little girl who held his entire heart captive. 

She wanted yellow polkadots. Or lellow as she specifically said as they looked at paint samples in home depot the other day. Bradley wasn’t all too keen on the lellow polkadots, but he’d meet the three year old half way and do her up a feature wall that could easily be repainted if need be. So long as he could do a composite imagine to see exactly what these lellow polkadots looked like amongst the digital curtains and bed frame. 

After all, he wasn't just a pretty face. 

“Come lay with me?” 

“I’m content here, I’m just working on some things while I have the time.” Bradley replied through a yawn of his own. He didn’t sleep much when he was in the hospital with you. He chose to stay by your bedside the nights he stayed. He got maybe one or two broken hours here and there but other than that he was running on pure steam. “Get some rest gorgeous.” 

“I think you need some rest too.” You mumbled back as your head lulled to the side. “There's room? If you wanna lay down for a little while?” It wasn't much of a statement, but a plea laced in temptation. Bradley raised a single eyebrow as he peered over the top of his laptop screen. “Plenty of room for you Roos.” The way you said his name made Bradleys core temperature rise. His cheeks flushed a crimson rose’ at the fleeting thought of you. But he shook his head and sent you a soft bashful smile that could have swooned the entirety of the moulin rouge.

“Such a little minx aren't you.” Bradley adjusted himself quickly in his sweats as he shook his head at the sight of your tight lipped smile. You still had bands in your mouth, keeping your jaw shut and in place. Your shoulder was still immobilised for another ten weeks before an incredible amount of physiotherapy would begin to get you back on track. 

“Just miss you is all.” Bradley never thought his heart could break anymore than it already had over the last few weeks, but hearing you say you missed him when he was sitting right in front of you made his heart explode inside his chest–it sent shrapnel into his organs and from the shock of your admission he forgot how to breathe. “So much.” 

Bradley didn't say anything in response, he let his actions speak louder than any words he could say. He pressed his lips together and sighed through his nose, he shut his laptop and carefully placed it on the table before he turned back to you, gesturing for you to shove over. 

Which you happily did. 

Bradley laid in the bed that wasn't big enough for the both of you as you curled into his side the best you could. He let you rest your head on his chest and intertwin your legs with his as he wrapped an arm around you. Drawing you as close as he possibly could. 

“For what it's worth, I can't wait until you’re outta this hospital.” For the second time in the space of three minutes you broke Bradley Bradshaw's heart just by proxy as you played with the string of his hood and closed your eyes to hopefully coax yourself into a dreamscape filled with better tomorrows. 

“For what it's worth, I can't wait until I can have my life back.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***

“Amilia! Slow down!” Reuben shouted as he ran after his sister in law down the pathway of their quiet suburban parkway. “Slow down!” 

“Run fucking faster!” Amilia shouted as she ran till her lungs felt like they were on fire and her legs felt heavy and the bottoms of her feet hurt from pounding against the bitumen. But she wouldn’t slow down, not until she got to Jake. “Hurry up! Payback he’s hurt! Dots in trouble!” 

Reuben had been out on the back porch with his wife enjoying a glass of red under the festoon lights he’d just installed. Everyone knew why work had been called off until further notice, it left a sour taste in the mouths of everyone that knew you. But that didn’t mean the Daggers couldn’t enjoy just a little bit of happiness where they could. 

At least Reuben got a good ten minutes of peaceful enjoyment out of his newest home improvement job before Amilia came barreling out in a fit of panic, screaming about how someone was in Jake's home down the street. 

Amilia was a personal trainer by trade, sure she could pour a beer and make up a fancy cocktail if need be but what she did best was putting her body to the test day in day out in more ways than one. So even though her feet hurt from running barefoot and her lung’s caught on fire from her unregulated breathing pattern—she willed herself to give just a little more. 

“Four percent more—just four percent more.” She kept running, so fast and so panicked that by the time she finally reached Jake's front lawn she swore she had no oxygen left in her lungs to shout his name into the darkness that had consumed his humble abode. Reuben was hot on her tail, still confused as to why they were both running down the block in the middle of the night in their pyjamas. “JAKE!” 

“Amilia, what the hell is going on?” Reuben asked as he watched his sister in law frantically pull at the front door handle. It was locked. “It’s locked—“ 

“Won��t be for long.” If Jake had a dollar for every time the window panel beside his front door had been busted this month he'd have two whole dollars. Which wasn’t exactly a whole lot of money but when you stopped to think about why a glass panel would be broken in that small of a timeframe, it was a little odd. “Watch out.” With all her might and a groan that came from somewhere deep inside her soul—Amilia Fisher smashed her elbow into the glass panelling beside Jake Seresins front door. It cut her up pretty good but she didn’t care. All that mattered was getting inside and as she reached her arm through and over to the handle like a pro—Reuben wondered for a minute if his sister and law had done this before. 

The answer was yes. Yes she had. In a past life. 

“Jake!” Amilia shouted through the dark home. “Reu he went to the garage to check the breaker box, where’s the door to the garage?” 

“Over to the left past the kitchen—I’ll check on Odette.” The pair wasted no time in going their respective ways through the darkness of Jake Seresins home. Payback was still afraid of the dark—he knew it was an irrational fear but that’s what irrational fears were. Fucking Irrational. But he fought off his own demons as they swarmed his mind. He raced up the stairs with a pounding heart and a heavy set of lungs, he turned down the hall to where he knew his friend's bedroom was. Hoping the little girl who’d stolen the hearts of an entire squadron of Naval Aviators was still sound asleep in the safety that was her uncle Jake's bed. 

“Amilia said Jake was hurt?” Chelsea tried to comprehend what she’d managed to figure out in the flurry that had been her panicked sister's rampage through the house. “She took off Bob, ran out the door like some mad woman screaming bloody murder.” 

“We’re on our way.” Bob hated the fact he was riding shotgun in his own car, but it wouldn’t come close to how much Rhett hated driving Bob's Suzuki Jimny. “Less than five minutes.” Bob and Rhett were only around the corner when Amilia found Jake. 

“Oh my god—“ She froze at the sight she saw in the corner of the garage as she flashed the flashlight on her phone and caught a glimpse of Jake on the ground in a puddle of blood. “Oh god, Jake!” She was by his side in seconds. “Oh no oh fuck oh Christ I’ll need to see a fucking chiropractor after this!” She huffed as she lifted the full limp weight of Jake from his stomach and flipped his unconscious self onto his back. His head lulled to the side. His eyes were closed and non responsive. He was out like a light. “Hey—hey!” Amilia tapped Jake's cheek softly at first but that impatience and worry grew into a harsher slap that left a sting in its wake. “Jake for the love of god please wake the fuck up.” 

This wasn’t what Amilia thought she would be doing during her time in the good old U S of A. 

“Mmm—“ Jake's eyelids fluttered as he let out a soft groan. “Mmm—“ 

“Hey it’s me, it’s Amil—“ Before Amilia could get her name out of her mouth Jake's eyes shot out of his head in shock as adrenaline rushed through his veins, with a loud gasp Jake did the unthinkable. His arm shot up and soon enough his hand had wrapped itself around Amilias throat. Tight.

“Ja—!” She clawed at his fist as he restricted her airways, but it didn’t take long for the fog to fade from his mind. “Stop! It’s—it’s me!” Jake immediately pulled his hand away as he snapped out of his trance like state and sat up to hold Amilia to his chest as she coughed and splattered in his embrace. His hand trailed into her hair as he held her close in shock horror at what he’d done. 

He could never take that back. Jake had two confirmed air to air kills—but choking Amilia Fisher was officially the worst thing he’d ever done. 

“I’m so sorry—“ Jake couldn’t believe what he’d just done. “I’m so fucking sorry.” Why he did that he’d never know, but he couldn’t ever take it back. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Wh—“ As Jake pulled away to take Amilia in, he saw the blood dripping down her forearm from her elbow. “You’re bleeding?” 

“So are you!” Amilia snapped as she tried not to think about the fact she’d just been choked by a guy she really liked after she’d just run out of her brother-in laws house in the middle of the night. “Your head, you’ve got a nasty gash Jake you probably have a concussion.” Then it dawned on him, where was Odette in all of this? “We should get you to the hospital—“

“Where’s Odette?” Jake grumbled as he tried to sit up, his vision blurred and his head spun as he did so. Amilia was quick to help him up with a hand pressed into his back and the other wrapped in his hand. “Where is she? Where’s Dot?” 

“Reubens here, he’s gone to see if she’s alright—“ 

“What happened?” Jake was barely able to keep his head straight on his shoulders, it wasn’t good—there was far too much blood for Amilia to be comfortable with as she looked at the back of Jake's head as he slouched into her. “My head—“ He pouted, Jake's bottom lip poked out and quivered as he tried to regulate his breathing. “Hurts.” 

“It’ll buff out.” Amilia shrugged her shoulders as she tried to lighten the mood. She assessed the damage, he was definitely not in a good way. Jake just frowns at her, he was so in love but did she really just say that? What the fuck did that even mean? “Here, can you stand?” 

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” Jake wasn’t good, he wasn’t alright and he certainly couldn’t stand on his own. He clung to Amilia for dear life as she called his bluff and pulled him up off the ground of his garage. “Woah—“ Jake clung to Amilia tight as she wrapped his arm around her shoulders and placed a gentle hand to his chest. 

“Okay big guy, where’s your keys?” Amilia asked as she walked with Jake back into his house slowly but surely. Darkness still consumed the humble abode, but through the darkness came a shining light from a phone that was heading back down stairs. “She alright? Have you got her?” 

“Shhhh—“ Reuben replied as he made his way down stairs with a sleeping Odette in his arms. Her face was pressed against his collar as he carried her. “She’s still asleep, she’s fine, she’s alright.” 

“What the fuck happened?” Jake was still bleeding, his blood was all over Amilias hands. She had a pretty nasty gash herself from the glass she’d busted and now that Jake knew his niece was safe? He really felt the pain settling in. 

“You’re real pretty you know that right?” Amilia could feel the heat rising in her cheeks as she looked to her brother in law who stood there with a shit eating grin smeared across his face. “So pretty Oz.” Jake cooed as he leaned on Amilia for support. The nickname made her heart skip a beat inside her chest as she felt her core temperature rise to new heights yet to be reached. “Hey, we were meant to go on that date tomorrow–” Payback raised an eyebrow at Jake's omission, Amilia hadnt mentioned that to anyone. 

“A date huh Oz?” Yep, that was gonna stick like super glue. 

“Let’s get you up to the hospital.” Amilia tried to steer the conversation back on track as she held Jake up. She sent Reuben a look to shut the fuck up as she did so. This was not the time nor the place to be talking about her love life. 

“Hangman!?” Bob came bounding through the front door like he was expecting a murder scene to be unfolding before him. “You okay? What happened?” Amilia was already sick of that question, she didn't even know herself what really happened. All she knew for sure was that someone intentionally meant to hurt her Flyboy. “Oh my god you’re bleeding.” 

“The girl alright?” Rhett asked a little more nonchalantly, Reuben nodded in response before Rhett vanished into the garage, looking for the power box. He flipped the power back on and suddenly it became blindingly apparent how much blood Jake Seresin had lost and just how much intent behind the force he’d been struck with was there. 

“Son of a bitch is lucky he’s still standing.” Rhett mumbled out as he made his way back into the house. “There’s an awful lot of blood on the ground.” 

“We’re heading to the hospital right now.” Amilia replied, she was still carrying most of Jake's weight as his head lulled towards her. 

“Your hair smells like Strawberries–” Jake mumbled as he found himself consumed by the scent of Amilias hair. Rhett frowned and tried to stifle a laugh. “And cream, strawberries and cream.” Everyone did their best to ignore the clearly delirious aviator who hung from Amilia like she was his life support. 

“Who’s gonna take Dot?” Payback asked. The gears turned and the cogs moved inside Rhett Abbotts mind as he stood there with arms crossed and dark eyes. His rugged, rather unhinged persona did a world of good when it came to protecting the people he loved. But it served as a mask of his own sometimes too. No one expected Rhett to advocate for you, hell they all thought the last place he wanted to be was here caught up in all this mess. 

But when the question of who would look after Dot lingered in the air, Rhett was the first to give a legitimate and wholehearted response. 

“She should come to the hospital, Fe’s been driving me crazy about seeing her.” Bob could read between the lines, he knew Rhett cared. He knew Rhett was just thinking of you and your best interest. He’d been the one who sat with you day in and day out for a week straight while Jake and Bradley rotated in and out. “I can take her.” 

“Someone should call Rooster, let him know what’s happened.” Payback added as he handed Dot over gently. Rhett took her on his hip and within a second she was sinking against him like she was in the safest arms in the world. He smiled genuinely as her squished cheek against his shoulder and Bob knew in that moment his brother would do just about anything to keep Odette safe. 

They all would. 

“I'll call–” Amilia was the first to put her hand up. “I’ll call him from Jake’s phone on our way over.” 

“I’ll take Dot straight up the Fe’s room.” Rhett followed the pair out of the house. Amilia just nodded as she guided Jake towards his truck. “He got a booster?” Rhett opened the back of the truck and confirmed what he’d just asked before Amilia even had a chance to ponder the question. “Alright, do you want me to drive or are you good?” 

Amilia couldn’t even reach the clutch, suddenly the old statesman Reuben let her drive around with the mismatched pins in the roofing wasn’t that big of a car. 

“Uh—no, maybe you should drive.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

There wasn’t a lot in this world Jaidyn Dolan cared about. He cared about his reputation as a fine Naval Aviator, he cared about his car, his collection of watches that cost a pretty penny. He cared about what products he used and if they were organic and ethically sourced. But the thing he cared about the most in this world was his pride, his ego—and most importantly he cared about making sure you knew that crossing boundaries and understanding that you couldn’t just walk away from him like he didn’t waist the best years of his life trying to turn you into the household slave he desired. 

“Hollow point—“ The man who sat in the car mumbled as he handed Jaidyn the box of bullets he’d asked for from a friend of a friend of a friend. “You planning on doing some damage brother?” Jaidyn didn't respond as he pocketed the box—he was on a warpath. He’d never been more ready to seek revenge for everything you’d done to him, everything you put him through. From having that fucking kid he told you to abort, to leaving him in that air bnb he had brought his buddies back to, for fucking around with Jake Seresin behind his back. For making him feel like less than a man should. 

He knew you’d fuck him, there was no way you hadn’t. A guy like Hangman didn’t hang around for less than getting his dick wet. Jaidyn knew the guy long enough and well enough to understand that Jake chased pussy like he was playing in peak hour traffic. 

“Nah—damage was done ages ago.” Jaidyn finally replied as he looked out across the street to where Bradley Bradshaw's empty house stood shrouded in darkness. “I’m just cleaning up loose ends.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Hey man s’going on? Dot alright?” Bradley’s ringtone was what drew him out of his light sleep he’d fallen victim to as you laid your head on his chest. How you were able to sleep he never knew, but with enough pain killers to put an elephant into a state of euphoria—he was able to understand. 

“It’s uh, it’s Amilia—“ She could help the panic in her voice but she knew it was unmistakably noticeable as she sat in the back seat of Jake’s truck with Dot in her booster seat. 

“What happened?” Rooster didn’t need to say anything more before Amilia was filling him in. She was giving him every detail about the events that transpired that she could recall with quick haste. “Slow down, Ams—slow down yeah? Where are you now? Who’s with Odette?” Bradley could barely keep up as his feet padded along the laminate flooring of your hospital room. 

“We’re on our way to the emergency department. Rhett said he’s gonna bring Odette up, it’s the safest place for her to be I guess.” Bradley couldn’t help but to smile as he turned back to where you laid still sleeping soundly in the hospital bed. 

Rhett cared—they all knew it even if the guy was too stubborn to admit it. 

“Okay, yeah—” Bradley knew it would be a good thing, you had been apart from your little girl for far too long now. Longer than anyone really thought you'd be. He watched the rise and fall of your chest as you slept soundly, knowing that when you woke up and saw your little girl was here–all would be right with the world again. “Yeah, bring her up.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

In the middle of the night while all was quiet and all those who cared enough to worry about the safety and security of Jake fucking Seresin we’re pre-occupied, Jaidyn Dolan took no safety precautions as he broke his way into the back kitchen window of Bradley’s home. 

He was a man who had nothing but everything to lose. Not an ounce of sanity or stability remained in his mind as Jaidyn stood in the kitchen, looking around to see the dirty dishes still in the sink. Sippy cups and rubber suction plates told him that little Odette had been here and would be back. If there was a sure fire way to break whatever hope, whatever strength, whatever chance of a life you had after Jaidyn that you so desperately wanted, he knew to go through that little pest you called a daughter and take Bradshaw out in the process. 

“What’s Rooster Boy got prepared for me this evening?” Jaidyn mumbled to himself as he placed the handgun he’d managed to get his hands on ontop of the kitchen bench. The same kitchen bench that Bradley sat Dot at for breakfast while he’d cook her pancakes.

Jaidyn opened the fridge like he was right at home and peered in to find exactly what he was looking for. “Ah, good to see you’re good for something Bradshaw—“ He snickered to himself as he reached in to grab the neck of the beer bottle sitting on the shelf of the door. “Don’t mind if I do.” 

He was in no hurry, Jaidyn knew from his research, his reconnaissance—that nobody would be home for hours. He had time. Time to dick around, time to go through Bradley Bradshaw's entire life. Time to sit and stew. Time to enjoy a beer and eat the leftover pasta bake that Bradley had half hazardly covered in his haste to get out the damn door. He had time to look through the boxes of unpacked things he carried over from Jake’s place, going through the things you’d started to rebuild your life from the ground up with. Work clothes, Dots toys, sentimental possessions you'd begun to replace. 

“Huh—“ Jaidyn took a sip of the beer he’d stolen from Bradley’s fridge as he stopped by the mantelpiece above the fireplace. Photo frames sat collecting a light covering of dust, from old family photos to new photographs that captured the love and warmth that was you and Bradley. Little Odette between the two of you in some, one of her sitting on her Toosters shoulders told Jaidyn all he needed to know. 

He was irrelevant. 

“Fucking pathetic—“ Jaidyn growled as he snatched the picture frames off the mantelpiece and smashed the frame on the corner. The old worn photo slipped out from the glass with ease. Jaidyn took the pack of smokes he carried from his back pocket and lit the cigarette he held between his lips. As he took a long draw of the nicotine and settled into his surroundings. Without a second of regret or remorse, Jaidyn took the lighter to the edge of the photo and watched it burn. 

Jaidyn watched as Nick and Carole Bradshaw burned up into nothing but ash with a wicked smile the devil himself would have been scared of. 

“Fucking pathetic—“ 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“Rhett!” Amilia groaned as she stumbled her way across the car park into the emergency department with Jake slung over her shoulder. “Would you give me a hand here? for crying out loud!” 

Rhett slowed his strides down to a halt as he waited for Amilia to catch up. He thought she’d been right, but assuming made an arse out of him. 

“Ere—you take Odette, give me Seresin.” Rhett gestured and Amilia was happy to oblige. “Thought you were right, my bad.” Amilia shook her head as if to say it wasn’t a huge deal. “You want me to take him in or do you wanna take Odette up to her ma?” Amilia settled the little girl on her hip as she mulled over the option she had as she walked with Rhett—who was now carrying the deadweight of Jake. “Fuck he’s a heavy bastard isn’t he.” 

“I heard that—“ Jake grumbled under his breath as he tried his best to step in toe with Rhett. 

Amilia didn’t want to leave Jake's side, she was beginning to develop real feelings for this guy. Fast and all consuming too. She’d never felt like this before, so sure of someone. So trusting. She didn’t want Jake to feel like he couldn’t trust her to stay by his side when he so clearly needed someone. 

“I’m pretty cut up, should probably get cleaned up too—might be best if you take Dot and I stay with Jake but I’ll head up after.” Rhett chuckled to himself, he knew that was going to be the answer. He knew a lost cause when he saw one because it was like he was looking in the fucking mirror. 

“Sure Oz.” Rhett nodded as he placed Jake down on one of the empty hospital chairs with a groan. “I won’t tell your boyfriend here that you didn’t wanna leave his side, wouldn’t wanna inflate his ego and make him all the more harder to lug around.” Amilias jaw nearly hit the ground in shock. 

“He isn’t my boyfriend rodeo clown.” She snapped. “He’s just a mate—“ 

“Right right, my bad then.” Rhett gestured for Amilia to hand him over Dot. “Guess your mate here’s pretty lucky to have a friend in you isn't he.” Amilia truly did believe Jake was lucky in a sense—if he hadn't kept her on the phone, who knows how long he would’ve been left to bleed all over his garage floor. She didn’t respond until she was sitting beside Jake in an empty chair, watching one of the emergency triage nurses come over as she popped on some latex gloves. 

“Luckiest bastard alive if you ask me.” Amilia cooed as she pushed some of Jake's bloody blonde locks behind his ear, admiring his profile as Rhett took in the sight. Damn—if that was just friendship he’d been doing it wrong his entire life. “Luckiest bastard alive.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Aw hell kid.” It didn’t take long for Rhett to make it to your room. Dot was, as she had been all night through all the chaos and all the drama, groggy and sleepy. She clung to Rhett’s jacket like he was her very lifeline, a protector she felt safe in the arms of. “You’re kinda cute aren’t ya.” 

“That she is.” Bradley chuckled as he met Rhett in the hall just outside your door. Dot heard her Toosters voice and was quick to rub her eyes to see if she was really seeing him standing with open arms ready to take her in or if she was still dreaming. 

He was there. He was always there. 

“Tooster—“ Dot mumbled through a pouted bottom lip. 

“Hi baby, I’ve got you.” He groaned as he took her from Rhett, the little tot had been passed around more tonight than she had been her entire life. “Gonna see mama, you ready?” Dot nodded silently with tired eyes. 

“That Fisher bird was pretty switched on tonight.” Rhett made sure to mentioned as he trailed behind Rooster. “He’s pretty banged up, if she wasn’t there when she was I can't imagine the state he’d be in.” 

“We know for sure it was Dolan?” Bradley asked as he placed Dot down onto the bed and watched with tears in his eyes as Dot immediately curled up and snuggled into your chest. You were still under some pretty intense pain medication. All you did in reaction was pull your little girl closer, as close as you could possibly bring her. Even asleep you were her most fearsome protector. “Like this wasn’t just a random break and enter?” 

“Would that be any better?” Rhett asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and stood at the base on your hospital bed. 

“I’d rather it be random than intentional Abbott.” Bradley sighed as he leaned in to kiss your forehead gently. “My girls huh, what would I ever do without the two of you.” He felt like his little family was finally on the mend. “How’s Amilia holding up? After—“

“Oh yeah, nah home among the gumtrees down there is fine, got a few cuts on her forearm but nothing an amputation and a couple for beers won’t fix.” Bradley couldn’t help but to chuckle as he sat back in his chair. Rhett laughed along at his own tease before the two men settled into the slice once more and listened to the steady beating of your monitors. “She should be able to go home soon, you know.” Rhett hinted. “You got everything sorted?” 

“Not even close.” Bradley groaned as he reached out for his laptop. “I’m stuck on the yellow polkadots.” Rhett wasn’t proud of all the punches he’d thrown in the name of someone he no longer knew, but watching as you and your daughter slept soundly like two peas in a perfect pod, he knew he’d die for you both before he ever let anyone ever hurt the two of you again. 

“You sure do make domestic bliss seem riveting.” Bradley smiled in response, it was all he ever really wanted and whoever was playing the game that was life up stairs was truly making him work for it. “If you guys are good here I might head home.”

“Tell Bob there’s a beer in the fridge for him if he gets a chance to swing by my place in the morning.” Rhett turned on his heels soon after he’d acknowledged Bradley’s comment. 

Bob didn’t drink, but it was always offered nevertheless. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“Okay Jake, this might sting a little but you’re gonna be fine.” Doctor Taylor explained as he injected numbing fluid into the back of Jake's skull. Amilia sat close by, having her own war wounds attached to. 

“How’d you get these bruises?” One of the triage nurses asked Amilia as they cleaned up her forearms and picked out the small fragments of glass still embedded in her arm.

“I’m not here about the bruises, I know enough about your healthcare system to know I don’t need anymore than the bare minimum care thanks.” 

“Your travel insurance should cover most of the expenses.” It was clear Amilia had struck a nerve with the nurse who’d been tending to her not so emergent aid as she packed up her things and left. 

“Lucky me.” Amilia rolled her eyes as she jumped off the exam bed she’d been perched on and made her way over to where Jake was sitting. “How’s he holding up doc? Got all his brain cells?” 

“Ha ha—“ Jake smiled a tight lip grin through the sharp sting of the needle being poked into his skull. His eyes trailed down to the bruises coming up nicely on Amilias neck. Jake's heart sank into his stomach. “I’m really—“ Amilia stopped Jake from talking as she placed a gentle hand to his knee and stood before him. 

“Got nothing to apologise for.”

“Can you do me a favour?” Jake asked as he drank in the sight of Amilia as he tried not to think about the stitches being sewn into his skull. “Can you go see how Dot is? Just need to know she’s okay.” Jake knew Odette was safe, he was concussed but he wasn’t stupid. 

“Sure Flyboy, I’m on it.” Amilia nodded silently with a small smile before she left the room. Jake waited a few seconds after she’d vanished from his sight before he cleared his throat. 

Hey Doc?” Jake slurred. He just didn’t want Amilia to see what happened next. “I don’t feel so good.” Doctor Taylor raised an eyebrow as Jake fell forward from where he’d been sitting. He crashed to the floor in a heap unconscious—

Turns out that fear of needles he had as a child was still prominent. But that pride of his was far too important to have him fainting in front of the girl he just wanted a fucking date with already. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“Y/n, Y/n—listen to me.” Jake cooed as he held your face in his hands as you sat crying on the couch. Jake had been kneeling in front of you from the moment he found you in the state of distress you were in. You remembered this moment so vividly, so clearly in your mind that it had become a core memory. You’d just admitted that you were falling head over heels in love with Bradley Bradshaw and couldn’t understand why you’d let yourself do that after everything that had happened. 

“I’m fucked Jake! I’m royally fucked!” The snot that came out your nose as you ugly cried made Jake laugh. He loved you oh so much but if he knew anything it was that you were about to become someone to Bradley Bradshaw and he, you. 

“You deserve someone who can’t wait to talk to you every day you delirious delinquent!” Jake shook you softly. “Someone who can’t wait to spend time with you, get to know you, fall in love with you yeah?” He tried to remind you as his voice echoed inside your head. “Please stop settling for half hearted, lukewarm, hesitant and indecisiveness.” 

The vision of Jake your memory had painted had slowly begun to fade as your eyes fluttered open. But not before the final sentence that stuck to you like super glue echoed through your mind. “It’s always gonna be better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel unworthy of love—but if you really like Rooster, take the leap Fe, you won’t regret it.” 

The steady beeping of all your monitors was the first thing you focused on when you woke up. The second and most important thing you managed to focus on as you came out of your grogginess, was the little ball of warmth that curled up against you. 

“Oh—“ Bradley heard the whimper like noise escape you as he looked up from his laptop, he’d moved past the yellow polkadot and onto possibly erecting a treehouse in the backyard like his dad had made him when he was just a kid. He was sure there was a photo on his mantlepiece of the man, the myth, the legend that was Nick Bradshaw standing with Bradley on his shoulder right in front of the newly built treehouse. “Oh my baby, my sweet baby girl.” You cuddled your daughter as tightly as he could with your arm still in a sling. Immobilised. With your jaw still locked. Banded. With your heart pounding inside your chest with a love so unconditional it would never fade. 

“Hi mamma.” Dot cooed as she stirred in your arms and first the jumper of Bradley’s you wore. “I missed you.” Rooster just sat back and watched the moment he wished had come under better circumstances. He knew he’d have to tell you about Jake, about Jaidyn. But he’d do that in the morning. 

“Oh darling you have no idea how much I missed you.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~*

Tags: @a-serene-place-to-be @lilyevanswhore @thescarletknight2014 @blindedbythelightt @averyhotchner @emma8895eb @blairfox04 @caitsymichelle13 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @teacupsandtopgun @aemondssiut @feltonswifesworld87 @akalei349 @notjustsomeblonde @americaarse @avaleineandafryingpan @phoenix1388 @xoxabs88xox @je-suis-prest-rachel @pono-pura-vida @rosiahills22 @starset21 @anarchyrising @caidi-paris @starkleila @criticalroleobssedperson @enchantingdreamergothprune @flrboyd @emma8895eb @endofdays56 @seresinsaint @topguncortez @mandylove1000

[katyawriteswhump]

the freak in the penthouse pt 13

E-rated (for sexual content), accidental millionaire eddie/sex-worker steve. On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :) On AO3

Chapter 13: Just tryin' to kill the pain

Five days earlier

“I asked you a question, man!” yelled Dickchester. Godchester. Eddie didn’t give a flying fuck either way.

He breathed hard and fast through his nostrils. His teeth grinded. Then he turned about and picked up Robin’s rolling pin.

…

Half an hour later, Eddie huddled behind a dumpster in an alleyway, hugging his guitar case to him. He recalled what had happened next in vivid flashes.

His red-hot rage when it grew crystal clear how Godchester had hurt Steve. 

The horror contorting Godchester’s reddened face, when Eddie went for him, rolling pin raised. 

The hint of ‘wtf-am-I-doing?’ when Doreen pawed at his shoulder—“Eddie, no!”—and his grip on the rolling pin faltered.

The flash of Godchester’s cane in the corner of his vision eclipsed his growing doubts. He jerked out of the way. The rolling pin slipped from his clammy grip. He punched the son-of-a-bitch in the face, again and again, his rings acting as knuckle dusters, till the sucker went down.

Doreen gasped. Eddie fled, blindly.

He’d bypassed the elevators, and tore down a stairwell, winding down, down, down. The slap of his sneakers on the steps jarred through his shins. His hand hurt, his arm hurt and his shoulder hurt. He’d left everything! Oh, okay, no. Not everything. He’d gotten his original beloved guitar, handle clutched in his sweaty hand, with no recollection of grabbing the thing. He thought about Steve, and it felt for a flash like he’d left everything else he’d loved in that lousy penthouse.

No. Steve was gone. 

That son-of-bitch lay bleeding on the floor, and Eddie felt… numb.

Kinda sick, actually. He literally hadn’t known he had that in him.

At the bottom of the endless stairwell, he blundered out through a fire-escape. In the passage between the hotel and the next block, he gagged on the stench of stale garbage. Then he reached the sidewalk. The raw horror of his situation slammed home.

People.

Lots of them, walking, talking, shouting, laughing, stepping in and out of stores. Vehicles hooted, scooters droned, and breaks screeched. He’d rooted himself to the spot. He glanced up at the too-wide, way-too-bright sky, and it threatened to cave in on him.

He attempted a step. Another step. Three or four more, then froze up completely. His heart galloped like a Derby champ, and he squeezed his eyes closed. Gaudy sun-blobs spoiled his quest for darkness. Somebody shoved him from behind:

“Watch it, buddy—I’m walking here!”

Eddie shuffled onward. The sweat streamed from his brow, sizzled down the back of his neck. His hair stuck to him. He faintly recalled Henderson had sent a ride for him. No way could he go back to the hotel now.

Shiiiiit. 

I CAN’T DO THIS.

He plunged up the nearest dark alleyway. So, there he was, snivelling behind a dumpster, cradling his bruised knuckles, the flesh swollen around his rings. The sky darkened, the streets quietened slightly, and the rats grew bolder. His thoughts were a scattered mess, and he needed to find Steve. 

No! Again! Terrible idea. Steve is safer with Robin.

Eddie couldn’t even keep himself safe. Couldn’t walk down a street. His heart panged then settled into a dull, gnawing ache.

After dark, he flagged down a ride, and asked for the bus depot. He spent the cash Henderson gave him, to settle any sundries on his final check, on a one-way ticket to Portland. To Wayne.

The Greyhound bus was quiet. Eddie hunkered down at the rear, started thinking clearly again, and he grew sicker than ever. He hated LA. He hated the penthouse he’d escaped from, and he didn’t regret handing that limey son-of-a-bitch his ass. He could never regret it. The world didn’t do justice for folk like him or Steve.

But his dreams of being with Steve—of taking care of Steve—were as long gone as his fortune.

I’m gonna have the cops on my tail playing hunt the freak. Always knew I’d tippy-toe into my old man’s footsteps one day.

He clonked his forehead to his precious guitar case and wept till the stickers smudged and streaked.

...

Five and a half-days later

“How far to the next gas station,” asked Robin. “I need to pee.”

Steve was pretending to be asleep. He cracked an eye open and noticed dawn had broken. Dustin had passed driving duties over to Suzie and now gawked back at Robin, incredulous. 

“We stopped an hour ago,” said Dustin. “How many times do you need to go?”

“As many times as I need! Your chuggy-chuggy Volvo makes me wanna hurl and the I-5 gives me the creeps.”

“How can a road give you the creeps?” asked Nancy.

“Have you any idea how many serial killers operate on this strip of asphalt?” replied Robin. “Too many. They’re literally tag-teaming it, as we drive merrily along… very possibly to our doom.”

“Seriously, Robin?” Steve rubbed his eyes. “You read way too many crime mags.”

“Yeah? Let’s hope your boyfriend doesn’t get his face in one any time soon.”

The loaded silence was like a deep breath before a plunge into a pool. Then Dustin relaunched the defence of Eddie that Steve had caught snatches of all night. Dustin was for sure a loyal buddy. Yeah, he was also a mouthy little shit. Steve warmed to him anyhow.

“I find it difficult to comprehend that Eddie would ever hurt a fly,” concluded Dustin. “I mean, he’s been framed, obviously—this is Eddie !”

“I’m sorry, Dingbats,” said Robin. “Still not in the fan club. He got my best friend arrested. He’s flushed about a billion pounds straight down a gold-plated toilet. He’s wanted by the cops. Even if we find him, how exactly are we gonna get the hairy-ass loser outta that dingy hole?”

“If you’d stop shitting on him for five seconds,” said Dustin, “we might let you in on our plan. Oooh, and here’s a curveball—you could help us! You work at that doily-saturated hovel, right?”

“I hope I still do,” said Robin. “Another reason we need to stop somewhere—I gotta call in sick this morning or I’m gonna be in deeper do-do than Eddie-‘America’s-Sweetheart’-Munson.”

“I’ll pull over at the next opportunity, I promise,” said Suzie, and then, “Nance, you gonna tell them?”

Nancy shrugged. “Sure. So, Dustin got wind that the guy pressing charges against Eddie was a Lord-something.”

“The right-honorable Jacob De la Moer Gurderville-Smythe, aka Lord Godchester,” chipped in Suzie.

“Dickchester,” spat Robin.

Yeah. I know who he was. Steve slid down the seat and pretended to doze off again.

“Nomenclature aside, Godchester’s lawyered-up to his aristocratic ears and bullying the police into a manhunt for Eddie. Contesting the charges against that kinda ammo is gonna be tricky. However, if we could dish some real dirt on a bona-fide Lord and threaten to sell it to a high-profile newspaper, we might get enough leverage for the charges to be dropped. So, Suzie and I did a little undercover espionage—”

“—we pretended we were temping in reception—”

“—and got talking to the staff. Lord Godchester had only been there 48 hours and he'd upset a ton of people—”

“—Lord Gropechester would be a better title.”

Lalalala, not listening.

Steve groaned softly to himself and wilfully blanked their voices out. Robin was right about the chuggy Volvo and its stinky seats. He hadn’t felt carsick like this since he was a kid, and it didn’t help that his stomach was growlingly empty.

Thinking about Eddie, on the other hand, helped slightly.

He clung to memories of those final precious moments in the penthouse. Snuggling on the bed, with his head tucked beneath Eddie’s chin. It hadn’t been about the sex anymore. It’d been about being together, about tentatively learning to trust. About needing each other as bad as the air they breathed. And then, that sweaty hug before they’d parted. 

“I’m crazy about you, Stevie,” Eddie had whispered.

In the past few days, Eddie’s vow had seeped like a healing balm into Steve’s skin. Though Eddie had disappeared without a word, Steve trusted the words Eddie left him with. Even his own arrest hadn’t shaken his faith in Eddie for more than a few, fleeting heartbeats. Now, every sinew in Steve’s being yearned for Eddie.

Screw crazy. I’m in love with you Eddie Munson. And I’m dead worried about you. And your agoro-wotsit. Where the hell are you, you dopey idiot?

As promised, Suzie pulled over at the next gas station. Robin had no sooner peed, than she sought out Steve. He was trying to have a quiet moment with a banana, his prevention meds, and some Cherry Coke. She hooked her arm through his, and urged him toward some trees, which he felt a deep urge to flee into.

“Steve,” she said softly, “are you really not gonna say anything?”

He tugged himself free, nearly choked on his banana. “About what?”

“About Dickchester! Listen, I’ve been down on Eddie, but I’m starting to get it. Dickchester was one of them , right?”

He stared at her, weathering the latest shockwave. If her voice wasn’t so soft, her gaze brimming with concern, it would’ve been easy to yell at her. Now… God, was he gonna flip out again? He felt shaky and drained, as if his days of recovery at her mom’s had never happened.

Worse, Steve was starting to ‘get’ what Eddie had done too.

“Eddie said that somebody from your past had reared their ugly face,” she said. “I gave him an utterly Dickensian rogue’s gallery of suspects, and I guess you told him—"

“I told Eddie squat.” Steve ground his toe into the dirt. Now, he had to think about the scary stuff. Eddie was accused of attacking a man who’d abused him. Eddie could go to jail, and Steve couldn’t handle that.

Robin’s words kept coming: “Listen, Steve. If Nancy can dish some real dirt on that shitbag, she could destroy him. I mean, it’s not only about getting Eddie’s charges dropped. You can't imagine you're the only person he… they … hurt. This could be your chance to get even with some of the bastards who used you when you were paying back your trust fund and your parents’ debts.”

Steve’s face burned. He knew she meant well, that she wanted to help. But his mouth hung open, his throat too dry to speak. Jesus, how could he make her see?

“You had to pay back your trust fund?” asked Suzie, startling Steve so badly his hand flew to his chest. “That’s not right. Look, I only study law at bedtime—I find it profoundly relaxing—but I’m pretty sure trust funds can't be in debt.”

“Yeah well, mine was,” croaked Steve, raw anger forcing his tongue into action. “End of story. Let’s move on.”

It was Dustin’s turn to drive again. Steve secretly prayed that Suzie would take a nap, or at least have other ‘business’ on her mind.

Unfortunately, she was excruciatingly bright-eyed and super-earnest. Before Dustin had shifted into third gear, she renewed her attack: 

“Steve, it’s highly unlikely you would be liable for your parents’ debts. And trust fund investments fundamentally don't work that way. You need a better lawyer. What was your parents’ lawyer’s name?”

The first part of this speech had stressed Steve out. The final question throttled him, mind and body. 

No, no, no, no, no, no. Can’t!

“Stop right there, Miss Shiny-shoes,” snapped Robin. “Can’t you see he doesn’t wanna talk about it?” Steve snorted because it was actually hilarious, given she had been the one ‘poking the grizzly’ five minutes ago. 

Poking the grizzly. Oh God, Eddie, I miss you. I know we’re a pair of sad-sack morons, but how did we screw things up this bad?

Still, Robin had saved him for now. He unleashed a shuddering sigh and prayed the others would reinstate finding Eddie as the hot topic. Then he glanced at Nancy. Her pursed lips alone begged a million questions from him.

He had to deflect, before he blew a gasket. Or did something worse, like crying: “This is doubtless a dumb question. If you guys are loaded, why are you driving to Oregon?”

...

Part 14 on ao3 Part 14 on tumblr

Thank you for reading. Likes, reblogs and comments much appreciated and will feed the bunnies🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕

On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :)

On AO3 All my ST stuff on AO3

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

Panty Dropper

@callm3senpaii was so kind tagging me in this and I know I should have been asleep but I couldn't stop thinking about stuff to write. Will I be tired today? I probably already am. Will it be worth dragging my ass around? Most definitely.

Things they do that have me throwing my panties on the floor and my ankles in the air:

TOJI :

~ The bulge in his pants and the scar on his lips.

~ When he stands, sits, when he's hard. Especially if he wants to hug me or pull me down onto his lap. And if he looks at me and licks the scar, I'm immediately flooding my pants. I don't know what it is about scars, whether they're on chests, arms, faces, backs (omfg backssss). They're just so fucking sexy to me. I want to lick them all.

~ He'll press that mass right into me. Knowing damn well what he's doing. Same with the scar, he knows wtf is up. If he wants my attention but doesn't want to have to say that he wants it, he'll just stare at me and lick the corner of his mouth until I'm dropping down on his face.

~ It gets worse the longer we're out of the house. Having to show self-restraint and not drop to my knees and rip his low-hanging pants from his godlike hips is not #1 on my to-do list.

~ HE IS, though.

REINER :

~ Jesus Christ. The way he would hold me all the time. How he can flip-flop between being gentle one minute to shoving my back up against any hard surface that was easily accessible, rolling and grinding his hips into me.

~ How needy he can be sometimes is so hot. Like, he can't fucking live another second without burying his face in my cunt or stuffing me full of his cock. Or tongue. Let's be real, the man loves to eat.

~ He's also emotional AND emotionally stupid. He tries to express himself and sometimes he just gets so pissed off that he doesn't have the words that he'll shut down. And I wouldn't be able to sit by and watch him beat himself up about some shit that happened 10 years ago. I'd have to climb up on his lap and start rubbing my ass all over him to get his focus to shift.

~ Watching him hold a baby would make every single good egg I had left drop down, ready to create life with him. He's so fucking big and seeing him hold something so small and fragile would make me insane with lust. (As if I'm not always DTF this guy). I'd whisper in his ear to give the baby back to her (yes, it would be a baby girl, all pinked out) parents because I need him upstairs shooting his hot load into me and telling me how much he wants to fuck a baby into me and watch my body change while nurturing life (WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM. LITERALLY WHAT. TF.)

~ His sweet gestures would kill me so softly. He would bring me a wild flower that he saw somewhere while he was out. Or he'd bring me a little succulent clipping that he snagged while he was at Home Depot getting stuff to make the rack to hold our sex swing that was going to be delivered in 2 days. 1 if the mail runs a little faster than anticipated.

~ I don't know how else to articulate this other than to tell you that we'd dance like they do in Dirty Dancing (the OG movie. Not the remake shit). You know how Baby and Johnny danced with each other when they'd basically straddle each others thighs and just grind while his hands were on her ass and she was clinging to him to keep herself from falling over backwards, even though there was no way in hell that he'd ever let go of her. And how he'd turn me around and have my back to his chest while we're just like, making our hips go in circles while we're in the living room listening to songs like "Cry To Me." Fucking shoot me now, please. I can't stand another minute without this guy.

Sanemi :

~ This motherfucker. His lack of personal space with me would be irritating at first. Like, he would always come to bed with me at the same time. Sleep smooshed up next to me, even during summer months when it's too hot to lay like that unless you have 3 box fans pointing at you (and I DO) just to take the edge off of the humidity swarming around you. But eventually, when he'd stay up to do something, video games or working out, whatever, and I go to bed alone, I definitely would just lay there and miss him. So I'd call for him and he'd come peek his head in the room and ask me what I need.

~ I'd admit that I need him because I'm so goddamn used to feeling his body next to me that I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not all tangled up in him. I just toss and turn not feeling grounded in my own bed.

~ So he'll turn off all the lights because he's a responsible electricity user and do his bedtime routine then finally come in and lay with me.

~ But he's not really tired. And he will turn over to face me and starts rubbing my thigh with his left hand, sloooowwwlllyy going higher until he's got his fingers dancing over the waistband of my --- wait, I won't be wearing panties. Scratch that. He'd play with the hem of my t-shirt and inch his way between my thighs until my knees are opening up for him.

~ "You still not tired?" is all he'd have to say to me in his deep, husky nighttime voice and I'd pull him over on top of me because I can't resist his voice, even in the daytime. But there's just something about his voice at night that does me in. It's heavy with the days weight and he wants to let go of everything. And I would help him with all that shiz.

LEVI

~ There are several things that he would do that'd lead to my clothes spontaneously disappearing.

~ If I walked in on him cleaning ANYTHING my pants would combust on the spot. There is something about a man who takes tidiness seriously. And no one takes it more seriously that Levi.

~I would try to get him to wear nothing but an apron to clean stuff up in, but he'd just call me a dumbass and continue his dusting.

~ When he is getting annoyed with me and his voice gets all disciplinary and starts yelling at me a little bit to "Knock my shit off", it's only going to egg me on more.

~ I would love to push his buttons until he was beating my ass over the kitchen table, counter, dishwasher, shower, closet, cat food dish. Idfc.

~ Also when he would drive us somewhere, he'd have his hand on my thigh and subconsciously rub and squeeze it whenever he'd get pissed off at the other idiots on the road.

~ It would be the way that he'd kiss me goodbye in the morning and then he would pull away only to lean in for a deeper kiss as his hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me into him.

~ The way the heat from his cock would warm me wherever it pressed into me as he was trying to leave for work that day. "I'm working from home today, yes. Yes, thank you. I'll be in tomorrow," he looks at me, "Possibly."

[kaidan-z]

NOW TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SPIDERSONA!!! 🫵🏾

okay 😁

so he likes to be called $PiDRE (so unique don’t even) when he’s on the job but everyone just calls him “that one guy”

he was originally a pretty uptight guy, still the nerd that every other spider-man is. he liked to hold himself up to high standards

but he got bit by a spider at home depot

“eww wtf” and he shook his hand away from him like a little kid 😭

but after a month or two he realized he had to get his stuff together and started taking it seriously

after that he stopped being so uptight and decided to tone it down a little, shattering his ego but it was for the better. his parents moved to somewhere in the suburbs so he was finally introduced to public school and lord his first fight was absolutely insane

but after a few years he became pretty chill, probably the most laid back “hero” on his earth. still hasn’t ran into any of his canon events so…

he just has the basic spider-man abilities. wall climbing, organic web, spider-sense, etc.

one of his favorite things to do is go listen to jazz concerts because of his heightened hearing

like it’ll deadass be a whole fancy event and you’ll just see him in his spider-suit with a bow tie to make it look “fancy”. he doesn’t even do anything the whole time

[lmtyl]

story time: I don't work here x2

I've been on a Reddit kick and it brought up two memories where I was mistaken for an employee, one during high school and one at college. (Also, I've probably submitted these to Not Always Right in the past, just fyi)

Let's start with college:

This happened during the final years of the dorms having landline phones with their own numbers in every room. Early afternoon and my phone rang. When I answered, the guy on the other end immediately started rattling off a pizza order, and it took me a bit of trying to interrupt to explain to him that he'd called a random dorm phone and not the pizza place. The guy then asked me to order the pizza FOR HIM and rattled off the order again!

I hung up.

Secondly, and probably more interesting:

So, I'm probably 16 when this happens. I was kinda sick, but mom had dragged me to Home Depot to help look for a part. I think we needed new locks on the house doors after a bag got stolen?

Home Depot employees famously wear bright orange aprons; I was wearing a blue fleece jacket and cargo pants. Mom and I had found the aisle we needed and she'd sent me further down it to look for matching codes on boxes. I'm shuffling through the shelves when an old man tugs on my sleeve and asks me to come help him. He's gently but insistently tugging my sleeve and mumbling about needing help getting something a few aisles down, and my brain is lagged out from a mix of hyperfocus and headcold.

I finally scrape together enough brain power to say to him, "I don't work here, I'm just shopping."

He looks at me, confused. Gestures to my jacket. "But you're wearing their uniform...?"

Don't remember what I said in reply to that, just the general wtf vibes. I do remember turning and walking away from him with whatever box I was still holding, raising my voice, "hey mom, any luck?"

Old guy stood there watching us for a moment, looking confused, before wandering off. In hindsight he was probably just old and confused, but at the time I was kinda worried he was gonna kidnap me.

[noosesurroundsme]

I really need to figure out what I want in life.

I made friends with someone I met through work a few months ago. He's been around more and more recently. We basically spent the whole weekend together. Friday he wanted to see me paint my car so he could get an idea of how that works. Then Saturday we spent the whole day together because we were talking about project cars Thursday and I saw this really cool one I kind of wanted but I had no intention of buying bc I currently have nothing saved. He ended up saying if I don't, he will. So I met him at his house and we went to look at it Saturday morning, then his truck was having some issues so we went to my work and got parts, fixed his truck and came back to my house. We talked for a while about the car and some more personal stuff, then he helped me set a planter box. He came with me to Home Depot to get garden fencing and some other stuff. He had to leave when we got back but he asked yesterday if he could see how to do body filler work, so I got a panel from my storage unit and we'll do that this week.

I am not good at knowing what people want, or even knowing what I want. I do like him. He respects me and treats me like an equal which is not something I feel from people a lot in the automotive space. I told my mom Saturday that this whole thing scares me, there's a whole other side to myself and my life that no one outside of family or family friends really knows about. Idk how we got on the topic but he once said he was hit on by a gay guy and while he was flattered by it, he wasn't interested. Idk if I would be considered the same being pre-op trans person. Which is a whole other thing.

Idk what I want. I really like him, his personality, and how he treats me, and I think he's cute but I'm not interested in what's below the waist.

I don't know what saying any of this is going to do. I don't want to hurt him or lose him as a friend. Like wtf do I do. I wish I was normal so navigating life wasn't such a pain. I wish I had surgery so I didn't have to think about the evil downstairs anymore. Not that dysphoria completely goes away, but maybe I could have some semblance of a normal life.

[dragonbleps]

Okay SO, it's a wall of text, so don't feel obligated to read it :'D

TL;DR-- fixing 2 sprinklers took all day for various reasons due to a couple mistakes/accidents, and we still have 2 more to do. I'm tired. And not exactly sure why I'm supposed to want to own a house when there's all this pain-in-the-ass maintenance.

Dad took today off so we could fix one (1) sprinkler that we knew was broken. I woke up at about 10am and after feeding the dogs we immediately went to work.

First, I cleaned out the "globe", the part that would normally house the filter for the water, except someone stole ours ages ago for some bizarre reason. It was disgusting :) I've never seen so many colors of algae in the same place.

Then dad went to turn the sprinkler sections on one by one to check if there were any other sprinklers that needed fixing. It's a finicky process because apparently some part of the switch already doesn't work and dad has just kind of Dealt With It, and the sprinklers sections can't really be manually turned on one by one. More like, turn one on, turn it off, wait for the water pressure to build back up again, turn it on, and hope you waited long enough for it to activate the next section rather than the one you just got done checking.

There are 5 sections of sprinklers. After going through 4 sections, we found 4 sprinklers that weren't working correctly. 2 were just not spraying water at all, which is less of an issue. 1 was not coming out of the sprinkler head correctly and was just flooding the sidewalk. And the last 1 was just shooting water straight up because the sprinkler head was completely missing. (Sometimes if the lawn guys run it over with their lawnmower, the blades just chew it up and we're not notified either bc they don't want to tell us or they just dont notice.)

Dad went to switch to the 5th sprinkler section, and nothing happened. None of the sprinklers came up at all. He figured it was a failure to switch that was the issue, apparently something that'd gone wrong with it before. It was at this point he called an irrigation professional, planning on having him look at both the switching device (idk wtf it's called) and possibly replace the sprinklers that were broken.

We had to clean up a corner of the garage (which we messily use for storage) to make it easily accessible for the sprinkler guy. He arrived just as we were finishing up sweeping the area. He went to check the pump area and showed us how the globe was cracked. And, in fact, it had only JUST cracked, he said, because the slightest crack will prevent suction and water flow. So, literally as dad was switching from the 4th section to the 5th section, the globe cracked.

He attempted a quick fix of applying glue to the crack, which KIND of worked? But not for very long, and we'd have to prime the pump every time we'd want to use it, to help it along. Dad understandably didn't want that.

Sprinkler Guy doesn't have the right globe for replacement in his truck, but knows where to get one. Dad says okay. Guy says it might take about an hour, and leaves.

He comes back roughly an hour later with the part, installs it, then we check each section of sprinklers again. They work (well, aside from the ones that are broken of course). Mom comes home from work in the meantime and goes inside. Sprinkler guy gets paid for his work, leaves, and we go inside to rest for a moment.

We have to go to Home Depot to look for sprinkler heads to replace the ones that are broken. We decide to also eat dinner while we're out. So we go to Home Depot, go to eat food, then go back home.

Me and dad go outside and start digging up the 2 sprinklers that need the most immediate fix. Dad gets a shovel/spade thing and starts shoveling, while I get my gardening spades to get in closer around the sprinkler. Dad can't bed down, so I'm kneeling or sitting on the pavement doing this. While digging up one sprinkler, we found a separate unattached sprinkler head in the dirt next to it? Like whoever have replaced it previously had just left the old one buried in the dirt rather than throwing it away.

So we get the 2 main sprinklers dug out and removed, and pull out the sprinkler head replacements. And they're the wrong size.

Dad has to go back to Home Depot while I wait and try not to make eye contact to people going on walks who are walking by the two gaping dirt holes in our lawn. It was starting to get dark.

Dad gets back and we finally start replacing the two sprinkler heads. One was rather straightforward, although it was a pain in the ass to get it to screw on straight. Then we have to replace the dirt, and put the concrete donut back in place, continuing to put dirt and sod tucked in close to everything so it doesn't move.

The second one had a part of the previous sprinkler broken off into the pipe. I try for probably 10 minutes to try to get the piece out with what tools I had, but it was stuck tight. Cylinder inside a cylinder, yknow. I go back inside, grab a couple of knives bc idk which is best for cutting the pipe, and ask my mom to come outside and bring a flashlight to hold.

Dad starts cutting the pipe, mom's holding the flashlight, and finally the pipe gets cut and we can start putting the new sprinkler in place. Same as last time, dirt and sod and the concrete donut back in place.

Then we could finally go and check the sprinklers again, switching them on and off and trying to get each section to come on so we could make sure we put the new ones in right. They came on, and the sprinklers were all put in the correct direction. The only thing we'd have to change is the distance which the water from the sprinkler covers. It shoots too far haha

Came inside, dad took his shower, I took my shower, I fed the dogs, and now I'm finally able to chill for the night =u=

He wants to change the sprinkler distance tomorrow, and I think he might want to replace the last two sprinklers tomorrow, too. We'll see.

[the-invisible-queer]

Now that I've answered those asks I can tell y'all about the wild dream I had

Nick and I were at Home Depot for some reason

Like I'd just met him for the first time and I was like in awe because it's Nick fucking Jonas but he knew me. Like he was friends with my older brother and SIL. So he knew of me.

And man just gave me a list of stuff he needed and his HD card TRUSTING ME after meeting me for the first time. He had to go do something else in the store. So I got the stuff on the list and bought a little HD apron for Malti.

And when we reconnected I showed him the apron but made it known I bought that myself not with his card because i didbt want to get in trouble. And he was like "yeah I'll tell her it's a gift from Uncle Mac" and I was like "UNCLE MAC?!?" because again we're meeting for the first time.

And he was like "you thought I was gonna entrust you with one of my credit cards and then never see you again? Just don't be weird about Joe when you meet him" 😭

Getting called out by Nick like that was so unfair but on brand

And I was like "the fuck you mean when I meet him?" Because I wasn't expecting anything more than meeting Nick and moving on with my life.

He told me the stuff I bought was for the new house him and Priyanka bought and I was like "cool but you do your own handywork?" and he was like "why pay someone else to do something I can do in five minutes?"

And I was like "you're so real for that Nicholas" and he gave me this wtf look 😭 and I apologized and he was like "[my brother] said you do that a lot" and I'm horrified like "DO WHAT?!?!" and he meant using their full names. I'm terrified of the fact that Nick knows OF me because if any of the Jonases are gonna judge me harshly it'd be Nick's bitchass.

But anyway we get into his car because I guess I was stranded at fucking Home Depot and we drive to the new house. It's huge and nice as fuck. And he tells me I can crash in the guest room and that he'll drop me off at home tomorrow because he's gotta drive down to New York anyway.

And after we said goodnight I woke up.

It was fucking WEIRD!

[lasquadrasfuckhouse]

la squadra as dads vibes 🔨

the hammer emoji has dad energy don't @ me. it's because fathers belong at home depot

risotto is a chill goth dad. he is very patient and he lets his kids colour in his tattoos with markers, holds their hand when they get their nose pierced for their 15th birthday, if someone tells his kid UR DAD IS SO SCARY they're just like wtf That giant teddy bear??? youre insane. has photos of them as a toddler absolutely SWIMMING in his metal band t-shirts. will throw his kid over his shoulder or hold them under his arm like a football cause it makes them giggle but he's also king of piggyback rides.

prosciutto is a classy dad. none of the other pta bitches have ever seen him in jeans, he will outdo them all at every bake sale and he will look sharp af while he does it. doesn't let his kids leave the house without eating something first. his most prized possession is the #1 DAD mug he got for father's day one year and he drinks his morning coffee from it every day. always has gum cause he quit smoking in preparation for dadhood. 'dad look it's the good kush!!!' 'this is the dollar store how good can it be'

pesci is the fishing dad who will bring his kids out on the boat to teach them responsibility and self-management and talk about life. a very soft dad. cried on his kid's first day of school cause they're growing up so fast. will leave a note with a cute smiley face in their lunch or on the fridge. worries about letting them watch scary movies but he ends up more scared than them

formaggio is a beer dad. he makes the jokes. he builds a deck. he picks up the funny dad hobbies. if his kids drum a sick beat on his gut he'll laugh. might take em to a sportsball game but if they're not into that he's happy to just sit on the couch and holler at the screen. he's that text interaction of 'hey dad can i borrow this shirt [picture of a cheesy hawaiian button up]' 'do NOT fucking touch. taking your mother to chili's tonight'

illuso is a weekly spa day dad. he'll gossip with his kids and nod sympathetically while they rant. he absolutely spoils his kids but being a dad also taught him to be a bit more generous and he definitely imparts that dadly wisdom onto his babies. the day his kid told him they could do their own hair before school he cried. very excited to tease and embarrass them with baby photos.

melone is gnc af the medical professional dad but also very chill and creative. knows just what to do when his kid is sick, gets better at cooking so he can make food both healthy And fun and gets really into making those cute bento lunches, seems to know everything but is excited when he doesn't cause everything is a learning opportunity!!!! constantly taking photos and scrapbooking.

ghiaccio is a very passionate dad. he gets really intense at his kid's sports games or makes a point of being THE LOUDEST TO CLAP at every recital. so cuddly that his partner (and the uncles) teased that the kid would never learn to walk if he didn't set them down. he'll let his kid help w/ car maintenance but if they're not interested he'll let them sit in the driver's seat and pretend to nyoom. the first time they really held an intellectual conversation with him he cried cause they're so grown up.

sorbet and gelato are fun chaos dads. if none of them can sleep they'll take the kid to the mcdonald's drive thru and go stargazing. there are quite a few photos of them holding their baby like simba on pride rock. the first time their kid pranked them they were so proud. will lovingly tease about crushes, ruffle their hair, and constantly use the funny baby mispronunciations their kid made while they were still learning to talk. if called and informed that their kid got in a fight at school, both would respond with 'did they win'

[mythiccheroacademia]

Hey!! Could we please get more sugar daddy fics with a black reader ofc 😋 idk if you've done shoto already but that'd be nice or hawks and deku💕

A/N: “wrist on glitter, waist on thinner, imma show you how to bag a eight-figure nigga” 👅💋 I enjoyed this way too much

All characters are 18+

Warnings: it got a lil spicy so imma put the line 

Todoroki Shouto:

this mf has money to burn 

we all know todoroki came out the womb w cash from his hair to his ass 

he’s on some “yes, jeff bezos knows me” type shit so if you’re tryna end up with someone that’s gonna possibly buy you a house, he’s your guy 

he slid into your dms after you posted a pic with your skin moisturized and glistening under golden hour and your body had him wanting to run laps 

he had been plottin on you for a min but never got the motivation to do something about it until then

he’s a no strings attached type of sugar daddy

todoroki is a big name even outside of hero work and he’s well aware of all the people that have tried to use him. so instead of letting that happen, he’s decided to do things on his own terms 

when yall first started talking, he questioned you like this was managerial position at apple 💀 

best believe he ran an in-depth background check and made you sign an NDA 💀💀💀

he was a tough one

but you passed w flying colors and y’all settled on an arrangement

you have a weekly allowance that hits your bank account every saturday with some bonuses that he’ll give you depending on how the week goes

todoroki isnt needy nor is he one to be all up in your business 

it’s actually weird in an endearing kind of way? 

he only wants to have conversations with you 

i mean, dont get me wrong, he’s up for anything you are

todoroki would be a liar if he said he never ended some nights with a picture of you and a hand down his pants 

but that’s not what he’s mainly looking for 

you figure out very quickly that shouto just wants someone to talk to 

he’ll randomly hit up your phone and have a 30 min convo about something like the weather or hero politics, and then he’ll dip

next thing you know, you got $1000 in your cashapp

you kind of panicked bc like...wtf? 

your dumb ass messaged him: “did you mean to send $1000?”

sis, dont put a question mark where God put a period

him: “Yes.”

and that was the end of that

you dont question anymore

he’s not doting in any kind of way, and sometimes you lowkey think he forgets about you, but you still get your allowance 

doesn’t send a lot of gifts unless you explicitly state you want something

he doesnt text back a lot, but he tried to respond when he can

but i do see him liking it when you send him mundane things you do throughout your day, like pics of cookies you baked, or a cool plant you saw at home depot

and he enjoys the times you and him end up just trashing his father for nearly an hour. expect to find flowers, with some expensive ass coats or something at your door the next morning 

he really fucks w your laid back vibe 

sometimes he forgets you guys arent really supposed to be friends 

Takami Kiego (Hawks):

this is not hawks’ first time being a sugar daddy

he’s hot, rich, and one of the most eligible bachelor’s in japan with a life that prevents him from having anything too serious

so, long story short, he’s a veteran at this 

he used to be the type to reach out to instagram baddies but he had a couple bad run-ins and decided to stick with the official sites because it was a lot more secure on both ends 

the funny thing was, you set up your account a long time ago as a joke. though at one point, you did take it seriously, but you came in contact with a lot of super creepy men that sexualized you for your skin and ethnicity. 

you were tired of the “chocolate king/queen” and “amazonian god/dess” comments,so you took a break. you didnt have much activity since

so imagine youre surprise when the #2 hero hit your line talking about some 

“Hey~ I’ll get straight to the point. I think you’re beautiful and I’d like to talk with you about an arrangement” 

you thought this was a fake account, but after he chatting for a little and sending some pictures, you knew he was the real deal 

hawks is your standard tit-for-tat transaction sugar daddy

he’s the type to hit you up at night with a “how ya doing, dove? got any pics for me?”

he’s good about his respect ad won’t do anything out of line

it’s the bare minimum, be he doesnt fetishize you so that’s always nice 

however, he does make you call him daddy, sir, etc. whether it’s through text, call, or when y’all get together for...reasons

ngl his dicc game is fire

he might ghost you for a week or so but he’ll always come back with a nice check to make up for it 

just be careful about catching feelings bc he’s so fucking smooth. he makes you feel like you’ve got his heart, but dont fall for that shit

if you think you can “change him” or fuflfil whatever wattpad romance fantasy lives in your head, he is not your guy. you better get on w your life before you get your heart broken

he’s here to suck, fuck, send pics, do a little phone call here n there, send some money, and go 

if you’re not with all that, you might as well dip 

but if you’re cool with that, rest assured, you’re gonna be living your best mf life with this man in your wallet 

and good news, you might not be his only, but you are his favorite

there’s just something about you that’s got him giving you a few extra thousand than he normally does 

he doesnt take his sugar babies on proper dates bc he’s gotta stay away from media outlets, but he will invite you to his office for a “lunch break”

if you ever surprise him with a cute but sexy hawks cosplay, you won’t have to work for two whole weeks bc you cant walk  

overall, he’s a good sugar daddy. defintely good for your pockets and any other non-romantic desires you want fulfilled

Mirodirya Izuku:  

the way you two met and came to this arrangement was more or less an accident

the life of the number one pro-hero was lonely and stressful 

he’s tried to dip his toes in the water here and there, but it never worked out because not many people could deal with the fact that he’d always put hero work first

he was teetering on the edge of signing up for one of those sugar daddy/baby websites until he met you at some cafe he passed by 

it’s cliche really. you were his server and, honestly? he was hooked on day one 

he watched you intently as you pranced around in your cute uniform. he couldnt stop admiring your brown skin and eyes and how cute your hair was. you spoke with such enthusiasm and cheerfulness that he couldnt help but swoon. and it didn’t hurt that you were very easy on the eyes

he listened to you as you went on a spiel about how college was a fortune and how you stayed up last night for a project bc you had to pick up extra shifts

that’s when he made his decision

by the time the hero is out of the door, you collected the reciept and almost fainted when you realized he left you a $500 tip and his personal number 

“i enjoyed talking to you today and i hope we can continue that...here’s something small to help with your bills. and i hope this isnt too forward but you’re very beautiful. stay safe. deku.”

and what did you do that night?

you called his ass right back

you were nervous as hell bc you still couldnt believe this was real, but after talking on the phone with him for two hours, an arrangement was set

midoriya is the most gentlemen like sugar daddy out there 

you wake up to good morning texts and a few hundred in your bank account almost every two days 

he goes crazy over your insta posts. and if you wear something green? expect a bonus

takes you out shopping unprovoked 

izuku: “are you busy? i saw you were having a rough week and was wondering if you wanted to go to that new outlet mall downtown”

you: 🏃🏾‍♀️💨  

you most certainly had homework due that night but what tf you look like missing out on that offer? 

it’s after so many “dates” that deku realizes that he prefers hanging around you more than he should but he doesnt wanna ruin anything so he keeps that underwraps 

he’s the idiot that goes into this thinking he won’t fall in love

deku defintely has some dirty thoughts about you but he doesnt try to bring it up unless you do first

if you’re comfortable with anything nsfw, you gone see a whole different side to izuku

he’s a giver, giver, giver, but when he recieves, he just about loses it

send him “innocent” pics of yourself matched with a string of filthy texts and he’ll combust 

when you send him pics of yourself in deku-themed lingre, he deadass sends you a whole black card with your name on it as a thank you

you guys get very comfortable with each other very quickly

soon enough, DA’s start turning into y/n stayng over for a week 

you both realize this relatiosnhip runs a lot deeper than an arrangement when he accidentally let it slip that he told his mom about you 

he’s profusely apologizing but you shut him up with a kiss and tell him that you’ve kinda caught feelings yourself 

your next conversation works out well for the both of you 

[clatterbane]

A little too much going on today, but basically all good so far! *fingers crossed*

First order of the day: Waiting around for Hornbach (Lowes/Home Depot/B&Q equivalent) to deliver the tomato planting setup plus a few miscellaneous lumber items to build some shelves, etc. They gave him an updated 10:00-3:00 time slot, when we need to get two other kinda pressing errands done in different parts of town before 4 p.m. 🥴 Yesterday was a public holiday, so yeah that complicated getting some crap done before the weekend.

Thankfully, they did show up just after noon.

That trundled up on the elevator into here, Mr. C hared off on the bus for a flying run toward the endocrinology clinic, to pick up some replacement CGM sensors for me. There were some mixups, plus the "oops they're closed" yesterday and my last one expired overnight. 😬 It was certainly a relief to get more.

I do indeed have multiple backup finger stick meter options, but didn't really want to have to spend the whole weekend basically flying my blood sugar levels blind, beyond like 5 snapshot readings a day. Rather than being able to see at a glance wtf it's doing at all times, with alarms in case things start going too wild. (Still kinda hard to believe this was still NHS standard of care for T1 diabetes. Talk about penny wise, pound foolish, as dangerous as that can turn fast and with basically no warning. 😑)

The sensors should also be covered (no cost) at the pharmacy, now that I am properly in the health system. But, we haven't managed to get the pharmacy stuff straightened out quite yet. Thankfully, the endo's office was fine with giving me a couple more fill-ins to cover the little transition gap. Just less than ideal timing all around, but ah well.

I do now have a new one initializing on my arm, which should be ready to use in about half an hour now. 😮‍💨

Trying to wait until then to head off on the next errand: FINALLY picking up the major quest item which is my Swedish ID card, from a Skatteverket office here in town! 🍾🥳🎉 (Which also closes at 4 p.m., yeah.)

I haven't been to that location before, but he actually went to try and get it once he saw the notification that it was ready Wednesday morning, before I was even up. But nope, my passport and his ID weren't enough; they were requiring that I personally come and get it. So, we get to most likely cab it over to IIRC Limhamn.

(My emergency passport also runs out the end of this month, and I couldn't reasonably send it in to the embassy for replacement until I had Swedish-issued ID! Will even need it to pick that up. 😬 You even need some valid ID for stuff like medical appointments and picking up packages here.

Cutting it pretty damned close as things stand, but hopefully it will work out without gaps. Worst case, I file a new application and pay another fee to the US Embassy, but hopefully we can get that postmarked while the damned thing is still valid. If just.)

But, with any luck? I should maybe have my Swedish ID card today, so I can finally get the freaking passport swapped for a full-length one. *fingers crossed*

[happybunnykat]

So, I had a dream I had to get married to this guy (I think my parents were making me?), and I really didn't want to bc

1. Have girlfriend

2. Didn't know this guy

3. He was a blue lives matter guy???

4. I'm pretty sure he was cheating on me

5. to a much lesser extent but my wedding dress fucking sucked.

The only good part about it was apparently some people had stolen it before it got to me and they had put a black studded belt around the middle of it.

Anyway I had to walk down the asle and all the bridesmaids had better dresses then me and also I didn't know any of them, and this one really rude lady who was in a different wedding dress showed up and I was like. "Wtf are you doing here I who are you???" And she was like. "I'm here to taste the wedding cake." And I got so mad bc I didn't get to taste the wedding cake before the wedding in a dress I hadn't picked out to a scumbag I didn't want to marry surrounded by assholes I didn't know. And all of this was happening at home depot.

Anyway I think it symbolizes me feeling like I have no control over my life.

[dd-aeng-bang]

BTS-How they react to you snatching the blanket

Suga:

Straight up ya'll fightin

You wanna snatch the blanket, he's gonna snatch your weave

Jimin:

He'll think it's cute at first

until you don't give the blanket back

" y/n give the blanket back~"

"I know ur roach ass didn't just kick me-"

Needless to say you got kicked out of the bed, and you had to give Jimin his brazilian wig back

Jin:

Be prepared to be giving a talking to about being inconsiderate

He'll snatch the blanket right back

He don't got that big back for nothing

You wind up having to get a different blanket

J-Hope:

He doesn't have time for your bullshit, he's been through this too many times before

So the next time you snatch the blanket in the night, he jumps on you, wrapping you in the blanket tightly "since you want it so much"

Once you beg for mercy since you can't fucking breathe he lets you go

"Do it again and I'll smother ur triflin ass"

"That's why your cap fell off"

Petty

Jungkook:

He'll sit there puzzled for a moment

"Why is it so cold...y/n?"

Then he'll be hurt

Kookie shares with you, why don't you share with him

Sharing is caring, Namjoon hyung told him that

He'll watch you for a while, contemplating whether or not to call Joon for help

Your awoken by a harsh slap to your behind

"Kookie wtf-"

"Get up and open your bible"

"What.."

"Haven't you heard of the golden rule?"

"Kookie istg I will bea-"

"OPEN YOUR BIBLE Y/N!"

Tae:

See you both snatch the blanket, so it's a bit of a fight

Usually you win, however today he's just not having it

You go to reach for the blanket half-asleep and pull it over you

As soon as you do, you feel a splash of cold water, soaking you and the bed

You shoot up wide eyed "Tae what..why-"

This fucker is standing by the bed with an empty jug, them damn home depot ones

Before you can come to your senses and curse him out, he grabs the table fan and blows it on you

"Now you see how I feel"

(Did I mention you wet the bed?)

"Clean up this bed y/n"

Namjoon(my nigga):

While Namjoon might not be a huge sleep fanatic like Yoongi, he does value his sleep

And you snatching the blanket "like a child" isn't going to prevent him from sleeping

So he warns you if you grab the blanket he doesn't know how he'll react in his sleep

The sheer fear of your limbs being broken apart keeps you still all night

[fluffshisuga]

Three Houses characters as things my friends have said

Sylvain: I’m selling a short tempered kitty not only is his temper short but so is he

Felix: why did u pspsps at me

Dimitri: Not @ me accidentally eating paint

Claude: i mean idk about y’all but a caprisun and Scooby snacks do be sounding kinda good rn

Linhardt/Hubert: I arrived and I’m un-arriving. Have a nice day.

Byleth seeing Edelgard and Hubert: tweedle doo and tweedle dum

Caspar: Imagine your card gets declined at court so your lawyer starts snitching on you

Lorenz: kinda homophobic that no one is facebook married to me

Sylvain: Not yall judging the pee kink

Annette: If you tell me to drink my caprisun then you better fucking supply it and it better be strawberry kiwi

Raphael: I was told to raise my grades so i used flex seal to glue it to the ceiling and now people are yelling at me-

Edelgard: I don't need a babysitter

Marianne: Wait so if i don't pay my exorcist, will i get repossessed-

Dorothea: The gays are fighting again

Yuri: PICTURE MY BOOTY IN 3D ILL SHAKE MY BOOTY IN MY OWN MOVIE

Petra: My favorite band is nicklebacco

Ingrid: But in all seriousness, fuck whoever ate my bread tHAT'S my favorite bread and they know this so who the fuck ate it i just wanna talk real quick

No one eats my fucking potato bread and gets away with it 😤

I can't even find the Hawaiian sweet bread tF

WHO ATE ALL THE YUMMY BREAD

Lysithea: Hi 911?

I uh..... cut my tongue...... really bad...... with a dorito........

Flayn: I just watched a video all about owls sneezing this is so cute I'm gonna cry

Hilda: We're not gonna talk about how I'm just laying in the tub fully clothed just scrolling through Instagram-

Bernadetta: FAIRY BLUE KIMI NO TAME NI HOSHI WO KUDAKI

KAZARITSUKETA

BLACK PAPER MOON SHINJITE KURETA NARA!

WHEN YOU'RE LOST "HERE" I AM... "FOREVER" WITH YOUR SOUL

Bernadetta: I miss my room

Rhea: Edge of Dawn 10/10 making me think of the goddess everyday

Edelgard trying to work a phone: My typing is really bad today. Like I am trying to type my hardest but I keep on messing up so I'm using my voice thing to type and it's really hard but I don't know why it's not working, going to cry what what no seriously no save me Asterix sobs Asterix no actually put

Petra: Wow i love going to my two favorite stores, Home, and Depot

Dedue: ArE yOu WiNnInG sOn

Ashe: $50 IS NOT ENOUGH TO BUY THE REMAINING 8 BOOKS THAT I NEED WTF

Petra: Honestly if you talk me to watch something and idk you ill murder (i don't even know what she meant-)

Sylvain: MY LEG JUST FELL ASLEEP AND IM IN THE SHOWER I CANT MOVE SEND HELP PLS-

Mercedes: My foot slipped into a hole on one of the islands and the poor crabs were NOT happy.

I'm sorry crabs i was 6-

Bernadetta: "OK CRIES EVEN HARDER"

Ignatz: Guys I'll do portraits of you on my notes for 1 head pat pls

Lysithea: Guys don't treat me like a child honestly I'm literally not a child no it's not past my bedtime sHUT up-

Caspar:It's a power move to-

A power move to do something but i actually forget what i was gonna say tbh

Petra: How get Charlie horse on elbow help send

The end

[firelord-frowny]

I remember in college I took a sociology class that was hella rad with a WONDERFUL teacher who was a youngish black woman and she facilitated all kinds of great discussions with the class and one of the most memorable instances was during a discussion about representation of various groups in media, which I mean, that’s a ~hot topic~ among peeps under the age of 40 lol so a lot off students had a lot to say.

And we were talking about how ~the powers that be~ are often so committed to only representing certain kinds of people doing certain things, and how that’s Bad for society at large. 

And so I raised my hand and talked about how I had been watching a lot of PBS Kids lmao since it was one of the only channels I could get on my TV that didn’t play constant infomercials lmao. And I talked about how surprised and pleased to see such a wide variety of characters. Like “Sid the Science Kid.” A lil black boy who loves science! And his science teacher was an afrolatina lady! And his classmates were of other various ethnicities. And he was really close with his grandma. And it was all such great stuff! There was another show called, I think, “Franny’s Feet,” (LMFAO wtf kind of title is that???) and it was about a lil girl who loved math and solved a bunch of math problems all day. I don’t remember all the shows I mentioned, but it was a lot of them. 

And then!

This one guy in the class who I had kinda become Distant Pals with (because we would always visibly agree with each other whenever either of us contributed to a discussion lmao even though we never actually talked to each other) raised his hand and pointed out that PBS is, of course, PUBLICLY funded! And how interesting it was that the only channel that seemed to make a genuine effort to showcase variety across many spectrums just happened to be a channel that doesn’t take money from, say, Wal Mart or Home Depot or Macy’s or whatever else. 

And it was such an “ah-hah” moment for me. Like, actual people want to see diversity. Actual people appreciate widespread access to stories about different kinds of humans. It’s not people who want nothing but the same white-bread, garden-variety crap over and over again. It’s CEOs. It’s rich people! And all these TV stations are content to keep putting out the same crap again and again because they don’t want the rich jackasses who fund them to abandon ship.