#writing it even if it makes me cringe a little
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*ੈ✩‧₊˚ requiem of a cringe
did something embarrassing last night and was like "I need to go crawl in a hole and die. OR I could write"
type of post: blurbs characters: cater, rook, jack, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral (the term "damsel in distress" is used in vil's part, but it's meant to be teasing and not indicative of the reader's gender), reader is yuu, rook is rook
I. Talks Too Much
It's not that you're trying to be annoying.
Your mouth simply moves faster than your mind, and before you know it, you've been talking for twenty uninterrupted minutes about... well... nothing.
You always notice that uncomfortable, irritated look on their face just after you're done. And then you keep rambling in an attempt to make it less awkward (it never does).
And now you're here, hiding in the hedge maze outside Heartslabyul, thinking about getting lost and never coming out of it.
Of course, if anyone were to find you now, it'd be him.
"Hey, hon~ you busy?"
"Please, not now, Cater," you mutter.
The boy stills, looking a little taken aback by how miserable you sound.
"Are you still upset about that thing at the Unbirthday Party? That was hours ago, babe! I bet no one even remembers,"
You physically cringe. The faces of your uncomfortable tablemates won't seem to leave your memory...
"I remember it," you murmur, burying your face in your hands. "I'm so annoying."
For once, Cater is quiet. A minute goes by, and you think he may have left, until you hear the grass crunching under his knees as he kneels down and pulls you into a hug.
"You are not annoying. And even if you were, it'd only make me like you more," he mutters, burying his face in the crook of your neck.
"Understand?"
Your surprise at his change in tone doesn't stop you from hugging back. "Understood,"
You hadn't meant to say all of that.
You just spilled a potion you'd been working on for hours, and amidst your frustrated floor-scrubbing, you had vented about your entire week to your poor lab partner, a person you had been trying to impress all semester.
He had, gracefully, let you finish your rant, and then let you sit in it, just like the harmless potion now coating your knees as you cleaned up the floor.
Then, he awkwardly said: "That... sucks. I guess. I don't know what to say,"
There had probably never, in your whole life, been a person who looked more unhappy to be around you.
Afterwards, you found a nice spot in the woods behind campus to die.
You lie there, hoping nature would reclaim you before next alchemy class, when some purposefully loud rustling in the bushes catches your eye.
"Ah, Trickster! You really should not lie like that- a predator will take that as weakness, non? Are you injured?"
"Only my pride,"
"Talking about it will make you feel better," Rook says. It's more of a demand than a question.
You sigh. "I think I've done enough talking for... ever, actually,"
"Nonsense," he suddenly straddles your waist and pins your wrists to the earth. "I will not move until you tell me the problem, mon cœur."
You're like an animal in a snare. Once Rook has made up his mind, that's it. He will find out.
And so, with a sigh, you let him take the kill- that is, you tell him everything. Your whole, terrible week, the potion incident, the look on your lab partner's face...
When you're done, he's just. Smiling. "I see now. You are embarrassed,"
"Well... yes. You don't think that's embarrassing?"
He beams. "You are simply overflowing with beautiful emotion and passion for la vie! How could I ever find that embarrassing? You and I are not so different,"
In a weird way, that makes sense. Rook is never one to let shame hold him back from expressing his feelings.
He smiles at your pensive expression, and gives you a kiss on the head.
"Mais, next time you are upset, maybe you should come to me first, non?"
II. Clumsy
Forgetful, scatterbrained, oblivious, dimwitted are all words you've become used to hearing.
As well as a few colorful swears.
You have two left feet, even when you're not dancing- you're used to walking into walls, tripping, and dropping things- it just sucks that you have an audience now.
The first years that had gathered around the mess you made- tripping over your own feet and spilling the papers you were meant to deliver to Ace and Deuce all over the floor- are watching with grins and phones out.
You pretend they're not there, even with their taunts and whistles and laughter.
"Hey! Loitering is a waste of time!" someone barks. Literally.
You look up to see Jack moving through the crowd, scolding the other first years for blocking the hall.
When he sees you in the eye of the storm, on your hands and knees picking up your spilled papers, something upset takes his usually-stoic demeanor.
"What's the matter with you?!" he snarls at the boys. "Didn't anyone teach you any manners?! It's rude to stare- and laugh!"
His ears are flattened against his head when he kneels down beside you to help, collecting the papers, and putting them in your hands.
"Come on, we'll be late if you keep 'sittin there,"
Jack pulls you to your feet and gives one final snarl to the other first years before walking you off.
"...Thanks,"
"Eh? Don't mention it," he says. "Leona woulda had my tail if I just walked by..."
You know there's more to it than that, but you don't push. You're just happy he's forgotten to take his hand out of yours.
You can't handle being the center of attention.
For good reason, too- you're awkward, clumsy, and about the least graceful a person can get.
A true Ugly Duckling at a place like NRC. But Vil Schoenheit sees the swan in you. Perhaps that's why he's always been so patient and sweet.
It's a little distracting.
So much is obvious when he waves at you in the hall and, distracted by his smile, you walk right into a wall.
Though you can't see anything but stars after falling on your butt, the stares and snickers of everyone else are hard to miss.
Vil glares them away with a look that could kill twice over, and then stands over you as you lay on the floor.
"Come on," he says, holding out a hand. "I'll check you for concussion."
He brings you to Pomefiore and sits you down, shooing off a few curious underclassmen as he checks your pupils. "Do you feel nauseous?"
"Not really,"
"Then you'll be fine. Just a bump. You really should be more careful, though,"
You've heard that one before. Vil smiles at your dazed expression, and presses a cold compress against your head.
"This will help with the swelling,"
"Thanks," you mutter, still a little out of it. "You're my hero."
His eyebrows raise in true surprise, and then he chuckles. "And that makes you a damsel in distress?"
He doesn't give you a chance to respond before taking away the compress and kissing the red mark on your head.
"Don't think that being so cute is going to distract me. I'll make some time for lessons on poise this weekend,"
III. Unsociable
You'd think that being quiet and staying out of people's ways would get them to leave you alone, but it really just attracts more attention.
And after a grueling period of your tablemates making you the butt of every joke ("wow, I didn't know you could even talk!" "are you quiet because you hate us? come onnn, you can tell me!") you were ready to bury yourself alive.
"I don't ever want to leave," You mumble into the bundle of sheets and blankets on Idia's unmade bed.
"You could stay, y'know," Idia says from his desk, mindlessly scrolling through some gaming forum. "I should blackmail Crowley into letting you stay down here at least half the year."
"Couldn't it be the whole?"
"Nah. You need like, sunlight and stuff,"
"And you don't?!"
Idia snickers. "I'm built different. You know that. I get all my nutrients from blue light... You could at least stay for the weekend, though,"
You roll your eyes.
"...And I'll leak those normies' data. I'm sure I could get into their browser histories and have that emailed to their parents,"
Hm. You genuinely consider it for a moment, but eventually decide to give mercy. You're basically a saint.
"I think I just wanna pretend like I don't exist right now,"
Idia nods in understanding and pushes his gaming chair over to the edge of the bed, before crawling in and wrapping himself around you.
"That can be done. Pancakes tomorrow?"
Sure, there were people who talked to you, but you didn't talk back.
You just don't know how, you suppose. Every time you try, you end up saying the wrong thing, or are accidentally rude, or do something embarrassing.
You don't understand the references people make. You don't get social cues or hints. You have the social skills of an oyster.
Four months at Night Raven College, and you didn't have a single friend.
Well- except for him.
"How are you enjoying your tea?" Malleus asks, polite and curt as ever.
You take another sip- it's tangy, sweet, with a hint of bitterness. Some sort of Briar Valley blend that Malleus had imported just for you.
"I really like it,"
He smiles. "I'm pleased,"
One of the things you find so agreeable about Malleus is his simplicity. He often says exactly what he means; albeit, in a sort of 13th century Lord sort of way.
There's less stress with him. You don't have to pretend to be interesting, or outgoing, or cool. You can just be... you.
Because he likes you.
"You know," you say with a faint smile. "You're so nice to me. Sometimes I think that you're the only person I need. I could be happy with just you for the rest of my life."
You had meant that casually, but when you look back up from your cup, Malleus has this... look.
Wide-eyed, his lips pressed firmly together. There's even a dusting of color on his cheeks.
"Oh," you internally panic. Was that too much? Was that weird? Did you make things awkward again? Crap, you should have just acted normal, what's wrong with you?! "S-sorry, I-"
"Do you truly mean that?"
You go quiet, looking back at him with wide eyes. Your heart is pounding against your chest.
"...Yes,"
Malleus hums, his expression becoming more... pensive, and then...
He smiles. "I feel the same. Shall we go for a walk while the night is still young?"
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#cater diamond x reader#rook hunt x reader#jack howl x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#idia shroud x reader#malleus draconia x reader
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short-medium mercury observations bcuz I am feeling silly
A little silly astro obs until I am finished with the capricorn rising one. This post is just leo mercury non sense please don't mind me
I feel like a lot of water mercuries, especially scorpio mercuries, don’t talk much. They tend to observe, analyze and stay kind of out of the conversation. They only speak when it’s necessary. The opposite of a yapper basically
They also tend to have deep voices, both for men and women.
Capricorn mercuries can be a bit like this too. Really dry texters (as a leo mercury it gives me anxiety i feel like they hate me when they talk to me.. like if you hate me just tell me ☹️💔😭)
I genuinely don’t understand capricorns, and capricorn energy. Except when it’s in the ascendant or Venus, their energy is unreadable to me. Whenever I interact with a Capricorn, I feel like they hate me and don’t want to be there because they are not really expressive when they speak and are really direct and realists in their talking style. As a Leo mercury, I feel so judged 🫠😟Like if you hate me just say that💔😭😫
I am super expressive when I speak, kind of like a theater kid. Kind of like the voices in cartoons. Overtly excited when saying worldly stuff, like talking about the weather in the most dramatic way. When I speak, my tone goes up and down, it feels like you’re on a roller coaster when you interact with me. I have had people coming to me many times in the streets or the library telling me that I am too loud and that I should lower my voice to be respectful lol💀🤡💩 sorry😀
Aries and Leo mercuries, sometimes sag mercuries : we can’t shut the f up to save our lives lol the number of times i have been kicked out of class with my friends at school for being too loud, and laughing too much i can’t even count help-💀🤪🤠
Mercury in Sagittarius are so funny but at the same time so cringe my mom has it and she always makes corny dad jokes and she’s always the only one laughing at the diner table lmaoo
Mercuries in Gemini are so fucking smart, not in a genius way, but they can pick up on stuff so easily. Like understanding a text, or seeing the main points of a text without reading it in its entirety. They are really good at making connections between things, and connections that make sense. They are generally as logical as virgo mercuries, but they lack the meticulous side. They are pretty much to me a virgo mercury with ADHD on crack lol I'd say instead of being smart, they are more so perceptive, insightful or astute.
Some Mercury in Pisces sometimes speak so cryptically that it gets hard to understand, once they open their mouths, where they are going with what they’re trying to say. Their talking style is kind of surreal and romantic. They tend to create new words, and change up the grammar and verb conjugations. Their sensitivity and capacity to perceive things that cannot be seen by the naked eye is what makes them invent those words, because the already existing vocabulary isn’t enough to express this hyper specific thing or feeling they have.
Mercury in Pisces and Mercury in Virgo were placements that I found in the biggest readers I know. Both love reading and writing, and they have a thing for romance novels or fantasy books from what I've seen. Really delulu people in their own respective ways 🫡 but at the same time really talented 😁😍
the type of fiction virgo and pisces mercuries be writing on AO3 and Quotev instead of being productive members of society :
i just know a pisces mercury was behind this soul crushing poem 😞😔😿🫂
#astrology#astro community#astro notes#astro observations#tumblr memes#astro memes#astrology memes#feeling silly#channeled my 3rd house north node energy for this post#astro obs#astro posts#astronotes#astrology observations
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Lowkey thinking about two Vi x female or gn reader concepts I made up and wondering if anybody can write it🧐
So like SPOILERS kinda
So what about the reader being a childhood friend and when the explosion happened Silco also took the reader in and became like this big sister for Jinx and a stable base (if that makes sense) anyways they were really close😭. After Jinx sacrifices herself (the reader was helping with the war) she meets up with Vi and Vi tells her that Jinx is dead. The reader is kind of taken a back and repeatedly in denial keeps asking "what do you mean, what do you mean, Vi what are you talking about". Like you guys know that one video of Jennifer Lawrence eating hot wings and she asks that? Like how she asks it with a little giggle of denial? That idea just make it way more depressing, devastating and dramatic. Then the reader starts beating on Vi's chest (imagine she took off the armor) saying " Vi you're lying " then the reader starts to break down still saying that she's lying. Vi then holds her cheek drying the tears and looks into the eyes of the reader and with the one specific, sympathetic look, the reader knows and absolutely loses it and Vi has to comfort her and Caitlyn isn't too far watching.
OR OR (and)
Childhood reader x Vi (grew up with Jinx) and they had something going on when they were little and when it's confirmed to the reader that Vi and Caitlyn have something going on she wants to kill Caitlyn practically ( get rid of her somehow to keep Vi to herself). The reader has powers as well (practically blue flames and she can control if she decides to burn something or not but when she gets really angry the flames turn red and they engulf her whole body). The thing is with this while the enforcers hold the reader down with chains they think they've caught the reader and then Caitlyn asks what is it that we want. And you guys know that one song called Brutus by The Buttress? The reader is fueled by jealously and the life Caitlyn gets to have. When the reader is answering the question (still using her own name) she uses her flames to burn onto the chains and the enforcers holding them and slowly starts floating up into the air saying that one verse from the song
"My name is Brutus and my name means heavy
So with a heavy heart
I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy
My whole life, you were a teacher and friend to me
Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy
I, too, have a destiny
This death will be art
The people will speak of this day from near and afar
This event will be history, and I'll be great too
I don't want what you have, I want to be you" then throws her flames in the direction of Caitlyn and the enforcers.
And we may never know if the reader set her flames to kill or not (even though I said she wanted to kill Caitlyn) BUT WE MAY NEVER KNOW 🤣😛
Idk if y'all gon think this one's cringe but I just needed to share my ideas 😭😂
#jinx arcane#vi x reader#vi arcane#arcane#arcane league of legends#arcane silco#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane
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is it ooc? yea. is it self serving? also yes. is it gratuitous? yup. am I gonna write it anyway? you bet.
#my writing mantra these days#I just plug in night core and GO#writing it even if it makes me cringe a little#because at the end of the day writing is for you#writing#fic#fanfic#fanfiction#writing things#reading things#fandom#ao3#archive of our own
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Not to be cringe on main but I've made a TF2 self-insert just because I want most of the mercs as my fathers
#I know cringe is dead and all but not for me#according to my brain away#shut up mozzie#I wanna blab or maybe make some ask blog but I'm a witness of the (now hopefully dead) cringe culture and ugghhhhhh#I can't even draw what she's supposed to look like or model her so :(#and I can't exactly write like I'm nine because I don't remember how nine year olds type or talk#I don't even remember being nine#I even have a little background explaining her origins since I wanted her to have seven bio dads#the custom class I made is probably useless since it's just based on sneaking around and not getting spotted but it feels too close to Spy#maybe she's the only one able to fit through small spaces and vents???
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I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life
#.txt#also I have to do a movie pitch for it bitch it's an amv with intentionally one dimensional characters 😭 tf do I even say about it#at least the characters are like. knockoff jaime and tommen so its almost like im drawing asoiaf fanart#unfortunately I've come to hate them. the knockoffs I mean#I wanna change the designs a bit so they dont resemble my blorbos as much. i think im gonna give the kid darker hair#ok well discount jaime just looks like him with 2 hands and a blue cape 💀and I cant change him atp#my worst mistake was giving him like. a solid metal skirt armor thing bc its a pain in the ass to animate#at the start of the year I had the most work done out of everyone how did this happen#its bc they started nitpicking the story and I kinda lost motivation to work on it lke this shit is stupid. and cringe#by they I mean the extra screenwriting teachers we had a couple lessons with which like. this is an animation course not a writing course#I'd get it if it was like. a full time school but we have 2 3 hour classes a week we dont have time for this shit man#ig my mistake was that my idea didn't start from the story it started from the song I wanted to make a cool music video for it#its not that the story is nonsensical or anything its just a very basic fairytale esque thing nothing groundbreaking#'but you're not SAYING anything with this' I'm not trying to omg just let me make my little amv :(#does everything need a plot twist or to subvert expectations is it not enough that it looks cool#there's a couple people who are worse off than me in terms of how much they've done but also theres a couple that are nearly done#looking at them like god I wish that were me.....#and also I think I accidentally overwrote a shot I worked on for 3 hours. killing myself#maybe I can restore a previous version but its on the school computer and the school is closed for a week so im not gonna know until then
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as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and [checks notes] the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd
#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd#also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th#breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to#so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart#and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves#i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this#i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things#so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday#i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers#but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care?#people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better#if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war#anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter]#personal#add to journal#words n rhythm#WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS#cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao#i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes.#anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i#and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would#objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else.#this is a gift i give myself now.#this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do#trauma evolution#mosswrites
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caught up finallyyyy. that shit was FIRE
#ninjago spoilers#im loving the overarching plot even if some of the moment to moment stuff is losing me#in particular the dialogue felt rlly clunky to me a lot of the time w characters justttt. expositing at every chance#but i rlly like sora and arins arcs so far. really really good#arin is maybeeeee leaning a little too Evilllllll for my tastes BUT i do think it makes sense at least#finalllyyyy a good fucking corruption arc#found the kinda... prodigy sora on the stage at the end alone very powerful#it nice to see them growing at different rates and the conflict it might cause#still not sure what wfs deal is yet but i did rlly like her relationship w roby. super cute. they matched each others freak#i miss jayyyyy still but nice that its being built up to#hopefully it pays off nicely bc the 2 secs of it we got to see was... umm. not the bestttt#altho interesting to see now that jays been shattered.#also i assume it just went back to the administration? seemed that ras was done w it#i wonder if jay wld be able to find anything out abt itself if thats the case.....?#i mean youd assume it tried already. butttt u cld say maybe it was under the agency as jay gordon which wld have come up w nothing#UM ANYWAY i do rlly like where the story is going it feels rlly cool and different to have everything developing over time like this#compared to the more contained seasons from before#also just saying. if i was lloyd id straight up kill myself#rlly funny imagining llpyd getting back to the monastery and sighing and replacing kais photo w arins#yes yes. very good. zane saying cringe made my jaw drop#actually ill say i do hate how they r writing zane. but thats been an issue for forever now so wtfeverrrr
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Sometimes I feel very sad that I didn’t just focus on one creative skill. I look at my art some days and go I wish I’d spent all my time making only that, because that way it would look better and I’d do more and it wouldn’t matter if I couldn’t write very well because my art would be amazing and I’d be able to make the stuff I really want to and maybe even get a job related to it and I wouldn’t feel like so much time was wasted. And often times it really does feel like you’re wasting time and everything is telling you to just pick something to focus on so it can mean something and you can never seem to pick one of anything.
And then other days I feel like an absolute GOD. Anyone else able to write your own fic and then draw art for it just because you can? Can you make an edit/amv after writing a silly little analysis post on the show/character that is so perfectly on beat and fits the lyrics and with transitions so slapping you get chills while watching? Can you write a short silly ditty on the guitar about how you’re feeling using the eight chords know and belt it out only a little bit off key then do a choppy little animation of your sona singing it?
I may not be the most skilled at all of the above, and it can be a little lonely to be a one man band who doesn’t play half as well as a lot of people out there, but when your power goes out or your wifi dies or you have a day off, everyone else is busy and you’re alone...
you play the best gosh dang music in existence
#knox rambles#feeling some kinda way lately o7#these kinda vibes come back every once in a while#just gotta remind myself that ten year old me would go insane over the fact I can do what i can do#even if I'm not the best out there I am sure the best me out there#and that's pretty cool#i may only know one strum pattern on guitar and half a dozen chords at best#i may not be very good with punctuation and grammar while writing and I reuse words too much#I may do my art all leaning a little to the left too much and proportioned weirdly#I may export my amv's wrong so they're not on beat or forget good audio that would have made it REALLY great#I may write analysis's that are a little biased and look back on them and cringe a bit#I may only be able to animate the simpliest and shortest things and then go months even years at a time without animating#I may struggle to do animatics for what feels like no reason even if i want to so badly#but I can do all that stuff#I can write i can read and I can draw I can play guitar a bit i can sing I can make animatics animations amv's#and wow that's pretty incredible if you ask me#rambling rambling zero thoughts head empty YEET HGSDFLKJSDF#creative insecurities#they always sneak up on you a bit hglksjdfsdf#pretty safe to say I wouldn't be a creative if I didn't feel inadequate every person to ever create usually feels some kinda way ghsdflk;jsd#lays down#woo#hoping I can get back into the swing of being creative#things been pretty rough at home but I miss making stuff#ANYWAY HOPE Y'ALLS HAVING A FIRE DAY
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who up getting autistic over a podcast theyve never seen
more under cut idk if theyll format or not... beware
some of these i just did some of these are old
some of these are the drawing style thing i did sooo.... in order... : FIRST THROUGH FOURTH IMAGE peter drew those :-) FIFTH rumi drew that one :-) SIXTH exandroth drew those :-) SEVENTH peter drew that one :-) self portait EIGHTH rumi [bad at art edition] both NINE and TEN i dont remember if they were ment to be peter or just me goofin... so picjk ur poison LOL ELEVEN thats peter LAST THREEEE meeeeee :3 9-10 and 12-14 are the older ones everything else i did last night / this mornin'
#jrwi#jrwi apotheosis#angelstone#sqlumi#................i prefer sqlumi.... why did name it angel stone thats like exandroth + peter not rumi + peter its confusing to me#im sorry i watched the angelstone cut like half a year ago#IM SOOO AUTISTIC ABOUT THEM YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA MAN YOU HAVE NO CLUE SOSHAKSHLSXHLDHDJDJKRKFKF#i cant contain it anymorw im going to post my cringe#quite a few of these ones are from my little handwriting drawing things where i make up their handwriting and art style tee hee#i think rumi either SUCKS ASS at drawing or can decently draw in an anime esque style#i imagine peter has a lil bit of artistic abilities... he did paint a ton of mug paintings if i remember right????#he aint the best but he can do it#thanatos has 0 skill because he has never drawn anything ever until this hypothetical situation where theyre drawing and writing this all#exandroth adapts peters skill to an extent#peter tries to follow the rules taught to him about writing as a child to a T soooo he has generally neat handwriting if hes thinking abt i#but if hes tired or just out of it idk#you cant get one word man that shit is just complete chicken scratch even he cant figure it out sometimes LOOLLLL#rumi also has very neat handwriting HOWEVER i love the idea that she hams it up to be really swirly like that one girl in elementary#thanatos is very stiff and neat might as well just be font...#exandroth is either writing in full caps or alternating between whatever ver of a letter he wants to write at any time#VERY heavy handed and goes over every line like 3 times#when writing his name EVERYTIME he writes exandroth archangel of retribution everytime#if you guys wanna see what i have so far.... you can ask.... hehe#theyre my ocs at this point man i havent seen the damn campaign#i would just make them my ocs but my brain immediately loses interest whenever i do that uuuuggghhhhg#i mean i have a beast moomin furry thing peter and an object oc peter bur#*but like idk#btw i have like waaayyy more to say but i reached tag limit <////333 tumblr hates autistic people real#ill just retype it all in the next post ^.^*#archive
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stopped making character playlists after people started complaining and bitching about it (could say this about most things. hell, even writing fanfiction started becoming stressful for me) and now im realizing how stupid it was to become insecure about doing anything fun because of it
#its 7pm and im sleepy hope this makes sense but#did this happen to anyone else??#like i stopped doing shit i enjoyed in fandom (writing fanfics. playlists. headcanons. etc!) because everyone after 2021 decided-#that if you weren't following their little rules and opinions you were cringe and you got bullied. or this could've just been me..#like. a big special interest of mine is lemon demon! i was into him before 2020. but i got bullied after 2021 for listening to him even my-#(at the time) friends did. and ive been really insecure about mentioning that i really adore his music ever since-#even using emoticons like “:]. :[. :/.” etc ive been nervous about on apps like tiktok (sob)#maybe this is a rant / ramble now BUT YK..#text post#ramble
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my toxic trait is i read everything y'all write and i eat it up and i love your ships like even though i probably wouldn't care about them if not for y'all writing i'd read your yelling about them gladly and i'd read 10 page essays about them but then whenever i have brainrot about my own ships i just think i'll be annoying yelling about them 💁♂️
#» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟#i think in part it's#this thing the rpc (in general not league)#always had of 'you actually admit you're interested in shipping? disgusting'#kajsndfkajsnf#because yeah sure shipping isn't all there is to it#it's not all i enjoy writing or that i want in my blogs even#but developing relationships (romantic AND platonic) is literally one of my favorite things about rp#and i /do/ enjoy shipping greatly i love when we mash our little plastic dolls together it's so much fun it makes me feral sometimes#but i do love romance actually. i love complicated romance. i love enemies who have romantic feelings for each other#i love partners in crime and killing machines who get to be soft with each other. i love the idea of love possibly undooming the narrative#i just really enjoy romance (writing it. reading what you all write with it. all the romance)#i'd have hesitated to admit that before but. yeah i'm cringe but i'm free#(still get unreasonably anxious and think i'll be annoying everyone yelling about the ships in any blog)
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Its the middle of the night and instead of sleeping I keep thinking about Aviae and Anders's dynamic ougaggga
#dragon age#oc: aviae surana#like. they have ~10 year age gap give or take#i think little four year old aviae saw anders and just decided she was going to follow him around#because she refuses to cooperate with literally anyone else anders gets stuck with babysitting duties#(he acts like he hates it at first but he really doesnt. although he doesnt appreciate the extra attention from everyone else. makes it#harder to plan escapes yk)#sometimes i worry im overindulging in these two being so family like. then i remember that i can do what i want and avi is my oc so#anyways. anders teaching her to read and write because shes FOUR and so so little and doesnt know how to do hardly anything#and as she gets older aviae decides to specialize in spirit healing because of anders#(he acts wounded when shes better at it than he is but in honesty hes just so proud of her)#they have a very sibling dynamic and it makes me sick to think about. in a good way though#i think as aviae got older she started trying to help anders with his escapes#she probably assisted at least a little bit with the escape after karl. even if it was just distracting someone lmao#anyways. they are so very special. to me#worldstate: mage rights#i may be cringe but i am free. idc <3#i think the idea of anders and surana/amell beinh close before awakening is neat idk#aviae and anders dynamic is funny becuase like. the tiny little elven mage who you watched grow up is now your boss and is also the you kno#hero of fucking fereldan. crazy#my ocs
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Wish there was an elixir that wasn't alcohol that you could take that just makes you write/draw and not care about the quality of your work or about what your potential audience might think
#posting cringe today lol#don't fall for my seeking reassurance pls the OCD has gotten kind of bad#the other elixir is just bugging my partner and desperately seeking reassurance from them sdghfds yikes#been going through another feeling-like-crap week i think it's just the mental illness at this point. like if it's all the time? hm.#but tumblr's new look might also be making me despair a little because it's just getting shittier and shittier lol#and this is the only platform i can post my work (besides ao3 but i mean.)#instagram is a shitty place for art. as is twitter now. if not tumblr then it's gotta be nowhere#like at this point i can't even just write or draw something for my own eyes. don't know why.#sig mayhaps the fact that your interests are becoming more specific/niche is causing you to fall into familiar patterns and self-isolate hm#like it's easier to self-isolate if you come up with reasons to be alone. just a thought.#i should dig into that lol.#overshare hours#haven't even been able to just sit down and catch up on reading fics because of This Feeling. like i just do nothing all the time.#i'm also sick and can't seem to kick this cold though. coughing is driving me crazy#alcohol mention#alcohol tw#tw alcohol#idk how to tag. if this site could just decide on one way to tag content warnings...
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i'm not really one to post snippets but... you know, since i'm unlikely to publish any of this anyway... i was going back through my fics and i am thoroughly charmed by how much i forgot i wrote. in about two minutes i'm going to forget i'm a fine writer and i enjoy my work again but for now i'm riding the high... such is life
#i'm particularly pleased with the second one because i remember writing the entire fic in a twenty minute sprint and assuming it sucked and#never looking at it again. but it's fine surprisingly. third one is the same i got a lot done that day#having a lot of writing experience is really just accumulating a bunch of similes and metaphors you can whip out easily and knowing how to#balance action narration internal external observation feeling without thinking. maybe writing poetry helps. i really like rhythm and flow#and making sentences end in a way where if you read them aloud it's almost like they're rhyming#i'm not trying to praise myself i'm just thinking#but you know what? i should praise myself. good job sunny#you did it. you're happy with your work again. you stopped having the crazy unhealthy social media feelings#you are comfortable with yourself even with everything that's happened and everything you're still afraid of a little bit#and you never stopped writing about murder and insane unshowable things 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#everything is going to be okay i love ME and AUTUMN and MOONIE#wow i'm really just rambling to myself in the tags of a post where i feel good about myself 🤣 how cringe. how silly#but i will be cringe forever and weird and shedding the skin of my shame 😌#i'm also listening to kurzgesagt soundtracks right now and thinking about the vastness of the universe#and how small i am and how none of this really matters and yet it's so beautiful and that just has me feeling some kind of way#🌃#miraculous ladybug#ml fanfic
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Cringe culture really did kill a lot more of the otherkin community than I think some people might think... KFF definitely played a huge role in the downward spiral, but I don't see people also point out how damaging cringe culture was to otherkins specifically. And that even if KFF never came around, there may still be beings who remain silent or quiet about being otherkin for fear of 'cringe'.
#I'm speaking from my personal experience about cringe culture when it was really popular.#It made me unconsciously cover up a lot about myself even when I was actively trying to combat it.#Actually fuck cringe culture not being acknowledge in 'kin spaces. In internet spaces in general people really downplay its effects on the#younger generation at the time (including me).#I was explaining how I think cringe culture really hurt me to my therapist and I started fucking crying. For the first time in front of my#therapist. I've never cried in front of my therapist before that point.#Like I know we say 'cringe culture is dead!' all the time but I am still actively unlearning that shit!!#Having a witty catch-phrase isn't enough because I can still see the knee-jerk cringe culture reaction everywhere online!#Cringe culture may be dead but it was resurrected and now is walking around like a shambling corpse.#Anyways rant/ramble over I was just thinking about this.#I have a headache so sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense.#The actual daily writing post will be up in a little bit.
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