#wouldve been fucking great
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fuckin. i still wish will didnt actually have encephalitis and had a mental illness bc the way s1 frames the possibility of him having a mental illness as the Worst Possible Outcome is so infuriating. i have no idea how one would write diagnosed psychotic will graham to be not offensive and also keeping in line with the message of the show but god will being psychotic is actually not as bad as dying from brain inflammation believe it or not
#but also...i was psychotic and if my symtoms never went away idk how bad id wanna live considering that was the#hardest thing ive ever been through#like. i would rather die of encephalitis#granted i had ZERO effective treatment offered to me during my psychosis and i was a child so maybe now itd be different#but every other piece of media demonizes the hell out of psychoTICS so having a good character who was psychotic#wouldve been fucking great#psychosis is hell but psychotics are awesome and my friends#again. no idea how this would work in the context of the show. but itd be cool#hanniblogging
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okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#not art#fhjy spoilers#its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical#like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real#like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this#yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out#meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring!#theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it#its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started#the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show#which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them#and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear#that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others#thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and#a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he#wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude#its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others#and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT#Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere#Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually#Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!
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shirt with a heart and child of divorce written on top but then there’s a picture of huntclaire. you wouldnt get it. i do
#child of divorce but theyre married and love each other but actually they’re divorcees#theyre like those couples that get married and then get divorced and then get married again. actually that’s so chic#you should be divorced by the time you’re 27. a little divorce makes life more exciting#do not consider red carpet diaries at all when writing claire but if i were to consider it#she wouldve broken up with hunt sometime after hollywood u and then it would’ve been kind of a divorce#<- well my timeline for hollywood u i mean. that would be in 2016#they get back together but they have even stronger + weirder divorcees vibes#claire is actually a divorced woman. when you think about it. that’s also a great descriptor for hunt but in a different way#so theyre like when you put two spiritually divorced people in a relationship#this makes a lot of sense to me. actually#they have the most loving relationship ever which is gross and disgusting. but when you look at them they have this weird vibe about them#theyre like bitter exes who know too much of each other and one of them is way too comfortable saying stuff in public#what do you mean theyre together and in love#huntclaire#actually i need them so be super fucking weird about each other in public#claire is too familiar with a guy who does Not seem to like her at all. why is she saying this stuff. claire thats tmi#he would do anything for her. he will still argue with her over the most mundane things ever.#her coffee order sucks and he’s not saying all That Stuff to a barista. kill him on the spot.#claire gets an extra cookie bc she threatened to cry#they’re just kinda stuck together idk. something something his line about the universe bending to get them together. he’s bitter about it#it’s also a form of foreplay but i don’t know what the tag limits are#just know that claire is weird about that as well#i mean tbf of course is foreplay what else would this be. how is this dynamic feasible otherwise#it’s*
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anyway as a moldovan, watching US elections happen after 2nd tour of our elections is like ripping open your wounds after being relieved that you didnt end up with pro russist president but now we r gonna worry again if trump wins bc that means we might be next in russias list so im gonna be fucking dead
chances r low according to oomf who studies in politics but who knows. who fucking knows whats gonna happen next to us. the whole planets doomed over a fucking COUNTRY
#anghel vents#moldova#usa#going in a different country wouldve been great if it was moldova elections#not fucking usa#where the fuck will EVERYONE run???#usa already aids in genocide against palestine and lebanon#the whole planets gonna suffer bc of it oh my fucking god
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As a lover of ff6 first I'm almost offended at the crossover outfits in ever crisis bc it's like... ff7 overshadowed it entirely, and now the closest thing we have to modern renders of the cast outside of the brave exivus CGs is the cast of ff7 dressed as them 🫠
#this is kinda just a silly post dont take it too seriously#ff7 is a great game too dont get me wrong i just#i love ff6 so fucking much and it was done so dirty like ff7 got to be a mainstream pop culture thing and ff6 deserves that too#i think if 6 had been the first 3d style game it wouldve gotten the same treatment as 7 pretty much#also the story of 7 draws a lot of inspiration from 6 and its characters and i just-#it makes me sad how underappreciated it is outside of the little circle of ff6 fans#its really a phenomenal game#i am no longer asking#ff6 remake when#i know square wants to do one#final fantasy vi#ff6#final fantasy 6#ffvi#my post
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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The potential Mark and Amber had as a couple will never not upset me and I wish they were still together
#mark grayson#amber bennett#amber haters can fuck off please no one likes you#invincible#am I anti Eve? no absolutely not#do I prefer Amber over Eve?? 👀 yeah#I MEAN SERIOUSLY THEY COULDVE BEEN SO FUCKING CUTE#AND THE MORTAL/(KIND OF) IMMORTAL TROPE WOULDVE MADE GREAT ANGST 😣
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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blake age timeline ^-^ im gonna make one for everyone i think
#she looks particularly boyish in this one but to be clear she is a woman#very tomboyish child who refused to brush her hair so her mom cut it short to avoid matting#also she canonically starts going grey at like 25 honestly it should probably be whiter by 60 and 40#art#furry#artists on tumblr#anthro#sfw furry#safe fur work#oc#sanctuary#i couldve gone older but she dies fairly young anyways#havent decided the exact age but in her 60s for sure#she severely underweight for most of her life and has been a pack a day smoker since she was 17 she does Not age very well#my art#and her hair at 17 in uneven at purpose shes not great at cutting it yet :[#actually the choppiness throughout is her cutting it herself Not Well#i know this bc my hair looks like that LOL#fuck it buzz cut at 59 YOLO#i think she never wouldve minded having super short hair. she just gets lazy and stops cutting it altogether when shes like#uhhhh 30ish?#which is why its so long by 40#and 50 tbh she basically looks the same except greyer by 60#her widening her eyes is a bad sign btw she only does that when particularly shocked or pissed#hence why i add the eyelids from 22 onwards
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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well one of family never ends' author's other fics is the epilogue of course ;) but ipgd also wrote people don't do that (alphacest), homestuck watches boku no pico, and like the first uucest fic
YAASS OMG.
ANON.
Thank you.
Deeply and truly thank you. Saved me a real pain. It was People Don't Do That. Gonna reread it ASAP. I don't remember if I read the uucest one, but I powered thru a lot of fics while I was sick in Jan, and I don't remember like 90% of those two weeks. (Like, as I'm going thru the tag I'm reading now, I'll see something unclicked and go to read it, finish the fic like OMG SO GOOD, and then scroll a little more and I see my name at the top of the kudos list and it's like, wait, when tf did I read this? It was when I was sick.)
Ughhhh. I ADORE the dynamic of whichever younger Strider being the instigator, and it fits Alphacest so deliciously. (I don't even know what to say here without being so fucking overtly horny for Alpha Dave in general but that's not new lmao.)
But seriously, the scene on the roof where Dirk took Dave's underwear, like. I died. There's no other way to put it. It fucking killed me. I'm going to remember that forever, it was so good.
#anonymous#asked#hhhh ive had this text box open typing paragraphs for a while but none of that shit was relevant#i was just rambling too much abt the alpha dave in my own wip#just ugh i love in fics when dirk gets alpha dave all flustered#(i mean. bro doing that to dave too is good im not denying that)#but if its dave riling up bro that means it was something particularly nassssty which is great#like for dirk and dave the freaky bar is a higher reach#idk where im going w these tags i need to get ready for bed lmao#stridercest#seriously thank you it wouldve taken me forever to get around to finding the title#ugh i could talk for days ab alphacest hhh the hero worship is so fucking good#i dont remember which tab was scrolling that ao3 tag but im pretty sure its one i read all the way through#i havent found another open alphacest one lmao the despair when i read to the end of the tag was horrible#i might stillhave some fics i havent read yet open in the tab folder but its probably like longer stories that take me a while to start#for now tho im workin on the brodave one (and so many more lmao recently opened a tab for brodirk)#i read too much and dont write enough i couldve already been done w my wip and moved on to finishing the other wips#anyway#im cold and gonna get into bed
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Totally random but I just need to say this somewhere.
I love my mum but, omg, I do not understand if she’s clocked that I’m non-binary (or at least, from her perspective that I probably am), or if she totally hasn’t???
Like, I’ve often complained to her about my name, and how I could’ve been called Autumn???? (think the “I could’ve been Turbo?!??” meme clip thing) And she responded to this with “just change it when you’re an adult?? Plus, Autumn’s a nice and gender neutral name”.
(And she’s apparently had conversations with my dad about how ‘autistic people often don’t fit within the gender binary’)
Now, she’s telling me “you look very girly! Like, you could cut your hair short and you’d still have a very feminine face!” oblivious to the sheer, what felt like, psychic damage she was doing.
#once again. to make it clear. i love her#shes generally great#im just not willing to be out to my dad. brother or college class#so im just chilling in my translucent closet#calling myself ‘just a guy’ or ‘just a dude’#and noticeably cringing whenever people tell me i look girly#in summary. love my mum. and my gender is ‘fuck it we ball. but if you call me anything remotely he/him ill love you forever’#vent? ish?#idk#also. still mad that *i couldve been called autumn!!!*#that wouldve made art front cover projects so much easier omg
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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i cannot lie besties i like izora fine and i like the performances from the last few years fine but i also vastly prefer their 90s~early 2000s catalogue
#i think basically post atom there are a lot of songs that i think are just kinda eh.#not awful but like i would swap out every datenshi or kemonotachi for just any song from the cyperpunk era and have a better time#but im always cursed to not like a band's latest output that much when i get into them#when we talk about newer shows#pre-recorded SAD that was livestreamed and fucking. bt genshou had probably my favorite setlists#and genshou is bc i love shippuu no blade runner and sakura THAT much#im glad that the band always played songs from their back catalogue for diq and such#but i think it wouldve been neat to do general admission tours that are based around a theme with lots of old songs#if you have that many great old songs its sad to only bring out a few of them every year
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finished 1899……..much to think about………
#it was a great cliffhanger and the cliffhanger makes me think i wouldve liked s2 more but alas she will never be born#it was good but it didnt have the chokehold that dark had on me#there were some parts where i just wasnt as interested#like dark fucking changed me as a human being i did not go a day without telling someone about it for like 2 months after s1 came out#honestly a little glad this one was less than that bc the cancelation wouldve destroyed me#it was pretty good they did cool effects but i think some of the story couldve been taken out#like the entire episode dedicated to overthrowing the captain#like thatd be fine in just a historical fiction drama but this is a show about a simulation and memory manipulation wheres the SCIFI!!#1899
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i cant speak on it because i'm not fluent in chinese but actually - hold on wait i can speak on it. the mandarin in ark the animated series does not sound fluent lol
#my reasonings: a) slow as fuck b) sounds strange#especially from the guy voicing meiyin's brother. i think i sound more fluent than him when i talk#also ik michelle yeoh is malaysian and is fluent in cantonese but she isnt fluent in mandarin like her character#which is like. fine. it doesn't matter that much and she was great in eeaao#but for the other characters i think it wouldve been nice to cast ppl that spoke mandarin fluently bc it sounds a little strange
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