#in summary. love my mum. and my gender is ‘fuck it we ball. but if you call me anything remotely he/him ill love you forever’

[realredbanana]

Totally random but I just need to say this somewhere.

I love my mum but, omg, I do not understand if she’s clocked that I’m non-binary (or at least, from her perspective that I probably am), or if she totally hasn’t???

Like, I’ve often complained to her about my name, and how I could’ve been called Autumn???? (think the “I could’ve been Turbo?!??” meme clip thing) And she responded to this with “just change it when you’re an adult?? Plus, Autumn’s a nice and gender neutral name”.

(And she’s apparently had conversations with my dad about how ‘autistic people often don’t fit within the gender binary’)

Now, she’s telling me “you look very girly! Like, you could cut your hair short and you’d still have a very feminine face!” oblivious to the sheer, what felt like, psychic damage she was doing.

[hollandroos]

Run To Me; Epilogue Part 2

Summary: Dad!Mob!Tom. Sequel to BAK but you don’t have to read that one first. If you wish too, the link is in my bio masterlist!! Where old feelings arise but other things get in the way. Whether it’s kids, fears or things from your past coming back to haunt you.

Run To Me: Series Masterlist link is in my bio!

Words: 2.5k

Warnings: It’s literally all fluff

A/N: Right, this is the first part of the epilogue and I really tried to make it like 4k but I feel like 3.5k is already long as fuck and this took me a while to make perfect! Enjoy!!

You looked in the mirror with a worried expression, eyebrows knitted together and lips drawn in a straight line. That was the only way you’d get yourself not to cry.

Because never in a million years did you expect to be standing here today in that damn white dress that brushed against the tiled floor and the flats to match because you refused to wear heels. The sleeves were lace and ran down your arms, settling at your wrists with a bracelet– one with your each of your kid's names engraved around the side.

You had tried the dress on multiple times in the last year, of course you had and you’d cried each time but this time was different. You had feared that it wouldn’t fit each time, that it’d become too loose or baggy but it was perfect. Your hair and makeup were done to perfection and you were standing in your dressing room awaiting the moment the music would begin to play and you’d be handed a bouquet of all your favourite flowers where you’d be given away to Tom forever.

It was scary if you put it that way– scratch that, it was scary no matter what but your love for him had no limits. As did your love for your children and you’d waited nine years for a proper wedding. Many insane years.

Sam was going to walk you down the aisle.

You, two bridesmaids, waiting for you out in the hall, two parents of kids from Rosie's school that you’d become close within the last year and god did it feel good to have people to rely on, and people to take Rosie in when she needed company or when she’d been deprived of sleep thanks to the seemingly never-ending toddler screams that filled the house at the most ungodly hours of the morning.

Hearing a knock at the door, you spin around and the dress twirls around your ankles as you do so– Sam walks in with a small smile, peeking his head through the door briefly.

“They’re crying for you again.”

You breathe out a sigh and smile, trying to make it look like you hadn’t just been close to tears. “Let them in.”

“We’re about to–” He goes to tell you that they were about to start and now wasn’t the time but you were adamant on seeing them before, reminding them one last time that they were to be quiet during the ceremony and be good for their uncles but truth be told you just wanted to hold them, and to glance at their growing faces one more time before you walked down the aisle.

“Let me see my kids, please.” You ask him, trying not to slip your perfectly lined bottom lip between your teeth.

He nods and turns around, gesturing them in.

Two little kids waddle in just taking their time hand in hand which practically made your heart melt and you blamed that on the tears that settled in your eyes. Rosie grips Harrison's hand so he doesn’t fall over. Harrison was good at walking, but while Rosie wouldn’t admit it she was highly protective of her little brother. Tears stained his cheeks.

You and Tom had made bets about how he’d come out and you guessed that he’d have Tom’s hair, those same brown curls that Rosie wore but you lost that one because your son had your hair and your nose– your same laugh and everything. You often laughed about it. The two kids stop at your feet and Rosie stood in absolute awe of your dress for a moment.

“Hey, baby. I hear you were playing up for Uncle Sam?” You clamber down to knee level, being ever so careful not to rip or damage the expensive wedding dress in any way and find yourself face to face with your son who looked simply dapper.

Rosie huffs, “I told them they had to be good and they kept arguing or toys.”

She looked just as good as her brother but instead of wearing a toddler-sized monkey suit, she wore a dress that ended at her knees. The top half was a plush, gentle white while the part that ended at her waist frilled out into a gentle pastel pink. It was a little flower girls dress. Her curls were all natural. The right word was beautiful, she looked beautiful.

Harrison moves his lips like a fish, trying to find the right words to utter. “Mamma– missed you.”

You smile and peck him on the cheek. “I missed you too, where’s your sister?” Before you can say another word, another little girl waddles in. She was the same size as Harrison, if not maybe the slightest bit smaller but she wore a dress almost identical to Rosies. She was a better walker then Harrison and only seven minutes younger than him.

“Mum!” She booms, picking up the pace and crashes into your dress out of pure joy. You take her with open arms, your bracelet tangling in her dress for a moment.

Leah was the definition of joy. She was always happy, always laughing and bringing light to everyone's day. At only two and a half she surely babbles a lot and you’d find her talking to her dad when he checked up on her at two am, uttering complete nonsense but he’d sit and listen to everything, nodding and pushing her to continue. She loved building blocks– more so chucking them at the wall and even at her older brother.

Rosie found it hilarious.

Harrison definitely didn’t talk as much but he was surely smart, a soon to be genius and would spend weekends kicking a ball around the backyard with his dad– but his guilty pleasure, the one thing he loved more then anything was baking with you. He’d do the thing Rosie used to do which was sit in the dry sink and attempt to stir the ingredients.  

And Rosie? Still stubborn, still fierce and still had a growing passion for art. Her favourite place was the gallery downtown and her room was filled with painted canvases. She’d even gotten Tom and you to make a few paintings of your own and had been distraught when Harrison and Leah tipped her paints into the bath. Still, she was ever so protective of the two even if she hadn’t liked them at first.

“You guys look amazing, thanks for taking care of them, sweetheart.” You straighten out their outfits and smile at Rosie.

“It’s okay. I wanna go to the lake and daddy said that he’ll take me there after the ceremony so we can see if there’s any fish.” She looked ecstatic.

“How is your dad? Does he seem okay?” You chew on the inside of your mouth slightly, trying not to smile because you swore that if you did, you wouldn’t be able to stop and your cheeks would be sore before the ceremony could even start.

“He can’t stop smiling, Grandma was laughing at him because his cheeks were as red as the roses!”

“Oh, are they now? Well I guess that’s a good thing. You laugh lightly, some of your nerves settling as she completes the story with wild hand movements. The fact that you knew Tom was nervous too calmed you slightly.

Two little sets of hands play with the decorations on your dress, fiddling with the lace and the tail. Leah and Harrison looked so much alike that if they were the same gender you swore they’d be identical. And the best part? They were literally mini me’s not of Tom, but you.

Harrison grunts as he loses his balance and falls into your dress and seconds later chubby fingers are planted on the expensive fabric as he pushes himself up. They were two awfully curious children.

Your attention is quickly directed to Leah who shoves a bracelet out in front of you, a simple silver chain and one that was completely childproof nor contained any small charms that’d slip off and cause her to choke. It was her first birthday present you and Tom and she wore it every day.

“Mamma– look.” She smiles.

“Yeah, it matches your necklace.”

There’s a knock at the door and it opens carefully– as it does, you force yourself up and the kids scatter. Only the person you least expect walks in.

“Tom! You aren’t meant to be in here.”  You scold him like you would if it were your children. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, you know?”

He has his hands over his eyes so he can’t see and you had to bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing at the site. But he did look good in the suit and tie, hair gelled back neatly.

“I know I just– I just had to talk to you.” He murmurs, keeping his hands over his eyes. Tom was extremely tempted to peek and see you before you walked down the aisle, itching to know if you’d gone for the princess design or the mermaid one.

Yes, he knew about the many different designs. The boy would find bridal magazines littered all around the house.

“I wanted to talk to you too.” You tell him, voice much softer then before as you loop your arms around his waist, breathing in the smell of his cologne.

He tenses. “What– you’re not getting second thoughts are you?”

“No, of course not.” You shake your head, your hair that’d been done to perfection brushing against his suit. “I just needed to see you beforehand, twenty-four hours is the longest we’ve been apart in years and I realised that I hate sleeping myself and it’s oddly quiet without three kids under ten and a grown ass man running around the house.”

Tom laughs, cheeks heating up like Rosie had described. “I missed you too, my mum had to take the keys from me so I didn’t come down to the hotel.”

Leah tugs at his pants, wanting up like she always did. While Harrison was clearly a mummy's boy, the two girls always tended to gravitate towards Tom and it never bothered you in the slightest because at the end of the day you were their mother and they’d always need you too.

Plus, while Tom and Rosie had a strong relationship and he was always the one she’d run to for fun and games, you were always the one she’d crawl on at the end of the day for a cuddle or pull aside when she knew she’d done something wrong. Rosie trusted you on another level.

The little girl quickly gives up as he only chuckles in response, her attention running out as it draws her to a pair of shoes on the floor next to the two of you.

In the moment, you take his hands off of his eyes and take them into your own. After twenty four hours of not seeing each other and fretting over the wedding– over whether or not everything would be perfect and if everyone would show, or even if something big would pop up like the cake not showing or a storm appearing out of the blue it felt nothing less then comforting to feel him again.

Tom gapes at your dress, the one that hugged your waist perfectly before flowing out only slightly with the see-through lace across the neck and arms. He was simply in awe, tears collecting in his eyes as he stares at his bride. He doesn’t even bother to wipe his eyes, staring across at you like a fish.

Wide, beady eyes stared you down not as if you were a snack– but instead a fucking gem.

“Fuck, you look beautiful.”

You do a little twirl, spinning under his arm and Tom watches the way of brushes against the floor, tangling around your legs.

It was stunning, the entire dress was a piece of art in itself.

“Thank you, you look amazing too.” You giggle, straightening out the blazer. “Is everyone here?”

“Surprisingly everyone we invited made it.” He tells you with a wide grin, still trying to savour every single detail down to the colour of your lipstick. “I can’t wait to see you walk down that aisle.”

“There will be no surprise now.” You pout.

“Darling, the second I see you in this dress again I’ll combust, believe me.” He places a kiss on your knuckles, lips brushing the diamond ring that remained on your finger. Coffee brown eyes stare into your own, a look of absolute love and adoration filling his eyes. “Are we about to do this?”

You let out a small huff of air, glancing over at your three kids that played in the corner. Rosie had your bouquet in her hands, Leah played with a wet pacifier and Harrison was throwing a bouncy ball he must’ve found somewhere against a wall.

How you got to this point in your life exactly? Where you felt free and content, absolutely in love and awe of everything you had? You didn’t really know but you did know that without Tom none of it would’ve been possible.

“Nine years ago I never would’ve thought that we’d be here. I thought I was going to live miserably for the rest of my life and to be fair, I did for a time but this is so perfect.” You chuckle, trying not to ruin your makeup before you could even walk down the aisle. “We have a house, three kids already and your family that has always been so supportive and now we’re getting married. It feels like… it feels like this is what we were meant to be from the start.”

“We made it here.” Tom sighs and purses his lips together, ignoring the clock on the wall that told you the both of you were going to be late to your own wedding. “To be fair I don’t think any of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for Rosie. That girl bought us back together.”

You nod agreement, trying to ignore the fact that she was growing up way too fast. “She really did, didn’t she? And somehow those other two brought us even closer.”

You’d continue to push that thought to the back of your mind because she’d always be your baby. Tom would too.

“What do you think a fourth will do?” He asks with a playful tone. It’s enough to make you roll your eyes and shake your head dramatically.

“You’re dreaming.”

“Are you– Tom! Get out, we were looking for you!” Nikki marches into the room, seeing her son, the groom and the soon to be husband standing face to face with you and lets out an audible gasp, heading towards him. “You’re not supposed to see her before the wedding.”

She grabs him by the collar of his suit and tugs him out but before she can get him out the door he shouts a very clear and loud ‘I love you’. It’s enough to tug your lips into a smile and the kids in the corner to giggle in response. She comes in only a moment later and you try not to laugh having heard her scolding him from the outside.

“Right, you guys ready? We got a wedding to complete.”

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