#would lead to so many good things
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Parallel photos: The Tennants and the Shebergs
#david tennant#georgia tennant#michael sheen#anna lundberg#because I love posting parallels#and apparently these two couples enjoy making them#who knew good omens#would lead to so many good things#good omens#nye#good the play#and their marvelous mugs#stuff i posted#parallels#tennant sheberg parallels#cute couples being cute together#staged#bbc staged#I nearly included the taking babies home from the hospital photos#will include those if I ever do a part 2#but I liked this set with everyone's faces
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hong kong miku,,,
#hopping on the trend jumpscare i’m from hong kong surprise#i haven’t seen that many hk mikus around#lowkey chat i think i kinda ate with this one#however i will say i am coloring in the dark so if any colors look off that’s why#and also i haven’t opened this program in literal months i jumped straight into this no warmup no nothing#miku is what pulls me out of art block apparently i was locked in for 5 hours STRAIGHT#someone needs to teach me how to paint properly holy#not sure how i feel about the bottom left one but that was a quick one anyways#i am from hk originally but i haven’t been back in years so i have no idea about the culture other than food and mirror#OKAY let me explain the context#street food is a big thing in hk and quick and easy things like fish balls egg waffles and like siu mai and wonton noodles are popular#back then people really would just squat down on the side of the road or right in front of the shop to eat it and go#but i don’t think anyone does that anymore city life and all that#ohh i should have done instant noodles breakfasts god i loved those#if anyones from hk if you go to the causeway bay mtr station exit that leads up to the big road near sogo. do they still sell siu mai there#that shit was BANGER i remember asking for them all the time#a good majority of parents in hk would get their daughters ears pierced as a baby something about them not feeling as much pain idk#that’s just what i was told#i used the neon for her friendly standard greeting cause i wanted to incorporate the neon signs somehow without actually drawing a whole bg#lots of neon signs in hk. i heard they had to take them down cause of light pollution which is sad but understandable#everyone got their shoes from dr kong. at least when i was younger they did#boy band is self explanatory. i heard they’re really popular my mom listens to them#oh i had her messing with her shoes cause hk people move FAST. you stop for one second and you get shoved#so like a fun little allusion#gave her black roots just for fun. she is violating every school uniform code possible#this is all based off of my memory by the way so like. anyone who knows this better than i do hit me up#hatsune miku#miku from my culture#jellos scribbles#i haven’t tag yapped in so long welcome back my love i missed you
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.
Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.
anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree
#tew#edit:nathan#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#so much shame in my body but still used my taglist but um let me know if you want to be excluded from oc/ship web weaves#just really wanted to share this one because i'm very proud of it and i want it on my blog. so. :]#recognition of the self through the other + wanting so desperately for the other to be deserving of a second chance#because if there is hope for them than there is hope for you etc etc and so on. that's the core of their dynamic i think#they understand each other on such a fundamental level that no one else comes close to because they are in so many ways the same#like how in in the first game leslie could sync up with ru/vik and all that? nathan would be a VERY good candidate for that as well#and it makes me insane!! and then the added layer of nathan being lead developer of mobius' new and improved STEM system#which makes him the same as ru/vik AGAIN but in like. the way that they're both men of [computer] science#and there's the fact they both have a dead sister. they both killed their parents. they were both mobius playthings for YEARS#and they've happily killed and tortured during all of it. they're angry they're out for revenge they're completely disconnected from#the normal human experience and they're working with what they have. and then after all of that is over then what is left?#their story focuses on them picking up all the pieces. everything that's still salvageable at least. and try to start over in a way#they cannot be forgiven for what they've done but they can move on from the past and do different in the future#there's still things left undone and left unsaid... in my canon at least. i know there's not gonna be any more games. it's fine#anyway they end up going to therapy and then they get better they're not a doomed couple they just like being dramatic#if you read all of this we can get married tomorrow if you'd like
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Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.
So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!
But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.
According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.
He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!
So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.
Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.
And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.
And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.
Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.
Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.
Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...
One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.
Gepard doesn't sleep that night.
Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.
Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.
She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.
"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.
Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.
His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?
“Gepard! Focus!” Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.
Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. “What are we going to do?” In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. “We need a plan.”
“A plan?”
“Wh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!” Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.
“We don't even know-”
“What does it matter?! She killed-!!” Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.
“You're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.” Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. “Because we both saw what she did to Serval,” he hisses.
It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.
The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. “If we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,” Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.
“And if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.” A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. “We need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now… It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.” Another nod. “Serval might know other discontents…” Another n-
Gepard's head snaps up. “No.”
“No what?”
“No. We're not involving Serval in this.”
Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. “You're not deciding that for her, Gepard.”
Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed.
Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.
“At least let me be the one to bring it up to her.”
“Whatever, fine,” Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.
From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light.
The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.
He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.
Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.
Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.
Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.
In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.
Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.
He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.
He only hopes that it's enough.
#honkai star rail#gepard landau#hsr gepard#pelageya sergeyevna#hsr pela#hsr#smacking Gepard out of Hoyo's hands and running off with him skzjmdkd#tentatively Figuring Out how to write these two... It feels a little tricky starting out with extreme circumstances like this haha#I feel like a lot of people see Gepard as naive for trusting Cocolia so much but I don't think that's quite it. He's not stupid.#He's not even naive.#He's someone who has been groomed since birth by his own parents to be an obedient Guard and nothing outside of that role.#You are not immune to propaganda etc etc#But even then there are a lot of things like all the included screenshots where he. Doesn't actually seem to like/trust Cocolia much.#I think Serval was a really good influence on him as a kid. He might have turned out much much worse without her.#and even with how I've written him here. I don't think he's normally slow to act or one to stand aside and make other people lead.#it's just that this specifically was a pretty extreme circumstance for him.#and also he openly states elsewhere that Pela is overbearing and he tries not to interfere with her work whenever possible nskzhdjdjd#Pela too. I don't know that I normally see her as someone with a bad temper or quick to anger.#But again; extreme circumstances haha#Bc like. they both would have seen what happened to Serval when she stood up to Cocolia. they know damn well what's going to happen to them.#if they fuck this up and get caught then they're done.#and I mean. What are they supposed to do? they're two people against the highest authority of the entire nation.#regardless I do love Gepard agonizing over this in the future after Bronya takes over and everything has settled down#did he do the right thing? did he make the right choice? if he went vigilante how many soldiers would have died without his protection?#would Belobog have fallen completely? how many people died because he DIDN'T run away? was it actually enough?#I love characters forced between a rock and a hard place. no good options. pick your poison.#no winning- only weighing what you can and cannot bear to lose.#make your choice and decide whether you want to rot or to burn.
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Begging people to stop seeing skills like compassion, care, kindness, empathy, patience, and whatever else less as inborn identities, but rather as skills. Essentializing "goodness" to the degree that you identify as kind rather than doing kind is going to destroy your self-image, but also what you think is kind.
#advice#i talked about this before probably but i hate when people essentialize Good Things to this degree#i would rather somebody try cultivating empathy rather than identifying as empathetic#because when you put so much stock into Being Empathetic you risk putting yourself in a space to rationalize when you aren't empathetic...#...you're not always empathetic and that is okay. quite literally we all do it. it's not going to send you to Hell...#...you aren't going to get a sentence in Bad People Jail until the sun explodes...#...you will learn what lead to the incident that you weren't empathetic about and you will learn what to do about it...#i just see essentializing these things as a mild red flag many times#anyway: you aren't a bad person because you're A Person. we all are. you just learn more about what that means#you don't have to be kind to do kind💛
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i think there's something in how episode six begins with a darkened lighthouse. the thing it's known for--the light, the warmth, the guidance--is not there.
and the man inside it encourages that very thing. the man inside it is the very catalyst.
#OFMD#OFMD Season 2#OFMD S2 Spoilers#Stede Bonnet#Ned Low#Revenge Rambles#the way i haven't gifed today because i can't stop tALKING HSDJKLS#I CAN'T STOP RUNNING IN META CIRCLES#and i decided it would be a good idea to do a re-watch before i potentially start some gifs#because i have been sitting on things all day#BUT NOPE#ONLY LEADING TO MORE THOUGHTS#MORE THOUGHTS ALL THOUGHTS SO MANY THOUGHTS
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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y'all ever think how the thesis of buffy at the end was that the only ethical choice when a person holds an extreme amount of power (even if that person has been shown to be selfless and smart and strong) is not to keep it, but to share it
#there are many reasons i want to fist fight all the idiots who say the show should've ended after s5#and this is a big one#also while i do think the fallout from empty places was rushed and sloppy#the season straight up /needs/ that episode#we need to see the breakdown of buffy as ultimate leader#because yes she's good at it (generally) and she deserves trust#(especially from the scoobies cause come tf on)#she is doing her best and her best is better than so many other people's would be#but it's still wrong#more important than leading people is empowering them#she needs to go on the journey she does to learn that the best thing she can do for the potentials#is not to train them#not to protect them#but to share her power with them#god it's so fucking good#truly the show of all time
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Toku Summer Day 3 - Fruit
Strawberries are stubborn like that. If you don't give them a hand they don't even turn red. Magiranger ep3: Ride the Magical Dragon
#tokusummer#magiranger#sentai#houka my BELOVED#the color of hope - the color that carries our dreams - fresh as the breeze - the pink magician 😌😌#she's just so good at meeting people at their level - she knows how to tell people what they need to hear in the way they need to hear it#makito is stubborn and proud and often a lil stuck in the mud#he never would have gotten there on his own - but he also needed to think it was his idea#and houka knows both of these things#because she KNOWS her brother#and so she leads the cow to water and because she lead him gently he feels safe enough to drINK DO YOU UNDERSTAND#thats why she goes on so many dates and pushes herself into peoples business - she LOVES getting to know people#like REALLY TRULY getting to know people#and she's good at it! look at how quickly she zeros in on hikaru and works out exactly what he needs before he's even realised himself#I. LOVE. HOUKA.#thank you for listening
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I love you thiiiiiiiiiiis much! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Yanderapy#The boys are back in town the boys are back in town <3#At least for the moment! Caught a quick glimpse of inspiration for them and then it settled again haha - but they're here now!#Following up on the idea of their give and take - Ishida is definitely the more selfish of the two and Micchan the more giving#You'd think that'd lead to them overstepping - Ishi asking for too much and Mitsu being all-too-happy to grant it but no!#Part of that is from Micchan being in therapy lol - even when he has trouble recognizing his healthy boundaries himself he has external help#And him being honest and upfront - communicating where he struggles - eventually puts the onus on his boyfriend to help him!#And he does!! Because Ishida loves him!! ♥#They're still weird about it tho lol <3 There are things that both of them can get away with that they wouldn't if they were dating others#Featured here is Mitsu initiating snuggles and Ishida reciprocating a little aggressively lol - which Micchan is into <3 Feels loved!#And also flusters him so he responds with his own cute aggression lol - but they recognize that in each other! They play :D#Mitsu would Try to reciprocate to the level his partner sets the standard of but he's full of these big feelings!#It all works out that Ishida Also feels that way haha - they match each other's energy naturally <3 They have quite good chemistry :)#They also behave when they need to lol that's enough PDAs for now ♪#And of course they also got caught in the plush brainmush everyone does everyone needs to#They'd be so cute...... Holding hands or plush-kissing................#I don't think Micchan's necklace counts as an accessory hmm what would they have#They both need their bracelets! Of course#But besides those hmmm what Signature Objects could they have I wonder#And how would Ishida's glasses stay on! Magnets? Stitched on? Hm! Many things to consider haha
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶
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#i’m terrified to ever watch this movie. i think it would kill me. basically it’s about a marriage falling apart.#anyway—adam driver would do so good as bobby in company and i would die to see him in it#i’m seeing company tonight!!#it’s a special musical to me. it’s about marriage. how marriage is both exciting and boring and makes your life better and worse.#the months leading up to our wedding i was kind of a cynical mental wreck. there was so much i did not like about my husband-to-be.#sometimes i felt like the only reason i was going through with the marriage was because it was too late to get out of it.#i had spent my teen and college years wanting to have a boyfriend/husband then i got one and realized#oh wait this didn’t actually fix my problems huh#actually there are NEW problems now#and then somehow this past year has actually been like. the best year of my life lol#it’ll be a year next month!#yea there are still those Little Things. sometimes there are Bigger Things. but bruh this dude is so good for me#i have never been thriving as much as i have this year.#i’m so much healthier in so many ways than i have ever been all my life#and like it’s cringe to say that cuz i don’t want to say MARRIAGE is what fixed me but. i think it’s okay to say that#there must be some kind of GOOD to marriage otherwise there’d be no point in doing it#and i think i make his life better too. he tells me so at least lol.#and i’ll only be able to watch the show with one eye LOL but my husboi will be with me watching this musical#that i used to listen to when i was angsty about getting married#and now we are married#and life is great.#somebody need me too much#somebody know me too well#somebody pull me up short and put me through hell#and give me support#for being alive…#yeah there are times when it’s harder than being single but. the blessings are multiplied along with the hardship.#shywalker stuff#Youtube
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people making all those body-switching drink spiking memory altering theories when its so much easier to admit you felt like the writing wasn't that good this season. knowing a thing is mid and still enjoying it is so freeing try it sometime
#so many of those theories make no sense and would just make the writing worse?#i promise you don't need to TJLC your way out feeling unsatisfied with your the season because it only leads to more disappointment#when the secret good 4th episode of sherlock doesnt happen#its me talking#personally i think the clue to liking the season is admitting that most things in it are just there for fun#its either for fun or to give emotional context to a characters behaviour literally thats it#'what was the point of the minisodes' for fun and to give emotional context to aziraphale's moral struggles#'why were there zombies' for fun#'why are nina and maggie like that' 90 percent of the time to give clear parallels to crowley and aziraphale#the other 10 is just less than stellar writing#'why was the job storyline there' among other reasons to drive the point that aziraphale still sees the angel in crowley#etc etc#would the season work better if it was shorter? almost certainly! but im having too much fun to care#gomens#good omens spoilers#idk why i wrote so much on this topic. oh well
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do you have a lake territory map that's color coded?
I didn't, so I pulled it up into paint and quickly slapped some color on it!
Blue is RiverClan, Purple is ShadowClan, Yellow is ThunderClan, Green is WindClan
And everything in red is contested. And this is BEFORE SkyClan moves in. I tried to wrench out lots of the 'clear' landmark boundaries so the borders are waaaay more arbitrary.
ThunderClan fights WindClan over the dry gorge and the sparse forest beyond it, and fights ShadowClan over the mixed wood to the north.
ShadowClan's territory is quite small, but contained behind the diamond-shaped steam. I wanted to keep the vibe that the streams veer inward and crush the border, causing them to have to throw their weight around when they need hunting space.
WindClan has lots of territory, to the point of not really needing the contested land except in dire situations. That said, Onestar still thinks it's important to assert dominance. They also have access to some highland area, and an alternate path to the Moonpool.
RiverClan's territory is deceptively large but not bountiful. It's mostly barren, with a lot of human settlement (need to add in the next draft). They get most of their food from the central river and lake; but fight for the southern delta and northern islets when they need more.
And speaking of the northern islets? That ball of red just below ShadowClan is contested by THREE clans. Shadow, Thunder, AND River fight over it all the time, it's Sunningrocks times two. And!! More importantly!! Now ProtagonistClan can access ALL of the other clans easily.
No more RiverClan exclusion. The two clans that find it hardest to meet up are WindClan and ShadowClan... and I'm planning on giving them tunnels to use, if I ever need a Shadow/Wind warrior interaction.
#Lake Territories#Warrior Cats Lake Territories#Warrior Cats#Bonefall Rewrite#Map#Re: Still open if anyone is good at drawing maps and would like to work together#Next thing I need to add is more landmarks and hotspots#Like Jayfeather's herb garden by the abandoned house#Jacques and Susan's cottage#The camps#A bunch of cabins and stuff#I also want to actually name the different rivers and locations#So it won't be the Northern Islets forever. In fact it might get named after Hawkfrost when he dies there.#Or be called the Fox Islands for how many fox traps are there.#Stuff like that#You'll also notice major differences from canon here#For example the WindClan/ThunderClan gorge is dry now#Though I was considering making it fill with water during the spring thaw#Also also the southern and northern rivers flow into the lake#Only RiverClan's leads away#It's also an EXTREMELY powerful river. It is NOT safe for non-Riverclanners to swim in#And even then... it's easy to underestimate it#Warrior cat conlag autism kicking in again but I like to think that in their language they actually refer to the Lake River with strong --#--pronouns and in malicious terms. The Forest River had softer pronouns and benevolent terms.#As if this new river is a beast that wants to kill them. The old river was powerful but loving.#It would swallow you up because it loved you so much OR it didn't realize it was drowning you#I'm thinking of calling the old river The Salmon where this one is The Pike... like the old river was a parent and this one is a predator#IDK I have thoughts. I like the cats having language. I like fish also#This river does also get salmon though! Because it is connected to the ocean!#I want a canonical salmon run
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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bridgerton fans on tumblr save me bc the ppl over on twitter are choosing to be obtuse on purpose…
I’ve never been opposed to being a little shit over content/media we all consume but my god ppl just wake up and decide to be assholes on the internet for no reason. cant say how many people I’ve blocked bc of it 😧
long story short, if you don’t like what the season will offer for any reason at all, please do us a favor and don’t watch it. Please we are begging. Some of us want to get lost in the fake regency and pretty dresses and plenty of fucking. not everything has to be another reason why you think teenagers who write burn books are the literal worst ppl to walk the planet or how you don’t find fat people hot. Both are valid and fine but don’t come into a working kitchen and be surprised people are using the utensils.
#bridgerton#I cannot believe how many of these I’ve come across#poor Nicola thought she would be getting dragged over being leading lady#and luke put into the spotlight has to deal w sm shit#charithra and literally all the cast members#all the expectations are there. no one has to be here if it’s not their thing#it’s like when you clearly have a tag that says dead dove do not eat and ppl still choose to open it and be surprised about whts inside#then again I’m the dumb one for expecting something more considering how much shit simone got for being Indian#I’ll say it rn the books were good but in a rare case the shows are better#so. to the ppl. go cry abt it ig
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