#would also rly like to know what was going on with that bc of the game ending up... like it did
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https://www.tumblr.com/pintrestgrl/770753479445708800/merry-christmas-eve-yall-let-me-know-if-we
what abt one of the girls wearing a christmas themed lingerie and surprising rafe while they're with family (maybe in the bathroom or while they go get the food in the kitchen)
this is so roxy coded bc she rly do not gaf i promise u.
here’s the panties n what she was wearing too
also this isn’t like a whole long story kinda just a drabble
she was at tannyhill for christmas dinner and was helping rose set the table. she not so smartly decided to put on bright red panties bc she knew she was sleepin at rafes.
she stood on her very tip toes to reach the fine glass china in the cupboard , her dress rising up as rafe stood behind her. he caught the tiniest peek of bright red poking out n his eyes literally widened. he knew roxy was crazy but she was literally surrounded by his whole extended family.
the more she stood high the more he saw , his eyes zoning in on the cut out right on the familiar sight of her pussy. he swallowed thickly , covering her and pulling her and her dress back down roughly.
“you fuckin’ serious, roxy? everybody just saw that shit.” he spoke, whispering quietly as he furrowed his brows. staring at her. she was a fuckin’ cunt sometimes. she knew exactly what she was doing, and that’s why she did it. she wanted to embarrass him.
she smiled, rolling her eyes. “okay? i really don’t care, i promise you that.” he rolled his eyes right back at her, pulling her dress down as far as he could. “you’re such a fuckin’ whore. seriously. my dad is here, for fucks sake.” he spoke.
she laughed, writhing his hands away from the hem of her dress. “yeah, i know. maybe that’s why i did it.” he scoffed. he knew his dad was a weirdo; so did she. anytime roxy came round the house he would watch her— as if he wanted to live through rafe.
roxy always felt mr. cameron’s stares too. she just thrived on it. it made rafe mad enough, because he knew she probably liked it. deep down. “shut the fuck up. you sound fuckin’ stupid. go sit down somewhere.” and she would. she brought the plates over to the table, setting them down before politely seating herself.
rafe watched her movements. making sure they were just as calculated as he wanted them. and they were. because sometimes, sometimes she would listen. just enough to keep him around.
#pintrestgrl#rafe obx#rafe cameron#obx au#rafe cameron scenarios#obx#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x reader#rafe coded#rafe outer banks#foxy roxy 💫#rafe#rafe fanfiction#aliyahwritings
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Someone's asked i keep making these so there u go
#code geass#code geass lelouch of the resurrection#code geass lelouch of the rebellion#code geass: dakkan no rozé#rozé of the recapture#lelouch#rozé#sakuya sumeragi#sakura#redraw#apparently salura is sakuya's decoy#what if lulu stayed a prince and also had a decoy#his name would be Alouche imo#<3#ofc they'd be RLY different#alouche being sweet af and lulu well... we all know how he is#btw seeing ppl reblog and quote makes me incredibly happy and motivates me to keep going#this one was hard as hell bc i had to draw a whole different kimono#HOPE Y'ALL LIKE IT
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i dont like when character being blunt/having no filter = character just being Mean, and im trying to find a good balance with that for Talon. I guess it's not that hard since he's not an (active) overthinker and I have drawn him saying things he considers neutral that seem rude to others...I guess I have to find a way to show the opposite, too
#talkys#oc text#active overthinker bc he does have mindsets that would be Overthinking but theyre more like#''the brain fell to this conclusion'' vs ''this conclusion was arrived at after hrs of thinking''#also the balance would be because he of course does have to at least consider his words often#and i know there are things he doesnt want to reveal to others‚ or sometimes he doesnt Want to say things that could#influence someones emotions in one way or another#but i think thats solved by the ''neutral (to him) statement'' part of it#just like when i drew him saying smunker's face was really round (to smunker himself)#skunker took that as an insult but talon was just Stating Observation#similarly Talon would have to strain certain compliments to people he enjoys through clenched teeth sometimes#due to the vulnerability of it all of course#but we could also just go the ''It's Just An Observation he states neutrally‚ without thinking'' route here#except received positively#i think thats harder for ME the writer to figure out tho bc im the overthinker#and also positive stuff harder to keep neutral and surface level#maybe it rly just is thinking vs unthinking#catching self thinking about complimenting al = why would i embarrass myself this way#the words simply escaping before the thought catches up‚ without being too detailed‚ solely#based off of what he's observing at that moment = ✅#also dont get me wrong talon IS purposefully mean pretty often LOL but i didnt want that sole connection to Being Blunt#ok gn yey ^_^
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Life is crazy because middle school me would've looked down on current college me for being obsessed with mcyt rpf toxic yaoi
#the pyre#feel like I've gotten dumber with age#wanna write a scarian fic so bad but I literally do not know what the plot would be#should it be au? should it take place in the life series? should it take place in hermitcraft?#idk#and I don't rly read fanfiction anymore but the few times I've tried finding scarian fics I didn't like them#I never finish my fics bc I feel like the act of writing them out drains the obsession from me#for the past week and a half I've gone to sleep dreaming about scarian#so writing a fic about them would help clear my mind#but I've also been going to bed early and waking up early which I like so idk#to write scarian or to not write scarian#also looking back on it scarians less yaoi and more bl#identical yes but subtly different....only few will understand
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damn
#don’t know why me as a non horror/blood/gore/violence/etc fan#decided to start watching y/eIIowjackets alone at home after everyone else is asleep#and also at home which is bigger than my apt obviously lol and where i have my own room#im probably fine like i’m just unsettled by it so it was just an interesting choice LOL#esp like pretty much knowing what i was getting into#anywayyyyy i didn’t know any of ye/IIowjackets was on netfIix#i’ve acc wanted to watch it for a while ever since seeing stuff on tumblr LOLOL#one of the tags of a show i haven’t watched but keep unfiltered bc i don’t mind seeing things from it#so i have been spoiled but i think that helps for me who is relatively not a horror/etc fan lol 😭#idk if this classifies as horror but it does classify as smth i usually would not watch 👍#so why am i watching it idk still LOL it’s rly interesting thooooo#i love making the window super small and also completely blocking the screen except the captions#when shit is going down <3 LOL#anyway time for me to get ready for rotting in bed and continuing reading this h/eartstopper fic#to hopefully not have too bad a time sleeping lololol#me when i did this to myself#jeanne talks
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thinking about older women
#hey auntie 👉🏾👈🏾#some of them b dancing on that line and i am looking respectfully (´ . .̫ . `) ♡#many such cases... giggling at how often w how many ppl aksjak family friends.. or it be ur own family 💀💕#someone's mom would joke about snatching me up like 😭😶🌫️ ma'am first of all .. would#and the touchy prima (〒﹏〒) ♡ yes please put ur hands on me i am so comfortable with physical contact ( ꈍᴗꈍ) let me hold ur hand ♡#🚶🏾♀️ being hot is nice sometimes#the forbidden fruit... hey tía (´ . .̫ . `) 👉🏾👈🏾💕#some of the exchanges I've had were so 😵💫😵💫 ma'am.. i got a lil crush on u.#← not my actual family. i do not have one. engaging in one from this perspective is a lil different yfm 🚶🏾♀️u don't have to get it#or maybe u do idk im zooted rn and feeling rly gay abt aunties and older women in general okay 😩💕#i need to go sweet talk someone's tía i know she's looking beautiful tonight 🚶🏾♀️ i see u girl. i love ur hair your nails are beautiful#i love your color coordination you have such good fashion sense ( ꈍᴗꈍ) ♡#ur earrings are so pretty i love your necklace i love your bracelets (。ノω\。) lemme go help y'all cook or I'll make the drinks whateve#let's talk.. ♡#Lupe... what are you up to these days 😩💕 my favorite. a family friend#i kinda see family friends as family too sorta bc my fam was p small when i did have one so a friend would be a basically auntie#but also not.. technically. so ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭ idk. they r tías 2 me though and i love them.#they r so nicey 2 me 。:゚(;´∩`;)゚:。 ♡#she wanted me to say her name n talk to her in Spanish a lil bit and she ate it up 😵💫 (。ノω\。) ♡ she loved the way i say her name#i had such a crush on her omfg. low-key but not but yeah but respectfully..
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You know, I think what really bugs me about the "Dadworth" dynamic applied to Kay and Edgeworth's relationship is that it usually makes Kay out to be this hyperactive, slight problem child (in the 'stealing and pranking' sense rather than the 'moody and abrasive' sense), occasionally with deep-rooted daddy issues like Edgeworth has, when that's... the opposite of her character.
(This post got away from me, so TL;DR: Kay is a quick-witted and independent young woman who has worked very hard to be both emotionally and practically intelligent enough to be seen as a legitimate successor to her father's legacy. Making her out to be the traits mentioned above, so she functions as Edgeworth's daughter rather than his investigative partner and equal, undermines her character and semi-conflates her with Maya [the deep-rooted issues bit]. Also I don't like it wksgskaj)
The thing about Kay is that she's not actually in the series as much as it feels like she is, which makes it easy for her character to be altered to suit the needs of the story (which I think happens in The Forgotten Turnabout, but I won't talk about that here). She turns up in two cases as herself in AAI (as in, teenager Kay whom we're most familiar with) and shares her role with Gumshoe, Ema and Franziska when she does, lessening her appearances even further. Nevertheless, there are still concrete elements to her personality that we're made aware of right from the beginning, and the first major one which I feel gets overlooked in favour of her hyperactive characterisation is this:
Kay is very, very sharp.
In terms of mainline assistants, I'd consider her the sharpest of all (maybe after Trucy? But I don't remember enough of AJ to comment on that). Yes, she's shown to be reckless and impulsive, but, when it comes to actual investigating and reasoning, she is solid. With Nick and Maya, you sometimes get the impression that they're both fumbling along until Phoenix catches on (most of the time with Maya's usually a little accidental help, and he still has to explain things to her near every time [not Maya's fault. Following Phoenix's reasoning is like being on a rollercoaster in a minecart]), but Kay is very rarely like that with Edgeworth. Within minutes of meeting him, she can predict what he's going to say (or 'steal his lines', as the game puts it), and there are several moments after he uses Logic and is about to explain what he's connected where Kay interrupts with the correct conclusion herself:
Edgeworth: A second Blue Badger that shouldn't exist... Clearly, the true identity of the person underneath is...
Kay: Oh, I know! It's one of the kidnappers, right!?
There's even a point where she tells him off for overexplaining things to her:
Kay: Yeesh, I told you I got it! Do you feel the need to explain everything!?
And, near the end of their first case together, he acknowledges that's she's generally quite quick:
Kay: OK, what should I re-create first?
Edgeworth: ...You haven't figured it out yet?
Kay: Heh, maybe I have, and maybe I haven't.
Even if you don't take these points into consideration, the fact that she comes up with a new way to use Little Thief, and knows how to use it at all actually, shows you that she's a really intelligent girl! Continuing on a bit from the point I made earlier about her being brash, Kay may be reckless, but she isn't irresponsible. Whenever she rushes into situations, she doesn't expect other people to come save her; she's quite assured that she can and will get herself out of them on her own, and, if she needs help, she asks for it in advance. She treats Edgeworth less like her guardian and more like her investigative partner:
Kay: I didn't get permission to enter Allebahst... so we're going to go gather whatever info we can over on the Babahlese side, OK!?
Edgeworth: Alright, I'm counting on you two.
Kay: Right, and I'm counting on you and Ms. von Karma to sniff out clues in Allebahst!
...
Edgeworth: A number of pieces connect in a very complicated way in this case... It's almost enough to make one completely mentally exhausted.
Kay: Let's not over-complicate matters, OK, Mr. Edgeworth? We've been so focused, like a laser, on only what seems strange and out of place... it's no wonder nothing's clicked and we haven't unlocked anything yet. But, if we think things through calmly, the answer should come to us!
There's an independence to her proactiveness that kind of forces Edgeworth to meet her on equal grounds, and this too is an element that gets lost when the Dadworth dynamic comes in because it involves making Edgeworth responsible -- or feel responsible -- for her actions and general wellbeing when Kay has never expected nor wanted that. She does things on her own terms, and she walks the path she's chosen by herself:
Edgeworth: Preposterous! On what grounds do you suspect her of such a thing!?
Shih-na: The fact that she calls the Yatagarasu. That in itself is a more elegant proof.
Kay: Ms. Shih-na.
Shih-na: Yes?
Kay: I... have no intention of taking back any of what I've said.
Shih-na: ...?
Kay: I am the Great Thief Yatagarasu. And I refuse to allow some imposter to claim that name as their own! The path of justice that my father pointed me towards... I will walk it the best I can!
Her relationship with Edgeworth works as an inverse to that of Nick and Maya's in the way that, where Nick and Maya have deep respect for one another beneath layers upon layers of playful insults and messing about, Kay outwardly respects Edgeworth first (and expects that respect to be returned) and razes him second -- that, too, never to an extent she wouldn't with anyone else or that crosses a certain boundary. Her messing with Edgeworth is shown to be more an attempt to get him to lighten up or not take himself too seriously than an act of (platonic) intimacy as it is with Nick and Maya (which makes sense because Nick and Maya have spent years together, while she's known Edgeworth for all of two weeks) or genuine obliviousness/silliness (although it definitely sometimes is). This is pretty obvious simply from the fact that she always calls him 'Mr Edgeworth', though she's perfectly comfortable calling Gumshoe and Badd, people whom she is more familiar and comfortable with, 'Gummy' and 'Uncle Badd' respectively. Also Kay, in general, is quite polite? Edgeworth calls something she said rude at one point and she gets insulted, and, when you ask for her opinion, she doesn't go 'What?' or 'What is it?', she specifically says, 'Yes?' (this changes in AAI2, which I promise I'm not discussing here) Upon meeting Oldbag, she has this exchange with her, where Kay chooses a more formal mode of address than what is actually offered:
Oldbag: My name is Wendy Oldbag. But you can call me "Wendy", or "Granny", or whatever suits your fancy.
Kay: Nice to meet you, Ms. Oldbag! I'm Kay Faraday.
She's also had moments where she calls Edgeworth out for being 'tactless', and she's shown to feel very strongly about rudeness throughout the whole game. I'm not saying she isn't mischievous or playful, she very much is, but the point is that she's really quite respectful, and this extends to her relationship with him. Her characterisation in Turnabout Ablaze, where she's considerably more excitable/high-strung than in Kidnapped, seems largely due to them chasing down Calisto Yew. Edgeworth even comments on this:
Edgeworth: Kay, you need to look before you leap. You tend to lose your cool when it comes to anything related to that woman.
Generally, though, you can tell that she was obviously raised with an adherence to certain formalities. She's not looking for another parental figure (because she doesn't need one, which I'll go into after this), but, if she was, she'd make that clear.
Kay's a very straightforward person at heart; she doesn't hide any part of herself, even the part that should be hidden (i.e. the Yatagarasu). There are points where she suggests that Edgeworth reminds her of her father, but, in AAI, she specifically mentions that it's both Edgeworth and Gumshoe who remind her of her father and Detective Badd. It's not about her seeing Edgeworth as a father figure; it's about their and her own dedication to the truth. Even in AAI2, where her comments could be read as leaning more towards the former angle, she doesn't get cut up about him not picking up on that or really paying it much emphasis at all, because it doesn't matter. The fact that he reminds her of Byrne is just that: a fact.
Returning to the point about Kay not needing/wanting another parental figure, I think it's pretty self-explanatory, but to put it succinctly: Kay has the guidance she needs without him.
To put it less succinctly, Edgeworth's possibly the worst candidate to go for for emotional support and guidance in the first place, and by the time she meets him again, she's basically processed her father's passing and has a better handle on herself emotionally than Edgeworth does (not a brag; most characters have higher EQ than Edgeworth); what she wants isn't necessarily closure for Byrne's death in the emotional sense but in the I-want-answers-to-this-mystery-that-will-restore-my-family's-honour sense. You could make the argument that Kay becoming the second Yatagarasu and shaping her entire future around continuing her father's work prove that she isn't over his death, but I don't think that's true and more of a result of conflating her with Maya a bit.
With Maya, becoming the Master isn't something she chooses; it's given to her by Misty and Mia. With Kay, it's the opposite. Kay's decision to become the Yatagarasu and pursue the truth is wholly her own, and her approach to that goal reflects that. While Maya uses her cheery, upbeat attitude to conceal a lot of self-doubt and vulnerability (and Franziska does the same with her hostility), Kay does not. Her cheerfulness is precisely who she is; it's not a mask so much as it is a distraction. It keeps people from looking at her too closely and realising exactly how capable she is, and, while I don't think it's fully intentional (again, she believes in living her life in a straightforward and upfront manner), she does imply that it's sort of her (or the Yatagarasu's) MO:
Kay: Well! By the time everyone notices, it's already gone! That's the Yatagarasu way!
Interestingly enough, this unintentional tactic of using humour and cheeriness as a distraction from her abilities makes her a mirror to Calisto Yew, who also uses her seemingly always light-hearted nature as a disguise for what she's actually capable of (Calisto's joviality is her true self, too, or at least as 'true' as she can get). The difference between them is that Calisto delights in ironically mocking the world around her, whereas Kay finds joy in life itself, and she's stronger for it.
The only part where we see Kay attempt to mask her feelings is when she's a child, and even then she admits that she feels better after crying, which, I believe, led to her becoming more open with her emotions later in life (see how her older self has a teary sprite which makes pretty frequent appearances where her younger self does not). In any case, to me, this shows that she has people in her life already who are helping, and have helped, her confront and process her trauma. She's not looking to Edgeworth to help her make sense of her father's death and she definitely isn't looking for a replacement (again, literally dedicated to continuing her father's [and Badd's] legacy). Whenever Edgeworth even gets close to becoming parental with her, she dismisses it, unless she acknowledges that she is in the wrong:
Edgeworth: ...Kay, it's not good for you to stay up late, you know.
Kay: Yes, gramps!
...
Edgeworth: ...I appreciate your sense of justice, however... I would appreciate it if you wouldn't go running into the heart of any more raging fires.
Kay: Nngh... Yes, Mr. Edgeworth... I'll try...
Despite her buoyancy and bright attitude, Kay is quite firm that she be treated as an adult (she doesn't see her cheeriness as a mark of youth; it's joie de vivre, it's who she is, and that's that), and, throughout the game, she gets annoyed when people don't respect that (her arguments with Lang are largely over how he calls Little Thief a toy and her crow-girl). She holds her own and relies on herself while being unafraid of asking for help.
Anyway, this post has gone on for long enough and I think I've addressed the points I wanted to. I should mention that I realise that a lot of how many people portray/interpret their relationship is validated by AAI2 but that's honestly a discussion for a separate post HAHA I feel like, when it comes to AAI, the father/daughter interpretation can maybe be argued with regards to the way Edgeworth treats her? Honestly, though, I think he'd treat any young lady who suddenly becomes part of his team/responsibility in pretty much the same way. And, like, he drops the ball almost every time he's supposed to give "fatherly" advice because he's just not that great with it/children!! It's actually hilarious HSKSDHSK
Either way, yeah! I just think Kay is actually given a lot less credit than she's due when the Dadworth card gets played and I just! Want better for her!!
#kay faraday#miles edgeworth#ace attorney investigations#EMBARRASSINGLY long post. i want to add that this isnt an attack on anyone who likes the dadworth dynamic!!! it's semi-supported by canon#and like. it's literally fandom wskdhdk do what makes you happy. i just feel like kay gets minimised a bit when it happens (including when#it's done in game) and i just want people to realise that she's not actually like that!! she's actually so smart and rly mature???#oh i want to add that i generally like both aai games i just prefer the first one. i know some people go for a sibling dynamic between them#rather than a father daughter one (which makes sense bc... they have 10 years between them hskddhk) but im an advocate for friendship being#just as important and valid as it would be if it did mimic a family relationship even if it didnt so that doesnt do much for me either#i just think she wants to be seen as an equal to him as any of his other partners would be#oh i didnt mention this in the post but i also feel like people mix her with ema a bit in the future versions of her?#like she becomes snarky and a little sarcastic (or suave/flirty in a roundabout manner if it's a ship post) when her whole thing is being#direct. she tells shih na to her face that 'those sunglasses dont do anything for her so she'll steal them next time' she's great#the snarky sarcasm thing is again ema. not maya or her but ema. and franziska#ok i need to shut up now im done thank u <3#annotations
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Here is a badly drawn comic of my terrible, awkward group project experience from yesterday. I thought it was very absurd so I wanted to share it other people lol :)
Let me know, how do you find their conduct 😭
#i tried to small talk#and they werent rly listening and were like i just wanna get this done w so i can eat#yet talked to me abt smth random after#but the moving the laptop is what made me draw this 😭#like is that not absurd????#i dont wanna rewatch the video#but i wanna see what the camera frame looked like#bcs from what i saw my drawing is p accurate#but yeah they also talked for the majority of the time#even tho i did more research bcs they took up most of the slides#AND ALSO TOOK MY IDEAS#im like uhhhh im p sure [insert slide topic] is required!!!#and i went to go start writing it#and theyre like oh okay ill do that slide#and even tho i kept reminding them of the slide requirement#they kept being like ugh i cant think of anything#and then would take my ideas when i proposed them#like the conclusion part was to write a proposal abt what solution can be made for the current event topic#AND i took notes the night before and wrote down the idea for the solution#and i told them and theyre like oh yeah thats okay and started writing those slides#i know i should be more assertive but im so conflict avoidant and was kinda like oh. okay. ah.#lmao i hope this doesnt make me come off as someone victimizing themselves#im just annoyed 😭😭#and also this person was on my abroad trip and we all hated them#but i felt bad abt how much we hated them and theyre(I THOUGHT) much more chill in a classroom setting#so i kinda softened my hate for them and theyre the only person i know in my class rly#so im like ahhhh we should work together!#and now i remember why i dislike them 😭😭#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.
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as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult
#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it#but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault#she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month#the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa#rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month#so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent#and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work#and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live#she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill#every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything#personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care#ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d#not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to#texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either#but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility#but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to#and im over it#so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die
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i feel like i type so much more than is reasonable when i do talk to people but i also don't get to socialize a ton so i just have soooo many words in me and if i'm like, tired or short on time, it is so much harder to restrain to the already-pushing-it point i can sometimes manage ;-;
#txt#i am used to posting long things that are essentially a conversation with myself because i either don't#want to bother others with certain topics or i just am used to anything i have to say really being... worth saying...#so i will sometimes go back and add more tags because i'm still thinking about it after the fact and the gap in time where someone#would have said something to prompt further thought is just. me continuing it with myself. bc i'm still thinking about it.#and then that translates into how i talk to other people where i sometimes feel like i either have too much to say without only#keeping what's of utmost relevant importance#(which is also due to me knowing if i don't say it Right Now Immediately i will forget if it does become relevant again)#so i am expecting people to read too much#and/or i then am not... listening to people? or i come off like im not listening to people?#even though i rly do try to be attentive i just forget sometimes to leave space for other people to talk because i am#used to only talking to myself so much lmaoo so i think i come off like i only want to Talk At people due to how Much i share#and sometimes i probably am not as attentive in convos as i would like to be but i try to be! i just dont know if the balance is there#but i also don't rly know how to be more concise bc of that mix of not wanting to forget and also not wanting to be misunderstood#and being so excited to get contribute etc#anyway there are also a lot of social things i HAVE been neglecting by accident i am so sorry if youve sent me an ask etc#and you've gotten silence i am getting to things slowly ;-;#i just mean moreover in active conversations the way that i act is like. i always worry i am doing something wrong all the time forever#and maybe i would worry less if i could put more of my thought dump energy into observing others more attentively#to get a better read on things lol#me coming back to this post as an example bc i had another thought:#i also type rly fast and my brain goes rly fast so while i do clean up what i say typically#others might find it more convenient to be more concise due to typing slower#whereas i don't think before i type i just type as i think one to one#i lose thoughts otherwise but Thinking Before I Speak is a lost art to me rip#but then if i am talking to people irl or on voice i am so much more reserved. i ramble a lot!!#but it's easier for me to fall back
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looking @ old fic i started when i was 14/15 is so funny bc im realizing once again why i never mark fics as abandoned even if its been literal years since i've touched them. specifically i was checking docs for stuff i started and either did or didn't post to ffn.
and its like. nothing is bad??? like i can see where my outside-the-box ideal of fic writing comes from. not just fics but writing in general, i'm p sure. even if it's a total cliche plot setup, there are details on each that rly make it stand out like oh yeahhhhhh i did have this great idea once upon a time.
funny too bc was it executed well in prose??? no absolutely not i wrote like shit when i was 15. would i revive an idea one day and revise it to be less cliche or cringy while still keeping the stand-out elements??? yea maybe. i might. everything i'm currently working on that i started from 2021 up to now still holds my supreme interest, but like i'm not gonna say never.
esp since i write fic first and foremost for my own need and specifically what i like to read, it makes it impossible to consider an idea i've thought extensively about "not worth writing anymore". anyway not making this too long i jus found everything interesting to consider
#writing#this fic i pulled up from JUNE 2014 crazy was the old chosenshi au i was trying to write for a friend#i dont ship blue/silver and never will and thats prolly why i never finished it#but i do still like!! the idea of rocket!blue raised w silver and breaking free of tr while running the hoenn branch#no idea how i remembered bc it wasnt in the plot pts on the doc but she was gonna get sent to the battle frontier#to nab jirachi and have encounters w frontier brains and change her mind at the end of it all#hell i could go back and not make it ship fic at all - have silver be a little one-sided obsessed or#even jus like.. attached to blue as a rivalry like as a way to show her up at every turn#another fic around the same time was the old pokespe hs au where i changed all the dexholder's names for some reason#i have no idea where i was in reading spe bc i put lyra in for some reason and had the sinnoh trio even tho i never read past v2 of dp#idk if it was more gameverse or what but its so funny looking @ the ship list n seeing i had gold paired w black#bc i had manga!ss and manga!ferriswheel so was it rly speverse or was i projecting????#actually i think black was supposed to die and gold was gonna go thru this whole thing abt grieving#looking at the ship list so funny bc i never shipped gold/crys or entourageshi#and clearly i did not know the superiority of pmshi if i threw lyra in jus for silver#god but i do love (most!) of the alt names i gave them#would absolutely fuck up the ship list if i ever redid it tho#also have perfectworld tho im sure i have the most recent rewrite on pen and paper somewhere#that one i also gave up bc the idea i had for flare!sycamore was cringe along with#every time i went back to work on it enough time passed that i thought my writing sucked#i rewrote that damn thing so many times but oooooooo i still love the idea#as long as i changed the cringe parts to smth better i could still rock w most of these#that fic rly had everything... psychic!korrina. leaf/serena. sycamore hacking the secret to mega evo. lys/syc that ends in failure#bc of the ending line i will never forget > only in a perfect world could you and i be together. destined and doomed from the start#im rambling n im boutta run outta tags gimme a sec
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i think the best thing that could happen this election season is if joe biden dies in the next 4-6 months . genuinely
#text#i dont think trump would have as much of a chance if there was a different democratic canidate#bc i know a LOT of people arent comfoetable voting for biden no matter what . which like . i really cant blame anyone too mcuh for that#but also votes for other non-dem canidates rly just go to the republican canidate#BUT. if biden dies and someoen takes his place- im not sure who would tbh so maybe my opinion would change if i knew for the record-#then i feel a lot of people who arent voting for genocide joe would be willing to vote democrat again#on the other handif trump dies#we just have the same problem again#im not religious but i might start praying again just for joe's death#Also for the record i know most problems like ever arent cuased by joe himself#but yknow. hes . he's genocide joe#i get why people arent ok with voting for genocide joe#god . its all so complicated and so so evil . i hate this country
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my fibro meds have truly destroyed my tolerance for antihistamines
#blue chatter#my nose has been v stuffy this week!#I take a Benadryl (already a bad idea) expecting mild spiders and feeling a bit sleepy#and Pass The Fuck Out for 7 hours#okay cool. I’ll do Claritin. it’ll take longer to work but that’s okay-#Pass The Fuck Out For 7 Hours#okay. sure. fine. I’ll take half a Benadryl; it’ll work less effectively but I rly would like to not be so stuffy-#guess what! Pass The Fuck Out For 5 Hours!#which is. teeeeechnically shorter. but still defeats the point#I’m gonna try half a Claritin but those pills are so small already#I know my gabapentin has warnings about anything with drowsiness as a side effect so I tried to do rly low doses#bc it also has those warnings for alcohol and I can drink one drink and feel like. just a tiny bit tired and otherwise fine.#so I thought an antihistamine would be no issue. I was WRONG.#also for context before my fibro meds I was able to take a 24 hour Claritin and be barely even tired#or take 2 Benadryl and feel sleepy and spidery but not actually *fall asleep about it*.#the spiders are unpleasant but Benadryl does work faster for existing stuffiness/allergic reactions. Claritin for me works better as a#preventative measure than a treatment once I’m already sniffly.#by spiders I do mean tactile hallucinations. which funnily enough I have not gotten at all taking Benadryl now.#BECAUSE IM ASLEEP#not awake enough long enough to feel imaginary spiders! which would be an improvement except I cannot keep falling asleep when I’m busy!#this is also why I’ve only been testing this on days I know I won’t have to drive or go to class/have things due that day#bc I suspected the sleepies would be worse even if I did not understand the magnitude#as a side effect I’ve now ruined my sleep schedule enough that my body is used to taking a midday nap and expects it#which is Not Helping
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she's so arrogant and annoying and hot it pisses me off !!!
#like have some shame omg . have some respect#shes soooo certain i will date her she keeps saying shes not worried she doesnt care etc etc bc she knows i want to date her#not even that. she Declared we were dating. like when i was like do u even want this. not just going on dates but acc dating. and she was#like wdym? im already dating you . like ok??? i wasnt informed ig#anyway i said she was arrogant and she said she knows so.#also she did several things when she was drunk that i found cringe/i personally would b embarrassed if i was her but she just found it funn#like genuinely does she have no sense of shame#also her reasoning is that shes too hot to be rejected and since im talking to her instead of... not that makes her certain that#no matter what i say i wont reject her#WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO REJECT HER. DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT OR WHAT TO DO. UGH.#I WANT TO FIGHT HER FR MEIN GOTT#also i want her to be more romantic i literally told her im not asking her out on the next date lmao#also if we do end up dating properly i have to swear and oath never to argue w her and just communicate slowly and clearly bc imagine#lawyer and philosophy student get into an argument and theyre both scorpios. insane combination imo#INSUFFERABLE. she was also 40 mins late and tbf she did warn me and keep me updated but i was still rly mad at her bc#i was waiting for so long . and i was like . listen im gonna leave. and she walked thru the door. but anyway she apologised but also she#said no ones ever threatened to leave her b4. what do you mean before?? anyway i told her to respect my time more and she was like i cant#believe im being told off by a 21 yr old like bitch ur literally 24 stop acting ancient fuck off#UGH SHES SO IRRITATING. WHY DOESNT SHE CALL ME MORE.#crushposting
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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major ofmd s2 spoilers but it’s kind of beautiful in a way to see the youngins call That character dying a “typical” bury your gays trope, in a show that is specifically about queer love filled with queer characters who have happy endings, where both casual and passionate gay affection is shown again and again, and always portrayed as something beautiful and tender and good to be embraced
#ofmd s2#ofmd spoilers#‘typical’ bury your gays.......... 😭#y’all rly have no idea what it’s like to NEVER see yourself portrayed unless it ends in a violent tragic death huh#specifically targeted BECAUSE the character is queer#and i say this genuinely with love like that’s why it’s also pretty nice. i’m glad such a point has been reached#but also omg. experiencing sadness and disappointment over a writing decision for your fav doesn’t make it a hate crime#personally i thought it happening was rly uninspired and predictable so kind of feel nothing over it because it’s so blah#feel like they just straight up didn’t know what to do with him#also s3 hasn’t been confirmed has it?? bc this season def felt like they shoved what was supposed to be a 20eps arc into 8eps#and there won’t be more. idk#but IF there is i need him to come back as the ship’s ghost fucking with everyone lmao#anyway i'm not even that old and when i was 12 i watched brokeback mountain and when i was 13 it was boys don't cry#and that was basically ALL i'd seen for big queer rep in media. like literally only thing ever#and the fear it instilled truly was part of me rejecting my own queerness for so long#who would look at izzy hands & go welp better stay cishet for the rest of my life or the devil will come for me; thats def the lesson here#if anything the end scene was about how happy he could’ve been if he’d realized earlier he had a whole queer fam who loved & accepted him#just as he is#END ESSAY
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