#woke up on my feels again
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Even if we did get Buck doing the rounds at every gay club in LA, this still wouldn't address the real problem, that was putting Tommy in a position of an idol without even acknowledging his feelings first. And Tommy freaked out because it was THAT transparent that he was high up on some pedestal when he's already in love with Buck from the ground and it seems like he's flawless. I think the conversation would have gone much better if Buck actually voiced his opinions directly to Tommy instead of Maddie (well, Josh), because that would mean, for Tommy, that Buck sees him as an actual human being. I think it would work so well if Buck were to hang out with a bunch of queer people, that would be a situation that would give him the possibility to gather so much nuance to his thought process, or even a queer therapist, or even exchange an entire conversation with Hen or Karen. I really do think Tommy freaked out but with every reason because he has not been *seen* as he is yet by the person that we can see he already loves. The next episode, hotshots, seems like a glorification of their lives as firefighters and it could work as a fine as fuck parallel for Buck too, even Brad's hero worship towards Bobby, for him to see how damaging dehumanization of some sort can be. I am begging on my hands and knees here, writers, just follow the in-text clues and give us a meaningful and fulfilling story.
#bucktommy#also tommy has some shit to work on too#but alas he's not an independent character#so we won't be seeing this particular development for him#for now at least#woke up on my feels again
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Returning home
#I like to think it works like Sophie being old in Howls moving castle#without his friends and family and Arthur Merlin obviously ages#but Arthur makes him feel young again - like who he was with him#because Arthur woke up obviously because that’s what happens#it’s true and canon and I said so#(don’t tell anyone im only on season three currently)#my art#Merlin#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#Merthur
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Dcxdp where Danny has been working with a hero team (did Bruce adopt him? Did he help the teen titans and got told to join them? Idk) for less than a year, maybe they knew eachother for longer, but Danny has been living with them for some months.
Now, I imagined this as a "Danny has to flee to a different dimension after a giw attack/reveal gone wrong" but it can work with other scenarios, the important thing is, death days are important for a ghost's wellbeing, but nobody knows/remembers Danny's deathday or that it's important to commemorate the dead. Maybe he hasn't told anyone yet cause he doesn't want to be a bother, or doesn't trust them enough yet.
So Danny takes the matter on his own hands, each year he goes to a quiet corner of the local graveyard, where he has a piece of marble and a small vase, he usually buys some flowers for his memorial grave and makes some fudge as an offering.
This year wasn't gonna be different, he told his team/family that he was gonna spend the day out, he chose an elegant but comfortable outfit, made some fudge, and saved it on the fridge with a note that said "phantom, do not eat".
The next part might work better with a young hero team, cause despite the note, someone took a bite of the fudge for breakfast.
Danny clearly gets mad, they didn't know, but they just ate an offering, a great offense to the dead it was offered to.
It all ends in a big fight, Danny doesn't want to admit that it was an offering for himself (it just hurts to admit that nobody remembers his death), and the other person thinks he's just having a tantrum over some fudge, like, c'mon, they can make you some if it's SO important to you 😒
And I don't know how to end it cause it came to me while falling asleep and don't remember more T-T
#i know there was a thing where Danny's fraid bonds shattered and he just runs away while the team is like#what just happened why do i feel like my family just died#want them to go running to find phantom and when they finally find the little makeshift grave they get so sad#and danny is nowhere to be found#either cause he has to go to the zone to heal or is too weak or sad and hid on the artic or something#when they finally find him there's tearful apologies and promises to not only do better. but improve communication so -#- this doesn't happen again#dcxdp#dcxdp prompt#dcxdp crossover#WOKE UP CRYING CAUSE OF THIS AJSHSHHSHZJA
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calling it right now that season 3 starts like this
#so confused about people saying the season finale feels like the end because to me it didn't at all#there's like 5-10 issues immediately set up for another season#they're in a happy place at this point because they've both realized their love is bigger than anything else#and makes it worth working on their problems together#the problems are still very much there#both of them have deep self esteem/self loathing issues that haven't been resolved in the week since ed woke up#ed doesn't know about stede's trauma#they haven't talked through anything#and they'll be shit at starting/running an inn lmao it's not gonna go well#and those are just some of the internal issues#then there's prince ricky and all the authorities that would very much like to get their hands on both blackbeard and stede bonnet#because stede just full-on kept using his government name after faking his death. nice one#the crew are not “gone” they're more like off to college for a bit but will probably run into trouble immediately#again because while they escaped to the ship they didn't eliminate the threat (the british empire)#it's not a forever goodbye#ok this got super long already anyway i have a whole fic marinading in my brain until i've finished these 4 wips i'm in the middle of ✌️#hope we get a renewal soon because i want to see the rest of their story!!#ofmd s2 spoilers#ofmd s2#ofmd#our flag means death
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On Swansea’s (often understated) role in Mouthwashing
I say this as a big swansea fan but I don’t rlly understand why ppl are acting like he’s not also complicit in what happened to Anya? AUs where “Anya tells Swansea” and he jumps to violently defend her don’t make sense to me because canonically she does tell him, as he admits to Jimmy. But swansea represents another way of interacting with the capitalist heteropatriarchy that ALSO harms victims: holistic jadedness and resignation.
Swansea is across the board unkind to the Tulpar crew. We can’t forget that he calls anya a “so-called nurse”
and says this to Jimmy, which (if unintentionally) reiterates Jimmy’s own warped perception of Anya’s usefulness and competence. This allows Jimmy to feel justified in his imagination of the nurse’s inferiority. Swansea’s clear lack of respect for Jimmy does less to hurt Jimmy than his lack of respect for Anya harms Anya, because at the end of the day, Swansea’s attitude is contextualized by the violent culture it exists in and he does nothing to reconcile with that when Jimmy becomes the captain. His resignation can thus be weaponized even by Jimmy, a man who Swansea disrespects but whose power he doesn’t try to meaningfully jeopardize, because his across-the-board disdain punches people already marginalized by the environment twice as hard as it does those with power.
Swansea doesn’t position himself as an ally, he positions himself as willfully uninvolved in everything, an observer to the shitshow ride to hell. Just because he dislikes Jimmy doesn’t mean he aligns with Anya. He makes it clear that he’s not on her side, either. After a life of doing what he felt was expected of him, Swansea on the Tulpar looks out for Swansea and Swansea’s comfort. In trying to situate himself outside of the politics of it all as an older white man, he simply allows them to play out. The toxic culture keeps existing, playing out in the microcosm that is this freighter, and Swansea in all his experience recognizes that shit has hit the fan and elects to coast through it, even explicitly numbing himself to it by breaking his sobriety. It is, of course, hard to force yourself to be sober—to see clearly. But had Swansea forced himself to get involved sooner, he might have set a precedent for Daisuke to recognize Jimmy’s abuse, which could have saved Daisuke’s life as well as created a safe space for Anya. But Swansea’s inaction forces both victims to confront an abuser on their own, unable to reap benefits from his privilege and experience.
Jimmy is clearly intimidated by swansea in a way he is not by Anya, Daisuke, or a post-crash Curly (Swansea, for example, physically manifests as an aggressor in Jimmy’s “responsibility sequences”, and Jimmy ties Swansea up to avoid what he sees as the real possibility of pushback that he doesn’t conceive of Anya being able to do). Swansea has a power he does not act on or with until it is far, far too late. In fact, he acknowledges in his final monologue that he was dissatisfied with the discomfort with opening his eyes and living an exemplary “good man”s life. The best days of his life are ones in which he’s belligerently drunk—days in which he didn’t have to hold himself accountable. He regrets the life he spent performing for higher-ups and we watch him reject it by scorning Captain Jimmy, but he also doesn’t want to be held responsible for helping other people when it’s their turn to endure the expectations and violence from similar (if not the same) higher powers. Tragically, he possesses the hindsight to recognize that how he acted on the Tulpar consequently wasn’t what Daisuke needed out of a role model, leading to Daisuke becoming a victim. His hands-off approach to emotional engagement with his young male intern (another symptom of patriarchal gender norms) may have been to avoid Daisuke turning out miserable and jaded like himself, but it doesn’t actually indicate to an already-confused Daisuke what the dangers of that attitude are. Swansea never admits his own shortcomings in a tangible way which, had they come from a man with experience and prestige like himself, may have shifted that culture that failed Anya. She comes to him with the story not because he has situated himself as any earnest friend, but likely out of desperation on a ship Jimmy now controls.
When we allow “the machine” (Swansea’s own words) to beat us down to the point that we don’t find it productive to challenge unjust power dynamics, we become complicit. I think too many people get hung up on his disdain for Jimmy and Jimmy’s fear of Swansea as a marker of allyship with Anya, but the truth is that Swansea. Is a bad ally. He’s hardly one at all. His long stint in the demanding capitalist environment molded a perfectly complicit result out of him, as it aspires to do, even if Swansea bitterly recognizes that. Jimmy’s overt violence from a position of power is a different and much more brutal approach to abuse enabled by people who have been left too tired and bitter to care that he does it. A man who could’ve intimidated and even threatened Jimmy is too resigned to try until there is literally nobody but himself left to fight for, which is an attitude carefully cultivated among the lower rungs of hierarchies to keep the top safe. Swansea in particular seems very unhappy with the capitalistic, patriarchal expectations laid out for him as a father, husband, and laborer. His decision to just stop trying and spare himself the grief instead of questioning why those expectations exist and how they would hurt the others onboard only delays him being directly targeted by Jimmy and doesn’t interrupt the latter’s violence.
Not a single man in mouthwashing is innocent in Anya’s victimhood. This is a statement tentatively uninclusive of Daisuke, because I think the game very deliberately positions him outside of manhood through his youth and thus struggling with the concept of “fitting in” to the patriarchy. Curly, Jimmy, and Swansea all represent different failures that ultimately perpetuate Anya’s suffering and force her to defend herself and finally take her life into her own hands. A holistic analysis of rape culture in MW necessarily engages with all three of them. Only not being a friend and ally to rapists and other male abusers isn’t enough, and Swansea proves it.
#mouthwashing#not sure I worded this as well as I would’ve liked to because I just woke up#but I’m standing by it for now#I think people don’t think enough about what swansea represents in the story and thus water him down#but with such a small cast we have to realize that everyone is deliberately written with meaning#maybe I’ll delete this later if I feel it was misarticulated#again I like swansea this isn’t meant to start some swansea hate train#I’m just glad that ppl are understanding Curly’s role as an enabler and I want that critical thinking to extend#even to characters we are inclined to like on their face because they’re also mean to Jimmy#.txt 🌊#mouthwashing game#swansea mouthwashing#this post is dedicated to my good friend al who is the resident swansea guy in my mind and talked thru this w me#ily my goat
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creatures
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#nene kusanagi#tsukasa tenma#queuing this for like 6 in the morning dont let me fool you into thinking i woke up this early#im sorry posting at like 7pm feels so wrong. people are up at 7pm. dont like that#'why didnt you draw rui' Well why is rui so hard to draw. Anybody ever think of that.#I still havent finished that wxs nene gaming art i used as an example in my comms sheetbc i dont wanna have to render rui#Yes wxs are all my favorites. Yes that includes rui. Yes im tiering 3k in his event rn. No i wont figure out his hair#get that glowstick of a woman out of my face. He needs to het an alt hairstyle i cna draw.#sorry what was i tagging again. um. Whatever aHiiiii#WAIT#emukasa#YAAAAY#im a polyshower but theyre the only ones i drew together so enjoy yuri#i found a cute blog theme that also hides tags under a hover so i can say as much as i want and nobody can be annoyed#If you choose to look at my dastardly tags after i hid them away thats on you
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my wrist's been hurting all day but i saw a real cute [chibi tutorial,] i had to try it out LOL
#MY CARPAL TUNNEL RUINS MY PLANS ONCE AGAIN!!!!!!#i literally bought a new wrap the other day + a hand massage ball (?) cuz my left hand was starting to feel a bit numb ashashhs#and my right hand's been acting up since i woke up today. so it's kinda hard to draw ahsahsh#my art#2023#call of duty#call of duty: modern warfare#call of duty: modern warfare ii#call of duty: modern warfare iii#cod#codmwii#codmwiii#modern warfare#mw#mw2#mw3#soap#soap cod#soap mactavish#johnny soap mactavish#art#fanart#digital art#digital drawing#sketch#doodle#video games#activision
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#illustration#my fanart#bts#bts fanart#kim seokjin#jin#jung hoseok#jhope#2seok#I’LL BE THERE IS SUCH A BOP I LOVE IT!!!!#let’s keep streaming it 🙏🏻✨#HEYYYY it’s november 3rd already 😭 I couldn’t finish inktober again 🎃😂#I was supposed to post this like 4 days ago but I was too busy and sleepy so I finished it today finally 🥹#I dreamed of Namjoon today 🥹🥹🥹 it was incredible 😭 it felt so real like I was feeling sad after I woke up lol#I love seeing seokjin’s content and how active is hobi on ig 💜🥹#it’s november 2nd 😭
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"Trans" is merely one of the many adjectives that describe me but in the eyes of so many people so many things I do will immediately be tied to that adjective.
So many things I feel weird talking about because everyone assumes I am like this because of my transness.
Me being openly very sexual in nature while being a woman? Well, I am a trans woman, need to remember that!
And the thing is so many people don't do this maliciously. So many people have simply internalized the misogynistic idea that women have to be one certain way and when they see a woman who isn't that way... well, if she's cis, she's a weirdo, but if she's trans... well of course, that explains everything doesn't it!
And the people who are seen as cis women in this equation also suffer please don't get me wrong. They get shunned and talked about with intrigue and wonder like they're some sort of mythical beast.
But to the people who are seen as trans women then a part of the observer so often will go "makes sense" as if they discovered the one single key to read humanity.
I am also curious how other people under the trans umbrella feel to this stuff. My idea is that we probably have similar but different relations to having the adjective "trans" heavily influence how people see us, and I would like hearing them out.
Also absolutely necessary disclaimer that it's great if to you personally the adjective is so important that it defines parts of your personality! I won't yuck someone's yum and stuff. I'm just tired personally of feeling like so many people will immediately think of me as trans before they think of me as anything else, but I get the idea of that being something someone could like.
#transmisogyny#transfem#please please please don't read this in any weird way i just woke up#no im not self hating no im not saying everyone does this#and again im not saying that if you like that youre bad or making us look bad or whatever#im mostly just venting about my experiences in a broad way that other people may relate to#i have not asked every trans person how they feel before making this post and I'm sure many will have different experiences#and in fact if you do i would love for you to add yours!#okay that's it i juzt woke up please be normal abt this everyone
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2023 Qatar Grand Prix - Sprint - Oscar Piastri
#not my best ever gifs i dont think BUT IM SOOOOO HAPPPYYYYYYYY!!!!!!#OSCAR P1!!!!!! OSCAR WIN!!!!!! OSCAR ROOKIE WIN LETS GOOOOO#i still cant believe it this is absolutely insane#i feel like i find myself saying this every week about oscar but wow#back in bahrain i could never have imagined him winning a race this year!! IN HIS ROOKIE SEASON!!!!#I was shocked when i woke up to see him have gotten pole in the shootout#AND THEN TO WATCH HIM WIN!!!! SOOOOOOO GOOD#Im so proud of him sob sob sob#again: throwbacl to me and dru talking abt the possibility of him podiuming or even winning#and i was like no way i doubt it with this car. nevermind :) ive never been so happy to be incorrect#WHERE IS MARK!??!!?!??!!? WHERE ARE YOU???? YOUR BOY JUST FUCKING WON!!!! WHERE IS THE HUG???? WHERE IS THE CONGRATS???#i swear to god if i check his insta and theres yet another animal vid on his story im going to kill the old man#HE WAS WANDERING AROUND THE GARAGE YESTERDAY FOR QUALI!! WHERE WAS HE TODAY AAAGHHHHHH#oscar piastri#f1#formula 1#formula one#2023 qatar grand prix#2023 qatar gp#we do a little bit of f1
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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Oh Crowley...
Crowley version here shop this print here and here.
#woke up and decided to hurt my own feelings again#nothing lasts forever#but apparently the dread will last#good omens#good omens 2#good omens 3#aziracrow#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#michael sheen#david tennant#aziraphale x crowley#neil gaiman#good omens fandom#good omens fanart#good omens art#and they're not talking
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sploonsuke
#sasuke#uchiha sasuke#splatoon#splatoom style#maybe ikd skfjdjjfjff]#i slept for 2 hours and woke up fsr#and couldnt fuckjng sleep again i fuckin#hate this sleep pattern so much#goooodofjidfjfjjgijfijffj#my art#naruto’s boyfriend#also painting like this feels kinda therapeutic#idek if i spelled that right but i have no respect for this language#im so hungry#ahahhahahha fuck
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is being woken up by her pushing her strap into me from behind too much to ask?????
#eff yaps#UGHHHWHAHAH woooowza i woke up !!!! so wet!!!!!!!#she woke me up with a call and i fingered myself for her instead ;(#SO yeah there’s goin to be a lot of wlw stuff to come bc i am a w who l a w#feeling her fingers stroke down the curve of my back#over my ass and spreading me open for better access#teasing me with just the head of her cock before slowly forcing the rest in#telling me “good morning puppy” as i arch my back and groan sleepily#UHHHHJJJJWKWKOPPPPPP no this is not good for my brain I need to go back to sleep yes mhm yep SLEEP *fingers self again*
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darkraiiiiii
#art#i was brewing up a complicated picture in my head too many factors intermingling and i put a requirement on myself that i would need to#feel a certain mood to create said picture cuz only then would it feel good and true but it was an impossible to achieve mood#and it made me miserable for a week i went to bed as soon as possible everyday to skip to the next one but today i woke up at 2am#and thought well maybe i should just draw something simple that i like it doesnt have to be high concept#so its just darkrai!!!! cuz its such a cooly! and its made out of shapes ive enjoyed drawing recently#smoking fire plumelike stuff u kno...#and i got to try out the spraypaint thing again cuz there was stuff i realized i coulda done better after the red 3 head hybrid pic#so i wanted to do it again. do u like these- with the spraypaint rendering? i will make more of them no matter what u say#but im about to go to bed now. i started the pic at 11am and finished at 8pm so 9hrs spent?! well the stenciling takes a long while in pain#i did the spraying in ms paint again and then composited it in paint net like usually.#also im typing much because the combination of coffee (which i try to make special and rare for me so it hits more cutely)#+ the euphoria that drawing gives me makes me talkative. but now.- ! im tired !! goodnight#pokemon#darkrai
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I just want my passion back man idk why that's so much to ask for
#pom ponders#personal#my favorite part of the day used to be any extra time i had to write#i desperately miss the days where i woke up early all on my own excited because it meant extra time to write#now even just thinking about writing can make me so tired and drained#i can't write anymore and I'm so upset about it#I've spent the last four months sobbing because it's basically ruined for me#i was so happy...i want it back#i still have stories to tell and i love them so much#but trying to get them out has turned into a chore and i feel like I've lost a part of myself#some days i feel so sick over it that i can barely eat#I've lost so much sleep over this#it's not fair...i didn't do anything wrong...#I'm still being punished for doing what was ultimately the right thing and i don't understand#i want to want to write again#delete later
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