#wish i had a friend

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

whens megatron coming back

[wondermentishere]

9/25/24

and suddenly, i feel lonely ~

im glad i got some hope back today, though. ive been having issues with my car for the past couple of weeks and its really been stressing me out and draining my pockets. dealing with predatory, scammy ass mechanics in this city doesnt help either. i was excited to be immersed in the culture and community of downtown, but i just feel so alone. i dont want to go outside. it feels so hard to get around down here. everything takes so much effort.

i decided to just have my groceries delivered since its not much more expensive, which is helping me conserve energy. i also decided to take the train to work instead of ubering/fixing my car. its still in my mom's name, and im not sure if she ever gave me the title. ive been wanting to give it back anyway for the past 3 years, because its the last thing linking me to her. im still relying on her in a way. im grateful she let me use it, but the universe is giving no choice but for the chapter to close.

taking the train is about an hour and a half commute. that kind of sucks, but it beats having all my lifeforce utilized to sit in traffic for 60+ minutes. atleast this way i can get ahead on decompressing after work, and hopefully wont want to rot in bed as soon as i step through the door. ill watch tiktok, listen to podcasts, and read books. itll be fine. im kind of nervous on what wild shit ill be confronted with, but ill just sit at the front near the driver and mind my business. i had to remind myself that i was a teenager taking the bus in the west end of atlanta years ago. ill be fine lol.

overall, spending less on transportation will be my saving grace in a way. more money to save and pay off debt. no longer dealing with the anxiety of finding parking when im out and about. ill be broke these next 3 weeks, but after i want to make it a mission to go somewhere new every weekend. to do what i actually moved here for. maybe ill start making friends off apps too. i really want to start volunteering, buy more instruments, get a new kitten, and decorate my apartment as well. a second job wouldnt hurt to help reach financial goals quicker either ;P

i get down and lonely, but reminding myself that theres things out here to achieve; cool stuff to experience. it perks me back up. maybe i can start planning a quick trip somewhere for the upcoming holidays as well. itll get my mind off sadness.

[scurviesdisneyblog]

Early visual development for Wish (2023) by Griselda Sastrawinata-Lemay and Brittney Lee.

An earlier version of the film saw Star take on a human form as a magical, glowing character inspired by Peter Pan. Ultimately, the creative team reconceptualized Star as an ethereal, playful entity resembling Mickey Mouse. "Now Star and Asha have an emotional journey. They are soulmates." -Allison Moore.

[sangthael]

progression of events

[fairycosmos]

i just feel like friendship is one of the most expansive and beautiful forms of love you can ever experience and i wish we gave it more credit

[fiddlingford]

Gravity falls as onion headlines part II part I part III

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[monochromeia]

Reading The Way of Kings is really funny so far because you go from reading about Kaladin and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day(s) to Shallan and her sailor buddy Yalb's wacky book-buying adventure back to Kaladin about to fucking kill himself.

[letsplaythermalnuclearwar]

Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met

[assassin-artist]

[petrichara]

Trying to remember the last time I played hide and seek. The last time I said hi to everyone on the street or saw the girls I spent every day of six years with. The last time my dad picked me up, or my mum brushed my hair. When was the last time I dressed without consideration? There is so much to think about now. I remember falling on the grass at school and making stories with the clouds. Hanging upside down from the swing and realising how big the world was. I wonder on the path of growing when we stop feeling big. I am taller now, smaller still.

[muzsmocsing]

Being friends with Xie Lian would be so weird because this man peppers in bits of his insane life ruining trauma randomly mid sentence. You'd like accidentally step on his toes and he'd go "ah don't worry about it, that foot's been cut off and eaten before anyways" smile, and then never elaborate.

[greghatecrimes]

We always want to give our children what we never got for ourselves.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Mix Sahaphap gets to perform (and has the performance chops to perform) in a style that I’ve never seen any other male actor get to embody. Mix gets to unironically play the #strongfemalecharacter. The Beatrice, the Elizabeth Bennett, the Jo March. Strong-willed, emotional, kind-hearted.

Not only do the plot points line up, but Mix, more than any BL actor I’ve seen, fully leans into the embodiment of this archetype. In his roles, he rolls his eyes, pouts, banters flirtatiously, softens his posture and expression at small details. He doesn’t over-exaggerate and imposition other characters but his face also doesn’t hold back his character’s thoughts and judgments. And when the moments arrive, he lets all the hurt and anguish pour out in shatters of tears and visible heartbreak—the star-counting scene, anyone????—in a way that harkens to the operatic emotionality of well-done melodramas, soap-operas, and their contemporary Thai equivalent of Lakorn. It’s only that these have never been men’s roles in those.

It’s no surprise that one of Mix’s roles—Cupid’s Last Wish—is explicitly a gender body-swap, and Tian in A Tale of Thousand Stars is (albeit explicitly denied within the show) heavily connected to gender body-swapping. What Mix specializes in as an actor, and does exceptionally well, has been defined as feminine. To depict a kind of queer expression in this style is novel because it’s not camp, it’s not okama, it’s not a soft or femboy, it’s not a BL twink (Mix has been mostly excluded from the schoolyards and quads of the BL universe except for a role as a senior crush in Fish Upon the Sky). It’s too sincere and too adult for any of that.

In Moonlight Chicken we get to see, without the pretense of gendered mysticism, this performance style’s seduction, warmth, wit, and explosiveness within the framework of a general gay form of expression. It says that this kind of femininity might just be a gay thing. Not all gay men exhibit it, obviously—queer men aren’t a monolith. Still, it gives us something to consider about how we observe performance of queerness on screen, especially in front of an audience that puts so much more emphasis on ships, heat, and pairing chemistry to assess how well they perform a BL role. Could we look for other features to judge performance of queerness instead of how well they kiss?

Seme and uke roles would be the major performance style categories loyal BL fans assess actors with, yet even within the archetype his character’s fill within BL narratives, Mix’s performances differ from the typical uke depiction in BL because he really doesn’t perform them as passive. Rather, Mix’s characters and his portrayal of them are dynamic and demanding. It certainly fits certain stereotypes of ukes (Gilbert!) and their gay stereotype equivalent of bottoms as pillow princesses and brats. Mix’s characters, though, have more drive, agency, and compassion than that, and he plays them with all of those currents running underneath.

We certainly have openly gay writer/director Aof Noppharnach to thank for writing this kind of queer character for Mix to play in Tian and Wen. But for Mix’s specific commitment to the performance starting off with his (debut!?) role in ATOTS, we first have Earth to thank for believing in Mix’s ability and recommending him to portray the role of Tian, and then Aof’s acceptance despite his differing initial expectations for the character. Mix, Earth, and Aof have all been open about how Mix in his personal life and nature holds a lot of similarities to both his role as Tian in ATOTS and Wen in Moonlight Chicken. Some people might knock points off his performances because he’s like them. But his relationship to the characters, rather than dampening my enthusiasm for Mix’s performances, helps me appreciate his willingness to give an authentic performance in a style that hasn’t been encouraged on screens previously. It’s made more impactful that he chose to risk vulnerability to bring something personal that had previously been excluded from screens because of its gender deviance (and in broader society explicitly condemned). This doesn’t make a claim on Mix’s actual identity, but simply shows his willingness to understand and perform the expressions of his queer characters with an effort at empathy that many other actors would feel challenged to bring.

Some actors are chameleons, but some actors have a gift of a type within which they can explore depths and range that no one else can best. For me, that’s what Mix does in his work when directors and casting understands his talent. There’s a BTS video of Mix actually fainting during a scene while in Earth/Phupa’s embrace on the mountain that immediately brought to mind the wildly famous final scene in the film Camille where Greta Garbo as Marguerite dies in her lover’s arms.

For Mix, it was a serious incident due to regrettably extreme conditions and requiring the on-set paramedics, but these levels of theatrics, for me, are emblematic of what Mix is capable of as a performer, as well. After all, he had to faint in Phupa’s arms multiple times on purpose. It’s the kinds of Old Hollywood and heightened sentimental romance realms Mix takes his performances to! Then he can turn around and make it look easy to take that same character into grounded quips or dedicated everyday tasks. It only takes writers, directors, and audiences willing to see that men can feel this way and act this way. Mix has paved the way.

[thelaurenshippen]

something about "the picket line against multi-billion dollar corporations refusing to pay all the people who make them money is ending early today because once again the earth is too hot for us to safely be outside (thanks in part to the private jets those same corporations use to go on their million dollar vacations)" makes me want to personally chew david zaslav's face off, actually

[minthara]

Minthara at the circus pt. 1