#he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Off Day: Eleven

Bucky leaned on the bathroom door watching you apply makeup to your face, pulling seemingly endless pallets, brushes, and bottles from your bag. “Why’s your foundation not match your face?” he asked.

“Because I’m not gonna go out and kill the Batman later.”

“Huh?”

“If your makeup stops at your neck, you look like a party clown.”

Bucky smiles a little and watched you work for a second and nodded, “You never used to wear makeup,” he mused.

“I never used to have money,” you say shrugging, pouting at him in the mirror. Bucky nods, “How does that work?”

“Does what work?” you ask, starting to blend things in properly.

“Do you get a check from the store?”

You shrug and smile a little, “Theoretically. But. Jack and Judy are paying for the groceries in the house. Kaity won’t let me pay rent. So, like... I just take enough to buy gas and cat food. Everything else I take out of my savings.”

Bucky shook his head, “Baby,” he scolded.

“What?” you ask, quirking an eyebrow.

“When’s the last time you bought yourself something fun?”

“I buy art supplies and makeup all the time. Online shopping is nice. I can buy pretty things in my underwear.”

Bucky tutted and made a mental note to buy you a little something. Still. He couldn’t be upset. You had his hoodie on and your panties, nothing else. It was a nice view. It was why he’d come to lean on the doorframe. He stayed because he was a little fascinated. Like watching you draw on his arm with sharpies, it was a miracle of artistic skill watching you play with contrasts and colors. If he hadn’t watched you do it, he wouldn’t believe it. You look like an almost totally different person.

When you finished your makeup, he smirked, “How mad would you be if I dragged you back to bed and ruined all that?” he asked.

“Pretty mad. I’d be keeping Kaity waiting,” you answer, smiling just a little as you put things back in your bag.

Bucky winces internally, feeling guilty. For just a minute, he’d forgotten. You were his and didn’t have responsibilities. It wasn’t Christmas and Kaity wasn’t dying. You weren’t putting makeup on like you were getting ready for battle. Armor to protect you from the reality that nothing was ever going to feel right again. 

“Are you ready to go home?” he asked.

“No,” you answer, “But. I need to. I just... I don’t know if I can handle this.”

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked.

You shake your head, “No. I just... I just need to suck it up. It’s not. There’s not anything I can do.”

He nods and wraps his arms around you slowly, “I’ll come by tonight,” he murmurs, “Put something warm in your belly and put you to sleep.” He kisses your neck and shoves his hand in your hoodie pocket.

“Okay,” you murmur, focusing on putting things away to give you time to breathe. 

“Maybe make you come two or three times,” he teased, kissing the spot on your neck that he learned made you shiver, chuckling when you did. “That never gets old,” he rumbled tightening his arms around you.

“Bucky-” you protest weakly

He grins at you in the mirror, “What is it, doll?” he teased, taking his hands out of your pocket to rest them on your hips.

You whimper and he stops moving, not letting you go but not pressing any further. “Baby girl,” he said gently, “Talk to me. What do you need?”

“I need to go home. I’m sorry I-” you take a breath and let it out slowly, “They’re waiting and if it’s another bad day, they’re gonna need me.” You can’t meet his eyes expecting him to be mad and Bucky feels like an asshole. “Let me put on some decent clothes and I’ll take ya home,” he said softly, “And then tonight I’ll come keep ya company... can’t promise to behave. But I’ll be there.”

You half turn to look up at him, all big sweet eyes and a soft smile and he kisses the tip of your nose. “Promise?” you ask.

“Promise,” he answers softly, cuddling you for a second before going to get some jeans and a clean hoodie to replace the one you’d stolen.

He’d never had a girl that asked so little of him. All you wanted was his time. Some attention. A little TLC from time to time. And he felt, strange. It felt like he wasn’t doing enough by not buying you gifts and making extravagant (for him) gestures. Char had been like a magpie. She liked her shiny shit. She liked to be fawned over. Treated like a princess. He desperately wanted to treat you that way. You deserved it. But as far as he could tell, you didn’t wear much jewelry and you worked in a whole store full of books if you wanted books. He didn’t know dick about art supplies of jewelry. And he felt silly buying cat toys. What did you get somebody who’d learned to get by on as little as possible? For Christmas, well. He didn’t know if you’d like it but. It was the only thing her could think of. 

He pulled it out of the closet and set it on the bed, thankful the girls had done the wrapping for him. It looked pretty. All green paper and silver ribbon. Glitter. “Fucking glitter” he groused, brushing it off his sleeve. The inside of his closet looked like a titty bar exploded. 

You pause in the doorway, pulling leggings on, “What’s that?” you ask, cocking your head. “Santa must have figured out where you were,” he said grinning.

“Bucky,” you protest, “I told you not to.”

“And I didn’t listen,” he said simply. “Come on, open it,” he encouraged, “I looked everywhere for it.”

You look up at him and smile, kissing his jaw before sitting next to the box, starting to open it carefully.

“C’mon, we’re not gonna save the paper!” he teased.

“I’m trying not to get glitter on your bed!”

“Doll, there’s been stripper dust on my sheet before. It’s fine.”

You snort and tear the paper off, opening the box carefully, “Bucky,” you gasp softly, “This is too much!”

“No it’s not,” he said grinning as you carefully inspected the new tattoo kit. “I figured if you wanted you could start doing them again. I got bored the other day and looked through the Instagram you post your art on... It was a few years ago and you were learning sure, but you did pretty good tattoos.”

“I dunno, Bucky,” you say hesitating, “It’s really nice but-”

“No buts,” he said, kissing you softly, “I just wanted you to have it if you wanted it.”

“Thank you,” you murmur, blushing as you kiss his cheek.

“Anything for you, doll,” he murmurs, “Honestly I didn’t know what to get for you at all but, then you kept doing a bunch of pretty artwork on my arms and so I thought I’d do this.”

“Even though I told you not to,” you pout.

“Sorry doll,” he chuckled, “I took enough orders in the army. Unless you’re naked I’m probably not gonna let you boss me around.”

“I don’t wanna boss you around,” you protest, “I just knew I wouldn’t have time to go get you what I wanted to get you.”

“Whatever that was, darlin’,” he drawled, kissing you slowly, “It wouldn’t have compared to last night.” Your cheeks burn and he smiles, “That was a dream come true. Literally. Thinking about you was the only thing that got me through basic. And both deployments.” He tugs you into his lap and kisses your head, “I always had a picture in my head of what it’d be like if I saw you again. I’d know exactly what to say. I’d sweep you off your feet and do the whole nine yards... Instead I didn’t even recognize you.”

“I mean, Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton look a like competition to a drag queen, so I can’t really blame you. A new nose, some new hair, and sometimes probably made it a little difficult,” you tell him.

“A new nose?” Bucky asked.

You shrug, “Got my shit busted enough times it needed done,” you tell him.

“I couldn’t even tell,” he said.

“Well, no,” you answer, standing up to get your things around, “That was the point. I just had them get as close to the original as possible.”

“Who busted up your face?” he asked following you.

“Parents a couple times. The last time, it was a guy I’d just started dating,” you don’t look at him, pretending to be preoccupied with your coat. Bucky does his best to breathe. To stay calm. He’s very, very aware of how fragile your emotional state is and how likely you are to jump to the worst conclusion if he looks angry but inside, he wants to reach through time and beat the living shit out of your dad for it. And find the guy that hurt you and snap is legs off. 

“Y/N,” he said gently, tilting your chin up, “I love you.” It’s all he can think of to say. The best way to remind you that you’re safe. 

“I love you too,” you tell him, turning your head slightly to kiss the palm that’s cupping your cheek.

_________

Bucky walks you into the house. It’s quiet but for A Christmas Story playing on the TV and Jack and Judy quietly eating breakfast. You sigh and let Bucky help you out of your coat before padding into the kitchen. This is going to be a long day. It feels like a wake. A really fucking lame wake. The kind of thing Kaity hates.

Bucky accepts hugs and Merry Christmases after you get yours and watches helplessly as you pad into the bedroom to say hello to Kaity.

Judy hands him a mug of coffee, “How was your party?” she asked. “Fine,” he said, “We had a drink and I took her home with me. Watched some movies.”

“No mistletoe?” she teases, handing him a plate to go with his mug.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” he said blushing.

“You’re a good boy, Bucky.”

“Shh,” he hisses, “Don’t say that too loud. You’ll ruin my rep as a drug king pin.”

Jack chuckles, “Son,” he said, “Anyone who believes that is an idiot. Your truck is real nice but it ain’t that nice.”

_________

“Hey, Kaitykat,” you murmur, leaning over to kiss her head, “Merry Christmas.”

She opened her eyes a little and smiled, “You smell like boy.”

“Well I mean. I slept with one and stole his hoodie so, that’d probably do it.” you tell her, smiling a little and curling up on the bed next to her to watch Muppets.

“Slut,” she teased, tugging a hoodie string, “Did he at least go down on you.”

“Kaity-” you start blushing.

“So no,” she chuckled, tucking hair behind your ear. “But did he take good care of you?” she pressed, looking anxious.

You nod, “Yeah,” you tell her, “He did.”

“You used a condom right? I mean. If he knocks you up I’m not going to have any fun making fun of you while you panic taking the test.”

“You’re such an asshole,” you giggle.

“Yeah, but you love me.”

“You know I do, Cat-cat.”

She smiled a little and laced her fingers through yours, “Do you love him,” she asked, laying her head on your shoulder.

“Yeah.”

“Good,” she murmured. For a long moment, Kaity’s quiet, watching Michael Cain find redemption. Trying to gather the strength to go sit out in the living room. “Promise me something?” she asked seriously.

“What?” you answer.

“When he does knock you up, name it after me.” She grins at you and you groan.

“Goddamnit Kaity.”

“What,” she pouts, “You’ll make cute babies.”

“He probably doesn’t even want kids, Kaity. And I don’t think I do either honestly.”

“Why?” she asked, letting you help her into her chair.

“Because,” you answer, kissing her head, “I don’t want to turn into my mother.”

Kaity winces but lets the matter drop. For now. Letting you wheel her out to the kitchen for something to eat. She’s thankful for the pain medicine that makes this possible. Thankful you’re here. That she can watch Bucky fuss over you fire hand. Coffee. Pastry. Anything he can coax into you. She meets her mother’s eye across the table and they nod. Thankful Bucky realizes that you’re losing weight and shouldn’t be. 

Bucky lets you walk him to the door and steals a kiss goodbye. A lingering kiss that makes you sigh, “Be a good girl?” he murmurs, kissing the tip of your nose.

“Yes, sir,” you answer, rolling your eyes. Bucky chuckles and raises an eyebrow, “Careful with that, darlin’. Especially with those pretty red lips.” You blush and he kisses your nose again, “I’ll see you tonight. I love you.”

“I love you too,” you answer, kissing his jaw before he slips out the door into the cold.

Tags: @lancsnerd @stevieang @thorfanficwriter @blameitonthecauseway @etherealwaifgoddess @wellfucksorrymum

[mattlassen]

My Ascent into MADness

          I’ve seen a lot of eulogies to MAD from contributors and fans alike the past week since the news broke that they wouldn’t be printing new material going forward. Yes, it is a loss for me as a MAD contributor but to be honest, I have been processing this loss and the end of MAD for a little while now. As Tom Richmond said so dead on, this was not something we didn’t see coming.

           I wrote some tweets as a tribute to MAD the day after the announcement went public but I feel I owe it more. (I really am a millennial - I thought a tweet or two was enough!) MAD was a big part of my life. It changed my life. It deserves more than Twitter. We all do!

           I was a writer and artist (occasionally) for MAD since I interned at the age of 19 but not many people know how I encountered MAD for the first time. I was born with a pencil in my hand as my mom says which makes me question what she was eating and drinking during pregnancy. I was always drawing and dreamed of being a comic strip artist after my dream of being a basketball star went by the waist side when everyone got taller and left me well by their waist side! During high school, my family took a trip to California and being big fans of Peanuts (my mom and I), we visited the Charles Schulz Museum in Santa Rosa. It was an amazing experience. We went around the whole museum while my dad and brother tailed off to let my mom and I experience it more in-depth at our leisure. When I met up with my dad later, he said “I was sitting in on this artist talk and the guy is pretty good. Maybe you’d be interested.” We went in and Tom Richmond was doing a talk about caricatures. They were amazing. Funny, exaggerated and completely dead on. You knew who it was right away! The perfect caricature.

           As the talk ended, Tom showed the opening spread artwork he just finished for MAD Magazine for the movie, Spiderman 2. Wow. Caricatures, amazing line, color and backgrounds together. Oh and stupidity! Spiderman’s pants were coming down so his underwear was showing, Doc Ock had big bandages on his tentacles and there was a paper that said “Man bites Dog, Dog sues.” The best was a spider web coming from the middle of Spiderman’s legs which I remember Tom saying, “Yeah, I’m surprised I got away with that one.” I left amazed but also thinking I can’t draw like that. Uh-oh.

           The museum announced that they would be doing a caricature workshop with Tom in about five minutes upstairs for free. We all went with a little encouragement from my parents. Tom started by asking for a volunteer that he could do a caricature demonstration of. My parents were very insistent that I do it, but being a teenager at the time (who looked quite younger than his actual age, short and scrawny!), I didn’t want to. I was picked and had to go up in front of everyone for an artist to pick apart my face and draw me. Yay! I was a good sport and a very jokey guy so I can take a joke just like I dished them out. He drew me on chart paper with big muscles and a mom tattoo because hell, my mom was the whole reason he was drawing me! I left the workshop with a caricature in my hand and MAD Magazine in my head. I need to get the magazine that had this Spiderman art in it. Many years later after hanging and talking to Tom on multiple MAD occasions as contributors, I told him this story at a party after a beer or two. He was a bit surprised to say the least.

           We went to a mall shortly afterwards and I was searching for the MAD art in the newsstands but it wasn’t out yet. I settled for the latest issue and was amazed by the diverse amazing artwork in the magazine. Since I met Richmond, I was fascinated with his work and it really stood out but there were other guys that were cool too like Mort Drucker, Hermann Mejia, Tom Bunk and John Caldwell (my all-time favorite since he was much goofier looking and simplified with his artwork just like I liked to draw!) Plus, he had this squiggle in his line which was intriguing. How? Why?

           I became obsessed with MAD for the art. I didn’t read it as much as I should have early on but I was just obsessed with the artwork as a budding cartoonist. The words were secondary to me. It was an art magazine. I drew everything in high school with chicken fat - gags on top of gags. My MAD subscription and obsession continued when I entered college. I went on the MAD website and saw they had internships in the New York offices for art and editorial. I was in no way a graphic design person. I hated it. Type and layout was boring. I wanted to be a cartoonist! I applied for both art and editorial. I wrote and mocked up my own outtakes from different TV shows such as The Office, Muppets etc. which was a recurring feature in the magazine at the time. It was something fun to do on a rainy Saturday night. I submitted and thought nothing of it. I wasn’t going to get it. Another summer doing art and taking summer classes. Yay.

            I checked my email on a slow Monday morning and to my astonishment, there was an email from Amy V. at MAD offering me an editorial internship. I was stunned. I told my family and they were ecstatic for me and soon I was starting my first day as a MAD intern. It was insane. The only magazine, I liked and I was going to work there. I got there and we had a morning staff meeting first thing. The whole staff (which wasn’t big at all!) and the four interns (two editorial and two art). I was nervous but was eased when the staff was grilling us about the magazine and I was the only one answering everything. I remember art leaving after giving their report on the status of their pieces and what they needed etc. John Ficarra, the editor (and best Benjamin Franklin impersonator I’ve ever met) took a piece of paper and wrote down what Michael and I would be doing. I got a big speech from my family about interns and how I shouldn’t expect much, I’m going to get coffee and do meaningless jobs that others didn’t want to do etc. John said “Okay, you’ll be writing fundalini pieces in house such as “The Godfrey Report”, “Celebrity Cause of Death Betting Odds” - give us a list of celebs to approve before you start and Fundalini asks “What If…?” etc.” He also said, we will have brainstorming writing sessions where you will work with us etc. I don’t think I blinked for the two minutes he was talking. Then he said, Dave will show you your office and get you guys set up. We had an office. We had our own desks. We had our own computers, phones. What?! Where was the coffee I needed to get them?

            We went right to writing, Michael and I. We came up with a bunch of celebrities etc. and got to know each other. I was always an art person and a little funny in classrooms and parties but never would I think of myself as a writer. We got a bunch of issues from the storage closet and focused in on the material we had to write specifically. I was seeing the magazine in a completely different light. It was incredibly smart and funny. Why wasn’t I reading this cover to cover all the time? We started writing together and putting out stupid jokes to try to make each other laugh. Sometimes successfully and most of the time, not. The soul crushing silence became the most dreaded thing in my life. The joke didn’t land and you just embarrassed yourself. That writing session was broken up by a call to come to the editor’s office because Al Jaffee was there dropping off the new Fold In. What?! This day is getting more surreal. That was cool is an understatement. Eventually, throughout the days at MAD, Michael and I wrote by ourselves and didn’t really collaborate on any pieces mostly because we had different comedy sensibilities and it was easier to write by ourselves. I started writing all day long and printing out my pieces to read and revise on my commute home.

            I got to sit in on fold in meetings, department writing sessions, general pitch meetings from writer submissions and what direction they wanted to go with content. I quickly figured out that I wasn’t as quick and funny as everyone else thought I was. These guys have been doing it for decades. Damn were they good! My first department writing meeting, they had an article about Fast Food and they needed a fake department name. I didn’t even get to process what the article was and the editor says “When Grease Meets West?” to which he is interrupted by Charlie singing “All We Are Sayyyyinnnnggg…Is Give Grease a Chance.” I was dumbfounded, out of my element and intimidated. I need to get better and quick.  

            As the six-week internship went on, I wrote so many pitches and submissions. I wrote three or four pages of Godfrey Reports (maybe nine got in), multiple Celebrity Cause of Death Betting Odds (three or so that got printed), so so many what ifs, that were off the mark. I loved it there! The people were funny, they were welcoming and better yet, they were kind and nurturing. They told you what worked and didn’t work. They didn’t care who had the best idea or the funniest line in the room, they liked that it was the best and funniest! It was comedy boot camp and you wanted to work there forever.

             We helped write fundalini pieces, department titles, articles in house, even an article introduction and so much more. I was like a staff member. I would get there early and leave later than I needed to. I met legends and heroes of mine when they would visit the office including Al Jaffee, John Caldwell, Teresa Burns Parkhurst, ironically, Tom Richmond and Hermann Mejiia among others. We got to go through original art for auction (where I found three Don Martins which they had to pry from my hands before I drooled on them), got to admire and examine Mort Drucker original pages that he just fed ex’ed in for a new parody with the staff, see the construction of a cover putting Obama and Alfred together (like 20 or 30 different versions) and the same for the Knockout Obama, Hillary piece both by Mark Frederickson. I felt like a staff member and left being assigned an editor to submit to and now you are a contributing writer, if you want to be. Submit anything you want. Now I’m a writer. They didn’t know who I was six weeks before. I’m just a college kid. I’m a contributor now? That was the best thing about MAD, they didn’t care what else you did for other people, they wondered what could you do for us. Don’t show me work you did for other people, show me a piece you wrote specifically for us. They looked at potential and built up talent to a new level.

            I wrote and wrote and there was a lot of near sales but a lot of not quites. I sold to MAD Kids before Christmas. That was a cool Christmas gift. In January, the magazine lays off three staff members and goes quarterly. There’s a famous Stephan Pastis line that I always remember and works best here “I finally get to play for the Lakers and the stadium is collapsing underneath us.” I came back the next summer and interned in the art department. Now, I’m getting to know people I knew but didn’t work with closely at all. Same old MAD but completely different. Instead of being with the editorial guys, I was with the art guys, Ryan, Sam and Doug. All smart, funny and amazing guys themselves. I came right into a deadline for the magazine and was put to Photoshopping different things. I was then tasked with restoring fold ins for a upcoming fold in collection. The previous intern did about ten or so which meant we were a long way away from completion. Over the next six weeks, I restored over 450 or so fold ins for the book, got to have lunch with and meet more artists and writers including Harry North, Jason Chatfield, Shannon Wheeler etc. and go through more original artwork to send back to the artists. Any cartoonists dream. I think Adam Cooke and Michael Slaubaugh visited that summer too! During this time, I wrote a piece on the weekend and submitted it to Dave Croatto, my editor, to which they eventually bought! Now I was actually a contributor to MAD! Not in house pieces but as a writer.

            After leaving MAD as an art intern, I looked for other places to intern/write for/work for. I knew MAD wasn’t going to pay the bills! I interviewed at The Onion where they told me I would hate working there after working at MAD because they didn’t care if it was the funniest idea or line in the room, if an intern said it they would ignore it. Nothing was like MAD and would be like it. I became very loyal to MAD. I only wrote for them. I didn’t consider myself a comedian, I was just a writer for MAD and MAD only. I temped after college in the editorial department for a month (literally, the day after my last final ever and took a day off for graduation!) We started the blog, established daily posting and internet presence through the current events that was happening. I started submitting more and selling on a more consistent basis. I valued their opinions and their direction. Nothing made me happier than seeing a MAD guy on the floor of a convention or visiting the office once or twice a year. They changed my career and the way I looked at things by just giving a 19-year-old kid a chance and some criticism and encouragement. They let me submit cartoons and I started to sell those too!

           I continued to write for the magazine and even got a page in their new book, Inside MAD, to write about MAD as a contributor. I did other freelance art jobs and eventually went back to graduate school to become an art teacher. Even throughout the four years I’ve been teaching, I continued to contribute and write consistently for the magazine. There are too many stories and memories to recount. (Believe me, this could be much longer!) When MAD announced they were moving to California, I went into mourning. My buddies were leaving. There were talks for years about this happening and they resisted as much as they could. I didn’t know what was going to be next for them and the magazine. I wanted to continue writing because it was my outlet and a nice hobby for me to destress from life and my full time gig of teaching cartooning. It wasn’t a job for me, it was fun!

           The new year came and it meant starting over with a new staff. It was hard. I tried but my heart wasn’t in it as much as when the New York staff was there. I wrote pieces and sold pieces (many that didn’t get printed because of the shortened run) but contributed none the less. As my job got more intense, I wrote less and less and without the same relationship, I had in the past my motivation folded a little bit before MAD did. My mourning period has lasted for a year and a half so the end of MAD wasn’t such a surprise or as much of a loss as it would have been otherwise for me. It still is a loss, don’t get me wrong but less so. This isn’t any slight to the West Coast MAD staff at all. It was me, not them. MAD became a fun hobby for me. Not my sole income and my way of life. I did it because I had the ideas and I enjoyed the people and the work. Plenty of people make fun of politicians, celebrities and the stupidity of the life but I occasionally got paid for it.

            I’ve been asked if I will try to get into other publications. I don’t know. Maybe. You might just see more MAD like pieces in my own webcomics and cartoons. The influence will be there forever and I hope people can clearly see that through the bad puns, the political stupidity and the irony.

            MAD is the cartooning and comedy bible. I loved the art as a cartoonist and grew to love the writing and minds behind everything as a contributing writer. My art and views are completely changed by my experiences working and being a MAD idiot. Everything I do is so idea based now because of MAD and being a MAD writer. They weren’t afraid of new blood or printing work from an unknown artist or writer. They gave chances and crafted things that were truly unique. I thank them for changing my life and letting me be a part of theirs and their legacy for the past decade. All of the amazing people and contributors I have met because of it is amazing. I will miss the occasions we would meet, share a joke or even lament about things. My life would be something very different if I didn’t go to a museum in Santa Rosa, if I didn’t submit an internship application and if I didn’t pick up a MAD Magazine on vacation. I would be called an idiot in different, not so surprising and endearing contexts and I wouldn’t have an Alfred sized hole in me today. I’m proud to sound off like I have to other MAD NY staffers and contributors in our coded communications.

Forever MAD

[midnigtartist]

Stream Team Quotes

How the fuck does hair work i serve food to grouchy old people so i can’t wear dresses [about Johan] that dumb beautiful boy We’re never going to get this done, it’s gonna be aimee forgetting how to draw fucking hair oh okay that’s a butterfly official hamiltonhistory head cannon. Thomas jefferson has a trampstamp of the declaratoin of independence you pay in time and i give you shitty comments he loves that alex is just a little bit pudgy send #tiddiesout4jefferson to hamiltonhistory and Marianne cam would be enabling you hoodlums shitty au aka fast food au where all they do is makeout when ham should be doing inventory {thinks they finished lineart] Yes! {tests it] damnit! I bet people get dick tattoos but they probably hurt like a son of a bitch his voice kinda sounded like a muppet but my fiiiiiiissssssshhhhhh i might die in a firey inferno but fuck it man let me finish my panini have you seen daveed diggs? have yous seen Chris lee? yes jefferson has abs you take the snake babies and twist it in and around the other to tie your shoes why is nothing sacred to you? yes he is a daddy he has a son who FUCKING DIED everyone needs to go in the corner by the way oh philip how will i go on -turns and slaps nametag onto newborn son that says “better philip”- lawless dabbing mom #tiddiesout4jefferson ask me what i’ll draw for the tattoos and i’ll answer you vaugly it’s his whole life so i have to kill his son if you’re not a jamilton shipper this is the wrong fuckign stream for you artic mankeys the stream exploded! the stream exploded! help my browser is trying to sell my illegal shit if one person says daddy i’m turning the stream off -chat screams daddy- when he was 16 he had a fake id and went and got three little birds up on his shoulder so it’s for his mother, his brother, and hIS FATHER THAT HE NEVER KNEW Oh god, oh god this was a bad idea tweet tweet bitches Again i’ve never been outside so… 20 minutes of aimee and cam screaming trying to get mics to work undistinguishable noises FUCK THE STREAM EXPLOADED AGAIN did the stream freeze- fuck i might go to jail but it’ll be worth it if it’s too cheesy feel free to come to chicago to stab me the stream has mellowed… this is bad next thing. John Laurens fucking dies DON’T EAT CHAPSTICK- oh chopstick stop voring the founding father’s god damnit if anyone asks why i’m not a tattoo artist i’m going to show them this aimee has an emotional breakdown because her art isn’t shit lets normalize older romances, let them get married when jefferson is like 50. LET IT HAPPEN Cause jefferson’s a hoe? see it’s gaudy, because jefferson is a gaudy piece of shit -raps ith bar scene- WHO WANTS WATERMELON GIVE ME THAT FUCKING WATERMELON (why are assholes in trench coats you’re kink ie jd the squip) also bill cypher and Jefferson don’t leave them out they are my husbands why do you want sharkjamilton, just let it die random ass quotes from ITH Sonny is like the trash can is on fire outside but it’s fine Don’t make me choose between Josnavi and Jamilton. Josnavi is soft and Jamilton is everything i’ve ever needed “Say something sexy” “Estoy cansado” - limpy Succo el dicko Good fucking job are y'all proud of yourself. Ham would punch jefferson in the fucking dick if he saw him wearing it. and honestly so would i guess what? fucking murder me we had titties out for jeffesron and now jefferson has his titties out hamilton farm au- thats just alex going to monticello and wanting to kill everything #dickosoutforusnavi you’ve got to write about jefferson teaching alex too ride… like horses…. and shit get that leggy way up there jerry is a whore jerry is a hoe #kinkshamethechat v #kinksamethechat goddamnit everyone is navi now

—

no editing we die like men

[myriad--starlings]

1. Always post the rules.

2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you.

3. Write 11 questions on your own.

4. Tag 11 people.

tagged by @bird-princess-official. thank u friendo i’ve been dying to do this lol

1: A meme that you’re glad is dead pepe. enough said.

2: Something popular that you Just Don’t Get uhhhh.  celebrity crushes. don’t get ‘em. they confuse me to no end.

3: Ever seen a whale in person?  no, sadly. I would love to see a whale in person

4: If your crush was a muppet, would you still find them attractive? i’m. this is one of the weirdest questions i’ve ever been asked and. i don’t know?? it’d be w e i r d to have a crush on a muppet for...so many reasons... i don’t think so though. i mean i don’t necessarily find him attractive in the first place and as a muppet...no. no nope absolutely not that’s weird. rain why did you make me think about this so much

5: Are you hungry? What for, if so? (I’m hungry ;-; hungry for some sweet chicken nuggers) YES. m e a t. also cake. i want dinner.

6: If you could fight anyone in the nearest 7eleven parking lot at 3am, who would it be and why? @atlas-the-toad because I keep saying I’m going to fight him and I haven’t delivered yet. I mean he’d beat me easily because I’m weak as heck and he’s much more used to early morning hours than I am. but I’d still like to pretend to fight him just for the sake of saying I did it.

7: Could you give me your address so I can come to your house and gaze sorrowfully at you through your bedroom window? uhhhhhhh. no. not on Tumblr at least, and...not so you can come stare in my window that’s WEIRD RAIN.

8: Could you draw me a sheep? could I? yes. will I? no. not today at least.

9: Describe one of your favorite books to me in no more than three sentences, and be as confusing as possible. Who’s this guy? Why does everyone hate my son? Wait what just happened??

10: Same as question 9, but with one of your favorite movies Woman writes book. Man gets mad. Man gets madder.

11: Did you steal my Jurassic Park t-shirt? Because I can’t find it anywhere, and I’d like it back. no I do not engage in thievery. shocking that you would even imply so.

my questions:

1 where were you on the night of the 25? 2 do you draw at all? if so, what’s one thing you’ve drawn that you’re proud of? feel free to provide a picture of it. 3 what song did you most recently have on repeat? 4 what’s one question you’ve always wanted someone to ask you?  5 what’s a color you feel ‘meh’ about? 6 how do you feel about the moon? 7 nail polish. yea or nay? 8 if you had to get a tattoo, like, had to, no choice about it, what would it be? 9 where did the prince go, after he killed the dragon? 10 Q? 11 what has been your favorite age so far in life?

I tag (less than eleven people): @starlittheorist @gods-little-punk @dogsanddigimon @indigo-night-wisp @autumnhobbit @spillywolf @littlebluebarista @just-peep @ramari1600 @only-a-paper-world and literally anyone else who wants to do it I just pulled these names out of the top my head 

none of y’all have to do it if you’ve already been tagged or you’d rather not! 

[nostalgiaispeace]

368.

2601. Do you think cell phones cause cancer? no

Are cell phone users more likely to get into car accidents? if they use them while driving Do cell phones really interfere with a plane’s navigation equipment? no idea tbh Are cell phones immune from computer viruses? no Can using a cell phone at a gas station spark a fire? not that i know of 2602. What makes a guy see a chick as less of a cute little girl and more of a woman? ask a man?

2603. What is it about football that makes people want to watch it? no idea. 2604. What is the best show on tv? Supernatural 2605. Are you more of a tape dispenser or a stereo speaker and why? ?

2606. What do you think is overrated? pop music

what is underrated? Metal

2607. Can spiders ump? ?

Did you interpret that as ‘jump’ or 'hump or 'bump’ or other? neither 2608. What’s the matter with adults today? pressure 2609. Have you ever worked 'off the books’? No. 2610. Have you ever worked 9-5? no

If not do you think you ever will? -

2611. Do men or woman make better bosses? doesn’t matter the gender. 2612. Do you believe that people should move up through a company or that the higher up positions should be filled by people hired from outside the company? doesn’t matter. 2613. Why is it that no one seems to care about their job? because companies treat people like crap. 2614. When I go into a store, why doesn’t anyone know anything about what they are selling? they haven’t been informed or worked there long enough. 2615. Have you ever seen those people that get that blank, lost expression when they go into a store and kinda shuffle along like zombies? i don’t pay attention to others.

Do you wonder how they got up, dressed themselves, and made it to the store in the first place? -

2616. When did you/will you graduate college? - 2617. When will Eminem stop whining about his bad childhood and move on?? he can express through his music what he wants. 2618. I am drug free. Are you drug free? Yes. 2619. I have piercings and am getting tattoos. Do you have either? yes 2620. Can you REALLY say that your way is the right way? probably lol

maybe there is a different way for everyone? maybe 2621. What do you think of the song 'Imagine’? - 2622. Can you think of any reason i might have written this, other than I am bored with too much time on my hands? nope. 2623. What is the purpose of art? expression.

How about movies? expression and entertainment.

Music? ^ 2624. Do you think that anything has lost it’s value because it’s become too 'commercial’? What? nothing i can thing of. 2625. Have you ever been promoted? no fired? yes

2626. What do you call your private area? Does it have a nickname? vag 2627. What parts of your body are shaved? armpits mostly. 2628. What is a peachclam? ? 2629. What is the american dream? it’s different for everyone

Is it the same as your dream? - 2630. Do you need to be right all the time? naw 2631. There was a sculpture that was supposed to be displayed for a week in the Rockefeller Center in NYC of a falling woman - designed as a memorial to those who jumped or fell to their death from the World Trade Center. It was complained about as grotesque, inappropriate and describe as 'not art’ What do you think? i don’t have an opinion. Ive never heard of that. It was taken down early because it was seen as 'offensive’. What do you think about that? probably was. The artist, Fischl, said in a statement. “It was a sincere expression of deepest sympathy for the vulnerability of the human condition. Both specifically towards the victims of Sept. 11 and towards humanity in general.” cool. Are people just too sensitive? Or maybe people are NOT sensitive ENOUGH to the idea that others may have different views from them (or from the majority)? the second one. See these different, opposing or offensive views be allowed to be expressed freely and openly? yes Why or why not? because 2632. What letter’s sound do you like the best? - 2633. What is one movie character you identify with and why? a lot of characters 2634. Do you act the same when you are alone as you do when people are watching? naw 2635. Why is everyone so obsessed with superheros? dunno 2636. What cliches do you hear over-used the most? no idea. 2637. Do you handle inconveniences well? no. i get annoyed 2638. Are you a fan of Jackie Chan? No. 2639. Is a promise a big deal? Yes. 2640. What is your place in the universe? we don’t have one. 2641. Once some scientists dug up a woolly mammoth, frozen in ice. It was still completely whole, not rotted or fossilized. The scientists decided to have a dinner party. It was a very posh affair. they served roast woolly mammoth steaks, the rarest meat in all the world. So, if you were invited, would you have eaten it? no 2642. What are 3 things you DON’T want to know? i want to know everything. 2643. It seems to me that a lot of people don’t value their lives, or life in general very highly. Why do you suppose that is? because life sucks.

Are you like that? i don’t value my life 2644. Do you celebrate the harvest moon? No. 2645. Do you believe in out of body experiences? sure. 2646. Why does so much depend upon a red wheel barrel glazed with rain water beside the white chickens? ????????

2647. Why do so many people get jobs that they dislike? it’s hard to get a job these days. 2648. Do you think that in THIS world, being creative is a handicap? no Why or why not? because it’s a nice thing to be creative. 2649. Do you ever get chills or shivers during movies? What movies? yes; good ones. 2650. Do you believe in the collective unconscious(that people are like onions..the outer layers are individualistic and the deeper you go the more similar we all are)? sure

2651. Do you think that most people have the qualities you look for in friends/intimate relationships or do you feel alienated? alienated.

2652. Are you very critical: of others? yeah

have you ever tried? yeah 2657. Imagine you are 34 weeks pregnant. You are healthy and you didn’t have any major problems in your pregnancy. Would you consider flying from the UK to Germany, which takes one hour, without a bad feeling that something could go wrong or the baby decides to come out earlier? i wouldn’t fly 2658. How long do you think it would take you to jog a mile? for me it takes like 12-15 minutes. 2659. Word association: twilight: - garden: - warm: - stars: - crash: - mold: -   gold: - green: - lush: - 2660. Picture a triangle:

Quick! What color is it?

pink Picture a square. Quick! What color is it? orange Picture a circle. Quick! What color is it? blue Why do you think you saw these shapes as these colors? who knows. 2661. What things are endless? everything 2662. Are you ever subtle? i dunno 2663. “Because we don’t know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood…some afternoon that’s so deeply a part of your being that you can’t conceive of your life without it? How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? How can you fully appreciate these moments, every moment, when it all seems limitless?” ~Paul Bowles except from The Sheltering Sky.

pretty 2664. Do you never have an ordinary day? i always do 2665. Do you embrace every single thing you’ve never known? maybe? 2666. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a satanist? well i am one so... 2667. Can stress sometimes be good? noo 2668. Write something random, just whatever flows out of your head without thinking. Forget punctuation just try to type as fast as you think:

no

2669. Are you a musical snob? kinda

How about a film snob? very 2670. When you were in school did you learn to think or repeat? think? 2671. Do you have everything you need to be happy? probably.

If not, what is missing? success 2672. Would you take a very casually dropped 'maybe I should just kill myself’ as a warning sign? depends 2673. What does the word 'ironic’ mean? Can you give an example of an ironic situation?

go buy a dictionary.

2674. What did you see today that was beautiful in an ordinary way? my kitty? 2675. Have you ever been on the edge of the night? no? 2676. Do you feel oppressed in some way? yeah 2677. Who do you think shot JFK? no idea. i very much believe in the conspiracy theory

Who do you think shot Martin Luther King? I don’t know the name. Why do you think they got shot? they were actually making efforts for change. 2679. Are you aware that although only about 14 percent of the American total population is black, that about 70 percent of the people in jail in America are black? yes Why do you think that is? justice system is fucked; being a POC sucks in this society. What conclusion can you draw based on this?

things need to be fixed

2678. Do you think that the culture you live in is completely open to all ideas and forms of expression? no 2680. What do you think of the character (muppet) on sesame street that has aids and should this kind of a theme be explored in children’s television? ? 2681. Are you dyslexic? No. 2682, Can you construct a bong out of: household objects? no an apple? no your cat? um no 2683. Starwars, star trek or star gate? none 2684. Windows or mac? MAC. 2685. Do you start conversations or wait for other people to start them? wait. 2686. How many phallic symbols can you think of? zero. 2687. Would you buy tickets to see the top ten American idols sing live? no 2688. A bird may love a fish…but where would they live? ? 2689. Are you a hologram or a misfit? misfit? 2690. How are you oriented sexually? I’m straight...?

Do you agree with the people who say that everyone is bi-sexual even if they don’t want to admit it? no 2691. If you are the only human on the planet of the apes do you have sex with an ape? no 2692. If you are making out with a sex someone and you reach down and find they have a fish tail instead of legs do you still fool around with them? what? 2693. Does superman wear kryptonite condoms? sure why not 2694. Do you know exactly where you are? yeah

Do you know the meaning of it all? Nope.

Do you know the distance to the sun? not at the top of my head.

Do you know the echo that is love? no? 2694. Do you believe you are: extraordinary? no

Blessed? no

Cursed? probably.

Won? no 2695. What are you doing this weekend? nothing special. 2696. Do you believe that black people should get money to make up for their previous enslavement? no..?

Do you believe that all oppressed people should get money to make up for their oppression? no? 2697. What’s a quagmire? dunno 2698. Is philosophy a science or can everyone have their own philosophy? make your own 2699. Are you a big fish in a small pond? naw 2700. Would you like to read an entire novel written in stream of consciousness form? what

[off-the-wall-gay]

All of them.

You're so lucky I'm bored 1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?Cereal2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?Nope, winter sucks 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?Pretty much any scrap of paper I can find4: how do you take your coffee/tea?I don't like either 🙈5: are you self-conscious of your smile?Not really. I'm self conscious of my teeth sometimes6: do you keep plants?I have one from my freshman year of college7: do you name your plants?Her name is Oti 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?Photography 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?YAS10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?Side11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?That I'm a puppy12: what's your favorite planet?Earth I guess?13: what's something that made you smile today?Knowing I'll be in Florida in 25 days 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?I'd probably kill her tbh because she's messy and I'm a neat freak 😂😂15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!Apparently female kangaroos have 3 vaginas 16: what's your favorite pasta dish?Fettuccini Alfredo 😛 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?Honestly I like my hair 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.She broke her phone while drunkenly doing our field hockey warm up on the sidewalk 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?I do. I write pretty much whatever and keep tickets, receipts, little things, etc in it20: what's your favorite eye color?Blue 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.I don't really have one...I do have a hat that's been everywhere with me. I've worn it to every place I've ever been.22: are you a morning person?Depends23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?Watch Dr. Phil and nap 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?Probably Muppet 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?My own house I guess 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?My black converse 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?Spearmint 28: sunrise or sunset?Sunrise 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?I'm blanking right now 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?Yeah31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.I mostly wear white socks tbh 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.In middle school my friends and I stayed up all night and watched the sunrise together 33: what's your fave pastry?Muffins34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?BUDDY!! He's a Bernese Mountain Dog puppy and I still have him. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?Not really36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?Currently I've been digging Mumford again 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?Clean whenever possible 38: tell us about your pet peeves!When people call koalas bears 😤😤 they are marsupials 39: what color do you wear the most?Burgundy 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?My claddagh ring. I've had one for as long as I can remember 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?Ask the Passengers 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!Starbucks lol43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?No one 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?When I was in Erie for the first time with my now ex girlfriend 45: do you trust your instincts a lot?Yes46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.Cheese is Gouda 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?Lima beans 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?Death, yes 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?I do but I haven't bought any recently 50: what's an odd thing you collect?Heads up pennies 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?Muppet - Love is an Open Door because we are duet buddies 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?Totinos53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?None54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?My ex55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?No idea 56: what are some things you find endearing in people?Generosity, kindness, good sense of humor, honesty, confidence 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?Love that song 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?Muppet is wine mom and I guess I'll be the vodka aunt 59: what's your favorite myth?Loch Ness60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?I do like poetry. Mostly writing though 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?Not sure about given. But my friend got me a sports illustrated calendar last year 😂62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?Nope63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?Kinda 64: what color is the sky where you are right now?White 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?My best friend from high school 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?I don't like flower crowns 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?Like cuddling68: what's winter like where you live?Gross69: what are your favorite board games?Clue70: have you ever used a ouija board?NO NO NO NO NO NO NO 71: what's your favorite kind of tea?Do chai tea lattes count?72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?Yes73: what are some of your worst habits?Biting the inside of my lip 😤74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.Wine, science, tall, field hockey, pugs75: tell us about your pets!Oliver is a 12 year old yorkie who I love to bits 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?Getting out of bed 77: pink or yellow lemonade?Both 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?Hateclub because I had to wear a minion costume for work and that thing had no air circulation and is now known as the death egg79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?Surprised me by visiting me on my birthday 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?Gray and teal. I picked them because I liked them81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.Too tired for this rn82: are/were you good in school?I was decent 83: what's some of your favorite album art?I don't knowwww84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?Eventually I wanna get a half sleeve I think 85: do you read comics? what are your faves?I read Dumbing of Age online86: do you like concept albums? which ones?Not really87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Mean Girls88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?Not really89: are you close to your parents?My mom but not really my dad 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.Cork, Ireland was where I studied abroad. It will always feel like a second home to me91: where do you plan on traveling this year?Florida92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?Drowns 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?Hair down94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?One of my study abroad friends 95: what are your plans for this weekend?Relax because I don't have work for once 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?I try to install them quickly but forget a lot 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?ENFJ, Sagittarius, Gryffindor 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?It's been a really long time. I loved it. I need a hiking buddy. 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them."The Planets Bend Between Us" and "Closed Hand, Full of Friends"100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?Probably the future. I feel stuck currently.