#will just have to experiment with mixing in some of the foundation i have thats too dark 😭

[thursdayg1rl]

decided im not going to buy more makeup or skincare until my current ones run out im not falling into the consumerism trap

[angstics]

long post rambling about mychem eagles —

there’s been a sort of depersonalization (probably wrong term?) push by artists and audiences to separate art from artist, and for the audience to see art as fictitious rather than biographical. im thinking about mitski. it seems much of mychem (gerard’s solo work too) is transparently “based on real life”.

talking about this because im thinking about “im her kind of girl, shes my kind of boy” and variations and how it is taken as a personal statement (or reflection or something). in eagles alone this line isnt the only one taken this way (the eagles references, “all along the coast theyre waiting”, “one good turn deserves another”, “everyone likes their picture taken”, “want you to set me on fire” etc all being band commentary) but there’s some nonsense (even one of the variations, “im her kind of dog, she’s my kind of cat”?), so there’s def a mix of fiction and non. it’s a good study of songs that live in the real-fiction area. suddenly thinking of that green day song about coming out. say what you will about green day, thats a wild song to put out in 1994. songs like these that speak to a certain experience that isnt totally universal… you know something that cant be a secret because it’s said out loud, but it’s a secret because you have an understanding that feels, well, intrusive. even with non queer stuff, like foundations. it is SO revelatory of what happened with the band, ESP since theyve avoided talking about it reeeeeally. but at the end of the day theyre still assumptions. even when he explicitly places HIMSELF, HIS STORY, in the song. IT’S STILL A SONG. IT WILL FOREVER BE JUST A SONG! WHAT IS TRUTH! is an interview truth? is a conversation truth? is your therapy session truth, is your diary? what is truth? what is truth? if art cant be truth what the fuck can it be?

i just started left hand of darkness so im on le guin’s authors note. she talks about this, which is probably why im thinking about it. she says:

“The only truth I can understand or express is, logically defined, a lie. Psychologically defined, a symbol. Aesthetically defined, a metaphor.”

well i dont know… maybe the artist understands as much as the viewer. in the sense that when art is created it isnt the artist’s anymore. who said that? probably gerard. so everyone is at equal footing. it is as true to the artist as it is to the spectator — more apt, the artist is a spectator. i guess im looking for intent (the encoding). it’s weird how we sometimes decode in order to know the encode, which is by definition unknowable.

WELL. all to say that i love that line (i love all of eagles) and im glad he said it and im glad it holds whatever meaning it has that he felt compelled to not only say it but to keep it for a while… it rules… i think about it all the time and im just so happy about it lol… but it is undeniable that part of the happiness is the person saying it - in 2 senses: that there IS someone and WHO that someone is. FINI

[kozykricket]

Thoughts on Enjoying Minecraft (and how many ways to play minecraft there are)

was watching a video on how minecraft is less of a game and more of a platform, one that you can enjoy in so many different ways. and yknow what? I'm just thinking about how "mods are better" completely ignores that yes, minecraft is a game that is primarily enjoyed by modifying it to your liking.

and honestly? of course the base vanilla experience isnt going to be interesting for people who have known and played the game for years. putting your own spin on it IS what makes it interesting and guess who has to keep the game relevant and MAINTAIN the code in it? to not only add a few new inspiring playthings, but to add more capabilities to datapacks, commands, etc? mojang. so i find it quite impressive that they manage to keep the game afloat, keep the game RUNNING even with minimal bugs, AND keep adding features. I honestly think a lot of people nowadays are just like, since they've seen so many people sensationalize the vanilla survival experience, they think to themselves that the only way for them to play minecraft is that experience. that ONE experience. but is that really fair for a game that isnt DESIGNED around a single experience, to say "wow, mojang sure sucks at designing for one of the many experiences they realistically are designing for"

i think if they really wanted to, they could just abandon modders, mapmakers, and different playstyles, and focus all their efforts on just adding content to survival. but they wont

and modders may add the content YOU like more, and thats good. It doesn't make them inherently better than mojang, they're just… people pursuing what the game is a good foundation for: making the game what they want it to be. if people cant agree on what they want minecraft to be, and make vastly different modded experiences, then minecraft is succeeding in being minecraft. In a sense, I think some modders are the people who may be most content, experiencing ... happiness, not complaining all the time that one of many experiences isnt to their taste. they just mold the game to be one they like

not to say thats what all modders are like, though. i know plenty who are burnt out of the game. but then theres also a whole thing to be said about the passion for creating stuff FOR minecraft being another avenue of enjoying the game. i enjoy minecraft, but i enjoy thinking about it more than playing it sometimes. thats also fair

and... i know this post was all over the place, jumping between like 3 key points, but it just all came to me, while watching this video

In short, Maybe try mixing up how you play minecraft, if you don't enjoy it. Maybe, accept that the pure vanilla experience isn't one that you'll really care for all the time. That's okay. Maybe you want to modify some recipes, maybe you want to overhaul progression and add more bosses. That's cool too! Theres just. a lot of cautious design around the people making the foundation that you do all of this on top of. They don't really want to make the vanilla game go in any particular one of those directions that YOU could take it more than others. its an all rounder of a game, with an emphasis on player choice. You make the content, you make the goals. Maybe that isnt your thing. Maybe go play a modpack where the goals HAVE been made for you by other players.

[wellthatschaotic]

Hi yes have some attention <2 also ramble abt your paracosm if you’d like ^-^ (words are Hard but I wanna give attention)

me when Attention Is Given :D

hmm there is a lot to ramble about but recently we've been daydreaming a lot about the. bad guy organization. i still don't have a name for it i think it was like PEACE or something. it was an acronym for something i remember that much. WAIT I REMEMBER it was SAFE (Supernatural Anomaly Foundation of Examination)

okay so SAFE is. the Bad Guys. heads up that several of us have exotrauma related to them so i will be leaving out some parts lmao. as you already know. So Many Of Us are nonhuman. and as you can tell from the name (im pretty sure thats it. or at least close) it's kind of anti-supernatural entities. by "examination" they usually mean Incredibly Unethical "Research" because like they're Monsters so it's fine right aha. except not only is it not fine to torture anything including supernatural/magical/otherworldly "monsters". a lot of times humans get caught up in the mix. as in falsely accused of being not human or even trying to find a way (again. incredibly unethically) to infuse them with magic/supernatural powers and use them for their advantage (think winter soldier). which is Just Lovely. and ofc if you're subject to these accusations/experiments you're uh. not getting out. bc if you did then you'd be able to tell people hey there's a secret organization that's super fucking evil. which they do not want.

also there are levels of clearance. dealing with actual entities is the highest level of clearance. next highest is dealing with dead entities/remnants of them. after that is dealing with magical objects. after that is like. paperwork and shit. only the highest level of clearance (and sometimes the second highest but not often) actually know what's going on (that the entire thing is Fucking Evil) but like it's in the name of Science so it's fine!

hmm what else. i don't want to step on any toes regarding exomems/trauma so i think that's where i'll leave it Publicly but if you want to hear more about it you can msg us !

[makeste]

some meta about Izuku, Katsuki, and trust

and choosing to trust is the real bridge that goes to accepting that person as a part of your live again and what the offender has to earn. I think the interesting aspect of Deku and Bakugou's relationship is that Deku has always trusted Bakugou, and I would say more than he had forgiven him at the start of the story (where he does show more frustration and resentment towards Bakugou's behaviour and see him as a jerk) but despite that he can always trust Bakugou to him himself, attested to

the fact that Deku feels very confident about how Bakugou will act or what Bakugou's true motives are and probably the reason why he always sees Bakugou as a hero despite his hurtful behaviour is because Deku 100% trusts Bakugou even if he's doing something disagreeable or that will hurt him. Knowing someone and trusting is not exactly the same and I see it as trust because of Deku willingness to be co-operative. On Bakugou's side he is mistrustful of Deku and thats where the communication

breaks down and there has been plenty of meta exploring why Bakugou has deep rooted problems around Deku and his journey is him taking accountability of that and changing to be a better person. While understanding and miscommunication get their fair due I think trust and mistrust are the true bedrocks of the bkdk river bed because that allows for how they can still be so connected despite the miscommunication (with Bakugou mistrust is mixed with some trust) because of knowing.

anon I really enjoyed this, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I concur with just about all of this, and this ask got me thinking a lot about the nature of trust, and how it applies to Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship.

I think a lot of people’s reactions to reading the sentence “Bakugou and Deku have always trusted each other” would pretty much be, “???” and “lol what.” like, yeah, sure. they trusted each other so much that Bakugou decided that throwing a tantrum for ten years would be an appropriate reaction to Deku trying to hold his hand. classic Trust, right there!!

lol but I honestly think this is true, though. it’s just that there are different... levels?? types?? of trust. let’s go with types. there are different types of trust, and what makes Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship so interesting to me is that it’s kind of the opposite of what these fictional rival-type relationships usually are. it’s basically the difference between knowing, and understanding.

okay so first of all let’s back up here to make sure we’re all on the same page. we’re defining trust as “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone”, which is the Oxford Language definition and which works pretty well for me. you’ll note, btw, that the current relationship between Katsuki and Izuku more or less meets all four of these criteria.

reliability - both boys regard each other as dependable and are willing to rely on each other in a pinch (although Izuku is currently having some difficulty with that, but that’s another topic for another day).

truth - both are honest with each other, though not completely honest (this is the aspect that Katsuki still needs to work on, as he’s currently hiding his desire to atone).

ability - neither of them have any difficulty with this. Izuku admires Katsuki’s ability so much that he’s made it his own gold standard since childhood, and Katsuki respects Izuku’s ability enough that he made him his main rival, and never doubted that Izuku was qualified to receive OFA and become All Might’s heir.

strength - as with ability, this is another aspect of trust that neither of them has ever struggled with. in fact, a lot of their relationship struggles happened specifically because Katsuki never doubted Izuku’s strength, but feared it because he didn’t understand it.

so yeah. there’s a lot more trust between them than most people realize, I think. but the thing is that the type of trust they have is based more on knowing than understanding, and that’s where so much of their conflict stems from.

when I say knowing, I’m talking about the kind of awareness that comes from familiarity and experience. this is the type of trust that’s difficult to take shortcuts with, because it mostly just has to be accumulated over time. this is all about learning what someone is like through observing them and being around them. and it’s just as much about being known as well, because at the same time that you’re learning who the other person is, they’re learning about who you are. and that’s where trust starts to work its way in. it’s the slow unveiling of who you are, and laying it on the table piece by piece over time. and every time another little piece of you is revealed and accepted, and every time you accept one more piece of who the other person is in turn, that trust increases a little bit more. this type of trust takes a long, long time to build up, but in exchange the foundation it creates is pretty much rock-solid and nigh-indestructible.

understanding, on the other hand, to me is more instinctual. it’s about empathy and insight. and the interesting thing is that it’s possible to know someone for years upon years, and yet never truly understand them. and on the flip side, it’s also possible to understand someone within minutes of meeting them, even if you know almost nothing about them. if “knowing” is about learning who someone is, I would say that “understanding” is about learning why they are who they are. this type of trust isn’t necessarily always mutual, but it does necessitate forming a connection with someone. because empathy is such a critical component of it, it’s basically impossible to understand someone and not form an emotional connection to them in some way. this type of trust can be far more powerful and intense than the “knowing” type of trust, but the flip side is that it can sometimes be less stable and easier to break.

I think that the majority of fictional relationships, especially the ones that become really popular ships, are based more around the latter type of trust because of its intensity and unpredictability and potential for story development. the thing is, both of these types of trust are necessary for a good ship (and when I say “ship”, I’m talking about both romantic and platonic relationships just fyi). if neither type of trust is present on at least some level, then there’s really no foundation to start building up the relationship. so most of the time a ship will start out with one or the other, and then over the course of the story they'll work on building up whichever one was lacking.

and because of how stories work, the majority of the time we’re going to be dealing with characters who at first don’t know each other all that well. and so the relationships we get are ones where the characters first form some kind of emotional connection that builds understanding, and then over time they start to learn more about each other and build up that kind of trust as well. I feel like 90% of ships have this kind of dynamic. it’s the basis for things like enemies-to-lovers, fake dating AUs, and basically any kind of trope in which the characters get stuck somewhere and are forced to spend a lot of time together. it’s good, and it works.

but the fascinating thing about the relationship between Izuku and Katsuki, though, is that it’s actually the exact opposite of this. the premise of Izuku and Katsuki's story is that these are two people who’ve known each other their entire lives, but have almost no understanding of each other whatsoever. they know almost every little detail about each other, so much that they hardly even think about it. but all of their conflict is based on the fact that understanding between them is basically nonexistent.

and to me this is such an intriguing dynamic. the two of them know each other like the back of their hand. they’re familiar with the smallest habits. they can predict each other’s actions. they know how the other person thinks. and they have the kind of trust that comes with having seen the other at both their best and their worst. Katsuki is capable of letting his guard down around Izuku in a way he doesn’t do around anyone else. he cries in front of him on multiple occasions. he lets Izuku call him “Kacchan” long after their other childhood friends have stopped doing so. and even though he fears and resents Izuku’s strength early on, he also subconsciously acknowledges it in ways that even he doesn’t realize (e.g. “don’t you dare get into U.A.,” rather than “you can’t get in” or “you won’t get in”). he knows Izuku.

but he doesn’t understand Izuku. he knows who he is, but he doesn’t understand why. he knows that Izuku is strong, but he can't wrap his head around the nature of that strength. and because he lacks that understanding, this vital aspect of the trust between them is lacking, and is all too easily broken when Katsuki falls into the creek and Izuku tries to offer his help. Katsuki knows that Izuku is a good person, but he doesn’t understand that goodness, that selflessness, and so he’s mistrustful of it.

on the flip side of the coin, however, Izuku has the utmost faith in Katsuki. to him, Katsuki is the strongest, smartest, most capable and most amazing person in the world (aside from All Might). and Izuku, unlike Katsuki, actually does understand his childhood friend at least a little bit. he understands Katsuki’s reasons for wanting to be a hero. he understands that Katsuki is not just mindlessly pursuing strength. he understands that Katsuki’s motivation is about overcoming obstacles and beating challenges. and most importantly, he understands that Katsuki, in spite of everything he’s said and done to Izuku over the years, is fundamentally a good person.

and this is crucial. because, along with the bond of familiarity they’ve built up together over the years, it’s this other, one-sided bond of understanding that is responsible for their relationship enduring for as long as it did despite everything. as you put it, anon, Izuku’s trust is ultimately what becomes the bridge between them. on some level, he trusts in Katsuki’s innate goodness. he believes in it in spite of all of Katsuki’s attempts to persuade him otherwise. e.g. when Katsuki suggests that he go jump off the roof, Izuku is hurt by the words, but he never once takes them to heart, because he knows on some instinctive level that Katsuki doesn’t mean them. and so he grumbles to himself about Katsuki needing to think before he speaks, but aside from that he never gives the words another thought.

Katsuki would no doubt consider this yet another example of Izuku not caring enough about himself or taking himself into account. but it really is more than that. the reason the words don’t cut deep in spite of them being vicious and well-targeted is simply because Izuku knows that Katsuki isn't truly that cruel. and he knows that on a level so deep that Katsuki is never able to break it despite his best efforts. he can’t break it, because there’s nothing to break, because it’s true. the reason the relationship endures in spite of everything is because deep down Katsuki is fundamentally a good person, and so Izuku’s trust, in the end, is based on truth. and so it never fully breaks, and eventually, it becomes reciprocated.

and that’s what their story is all about. it’s two people that have known each other their entire lives, but have to work in order to build their understanding of each other. unlike many ships, they start off already having that foundation of knowing and being known, and so their story instead is about forging that connection of empathy and insight. and it doesn’t come easily to them at all. but they keep at it.

anyway, so thank you again for sharing your thoughts on this, anon. I didn’t even get into the topic of forgiveness, but I agree with you about it being a process of letting go of negative feelings and resentment. I also agree that forgiveness is a separate thing from trust, but I do think trust plays a big part in one’s decision to forgive or not forgive. it's a lot easier to forgive if you have an understanding of the other person’s actions. and it’s also far, far easier to forgive if the offender’s actions are long in the past. and because the latter is now true in Katsuki’s case, that shows a pattern of him learning from his mistakes and not repeating them. which further builds trust, especially in the “reliability” department. and so even though forgiveness and trust are two separate things, they’re still connected. and in many ways, by working to rebuild the understanding between him and Izuku, Katsuki is also working towards earning Izuku’s forgiveness, even though that’s ultimately something that can never truly be earned, but can only be granted.

I’m not sure if I’m really making my point very clear here lol, but basically what I’m trying to say is that while the relationship may have once been one-sided in this aspect, it’s not anymore. it’s mutual, and they’re both putting the work in. and Katsuki is also doing his part without any guarantee or expectation of forgiveness on Izuku’s end. it’s unconditional. he’s doing it because he wants to atone. and he’ll continue to do it whether he’s forgiven or not. and that’s important. it’s important because it shows that the relationship has value to both of them. and it’s important because neither of them wants to lose it. they want to fix it; they want to make it stronger.

and ultimately what that means is that the relationship will continue to endure, despite their ups and downs. because even though it may have started out as something incidental -- two boys who just happened to become friends because they spent a lot of time together as children -- it’s not, anymore. it’s no longer just something that happened, something that just accidentally came together. it’s something that they’re both working to build. they want to trust each other. they want to understand one another. their relationship is no longer something that simply withstood and persisted -- it’s something that is now being nurtured. and you love to see it.

so let's see, how do I even begin to tl;dr this post lol. something something blah blah blah trust, understanding, childhood friends, knowing someone, having faith in someone, being the recipient of that faith, and working to become worthy of it. they're very confused, but they care about each other a lot, and they are good boys.

[tomyo]

Hi there, I uploaded a lot of comics tonight so I thought I'd just give some info on things no one care about!

So I'm trying to get my eggs in order lately. My therapy comics had kinda been a big practice into being better towards my page layouts in general while also just trying to emotionally vomit hard shite. Admittedly they are also in part just to have a comic portfolio of some sort for event marketing. Tonight was mostly part 1 of working to empty out my backlog but I still have a few left. First what's actually been on the back burner; two 8+ pagers that are kinda foundational to all these since one is a redraw of essentially the first therapy comic and the other was a metaphorical peeling back of the layers of the stages of my mental illness journey to find the start of it. It would've only been those two but tonight I ended up sketching two more 1 pagers, a two pager from when a glass ceiling lamp smashed on my head, and a four pager.

In general my work is in a weird transition, my autobio comics are skewing slightly towards more queer stories and I'm debating taking up another slightly longer project later this year about how even realizing I was gay at 19 felt kinda behind everyone else. There's also been a semi joke story Top Quest which I don't know if I even have the balls to properly work on it. Outside of that my hope is to move onto more fictive stories properly.

Do You Need Love? Is my oneshot I came up with in 2019 thats taken me an ass load of time mostly because I struggle to design the MC fully. The concept is a new customer to a coin op professional cuddling booth; philosophical debate ensues!

Her Tanlines Catch My Eye was supposed to be an even easier one shot because it was August last year and I was gay but my understanding of CSP slowed me down a little on it. It remains to be seen if I'll pick it up again.

'Middle School Zine' is a little bit of a hybrid of a story from each year of being in middle school as a weeb mixed with the 'Naruto Doujinshi' I tried to make in the 8th grade story (it's peak cringe and pick me at points despite being a whole 6 pages).

And then finally is the actual big project I've been sitting on waaaaay too long.

Natural Disaster's Agape was something that's really been sitting around for a while. It's the story of what if someone gave into making every wrong impulsive decision. Gale is a dumb angry lesbian with too much baggage that she doesn't deal with. Her only experience with therapy was being forcibly hospitalized, she self medicates on her friend's meds and drugs, and she causes a lot of unneeded fights. Its hard to sell it beyond that without giving away much more than she gets a girlfriend and they are the worst uhauling, shameless pda ing, couple anyone has ever seen but I can say I'm going for the feeling of a Greek tragedy. NDA has been roughly 40-50% outlined but also always struggled at the character design phase which isn't helped by the fact I keep putting it off for "when I finish all my other shorter projects" which never happens.

As it is, currently it's "a bunch of time sensitive for max effectiveness" charm season that will likely come first but my hopes are that maybe I can finish DYNL in time for Valentine's Day (even though it isn't a love story), maybe try to get the middle school zine done in April and then try to make room to give my attention to NDA the rest of the year (alongside the soul eater plushies which probably mostly just need production back and forth and campaigning to raise the money).

Anyway that's all

[system-of-a-feather]

“I’m an introject” “Oh what’s your source”

For those that don’t know I’m ‘an introject’, but honestly I’m a hot fucking mess of so many toppled on each other its kinda funny. I try to find a “main” but I really really don’t have one cause the second I do find one, I just realize the others are also very intense.

I’m pretty sure our brain doesn’t like generating “single fictives” as in a fictive that is solely from one source. Like Jii is an OC fictive blended with an anime fictive, Riku is technically “just a KH fictive” but they also are more so our whole fucking DS at the time, and like, I’m a fused part of two introjects and it’s a fucking mess.

Cause XIV 1.0 was like either/both Dark Riku or Repliku from KH blended with White Ichigo / Hollow Ichigo from Bleach; and Rayku was probably fucking Lucifer from Lucifer and an introject of our gatekeeper Ray (yes, we introjected our own alter into a subsystem its fun shit)

And I’m not sure which half the OC introject I also have in here came from. I’m not sure if it was from XIV 1.0 or Rayku - or if by some weird happenings - when we fused said OC became a foundational “casing” for the fusion and added itself to the list but like

I literally have five fucking sources and the parts relating to XIV 1.0 + the OC introject I identify with more since XIV 1.0 was the more elaborated part and also the one / part I sat with the most and thus understand the most, but even then - in my “main three” being Repliku, HIchigo, and OC Character here, like.... I literally fucking couldn’t pin point the most prominent one among them.

You would think at this point, having five different ‘sources’ - one of which being another alter, I would jsut be like “lol I have such a mixed identity that I just am my own person” and to some degree, yes maybe - but I entirely still have a lot of fictive vibes and experiences with each of my sources save for “Ray” being my source.

Then again, Ray and I get along a little too well cause we have a lot in common so who knows.

I’m a fucking hilarious mess and thats fine.

-XIV 1.0, Riku, Repliku, Dark Riku, Hollow Ichigo, Rayku, Ray, [redacted OC Name], Lucifer, XIV 2.0

[creekfiend]

Silver's story is that she was bred by a person about an hour away who breeds mixes for bite sports/protection or service work. She raises them all with protection training and then when they get older she sees which ones enjoy biting stuff and which don't and the ones that do not love biting stuff she tries to train as SDs for veterans. So many of them are placed with vets bc she is a vet. So... Silver showed no interest in bitesports or protection but is very handler oriented and attentive so the breeder thought she would make a good SD prospect for this guy who had various issues from his time in the military... But it turns out he was kind of a scumbag and didn't know anything about dogs or what to expect from a service prospect or dog in general; he like just slapped a prong om her which she had never had on before, and took her to some really crowded loud public events like... The first week he got her. And he was like "SHE IS TERRIFIED OF EVERYTHING SHE IS A BAD DOG SHE ISNT TRAINED FOR OFF LEASH" like well... She is a 6 month old puppy probably in a fear period and you haven't given her time to settle in before throwing her into situations you gave her NO foundations to comfortably navigate and are using aversive tools on her to correct behaviors that SHE WASNT TRAINED ON YET. ??? Then he tried to flip her and sell her for like 300 dollars more than he was charged for her (bc he was given the vet's discount...) And there was this whole kerfuffle about trying to get her back from him bc the breeder has a no questions asked takeback policy , as good breeders should. Anyway they got her back and were like "she would still be a good service dog tho... Do u wanna meet her" so I said yes I was skeptical but I wanted to meet her and see for myself.

So I did!!! And she is SO GOOD.

The thing is she was in a kennel at the breeder's place bc she just moved and hasnt got a dog friendly house setup yet... So Silver's primary House Experience was with this guy. That is why I am having to counter condition Being Inside for her now. Bc she acts very different inside than outside I can tell she is uncertain and apprehensive about indoor environments due to Whatever this guy did. I doubt it was terrible he prob just yelled at her. But she is a sensitive teenager so that would be enough to make her anxious i think.

Like apparently one of the things she was doing that he cited as "annoying" is that when he had an episode or got into a funk she would sit right up close to him and flip his hand with her snout repeatedly.

But that is the beginnings of a natural alert!!! THATS GOOD. YOU CAN SHAPE THAT INTO SOMETHING REALLY USEFUL!!! But it just made him mad. So you can see... She has a lot of potential she just needs some people who understand dogs even slightly lmao

[slaygentford]

hey! im an hs junior and id like to read more about literary analysis, poetic metre etc. where do i start?

HM! am I allowed to tell you that this triggered a fear response about how old im getting?? it did. anyway my English teacher junior year gave me how to read literature like a professor and I dont remember it entirely and i’m sure I might have some bones to pick with it now, but I think it’s a really good starting point and it laid a good foundation for me wrt stuff I wasn’t learning in class. stay, illusion: the hamlet doctrine I read senior year of hs, and I found it really enriched the experience of hs Shakespeare which, at my shitty public school, was, uh. shitty. this is a straightforward guide on meter and a good rule when learning to recognize meter is to read everything out loud and read it twice, you can feel it that way. meter is a mix of feeling and math. here’s a straightforward intro to critical theories which blindsided me when I got to college. idk what your school is like but when I got to college I was like WOW I am SO behind but it was fun also to learn stuff. my point is that’s like, what’s coming up next, is the theoretical work. ok ilu don’t do drugs, I used to and it was bad! oh wait also. im sure you already know this but like, take your teachers to task about what’s assigned/what you like and dislike, foster your opinions on the lit you’re reading, really probe them. cuz thats the joy of it! and academia is basically just like. giving your hot take on how something was written. neutrality is the death of joy w literature. go crazy go nuts 

[riclaurance]

Peace to all the people supporting my music... ✌ The amount of work and dedication i put into my music over the years i couldnt think of having to stop for 3 years as i had to lay down the roots and foundation for my family and start providing for them. In this time i got married, we fully renoed our house and i got to spend some quality time with my Dad. Worked extra hard for my family and our future. It started with 3 of us including my wife, my dog Sammy and myself. Then i was lucky enough to be given the best gift of all... my beautiful son Alessio. ❤ oh what a ride its been. In this time my Dog sammy past away and my growing little family of 4 dropped to 3. I was shattered. 🤯 💔 This was the most important 3 years of my life. Looking back to all these achievements. I said to myself its time to get back into music again. And i asked myself why.... I do it for the love of the music, for the love of my son, for the love of my wife. I do it for the people who support my music, even if its just my wife, my son dancing all dancing crazy around the house and my dog Sammy in puppy heaven wiggling his tail. He literally was the co producer for most of my records RIP Sam DOG. 😇 I do it for the ones who take the time to listen. I DO IT FOR ME, BECAUSE THATS JUST WHO I AM. THIS IS WHAT I LOVE TO DO. I MAKE MUSIC BECAUSE I BELIEVE MUSIC IS WHAT EDUCATES PEOPLE WHO ARE LOOKING FOR SPECIFIC DETAILS TO GUIDE THEM THROUGH LIFE. THAT THEY DONT GET THROUGH OTHER SYSTEMS. AND THATS WHAT MAKES ME THE PERSON I AM TODAY. THANK YOU TO ALL THE MUSICIANS AND SONG WRITERS SINGERS AND MUSIC INFLUENCERS FOR BEING SUCH AN INFLUENCE IN MY LIFE.✌ I MAKE MUSIC BECAUSE I LOVE MUSIC. DONT GET IT MIXED UP. - Ric Laurance ❤✌#trending #newmusiccomingsoon #december #publishing #musicbiz #musicproducer #music #lyricist #songwriters #producerlifestyle #recordproducer #singersofinstagram #singer #singersongwriters #lifesessons #life #experience #hardwork #motivation #peace #love #world #change #focus #art #artist #dreambig #goals #gogetit #humble (at Sydney, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CU2BqN-FHhC/?utm_medium=tumblr

[xo-lynnea]

Natural Makeup Routine

I think that soft glam/ Natural make-up is extremely sexy. Something about subtle makeup makes a women seem so alluring. I dont know of its the subtle contour or The wispy fluttery lashes or maybe even the lightly smoked eyeliner but I absolutely adore subtle makeup. I especially love to see other women wear Natural makeup , So Im going to share some of my secrets on how I achieve the Natural makeup!

No foundation

I don’t actually ever wear foundation but I just wanted to let you guys know that its best to skip the foundation. I moisturize , put on sunscreen and then put on primer even though im not going to be wearing any foundation. Primer helps to smooth and even out your complexion and also it minimizes pores. If your not comfortable with going completely bare face then you can opt for a thin layer of CC cream or BB cream.

The primer I like to use is Maybeline Instant Pore Eraser Primer. It usually costs (6.99 USD) I also really like NYX Honey Dew Me Up Primer (10.00 USD)

Concealer

I love concealer! Its the one makeup product I cannot live without. It makes me look alive instantly its pure magic✨. I like to keep two concealers one that is 1 shade lighter and another that is 2 shades lighter. For my Natural makeup I take my concealer that is one shade lighter and I put that concealer all over my eyelids and underneath my eye. I like to blend with a beauty blender but you could also use your fingers. Don’t forget to set with a translucent powder. Brown girls and black girls make sure to get a translucent powder that has a more yellow undertone.

Some of my favorite concealers to use is the Maybelline fit me concealer in 07. Costs about (6.00 USD) ( 1 shade lighter). ELF Cosmetics HD lifting concealer in light. It costs (4.00 USD) (2 shades lighter). Both concealers have a very light creamy formula they blend very well and they stay on all day.

Mascara

Light , fluffy , fluttery and wispy lashes Complement natural make up the best! when I’m Doing a more natural look I like to opt for a brown mascara I think that brown mascara gives you such a soft natural look thats perfect for this subtle makeup look. It’s important to choose a mascara that focuses more on lengthening and defining then volumizing and thickening. I also recommend getting a eyelash primer because this will help aid in the wispy eyelash look.

CoverGirl Lash Blast Amplify Eyelash Primer costs (6.00 USD.) I love this primer it works perfectly. L’Oreal telescopic lengthening mascara in dark brown or black is my go to for this look. I only need about 2-3 coats.( Costs 7.00 USD) L’Oreal voluminous feline mascara is also a good option for this work this works perfectly by giving subtle lift to your lashes and lots of length in just 2 coats. ( Costs 8.00 USD)

Eyeliner

I personally don’t think that eyeliner is necessary for this look, but if you enjoy putting on eyeliner I would suggest using a brown eyeshadow as eyeliner. I think that brown liner looks good on every eye color and it gives that really subtle look that we are trying to achieve. You could also use a nude eyeliner in your water line. This makes the eyes appear bigger and more doll like!

Wet n Wild ColorIcon Kohl Eyeliner – Calling Your Buff (4.00 USD) is a perfect subtle nude and a staple in my makeup bag. It has a Smooth formula and is waterproof. Elf bite size shadows in Truffles has the perfect shade of brown eyeshadows that are perfect for a winged liner effect. (Costs 3.00 USD)

Brows

I dont do much to my brows because I am lucky enough to have “Nice” eyebrows. I would Suggest brushing your eyebrows and then putting some aloe vera gel on them. I think it’s important to remember that Length and fullness is more important then thick or thinness! If you want to fill in your eyebrows Just make sure to make them look full and make them look long meaning they should line up with the outer corner of your eye.

Blush And Highlight.

Blush just adds a little more life to our face. If you are a black girl or a brown girl I would suggest using either red or orange blush it looks so stunning on our skin! Pinks and Peach looks great on lighter and fairer skin tones. Put a little blush on the apples of your cheeks and over the bridge of your nose. For highlight I only put highlighter on my cheekbones and down the bridge of my nose to give me a perfect subtle glow 💫 Since we are going for a soft look I suggest using A cream or liquid blush and a cream or liquid highlighter. Black and brown girls gold highlighter looks so stunning on us!

Lips

Now for lips I think it’s best to keep it simple. I usually go with a super shiny clear gloss because I just think it’s perfect! it’s not too much and it really ties the look together. Sometimes I’ll go for a more champagne colored gloss because I think that is always a suitable choice. You could always opt for a bold lip! Like A bright red or a fuchsia color , sometimes bold colors make our features stand out even more! I just personally prefer to go with gloss because it’s shiny, simple and makes my lips look really plump.

E.L.F Lip lacquer in Mauve , clear , Love Bite , Mauve Glitz all cost 3.00 USD and are perfect for a simple look. Also E.l.F pink champagne is a perfect option.

Set

Always set your make up! don’t ever leave your house without setting your make up! it is one of the most important step in make up application. I like to use E.L.F Cosmetics set and mist setting spray. It cost (5.00 USD) and works like a charm!

I hope you guys enjoyed this post and I hope I helped with giving you guys some guidance to achieving natural make up or natural glam. I just want to remind everyone that everyone has a different face and when you’re doing your make up you should do make up that fits and defines your face! your features! your bone structure and your eyes! It’s all about you! And don’t be afraid to experiment and try different things or mix different colors because you never know what the outcome Will be. Until next time and stay beautiful💖💖💖

[emzaaaa]

I broke up with my 6 year relationship.

I need to talk about it.

I met my ex when I was 19 years old. I had just moved to Orlando, FL from a small midwest town. I hadn’t been in a serious relationship before and I honestly wasn’t looking for anything. We met working at Disney World under fireworks. We talked about music and instantly were hooked on eachother. I remember them asking me if I wanted to hang out and in my oblivious mind, I thought it was just that. A hang out. 

We went to this vegan kitchen and decided to walk in this cute little park across the street. All of a sudden I felt a hand grab mine. At that time is when I knew something was going to come out of this day. Damn. 6 years later and I’m a completely different person. 

The first year and a half was a dream. They constantly told me they loved me, we cuddled all the time, they made me FEEL loved and I constantly wanted to be near them. Nothing else mattered but them. 

Two years in is when they threw a bomb into our relationship. Something huge came to light that I wont share on this just because it’s not my story to tell. Before this, it was something that was apart of them but nothing came of it. Now they needed this. I was so excited for this bomb and I couldn’t wait to support and be there for them throughout the entire new chapter. 

Three years in is when we finally got our very own apartment together. The first two years we actually lived with their mother. You’d think that would be weird but I honestly loved it. She became my mom too. That’s honestly one of the hardest parts of this breakup. I have to separate her from my life and journey and that’s heart wrenching. This was a very exciting year for us. We experienced so many new things together with this apartment and learned and grew so much from it. Everything was so exciting. We were truly building a foundation. I remember one morning I woke up and they came into the room, taking a break from video games, and said “Let’s get married” Now, I know they werent being serious but I will always remember this morning. It gave me a glimpse of hope. This apartment was a tiny 500 square foot apartment but it was huge for our relationship. 

Four years in is when we decided to move out of Orlando.We both felt our journey was ending in that city and needed to start a new chapter. We set our eyes on Portland, Oregon. We had something to get excited about. We took a very spontaneous trip to Portland for a weekend and instantly fell in love with the area. We loved everything about it and just how liberal and chill everything was in that state... literally the definition of our relationship so far. A few months before we needed to tell our landlord that we werent resigning I felt our relationship start to crack. We started fighting more and more. We were getting annoyed with each other for silly things. We’d have fights but by the next day we were completely fine and comfortable again. I remember asking myself if I really wanted to sign another lease with this person. Ultimately, I felt my ex and I were endgame and were forever. So I pushed away all doubts and continued on with our plans. By this time moving to Portland wasn’t feasible but we still wanted to get out of Florida. Out of options, we decided to move to my hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. I hadn’t lived there for almost 5 years and my ex had never been there. So it was a new experience for both of us. 

Five years in we were moving to Iowa. From the outside perspective we were very excited. We were doing something new and unfamiliar to us. This was a turning point in our relationship. There was a reason I moved OUT of Iowa. I hated the Midwest. I was so miserable before... why would I move back. By the second month of living back in Iowa, all I saw was darkness. I didn’t want to be in that state anymore. I told my ex I wanted to move back to Florida but they didn’t want to regress like that. Their time in Orlando was over. Which I get.. it’s the same thing I was experiencing with Iowa. At this time my ex was also getting very depressed with their own shit going on. I felt like we were pulling apart from each other. Usually my ex loved to play video games but it felt like it consumed them. They use to tell me what they were doing online or something funny that happened.. all of a sudden that stopped. It almost felt like we were roommates. I’d go to bed alone and wake up alone. It felt so strange because on the other side of the wall there was my ex living in a completely different world. And I wasn’t invited.  Our fighting became more and more. 

Have you ever heard of jumping the shark? Where a tv show will do something crazy when they feel like the end is near... hoping to get more views and prolong the inevitable. Well... getting a dog was our jumping the shark. I had wanted a dog since two years into our relationship. It was never gonna happen in Florida.. just because the cost of living mixed with dog expenses would be insane. Living in Iowa, cost of living is nothing compared to Orlando. We finally had extra money in our pockets. Christmas came around and they got me my dream dog.. a corgi named Billie. She became my new love and she was all I wanted. I honestly don’t know why they got me a dog. Because thats all that happened. They never shared in anything else. I went to to all the vet visits, I bought her puppy training classes and taught her a few tricks, I bought her everything she has. To this day the only thing they have done is buy her and buy half the spay. They never tried to be involved at all. I wont lie though.. I’m so thankful for my ex because they brought Billie into my life. Billie saved my life. I had something to throw all my love and support to. 

Five and a half years in we moved again.. staying in Iowa. I wanted to move out of state but it just wasn’t in our cards. I went back to college, thinking maybe if I did something with my life I’d be happy again. That didn’t work. I hated everything and I brought that into my relationship, I’ll admit. This past November/December we were fighting every week to the point of us calling it quits each week. At this point we never cuddled, everytime I tried to kiss them they would put their cheek out for me to kiss, I didn’t even remember the last time they freely told me they loved me. They didn’t seem interested in anything I was doing or wanted to do and didn’t support me with anything either. We had no communication. 

At this point of the relationship I felt like nothing. I felt so unwanted. My self esteem was zero. I did everything for this person.. why didn’t they do something.. anything in return. 

One story. Valentines Day this past year. I was so excited for it. I thought I could finally put some romance back in this relationship and help fix it. I planned this day for weeks. I bought them a dozen red roses and left a cute note telling them how beautiful they were and how much I truly did love them. I had to go to work that day but I begged my leaders to be let out early. It was approved and I eagerly bought ingredients for a new recipe that I knew theyd love. I came home and nothing was said about the flowers. Totally fine. I was cool about it. They went to go get their car fixed which took hours. Thinking it was Valentines Day and we needed to be together.. I went with. After we got back I made dinner and we ate and drank a bottle of wine. We decided to watch a movie and they got angry with me because I interrupted the movie. I remember how my heart plummeted and I slowly got up.. grabbed the gift I was going to give them and hid that it in the closet. I went to bed early. They never once told me they loved me or did anything special. Never even thanked me for dinner or helped with the dishes. 

Exactly one month ago. I went MIA and ran to my parents house because I finally was realizing there was no relationship left. I should have ended things a long time ago but I never did. I didn’t want to be alone. I’m terrified of being alone. But one day at work everyone was talking about their partners and I just had a realization.. “I don’t feel the way everyone else does about their partners” That mixed with how my partner was treating me.. I ran to my parents for a night to get my head straight. I refused to text them.. I just needed to figure things out.

The next day I came home and we sat down and talked. I told them how I didn’t see us being together and that I felt like I was holding them back. They were about to completely alter their life and I knew how they had been confused on things within the relationship. It wasn’t fair to me. Their issues with themself wasn’t an excuse for them to be absent. I need someone to be completely sure about me. I’m a fucking catch. Together we realized the relationship was over. 

The next morning I didn’t believe it. We fought all the time and “broke up” quite a few times.. all ending the same.. us being completely fine the next day. The week after that we had serious talks for hours every night just hashing things out and just trying to understand what went wrong. My ex has huge communication problems. This week after the breakup is when they finally opened up their soul to me and told me everything that was confusing them.

I realized I don’t fit in with their life. I was the reason they stopped something that they needed in the beginning of the relationship and I will always hold onto that.. if they had kept with it.. what would have been of this relationship now? Cryptic, right? This whole thing is probably.. but I need this.

In the month of being broken up and being single.. I’ve learned so many things about myself. I realized it was the fear of being alone that kept me from truly ending things. I should have ended things a long time ago... honestly in Orlando. I saw so many red flags that I kept pushing away. I have so much love for my ex. I support them and I can’t wait to see what comes of their life in these next few years. 

This past month of being broken up has brought things out that I am not proud of either. I tried for almost six years to get my ex to open their soul and truly connect with me.. this girl comes into their life a few months ago and instant connection. To say Im jealous and to say that that ruined this whole breakup for me... yeah that would be true. I wanted to be loving and in their life still.. but now there is no room for that because this girl took my spot. Because of this I had done things I wasn’t proud of out of pure jealousy. After a week of denial and crying all day in bed I finally felt a new emotion: rage. I felt angry. Angry that my ex didn’t want to try and actually get down to the core and fix things.. they just wanted to throw it in the trash. I threw all gifts they got me away.. I said hurtful things.. I tried throwing away things I got them.. I was just so angry. I needed to feel something other than denial and sadness. The next day I felt so content and like maybe it would be okay. Don’t get me wrong I am completely humiliated on how I acted and what I did.. but it was so needed for me to be at this point in the breakup. If I didn’t have that night I would still be in bed crying begging them to fix things. I think I was in denial because it was my idea to break up the first night and then realized I was going to be alone the next day and regretted saying I didn’t think we should be together. But I’m so glad I did. I built up the courage to say out loud what I was thinking for months.. even years. Sure, things ending hurt my soul and I’m broken because of it... but things needed to end. I need to find someone who loves me the way I want to be loved and deserved to be loved. 

Whats happening now? I’m moving on to new things. I’m moving back to Orlando for myself. I’m excited to live in a city I loved and not have a relationship consume me. I’m excited to say YES to everything and not no because I want to go back home and be with my love. I’m relearning who I am. I completely lost myself to someone who didn’t feel the same. I have to fix my self esteem and outlook on life. I have to learn to love myself again. And I’m so excited to do so. I’m a fucking bad bitch and I’m so excited to see what I do next.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 

[bobthebuilderhasallmyuwus]

DBH rarepairsweek! RK1700 - Wrong Blind Date!

I wasnt quite sure what a wrong blind date was ┐('～`;)┌ , so I just gave it my best shot! (◡‿◡✿)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Connor glances around the room once more. his eyes follow the line of tables set up in the middle of the room. Then they shimmer when he looks up at the chandeliers, and once more look with awe down at the marble floor beneath him.

“Yup”, Connor thinks. He was definitely in over his head. 

He would have let out an external sigh but his lack of air filled lungs prevents him. 

“I can't believe I let hank convince me to do this”, he processes. 

Yes it was only 2 weeks ago that Hank walked up to him and placed a card on his desk. At first Connor was confused, but after picking up the card scanning it, he realized.

“Oh” He responded. “Hank.. You really didn't have to.”

“Nonsense!” the hefty man replied. “Android rights are finally being put in action! This is exactly the kinda thing you should do to celebrate.”

Connor shifted in his seat as he took a glance back at the card.

“Androids Welcome!” It said. “First Ever Inclusive Blind MatchMaking Event!”

He looked back up at Hank and tried to force a smile, but it must have come off as awkward as he felt it was because Hank pulled up a chair and sat down next to Connor.

“Look.” He said, “I know this isn't really your thing, and truth be told it ain’t really my thing either.” He let out a sharp breath. “But, things are different now, androids are people now, you are a person now Connor.” Connor felt his words pierce his heart. “I want you to experience the world, and do fun things, and do pretty fucking dumb things, and I just want to see you feel what it means to be alive.” Hank gave Connor a warm pat on his shoulder. “So what Im saying is, you don't have to go, not if you don't want to, but maybe consider it eh? You never know what'll happen.” And he had him, hook line and sinker, when Hank sounded so sincere about Connor’s life, Connor couldn't help but feel inspired to live. 

So here he is, “living”, at a way too fancy gala for a way too minimal event. He fake sighs once more and looks at his watch. He tried to convince Hank that he didn't need a watch as he has an internal clock but Hank smoothed talked Connor, again, into wearing it. “6:55″ It reads, the event was about to start in 5 minutes. He’s surprised by the amount of people that showed up, most of them being androids but there were a few humans in the mix.

The instructions for participating in this were weirdly convoluted. What was supposed to happen is that every person here was given a name tag with a number, and eventually would be called to sit at the tables. Each table has a barrier in front of them and to the sides, So you couldn't see who you were talking to and the people next to you wouldn't intrude. You're given 5 minutes to talk to the other person and once everyone has talked to each other at least once you’d find the number you had chemistry with the most.

Connor thinks it's pointless because androids have pristine audio processing and can recognize individual subjects by their voice alone, but hey, whatever makes people happy. 

“Everyone” Calls out a lady as she bangs a fork on a wine glass. The attention immediately shifts to the lady in the room. “Thank you for coming to this first ever inclusive experience, I know things are difficult with tensions between humans and androids but, we here at the Elijah Foundation want you to feel as included and equal as possible.”

Connor rolls his eyes, the speech is pushed out of an overly cheery smile, of course it has his name on it, everything chaotic does. “Please if you would sit at the respective tables, we’ll have a timer that will indicate for row A to switch to the seat to the left, and row B to the right.” Connor dreadfully heads to one of the chairs and takes a seat. He sees a microphone in front of him, assuming he’s supposed to speak into it, he tests it out. He hears his voice comes out distorted and deep, “Ah, So that's why”, He thinks. It seems they did have a measure for their auditorial machinations after all. 

“Alright everyone seated?” The lady says in an overly-cheery tone once more. “Lets begin!”

Connor sits in front of the mic nervously, his hands gripping his knees. Its already been 10 seconds and the other person hasn’t said anything. He decides to go first. 

“Hello, Im Number 42, how about you?”

“....41″

Hearing both his own and his partners voice so distorted is very unpleasant, he can't see how anyone could find this to be an enjoyable experience. 

“Well, how's your day been 41?”

“.....Fine”

Connor can feel his impending doom. 

“Ah I see, A-Anything you like to do for fun?” 

“......Not much”

Connor put his hands on his head and his elbows on the table, How is he supposed to talk?! Is this even talking at all?! He had to stop giving into Hank, this is beyond torture. After 15 long seconds of silence, his partner finally spoke up.

“Why are you here?”

Connor paused, why is he there? For Hank? For living? For himself?

He replies, “Honestly? I don't know, I don't come to things like this often, well I've never been to one at all, I feel.... out of place.”

“...Me too.” Despite the distorted sound, Connor can tell his partner went a little bit softer there for a second. He’s glad to know he’s not the only one.

“So... why are you here?” He asks.

“.....Its a trivial story”

“Trivial? Trust me, Nothing you can say will get more trivial than what I'm doing right now, you can tell me.”

His partner pauses for a few seconds and then begins to respond.

“Got into a fight with a..... coworker.”

“Coworkers can be difficult, I certainly have some.. hard to work with people in my office. What did you fight about?”

“He’s the one that kept going on and on about this event. Kept shouting out how meaningless this was, and how anyone who goes here’s just looking for an android prostitute.”

“Oh geez, Im sorry to hear that. I hear a few remarks like that where I work too.”

“Anyways... his voice got annoying, so I told him to shut it. He crumpled a pamphlet and threw it at me, asked if I was thinking about a career change. So I told him I was, Unfortunately, My pride got in the way, and I vowed to come back with an android who was most definitely not a prostitute.”

“Pfftt...” Connor let out a smile.

“See? Its trivial, trivial! I should of just kept it to myself.”

“No.. No.. Its..just..so...ridiculous” Connor lets out a few giggles.

His partner stays silent. “I mean, seriously, “android prostitutes” How generic can you get?”

He hears his partner let out a few snickers of his own. “Yeah.... it is pretty generic isn't it?”

“Totally. You know what one of my coworkers told me? “Where’s Dorothy tin man.”” 

“Wooooooooooow” Says his partner. “Generic and unoriginal, how surprising.”

“Pfffft yeah, you drink coffee for a living I think you can step your insult game up”

His partner lets out a full laugh this time. “I once poured a tablespoon of salt in my coworkers coffee and saw him drink it completely without noticing.”

“And they say we’re the advanced ones” Connor says letting out a few more laughs. 

“Yeah..well, Now I might just have to get a prostitute, I don't think ill be able to do the rest of this”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Im not a prostitute.”

All of a sudden, he hears an alarm go off. “Thats it for the first round everybody! Lets move on!” Connor hadn't notice time pass at all, he was actually enjoying himself to the point that seconds didn't feel agonizingly long. 

“Thank you for talking to me” Connor says, a bit disappointed he has to move on.

“...No, Thank you 42″

His face flushes a tad as he hears his partner talk in the most gentle voice he’s used all night. He gets up and sits in the chair next to him, knowing that even if every other talk goes wrong, at least he had one good thing to recollect. 

After an hour of talks ranging from really awkward to just okay, it was finally over, and everyone went off searching for the number they truly felt was the one. Connor finally let his shoulders relax, he had done it. If he was going to be honest, there wasn't anyone Connor wanted to talk to more. Although his chat with 41 was pleasant, Connor would much rather go home and spend the night petting sumo. He heads for the exit, its a large double door and as he places his hand on one knob, someone else places their hand on another. 

He looks up to see

“Richard?”

“Connor?”

“What are you doing here?” They say simultaneously.

He glances at the tag on Nines’s suit. 

“You’re...”

“41″ Nines responds. “And you're...”

“42″ Says Connor. They take a long gaze at each other, taking the time to process what is happening.

“So.. the coworker you were talking about-”

“Gavin” responds nines. “...... Did he really call you tin man?”

Connor lets out a smile “Did he really drink a tablespoon of salt and not notice?” 

Nines smiles back. 

The interrupting sound of fork on glass comes again. Connor and Nines look towards the source. “For everyone who has paired up, we have a follow up date in the other room!” They look back at each other, still not saying anything for a few seconds. “If its okay with you.... Id like to continue complaining about Gavin as long as you do?”

Connor smiles. “There isn't anything I’d rather do.” He places his hand on nines and they both walk off together. 

@dbhrarepairs

[tamersa]

I’m thinking  about W and OOO a lot lately (writing fics rewatching some parts etc) and I like OOO as a series more. Still I wanted to know why so I made this VS battle for my own amusement:

MAIN RIDER: Battle between Eiji And Shotaro: Its hard one, both are interesting, have good plot twists, their characterization so nicely made and they both likable. Yet it is Shotaro win here: so relatable, and his range of emotions is great to! The Thing is Eiji was made to be”dried up” and thats the reason why his mental and emotional behave is like it is. First round winner : W THE ONE NEAR MAIN RIDER (LOL): So now it is Ankh and Philip: This one is bit easier. Ankh has way more screen time and is it written so much better. They do have some similarities: both are mind power of the dynamic duo, have some issues with the previous families, crazy hair style and have doubts about their Rider ( or other half) intelligence. The thing is Eiji takes almost no shit form Ankh when he cross the line too much. The Birb man has to pay for his mistakes and sometime the price is huge. Philip on the other hand has his  tragic background but his mistakes are sugarcoated by his partner and not addressed at all. Because of that with more modest screen time his character is not as fleshed out as it could be. Mor rant on Ankh below hehehe Second round winner: OOO FEMALE CAST: In OOO we have: Hina, Chiyako and Satonaka, while W give us: Akiko, Wakana and Saeko. I like Hina I really do, but they didn't use her gimmick as good as they could. She should have throw more barrels or something! Also bit too passive sometimes? Chiyako is spot of supporting chara, funny warm energetic. Yes, good. Satonaka has her good points too: taking no shit from anyone and treating her work as well, work and not some life mission. But then we go to W side and oh boy, Akiko, my love! She is just the best  Rider lady I even saw! Funny, dorky, has more to do, has the slipper, is actually useful even if not have special powers. Well thats debatable too, that wand made from slippers did work lool. But yes even if she is mostly comic relief, because of her Xtreeme was possible! Also She found that devil's tail. And got that name in her dream. She has guts has flaws also but really. I love her to bits. Wakana is interesting too: spoiled princess who suddenly has responsibilities. And Saeko: the dark lady with twisted desires, helping her hated sister in the end. Undoubtedly this round has one Queen:

Third round winner: W SECONDARY RIDER Terui Ryu vs Date Akira and Gotou Shintaro. Well its two vs one and  it shows. Terui has that tragic background, and his bitterness fades away so he could be true city defender. Yet for me it was done bit clunky. There could be put more emotions and struggle into it. He looks cool in the red leather tho. Also he and Akiko are cute together. On the other hand Date and Gotou dynamic is so pure. Also Date is hilarious as hell! Both him and Ryu use Rider suit for other purpose than defend others at the beginning ( well money and revenge), but Date is somehow nicer since the beginning. And Gotous is cute guy who has his own little expansion ark. So yes, sorry red boy, those housbandos  win this one. Fourth round winner: OOO VILLAINS On one side we have Sonozaki's and X foundation, On the other well Greeeds. It looks like one side  have more villain types so it would  win but... Sonozaki family makes Gaia Memories to make super humans and then let only them to live on this planet because some Earth tears or something. Experiments, no one knows who will live. Ryubee  is just laughing old man wit terror, his older daughter is psycho maniac with bad taste for men, younger one is spoiled and doesn't know whats going on at all. It works somehow but not as smooth at it should. Some things are not explained enough some are over explained. And then suddenly some X foundation. Bit messy. For OOO we have Greeeds : incomplete beings who want to be complete but it is impossible so they will destroy everything  to try it anyway lool. They have  different approach to it and later have Dr Maki as weird hybridish psycho who wanted to end the world while is still beautiful. Sounds as messy as W but it is so much better. It is more consistent, we see the twists and dynamics between Greeeds, and the m Maki. I don't like him as a chara but he is made that way to don't like him: sociopath who killed his sister while still a kid, but have issues with her, creep who talks to a doll on his shoulder. He is both comic relief and terrifying at the same time! What a wonderful blend! Also his and Date dynamics are so hilarious I just couldn't stop laughing. Psychodelic af XDXD So because he is consistent in his doing, is a creep is funny dangerous and interesting even if you want to kick him in the balls. Fifth round winner: OOO PLOT Both have interesting stories, not too complicated on the surface, with some twists, with some plot holes and mistakes. OOO has however less of the plot holes ( most of them are from the past stuff like from 800 years ago), the story is more fluent, so fluent that it is hard to see chara development without going 10 episodes behind for a moment and the realization hits you), also there are none “new villain at the end!” no, we know who will be the  ultimate baddie and want to know how it goes. One of the main twists was Lost Ankh. It was interesting and heart breaking. In W main plot is Philip past, his connection to the Gaia Memories and Sonosakis. Plot twist can be predicted quite early but it is still fun. But because of little screen time for Philip and his actual development some moments feel weaker or bit rushed. Yet Shotaro reaction to those are top notch!Still, Eiji and Ankh dynamic story  flow etc is just better in OOO for me. Sixth round winner: OOO OPENING Music is important too and opening is the most characteristic piece of audio for most series. Here you can be biased and I will be. W is more pleasant to the ear, I like the video for it more too. And I mean both what you see in the series and official one. The vocal is more clean in W opening for me too. What to say more? Seventh round winner: W FAVORITE CHARACTER A war between half-boiled and angry birb. I love them both character wise. Are complicated have their flaws as good sides fleshed out, are interesting... but the birb... ah the birb! His story ark! His struggle,  his ambiguous state towards other up until the end. His mannerism (his bird like movements and way he eats lool, he drinks tea with soup spoon! XD), way of thinking and all the changes. They way he goes from treating Eiji as and accessory to fight to having him precious enough to help him fight Maki at costs own existence/life. And he is so relatable. Not for literal stuff ( I don't think any of you is greeed) but  in general: the feeling of not fitting into a group etc. Shotaro is very relatable to don't get me wrong, but his character development is not as deep as Ankh. Both have great  clothes yes! Eight round winner: OOO

SUIT AND MERCH ASCETICS As for looks of  suits of the Riders and gimmicks it will be short: I like  standard double more over TaToBa OOO, but I don't like Extreeme much but I love TaJaDor. Bike looks better in the W animal robots are cute here and here too. Second rider suit is good enough, but henshin gimmick is more interesting in OOO (the medals and  mixing them) So a draw! ENDING

OOO doesn't have that 49th episode and it shows. But with that we have 2 very different vibes endings and both are so good. OOO is bittersweet but gives hope, W I just... god I'm so happy for Shotaro, this soft man deserved the ending. And somehow Eiji deserved his too: you should talk to your birb more Eiji! And shipping aside W should have proper hug and  not that weird thing at the end. Both give satisfaction both are great and not disappoint! Another draw!! BONUS ROUND: BACKGROUND STORIES I could write about all support cast etc but those are equals and we don't need another draw. So I'll will do one more thing as a bonus: background of the charas. Especially our main Riders. In W we know a lot about Philip and what he did in the past yet some thing are presented in chaotic way, we are not sure about important things ( like if his family was dysfunctional before or after Philip's accident), but about Shotaro? Almost nothing. Just that he was bit deliquentish in high school (we are not even sure if it wasn't middle school lool) and that he was with boss  some time before Begins Night. And thats sad because Shotaro is developed in interesting way and his past should be show more to understand better why he was like that. On the other hand we know what we should about Eiji, what made him as he was, why he is living this way. It wasn't long exposition but good enough to understand his ways. For Ankh its bit more messy (because what we hear and what we see on the screen doesn't add up well) but still it is all understandable. Winner of eleventh round : OOO So in all OOO won but not by that much. W is still very good series and both deserve to be watched (and then cried over, and made 1245643 chapters and one shots and drawings to them GAH)

[amethyst-noir]

i enjoyed the inclusion of tony sort of... whoring himself in that last fic. would it be possible to write an au more centered around that subject? maybe stephen had to sell himself to get through medical school and sometimes it wasn't consensual? if thats too much i understand! just figured it might help some people who deal with that

[Sunday is now officially my post-it-if-you-have-something-day. People send me prompts, so they obviously want to read the result. Thanks for that; I feel honored.]

Uh, that’s a hard one but it caught my imagination. I won’t write non-con;the aftermath of it is bad enough. (I like sex scenes to be sweet and romanticand/or kinky as hell but always consensual and I’m bad at writing them.) So,this happened. The Stephen/Tony here is “just” friendship (aka themost important foundation for any relationship). There is the potential for itto maybe become more in the far-off future but right now? No. There are other,more important, things to do first.

And if the prompt itself and my note up there don’t make it clear enough: TWfor rape/non-con. It’s not described at all and not spoken about in detailbut it’s there because… well, look above.

Find a Way(to break the fall)

Stephen didn’tthink about it anymore. It had been buried deep beneath all the other shit he’dhad to live through in the last couple of years and it didn’t impact his day today life in any way whatsoever. His nightmares were of dying in a myriad ofways, one more painful than the other, not reliving the ancient past.

It wasn’t as if hewas looking for someone or that someone to be another man; he was too busyliving, learning and protecting.

So it was anunpleasant surprise for both of them when one day Tony grabbed him by the hipsto move him out of the way and Stephen flinched. Hard. He froze on thespot a second after and Tony put up his arms and backed away as if afraid of anattack. Only then he’d noticed that he’d put up his hands in a classicdefensive position, his magic tingling in his fingers to fight off the threat.

“Stephen?”Tony asked, more confused than afraid but a hint of fear lurked in his eyes andvoice. He still had trouble with magic, especially the offensive kind. And tohave a friend threatening him…

Shit. Stephen knew almost immediately why he’d reacted like that, of course. Hestill felt Tony’s hands on his hips, even though it had only lasted for a momentand his grip had been gentle. But suddenly he could feel bruises on his skin,beneath the layers of clothes he wore, and it was as if it had happenedyesterday. All his carefully constructed barriers - broken down in an instantby an innocent touch.

“Sorry, I’msorry. I’ve just…” He didn’t even try to explain further, just turnedaround and vanished as soon as the portal had formed.

*

The same night hisnightmares gained a new flavor - old and new elements mixing together to form anew kind of torment that was worse than ever before. Worse than the dreamsabout the accident; far more devastating than the dreams about dying in thedark dimension or the ones about his fight against Thanos. There he had beenable to do something, to fight, be active, resist, despite his handsbeing almost useless. He hadn’t been a victim by choice without any power.Helpless and desperate. The only thing that came close was the sensation oflosing himself and fading away into nothing.

Now, all thecombined trauma gave him a whole new appreciation of the term “nightterror” that went so far that he started to research ways for forgoingsleep altogether. Unfortunately, escaping into his astral form while his bodyrested wasn’t a long-term solution. Okay for a couple of days - or even weeksif necessary - but it put too much stress on his body and the toll would onlyget higher and higher the longer he used this escape.

Plus, there wasTony. The man who had backed off considerably since Stephen’s flight and whosepresence was sorely missed. Tony, who could be an emotional idiot but was morethan perceptive enough to see that something was off and by now was probablyworried sick that he had done something wrong.

Their friendshiphad started off strong and had only gotten stronger in the months since Thanos’defeat. Playful banter had become more, the flirting too and… oh. There it was,the reason for his reaction to Tony’s innocent touch.

Stephen felt sostupid he could have hit himself. Instead, he forced himself to look away from hisbook and at his resting body. In sleep it looked innocent, only the stillshaking hands betraying that something was not quite right with it. It hadbrought him some much pain and misery over the years but it still didn’tdeserve the treatment he put it through now. He deserved better. He puthis book aside with very slow and precise movements, took a deep breath and triedto force away the images from his youth that wanted to destroy his hard-wonpeace. He pushed away the memories of strangers with cruel hands and too muchstrength and tried to imagine what he wanted instead.

Himself, curled upin bed, Tony behind him, holding him loosely, both of them relaxed in theirsleep. No nightmares, just peace. For both of them.

I want this.

With a sickfeeling in his stomach he went back into his body, knowing that this littlefantasy would probably never play out. Others would.

The nightmare of athousand needles piercing his flesh everywhere, while Ebony Maw had his waywith him woke him a short while later.

He awoke in tears,his hands on fire, and with the knowledge that he owed it to himself to dosomething, anything to make it stop.

*

He tried themystic arts and the other Masters, of course. Made his farewells to a disappointedand wondering Tony and vanished to Kamar-Taj. Tried to lose himself in researchand training but also visited the healers. Meditated, tried to find peace withhis choices back then. Told himself over and over again that it wasn’t hisfault, that it was time to move on. It did help, a little, but not enough.

You need therapy. The voice of Doctor Strange, MD, became louder with every passing day.Stephen knew it was the truth, but still he resisted. He was stronger thanthat. He’d gotten over it on his own before, he could do it again. Andyou’ve it done so well the first time, his inner doctor mocked him. Stephenbegan to hate the logical, rational part of himself but finally concededdefeat.

*

“Stephen!You’re back!” Tony came nearer, his hands spread out wide. “Greetingsfrom this earthly realm, oh Master of the Mystic Arts! Welcome back on thisplane of existence!”

Stephen just hadto smile at the sheer joy in Tony’s voice and roll his eyes at the words, butthe smile dropped when Tony came to a standstill before they could embrace. Hisarms were still open. He’s waiting for me to make the next step, Stephenrealized and suddenly wanted to cry. Instead, he forced the smile back onto hisface and stepped into the embrace of his friend. Tony obviously suspected whathad set him off weeks ago because while he held Stephen in a tight embrace hewas very careful to keep his hands high up on Stephen’s back.

After a moment ofinternal fight Stephen just gave up and let himself collapse into the hold,trusting Tony to catch him.

Tony, of course,did, without a word. Except a soft: “I’ve missed you.”

*

“How did youknow?”, he asked about an hour later. He held a hot cup of tea in hishands to keep them as steady as possible and force his mind to be in thepresent.

Tony gave him alook as if he was earth’s biggest idiot. “I touch you on the hips and yourfirst instinct is to raise a defensive shield? I might not get people, as I’mreminded over and over again, but know that kind of reaction.” He lookedaway and played with his own cup of coffee. “I’m sorry. I’ve never saidthat, didn’t I? You never did give any indication that my touch wouldn’t bewelcome or I would never have…”

Why? How? Didsomebody hurt you or was it someone you love? Every protectiveinstinct he possessed reared up and demanded to know the answers, to extractrevenge. “I didn’t,” he said instead. “It didn’t occur to mesince it’s not something I’ve thought about… in a long time. It happened when Iwas a student, barely in my twenties. Practically three lifetimes away. It tookme as much by surprise as you.”

“Stephen.”Tony put his coffee down and focused all of his attention on him. It was likebeing in the focus of the sun itself, wonderful and terrifying in equalmeasures. “You don’t have to explain anything.”

“But what ifI want to?” The words had slipped out before he thought about theconsequences. He had played with the idea after he’d concluded that therapymight work for him but he couldn’t imagine talking to a stranger. He neededsomeone he already trusted, who already knew about his crazy life and hisexperiences in the last few years. He had thought about approaching Wong but asclose as their friendship was he just couldn’t imagine talking about… thatwith him. Or any of the other masters. The thought of speaking about this toChristine, the only other friend he hadn’t managed to alienate, was just asunappealing. Surprisingly, or maybe not, he could imagine to do so with TonyStark. Most people might not believe it but the man could be a great listenerwho had brilliant insights. “Forget it,” he said a moment later.There was no way he was putting even more pressure on Tony, he had already morethan enough demons of his own.

“Forgetit?” Tony echoed. “Seriously? You listened to me rave and rant aboutpretty much everything under the sun and then you want to deny me the chance ofdoing the same for you?” He suddenly looked a lot more vulnerable, as ifremembering something unpleasant. As always when he was uncomfortable withsomething he was rubbing his left shoulder. “I’m here, I’m free for thenext, oh, four to five days, longer if necessary.” He leaned back on thecouch, folded his hands into his lap and stared at Stephen. “You talking,me talking, just staring at each other thinking about how pretty we are… it’syour choice.”

Not everything waslost when Tony was still low-key flirting with him and it served as a reminderthat Tony didn’t suddenly see him in a completely different light. Stephenclosed his eyes, relieved. He carefully put his tea aside and stared at hisshaking hands.

“Whatevergruesome scenario you might have conjured up it wasn’t like that,” hebegan and grimaced immediately. “It wasn’t some brutal assault orsomething. It was by my own choice.”

“It was yourchoice that you were raped? Bullshit!” Tony sat up and startedpacing the room. Stephen got dizzy by just watching him. Then the full extentof the words hit him and the shook his head.

“It wasn’trape”, he said very quietly. “Coercion at worst. It was my choice. Ineeded the money and it was the quickest and easiest way.” He swallowed,feeling sick again. He forced himself to summon his tea just to have somethingin his hands again. He didn’t drink. “My choice,” he repeated.

Tony just lookedat him. If that’s what you need to tell yourself to get through this so beit, he seemed to think. “Easy is something else. If it really had beenyour choice you wouldn’t have flinched when I touched you.” Suddenly Tonywas kneeling before him and looking up. “But this is me, being pushyagain. Sorry. Backing down now.” He leaned back a little, presentinghimself to Stephen as if to say I’m not a threat, just look at me, beinghere. Surprisingly it worked. He was able to take a deep breath again andcould feel the oncoming panic attack recede a little bit. “Thank you fortelling me. I’ll be more careful in the future when I touch you.”

When, not if. Noteverything was irrevocably changed, Tony wasn’t disgusted and there was stillhope. One day he would ask Tony when and where he’d gone to therapy. He was fartoo good in getting people to get to calm down and knew when to back off -there was no way in hell the world-famous weapons dealer from eleven years agobecame the man he was today without some serious help. Professional, highlypaid, help from whose work Stephen now profited by proxy. He didn’t feel badabout it. He probably couldn’t even afford the help he really needed and thisreasons for not seeking it out still stood.

Tony was stillwaiting for an answer. Stephen stared at his hands and refused to look up.“I would like that,” he finally admitted, pushing against the wave offear that tried to claw its way up to the surface. He was safe now and morethan capable of defending himself should somebody try to take advantage of himever again. On the edge of his vision he could see Tony come nearer.

“Likethis?” he asked as he took the cup away from him. Instead he put hissteady hands over Stephen’s shaking ones as if he could still their tremblingby touch alone. The only feeling it caused was one of safety and warmth. “I’mhere, Stephen. Anytime you need to talk, just call me.”

Stephen smiled,touched by the gesture. “Thank you.”

It was a start. A rathergood one, considering everything. The rest would come in time.

=/\=

[domestick-clairvoyante]

hello dear, i dont know if you answer asks but i freaking out.

i had a dream abou this guy i like. i was out eating in a weird restaurant-bar and he was sitting a few tables away from me. a party of drunk young adults waltzes in and they start making a fuss. at some point some guys start making fun of me and threaten violence but he gets up and starts defending me, untill the guys left.he then grabs me and we walk away holding hands. we get to like a quiet place and he agoes to leave and says something along the lines of "these idiots, if they didnt know why they were messing with" and i jokingly bowed and said "my hero" or smth and he turned shy and left.

if that was it id be fine BUT THEN i was walking and i stumbled uppon a mutual friend talking with his(the guy i like)s sister and they kinda knew what happened and our friend was teasing me and the guy-i-likes sister said "thats how he is, he will let you look but wont allow you to touch him" WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK AFTER THAT HOLLY SHT

if you can help me i would appreichiate it greatly dear. i hope youre having a lovely day :)

hello, dear anon!

i do, indeed, answer asks. i hope you're not freaking out as much now; it sounds like this has been stressful! i hope this interpretation will be of some consolation.

a disclaimer: it can be difficult to interpret dreams as a whole, primarily because there are so many different meanings and symbols to be gleaned from them. please take my interpretation with a grain of salt!

if you don't want to read through the whole interpretive process, scroll down to 'In a Rush?" <3

as always, we'll start by looking at basic symbols as a foundation:

the guy you're interested in: crushes are a relatively easy symbol to interpret. they often represent what you think of them in the waking world, alongside longing and excitement to experience new possibilities. he likely reflects the current state of your relationship with this person.

the restaurant/bar: restaurants and bars usually represent social connections and choices that must be made going forwards.

seating: seating and distance are generally quite important! they indicate how close you are with the people around you and how much of an impact they have on you currently.

the (drunk) young adults: while dreaming of youth often goes hand in hand with new beginnings (and insecurity, woo) the mix of youth and drunkenness creates an interesting combination. drunkenness indicates irresponsibility and loss of control. you'll see how these two play into each other further down :)

hand-holding: again, the theme of new beginnings seems to be prominent here. handholding can also represent a bond between people and intimate relationships!

passersby: let's break this down. you mention a mutual friend and a sister. this mutual friend could represent a pre-existing connection, understanding and a desire for emotional closeness. sisters in dreams (i referred to the dictionary of dreams for this one) often signify fortune. while i don't necessarily believe in omens, per se, you're more than welcome to interpret it as such.

now, because you included snippets of statements, we can weave those in with the symbols!

the statements, in question:

"these idiots, if they didnt know why they were messing with"

this sentence as a whole radiates protectiveness. perhaps you desire protection, or you simply want to feel safe.

"thats how he is, he will let you look but wont allow you to touch him"

in all honesty, i'm not entirely sure what to make of this statement. my best guess is that you feel the guy you're interested in hasn't been as close to you as you'd like him to be and that you desire a more tangible connection.

now, let’s put this all into context. it sounds like you're panicking! which is completely normal, given the situation. but it seems like this has been a time of uncertainty for you, so you've found yourself second-guessing your thoughts more often than not. your doubt appears to have manifested itself here.

💫🌟In a Rush? Or Simply Not a Fan of Long Texts? Read Just the Interpretation Below🌟💫

given the context and the symbols, i think that the general theme of your dream surrounds a desire for intimacy and new beginnings, however, these desires have been restricted by your doubt.

you are longing and excited to experience new possibilities with your crush. however, definitive social choices need to be made going forwards. currently, the guy you're interested in has become a major part of your life. you seem to be getting closer to this guy (emotionally), and you want to form a more permanent relationship. you crave safety and protection, and you may feel he can give it to you. however, that doubt is still present. while you want a new beginning, you may feel irresponsible for doing so; your fear of rejection and lack of control over the situation is causing you to hesitate in taking further steps.

i found the distance between the two of you to be an intriguing aspect of this interpretation. you went from sitting apart -> to defending each other -> to holding hands -> to speaking with one another -> and then to him getting shy and leaving. it's almost like you're running circles around each other; being shy and coming to each other's aid when you need it, then reverting back to that shyness when you get too close.

there is a bond present with this person. you crave an intimate relationship and emotional intimacy. understanding is the ultimate end goal for you, but your fear of rejection isn't allowing you to get closer to him.

if you'd like to take this dream as a good omen? go ahead. i won't stop you. this may be just the push you need. but you are neglecting the doubt and fear that you feel. my best advice at the moment is to get to the root of this fear and find a way to face it if you can. this is a time to reflect <3

i'm rooting for you! and i hope this helps - let me know if you need any clarification :)