#why it's going down the toilet
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What’s with Mei holding women like this??
Lesbian.
#mei shijima#shijima mei#aoi akane#akane aoi#nene yashiro#yashiro nene#aoimei#meinene#this girl is GAYYYYYYYYYY#seriously why does she want to kiss every woman she meets#calm down mei#there’s lesbianism and then there’s whatever tf is going on with mei#mei shijima <3#dyke behavior#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun#lesbian
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The major reason we didn't get this with any of the current lineup is, and quite frankly: the behind the scenes crews in charge of portraying that and his character didn't care enough to even try to know about hardly any of it: and that's been a running theme for the MCU since Gagnarok taht, the main writer Waldron (who unsurprisingly was also in charge of writing for the 'Loki' series, too) has proven repeatedly that just like Waititi, he had no interest in for the MCU under it's 15 year standing premise, or retaining the integrity of the characters he was entrusted with writing for, from the start.
Raimi, sadly, kept on this same laughable and unprofessional trend: of all the background there for even the main character whose name was in the title (Doctor Strange) he was making a sequel to? Not only for the three films (or four if you count Gagnarok at all, which I don't given Waititi's repeatedly stated and well documented promises to wreck every character in that film; which he not only pulled off, but was patted on the back for to continue in that flavor as promised all the way through to Love & Thunder) but was completely unfamiliar with Wanda's background story and character to manage her portrayal either: having admitted to not having brushed up on any of that, or watched any film past watching part of DS1 years ago when it first had released in theaters.
And yes you read that right: he did not watch or familiarize himself with the entirety of the first film he was making a sequel to, or any of the rest involving the rest of the main cast to know what story belonged to the characters in it, he was haphazardly trying to tell to begin with. (No Ultron, no CACW, no Infinity War, no Endgame, no WandaVision, none of it; according to his own official statements when asked about how prepared he was for the job.)
You said one out of 14 million, we win, yeah? Tell me this is it. If I tell you what happens, it won’t happen.
#just sayin#this is and has been a running theme in Marvel movies since they dropped the MCC#and hired Jenga Block Boy aka Waititi#Raimi though... did not have Taika's excuses#to handle the project with that little professionalism at the very least#even tabloid writers have the basic bitch requirement of knowing who they're writing about before publishing it#again; just sayin#when your BTS crews can't even manage the basics of a tabloid writer's job?#on a mutli-million dollar project?#in an established-for-them background?#you've got the wrong people in those crews#MCU#why it's going down the toilet#Doctor Strange#Multiverse of Madness#Waititi started this shit trend#and this is what happens when gen fans and teh studios let it continue to snowball like this
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I know that Clover's gender is up to interpretation (the devs DID say so themselves) but I still feel weird when people make them exclusively male or female LOL Like it's TECHNICALLY fine??? but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
more in tags as usual because I am a yapper. i am so sorry for having strong opinions about gender and representation. i am usually more fun than this 🥲🥲🥲🥲
#whenever ppl talk about clover being male it feels like they are unconsciously reinforcing gender roles???#vague sexist vibes yknow#this is such an innocent thing to complain about but i dont care!! i am a HATER!!!!!!#I think it bothers me so much because it reminds me of how Kris was treated and is STILL being treated. “well in my headcanon he is a boy”#again its technically fine!!! the devs said its cool and i wont hate anyone for it. but its still so weird yknow#especially cus most ppl reason them to be a boy because “well he likes guns and thats a boy thing!!!!!!”#“his design looks like a boy but his animations are like a girl”#“he is a cowBOY and he looks masculine so-” shut up i will stick your head down a toilet#many people think its an obvious fact that they are male.#whenever the cast calls Clover by he or a boy in fan content I can feel my entire face shrivel up#“THEY WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!!!” aka the curse that keeps me from enjoying anything thats just made for fun#i think its a case of self-insertiritis... even though clover is their own separate person as is UTDR's tradition#bonus points if they make them a boy so they can ship them with kanako without being gay 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨#🤨🤨🤨🤨bonus points if they make them female so they can ship them with flowey without being gay 🤨🤨🤨🤨#female clover is actually rare and not nearly as problematic. i can tolerate female clover because luckypatch is such a rare ship anyhow#this does not even mention the weird ships with martlet and ceroba. yeah its the monster girls only. and in those theyre also a boy#never starlo or dalv which thank god but. guess why. go figure#ive had people headcanon martlet knowing clover as a kid and dating them later? i do not need to explain why thats grooming LOL#the undertale yellow fandom on reddit. is so bad. god. do not go there#i know its filled to the brim with teens who have the media literacy skills of a wet piece of paper and their minds in the gutters 24/7 but#cmon.#the things they have done to ceroba and martlet. the curse of being women. girlypops i am SO sorry you do not deserve it#undertale#undertale yellow#uty#clover#ceroba#martlet
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gonna have to bury myself in the dirt for a thousand years to recover from all this rejection
#tattoo shops keep turning me down; this time it really hurt…#and i mean; i know *why*— it’s a tough industry to get into; especially for someone who’s more of a cartoonist than anything#but gosh. this has been happening all week.#one session is all i’m asking for. 5 hours of their time.#i’ll be a fly on the wall. gimme some windex or smth. i’ll dust. i’ll mop. dawg i’ll clean ur fuckin toilets ok??#just one sesh; and u will never see me again. it’ll be like i was never even there.#i drove for hours this time guys; i drove for hours and i practiced what i was gonna say; i even had some art ready just in case#<<(nothing i’ve shown on here; but point is; i really felt like i came prepared.)#but i was hardly in there for a minute#it’d take longer to microwave a hot pocket than it took for them to send me away#all they had to do was look at me…#guhhhh…#(how much more rejection is this going to take)#(i need my old mentor to come back please please come back please)#stan’s forum
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All this, yes. But don't forget one of the main plot points of Thor 2011, and Loki's story is the fact he isn't the same species as Thor in the MCU. He's a magically whitewashed Jotnar (Frost Giant). Not the other way around. That is, what kicks off his story in particular heading into Avengers 2012, and was on blatant display in Thor with that and an actual story in mind.
That said.. here's some more visuals as to how OOC the entire series yes, absolutely is; given the title alone (and not touching yet how it was advertised to the audience both at Conventions and in it's actual advertising and premise lines leading up to airing.)
Ultimately, it comes down to bad writing by an individual who didn't bother to know even the species of the title character his script was supposed to feature, bad directing that didn't call for immediate rewrites with the intent to favor the buddy hire Di Martino is rather than follow through with the title and franchise premise (not to mention advertising plugging it) to help that along, and both the studio's mismanagement in hiring and keeping on that BTS crew regardless.
The "Loki series" is not what it's title says, or what was advertised to rake in the money and numbers it's first two episodes (if even that many episodes, according even to their own statistics) managed to rake in because of that bait and switch advertisement campaign.
All in all and to be blunt, it's a dumpster fire in digital that shouldn't have made it to any platform in the franchise, without the consideration and or fear they might get a class action law suit filed by those D+ subscribers who paid specifically to watch it, under false advertisement alone.
I personally? Definitely wouldn't have even bothered watching the first episode if I had known, and their advertising had been remotely honest to tell me as much. Never mind paying to watch six of that dumpster fire.
Just sayin'.
rewatching the Loki series, and the more I watch, the more I realize that Loki was not as OOC as most people say he is. Yeah, there are a lot of "he would not freaking say that" moments, but there are fewer than I remember. (Sylvie is also less annoying, but I'm only on episode 4, so that may change.)
What I am watching is Mobius systematically breaking down Loki psychologically and Loki desperately trying not to die or get beaten up the entire time. Loki would do anything to keep Mobius happy and Mobius knows that and exploits it. He manipulates Loki and never apologizes for any of it. Mobius is horrible.
The plot is still an absolute disaster though.
#Bob: the Accountant#the Larry show#not Loki#Loki series#though it's impossible to earnesty call it that with a straight face#when Loki isn't in the series#just sayin#Thor 2011#Avengers 2012#MCU fails#MC without the U#phase 3 fail#leading to phase 4 fail#and heading towards#phase 5 fail#why it's going down the toilet#Loki
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a week straight of Urinetown has broken my brain a little, I had the thought chain
the poor are unionizing
the poor are... URINizing....
THE POOR ARE URINATING
and now I can't stop thinking the poor are urinating and having to hold back laughter I swear to god I'm more mature than this-
#u ever think a string of words in like. a particular cadence and thats why its funny. i cant explain it im just dying#anyway that sure is the plot of the show. i did it i broke urinetown down to its bare essentials-#opening week is OVER and im going home and im drinking because iiiii deserve it <3#cj says stuff#toilet humor#ask to tag
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spongebob fish sona
#ricky art#i have a 40 page discontinued comic about me being in love with karen#and murdering a waiter at a restaurant for disrespecting her (asking why karen from spongebob is in real life)#and then i go to court and get arrested#i was supposed to escape through flushing myself down a toilet and entering the sewers but i never continued it
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bitches will come to definite and so incredibly biased judgements of the five sinners when we have zero sizable (or even completely reliable) context of khaneri’ah culture, government, and their personal lives (along with the typical morals & ethics to go along with it.) All while also trusting what dainsleif says
#(glances at TikTok)#LMAO#this is how I feel when people legitimately think rhinedottir killing the homunculi was like killing human babies#Guys I don’t mean to be dramatic. But they we’re lLITERALLY clumps of chalk that didn’t meet her expectations#I doubt she was feeling emotional and maternal with her clump of chalk#not to mention. It’s repeatedly shown her creations have to essentially earn the role of her child#liek it was nottttt as personal as some people make it out to be#she wasn’t looking at it go down the drain ‘there goes another baby’#LMFAGAOAOO#It’s the lack of consideration that contextualizes it … not the actions…#even then it’s hard to deem the real morals / ethics behind it. bc we once again have like no clue about khaneri’ah’s environment#like. No shit she’s fucked up. Side Glance at her Recorded history.#BUT. People try to look at it through a normal lense when we CANT#we all know khaneri’ah was a bit fucked up. come on#why are you trying to treat it like it’s mond and Rhine’s fully formed babies down the toilet#LMAGSKSOO#crepe rambles#-> oh this was also just all an excuse to shit on dain. SORRY#LMAFJSOA
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This. Framing and context matter: and are basic things the behind the scenes teams from writer to cinematography to director do know at that level and should be aware of before they even start building sets TO frame it.
We're talking, first classes in middle and high school (ages 13-18) kind of knowledge, on top of that.
Not college/uni 'higher' learning; where they double down on that in your first classes prior to getting their very first jobs in the field.
The fact that they framed yet another on screen set of mass murderers with a greater kill count than any Thanos in existence (yes including Syvlie with how they did it; every time charge in Roxxmart went to a different universe remember) as okay, and therapy, and not applying even a pinch of consequence or appropriate framing in the process of that dumpster fire, while doing all of that makes it even worse.
There are so many just plain stupid problems with that 'show' that it's hard to believe anyone involved in production past set crafts passed middle school; just saying.
And yes, that absolutely starts with whatever moron approved Waldron and especially his adapted, previously rejected script on the fly; and whatever other idiots gave the thumbs up both during and after production and filming was done.
That said, I repeat out of tags: Waldron is an idiot, Herron is just as bad letting any of that fly without MASSIVE rewrites, and Martin is proving to be a Waldron clone to make sure the next season is starting out just as unbelievably horrid.
Something I find so disturbing and have been struggling with about the Loki show, is how horrible the show treats him and how accepting the Loki "fandom" is of it. Like, the show creators seem to know that they can treat Loki any way they want and get away with it. And they did, and they're going to do it again.
The thing is, they know they can do anything to him now. Subject him to anything they want, play out a whole Loki torture fantasy if they want to, and nobody is going to tell them no. Hell, they already did.
Is it because it's Loki and he deserves it? Is it because he's Loki, therefore he'll never NOT deserve it? If not, then where is the stopping point? When is enough enough? How much pain and torture and mocking and humiliating and emasculating does it take, exactly??
Why are people in the Loki fandom acting like this is okay? Why are some enjoying this and saying how wonderful it is that Loki is finally getting therapy and has a friend. THERAPY?!? A FRIEND??? This is so wrong it's become hard to live with for me. It's so disturbing. I feel like this will always live in my mind and haunt me.
My focus is more on criticizing Disney for the offensive messaging. I'm not opposed to bad things happening to characters in stories. What bothers me about the show is the framing. Bucky is tortured in CATWS. Very brutally. Right on screen. But at no point is the audience encouraged to revel is his degradation or to laugh at him or to think Pierce is giving Bucky "therapy" or helping him or anything of the sort. So yes something bad happens on screen but the messaging is fine. (the writing does get very victim blamey with Bucky later installments but I'll save that for another post).
Mobius's treatment of Larry (as I call the show character bc he has nothing in common with Loki) is the same but the framing is very different. He holds Larry against his will, forces him to serve a fascistic, genocidal organization, threatens him, degrades and dehumanizes him, and tortures him when he doesn't behave as Mobius wants.
BUT the audience is very forcefully encouraged by the framing and messaging to think this is ok. We're supposed to enjoy seeing Larry being hurt and called names. We're supposed to laugh and think he deserves it and think that Mobius is a great guy even though he's a torturer and murder who at no point shows any remorse for his actions.
And that's not ok.
This show isn't woke. It's sick.
#Loki#Bob: the Accountant#aka Larry#aka#Loki series#that “series” is a dumpster fire on wheels from just about every direction#bad writing#bad direction#bad characterization#bad representation#bad acting#yeah... dumpster fire#on wheels#MCU#why it's going down the toilet#part idefk the number any more#just sayin
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man i thought i moved out to escape my family but it turns out i've jumped from the pan into the fire because holy shit my guys what the fuck??
#at least at home we have people competent enough to not flush wet wipes and tampons down the toilet#let alone FOOD???#and we don't leave our dishes out for so long by the sink that they start to RUST#like ok my lil brothers make a mess sometimes and accidentally shat on the floor a few times but at least they're fucking children why tf#should i deal with shit water because of your incompetence#and yknow i can deal with noise. im the noisiest at night at home b/c i always go shower late but im not fucking SCREECHING and chatting#so loudly you'd think i was at a concert or some shit#and this bitch?? can't comprehend i just want to not have crumbs all over the couch???#like girl. how did this become a slight against you. why would i ask you to keep the couch clean b/c you slept there once or twice#BITCH I CLEANED THE COUCH COVER ON MY OWN DIME *BECAUSE* I KNEW YOU MIGHT SLEEP THERE AGAIN & WANTED IT TO BE CLEAN FOR YOU#YOU NOT ONLY INSULT ME BUT ENTIRELY MISCONSTRUE MY KINDNESS TOWARDS YOU??? WHY WOULD IT BE DIRTY B/C YOU SLEPT THERE???#you can't make this shit up i hate having roommates holy hell#only slightly made up for by the fact i get a room to myself these days#the other one smells like weed all the time and the other other one doesnt wash her hands properly after using the toilet + keeps her dishe#out by the sink + doesn't pick her hair up#also i'm the youngest so that's just even sadder#i was also the youngest last year and bitch. you have no idea#this is what being the eldest sibling does to a mf#not really related but they made the ugliest doormat ever i wish i had been there to stop them from that atrocity#and why do they not take their shoes off. girl i mop the floors like every 2 weeks#it's fucking clean trust me just take them off bitch#am i being holier than thou? probably but fucking DESERVED#i can't be taking care of people two years older than me like this. yall have too much fucking drama
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on another note
#4-5ish months i’ve been the main (i’m pretty sure only) person cleaning every weekend#my only days off and through the week clean dishes or load up the washer and pick them up#occasionally someone else w load it but not pick up or vice verse#november i lost all motivation i ask for help i get told they’re tired or they work or later or im met w but i did xyz the other day blah bl#blah blah yk#i tried to clean in nov but i just can’t im tired it’s constant that im cleaning i want to do things not go from work to home for chores to#also cook and then clean up dinner because i also have a job#and when i do something im not like OH well i did xyz! so i won’t do that …no i just say okay because why bring up what i already did things#need to be done why are you arguing with me like we want to bring up receipts? i’ll bring them up#i’m cleaning up clothes that’s not mine i’m cleaning up shit piss ans throw up of a dog that is not mine i walk said dog occasionally#but nope not the other way around why would they do any of that when it’s not theirs ?#i ask them to pick one day to make dinner nope i can’t i’m busy i have xyz …okay i have work gym appts errands too#and since i have cleaned in like a month or over it’s a mess but no one has taken action to fix that it’s just it’s messy in here#that’s why i hate if you need help ask. .#I ASK I DONT GET HELP you ask i help but god forbid i ask#‘but you clean weird’ ‘you do a deep clean’ it’s a regular clean i clean to clean not to light dust and see it be back to how it was in a#day or two. deep clean is i’m up in a ladder cleaning the vents cleaning cabinets shelves i can’t regularly reach or are hard to get to and#honestly that should be a monthly thing#weekly is wipe down appliances. sweep swiffer vacuum and mop the floors. wipe countertops and flat surfaces. flip the chairs around tighten#bolts wash the tablecloth clean the table. vacuum the couches lint roll any cloth surfaces. clean or wipe down the stove/microwave depending#on how dirty. clean bathroom tub toilet sink floors mirror. this is not a deep clean w that you get the fridge and dishwasher windows move t#the furniture to clean under that. i am tired and i dont ever get to finish everything#bathroom stays last and weekends are only so long i also go to the gym or need to go to the store or have ot to do#and ik i brought up here that im depressed but im not bring that up to them because regardless these things need to get done be it a the#worlds slowest pace but does need to happen and i don’t want to use that as an excuse because i will just let myself lay in bed and not show#shower or move does this mentality eat away at me maybe idk but it’s what my parents gave me and it’s not changing i don’t think so here we#are.#we can wait another month and i might be on the up but ill be down again so 🤷♀️#like actually i can use a lot of things as an excuse but that doesn’t help anyone does it ?
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spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍
#vent incoming i apologise in advance for the long tags#we've lived together just the two of us since dec 2021 (although her boyfriend is here like 2/3 of the time as well)#and since i got my job in march 2022 i have been paying half of all the bills (literally down to like tv license when i barely watch the tv)#which is £300 a month#plus i buy all my own food + pay for the amazon prime she uses + contribute to various household things like toilet roll etc#and she doesn't have a mortgage so i am paying the same amount as her to live in her house#(and it is very much her house not our house)#and I've never been very happy with any of that but never complained either#but then recently it turned out she never set up the water bill when we moved in (it's one of the only bills i didn't sort for us)#so we have a huge backdated bill from dec 2021 and i knew she was going to tell me to pay half#so for the past month or so I've been preparing myself for this conversation and sure enough today she came and said 'we owe £700'#so i was like 'oh i thought maybe it would've been covered by my £300/month' which is the biggest stand I've been able to work myself up to#and she immediately started going on about how i live here too and use water too so it's just as much my responsibility to pay#and how when we're both earning i should be paying my share and i was like yeah i know that's why i never complained about paying before#but also i already pay more than most people would to live with their parents#and she went off about how actually most people charge their grown up kids rent on top of the bills so really i'm lucky i don't have to#(when she got the original £300 figure it was actually rounded up from like £240 to include 'rent' but i wasn't gonna bring that up now)#and in conclusion she doesn't see why she should be subsidising my bills#like i don't know maybe because you're my MOTHER and i am your CHILD who is just starting out in the adult world#and maybe that entitles me to being treated better than some lodger???!!!!!#anyway i paid the bill and now i'm trying and failing at not crying at my desk 😃#talking
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best friend is 100% mad at me and fully fucking ignoring me when i ask why. hes fucking playing roblox on call with his friends while im over here freaking out ready to actually kill myself because he doesnt give a shit about me and wont fucking tell me why hes angry but i would bet MONEY that if he is mad, its over something i didnt even do wrong
#vent post#delete later#sorry for yapping on main i really should go to my priv twitter for this#but GOD#CHRIST#IM JUST#WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM DUDE IF YOURE PISSED OFF AT ME JUST FUCKING TELL ME YOU ARE#BECAUSE NOW WE'RE BOTH PISSED AT EACH OTHER!#and unless i royally fucked up and said something terrible to him i wasnt aware of (which i doubt is the case)#im the only one here thats actually RIGHTFULLY mad#and has genuine REASON to be#for many reasons not just this thing!#but i sure dont think he has any justifiable reason to be mad at me yet he fucking is and hes ignoring me completely and i just#why are you thrownig 9 years of soulmate friendship down the fucking toilet michael whats your FUCKING DAMAGE HEATHER
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some fashion dreamer adventures from playing too much in the past two days :) (MY USER ID IS LGXwM6wQk5 FEEL FREE TO request stuff or whatever u do in this game i forgor) :
(ignore shocked shane this aint about him) made my OC dave as my first muse so i am kinda playing hard mode with the type b body situation but im like. determined now. im gonna make the flashiest and cutest and over the top outfits i can muster with the scraps theyve given the the type b (jk jk its not TOO bad its the best we've gotten so far but I do wish i could wear shorter shorts and crop tops and some of those type a socks are so cute i saw some that were like bandage thigh highs. dave should be allowed to wear thigh highs. dave should be allowed to wear thigh highs)
still having a lot of fun tho! sometime i should get around to making a type a muse but most people i meet are type a so i never run out of people to dress either way LOL
like most people i have things i hope they add in the future (like i said before, the lack of zoom is DIRE) and right now some of the currencies and levelling systems feel a little unbalanced (i have so many of the star things and bingo things and a decent amount of gacha things but the photo prop coins are my most coveted thing rn i have like 1 single one JKDLSJFDS) but im enjoying myself a lot like i knew i would
was trying to take a pic of this other player's muse that had this really neat witch situation but i accidentally made dave dab and got really scared <3
in the end we must all go to the photo egg. in the end we all go into the photo egg. the universality of the photo egg.
kinda wacky from daylight savings time changes i always get wacky i dont know what year or time it is. i spent twenty minutes scouring the ACT cocoon for the showroom stream 'cause i couldnt find it until i accidentally went into this like. basement alley. its in the basement alley <3 <3 <3
i guess we dont just go into the egg. we also. go into the. cocoons. the cocoons. in eve? cocoons in eve have. eggs in them
anyway i just unlocked cocoon FUN and its so awesome and scary and so so scary look at this bear
free this bear somebody please free this bear ignore dave posing free this bear cocoon fun has bears behind bars and gazebos that raise you into heaven its so scary and awesome
going back to the photo props my favourites so far are the flowers theyre so cute
i dont do the vertical photos that often because theyre kinda hard to do (u have to like. turn ur head or the switch to the side..... im nearly exclusively a tabletop switch player so i cant imagine what its like for docked player LOL) but this ones cute!
but yeah very fun and extremely addicting i need to go to bed. i need to go to bed. i have assignments and i need to go to bed. but i want. to make outfits..........i must.....make outfits......graaaaahhh........GRAAAAAHHHHHH (turns into a zombie before your eyes)
#i dont do enough of the making of clothes tho i keep forgetting#i think they do need to expand it more. i understand not having like patterns people draw like animal crossing#(hard to moderate for a very online game)#BUT i do think they could do some WONDERFUL things with the system they already have for making ur brand logos#like that brand logo maker is UNREAL do u want a logo of a toilet in a heart with a forest background? you can do that if u want#you can do anything in there its absurd#but if they added the ability to make like tshirt graphics or maybe even repeatable patterns with that system it would be awesome#but i do need to make more designs. my brand is in SHAMBLES#also this is besides any point but its wild playing the type b body at the default height in a world of type a's at their default heights#everyones always looking up at me. is this what its like to be tall. is this what its like#why are you looking at me like that. whats going on down there. is this what being tall is. strange and unusual#although speaking of height its awesome the height varieties between the two body types like#the default is like slightly short type a and slightly tall type b but if u want u can be the shortest little guy or the tallest lady ever#its fantastic. i think the tallest type a matched the tallest type b pretty close and same with the shortest type b to type a#u can be small. u can be big. the world is our oyster. takes your hand and we run together into the sunset
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one thing about jyn is that she will never wear a dress (or a skirt). if she's forced to attend a black tie event, she'll be wearing a clean!! shirt and pants, and might even polish her boots if you're lucky.
if she's forced to wear a dress for an assignment, she will only do so with these concessions:
it has to be flowy enough and/or have slits in the skirt to allow for a full range of movement if she needs to run/fight
it has to be relatively full coverage (especially on intelligence missions, since she's so covered in scars that it would make her easily identifiable)
she will be choosing her shoes. this is non-negotiable. she can't walk well in hells and they're impractical. best hope the dress is long enough to cover her combat boots
#you may be thinking: what about a fancy jumpsuit?#and the answer is no#because who wants to take off all their clothes when they have to pee#it's simply not practical#what if there's an attack while she's on the toilet!!!!#she will admit that peeing in a dress is easier than pants#...............why have i gone down this train of thought#anyway!#about. ━ who starts a fire just to let it go out ?
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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever#but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave#I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up#I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault#and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to#I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in#and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen#like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept#than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it#and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do#and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening#and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that#but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse#also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this#I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly#I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection#I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline#hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma#I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything#which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place
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