#why is there so much piss

[deputyandros]

stephen king stop pissing everywhere please

[chloesimaginationthings]

The day FNAF Charlie Emily was shut out..

[quarterlifekitty]

cw: piss mention.

Being Johnny’s friend, and him desperately wanting to take things further— he comes up with a terrible idea to drive you into his arms in a way he thinks is rather subtle.

He’s going to get Ghost to hit on you next time you’re out at a pub. Ghost has an uncanny ability activate the prey drive— he gets too close, speaks too low, looms too tall, and stares too deep (not to mention the kind of language he uses in his pickup lines).

So Johnny casually gets up to go piss, leaves you sitting at the bar, practically passes the baton as he goes by Ghost on the way.

And Simon, he loves the classics.

So he starts off by staring down at you as you sit in your stool, unblinking, and saying “I can smell your cunt.”

You look up with rapt attention, clenching your thighs.

Soap watches from across the bar for a signal, either a grimace on your face or a discreet hand gesture from Ghost that they’d worked out earlier.

But he underestimated your freak. And Simon wasn’t about to back down when it was clear you liked how he came across.

Simon perches himself next to you, crowding in close and speaking into your ear, Johnny able to see as your stunned expression turns into a bashful smile, like he just told you that you have beautiful eyes. He actually said “bet you’d let me spit in your mouth if I told you to open up, yeah?”

Things escalate. You barely touch your drink, too absorbed in what Simon is saying to you.

“Saw those fuckin’ thighs from across the bar, Jesus Christ— want you to sit on my jaw and fuck my face— warm my cheeks with those thighs while I shove my tongue in that sweet little pussy. I’d let you piss in my fucking mouth if y’wanted to.”

When Soap finally forces himself to go back to the bar, you subtly tell him you’re gonna head out and that you had fun. He awkwardly bids you goodnight with his mouth nearly agape as Simon grabs hold of your hand to pull you along.

And he looks too damned eager to get you out of there— doesn’t even have the decency to throw a smug look at Soap. Because truthfully? He’s kinda forgotten why he came here in the first place. He’s got more important shit on his mind now.

[blacksvgar]

THE X-FILES — 03x22

[archivist-the-knight]

as a queer person specifically an unlabeled queer person, dream trying to defend him profiting off the ambiguity of his sexuality so he can further manipulate his fans enrages me. him not knowing what queer meant when tubbo brought it up, him still trying to dodge and avoid the question with "well i'm a MAN who's been in a relationship with only women my entire life and its hard to define yada yada" and just instead of like idk. researching more about it?? asking more about it?? he just says oh yeah i'm queer.

like GIRL. you literally just acted like you didn't know what even being queer fucking MEANT. he sounded genuinely confused when tubbo asked him if he was or wasn't queer specifically and then minutes later he's confirming it.

i don't know how to articulate it but it just kinda pisses me off. also not knowing that dnf.gay links directly to your friend's merch store? donating 10 percent, only 10 percent, of the proceeds to charity of your pride merch? then backtracking and syaing "oh no we donated way mroe" but never specifying a number + you conveniently never specified it until now?

combine this with how he defended himself with saying the r slur thing, its just. so insanely manipulative. what we can't attack you because you're queer and neurodivergent?? what next suddenly you're a minor and you've been raised in a cardboard box all alone and your bones break every night and your heart attacks put you to sleep??? shut the fuck up man

[hermit-frog]

[martyreddie]

one thing i absolutely love about eddie is the fact that he is always on the lookout for ways to sacrifice himself for the people he loves. girlfriend pregnant? i'll provide for her by risking my life in the military. twice. without asking first. my traumatised son is scared that my job is too dangerous? i will transfer to another one that makes me deeply miserable. also without asking first. can't seem to fall in love with my new girlfriend even though my kid loves her? guess i'll just stick it out. my parents hate my wife even after her death? i will push down every bit of anger i ever felt at her and defend her like a rabid dog. hell, i will romanticise that relationship so bad that I literally cannot move on from her and am haunted by her ghost in both a metaphorical and literal way for years to come. and when, as the crowning result of all my disregard for my personal well-being and healing, my kid has run to texas, and now he does not seem to want to come home? i will bear every bit of pain and embarrassment his obvious disdain and my parents' flagrant disinterest in letting us heal from this causes me, and if that doesn't work, i will upend my entire life, forsake every bit of progress I have ever made, and come crawling back to the city i grew up in. without asking first, of course.

eddie diaz will see a cross, ask "is anyone going to die on that thing?" and then not wait for an answer

[wishchip106]

LET HIM GET UP LET HIM GET UP

[yoinkschief]

please don't look at me this is the first time I've been self indulgent about Sonic since I was a kid this is making me flustered hrhghhh Amy Rose nothing could ever make me hate you

[redvelvetbunny]

so, a dog runs up, bites you and then just disappears?

just some magical asshole dog in the forest?

yes luke exactly what you said

[theythemmer]

phinktober day 11: ur fav AU

i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo

(dan’s tats r carnations and snowdrops and phil’s r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason 🤗)

ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldn’t pick <3

[acebender]

Sam in Cooldown: "I am considering modifying Keyleth's memory so she forgets about him entirely"

DO IT

[annieisyourfavourite]

so sorry but that post about "the reason boys and men are being radicalized is bc girls are mean to them" is driving me up the fucking wall. maybe i really am just on a different internet than the rest of you but. this sentiment of "women are being bitches who don't care about men and that's why there's Problems now" is like. such an alpha male podcast classic take. like it's literally "not all men". it doesn't magically become better bc u say stuff with liberal terminology. jesus christ

[doctorsiren]

Hatsune Miku being on the Coachella lineup for this year is amazing and great and so very silly but it’s so bad that tech bros are trying to spin it in favour of their “virtual AI influencers”

No. Like actually shut up?? Do you not know anything about Miku?? She is an art tool. She is a musical instrument. She isn’t being paraded around like she’s some sort of Metaverse influencer.

Stuff like that really grinds my gears. Do your research next time, hm? (looking at you specifically, Wendy Lee from the LA Times.)

[zwoftt]

THE WEEKLY DORYM MOMENTS!! (and other stuff i liked...)) IN NO ORDER AT ALL!! liam and robbie not so subtly wearing each other's character's colors.... dorian and orym sharing concern for imogen, also consistently bouncing off of each other's ideas... adding-on.... complimenting... etc. sibling relationship imogen and dorian have developed is so special to me. imogen seeing dorian as a younger brother, dorian seeing imogen as that older sister figure in place of his lost older brother,,, they care so much about each other they are so wlw and mlm core the nat 20 on the dorian dice that liam got. im okay guys. im okay. dorian's jealousy whenever braius interacts with orym is so funny to me "shouldn't you be helping your BOYfriend???" --- "look at him ride!!!" <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 DORIAN MVP THIS FIGHT BTW HOLY SHIT HES SO HOT SOMEBODY STOP HIM the face liam makes for orym when dorian asks him if he wants to be a mounted fighter. the lovingness of all of it. dorian still showing chivalry by boosting orym up onto the saddle even though he knows orym can do it himself. THE CHEEK KISS. (braius crying is so fucking golden)) robbie's eyebrows at liam when they say "semenangings" (or however its spelled/called HELP) just wanna mention all of the faces and glances liam (mostly) and robbie were making at each other and hyping each other up a whole lot the entire time. dorian flanking opposite of orym immediately!!!!! awwh i still cant get enough of dorian's little quirk of humming a tune when hes nervous. suuuuch a good trait, im actually feral over it. dorian humming that tune after orym tells them to make no sudden movements... continues humming it until it summons his dragon!! ME WHEN WHEN WHEN ME WHEN WHEN,, WHEN.. soooo many nat 20s SO MANY NAT 20S THIS EPISODE WHAAAT dorian[robbie] cheering orym on when he leads the charge on his dragon "heads up! its a full moooooo" still patiently waiting for dorian to kiss orym as a way to give him bardic inspiration >:(((

[destructo-range]

'helen is so underdevelopped as a character!' 'helen's boring!' stfu u just don't like her bc she's a woc and because she doesn't behave exactly like michael. yall put so much effort into developping michael's character inside your minds and completely look over her because she's 'poorly written.' stop.