#why is being an adult so hard?

[newtonsheffield]

I’m not going to get in until after 10pm tonight because I have a CPD course in the city and to top it all off yesterday I had to spend $4k for indemnity insurance to continue working in a job I hate most of the time 😩😩😩

[muzetrigger]

It’s the weekend soon! I can finally write all those short stories and ideas I’ve wanted to!

*Instantly gets bodied by chores and responsibility*

[pyropansy]

Two managers, both alike in dignity, have given me propositions to ponder. Do I take the better paying job? It's further away, but with better pay does that matter, I don't like the product so thus would not use the discount, but she is also my friend and I like working under her. Or I could take the job that keeps giving me free stuff. It's closer, I love the product and use it daily, and I know exactly what the job would entail.

I'm so lost. Both positions most likely won't be avaliable for another month or two. I don't want to string anyone along, either.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Oooo I love the way you draw Jeff he's cute <333

I hope I did Jeff justice.. gotta love tired men

[arthousephil]

Dan and Phil's TIT tour × Troye Sivan on SWEAT tour

2024, year of youtube twinks simulating gay sex on stage

bonus:

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[lokh]

also i think if roleswap laios and canon laios met theyd immediately start fighting.

[brionysea]

I'm trying really hard not to just be The Complainer because that's an energy I don't want to bring here when I love (present tense; I rewatch it like 5 times a day) arcane season 1 so much but does anyone remember when powder was taken in by silco and being raised by this very utilitarian merciless 'the ends justify the means' type character made jinx turn out violent and merciless as well. and vi was horrified by her and the lanes were terrified of her and piltover was falling over itself trying to scapegoat her as the one bad apple of the undercity to kid themselves into believing that everyone else was perfectly fine with being treated as less than. and that contrasts vi after vander etc. died because she was raised by him and internalised the idea that no one wins in war and fighting back against systemic oppression isn't worth the damage it causes to your own community which is why she ended up working with cait and the council like vander worked with grayson. the people who raised them shaped them into who they are today but then in season 2 jinx has a daughter and she's suddenly completely normal and well adjusted and her attachment style isn't digging her nails in until she draws blood at all. like What. what happened. didn't things used to mean something

[necrotic-nephilim]

@sasheneskywalker i love when you enable me to ramble about things because oh my god do i have thoughts.

so recently, i made a post discussing the phenomena of DC x DP and DC x MLB crossovers and why they exist and part of that post was discussing how largely speaking, at least half, if not more of the Batfamily fandom doesn't read the comics. if they interact with canon DC material, it's adaptations that are their own sequestered universes and oftentimes not remotely comic accurate or seeking to be. the most obvious example is the Young Justice cartoon. i'm adding a cut to this post because it just got so long i'm so sorry.

a lot of times, when people are discussing the "why" of this oversaturation of fanon-only fandom, they blame Wayne Family Adventures. and i think, to a point, i agree WFA is responsible for a boom in this fandom. but as someone who's been in the fandom long before we had WFA, to me it's the other way around. WFA was DC's way of meeting the demand for this easy-to-get-into, easy-to-consume content about the Batfamily that predicates itself on the comics just enough to be vaguely the same characters, but has a more sitcom, slice-of-life sort of vibe so DC could profit off of this section of the fanbase that otherwise wasn't consuming its primary material. and well, it's definitely worked. not only that, but i have a weird theory that the decline in the MCU also led to the rise in the Batfamily fandom. when you consider the fan content that made the MCU popular within fandom, it's that 2012 "they all live in Avengers Tower and Thor is eating poptarts and Clint is in the vents and there are movie nights every Friday" sort of vibe. those were the fics that were a hallmark of the fandom. and as the MCU has strayed from well... quality content in general, but specifically well-thought-out crossover content where characters can have their own arcs but also exist in a wider story where they clearly care about each other, that fandom was sort of homeless. so where do you go, if you like a superhero found family where you can have villains for angst but also stick them all in one big family-like home for silly crack and have a plethora of options for gay ships? well. you go to the Batfamily. if you write a crack/fluff Batfamily genfic with silly vibes and low stakes instead of say, a fic about a very specific comic issue even if it's a popular comic, you're *going* to get more traction for the former. because the fanbase largely just isn't reading the comics.

and i feel... complicated about this. because on one hand, Don't Like Don't Read has been a tenet of my fandom experience. i'm very pro-fandom and that includes fandom content i don't like. and to an extent, i do think this sort of should apply to Batfamily fanon. i enjoy having my moments with other comic purists, giggling over exceptionally painful OOC headcanons or even facepalming in pain over some content but it is on me to not interact with that content. you don't make fandom a better place by being hostile to fans who engage with canon in ways you don't approve of. and frankly? we as comic readers are not going to get non-comic fans to read the comics by being asshats to them. no one is going to want to pick up any comic if we get a superiority complex about it. and also, i feel like we're all lying to ourselves a little bit insisting comics are so, so easy to get into. they're not. we can just all agree, they're really not. i've been single-handedly helping my sister get into comics, specifically Wonder Woman and no matter how simple i make it, i watch her get frustrated trying to understand what pre-Crisis and post-Crisis and New-52 and Flashpoint and all these things mean and what a retcon vs a reboot is and what a Crisis Event is and what the hell Diana's current backstory even *is*. sure, you can give someone a beginner list of comics to start with and slowly dip their toes in the water but sooner or later, *something* is going to confuse them. comics as a medium straight up aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. and if someone *just* wants to read silly fluffy fanfiction about the Batfamily, i can't entirely begrudge them for not wanting to take the hours and hours out of their day to understand this medium. it's not an accessible medium to get into. "read this and this, but this run is out of print and this run wasn't collected in trades at all but also make sure you read that event in order and this is a good comic but the backstory in it is retconned and you *have* to read this it's so important but it's also really bad because the author kind of sucks" sounds. ridiculous for someone who like. just wants to read some stuff about Nightwing. sometimes, we all make reading comics sort of sound like a chore, not a hobby.

so my point is, i do extend some grace to Batfamily fanon for existing. i think my biggest gripe is, as i said in my other post, misuse of tags (if you're not creating content about comics, maybe you don't need the comics fandom tag on Ao3, just the all media types umbrella tag) and my far bigger gripe: when panels are taken out of context to support fanon only headcanons. if i could impart *anything* onto the Batfamily fandom as a comic fan it'd be this: if you haven't *read* the comic, don't spread the panel. if you don't even know what comic it's *from*, don't spread the panel. it's fine to use comic panels to discuss your headcanons, but so often i see someone spreading a comic panel from a comic they haven't read, and when asked where it's from, they can't source it. a silly example that comes to mind is a post going around, taking a panel where Dick, in his internal monologue goes "here comes the sun. do do do do." and the post is claiming it's from him getting buried alive. when that panel comes from Nightwing (1996) #140, and he gets buried alive in Nightwing (1996) #127, two completely different moments frankensteined together. if you're going to not read the comics, that's completely fine, but unless you're sure of the source and the context, panels shouldn't be spread around. i'm sick of this specifically happening to Red Robin (2009), with ppl claiming Tim has totally killed people because he blew up some of Ra's' bases, when those panels within context, make it clear he gave everyone time to escape. and in a later arc in that very comic, Tim grapples with the idea of murdering Captain Boomerang, and *specifically chooses not to*, because he doesn't agree with murder, even against the person who has hurt him the most. if you'd like to write fanfiction where Tim is pro-murder and has done some sketch things, i'm totally on board and would probably like to read it. but there's no need to pretend it's canon from a few panels you saw out of context.

beyond that, i think it's not *entirely* correct to say that fanon is harmless. whenever i see very WFA-positive posts, they often default to the argument that WFA is fun and silly, and comic fans are killjoys for not liking it. which. i think is complicated because the issue is, WFA and fanon don't exist in a vacuum. if you like WFA power to you, i don't think it's the worst thing ever, but i do think it's degrading to these characters because honestly? they feel incompetent in the webtoon. it's one thing if WFA was solely a slice-of-life sort of deal, just having silly episodes where Bruce is taking on a PTA mom or they're all fighting for the last cookie. but when WFA attempts to take on more serious plots with these characters, it *fundamentally* falls flat in understanding them. i get it, Bruce comforting Jason having a panic attack because a noise reminded him of the crowbar felt cute in a microcosm, but i'm so serious when i say that storyline destroyed how like. half of this fandom understands Jason Todd's relationship to his trauma. it doesn't understand how he reacts when he's triggered, what coping mechanisms he seeks out, and how he would handle Bruce comforting him. even if i can believe for a brief moment Jason *would* be triggered by something like that, him running and trying to hide and then getting a hug from Bruce to make it okay is just. painful. WFA needs everything to be wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow. so even when it starts to tackle interesting concepts, it makes them fall flat with its need to be soft, low stakes, hurt/comfort. there was a two-parter episode that dealt with the complicated mutual hatred/jealousy between Tim and Damian that *almost* really interested me because for once, it felt like the webtoon wanted to explore canon messy dynamics. but of course, it had to be fixed with one conversation and a hug. you don't mend the *years* of issues these characters have like that. WFA isn't in character because these characters are hyperbole cartoonified versions of themselves to fit within the medium and be a cute happy family.

because that right there, is the crux of it. the Batfamily fanon seeks to simplify the Batfamily and force them into a nuclear family. there are so many fantastic posts on here discussing how the nuclear family-ification of the Batfam is eroding decades worth of complex histories so i won't go too far into that. but what i will say is that there's this need, in the Batfamily fandom, for the Batfamily to exist as a unit. they are a *family*. (honestly i think calling it the Batfamily is a misnomer and has been for years but we're in too deep now.) they exist to each other first, and any teams or friends they have come secondary to this family unit. you can *specifically* see this demonstrated in what headcanons are becoming popular these days. i have an entire lengthy meta in my drafts about how i *loathe* the "the Batfamily meets the Justice League" genre of fanfic because it makes no *sense*. in order to have this genre of fic exist, you must operate under the assumption that no one in the League, or adjacent to the League, knows the Batfamily exists and are thus utterly shocked to discover Batman has kids. and to make *that* work, you have to strip *every single Batfamily member* of such important dynamics and friendships so you can lock them all in Gotham for their whole lives. Dick can't have the Titans, Tim can't have Young Justice, Duke & Cass can't have the Outsiders, Jason can't have the Outlaws, Damian can't have the Supersons, Babs can't have the Birds of Prey, and so on. because if they had these relationships, they would be known to the League. the Batfamily fandom doesn't care about this, it's just "silly fanfiction", it's not trying to be serious. but how can you say you like Dick Grayson as a character if you don't understand the Titans *are* his family? at some points of his life, moreso than the Batfamily even is. it is constantly repeated to us in most comics with Dick how much the Titans mean to him. he *needs* them to be who he is. the same extends to every other Batfamily member, most of which have been full League members at this point. but in fanon, that doesn't matter. the Batfamily are a sequestered unit first, and all of those side relationships are secondary and easy to toss away, if it makes your fanfic work better.

and because they have to be a unit first, you have these forced relationships that dump years of actual canon material for the sake of making them get along. the Batfamily fandom has its favorites and well. it's no secret it's usually the boys. Jason and Tim by *far* stand out as fandom faves so, their dynamic is a heavily explored one. it does matter that in canon they don't tend to get along and especially don't see each other as family. what matters is that you can push dynamics onto them. and so fanon gets all twisted up about which Robin Tim actually idolized as a kid (Dick) and what member of the Batfamily is pro-murder but still an older sibling figure to him and looks out for him (Helena, or if you want the dynamic of once tried to harm Tim but they've reconciled, Jean-Paul) in favor of who's the most popular. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian are always going to be the standouts for popularity, but it's specifically Jason and Tim who are getting fanonized the most. and that's because really, we don't have much canon content of Tim that *isn't* the comics. for Dick you've got Young Justice (tv), for Damian you've got the DCAMU, for Jason you've sort of got the Under The Red Hood movie, but Tim sort of lingers in this limbo. (yes, he's in Young Justce (tv) and Titans (live action) but in neither is he the main character nor given much depth) so, he gets a *lot* projected onto him and has become fanonized. and even with Jason's animated movies, you don't see him interact with Tim, so people build it from the ground up how they want to see it, disregarding of canon comics. i think it's what makes him so popular in the first place- he's malleable into whatever you want or need him to be.

and of course, the fanon ignores other characters in the Batfamily it doesn't know about. i feel like you could create a tier list of Batfamily characters by their popularity, going from the fandom main characters: Tim, Jason, Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Damian. to the underrated: Steph, Duke, Babs, Cass. to the forgotten about unless they're convenient for a story: Kate, the Foxes, Helena Wayne, Carrie, Selina, Harper Row, Maps, Minhkhoa Khan. to the absolutely unknown: Helena Bertinelli, Jean-Paul Valley, Onyx Adams, the Clovers, Julia Pennyworth. it's not lost on me that the ignored characters tend to be women and people of color. which is both a canon and fanon problem, DC will continue adding interesting characters to the Batfamily, play with them for a few years, then drop them to default to the "Batboys" again. and it's a vicious cycle of the fandom only caring about the "Batboys", and thus people entering the fandom via fanon osmosis won't have content about the other characters, therefore, they won't be interested in those characters enough to create it, and it's just this ouroboros consuming itself, no matter how much canon content we have of these other characters. and it's ridiculous just how large the Batfamily is becoming because of this, which is why i'm a pre-Flashpoint fan, because then the Batfamily was contained enough to actually feel like a family with every character having nuances relationships with each other, but i digress because those thoughts could be their own post.

and the thing about fanon is it doesn't exist in a vacuum. DC has started turning the comics to accommodate for what fans are asking for, because fans will beg and beg for content they're not going to consume. Tim Drake: Robin had Tim as a coffee drinker because that's the fanon accepted headcanon. and the resolution of the recent Gotham War arc was for Bruce to buy this new manor for everyone to move in and call him. nevermind that most of these characters have their own homes and have zero reason to be moving in with Bruce. Tim had his marina in Tim Drake: Robin, Dick has Bludhaven, Cass and Steph have their little side of town in Batgirls (2022), and so on. these characters are being forced together as a unit, as one big happy family living together, to appease what non-comic fans want and it's damaging comic relationships. Robin: Knight Terrors saw Jason and Tim team up and working together, which i've seen varying opinions on but i personally despised. their interactions made zero sense for any of their canon history, but it appeases them being this close sibling relationship that fanon acts like they are. also the fears they faced in their respective knight terrors didn't make sense for either character and *only* worked as a moment of bringing them together so they could reassure each other and have this weird dreamscape bonding moment. the canon is bending itself to the will of fanon rather than building on the pre-existing complex relationships. Tim barely even gets along with his most important team in Dark Crisis: Young Justice because it seems the only important relationships the Batfamily can have is with each other. and when we do see them outside of the Batfamily, it only seems to be to relive the glory days like with World's Finest: Teen Titans, instead of developing them as they currently exist. this isn't recent in the comics, it feels like you can trace it back to the New-52, but it does feel a *lot* worse over the recent years. WFA is fine when it exists in its own bubble, but the simple truth is, DC content never exists on its own. the adaptations will reflect back onto the comics. (the damage the Young Justice cartoon has done to some characters should honestly be studied) and so it does frustrate me a bit when fanon-only or adaptation-only fans act like we're being nothing but killjoys for being frustrated with this. since they don't read the comics, they don't see how the comics are suffering as a result of this.

people argue about what's out of character for the comics they don't even read. i'm sorry, but "bad dad Bruce" is consistently canon. that man is just kind of shitty. when you take someone who has the drive he has, who has this need for the Mission first, who needs a teenager in spandex next to him to keep him off the ledge, that guy is sort of going to be a shitty father figure. he just is. not on purpose or with malice, but when you compare him to any other dad in a big DC family, he sure takes the cake. it's why characters like Oliver Queen tend to *really* fucking hate Bruce for how he treats his kids. Bruce loves fiercely, but he doesn't do well with putting that love first. and his love is a controlling one, he is very particular about controlling how others in the Batfamily are "allowed" to operate. it's what drives the wedge between him and Dick, it's why Steph is never a true daughter to him. (besides the reason of her needing to be a love interest to Tim first, anyway-) i've never understood the massive outcry of people reacting to Bruce kinda being shitty in comics they're not reading. there are some moments that get ridiculously OOC with how cartoonishly evil he is (the whole Gotham War arc and that... complicated mess with Jason) but largely if you want sitcom loving nuclear father Bruce, you have to accept that is a fanon thing, not a canon one. the Batfamily being a nuclear family in *general* is fanon. most of the "Batkids" don't actually see Bruce in a particularly fatherly light and begging for moments where he calls them his kids or they call him dad outside of incredibly specific circumstances is just OOC.

it's getting harder and harder to exist peacefully in this fandom it feels like, if you don't comply to the standard fanon has set. i'm happy people are having fun with their blorbos, even if in ways i dislike, but that "harmless fandom fun" does ripple it's way back to canon, eventually. so i end up pretty tangled with my feelings because are fans at fault for DC making these poor decisions? probably not, but it certainly feels like an unfortunate cause-and-effect situation whether at the end of the day, nobody is happy. and of course, i know some fanon-only fans are striving to be more canon accurate and care about canon dynamics more than others, but for them it's always going to be an uphill battle with the above-mentioned out-of-context panels thrown around and ever-pervasive fanon overtaking anything that's truly seeking to be canon compliant. so really, it sometimes feels like we're all losing.

[sunsetsandsunshine]

HIII!! I saw that requests are open soo i wanna make one LMAO

Could i request a lee!Lloyd and ler!Kai fic from lego ninjago? I think that Lloyd seeing Kai as his older brother is absolutely adorable and i need some content with them. No pressure tho! Please and ty!<3

~ 𝚆𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚢-𝚠𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚢, 𝚎𝚐𝚐𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚢 (𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚊…) ~

❤️💚 𝙵𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: 𝙰𝚗𝚘𝚗 𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 ❤️💚

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙴𝙴𝙴𝙴𝙴 𝙷𝙸 𝙽𝙾𝙽𝙽𝙸𝙴 💓💗💕💝!!! 𝚂𝙾 𝚐𝚕𝚊𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚋𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃 𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙹𝙰𝙶𝙾 𝙵𝙸𝙲 👏🏾🥳🎉‼️ 𝚆𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑…𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚞𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚎 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚜, 𝚠𝚎 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 🥲👍🏾. 𝙺𝚊𝚒 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙻𝚕𝚘𝚢𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚒𝚍𝚌 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝙱𝚁𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚂 𝙱𝚁𝙾!!! 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙽𝚈𝙰 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙸𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚁𝙶𝙱 𝚂𝙸𝙱𝚂⁉️⁉️⁉️ 𝙰𝙷𝙷𝙷 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙼𝙰𝙽— 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚙 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚠…˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*＊·̩̩̥͙

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟹,𝟷𝟷𝟿

𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙻𝚕𝚘𝚢𝚍 🐉💚

𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙺𝚊𝚒 🔥❤️

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙻𝚕𝚘𝚢𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚞𝚙 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚏𝚊𝚜𝚝— 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚎𝚒𝚛𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚍 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝙺𝚊𝚒 𝚒𝚜, 𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍…𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍.

(𝙰/𝙽: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝙶𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚗𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚃𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗. 𝙸𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚢𝚙𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚢, 𝙸 𝚑𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚒𝚌 🫶🏾! 

𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙸𝙻𝙴𝚁𝚂 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙹𝙰𝙶𝙾 𝚂𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝟻‼️‼️‼️

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚙𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝙽𝚒𝚗𝚓𝚊𝚐𝚘 𝚋𝚌 𝚠𝙴 𝙰𝚁𝙴 𝙱𝙴𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚅𝙴𝙳, 𝙼𝙰𝙽:

@skyloladoodles @ziipzeepzop-eez @sunny-117

@saturnzskyzz @an0ma1y-th3d0ma1y @luigiisawesome

@what-youd-expect @berrymilkwithsugar

＊*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙹𝚞𝚖𝚙 𝚞𝚙, 𝚔𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔, 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚏𝚏 🥸🫶🏾˚*•✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

“Has anyone seen Lloyd come out of his room yet?” Kai asked as he finished styling his hair, walking into the kitchen where his siblings were eating breakfast. 

Call him a drama queen all you want, but he literally could not do a single thing unless his hair was completely styled for the morning.  

Which really just consisted of him putting ungodly amounts of hair gel on it to make it look spiky but shh…you didn’t hear that from me. 

“Nope.” Jay replied nonchalantly as he stuffed his face with the pancakes Zane happily cooked. Cole gagged internally at his brother’s absolutely grotesque way of eating, rolling his eyes and turning his attention to the real and ideal breakfast meal…

…Chocolate cake.

The Earth ninja snarfed down the delectable 'dessert' (you can eat cake anytime and anywhere— so is it really a dessert?) down his throat, making sure to leave no crumb left on the plate. 

Kai shivered at the two ninja’s…unique way of eating, sitting down next to Nya as he rested his cheek on his palm. “It’s…like, eight in the morning. Lloyd would usually be up by now...”

“It is currently nine in the morning.” Zane calmly corrected.

“My point still stands nonetheless!” The hothead shouted. 

“Maybe he just wants to sleep in.” The Lightning ninja suggested with a full mouth, “Remember how late we used to sleep in when we just started training to become ninja(s)?”

Nya huffed out a laugh, sipping her tea quietly, “Me and Master Wu would have to pour water on all of you guys just to wake you up…”

“Good times...” The freckled face teen remarked as he chugged his orange juice. The fire ninja cringed at the action, looking at his slightly older brother in complete disgust, “You are going to actually chokeif you keep eating and drinking like that...” The red cladded ninja commented. 

Jay rolled his eyes at the other’s remark, “Oh pleeease. The universe loves me way too much for that.”

“What universe are you referring to? Because it definitely isn’t this one.” The Water ninja giggled.

“Yeah…that sounded waaaaaay better in my head...” The Lightning ninja giggled back.

Cole and Kai shared an amused knowing glance at each other as they saw the two blue cladded ninja’s laughing with each other. The Ice ninja finished making the remainder of the pancakes, putting them onto a plate and putting said plate in the middle of the table.

“If you’re concerned about Lloyd’s irregular time in bed, perhaps you should maybe check up on him?” Zane suggested as he sat down at the table, giving the red themed ninja a soft smile. 

“Yeah…you’re right, man. I’ll be right back.” The spiky brown haired teen said as he got up from the table, shaking his head fondly as he heard a random fight between Cole and Jay start to break out. 

Now…you’re probably wondering why Kai is so worried in the first place since he isn’t known to be a huge worrywart. If he was being completely honest, that was usually Zane and Cole’s job. But you did not hear that from him. 

If there was anything Kai was best known for, it was probably being awesome, hot, brave…aaaand we’re getting off track here. But you see his point. 

It’s been a couple months since the whole…possession thing. And let’s just say the awesome, hot, and brave Kai everyone once knew and loved was on edge. 

If he could bring Morro back to life, kill him, bring him back to life and kill him again about a million times…he would definitely do so in a heartbeat. 

And in all honesty? During the months of recovery…it was honestly heartbreaking to let what happened settle in fully. Some parts of Kai still didn’t want to believe the events that had happened within the past few months had…well, happened. 

His little brother was possessed, forced to fight his family and friends, forced to fight the fucking fucker that possessed him and many more things Kai doesn’t even want to think about right now.

So…yeah. The red themed ninja was rightfully worried for his little brother. 

The amber eyed teen ran an anxious hand through his hair, exhaling loudly as he knocked on the closed door belonging to bedroom him and his sibling’s shared. 

No answer.

The red cladded teen knocked a tad bit louder the second time around but there was still no answer heard from the other side. The brown haired ninja opened the door slightly, peeking and looking around to find his little brother…fast asleep on his bed.

Kai snorted at the sight, his worry washing away as he sat on the edge of the youngest ninja’s bed, ruffling his hair ever so slightly, “Lloyd~! Wakey wakey, little bro!”

The blonde slowly turned his head to his big brother, his face morphing to any icy glare as the brunette tried to stifle a giggle at the sight. “Why do I have to see your face this early in the morning…?” Lloyd grumbled.

“Hey!” The amber eyed ninja squawked, “I’ll have you know seeing this bag of handsomeness any day is a blessing. You should feel lucky you get to see this beauty constantly.” 

“Ughhhh…why couldn’t you have come with Nya or something? That would’ve at least evened out the ugliness.” The youngest said, his small tired smile widening as he saw his brother’s clearly offended expression.  

“Okay…wow. My bad for coming in to check up on you.” The brunette exclaimed as he rested the back of his head on the Green ninja’s back. The hazel eyed teen groaned at the action, sinking deeper into his pillow.

“Dude, come onnnnn. Get out of bed, it’s time to start the day.“ The eldest said. 

“But it’s so earlyyyyyy…” The younger whined, sinking deeper into the blankets and stuffed animals he had on his bed. 

Kai raised a brow, “It’s nine in the morning.”

“Yeah! That’s early. Now let me get my oh-so precious beauty sleep. I need to recover from seeing your hideousness.” The blonde said sassily as he started to drift back to sleep.

Kai quickly shook his brother awake, not letting the kid in green pajamas visit the land of dreams quite yet. “Lloydie…I have no problem with you sleeping in, but at least get some breakfast in your system first.”

“Fuck breakfast.” The Green ninja murmured. 

The Fire ninja audibly gasped at the curse, trying his absolute best to not cry from proudness. 

That little green ball of snot was starting to act like him more and more everyday! 

…And Kai doesn’t know whether he should be happy about that or concerned for the near future.

“Wha— young man! We do not use such vulgar language in this household!” The hothead scolded, (even though he was very much proud).

“Who taught you to speak like that anyway?!” The elder huffed.

“Uh…you?” The youngest said blatantly.

“…I did?”

“Uh…yeah?”

The brunette rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, “Oh, whatever. Just don’t repeat those kinds of words in front of your Uncle, got it?”

“Mhm.” The younger said uninterested.

“But anyways…I want you to get up and eat. Come on. Up and at 'em.” The spiky haired teen said as he tried to lift the other up from the bed, but the younger stayed exactly where he was.

Kai groaned, getting up from the bed as he glared at his brother, “You can be really fucking stubborn when you want to be, y'know that?” 

“I get it from you.” Lloyd deadpanned as he closed his eyes to go back to sleep.

“That’s why it’s so annoying.” The spiky haired teen huffed, his eyes slightly widening as an idea popped into his head.

A very mean idea but an idea nonetheless. 

“Lloydie-loo~!!” The elder sang in a sweet-song voice…a voice the youngest knew far too well. The Green ninja opened his eyes once more, looking at the other skeptically. “What is it now?” The blondie asked. 

“If you don’t get up…I think a certain someone is gonna come and get you~!” The brunette grinned, “Do you know who that special certain someone is~?” 

The hazel eyed teen sighed at the question, personally not in the mood for guessing games but doing it for the sake of entertaining his older brother, “Uh…pfft— I dunno…? Zane maybe?”

“As much as I’d love to see Zane ramble about how having breakfast is a very vital start to your day…that’s not who I’m talking about.” The amber eyed teen snickered. 

“Master Wu?” Lloyd tried again.

“Nope!” The spiky haired ninja grinned, adding extra flair to the simple word by adding a pop sound to the 'p' at the end. 

“Alright…I’m at a loss. Who is coming to quote on quote 'get me?'” The blonde teenager asked, doing quotation marks with his fingers. The red themed ninja grinned evilly at the oh-so innocent question his brother asked, sitting on the edge of the bed again. “I’ll give you a hint. He’s a monster and his first name rhymes with pickle.”

The Green ninja’s eyes widened, “…you wouldn’t dare.”

“Wanna bet~?” Kai chuckled as he inched closer to the smaller teenager, wiggling his fingers teasingly. 

“Ihi’m gohonna kick yohou if you gehet ahany closer! I-Ihi’m seheherious!!!” The blondie giggly threatened which Kai couldn’t help but coo to. The fire ninja knew damn well his baby brother was a literal god and could beat him and the rest of their siblings up any day. But if you removed that true fact from the equation, the Green ninja was just a little kid at heart.

A very ticklish little kid at heart. 

The smaller teen internally screamed as his brother was inching closer and closer towards him. Without thinking, the blonde kicked his foot towards the other’s face, expecting a screech of pain from his big brother but was only met with a low and deeply terrifying chuckle.

The elder had effortlessly grabbed the kid’s ankle, smugly looking at his little brother, “Awe…is this for me~?” 

“N-Noho! Noho ihit’s not! Gihive meehee my foot b-bahack!” Lloyd giggled, trying to pull his ankle out of the other’s grip.

“But you literally just handed it to me!” The hothead snorted, trying his absolute best not to gush about his baby brother’s complete and utter adorableness. 

The older made dramatic groaning noises, holding the top of his head with his free hand, “Oh no! L-Lloyd! I think…I think I’m transforming…!” 

“N-Noho you’re not, yohohou bihig dork!”

“Yuh huh. Same thing happened last week.” Kai stated, doing weird and unusual cult-like movements with his head before landing his eyes on his brother; soft (yet petrified) hazel eyes meeting a determined amber. 

The younger broke eye contact, lying back on his bed as he covered his face with a pillow, giggling in anticipation. 

The figure in front of him that he just made eye contact with was not the big brother he knew and loved…

That was The Tickle Monster. And that fiend would not stop until he got what he wanted.

“Awe~! Are you hiding your face from me~?” The brunette grinned, using one finger to glide against Lloyd’s foot. The blonde squeaked at the mean yet soft sensation, his grip on the pillow tighteneing as he refused to laugh. 

He was not going to give The Tick— I mean…Kai that satisfaction. 

No way, José.

The fire ninja sat on the bed, pretending to hum in thought before he scratched his fingers alongside the other’s med arch. The youngest ninja let out a squawk, his plan about not laughing literally flyingout the window as loud squeals and giggles poured out of his mouth. 

“Oho~! That’s a good spot, huh~?” The spiky haired teen teased, clearly amused that his brother was able to cave in so soon. 

“N-NohOHO! N-NAHAT aha goohOOD spahat!” The hazel eyed ninja denied, shaking his head as he desperately tried to retreive his foot. “Ohhhh no you don’t, mister. You gave this to me, remember? No take-backsies.” 

“IHI DIHID nahAT gihive myhy foHOOT toohoo YOHOU!” Lloyd squealed, trying to kick his big brother with his free leg. Kai tutted in disaproval, releasing the green pajama wearing kid’s foot before sitting on his ankles, scribbling all over both of his feet. “Fine. Is this better?” The elder asked inocently.

The younger teen squealed, “Nahat beHEHETTER AHAT AHAHAHALL!!” 

“Not better~? Not even a liiiiittle bit~?” The other asked as he tickled underneath the blondie’s toes. “EEEHEE— squeak! NAHAHA! NAHAT BETTER!!”

The taller teenager chuckled, getting up from the kid’s ankles before sitting in his waist, digging his hands into Lloyd’s underarms. The hazel eyed ninja immediately shot his arms down at the action, hugging his middles and shaking his head back and forth whilst cackling like a mad man. 

In a result to all the movement, the pillow the blonde was once holding fell down to the floor, revealing the face of a very giggly Green ninja. 

“Awe~! There you are~! Hi, baby bro~!” The Fire ninja cooed, his smug smirk widening because he knew the smaller ninja well enough to know that he wanted to make a smart remark to Kai’s comment sooooo bad. 

But due to the current circumstances, the blonde knew it was in his best interest not to.

“K-KAHAHAI!” Lloyd whined through his laughs.

“Kai? Who’s Kai?” The spiky haired teen asked, turning his head to look around the room in search for this…'Kai' indivual. “IHIHAT’S— squeak! GEHET— squeak— oHO myhy gahASH! KAHAI!!!” Lloyd howled, laughing harder as the tickles in his underarms switched from scribbles to kneading in a matter of seconds. 

“I don’t know who this awesome, hot and brave Kai person is…but The Tickle Monster will make sure to tell you if he sees him.” The red cladded ninja mused. 

The green cladded teen squealed loudly, squirming as best he could in the position he was in as Kai just chuckled fondly at the action displaying below him, “Awe…is someone a squirmy wormy~? Does it tickle, Lloydie~?” 

“S-STAHAP!” 

“Stop~? Why should I stop, hm? Is it because you’re flustered~? Or is it because it tickles so much~? Or is it a combination of the two?” The brunette smugly teased, laughing softly as he saw a small blush appear on the other’s face. “JUhust geHET squeak YOHOUR hahands AHA— squeal OHOUT!” 

“But I caaaan’t!” Kai dramatically whined, “Your keeping them trapped with your big, stroooong muscles. Looks like those work-outs with Cole really came to use, huh?” Lloyd turned to his side, curling in on himself and letting out a soft snort as he continued to laugh to his hearts content. 

Kai cooed at him for probably the millionth time in an hour, trying not to tear up at the sight.

Why did his brother have to be so damn cute?!

“Why are you turning away from The Tickle Monster, Lloydie~?”

“STAHAP CAHAHALLING YOURSELF TH-THAHAT!”

“Stop calling myself what, Greenie? I’m just stating a fact.” Kai mused, poking his younger brother’s sides repetitively, “I like stating facts. For example…here’s a fact! You’re veryyyyy tickle tickle ticklish.” The brunette smiled as he gave the blonde a small kiss on the forehead (A platonic kiss. A PLATONIC KISS), ceasing his tickle attack for just a moment or two. 

The hazel eyed teen let out a small squeal at the kiss, crossing his arms as he looked to the side, “Cahan squeak yohou gehehet squeak ohoff squeal meehee now?”

The red themed ninja only shook his head, crossing his arms disapprovingly, “But Lloydie-loo! I’m not done quite yet! The Tickle Monster is hungry…!” He whined. 

The younger raised a brow in confusion, “Dihidn’t you juhust cohome frohom breakfast?”  

“But I’m not hungry for breakfast…I’m hungry for dessert~!” The taller teen grinned, gently grabbing the youngest ninja’s wrists and pinning them on top of his head. The blondie’s eyed widened as big as saucers, twisting and turning like a Fun-sized Twizzler. 

“Kahai— KaHAHAI!! NONONOHO— squeak DON’T YOU DAHARE IHI WIHILL EHEND YOHOU!!!” Lloyd screamed, immediatley trying to get off of the bed. 

As the younger kicked, protested and yelled, he soon came to realize he was trying to bargain with Kai. 

Once the Fire ninja had his mind set on something…it would literally take God himself to make him change his mind.

The amber eyed teen blew the most freaking ticklish raspberry Lloyd had ever felt right on his stomach, making the youngest scream in laughter, happy tears blurring his vision as he weakly squirmed in the hold.

“Ommmm nom nom nom~!” Kai teased as he switched from raspberries to nibbles.

“STAHAP! STAHAP squeak STAHAP STAHAP!!! YOHOU FREHEAKING— hic NAHAH!! NOHO hic NOHOISES!!” The Green ninja cackled loudly, his legs practically bouncing on the mattress due to how much he was squirming. The younger teen was absolutely losing his mind, just being able to lay on his bed and laugh his little heart out.

“But The Tickle Monster is hungry, little bro! And your tummy seems like an excellent feast, don’t you think?”

“NOHO— hic NAHAHA!! I CAHAN’T! I CAHAN’T squeal KAHAI squeal STAHAP IHIT!!” The blondie cried.

“You can’t what~?” The elder snorted in amusement. 

“I-IHIT squeal TIHIHICKLES!!!”

“If you can’t handle being tickled, you shouldn’t be so damn ticklish then.” The spiky haired ninja said simply, blowing another raspberry where Lloyd’s side met his lowest rib.

The smallest ninja threw his head back, his squeals, squeaks and laughs being so loud and high-pitched it could shatter actual glass. “AAAHAHA— squeak O-OKAHAHAY! OKAHAHAHAY! AHALRIGHT! IHI’M squeal UHUP! IHI’M hic UHUP!!!”

“So…does that mean you’re gonna come eat breakfast with me and the rest of our siblings~?” Kai giggled.

“Y-YAHA— snrk YEHES YEHEHES hic JUHUST squeal PLEHEASE!!!” The hazel eyed ninja squawked. The red cladded ninja stopped his tickling onslaught targeted towards his brother, lying down next to him as the blonde caught his breath.

The Green ninja wiped happy tears from his eyes due to being in complete hysterics not even a couple seconds ago. The smaller teen attempted glaring at his older brother, but found it so fucking hard to do due (haha do due…) to the fact Kai was smiling at him so…fondly.  

“Yohou’re ohohofficially thehe wohorst bihig brohother ever…” Lloyd grumbled as be crossed his arms playfully over his chest. 

“Psh— you know you love me, bud.” The brunette smiled, getting off of the bed as the blonde followed. “Alright. Come on, you little shit...let’s get some breakfast down your throat before the others make a search party for us.” Kai chuckled, ruffling Lloyd’s hair as the younger giggled, both of them walking out of the shared bedroom and into the hallway, towards the kitchen. 

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙ 

(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)

[writrevampire]

college is stupid and exhausting. i distract myself with old men in multiple fandoms to cope

[jamiethebee]

You know what irks me the most about the mha ending. (Sorry I'm still on it.)

Like the early parts of the manga, there were so many grown up hero AUs in fandom (like storylines that took place when they're adults and heroes) and they're fun! A little silly!

And then we had the war arc and cities are being destroyed and everything's torn up and for over a hundred chapters, it's been oh huh I guess every AU like that will just be canon divergence lmao

And then Horikoshi basically wipes the slate clean so I guess all those AUs could technically canon compliant. There's not even much in the way of lasting physical damage! Because it's dealt with???? Immediately???? Within months?????

Which is fine! Nothing wrong with it! The AUs are fun! But, it just irks me that you could throw out half the manga because it didn't matter. Nothing majorly changed. Silly adult hero AUs for everyone I guess because the League may as well have been 2 bit villains for all the effect they had at large was. Idk. Maybe I'm bitter? Maybe my brain still trying to process the ending and the change in how AUs relate to canon? I guess - what was all the constant sprinkling in of "society has let people down" that we see from chapter 1? It meant nothing? I guess????? I mean A WAR HAPPENED. But whatever I guess heehee wasn't that soooooo silly???? That people's take on early story can be the same as post story?????

[sysig]

Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[soupmanspeaks]

you ever wonder if the Glamrocks's face tracking acts up when they look at Glamrock-Freddy, like they'll look at his face, and the recognition will register as Freddy, but their systems for whatever reason or another think that there is a face overlapped on Freddy's do you think they see two small squares next to him, at his side, roughly child sized, but no one is physically there.... right...?

[ananxiousgenz]

hey so uh fun and friendly reminder that one of the things kayne refers to john as is "hastur's heart" and i um. that's just. damn. the fucking symbolism of it all