#why can't i give it to them
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ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????
#ramble#my first thought was like: how is this even a debate what about blind people. not every book comes in braille but MOST have an audiobook#or dyslexic people#you still enjoyed the book!! you still absorbed it!!! you got EXACTLY the same thing as people who read the words!!!#how does it not count????#i guess you miss out on the 'learning new vocab' you get through seeing the words but also#i don't really do audiobooks but i do a lot of podcasts esp fiction podcasts#and i have ABSOLUTELY picked up new stuff from there that helps with my writing#someone please explain how this is even an argument of COURSE it counts????#idk in my opinion finishing a book means 'i put the words in my brain and i thought about them and i enjoyed a story'#not 'i held a stack of paper in my hands for a bit'#i'm v lucky that i do have time to sit and read. and whenever i commute anywhere it's public transport so i CAN bring a book with me#but if i didn't have the free time or had to drive for hours everywhere i would be STOKED to still get to enjoy books#it's been REALLY bothering me lmao idk why i feel so strongly#for some reason it's giving the same energy as like. being told you can't take a comic or manga from the library bc it's not a 'real' book#of course it's a real book it's a story somebody wrote down#i can see this spiralling into 'if you have a kindle you aren't reading'. you have to sniff the paper. feel the papercuts
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Chuuya's reaction to Dazai getting hurt during the Lovecraft fight has always been so interesting to me...
Because it's the kind of worry you'd never expect from a character as gruff as Chuuya, who had displayed nothing but hostility towards Dazai so far. Usually, characters that are labelled as "angry" or "anger issues" (which Chuuya is much more complex than that but you get my point) act more as a tsundere type of way when the one they "don't care about" gets hurt. And show their care in very, very subtle ways (ex. their eyes widen, their mouth parts and closes again, etc) before putting up their front once more.
Chuuya, however, is open, and vocal about it. His worry is clear not only to us, but to Dazai himself, the one he shouldn't be displaying the concern to (as per the cliche). Shouldn't it be some sort of secret that Chuuya does care? Isn't that what skk's dynamic has been shaping up to be until now?
I'm telling you- the way my mind blanked when Chuuya just casually.... showed concern not once, but twice, was a sight to see.
Besides, the context makes it much more confusing, because Dazai isn't some rookie, and Chuuya knows that more than anybody. He was the youngest executive in Port Mafia's history, of course he can handle a hit or two. Of course he'd seen him handle a hit or two, sometimes without batting an eye.
Heck, Chuuya himself was hurling Dazai like a ragdoll in their reunion, which was their last meeting. And you could argue that he was going easy on him, but Dazai has mostly withstood the same damage (as far as I could see), and Chuuya was as bitter as ever.
So that kind of contradicts both what we knew of Chuuya so far, and how their dynamic was shaped to be. I mean, that just makes Chuuya a hypocrite, yeah? What makes him care now, all of a sudden? What makes him care at all?
Well, to me, this backasswards reaction implies one (or more) of the following:
- Dazai rarely got physically hurt during their partnership and thus this is an unexpected thing for him to see (during a mission).
- The four years of separation made Chuuya unsure of how much Dazai can withstand physically now. Also the fact that he isn't in the mafia anymore, aka fighting enemy organizations on the weekly, would naturally make Dazai lose his touch in a way, what prompts Chuuya's reaction.
- Dazai getting taken off guard took him off guard which led to panic. Especially since the situation was (momentarily) out of their depth. Seriously wtf even was Lovecraft?
- During the dungeon scene Dazai was an enemy, while in the Lovecraft fight he was as an ally. The difference might be significant to Chuuya.
- This has always been Chuuya's reaction to Dazai getting hurt regardless of the situation.
- "Only I can hurt him like that" ahh logic
- Asagiri was still experimenting with their dynamic and thus there are some inconsistencies.
This scenario didn't play out again (after their reunion) for me to exactly determine which one is more plausible, but it is 100% canon for Chuuya to shamelessly show his concern and run to Dazai to check on him before properly dealing with their opponent, which I find to be such an appealing layer to their dynamic, and a good spin on the type of character he gets stereotyped as.
Bonus: Dazai also becomes a softy when Chuuya's hurt, especially post corruption. Dead Apple alone displays that multiple times.
All in all, Skk are doing a terrible job at maintaining their 'hostile' and 'antagonistic' relationship post their reunion. Freaks.
#I was too lazy to scour throgh SB and 15 and find Chuuya getting worried again which might prove the last points#tho I think they're the most unlikely#I love them displaying these sort of things openly#for Chuuya it's just natural to be concerned#it's natural to say 'because I trusted you'#and while Dazai isn't as expressive with his care#he never cowers away from calling Chuuya 'partner' after 4 years#or express that how he saved him was 'beautiful'#these things come so easily for them you wonder why they're even labelled as rivals at all#you *can't* give a clear label on their relationship#friends? they hate each other. Rivals? they care about each other. Partners? they haven't been for 4 years.#each one you put on gets contradicted at one point#and that's the beauty and fun of it#thanks for coming to my TED talk#bsd#bungou stray dogs#chuuya nakahara#dazai osamu#bsd chuuya#bsd dazai#skk#soukoku#bsd analysis#bsd headcanon#bsd headcanons#skk analysis#bsd meta#J's post#J's writing ✍🏽
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Diversity win! All the male mannequins in the nursing class I was in had vaginas (literally all)!
Diversity loss! Everyone was Weird about it
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#how are you wanting to be an LPN or EMT but can't stand the sight of a vagina. genuinely.#the only person who wasn't weird was the instructor (an older nurse who took No shit)#i would entrust her in an emergency situation because she gives No fucks about bodies#also i was normal about it. for obvious reasons. honestly i really loved that about the class. they just laid there in their gowns.#it felt like... oh this is a normal thing. it would have been easy to just not make them the male models but they did#because otherwise those medical models are very binary and conforming and whatnot#this was a while ago but i think about it still sometimes#i had to take that class but i don't want to be in nursing. however that class really was useful and this is only a part of why lol
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Blood Blossom Au: Baby's First Commissioner Meeting :)
TL:DR This Post: Danny (orphan) gets poisoned with blood blossom extract by Vlad. He runs away from him and ends up under the care of one Pre-Robin Battinson Batman! Starry is loudly pushing her batdad agenda.
(Also known as "Late At Night, When The Nightingale Sings" on my ao3!)
This was a fun rough idea I've been sitting on for weeks, thinking about how Commissioner Gordon and Nightingale's first meeting might go.
---------------
Commissioner Gordon likes to think that he's adjusting to the new normal of Gotham very well, -- the new normal being grown men running around dressed like bats, in military-grade strength body armor, committing acts of vigilantism, -- and slowly, little by little, he was no longer being surprised when this new normal pops up out of the shadows like the world's most terrifying daisy. His shaving lifespan thanks him for it.
....
The kid is a surprise though.
Granted, he seemed to be a surprise to the Bat too.
There's been a string of murders lately, -- which, in Gotham, is kind of like saying there's been another storm during monsoon season. And there's just been another; in some dilapidated building down in south Gotham, with the broken, boarded-up windows and mildew-crawling walls to match. The victim is a man in his thirties, multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, left in the center of the room for the blood to pool out around him.
The place is already secured when he arrives, the building swarmed with officers and the forensic detectives. The Bat emerges shortly after he does -- or, he might've been here the whole time, hiding someplace dark and shadowy. For his own sanity, Gordon doesn't think about it too hard.
The kid is a surprise, and he appears like a bolt of lightning.
He shows up in the middle of a conversation Gordon is having with the Bat.
A whistle, sharp and loud, slicing through the air, meant for open air rather than a confined space. Gordon's ears pierce and protest the sound, and the solemn, murmured chatter floating through the room abruptly cuts off like the swing of a gavel. As he turns towards the sound -- as they all do -- he swears, up and down, that he sees Batman's shoulders jump, just slightly.
At the source, perched on the window, is a boy. A boy in a gray-blue scarf and an oversized black hoodie, one that hangs off his frame and has ace bandages wrapped around the wrists in some attempt to cinch the sleeves. The hood is up, big like the rest of it, and threatens to swallow the upper half of the boy's face whole in the fabric. What upper half Gordon can see, is smeared with some kind of opaque, black face paint. He's holding onto the side of the frame with one hand, on his hip is a grappling hook. A familiar grappling hook.
Gordon has multiple questions, and his officers tense up.
Martinez puffs up, brows furrowing as his face shapes into a frown. Shoulders rolling back. "You can't be here, kid--"
The reaction is immediate, like a spark to gunpowder, the boy yanks his fingers from his mouth and his mouth twists into a scowl. Head snapping over to Officer Martinez, his hood manages to stay on but Gordon swears that as he bares his teeth, the glint makes them look sharper than they should be. His voice is rasp and quiet and harsh; snappish in its hissing; "Put a fuckin sock in it, Martinez. I'm not stayin."
Martinez reels back, and the boy immediately veers his attention off him. Like a switch, his demeanor drops. Despite half his face being covered, his mouth twists into a cringing, apologetic smile. Slanted and off-beat, embarrassed. It'd be disarming if this wasn't Gotham, and if he didn't just hiss at Martinez like he was about to bite his head off.
"Sorry." He whispers, voice deceptively polite and softer now. Gordon has to strain his ears to hear him. "I was looking for him."
He points his finger towards-- Gordon? No, Gordon follows the direction, and finds himself looking at -- the Bat.
The Bat, who always looks stiff as a pole, now looks even stiffer. Somehow. Well, the explains the grappling hook attached to the boy's waist.
"What are you doing here?" The Bat says, gruff and unable to completely smother the stumble of surprise in his tone.
The boy still holds a sheepish smile, and slips off the window ledge. His feet hit the creaky boards with a near-silent thud, the Batman finds his feet and rapidly begins crossing the room.
Gordon notes the slight tremble in the boy's legs as he straightens. He adjusts his scarf, which droops close to his knees now that he's standing, and slings a backpack -- how long has had that? -- off his shoulders. When the Bat reaches his side, he does as he always does, and looms over the boy like a spectre. A threatening mass of shadows cloaked in all-consuming black. Standing next to him, the boy looks teeny in comparison.
The Bat is a man who terrifies even the most hardened criminals, Gordon has seen grown men shiver in fear at the mention of his name. And yet when the boy looks up at him, he doesn't even flinch.
Instead, his sheepish smile melts away like ice under the sun, holding only traces of his previous embarrassment. It remains as a shadow on his face, a small upturn at the corners of his mouth. The boy pushes his hood back just enough to reveal glinting, ice-flint eyes surrounded in tar-black face paint. He holds the backpack up with one arm. "You forgot this."
#I have never seen Batman (2022) so really I'm just using battinson and crew as templates for my fic. but hey what else is new lol#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc fic#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#dpxdc fanfic#i dont know shit about detective work or true crime so forgive me for any bad terminology or incorrect procedure for how these things work#just a fun rough idea for how i imagined gordon's first meeting with nightingale goes LMAO. im sticking to the idea that danny doesn't#officially join the field for a *while* due to more than just health reasons. so his first appearances are brief and usually to give B smth#danny: im only here as express delivery for vader's little brother over there. yall stay safe tho.#bruce: *kill bill sirens bass-boosted* ohmygodwhatishedoinghere#batman: how did you get here... | danny: you have so many spare grappling hooks it was pr easy to just grab one and go#also danny is whispering on purpose because he doesn't have his ghost form to fall back on as a secret identity. so he *is* actually taking#extra steps to keep his identity safe. and people usually sound different when they're whispering. he also has personal beef with#office martinez despite the fact that they've never met. Danny's HEARD of his ass. he hATES his ass.#Martinez: *to batman* freak | danny: im going to Bite Him. | batman (reluctantly): hmr. please don't. | danny: im going for his shins#Martinez and Nightingale have this whole thing going on between the two of them. danny WILL slap a sticky note on Martinez's back that says#'asshole' on it and its the one spot square on his spine that martinez can't reach.#someone: why are you beefing with like. an actual 12 year old | martinez: HE'S A LITTLE RAT. THAT'S WHY. he's here to torment me#battinson: *did you grapple the whole way here* | danny: yah. it was kinda fun. i would've gotten here faster but i kept having to stop#battinson: *hnnn* im driving you back | danny:.. are you sure? | battinson already pulling him out of the room: y e s#i've been thinking about this for literally WEEKS. what did bruce forget? good question! i'll figure that out if or when i get to this#danny has Issues behind the word freak so its like a mini beserker button for him regardless of who the word is aimed at lol. lmao#martinez calls batman a freak once while nightingale is within range and its just the doom ost as danny simply Disappears from sight#like oops. you are now. In Danger. rip couldn't be me.#blood blossom au
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Fics rec of the week, and especially if you like well-written Wrecker, is the entire work of @electrikworm on AO3 In order:
The Batch have a terrible day
Human Shield
A peaceful moment
(But go read the others too)
#star wars#star wars the bad batch#the bad batch fanart#tbb fanfiction#tbb wrecker#tbb omega#again luring you all to suffer with me#hurt/comfort my BELOVED#Some of the best Wrecker fics outa there#go comment on them and all#I already ranted in the previous post so you're free#Slowly illustrating all the fics saved on my phone#Next ones are probably gonna be more angsty tho#I love drawing Wrecker tbh#tho I always fk up his proportions#I'm so bad at keeping proportions TAT#that's why I can't draw fast for s 'cause I check and recheck all the time#and it's never righhhhht#shoulder to head ratio who are you#Trying to give a spotlight to all the Batch haha#impossible#ok time to close (again) tumblr for a week#bye
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so jim got bit by a space mushroom that takes away his impulse control... welcome to daycare on the bridge with his xo and cmo
obviously the salad cat meme is still going strong in the 23rd century because these guys reenact it on a daily basis lmaoo
prompt fill for @mcspirkevents' mcspirk bingo prompt "mask off" 🩵💙💛
#star trek#star trek fanart#star trek tos#mcspirk#mcspirk fanart#star trek the original series#spones#spones fanart#mckirk#spirk#fun fact theyve actually ALL been infected by the spores since the start xDD it's why bones touches spock so much#and why spock cracks that joke#lowered inhibitions (wink)#so they're ooc but it's on purpose 😌🩵💙💛#spock#jim kirk#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#i like to think that spock is actually profoundly hilarious/has a knack for deadpan comedy but represses it up until he gets over--#--his baggage with not being 'vulcan enough'. he's absolutely hilarious when he wants to be and constantly gives j+b whiplash#part of the humor is that you can't tell if he's joking or not until you look at his eyes and see the twinkle#he gets bones ALL THE TIME with incendiary comments and deadpan delivery until bones starts to squint and go--#--no. no way you actually think that. youre messing with me on purpose. i'm ENTERTAINING you. vulcans don't get bored my ass#it's enrichment for both of them <333 not even kidding. It's good for them both lmaoo#mcspirk bingo#dust trek comics
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invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)
[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."
Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”
Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.
At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.
"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.
Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”
Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."
In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]
Credits for ID here and here
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because#it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has#given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably#since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc#of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:)#in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun#but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots#he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at#the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is.#mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax#but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe#the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww#u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww#ruporas art
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No one ever tells Obi-Wan that he is his Master's padawan.
Of course, for most people who had known Qui-Gon Jinn, telling someone else they resembled the the man would in fact be a thinly veiled insult. But still, Obi-Wan feels the absence of comparisons almost as strongly as he feels the absence of his Master.
There is no one for Obi-Wan to push against now, no strong presence at his side, ready to grab him by scruff and pull him back from another reckless stunt. It's an odd feeling. He has been set loose against his wishes. There is no one to his left and Anakin at his heels, but Anakin had needed, still needs, a strong, gentle figure for his prickly but sensitive heart. For even their worst bickering could not hold a candle to the scathing remarks he and Qui-Gon had shot at each other and Obi-Wan knows he cannot push and needle Anakin in the same way.
When Qui-Gon had been alive they had been an amusing, mirrored pair, the maverick and his rule-following padawan. Opposites clashing against each other, yet working together to complete the most difficult missions. Few saw that Qui-Gon's impertinence had indeed rubbed off on his padawan, cultivated from that small, angry initiate, because the only way to rebel against the rule-breaker had been to parrot the Council fastidiously. No one would ever get to see that again. Obi-Wan is one half of a mirrored pair trying to complete a routine on his own. What once was an impish, teasing compliance is now a betrayal of all his Master's values.
"How could Qui-Gon raise such a model Jedi?" He hears them say, "It's admirable that Master Kenobi was appointed to the Council despite his Master's maverick ways."
Padawan Kenobi would have yelled and kicked and screamed. Master Kenobi is serene. It should feel like an achievement. It feels like a disappointment.
Sometimes, Obi-Wan looks at the shape of the man he has moulded himself into, and aches to be his Master's padawan.
#I am so totally normal about them. (screaming crying throwing up)#anyway yeah obi wan has daddy issues but in a very specific way that's less i want a father figure and more i require an animal handler#hence why obi wan likes both alpha 17 and cody finally someone to tell him he's being an idiot and be bitchy with him he's missed this#giving the guilt boy MORE guilt complexes over honoring his masters legacy#but god really imagine you spend a decade making yourself the opposite of your master in a funny back and forth you both indulge in but the#BUT THEN!! he fucking dies and you're left alone occupying a dynamic carved for 2 people and everyone tells you they can't see any of your#dead master within you as if it's a joke. as if that's funny. as if that's a good thing. and people say he would be proud but would he?#would he be proud when everyone always tells you that you are the opposite of him? that you are everything he was not?#obi wan kenobi#qui gon jinn#qui gon and obi wan#disaster lineage#star wars
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`i N S a N i T Y`
finally got this one done it was in the making for like a week, i'm just procrastinating for no reason lol
i also used only the thumbnails as ref cuz if i'd have to stare at his ugly mug for so many hours i would either explode or start to like it and neither is a good option.
anyway alts under cut, don't go insane <3
glitchless, no txt, alt
#cw eyestrain#this is a ref to 2 songs at the same time#i'll give a high five to anybody who guesses them both right#no but fr when i saw them draw him with the damn goggles on i nearly got ripped to shreds#there is so much lil' details in this and so much needless thought put into it u have no idea#why am i like this#also if the quality is shit it's bc tumblr can't take a fucking barely 23MB file.#sams#tsams#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#sams fanart#tsams fanart#tsbs#the security breach show#nexus#sams nexus#tsams nexus#tsbs nexus#nexus fanart#new moon#sams new moon#tsams new moon#this ugly ahh mf#art
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Have you and could you do a thought on jason chart? He and cass are my faves
The Feelings About Jason Todd Alignment Chart
Cass, Dick, and Tim versions. This is VERY contestable, Jason's canon history is inconsistent so a lot of these are subject to preferred runs/personal interpretation. So, as usual, open to change!
#jason todd#cassandra cain#dick grayson#tim drake#barbara gordon#bruce wayne#damian wayne#stephanie brown#duke thomas#cass and jay being your favs is great <333 you have good taste!!#jason with the most haters... they just can't handle him#i do love how much he struggles to form a close connection to any bat he meets post-death#shut off from them by layers of pent-up expectations and misconceptions#that's why i think dick babs and bruce (despite having more problems with him in a way) also are the most likely to give him a chance#but jt fans feel free to chime in and correct me on anything!!#ask
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personally i think the trope of "said something i wasn't supposed to while high on pain meds at the hospital" only works if it's smth actually incomprehensible. down with this trope. that and the whole "speaking out loud but the narrator doesn't know they are" trope. you should legally have to tag that i think. i know this usually happens for characters that would never admit something otherwise but actually there are a billion reasons someone would admit something they wouldn't otherwise. for example: someone else has a bomb-
#an essay i would never publish#/hj#a fic/book will be going so well and then they rush to this part#and it's like please give me a little more fun#also why is it that they always say this after waking up from surgery or smth like that and every single character is in their room#i'm fairly sure the nurse would be like “get the hell out of here so they can recover???”#like this is NOT a hate post if you like this then that's literally all the power to you#i just think you should tag it so i can't be surprised with second hand embarrassment#i also think it diminishes the impact of the reveal you're making because the character wasn't aware that they were giving this up#and if it's something personal to them then no one ever writes the part afterwards where they have to deal with the embarrassment#or the shame of it#or the fact that they had no control over that and now it's just open in the air for everyone to know#erinwantstowrite#writing
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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Bucktommy all dressed up and dancing together
oh you gave me the perfect excuse to write buck and tommy dancing to the song I put on repeat and imagine them having played at their wedding. If you'd like to listen before, after, or while reading, here you go.
“You look fancy!” Buck noted with a smile as he walked into their new place. “Got a hot date I don't know about?”
Tommy was dressed to the nines. A black and white tux with a bowtie, hair perfectly coiffed. It was a bit confusing, seeing as they had planned to order tacos and spend the evening putting furniture together once Buck got off work.
“Something like that,” Tommy replied slyly. “Go get changed. I've got your tux on the bed.”
Buck tilted his head, confused. “Where are we going?”
“Who said we were going anywhere?”
“Tommy, I- I don't get it.”
“Humor me, Buckley.”
“Oh, we're whipping out the last name, are we?” Buck asked, wiggling his eyebrows as he headed for the bedroom. “Okay, Kinard, I'll play along with your silly little games.”
Buck went into their room and got changed, put on his dress shoes and fixed his hair as well. He had no idea what was going on, but he couldn't help the butterflies in his stomach. Tommy had a way of making Buck feel like he was the only person in the world. And even though he didn't know what was about to happen, he had a feeling this was one of those times.
He came back into the living room to dimmed lights, candles lit, and Tommy holding a bouquet of red roses.
Now Buck felt a little worried. His eyes widened. “Did I forget an anniversary? Oh my God, Tommy, I-”
Tommy moved in closer, cutting off his worries with a kiss, two fingers under the chin as per usual.
“You did not forget an anniversary,” he whispered against Buck's lips before pulling back from him and handing over the flowers. “I just wanted to surprise you.”
“Well,” Buck smelled the flowers, “you succeeded.”
Tommy shrugged. “You're always surprising me, keeping me on my toes, figured I should return the favor sometime.”
“Oh please, you surprise me every day. I'm always learning something new about you.”
Tommy held out his hand for Buck to take, and Buck glanced between him and the flowers. “Shouldn't I put these in a vase?”
“We will in a minute,” he nodded toward the table near them, hand still outstretched. “Lay them there for now.”
Buck gently set them down, then placed his hand in Tommy's. He let Tommy lead them to the center of the living room, where he then stopped.
“What're we doing?” Buck asked, utterly confused.
Tommy pulled their stereo remote out of his pants pocket, pressed a button, then stuffed it back into his pocket. He kept his hold on Buck's hand, but took a couple steps back, asking, “May I have this dance?”
The music began and, although he felt like he had just arrived on a new planet and skipped the tour, Buck said, “Of course.”
From this moment, life has begun
From this moment, you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong,
From this moment on
“You look beautiful tonight.” Tommy spoke softly, bringing Buck close to him. They each had an arm wrapped around the other's waist, their other hands still intertwined as they began to dance.
“Thank you. My boyfriend picked my outfit for me.”
“Oh he did, did he?”
“Mhm.”
“He's got good taste.”
Buck swore Tommy's eyes twinkled as they stared at one another. The whole world could have imploded in that moment and Buck would have been none the wiser.
“Hell yeah he does. You should, uh, should see how good he looks though. Smokin' hot.”
From this moment, I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love, I'd give my last breath
From this moment on
“Not that I'm complaining but, um, what's all this for?” Buck asked.
Tommy let out a sigh. “I was thinking about how we never got to dance at Maddie's wedding, and that's a damn shame. I was looking forward to it.”
Buck couldn't help but laugh. “That was six months ago, Tommy!”
“Six months too long.”
I give my hand to you with all my heart
I can't wait to live my life with you, I can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you
Sometimes, Buck felt like he was dreaming. That Tommy was a figment of his imagination. Someone he created to make himself feel complete.
And maybe another person couldn't actually complete you, but Tommy came pretty damn close.
Buck moved his arms to drape over Tommy's shoulders, hands cradling at the nape of his neck. Tommy used the change as an opportunity to bring them even closer, his arms around Buck's waist, hands settled at the bottom of his back.
“I love this song,” Buck said, resting his head on Tommy's shoulder. “Reminds me of when I was little, hearing it on the radio.”
From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing, I wouldn't give
From this moment on
“Anything Shania is a favorite of mine, but you know that already.”
Buck smiled, humming as he turned his head to nuzzle into Tommy's neck. “Walking in on you dancing to Any Man of Mine in your underwear? I'll never forget that one.”
Tommy snorted. “It's a wonder you didn't leave me right then and there.”
“It's a wonder I didn't propose right then and there.” When Buck realized what he said, his body stiffened. He went to pull back, to ask if that was too much, but Tommy kept him close.
“I would've said yes.”
The words were spoken barely above a whisper. Buck almost missed it completely. But he didn't. He heard Tommy and it made his heart skip a beat. He melted into him further.
Oh, you're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you
Technically, they weren't dancing anymore. Instead swaying gently as they held each other up.
Buck lifted his head slightly, just enough to look into Tommy's eyes. “Did we just sort of propose to each other?”
Tommy smiled, his nose scrunching up in the way Buck loved so much. “I don't know. A little bit, I think. A promise, maybe?”
Buck nodded, laid his head back down. “I like that.”
From this moment, as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment, I will love you
As long as I live, from this moment on
Buck made no effort to release himself from Tommy's grasp as the song ended. He closed his eyes, now wet with tears as he became overwhelmed by the amount of love he felt. “Can we play it again?” he muttered out, willing his voice not to break.
Tommy moved just enough to hit replay on the remote and press a lingering kiss to Buck's forehead. “As many times as you want.”
From this moment, life has begun
From this moment, you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on...
#bucktommy#911#tommy kinard#evan buckley#kinley#tevan#also i don't know why tumblr formatted it to look so odd but I can't seem to fix it#so everything looks really separated#im thinking of adding this one to ao3 though because good god I love this song for them!#also thank you for giving me a reason to write this!
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I will never forgive fandom how unfair it is about Arthur
Dark Merlin It's usually good angst. You know, Merlin had had enough. Dark Arthur? Arthur is a fucking rapist, a monster.
Merlin guilty? Merlin feeling guilty and comforted by the entire cast. Arthur guilty? Arthur doing the worst things possible and someone razing him to the ground
Merlin always gets these nice things. always flowers, courtship, everything. Found family? Everyone comforts Merlin because big bad Arthur. (literally almost every Merlin "found family" is everyone loves Merlin and treats Arthur like shit)
Merlin gets an apology. Arthur? My parents will love me faster than someone will apologize to Arthur in fanfiction.
"suicidal, self-harming Merlin" but Arthur has no right to have mental problems (a whole lot of people have wanted him dead since he was born)
Protectivr knights? Always about Merlin.
Even the fucking omegaverse. Alpha Merlin is a nice calm creature who pretends to be a beta. Alpha Arthur... wild animal, keep Merlin in a cage.
No. Just no.
(forever grateful to those stupid British people that arthur never told merlin he was fat. because the fandom understands that something is a comedy if merlin says it. if arthur it would be ,,abuse")
#Have I ever told you that I hate this fandom?#everyone loves Merlin is my 13th reason#like stfu.#did we watch the same show?#also no#Merlin was no cassanova#Arthur deserves Nice things#and he doesn't get them#GIVE HIM FLOWERS.#the fandom doesn't deserve Arthrur#Give him a family. Give him a caring boyfriend. give him friends who are loyal to him and not to Merlin#I swear that if I ever see someone take Leon away from Arthur#because everyone loves Merlin#I will enter my villain era#I swear I don't touch Merlin fanfiction. I physically can't look at it#THIS FANDOM SHOULD BE BANNED FROM WRITING MAGIC REVEL#Merlin gets everything. Arthur is given the opportunity to look after Fanon Merlin#how I hate Merlin fanon#like what happened to my iconic loser. why is he charlie spring with angeline jolie's face#fanon Merlin doesn't deserve Arthur. unless it's Arthur fanon. fanon Arthur is something I wouldn't get close to without pepper spray#forever Merlin fandom hater#arthur pendragon#merlin#merlin bbc#merthur#the once and future fandom#bbc merlin#like cmon
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FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.
[youtube with closed captions]
dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.
(via @closetoyou1970)
#spn#vid#mind the warnings on this one for real#woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye.#pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl.#also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise#anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator#is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else#and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters#that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's#not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does#because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it#so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way#i am using them to make my argument.#oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to.#i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through#into everything in his life#that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.
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