#whom I traumatized

[pluraluke]

Evan! A sweet lil 15 y/o male who has moved houses, left friends behind, dyed his hair, got bullied, got depression, got brutally beat up and sent to a hospital, attempted suicide, been in and out of a psych ward, his sister died in a car crash, his other sister is a traumatized witch,

did I mention he’s also the human incarnation of the number 10 pool ball

REPOST WITH UR OCS AND HE'LL RATE THEM!!!

[fireladybuckley]

I can’t believe a boyfriend made a silly sex joke to lighten the mood after both partners had a moment of vulnerability. The audacity. The horror. The normalcy! Unbelievable. How dare a conversation about feelings turn to levity. How dare a couple have a light chat about trauma-related things over dinner that doesn’t turn into an incredibly deep heart to heart instead of a joke and moving on. Unbelievable. I’m never watching this show again! 👎🏻

[dukeofthomas]

why does every reconciliation fic go like this

[imagine-to-be-a-pike]

Leon knew he had failed. He did not fail as a knight. He failed as a friend. He failed as someone who swore to protect him.

He took a step towards the tent, a mixture of blood and sweat running down his forehead, reminding him of what he had just participated in. What Arthur had just participated in

Arthur. Barely 14 years old. Such an innocent and lovely soul. and now he stood in the middle of the tent and shook. The slightly too big armor (despite trying to adjust it) hung on his barely teenage body. The blood-covered armor. Not just the armor. That bright face, golden hair suddenly faded, flooded with a monstrous red.

He looked at him. He knew that look, he remembered it perfectly. Betrayal. He first saw it in the boy's eyes when his father first ordered the guards to take him to the dungeons. Leon swore then that he would never be the cause of that hurt, betrayed face.

He didn't even dodge the piece of armor thrown at him. If it hurt, he deserved it. How ironic the blond's words from a few hours ago sounded now

,,I can't wait to become a real knight like you"

A real knight should protect people. Not mercilessly murder them. Not what Leon just did. not what Arthur was just forced to see. "What a monster he must think I am now" Leon thought. He had seen Arthur's looks during the execution he was forced to watch and they were nothing compared to the horrified looks of those blue eyes as the horror unfolded around him. He saw the mouth open in a silent scream of terror, maybe both, as he swung his sword at the child.

It's funny how a person you thought was perfect can, in a matter of minutes, turn into the worst monster in your eyes.

He wanted to explain himself, apologize, say anything. He was ready to scream, cry, throw things. But the blond just stood there with shaking hands, rubbing his arms as if he was trying to scratch the blood away along with the skin.

,,why didn't you ever tell me?"

Good question.He knew what happened during raids. It wasn't his first time. But he was afraid. He knew how Arthur idealized him. He knew how much boy needed someone to be a role model, someone to give him some approval. But Leon was also a coward. He didn't want to lose someone he practically saw as a little brother. He didn't want to lose his little sun that shone even after the worst training.

He remembered his panic when Arthur, encouraged, told him he was going on another raid. Panic at the truth. Panic that this sweet soul would face a horror that a child shouldn't be exposed to. His prince was overjoyed but the road to the camp was a slow countdown for Leon.

,,These were innocent people... children... women... and all of you....just"

Arthur's eyes were wet, tears mixing with the dirt on his cheeks.

,, Arthur .."

,,leave me"

There was something new in these blue eyes. Not just hurt and betrayal. Coldness. Coldness that Leon saw in one person. The person Arthur should never be reminded of. And he left. And if only he knew that was the last time he would address his prince by his name.

[bonefall]

What position do you think the cats would take to pray? would they bow or just sit or aomething else?

I think they should tilt their head straight upwards, so that their whiskers are stirred by the breeze. If they worship the stars, it makes sense that wind is part of that. Invocation is like asking permission of StarClan to speak to one of your ancestors, like using an operator, so if the wind stirs your whiskers it means they're answering.

Proper prayer etiquette includes going outside. You don't pray in dens or caves.

You're not praying to the Moonplace. You're directly seeking an audience.

WindClan, ironically, is the least strict about this. Comes from a mixture of tunneling culture and the fact they confess to their Cleric more than other Clans.

RiverClan probably has a phrase that goes something like, "Your wishing wind was an undertow" which roughly means "you were badly mistaken and should have known better"

I'd also combine it with them sitting on their haunches and putting their paws/wrists together, "rabbit sniffing the air" style.

[wickmitz]

I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule

Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?

for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.

one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.

obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.

all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.

source : q&a with tracy .

which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.

however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.

though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.

once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.

[katyspersonal]

Fears that I've been repressing and not addressing, telling myself to stand tall and "not show weakness", started to slip into my nightmares.

I just want to crawl under my blanket and cry, cry, cry until I've cried myself to sleep... and wake up in a better parallel world, where my paranoia is not eating me alive, where I can feel trust and comfort.

[eve-to-adam]

Of all the existing games on earth and even beyond it, I cannot refuse to participate in one about music. Thank you @richmond-rex for tagging me to make a playlist based on my username!

Ever since I met you - Die together in venus / Empty - Love and Death Verlorene Tage - Wavvyboi / Vertigo - Bridge to Grace Exhilerate - SAGE / Elle se répète froidement - CELESTE | The world might have seen better days - Siamese / Template - grcz Old habits - SAGA / Ominous - The Gazette | Apollo I: The Writing Writter - Coheed and Cambria / Accelerator - BlazinG Dangerous - Ethan Rose / Dead to me - HAARPER Anxiety - Palaye Royale / Airborne - LVTE BLOOMER My demons - Lacuna Coil / Mercy - Bad Omens

This is one of the moments when I regret not having a longer username, haha. I put two songs in each section - (what?, there's no rule against it) - because I couldn't decide.

I invite the following people to this game: @teodoraioana221 and her twin @teo-s-ghostly-corner, @theladyelizabeth, @foreverinthepagesofhistory and @pepperedectoplasm.

Participation is up to everyone. You can ignore this message if you want. (If there are people who want to participate and still haven't been tagged, they are free to do so! ^.^ )

[peachymaryobrien]

It's so touching to see Kipps change despite everything he's been through.

He is an example of how shine, pride, and "greatness" of Fittis is projected at young people, making them feel like being at this fancy agency is the main anchor in their life, a ground for self-worth. How selfish and cruel it is to make kids more scared of simply growing up and losing their talent than die supposedly with "Honor" and get some crap of a picture on the wall. Fear of being irrelevent, useless. The pain of changing. And honestly, can you blame Kipps, who just wanted to be seen and feel like he's worth it?

He lost his team, lost agents, and in the end, realized it actually meant nothing to Fittis when it was everything to him.

Another broken soul, another victim of The Problem and another castle, crumbled by it. He never wanted you to hate him.

[astralleywright]

Orym isn't "manipulating" his friends, really; that implies a level of intentionality that i don't think is there. but he built up a lot of trust and respect with the rest of Bells Hells because of who he was before the solstice, and it's becoming evident that he's not currently the same person who earned those things.

it's subtle at this point, minor infractions against their autonomy or trust - Orym does everything smally, quietly, gently, including his oversteps. and it's all understandable, even justifiable! encourage Laudna to bring Delilah back- they’re at war, they need her. push FCG to stay with the hells (kindly, with love, and knowing just how suggestible they are)- they're at war, they need him. tell Keyleth about Imogen's connection to Liliana without running it by Imogen first- they're at war, Keyleth needs to know, they need her. and if Imogen does seem suspicious, if she still has doubts, if her trauma has tied her too thoroughly to the incorrect side, well- Orym loves her, but they're at war, and they need her or they need her out of the picture.

but if Orym was just being pragmatic, he wouldn't have wanted the hells to immediately return to the Malleus Key as soon as they reunited, no more prepared and twice as exhausted as the last time. they're at war, but Orym isn't really thinking like a soldier right now; he's thinking like a broken man out for revenge. the whole "saving Exandria" thing is just a nice bonus to the real goal that his vision has tunneled in on, that of avenging his family and Keyleth. he'll sacrifice anything for that, and he expects the rest of the hells to do the same. and his trauma explains that, but it doesn't excuse it, and if he isn't both given love and understanding and challenged on how he's behaving those minor infractions might start becoming major ones.

[beaft]

U live in the uk so accidentallt sending nudes is for real though. During covid i had a GP consultation where she asks me to take a picture of a specific part to show the infection site, i obviously sent her the cropped image, but the full image remained on my phone a while and was this* close to accidentally sending it to a friens 😅 this too could happen to anyone with a remote GP i think.

the way i get around this is by storing any potentially embarrassing pictures in my 'secure folder', which is password-protected. i keep my top surgery timeline in there because i have fat thumbs and live in horror of accidentally sending my mother a photograph of my nipples.

[amplexadversary]

That's right, Robbie didn't know about Mister's gun!

They didn't even tell him the funniest details in the moment either.

[furiousgoldfish]

abusive parents will accuse you of 'taking your dreams away from them' by the virtue of being born, while they're actively not letting you pursue your dreams because 'they get to decide that for you'

[dandelion-wings]

saw a "fandom + Onion headlines" gifset where one headline was "Platonic Tension Simmering Just Beneath Surface of Romantic Relationship" and that's. Kaeya/Rosaria. to me

[rmelster]

every contemporary commentary on Ferdinand VII for no literal reason: 🎵 he might not look like he gets b*tches but honey that d- was 11 inches 🗣️‼️

[sheryl-lee]

yellowjackets rant time :)

people whining that natalie’s death was “shitty writing” makes me want to bang my head against the wall. like are you seriously shocked that the show about tragedy and murder has tragedy and murder in it. are you seriously shocked that the show about fucked up people has fucked up people in it.